7 Ways to Get Your Confidence Back after a Divorce or Death of a Spouse.

7 Ways to Get Your Confidence Back after a Divorce or Death of a Spouse.

Need to build confidence? This week on Transform your Mind podcast with Coach Myrna, I interview Confidence mentor Di Ridell. Di is going to talk to us today on the subject “7 Ways to get your confidence back after a divorce of death of a spouse.”

As I do every week, I would like to leave you with my tip of the week on “6 Ways to get your Confidence back or to build it up.”

Tip of the week: 6 Tips for Building Unstoppable Confidence:

Building true confidence after the betrayal of a partner is a gradual process. No one is going to turn into a positive, self-confident person overnight.
But if you’re in need of a place to start, here are 6 tips to get you back on the horse.

1. Stop comparing yourself to others.
The worst thing you can do is compare yourself to others. I know from experience that this is a confidence killer, especially if you are comparing yourself to someone younger. Remember that you’re only seeing the surface of their lives and looks, not the underlying reality. Focus instead on what’s important–your own strengths and goals.

2. Keep your limiting beliefs at bay.
Even the most successful people with healthy relationships have limiting beliefs about themselves, but the biggest difference is that they choose to focus on their strengths and possibilities instead of their limits.

3. Live in a positive reality.
Don’t say anything about yourself that you don’t want to become a reality. Positive thoughts and words alone won’t make you a more confident person, but confident people do think a lot of positive things about themselves. Remind yourself of what you’re capable of and what you’ve already accomplished.

4. Don’t mask it.
Self-confidence isn’t the impression you give others; but how you feel about yourself. It’s all about who you are, where you are, and where you want to be in your own life and relationships.

5. Change what you can.
Confident people know they cannot change the past, but they can change the future. They make daily choices that lead them toward the future they want to live out.

6. Be fully committed.
Be fully committed to doing whatever you can to build your success every single day, accepting full responsibility for your life. If it gets uncomfortable, you’re probably on the right track! Don’t procrastinate, do what it takes without agonizing or drama.

My guest today is a toastmaster’s trained Speaker, self published Author , Facilitator and MC . Master Practitioner of NLP, Certified Life Coach and Confidence mentor.
Tune in to hear Di’s story of how she was gang raped at 15 years, forced to give the baby up for adoption and told that she was worthless and that no good man would want her. She ended up in a 31 year marriage that restored her confidence until her husband died and she had to find the confidence to start over and date in the second half of life.

This article from Howard Tullman on How to get your Confidence Back
and Jeffrey R. Carter
Says:

When you loose your confidence, you focus on your fears and not your hopes

Powerful interview, don’t miss it if you are lacking in self confidence.

Show notes:
1. Tell us your journey to becoming a confidence mentor.
2. What is Confidence – is it magical? How we get and lose it?
3. How has confidence contributed to what you do?
4. What advice do you have for women 50 + who have lost their partners or gone through a life changing challenge?
5. What problems do women over 50 experience when starting over after a death or divorce. How do they solve them?
6. Tell us about your book.

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How to Reap Where You Plant

This week on #Mindset Transformation with coach Myrna, I share an interview with Dr Denise Johnson, Spiritual Psychologist, on her radio program “Spiritual Principles for Emotional Healing.”

In this interview, I share my back story of how I became conscious and awakened,
(The title of my first book, Becoming Conscious, my Awakening), the situations and storms in my personal life that resulted in my spiritual growth and evolution, and finally my topic “Are you Eating your Seed, How to Reap where you Plant”
In this episode I also share how Tony Robins “Unleash the Power Within” seminar ushered me in the direction of my purpose.
You see I was on my way to becoming a house wife when I happened to attend one of Tony’s “Unleash the Power Within” seminars and left the experience totally fired up!
Two months later, I was the proud owner of my first stretch limousine and the CEO of “A Royal Livery Limousine Service”
Six years later, I was being honored with “Entrepreneur of the Year”

Tony Robbins
Tony Robbins

Unleash the power within

Here is Gerald Butler’s experience with the “Unleashing the Power within” seminar!

“Fear is a huge issue for me. This technique Tony has is a really smart way to literally set those fears aside… That to me, is unleashing the power within.” – Gerard Butler

As a distinguished actor, Gerard Butler, spends his life at the next level. Between his countless roles, Gerard is also a dedicated philanthropist. Introduced to Tony Robbins through his dad when he was 17, Gerard had listened to several audio programs before attending Unleash the Power. Despite living life in the public eye and being one for adventure, Gerard struggled with losing focus and being consumed in fear. Before attending Unleash the Power Within, he even found himself nervous about participating with 10,000 other people. Enraptured by the intense energy of the event, his nerves quickly disappeared and he found himself finally able to move towards overcoming his habit of fear.

In this episode, I explain the concepts of coaching.
Coaching is taking the client from where they are today to where they want to be tomorrow.
Life coaching is different from sports coaching.
If the client does not get the victory, you don’t fire the coach!

The life coach’s role is not to design the plays, but to Help the client discover the right plays!

As a spirituality coach, I help my clients understand who they are?
What beliefs have been holding them back from success?
What are the obstacles they have to overcome to achieve success in life?

What are some of the seeds you need to plant to achieve success?
Most of us are familiar with the seeds of tithing and giving.
The bible teaches that if you bring your tithe into the storehouse, God would multiply it 60, 100 times.
But the law of sowing and reaping go way beyond the physical.
My sales manager told me once to “To Reap where I plant”
That means that as a field sales agent, I am building relationships daily, I am planting seeds.
Similar to a real estate agent who farms a territory.
You don’t want to spend years building, sowing, and then leave before the harvest!

Sowing seeds are important in your job, in your marriage, in your friendships, with your children.
The bible teaches to love as you want to be loved, you must give first whatever you want to receive!
In your job, if you are faithful, working hard every day as unto the Lord, then your seeds will grow into the harvest of a promotion.
Just keep watering the seed through service and attention.

Why does God give you a seed?
As is taught in the parable by Jesus and the 3 servants entrusted with bags of silver by their master; God expects you to multiply whatever he gives to you.
He does not give you a talent or a gift for you to bury it or hoard it for yourself; no he gives it to you to benefit his kingdom.

Let me explain that using a physical example, the apple tree. Each apple has 5 seeds.
500 apple trees can produce an orchard of 30,000 apples. Proprietary growing and pruning methods developed by Tree Plantation, can double that again to over 100,000 apples per acre.
In a similar way, God gives you seeds so that you can scatter them and produce fruit!
He can blow your seeds where you did not even plant!

How to Make your Ground Fertile?.
To make your ground fertile, you have to hear the word, and do the word.
You can’t reap a harvest without first tilling the soil, you have to make the soil ready to receive the nutrients to grow the plants.
One way to do this is to find your burning bush!
What did God put inside of you that he wants you to bring to fruition?

How to Equate the Laws of the Harvest to the Laws of the Universe?
Whatever you sow you shall reap!
You reap in proportion to what you sow, so sow generously.
Remember the oak tree lives in the acorn! Small things do grow into big things.
Keep hitting the anvil, do something small every day to water the seed you have in the ground.

What is the Eating Your Seed Concept?
You have to save some of your earnings in order to plant it.
If you consume it all, you will have nothing to plant and you will always be without.
That is why your financial planner advises you to save 10% of your income to invest and get a return.

The bible teaches us that if you give, it will be given to you, A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over.
But it starts with giving.
Give whatever you want to receive, plant whatever you want to sow!

In closing, this is your season, this is the right time, start planting your seeds, keep watering them every day and watch God turn your apple into an orchard!

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Principle # 4 Have a Positive Mind-set

fear-no-evil

Take control of your thoughts and attitudes. Get rid of ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts) #outofthesnares

All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” ~Buddha

Imagine your mind as a garden. Positive thoughts are the beautiful flowers that brighten your life. Negative thoughts are the ugly weeds that spread and suffocate your happiness, by cutting off sunlight. Just like plants we need sunlight to thrive.

Negative thoughts can take the form of fear, self-doubt, guilt, anger, blame, insecurity, prophesying or any thought that makes you feel bad!

You need to kill the ANTS :(Automatic Negative Thoughts)

Ant # 1 Fear – Defined as False Events Appearing Real, is the number one reason that we don’t achieve success in this life. Fear of the unknown, that feeling of uncertainty. Fear is the bottom feeder of all the negative emotions. When you are living in Fear, you feel very bad and you attract more bad things into your experience.

One way to Kill this ANT is to imagine what is the worst that could happen. Face it in your mind. Take it to your subconscious and dream about it. Once you face it, it loses its hold on you. Talk back to this fear. Move up the emotional scale with anyone of the negative emotions. Eg. You can become angry that your spouse is treating you a certain way, instead of being afraid of being alone if you left the relationship. See yourself alone and loving it.

There is also a positive side to this ANT.

If you are afraid of losing something be it your spouse, your job, your home; it tells you that these things are important to you and that you should do everything in your power to keep them. For example: if you fear losing your spouse, then you should work on keeping the marriage fresh, you should keep yourself attractive and don’t let yourself get to 300 lbs, serve your spouse and make him/her feel special.

Ant # 2 Self-doubt – or lack of self-confidence is a very powerful ANT. One of the most essential character traits to have is self-confidence. It is sexy and it allows you to command attention. When this ANT is telling you that you are not good enough, you will not get that promotion because you don’t have a degree, for example; talk back to it and tell it that you are the best person for the job and that it is their loss if they don’t hire you. If you don’t, you will never move from where you are today. You will never be an over achiever or the top sales person on a team! You need self-confidence to achieve success.

ANT # 3 Guilt – Guilt is a result of your conscience telling you that you have violated your own core value. It is telling you that you did something that is moving you away from your predetermined goal. You can talk back to this ANT by telling it that you have recognized your mistake and that you have forgiven yourself. Don’t let the guilt and shame arrest you and keep you in bondage. A lot of people wash away this guilt with drugs and alcohol.

ANT # 4 Anger – Anger ANTS keep telling you that someone had no right to do something. The more you think about it, the angrier you get. Psychologists say that anger is like an iceberg. What you see is just the tip, that there is more ice for miles below the surface. If you are conscious that you have an Anger problem, then you should understand (with the help of a Therapist) what is causing your anger. You can talk back to this ANT and tell it that you cannot control what someone else does; the only person you can control is yourself.

ANT # 5 Blame – this ANT can be very destructive. When you blame others for the results you are having in your life, you assume the role of the victim. As the victim, you have no power to facilitate change. You talk back to this ANT by becoming a Player. As a Player you take back control. Regardless of what the dealer is showing, you can still win! You are not the product of your circumstances. Everyone has a story. It is how you handle adversity and challenges that define and grow you. In my book “Out of the Snares” I never blamed my childhood abuser. I instead chose to look at the positives I learned from that experience. Life is full of good and evil. Every evil person has a good side and every good person has an evil side.

garden

ANT # 6 Prophesying – the prophesying ANT talks to you about what it knows about the future! It tells you things like “you are never going to close that sale”. “The customer is going to string you along and they will never buy” or “it is never going to work out”. You can talk back to this ANT by declaring that IT cannot predict the future. It does not have a crystal ball!

Once you learn to recognize the ANTS and learn to deal with them by sending them packing, then you can replace them with Positive Thoughts. Positive thoughts are like flowers, they beautify your garden and bring smiles to anyone who stops and pays attention to their beauty; in a similar way positive thoughts make you beautiful to anyone who you have interpersonal relations with. But the beauty of Positive Thoughts is that they make you feel good. Like attracts like and before you know it, you have an abundance of good things becoming part of your experience.

I’ve seen firsthand how dangerous it is to let the weeds of negative thinking take over your mind. Just like in a natural garden, it you left the weeds unattended, they thrive more than the flowers or plants. In a similar way when you allow the ANTS to run free in your head; they snuff out all the joy from your life. All you then see is darkness, because they are blocking the sunlight from getting in!

In my book “Out of the Snares” I share with you, my readers, the principles of the Bible and the Universal Laws or Truths that I stood on to keep a positive mindset. Order your copy today.http://myhelps.us/book-order/

Get 4 coaching sessions for $100.00 with the order of Out of the Snares

Place order here:
http://myhelps.us/book-order/

What’s Your Story, #BreakTheSilence

?????????????????????????What does child sexual abuse look like?
It is the face of innocence interrupted.
Millions of children are, sexually abused every year by people they trust. Fathers, brothers, uncles, family friends, their mothers boyfriends…the list goes on.

The TLC network is shining a light on this issue with their documentary “Breaking the Silence.”

This documentary “Breaking the Silence” aired on the TLC network Sunday, August 30. This one-hour special featured interviews with people impacted by sexual abuse, including two members of RAINN’s Speakers Bureau, survivors Ter-rae Lee and David Moody, as well as survivor-advocate Erin Merryn, the force behind Erin’s Law.

One of the speakers on the program was Cheryl Burke of Dancing with the Stars fame. Cheryl shared her child sexual abuse story. She was sexually abused by her kinder-garden school teacher at the tender age of 6 years. She shares how that experience has shaped her life and defined her subsequent choice in lovers.

Some other famous child sexual abuse survivors were Oprah Winfrey and Dr Maya Angelou. All three of these women overcame their childhood obstacles and went on to live remarkable lives, but some are not so fortunate. In my book “Out of the Snares, A story of hope and encouragement” I share my childhood sexual abuse story and give my readers 10 life principles on how to not only overcome your childhood story but how to succeed in spite of it.

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http://www.amazon.com/dp/B013C71KHE

Here are the 10 Biblical and Universal Laws that can help readers rewrite the story.

1. Keep Your Vision in Front of you – Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of vision casting.
2. The events in your life whether good or bad, work together for good – God said I know your expected end. Stay the course; don’t give up until you win.
3. Let the Universal Laws of Attraction, the Laws of Intention work for you – Ask and it will be given unto you.
4. Have a Positive Mind-set – Take control of your thoughts and attitudes. Get rid of ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts)
5. Use what you have in your hand- You were created with a purpose; God gave you the skills and talents you need to complete your task. Stop waiting for the right time.
6. Be intentional about your Growth- Be proactive, be intentional, build on your gifts, and continually improve.
7. If you build it, they will come. Be a servant first.
8. Find your Passion – it is the Fire in your belly. Become conscious of what lights you up. God put that Fire in your belly as a beacon to achieve your purpose.
9. Love – it is what makes this Human experience worthwhile. Love yourself first. Love is spirit, God is spirit.
10. Business Consciousness – how to create a startup company and succeed in marketing.

Are You Trapped By Your Past?

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Chapter 2: “Out of The Snares”

As a Certified a Life Coach, I am trained to help my clients look back at their past and find clues for their future. It is not that the past equals the future, but that it gives you an indication of how you respond to hurts and disappointments. For example: Do you tackle them head on and fight like Rocky Balboa, or do you fold up like an umbrella and let circumstances anchor you in life?

In Chapter 2 of my book “Out Of The Snares” I share with my readers how I responded to a significant childhood hurt, child abuse. I used the analogy of a train traveling to a predetermined destination and hit something along the way and become derailed. That train can no longer continue on to that destination. Once derailed it is finished.

I made the choice not to let the circumstances of my childhood, derail me. Instead, I chose to look at the positives that came out of that experience and allowed the lessons learned to shape me into the person I am today.
We all have a story, the successful people in life, succeed in spite of their story. I share secrets on how to use your story as the launching pad to fire you up.

I show how the people that God placed in your life as a child, are there to teach you something. Just as in the story of Moses being raised by the Pharaoh’s daughter until he was ready for God to use him to fulfill his purpose, all the people in your life have strategic purposes.

The take away from this chapter is that we all have a past. Some more daunting than others, but under every cloud there is a silver lining. Success in life depends on how you chose to respond to the rain.

Remember that the same rain that causes the flood is the same rain that is responsible for the harvest.

Download you copy of “Out Of The Snares” today
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B013C71KHE