Need to build confidence? This week on Transform your Mind podcast with Coach Myrna, I interview Confidence mentor Di Ridell. Di is going to talk to us today on the subject “7 Ways to get your confidence back after a divorce of death of a spouse.”
As I do every week, I would like to leave you with my tip of the week on “6 Ways to get your Confidence back or to build it up.”
Tip of the week: 6 Tips for Building Unstoppable Confidence:
Building true confidence after the betrayal of a partner is a gradual process. No one is going to turn into a positive, self-confident person overnight.
But if you’re in need of a place to start, here are 6 tips to get you back on the horse.
1. Stop comparing yourself to others.
The worst thing you can do is compare yourself to others. I know from experience that this is a confidence killer, especially if you are comparing yourself to someone younger. Remember that you’re only seeing the surface of their lives and looks, not the underlying reality. Focus instead on what’s important–your own strengths and goals.
2. Keep your limiting beliefs at bay.
Even the most successful people with healthy relationships have limiting beliefs about themselves, but the biggest difference is that they choose to focus on their strengths and possibilities instead of their limits.
3. Live in a positive reality.
Don’t say anything about yourself that you don’t want to become a reality. Positive thoughts and words alone won’t make you a more confident person, but confident people do think a lot of positive things about themselves. Remind yourself of what you’re capable of and what you’ve already accomplished.
4. Don’t mask it.
Self-confidence isn’t the impression you give others; but how you feel about yourself. It’s all about who you are, where you are, and where you want to be in your own life and relationships.
5. Change what you can.
Confident people know they cannot change the past, but they can change the future. They make daily choices that lead them toward the future they want to live out.
6. Be fully committed.
Be fully committed to doing whatever you can to build your success every single day, accepting full responsibility for your life. If it gets uncomfortable, you’re probably on the right track! Don’t procrastinate, do what it takes without agonizing or drama.
My guest today is a toastmaster’s trained Speaker, self published Author , Facilitator and MC . Master Practitioner of NLP, Certified Life Coach and Confidence mentor.
Tune in to hear Di’s story of how she was gang raped at 15 years, forced to give the baby up for adoption and told that she was worthless and that no good man would want her. She ended up in a 31 year marriage that restored her confidence until her husband died and she had to find the confidence to start over and date in the second half of life.
When you loose your confidence, you focus on your fears and not your hopes
Powerful interview, don’t miss it if you are lacking in self confidence.
1. Tell us your journey to becoming a confidence mentor.
2. What is Confidence – is it magical? How we get and lose it?
3. How has confidence contributed to what you do?
4. What advice do you have for women 50 + who have lost their partners or gone through a life changing challenge?
5. What problems do women over 50 experience when starting over after a death or divorce. How do they solve them?
6. Tell us about your book.
In November, most of the country was left in shock when Donald Trump won the general elections because he did not win the popular vote. Hilary Clinton lost her bid once again to become the first woman president of the United States of America. This was the second time an non established candidate knocked her off the podium.
What happened this time? Why did a woman who has been in politics for over 50 years, been the wife of a great president, founder of a great charitable foundation that provides vaccines for millions of poor children around the world, a champion for the people, lose to a man with no political experience, thinks that some people are superior to some because of their religion, sex and disability?
Was it because first and foremost she is a woman?
In Numbers 27 we see the daughters of Zelophehad, challenging an age-old law that said the women could not inherit the land. In those days’ women were not even counted as part of the church congregation. This was the pre-CHRIST era. Yet today we are still fighting for women’s rights.
Millions of men and women in the United States of America voted for Donald J Trump because he is a white male. One of my followers on Facebook posted that Hilary couldn’t run the country because she is a woman!
Let’s bring this discussion closer to home. Specifically, your home.
What happens when you have a clear vision that you worked on every day for most of your life and you fail to realize it time and time again? What do you do? The bible says “Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” Refuse to be deterred by opinions, policies, and traditions. Do you become disheartened?
God can change the minds and hearts of the populist. What he did for the daughters of Zelophehad, he can do for Hilary Clinton and he can do for you. You must keep the vision in front of you and get back up every time you get knocked down.
Today I want to share 5 things you can do after failure of a goal, company, dream, marriage etc.
1: Watch your Thoughts
Most of us do not understand the power of our thoughts.
Thoughts are the highest energy frequency, and has the power to attract like thoughts floating around in the energy vortex. If you don’t watch your thoughts and consciously send back the negative thoughts that make you feel bad, before you know it you would be a powerful magnet attracting every like thought that comes into range. Keep this up and soon you will be like a hot air balloon that is too filled with poop to take off!
2: Find the good in the situation
“Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so.”
Brian Webb author of “Don’t Give Up, don’t ever give up“ shares his story in his book with that name.
One day he had a headache like he had never felt before, extremely intense, he felt like he needed to throw up so he went to the bathroom. While in the bathroom he and passed out. He woke up 3 days later from a coma to find out that a blood vessel had ruptured in his brain. He could no longer walk or talk. He realized that life as he knew it, was over.
Doctors predicted that he would never be able to walk, drive a car or live independently again.
Three months later he was released from the hospital. He couldn’t talk, walk, or work. In fact, there was a lot of things he couldn’t do. But he decided to focus on what he could do instead. You heard the saying. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade! Well he decided to make some lemonade.
There is good in every situation, we live in a world of contrast. Nothing exists without its opposite. Find the good in your situation.
Brian decided to focus on fitness.
With the help of his therapist he began to exercise. He began learning to walk again. When he fell down, he would get back up. Walking turned to running. This man who could not walk a year ago, now became a marathon runner!
I am in perfect physical health and I can’t even run a 5K race without stopping and I would guess this would be true for most of you listening. What makes some people hold a vision in front of them and don’t take failure as an option, while others give up after the first try?
Why is Brian’s story so inspirational? Because he chose to find the good in a bad situation. He decided to focus on what he could do instead of what he couldn’t do, and with practice and time, changed his life trajectory.
He walked again, talked again, ran again and worked again!
What do you need to get back on? I can promise you that if you work at it, you will succeed.
Where there is a will, there is always a way.
3: Change the momentum
I love Abraham by Ester Hicks. I was listening to one of her videos a few months back and someone in her workshop asked her why he kept attracting negative experiences even though he was conscious about his energy vortex and made conscious effort to clean up his vortex. Your vortex is your energy frequency or your aura.
Abraham’s response was to explain momentum. Ever heard the saying:
The worst it gets, the worst it gets, and the better it gets, the better it gets?
That is all about momentum. If you think bad thoughts and feel bad, then you attract more of the same. The only way to stop the negative spiral of negative momentum is to find something about the situation to be grateful for.
Let’s say you are Nick Vujicic and you were born with no arms and no legs. Can you think of a worst fate? You are totally dependent on someone to bath you, feed you, and wipe your butt, for the rest of your life. He can’t even hug his wife.
Yet Nick is one of the happiest people you will ever meet. He found many things to be grateful for and because his vortex is full of positive momentum, he attracts great things. He travels all around the world getting paid to speak and motivate others. He has a beautiful wife and son. He learned to swim, use his toes as his hand and do lots of things people with hands and feet take for granted.
The thing about momentum is that it resets itself while you are asleep. When you sleep, your spirit leaves your body in much the same way it does when your body dies. So, you have to deliberately keep the negative momentum going by thinking negative thoughts when you wake up in the morning.
One way to change the momentum is to develop the practice of thinking of things you are grateful for before bed and on rising.
The other is to find something in the situation to be grateful for. In the case of Hilary Clinton. She could be grateful that she will not speed up her aging by 20 years in the time span of 4 years. We all see what that job does to Presidents! It is a time warp!
4: Look for an alternate way to serve, what is your plan B?
I was watching Oprah, another of my favorite people, on Super Soul Sunday a few months back and this very inspirational story was showcased.
This story was about this boy now man who had a vision from God when he was 10 years old of swinging his daughter around while she was laughing hysterically. He even got her name in his vision, Cloe.
He held this vision to his heart dearly and never doubted for a moment that this vision would come true and that one day he would have a daughter just like he saw. Cloe had olive skin and brown eyes.
In his early 20’s, he started dating and subsequently fell in love with his childhood friend who was blond with fair skin and blue eyes. Having the vision of his daughter clearly in his mind, he didn’t think that this was the woman God intended for him to marry, because she could not be the mother of a child with olive skin and brown eyes.
One day they were sitting in his car discussing the future and started talking about children. His girlfriend told him that she wanted a daughter and that she would like to name her Cloe. He couldn’t believe it.
Would you have liked to be a fly on the wall when they both discovered that they were meant to be together, because God gave them both the same dream! Halelewa!
He knew that this was the girl that God chose for him to marry.
They got married and immediately started trying to have a family, they couldn’t wait to meet Cloe; but nothing happened. Four years passed, six years passed. The pain was deep. How could God give them both a vision that failed. How could he be so cruel. For a time, they both became separated from God. They no longer believed. But their faith returned!
The obvious next choice was adoption but they both rejected that option at first. They both wanted their own child. They wanted the baby girl named Cloe. They thought adoption was putting a band aid over their pain.
Finally, after many years, they made the mindset shift and decided to adopt a baby. They found an alternative way to fulfill their purpose of being parents.
They waited for some time for the right fit. Months passed before they received an email that a pregnant mother had chosen them to be parents of her unborn child. She was giving it up for adoption. She was also having a girl!
There were exhilarated! Finally, they were going to be parents of a baby girl. They started choosing a name. Cloe was off the table. Cloe was the name of the baby girl God had intended for them to have. This baby girl was not the vision that God had given both of them.
They decided to meet the mother of their new baby girl and get to know her. They drove to her home and when she opened the door, the man noticed that she looked like a grown-up version of the little girl named Cloe that he saw when he was 10 years old. Same olive skin, same features, same eyes. When they sat down to visit with the mother. She asked them if they had a name picked out for the baby. She told them she had a name and she hoped they would keep it. Can you guess what it was? I am sure 100% of you listening would guess right. Cloe.
Still gives me chills. I don’t know what will be Hilary’s path, history will let us know but I know for sure that if the vision comes from God, it will never fail.
5: Remember that there are several routes to your destination.
Don’t get tied to a particular path. God is like your GPS navigation system, he can take the fastest route, the scenic route, he can bypass the city and construction zones; but he will get you to your destination.
God gave this couple a vision that they will be parents of a baby girl named Cloe. He never showed them a vision of the wife being pregnant or delivering a baby. They added that little piece. He showed the man a vision of him playing with a daughter named Cloe. He showed him the destination.
If you believe that your vision is from God, then when you experience failure, you would refuse to be deterred. You would not grow weary and disheartened. You would look for an open door, you would look for the lesson so that you can be better prepared for the next battle. You would never quit until you WIN or you DIE. God said in the bible “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” So hear this, if you have failed in something, know that it is not the end!
As I wrap up this post from the mindset transformation radio show and podcast. Today I have been coaching on “When The Vision Fails: 5 Things you can do after a failure.” I hope you gleamed something and had a few aha moments. If you have experienced failure, I hope you were encouraged to get up and try again.
You can listen again to this broadcast and any of my previous shows by downloading then on iTunes.
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If you would like to contact me for personal coaching or to be a guest on this radio show and podcast please contact me on the web @ www.myrnayounghelps.com
At the age of thirty-six, on the verge of completing a decade’s worth of training as a neurosurgeon, Paul Kalanithi was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. One day he was a doctor treating the dying, and the next he was a patient struggling to live. And just like that, the future he and his wife had imagined evaporated. When Breath Becomes Air chronicles Kalanithi’s transformation from a naïve medical student “possessed,” as he wrote, “by the question of what, given that all organisms die, makes a virtuous and meaningful life” into a neurosurgeon at Stanford working in the brain, the most critical place for human identity, and finally into a patient and new father confronting his own mortality.
What makes life worth living in the face of death? What do you do when the future, no longer a ladder toward your goals in life, flattens out into a perpetual present? What does it mean to have a child, to nurture a new life as another fades away? These are some of the questions Kalanithi wrestles with in this profoundly moving, exquisitely observed memoir.
Today on the Mindset Transformation radio show and podcast, I would like to take you on a journey into living!
How to live before you die
I ask the question “What makes a virtuous and meaningful life for you?”
Psychologists says that in order to live a virtuous and meaningful life, you should have balance in these 7 areas:
1. You should have A fulfilling career – i.e. You are doing what you love.
2. You should and must have a relationship with a higher power, God.
3. You must be fruitful and multiply.
4. You should offer Service to your community.
5. You must have effective time management and stress reduction.
6. You must get quality sleep, adequate exercise and proper nutrition.
7. You should spend quality time with loved one’s friends and family.
A Fulfilling career
Most people don’t do what they love, they work to live; so they live to work!
I saw a viral picture a few weeks back on Instagram that made me chuckle
It was a picture of a man crying with the caption:
So how do you find your passion, work in your passion or work on your passion?
You have to Listen to your soul.
If you are dreading going to work, hate it all the time you are there, and you are not serving or making a difference in the lives of others, then quit.
Step out on faith.
Faith, now faith is the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things not seen.
Believe that God will fund your purpose, if it is his will.
On the road to Damascus, Saul encountered Christ in a memorable experience that left him temporally blind. Immediately he started to undergo a major transformation of his whole life and character, including a total reorientation of his world view. Following this he was commissioned into service as an apostle to the Gentiles. Paul’s story highlights the 3 dynamics of a meaningful life.
The relational, the transformational, and the vocational. We must not choose one and neglect the others.
The relational experiences in a meaningful life results in openness to others, healing progress towards Christlikeness and participation in God’s purposes in the world.
The Transformational concerns how we transform after being touched by God and the Holy Spirit. Just as all Saul’s beliefs, mindset and values were altered, so can yours. This show’s mission is the offer you advice on how to do that.
The vocational is what we are talking about and it is how God works through us. I am doing God’s work.
He has given me the purpose of speaking life into you!
So, choose your vocation wisely and work as unto the Lord.
Know this for sure, that the quickest and most direct path to sickness and death is to linger in stressful situations. All diseases can be traced back to inflammation. Inflammation is brought on by stress and negative emotions.
Find your purpose and step out on faith.
As a coach, I can Help you design a plan to get there quicker.
A relationship with a higher power
We are dual beings having both a physical and a nonphysical experience.
The most important barometer to living a meaningful and virtuous life is how your connect with source and if you understand why your soul chose this time to manifest into a physical being. i.e Understand what you are here to do!
When you meditate, you open communication with source energy and infinite intelligence.
This is the gateway, this is the path a meaningful life.
When you are in communication with source, you get fed instructions to live a meaningful and virtuous life.
It is a 2 way communication; you ask and you receive.
So don’t stay in that job that is killing you, ask your source to direct you to the right job.
Listen for the instructions on how to do it the supernatural way, and not by your own limited powers.
I am telling you from personal experience, this works.
I receive instructions every morning either in bed before I rise, during meditation or sometimes later in the day. I act on my inspirations and they always produce fruit. And because I act on them, I keep receiving more. If you don’t act on your gut instinct, your gut instincts will stop coming.
The bible teaches us not to do anything in your own strength! With God all things are possible.
Everything begins with our relationship with God and the improved quality of other relationships that develop out of this. In the intimacy of such a personal relationship, something of God’s own character gradually spills over into ours; it stimulates our transformation. From our new awareness and knowing that God loves us, comes an increased confidence and boldness to face life’s challenges and opportunities. It motivates and empowers us to take more risks. It becomes the platform for a whole new approach to courageous and virtuous living.
God said “Be fruitful and multiply, and repopulate the earth”
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward”
Can you truly have lived a meaningful and virtuous life if you have not multiplied yourself?
In the bible age, women who were barren were believed to be cursed.
In today’s age bearing a child is still considered one of the most rewarding and sought after experiences in life.
God hardwired unconditional love to the mother. A love that transforms hearts, an energy that is quantum, that means it can be felt over great distances just by thinking of your child.
I can tell you that the birth of my 2 children were the most meaningful things I did in my life. They are my reward, a gift that keeps on giving and giving.
The second question Dr Kalanitht asked as he faced his morality was:
“How do you nurture your child to live life, as yours fades away”
You see Dr Kalanitht and his wife decided to accept God’s plan for them to be fruitful and multiply.
They decided to leave a legacy behind, so they had a baby together.
The thought of leaving behind a child only increased the pain for Dr. Kalanitht.
We would all agree that leaving behind loved ones is the most painful part of death.
That is why we must live each day like it is your last.
You must impart all the love, knowledge and wisdom into your children when you are alive, so as they grow older, they would not depart from it and you will live on in their thoughts and hearts.
Be of Service to your community:
Your Success is in direct proportion to your service.
We must put the fuel in before we get heat.
No man can get rich by himself, unless he enriches the lives of others.
To lead you must first serve.
Your purpose in life will always include service to others.
Serving at the Ronald McDonald House
There’s a special connection that comes with preparing meals for others too heartbroken to cook for themselves. Making those dinners with a group of volunteers brings an intimacy and humility that cannot be matched. And one of the best spots I know to do that is at the Ronald McDonald House in Falls Church, Va., a place that offers comfort, refuge and care for families whose children are battling life-threatening illnesses.
Jarun Brown and Beverly Johnson prepare a meal at the Ronald McDonald House in Falls Church, Va.
Jarun Brown, 64, chops broccoli as we create a salad for 14 family members staying at the House. A social worker and former McDonald’s executive, she once “danced for a minute” with the Alvin Ailey Dance Company. Her previous corporate position earned her a seat on the Ronald McDonald House Charities (RMHC) board in Norfolk, Va., and she began volunteering with the Falls Church Ronald McDonald House six years ago.
“We do whatever is needed,” Brown says of the volunteers’ work. That could mean cooking a meal, cleaning the house, rotating refrigerated food or writing thank-you notes. Although volunteers and families don’t often stay in touch after leaving the House, Brown has kept in contact with a few families over the years. “It’s great to hear how our families are doing, and learn about the children’s recovery process,” she says.
Erin Petri, the evening manager, joins us. I give her an onion to chop and hope she doesn’t cry. A few minutes later another volunteer, Beverly Johnson, comes in. Volunteering with RMHC was on her bucket list after suffering the loss of a child years ago. A place like the Ronald McDonald House would have been helpful to her.
“I can relate [to what the families are experiencing] and that’s what makes it so special and so rewarding to me,” she says as she chops apples.
The families begin to enter the dining room. Several of them are drawn to the aroma of pineapple chicken simmering on the stovetop. We finish the broccoli salad and set it on the counter, next to the stove with the chicken and rice. It smells delicious and comforting, and we are happy that we have given these families what may be the only positive event for them that day.
Johnson offers to clean up, and I happily accept. “It is good therapy for me,” she says of her Ronald McDonald House work. “I think I’ve found my niche.”
Effective Time Management
The key to a stress-free life is effective time management.
If you are always working in red zone of deadline you will experience burnout.
Effective time management is scheduling your day to work on top priority tasks before you work on C or D priority tasks.
When you do this, you will eliminate stress.
Effective time management also means that you plan your days to include the things that give life meaning. Walking in nature, exercise, reading, sitting quietly to reflect or meditate, spending quality time with loved ones, and proper rest.
Getting quality sleep, good nutrition, and exercise
Physical exercise releases endorphins, improves sleep, prevents diseases, releases stress, prevents dementia, prolongs life….
I could go on and on.
Everybody knows that exercise is good for your body, mind, and soul; yet few do it.
Since our topic today is When breathe becomes air: How to live a virtuous and meaningful life.
I think everybody reading this would want to live a quality life. One that includes being healthy and independent.
The most effective way to ensure this is to get regular exercise, adequate nutrition and proper rest
In his book “The Eat to Live Plan” John Fuhrman MD says, our body’s are designed for wellness. Give it the right biochemical environment for healing and it becomes a miraculous self-healing machine. When you eat mostly high-nutrient foods, the body ages slower and is armed to prevent and reverse many common illnesses, like diabetes.
The exercise prescription.
Exercise is extremely important. Almost everyone can do something, even those who cannot walk can do arm, abdominal, and back exercises with light weights or use an arm cycle. Exercise will facilitate your weight loss and make you healthier. Vigorous exercise has a powerful effect on promoting longevity.
Spend quality time with loved ones
In human affairs, there are efforts, and there are results.
The strength of the effort is the measure of the result. We know this to be a fact.
If you studied for your test, you will get a better grade.
If you make more sales calls, you will get more sales; if you spend quality time with your spouse, you will have a better marriage, if you spend quality time with your kids, they wouldn’t act out looking for attention.
Invest in your relationships. Joel Osteen says that if you want your relationships to thrive, you must invest in them.
Be a giver rather than a taker. Strive to make deposits into the lives of your loved ones and other peoples lives. Encourage them, build them up, and help them to feel better about themselves.
One of the best advice I received on my wedding day, was to look at my marriage as a bank account. Don’t make withdrawals if I made no deposits”
Joel Osteen says the same thing.
Look at your relationships as an “emotional bank account” Every time you interact with loved ones or friends, you are either making a deposit or a withdrawal from your account.
You make deposits in the lives of your loved ones by giving them a hug and a kiss, telling them how much you love them, spending quality time with them, listening to them when they speak or being involved in the things they love like playing the piano, sports, painting etc.
We make withdrawals when we don’t take time for people, we don’t keep our commitments, when we don’t express appreciation. When we make more withdrawals than deposits our account becomes overdrawn.
The bible says in Ecclesiastes 5:3
The dream comes through much effort and the voice of a fool through many words.
Having a meaning and virtuous life comes through much effort. You can’t just have the knowledge and don’t put it into action, you can’t just talk about wanting to live a meaningful life and not put the effort in.
Having a fulfilling career takes effort. You must learn the skills and then work hard to move up through the corporate ladder or building your own business.
Having a relationship with God takes the effort to find time to meditate and listen for instructions.
Being a good parent takes a lot of effort. Someone else is depending on you.
Being of service to your community takes supreme effort. Who has the time you ask? But something happens when you help the less fortunate. When you work at the soup kitchen and feed the hungry; you find your humanity. All your pedilly problems seems insignificant.
It takes effort to manage your time effectively, and not become reactionary.
It takes effort to make sure you are eating a balanced diet and taking supplements. It takes effort to get up early to exercise or do it after a long day. But if you want to live a long and meaningful life, you will do it.
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This week on Mindset Transformation radio and podcast with coach Myrna, I interview Dr Donavan Outten, Dr Outten is going to share “How to unleash your inner greatness, so you can tap into the person God intended you to be.
But before I interview Dr Outten, I want to share with you coach Myrna’s Tip of the Week.
Tip of the week: Are you Desperate and Determined?
A few weeks ago, my pastor preached on the 3 D’s Desperate, Determined and dependent!
You see the 3 D’s require a mindset shift.
We see numerous times in the bible when God promoted and elevated people who were either desperate, determined or dependent on him for victory.
We see that every miracle begins with a desperate problem.
Lets look at the story of Esther to illustrate.
The story begins with Ahasuerus, ruler of the Persian Empire, holding a lavish banquet, initially for his court and dignitaries and afterwards for all inhabitants of the capital city, Shushan.
On the seventh day, Ahasuerus orders the queen, Vashti, to come and display her beauty before the guests by wearing only her crown. She refuses. Furious, Ahasuerus has her removed from her position and makes arrangements to choose a new queen from a selection of beautiful young women from throughout the empire.
One of these is the Jewish orphan, Esther. After the death of her parents, she was fostered by her cousin, Mordecai. She finds favor in the King’s eyes, and is crowned his new queen.
Ahasuerus appoints Haman as his viceroy. Mordecai, who sits at the palace gates, falls into Haman’s disfavour, as he refuses to bow down to him. Having discovered that Mordecai is Jewish, Haman plans to kill not just Mordecai, but all the Jews in the empire.
As the story unfolds, Esther the Jewish orphan turned queen, used her place as queen to intercede with the King; her desperation made her risk death because it was against the law to present herself to the King unsummoned, as this was punishable by death.
Her determination, desperation and dependence on God, saved the Jews of the Persian Empire.
My Guest this week on Mindset Transformation Radio is Dr Donavan Outten.
Dr. Donavan Outten is a powerful trainer, consultant, educator and administrator with over 20 years’ experience. He is the Associate Vice President of Academic Affairs at Webster University.
Dr. Outten is a published author of 2 books, one of which is our topic today. Unleash your inner greatness: A guide to overcoming obstacles and Tapping into the person God meant you to be.
Dr Outten writes books to inspire and motivate individuals to achieve greatness in their lives.
His research focuses on developing young African American Students in higher education. He has also produced seminars, lectures, classes, assessments and workshops throughout the United States and Caribbean.
Dr. Outten earned his Doctorate degree in Educational Leadership from Nova.
Southeastern University, his Masters in Human Resource Development & Administration from Barry University and Bachelors in Psychology from Bethune Cookman University.
Show notes: How to Unleash Your inner Greatness: : A guide to overcoming obstacles and Tapping into the person God meant you to be.
Question 1. I know that Unleashing our inner greatness is your space. Can you tell our audience what does it mean to “Unleash Your Inner Greatness” and a little of why you chose this topic as the subject of your book.
Question 2. So what are some of the obstacles to unleashing our inner greatness?
Question 3. Where does the power of determination come from?
Question 4. How does an individual muster up enough strength to have such strong determination to finish a task or overcome a devastating life situation?
• Where do they find the courage to stand up for what they believe in or battle back from a medical condition that almost took their life?
• How does one leave a secure job to start a business that they are passionate about?
• What is the secret to obtaining determination and maintaining it over a period of time?
• What kinds of people have it, and what is determination?
Dr Outten says, “In my heart, I truly believe that determination is having the will to move forward in spite of what obstacle, barrier, or difficulty you might be facing. It is looking adversity in the face and not backing down, but pushing forward with tenacity.”
He feels that Self-determination starts on the inside. It is first a thought or a belief that you can or will succeed no matter the problem you have to face. You believe in yourself even when no one else does. That spells confidence, character, and courage.
Question 5. What are some other obstacles to unleashing our inner greatness?
Resilience: The path toward nurturing a resilient mindset and lifestyle is a road
that should not be taken lightly. This path has many bumps, twists, turns, and potholes
and is never straightforward. The road often contains obstacles and detours
that interfere with reaching your destination.
Passion: Your passion does not usually appear overnight. It has been dwelling
inside you for a long time. As a child, what were you passionate about? As a
teenager, what were you passionate about? As a young adult, what were you
passionate about? Often times, you will identify a pattern in what you are
passionate about. It is up to you to identify what it is and go after it.
When turning your passion into profit, you have to be careful and work smarter,
not harder. You will run into a lot of obstacles and need to face your fears, as
things probably won’t go as smoothly as you’d like them to go. It’s all a part of
Destiny: Destiny can be referred to as a predetermined course of events. It may
be conceived as a predetermined future, whether in general or of an individual.
What you perceive your future to be will come to pass if you work for it, believe
in it, and live your life towards it.
What you have today does not reflect what you will obtain tomorrow. If you have
the capability of looking into your future and seeing what lies ahead, then all you
have to do is work towards your goal.
Walking towards your destiny is no easy task because you will have obstacles and
hurdles along the way. There will be road blocks that will make you think that
you are going down the wrong path, but you will need to have patience,
endurance, and faith. Your faith will play a big part in finding and fulfilling your
destiny; you will need to seek guidance from God.
Question 6. I know that you work predominately with the African American youth. What advice would you give them on being determined and staying the course?
You have to better than good, you have to be great.
You have to work twice as hard for the same opportunity as your white counterparts.
Leadership is about using the most effective strategies to conquer obstacles while taking consistent steps to move forward when tackling your vision; whether that vision is within the workplace, as a leader of a business or personal leadership.
Today on the Mindset Transformation radio show and podcast, we focus on Leadership; Keys to a successful mission driven life or business.
Success in life depends on what kind of a leader you are. You may say I am not a leader, I am not a manager or a CEO, true but self leadership is more important than how many people you lead in your home or place of work.
Here are 5 Essential Disciplines for Self Leadership to Lead a Mission Driven Life:
Discipline #1 Accountability
You must learn to take full responsibility for everything on your watch. This means that the fish stinks from the head down!
Discipline # 2 Focus
As a Leader, you will wear many hats. Success comes from knowing where to focus your attention. Everything is important.
Acquiring the skill of discrimination allows the leader to discern what is most important and least important.
Discipline # 3 Organization
Organization is the skill through which chaos is turned into order.
Discipline # 4 Innovation
As a leader you will begin to consciously focus your attention and discriminate where the maximum leverage is.
You will recognize the need for continual improvement and for innovation in your processes.
Discipline # 5 Communication
The skill of communication is evident in how well you communicate your passion, vision, mission to your employees, customers and self
This week on the Mindset Transformation radio and podcast, I interview Business coach, Daphne Lynn Valcin
Daphne’s talks to us about the keys to a successful mission driven life or business.
Since 90% of startup businesses fail, Daphne believes that the quality of life and business leadership is at the root of success or failure.
She believes that leadership is about using the most effective strategies to conquer obstacles while taking consistent steps to move forward when tackling your vision, whether that vision is within the workplace, as a leader of a business or personal leadership.
. Daphne explains what is true leadership.
. What sets successful startup businesses apart from those that fail.
. How a business coach helps clients.
. What does a thriving business look like.
. What are some of the biggest mistakes companies do with their sales and marketing efforts.
. What are some of the characteristics of successful leaders.
Here are 11 strategies for effective leadership from Young Entrepreneur Council:
When managing my team, I use a tactic from Dale Carnegie: Think in terms of the other person’s wants. The goal is to align a team member’s natural talents and preferences with the company’s goals. What do they want? What motivates them? What do they like to do? Then manage them to reinforce what they want and how they can achieve those things through their work.
This week on Mindset Transformation radio, Coach Myrna interviews coach Dan Willms, Positive Change MBA professor. Out topic today is “How to Program yourself for positive change.
Before I introduce coach Dan Willms, Here is my tip of the week.
From the book Switch: How to change things when change is hard
by Chip Heath and Dan Heath
Here are the facts:
Change is a process
1: Change is usually a situation problem, and not a personal problem.
2: For anything to change, someone must behave differently.
3: To change someone behavior, you must change someone’s situation.
4: For change to stick you must influence the person’s heart and mind.
Here is the story of Arthur that I found on line to illustrate the above points.
Arthur was an airborne paratrooper. Jumping out of airplanes killed his knees, his back, his legs. When he got out of the army he walked with a cane and couldn’t do anything so he gained a lot of weight. He could not support his weight, so he couldn’t do traditional exercise. His health rapidly declined. The doctor at the VA clinic told him to accept his faith, that he would never walk normal again.
One day while surfing the internet, he came across Diamond Dallas Page doing yoga. He said to himself, I could do this. So He bought the DVD! He figured he could use his arm to support his weight and get a cardio workout. Arthur was 297 lbs when he started doing yoga.
When he started his yoga exercises, he kept falling down and falling down, but he kept getting back up again and again!
Every day he got better and better in 10 months he had lost over 100 lbs and could not only walk without a cane but he could run!!
Change is usually situational. Arthur had a situational problem.
Arthur taught himself to do yoga because he decided to take control of his life. He got his heart and mind in the game and changed the situation!
Change is a process.
To lead a process requires persistence. Arthur kept getting back up and trying again to do his exercises.
When a change starts, it builds on itself.
The better Arthur got at yoga, the more he was motivated to keep going.
Small changes can snowball.
Change rarely works unless it is motivated by feeling. Arthur wanted to feel better about himself so he made the hard choices.
That’s my tip of the week from coach. How to change when change is hard.
There can be nothing harder than trying to loose 100 lbs when you can’t use your legs but Arthur found a way and so can you.
Our guest today is coach Dan Willms and he is a positive change guru. This is his space.
Dan Willms is a Life & Business Coach, an MBA Professor, a facilitator for The Leadership Challenge, a writer and an International Speaker – he is also the creator of the Positive Change Workshop and facilitates his workshops in Portuguese, English & Spanish. He has facilitated more than 118 Positive Change Workshops. He loves helping people and organizations to achieve their fullest potential. He is the co-author of the book Strategic Leadership (Liderança Estratégica) and the author of the upcoming book “Positive Change – One life @ a time”.
Dan is also my partner, we do a video blog on YouTube every week called “You asked for it” where we answer questions sent in from our social media network. Like us on Facebook to become part of our community. Myrna Young Lifecoach and Dan Willms.
Question 1. Tell us about your journey to becoming a Life coach and an ambassador for positive change.
Question 2: What is The Positive Change?
Question 3: Tell me about your happiness labs, how does it work?
Question 4: : What were your findings on these labs from your sample size of 400 people?
Question 5: So, based on your labs, what would you say is the secret to happiness?
Question 6: Why do you think is there so much unhappiness in the world?
This week on #Mindset Transformation with coach Myrna, I share an interview with Dr Denise Johnson, Spiritual Psychologist, on her radio program “Spiritual Principles for Emotional Healing.”
In this interview, I share my back story of how I became conscious and awakened,
(The title of my first book, Becoming Conscious, my Awakening), the situations and storms in my personal life that resulted in my spiritual growth and evolution, and finally my topic “Are you Eating your Seed, How to Reap where you Plant”
In this episode I also share how Tony Robins “Unleash the Power Within” seminar ushered me in the direction of my purpose.
You see I was on my way to becoming a house wife when I happened to attend one of Tony’s “Unleash the Power Within” seminars and left the experience totally fired up!
Two months later, I was the proud owner of my first stretch limousine and the CEO of “A Royal Livery Limousine Service”
Six years later, I was being honored with “Entrepreneur of the Year”
Here is Gerald Butler’s experience with the “Unleashing the Power within” seminar!
“Fear is a huge issue for me. This technique Tony has is a really smart way to literally set those fears aside… That to me, is unleashing the power within.” – Gerard Butler
As a distinguished actor, Gerard Butler, spends his life at the next level. Between his countless roles, Gerard is also a dedicated philanthropist. Introduced to Tony Robbins through his dad when he was 17, Gerard had listened to several audio programs before attending Unleash the Power. Despite living life in the public eye and being one for adventure, Gerard struggled with losing focus and being consumed in fear. Before attending Unleash the Power Within, he even found himself nervous about participating with 10,000 other people. Enraptured by the intense energy of the event, his nerves quickly disappeared and he found himself finally able to move towards overcoming his habit of fear.
In this episode, I explain the concepts of coaching.
Coaching is taking the client from where they are today to where they want to be tomorrow.
Life coaching is different from sports coaching.
If the client does not get the victory, you don’t fire the coach!
The life coach’s role is not to design the plays, but to Help the client discover the right plays!
As a spirituality coach, I help my clients understand who they are?
What beliefs have been holding them back from success?
What are the obstacles they have to overcome to achieve success in life?
What are some of the seeds you need to plant to achieve success?
Most of us are familiar with the seeds of tithing and giving.
The bible teaches that if you bring your tithe into the storehouse, God would multiply it 60, 100 times.
But the law of sowing and reaping go way beyond the physical.
My sales manager told me once to “To Reap where I plant”
That means that as a field sales agent, I am building relationships daily, I am planting seeds.
Similar to a real estate agent who farms a territory.
You don’t want to spend years building, sowing, and then leave before the harvest!
Sowing seeds are important in your job, in your marriage, in your friendships, with your children.
The bible teaches to love as you want to be loved, you must give first whatever you want to receive!
In your job, if you are faithful, working hard every day as unto the Lord, then your seeds will grow into the harvest of a promotion.
Just keep watering the seed through service and attention.
Why does God give you a seed?
As is taught in the parable by Jesus and the 3 servants entrusted with bags of silver by their master; God expects you to multiply whatever he gives to you.
He does not give you a talent or a gift for you to bury it or hoard it for yourself; no he gives it to you to benefit his kingdom.
Let me explain that using a physical example, the apple tree. Each apple has 5 seeds.
500 apple trees can produce an orchard of 30,000 apples. Proprietary growing and pruning methods developed by Tree Plantation, can double that again to over 100,000 apples per acre.
In a similar way, God gives you seeds so that you can scatter them and produce fruit!
He can blow your seeds where you did not even plant!
How to Make your Ground Fertile?.
To make your ground fertile, you have to hear the word, and do the word.
You can’t reap a harvest without first tilling the soil, you have to make the soil ready to receive the nutrients to grow the plants.
One way to do this is to find your burning bush!
What did God put inside of you that he wants you to bring to fruition?
How to Equate the Laws of the Harvest to the Laws of the Universe?
Whatever you sow you shall reap!
You reap in proportion to what you sow, so sow generously.
Remember the oak tree lives in the acorn! Small things do grow into big things.
Keep hitting the anvil, do something small every day to water the seed you have in the ground.
What is the Eating Your Seed Concept?
You have to save some of your earnings in order to plant it.
If you consume it all, you will have nothing to plant and you will always be without.
That is why your financial planner advises you to save 10% of your income to invest and get a return.
The bible teaches us that if you give, it will be given to you, A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over.
But it starts with giving.
Give whatever you want to receive, plant whatever you want to sow!
In closing, this is your season, this is the right time, start planting your seeds, keep watering them every day and watch God turn your apple into an orchard!
Today on the Mindset Transformation radio show and podcast, I interview Gena Yuvette Davis, a board certified executive coach, corporate trainer and organizational development consultant. Gena is going to talk to us today on the topic “How to Transform Behavior in the Workplace”
In keeping with my custom, I would like to share with you my tip of the week from coach Myrna.
Since Gena is going to talk today on How to Transform Behavior in the workplace, I want to share “How to remove old conditioning in your personal life”. How to Remove old conditioning:
The physical component of the mind body connection, is the brain.
The mind is the software and the physical brain is the hardware.
If your brain, the hardware, is stuck in old patterns, even with the best of intentions, the software, the mind, won’t work.
If you let your brain keep you repeating the same patterns, you become like a biological robot.
Your words thoughts and actions become totally predictable.
We are all victims of repetitive patterns.
To change the patterns that are not serving you, the solution is awareness.
Here are 5 habits that are usually automatic.
1: Snacking non – stop even when not hungry
2: Spending too much time on the couch watching TV
3: Overspending your way into debt
4: Eating too much fast foods
5: Skipping breakfast
6: Late night snacking
7: Smoking cigarettes
How can you bring awareness to these habits and interrupt your pattern?
Let’s look at.
Snacking non stop
– whenever you feel the need to grab that bag of chips, stop and ask yourself
What am I really needing?
What need is this food really filling?
The moment you take a moment to think about your action, you interrupt your pattern.
You are on your way to breaking that habit. Even if you still eat that bag of chips.
You are on to way to removing old conditioning. Awareness is the key.
Another way to remove old conditioning is to:
– change your state
Let’s say you are sitting on the couch and you reach for the bowl of nachos on the table or the bags of chips from our previous example.
Just as you think the thought to command your hands to reach for the bowl; Change your state!
Get up and walk to the bathroom or to the mailbox. Move your physical body into a different position.
The 3rd way you can remove old conditioning is to:
Create a new habit – rewire the physical component.
Let look at our example of skipping Breakfast.
Make it easy.
– buy a drinkable breakfast and grab it on the way out of the door.
– have your partner make you breakfast.
– prepare a sandwich the night before and eat on the way to work.
– set the alarm 15 mins earlier.
These are a few ways to remove old conditioning and transform behavior in your personal life.
• Guest Biography
• Gena Yuvette Davis is a board certified executive coach, corporate trainer and organizational development consultant who truly believes that the “magic comes from within!”
• Authentically committed to empowering and inspiring others to be their best selves, Gena specializes in working with clients from a variety of industries who are on the fast track to taking their careers to next level. She is also a change agent for organizations who wish to transform their companies into diverse, collaborative and thriving workforces. Her drive and energy is infectious as she is able to elevate her clients and help them live to their true potential.
• Gena’s coaching, training and consulting style is intuitive, always full of energy, and with a touch of gentle persistence! Knowing that the answers are already within, Gena’s job is simply to be the way-shower of what is already known to be true – “success attained.” She is dedicated to assisting individuals and organizations to achieve excellence in ways that support integrity and a collaborative spirit. In addition to executive coaching and training in the areas of emotional intelligence, leadership effectiveness, communication skills and reputation management, her work includes a variety of strategic consulting services such as strategic planning, change management, retreat planning and facilitation, employee engagement, team-building, as well as diversity and inclusion initiatives. Her focus is on developing collaborative processes and as a thinking partner to foster learning, dialogue, and innovation.
• Topic Discussion
• Topic: Best Practices to Transform Behavior In the Workplace
• 1) What is “Behavioral Transformation?”
• 2) Why is behavioral transformation so difficult?
• 3) What are the different communication and behavioral styles?
• 4) What are three best practices to behavioral transformation in the workplace
• 5) What can we do to be our own advocates for change?
• 6) Can we really transform our work environment through behavioral transformation? How?
Coach Dan Willms talks about how your behavior affects your happiness. I agree; but here are my thoughts.
Happiness! The Universal goal of everyone who has breathe.
So, what is happiness?
Let’s start with what it is not.
It is not how much money you have.
It is not how big your house is.
It is not what kind of car you drive.
It is not found in any external thing!
Here are 3 ways to find happiness after a divorce:
1. Your relationship with yourself.
2. Your relationship with those closest to you.
3. And your relationship with God.
Let’s look at each of these
As you can see, relationship is key.
We are social beings, we need connection, even it is one person.
That is why people commit suicide at Christmas, because while everyone is celebrating with family and friends they are alone.
It is also the reason that social media is so powerful, it allows connection to others.
I found out her story.
Raped twice when she was a teenager, sent to live with her father in another country who abandoned her, got pregnant and gave her child up for adoption. She was living in a studio apartment alone. Facebook was her lifeline. You don’t know who is on the other end of that friend request!
So if you are lonely, connect!
1. Let’s look First at your relationship with yourself.
The first secret to finding happiness, You have to love yourself.
If you can’t love yourself, no one else can love you. If you can’t love yourself, you can never be happy!
You can start by finding one thing about you, that you love.
Come on, God knew what he was doing when he created you. Everyone has at least one thing that makes them stand out.
One of my daughter’s friend’s laments about the fact that she has no breasts and no curves. She can’t find a boyfriend. Why? Because she projects that and that is what the men see. Not loving herself shows up in other ways in a relationship.
Now look at some women who do not fit the cultural norm of beauty and weight. I can guaranty you that in every situation if she loves herself, she will be in a healthy relationship.
Plus, if there is something you can change about something you don’t like about yourself, do it.
If you can’t change it, find a different perspective on it and learn to love it.
2. Your relationship with those closest to you
A mother, a father, a sister, a brother, a best friend, a spouse are top on the list of level 5 intimate relationships. A level 5 relationship is a relationship with someone who knows your intimate secrets. Someone who you share everything with and they with you. If you have someone like this in your life. You are blessed indeed.
Now you may be wondering why I did not add children to that list. Children gives us profound happiness especially when they are young. But you can’t share secrets with your children so they don’t provide the intimacy we look for to be happy.
To be happy find a level 5 friend and cry on their shoulders!
3. And finally, your relationship with God.
The beauty of having a relationship with God is that it alone can make you happy. If you have a relationship with God, you will love yourself, you will be happy alone because you feel God’s presence with you always, your relationships will be heathy because you will love unconditionally because that is what God teaches us to do. You will find opportunities to bless others and that will make you happy.
A relationship with God is not just going to church, it is not just knowing scripture, it is not just about tithing. The relationship I am talking about is being in direct communication with God.
Going to God with your issues and struggles and seeing him make a way out of no way. Seeing him turn the weapons formed against you into blessings. Being able to receive guidance from the Holy Spirit every day. When you walk in that space everything else in your life falls into place.
You will not only find happiness again, but you will find bliss!
Coach Dan Willms is giving away one free ticket to a lucky winner to his Positive Change seminar worth $2000.00.
To sign up to be the lucky winner visit www.positivechange.us and enter the draw for your chance to win.
Today on the Mindset Transformation radio show and podcast with Coach Myrna, I interview Life Coach Kim McDaniel.
Kim is going to teach us How to Detox the Body and Soul for Internal and External Success. Kim is the author of the book “Come out with your hands Up – The Joy of Surrendering on God’s terms”
Why detoxing is important:
Building sky scrapers on weak foundations can be detrimental. In the same manner, piling on outer successes without addressing the internal structure, can look great from the outside, but cracks in the foundation will have one of two outcomes – explosion or implosion. Regularly detoxing the body and soul helps to ensure the integrity of the structure – our structure – and it must be intentional.
Coach Myrna tip of the week is:
The function of the soul is to indicate it’s desire.
The function of the mind is to choose from it’s alternatives.
The function of the body is to act out that choice.
The soul speaks to you in feelings. Feelings are the language
of the soul.
There comes a time in the evolution of every soul when the chief concern is no longer the survival of the physical body, but the growth of the spirit. No longer the attainment of worldly success, but the realization of self.
Upon death, the body and mind are not dropped. The body changes form, leaving it’s most dense part behind, but retaining it’s outer shell, joining with the spirit as one energy mass of 3 dimensions.
Listen to hear Coach Kim answer the following questions:
What is the concept of detoxification – why is it relevant?
How frequently should one do a detox for the body?
Are you suggesting vegetarianism or veganism as the only way to be healthy?
What is alkalinity – does it relate to things beyond diet?
Detoxing the “soul” – what exactly does that refer to?
What about between detoxes – what do ongoing behaviors look like?
Is there really a science to detoxing the brain?
What is the relevance of building fences – I thought success looks like building bridges.
Tell me a little about your Get in S.H.A.P.E. program.
S – Stress and Sleep
H – Hydration
A – Alkaline
E – Energy and Exercise
There is another way to Detox the body and the Soul!
Take that much needed break from your hectic city life and explore the soul-cleansing North-East.
Tired of your busy life? Tired of cliché destinations to escape it? Dawki welcomes you with its refreshingly serene ambience. The cool breeze will help you get rid of all your stress and soak in the quaint atmosphere.
Jeet Roy implores you to visit Dawki: “Go on a drive to Dawki on the Bangladesh border, travelling over the Jowai-Amlaren-Dawki road. The journey itself would be the destination – you would pass the waterfalls and stone bridge at Thlumuwi, the Pitcher Plant park at Jarain, numerous other streams, rivulets, and falls, till you finally break through the woods and hills over the picturesque Sylhet food-plains at Dawki.”