Exploring The Factors Behind The Increasing Divorce Rate

factors behind divorce rate

The divorce rate of women divorcing men is increasing. The dynamic between genders in relationships has been a topic of conversation for decades, but a newer trend seems to be emerging, one that tilts the scales towards dissatisfaction and divorce. As roles within society and the household shift, women are increasingly questioning why they should stay in marriages that no longer serve them or align with their evolved status and responsibilities.


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Key Takeaways:

  • Women are initiating divorce more often due to persistent, gender imbalances, both financially and domestically thereby increasing the, divorce rate.
  • Effective communication and attentiveness are critical in preventing the gradual deterioration of relationships.
  • Understanding and aligning core values, along with continuous self-discovery, are crucial for parallel growth and fulfillment in marital partnerships.
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Gender Imbalance and Its Influence on the Divorce Rate

In recent years, women have climbed the ranks to become CEOs, entrepreneurs, and primary breadwinners, but this rise in professional stature has not been matched by a corresponding shift in domestic responsibilities. Despite their career demands, they often come home to unchanged expectations—house chores, childcare, and an array of additional tasks—while their partners remain disengaged.

“The growing trend… women are making the lion's share of the income… working as hard or harder outside the home… and yet they're still carrying all the burden inside the house.” — Dennis

This pervasive imbalance is increasingly leading women to question the equity in their marriages and, ultimately, to seek divorce when the division of labor remains static and uncommunicative. The dissatisfaction accumulates over time, not only reducing the perceived value of their contributions but also undermining the fundamental respect and partnership expected in marriage.

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The Importance of Emotional Support and Companionship

Relationships are anchored by emotional exchange and mutual support, something that should resound clearly in the everyday interactions between spouses. Men are encouraged to become more aware and active participants in their partner's emotional worlds, offering assistance and appreciation for the daily efforts that often go unnoticed. Men have the ability to affect the, divorce rate, by just asking how can I help.

“Being in tune with your partner to be able to judge these emotions… caring enough to then ask, ‘Can I help?'” — Dennis

When men take proactive steps to contribute meaningfully to the partnership, whether through household responsibilities or emotional support, they create a more balanced and satisfying relationship for both parties. Such actions affirm that the partnership is a priority and that both individuals are committed to its health and longevity.

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Aligning Values affect the Divorce Rate

Another significant aspect of modern relationships and the, divorce rate, is the alignment of core values and beliefs. A strong relationship bears the capacity for evolution and growth; however, divergent fundamental views and a lack of self-reflective growth often lead to discord. Couples must consistently reacquaint themselves with each other, fostering an environment that acknowledges and supports each person's journey and changes.

“Keep rediscovering your partner, keep rediscovering yourself… you're not going to have the same relationship at 45 as you had at 25… but it can be just as fulfilling.” — Dennis

The crux lies in staying connected emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually, through intentional conversations and shared experiences. It underscores the idea that success within the marriage is less about static achievements and more about nurturing an ever-evolving bond that cherishes both individual growth and collective goals.


As the conversation recapped here reveals, the modern woman is reassessing her relationship expectations, which now extend beyond financial provision to include emotional support, equitable division of tasks, and shared growth opportunities. While economic tensions and philosophical differences have always been sources of marital strain, it is the lack of responsiveness to evolving gender roles that's demanding women's attention and action. If relationships are to thrive, it's clear that husbands need to demonstrate a commitment not just to the marriage institution, but to the evolving partnership that modern marriage has become. This in turn will positively affect the, divorce rates.

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Conclusion

Men, take note: cultivating a mutually fulfilling relationship doesn't only rest on grand romantic gestures or financial security. It's built on the everyday attentiveness, gratitude, and willingness to grow alongside your partner—acting as the co-pilot rather than a passenger in the marital journey.

Connect with Dennis on the web @ https://www.drvetranolaw.com/

On Instagram @ https://www.instagram.com/drvlaw/

Additional Resources

Surviving Divorce: The Ultimate Roadmap to Rebuilding Your Life

Understanding Personalities: Which Archetype Drives You

understanding personailites types

Your Life Theme and, personalities,  shape what motivates and drives you throughout your life. Find out which of the four archetypes and the, 16 personalities types, that can compose your identity.

Introduction

John Voris, author of the book “Discover the Power that Drives your, Personality, How four Virtues Define your World, started his career as a door to door salesman.  He failed miserably as a salesperson, even after taking sales training. He wondered why some people with the same training is better than others and discovered that, personalities, play an important role in skill.   That started his thinking that some, personalities, can do certain skills better than others. He also realized that, 16 personalities types, controls  our communication.

 

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He learned that the human mind needs to express its authentic identity and, personality. One way it does that is by selecting the objects and environment that expresses who we are.  That means that the objects around you right now reflect your past decisions.  Decisions like, I know I like this or I don't like that.

How to identify our 16 Personalities.

John: So when I figured out how to sell to, personalities, I became an excellent salesperson closing 12 out of 14 transactions. I would be able to walk into a room and tell the motivation of my clients by the objects they surrounded themselves with. For example If you came into my office today I have over 4000 books. You can deduct that I am curious. Then you look at the titles of the books and you would understand my desire for wisdom. That doesn't mean I’ll buy; but if the salesperson tailor their language to my desire for wisdom and build rapport, they have a great chance of closing the sale.  That is how you read people.

Another example, if I were to go into a beauty salon, I can figure out the, personalities; everyone is having fun.  I want to appease the, personalities,  so when I  walk into the salon I talk about other people of interest. The people who just purchased my widgets like Janice two doors down.  I would talk about what is factual about Janice. The, personalities, in the salon would buy my widget because Janice bought it.

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How does Objects identity their  personalities?

Our, personality, as our way of expression.  Your identity does not follow. I think therefore I am; It’s the only way to find self-actualization or self-realization.  The objects, events and people around their, personality, identify the, personality type.

Myrna: I'm thinking of an object and that identifies, personalities, and identities. I'm thinking of maybe an expensive car, a big house, nice expensive clothes. These objects around me definitely define my, personality.

True,  but  I  look at what do you like to do for fun?  What is your hobby? In my 35 question, personality test, I ask the questions like “What event caused you the most pleasure? What event caused you the most pain?”  I ask you to describe both, you will find they are linked to the same answer because they are linked to your, personality, and who you are. I am able to identify one of your, 16 personalities types, from this test.

Discover Your Life Theme: The, Personality, Engine That Drives You

Your Life Theme offers the, personality,  framework that gives shape to what motivates and drives you throughout your life.

You are not a, personality, you are an identity. That identity is driven by one of four archetypes or  “Life Themes.”

These “ Life Themes” are Love, Justice, Wisdom and Power.

These represent four and the only four major motivating forces that can explain human behavior.

These four archetypes have many roles and functions that compose our identity. It is their adequacy of expression that is responsible for us living a life of happiness and success.

While each of us contains all four, there is one that takes precedent over the others.

They are responsible for our feelings and emotional reactions often causing anxiety, fear, anger, self-doubt, alienation, the lack of life meaning and purpose.

Once you know your, personality, that’s driving your Archetype, you will be able to understand its presence and better manage your life and your relationships.

The Myers-Briggs Personalities Type Indicator

An Overview of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
  • Intuitive-Thinking. INTJ. INTP. ENTJ. ENTP.
  • Intuitive-Feeling. INFJ. INFP. ENFJ. ENFP.
  • Sensing-Judging. ISTJ. ISFJ. ESTJ. ESFJ.
  • Sensing-Perceiving. ISTP. ISFP. ESTP. ESFP.

According to, Myers-Briggs,  theory of, personality types,  people can be characterized by their preference of general attitude:

  • Extraverted (E) vs. Introverted (I), their preference of one of the two functions of perception:
  • Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N), and their preference of one of the two functions of judging:
  • Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F)

The three areas of preferences introduced by Jung are dichotomies (i.e. bipolar dimensions where each pole represents a different preference). Jung also proposed that in a person one of the four functions above is dominant – either a function of perception or a function of judging. Isabel Briggs Myers, a researcher and practitioner of Jung’s theory, proposed to see the judging-perceiving relationship as a fourth dichotomy influencing personality type [Briggs Myers, 1980]:

  • Judging (J) vs. Perceiving (P)

The 16 personalities types

The first criterion, Extraversion – Introversion, signifies the source and direction of a person’s energy expression. An extravert’s source and direction of energy expression is mainly in the external world, while an introvert has a source of energy mainly in their own internal world.

The second criterion, Sensing – Intuition, represents the method by which someone perceives information. Sensing means that a person mainly believes information he or she receives directly from the external world. Intuition means that a person believes mainly information he or she receives from the internal or imaginative world.

The third criterion, Thinking – Feeling, represents how a person processes information. Thinking means that a person makes a decision mainly through logic. Feeling means that, as a rule, he or she makes a decision based on emotion, i.e. based on what they feel they should do.

The fourth criterion, Judging – Perceiving, reflects how a person implements the information he or she has processed. Judging means that a person organizes all of his life events and, as a rule, sticks to his plans. Perceiving means that he or she is inclined to improvise and explore alternative options.

All possible permutations of preferences in the 4 dichotomies above yield 16 different combinations, or personality types, representing which of the two poles in each of the four dichotomies dominates in a person, thus defining 16 different personality types. Each personality type can be assigned a 4 letter acronym of the corresponding combination of preferences:

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The motivation of each of the four Life Themes or, personalities types:

  • The Love Theme- is motivated to better humanity by trying to correct that which causes pain, discomfort, suffering, and victimization. It is driven by love, compassion, and empathy.
  • The Justice Theme – seeks balance and harmony. Justice is expressed in several ways. It seeks to correct injustice and immorality in people, relationships and organizations. It also gets expressed by seeking balance and perfection using design through engineering, art, music, and literature.
  • The Wisdom Theme – is driven by a need to know in order to exercise sound judgment in problem solving and goal attainment. Wisdom finds its expression and purpose through teaching, learning, and working with data.
  • The Power Theme – needs to act upon thoughts and get into action. Empowerment finds its expression and purpose through Power as a natural leader and agent of change.
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As you can see, there is something deeper than our, personality, at work that is running the show. Our, personality, is merely the way we appear in social situations. It is not what drives us.

What drives us are ancient archetypal forces based on moral and ethical virtues. I like to see these virtues as gifts that we are born with and are compelled to express and give throughout our life.

All of us need all four of the universal motivation systems regardless of our upbringing, opportunities, and physical attributes:

To download a copy of John Personality test quiz visit www.JohnVoris.com

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Additional Resources, Personalities.

http://blog.myhelps.us/how-transform-your-career-with-purpose/

http://blog.myhelps.us/the-secret-to-living-the-life-of-your-dreams/

http://blog.myhelps.us/how-disable-your-autopilot-brain/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Type_A_and_Type_B_personality_theory

Authentic Identity Assessment

What Are the 12 Archetypes and Which One Dominates Your Personality

 

Twin Flames: A Journey of Love and Spiritual Awakening

Twin Flames love

Shelby Carino joins host Myrna Young to discuss the reality of, twin flames. Shelby shares her personal journey with, twin flames, and explains that, twin flame, is an energy, not a person. She emphasizes the importance of understanding oneself and working on personal growth before attracting a twin flame.

Shelby also addresses the push and pull dynamic in, twin flame relationships and the need for women to lead and guide their partners spiritually. She offers a course to help women break free from limiting beliefs and outdated patterns in order to manifest their, twin flame.

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Introduction

Welcome back to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life radio, podcast, and television show. I'm your host, life coach Myrna Young. Today, we have a special guest, Shelby Carino, who will be joining us to discuss the fascinating topic of navigating the reality of, twin flames. If you've never heard of, twin flames, before, I encourage you to stay until the end because knowledge is power. Understanding the concept of, twin flames, can help us attract and cultivate deep, meaningful relationships. So let's dive right in and explore this intriguing topic.

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What are Twin Flames?

What is a, twin flame meaning. According to Shelby, twin flame definition, is an energy, a fifth dimention energy,  that manifests through the mirrored effect of our higher soul journey. It represents the other half of ourselves, whether it be the masculine or feminine energy. The, twin flame, is not just a person, but an energy that helps us grow and ascend spiritually. It is a deep, soulful connection that goes beyond surface-level compatibility.

Shelby's personal journey with, twin flames, began in 2011 when she experienced a spiritual awakening. She stumbled upon the concept of twin flames through a meditation and manifested a person who embodied the qualities she associated with a, twin flame. However, she soon realized that the, twin flame, is not solely about the person, but about the energy and the depth of the connection.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

The Misrepresentation of Twin Flames

Shelby highlights the misrepresentation of, twin flames, in popular culture, particularly in the documentary “Twin Flame Universe” on Netflix. She cautions against the dangerous ideology perpetuated by some self-proclaimed gurus who claim to have the ultimate knowledge of, twin flames. These individuals often convince people that there is only one specific person who is their, twin flame, and that they must do whatever it takes to be with that person. This misrepresentation can lead to obsession, stalking, and unhealthy behaviors.

Shelby emphasizes that the, twin flame, is not about being fixated on one person, but about the energy and the growth it brings. It is a journey of self-discovery and spiritual development. The, twin flame, is an energy that can be manifested through various relationships, not just one specific person.

Twin flame seperation: The Dance of the Runner and Chaser

There is such a thing as, twin flame seperation. In the realm of, twin flames, there is often a dynamic of the runner and chaser. This occurs when one person becomes overwhelmed by the intensity of the connection and tries to distance themselves, while the other person desperately chases after them. Shelby explains that this dynamic arises when the chaser projects their energy onto the runner, overwhelming them and causing them to retreat.

To break free from this, twin flame seperation, Shelby advises women to focus on their own spiritual growth and balance their feminine and masculine energies. Women have the power to guide their partners into their own, spiritual awakening, but they must first be in control of themselves and their own energy. By doing so, they can create a healthy and balanced dynamic in the, twin flame relationship.

Twin flame love: Breaking Free from Limiting Patterns and Beliefs

In, twin flame love, Shelby's work revolves around helping women break free from limiting subconscious patterns and outdated spiritual beliefs. She offers a relationship reset course that helps individuals reset their foundation of what relationships are truly about. By challenging old belief systems and integrating new perspectives, individuals can create healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

The, twin flame, journey is an opportunity for individuals to transform their minds and release outdated beliefs and escape the reality of the, fake twin. It requires deep self-reflection, spiritual growth, and a willingness to let go of old patterns that no longer serve them. Through Shelby's courses and guidance, individuals can gain the knowledge and tools to navigate the, twin flame love, with grace and authenticity.

Twin Flame vs Soul mate

Navigating the reality of, twin flames, is a profound and transformative journey. It is not just about finding a, soul mate, but about connecting with the deepest parts of ourselves and experiencing spiritual growth. The, twin flame vs soul mate, energy serves as a catalyst for self-discovery and ascension.

As we continue to evolve and move into the, fifth dimension energy, the concept of, twin flames, becomes even more relevant. We are being called to go beyond surface-level connections and seek deeper, more meaningful relationships.  We are going deeper than even, soul mate, relationships. By understanding the true nature of twin flames and working on our own spiritual development, we can attract and cultivate the relationships that align with our highest selves.

Twin Flames Conclusion

In conclusion, the journey of, twin flames, is a path of love, growth, and spiritual awakening. It is an opportunity to connect with our true essence and experience the highest form of love, twin flame love.  By embracing the energy of, twin flames, and working on our own spiritual development, we can create fulfilling and transformative relationships. So, let us embark on this journey with open hearts and open minds, ready to embrace the depth and beauty that, twin flames, have to offer.

Additional Resources

How to Find your Soul Mate or Twin Flame

Be the Salt of the Earth: Add Flavor to Your Relationships

Be Salt Add Flavor To Your Relationships

In a world that often demands conformity, being the, salt of the earth,  takes on a profound meaning. Just as salt enhances the taste of food, embodying this metaphor means infusing your life and relationships with a unique and impactful essence.

In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, we'll delve into the symbolism of being the, salt of the earth, and explore how this concept can enrich your interactions, elevate your experiences, and leave a lasting impression on those around you.

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Be Salt: Embrace Authenticity

Authenticity is the foundation of being, the salt of the earth. By staying true to your values, beliefs, and personality, you create a genuine connection with others. Embracing your authentic self can lead to more meaningful relationships and inspire those around you to do the same.

Salt of the earth: Sprinkle Kindness and Compassion

Just as a pinch of salt can transform a dish, small, acts of kindness, and compassion can have a powerful impact. Gestures of empathy, generosity, and understanding can create a ripple effect, fostering an environment of love and support in both personal and community relationships.

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Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Be Salt: Season with Positivity

Much like salt enhances the flavors in a meal, a positive outlook can enrich your perspective on life. The, science of positivity, has far-reaching effects on mental well-being, and helps us in cultivating a more optimistic mindset. So be the, salt of the earth, and, season your relationships with positivity.

Positivity does not mean ignoring the realities of life. It means adjusting for the brain’s natural tendency to ignore the positives of life. Whether you’re frustrated by your own negativity or the negativity of others, The, Science of Positivity, can help.

Be Salt: Preserve Relationships with Communication

Salt has been used for centuries as a preservative, and communication serves a similar role in relationships. Communication that is open, honest, and respectful preserves relationships, and helps in resolving conflicts and strengthening connections through dialogue. Sprinkle your relationships with the, salt of communication, and preserve it forever.

Are you a Closed Communicator?

You are a, closed communicator, if you do any of the following:

  • you become defensive,
  • resistant,
  • bitchy,
  • moody,
  • easy to anger,
  • confrontational,
  • and not open to feedback.
RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind
Salt of the earth: Leave a Lasting Legacy

Salt has a lasting impact, and so do the actions and values we pass down through generations. Being the, salt of the earth, can contribute to a meaningful legacy, shaping the way you're remembered by your children, family, and friends. Leave a legacy behind for your family and friends.

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Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Conclusion:

As you journey through life, remember that being the, salt of the earth, means embracing your uniqueness, spreading kindness, seasoning experiences with positivity, and preserving the bonds you hold dear. By embodying this concept, you have the power to create a more flavorful and fulfilling existence, leaving behind a legacy that enhances the lives of others. So go forth, be the salt of the earth, and savor every moment of your remarkable journey.

Additional Resources

https://blog.myhelps.us/the-power-of-salt/

Keys to Making Long Term Relationships Work

making long term relationships work
Long term relationships, whether romantic, familial, or platonic, require effort, understanding, and commitment to thrive. While challenges are inevitable, there are key principles and strategies that can help build and sustain these meaninful relationships. In this blog post, Figs O'Sullivan, couples therapist, explores essential insights on how to make, long term relationships, work.
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About The Guest Bio 

Figs O'Sullivan is a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified in emotionally focused therapy and the founder of Empathi. He is passionate about helping couples create happy and healthy relationships and has spent years working with couples at crossroads in their relationships. Figs combines his background in attachment theory, improvisational dance and theater, and experimental psychotherapy to provide effective and simple solutions for couples.

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Summary Keys to Making Long-Term Relationships Work:

In this episode, Figs O'Sullivan, a licensed marriage and family therapist, shares his expertise on how to make long-term relationships work. He explains that the key to a successful relationship is to shift from a perspective of blame and criticism to one of empathy and understanding. Figs emphasizes the importance of recognizing that both partners are hurting and that their actions are a result of their own pain.

He also discusses the three common patterns of conflict in relationships and how to break free from them. Figs provides practical advice on how to create a connection vacuum and foster a deeper emotional bond with your partner. He concludes by highlighting the transformative power of empathy and the importance of experiencing it in order to create lasting change in a relationship.

Key Takeaways:

  1. Shift from blame and criticism to empathy and understanding in your relationship.
  2. Recognize that both partners are hurting and their actions are a result of their own pain.
  3. Break free from the three common patterns of conflict in relationships: protest polka, mutual criticism, and silent suffering.
  4. Create a connection vacuum by sharing your feelings and needs with your partner in a vulnerable and non-blaming way.
  5. Foster a deeper, emotional bonding,  with your partner by experiencing empathy and understanding for each other's pain.
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Shifting your perspective in long-term relationships

Myrna: Enjoying being together and actually liking each other again because yeah, so it's very rewarding. It's almost like me when I help clients. As far as coaching, one of my biggest things in coaching is change the way you think of a thing and the thing you think of will change or look at the thing. So in coaching is all about changing your perception of something. And I love it when I'm able to do that for clients.

Figs: Huge. Absolutely. By the way. Exact same. The first hurdle is shifting people's perspective on what's happening between the two of them. And this is at the most basic level, right. When a couple comes to see me. They have two different perspectives of what's happening. And most of the time, not always, those two perspectives could be summed up as one person's perspective is the other person is messing up and they need to change some stuff to make things better. And then, of course, the other person is like, their partner spouse is like, thank you very much for that opinion because actually, funnily enough, I think you're the one messing up and you need to change a few things.

Yeah. And so some of them say that very politely, and others throw lethal weapons at each other right from across the room. And then my job is to actually craft seed the perspective of the entire system of both of them together and share that perspective with them in a way that helps them see the truth of, oh, would you look at this is who we are together as a system and that we both actually make sense. Both of us are right.

Both of us are getting hurt, and both of us act in ways that actually really do hurt the other person. And when they can then live deeply inside of that perspective, then their limbic systems, their nervous systems calm down. Right? They're not actually living with, like, a crocodile and a stone. They're actually two little kittens or two little puppies that are just herding and then we can start snuggling.

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Podhero podcast

Why couples have the same fight over and over again

Myrna: Yes, I love that. Like I said, I can see it. And a lot of times they don't even want to go to therapy because the relationship is that bad, or saying, hey, now, exactly, we're just going to chuck this thing. But it's a good thing to do therapy. At least it means that you're willing to change. You're willing to see someone else's opinion. You're willing to see it from the other person's perspective.

And you start off by saying that your childhood was in a relationship where your dad was an alcoholic and your mom was heartbroken because of it, and then you were hurt because you're in this whatever. So what was that experience like for you? Did you see your parents fight? Because one of the things that you talk about is you help couples to not have the same fight over and over again. So how can you bring that into your personal experience?

Figs: Yeah, well, look, I witness my parents being together and fighting. I witnessed them being apart, right. And just fighting. Silence and just pain and sadness in the distance, the silence, not naming what's going on. You could think there's three ways people do the waltz of pain. The walls of pain is when two people that love each other are disconnected from each other and they both see each other as the withholder of love.

But there's basically three patterns in, long term relationships. One is one person's feeling abandoned, not prioritized. And they blame and criticize even they may not think they're blaming and criticizing. They may think they're just giving amazing advice to their partner that will really help them, but that's not how it lands. And of course, it makes their partner or spouse feel really bad about themselves, feel like they're unacceptable, they're never good enough. And so they pull away or withdraw or they defend themselves, right? And that's technically called an emotionally focused, couples therapy.

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Podbay FM

What happens when couples are both criticizing each other

That is called a protest polka. One person is protesting, Why aren't you here for me? And the other person's pulling away. The other way people do it is both of them are saying, Why aren't you here for me? They're both criticizing each other, right? Fireworks. I need a helmet and a shield when I'm sitting with them and they're going at it. Right. And then, of course, the third way, which a lot of people think at first this is actually healthy or good, is they're both hurting, feeling unloved, but they just don't talk about it.

But in the long run, it ends up in the same painful place that they've lost each other and they're in agony inside, but they just avoid ever. And inside, no matter which one of those three things and you might do all three in a day, or you may have one preferred, one that you do in your own relationship, right. But left unattended to that kind of system that is happening in a relationship and it doesn't get resolved. Right. It creates a connection vacuum that bad things can happen.

Right. So we just want to minimize the amount of time there is a connection vacuum in, long term relationships, so that we limit the chances of affairs or turning to work for your needs to be met so that you actually end up being able to turn to each other and be there for each other.

What to do if you are feeling unloved in a long-term relationship

Myrna: All right. I got tons of circle back on that one. So, yes, I can identify with all three of what basically you're saying, but not necessarily the middle one, but women are. And I've been in, long term relationships, where, yeah, you're saying, hey, I feel unloved. You're not showing me love. I don't feel love. I don't feel special. You're always working. You're always doing that or whatever. And then when you are correct, when you say it, the person goes into defense, but then you're saying the third one is that you don't say it. So in your experience, which one of those patterns leads to success down the road?

Figs: None of them. Right? That's the point. So here's the thing. So each one of those patterns, from the subjective experience, it makes sense from your individual experience inside a relationship, when I'm hurting, it makes sense to protest you're not loving me. Or let's say that's one. When I'm hurting, it makes sense to say nothing or defend myself. It makes sense from your individual perspective. When I'm hurting, I say nothing.

They all make rational sense to do for an individual member of a, long term  relationship. But in the long run, even though it makes logical sense, it's going to make things worse for you, definitely. Right? Do you think you have a can of water in your hand and you're about to throw this can of water on the fire of the disconnection between the two of you? But the can was mislabeled. There is gasoline inside the can.

Because just think about it. Despite what you think, if you are in a, long term relationship, your spouse or partner loves you. They love you. You are the most important person in the world to them right now. When you're hurting and feeling unloved and you tell them you're not loving me, here's what they hear, right? Even if you think they look like they don't care, they just change the channel. They change the channel. They look like they don't care because that's how they survive. Feeling.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

We all need to feel we are enough

I am devastated inside to be not enough again. The person I most want to be enough for is telling me once again I am a disappointment. I'm not good enough. I'm a failure. And it hurts so much. They have to avoid feeling it or defend themselves, whatever they do, like, change the channel. That's how they survive. But then, of course, you hear their defense or their channel changing, or they're like shutting down completely as evidence. See, I was right.

They don't love me. And so now, your own subjective experience, you're going to go, I'm going to reach for a second can of water and tell them even more how unloving they are, which will devastate them even more. And so they'll reach for their second can of water. I'll defend myself even more. It'll devastate you. And now you're both throwing cans of gasoline at each other, and you both feel totally justified in doing it. Now, here's the way out.

Figs: So just imagine for a moment your spouse, they're just really little. They're just a little kid inside, no matter how big and tough they look to you, right? They're just little, which they are when it comes to love. And they're heard they want more than anything to be good enough for you. And you tell them, you go, hey, you just did your homework. You got five out of ten. This is not good enough. I need you to do better at your homework. I told you yesterday, I told you the day before that.

When are you going to get better at homework? When I have pretty understandable expectations that you would be getting eight out of tens. And until you're getting eight out of tens, you go to your room, young man. Now, listen, I don't know about you, and listen, if that's your gig. That's how you think you motivate people, not just you, right. But listeners. Right. You go for it. But I don't think it works with most people.

They will defend themselves. They will collapse. They will give. I ain't doing no homework anymore. That's the end of me doing homework for you. I'm off to watch American football every Sunday on the couch. What's the point in trying to do homework for that one? No way. So, no, I don't ask them to meet the needs of their partner. I help them both understand.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Why couples should never tell each other what they are not doing

Listen, to be on the receiving end of what you do when you're hurting is devastating now. But by the way, I will help him in this example, right? I will help him see how devastating it is for you, right? Lord of woman, in this example, to be on the receiving end of how you survive when you feel there's no way to be good enough, when you don't try and show up, when you defend yourself, when they're genuinely validly hurting inside, it is devastating to be on the receiving end of that strategy to survive again, punchline.

Myrna: Wow. I love it. I learned so much from there. I will, definitely, because I'm one of those ones that tell my husband what he's not doing.

Yeah. And you call your company Empathi. So you're teaching your clients to have empathy for each other. I think that's what you say, how you help couples in, couples therapy, to get to a place of empathy. So is the place of empathy what we're talking now, or does it go deeper?

Figs: Yeah, so empathy is like the pivotal. Like, let's say empathy, let's call it on the journey. The hardest place to get to is where empathy is possible. Right? There's this threshold of revelation, right? And the threshold of revelation is, let's say we go from the two separate stories. You're the troublemaker in the relationship. Oh, yeah. No, you are. To, hey, it's both of us, and it's only happening because we love each other. And then it changes our physiology, it helps our nervous system and limbic system relax. And then we see, wow, we're both hurting.

Now we're having not only one way empathy. I'm empathizing with you or you're empathizing with me. We have what I call these days empathy squared. We're both feeling empathy for ourselves and each other at the same moment. So we want to have an empathy squared experience. It literally up levels a human being. Like, it literally is like going from being a two dimensional being to a three dimensional being.

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Long-term relationships need empathy to survive

I'm hurting, you're hurting. And we both care about the way we're both hurting. And we both see the way we both hurt each other all at the same time. That's the experience. That's an empathy squared experience. We got to have that. If we have that now, like I was saying, now we can do all the deep repairs of the hurts in the past. We can love each other, we can work on our sex life, we can work on, like, so what are we going to do about the way we both spend money differently?

But that empathy squared experience is the pivotal. That's the pivotal first big transformational moment in the journey. And I always say it sucks that if couples are to fail, we fail to get to that empathy squared moment, because one or both people are like, yeah, whatever. They're still not there for me. They just can't get out of their own way. Not because they're bad, because they got hurt so much in the past that it's too scary to become unguarded undefended for a moment and have that present moment transformational experience.

Conclusion

Myrna: I love that. Tell us about your coaching programs. How can the listeners connect with you? Because yeah, this is good stuff.

Figs: Great. Yeah. So, look, all we do is try and help people love themselves and each other. Right. Any different way we can do it? We do counseling, coaching all over the world. And we have courses, we have a podcast, we write articles. Because your listeners are obviously into podcasts, you might want to check out our Come Here to Me podcast. And in that podcast, my wife and I actually share our own journey as people, couples, therapists that are being a couple and talking about their own emotional journey together as a couple.

So, as we say, relationship experts walk the talk. I just love sharing about the wisdom. And then the website is just www.empathi.com.

Additional Resources

How To Transform Your Relationships Using The Power of Now!

 

How To Transform Your Relationships Using The Power of Now!

Transform relationships power of the now

In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I share how to use, the power of the now, to change dysfunctional negative relationships into positive ones and how to use the, power of now, to transform your relationships.

Relationships are one of the most important aspects of our lives, and it's easy to let them get out of control. Today we study Eckhart Tolle's book “The Power of The Now” on how to improve your relationships. By learning how to use the power of now, you'll be able to align yourself with what's really important in your life, and your relationships will start to improve as a result.

Eckhart Tolle says that everything happens in the now. There is only one point of access and it is the now.  And until you access the now, all relationships are deeply flawed. They may seem perfect for a moment when you are in love, but that perfection is lost when disappointment and dissatisfaction set in.  If we look at the divorce rate, it seems that most love relationships become love hate relationships.

Download the podcast here: 

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Relationships bloom when we access the power of  now

If we look at the divorce rate, it seems that most, love relationships, become, love-hate relationships.  

When we don’t access, the power of the now, love can turn to hate with the flick of a switch.  

Sometimes the relationship continues for a while between the polarities of love and hate. It gives you as much pleasure as it gives you pain. 

Some couples get addicted to the drama because it makes them feel alive, but when the negative events occur with increasing frequency, the relationship collapses

Here is some, relationship advice, you may think that if you remove the, negative cycles, then the relationship would flower beautifully, but this is not the case. The polarities are mutually interdependent, you cannot have one without the other. The reason we want to be in the now in our relationships is that you can’t access the, pain body, of what he did to me and then bring it forward and relive the pain.

The, power of the now, means unless the event is happening now, it is in the past.  The reason Eckhart Tolle teaches that the polarities are mutually interdependent is because your pain feed his pain. Your triggers, trigger his triggers.  

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

The Power of the now eliminates dysfunctional relationships

The negative side of a relationship is more easily recognized as dysfunctional. It is also easier to recognize the source of negativity in your partner, than to see it for yourself. Negativity and your past pain can show up in many forms in your relationship as: 

  • possessiveness,
  • jealousy,
  • control,
  • withdrawal,
  • resentment,
  • the need to be right,
  • insensitivity and self-absorption,
  • emotional demand’s,
  • manipulation,
  • the urge to criticize,
  • judge, blame, anger, and unconscious revenge.

Quite a list. None of these things happen in, the now.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

The power of now in love

The positive side can be just as bad.  This is the, power of love. When you are in love, someone needs you, wants you and makes you feel special.  The feelings of being in love can become so intense that the rest of the world fades into insignificance.  

You become addicted to the other person; he acts on you like a drug. Even the thought of that person no longer loving you, illicit jealousy, emotional blackmail, blaming and accusing, because of fear of loss.

If the other person does leave you, it can lead to the most intense pain from grief or the most intense hostility. Was this love in the first place or just addictive clinging?  

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Survival relationships can be addictive clinging

Then , survival relationships, comes along.  It seems to meet all your needs, at least that is how it appears at first. You now have a new focal point, the person who defines your identity. The person you are in love with. Your world now has a center again, you are loved.  

Then there becomes a point when your partner fails to meet your needs. The feelings of fear and lack now resurface, they had been covered up by the love relationship. Like any drug, you are on a high until the drug no longer works for you. When the feelings of fear return, you feel them stronger than they were before and you now perceive your partner as the cause of those feelings. You attack your partner and this awakens their own, pain body, and he may counter your attack. Every attack is manipulation to get your partner to change their behavior.  

This is because you refuse to work through your pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever you are addicted to, whether it be alcohol, food, shopping, sex you are using something or someone to cover up your pain.  

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Romantic relationships do not cause unhappiness

That is why there is so much pain and unhappiness in, romantic relationships. Romantic relationships, do not cause pain and unhappiness, they bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you.  

Avoidance of relationships in an attempt to avoid pain is not the answer either. 3 failed marriages are a source of awakening more than if you shut yourself off in a room and refuse to engage in a relationship.

The power of the now, must be strong enough so you don’t get taken over by the thinker or the, pain body.  

Bringing, the power of the now, to your relationship means, first you stop judging yourself then you stop judging your partner.  

The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is without needing to judge or change them in any way.  

You are in a, love relationship, if that person feels the same way about you; other than that you are in a relationship with yourself. Don’t let this love turn into a, love- hate relationship, by constantly bringing up the past. Embrace, the power of the now.

Additional Resources

How Single Women over 40 Find Love

 

Understanding Mental Illness: My Bipolar Life

My Bipolar Life

If you have been diagnosed with, mental illness, or, Bipolar disorder,  it means that you probably think of ending your life all the time.  In this episode, I interview Gabe Howard, who was diagnosed with, Bipolar disorder, at age 25.

Before then Gabe said that he did not know he was sick. His parents thought  he was just acting out and would punish him for his behavior. But he remembers thinking of suicide all his life, until he got treatment. No one knew he was, Bipolar.

Today GABE HOWARD is an award-winning speaker, author, and podcast host who lives with bipolar disorder. He hosts the weekly Psych Central Podcast and is the co-host of the Not Crazy podcast. He’s the author of Mental Illness is an Asshole – and Other Observations and has appeared on numerous websites, podcasts, and in many traditional media outlets

Introduction to My Bipolar Life

I was diagnosed with, Bipolar disorder, when I was when I was 25 years old. I didn't know that I was sick. I had all of these, mental health, symptoms. They were causing me a lot of personal problems. I had a drug and alcohol problem, hyper sexuality was an issue, my relationships were just being destroyed, all because of, mental illness, but I didn't know anything was wrong.

Then one day I ended up in a psychiatric hospital, because I was ready to end my own life. I thought about suicide as far back as I can remember.

I just thought it was normal to want to die.

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What is, Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder is a mental illness marked by extreme changes in mood from high to low, and from low to high. Highs are periods of mania, while lows are periods of depression. The changes in mood may even become mixed, so you might feel elated and depressed at the same time.

The problem Gabe says is that when you are in the middle is when you get the job, the girl, the promotion, get married.  You usually loose these things when you are depressed or manic;  being in the middle is where you want to be.

I became an advocate because I consider myself to be a smart person and I don't have like some story about how my parents were awful. My parents are good people, they loved me very much. My dad was a truck driver my mom a stay-at-home mom and they did all the things right.

They were engaged, they loved me, they were present and none of us knew that I was, Bipolar, None of us got me any help. I thought wow if I didn't know, if my family didn't know, if all of that love and engagement and connection and caring and they just missed it. There must be other people that are in my shoes. That's why I became a, mental health advocate.

I just wanted to talk about, Bipolar, openly so that there just wouldn't be other people wandering around sick and scared and symptomatic. They could get help, because I was really lucky.

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What is Mental Illness?

Mental Illness is an Asshole!

In his book Mental Illness is an Asshole – and Other Observations

Mental Illness is an Asshole is Gabe Howard’s first collection of articles about living with mental illness.

All the articles date from 2014 through 2018 and include his observations on reaching recovery, stigma, and living well in spite of depression, bipolar, and anxiety. Totaling over 380 pages, Gabe even shares the story of his :): logo for the first time.

For years, Gabe Howard’s entertaining articles and essays have been educating people about living with mental illness. His observations cover everything from practical advice to family relationships to the fears that people with mental illness experience.

In essays such as “Anxiety Says Everyone Hates Me,” “I Have Bipolar and I’m a Hypocrite,” and, yes, “Mental Illness Is an Asshole,” Gabe makes mental illness less scary and more understandable.

I had a suicide plan and I just happen to run into somebody that understood that understood mental illness and it she looked at me and asked me “are you planning on killing yourself?” Her training allowed her to ask that question and I said yes! She he me committed to the psychiatric hospital.

I was diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, and of course once I was diagnosed with, bipolar, to go on and lead good life. This is why I always say that I was lucky.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
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This book is a life-changer, and I recommend you go out and get it now. The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel. Available now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Order today!

What is, Bipolar Disorder?

Bipolar disorder, is commonly described as extreme highs to extreme lows. From suicidal depression all the way to God like mania. As a, Bipolar, you will have to battle depression where you want to die, and feel like you want to die, you feel like you want everything to end. When you are in Mania, you feel like the whole world revolves around you.

Then there is the middle. Everything is normal. That’s when you get the job, that's when you meet the girl, that's when you get married, buy the house, have all the friends; all the things that you lose when you become symptomatic.

Psych Meds for, Bipolar Disorder, the Good, Bad, and the Ugly

Psychiatric medications are the religion and politics of the mental health advocacy world.

In this episode, we cover the good, the bad, and the ugly surrounding medications. Like whether or not you should take them. We tackle side effects like feeling numb and sexual dysfunction and share our personal histories with medication therapy.

If you have any form of, mental illness, that you need Meds to function. Medications are amazing, they saved my life. I want to be very clear. Without my medication I cannot live the life that I live. So many people mistakenly believe that psychiatric medications are magical that you just need to take the pill and boom everything is fine and it's simple.

It's much bigger than that. In addition to psychiatric medication, therapy is very important, learning coping skills is very important, and going to support groups. You have to deal with the trauma of your past and all of these things matter; but all we ever hear about is psychiatric medication and I want to change that. I want to change it to, did you take your meds and did you go to therapy and did you utilize your coping skills?

 

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What is the most common cause of, bipolar disorder?

Biological traits

Hormonal problems: Hormonal imbalances might trigger or cause bipolar disorder. Environmental factors: Abuse, mental stress, a “significant loss,” or some other traumatic event may contribute to or trigger bipolar disorder.

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Mental Health Advocate for, Bipolar

Gabe is a, Mental Health Advocate. He remembers when no one knew he was sick for over 20 years.  He had a plan to end his life and luckly for him, someone asked him the question “Are you planning on hurting yourself” He answered yes and he was admitted to the Psychiatric ward in hospital.

That saved his life so now, he is a, mental health advocate, to help others suffering from, mental illness, or, bipolar disorder, receive treatment and services.

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Additional Resources for, Bipolar Disorder.

The book is a collection of Articles and all of the Articles have something to do with, mental illness, mental health, loving somebody with, mental illness, dating someone with, bipolar,

It's almost a reference guide that you can carry around for people with, bipolar, or dealing with somebody who is living with, mental illness, and depression and anxiety, don't just live with, bipolar, you can have just depression, you can have just anxiety. Even people with schizophrenia, they suffer from depression and anxiety as well.

Dealing with Anxiety Disorder after Addiction

http://blog.myhelps.us/understanding-and-managing-compulsive-behaviors/

http://blog.myhelps.us/9-steps-to-effective-advocacy/

 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20356007

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324602.php

 

 

Is the Secret to Love, Sex?

Is the secret to, Love, Sex? This week on Mindset Transformation Radio Podcast, I interview, Love Coach, James Green. James answers the question “Is, Sex, the most important factor in a relationship?

So, let me ask you. What do you think is the most important factor in a relationship? In my research for this interview. I found this article
on the secret to a long marriage. Hint it was not, Sex!

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Secret to a long Marriage not, sex 

But in all seriousness. We have heard the phrase ” A Happy wife a happy life”
Here is another article about a couple married 79 years.

“Just want you to know that you’re still the one I would choose. Still the one I give my heart to, still the one I love.”

So, what’s their secret?

“To support one another, whatever the problems may be, good or bad. Stick together. That’s about it,” Bertha said.

“You know why this lasted 79 years? She has the last word,” Dan added with a smile.

Let me introduce my guest this week:

James is a certified Love and Emotional Intelligence coach. His mission is to teach people how to love themselves as well as love each other. James specialty is Relationship and Personal Development Coaching.

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Download on Spotify

Show notes Secret to Love 

1. Question 1: Tell us of your journey to become a Love and emotional Intelligence coach. Do you have a personal story that made you specialize in this field?

I was a single parent and realized that when looking for a mate, I had to look for someone who would fit into my lifestyle as a single father. The woman had to accept me and my son as a package deal. That made me look at factors other than, Sex.

As far as my journey to becoming a Love and Emotional intelligence coach, I found I had the aptitude to reach people. People opened up to me. I remember once standing in the line at McDonald's and this man in line started talking to me telling me his story. I decided to get my certification as a, Life Coach
2. Question 2: How does emotional intelligence fit into the relationship dynamics?
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to hear what your partner is not saying. It is the ability to realize that when your partner says Fine, I am okay with that. for example. She is not fine with that, from her tonality or her body language.
Another facet of emotional intelligence is the ability to keep your cool and not fly off the handle at the slightest provocation.

3. Question 3: What problems do find are the most common and how do you coach your clients to solve them?
I find Trust, Communication and the inability to seek out coaching until after they start experiencing problems.

Couples tend to think that coaching is not needed until there is a huge problem in their relationship and when I hear that I ask them do you also see a doctor AFTER you have Cancer?

4. Question 4: If you had a magic wand to solve common relationship problems, what would you solve?

If I had a magic wand to solve relationship problems, I would solve trust. Lack of trust is one of the most destructive elements in a relationship.

5. Question 5: When you say that relationship is not a 3-letter word, what do you mean?
The topic of our show today “Is the secret to love, Sex?”
Couples would have us believe that great sex keeps the relationship going or strong.
While sex is very important in a relationship it is not the most important factor.
I believe that communication is the most important factor.
Click the podcast link to hear from James directly as he answers this question.

6. Question 6: Why would you say that couples do not proactively seek relationship coaching and wait until there is a problem to get counselling?
Culture, conditioning. Women go to get an annual checkup every year. They get a PAP test to proactively check for any cervical problems. But this same woman would not think of going to a relationship coach to proactively check to see if her relationship is in danger of abnormal growth!

For the men I use the analogy of the oil change because men hate going to the doctor for an annual check up. But they do change their oil every 3 to 5 months. ( I had a laugh at this one. I asked James if he was suggesting men change their wife's, as often as they change the oil in their cars?)
He assured me he was not saying that but letting the men know that just like the car engine their relationships need regular maintenance.

Tony Robbins also has lots of empowerment advice for couples.
Click the link below to understand how to create better relationships from Tony Robbins

Transform Your Mind Amazon
Transform Your Mind Amazon


If you found this episode inspirational be sure to subscribe to my podcast and I would also appreciate a rate and review.

You can also follow me on my Facebook page

If you are empowered to become a member of the Human Potential Movement and would like to be a guest on the Mindset Transformation radio show and podcast contact me.

Additional Resources

3 Ways to Find Happiness After a Divorce

 

How to Heal After being Abandoned

life lessons from an abandoned girl

Being, abandoned, by  a loved one cuts deeply in the heart resulting in emotional, abandonment.  It is the result of a significant person discarding you, dismissing you, devaluing you, or not acknowledging you. This type of invisible injury causes great harm to the recipient.  In fact, the term “recipient” is ironic because often the recipient receives nothing; which is the problem.

Regardless if you are, abandoned by your parents, a lover, a friend, a sibling. The feeling of, not being enough, overwhelms those who are, abandoned. No one sees it and it tends to go underground in terms of abuse. Victims simply feel empty and invisible.

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Here are the top 3 reasons for feeling, Abandoned:

  • Devalued and rejected by others
  • Abandoned, by our parents
  • Feelings of, not good enough,  because we have lack.

When the, abandonment, wound is caused by an absent parent. When one of your parents has chosen to not be in your life, this cuts deeply. There is no easy explanation to be found by those who’ve been abandoned by a parent. Some try to make the best of the situation, ignoring that fact that they don’t have this parent in their lives; but the damage is still the same.  There are life-long consequences to parental abandonment.

Children in the foster care system that have been, abandoned, by their parents never regain their self-esteem. They look are other kids who have their parents and feel worthless. They end up most time becoming promiscuous because they look for love in all the wrong places.

Some learn to cope in different ways. Some pretend it doesn’t matter; some question their worth; others may be openly angry.  With, abandonment, comes defense mechanisms.

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Abandoned, by Love

Most women who were, abandoned, end up in unhealthy relationship with narcissistic men who abuse them and, abandon, them again.  This pattern is repeated often.

Women who have been, abandoned, could be likened to a cracked vase. If you have been broken from, abandonment, then you can’t hold love, you can’t hold self-esteem, you can’t hold purpose, everything pours out of you.

It takes work to heal your cracks.  The first step in is to identify that you are broken from, abandonment.

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Identifying your, Abandonment, Feelings

Once you have identified your, abandonment, issue and have processed through some of the feelings there are some other imagery exercises you can to do heal yourself. These are described below:

  1. Identify the part of you that is hurt. This can be labeled as your, “hurt inner child.” If the source of your hurt occurred in adulthood, this does not matter because the wound of, abandonment, most likely put you in a regressive state of mind.  You have likely regressed emotionally to a younger, more helpless age. Use imagery and visualize this inner child.
  2. Now imagine the part of you that is healthy and compassionate. This part of you is going to be instrumental in your healing from being, abandoned. You must come to the rescue of your inner, hurt self by offering love, time, empathy, hope, and encouragement.
  3. In addition to the hurt, abandoned, part of yourself, identify your coping mechanisms – particularly any personas or sub-selves that act out; the part of you that is trying to compensate for the hurt experienced by the abandonment of your loved one. Identify parts of you that are trying to respond to the hurt in an unhealthy manner.
  4. Talk to your inner hurt, abandoned, child. Assure her of her value and worth. Be present for her in a real and tangible way.

In the end, no matter who has hurt you, no matter how affected you may be from the resulting injury from, abandonment, you still have a life to live. Even if you have an ache in your heart for the missing person, you can still thrive in life; find hope and love, and live well. You do this by honoring your feelings, acknowledging the loss, validating the consequences of the loss, and enjoying your life.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

How the, Abandonment,  wound plays out in relationships:

  • Oversensitivity to criticism or feedback
  • Overreacting to conflict
  • Becoming a pleaser
  • Anxiety and fear of the other person leaving
  • Ending relationships early before the other person has a chance to leave
  • Jealousy or suspicion that your partner will hurt, cheat, or leave even when there’s no sign of malicious behavior
  • Self-doubt, insecurity, and lack of self-worth
  • Staying in an abusive relationship for fear of being alone
  • In more extreme cases of being deeply triggered during events such as break-ups, a divorce, or a loss:one might feel a total loss of control over their emotions, hyper-reactivity, anxiety attacks, fear, insomnia, weight loss or gain, and obsessive thoughts or behavior.

An, abandonment, wound is invisible to the eye, but it leaves telltale signs in how we relate to the external world, how we feel internally and how we behave in our relationships. It can have us spend our whole lives running from perceived danger. To test someone’s love like a straw that inevitably breaks, then using their resignation as evidence we’re living in an unsafe world. It can cause us to blindly accept the bad behavior of others, ignoring our own needs and prevent us from having a strong, powerful voice.

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Best of all, this book does not tell you how to live your life or which goals you should have. Instead, it helps you figure it out for yourself. That’s what you really want—someone in your corner helping you make sense of your life, not someone with their own agenda telling you what to do.

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Additional Resources Abandonment

http://blog.myhelps.us/how-single-women-find-love/

How to Heal Your Brokenness

http://blog.myhelps.us/10-ways-childhood-trauma-impact-adults-in-love/

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-are-the-effects-of-childhood-trauma-4147640

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/201706/4-ways-childhood-trauma-impacts-adults

 

 

How to Ask for a Raise or Anything you Want in Life.

How to, ask for a raise, a promotion, God for something, a Guy out. How to Ask for Affection or anything else you want in life.

A few weeks ago I started reading this book “The game of life and how to play” By Florence Scovel Shinn.  The title of the book caught my attention, because I have a chapter in my book Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement  called How to become a Player in the Game of life and I have a podcast episode entitled “How to win the game of life.”

So you see this topic is close to my heart.

So I started reading. The content wasn't anything I hadn’t heard before, just said in a different way. For example I am a Christian and a follower of the teaching of Jesus Christ. I have read books, listened to visionaries, my pastor and numerous other men of God quote this scripture Ask and you shall receive, knock and the door will be opened to you, seek and you shall find.  I know this, I believe this; but I had never heard said like this. “You have to make the first move”

Talk about dumbing it down!

My immediate reference was, making the first move if you want a man instead of waiting on him. How many times you just waited and waited for a man to call you or ask you out and he never made the first move and that was the end of your dream of this guy.  If you had picked up the phone and asked him out, you would have received what you wanted. Or at least you would know for sure he was not interested.

So I decided to, Ask for a raise, from God.

This is how I, asked God for a raise,  “God you are my supply. Let everything that is mine by divine right be manifested now. I ask you for a lead, I am knocking at the door, let who I seek be seeking me. Amen”

I made the first move I, asked for a raise,

And God answered immediately!

The very next day I woke up at 5 am and decided to scan my Facebook feed. I don't normally do this but I followed inspiration and did this day. I am a Realtor and a Life Coach. The day before I had marketed on my Facebook page a 12 unit multifamily commercial property. As you know Facebook algorithm records everything you post and like.

So at the top of my feed was this video of a sponsored Ad about a guy talking about how he has made $200,000,000 in four years by buying multifamily properties all over the country. I decided to comment on the post that I had a great price on this 12 unit multifamily unit in Fort Myers and asked if he invests in Florida? Not only did he respond that he is only interested in multifamily properties with over 100 units; but 5 other people responded to me for info on this deal! I only asked God for one lead! He sent me 6.

Then I got an inquiry from my original marketing post. This prospect had the most serious interest and ending up making an offer of $910,000!

Bang that is how it is done!

God is good when? All the time!!! you just need to know how to engage with God and the universal laws he has put in place.

One is these laws is, Ask and you shall receive, seek and you will find, know and the door will be opened to you.  In other words, you need to make the first move!

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How to, Ask for a Raise, or anything else you want in life eg:

  • How to Ask God for something,
  • How to ask your boss for a raise or a promotion,
  • How to ask a guy out
  • How to Ask for Affection
  1. How to, ask for a raise,or more money

A situation of lack can be changed to prosperity by changing your mindset.

If you concentrate on what you don’t have you will attract more of what you don’t have – Lack

Instead be grateful for what you have and bless it.

You can bless your pennies and have it multiplied.

The most powerful miracle in the Bible is Jesus blessing 5 loafs of bread and 5 fish and turning them into enough food to feed thousands of people with left overs.

That is a principle Jesus was demonstrating; Give thanks for what you have,  bless it and it will yield more.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Here is How to, Ask for a raise, or more money

Pray this prayer

Father I thank you for food on the table a roof over my head and health in my body.

I bless the pennies in my bank account and ask that you multiply them.

I, ask for a raise, in my job because  I give wonderful service and I deserve  wonderful pay.

Bless, and then follow your intuition. God will send you instructions on your next move.

I shared earlier how I acted on intuition and raised my pay with a Hugh real estate deal.

Never dismiss a hunch, it leads you to your divine right.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio
  1. How to, Ask or a Promotion

Adding to the last ask, Ask for a promotion, follows the law of increase because a promotion usually comes with a raise.

So the only thing I would add is faith that the promotion is yours by divine right.

Pray this prayer

Infinite spirit open the way for abundance I am a magnet for all that belongs to me by divine right. Amen

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher
  1. How, to Ask a Guy out

People like people who are most like them.

Whatever man images sooner or later externalizes in his affairs. If you like a guy before you, Ask a guy out, do the internal work so when you, Ask a guy out, he will likely say yes.

Imagine the two of you on a date, talking and laughing, and connecting.

Say “Infinite spirit open the way for the divine design of my life to manifest. The perfect plan includes love and perfect self expression.”

Then, Ask the guy out, to go to some where he likes, a ball game, dinner, a movie, networking event etc.

How, to Ask for affection, from your spouse

Love opens to man the 4th dimensional world. The world of the wondrous, the world of bliss.

  • Real love is unselfish and free from fear.
  • It pours itself out on the object of its affection without demanding any return.
  • It's joy is in the joy of giving and serving.

If the object of your affection does not return affection, it may be that he grew up in a home where he did not see his father show love to his mother or there was not a man in the home.

So you have to, Ask for affection,  if you need it.

Just say “Can I get a hug?  The world is so much brighter when I am in your arms.”

In my second marriage my husband and I made a habit of fighting and me sleeping in the spare bedroom.

One of these fights lasted over a month and I was intensely aware of how much I needed a hug or just human touch.

If you are in such a relationship where there is little touch and you need it, ask for affection,

Say “Baby can you hold me for few mins.  I am feeling the need for your touch”

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

Podbean

Love is God in manifestation and the strongest magnetic force in the universe; so don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and, ask for affection,

It draws itself to its own. Protect your love by giving and receiving affection.

Remember Jealously is the worst enemy of love.

Give a perfect love and you will receive a perfect love.

How to, Ask for Help, or a Hand Up

I know most people have a hard time, ask for help,  yet some people always have a hand out.

Practice asking for small things first to get comfortable, asking for help,

For example, practice asking your teacher to help with something you don't understand.

This question came from Erika by email.  Remember you can post your questions on this blog , on my facebook group called Life Coach, or you can email either me or Arifah. My email is info@myhelps.us and Arifah is Arifah@liftedbypurpsose.com. 

Erika asks “How do I show a guy that I like him?”

  • Pay attention to your appearance – show a little skin. I was watching this movie just a few days ago and I learned a few things from a playboy bunny. She said to show skin in 5 areas if you want to catch a man’s attention. Show cleavage, bear arms, legs, belly or mid-section and your derriere.
  • Show him how you feel with your body language.– I am a romantic movie buff. I love how the director shows that there is interest in his main characters.  Always eye contact and a smile. It heats up the screen! Miss Playboy Bunny added lightly touch him. Touch his arms, feel his muscles, brush up against him.
  • Compliment him.– This one comes so naturally to me.  I learned a long time ago to always bless everyone I meet with a compliment. Man or woman.
  • As we wrap up, I want to thank you for being with us until the end of this broadcast. Please show your support by posting a review on iTunes and subscribing to the podcast. If you have topics you would like Arifah and myself to cover,

Lifted by Purpose Provides a diverse range of services to organizations seeking training, workshops or programs with the intent to engage youth in conversations about mental health and learn practical strategies to cope with life stressors. Including:

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  • Todays episode is sponsored by  Columbus Financial Coach.  Are you in a deep hole of “Financial Depression” with nowhere to turn for help? Constantly being harassed by collection agencies? Then visit Columbus Financial and success coach. www.columbusfinancialcoach.com

 Additional Resources:

Ask Coach Myrna: How to Start Over?