Category Archives: Personal Development

Life Coaching, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast, sexual abuse and adiction

Using Trauma As Your Fuel For Post Traumatic Growth

February 28, 2022 Myrna Young

As a Life coach Stephanie M Hutchins empowers her clients with the knowledge that the fires from their past, traumas, did not destroy them, instead they provided the fuel for, post traumatic growth, and, transformation.

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Bio

Stephanie M. Hutchins, PhD, is the author of Transformation After Trauma: Embracing Post-Traumatic Growth, helps individuals overcome trauma and cope with stress. She is a Certified Life Coach, Stress Management Coach, Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner, and Yoga Instructor. She also owns Serotinous Life, a company that helps individuals overcome stressful and traumatic events.

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Stephanie's trauma

After being violated in my childhood by 8 different men and being told that it was my fault, even though at one time I was attacked from behind at knifepoint. I was able to get the knife away from my perpetrator and run away to safety. And then to top it all off, you know, once I finally found a man who tried to show me that I was deserving of love and respect. A week before we closed on the house, we were going to be moving into and start a long life together, I found him dead. And everything started to spiral out of control.

I know that place of, hopelessness, I know that place where you just can feel that life will never get any better, because I felt like that for a long time. And I spent many years of my life contemplating suicide because I just never thought that life could get any better. But it has. And so, I went from experiencing all of these intensely traumatic events through a huge span of my life to now having, completing my PhD. I've traveled around the world, I have many loving relationships, and I am now able to use, post traumatic growth, and what I've learned in my own healing journey to help others.

I often reflect, what if I would have put that bag over my head and say, I've been marked, by that, trauma, and now I'm forever tainted, and my life will never be any better. But the reality is, this is a very harsh world that we live in, and none of us would escape its wrath. we all will have some form of, post traumatic growth, we are not going to leave this earth untouched.

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Don't let trauma ruin your life

Myrna: You are correct, you could be talking to somebody in their 80s or 90s, or 70s, or whatever, and they will still be crying and feeling the emotion of, trauma, that happened 30 or 40 years ago. And that's because they haven't dealt with it.

Every time it comes up, they probably stuff it down or whatever. And what you said, is correct. Why would you let that, trauma, ruin your life? Because when you're in that place, and one of the things we know, as coaches, is that when you're not blaming someone, when you're having negative emotions or blaming somebody, you become a victim. We should all have, post traumatic growth.

When I wrote my book, Out of the Snares: A story of hope and encouragement, I coined the phrase, do not be a victim, be a player and play with the cards that you've been given. A whole bunch of bad things happened to you called, childhood trauma, and you used that, trauma, as for fuel for, post traumatic growth.

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Using Coping Mechanisms for post traumatic growth

Myrna: Now you also have said that when people experience, trauma, they develop negative, coping mechanisms, and you help them replace the negative, coping mechanisms, with positive, coping strategies. Can you give us example of replacing and negative, coping strategies, with a positive ones?

Stephanie: I guess first I would like to address, reframing, because I used, reframing, before I even knew it was a technique. The first thing I want to help them, reframe, how they look at their, coping mechanisms. There's a lot of people very ashamed of their past, trauma, and don't engage, post traumatic growth. They are ashamed of what they've done to survive. They used unquote, negative coping mechanisms, and instead of looking at them with shame and disgust, look at them with gratitude. For all the ways they kept you alive.

If these, coping mechanisms, give us even a moment relief from our pain or gives us a moment distraction from the past, from the memory of, ptsd, we hold on to these, negative coping mechanisms, like:

Alcohol
sex
cutting yourself
Drugs

Coping Strategies for Post Traumatic Growth

Anyone who's reading this, If you have any of these, coping strategies, I think the first thing you need to look at is understanding of how they're serving you and release some of the shame and guilt you have for, coping. Because all these, negative coping mechanisms, like cutting yourself, overeating, drinking, sex, all these things what they do, they change the chemistry of our brain. Every single one of those activities release a whole host of feel-good neurotransmitters in the brain that light up our brain and make us feel good.

When we're in pain re require a, reframe, for, post traumatic growth, to take place. It requires looking at that, trauma, differently and then understanding that even though that behavior may have served you up to this period of time and it's been beneficial, it may no longer be serving you as well today.

People who stop using drugs and drinking alcohol, all turn to cigarettes and sugar. You are looking at yourself to stop the habit, you need to look at what are you gaining from it.

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Stephanie: So, there's usually one of two things that are triggered by a desire to seek pleasure or avoid pain. I really encourage anyone who's has habit of when you are triggered to engage in these habits, they are sensations that come up in your body is realizing that it triggers chemicals in the brain. Physical activity will elicit release a feel-good neurotransmitter. Laughing is amazing, I encourage people to do all the time.

Past trauma provide fuel for post traumatic growth

Myrna: I love this question that I have here. As a Life coach you empower your clients with the knowledge that the fires from their past did not destroy them, instead the provided the fuel for future growth and, transformation. How does, trauma, provide the fuel for, post traumatic growth?

Stephanie: I love, reframing, of our thoughts, but in order to move forward and not look at all of the devastation that was left behind from the fire of my past, I couldn't move forward without, reframing, and focus. One of the very first things, I have my client do when we get to the, reframing.

I have different steps in my programming, to get to, post traumatic growth, when we get to the, reframing, stage the first thing that we always have to look at is, reframing, the, trauma, itself. Reframing, the meaning behind it, what it's meant for your life. So instead of looking at what they lost from their, trauma, and what would no longer be; looking at what they gained from it. Depending on how recent the, trauma, was it might not be accessible to them in a month, but to think about what they've already gained.

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They have to be able to shift the narrative and the meaning behind the, trauma. You have to see what's possible by listening to the stories of other people. And once I saw that it was possible for somebody else, I knew it was possible for me too. And as I kept listening to story after story, I understood how to use past trauma for, post traumatic growth.

Myrna: True, your story has no power if you keep it in yourself. You've got to share In however way you choose.

Stephanie: Yes it does help others and I think that each time we share either our own story it really starts to shift our story In our own mind and it releases its hold on you.

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Transformation after trauma

Myrna: This is a powerful interview, all right we get to the point now where we talk about your book It's called “Transformation After Trauma: Embracing Post Traumatic Growth.” Why did you write the book and what do you hope people walk away with after reading?

Stephanie: My major mission was to give hope for, post traumatic growth. I felt that I was alone in this world so long that I just felt that's something was terribly wrong for me to experience so much bitter pain. I felt so alone that nobody understood me and so in my book, I was very vulnerable about sharing my story and the, coping mechanisms, I used that used to bring me a lot of shame. So One of my one of my missions is to make people see and feel like they're not alone by themselves with their suffering.

And so I not only share my story, but I also Important incorporated all the tools that I used through my healing journey. Particularly my self-care practices. And so it's all about getting actionable tools to not only align with hope, to help them keep that glimmer of hope alive while they're going through suffering but this book will help them build that belief along the way that it's possible for them to emerge from the darkness and the pain even stronger than they were before.

Myrna: That is powerful. How can I listeners and readers connect with you and get a copy of your book?

Stephanie: Amazon has all three forms of the book, type in, transformation for trauma, and it'll come up. My website is www.serotinouslife.com and you can connect with me on Facebook @serontinouslife

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Additional Resources

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Using Authentic Power to Heal After Trauma

Entrepreneur, Executive Coaching, Leadership Coaching, Personal Development, small business

How to Use Feedback to Develop Employees

February 21, 2022 Myrna Young

Feedback, plays an integral role in, employees potential, and development, as it is often the only personal communication that employees have that gives them, feedback, about their work.

Feedback, is the breakfast of champions. – Ken Blanchard

Case Study employee, feedback

As a sales manager, you have a team of 10 sales persons: Two are overachievers and the other eight are happy being average. You know they have the potential to do so so much more… What do you do?

• How do you find out what really motivates them?
• How do you offer, feedback, that inspires instead of deflates?

The Sandwich Model of Giving, Feedback

Think of your favorite sandwich… It has bread on top, lots of juicy meat and condiments in the middle and bread at the bottom again.

In the, Sandwich Model, of giving, feedback, the top of the bun represents the good things you see your salesperson doing.

Eg “Patty you did an awesome job on that PowerPoint presentation. You kept your audience interested, you listed facts and supported them, your tonality was awesome and you had good volume. Excellent job; BUT….”

Now you get to the middle of the sandwich, the meat. This is where you offer, feedback, on what Patty could have done better to close the sale. Psychologist's reports that people are more receptive to hear negative, feedback, after you make them feel good with a positive comment.

The reason men in bars lead with flattery!

However your, feedback, is not going to get the desired result if you are not genuine with your praise, the same way if you use a tired overused line at the bar! You get nowhere and the party feels insulted. So dig deep and find something genuinely good to lead off the, feedback. In our case study, Patty gave an awesome presentation, but she did not get the sale. So we pick up at:

Excellent job Patty but; the customer said that they needed to check out other suppliers before they made their decision. It might be a good idea to ask your salesperson what she feels she did wrong. If she says that she felt the customer needed to compare before they bought, you can tell her that they would have made a decision if she had SOLD them on the product by offering a solution to satisfy their real need behind the want.

When employees start getting feedback, they feel they are part of the company. Employee, recognition plays a huge part in boosting performance and maintaining high levels of engagement. It is also one of manager's best tools and an important part of organizational communication. When done regularly, feedback, stops being a thing to be anxious about and becomes another part of your work.

Never forget that this is a two-way communication. Your suggestions, like any other opinion, can be right or wrong. Provide a chance for discussion. Show that you are as willing to listen as you are to share your opinion.

Giving your, employee feedback, may sound silly at first, but we never get better by ourselves. We always need a new perspective to assess things objectively. Take note of what kind of feedback works and what doesn’t.

As a rule of thumb, good managers are good listeners as well. Need a hand? Lend an ear.

Offer Constructive, Feedback

Keep in mind the basic human psychology. People respond better to positive information, so always open your comment with praise and then continue with constructive comments. In no way does this mean you have to sugar-coat your opinion, but there is a reason we still use the idiom “take the bitter with the sweet”.

Not wanting to be too negative is a commendable thing. But you have to keep in mind that, according to Gallup study, employees who get predominantly negative feedback are 20 times more likely to be engaged than those who get no, feedback, at all.

Podbean

The meat in the sandwich, feedback, method: Excellent Job with the presentation Patty, but the customer did not buy. I believe the reason is because you did not identify and therefore could not offer a solution to the real need. The customer told you they needed to purchase a new computer system because their old system does not give them enough storage capacity. Your presentation focused on listing our product with features highlighting our iCloud storage. If you had qualified the customer more thoroughly and understood why they needed more storage, you could have tailored your presentation to highlight the unique features of our product to satisfy the real need and eliminated our competitors.

I have a suggestion, for the next month, when you meet with customers for the first time, I want you to really understand their needs behind the want. Ask questions like “I understand your need to have more storage. What would more storage really give you?” The customer may say, something like “We would be able to look back at data for 5 years and understand our customer's buying history. We also would be able to really identify trends and analyze what worked and what did not work.”

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No sandwich is complete without the bread at the bottom. So you end with encouragement. To finish off your, feedback, you could say something like “You can become the star on this team, you just need to tweak your qualifying questions to understand the customer’s needs and you will see your close rate shoot through the roof.”

This sandwich model is the best way to give, feedback, to your subordinates. It motivates instead of deflates!

Additional Resources

http://blog.myhelps.us/coach-myrna-7-ways-to-get-unstuck-from-old-patterns/

http://blog.myhelps.us/we-can-all-be-the-authors-of-our-own-lives/

Leadership, Life Coaching, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast

Finding the Identity of Your Passion

February 21, 2022 Myrna Young

Passion, is something that is designed to fulfill us when we're operating and interacting with ourselves, and almost acts like a fusion energy that is constantly replenishing itself as it's being utilized. There's a difference between liking to do something and being, passionate, about it.

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https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10100933-finding-the-identity-of-your-passion.mp3?download=true

Bio

Billy F. Wroe is a native out of Sacramento, CA, with over 25 years of experience in retail, recruiting, sales, management, and analytics.
As an inspirational speaker and empowerment coach, he has worked with individuals, groups, and companies to help optimize productivity in leadership communication. Over the years, Billy has adopted the leadership concepts inspired by Stephen Covey, John Maxwell, Brian Tracy, Les Brown, and a host of other phenomenal inspirational speakers. His advanced comprehension of emotional intelligence has guided him in creating content that resonates with the heart of the human experience.

As a dedicated husband, father of 4, and friend, Billy possesses a gift to connect deeply when building rapport. By identifying with his audience, not as an expert, but as a compassionate mentor, he embraces vulnerability when sharing both his faults and successes during interactions. Rather than telling people what they need to do to achieve their goals, he focuses on guiding them to discover solutions for themselves.

How An Analyst Found His Passion

Billy: My story is one that is filled with emotion from probably the time I was born, I was really a very emotional child. But I didn't know how to navigate the emotions that I would experience. So a lot of times as a child, I would lash out, throwing temper tantrums, being stubborn and being hard headed. And over the years, as you get older, you learn some tools along the way.

In my 30s I started reflecting on my childhood and asked the question what was that all about? And as I reflected on my childhood, I really came to the overarching theme in the experiences that I was having in life. And really, it was I was the child who reached out and said, Hey, person sitting by yourself, do you want to play?

The person who if you can't stand up for yourself, I'll stand up for you. And the overarching theme became that I really just wanted to help people. But in order to help people, you have to understand people. And in order to understand people, you have to understand yourself. And that's really how I began to discover my own, passion.

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Myrna: Yeah, that's a good story. So you, went back and looked into your childhood. Did you get into a lot of trouble? Is that the reason why you were reflecting on your childhood?

Billy: Yes, quite a bit of trouble. Not anything criminal or anything like that, but just just random childhood shenanigans. The leadership part, I've actually been a natural leader, and my oldest son is a natural leader. But from the job perspective on how that leadership manifests from speaking to leaders and helping guide them on how to interact with their teams, to the job aspect of it, really, the job is a construct.

So when looked at, fire your job, it's does not specifically mean go in and, quit your job, so that you can start working and making money in your, passion. It isn't about firing the job like modalities that many of us hold on to either. Fire your job, means fire your job like mentality so you can discover your, passion.

Myrna: Okay, that's good. Yes. Because, one of my first books that I wrote was called “Minding your own business” in which I shared how to start your own business and be an entrepreneur. But what you are talking about, is the mentality, right?

Passion for your Job

Billy: Yeah, absolutely. If you carry you into your job, and you carry you home with you. So therefore, you if you're truly hiring your, passion, in your life, you're carrying that, passion, into your job, and you carry that, passion, home with you, however, the identity that you have, and that's really why our, passion, is tied to is our identity.

Myrna: You say that passion has an identity. So how do we find our identity for a, passion?

Billy: Oh, okay, so we're gonna fast forward to a portion of the book. In the book, there's a tool that I provide called the, passion identity tool. When I was a kid, I used to read these books that were like, choose your own adventure books, and you'd be able to read to a certain point that would give you a choice A or choice B. And based on where you went in the book, you would turn to 20 pages in or wherever the book told you to turn for the choice you made.

And that's kind of how this, passion identity, tool works. It really flows through the basics of an activity, and it looks at it sees the priority level. So the first priority level that stops you are the non negotiable activities, the activities that you have to do. A non negotiable activity for us would be breathing, we don't have a choice, whether or not we want to breathe, or now we require oxygen.

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Finding your passion identity

So then once we get to those core activities, we move to, passion. And really, passion, is something that is designed to fulfill us when we're operating and interacting with our, passion, and almost acts like a fusion energy that is constantly replenishing itself as it's being utilized.

There's a difference between liking to do something and being, passionate, about it. I like to watch sports on TV, but I'm not overly, passionate, about it. And so, if I liked to play ball when I was a kid, part of that is what did you like about playing ball?

Did you like the team aspect?
Did you get like the adrenaline from running?
Did you like scoring the touchdown?
Did you like the strategy behind it? Because just because you like to play ball as a child doesn't mean that playing ball is your, passion, there can be something underlying that being fulfilled that you haven't yet connected with.

And so if it is the strategy aspect, like for me, I love things that are centered around strategy. So if I like to play ball and I'm like, thinking about how I can maneuver the ball past three players to get a touchdown, I have to be able to to break that those layers down and fill those layers back to identify that what I'm in love with is strategy, and then figure out how I can bring that strategy, whether it's into my job or into my life in a manner that it gets the fulfillment.

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Your Passion could be your side hustle

And so a lot of times people will think that our, passion, has to align with our job. My, passion, is my profession as an analyst. I look at data all day long. But I'm not overly, passionate, about analysis and things like that. But what I am interested in is how things work. And being an analyst allows me to engage with that core.

I used to take apart toys now I take apart numbers. And so it's being able to identify not just the activity, but what that activity is driving within you, and what is creating that resonance between you and the activity. Because then you can then take that activity and say, here's how I'm going to apply it to this.

Myrna: I get that, it's almost like the reason I became a life coach, because I wanted to help people understand that the mind is, very important to any kind of success. And I've always liked in my past, if I were to go back and say, What did I like? I always like when somebody comes to me and asked me for help us with is when a problem. I really, really enjoyed that. And I'm you know, and I am, I am a curious person. And that's basically what you are, curious you wanted to know how things work do you hired your passion and became an Analyst.

I was thinking when you said, fire your job, meant quit your job. That's not what you're talking so right?

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Fire your job

Billy: No, fire your job, does not mean quitting your, job. I share that in the first chapter in the book. We look at, firing your job, as living beyond our means. I addressed living beyond our means from the perspective of financially living beyond our means, like putting ourselves in bed, being behind living pay check to pay check and all those different things.

So when I say, fire your job, I'm talking about job mentality. The way the book is written, I have four chapters that deal with what I call the layoffs. And it's really alleviating those job, like mentalities that will inevitably drag us away or lock us into an activity that is not related to our, passion. So going back to living beyond our means, if you have bills that are due, and you're at a, job, that you're miserable, that the bills are still going to be due.

So you'll make decisions and sacrifices to stay in that, job. Even though you know it's toxic and it's not healthy for you, you'll stay in it. You'll stay in that relationship, even though you know it's toxic and not healthy for you, you'll stay in it. Because whatever the bill is, whatever the gain is that you need, is that important that you'll stress yourself out and jeopardize your health and your well being to do so.

https://youtu.be/ZE8lgSvvm4c

Don't sacrifice your passion for a job

So that's when I say, fire your job, what I mean and once you get to that aspect of of that mindset, then you can begin to bring on the behaviors and the foundation that will allow you to, hire your passion, and truly make that a priority in your life.

Myrna: All right, well, let's be practical, Mr. Analyst. Okay. So you've just described like up 90% of the population. That is, you know people, hating their jobs, but they have to stay there because they have bills to pay. So, what is your solution? We know that they're not, passionate, help us to bridge the gap. I mean, I'm pretty sure you go into it in detail in your book. But you know, just give me the concept.

Billy: The concept would be is know your worth. I left a, job. So I was an analyst, making decent money. And this is part of the journey of writing this book, I walked away from a, job, I had not enough money in savings. I had no opportunity on the table, no offer of employment. So I wasn't one foot here, one foot there.

Sometimes you have to fire your job and walk away

I literally walked away from a, job, and went to zero. Now, that's not my advice for everybody. But the reason I can do that, and the reason I was able to do that freely, with really no fear was because I understood my worth. I knew what my value was in the marketplace. That's the benefit of being an analyst. You know how to analyze numbers and see the value and it's like, hey, this skill set is valuable, I can market this anywhere.

I went like a month without a, job. But a month later, I had a, job, and I was making more money, I was in a lower cost of living environment. And since then, my financial stability has skyrocketed past where I was at when I was miserable. So practicality really what it is about is knowing your worth once you understand what your value is, you will not allow yourself to offer it at a discount.

I want to live this, passion driven lifestyle. And so I don't turn off that inspiring voice, that leadership voice that guide that nurture that mentoring. I don't turn that off. When I'm doing analytical things. I incorporate them into what I'm doing. When I go to work I bring that, passion, with me. When I leave work I bring that, passion, with me so my, passion, is always with me.

Myrna: I understand your, passion, is to help people or to mentor them or to support them. What do you want readers to walk away with it from after reading your book?

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Fire your job, hire your passion

Billy: I would love to have readers walk away with is almost like a custom experience is hearing stories, not just my stories in my experiences, stories from other people as well. And those stories igniting reflection in themselves about their experiences and their journeys and their successes and their failures. Because I feel like that's what inspires belief in the fact that we can truly lead with our, passion.

I would really love to see leaders or readers to leave with is that level of confidence that while I've gone through some things, whether you're 18 years old, or you're 70 years old, I've gone through some things, and I've come out stronger because of it. Now I'm going to purposely use that strength. That's what I would like them to come out with.

From the perspective of the book, it really is broken down into sections the first section being:

The layoffs – removing behaviors that don't serve our, passion, operate them normally as a distraction to our, passion.
The second level is, Hiring your passion. The interview section and when we start talking about the foundational things in which we can establish our, passion, upon.
Then there's the now, which is when we start adopting it and hiring, passion, mentality things that are really going to help deal with what I perceived as The insecurity/Boehner ability of exposing something that we care about.
To being open and vulnerable.
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Conclusion

That's for me what the book really is about. It's about how to break down some of the constructs we may have founded our truths upon.

People can find me on all social media platforms at 1stWR O E, which is first row. And I was if you're interested in the book, you can go to 1stwroe.com. And actually, if you subscribe to the page it will give you the access to the first chapter of the book. I tell people I'm an advocate of you should try before you buy, if you like the first chapter, you will love the book. If you do not like the first chapter, do not buy the book because it's not a quick fix. It's not a one size fits all fix. It is very customized to the readers experience.

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How to Unleash The Power Within

February 20, 2022 Myrna Young

We are connected to, divine consciousness, and so we come pre-loaded with the power of the Universe, we need to learn how to unleash, the power within.

This week on Mindset Transformation radio and podcast with coach Myrna, I interview Dr Donavan Outten, Dr Outten is going to share “How to unleash your, inner greatness, also called, the power within, so you can tap into the person God intended you to be.

Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast

Tip of the week: Are you Desperate and Determined?

A few weeks ago, my pastor preached on the 3 D’s
Desperate, Determined and Dependent!
You see the 3 D’s require a mindset shift.
In order to, unleash power within, we must become desperate, determined and dependent. We see numerous times in the bible when God promoted and elevated people who were either desperate, determined or dependent on him for victory.
We see that every miracle begins with a desperate problem.

Esther was born with the power within

The story begins with Ahasuerus, ruler of the Persian Empire, holding a lavish banquet, initially for his court and dignitaries and afterwards for all inhabitants of the capital city, Shushan.
On the seventh day, Ahasuerus orders the queen, Vashti, to come and display her beauty before the guests by wearing only her crown. She refuses. Furious, Ahasuerus has her removed from her position and makes arrangements to choose a new queen from a selection of beautiful young women from throughout the empire.
One of these is the Jewish orphan, Esther. After the death of her parents, she was fostered by her cousin, Mordecai. She finds favor in the King's eyes, and is crowned his new queen.
Ahasuerus appoints Haman as his viceroy. Mordecai, who sits at the palace gates, falls into Haman's disfavor, as he refuses to bow down to him. Having discovered that Mordecai is Jewish, Haman plans to kill not just Mordecai, but all the Jews in the empire.
As the story unfolds, Esther the Jewish orphan turned queen, used her place as queen to intercede with the King; her desperation made her, unleash power within, her and risk death, because it was against the law to present herself to the King unsummoned. This was punishable by death.
Her determination, desperation and dependence on God, saved the Jews of the Persian Empire, she, unleashed, the power within.

Bio

Dr. Donavan Outten is a powerful trainer, consultant, educator and administrator with over 20 years' experience. He is the Associate Vice President of Academic Affairs at Webster University.
Dr. Outten is a published author of 2 books, one of which is our topic today. Unleash your inner greatness: A guide to overcoming obstacles and Tapping into the person God meant you to be.
Dr Outten writes books to inspire and motivate individuals to achieve greatness in their lives.
His research focuses on developing young African American Students in higher education. He has also produced seminars, lectures, classes, assessments and workshops throughout the United States and Caribbean.
Dr. Outten earned his Doctorate degree in Educational Leadership from Nova.
Southeastern University, his Masters in Human Resource Development & Administration from Barry University and Bachelors in Psychology from Bethune Cookman University.

Unleashing the power within

Question 1. I know that unleashing our, inner greatness, our, the power within, is your space. Can you tell our audience what does it mean to, Unleash our, Inner Greatness,” and a little of why you chose this topic as the subject of your book.

Question 2. So what are some of the obstacles to unleashing, the power within?

Most children today are taught not to question authority, so they go about their lives always looking for someone to direct them and never focusing on their inner strength or, power within.

Question 3. Where does the power within, come from?

We are connected to source energy. If you take a droplet of water from the ocean, it has the same properties as the entire body of the ocean. Similarly we came from God or source, so we have the same powers. We just need to, unleash, the power within.

Question 4. How does an individual muster up enough strength to have such strong determination to finish a task or overcome a devastating life situation?

• Where do they find the courage to stand up for what they believe in or battle back from a medical condition that almost took their life?

• How does one leave a secure job to start a business that they are passionate about?

• What is the secret to obtaining determination and maintaining it over a period of time?
• What kinds of people have it, and what is determination?

Determination unlocks your inner greatness

Dr Outten says, “In my heart, I truly believe that determination is having the will to move forward in spite of what obstacle, barrier, or difficulty you might be facing. It is looking adversity in the face and not backing down, but pushing forward with tenacity and unleash, the power within.

He feels that Self-determination starts on the inside. It is first a thought or a belief that you can or will succeed no matter the problem you have to face. You believe in yourself even when no one else does. That spells confidence, character, and courage.

Question 5. What are some other obstacles to unleashing our, inner greatness?

Resilience: The path toward nurturing a, resilient mindset, and lifestyle is a road
that should not be taken lightly. This path has many bumps, twists, turns, and potholes
and is never straightforward. The road often contains obstacles and detours
that interfere with reaching your destination.

Passion: Your passion does not usually appear overnight. It has been dwelling
inside you for a long time. As a child, what were you passionate about? As a
teenager, what were you passionate about? As a young adult, what were you
passionate about? Often times, you will identify a pattern in what you are
passionate about. It is up to you to identify what it is and go after it.
When turning your, passion into profit, you have to be careful and work smarter,
not harder. You will run into a lot of obstacles and need to face your fears, as
things probably won’t go as smoothly as you’d like them to go. It’s all a part of
the journey.

Destiny: Destiny can be referred to as a predetermined course of events. It may
be conceived as a predetermined future, whether in general or of an individual.
What you perceive your future to be will come to pass if you work for it, believe
in it, and live your life towards it.
What you have today does not reflect what you will obtain tomorrow. If you have
the capability of looking into your future and seeing what lies ahead, then all you
have to do is work towards your goal.
Walking towards your destiny is no easy task because you will have obstacles and
hurdles along the way. There will be road blocks that will make you think that
you are going down the wrong path, but you will need to have patience,
endurance, and faith. Your faith will play a big part in finding and fulfilling your
destiny; you will need to seek guidance from God and, unleash power within.

Question 6. I know that you work predominately with the African American youth. What advice would you give them on being determined and staying the course?
You have to better than good, you have to be great.
You have to work twice as hard for the same opportunity as your white counterparts.

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Additional Resources

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4 Techniques to Outsmart Your Brain

February 20, 2022 Myrna Young 2 Comments

Welcome to the Mindset Transformation radio show and Podcast. Today Dr. Marcia Reynolds is going to teach us “4 Techniques to, Outsmart your Brain” Relax, Detach, gain clarity and ask yourself, How do I want to feel?

But First in keeping with that theme I want to share with you one of the classic stories of how our Brain can Outsmart us.

Acres of Diamonds

There once lived not far from the River Indus an ancient Persian by the name of Al Hafed. Al Hafed owned a very large farm with orchards, grain fields and gardens. He was a contented and wealthy man—contented because he was wealthy, and wealthy because he was contented. One day there visited this old farmer one of those ancient Buddhist priests, and he sat down by Al Hafed's fire and told that old farmer how this world of ours was made.

He said that this world was once a mere bank of fog and the Almighty thrust his finger into the bank of fog and then began slowly to move his finger around and gradually to increase the speed of his finger until at last he whirled that bank of fog into a solid ball of fire, and it went rolling through the universe, burning its way through other cosmic banks of fog, until it condensed the moisture without, and fell in floods of rain upon the heated surface and cooled the outward crust.

Then the internal flames burst through the cooling crust and threw up the mountains and made the hills and the valleys of this wonderful world of ours. If this internal melted mass burst out and cooled very quickly it became granite; that which cooled less quickly became silver; and less quickly, gold; and after gold, diamonds were made. Said the old priest, “A, diamond, is a congealed drop of sunlight.”

Finding your diamonds in your back yard

This is a scientific truth also. You all know that a diamond is pure carbon, actually deposited sunlight. The old priest told Al Hafed that if he had a handful of diamonds he could purchase a whole country, and with a mine of diamonds he could place his children upon thrones through the influence of their great wealth.

Al Hafed heard all about, diamonds, and how much they were worth, and went to his bed that night a poor man—not that he had lost anything, but poor because he was discontented and discontented because he thought he was poor. He said: “I want a mine of, diamonds!” So he lay awake all night, and early in the morning sought out the priest.

Reminds me of the story I tell my children about the dog and his shadow. If you are not familiar, a dog is walking over a bridge and sees another dog with a bone. He decides he wants that bone as well and jumps in and loses the bone he has in his mouth because what he saw was not another dog but his own shadow. It is a story of discontent and greed!

Getting back to our story. Al Hafed woke the priest out of his dreams and said to him, “Will you tell me where I can find, diamonds?” The priest said, “Diamonds? What do you want with diamonds?” “I want to be immensely rich,” said Al Hafed, “but I don't know where to go.” “Well,” said the priest, “if you will find a river that runs over white sand between high mountains, in those sands you will always see, diamonds.”

“Do you really believe that there is such a river asked al Hafed?” The priest replied “Plenty of them, plenty of them; all you have to do is just go and find them, then you have them.” Al Hafed said, “I will go.” So he sold his farm, collected his money at interest, left his family in charge of a neighbor, and away he went in search of diamonds.

Searching for what you already have

He began at the Mountains of the Moon. Afterwards he went around into Palestine, then wandered on into Europe, and at last, when his money was all spent, and he was in rags, wretchedness and poverty, he stood on the shore of that bay in Barcelona, Spain, when a tidal wave came rolling in through the Pillars of Hercules and the poor, afflicted, suffering man could not resist the awful temptation to cast himself into that incoming tide, and he sank beneath its foaming crest, never to rise in this life again.

Now, Al Hafed's successor one day led his camel out into the garden to drink, and as that camel put its nose down into the clear water of the garden brook Al Hafed's successor noticed a curious flash of light from the sands of the shallow stream, and reaching in he pulled out a black stone having an eye of light that reflected all the colors of the rainbow, and he took that curious pebble into the house and left it on the mantel, then went on his way and forgot all about it.

A few days after that, this same old priest who told Al Hafed how diamonds were made, came in to visit his successor, when he saw that flash of light from the mantel. He rushed up and said, “Here is a, diamond,—here is a diamond! Has Al Hafed returned?” “No, no; Al Hafed has not returned and that is not a diamond; that is nothing but a stone; we found it right out here in our garden.” “But I know a, diamond, when I see it,” the priest said; “this is a diamond!”

Then together they rushed to the garden and stirred up the white sands with their fingers and found others more beautiful, more valuable, diamonds, than the first, and thus were discovered the diamond mines of Golconda, the most magnificent diamond mines in all the history of mankind, exceeding the Kimberley in its value. The great Kohinoor diamond in England's crown jewels and the largest crown diamond on earth in Russia's crown jewels came from that mine.

The moral to the story is had Al Hafed remained at home and dug in his own cellar or in his own garden he would have had, acres of diamonds.

We are are all diamonds

We are all, Acres of Diamonds, Each and every one of us is unique with acres of talent and gifts. If we dig we will find them. Don’t be like Al Hafed and go looking for riches elsewhere. You are all, diamonds, in the rough.

Now let me tell you a little more of our guest today.

Dr. Marcia Reynolds is fascinated by the, brain, especially how to, outsmart your brain, what sparks feelings of connection, commitment, and possibility. She is able to draw on her research to help leaders have more meaningful conversations that inspire change. She has delivered workshops in 35 countries and has presented at the Harvard Kennedy School, Cornell University, and the Edwards School of Management in Canada.

Marcia is a true pioneer in the coaching profession. She was the 5th global president of the International Coach Federation and is the training director for the Healthcare Coaching Institute at Virginia Tech. She also teaches for coaching schools in Russia and China.

Interviews and excerpts from her books, Outsmart Your Brain, Wander Woman, and her latest, The Discomfort Zone: How Leaders Turn Difficult Conversations into Breakthroughs have appeared in many places including Fast Company, CNN.com, Psychology Today, and The Wall Street Journal and she has appeared on ABC World News.

Marcia’s doctoral degree is in organizational psychology with an emphasis on the needs of strong, smart women in today’s corporations. She also holds two master’s degrees in education and communications.

Show Notes:

• What do mean by, Outsmart your brain.
The primary purpose of the, brain, is to protect you and to keep you safe.
Anytime you say something to someone that is critical they get defensive and they get defensive without thought. To, outsmart your brain, is really about making good choices. Stopping and asking what is my, brain, perceiving here and what is really true. You have to know how to stop, breathe and make good choices.
You have to shift your emotions. Take 10 sec to remember to care, take 10 sec to realize that this person is not trying to hurt me.
You have to change your emotion to change your thought to, outsmart your brain.

Here are the 4 Techniques to change your emotions and outsmart your brain.

1. Relax your body, release the tension. Take a breath let it out
2. Clear your mind. Quickly drop your mind to the center of your body
3. Center your mind on your Chi or 2nd Chakra
4. Choose how you want to feel.
• What prompts your brain to do things that sabotage your best intentions
The brain perceives a threat to something so it protects you.
If you are afraid it sees danger and sabotages your efforts.

• Is there something we can do to stop reacting?
You have to understand your emotions triggers.
They are there to protect you.
Like respect in the workplace.
The, brain, reacts because it may think that someone is trying to take control over you

• How can we use our heart and brain to control our emotions?

Quiet your mind and ask your mind or gut. What should I do?
Take a breath and go into your heart and then you usually say something better
When your heart and your gut is open then you have access to all three of your brains
Your brain, your heart and your gut.

• Are the brains of men and women wired differently?
We are born with the same wiring but whatever is rewarded as we aged that is what we become. Women were more head and gut based and men were more head based but that is changing.
Men are becoming more heart based because they are being raised by women.

• www.Outsmartyourbain.com

Go to discomfort zone resources for outsmarting your brain.
Contact Dr Marcia at marcia@outsmartyourbrain.com

web: http://www.myrnayounghelps.com
Author: “Out of the Snares”
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B013C71KHE
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How To Transform Behavior in the Workplace

February 19, 2022 Myrna Young

Gena Yuvette Davis, a board certified executive coach, corporate trainer and organizational development consultant. “How to Transform Behavior in the Workplace” to facilitate workplace well being

In keeping with my custom, I would like to share with you my tip of the week from coach Myrna.
Since Gena is going to talk today on How to, Transform, Behavior, in the, workplace, I want to share “How to, transform, your life by removing old conditioning.

How to Remove old conditioning:

The physical component of the mind body connection, is the brain.
The mind is the software and the physical brain is the hardware.
If your brain, the hardware, is stuck in old patterns, even with the best of intentions, the software, the mind, won't work.
If you let your brain keep you repeating the same patterns, you become like a biological robot.
Your words thoughts and actions become totally predictable.
We are all victims of repetitive patterns.

To change the patterns that are not serving you, the solution is awareness.

Here are 5, Behaviors, that are usually automatic.

1: Snacking non – stop even when not hungry
2: Spending too much time on the couch watching TV
3: Overspending your way into debt
4: Eating too much fast foods
5: Skipping breakfast
6: Late night snacking
7: Smoking cigarettes

How can you bring awareness to these, behaviors, and interrupt your pattern?

Let’s look at.
Snacking non stop
– whenever you feel the need to grab that bag of chips, stop and ask yourself
What am I really needing?
What need is this food really filling?

The moment you take a moment to think about your action, you interrupt your pattern.
You are on your way to breaking that habit. Even if you still eat that bag of chips.
You are on to way to removing old conditioning. Awareness is the key.

Another way to remove old conditioning and, behavior, is to:

Change your state
Let’s say you are sitting on the couch and you reach for the bowl of nachos on the table or the bags of chips from our previous example.
Just as you think the thought to command your hands to reach for the bowl; Change your state!
Get up and walk to the bathroom or to the mailbox. Move your physical body into a different position.
The 3rd way you can remove old conditioning or, behavior, is to:
Create a new habit – rewire the physical component.

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Let look at our example of skipping Breakfast.
Make it easy.
– buy a drinkable breakfast and grab it on the way out of the door.
– have your partner make you breakfast.
– prepare a sandwich the night before and eat on the way to work.
– set the alarm 15 mins earlier.

These are a few ways to remove old conditioning and, transform, behavior, in your personal life:

•Authentically committed to empowering and inspiring others to be their best selves, Gena specializes in working with clients from a variety of industries who are on the fast track to taking their careers to next level. She is also a change agent for organizations who wish to transform their companies into diverse, collaborative and thriving work forces. Her drive and energy is infectious as she is able to elevate her clients and help them live to their true potential.
•
• Gena’s coaching, training and consulting style is intuitive, always full of energy, and with a touch of gentle persistence! Knowing that the answers are already within, Gena’s job is simply to be the way-shower of what is already known to be true – “success attained.” She is dedicated to assisting individuals and organizations to achieve excellence in ways that support integrity and a collaborative spirit and to achieve their purpose.
In addition to executive coaching and training in the areas of emotional intelligence, leadership effectiveness, communication skills and reputation management, her work includes a variety of strategic consulting services such as strategic planning, change management, retreat planning and facilitation, employee engagement, team-building, as well as diversity and inclusion initiatives. Her focus is on developing collaborative processes and as a thinking partner to foster learning, dialogue, and innovation.

• Podcast interview Questions Transform Your Mind Podcast

Best Practices to Transform Behavior In the Workplace

• 1) What is “Behavioral Transformation using ETT ?”

Emotional Transformation Therapy (ETT)

Emotional Transformation Therapy (ETT),

a therapeutic method incorporating the use of light, color wavelengths, and eye movements, aims to rapidly transform emotional distress and related physical pain into a positive emotional state.

Professionals trained in ETT work to help those in therapy address trauma and other pain and achieve lasting, healing change.

Emotional Transformation Therapy, developed by contemporary psychologist Dr. Stephen Vazquez in 1991, is a relatively new form of therapy. Vazquez’s studies in the fields of epigenetics, optometry, neurobiology, and quantum physics influenced various aspects of his development of ETT as he attempted to establish a therapeutic technique beneficial for the reduction of emotional and physical distress. His noninvasive, non-pharmaceutical approach combines traditional psychotherapy with the use of visual brain stimulation and colored light therapy for reportedly fast results.

ETT draws on the concepts of interpersonal therapy and visual brain stimulation therapy. This research-driven approach is used by trained practitioners to transform emotional distress without the use of drugs and medications. ETT aims to help the person in treatment move swiftly from a difficult emotional state into a more positive emotional state—from despair to empowerment, unhappiness to joy, or trepidation to courage, and so on—through the remedial use of light and color wavelengths, which can be administered through a light box designed specifically for ETT.

HOW DOES ETT WORK in TRANSFORMING, BEHAVIOR?

Many people who seek therapy do so when they experience mentally or physically unpleasant states or feel trapped by their emotions, feelings, memories, or current situation. In ETT, neural impulses are used in conjunction with specific forms of eye movement and stimulation to target these uncomfortable emotional and physical states in the corresponding areas of the brain.

Specifically, the brain is stimulated with lights and colors in order to reshape the neural impulses affecting the brain and the nervous system. The therapist observes the emotional responses of the person in therapy and helps facilitate productive regulation through verbal cues meant to induce rapid emotional and behavioral changes.

Discoveries in light therapy show particular wavelengths of light to be able to help transform a person’s emotional state when administered properly. ETT theory, which is grounded in this principle, incorporates interaction between the therapist and the person in therapy to create what proponents of ETT believe to be an effective method for the rapid restoration of a positive emotional state.

• 2) Why is behavioral transformation so difficult?
• 3) What are the different communication and behavioral styles?
• 4) What are three best practices to behavioral transformation in the workplace
• 5) What can we do to be our own advocates for change?
• 6) Can we really transform our work environment through behavioral transformation? How?

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Additional Resources

How to become Limitless: Emotional Intelligence Leadership

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Friends In Need Are Friends Indeed

February 18, 2022 Myrna Young

A, friend in need is a friend indeed, because a lot of us have what they call fair weather, friends. They are only around when the sun is shining when money is flowing and they can feed off of you, but as soon as you fall on hard times or as soon as you have storm clouds and have nothing to give them, they disappear. You call them and they are suddenly too busy. But the, Bible story of Job, shows us what, friends, are supposed to look like. Why, a friend in need is a friend indeed.

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Job's Friends

The Bible tells the story of a man called, Job, who is described as a good man who loves God. Satan challenges God, saying that, Job, is only good because he has a happy life. God allows Satan to put, Job's faith, to the test by causing him to suffer. Job lost all his wealth, his kids, and his health.

Job’s friends, came when they heard he was sick and lost everything.

They sat with him for 7 days and 7 nights saying nothing because his suffering was too great for words. Sometimes, friends, offer you comfort by just being there for you.

But when, Job, continually berated himself his, friends, finally responded.

The first, friend, to respond to Job was Eliphaz and tried to minister to his spirit.

Job's Friend Eliphaz comforts him

He told, Job, that he had encouraged many people, that His words strengthened many people and prevented them from falling. He suggested that, Job, used those same words to strengthen himself.

As a Life coach I can relate.

Coaches and even pastors can help others, but find it difficult to help themselves mainly because when you are going through trouble you can’t look in.

Remember if you are the picture you can’t see the frame.

When Eliphaz words didn’t work in consoling Job, his, friend, tried something else to help him deal with his pain and suffering.

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Job friends use God's reverence to help him

He asked Him, doesn’t your reverence for God give you confidence that God will turn everything around for your good that he is able give your back everything that the locusts had stolen?

“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten— the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm — my great army that I sent among you. Joel 2:25

That’s what real, friends, do they comfort you when you are in pain.

Job, was in pain. He cursed the day he was born saying that his mother’s womb should have been shut and he should have been born dead so he would be spared all this trouble.

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Job friends tell him we all have trouble

Eliphaz Job's, friend, continued to offer words of comfort to, Job, telling him that we are born for trouble as readily as sparks fly from a fire that though God wounds he also bandages. Though He strikes his hands also heal.

A friend in need is a friend indeed.

Friends, help you grieve for a broken marriage,
Friends, comfort you when your child is locked up,
Friends, open their homes when you don’t have anywhere to live
Friends, give you a shoulder to cry on when your world comes crashing down and you wish you were dead.

God asked, Job, to pray for his, friends, and when he did the Lord restored his fortunes and gave him back twice as much as he had before.

The final section of, Job, contains a storybook ending in which many of Job’s fortunes are restored. He receives twice the wealth he had before, plus a new brood of seven sons and three daughters .

Friendships in the movies

The movies and TV is great at showing us a model of what, friends, look like. I have always wished I had 4, girlfriends, like the sitcoms, Friends, and the sitcom, Girlfriends, or even the movie Waiting to Exhale.

So Cultivate, friendships, because we all need, friends, and, a friend in need is a friend indeed.

If you have current, friends, who has bee there for you in your time of need, remember to pray for them.

Conclusion

This is Life coach Myrna Young and you are listening to, 5 mins with coach Myrna. I invite you to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach.

Join us next week for another episode until next time

Namaste

Additional Resources

How to be Happy with Less

Dressing for Success, Entrepreneur, Executive Coaching, improving sales, Leadership Coaching, Life Coaching, LinkedIn profile, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast

5 Ways To Improve Your Bait

February 16, 2022 Myrna Young

In sales, you are the, Bait! Everything you heard is true! People buy from people they like, people they feel a connection to or with people who are like them!

I recently watched the movie “A River runs through it”. I should confess that anything with Brad Pitt I watch with a big smile on my face! Anyway, in the movie Brad and his brother were fishing in this river. Brad's brother was catching a whole lot of fish and Brad had not caught one. After some time of being a spectator in this fishing expedition, he shouted to his brother, “What are they biting on?” His brother shouted back, “Pimento Bugs”. Strangest bait I ever saw, these bugs had wings! But sure enough, when Brad changed his bait he caught the biggest fish ever! Know your, bait.

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Here are 5 Ways you can Improve your, Bait:

1: Use Your Attire as your, Bait, What to wear to an interview.

I will start with an Old Cliché “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” If you are going for an interview or meeting with a customer for the first time; look the part, and that is your best, use the first impression as your, bait.

I went for an interview once at Apple retail Store and I was very confused. Apple, Google and Facebook CEO's have all made famous the tea shirt and running shoes mode of dress. So I was not sure how to dress; but I decided on a suit. No tee-shirt and runners for me! Better to be overdressed than not get a job because you showed up in tea shirt and tennis shoes.

In the movie “the Pursuit of Happyness“, Will Smith was sleeping in bathrooms and homeless; but he made sure he had one suit that always looked good. That is all you need, one good outfit. What to wear to an interview, It is suggested that for the man the color should be blue, black or grey for a suit. For the ladies a pant suit or an A-line dress works wonders. Looking good is always, bait, to the looker.

2: Your Profile picture is also your, bait

Your profile picture is what everyone sees. Just a picture of your head and face, and they from that they form a judgement, whether consciously or not from your, appearance, In a recent LinkedIn training class, the presenter told a story about how he was about to hire someone for a service, then he noticed that their picture was dark and blurred. He said he decided not do business with them. He formed a judgement that if they could not spend $50 to get a good profile picture, then they could not be successful. You might say that he was too judgmental; but you never know what is costing you business. It is best to button it up and use your, bait.

I personally would never connect with anyone who didn't have a profile picture, because I made the judgement that they were either not active or not serious. Now I connect because I can offer my consulting services because they need Help! Spend the money to get a professional profile picture and it will pay dividends. Whoever you are trying to attract, your picture is one, bait.

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3: The entire package or, appearance, is your, bait.

I could never understand the “shoe shine” concept. Why did men favor going to get their shoes professionally shined until it became a mirror and they could see their faces in their shoes?
Now I understand, those men understood the value of “the entire package”. You can't show up in an expensive suit, and your shoes are not shined! You can't show up in an expensive suit and your hair looks like a hippie; you can't show up in an expensive suit and your car looks like you bought it from the scrapyard. People form the wrong impression and then you have to work doubly hard for them to hear what is “coming out of your mouth”. Your entire package is your, bait.

For men, pay attention to the suit, shirt, tie, hair style, shoes.

For women, pay attention to your dress, your hair, your shoes and your pocket book! Yes, people now pay attention to what handbag you are putting your lipstick into!

4: Your Business card, your Website, and your Printed Materials is also your, Bait.

If you want to convey success, then you have to dress for success.

Has anyone ever handed you a business card that was printed at home on cheap paper? What was your reaction? Did you want to run out and purchase their product? I am sure you didn't. Or you ask someone who has a service you are interested in for a business card, and they tell you they don't have one. Not having a business card is one way to be sure that the prospect is not going to bite on your, bait.

I should even add a pin to this scenario. In the movie “the Pursuit of Happyness”, there is a scene in which a salesperson bent over backwards to get a contract with Will Smith to produce his story. He called him several times, he made him an irresistible offer, he tracked him down at the airport and when Will was about to sign the contract and he asked him for a pen, he did not have one! Will cancelled the deal. He felt that a salesperson should always have a business card and a pen if he is worth anything!

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

5: Your Speech – how you speak is also, bait

I don't know if you have noticed, but most of the leading roles for movies and television commercials are going to actors who sound English! It is like a “cool breeze” to listen to someone with a pleasant voice. You don't have to have an English accent; but your volume should be right and your pace should be right. As a Toastmaster, when we are speaking, we are gonged when we add fillers to our speech. Fillers are so, umm, ahh, etc. if you are doing a presentation, erase self doubt by not having too many fillers, your audience won't regard you as a subject matter expert.

Your, Bait is you! Once you make a good impression and the fish are biting; then you can get on with the business that you came to do, and that is to sell your product or service.

You want to catch some fish!

https://www.myhelps.us/contact-us-1.html

Additional Resources:

http://blog.myhelps.us/4-life-hacks-that-will-motivate-your-teams/

http://blog.myhelps.us/the-world-of-the-entrepreneur/

Dressing For Success And The Achievement Of Your Dreams

blog, book, coaching, Life Coaching, lifecoaching, Love and Religion, Mindset Transformation, Out Of The Snares, Personal Development, Self Love, Spiritual Fulfillment, Spiritual Life Coaching

3 Ways to Find Happiness After a Divorce

February 16, 2022 Myrna Young

Happiness! The Universal goal of everyone who has breathe. So how can you find happiness after a divorce?

Coach Dan Willms talks about how your behavior affects your happiness. I agree; but here are my thoughts.

What is happiness?

Let's start with what it is not.

It is not how much money you have.
It is not how big your house is.
It is not what kind of car you drive.
It is not found in any external thing!

Here are 3 ways to find, happiness, after a divorce:

1. Your relationship with yourself.
2. Your relationship with those closest to you.
3. And your relationship with God.

Let's look at each of these
As you can see, relationship is key.

We are social beings, we need connection, even it is one person.
That is why people commit suicide at Christmas, because while everyone is celebrating with family and friends they are alone.
It is also the reason that social media is so powerful, it allows connection to others.

Out of the Snares of rape

I will share a story.
This woman from Toronto sent me a friend request on Facebook. She was the friend of one of my friends. I accepted. Then she started reaching out to me about coaching and about my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” .

I found out her story.
Raped twice when she was a teenager, sent to live with her father in another country who abandoned her, got pregnant and gave her child up for adoption. She was living in a studio apartment alone. Facebook was her lifeline. You don’t know who is on the other end of that friend request!
So if you are lonely, connect!

These are a different training and a different mindset to come from a perspective of abundance instead of lack and limitation, and that’s really where my internal work has been. Each time I shift up belief, a thought, a perspective from lack and limitation to one of abundance, my life just expands and explodes.

You know what society says is this is accomplished, then you’ll feel successful and a lot of people get there, and they feel empty, they feel like that it doesn’t have much meaning in their lives or they’re not feeling satisfied or fulfilled. The truth is that as long as we’re chasing things outside of ourselves we’re always projecting our happiness or our fulfillment outside of ourselves. Fulfillment is never outside of ourselves, it’s within ourselves and it’s in the present moment. where all of our power exists.

1. Let's look First at your relationship with yourself.

The first secret to finding happiness, You have to love yourself.
If you can't love yourself, no one else can love you. If you can't love yourself, you can never be happy!

You can start by finding one thing about you, that you love.
Come on, God knew what he was doing when he created you. Everyone has at least one thing that makes them stand out.
One of my daughter’s friend’s laments about the fact that she has no breasts and no curves. She can't find a boyfriend. Why? Because she projects that and that is what the men see. Not loving herself shows up in other ways in a relationship.

Now look at some women who do not fit the cultural norm of beauty and weight. I can guaranty you that in every situation if she loves herself, she will be in a healthy relationship.
Plus, if there is something you can change about something you don't like about yourself, do it.
If you can't change it, find a different perspective on it and learn to love it.

2. Your relationship with those closest to you

A mother, a father, a sister, a brother, a best friend, a spouse are top on the list of level 5 intimate, relationships. A level 5, relationship, is a relationship with someone who knows your intimate secrets. Someone who you share everything with and they with you. If you have someone like this in your life. You are blessed indeed.
Now you may be wondering why I did not add children to that list. Children gives us profound happiness especially when they are young. But you can't share secrets with your children so they don't provide the intimacy we look for to be happy.
To be happy find a level 5 friend and cry on their shoulders!

3. Your relationship with God.

The beauty of having a relationship with God is that it alone can make you happy. If you have a relationship with God, you will love yourself, you will be happy alone because you feel God's presence with you always, your relationships will be healthy because you will love unconditionally because that is what God teaches us to do. You will find opportunities to bless others and that will make you happy.
A relationship with God is not just going to church, it is not just knowing scripture, it is not just about tithing. The relationship I am talking about is being in direct communication with God.
Going to God with your issues and struggles and seeing him make a way out of no way. Seeing him turn the weapons formed against you into blessings. Being able to receive guidance from the Holy Spirit every day. When you walk in that space everything else in your life falls into place.

You will not only find happiness again, but you will find bliss!

Listen to the full episode on YouTube
_blank”>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vxDGuSyiHQ

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Life Coaching, Life Coaching Blog, Personal Development, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast

Using Authentic Power to Heal After Trauma

February 14, 2022 Myrna Young

Authentic Power, is when our personality works in alignment with our soul, when you get still and connect with your higher power or higher self.

This week on the Transform Your Mind podcast I interview Ashley Bernardi, author of Authentic Power.

Download the Podcast Here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10073329-using-authentic-power-to-heal-after-trauma.mp3?download=true

Bio

Ashley Bernardi opens up about losing her dad as an eleven-year-old and trying to save his life alongside her mother and sister as he suffered from a sudden death heart attack. She ignored the trauma, grief, and guilt from the horrifying experience for years after being told she was “so strong” in trying to save her dad’s life and attempting to move on. In her 30s, she suffered from a debilitating mystery illness that left her bedridden and unable to care for her three children.

It was then, in a state of despair and hopelessness, that she began to feel the pain and “mess” she had been ignoring – her illness, grief, and trauma – and found the true healing and growth that she had been searching for her entire life. For years, she had pushed her trauma aside to maintain a “mask” of strength for others, yet her feelings came out in other ways – in people-pleasing, alcohol use, in destructive relationships, and eventually, making the devastating effects of her mystery illness even worse.

Authentic Power, teaches us that our darkest hours are disguised as an opportunity to uncover and process, feel, heal, and grow from our mess.

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Finding Your Authentic Power

Myrna: What was your journey to finding your, authentic power?

Ashley: I was so horribly, physically ill. And on top of that had been diagnosed with, postpartum depression, after the birth of my third child, that I was forced, I had no choice, but to sit still and surrender to the pain, the physical pain, but also the mental image, mental, emotional, and spiritual pain that I had been bearing since I was 11 years old. But that's where the healing happens. That's where that little sliver of light in all that pain, I felt it, I saw it, I held on to it.

I taught myself how to move through and process all of this, trauma. And here I am today, that's what my book is all about, authentic power, give yourself permission to feel. And I say, authentic power, because that really starts with accessing the wisdom within by getting still turning off all the noise around us. Finding your own authentic voice of what it is that that your body, mind and spirit are calling you to process. And so that's where that's really where the story begins.

Myrna: Yeah, that's an amazing story. You're right, when you said that, you hope that everybody goes through the long journey as you. You talked about holding on to your pain, and then having it come out as disease, depression and people pleasing. You got healed from, Lyme disease, and you started meditating and finding the power inside of you.

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Why choose Authentic Power?

So, tell us why, authentic power? Once you start to feel and acknowledge your feelings, how does that transform to, authentic power?

Ashley: Oh, that's such a great question. So, this really goes into, has anyone asked you a simple question, how are you? We always say we're fine, right? Usually, that's not the truth. In that moment. It's like, well, I've got a lot of things going on. So, I think like in society, teaches us to mask our feelings because nobody really wants to know, right?

We have social media, Instagram, where we post all the great pictures of the family. There's just the lack of truth and vulnerability. And I found that in my own life, I was lacking that truthfulness to myself. And I was lacking being vulnerable with myself. And so, when I got truthful and vulnerable with myself, therein lies my authenticity, which is so powerful. You can actually create by going within and listening to that inner voice.

And you mentioned a couple healing modalities that I use to access my, authentic power. Meditation is one of them. Getting quiet and getting still work for me and so was healing yoga. And then also during my healing process, I discovered something that I call the field framework. Which is a technique for me to really go into those messy and uncomfortable emotions, process them in real time allowing me to move through those emotions, and therefore kind of clearing the space again, for me to access my, authentic power.

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You Don't have to be strong all the time

Myrna: So yeah, when you can feel, you become vulnerable and don’t have to be so strong. Women we feel that we should be so strong, it's a badge that we wear. We love hearing, Oh, you're so strong. Oh my God. Nobody wants to be vulnerable. Right? They want to be the Superwoman. And you know, women usually are Superwoman, looking after the kids, they're working, and taking care of their men.

Ashley: I'm so glad you mentioned that. It's so funny because my original title for, authentic power, was not so Strong, because I really felt not strong, despite wearing that mask of strength for so long. And that's something that we do in society. I did that before my health crisis, I wanted to look like Superwoman, I was the one that was pureeing the baby food and making sure my husband had dinner on the table every night, and people pleasing everyone around me, except myself.

When I had my own self, my own health crisis, I had to, I had to look at my own self-worth and value my self-worth, not what other people thought of me. And that really stopped me in my tracks. So now, I don't try to be superwoman at all. I get a lot of help and I put boundaries in place saying. I tell my husband dinner on the table is not happening tonight. I tell my team this project not going to get done today.

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Stuffing Down Guilt and grief

Myrna: Awesome now I've read your book, I know that you felt a lot of, guilt, because on your father's death, because you felt that there's something that you could have done. So, what was it that you stuffed down for 20 years or so? Was it, guilt?

Ashley: That's a great question. It was 100%, guilt. I felt guilty because when my dad was actively having a heart attack, I didn't run to go by his side to give CPR. My mom and sister did, I ran to go call 911. I also ran to the neighbor to get help. So, for so long, I was like, what if I had gone and given him CPR to help my mom and sister? What if I had been the one to do that? There are so many what ifs. As a child I buried that guilt within me very, very deeply. I also buried the, grief.

So before, before my health crisis, which you know, really is was my greatest awakening, I see, Lyme disease, as my greatest gift, and I'm so grateful for it. It allowed me to really look deep and face my, grief.

Facing your grief

I never visited my father's grave, alone. That's how much I did not want to deal with facing his death. I did not allow myself to grieve. I'm sure there were sometimes when I cried, but in the early days of, grief, it was just straight up in shock. My dad died very suddenly, it wasn't a slow death, one day he's there the next day, he is not. So, the, grief, was a very uncomfortable feeling for me. It was very, very scary, and I didn't want to face the fact that my dad was gone.

And even afterwards, in middle school, and high school, I would have friends come over, I wouldn't even tell them that my dad had died. They didn't know my dad had died. They had to ask other people like where's Ashley's dad? Oh, yeah, we heard he passed away. So that's what bearing, grief, looks like. But I can say now, here I am. 27 years later, just this year, because of all the healing work that I've done. I visited his grave by myself for the first time ever.

And I'm so proud of myself, because it was just an incredible way to show how far I've come, how long the journey has been. And when I did, it was so beautiful. And I found that it is possible to have relationship with your loved ones, even in death. And that's something that's very important. I want to stress that I thought that once my father was dead, he was gone, but I talked to him. I pray for him. I visited him, I cried with him at his gravesite.

What is authentic power?

Myrna: That’s awesome. What does it mean to have, authentic power? How did dealing with your, grief, give you, authentic power? Why do women need, authentic power?

Ashley: That's a great question too. Therein lies our truth. It's also about surrendering to your power because I would also stuff down my power. I'll give you an example. My entire life, I've been told that I'm too sensitive. Oh, Ashley's more sensitive than the average bear. And I thought that being sensitive was a flaw of mine. I feel everything. I'm an empath. I feel other people's feelings. And I what I learned when I went through my health crisis, when I began to really feel into this emotion was that my sensitivity is my superpower!

It was then I got really quiet and still and listened to that inner wisdom, which is our, authentic power. I use that sensitivity when I'm feeling a little bit energetically overwhelmed. I know that I need to go step away and be by myself for a little bit. I know that I need to go recharge, I know that I can pick up on other people's, emotions, and so, authentic power, can also help us accept and honor our gifts.

So, for me journaling helps me unlock my, authentic power, but that can also be done in a quiet meditation and walking through nature. This could be done in prayer, too. That is the inner wisdom, that could be from the Divine, it could be from your higher self, or it could just be from that, that within you, which is what your, authentic power, is.

Myrna: Yeah, that's awesome. A lot of nice little nuggets there. Yes. You know, I'm a meditator, myself, I meditate every morning. Sitting on my meditation cushion, I listen, and I get still.

Healing from Lyme Disease

How did you heal yourself from, Lyme disease? You were bedridden, you couldn't do anything for yourself. It dropped you on your back. Literally.

Ashley: I'll paint the picture of what it looked like and then I'm, I will share how I feel. So, this is what it looks like. I mean, for anyone who's had, Lyme disease, it can show up in so many different ways. For me it went undiagnosed for a very long time and wasn’t diagnosed until after I delivered my third baby.

This is how it started. I believe it was the summer of 2014. I started having symptoms that felt like the flu. I couldn’t keep any food down; I was nauseous all the time. Those symptoms didn't go away, and it kept getting worse. I had headaches constantly I started losing weight, I got down to the weight that I was before high school. I mean it was very dangerous. I seem to develop a food intolerance to everything I ate. Then I had so many weird things happen, my body would go numb, including my arms and legs. I would have muscle fat isolation so it would feel like I had things crawling on my skin at all times.

I saw so many doctors, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, postpartum depression, you name it. Then when I become pregnant with my third baby those symptoms mysteriously went away and I remember my OBGYN I am saying, pregnancy can do this. It really does turn off the immune system because it knows you're growing a baby inside you. The day that I delivered my third baby those feelings came right back.

Spinning out of control

I was sent home from the hospital four days later and it was downhill from there. I remember one time (and this is this was really my turn turning point in the journey) after continuing to see doctor after doctor, nobody could figure out what was wrong with me, the room started spinning and I started blacking out. I lost control my bowels and started Like urinating all over myself.

I just surrendered I said alright God you either take me now because I don't want my family to suffer anymore or we going to heal together. So, I started the healing process. Healing was the slowest, most excruciating, physical, spiritual, mental and emotional process I ever went through. But I will say that the physical healing was only like 20% of the work that I needed to do. The other 80% came down to me working with energy.

Symptoms of Lyme Disease

Finally, I was diagnosed with, Lyme disease. I was so far off the deep end physically that they couldn't treat me with just antibiotic pills. I had to have a PICC line installed to my heart. And for eight weeks I couldn't lift my baby, so we moved in with my in laws. I had I was on the highest dose of antibiotics Rocephin that they use to treat meningitis patients. I had a nurse come to my house, my husband would administer the antibiotic nightly, the nurse would come once a week and change my dressing.

I was not better after eight weeks; the healing took a full year. And this is where I say that, Lyme disease, was my greatest gift, because it allowed me to get still and finally address all these other feelings that had been buried since I was 11 years old. Those feelings of, trauma, and, grief. I learned about the power of, affirmations, and journaling. Every day I would write in my journal as if I was already healed. I would write in my like little book “I am feeling Awesome, my health is vibrant. I am well, I am healthy.” I would affirm it.

I found that journal the other day, the book is this thick of me affirming my health and wellbeing every day. And in addition to that, having a spiritual mentor and joining a church community and sharing my pain with others, being vulnerable and open helped with my healing. I could no longer wear that mask of strength because I was too sick. So, I finally opened up to my friends and loved ones what was happening to me.

Authentic power: Give Yourself Permission to Feel

Myrna: So, finding that community as well as the power of connection is the path to healing and finding, authentic power. You've talked a little bit about your book throughout the conversation. Tell us about your book “Authentic Power.” What is it that you want the reader to walk away with after they closed the book?

Ashley: The book is for anyone who is faced with any sort of adversity in their lives, you know, I described my, trauma. I'm not saying you shouldn't have to ever experience, trauma, like I've experienced, because every single person's, trauma, looks very different. It could be the loss of a job, the loss of a loved one, the end of a marriage, the end of something.

My book is for anyone who's looking to provide holistic healing in their lives and learning that these messy and uncomfortable emotions like, grief, trauma, despair, depression, that there could be a reason they might are there to actually teach us something.

I'm a true believer that these, emotions, that we feel on a physical level are meant to be addressed. We have something to learn from every single, emotion. I want my book to teach readers how to become aware of these messy and uncomfortable, emotions, and then get curious about why they are there. Check out Ashley on the web at https://ashleybernardi.com/

Additional Resources

http://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-unleash-power-within/

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Stephanie's trauma

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Using Coping Mechanisms for post traumatic growth

Coping Strategies for Post Traumatic Growth

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Past trauma provide fuel for post traumatic growth

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Your Potential is Arketype’s Passion

Transformation after trauma

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Additional Resources

Case Study employee, feedback

The Sandwich Model of Giving, Feedback

Offer Constructive, Feedback

Bio

How An Analyst Found His Passion

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Your Childhood Has Clues on Your Passion

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Passion for your Job

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Finding your passion identity

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Sometimes you have to fire your job and walk away

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Conclusion

Additional Resources

Esther was born with the power within

Bio

Question 2. So what are some of the obstacles to unleashing, the power within?

Question 3. Where does the power within, come from?

Determination unlocks your inner greatness

Question 5. What are some other obstacles to unleashing our, inner greatness?

Acres of Diamonds

Finding your diamonds in your back yard

Searching for what you already have

We are are all diamonds

Show Notes:

Here are the 4 Techniques to change your emotions and outsmart your brain.

• How can we use our heart and brain to control our emotions?

Here are 5, Behaviors, that are usually automatic.

How can you bring awareness to these, behaviors, and interrupt your pattern?

These are a few ways to remove old conditioning and, transform, behavior, in your personal life:

• Podcast interview Questions Transform Your Mind Podcast

Emotional Transformation Therapy (ETT),

HOW DOES ETT WORK in TRANSFORMING, BEHAVIOR?

Additional Resources

Job's Friends

Job's Friend Eliphaz comforts him

Job friends use God's reverence to help him

Job friends tell him we all have trouble

Friendships in the movies

Conclusion

Here are 5 Ways you can Improve your, Bait:

1: Use Your Attire as your, Bait, What to wear to an interview.

2: Your Profile picture is also your, bait

3: The entire package or, appearance, is your, bait.

4: Your Business card, your Website, and your Printed Materials is also your, Bait. If you want to convey success, then you have to dress for success.

5: Your Speech – how you speak is also, bait

Additional Resources:

What is happiness?

Out of the Snares of rape

1. Let's look First at your relationship with yourself.

2. Your relationship with those closest to you

3. Your relationship with God.

Bio

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Finding Your Authentic Power

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Why choose Authentic Power?

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You Don't have to be strong all the time

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4: Your Business card, your Website, and your Printed Materials is also your, Bait.

If you want to convey success, then you have to dress for success.