5 Mindset Transformations for Permanent Relationships

healthy relationship

A mindset shift or transformation is necessary if your belief system is not producing the results you are expecting in life. As a Life and Transformations Coach, I wanted to share some mindset transformations about relationships that may get you better results. Leave a comment if you agree or disagree!

1. What is the right reason to enter into a long term relationship?

Most of us (including me before I was enlightened) feel that we should enter into a long term commitment because we “fell” in love.
Others may enter into a long term relationship like marriage because they want children; they want security or even to stem loneliness. But, according to Neale Donald Walsch from the “Conversations with God” series, we should put a little more thought into choosing a long term partner than feelings.

bradanglina

We should enter into a long term partnership for a mutually beneficial purpose.

I was watching an very old episode of Oprah a few weeks ago and she was interviewing the Smith’s. I was so impressed with Will Smith and Jada Pinketh Smith’s philosophy on marriage and family. They had a mutually beneficial purpose for their relationship and it continues today. They have family meetings every week to keep the purpose of the marriage and family in front of them.

Their purpose for getting together was to enhance the lives of others and they do that by always choosing work that inspires others.
And even though we have heard many rumors of the marriage failing, it is still standing because their purpose for it is greater than the two of them.

So when two people enter in a long term relationship they have to figure out the Why? What is the mutually beneficial purpose?
-Are they wanting to bring up children for a purpose?
Like Will and Jada Smith
-Are they wanting to enhance Gods kingdom?
Like Joel and Victoria Osteen
-Are they going to change the world through leadership?
Like Barack and Michelle Obama?

If the purpose is strong it will be like a house built on the rocks, it will withstand the storms

2. Why do relationships fail?
Statistics show that relationships fail because of failed expectations.
Most relationships start out with each party having predefined expectations about what they want out of the relationship and what they want from the other person.

Contrary to popular opinion another person cannot complete you, you must complete yourself.

The bible teaches that it is not if another person will disappoint, but when.
So when you enter into a relationship, and its survival is based on what the other person does, says, etc. You will always be disappointed.

The mindset shift is to become the best you, to make sure you are living up to your ideal self because we can never change another person, we can only change ourselves.
For example, there is conflict over a wife’s expectation that her husband takes her out on romantic dinners once per month. She is waiting on him to make the offer and he doesn’t, instead he goes out with his friends and leaves her at home with the kids.
She has several options:
Sulking, picking a fight, going out with her girlfriends – none of which heals the relationship – or she can Give That Which She Wants.
She can take him to dinner, she can cook a romantic dinner and send the kids to the babysitter. She can respond with love.

Anything you want, you first have to give.

3. Become self-centered.
I know this is going to shock some, because we were all brought up to believe that being selfish and self-centered is bad; but not according to the bible!
The bible teaches that we must love others as we love ourselves.

Our first relationship must be with self.

We must learn to honor and cherish self and love ourselves before we can love another.
We can never truly fall in love with another, until we have truly fallen in love with ourselves.
I know women are always sacrificing self for others, they think it makes for a good relationship; but it has the opposite effect.
They get burnt out and then resentment sets in. Then they start to resent their spouse for doing nothing. They cultivated that attitude.
The old saying that you have to train people how to treat you is truth. You start off doing all the work in the home, looking after the kids, doing all the cooking, while your spouse drinks beer and watch TV, then 5 years later when you are burnt out. You shouldn’t blame your spouse!
You should be self centered and make time in the day for your self.
Get up and go to the gym, walk, pray or meditate.
Make time in the evening to reflect, learn something, relax!
Everyone around you will benefit.

4. What should love do when we suffer hurt and disappointment from our loved ones?
We will all have hurt and disappointments in our lives.
In fact there is an old saying that says:

You are either going through something, coming out of something or about to go through something!

It is time for us to adopt a different response to our challenges and disappointments.
As humans we react with pain and hurt to what another is being, saying or doing.
The first thing we should do is to become conscious and aware of the feelings we are having.
Don’t run from the pain, don’t mask it with drugs or alcohol. Feel it, acknowledge it.
Try to find yourself in it.
Be honest with your feelings.

It is very important to not react with vengeance or rage, and to understand your true feelings.
Once you feel it and acknowledge it, it’s power over you diminishes and you can get to the place of this of “This too shall pass”.
After that you can then reach for your highest self and look for the lessons.

A master knows that all experiences comes to teach and is for self-growth.

hilary
5. Should you forgive or look past behaviors of your spouse or significant others because that is the Christian thing to do?
As Christians we are taught to forgive, if we want to forgiveness.
To not judge before we take the plank out of our own eyes.
So it would seem that the Christian thing to do is to forgive our spouses for his/her sins.
But in the book “Conversations with God” by Neale Donald Walsh
The author teaches that you should always do what’s best for us. Remember we are self-centered.
Your girl friends are always going to encourage you to leave your husband because he is a cheater.
Walsch says that you should leave your spouse only if it is best action for you or your children.
You leave when the marriage no longer fulfills its purpose.
Let’s look at Hilary Clinton. I believe she married Bill Clinton with a purpose. He has always been a cheater but she saw his potential as a future President; So she proposed to him and chose to overlook his infidelity. She chose self!
Today her daughter is living a purpose driven life, She was First Lady of the Unites States of America and could become the first female President of the United States of America. You have never heard of her infidelity even though we have heard all about her husband’s.
We should all follow her lead and leave our cheating spouses to God, we should concern ourselves only with self. Being the best we can be and we will get our crown here on earth as well as our heavenly crown in the next life.

Myrna is the Host of the “Mindset Transformation radio show” on http://www.wdjyfm.com/#!on-air/cee5 every Wednesday from 5:00 pm to 6:00 pm
If you would like to be a guest or become a sponsor contact her at info@myhelps.us.
Listen to past broadcasts of the “Mindset Transformations radio show” on the Myhelps Youtube Channel
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8p2lfxF2GhOihRv8N3EZeA

How to Program Your Subconscious for Permanent Change

Neuro Linguistic Programming
Neuro Linguistic Programming

On her Mindset Transformations Radio show, Coach Myrna Young interviews Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Coach Van Henry. Van tells our audience why he became an NLP coach. He was on assignment as an engineer in South Africa during the Apartheid regime, when he had a conversation with a Black man who told him that he was told at a young age that he was unteachable because he had a smaller brain than the white man. Van of course told him that was a lie, that he himself was an educated black man with an engineering degree. He convinced this man that his brain was the same size as the White man, the Chinese man and all other races because God created us all equal!

This man was convinced because he was looking at the evidence, Van Henry himself. He then reprogrammed his brain to believe that he could be educated and went on to have a college degree and to become a supervisor, leading a fulfilling life. So as a Transformations Coach, I would like to do the same for you. The lie that you tell yourself can be anything. It does not have to be that you are not as smart as another; but you could believe that you are limited by any other belief that is holding you in bondage.

Neuro Linguistic Programming is the art of training the brain to achieve a goal, any goal.

Programming your mind
Programming your mind

The first thing you have to do is to Master Self. Master your self talk. Master your beliefs.

Then you have to write your goals down and give them form. Once you give them form, you have to tell someone who can hold you accountable.
This does two things. Firstly, once you speak your goals into the atmosphere you activate the Laws of Attraction and secondly it motivates you to not look like a failure to the person holding you accountable.

The third thing is to access your values to be sure there is no conflict with your beliefs. This is where awareness comes in. You have to know who you are.

You have to know Yourself, to Grow Yourself

Listen to this Youtube video and hear directly from NLP coach Van Henry on How to Program your subconscious mind for permanent change.
Once you believe, then you build on that belief.

You become a master builder, as your coach I will give you the tools to help you build.

If you are a coach or an author and you would like to be a guest on the “Mindset Transformation Talk Radio Show” email me at info@myhelps.us

Subscribe Here to get a copy of all new shows
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8p2lfxF2GhOihRv8N3EZeA

# 9 Love “Out of the Snares”


How to love yourself

The 9th Principle taught in my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” is Love.
Love. This 4 letter word is so powerful!
It is actually the most powerful force in the universe!
It can break the bonds of years, sometimes generations, of addictions and generational curses.

God’s love for humanity caused him to send his only begotten son Jesus to die for our sins so that we can have everlasting life.

A mother’s love for her child gives her superhuman strength, to save her child from death or injury.

Love
Love

The love we have for our wifes and husbands keeps off stress and diseases when that love is active and healthy.
You see when we are in the throes of our love experiences, we look at the world through rose colored glasses.
Everything is sunny. We stop to smell the roses.
Our hearts beat faster when our loved ones are near.

We ride the energy waves of this spiritual connection and in turn we feel energized, we smile and laugh more and we don’t sweat the small stuff!

Research shows that this positive energy force cleanses our ethereal bodies and removes patches of stuck energies that can cause disease.

In my book “Out of the Snares” A story of hope and encouragement,
I share my encounters with love. These encounters have shaped my current world and allowed me to embrace love because I know from personal experiences how good it feels!

The energy of love combined with sexual energy is even more powerful!
When you transmute sexual energy for the person you love, you can create or imagine life changing books, companies and inventions that propel humanity forward!

But, it all starts with self-love.
Justin Bieber – Love Yourself (PURPOSE : The Movement)

You can’t give away what you don’t have.

In order for you to give love to another you must first have love inside of you.
You have to love yourself, you have to love your world or the space you work and play in your world.

You have to love God, your creator.

When you love yourself you gain self confidence
Self-confidence is necessary for you to be successful in your career and in your business
Click the link below to hear a powerful story of how lack of self-confidence can ruin your world.

Love doesn’t have to be the Notebook kind with grand gestures and sacrifice.
We love to watch movies like the Notebook about true love that never dies.
We are inspired by stories about Edward, Prince of Wales and Wallace Simpson and how he chose love over the throne; but most of us would settle for the simple acts of love.
love holding

http://pulptastic.com/korean-artist-beautifully-illustrates-real-love/
This artist depicts these acts in her paintings so wonderfully and every couple should aspire to connect on this level.
• Who wouldn’t love their spouse coming up and giving them a hug while they are cooking in the kitchen?
• Who wouldn’t love their spouse watching chick flicks with them and enjoying it as much as they do?
• Who wouldn’t love going out for ice cream and licking each other ice cream cones and stealing a kiss?
• Who wouldn’t love just being in a room and just enjoying each other, laying on your husbands lap while you read a book?
• Who wouldn’t like coming home and seeing your husband with a apron on in the kitchen cooking dinner?

love icecream
Everyone!

Love shouldn’t be only for your spouse, children, family and friends. Love should be for all relationships in and out of the workplace, with customers, suppliers, everyone!

Giving love and compassion to the people you work with yields immense diffidence
In his book “How to win Business and Influence Friends” by Tim Sanders, Chief solutions Officer at Yahoo calls this BizLove
http://www.amazon.com/Love-Is-Killer-App-Influence/dp/1400046831This book shows how to be a LoveCat at work.

Here are 5 ways to be a LoveCat at work:
1. Greet everyone who walks into your office or room with eye contact and a smile.
2. Hug your close associates or people you have a personal relationship at work.
3. Replace the word Hate with the word Love whenever you can and watch it transform the energy.
4. Read lots of books and offer the knowledge gained from these books to your co-workers to help them with projects, initiatives or difficult personal situations.
5. Start a book club at work and have everybody share cliff notes from the books read.

All in all, love is like a boomerang, it always comes back so give it freely.

It is like seeds that blow in the wind. It does not always come back from the people we choose to love but it always comes back

Check out my chapter on Love in my book “Out of the Snares” A story of hope and encouragement.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B013C71KHE

Click here to Download a copy my Free EBook!

“Small Business, How to Mind your own business while working your day job”
Love yourself enough to start building your personal Brand.

Click here for more information

Small Business:How to Mind Your Own Business while Working your Day Job

Small Business: How to Mind your Own Business while working your day job
Small Business: How to Mind your Own Business while working your day job

#7 If You Build It, They Will Come

if you build it
#7 If You Build It, They Will Come #outofthesnares

How many of you have seen the movie “Field of Dreams”

Iowa farmer Ray Kinsella hears a voice in his corn field tell him, “If you build it, he will come.” He interprets this message as an instruction to build a baseball field on his farm, upon which appear the ghosts of Shoeless Joe Jackson and the other seven Chicago White Sox players banned from the game for throwing the 1919 World Series. When the voices continue, Ray seeks out a reclusive author to help him understand the meaning of the messages and the purpose for his field.

All his life, Ray Kinsella was searching for his dreams. Then one day, his dreams came looking for him.

If you believe the impossible, the incredible can come true.

If you build it, they will come.

Here are a few men who “Built it and they came”
Steve Jobs built Apple computers
Henry Ford built the 8-cylinder engine
Edison built the light bulb.

These are just a few examples of men who dared to dream and build something that would serve others.

But this phrase does not only apply to baseball fields and technology.
Anything you build, they will come
.
Translation, “whatever your plant will grow.”

Whatever you put your attention on, increases.

What is your field of dreams?

What are the voices in your dreams telling you to build?

if you build it 2

In my book “Out of the Snares” my field was “my promised land”

The voices in my dreams kept telling me that if I built on this land, I would leave a Legacy for my children.

I have internalized this phrase. It has become my truth. I know…without a shadow of doubt, “that if I build it, they will come.” Anything I build, they will come.
As a Life coach and motivational speaker, I am building my business now. I build my brand on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. I blog several times per month. I have authored 3 books.

http://myhelps.us/books/

This is how I am building, and they are coming.

Here is an excerpt from a blog about the mother of a Downs Syndrome child who wanted to attend college. The College had to build a program for inclusion of special needs students. They built it, and the students came.
http://kellehampton.com/2015/03/if-you-build-it-they-will-come-if-you.html

Several years ago, a young woman attending a special needs graduate course there piped up at the end of class and asked her professor, “What is this college doing for inclusion?” The professor thought a moment and then turned it into a homework assignment (“The other students hated me,” she laughed.): Design and write out what you think a college program for special needs should look like. If Field of Dreams taught us anything… If you build it, they will come. The students designed what became the University Participant (UP) Program, a fully inclusive 2-year program–full residence, dorms, classes, work, support, communication, goals, accountability–and soon found one student with special needs who wanted to come. “We were building the airplane as we were flying it,” Dr. Kelly Kelley remembers. “So you built it,” I asked, “but how did you fund it?” “Passion,” she quickly answered. Speaking of passion, let me explain how I landed in North Carolina last week. Right before Nella’s birthday this year, I received an e-mail from Liz, another mom of a little girl with Down syndrome. I had written a post expressing interest in organizations helping adults with Down syndrome, specifically in relation to post-secondary educational opportunities. Liz responded, telling me about Ruby’s Rainbow, the organization she and her husband had just started in 2011, providing scholarships for people with Down syndrome to attend college. In four years, Ruby’s Rainbow has already helped fund 42 people’s college dreams. The thing is, a lot of people don’t realize that “people with Down syndrome attending college” is even a phrase. And how can we raise money for it if people don’t know it exists? I wanted to help bring attention to the incredible work Liz and Ruby’s Rainbow is doing, but I was also curious–what does this even look like? One phone call with Liz, and we were scheming. Let’s go to college. Let’s go visit two Ruby’s Rainbow scholarship recipients and let them tell the story. Let’s peek into the window of possibilities for our own girls. Let’s see what can happen when one person begins with a question: “What are we doing to help? “ Thanks to an incredibly accommodating college that quickly set up a full day’s agenda to give us a thorough day-in-the-life experience, and two individuals who were eager to share their story with us, we were on our way early Wednesday morning last week to make the two-hour drive from our hotel to Cullowhee, North Carolina. Our first stop: The Office of Residential Living where Zach gets paid to work 10 hours a week as an office assistant to supplement his college experience. A handsome young man, sharply dressed, stepped away from his computer to greet us when we arrived. He shook our hands and introduced himself, answered our questions about what he does and paused to answer the phone when it rang or tend to the front desk when his officemate asked for help. –
See more at: http://kellehampton.com/2015/03/if-you-build-it-they-will-come-if-you.html#sthash.8LkIdX0n.dpuf

Now some of you know that sometimes, okay most times, especially for startup companies “You build it, they do Not come.”

This article talks about Entrepreneurship and building a new company.
http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/251900

Sometimes you have to go get the clients instead of waiting for them to come.
Here is an excerpt:.
I am not sure my version of this quote would have worked for Kevin Costner and the movie Field of Dreams, but it would certainly have saved countless entrepreneurs from disappointment and defeat.
There’s no shortage of savvy startups that will never get off the ground or designer duds that won’t grace the catwalk. Just because a product is out there doesn’t guarantee that consumers will come. Great ideas without equally great promotion are as good as non-existent.
It’s just like the age old question: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound? The same can be said for great ideas and products. If consumers never discover or buy them, are they still great? I have fallen victim to the false pretense that if I only built something, consumers would come right over and consume it. But my first failed business taught me otherwise.
At the ripe old age of 21, I managed to convince two successful entrepreneurs — after multiple pitch meetings and business plan revisions — to invest in my media company, despite the fact that I knew nearly nothing about media.
What I wanted was to create the leading online men’s lifestyle magazine, complete with highlights on where to eat, what to wear, where to travel — and I called it Debonair. The idea was much more novel in the early 2000’s before the flood of publications now devoted to gents — and the idea was good (Thrillist and Urban Daddy launched similarly oriented sites shortly after to much success).
They wrote me a check for $100,000 and just like that I was in business. But contrary to my mistaken notion, it wasn’t as simple as having the seed money, building the site and just watching everything fall into place. I wasn’t popping champagne and toasting with the big boys like I thought I’d be. Not even close. The next two years were trying times, and I was swimming in a sea of startups that knew more than I did.
I poured every dollar I had into a fancy website with what I believed were all the right bells and whistles and pricey photography that had made glossy magazines so sought after and I figured that was all it would take. When the traffic didn’t come, I blamed it on the site design, the logo, the font, the layout, the photos. I became victim to the “better is the enemy of best” syndrome, redoing the same thing over and over and over again trying to perfect it for the public. By the time I bypassed the fluff changes and figured out search engine optimization, pay-per-click, buying lists and marketing — it was too late.
I lost every last cent of my seed money, and Debonair flopped.
I built it, and they did not come.
……..
Five years later, I tried again. This time with Sourcing Journal, a trade publication.
Unless your jeans have three legs, it isn’t a new idea. If you want to build a brand, build it. Forget the wealthy heirs to family businesses or those who get large venture capital funding. If that isn’t you, like it wasn’t me, you will have to be a doer and figure it out. Go get some orders, no matter what product you have. Borrow money for purchase order financing to produce the product and pay the too-high rates if need be. Be scrappy, be an entrepreneur, make it happen.
Focus on distribution. Technology has changed the game, so use it to help get the word out there, build hype and sell, sell, sell. Do not wait for the people to come because you could be waiting a long time. Knock down the proverbial door and keep going. And when you get that order from Barneys, or Macy’s or Bed Bath and Beyond, call me. I’d be happy to make that product for you.
Not because you built it, but because you got them to come.

Edward Hertzman
CONTRIBUTOR
Founder of Sourcing Journal

Here Are Five Reasons That If You Build It, They Will Come.

1. Make sure that there is a need for what you are building. If you are a startup company. Do your research, know the demographics of your target market.
2. Be prepared to keep at it until you win. If something does not work, change your approach. If that does not work, change it again. Keep changing your approach until you win. There is a winning solution! Most people give up when success is just around the corner.
3. You must see the vision. If you don’t see it, you can never be positive that you will win. It will be like a pie in the sky. Something hoped for, but unattainable.
4. You must have a burning desire to win. You live the phrase “failure is not an option.” The desire must consume you. There is no better example of this than the Sylvester Stallone story. Sylvester refused $100,000 for his script “Rocky” when he had no money to eat. He then sold his dog for $50.00 to buy food. His burning desire was to star in his screen play. He built it and they came!
5. Keep hitting the Anvil. Do something every day that brings you closer to your “field of dreams.”

#5 Trying to Find Your Purpose? Check What’s in Your Hand

moses handAre you trying to find your purpose? Take inventory of what’s in your hand? Unfortunately God does not make your purpose clear, you have to check your natural gifts and talents to gain clarity.

“What’s that in your hand?” the LORD asked Moses. Moses answered, “A staff”

The Daily Bread, “What’s in your hand”

Our Daily bread puts it this way:

“If you have a tendency to despair over lost opportunities or if you worry about the future, ask yourself this question: “What is right in front of me?” In other words, what circumstances and relationships are currently available to you? This question can get your focus off a past regret or a scary future and back to what God can do in your life. What is God’s intention for your life, what is your purpose, gifts and natural abilities?”

unique talents

You may be at a crossroad in your life and want to change careers but you don’t know what you want to do. To find your purpose, ask yourself, what do I have in my hand? What are my gifts and natural abilities? Take inventory of your natural talents and abilities. What are you good at? What do you like to do? What have others told you that you are good at?

What did Walt Disney have in his hand when he was broke and out of a job? Answer.. he had in his hand the natural ability to Draw. That pointed him to his purpose of creating the “happiest place on earth”.

What did Nelson Mandela have in his hand when he was imprisoned for over 27 years in a small cell? Answer..he had the natural ability and gift to lead. His purpose was to lead his people out of Apartheid. God put in his hand the natural ability to forget self and work for justice for his people.

How did J.K Rowling find her purpose? She was broke and a single parent with no support? She asked herself, How can I figure out what to do? Her answer.. she checked what she had in her hand, what was her gift and natural ability. She was an English teacher. She used her love and mastery of the English language to create a story in her mind and then put it to paper. The Harry Potter empire was born.

In my book “Out of the Snares” I share How I found my purpose by checking what I had in my hand. I had in my hand the ability to write and to tell a good story. I had a love of people and the compassion in my heart to want them to succeed, so I transitioned to becoming an Author and a Life coach.

talents

If you are trying to find your purpose, check what’s in your hand. What do you have in your hand that God gave you at birth to build his Kingdom?

Use what you have in your hand- You were created with a purpose; God gave you the skills and talents you need to complete your task. Stop waiting for the right time.

Check out what Propel Women article said about finding out your purpose by referencing the bible story of Moses and how God used what was in his hand.

http://www.propelwomen.org/content/whats-in-your-hand/

Stop asking when you are going to get your gifts or talents or calling and see what’s in your hand.

But there’s a bush that is burning and Moses’ life is about to get flipped upside down.

Moses answered, “What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, ‘The Lord did not appear to you’?” Then the Lord said to him, “What is that in your hand?” “A staff,” he replied. The Lord said, “Throw it on the ground.” Moses threw it on the ground and it became a snake, and he ran from it.” [Ex. 4:1-3]

In Exodus chapter 3, Moses had many doubts and many fears. He came up with tons of excuses. But God asked Moses what was in his hand.

We know Moses has a shepherd’s staff in his hand, a dead thing. But then he laid it down and it became a snake. A dead thing became a living thing, and a dangerous thing at that. So dangerous in fact that Moses actually runs from it! God says to pick it again and it becomes a dead thing again.

Just like God told Moses, I believe God is telling people today to lay it down. Will you not lay down your identity? Many of us are defined by our job, our education, our financial status, or marital status. But Galatians 2:19 reminds us that, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.” Yes, it’s no longer about me, but rather Christ who lives in me. God is saying, Let me be the one to give you identity. Find your identity in me.

Before we find our passion and calling, we must be willing to lay down our influence and recognition.

The recognition of man pales in comparison to what God has called us to. God is asking if you’re willing to lay down our dead things so he can make them come to life. Many people are living lives that are dead; it feels comfortable and safe and controllable.

But when God gives us a vision for our life like He did with Moses, we’re able to see the power God has for us, the purpose he promises us, and the plan he wants for us. It might scare us. Some might even want to run away from because it’s terrifying and they won’t know how to handle the amazing things God has for them.

Pick up your copy of “Out of the Snares” and understand the Biblical principles behind the story of Moses and the “Burning Bush”. Learn how our “Burning Bush” is our passion and natural talents.

Order your copy today.http://myhelps.us/book-order/

Trying to find your purpose? Need help understanding what is in your hand? Let me Help you. Get 4 coaching sessions for $100.00 with the order of “Out of the Snares.”

Place order here:
http://myhelps.us/book-order/