Does your unhappiness have a purpose? Does your negativity change anything? The answer is no, so why do we choose it?
I just finished reading the book The Power of The Now by Eckhart Tolle and he made the statement that we chose unhappiness even though it serves no purpose. He asked the does your unhappiness change anything?
The book the Course in Miracles states that we believe that when we are unhappy our unhappiness buys us what we want. Not true in fact it pushes what you want further away.
Take a child who has conscious parents. Let’s say the child decides to throw a temper tantrum because they want to watch TV or they want a toy or candy. Any good parent will not give it to them, in fact if my kids threw a tantrum or cried for anything, they never got that thing. Just recently my foster daughter cried because she wanted to watch TV and she thought crying and carrying on would get her TV instead the TV was removed from her room. So, if crying and unhappiness did not get us what we wanted as children, why do you still use it as adults?
All negativity is resistance. Negativity ranges from irritation to fierce anger.
The ego believes that through negativity, it can change reality and get what it wants. It believes that through unhappiness it can attract a desirable condition or dissolve an undesirable one.
If your mind did not believe that unhappiness works, then why would it create it?
The fact is that negativity does not work; instead of attracting a desirable condition, it stops it from arising. Instead of resolving an undesirable one it keeps if in place.
Its only useful function of negativity, is that it strengthens the ego and that is why the ego loves it.
What is the ego? The ego is that portion of the human personality which is experienced as the “self” or “I” and is in contact with the external world through perception.
No other life form on the planet knows negativity, only humans. Just as no other life form poisons the earth that sustains it. Have you ever seen 2 ducks fight? They fight and then go their separate ways and then flap their wings to release the negativity and they are done. Humans carry around that negativity for decades. He did that to me! This negativity becomes, depression.
There is a line in the Matrix that says that Humans destroy their environment or land and then moves on the next place. What are you destroying with your unhappiness?
Think about it. Has nagging your spouse ever resulted in him becoming the spouse that you want them to be or did it have the opposite effect? That is why the Bible teaches that a man would rather live on the roof top than live in a house with a nagging wife.
So today, I want to shine a light on unhappiness. Why do we create it if it does not get us what we want?
These are the options in, how to be happy. What good does it we do none of the these things, but just live with unhappiness? If you can successfully find which negative behavioral and cognitive patterns are making you unhappy, and address them, you’ll be able to start feeling happier in less time than you may think.
I will tell you what it does. It creates disease in the body and sends you to an early grave, but it never gets you what you want. Unhappiness serves no purpose other than to make you sick.
Even if you throw a temper tantrum and you get the toy in the store or your spouse gives in. Ultimately your unhappiness returns. It is only temporarily satiated.
Conclusion
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.
When we have, childhood traumas, our natural responses are shut down. We are not able to fight or flee. This activates our, stress hormones. It changes our body and puts us into a sympathetic state, to ready us to fight, flight or freeze; but when we can't, when we're impaired, we have to stay frozen in that situation.
Our body's, stress response, does not shut off. Our hormones continue to be elevated. And so, what happens over time, if we are constantly experiencing that stress over and over, it changes our biology.
In this episode Mandy Harvey shares her, LOVE Methodology, to help us return to the parasympathetic state.
Mandy: I got into this work because of my own trauma and my own healing process. I grew up in trauma. I was just kind of born into it. I grew up in a home with a single mother who had her own traumas, and as a result that affected my experience with the world. She sometimes was there and sometimes she wasn't. There wasn't always love.
She often had men in the house that were very abusive and that abuse was often directed towards me. She remarried a couple of times in my childhood, but at the age of 14, she and the man that she was married to, took their lives, and it was a result of me coming forward sharing with a counselor at school what had been going on in my home as it related to sexual abuse, and emotional abuse.
Myrna: Wow. Similar to my story,
Mandy: So, my whole world instantly changed. I was placed in a home with family members, and, still kind of grew up with family, but I was very deeply affected as you can imagine by that experience. That was the start of therapy for me. And I spent a couple of years in therapy doing, EMDR therapy, work. Really processing the grief, and the guilt, because I felt very guilty.
Myrna; It was just about to ask you that but was gonna wait for you to finish. But yeah, I mean, gosh, that's huge guilt.
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Mandy: I really took on the belief through that guilt, through that process, that I couldn't trust my intuition, that my ability to make a choice for myself would turn out into disaster. And I held that belief for a very long time, throughout my adult years. But as a child I was trying to navigate this guilt and hit a wall. At a certain point, I just couldn't talk about it anymore. My body started to ache. Every day I woke up in pain, physical pain, emotional pain, and I just started to get numb, and number and number and it was just like, I had no relation to the world anymore.
All I could see was this grief. It felt like I was being sucked down into this black hole. All I could see and feel was just guilt, this pain of suffering, this thought of I just want to be back with my mom, even though it was traumatic, even though it was abusive and neglectful. That's all I knew. And for me that felt like love. As crazy as that sounds.
Myrna: How did you come up with the, LOVE methodology, as therapy.
Mandy: Well, it's something actually it wasn't, it wasn't named love. I named this after a year ago doing this work myself.
There was a moment when my daughter, my youngest daughter, she is someone who exudes emotion from one side of the scale to the other side of the scale from like pure bliss and joy to pure anger and rage. I mean, she has a wide spectrum. And anytime she was over in this rage part of her spectrum, I would get so uncomfortable.
One day she was in a moment of pure temper tantrum screaming she was really mad about something insignificant. And I had my back to her and I was washing the dishes and I could feel like a wave of heat moving through my body. And as I was getting higher and higher, I could feel the rage. Like I could feel my jaw gets super tight, like, oh my god, I could just scream at her right now. Like she needs to shut up.
And I'm washing the dishes trying to ignore her. And she's just letting loose and finally I turned around, I had a glass in my hand and I threw it at her feet and I said :SHUT UP” she was shocked. That was the first time I'd ever screamed at her. And the look on her face was just fear.
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I started crying. She was crying. She's like, I'm so sorry. I'm a bad person. I didn't mean to upset you, you know like, so we're trying to pick up the glass and I'm crying and thinking like, what is happening? What is going on in me that I immediately revert it like this feeling what is this feeling in my body so I sought out, Somatic Experiencing, therapy work.
Myrna: Did you stop your original therapy at this point?
Mandy: Throughout my adult years, I had been in therapy off and on. So, at this point in time, I had not been to therapy in a while, but over the last 20 years I've been through multiple forms of, talk therapy, processing my abuse, processing the anger towards my mom, processing my childhood over and over again. But this was a whole different level.
And this is why I knew I needed something different because I've been talking about my story for 20 years and I can intellectualize it really simply and be like I know this is why I'm upset and you know that I'm like doing the job for the therapist. Right? But this was like a whole different level of awareness that somehow, I was holding more in my body than I was able to reach through just talking; because our body has a different story than our minds do about what happened to us.
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Releasing childhood traumas with meditation
Myrna: So true, I do this meditation from Dr Joe Dispenza about getting the mind out the body. Actually moving the energy up through the nervous system to the head. It is the Kundalini rising.
Mandy: It makes a lot of sense. We all have traumas that we hold in our bodies, we may not even really be aware of that influence, how we show up our behavior, our thoughts, our actions. But for me, it was once I started that Somatic therapy for about two and a half years. I healed more than I did in the previous 20 years of just talking about it. And it really gave me the tools to understand how to connect to my body, because up to that point. I was like a head, walking around in the world. I had disconnected from my body.
Myrna: So, how do you how do you heal women or help them heal from a stress and trauma using your, LOVE methodology?
Mandy: The methodology called LOVE is an acronym. It's four steps, it stands for:
Listen- Listen to the thoughts, the beliefs that you that run through your mind on a consistent basis.
Observe – observe where you hold them in. Example your body. Where's the predominant location where you hold that thought of, I'm not worthy, or I'm not good enough or whatever that thought is?
V is for validated. So oftentimes, we are not taught to validate our emotions or experiences, which sometimes this is a hard step for people, but this is all about, if I feel that unworthiness in my heart space, you know, it's about teaching people how to have compassion for that part that's feeling very unworthy and very unseen. It's giving them a language to tap into that part of them. So, they can make a connection and start to repair and build trust and heal that part and integrate it back into their core self. Use experience. So, experience, meaning or sorry.
E is embrace with love. So, what does that part need? Tune into that part, that's feeling unworthy, that's feeling very heavy in my chest. And I get a validation and say, You're right, I can understand why you feel that way. What is it you need from me right now? That kind of sounds a little weird to talk to ourselves like that. But our bodies full of wisdom and insight into what we need in the moment.
So, if it's like, I need a hug. Let's go find someone who can really give you a hug or give yourself something else. Like I need to just sit outside or maybe take a walk, going to walk Great. But it's in the process of meeting our needs. In the moment learning how to ask for what we need and meeting those needs starts to build up trust again.
Someone who's been traumatized and holds a lot of stress and anxiety in their body, and most likely be in a sympathetic nervous system state. In order for us to heal and go deeper into some of the traumas. We must slowly help our nervous systems to release that trauma.
Myrna: So, what is the language that we're using?
Mandy: Well, the language is a little bit different for everyone. And what I mean by that is, my nervous system talks to me in a very specific way. And that might be different than how your nervous system talks to you. So, this is all about first getting people comfortable with recognizing they have a body that’s feeling.
So, for me, anytime I'm stressed my guts, my stomach gets so bloated and in intense discomfort. And the instant I feel that sensation. It's like a switch. I'm like, oh no, I'm feeling stressed right now. Okay, I need to take a minute to acknowledge that you know, reflect what's really making you stressed right now. Or when I would feel like it wasn't safe for me to speak up. I would feel it in my throat. I would feel like I can't swallow.
Childhood traumas and autoimmune disease
Myrna: What is the connection between, Childhood Traumas, and chronic health disease?
Mandy: Yeah. So, when we're a child, and you know, our natural responses are to fight flight or freeze. And when we're tired if we're in an environment that's abusive, or traumatic, and I'll just use mine as an example, if you are sexually abused, I was not able to fight or flee. This activates our stress hormones. It changes our body and puts us into a sympathetic state, to ready us to do those things and fight flight or freeze but when we can't when we're impaired and we have to stay frozen in that situation.
Our body's natural processes don't shut off. They continue to be elevated. In that stress response. And so, what happens over time, if we are constantly experiencing that stress over and over, it changes our biology, in that we become more sensitive to stress we get stressed faster and faster and faster every time that happens.
And it starts to create this low-grade stress response in our bodies and in our brains and sort of affects not just our physical body, but it changes the neuro chemistry in our brain, because of that constant assault. The, stress hormones, are running through our bodies through childhood and then into adulthood, where we have maybe more responsibilities or even more things that we have to be worried about. And starts to really degrade our system because the, stress hormones, are meant to be short bursts to help us get out of that environment, they're not meant to be long term.
So just like you were saying that inflammation over time, deteriorates our gut health, deteriorates our immune system, deteriorates our ability to digest foods.
The stress response to traumas
Myrna: a little bit more about your work, the LOVE methodology, the soothing way to heal many traumas, tell our listeners where they can connect with you and the kind of trauma that they need help with. Talk about your website, talk about your social media handles, and this is the time where we talk about your work.
Mandy: Awesome. Thank you. Yeah, I do I share that, LOVE methodology, in a few different ways. So, I do corporate speaking, I love to reach out to companies who are interested in helping develop their employees through health and wellness. Helping them manage their stress, learning how to regulate their nervous systems. And in those talks, and in those workshops, I often share this, LOVE methodology, because it's something very simple. You can do even at work. You can do it for five minutes. You can do it longer, but it's an empowering tool that can help you start to take control over experiences that you feel like you don't have control.
And it can help you try to limit and shift how you are triggered in the workplace. So that's one place in which I share that. And then I also work one on one with people and do healing sessions. And so, in those healing sessions, we will leverage this methodology sometimes in one session. And other times maybe it's introduced over a series of sessions to emphasize that. And then here locally where I'm at I do guided hiking sessions where we hike and heal. I'm in Colorado.
What I would like to share with your audience is on my website, free downloads, video and a workbook that goes over this, LOVE methodology. So that's on the front page of my website. My website is www.Mandylharvey.com. My Instagram is @MandylHarvey
As Christian’s we just celebrated Jesus the Christ and the fact that he bore our sins on the cross. His suffering and the shedding of his blood is the symbol of our deliverance and, God plan. He died as Jesus and arose as, Jesus Christ.
Jesus transformed into The Christ. Christ is the spirit that lives in all Christian’s baptized in the Holy Spirit.
There is no Christ without the cross. The same goes for everyone else. Suffering is part of Gods plan to open the door to your enlightenment.
In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I share how to use your suffering as your spiritual practice.
So, if you are suffering right now, pick up your cross and carry it. Know that God will send someone to help you carry your cross, and at the end of your suffering, because it will end, you will receive your reward.
The Bible says weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.
At the end of your suffering, you will be transformed.
Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”
Learn to pray like Jesus, father if it is your will take this cup of suffering away from me. God’s answer could be immediate or his answer may be not yet. Carry your cross just like Jesus did. He knew it was his purpose and that is why he came. Most of us do not know why we came, but I can guarantee you if you are suffering it is meant to teach you something that you need to accomplish your purpose.
Suffering is the doorway to your transformation.
Most of us suffer in relationships, but if we are conscious and aware, we will see that we are building strength and character going through and then one day, you get your joy back. One day you arose. One day you got your grove back.
Your suffering becomes your spiritual practice that leads to your awakening.
Accept your suffering like Jesus did. The miracle is in the surrender.
This is how surrendering, far from waving the white flag, becomes the ultimate tool for empowerment and positive action.
When you are able to stop wallowing in the unfairness of what life dealt you and all of the shoulds that never came to be, your mind will be free from suffering. Suffering also stops when you surrender to the present moment and rumination and recrimination about the past.
When I stopped fighting with my situation, my scope and options for positive action became clear, and at that point I was in full control of the little space in life that I actually could control—me.
When I stopped questioning the situation in which I found myself. Some of it was unfair, the result of what I took to be other people’s unjust actions, but at the same time, a lot of it was the result of my own actions, as well as pure chance. While I learned some lessons looking backward, the key to my recovery was accepting where I was and look forward to how to get myself out of it.
My immediate action was to seek help, first from friends and then from a therapist, something I would have previously stigmatized as self-indulgent. Overcoming the shame of that opened the floodgates of what was possible for me, and everything was up for grabs. I learned to surrender.
Conclusion
Thanks for tuning in to this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. Hope to see you back her next week same time for another episode. Until next time namaste. If you have not done so already please subscribe to iTunes and leave a review.
Anahita Joon, Priestest and healer teaches us how to embrace our, female sexuality, and the, divine feminine by exploring our, sexual desires, and not being ashamed.
Anahita is the host of “God, Sex, and Everything in Between Podcast. We are going to be specifically talking on the topic – “How to Embrace, Female Sexuality, and the, Divine Feminine.
Listen to the Full interview Here:
Bio – Anahita as a, divine feminine, leadership mentor and a credentialed spiritual counselor. She activates, the divine feminine, and leadership of women who are ready to awaken and unleash the force of nature within. She mentors communities of women, doing the most cutting-edge work of full expression, pivoting and leveling up.
Born during the Islamic revolution of Iran, Anahita is a modern-day priestess, healer and medicine woman. Her work is the culmination of over 25 years of intensive study with mystic masters and Shamans, Social Research as well as over 10 years of our own teaching on, female sexuality, embodiment and the, divine feminine. She is committed to women living lives filled with love, beauty, pleasure and power while harnessing leadership and purpose and, the divine feminine.
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Introduction to the God, Sex, and Everything in Between
Tell us about your podcast” God, Sex, and Everything in between” What is your purpose on that podcast, what kind of topics you guys talk about?
Anahita – My whole mission in this life is to bridge the opposites that the experience that I've had in my journey as a seeker. My journey as a guide and, sexuality, coach has been really the beauty and good experience, basically those moments of illumination. They really are experienced when we bridge the opposites, when we merge the opposites and those could be anything that we hold in opposition in our thinking, that we hold binary in our thinking.
So a really relevant example of it that actually doesn't have anything to do with the podcast, an example would be like what's going on with the “Black Lives Matter” movement and the beauty that happens when there's unification, when actually opposing energies come together and what that creates.
My journey was so impacted by the dogma of organized religion and the shame of, sexuality, through the vehicle of, God's word. Then my journey became about actually being able to bow to all of it as sacred and to hold all of it in reverence. To hold, sex, and obviously hold, God, in reverence and then everything in between.
Everything that would be in the gray, everything that we would want to name maybe good enough, not good enough, or over here, like all of it. We hold it all in reverence with, God, and we hold it all like the primordial primal desire of, sex. We just hold it all as one and in that place is where we actually find freedom, that's where we find freedom.
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We talk a lot about, sex, we talk a lot about, female sexuality, we talk also a lot a good amount about, God, and I speak a lot about leadership and the, divine feminine. What it is like for women to lead from a place of the, divine feminine, and how to really balance the, divine masculine, and, the divine feminine, energies in leadership.
We talk about plant medicine working with psychedelics, really trying to go to the places that would otherwise be taboo; but probably our listeners are either curious about or experimenting with just not talking to other people about it.
What is the Divine Feminine
Myrna – I did some research on our topic, the Divine feminine, female sexuality, the, sexual desire, part of it; but I wasn't quite sure about the, divine feminine. What I found out about it is emerging energies as you mentioned the, divine masculine, and, divine feminine, energies which of course we will get into. I have some questions about women exploring their, sexual desires, and I just love the fact that you picked that topic, because you want to really empower women to be their best and to use their, feminine energy, whether it's for leadership, or whether it's for their, sexual desire.
I didn't ask you about your background, but now I think I need to circle back a bit on it. You were born in Islamic revolution of Iran. I don't think women have a lot of power in that environment. How did you transfer into this leadership person and being able to be, sexually free, and talking about, female sexuality? How did you traverse that terrain?
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Anahita – Well, I’m going to tie it back to what you were saying earlier about leading from the, divine feminine, and then embracing my, sexual desires. I actually experienced and believed that we don't lead from the, feminine, if we are disconnected from our, sexuality. They're not actually separate; but it's just like anybody's story.
Our greatest oppression is usually the greatest opportunity for freedom and empowerment. So, that was my experience, because I was born who I am now – meaning I had a lot of wild, sexual energy. I had a lot of sort of raw, feminine, life force and I was living in this highly oppressive culture especially oppressive to the, feminine, and to women.
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Why men try to control, female sexuality with oppression
There was a significant amount of shame around any expression of the, feminine or, female sexuality; so it wasn't just covering your hair. A lot of people don't understand the extent of the oppression. It's like sure, I could go out to the street at eight or nine years old and have a gun pointed in my head because my hair covering fell back.
That doesn’t just shame and oppress your femininity; but to this day it's illegal for women to sing in Iran because their voices are considered so beautiful that they will seduce men into acts of, sex. There is plenty of absurdity happening now.
We're more divided than we've ever been and this is basically what happened in Iran because it was a very oppressive culture. Tehran where I was born and raised is a part of Iran. I was born during the revolution, which used to be a very cosmopolitan city in the Middle East and it became something very different. It became much more divided and that's the time that I was growing up. So, when you say how I got there, I mean it started with a desire to experience, sexual freedom, and then not having oppression when I got to the states. I was 14 years old.
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Myrna – Why do you think that women who are, sexually free, in the States different from the Middle East? I laughed when you talked about the singing voices of women sexually arousing men and because of that they can't sing! I believe that the man can control himself.
What I mean is in the United States, women walk around half naked. Are you're thinking that you're going to stop her from dressing half naked because a man can’t control himself? Totally different ways of approaching a problem here in your country, they're muzzling the woman in the Middle East; but they should be telling the men that they should look at controlling their, sexual desires.
How, Female Sexuality, is viewed in the Middle East
Anahita – Here's the thing in the Middle East, if a woman gets raped, she's the one who brought shame onto the family. But understand that consciousness about, female sexuality. The consciousness that creates kind of law or that kind of regime is not absent here in the States. It manifests differently; but it's the same consciousness.
Myrna – Women are told that exploring their, sexual desires, is bad. When I was growing up, a woman was not allowed to explore her, sexuality. A woman was not allowed to proposition a man, they had to wait around for the man to do all the work and I still have that in my head. So why do you think that women hold back and exploring their, sexual desires? Is it because I said how we were brought up or is there something else from your studies?
Anahita – There's nothing else. I mean the, divine feminine, is the greatest gift, sexuality. When I speak about, female sexuality and the, divine feminine, it's not about, sexual energy. It is not the energy to seduce; but the inward facing, sexual energy. That is an inward facing, eroticism, and oneness with life. It’s the ability to just be able to taste life more, to be turned on physically by yourself.
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How do you control women? By controlling their, Sexuality
The greatest gift that we have is the, divine feminine, it is the power of women. How do you control women? You shame their, sexuality, because it is their greatest power. Female sexuality, is the thing that makes them givers of life. It is their greatest power. It's the only place (really the primary place) where men actually feel helpless in the face of women.
Therefore, the business of religion says we're going to control this because if we control it and put a big cloud of shame over it, they will be in shame and we know shame is a very low frequency emotion.
How to embrace the Divine Feminine and the, Feminine Face of God
Myrna – What is, the divine feminine? Because, I think that's a big piece here and a lot of people or a lot of my listeners including me don't understand what it is. Can you explain what, Divine Feminine, is? Then, we can move on “how do women embrace it?” I think you talked from what I learned about it. Will you touch on the opposing, sexual energies? Is that the whole part of the, divine feminine energy?
Anahita – I want to say I wouldn't be so presumptuous to say that the, divine feminine, needs me to explain what she is. What I mean what is the best way to explain what the, divine feminine, is? The best way to embrace the, divine feminine, is to just close our eyes and drop into our heart and connect with the greatest love of the, divine feminine, that you've ever experienced. It is the place of absolute faith, absolute trust, absolute surrender; thy will be done.
That level of home with the, divine feminine, is a feeling that it is coming from a great mother. That it is a maternal feeling that it has that much love and permission and holding and allowing for you to be exactly as you are. So that it's kind of like a way to taste her a little and that was my experience of her. It's just that she, the divine feminine, had a lot more permission from me than the, divine masculine, male, God, that my religion had introduced to me and there was not quite as much permission. When I found the, feminine face of God, there was a lot more.
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Myrna – I love that. So is, the divine feminine, different from, mother earth, or is the same thing?
Anahita – Well that's the thing. It's the same energy expressing in different ways. Another way to really come face to face with it is during child birth. If you've ever had the honor of giving birth or being in a room when a human being is born that divine mother is present there.
Myrna – When you were talking, that's where I went. Actually, I mean even though I knew what it's like to be in the presence of the Holy Spirit and be in that space, when you talked about, the feminine face of God, and, mother earth, on top of it. I went into my memory of giving birth as a mom. You know how you feel about your children. I have two children, so it's a divine mother.
I felt I understand that was a very good explanation. So why do you think when a woman embraces her, sexual desires, or embraces the, divine feminine, that it becomes a source of her power. Why does it become the source of our power?
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Anahita – My program “Beauty Unleashed” is a six month transformational program. It’s me putting together everything from 25-30 years of study, about 15 years of teaching and Facilitating Tantric sex and yoga and all of it. What I noticed was, as I was working with clients mostly privately, was that what the women who had the greatest success was becoming fully unapologetic. They were coming out of the magic closet and reclaiming their magical gifts, letting go of the fear of being ostracized or burned at the stake, all of those shame fears.
Watch “Anahita My Tedx Talk” and stay in communication by Signing up for something free.
After being orphaned at a young age, Dr Neeta Bhushan developed resilience. If you look up the word resilience, the literal definition is to, bounce back. The bounce factor, is your ability to, bounce back, and be resilient when life knocks you down. A glass that holds water is tough, it's strong, it holds things together, but if let that glass go, it’s going to shatter into a million pieces.
On the other hand, if I have a basketball, it has a little give and if I let it go, it will, bounce back. So we also need a little give. We can’t be rigid. Like the glass if we are rigid then we shatter into a million pieces when we fall. The, bounce factor, is how we become strong and soft at the same time. That is how we, get back up, when life knocks us down.
Dr. Neeta Bhushan is a cosmetic dentist turned three-time international best-selling author and world-renowned emotional health advocate. She is also the founder of Global GRIT Institute, a wellness education platform for optimizing wellbeing, and cofounder of Dharma Coaching Institute, a coaching organization training coaches to become the highest versions of themselves. Neeta has shared her thought leadership on grit and, resilience, on international stages and as the host of her popular podcast, The Brave Table.
After realizing how trapped she felt running the million-dollar dental practice she built, Neeta embarked on a journey that led her across 45 countries as she researched blending the intersection of human behavior, ancient wisdom, Eastern philosophy, and therapeutic psychology. That knowledge, along with other life experiences overcoming multiple adversities, which include being orphaned at a young age, surviving an abusive marriage, and extensive loss, contributed to the powerful message of resilience she shares in this book. Neeta is a mother of two, and currently lives in Austin, Texas, with her husband and children. Visit her on the web www.neetabhushan.com
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The Transform Your Mind Podcast is the #1 Self Improvement Podcast for Women
Dr Neeta: I lost my mom at 10 years old and then my brother a year later, then my dad a few years later. I really didn’t deal with the grief until I was in my 20’s. I didn't really go through the feelings of the loss of my mom, my dad, my brother, I was in survival mode. I just became resilient. I'm like, Okay, we gotta get out of this tunnel. And so getting into my 20s I had all my coping mechanisms on full blast. My coping mechanisms was that I stayed in relationships for too long. Especially romantic ones that didn't really serve me, because I was afraid of being alone. I was trying to fill that void of loss with someone, anyone.
And I think a lot of times, we do something because it is so painful to go into that void. It's so uncomfortable to feel those feelings, so we self-medicate with people, sex, drugs, food etc. Today we have the greatest dopamine device ever, our smartphones. All we have to do if we're having a bad day, is to swipe, or scroll and we feel better. We don't have to feel it anymore. Or we go home and turn on the TV and we can Netflix all night. These are all activities to stop us from feeling. I did this for years, staying in bad relationships because I didn’t want to feel lonely until my life was in danger and I had to go.
I'm was waking up and this is what I call, flying forward, in my book. That process of, flying forward, after a life situation makes you choose instead of being knocked down, you fly forward. Denzel Washington called it, falling forward. If you have a fall, it could be a literal fall, or metaphorical fall. I teach you how to, get back up, and, fall forward.
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Resilience: the ignited stage
Sometimes we are ignited by someone crossing a boundary. In my case, I was not safe. I feared for my life. I was ignited, I had to go. When you're in so much of that pain that you start letting people in. When the shame is overshadowed by desire to be safe.
I was so ashamed because I grew up with immigrant parents from India and the Philippines. Divorce is a taboo and so it took so much courage and bravery to leave that marriage. You can also get ignited if you have that medical diagnosis or if your child is sick, you just lost a job or maybe you're just not feeling in that right mindset anymore. You've lost it, whatever that was you lost it. There is now a trigger. That says nope, you got to do this.
And that's the ignition and for me the ignition was I'm leaving, packing my bags and asking for help by telling my aunts and grandmother, the matriarchs that supported me that I was actually in this situation. I was a cosmetic dentist at the time and I remember going into that practice that day and saying, I need support. I cannot do this alone. I don't know if I can keep his office open because right now, I'm going through the darkest time of my life.
This was the first time in my life that I could actually focus on breathing, that I could actually say the 3 words that saved my life. “I need help.” And I think you know a lot of us go through these stages and times in life where things can get really big. But you always have those three words. “I need help.”
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Flying forward after rock bottom
Myrna: You mentioned your immigrant parents and I'm not quite sure whether it's an immigrant thing that we have a problem asking for help. But I am from Guyana and I have a very hard time asking for help myself. I always think that, I can do things on my own. So, I'm glad that you were able to put that aside maybe because you were at the rock bottom. And you asked for help and that is great. You mentioned, flying forward. You talk about the, flying forward, framework. What is that?
Dr Neeta: Stage one is, when you when you have that breakup, when you have that fall when you go through a loss when you maybe get sick yourself, when you have financial troubles. You look at your bank account and you're like, how did I get here? And you have to make a decision, and then we get into that ignition phase where it's like, are you going to stay? Are you going to go? Are you going to keep doing the same thing? Are you going to ask for help. Are you going to, say you know what? I am going to book a session with my healer, my therapist, my coach, I'm going to sign up for that training because I said I wanted to lose the 20 pounds and I can't take it anymore. This is where the ignition is.
This is where that fire is lit under our bellies. And we're like, okay, we're going to do something completely different. That's scary. That's uncomfortable because I don't want to go back to that reality, that reality is painful. And I'm going to step forward so it's kind of like we get into them.
Stage three which is the phoenix rising from the ashes. We're actually asking a different question.
We're actually saying, Okay, well, this is uncomfortable. This is messy. It's not perfect. This is a chaotic, and I can't explain it right now, but I'm feeling a little light and feeling that because I am in this mess. I am rising like the Phoenix Rising, I'm leaning into things that are uncomfortable, so maybe it's being imperfect. Maybe it's saying yes to a new hobby, saying yes to something that really scares you that you've been putting off. Maybe it's saying yes to going to the gym with a trainer.
Or we're or sitting in a time of the suck where it does actually suck and you're okay with feeling the uncomfortable feelings there because you've been suppressing it for far too long. And that's happened in my case where I said, I don't even care anymore. There was uncontrollable crying and heaving. Scientifically, the cry signifies us getting closer to ourselves, and most of us are so afraid. Right? And it's and we're in and it releases our tears released the cortisol, it's releasing the stress that we're holding.
So that the Phoenix rising stage and when we get into the Magnify stage,.
The Magnify stage is, I'm in full acceptance. I'm in full acceptance of my reality right now. I have this new confidence that you know, maybe I am starting to go on dates or maybe I am starting to invest in this thing. Or maybe I am starting to get better at public speaking or whatever the thing is that I want to be able to transform my life with and then we get into thriving.
Thriving means that you know, it doesn't mean that we're immune to falling again, because it's a cyclical cycle, right? We are going to have things that challenge us. But thriving just means that now you have things that are built into you that check in with your boundaries. You know, check in with people that support you. I call them my SSP, our sole support policy, and in our sole support policy.
It could be one or two friends, maybe it's family members you mentioned your amazing parents. Oh my God, it's amazing that to have people in your life that you can actually lean in on that can hold that space and be present with, who could say I got you don't worry about this. Thriving also means that you have your personal check in. I call it our POC, your personal observational check in to see how am I actually doing? Do I really want to go to that thing this weekend? Or am I doing it because I'm obliged to somebody else? Can I say no? What will that mean? So, we redefined our boundaries to work for us.
Myrna: Yes, I love that. So, I understand the question now, flying forward is moving from that stuck position and going through the stages to get to thriving. The very first stage is making the decision to do something about it. Your story is your, resilience, and that is why you founded The Global Grit Institute. So it's almost like that your story helped to build your purpose. So, let's talk now about the, resilience, because you talk about something that's called the, bounce factor, to build an increase your, resilience. How do you teach your clients to build this, resilience?
Dr Neeta: Yeah, well, so for those listeners who have ever been taught about, resiliency, or, resilience, we think mental toughness, we think we have to be strong. In fact, when I was growing up, my parents and my dad specifically, he was from India. And he would say, Neeta, you're so strong. You're so strong, and I would hear this over and over and over again. And I think that as parents now that I have my own children, I questioned myself whether or not I want to even share that with them because that's also implying that they also can't be soft, that they also can't have compassion for themselves.
When we look at the root of the word, resilience, the root of the word comes from Latin, of course, and it's resilient, which means the literal definition is to bounce to, bounce back. And so, if I were to take a glass of water, you would say, well, Neeta that glass is tough, it's strong, it holds things together, but if I actually let that piece of glass go, it’s going to shatter into a million pieces. Right?
On the other hand, if I have a basketball, it has a little give and if I let it go, it bounces back. So we also need a little give. We can’t be rigid. Like the glass if we are rigid then we shatter into a million pieces when we fall. The bounce factor is how we get back up when life knocks us down.
We can look at our current environment and ask, are we invoking what I call, good stress? What is that, good stress, barometer? You're probably asking, why would you want, good stress in your life? Well, good stress, can look like leaning into and exploring your edges, exploring what is comfortable for you. And what is maybe a little bit out of your comfort zone.
I'm saying let's go into out of our comfort zone. I'm not saying let's jump out of a plane tomorrow, but maybe, you know, you want to improve your health. And maybe the edge of your comfort zone is walking a mile a day, walking more than 10 minutes maybe the edge of your comfort zone is not eating unhealthy sweets, replacing it with something else. Or maybe the edge of your comfort zone is going, meatless on Mondays or no carbs on Thursdays.
Myrna: Yeah. Wow. The, bounce factor, is the process to help people cope with their setbacks and challenges after their sucky moments? I love that word. Sucky moments.
Dr Neeta: There's three parts of the book “That Sucked: Now What.” The first part is that magical moment what you realize that this sucks, we've talked about so many different types of sucks. And, that's kind of where the book starts where it's, gosh, that sucked, I can't control what happened, but we can actually be in a space of vulnerability to say, how am I feeling right now? I am feeling really X, Y, Z, fill in that blank and giving yourself pause to say, oh, yeah, this really hurts or I'm feeling really sad right now. I'm feeling really frustrated right now. And many times, when we go through a second sucky moment, we often let our brains want to gloss over it.
But what we really want to do is we really want to give ourselves the awareness and the space to actually say out loud and identify the feeling that we are actually feeling because most of the times, we're ruminating in our head, we're getting really upset. We have our physical attributes where you know, we clench our fist or we clench our jaws. Or we raise our shoulders up, and that's when we need a little give to bounce.
So, part two of the book is when we get into the, bounce factor, and as we've already kind of illustrated, there are four pillars of your, bounce factor. And then we get into part three of how we, fly forward, once we've strengthened our, bounce factor, and how we, fly forward, pass any stuck that we come across.
As I mentioned we have:
igniting stage
the rising stage,
the magnifying stage,
and the thriving stage
Conclusion
And that's how you know the book is arranged. At the back of each chapter of the book I have a resources section. If you when you go to www.thatsucksnowwhat.com, you can pick up a copy of the 44 page color coded guide on how to do this with your kids, with your families with your team members. And it's just a great resource to see how we're actually processing.
Myrna: So that's amazing. All right.
Dr Neeta: The book is a big culmination of all of the low points of my life from all of the, sucky moments, right? That's why the subtitle is called, how to embrace the magic and the mass and the joy and chaos.
Myrna: And what do you want the readers walk away with after they put down your book?
Dr Neeta: I think to give yourself permission to suck, life doesn't have to be perfect.
I also have a podcast called “The Brave Table” where we drop episodes twice a week on how to be brave in your life and your actions as well.
Myrna: How can we connect on social media?
Dr Neeta: Yes, I am @NeetaBhushan Instagram, Facebook and LinkedIn.
Overdraft protection, in your marriage is when you have made more deposits than you have withdrawn. So you are never overdrawn.
Overdraft protection, in a bank is a service provided by your bank that ensures your transactions are covered if you have insufficient funds in your checking account. The bank will automatically move funds you have available in another linked account to the overdrawn account.
In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I share why it is necessary to have both.
Overdraft protection when you are running on empty
Have you ever driven on empty with the gas light on and praying that you can get to your destination before your car runs out of gas?
Or have you ever been in line at the grocery store and praying that when you give your card it would not say declined and you would have to put stuff back while the people in the line judge you?
If you had, overdraft protection, or a spare gas tank, then you won’t have to worry.
That is why compassionate banks give you $100 overdraft protection when you open a bank account. To cover you on the days you need a little help.
That is why luxury cars manufactures build in a second tank because a lot of unconscious people go out and buy luxury cars and can’t afford gas for these cars. You don’t have to pray any more for your gas to get you to your destination, unless it is the second tank running on empty.
But today I want to talk about overdraft protection in your marriage or significant relationships.
Why is overdraft protection necessary in your marriage?
In my first marriage a family member got up and made a toast at my wedding that went like this.
“May your marriage never be overdrawn. May you always put in more than you draw out”
That is the foundation of the, overdraft protection marriage, to give you something when you are in overdraft. When you are attempting to take out money you did not put in.
It works the same way in your marriage. You can’t withdraw what you didn’t put in.
In the banking system you put in money, but what do you put in your marriage? I am glad you asked. Here is the best marriage advice I can give you.
Know the, 5 love languages. One of them is, acts of service.
Acts of service is your overdraft protection marriage
I hear men taking about washing their wife’s cars and always making sure her car is filled up with gas. That is filling up your marriage account.
Women acts of service could be as simple as taking care of the home, so your man doesn’t have to worry about it.
Regardless of what, acts of service, you deposit into to, marriage bank account, you know when that account is in overdraft.
When you ask your husband to do something he always did before and he says NO, you are in overdraft. That means you have been asking favors and not doing anything for him or so he feels. Because unlike money in the bank which is either there or not some people take things for granted and you could be making deposits and they don’t even recognize or acknowledge them.
For example, when a man gets home, dinner is always ready and yet he would tell you, you do nothing for him!
Or a wife would bash her husband in front of her friends for something insignificant, but do not acknowledge that he is the one working and supporting the family. That is why men need us to show appreciation, because most of them are taken for granted.
So, for your deposit to count in your, marriage bank account, make sure that your partner says something like “Thank you baby this means so much to me” If not your account will go into overdraft and be in trouble.
What happens if you don’t cover your overdraft at the Bank? They close your account and that is what happens when you stay overdraft in your marriage, it ends in divorce.
One of my favorite movies is Erin Brockovich to illustrate, acts of service. One of the scenes in the movie was her man sitting on the bed holding a pair of earrings. He says you know what I bought these earrings and I said you know what when Erin says something nice to me, I'm gonna give her these earrings he says you know what Erin that was six months ago. Erin was in overdraft. She had no, overdraft protection, because she did nothing for the past 6 months that he considered nice.
When we get too much in overdraft our account gets closed
She was big time in overdrive because she was taking her man for granted. Remember the story, he was looking after her kids, he was doing all these nice things for her and she was all focused on winning her case. After all she had 400 clients. We are all like Erin, we get so focused on doing that we forget our loved ones, forget to do something nice, forget to say something nice, and then our marriage bank account becomes empty and what did the guy do? He put those earring down and he walked out. You don't want that, so be mindful of your marriage bank account.
Thanks for tuning into this week episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.
We attain, life mastery, by our daily habits. The habits we need to be cultivating daily has to include something physical, something spiritual, and personal development to build your brain.
In this episode, Sherry Fernandez, NYT Bestselling author talks about, Life mastery, how to develop the habits needed for success.
Sherry Fernandez is the author of the New York Times, bestselling book ‘Life Mastery: Personal Progression Toward an Infinite Potential’. The book has sold tens of thousands of copies globally and has been featured on several leading media outlets. She has been a student of personal development for 40+ years. What makes her program unique is that she practiced and refined the life mastery principles taught for decades, before deciding to share them with others.
Sherry helps people who are already living well and looking for ways to reach new heights in their personal growth, personal finances, or personal health, to see what’s possible. She helps her clients improve in their close relationships, careers, spiritual growth or starting new businesses.
Myrna: What are some habits that propel us to, life mastery?
Sherry: When I work with people, it goes beyond the big vision of what we want, for example, like who we want to marry. I knew what I wanted. I never wanted to ever get married and have children, but then I had one and then I decided to keep that child. My parents did not give me my drive. They had nine marriages between them. So, I wanted something different. So I thought if I am going to do this, I'm gonna do the very best marriage possible. I don't think it's gonna be very fun. I thought it was gonna be horrible, but I loved the guy.
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Daily habits to master your marriage
So, I read every book I could find on, marriages. I had a vision of what I wanted my marriage to look like and so I started working on it. I did the things that was the books said I should do and I even exceeded my vision of what a marriage should be. And we've been married for 45 years and still having the best sex. And so, all these things exceeded my vision. I put the principles to work early on and went to work on, life mastery. It was a slow growth right but I just kept at it and kept at it until I developed the habits for, life mastery. I was able to exceed my dreams. And I think that's how it works. You have this big dream or big goal and then you work on it, turns out even better than you thought it was going to be.
When we're moving forward, we're happy and you can prove that in a day. Do something move to move forward a little bit, some little thing and see how it makes you feel. I've had people come to me and say I didn't have time to work out. And I would say. Commit to me to do something tomorrow. And then Tell me how it went and all they'll do what they always do. They do this yeah, I feel happier. It's one step. It's amazing day just one step forward and People are happier. You don't have to get there because you never get there anyway. It's just taking the steps forward that make you happy. And then they compound.
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Steps to building life mastery
Myrna: What are some of the steps that can get us to, life mastery?
Sherry: What you do every day is what's gonna make you successful your, daily habits. So, when I have a client come in, I don't ask them what they want to work on. We work on their goals but not the very first week.
First off, they need something physical,
We need to work on something spiritual. If they're religious people, they know that there's something there in their religion they need to be doing or maybe they need to pick up something spiritual. Practice meditation is something spiritual.
You need something for your brain. You need to be educating yourself and learning and growing all the time. Preferably something in your field and some things that are outside your field every day.
So those 3 habits will get a lot of people started on, life mastery. There's gonna be some habits that must be forever disrupted the same way. But education must be an ongoing forever habit. Physical Fitness has to be an ongoing, every day, forever habit. spiritual practices must be every day and you can't miss. You can’t say I will pray tomorrow; today’s prayer is for today. Tomorrow’s prayer is for tomorrow.
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Daily habits build life mastery
You must work out every day. You cannot say, I will work out 5 mins today and 60 mins tomorrow to make up for today. I learned this the hard way. I had 6 kids, that means all the ballgames and all the dance lessons and all the laundry and all that stuff. And sometimes I think I'm too busy to do my personal self-care like physical fitness. But I had to do it no exception. If I didn’t spend any time on self-care, I felt less happy at the end of the day.
We're happy when we take care of our health, take care of ourselves and do personal development, then go out in the world and make a difference. If I didn't get the laundry done. I could live with that. I can do that tomorrow. But If I didn’t do my personal development practices, I couldn’t live with that. And you don't save time by skipping it.
Myrna: Yeah, so you know your, life mastery habits, are foundational. So, let's touch on, personal finances. You saying that if you want to make lots of money, it's a good driver for, Life Mastery. And I think, what you basically saying is that, goals, are a driver of, personal finances. If you have a goal of doing something then you will achieve it. So how do you teach your clients to want lots of money and then go ahead and make it happen?
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Seven steps to making lots of money
Sherry: There's are seven areas they need to work on to make lots of money:
Spirituality,
Relationships,
fitness,
education,
money,
vocation,
character
And so, money it's only one piece of a piece pie, but it is important. So, they set their own goals. I work with a lot of entrepreneurs. So, we do a lot of entrepreneurial kinds of goals, for example doing more good in the world.
Jim Rohn said make a million dollars for what it can do for others.
Make a lot of money, you are gonna touch a ton of lives, you're gonna get to spread that money around. You can do so much good both with the money and with the resources. Elon Musk went to the moon with his money. He wants to build a transportation system into space. That is doing good with your money.
Learn, apply, live, learn how to support yourself, then learn how to been able to support some other people like your family. And then when your finances good, and you've learned a whole bunch of stuff. Then you can go find another way. You can choose how you serve. I can choose how I serve because I have the financial resources to serve any how I want.
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Life mastery habit: track your daily habits
Myrna: Tell us about your, life mastery, classes and how we can get in touch with you.
Sherry: I'm a big believer in simple systems. So, I believe the simple steps that I teach, the first one is you got to track your, daily habits. You got to just track your daily habits, daily.
Peter Drucker said “What gets measured gets managed”
Your, daily tracker, will track your daily habits and that's how you develop, life mastery habits. So, on my website there is a daily tracking chart you can download for free. It just lists the, daily habits, you want to do down the left hand column. It's like a calendar the days of the month across the top and you just you write down your activity like, meditation, workout, eat clean, floss my teeth, 20 minutes of devotion etc. These are the, daily habits, you want to track.
You have got to set the parameters. You must say what is the workout? Thinking very clear, what constitutes a workout? Is it 5 mins or 45 mins? Because if you don’t and you work out for 5 mins when you should be working out for 45 mins, workout doesn’t get crossed off the list on your, daily tracker. If your daily step count is 14,000 steps and you do 13,900, it doesn’t count. Then you didn't get it done.
Book: Life Mastery
Affirmations build life mastery
The, daily tracker, also works for, affirmations. One of my affirmations is that I have I laugh easily and often. So, what that means is so about eight to 10 of those every day on things that don't really matter so they can be they can reinforce another habit. Another affirmation could be, I get up early. You put it on the tracking sheet. I have an affirmation about being aware of my thoughts and working on mindfulness.
I have about five to about 13 affirmations. But I would suggest people you can go ahead and do about 10 affirmations for, life mastery.
Sherry: My website is www.LifeMasteryinfo.com. Life Mastery was taken. You can email me any time about anything and I will respond. My email is sherry@lifeMastereryinfo.com. My mission now because I made enough money so I can get what I want is to make a difference.
Setting goals, in, clock time, means we are not emotionally attached to them. We are able to enjoy the journey and not just the destination. But when you, set goals, in, psychological time, you are never fulfilled when you achieve them. You have heard of people who, set goals, and when they attain these goals, they are only happy for a brief moment and then they are unfulfilled again. That is because they are psychologically attached to the goal. The subconscious mind is telling them that until this goal is achieved, happiness is not possible. Or until this goal is achieved, they are not successful.
Let’s say owning a house on the beach is your symbol of success and you tell yourself that until you live on the beach in a beautiful mansion, you cannot feel fulfilled or feel successful. This means that you are not going to enjoy the journey. You are psychologically tied to living on the beach as your means to the end.
Or let’s take the goal of being married. Most women have this goal.
Marriage could be a symbol of acceptance that you are enough, because someone says you complete them, or they can’t live without you etc. Marriage could symbolize the success you dreamed of as a little girl.
But what happens when you achieve this goal? Does it create lasting happiness? The divorce rate is 50% or higher. Nothing wrong with that goal but do you stop living until you get married. Are you enjoying all the perks of being single?
Does achieving any goal fulfill you forever? You know the answer to the question.
That is because goals set using, psychological time, says that until this event happens, you will not be happy or successful or fulfilled. When you achieve these goals, you are happy for a few days and then you are not.
Goals set with, psychological time, never fulfills because the goal post is always moving.
It is okay to set goals, but you must enjoy the present moment.
You must enjoy where you are now.
If you ask yourself what is lacking now, the answer should always be nothing.
Goal setting, in, clock time, says If success comes, I will accept it, but if it doesn’t, I am okay with that too.
That is why we can’t tell ourselves that until something happens in life then we will be happy, fulfilled, complete etc. because not only can you die waiting for this goal to manifest, but if you achieve this goal, you will still not be complete or happy. Why because you have to take care of the inside before things on the outside.
When you take care of your inside, joy is always your partner. You are happy with or without. You are happy for the breath of life. If you add success to this you will find fulfillment.
What “The Matrix” the movie was trying to show is that we're inside of a game, we're, consciousness, inside of the, game of life. And so, our reality is a merging of the, game of life, outside the body. When Noe realized he could control the game he says, why don't I change it? Why don’t I change the rules? Why don't I change the way I interact with it? Why don't I populate it? And that is where he's able to start to control his reality, and create his own matrix. We can all do the same thing.
Alana Aviel is a guide to Mastering the Creation of your Reality. Alana Aviel of AKIATA is an Oracle, Channel, Teacher, and Spiritual Guide/Activator working primarily in the Quantum Realm. Following a powerful near-death experience, Alana has humbly stepped fully into her service as a guide and teacher in the Akasha and assists in total obliteration of old paradigm patterns and limitations to being. Her work focuses on identifying the cues of one’s reality and activating our natural powers as the creator of our Reality to live an aware and empowered life.
Alana: I was in a motorcycle accident where I was in a coma and have a severe brain injury. It was actually the conclusion of one, soul's journey, and the initiation of my soul's journey. So that was the start of my adventure. And it's what's called a, walk-in soul, experience. So where one soul kind of says, okay, I'm ready to conclude my journey here on Earth, and it creates an opportunity for another soul to kind of hop in and continue the journey.
Myrna: Take us on a chronological journey.
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Near Death experience and a walk in soul
Alana: Yeah, so most people are born you know, they're a baby they live a life they grow up they have school, they have childhood memories, maybe some trauma, all those experiences. And you know, when we understand the, near-death experience, somebody kind of hops out of the game for a minute and comes back right? What I'm saying is I'm actually a different soul continuing the journey of the person who created this body. So, I don't have childhood memories. I don't have a point of reference. That was a story of a soul that preceded me and I kind of came in midstream.
Myrna: Wow. In the, near-death experience, a new soul walks in. I have never heard this before.
Alana: This is what some people call a, walk-in soul. But for me, the most powerful kind of contrast is, I don't come with the context of a life experience that most people have, most people have childhood memories. They have, you know, trauma that you can inquire or, you know, an impact about beliefs or an impression of, you know, things that they learned in school, because I kind of came in midstream, I have the benefit of some of the memories that Alana kind of left me.
Myrna: What was the experience that the original soul left that a new soul came in? You mentioned something about a motorcycle accident.
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The soul agreement and game of life
Alana: In 2007 the original Alana experienced severe head injury, in a motorcycle accident and was in a coma for a good amount of time. And I would say that was the time that we kind of changed places you could say during that coma, whatever her soul had chosen was saying okay, this is going to be the conclusion of my adventure here on this earth game. I'm sure that she and I created a, soul agreement, that I would pick up where she left off. And so I woke from the coma, started to understand, oh, this is the new life experience. These are some of the rules. These are some of the ways that she lives. These are some of the things that she did, these are some of the people that she knew, and I kind of just picked up the roll from there and carried on.
Myrna: How does a, walk-in soul, take us to the, matrix?
Alana: Yeah, so, you know, we use this term, matrix, or we use this term like the, game of life. Basically, it's an experience inside of, consciousness. And the interesting thing is people identify the, matrix, or the ego as the limitations, the obstacles, the challenges, the lack or the struggle of trauma, those types of things, right. And sometimes people identify the matrix as this force outside of us, like the government or you know, all of these other limitations; but in reality, what you need to see is the limitations are how our subconscious designs our, game of life.
The matrix or, game of life, is to be played based on what our soul identifies as wanting to experience inside of, consciousness. And so, when I talk about limiting suffering, it can be as simple as changing the way one identifies inside of consciousness. Because the way that we identify inside of, consciousness, will define the experience that we have.
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Myrna: Well, you know, that 99.9% of people don't even know, what is consciousness. We just show up play the, game of life. We're in the matrix and you know, it's tumbling us around and we're reacting to outside stimulus. But consciousness is a big word. And even though I'm in the space of, awareness and, consciousness, and, trying to create my own reality. I know that I'm not at the top of the game. So, when you are saying that we're limited in our, consciousness. Explain for the layman what that means.
Alana: So there's four ways to experience reality. And as you said, 99% of people have that perspective that life happens to them that they're kind of a victim to circumstances. So, they are at the entry level of the, game of life. When people have an awakening, they start to experience a level of consciousness where they start to realize, I'm actually the observer in the game. I'm able to transcend these limitations and look at them with a different context, a more divine perspective. All of a sudden they are able to take themselves outside of that victim-hood and say, wait, there's something else going on here.
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The matrix illustrates how to play the game of life
And that's what the movie “The Matrix Movie” kind of illustrates. He takes the red pill or the blue pill and all of a sudden, he realizes the game isn't what he thought it was. Similar thing happens when people have an awakening. So, the stage that comes after the observer, is we're starting to notice okay, I can see the way this works a little bit differently. It's not necessarily happening to me, but I'm participating in it in a way that I can't quite explain. Then we get to manifesting what we want in this, matrix.
I know a lot of people who are really getting on to the idea of manifesting using affirmations, using depth of beliefs to create inside their experience. So now you're not only just observing life, but you're playing as a creator. In my experience, I can create my prosperity through my belief, I can create my relationships in a different way through my belief, now I understand myself, and we really have kind of left the victim hood and started to be more of a creator. When you play the, game of life, as a creator, it’s like putting their heart, their skin, their dreams, and their imagination into action.
And then once you really get to a place where you are merging with, divine consciousness, which can be known to some people as enlightenment, you know, we've had a lot of ascended masters that have set this example Buddha, Jesus all the other ones, right. This is where reality can be perceived as being created in real time, exclusively from our mindset. And so, this is where everything in our experience is a manifestation of the mind.
Myrna: Sure, so from what I remember of the, matrix, you know, there was a body, sitting in a chair, and he took the pill and he was going to the Oracle and the Oracle said that he was the One. But that reality of the matrix didn't actually affect the body. Right? Because there's one time he got shot in the matrix and he was sitting a chair still alive. So, help us play the game where we're in a matrix, which is the, quantum field, and then we're in our body. How does that work?
Alana: Well, I mean, there's a lot of layers to it. The first thing that I find is most valuable for everybody is we're all the guy. We are all the One. So everybody is in their own unique matrix. What “The Matrix” the movie was trying to show is that we're inside of a game, we're, consciousness, inside of a game. And so, our reality is a merging of the, game of life, outside the body. When he realized he could control the game he says, why don't I change it? Why don’t I change the rules? Why don't I change the way I interact with it? Why don't I populate it? And that is where he's able to start to control his reality, which is what we're talking about.
And he's able to watch himself participating in real time, which is like what manifesting is, you know, you set your intention or what Dr Joe Dispenza talks about and “Becoming Supernatural” you can heal yourself, but only because you made yourself aware of your capacity to do so. So, my cheat code that the matrix illustrates so beautifully is that our mindset is everything. How we identify is everything. We identify ourselves as always running after our next paycheck. The paychecks are going to keep running away from us. If we identify ourselves as somebody where money is running to us, money will run to us.
The game of life, this movie The Matrix, that's a clue, the book The Secret, that's a clue. And there's so many clues that are kind of naturally built into the game. And one of my favorite ways to understand the clues is to look at the life of children. Because children know how to play the, game of life. They haven't picked up the muck that kind of makes us forget. And so, what do they do? Kids play dress up, they use their imagination. They pick up a block, it becomes a car, right? Kids know how to play the, game of life, and then we pick up beliefs and the baggage from society. And just increase our degrees of forgetting until we find it again.
Myrna: How we can get in touch with you if you're on social media. Tell us your handles.
Alana: Yeah, beautiful. My handle on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/akiataetheric/ and Tiktok is @akiatsetheric. If they follow me I share a lot of juicy mind bending ideas and concepts. But most importantly I have this experience called the mirror dimension. And if you go to mirror-dimension.com You'll find my membership there we meet weekly to learn how to read your reality. It's really easy, accessible, low-cost program for people to come in and start to learn about themselves to learn about the conscious experience playing a, game of life, learning all the cues.
I find it very important for us to include unpacking people's personal experiences as demonstrations of what does this clue mean? What did that challenge what was that challenge trying to say? So, we workshop in real time in the mirror dimension to learn how to be better creators in our reality. It's a really incredible workshop style experience for people to come and learn and grow.
The Magic of faith is in your beliefs. Your beliefs are the currency of faith. Faith is essential to manifesting your desires. It is the currency of the spiritual world. It is the currency of God.
Trust God and have faith that he will give you the desires of your heart.
What specifically do I want to happen? include details.
Why do I want this to happen?
How will I feel when I achieve this happens?
Am I willing to ask for support if it does not happen?
Will I refuse to give up?
Am I excited about making this promise to myself?
Will I enjoy the journey from where I am now to where I want to be?
The bible says, Ask and you will receive. You must have, faith, that you father in heaven will give you the desires of your heart all you have to do is ask for it in prayer.
See yourself in possession of what you are asking.
Connect with source and Ask God in prayer. Learn how to, ask god for what you want.
Make a strong declaration this is what I want and I not settling for less.
When you ask you get it immediately but it is held in your, vortex, as un-manifested potential.
Whatever you ask for have already manifested vibrational and are waiting for you in, the vortex.
Vibrational reality, always precedes, physical reality, whatever you hold in your hand you first held in your head. Your, vibrational reality, is how you are feeling most of the time. It’s the thoughts you are having that translate into the emotions that you are feeling.
Most people are influenced by their, physical reality, to the exclusion of everything else. If something happens in their, physical reality, they react to it. They have thoughts and judgments about what is happening and those thoughts and judgments translate into feelings about what is happening. We’ve all been there and done that. It's part of being human in this physical world.
To get into the, vortex, and activate, the law of attraction, you need to work with your, vibrational reality, for the things you asked for, you must reach for the best feeling thoughts in every moment. This is, how you ask the Universe for what you want.
