Beyond Love: When Love Alone Isn’t Enough

When love is not enough

Love is a powerful and beautiful emotion that has the ability to uplift, inspire, and bring immense joy to our lives. But what happens, when love alone isn't enough? Love forms the foundation of many relationships, providing strong bonds between partners, family members, and friends.

However, there are instances, when love alone isn't enough. In this video, coach Myrna looks at the, Bible story of Hanna, and why the love of her husband was not enough. Coach Myrna, shares 5 realities of, when love isn't enough, and how we can build resilience and understanding to overcome obstacles on the path to fulfilment.

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When love alone isn't enough

Have you ever loved someone, but could not live with them so you broke up with them instead? That is an example of, when love alone isn't enough.

Today I want to look at the bible story of Hanna and why the love of her husband was not enough.

Let’s look at 1st Samuel 1:8

Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons?

Hanna had all the love a woman could want from a man, but she was not happy because she could not have children. Her husband’s love was not enough to fill the hole in her heart.

For Hanna having a husband wasn’t enough, having a man who loved her, wasn’t enough.

Love can be a wonderful and important aspect of our lives, but it is not the sole determinant of our happiness. Happiness is a complex and multifaceted emotion that can be influenced by various factors. While love can contribute significantly to our well-being, there are other aspects to consider.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Here are 5 reasons when love isn't enough

  1. Self-fulfillment: True happiness often involves a sense of purpose and personal fulfillment. Pursuing your passions, setting and achieving goals, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and a sense of accomplishment can contribute to overall happiness. For Hanna and most women this includes being a mother.
  2. Emotional well-being: Happiness goes beyond love and encompasses emotional well-being. It's important to develop coping skills, self-care practices, and maintain healthy relationships beyond romantic love, such as with family and friends, to cultivate happiness.
  3. Personal growth: Continuous personal growth and self-improvement can lead to a sense of fulfillment and happiness. This can include learning new skills, expanding your knowledge, and challenging yourself to become the best version of yourself. You can have all the love in the world but if you are not growing, you will feel unfulfilled.
  4. Physical and mental health: Taking care of your physical and mental health is essential for overall happiness. Engaging in regular exercise, practicing self-care, managing stress, and seeking support when needed are all crucial aspects of well-being.
  5. Meaningful connections: While romantic love is significant, nurturing relationships with friends, family, and a supportive community can provide a sense of belonging and happiness. Building and maintaining meaningful connections with others can be a source of joy and support.
Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast
Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast

Motherhood a path to self fulfillment

I Just finished reading Paris Hilton memoir.  In her book Paris shares her infertility journey. Like Hanna love was not enough, being a Hilton and an heiress was not enough, having a brand was not enough, like Hanna she wanted a child.

Remember that happiness is subjective, and what brings happiness to one person, may differ from another. Sometimes love of your family or spouse is enough, but most of the times you must love yourself first. It's important to explore and cultivate various areas of your life beyond love to find fulfillment and happiness. Seeking a balance between different aspects of life, investing in personal growth, and fostering relationships can contribute to a more fulfilling and joyful existence.

Being in love or receiving love is not enough for self-actualization which include realizing your dreams, being true to yourself, and achieving inner peace.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna

Additional Resources

Becoming Flawesome: The Journey to Self-Acceptance

 

Break the Cycle of Emotional Eating To Lose Weight

Emotional eating and weight loss

Emotional eating, can be challenging to break, but here are 3 tips to help you break the cycle. In this blog, Dr Katrina Ubell, author of “How to Lose Weight For the Last Time” talks about how to escape the cycle of, emotional eating. Emotional eating, is a habit that can be hard to break, but with the right strategies, you can conquer it.

To break the cycle of, emotional eating, you first have to recognize when you're eating for emotional reasons. Once you've identified your triggers, you need to find strategies to stop yourself from eating. In this post, we're going to share with you three simple tips that can help you overcome, emotional eating, and start feeling healthier and happier!

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Stop emotional eating and lose weight one last time

Dr Katrina Ubell's book “How to Lose Weight for the Last Time” offers brain-based solutions for dropping pounds and keeping them off without suffering or sacrifice. As a pediatrician Dr Katrina Ubell MD always struggled with her weight she was either 40 pounds overweight or struggling to use lose that weight although she'd regularly counseled parents on the importance of keeping their kids healthy and fostering good eating habits.

Dr Ubell as a busy professional was never able to do the same for herself. Like everyone else she tried many different diets and programs, but would always regain that weight. In 2015 Dr Ubell cracked the code for making, weight loss permanent, and developed the program targeted at busy professionals like herself who often deprioritized their own wellness. As a, weight loss coach, Dr Ubell has signed and helped over a thousand busy Physicians and professionals find and stay at a healthy weight with her brain based program and she's now ready to bring this program to the general public like you.

Dr Ubell's program doesn't involve any unrealistic diets plans, special Foods supplements or even rigorous exercise protocols; instead she uses a deep understanding of the brain and behavior patterns to get results. Through her work she's been able to uncover and speak into Universal obstacles that stand in her way of losing and keeping the weight off.

Myrna: I know we're all aware of the yo-yo diet, you diet you lose the weight, you start eating again because you got to, then you put the weight back on.  Share how you lost 50 pounds?  Tell us about your, weight loss journey, and how you cracked the code to keep weight off because you look pretty good right now.

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What is emotional eating

I struggled with my weight for so long, when I was younger I can identify that I definitely did some, emotional eating, which I define as just eating food when you're not physically hungry. Your body is not asking for food, yet you're eating anyway. I mean I might have fluctuated a little bit, but I was relatively active as a kid.

But it was never really too big of a problem, it was when I went to medical school that things really started to become a problem for me.  There just was no time for anything but studying working in the hospital, and hospital food that's not particularly nutritious. I mean there was even a Wendy's fast food restaurant in our Hospital. So I started struggling  in medical school so I went to Weight Watchers for the first time.

I'm a high achiever you give me a list of rules and I'm like I can do this. I will suffer follow it. I will totally sit here starving. That's when I started drinking diet soda, because I think the bubbles and the carbonation filled me up. Some of the stuff that I would do all in the effort to get the weight off, but then what I found was that I got the weight off but I knew I couldn't keep it off.

I really didn't have any kind of meaningful plan for maintaining at all and so of course, I regained the weight back and then I repeated that cycle I mean literally at least 10 times over the course of my training in residency and then out in practice.

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Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Is keeping the weight off even possible? Yes

Myrna:   I was about to turn 40 old when my battle with, weight loss, began. I you know a lot of people around those Milestone birthdays we start to just kind of reevaluate everything and one of the things I was was thinking about was my body my weight.

Dr Ubell:  I was just trying a bunch of different things and through a very circuitous path, I tried more things that didn't work, but through that path I was introduced to the concept of, emotional eating, before then people would talk a lot about, compulsive eating, and that term did not resonate with me. When I found out that, emotional eating, is eating for any reason other than fuel for your body, I was like oh yeah no sign me up.

I would overeat when I didn't know any of other way to deal with my emotions and you know have a busy life. I have three kids, I have a husband who is a surgeon, so he's got a busy as well. As a doctor there's a lot of ups and downs and I had no other tools, no other skills so of course I would use food to cope.  Some people use alcohol, but for me it was food.

Myrna:   That was a great intro on, emotionally eating. Right now I am doing intermittent fasting and I'm supposed to eat my dinner between six and seven and I'm not supposed to eat again for the night, and it's incredibly hard not to eat.  My brain is is telling me that I need to go eat something and I'm not hungry. I might get hungry 10 30 or 11 o'clock when I go to bed, but at 8 o'clock I'm not hungry,  but I want to eat.  How are you teaching in the book and your clients how to stop that desire to eat when they are not hungry?

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Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

Emotional Eating when you are not hungry leads to weight gain

Dr Ubell: I am so glad you brought it up because so many people struggle with this.  Nighttime eating for people is so hard.  So the first thing we want to do though is,  we want to zoom out and look at the big picture a little bit and for everybody it's going to be a little bit different but there's often some common themes.

For a lot of us, this is just habit.  It's just what we do and so our brains are like hey it's eight o'clock  it's time for a snack.   Some eat for comfort in the evening.  A lot of people struggle with, nighttime eating, which is why, intermittent fasting, is blowing up.

Myrna:  You said that when you were in medical school you had no time to eat right and you found out that you were not alone, that all Doctors ate bad because they had to time to eat healthy. But a lot of women and mothers have a busy life, they get up in the morning they got kids, they go to work, they come home, they gotta do dinner, sometimes it is much earlier to stop and pick up fast foods.

Dr Ubell:  I think the thing that we have to recognize is that a lot of busy women in particular think about things in the extreme swings of the pendulum.  Either they need to be cooking this home-cooked meal with all these fresh vegetables bowls that takes a long time and is pretty involved with lots of ingredients.  Nobody got time for that right, we're not doing that.  So then I guess we're just eating burgers at Wendy's.

Book How to lose weight for the last time
Book How to lose weight for the last time

How to Lose Weight For the last time

But the biggest thing that we have to recognize when we're very busy, our time is accounted for is simplifying what we expect of ourselves and what we eat those are amazing tools. You could order HelloFresh at a 50% discount. Much cheaper that delivery.  Or cook something simple.

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Myrna:  Tell us about your book “How To Lose Weight For the Last Time”  I understand the main message of the book is, emotional eating, and the conversation you have in your mind about the food, but what is the predominant message that you want to put out?

Dr UBell: The main message of the book is that if you've struggled with overeating/your weight and you're feeling like your relationship with food is not where you want it to be, there's a solution.   What I talk about is what I call Peace and Freedom around food. I described before which is you are just around all the foods it's Thanksgiving and all your favorite foods are there and you're gonna enjoy the heck out of them, but you're not gonna overeat them. You're not obsessed, you're not sitting there asking when's the time for pie, because I can't think of anything else.  I can't even hold this conversation because all I'm thinking about is pie!

What we're doing is we're using our brains to re-regulate that so that we listen to the call of hunger, answer to the satiety signals when we've had enough. We have an appropriate amount of desire for food, meaning when we start getting hungry we want to eat that makes sense, but not in the middle of the day all the time.  So that's really the message in the book is that you have way more control over this than you think.  You're not broken, it's not hopeless and you can't fix.

Myrna:  So where can they get a copy of your book?  Tell us about your website and social media handles.

Conclusion

Dr Ubell:  So the book is available anywhere books are sold.  It's also available on audible.  My website is www.KatrinaUbellMd.com and my podcast even though it's called “Weight Loss for Busy Physicians” I have a lot of non-physician listeners, people have gotten a lot of help out of it.  On my website there's several free resources that people can download and get started.  If you buy the book and then put in your order number on our special website which is KatrinaUbell.com/book  you'll get a whole Workshop that I did called guarantee your weight loss success.

This is a lot about getting yourself ready to start the process so that you can really follow through and make sure that you get the results that you want. So no matter how you buy it, you can go to that website and go get those free resources.  My social media handles are coachKatrinaUbellMD mostly on Facebook Instagram.

Additional Resources

How to Reprogram your Mind to Stop Binge Eating

 

Carlee Russell: Attention Seeking Behavior

Carlee Russell attention seeking behavior

Was, Carlee Russell, attention seeking behavior, going too far for attention? Seeking attention, is a natural human desire, but it is essential to strike a balance and consider healthy ways to, seek attention, without compromising personal values or the well-being of others. Going too far to, seek attention, can lead to negative consequences, such as alienating others, damaging relationships, or even risking one's own life.

In this blog post coach Myrna looks at, attention seeking behavior, in adults and offer some alternative behaviors.

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Carlee Russell Attention seeking behavior

The story this week getting national attention is the story of, Carlee Russell, a 25-year-old Black nursing student who decided suddenly or maybe she has been fascinated about this for years, to fake her abduction. Police says that, Carlee Russell, googled the movie Taken and other abduction tips before calling 911 and saying she saw a 4-year-old walking on the highway and she was going to go investigate.

Social media was in an uproar.  Black activists, took to Instagram and Facebook to call for the same attention to finding, Carlee Russell, as they took to finding the rich White men who were lost in the submarine.

Then, Carlee Russell, showed up at her home 2 days later and tried to spin a story of how she was forced into an 18-wheeler truck and taken to a home where a man and a woman told her to get undressed and then took photos of her.

Carlee Russell Lied

After police started asking for details, she decided to come clean and confess that the story was a hoax and she lied about being kidnapped.

So today I want to look at, why adults seek attention.  We know that kids love attention and if they don’t get, positive attention, they resort to getting, negative attention.

For adults, attention-seeking behavior, is a conscious or unconscious attempt to become the, center of attention, sometimes to gain validation or admiration.

In the, Carlee Russell update, In a news briefing on Monday, Hoover Police Chief Nick Derzis said the department received a letter from Russell's attorney saying that she was never taken and that her report of a missing child on an interstate highway was false. No understanding of what was the purpose of this, attention seeking behavior.

What attention seeking behavior in adults may look like

Attention-seeking behavior, can include saying or doing something with the goal of getting the attention of a person or a group of people.

Examples of, attention seeking behavior include:

  • Fishing for compliments by pointing out achievements and seeking validation
  • Being controversial to provoke a reaction
  • Exaggerating and embellishing stories to gain praise or sympathy
  • Pretending to be unable to do something so someone will teach, help, or do it for you.

We know that saying something controversial gets you attention in the media and a lot of people seek attention this way, but for business reasons.

In the movie Barbie, there is a humorous section about women pretending not to know how to do things so as to get the attention from men who loves to show off that they could help.  That is a tactic to make men feel strong and protective.  I get that also.

Why did Carlee Russell Lied to seek attention

But why would Carlee want to pretend she was abducted? To me that sounds almost like a mass shooter filming himself killing people so he could get his picture in the news. If that was Carlee’s intent she succeeded.  Her pictures are plastered all over the news.

Getting attention for something that is a lie never works out.  We still live in a society with values and lying is something that is still not acceptable. This stupid act has ruined her life and shamed her family.

So, the next time you want to seek attention, try to get it by contributing to humanity or doing acts of kindness instead of engaging in, attention seeking behavior. That works out better for everyone.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources

Self Confidence: The Courage To Be You

 

Surviving Divorce: The Ultimate Roadmap to Rebuilding Your Life

Karen McMahon surviving divorce

In this blog post, Karen McMahon, Divorce coach discuss the ins and outs of divorce, and provide you with the resources you need to rebuild your life after a divorce. Many people believe that divorce is the end of the world, but that's not necessarily the case.

In this episode, we're going to discuss the steps you need to take in order to rebuild your life after a divorce. We'll cover topics like financial planning, communication strategies, and rebuilding your relationship with your children. If you're struggling after a divorce, don't worry! This podcast is designed to help you on your road to rebuilding your life after divorce.

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Bio

Karen McMahon is a certified relationship and divorce coach and the founder of Journey Beyond divorce.  Together Karen and her team of divorce coaches encourage thousands of men and women worldwide to navigate their divorce calmly, clearly and with confidence. Karen began her journey as a coach in 2010 after coming to the realization that her tumultuous three and a half year divorce was a catalyst for a transformational journey into a new life, instead of allowing her pain to wear her down.

She turned inward with a laser-like focus and worked on healing herself, setting suitable barriers and surrendering what she could not control. Karen now shows others that the shifting world of divorce is a perfect opportunity to begin identifying and practicing new ways of thinking being and doing.  Looking at relationship challenges with A New Perspective inevitably leads to deeper self-discovery, which allows individuals to boldly move forward in to the next chapter of Life.

Karen is the host of the acclaimed Journey beyond divorce podcast, the co-author of stepping out of chaos, turning pain to possibility and the co-creator of JBD's exclusive 12-step divorce recovery program.  Her other accomplishments include work as in NYS lobbyist Health Advocate, Community organizer and chairperson of an NYS non-profit organization.

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Divorce is one of life ambushes

Myrna: I remember an interview that I had just a few weeks ago with retired Navy SEAL Jason Redman, who talked about, life ambushes, and one of the ambushes he talks about was divorce.  Jason said that people when they have a life Ambush, they keep looking at the closed door.  They don't understand that whenever you have an end you also have a new beginning, so that's where I'm going to start off my conversation today.

Karen said that she started this work after she went through her divorce and realized that it was a beginning of something, so Karen how do you teach your clients to turn the pain of the of divorce into a possibility?

Karen: That's a great starting question and so the first thing I'll say is there are those who ask for the divorce and those who find themselves blindsided when the divorce comes to them.  So if you're asking for a divorce, if you're finally deciding that you want a divorce, you've been struggling in your marriage for a long time.  You may have gone through counseling, but you've been on your own grief Journey for some time now and it's still super messed up.

Then there is those who are blindsided, they knew the marriage had problems but every marriage has problems and so when their spouse says I want a divorce they're like hit, they're ambushed and it feels like they're being run over by an  18-wheeler.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

Divorce road map

So I always like to talk about the, grief Journey, because the person who's ambushed is immediately in denial.  Oh are you seeing someone?  You're just going through a midlife crisis, you're just confused, this can't be happening.  They start bargaining, they go through this whole thing and a lot of people who have decided to divorce will think their spouse is being manipulative when in fact they're really in this, grief Journey.

Myrna:  I can understand you going into the possibilities of what can happen so diving a little deeper. What is the, roadmap for divorce,  you coach your clients  about the possibility of relationships, career, etc.

Karen: The roadmap for divorce, is like a roadmap to a destination with all the stops.  I was just speaking to a client earlier today and this person knows they need to leave and so there's so much to map out.

  • When do I tell my spouse
  • How do I tell my spouse
  • What do we say to the kids
  • When do we say it to the kids
  • If it's a high conflict marriage do I tell them individually
  • Will mom or dad throw me under the bus and hurt the kids if I tell them together?
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The emotional load and emotional pain body are enormous.  At Journey Beyond divorce, we support people both on the Practical Journey which is telling the spouse, telling the kids, finding an attorney, figuring out your finances, how do I negotiate, how does the court work.

Journey beyond divorce: co-parenting

That whole journey and as you're going down that Journey, what's coming up it's like you've jumped into a murky Pond and all of your shortcomings, all of your insecurities, everything you need to heal from and refine comes bubbling up. So now you're in an emotional tsunami after just being drop shipped into a foreign land called divorce, where you don't know the language you don't have a guide and you don't know what the heck you're doing.

It's really a powerful opportunity for, personal transformation, and reinvention because basically it's a hot mess.

Myrna: For sure, one of the things that you teach is how to do effective, co-parenting.  So can we talk about that for a minute.

Karen:  So in today's day and age the majority of people get 50/50 custody and the reason is I think that to a large degree our dad's a much more  engaged.  So when the decision is made and you might still be living under the same roof, it's a good time to start saying let's let's experiment with this co-parent thing.

This is always hard for especially if it's a stay-at-home mom or a stay-at-home parent, because you're so used to this being all your division of labor.  I want to talk about when co-parenting, and this is straight through the divorce, not only don't you speak to your child about what's wrong with their other parent they are 50 that other parent.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Never bash the other parent to your kids

So not only don't you get on the phone with your girlfriend in the kitchen complaining about your soon-to-be ex while the kids are listening in the living room because they're always listening and it does such incredible harm.   I'm divorcing him because he wasn't a good spouse or partner let's not assume that means he's not a good parent.

Myrna:  I'm talking to you because I've never done the co-parenting thing and it sounds real complicated. I'm wondering does it benefit the kids?

Karen: A hundred percent. I work a lot in, high conflict divorce, and if you have a parent who has severe trauma, personality disorder, addiction, alcoholism etc. If you have a very, high conflict co-parent, the children are better spending more time with you.  But children unless those people are dangerous it's always valuable for kids to experience both parents on a regular basis.

If you have one, high conflict personality, it's so vitally important that if you're married to the, high conflict personality, I can guarantee you you've lost your temper.  You've raged, you've been a people pleaser, a codependent, you don't have boundaries, and you have to work on all of those things to become a whole and healthy person.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

High conflict divorce

You can teach your children those skills so that they can navigate that, high conflict personality, you get to divorce them the children have to find the lanes that work for them.  The safe places where they can really enjoy that, high conflict parent, and know that it's not their responsibility to take care of mommy or daddy.

There's one other piece that if I could talk about with co-parenting sometimes it was my experience a lot of people in a, high conflict divorce, sometimes the children come back from the other parent and and they're upset, they've been put down, they've been ignored, they feel diminished, they don't feel heard, they might not feel loved.

The worst thing that the mom can do is criticize their dad.  It's so vitally important if your child comes to you and they're struggling with the other parent, ask a lot of questions.

  • What happened,
  • how did that make you feel,
  • what did you do about it,
  • what do you wish you could do about it,
  • what were you afraid to do that you wished you could do about it,
  • why are you afraid,
  • how can I help you,
  • how would you do it different next time,
  • how do we help you be able to say to Daddy or to set a boundary?

Myrna:  I was talking about how love turns to hates so quickly.  If a divorce happens because irreconcilable differences or something along those lines where you've been you've been living for a while and it's not working out you decide to divorce, but a lot of times, you're calling it,  high conflict divorce, I'm assuming that you're meaning, high conflict,  infidelity or you really hate your spouse male or female.

Mommy hates Daddy, mommy is  gonna jump on that opportunity to bash that man, there's absolutely no way that we're gonna oh you know Daddy's not a bad person.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

What is a high conflict divorce?

Karen:  Actually there are plenty of people who divorce and are angry and hate each other, that's actually not, high conflict divorce. High conflict divorce,  is when you're divorcing someone who takes zero responsibility and I'll say this because I think it's important in today's day and age everyone's like oh you're divorcing a narcissist.

I have a hard time with that, we're not psychologists, we don't know that, but what we do know is if you have someone who has very black and white thinking.  Who always blames you and can't take responsibility, who seems to have a different memory of almost everything that happened yesterday or in history.  Who can't sit down at the table and negotiate anything because they want everything or they're always right you're wrong.

These are personalities where a divorce isn't is a negotiation,  because negotiations require transparency and compromise.   Most Garden variety divorces involve someone who hates the other one or who's outgrown them and they're not interested in them.  But no matter how you feel about your ex please hear me it is never ever going to be valuable for you to tell your child how bad their parent is.

Taking off your armor and trusting after a divorce

Myrna:  I agree with that totally.  In my community women don't even want the kids even to see the parent because they hate them so much.   All right, now one of the other things we talk about  is after the battle of the divorce, when the divorce is final, that women put down our weapons and take off our armor and start to trust again.  How do we how do you teach women to become vulnerable again and trust again?

Karen: That is one of the most important questions and I hope that everyone listening that you can receive this.  When our trust has been broken, it usually starts with us breaking our trust in ourselves, and what I mean by that is most of us will say I knew it. I saw the red flags and ignored them.  I saw that characteristic in him but he was just so handsome and sexy,  I ignored it.

So when you start rebuilding trust, don't bash yourself, don't criticize yourself don't condemn yourself, for what you did.  Be incredibly compassionate with yourself and start tuning in because our fear voices is this loud Amplified voice and our inner wisdom our intuition is this very soft whisper.  When we can start tuning into the soft whisper and trusting our intuitive hit, our women's intuition that is going to be the foundation of building trust.

Entrepreneurship and divorce

Myrna: A lot of people don't think about going through a divorce when you're an entrepreneur and you have a business or maybe even going a divorce in the corporate world.  When you are not emotionally at your Peak everything falls around you like dominoes.  So what are three ways of keeping your business running smoothly during a divorce?

Karen: So you want three okay so the first thing I'm gonna say is:

  • The first one is you're going through the largest transition of your life, you're not going to be on your A game, so adjust your expectations.  If you've got some enormous campaign that you've planned for this upcoming year and you're going to be in the courts and juggling kids and becoming a single parent you're basically setting yourself up to fail.
  • The second thing is to realize what's going on.  When we're going through divorce, life is busy and overwhelming for all of us.  It's almost like being on your computer and adding this huge database that's going to download onto your computer you know when you download something it's like every program slows down it gets really glitchy it just freezes that's what's happening in your brain.
  •  I'll say like hiring a coach and a therapists because the do different things.  A coach helps you both logistically and emotionally, a good attorney and you might need a financial plan; but on a personal level what is your All-Star support team look like?

Conclusion

Myrna:  Karen this has been amazing, you have designed a 12-step divorce recovery program which sounds really great because what you're saying is  you've got to recover from this divorce.

Karen:  We found that over the course of years we started looking at what are all of the typical emotional challenges that people face during and after divorce. So we created the 12 Steps around that and so the first one which would be a surprise to nobody is to curb the conflict, because no matter what kind of a divorce you have there's going to be conflict.  Let's keep the focus on you and look at your behavior and here's how you can do things differently.

Then we have another step that's about calming the chaos.  Most chaos during divorce doesn't happen outside of you it happens between your ears, it's your stinking thinking.  So what are your assumptions, what are your interpretations, what are your limiting beliefs?   We talk in the 12 Steps about becoming less problem focused and more solution focused.  We talk about how to grieve and grieve well and the importance of feeling your feelings and so many more.

Each step is really helping someone pivot in one an area of their emotional experience of divorce.

Myrna:  How can our listeners and those watching on TV get in contact with you? Talk about your website how they can get all the course?

Karen: We are Journey Beyond divorce on all platforms. It's Journey Beyond divorce podcast, Journey_Beyond divorce on Instagram and if the high conflict part of the conversation resonates with you we just created a toxic quiz and it's on the home page.  It's 10 questions and it gives you a really good sense of the health or lack thereof of your current relationship.

Additional Resources

How to be Confident after a Divorce

The Hidden Dangers of Hypocrisy: Insights from the Fig Tree

Insights on Hypocrisy from the fig tree

In this post, we're exploring the dangers of hypocrisy. We're looking at the story of the, fig tree, in the Bible, and how Jesus curses the tree for pretending to have fruit. This blog post is a look at the dangers of hypocrisy, and how it can lead to problems in our lives. By exploring the story of the, fig tree, we can learn about the dangers of hypocrisy and pretending to have what we don't have. We can also learn about the dangers of hypocrisy, and the importance of living our lives in truth.

Download the podcast here:

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/13251484-discovering-the-hidden-dangers-of-hypocrisy-insights-from-the-fig-tree.mp3?download=true

Jesus curses the fig tree

I want to expand our Consciousness on being hypocritical showing something that we are not. I want to use is my foundational scripture, Jesus curses the fig tree, for not producing fruit and this can be found in

Matthew 21st chapter verses 18 to 19.

So Jesus was returning to Jerusalem and he was hungry.  He noticed the, Fig Tree, beside the road he went to see if there were any figs, but there were only leaves, then he said to the, Fig Tree, may you never bear fruit again and immediately the, Fig Tree, withered up.

I speak a lot about purpose on this podcast and the purpose of the, Fig Tree, was to produce fruit, so when a lot of people talk about this scripture and this passage they're saying that, Jesus cursed the, Fig Tree, because it didn't have any fruit.  But today I want to look at a at a different version of this scripture and see the real meaning behind, why Jesus cursed the, fig tree.

Transform Your Mind Amazon
Transform Your Mind Amazon

We are spiritual beings here for a purpose

So first let's look at the purpose part of why we are here.  Your soul chose your body because it wanted to have a certain experience on Earth. We Are Spiritual Beings having a human experience, that means to say it another way the universe wanted to experience itself through our personal, central nervous system.  We are all here to do something special which is why we're all unique and which is why we all have a purpose and we're all here to do something as unique as or fingerprints.

Unfortunately, unlike the, Fig Tree, we don't know what our purpose is. The Fig tree knew its purpose was to produce figs, that is why it is called a fig tree; but the name Myrna or Leon or Mark or John does not tell us what we are supposed to do.  In fact I heard that Jesus was one of the only people that came on at this Earth, came into his body knowing his purpose.  Knowing what he was here to do, but most of us don't, unless we have this direct connection to God where he speaks through our dreams or we're able to hear his voice.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

The Fig tree was pretending to have fruit

In this post, I want to concentrate on the, Fig Tree, not producing fruit and why Jesus cursed it saying may you never bear fruit again. Does  this curse translate the people not bearing fruit and not following their purpose?  We will never know.  Does God curse you if you are not following your purpose, if he says why are you not doing what I sent you here to do?

What Jesus was actually doing when he cursed the, Fig Tree, it was not because the, Fig Tree, had no fruit.  Jesus cursed the Fig Tree, because it was pretending to have fruit by having lots of leaves.  If you were to go and look into, Fig Trees, you will see that when they have leaves or when they're showing leaves it means that there's also fruit. If there's no leaves then we know that there's no fruit, but if you were going to be stomping around like a peacock showing off your feathers, showing off your leaves and then when someone goes to eat you got nothing to offer.

That is why, Jesus cursed the, Fig Tree, so it would not continue to deceive people, spreading his leaves as to say I have figs.  Jesus is telling us that we must bear fruit or we will be condemned to hell.  He cursed the, Fig Tree, as an object lesson to all of us not to be hypocritical,  pretending to be something that you are not.

podhero podcast Transform Your Mind
Podhero podcast

Do not be hypocritical by pretending to something you are not

A lot of people show a pretty picture, this is the world we're living in right now. Everybody's got fake stuff, they're showing a pretty picture, but they're dead inside.  It is like dressing up a corpse. Jesus cursed the fig tree, for being all dressed up with leaves, yet had no fruit.  In a word, it had nothing to offer.

I decided to teach on this today because I was reading my Bible like I do every morning and I'm reading this scripture and it just jumped out to me that I should stop and research what is actually happening here, because every time that I've heard the scripture preached in church we are all talking about you don't do your purpose that's why you're cursed right; but nobody ever taught me that it is about pretenders.

I didn't even notice that it was because the, Fig tree, was showing leaves and that's the reason Jesus walked over to it. He saw the leaves and he figured that there's fruit and when the, fig tree, had no fruit that's when he cursed it.  It's not because it was not producing figs.  I'm glad that I stopped and took a pause and put a pin, because God wanted me to share with you that pretending doesn't get you anywhere.

Transform Your Mind podcast curiocaster podcast
curiocaster podcast

Do not be a fake by pretending

If you got no fruit, you got no fruit you don't need to pretend, it's better to be real than a pretender.

My grandma would always say do not judge a book by its cover

We live in a society where people are spending a lot of time showing off their leaves, the package on the outside looks good, but when you take a closer look there's no substance, there's no fruit. So they can't feed you whatever it is that you're looking for.  It might not be necessary food, Jesus was hungry, he was looking for real food, but we are hungry for a lot of things.

  • We're  hungry for attention
  • we're hungry for affection
  • we're hungry for real relationships and not, fake love,
  • we're hungry for a lot of things

So ladies look out for those well-addressed Playboys who are showing you the side of him that he wants you to see.  Look at his fruit, what's beneath the show, ask him what does he have to offer you to eat.  Chances are he has nothing, it's just leaves.  It's just clothes, it is just the outer appearance and he cannot emotionally connect, he cannot be faithful, he cannot be your one and only.

Do not be hypocritical like the fig tree

I wanted to tell you look out for, hypocritical people, the Bible always says be aware of wolves in sheep clothing.  You yourselves should not be hypocritical, make sure that what you show is who you are. Do not put on this whole facade, do not put on this whole package.  When people peel off the outer layer, you should be as real as what you're pretending to be.

Thanks for tuning in to this week's podcast episode of five minute Fridays with Coach Myrna.  I hope you're inspired today if you're listening to this on  iTunes we'd love for you to subscribe rate and review.  If you're watching  on YouTube we'd love for you to subscribe and until next time namaste

Additional Resources

How to Nurture Your Seeds into a Tree

Unlocking Fulfillment and Success: Debunking 4 Beliefs

debunking beliefs

In this post, Brandi Mechele debunks 4 commonly-held beliefs about fulfillment and success. Brandi shares that if we can loosen up our grip on these beliefs, we can begin to experience more fulfillment and success in our lives.

Download the podcast here: 

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/13228421-unlocking-fulfillment-and-success-debunking-4-beliefs.mp3?download=true

Bio

Brandi is an intuitive and empowerment coach who spends her time guiding others and facilitating energy healing focusing on building the subconscious capacity. She has extensive experience working with high achieving female entrepreneurs, helping them align with financial success while staying through to their values and purpose.  Her clients might initially come to her to scale their business and make more money, but they leave with a deeper sense of fulfillment within their lives on a holistic level.

Myrna: Can you share your backstory, what led you to begin this work?  When did you notice a lack of fulfillment in your own life?

Brandi:  I was raised as many people are to be very goal oriented.  My parents were amazing in helping me to chart my course and set lots of goals, and I was very fortunate to be someone who excelled at many things; so, I had an impactful career in the corporate world. I escalated to being a VP covering the United States and Canada. I was a national caliber athlete in college and tried out for the Olympics and so I realized that I had checked all these boxes. I live in an amazing city, in a home of my dreams with a family. I had always had this idea that if you checked all the boxes, achieved all your goals that happiness would be kind of the outcome and unfortunately that's just not true.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Fulfillment does not come from success

I think many people come to realize that they've had the success that they've dreamed of and not been able to align any of with this inner fulfillment and inner purpose, and so I took a step back and said you know what's missing.  I concluded that happiness needs to be its own goal, it needs to be its own purpose in your life, and that when you focus on happiness as a goal versus an outcome, that's really when you align with your purpose and find and find true fulfillment.

That's when I took a pivot in my life and got to the place where I am here today with you.

Myrna:  I've heard this story so many times, in fact my very first coaching client when I became a coach was someone with a similar story to yours. She wasn't looking for happiness she was looking for this inner fulfillment and she quit her job and became a coach because most people get more fulfillment when they serve.

I want to circle back to when you said that happiness shouldn't be an outcome of a goal that happiness should your only goal.  I can't leave that alone so how do we how does someone listening set the course to have happiness be their goal?

Brandi: I believe fundamentally that when you have high Achievers that it's really easy to make happiness a goal because they're used to aligning to goals and really  knocking it out of the park. So through my own work with myself which took place over many years prior to becoming a coach,  developed a four-step process that I call B.A.S.E and I think it's foundational to everyone's life.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast
Podbean

What are your limiting beliefs

B – is about beliefs. What beliefs do you have? Especially the ones that are limiting in nature and how have you gotten to that place as it pertains to happiness.  The reason I use happiness versus fulfillment is because I think that  you have to be happy to be fulfilled.  If you're not happy, if you're fulfilled you'll always be happy and if you're unhappy you'll never be fulfilled.

So happiness is oftentimes easier for people to align to than fulfillment because fulfillment feels so big like what is my purpose, what am I meant to do. But if we think of life as these moments and every single moment we're seeking happiness and ultimately we'll live this really full life that has a sense of purpose, has the service that you mentioned.

So the B really is about like what are those beliefs that are precluding that from happening.

Are in alignment for happiness

A –  is alignment, vibrational alignment.  What does happiness look like to you like oftentimes you ask people that question and they just don't know, they're like I don't know what makes me happy.  They might think you know if I get married I'll be happy, if I have a big house I'll be happy, it's usually types of goals.

What does it take for you to be aligned? So we spend some time around that and then self-awareness really because ultimately we are co-creating our reality in every single moment.  I think oftentimes we talk about manifestation as this idea of like I'll manifest a husband, a house, weight loss.  I'll manifest all of these things, but when you take a step back from that and realize that  your entire life is a manifestation not just the good things and then you really take back your own power.

S – Self- awareness because we create situations that pulls us out of homeostasis.  We return to that same place over and over again and so that's really what the self-awareness allows us to do, because once we create awareness we can move out of searching to really having kind of this path to our our destiny.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Emotional regulation is key to happiness

E  – is about, emotional regulation, and that really is the biggest of them all,  any moment of unhappiness is really correlated to this origin story that we have. Emotional regulation,  is a term generally used to describe a person's ability to effectively manage and respond to an emotional experience. There are times in our lives when we were probably really little where we were given these ideas about who we were.  Our identity and how we showed up in the world and oftentimes we're looping around those situations.  It can be Big T trauma it can be Little T trauma, but the goal is really to keep the memory of our experiences of our childhood.

So I believe that B.A.S.E is foundational to our lives and once we are able to harness kind of those four pillars we're really going to Skyrocket from there and live a life that's a good path

Myrna: I love it but as I'm listening to you I remember I've done lots of episodes on happiness including the happiness formula.  Everybody's end goal in life is to be happy and you're right  it's a little different from fulfillment.

Fulfillment vs happiness

Brandi: I was happy, I had the husband of my dreams, I had this beautiful child, I'd won many many awards in my corporate career, I always ran sales teams and I never finished below the top 15.  So I had this body of work that was everything I ever dreamed of, I was a little girl from Detroit so I didn't have this idea that my life could be so big and so vast.

I sat there in my happiness and I said but there's still something missing.

Myrna: That happens to so many successful people. You said in your bio that  people come looking for money because they believe it will bring them happiness but find fulfillment instead.

Brandi:  Success doesn't equal happiness.

Myrna:  I'm reading a book now by Eckhart Tolle called The Power of Now and Then in there he talks about goals. Goals in clock time and psychological goals. Clock goals is just saying by the time I'm 30 I'm going to be married.   That means that your happiness or fulfillment is tied to this goal.  A, psychological goal, is always moving.  The target is always moving so that's that's one way to put it, but  you hit the nail right on the head.  Happiness is fleeting.

Beliefs and self worth

Myrna: How do you teach your clients to find this happiness end goal?

Brandi: B.A.S.E  is the foundational practice around beliefs. Two of the beliefs you have to have is that you are worthy of having the life that you're seeking, and so say to people all the time that if you show me your life, I'll show you what you think you're worthy of having.  So self-worth is like really pretty straightforward.

Myrna: So let's circle back to a couple of things, you're correct self-worth and self-love they're two big things that we package them together here for Simplicity; but  self-worth and self-love  is what the what has been communicated to them and it's usually in childhood or early adulthood.  Somebody looked at you and and called you ugly and you carry around this beliefs that you are ugly all your life.

Those are great practices to build your happiness capacity as well as you know building your your self-worth and your self-love so so that's awesome all right so let's focus a little bit now on um some of the, limiting beliefs, that, black women, have that stops them from feeling fulfilled?

Brandi:  Specifically in communities where black or brown communities you'll find that you have three generations that are in the same Financial circumstances. Nobody breaks out and I believe one of the reasons to show us about mindset is because in order for you to break out you have to have a different mindset, you have to have a different set of beliefs.

Having the right mindset for success

You have to have the mindset of I want to be successful. It's all about mindset and when you get the mindset right then you start challenging the beliefs.  You're challenging beliefs that says women can never do this.

Myrna: I was born poor and I know what a, poverty mindset, is.  If you have a, poverty mindset, you really can never be wealthy because even if you have the money you'll still be rich with  a, poverty mindset.  My whole work, my whole philosophy is about changing your mindset because once you change your mindset, you can have your dreams become a reality.  The Bible teaches do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Conclusion

Tell us about your B.A.S.E coaching program and your framework. How can  listeners get in touch with you talk about your website your social media handles.

Brandi: I appreciate that Myrna, I publish a free journal on the first and 15th every month and you can find that on my website www.brandimechele.com I am just on the precipice of launching a group coaching program and you can also go to my website and sign up there to be informed about that group coaching. If you were interested in working with me one-on-one or with the membership coaching and then if you were interested in working with me one-on-one or in the group you can also find that on my website so and all my handles are @Brandi Mechele on Instagram as well as on Facebook so I'd love to connect with your listeners and hear from them.

Please sign up for Brandi's 4-week program & her container program here:”
Additional Resources

How to Create Positive Core Beliefs

The Power of Drinking Your Cup of Suffering

Drink your cup of suffering

In this blog post, I'm exploring the concept of drinking your, cup of suffering, like Jesus did. Jesus asked God to take this, cup of suffering, from him if it is his will. But Jesus had to drink his, cup of suffering, to get to his purpose and destiny.

Suffering is usually the pathway to, personal growth, so you must learn to, embrace pain, and suffering as part of your journey and growth. When you drink your, cup of suffering, you're able to transform your pain and suffering into something positive. This podcast episode is about finding compassion and strength in the face of difficulty, and it's something that can be helpful on any journey. If you're looking for a way to overcome hardship, this episode is for you!

Download the podcast here: 

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/13212383-unlocking-inner-strength-the-power-of-drinking-your-cup-of-suffering.mp3?download=true

Why Jesus had to drink his cup of suffering

In the garden of Gethsemane Jesus, born with the ability to see his future knew of his impending death. He knew his purpose for becoming God in the flesh was to die for our sins, yet even as a God in flesh he was not looking forward to suffering. The scripture says he became anguished and distressed.

He told his disciples “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. He prayed to God his father and asked him to take the, cup of suffering, from him, if it is his will. Then he prayed again and said “if this, cup of suffering, cannot be taken away unless I drink it, then your will be done.

So, let’s talk today about suffering. Most of us will suffer before we die just like Jesus did. The Buddha teaches that we can transcend suffering with our minds.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Embrace your pain and suffering

Let’s imagine that you were just given a diagnosis of stage 4 cancer. So like Jesus you know suffering is coming and maybe even death.

You pray and ask God for a miracle, but at some point, you realize that you have to drink your, cup of suffering.

One of the ways to drink your, cup of suffering, and not choke, is to look at what comes after your suffering.

Jesus knew that he would raise from the dead in 3 days and his suffering was for a purpose. The shedding of his blood was to redeem our sins. So, he made plans with his disciples. He told them “after I have been raised from the dead, I will go ahead of you to Galilee and meet you there.”

podhero podcast Transform Your Mind
Podhero podcast

Make plans to meet on the other side of suffering

So, if you have been given a diagnosis that could lead to suffering and pain, if you can see yourself healed and maybe taking that trip that’s still on your bucket list. See yourself with family and friends totally healthy and cancer free. That will allow you to be in pain, but not suffer. Suffering is resistance to the now. As Eckhart Tolle teaches the now is already here there is nothing you can do, other than accept it.

All suffering is emotionally created and is due to resistance. If you refuse to go with the flow of life, you will suffer. Suffering is usually for a purpose. You must have deep pain or suffering to be drawn to the spiritual dimension.

And if it is God’s will that you transition to the other side you will still meet up with friends and family who are waiting for you there in heaven.

The Buddha on suffering

Anyone who has had even the briefest introduction to Buddhist teaching is familiar with its starting point: the inescapable truth that existence entails suffering. Buddhist psychology makes a clear distinction between pain and suffering. Pain is an unavoidable aspect of the natural world. It is physical, biological, and social, woven into our existence as night is with day, as inevitable as hard and soft, as hot and cold.

In this human incarnation we experience a continuous ebb and flow of pleasure and pain, gain and loss. Suffering is different from pain. Suffering is caused by our reaction to the inevitable pain of life. Our personal suffering can include anxiety, depression, fear, confusion, grief, anger, hurt, addiction, jealousy, and frustration. But suffering is not only personal.

Our collective suffering grows from human greed, hatred, and ignorance, bringing warfare and racism; the isolation and torture of prisoners; fueling the unnecessary hunger, sickness, and abandonment of human beings on every continent. This individual and collective suffering.

Conclusion

Pain is inevitable part of life, suffering is optional.

Thanks for tuning into this weeks episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.

Additional Resources 

The Emotional Trials and Triumphs of Cancer

Unbreakable Bonds: A Mother Daughter Journey Beyond Life

Susan Young Oskey Unbreakable mother daughter bond

In this blog, I'm sharing a, mother daughter, journey that goes beyond life. into the afterlife.  Susan Young Oskey author of The Scent of Roses talk about the unbreakable bond between her daughter and herself and how this bond transcended death into the afterlife.  Susan's goal is to encourage mothers who lost daughters to know that there is, life after death. She shares thoughts on the afterlife and why the love between a mother and daughter is eternal.

If you're interested in hearing more about Susan's journey, or want to share your own thoughts on life after death, please feel free to leave a comment below!

Download the Podcast here: 

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/13185335-unbreakable-bond-a-mother-and-daughter-journey-beyond-life.mp3?download=true

The effects of mental illness on teenagers

Susan Young Oskey had a happy childhood thanks to her loving and nurturing parents spending her teenage years being bullied and battling anxiety and depression. Susan found her calling as a teacher, she  is a retired Elementary School teacher with an M.A degree from Stony Brook University.  She enjoys traveling and spending time with her family.  After marrying Christopher she welcomed her baby girl Brittany and the following years were easily the best years of her life.

However things took took a tragic turn when her beloved daughter was taken from her.  Soon after losing Brittany in a tragic accident, Susan's life would have stopped if she hadn't discovered resources that helped bereaved parents like her find solace.  Since then Susan with the help of her family and friends in some ways to talk to Brittany who loves communicating with her mama, she's thrilled to be sharing her life experience with the Afterlife with those who are grieving over the loss of a loved one.

Myrna:  Susan can it you share your incredible story of a mother-daughter bond that that transcended death.

Susan: Brittany was a joy to us, we were thrilled when she was born because I had a late miscarriage before her and then we struggle to get pregnant again. She had a unique personality from a young age, she never held back what she was feeling.  She was very sassy, and very loving.  In her early teen years that her personality started to change a little bit and that's really where the story begins with her.

She started having, mental health, issues when she was around 12 or 13 years old. I noticed the problems the anxiety,  depression and just the lack of confidence.  Something that she always had when she was young and she didn't have it anymore, her confidence  was just gone.  I immediately got her into therapy and all through high school we worked on that.  It wasn't until a couple of psychiatrists gave her medications for her anxiety that we had we started to have some difficulties.

They kept changing her meds and as she went into the College Years, her anxiety wasn't getting any better, as a matter of fact it was getting worse.  She got into a great University she got into a Stony Brook University and we were just thrilled, but by that time it was her junior year in college she had given up on herself.  She stopped doing her homework, she stopped socializing she was depressed all the time and and the anxiety was through the roof.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Brittany's tried to relieve her pain with methadone and it killed her

She went to a friend's house one night in February of 2018, she had a lot of pain because she had an infection and she only had antibiotics for the  infection, nothing for pain and her friend told her that she had a bottle of methadone that would help with the pain.  So unknowingly my daughter took it because she just wanted to be relieved of the pain and it turned out to be fatal.

Myrna: Oh my goodness, so that's mixing the drugs. I'm assuming because for those that doesn't know what methadone is, it is the drug that they give you when you're getting off of heroin isn't it?

Susan: Yes,  it used to be used for pain relief as well.

Myrna: I am so sorry. I grieve for your for your pain.  Let's unpack it a little bit. Can you share what Brittany's, mental illness, was diagnosed with?  Was it bipolar, was it just depression?

Susan: It was bipolar depression and anxiety, so they were trying to treat those issues with the medication but she got worse and worse.  She had just turned 21 and the accident happened just 10 days after her 21st birthday.

Myrna: Oh my gosh, it's still fresh because you said 2018 so five years ago. Wow my heart bleeds for you.  I was just watching the biography of Anna Nicole and her son and almost the same thing happened to them.  Mixing drugs these days is pretty dangerous.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

A mother daughter bond in the afterlife

Myrna:  I can't say enough how sorry I am for your pain.  So tell us what happened after her death that transcended into her communicating with you?

Susan: Well I always had visits from family members through my dreams and at the beginning, I thought they're just dreams but it turned out they started giving me messages.  My uncle came to tell me to stop smoking,  he had died from lung cancer.  A cousin that had taken his life came to me in a dream and told me I'm okay now, please tell the family that I'm okay.

I was very open to communicating with my daughter.  Of course the weeks that followed her death were traumatic, we were in shock and disbelief.  This was beyond any pain that I have ever experienced in my life. I mean I've never felt such pain before and I think anybody that's a parent could definitely understand.  I couldn't believe she left so young at the age of just turning 21 she was barely legal.

So soon after my daughter's death, I started smelling very strong scent of roses.  At first I thought this has got to be an air freshener, but there's no air freshener plugged in.   It didn't matter where I went, I was visiting my sister down in Florida and it happened there.  It happened when I was driving my car to meet friends and I'm like at that point I said no no this is real this is really happening.

Myrna: Let me jump for a minute.  Why roses was that one of her favorite flowers?

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Scent of roses: communication from the afterlife

Susan: Roses were her favorite flowers and she would keep the roses in her room even after they died, so I I knew right away that's what she was doing for me.  Then I started having the dream visits from her and she was showing me herself and how she looked. It was amazing,  she told me that she was okay.  Even my husband who never ever had any dream visits from anyone before, got one from her and I was just amazed that she got through to him.

I asked him what did what did she look like and he said she's wearing one of those plaid shirts that she always wore and she was with a friend and she said Dad I'm okay and he said to her I've been looking for you lamb.  He used to call her lamb and and she said I'm okay now.  My husband never believed in the afterlife at all,  he didn't have any kind of beliefs but he does now.

Myrna:  Did you ever talk to Brittany other than in dreams?  Did you ever go to a medium?

Susan: Yes I have,  many came through with validations of things that happened to me when I was a child, things that she could not possibly know.  The medium said to me she's telling me that when you were a little girl your father almost drowned in the pool.

Myrna: For those of you listening, I'll link out to it this past episode, it  just gives collaboration to this story. In a past episode called http://blog.myhelps.us/is-there-life-after-death-mothers-story/ A mother and her son again was having some issues,  he was 28. and he went to a party and a friend gave him heroin and even though she said he was six foot six or something a big guy that one dose was fatal.  She was devastated, she had some Clairvoyant ability in her from the past and she kept feeling her son around her.

She it was like a bird fluttering and then she decided to go to a medium and they started communicating and she became a Shaman and and now she helps other spirits communicate with loved ones.  So why do you think that Brittany started showing up with the the, Scent of Roses?  Do you think she came back because of the, mother daughter bond, transcended into the afterlife?

Book Scent of Roses by Susan Young Oskey
Book Scent of Roses by Susan Young Oskey

A mother daughter bond in the afterlife

Susan: the bond between a mother and daughter that transcends debt do you think that she came back um because of that Bond she came back because she had a message for you what why do you think it happened we were very close as mother and daughter we went beyond the usual mother-daughter relationship we would travel all the time just the two of us we would do everything together you know as she got older into adulthood you know she was my best friend.

I mean that's what we were and she was the type of young adult that would share with me things that other parents probably didn't want to hear but she felt comfortable enough, so I feel that she wanted to let me know that bond has not been broken.

It was okay for me to get  communication from the afterlife because I've had it before.  She was able to come to me a lot easier.

Myrna: Brittany must have been a very powerful spirit because one of the things that I've learned from having several conversations about, life after death, is that the reason that we don't see Spirit all the time even though they're all over, is because they're at a different frequency.  In order for them to come into our experience, they either have to know how to lower their frequency or we have to know how to raise ours.

Susan: That's exactly what I was told.  Brittany was able to lower her vibration and because I am an empath too and I'm a sensitive, if I really concentrate I can make mine higher as well.

Myrna: Tell us  why was it important for you to write about your daughter's story in the book Scent of Roses?

Susan: I wanted to share her story and I shared a little bit of my story, I wanted to bring to the light the, mental illness, problem that we do have here and I also wanted to share my experiences with the afterlife to give people a little bit of hope.  I know I have helped some people, I'm not saying everyone, but people have told me they're not afraid of death anymore.

I joined a group called Helping Parents Heal and parents are communicating with their kids in the afterlife.

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Mental Illness causes families a lot of pain

Brittany did not get any help to relieve the symptoms of her mental illness.   I really don't think the drugs they gave her were helping. I have nothing but bad experiences from them, her mental illness was real but there's kind of be a better way to treat it than just loading them up on drugs that didn't work.

Myrna:  It's great that you're helping someone that's grieving about a loss of a child or a spouse or a loved one to know that the afterlife is there.  You're also highlighting the issue with, mental illness drugs, they're not doing anything to help manage the illness.

Tell us about your book why should someone go ahead and get the book

Susan:  I think a lot of people can relate to the mental health issue because there are a lot of people out there. I also talked about bullying people not being nice to one another and all things that Britney stood for.  Also the healing comes from knowing that you're going to hear from them, you're going to see them again at some point.   In the beginning after her death she practically threw herself in front of me to say Mom I'm here.

I truly believe that if people knew the truth about the afterlife that they wouldn't be so fearful.

Myrna:  Where can our listeners pick up a copy of your book, if you're on social media what are your social media handles. What do you want them to walk away with after reading the book?

Susan:  I want them to walk away with a sense of peace and calmness. I also want them to know they're not alone with all the struggles that we go through in life and I want to give them hope that life's gonna continue on.   My book is on Amazon it's also um on my website www.thescentofroses.com

and my Instagram account is @Brittanyscentofroses

https://youtu.be/cr6mICV50rg
 Additional Resources

Understanding Mental Illness: My Bipolar Life

Beware of Betrayal: Uncovering Your Enemies Within the Camp

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In this blog post, I'm going to discuss the concept of betrayal and how to identify and deal with enemies within your camp. Betrayal can have a serious impact on your life, and it's important to be aware of it so you can protect yourself. I'm going to share with you the steps you need to take to identify and deal with enemies within your camp. Sometimes those you trust or depend on may have hidden motives or conflicting interests. In this blog, coach Myrna shares how to be vigilant and be aware of potential threats even in your camp.

Download the podcast here: 

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/13135150-beware-of-betrayal-uncovering-your-enemies-within-the-camp.mp3?download=true

Enemies in your friend camp

How many of us have been betrayed by someone we called friend or family? It happens every day, but what makes these betrayals more painful is that we can’t believe that THEY could do this to us.

Mathew 26:14

Then Judas Iscariot, one of the 12 disciples, went to the leading priests and asked “How much will you pay me to betray Jesus to you? And they gave him 30 pieces of silver. From that time on, Judas began looking for an opportunity to betray Jesus.

So, Jesus enemy was in his own camp, one of his very disciples who was supposed to worship him. This reminds me of a quote my grandmother used to say often.

Your best friend can become your worst enemy.

I am sure many of you listening have experienced this personally that someone you call friend or brother or sister or spouse betrays you with no provocation other than jealousy.

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

Enemies in your camp waiting for the right time

Jesus was there working his purpose and healing the sick and one of his disciples seeks out his enemies and asked them what would you pay me to betray Jesus and then he returned as one of the disciples pretending to be his follower while waiting for his opportunity to betray Jesus.

That is what happens when your best friend sleeps with your man. All the time she is pretending to be your friend she is waiting for the opportunity to stab you in the back and you give it to her when you tell her you and your man are fighting.

Ladies it happens in the men’s camp as well. Men, your best friend is secretly eying up your woman thinking she fine and as soon as there is trouble in paradise, he moves in, especially if you were caught cheating.

Enemies in your camp blood relatives

To me the worst kind of betrayal is when your blood relatives like your brothers or sisters betray you.

I just buried my aunt last week. Her life was never the same after she came home one day and found her sister sleeping with her husband. The pain and the shame were unbearable. I can’t begin to tell you the fallout from that betrayal. He was not even mentioned in her Eulogy. It was like everyone wanted to erase his memory from her life.

If you can stand to think of what happened to you, face your family member. They may deny or avoid the questions but do it anyway. In short, I can tell you this: You are not the problem, they are. Family members who betray are dealing with something inside themselves, not really a problem with you.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Finally let’s look at spousal betrayal

You remember the movie Sleeping with the Enemy? Did you also remember the movie “2 Face”?

That is what is happening in your house when we have, spousal betrayal. Everybody is pretending to be someone in front of your face and betraying you behind your back.

Jesus was all knowing. He knew that Judas was going to betray him. It was all part of God’s plan.

But he said that Judas would wish he was dead after his betrayal and he did. That is why he threw away the 30 pieces of silver and killed himself.  The enemies in your camp never get the satisfaction they wanted after betraying you, but what the enemy meant for evil, God turns it around for your good. That is how you need to look at the betrayal from friends and family members. God is using their evil for your good.

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.

Please leave a comment or share your experiences with betrayal on the YouTube video. Namaste

Additional Resources

How To Use Feelings To Manifest Your Dreams

The Secret Link: Your Gut Brain Connection

Dr Will Cole the gut brain connection

In this podcast episode, I'm talking with Dr. Will Cole about the, gut brain connection, and how your gut feelings, can affect your brain. Dr. Cole is a world-renowned functional medicine practitioner and health advisor to Gwyneth Paltrow. He is an expert in the field of, cellular health, and inflammation, and he has some amazing insights to share with you about the connection between how you eat and how you feel. If you're curious about the, gut brain connection, and how your, gut feelings, can affect your overall health, then this podcast episode is for you! Dr. Cole discusses the relationship between your gut and brain in detail and explains how you can use this knowledge to improve your health and well-being.

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The gut-brain connection explained

Dr Will Cole Health advisor to Gwyneth Paltrow top functional medicine practitioner in New York Times best-selling author has dedicated his career to teaching people to apply skepticism to National Trends and instead pay closer attention to their own intuition his new book “Gut Feelings Healing the Shame Fueled Relationship Between What you Eat and What you Feel” and how you feel sorry demystifies the gut brain connection and provides a framework to prepare the relationship between what you eat and how you feel .

Named one of the top 50 functional and integrated doctors in the nation Dr Will Cole provides a functional medicine approach for thyroid issues, autoimmune conditions, hormonal imbalances ,digestive disorders, and brain problems. He's the host of “Art of the Being Well” podcast and the author of ” Ketotarian the Information Spectrum” and the New York Times bestseller “Intuitive Fasting”

Myrna: I have followed you for years on Instagram and Facebook but a few months ago you know I'm always on YouTube I have a YouTube channel so I saw your Ad about, cellular health, and I thought it was so great that I wanted to sign up for the webinar on autoimmune conditions and cellular inflammation.  I signed up for your, health assessment, where they sent me a kit to check my inflammation levels.

Can you introduce yourself by telling our audience um you know how you became to be one of the top 50 functional medicine doctors the doctor of Gwyneth Paltrow and maybe you can introduce us to what you do with helping clients get rid of their, cellular inflammation.

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Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
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Functional medicine and Telehealth

Dr Cole: we've been in Telehealth for the 13 for 13 plus years like that's been our day job and my passion and my heart is to really be a part of people's Health journey and figure out why they're struggling with their health issues right so that's our main focus and from that the passion and that sacred responsibility that I hold for our Telehealth patients comes the books in the podcast like all of that Springs from that so thank you for I honor I'm honestly honored that you have to be a part of your health journey and I take that extremely seriously and as I mentioned like we've we started within the first functional medicine Telehealth centers 13 plus years ago

We have several ways that we serve Telehealth patients we have our one-on-one Telehealth concierge which is one-on-one private sessions, and then we have the, autoimmune Health reset, that we launched years ago like three years ago at this point to enhance or  level up the amount of people we can support.   The urine test reveals inflammation which  is the commonality between just about every health problem Under the Sun.

Inflammation and insulin resistance

I mean autoimmune problems are inflammatory metabolic issues like trouble losing weight, insulin resistance, type 2 diabetes, PCOS polycystic ovarian syndrome, which is driven by, insulin resistance, and other hormonal problems to digestive problems you mentioned musculoskeletal inflammation issues to even things like fatigue and anxiety and depression are all inflammatory there's a whole field of research called the cytokine model of cognitive function cytokines are pro-inflammatory cells.

Researchers exploring in the scientific literature how does inflammation impact how our brain works. How does inflammation impact mental health so what one of the ways we measure inflammation is that urine tests, but we also run blood tests like high sensitivity C-reactive protein homocysteine levels. These are just objective data points to show people their Baseline.   What's driving the inflammation in both physiological and psychological components is underlying, gut health.

75 percent of your, immune system, resides so there's a lot of gut-centric components to inflammation that could impact your joints, going to impact your mental health it could impact your hormones and impact your blood sugar that we need to calm down so what you embarked on through that group Telehealth model was us to calm down these root causes of inflammation so people can live the life they were created for.

Also natural medicines biohacking different tools mind-body practices trauma work to really deal with what's causing that dysregulation of their immune system which is what chronic inflammation is.  Inflammation is not inherently bad, it's a product of the immune system.

Gut brain connection and the vagus nerve

Myrna: I've always known about the, gut brain connection, and the, leaky gut, but I've been learning specifically about you know things getting through the lining and causing inflammation and and I see now where you know the gut is the main resource which is mitochondria and all these different things.  Can you talk about the, gut brain connection.

Dr Cole:  I mentioned that inflammation is a product of the immune system 75 % to about two-thirds of the immune system resides in the gut or originates in the gut so to understand inflammation you want to look at where the predominance of the immune system resides. But not just from an immune inflammatory standpoint, but also from a, brain health ,standpoint. The gut and brain are actually formed from the same fetal tissue so when babies are growing in their mother's womb the gut and brain are formed .

Serotonin a neurotransmitter is made in the gut and stored in the gut.  Fifty percent of dopamine, the pleasure neurotransmitter is made and stored in the gut.  The vagus nerve which is the largest cranial nerve in the body these neurotransmitters as we understand it today are made in the gut don't pass through the blood-brain barrier but what they do is crosstalk to the brain through the vagus nerve.

Parasympathetic response and the vagus nerve

So when you hear these conversations that are happening more and more around a dysregulated nervous system what we're actually talking about here is an overactive sympathetic state of that fight, flight or freeze stressed inflamed State and an under active parasympathetic that resting digesting hormone balance date both are important just like inflammation there's nothing inherently wrong with the sympathetic response it's meant to protect that us and it does protect us but it's meant to come up and overact and then calm down when the threat is removed.

Most people are in a state of nervous system dysregulation that it's just always on the sympathetic response is always on to varying degrees and that as you're an underactive resting digesting meaning calm anti-anxiety normal, gut health, normal digestive response. This has to do with what's called the nervous system it's the neuro-aminoendocrine axis so the intersection between our nervous system the endocrine system.

Myrna:  How does the gut influence your hormone production or depression? Can you bridge the gap on inflammation as the commonality between all these health problems?

Dr Cole: But the word there the key word is commonality meaning it's the common link but something's causing the inflammation so what's Upstream to the inflammation because if inflammation's not inherently bad we're just talking about dysregulated chronic inflammation, that forest fire that's burning perpetuity for people that's impacting their mental health and their physical health and their hormones and their digestion and their pain levels and their energy levels.

We look at what's causing the inflammation.  It's like the check engine light, so if the check engine light's on in your car you don't just keep under driving and cover up the check engine light and act like it's not on.  Let's do some Diagnostics to see why that check engine light is on, so that's what we do in functional medicine. So I talk about this in the book at both physiological and psychological drivers of inflammation, so both approaches have to be looked at.

Gut Feelings: The gut brain connection

So underlying gut problems nutrient deficiencies chronic infections like we deal with mold toxicity or chronic lyme disease or environmental toxins those physiological things will impact inflammation, impact our mood and all that stuff it can impact the anxiety depression automate everything on the psychological side.   The Chronic infections environmental toxins will can trigger that for some people that have genetic predispositions for autoimmunity, but on a psychological thing side of things.

That's why in part why I called the book, gut feelings, it's gut and feelings it's a physiological and the psychological the physical and the mental emotional spiritual.  Those things can trigger the, gut brain connection, things like unresolved trauma and chronic stress and something that I call in the book shame formation. Because our body is a cellular library and our thoughts and our words our emotions our experiences will impact the expression of our biochemistry.

Myrna:  I've had several um people on the show talk about childhood trauma results in autoimmune conditions so I'm getting the connection now so that's amazing.

Alcohol and the gut brain connection

Myrna: You say that alcohol affects our, gut brain connection.  Are you including red wine as alcohol?

Dr Cole: I'm including red wine in this bucket, so you could make the argument that there's some Redemptive qualities for wine right because it has it Resveratrol which is like antioxidant yeah so you know and it has like polyphenols like other antioxidants in it because it's from like the grapes that is true but actually this compelling amount of data that shows you need to drink an obscene amount of wine to get like to a great therapeutic dose.

Now you can make the other argument towards alcohol and say well couldn't it be alcohol is a hormetic effect in the body it's like a hormesis is a term that means like a good stressor on the body that makes the cells more resilient so fasting is a harmonic effect high intensity interval training is a hermetic effect cold therapy sauna these are all hormatic effects in the body.   Let's do some high intention interval training, that's healthier forms of hermesis than this alcohol .  Then supplement with Resveratrol or drink some eat some fruits and vegetables.

Myrna:  I've heard time and time again about the benefits of red wine my husband is an avid Red Wine Drinker and I just picked it up again like a couple weeks ago because because I heard about the benefits of red wine.

Dr Cole:  I need to talk to your husband .

Myrna:  So you have a 21 day gut feeling plan designed to help your clients heal can you talk to us about that what's in that plan.

Dr Cole:   I adapted the plan in the book based off of different tools that we Implement into our Telehealth patients  lives into their protocols so for this book every day of the 21 days there's a gut and a Feeling tool. So there's a physiological and a psychological gut day.  We could do a little bit of what you did during that autoimmune Health reset, we focus on soups and stews which is a great way to support that ,gut brain access, that microbiome mood axis to also lower inflammations, which is where two-thirds of the immune system resides.

So this is nothing new to our Landscapes humans right you look at any traditional Society they use soups and stews lots of times right I mean just every day let alone when somebody's sick or therapeutically you know that cliche of chicken noodle soup it's not the noodles that we're helping people it was the broths and the vegetables that were cooked down it was the proteins that were cooked and easy to digest so there's something healing about that on many levels for people.

So it's born as a protocol that we we modify for patients based on what's relevant to them we modify what's called a gaps protocol a it's an acronym gaps it stands for gut and psychology syndrome or gut and Physiology syndrome which is the gut brain Axis or the gut immune Axis or like chronic autoimmune problems so it's used clinically with different applications for different purposes. So I  give soup recipes and broth recipes in the book to support that, gut brain immune access, over the course of the 21 days.

On the feelings  side, my favorite science back tools that I've seen really work in patients lives also the research is so exciting so things like breath work and the history of breath work and breath work practices that helps to regulate the nervous system, strengthening the vagal tone. A lot of the plan is actually improving vagal tone, most people have a weak vagus nerve they're resting digesting the system is weak they have anxiety inflammation and poor digestion.

We're actually helping to support and strengthen so food on the physiological side on the gut side of that, gut feeling, crosstalk will help to improve vagal tone because the more you lower inflammation the more you support gut from gut health from a nutrition standpoint will improve vagal tone but on a psychological side we need to implement things like breath work to strengthen the vagus nerve to regulate that nervous system.

Strengthening the vagus nerve

Myrna:  I do a lot of meditation on the vagus nerve because  everything happens when you relax and that is one way I help myself relax and I do you know breath work meditation,  I wasn't aware that you can strengthen the vagus nerve so this is new information for me.

Myrna: Your  book Gut Feelings: Healing the Shame-Fueled Relationship Between What You Eat and How You Feel is on Amazon so tell us how people can get in contact with you your website social media

Dr Cole:  Everything's at Drwillcole.com  all the links to everything we talked about in today's conversation are there, so are the links to the Telehealth Center.  We have new Telehealth patient options now open a the autoimmune Health reset is one of them but lab information people can run Labs. The links to the books are there Gut Feelings,  Intuitive fasting, The inflammation spectrum and Ketotarian the links to the podcast The Art of Being Well. I have a new episode every week. I'm on Instagram @Drwillcole same with Facebook Tic Tock.

Additional Resources

What is the Connection Between Childhood Trauma and Autoimmune Disease?