Tag Archives: bullying

How to Raise your Self-esteem by Erasing Self Doubt

Coach Myrna share some tools to help you build up your, self-confidence, and, self-esteem, while starving the negative self-talk. The negative self-talk that tells you, you are not good enough. You can never make it, you are not smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough.

Welcome to, Transformation Fridays, with Coach Myrna today I would like to teach on the topic how to, raise your self esteem, by erasing, self doubt.

First let me give you the definition of, self-confidence, self-confidence, is defined as a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgment.

Self-esteem, is confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect. Pretty similar.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11231957-how-to-raise-your-self-esteem-by-erasing-self-doubt.mp3?download=true

A self esteem story

I was listening to a Ted talk video some time back and the speaker was telling his back story. He said for 10 years he smoked crack, when he woke up and before he went to bed every day.  Hoping to numb the pain of living. He was a disappointment to his mother, his wife and his children. He felt worthless! So, no, self-esteem.

On his second trip to prison, he spent a total of 8 years in prison, his adopted mother had a heart attack and died. He felt pretty low that this woman who adopted him and loved him as her own and who tried to give him a better life, was now in the hospital, and he was not there to offer her comfort. The prison did not even allow him to go to her funeral. This was the first spark of change in him. Maybe he should do something with his life other than being a mess up.

When he got out of prison this time he decided to go to college. He was now a middle-aged black man and he was in college with 20-year-old white students. Never the less he did good and now looked forward to the accolades his teachers gave him because he was performing better than expected. He said that praise was now his new drug. He lived for his teachers praises. One day one of his teachers put an application for a job on his desk. He couldn’t believe it. His teacher had, confidence, in him, his teacher had confidence in his ability to do the job.

The, self-confidence, seedling inside him got water and grew a little. As his self-confidence grew his life changed. No longer was he a non-contributing member of society, he was making a contribution. He now had a new family and 7 years after he was released from prison, he received his PHD in Physiology!

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

Self confidence is needed for success

Self-confidence, doesn't always come naturally. Sometimes you have to practice and practice until you build it. Sometimes it comes from your teachers, your parents, your friends or your boss.

So today I want to share some tools to help you build up your, self-confidence, and, self-esteem, while starving the negative self-talk. The negative self-talk that tells you, you are not good enough. You can never make it, you are not smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough.

But before we can get to the solution of anything or before we can get to anywhere on the map, we have to know how we got to where we are right now and pinpoint where we are.

For example. If you are at the mall and you are wanting to go to Macy's department store you look at the map and it shows “You are here” if you want to get to Macy's than you know you have to walk right or left. It is the same way in life.

Statics show that we can shed a lot of light on how we got here on the map by looking at our childhood. You see parenting does not come with a manual and some parents get it right; but most get it wrong.

Transform your Mind Podcast Index
Transform your Mind Podcast Index

We get our self esteem from our caregivers

Understanding your, inner child, is very important to unlocking the door of where you are on the map today. You see when you came into the world you were totally dependent on someone else to care for you. Not just to feed you, bathe you, and to keep you warm, but to love you, protect you and nurture you.

If whenever you cried your mother or caregiver came and picked you up and smiled at you and comforted you, then you transformed that into the feeling that you are important.

If, however when you cried you were ignored, then you formed the feeling that you were unwanted. Even though you have no memory of being a baby, your heart and your internal computers have a record of everything. A hypnotist can go back and pull it out. That is the root of, low self-esteem, and, self-doubt, that has now grown into an oak tree!

If you are listening to me and you are experiencing, low self-esteem, and, self-doubt, or you don't understand why you are not getting the results you want. Why you are here on the map and you can never get over there. I challenge you to do the work find out why.

I was watching Oprah Super Soul Sunday a few months ago and she had a guest who talked about going back to your childhood home in your mind and looking out the window. What do you see?

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Looking out your childhood window

I grew up poor in Guyana but with a lot of love. When I looked through the window of the room, we lived in. I saw that even though I was poor, I had hope, I had love, I had friends, and I was happy. I saw that I had, self-confidence, because I did well in school and I had many boyfriends. I had, self-confidence, because I believed I was intelligent like my dad who was a professor.

What do you see when you look through the window of your childhood home? Can you find the root of your, lack of self-confidence, and, self-doubt?

Here are a few reasons we develop low self-esteem
  1. We were inadequately nurtured as children.
  2. We could have absorbed negative messages about ourselves and it still resides in the core of our beings.
  3. Parents or teachers extremely critical.
  4. Poor academic performance in school.
  5. Did not fit in either because of looks or clothing or religion.

TraumaPhysical, sexual, and emotional abuse can all significantly affect our feelings of self-worth. If you find yourself replaying memories of abuse or otherwise feeling tormented by or ashamed of your experiences, please consider seeking treatment from a licensed clinician.

Parenting style. The way we were treated in our family of origin can affect us long after childhood. For instance, if you had a parent who constantly belittled you, compared you to others, or told you that you would never amount to anything, you likely carry those messages with you today. A parent’s struggles with, mental health, and substance abuse can also change your relationship with the world.

Bullying, harassment, and humiliation. Childhood bullying can leave a mark on your confidence when it comes to looks, intellectual and athletic abilities, and other areas of your life. Humiliating experiences in adulthood, including workplace harassment or a peer group that disrespects or demeans you, can also make you less willing to speak up for yourself or pursue ambitious goals.

Gender, race, and sexual orientation. Scores of studies show women are socialized to worry more about how they’re perceived and, therefore, to take fewer risks. Racial and cultural background and sexual orientation can make a difference, too. If you’ve been on the receiving end of discrimination, you may have internalized some negative, untrue messages about your potential and whether you “belong.”

When we grow our, self-esteem, we expand our capacity for happiness.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Here are 3 benefits of high self esteem

  1. The higher your, self-esteem, the more equipped you are to handle life's adversities.
  2. The higher your, self-esteem, the more ambitious you are not necessary in a career; but in forming healthy relationships and not repeating destructive patterns.
  3. The higher your, self-esteem, the more likely you are to form nourishing bonds with others.
  4. Higher, self esteem, enables you to love yourself.
 How do you know if you love yourself?

Ask yourself these questions?
• Do I take care of myself?
• Do I make being healthy a priority?
• Am I stretching and challenging myself to be better than I am today?
• Am I living life with passion or am I just passing through?

If you answered No to any of these questions then you need to make some changes in your life before you get to 80 years old and realize that you never lived.

Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast
Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast

How to erase self-doubt

By Thinking it, speaking it and doing it!

The weeds that take over the garden of your mind can only flourish if you are a bad gardener!

You have to protect your dreams by plucking up the weeds before they grow. They will come. Self-doubt, always comes; but you have to pluck them out by speaking of your goals and doing something to get you moving towards the place on the map you want to go.

That is why you have to know where you are so you won't move in the opposite direction.

First Think it. There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so. William Shakespeare.

Rhonda Bryne of the secret says “What you think about you bring about”

Your thoughts affect your attitude your, self-confidence, your mood, and there is a direct relationship to your thoughts and your experiences in life.

Remember when you were a kid and your parents would tell not to hang around Johnny or Jane? They did not know why; but they knew that if you kept company with Johnny or Jane, no good would come of you.
In the same way if you keep replaying negative emotions in your head such as fear, discontent, anger, jealousy, insecurities, blame etc. then no good will come of you because you will keep attracting more negative energy to your experience.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast
Podbean

Erase negative thoughts to erase self doubt

But let’s say you are wanting that promotion and you see yourself in this new role and you are confident that you will get this promotion then you will. You might not get it at your first try but if you keep trying and never give up it will be yours eventually; conversely, if you want this promotion; but you place road blocks in your path such as any and all negative thoughts, then chances are you will never attract this reality into your experience.

When we think, our thoughts become like magnets and attract, and then attach to like thoughts. That is why what you think about you bring about.

Nothing shows up in our life unless we attract it.

We have all seen the power of the Law of attraction in motion when if we have something bad happen to us at the beginning of the day, bad things keep on happening for the rest of the day.

So, it is very important to watch what you think.

Now let's take a look at Speak it.

The spoken word is a powerful tool and by leveraging your voice you expand your dreams from internal thoughts to external possibilities, laying the ground work for divine purpose to manifest. Deepak Chopra

When you take your thoughts, which are formless and speak them into the atmosphere you give them form. This empowers them.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

Think it, speak it, do it

“Talk happiness; talk faith; talk health. Say you are well, and all will be well with you. God shall hear your words and make them true.” Ella Wheeler Wilcox

So, remember to speak it. Tell a friend or your coach of your intentions.

And lastly “just do it.” Nike made this phrase popular but it applies to more than athletics. Just do it. There will never be a better time than the present.

“He who waits to do a great deal of good at once will never do anything.”
― Samuel Johnson

So “just do it.” Think about something you have been thinking of doing for some time. Tell someone about it and then take the first step. It does not have to be a giant step. It could be as simple as doing research or taking that nice red Mercedes out for a test drive; but it will be a step in the right direction.
I hope my presentation was thought provoking. These are the principles I live by and I attract all that I want into my experience; so give it a try.
If you lacked self-confidence or self-esteem I hope this episode gave you a starting point to change your thinking because when you transform your mind you will transform your life.

Additional Resources

What Is The Foundation Of Happiness

 

Can You Handle Success Like Chris Rock

Success is like a two-faced coin, one side is fame and fortune, the other side is no privacy and no peace. Chris Rock, knew about, success, and that he couldn't retaliate to Will Smith's  slap.

In my episode entitled “Will Smith had 10 seconds to choose a different reality”  we looked at the slap that was heard around the world from Will’s Smith’s perspective.

I agreed with Denzel Washington’s statement to, Will Smith, that when you are at the height of your success that is when the devil comes to destroy you.

The devil was able to grab Will Smiths peace and joy from him seconds before he reached the top of the mountain and the celebration began.

Download the podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10391137-can-you-handle-success-like-chris-rock.mp3?download=true

How Chris Rock handled the moment

But today so want to talk about, Chris Rock. Most men even Pastor Jamal Bryant from Newbirth church in Atlanta, Ga said that if a man slapped him, he would not have turned the other cheek. They would not let anyone take their manhood and bitch slap them on National TV without retaliation.

The first thing my daughter said to me was that, Chris Rock, was so aware. He knew that the person walking onstage was Richard and not Will. He took the slap said “Dude it was just a GI Jane joke” and then completed this moment by saying “This is the Greatest night in television history.” He was present.

So why didn’t the, Devil, take out two black men at the same time? Why wasn’t he able to destroy, Chris Rock, who remained calm?

Why wasn’t, Will Smith, able to handle, success, and, Chris Rock, grabbed his moment. These are the questions I will attempt to answer in this episode.

Chris Rock, also had 10 seconds to make a decision to retaliate, he made a different choice and instead he continued on with the task at hand. He was there to present the, Oscar, for a documentary film.

transform your mind curiocaster podcast
curiocaster podcast

Chris Rock was prepared for success

Chris Rock, moment came and he was prepared for it. Apparently, he has been in therapy 7 hours per week for being bullied and abused in school. He was attempting to bury his demons.  Will Smith, also had a coach for 2 years, but his demons returned.

When your moment of, success, comes, if you take it, the universe rewards you. Chris Rock, is making bank. All his shows have been sold out and, Will Smith, will probably not get another movie role for a long time.

So, what does, success, look like to you?

Remember what you have now, you asked God for.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

How does success look like for me

Success, to me looks like a beach front house, a million dollars in the bank a couple of luxury cars.

But I am, successful, now. Everything I have now, I asked God for.

  • I have a successful podcast,
  • I have a TV show,
  • I live in a 5-bedroom house in Florida,
  • I am an American,
  • I have a wonderful husband and 2 beautiful kids.

Don’t tell yourself that you will be, successful, when something happens. Nothing wrong with having goals, but you have to enjoy your life now or you will never be able to enjoy it then.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

Happiness does not come with success

I heard both, Will Smith, and Kanye West say

“I have all the money I need, I have the hot wife and kids, the big house, career success but I am not happy.”

How will you handle, success? Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.

Will smith, decided that the day when he was about to receive his highest honor, he would let the, devil, ruin it.

Chris Rock, responded to being slapped in front of his peers and the world with no aggression; he told, the devil.

“Get behind me Satan.”

He could not have imagined this scene, but maybe as a comedian he was prepared for someone responding badly to his joke and charging the stage.

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

Success is like a two faced coin

I was listening to the radio the other day and they were talking about a rapper who just retired because she didn’t like fame.  Most people want, success, but can’t handle it when it comes.  Success. is like a two-faced coin, one side is fame and fortune, the other side is no privacy and no peace.

Can you handle, success?

This is Life coach Myrna Young and you have been listening to 5 mins with coach Myrna.

Additional Resources

http://blog.myhelps.us/transform-your-business-life-dress-for-success/

 

10 Ways Childhood Trauma Impacts our Ability to Love

10 ways that, childhood trauma, can sabotage your love life and relationships. Relationship Coach Riana Milne joins The Transform your Mind podcast to discuss, childhood trauma, and how it impacts our adult life. Riana is the best selling author of “Love Beyond your Dreams” and “From Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success.”

For anyone who have had trouble maintaining healthy relationships, listen to find out if your have any of the, childhood trauma, that can affect your love relationships.

 

How Childhood Trauma affects Adults
How Childhood Trauma affects Adults

IN THIS EPISODE YOU'LL LEARN:

How does, childhood trauma, impact adults in life and love?
Riana goes over ten, childhood traumas, and relate them back to how they show up in our lives as an adult.
To get the most out of this topic, Riana advise the listeners to Get a sheet of paper and make three columns.

The first column you put “ME”, the second column you put “Your partner” and the third column you put “Your parents” because research shows, childhood trauma, go through the generations.

iHeart Radio

https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-Transform-your-Mind-29542107/

So here are the ten, childhood traumas:

As I speak them remember that when you were child you're very young and innocent all you knew is what mom and dad modeled to you so there’s
nothing to feel guilt or shame about.
I don't want people to say no it didn't happen because they're embarrassed or they feel shame around it.
If it is a fact, if it happened write it down.
It is like putting a puzzle together. Once you know what your, childhood trauma, is and then how it's showing up as a for you as an adult.
As a coach, I can start putting the pieces together and everything starts making a whole lot of sense.

My favorite line is you can't change what you don't understand.

Childhood trauma, #1 addictions

1. Addictions – as a child, did your parents have any addiction?
Now we typically think of drugs and alcohol, but there's also sex addiction.
If your parent was a cheater or watched porn, have an eating addiction, was a hoarder, spending or gambling, workaholic etc. There's 11 addictive behaviors.

Childhood trauma, #2 Verbal Abuse

2. Verbal abuse – Did you witness your mom and dad screaming and yelling at each other? This, Childhood trauma, is typical is yelling screaming but this also includes no verbal alkaloids, no compliments, not hearing I love you
verbally humiliated, or put down, your opinion means nothing, or statements like “you'll never amount to anything.” Comments like that.

Childhood trauma, #3 emotional abuse or neglect

3. Emotional abuse or Neglect – Your parents were not around, being gone for long periods of time. Research also shows latch key kids let's say they came home from school at 3 o'clock and mom if they're in a single household mom
had to work 9 to 5. That child is alone for two or so hours.

There's anxiety around that. So that even falls under the neglect believe it or not. While we're out trying to support our kids there home alone.

Childhood trauma, #4 Psychical abuse

4. Physical Abuse, Rape or Molestation – This, childhood trauma,  could have happened in or outside of the home. Physical abuse is being beat hit in any way other than the typical spanking like a quick spank on the butt. Research shows that spanking does nothing to help teach your child anything, so I always say when I do parenting lectures in the schools we're supposed to teach our child another way.

If you're beating them or hitting them you're teaching them to be violent back. We don't want to do that.

Childhood trauma, #5 Abandonment

5. Abandonment – There's two types, childhood trauma, from abandonment. Fault and No Fault abandonment.
Here are three examples, childhood trauma, from no-fault abandonment.
• a parent has to go off and serve at war
• a parent happens to die early
• early a parent travels away from the home a lot for work. 20:24

Here is an example of “Fault” abandonment:
• Divorce and the mom or dad leaves the home and is supposed to see the children every weekend and is either late or
cancels, does not pick up the child. The dad is spending more time with his new girlfriend than he is paying attention to you the child.

Childhood trauma, #6 Adoption

6. Adoption – if you were adopted, part of the foster care system, or you needed to live with relatives because mom or dad couldn't take care of you, that even includes Grandma's, aunts or uncles. I had a client who signed up with me she
asks “How about if we chose to live with another family because we didn't want to go home? I said yes that falls under this category because there was always yelling and screaming in her household so she didn't want to go home.

Childhood trauma, #7 personal trauma

7. Personal trauma – This comes from being bullied, feeling different not fitting in, being a little overweight as a child or like me skinny and gawky. Many people remember being bullying not part of the sports teams.

Childhood trauma, #8 Sibling trauma

8. Sibling trauma – Your sibling could have been born with a medical issue where it demanded more of moms and dads time. Or they could be bullying you, but most often this one applies to if you perceive your sibling as being the golden child. They were more athletically beautiful or handsome or intelligent getting better grades and mom or dad gushed over
them versus you. You were always trying to prove yourself and say see I'm worthwhile too.

Childhood trauma, #9 Community trauma

9. Community trauma – If a parent was incarcerated, if you moved a lot like military families. In the U.S.A military families move every two to four years. Growing up in lack, growing up in dangerous neighborhoods, that's all
family trauma and community trauma. Today we can also have, childhood trauma, if we have active volcanoes, massive fire, floods, hurricanes, mass shootings in our community.

http://blog.myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/

Childhood trauma, #10 Mental Health

10. Mental Health – Bipolar, Manic Depression, Hidden personalities. We have Sociopaths and narcissism is part of community trauma. Sociopathic means that they have no regard for your emotional feelings, they act on what they want, when they want without thinking about their partner or the repercussions.

I am unlike every other love coach, because I specialize in how the past has harmed you and what you're attracting. We call it same person different face. The repetitive toxic relationships and this happens to my clients who are very successful
in business but they struggle in love. They can't figure out why like I can get the career right,

https://myhelps.us/podcast-sponsorship-transform-your-mind/

Sponsored AD

If you would like to improve the quality of your life and don’t have the budget to hire a coach, then I have an offer for you. Why not play the game of life and learn the skills to maneuver life situations. How many of you have played the game of monopoly and learned the value of having property to collect rent?

1. The Coaching Game features 65 associative cards that explore significant everyday life themes.
2. Punctum fosters associative connections between photos, themes and questions. These flexible combinations make it a fascinating tool, highly effective in dynamic therapy, coaching and counseling.
3. Faces is a powerful way to get to know ourselves through the observation of others.

For more information or to purchase one or more games. Would make a prefect Christmas gift for someone you love. Head over to https://poy4all.com/transform/?ref=17

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

Riana is offering a FREE eBook
Get it here:
www.HavetheLoveYouDeserve.com

 

PLEASE SUBSCRIBE to the PODCAST so you can get new episodes as they are uploaded. You can listen on, iTunes,  TuneIn radio, iHeart Radio, Stitcher and Spotify.

There’s Nothing “Wrong” with You that Makes Dating So Hard! In Fact, 90% of People Have the Same Challenge when it comes to Love! (And They Don’t Even Know It Exists!)

Imagine attracting and having the Emotionally Healthy Love Relationship you’ve always wanted – and the life you are passionate about! It’s possible and I’ll show you what you’ve been doing “wrong”. (And it’s not what you think!)

It’s time to get the FACTS and learn EXACTLY what is going on, and How to Fix It!

 

Additional Resources:

http://blog.myhelps.us/reflection-4-rejection-surviving-mothers-abandonment/

4 Ways a Traumatic Childhood Affects Adult Relationships

What happens to us as children can affect the attachment style we carry into our adult relationships. Childhood Trauma, hugely influences attachment. Often people who grew up in happy, healthy, and stable homes where caregivers were emotionally available and responsive to their needs have a secure attachment style. These people don't push partners away or cling too tightly. While they may have troubles in their relationships, an unhealthy attachment style isn't the cause.

The Long Shadow of Childhood Trauma

A new study suggests that stress experienced early in life damages the ability to assess risk, creating young adults with poor decision-making skills.