Tag Archives: dominatrix

Unlocking the Healing Power of Sex and Sexuality

Sexuality often remains a taboo topic, shrouded in mystery and replete with stereotypes. However, beneath the layers of cultural narratives lies an immense potential for healing, personal growth, and intimate connection. In this riveting podcast episode, Life Coach Myrna Young and Dr. Liz Letford unveil insights into how sex can transcend mere physical gratification, becoming a tool for profound emotional healing and restoration of the, nervous system. By delving into the intertwined worlds of relationships, body awareness, and emotional responsiveness, this exploration reveals how truly transformative the act of sex can be when approached with vulnerability and consciousness.

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Key Takeaways on Sex and Sexuality:

  • Sexual Healing and Emotional Freedom: Understanding the deeper emotional currents within sexual experiences can lead to significant healing of past traumas and emotional blockages and promote sexuality.
  • Dynamic Relationship Roles: Men and women can benefit from exploring both giving and receiving roles in sex, breaking away from traditional power dynamics and discovering personal empowerment.
  • Body Church Movement: Dr. Liz Letford's unique practice uses collective somatic experiences, such as movement and sound, to create coherence among diverse groups for systemic healing, unity and sexuality.

The Intersection of Sex and Emotional Well-being

A core theme that emerged from the discussion is the relationship between, sexual intimacy, and emotional well-being. Dr. Liz articulates a perspective where physical closeness serves as the doorway to not just pleasure, but also the space where one can confront and heal unresolved emotional conflicts. She describes how every sexual encounter acts as a stage, reflecting earlier life events that may have impacted one's psyche, a process especially potent when memories tied to these emotions elude conscious awareness.

The interaction of sexuality  with emotional well-being underscores the raw potential that lies in our physical interactions to act as a conduit for catharsis.

Dr. Liz notes, “Our sexual nature, our erotic nature, is exquisitely designed to heal our emotional, our physical, and our spiritual bodies.

The healing is not just an abstract idea but has tangible effects, from soothing hormonal imbalances to aiding in recovery from emotional scars. The implications are vast, suggesting that by redefining sex as a mutual, emotionally-attuned experience, individuals can work through deeply entrenched issues and foster more harmonious relationships.

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Reshaping Power Dynamics in Sexuality

The dialogue seamlessly shifts to contemplate the energy dynamics within sexual relationships. The traditional script writes men as givers and women as receivers, but Dr. Liz challenges these norms by advocating for a fluid exchange where individuals can alternate roles. The notion presented is not to obliterate gender roles but to empower individuals to explore their sexuality and embrace both dimensions of giving and receiving power.

Quotes from Dr. Liz encapsulate this shift: “ultimately power […] everyone deserves to taste what that tastes like.” By acquainting oneself with differing polarities of power, a person can unlock a more versatile form of expression and connection. Embracing one's full spectrum of capabilities creates room for a more fulfilling and equitable intimate interaction. Men learning to hold space for potent, feminine energy, and women discovering their own assertive power can reinvigorate the foundations of personal and partnership growth.

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Stepping into Sexual power as a Dominatrix

When your body feels safe, that's when your body opens up to its healing bliss. Its this bliss ecstatic state, which we've called orgasm. And so if you are receiving only because you've been told that, because you said society told you to do that because you're afraid.

If you've never expressed what it's like to give, to penetrate, to take, and all of the expressions of that penetrative energy, your system has the potential to be out of balance. And so I teach this, I have something called dragon school, where I teach women how to step into their power, their containment. What we've traditionally associated with the men is giving, penetrating, holding. And so I went to dominatrix school and trained as a dominatrix.

I don't necessarily need to use pain, or deep penetration, put pleasure where the pain is. So I don't really identify as a dominatrix, but it's the closest thing that people can associate with what I do. So I teach women how to step into their dragon archetype, their protector. They're badass. And it's really so healing. So just by embodying these other energies, we are able to express the thing that we've been told is not nice to be expressed, or, shame on you, or.

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Collective Healing Through the Body Church Movement

Dr. Liz introduces a communal aspect of healing rites through the, Body Church movement. Blending physical movement, sound, and storytelling within an intentionally diverse group setting offers a profoundly inclusive platform for societal healing. Moments in the conversation shed light on the idea that sharing and witnessing each other's emotional journeys can foster understanding and empathy across historical divides such as race, gender and sexuaity.

This practice pushes the boundaries of individual healing into the realm of collective catharsis. It suggests that to address the societal fractures, an embodied approach that taps into the resonance of human connection is key. As Dr. Liz remarks, “It's vibrating the body and entraining the body to a different frequency.” This notion of communal vibration shifts the focus from isolated experiences to shared human truths, potentially bridging gaps of misunderstanding and opening pathways to societal reconciliation.

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Transform Your Mind Podnews

Unveiling the Transformative Implications of Sex and Sexuality

Throughout the transformative dialogue between Myrna Young and Dr. Liz Letchford, it becomes abundantly clear that sex is more than an act; it is an interplay of energies, a canvas for emotional expression, and a pathway toward personal and communal fulfillment. The exploration transcends conventional understanding, positioning sex as a platform for healing past wounds, rebalancing power within relationships, and even serving as a community ritual for collective healing. This forward-thinking approach reimagines intimacy, encourages individuals to step into their full expressive potential, and fosters a more connected and empathetic society, stirring the vibrations of change through the shared rhythm of our bodies.

Additional Resources

Tantric Sex: How to Use Tantra Energy during Sex

How To Ditch the Good Girl Label

The, good girl, label is not about being morally good, the problem with being a, good girl, is that at the end of the day, it doesn't work. It doesn't work for anyone.  This isn't an anti-morality conversation; it's correcting our idea of what’s good and what’s right.

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Sitting in the guest chair today on the Transform Your Mind Podcast, is Kasia Urbaniak. Kasia is the author ofUnbound: A woman's Guide to Power”. Today, we are going to be talking about “How to ditch the, good girl label”.

Bio

Since founding The Academy in 2013, Kasia has taught over 4000 women to radically increase their power, agency and influence. Using practical tools, Academy graduates transform their lives by breaking the yoke of ‘Good Girl’ conditioning. They step boldly into leadership roles within their relationships, families, workplaces, and wider communities.

They become adept in the art of verbal self-defense against bulldozing, bullying, and gaslighting. They make bold, life-changing asks of the people around them in a way that feels good to the person being asked. They can hear “no” without getting flustered or giving up, and use resistance as a way to build intimacy and partnership.

Introduction

Myrna: Kasia, let's start off by asking you what was your journey into founding the Academy, teaching women the foundations of power and influence? I read part of your bio that you were once a, dominatrix, I would love to hear about that.

Kasia: I found myself with an unusual set of training I explored various spiritual traditions and wanted to transcend this world. The one that spoke to me because it seemed the most practical and magical was, Taoism.

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I was a Dominatrix while pursuing monastic education

Now, while I was pursuing my training and pursuing monastic education, the ironic part was there was no way for me as a girl growing up in New York City to be able to afford such things without getting a job that would pay me a lot of money in short bursts. So, I was working as a professional, dominatrix, in dungeons in New York City and then flying off to meet with teachers to convince them to teach me all the way up to mountain tops in China.

This lasted for the greater part of a decade. This straddling, absolutely insane split personality education, where I felt guilty about one when I was doing the other.  What started happening was these extremes ended up merging when I started diagnosing people's bodies as a, Taoist, trainee.  I started going into deeper states of meditation and noticed that my training as a, dominatrix, allows me to notice the power dynamics , I started seeing similarities in my work as a, dominatrix.

I was paying attention to human beings and started to understand power dynamics the way you study martial arts.  I began to teach this power to women,   I do not teach as a, dominatrix, and I do not teach as a nun.

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After this wildlife of extremes, of desiring absolute purity and devotion while going into these wildly psychologically strange, weird and interesting places with other humans, I started noticing that I was changing. I saw all my friends around me and all the people in my life (the women especially), living in a world of assumptions and superstitions.

Women are communicating with their bodies all the time

I started noticing that women didn't realize that they are physically broadcasting and communicating all the time. That their power magnetic. You could say more submissive, but it's not submissive at all

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The, good girl, label is not about being morally good, the problem with being a, good girl, is that at the end of the day, it doesn't work. It doesn't work for anyone.  This isn't an anti-morality conversation; it's correcting our idea of what’s good and what’s right.

Myrna: You had a lot of nuggets and you're very right. When your publicist approached me and she started off with the, dominatrix, thing, I pushed back right away until I read the full bio.  I understood what you were trying to say. You're giving women the power of choice.  Women can still be submissive and powerful, right?

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Transform your Mind Podcast Index

Are you a People-Pleaser or a good girl

Also, I know that being a people-pleaser and being a, good girl, doesn't get you anywhere, people walk all over you. We've got a saying in my country  if you lay down like a doormat, people are going to walk all over you”. So, I understand you help women break the yolk of the, good girl, conditioning. So, tell us why specifically the label of a, bad girl, is beneficial because I’m interested in hearing your spin.

Kasia:  Good girl, conditioning has a very long history and it comes from the agreement that we make not as spiritual and personal agreement, but an economic agreement of marriage. We have a deal and there's nothing wrong with even holding that deal today, but the deal is “I will let you lead, but you provide for meSo, up until very recently, a woman who had ambition, opinion, a vision and desires couldn't express it as an individual. The best she could do and the best way she could fulfill her ambitions was to marry. The behaviors around the, good girl, are the behaviors we're calling, good girl, conditioning.

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What is good girl conditioning

Such behaviors are basically the behaviors of how to be marriageable, how to attract and keep a good man, how to qualify to marry the most economically promising man – given that you can't have a job, you can't get educated, you can't read, and you're not allowed to leave the house (in some countries).

So, women learn I don’t want to be a burden.

  • How to be resourceful because if you're the economic provider, then I have to be able to make big things out of little things (be resourceful),
  • Be moderate in temperament,
  • Not be too attractive so as to not get competition, but not to be noticeably unattractive, not to stand out in this way or that way,
  • Women are not to have too much sexual desire, in fact not to have too much desire at all.

Actually, it's not just being accommodating, harmonious and warm, but also not having a voice essentially, they're from women who are like I‘m not a, good girl, I don't need anyone,  I‘m fine.

The modern day, people-pleaser, is an outgrowth of the, good girl. Why we call her an outgrowth like a sister of the, good girl, but she's still the same woman because even though she believes that she can have her desires, she has to go for what she wants by herself. She never asks anybody for help, she never burdens anybody, she does it all. She is the feminine and the masculine. She is the alpha female

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Most of the women who come to my school are like this because, they're very successful. They have families, they have careers and they have everything they want and they are exhausted and are furious; they have to do it all.

Myrna: it's like the superwoman syndrome.

Good Girls learn to say No

Kasia: The problem is that men hold all the cards. Women don't have the same experience as men because, men don't do it all the same way.  When they are in positions of leadership or have a career, they have support that the women in their same place do not have.

The issue with, good girl, conditioning is you can say “I‘m an, independent woman, I push back and I stand up for myself.  I have learnt how to say No. You can identify with someone who doesn't have, good girl conditioning, but the truth is the conditioning comes out so quickly that we barely catch it.  

We're programmed and it's in our subconscious and that is why I founded the Academy with my partner Reuben.  

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Bad girls learn to ask for what they want

Myrna: Why do you say specifically that the, bad girl, label  is good? How do you transform them from being a, good girl, to a, bad girl? What does, bad girl, really mean?

Kasia: Okay. We got three things, bad girl, is the first. The first of the three and the other two are really important elements of the, bad girl. So, the first is a really simple exercise and I want to set up the context of this exercise. Bad girls learn to ask for what they want. 

I have the women that I work with this exercise which ends up being more difficult than it sounds. The intention is to write  all the things you feel make you a, bad girl,  onto paper.  What we want to do is start opening Pandora’s Box in the safest way possible.

We start with a sentence completion, its part of a sentence you fill in the blank and you repeat it, You write “if I were a, bad girl. I would do ,,,,,,,,,,,”

We use, bad girl, specifically because it brings you back to that younger age where you start learning what you're supposed to like,  not like,  what you're supposed to think etc. 

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Clear out the bad girl closet

The purpose of writing all these terrible things is that, the things we didn't even know we put in the, bad girl, closet start coming out. When I explain part two and three, it's going to become even more apparent how this works so you start opening the, bad girl, closet.

Myrna: I‘m sure a lot of it is around sex and what, bad girls, do and what, good girls, do not do.

Kasia: Some have ideas and desires of sexual liberation and some have ideas of standing up for themselves.  Some feel that anger is bad, that, good girls, do not get angry.  Good girls,  is part of the submissive conditioning or why, good girls, don’t get angry.

The, good girl conditioning, doesn’t even let you become aware that your man is disrespecting you when he calls you names. Maybe he just treats you like a maid and then one day you wake up and start thinking; this is disrespect.

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 What is bulldozing in a relationship?

When you tell The Bulldozer, explicitly or implicitly, to back off, they come on even stronger. When you tell The Bulldozer your needs, they will do exactly the opposite. That's why they're called The Bulldozer. Because they trample all over your boundaries.

How good girls get respect

Kasia: If you want respect, you never ever say I want you to respect me! That's communicating there's something wrong with you

The moment you are voicing a complaint, you are creating an atmosphere of defense. We don't want to be in defense mode, we obviously want to be in offense, mode. 

Myrna: So, how does someone do it, how do we state our desires in offensive mode?

Kasia: The moment you ask them to do something specific, the power dynamic has changed. The issue with women is that their energy is too inward: 

  • I‘m hurting,
  • I'm complaining,
  • I don't like this,
  • This is a problem,
  • Look what you're doing to me,
  • I am the victim,
  • I have no power,
  • You have to fix it,
  • It's all your fault,
  • You don't respect me etc.

The moment you start directing their actions, making those requests that would resonate with you as respect, you are in the dominant position.  The moment you start making them in control of your happiness and telling them they're doing a bad job, you are in defense mode. 

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Is there such a thing as a High Maintenance Woman

Myrna: I heard this a lot that men say, “Oh, she's too, high maintenance, but you're also saying there's no such thing  as a, low maintenance, woman just  women who are not bold enough to ask for what they want.

Kasia: So, high maintenance, is a fad. No woman is, low maintenance, but when men complain about women being, high maintenance, what they're actually saying is not you are too much work.  What they're saying is I never got the instruction manual on how to treat you as a woman.

Men  just got used to ignoring and tolerating the complaints of women, because they never really understood what makes them happy. Women weren't asking for the things that would actually light them up, give them orgasms, make them feel supported and empowered. What men got was a bunch of vague things.

You find a man who's getting specific instructions for the first time; he's like a little boy in a candy store like yes, what can I do next? He feels competent and takes care of his women like he takes care of his car!

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A woman's guide to power

Unbound: A Woman's guide to power
Unbound: A Woman's guide to power

Myrna: Tell us about your book, it's called Unbound: A Woman's Guide to Power.

Kasia: The book is a step-by-step training manual. It definitely talks about how to ask and how to get off the spot when you're being bullied and bulldozed. There's a lot of how-to stuff there also. I teach women how to create allies out of all the men in their lives. The book is also a journey through how to get all of the support that you need from the people in your life to make your actual dreams and desires come true.

Not the ones that you think are attainable and not the ones that you think are socially acceptable. A huge part of the book is breaking the, good girl conditioning.

Myrna: How can those listening and watching in TV connect with you? How can they get a copy of your book and get your get information about your Academy?

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PTWWN TV

Kasia: The easiest way to find out more is to go to the website www.weteachpower.com.

We have an announcement on the site of all our classes. Also, there are tons of free resources and videos and things that the interested listeners, viewers and readers can engage with. The book is available everywhere books are sold. Penguin Random house published it and there's my Ted talk that I delivered to 10,000 people live as well.

Myrna: Thank you for being so in-depth about understanding the mindset of women and the mindset of the power. What is your social media handle?

Kasia: @realkasiaUrbaniak on Instagram.

Conclusion

Please remember to subscribe to the podcast on iTuneswe would love for you to rate and post a review so that we can get these fantastic guests out to wider audience.

Thanks for tuning in and until next time, blessings.

Additional Resources

How to Embrace Female Sexuality and the Divine Feminine

How to Embrace Your Goddess in the Bedroom: 50 Shades of Grey Style

Would you like to have, 50 shades of Grey, in your Bedroom? Find out how to have the, sexual confidence,  of, Dakota Johnson, by embracing your, Goddess,  in the Bedroom. Life Coach Myrna Young, interviews Intimacy and Orgasmic Coach, Margo Blake. Margo is going to teach you How to Embrace Your, Goddess, in the Bedroom with,  sexual confidence.

As a teen mom Margo was forced into developing her, sexual confidence, at an early age. At 48 years old she decided to learn the secrets of the, intimacy, that had always eluded her. Even though she was always, sexually confident, She wanted to know more about the RAW, Vulnerable parts of herself that she always held back from men and address her, fear of intimacy.  She wanted to find out for herself and also to teach other women to embrace there, intimacy issues. So she started, intimacy coaching,  teaching women How to be, sexually confident, and embrace their Goddess in the bedroom, 50 shades of grey, style.

Your own, 50 Shades of Grey, in the bedroom

In celebration of the movie “50 Shades Freed” and Valentines Day, I wanted to give my listeners a gift. A gift of Awakening along the lines of the Awakening felt by, Dakota Johnson,  by Christian Grey.

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Margo teaches women to use their voice to tell their partners what they want and don't want. She teaches women that men should be in servitude to them and they should have, sexual confidence, about their sexuality, embracing their Goddess and their, 50 shades of grey, in the bedroom fully!

As women of all ages are bored with their partners, the movie, 50 Shades of Grey, captures and excites women, the same way Christian Grey captures and excites, Dakota Johnson. Women are bored with the vanilla love making and vanilla lifestyle. We want our ice cream with sprinkles on top!

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Show notes: Goddess in the Bedroom 

Can you tell my audience your back story. How did you start,  intimacy coaching?

Well I'm going to try to do this very quickly because I am 54 years old and fabulous, so I'm going to try to speed it up. I was a teenage mom at 16 years old. I started to embrace my, sexuality, as a teenager but lacked, sexual confidence, and I had no, intimacy, with my partners.

I got married and divorced and when I turned 48 I felt I was missing out on life. I was close to 50 years old and my whole history of my relationships with men was sad. Men always left me. I'm going to transition out my relationship which was going on 10 years and I wanted to be me and embrace my, sexuality and become more intimate with my partners.

That's how I became an, intimacy coach, and started, intimacy coaching. I did a transformational workshop and certification with One Taste Coaching and I started to mentor clients for the last

six years. The last three years I've been on the journey of becoming an intimate orgasmic Life Coach with One Taste.

2. Question 2: What advice would you give to young women today on how to embrace their, Goddess, in the Bedroom and to How to be confident about their, sexuality?

If I had to give myself my sixteen-year-old self advice about my sexuality the first thing I would have asked was, why am I with this particular guy? As they develop, sexual confidence, you want to start telling men what you want and by doing that, we create a whole world of men of servitude. So once again the advice I would give young women and older women is learning to communicate what your desires are. I want it this way, no I don't want it that way.

50 shades of Grey
50 shades of Grey

50 Shades of Grey the Movie

In the movie, 50 Shades of Grey, Dakota Johnson,  is a young woman inexperienced in sex and becomes drawn in the world of a, dominatrix, Christian Grey. All three movies were well received; but it still received a lot of criticism about showcasing abuse of women. What do you think the message of the film, 50 shades of grey,  is for young women like, Dakota Johnson?

The movie, 50 shades of Grey, to me is is all about love and service and sex and that kind of thing

but I remember when I took my mom to see the movie. I posted it on Facebook several women responded with outrage saying how can I glorify that movie it abuses women.

Margo- I embrace the movie, it's of excited us to escape having a vanilla lifestyle. It's a different

type of lifestyle that they both agree on. It's all about giving up and surrendering to your man. It’s all about, intimacy, and, sexual confidence. That's what, Dakota Johnson, did she surrendered to the power-play. She trusted herself , and her, sexuality.

That person that posted on your Facebook page that she was abused couldn’t have seen the movie. She didn't see what you and I saw, because there was no abuse, it was it was consensual sex even though Christian Grey was a, dominatrix.

What constitutes, intimacy?

Margo what would you call, intimacy? Is it that raw vulnerable part that you allow your partner or your friends to see?

Margo- Intimacy, it's the part of you that does not lie. It's the part of you that allows your friends, your family, or your lover to look you in the eye and connect with you. So hypothetically if you are feeling sad can look at your daughter or your daughter can look at you and connect with you?

Because some of us were masks. We wear a mask our whole life, we don't allow people to see that vulnerable part of us.

Intimacy, is being able to communicate what you're feeling and not masking. Intimacy, is allowing that person to really see you without lying and without the drama.

Myrna – How does, intimacy, come into play in the bedroom? How do we find our, Goddess, in the bedroom?

Margo – Intimacy, is having the ability to tell your partner exactly how you want it, when you want it and how long you want it. That's, intimacy. You don't need to be like an army instructor, you just communicate. There's no words it's just your bodies and it's just your mind.

Additional Resources 

http://blog.myhelps.us/alchemy-desire-episode-5-long-term-relationship-dance/

How to Embrace Female Sexuality and the Divine Feminine