So What is, self- confidence? How do we define, self- confidence, and what does it look like?
Self-confidence, comes from building your confidence muscle. It increases with positive input from your parents, peers, loved ones and from your personal victories.
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In Today's #podcast Arifah and I are talking on the topic of How to build, Self-confidence, we want to shed some light on one of the top struggles of , African American women, self-confidence,
In the co-host chair today is registered, social worker and mental health counselor, Ms Arifah Yusuf.
What is Self-Confidence?
The most important thing to remember about, self- confidence, is that we were born with it. It is our natural state.
How many of you remember your play days as kids? As a child I was always the doctor or teacher.
Boys have no fear. They would climb to the tallest point in their home, put on a cape and jump! They were Superman!
So I would define, self- confidence, as certainty. Confident and certain that you are able to handle your job, your family, social events and personal relationships.
Self-confidence, comes from building your confidence muscle. It increases with positive input from your parents, peers, loved ones and from your personal victories.
But a large percentage of, African American women, and men suffer from a lack of, self-confidence, because of negative input from parents, peers, and loved ones.
Usually centered on their intellect, the color of their skin, their hair, their lips, their butt, the section of town they live, their lack of designer clothing, and the list goes on.
It is important to note that lack of, self-confidence, always comes from negative comments that you believe. If you don't let these negative comments in, they will never take root and grow.
Here is a story showcasing how a lack of, self-confidence, usually starts.
A surgeon opened his office one day and found a tall black man in the waiting room. He was six feet four inches tall and towered over the surgeon. He complained about his lip. You see his underlip protruded out from his top lip. His girlfriend told him she was ashamed to be seen in public with him because of his ugly lip; so he came to the surgeon to get it fixed.
The surgeon told him there was nothing wrong with his lip, it was just a minor protrusion. The black man insisted on getting it fixed; so the surgeon gave him an outrageous price of $1200 hoping he would go away.
He did, he said that he didn't have that kind of money. But lo and behold, he came back the next day with a little black bag in his hand. He dumped the contents on the table. Bills poured out, his life savings; $1200 worth!
The doctor was shocked. He didn't want to deprive the man of his life savings so he made him an offer. He agreed to do the surgery for a smaller fee on the condition that he tell his lady love that he paid $1200 for the surgery.
The operation was simple enough and one week later all the bandages came off and the man had a smaller lip he was proud of. All the surgery was done inside the lip so he had no visible scars except for a small scar inside the lip. The man was happy, he strode from the doctor’s office full of, self-confidence, A commanding figure. Tall, black and proud.
However a few weeks later he was back in the surgeon’s office. His body seemed to have shrunk, his hands lost their strength, his voice squeaked. The doctor asked him what happened to him.
He said “the African Bug, sir. It got me and it's killing me”
He told the doctor after he removed the bandages he went to see his lady love. She loved his lip and asked him how much he paid for the surgery. When he told her $1200, she became enraged and cursed him saying she could have used that $1200 and accused him of hiding the money from her. She cursed him and told him he would die.
Deeply troubled and hurt, the man laid in his bed for 4 days worrying about this curse that was going to kill him. Then running his tongue around, he discovered the horrible thing inside his mouth. He went to see a medical doctor who checked his mouth and confirmed that “the slimy African bug was stuck inside his mouth and it was indeed killing him.
The surgeon looked at this diminished and fearful man and asked him “Is it really in your mouth?”
“Yes sir,” the man said “the doctor tried to help get rid of it with liquids, pastes and potions – but nothing worked. The curse is too strong”. It’s burned inside my lip.
“Your lip?”
“Yes sir” the man said
“You didn't say lip before”
The doctor ran his finger at the back of the man's lip and told the disbelieving man that “the bug” was no more than scar tissue from his surgery.
The disbelieving man looked up in wonder and asked “then there is no African bug?”
The man stood up. Instantly he seemed to have regained his full height and strength. A rich smile spread over his face and his voice boomed out again. His, self-confidence, had returned.
The moral of this story is that you can’t get your, self-confidence, from other people. You have to take inventory of your strengths and weaknesses and deal with them on your own terms.
Let's bring Arifah into this, self-confidence, conversation. Arifah is a, registered social worker, specializing in, mental health issues. She is the founder and program director of Lifted by Purpose.
Lifted by Purpose Provides a diverse range of services including training, workshops with the intent to engage youth in conversations about mental health and learn practical strategies to cope with life stressors.
Arifah I am sure that a large population of your clients suffer from a lack of, self-confidence, Why do you think that is?
I think there are many reasons young people lack, self-confidence, I often work with young people who experienced unhappy childhoods or maybe their parents neglected them in some way or they weren't involved much in their lives.
Also I'd say lack of, self -confidence, sometimes comes from negative input from teachers or authority figures in their lives. Sometimes teachers have a way of saying things that discourage young people. Making them feel inadequate made and like they couldn't be successful. That kind of influenced how they feel about themselves and their, self-confidence, I'd also say young people who have experienced trauma or bullying from their peers can obviously influence their, self-confidence,
I believe that when young people don't value themselves and sometimes that comes from people not validating them, they often lack, self-confidence,
How to Build Your Self-Confidence through Courageous acts
As a, life coach, I believe that Courage is a byproduct of, self confidence,
It takes courage to walk up on stage and speak to an audience large or small.
It takes courage to call that guy you like and ask him out.
It takes courage to go into that interview even though you have no idea what you are going to say.
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So how do you make yourself, Face the Fear, but do it anyway?
Tell yourself that it is not going to kill you.
My grandmother used to say “What doesn't kill you makes you stronger”
And that's exactly what, Feeling the fear but doing it anyway does for you. It makes you stronger, it builds your, self-confidence, muscle because even if you bombed you got practice and practice also makes perfect!
Here are my steps to build your, self-confidence, muscle on public speaking or doing a presentation at work.
You can start by writing out your speech word for word and just read it
Then as you get more, self- confidence, and your brain recorded that you did not die, you weren't booed off the stage, nobody laughed at you.
So the next step is to write out the headlines and speak from the heart on your headlines
Sooner or later you will have, self- confidence, muscles like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Tony Robbins and command the attention of the audience.
Arifah What are your steps to building the, self-confidence, muscle?
I find that it wasn't only their, self-confidence muscle, that needed to be built up, it was their self-worth, it was a whole bunch of things there was all built into the one thing. If we were to put a label on it, it would be that we're not enough.
You would not believe how many people feel that they are not enough; even the most successful
people like, Michelle Obama, in her book “Becoming Michelle Obama” felt that she wasn't good enough. Why did she feel that way? Because she was black and from the south side of Chicago!
As, African American women, we have got a lot of things that we have to deal with, we just have to believe that we are all born with purpose and with the love of God.
I have seven steps that I use to help my clients gain, self-confidence:
Self-reflection – every time I meet with them, I allow them to self-reflect on their day self-reflect on things that were happening in their lives with gratitude.
Acknowledgement and self-acceptance – what makes them unique because everybody is unique.
Positive reinforcement – praising their effort and not obsessing over mistakes.
Mastering a skill – I had the girls work on a project. They created their own YouTube video. Everyone mastered a skill in the production of the video.
Communication skills – I do a lot of exercises around different forms of communication. Assertiveness, passive, passive aggressive etc.
Positive self-talk and affirmations – paying attention to their internal dialogue
Pay it forward – giving back helps build, self-confidence,
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Childhood Abuse, has continually been linked to substance abuse for women. In this Episode we look at, Drug and Alcohol treatments, for women with trauma, who were abused by men and parents during childhood.
She has been recognized as a champion of woman’s issues. Particularly women who have struggled to maintain a positive balance in their lives despite addiction. As the Therapist for women in Rehab for over 30 years, Dr Ahia was responsible for the, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, who turned to substance abuse to as a means to cope with trauma.
Her work in, addiction and recovery, began some thirty years ago and has empowered thousands of women as they transitioned to a healthy place in their lives. Dr Ahia’s research has been a motivating force in moving many broken women away from the men in their lives that lead them down the path of destruction, confusion, and addiction to a place where they are whole mentally, physically and emotionally with, drug and alcohol treatments.
In the book “Call me an Addict” Dr Ahia tells the brutal stories of 3 women. We will look at one of these women on the blog and podcast on the, Transform Your Mind radio and Podcast with Life Coach Myrna Young.
This is a summary Kelly's story in the Book “Call me an Addict”
Kelly's first memory at 2 years old was her father punching her in the face for not eating her food. Then she remembered at 5 years old taking her father’s fingers as she sat on his lap with his friends and sticking them in her vagina!
That was the start of her life that included sex with her father, an alcoholic and abusive mother, promiscuity with men at age 14.
At age 15 her parents gave her away to her boyfriend and moved to another city. She had her first child soon after and was homeless because the boyfriend also moved away to another city and left her to look after a child with no home and no income.
Another man gave her a place to live in return for sex. He ended up marrying her and they had 3 more kids.
Her abuse resulted in her abuse of alcohol and rehab. Her, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, was not successful. She continued to relapse.
Kelly started drinking heavily at 14 years old and used it for escape. It was drinking, sex, and prostitution.
Her story ended with her kids being placed in the custody of child protective services and she being placed in rehab for the 3rd time.
What was so sobering to me hearing this story was how 3 generations were ruined from addictions. Kelly's father and mother were both addicts. She hated them both. She became an addict and then her eldest daughter followed her lifestyle. One of the most profound statements in the story to me was when Kelly said she and her daughter would fight all the time about who was the bigger whore!
As a Life Coach and survivor of child sexual abuse, I can say that the reason my life didn't spin out of control like Kelly's was because even before I knew anything about mindset and the power of intention, I wanted respect. I did not want to be known as a Bad Girl or whore. A girl who is free with sex and all the boys talk about her.
Kidtasks – the application of good deeds now available on Google Aps.
Kidtasks is an organizer for your children’s daily routines, but it is good for the entire family.
This is how it works.
1) Parents create a list of tasks. It could be as simple as “feed your pet”, “brush your teeth”, “water the plants”, “do the dishes”, etc.
Parents you can even rate each task in points.
2) Family members do the tasks on the list and get points!
3) Parents set your own exchange rate. Eg 1 point may be equal to 1$. Having collected a certain amount of points, the children may ask their parents for their “salary” for their work!
Why this AP useful for PARENTS: Because it will help to give Kids a sense of responsibility and prepare them for the things they need to do when they become older.
Why this AP is useful for CHILDREN: Children will be rewarded when they help out with chores around the house! They will have the opportunity to get a “salary” or pocket money in exchange for working on their tasks.
Parents, this AP will teach your children responsibility and reward them in the process. To download this AP head over to Google Aps and search for Kidtasks that’s K-I-D-T-A-S-K-S.
In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement”, I share a similar story about my molester fingering me in his car as he drove me to school. I had the mindset to become a player in this game of life and not become a victim. You see victims have no power. Like Kelly she was powerless to stop her father from molesting her. In fact, another sobering part of her story was when she told her father “No” and he returned with the handle of a mop and stuck it up her ass. He told her with that move that she was nothing more than his bitch and he could do with her anything he wanted.
Women are placed in Rehab facilities either by the Police, their families or sometimes they walk in on their own accord
Rehab facilities are an intensive in house process
As the in house Therapist my job was to administer, drug and alcohol treatments to these women with trauma, by helping them to learn from their addictions.
These Therapy sessions were conducted one on one and their, drug and alcohol treatments, were first understanding how they got to that point in their lives.
They first had to accept that they were addicts
These, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, were 30 days to 6 months and sometimes even years
Most people including families do not understand that, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, were not miracle drugs, these women were trying to get over abuse from their childhood. They can't be cured in 6 months when they had these traumas for 10, 20 even 30 years.
After the intensive in house, addiction and recovery, treatments these women continue their, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, in an half way house for about one year. In this house they are expected to remain clean, get jobs, practice self love and self care and become contributing members to their community.
For more information on Dr Tra Ahia's work and to pick up a copy of her book visit her on the web at www.forlifeservices-cc-com
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Here are some of the Symptoms from Childhood Sexual Trauma Resulting in Addiction.
PTSD is a mental health condition triggered by a traumatic event. Symptoms can emerge months or even years after the sexual trauma. Some common symptoms of PTSD include flashbacks, nightmares, intense distress when exposed to sights, sounds, or smells that trigger memories of the trauma, and bodily reactions when reminded of the trauma.
Dissociation
Dissociation, often associated with PTSD, is feeling disconnected or dissociated from one’s body. It can affect a person’s ability to focus, concentrate and function for periods of time. In an effort to detach from the sexual trauma, people learn to numb themselves from the pain. Dissociation is often referred to as avoidance coping, because survivors use it as a mechanism to escape and pull away from their past.
The Road to Recovery
The recovery from sexual trauma is a healing journey that takes time. Children who have been traumatized by sexual abuse often report feelings such as shame, terror, depression, and guilt. They often blame themselves for the abuse. Although drugs and alcohol can give survivors a moment of reprieve, there are dangerous risks and high costs to that emotional escape.
Sexual abuse not only leaves emotional and psychological scars, but it can lead to dangerous risk-taking behaviors, like using drugs. Substances are only a temporary fix and they can’t erase the past. Fortunately, dark moments don’t have to last, and drugs don’t have to cover unhealed wounds. Survivors can learn healthy coping skills and become a beacon of encouragement and hope to other youth who travel a similar path toward healing.
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Additional Resources for Drug and Alcohol Treatments for Women with Trauma
Child Abuse, and, sexual abuse, Statistics, show a connection between, child abuse, Mental Health, addiction, and depression.
In her book “Call me an addict, war on Women” By Dr Tra Ahia. shares Kreta's story of, child abuse, and sexual abuse, that started with her biological mother. I think this is very rare. Kreta said her mother was a sick person. Her, child abuse, was by her mother. Her mother used to make her kids do sexual acts on her boyfriend and her. Her mother and boyfriend also had sex in front of her and her brothers and sisters. This, abuse, started when she was about 4 years old.
Listen to the full interview here:
Kreta's story of, sexual abuse
Kreta was raped by an older boy around the age of 7.
Kreta's, child abuse, started when she was only 8 or 9 years old when she started smoking weed, crack and sniffing blow. As she got older when she didn't have money, she would perform sexual acts for coke.
Even though she was a good student in school she started ditching school to sleep with older men and eventually dropped out of school.
She started working for a pimp who continued her, sexual abuse, he beat her all the time and had other men rape her and pie on her. After a string of, sexually abusive, relationships She got pregnant several times while still doing drugs. She had two abortions; but decided to keep her third pregnancy – a baby girl.
She went in and out of rehab several times trying to stay clean but always relapsed.
Kreta's story ended the saddest of all 3 stories from the book “Call me an Addict, war Her, strange addiction, was out of control. She got so high one night that she stabbed her baby to death. She got life in prison.
Child Abuse Statistics
Risk for intimate partner violence
Alcoholism and alcohol abuse
Illicit drug abuse
Smoking & drinking at an early age
Depression
Suicide attempts
I want to say that Kreta's mother surprised me; but I have heard, sexual abuse, stories like this one before. I had a coaching client who told me that her mother stopped having sex with her husband and when she was 4 years old gave her to her husband to have sex with. Tyler Perry tried to bring attention to this, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, in his movie Madea Family Reunion .
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Kidtasks – the application of good deeds now available on Google Aps.
Kidtasks is an organizer for your children’s daily routines, but it is good for the entire family.
This is how it works.
1) Parents create a list of tasks. It could be as simple as “feed your pet”, “brush your teeth”, “water the plants”, “do the dishes”, etc.
Parents you can even rate each task in points.
2) Family members do the tasks on the list and get points!
3) Parents set your own exchange rate. Eg 1 point may be equal to 1$. Having collected a certain amount of points, the children may ask their parents for their “salary” for their work!
Why this AP useful for PARENTS: Because it will help to give Kids a sense of responsibility and prepare them for the things they need to do when they become older.
Why this AP is useful for CHILDREN: Children will be rewarded when they help out with chores around the house! They will have the opportunity to get a “salary” or pocket money in exchange for working on their tasks.
Parents, this AP will teach your children responsibility and reward them in the process. To download this AP head over to Google Aps
70 percent of perpetrators have between 1 and 9 victims.
Child abuse, statistics, show as many as 40 percent of children who are, sexually abused, are abused by older or more powerful children.
Sex offenses are the crimes least likely to involve strangers as perpetrators. Although a smaller percentage of, sex offenders, are women, the majority are male. Sex offenders, are generally NOT “dirty old men” or strangers lurking in alleys. They are typically not obviously mentally ill or retarded. In fact, sex offenders, are usually well known and trusted by the children they victimize, and frequently are members of the family, including fathers and stepfathers, brothers, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and cousins. There is no clear-cut description or profile of a, sex offender. Thus, there is no way to recognize a potential, sex offender, and abuser; and it's often hard to believe that a trusted individual would be capable of abusing children.
Children who disclose their abuse within one month are at a reduced risk for, depression, or substance abuse and, addiction. Believe your kids when they talk to you and LISTEN.
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Why, Addiction and Depression are by products of Child Abuse
Although any type of, addiction, can trigger violence, those most likely to impair judgment, like drug and alcohol, addiction, are most often linked to addiction-related violence. Drug and alcohol use can weaken self-control, it’s not uncommon to see people who are under the influence engaging in behavior they usually wouldn’t if they were sober.
People living with, strange addictions, who commit violent crimes, is usually as a result of intoxication or as a means of obtaining money to finance their habits. According to an article published in Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment, more than 75 percent of people who seek treatment for, drug addiction, report having performed acts of violence, including mugging, physical assault and using a weapon to attack another person.
People who suppress negative feelings like anger or, depression, are more likely to drink or use, drugs, to the point of intoxication and exhibit violent behaviors. If you have Pent-up rage and you are using drugs, you are more likely to act violently because loss of self-control can increase your chances to act on your anger.
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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help sexual abuse survivors
Dr Tra Ahia How does CBT help , sexual abuse survivors, to love themselves? What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?
Evidence is growing that, cognitive-behavioral therapy, (CBT) is an effective treatment for, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, including those who have experienced physical, child abuse, and other traumatic events.
Most of the studies that have evaluated Trauma focused-CBT have been well designed. This treatment model represents a synthesis of trauma-sensitive interventions and well-established CBT principles treatment-outcome studies for, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, and otherwise traumatized children. The therapy was developed to resolve, post-traumatic stress disorder, and, depression, and anxiety symptoms, as well as to address underlying distortions about self-blame, safety, the trustworthiness of others, and the world. The treatment also fits, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, and other traumatic experiences into a broader context of children's lives so that their primary identity is not that of a victim.
Child abuse, statistics, show that CBT therapy allows, sexual abuse, victims to learn self-love.
Don’t wait until sexual temptation attacks you before you see it as a formidable force which seeks to destroy you. Its insidious tactic is designed to enslave you into sexual sins and keep you locked into erotic desires. How you perceive sexual temptation in your life, determines how well you will overcome its deceitful force, and walk in total victory.
“Naked and Ashamed, the Battle of Sexual Temptation.” is a Christian self-help book that explains what sexual temptation is, and gives you Biblical scriptures on how to control your sexual desires, and unnatural urges. With chapters such as recognizing the tempter, and rejecting the flesh, you will study strategies on how to recognize situations that tempts you, and learn how to keep your flesh under subjection.
Although we will all be tempted sexually at some time, we can learn from this book on how to refrain from overreacting and falling into sexual bondage. So put on your seatbelt and get ready to be free from all of your unwanted sexual desires and temptations. Order “Naked and Ashamed, The Battle of Sexual Temptation” today! Written by Sheela Fields, now available on Amazon.
Dr Tra I am curious after listening to 100 stories like the ones you told in your book and from all the data you have collected over your 30 years in this space. Why do you think fathers and stepfathers, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, and cousins, abuse, little girls?
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I want to comment on one of the, child abuse, statistics, the one that says 70% of perpetrators have between 1 to 9 victims. I remember my, sexual abuse, It was from a man who I called grandfather, even though he was no relation. He used to tell me to bring my friends, and he would do the same thing to them as he did me. In fact he had a reputation of liking little girls. I never told anyone!
That’s another thing, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, statistics, show, victims never tell.
Here are 5 tips for loving yourself after, child abuse, and, sexual abuse,
Read Positive affirmations
Heal the mind through the body (ie. Boxing, Running, Martial Arts)
Mindful breathing exercises and meditation (stop, breathe and think app)
Channel your pain into creativity ( i.e.journaling)
Ask for help when you need it
Conclusion, Child Abuse, and, Sexual Abuse
Dr Tra, Do you support the, child abuse statistic, that says that if kids who are experiencing trauma of any kind tells someone who offers support, it has a direct and positive effect on the, sexual abuse and addiction connection?
Totally, when you tell someone what is being done to you, you release the shame of thinking you are to blame. You will also get help to cope with the emotions. When you stay silent it eats away at you all your life and then you self-medicate with, drugs, and alcohol and your, sexual abuse, continues into your adult relationships.
Additional Resources on Child Abuse and Sexual Abuse
Natalie Holbrook, intuitive Astrologer shares how to use your birthday to understand your astrological signs. She pulled my, astrology, chart and my Sun was in the first house, and my moon was in Libra. The first house is all about, personal development, which means I am doing what I am supposed to do.
Also, my Venus is in Scorpio, which is all about, transformation. And what I do as a, Life coach, is all about transformation!
We can pull our, astrology, charts to confirm our career choices or understand why it is not working for us.
Myrna: You said that after pulling your, astrology, chart, you realized that you had found your, purpose. Why was that immediate?
Natalie: It was it was kind of like a spiritual rebirth to be honest because I just heard this podcast and I heard about the, loneliness, piece and, loneliness, and I had always had this experience of even if I would be surrounded by friends, I still felt, loneliness. I think I was even dating someone at the time and still felt, lonely. From the outside you'd be like, this person's not, lonely. And I didn't feel like I should but there was something within me that was like, why do I always have this?
And so, then when I learned that, loneliness, was part of my, birth chart, it was almost this validation of like, oh, this is actually just something I'm supposed to learn from my entire life. I don't have to actually attach to oh, I'm lonely or oh, I'm sad because of it. I experienced, loneliness. And then because I experienced it, I get to help other people who experienced it, you know, and we can talk about it. It's kind of like, if you have shame about something and you talk about it, it helps it to go away.
But then when I also learned from my, astrology, chart, a couple of other things that were so critical for me. One of them was learning my, moon sign, and we're going to talk all about your, moon sign. We're going to talk about, moon sign, because we have the, sun sign, which is our birthday. You're a, Taurus, I'm actually a, Taurus, too, so we definitely bonded on that.
Myrna: Yes, I think there was an immediate connection when we met on video.
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Your Astrology moon sign shows your emotions
Natalie: Your, moon sign, is what you feel on the inside. It's your emotions. It's how you think. It's the kind of stress level that your body runs on. And I learned that mine is a, Gemini moon, and, Gemini, is the spectrum of black and white Yin and Yang. You kind of want to dabble in everything. Sometimes people will call it a jack of all trades, master of none. I wanted to study everything and sometimes I was really extroverted and sometimes I was really introverted. And so that also really helped me to understand myself.
And the final piece that was so crucial for me as well was to learn that I'm something called a, Leo rising. So, the rising sign is what your soul is ascending into in this lifetime. That's what we're really rising and learning how to be more like, and it's also what people see of us when they first meet us. And so, when I learned that about, Leo, that kind of gave me this feeling of confirmation. Because my whole life, I wanted to work in entertainment, whether that was film or directing or documentaries, or maybe even doing podcasts like this, you know, something where I was in the public.
And so, once I learned that, it helped to reassure me. Hey, you are here to do something with fun and performance and entertaining and being seen. And that really helps me to step more into, purpose, rather than being afraid or shutting down those dreams.
Myrna: That's amazing. All right. So, let's get back to this day when you learnt about your full expression. So, you learned to pull your, birth chart, and then you saw that it made sense that your, moon, and, Leo rising. How did it come together?
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Astrology shows your purpose
Natalie: I think because I was already feeling all of that in my heart and my body and my soul, that it was almost like you said, this information, was validation. And the thing that's really cool about, astrology, is that you kind of know, one, purpose, might be being a wife, one, purpose, might be, having a business or being a mother or just making people laugh on a day-to-day basis. It can be all of these different things. And it's the combination of all of that makes you and really is the essence of you.
Myrna: That's good. That's true. Our soul has many purposes. As a, Life coach, I teach, purpose, as well. I tell people that they're not really fulfilled unless they're living their, purpose, and it's very true. But people always think that their, purpose, is a big thing. You know that they have to change the world in some way. And I've learned that your, purpose, can be just like you said, to be a wife or to be a mother or to be a support for somebody. It doesn't always have to be like an Elon Musk.
Natalie: Yeah, well, I think that there's so many roles that we take that sometimes we even forget that we're taking that role, you know, it's like being a good best friend who picks up the phone and listens, that is something that we even see in the, birth chart. You're going to be someone who's really empathetic or if you're someone who's a little narcissistic.
We can kind of see these little hints in here. Your, soul, really wanted to shine in in this lifetime, and one of the really fun ways. Everyone who's listening can actually know their, soul’s purpose. So, for you being a, Taurus, when you pull your, astrology, chart, and you can go to my website, Natalieholbrookwellness.com to pull your chart for free.
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The Sun in the first house: Astrology
And you'll see that your Sun is in what's called a house and the house there are these little triangles in the chart and the chart is a circle and it's broken up into 12 Pizza slices, let's say little triangles. And whatever house that Sun is in, they're showing where you directly shine. And so, for you, Myrna yours shines in the first house, and the first house is the house of you're going to just be like, of course, personal development.
It's about you learning what is your path, and then it's also about the physical body. So, if you've been on a journey of health or with fitness or you know how it is that you even perceive yourself. That's a really big once you were really having to say I transformed from who I once was, to who I am now, and probably becoming many different iterations of that in between.
Myrna: That's amazing. I was born in Guyana. Guyana is a third world country and very poor and I was born in poverty, then abused of the child. So yes, my story is that I transformed myself from that into what I do today, and I've always been into, personal development. You know, my thing when I was growing up was, CANI which is constant and never-ending improvement. So, which is why when I saw the word life coach, I immediately felt it was my calling. And I've also been in fitness, I used to run track as well as the long jump in high school.
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Natalie: So, then we can see the whole, astrology, chart and we see your moon. And now this is going to be funny to you too and make so much sense because your moon is in, Libra, and Libra is the sign all about partnerships, and partnerships. And it can be kind of two ways where it's like partnership of you and your romantic partner, you and a close friend, you and a group of people, or even doing a podcast is one of the most, Libra, because it's the two of us having an intimate conversation where other people are listening. So that's all about Libra. Now, Libra, also is very good at business and very good at negotiations and sales.
Because, Libras, also very charismatic, it knows how to read people. It's almost like it knows how quote unquote should be. And so, it can step into that character, and it's an Air sign so, Taurus, is an earth sign so it makes you very grounded and people see you as grounded. So that's your, moon sign.
Myrna: That's really my, purpose, is to be a good interviewer. I thought I got my listening skills from my coaching training, because as a coach, they teach you to learn to listen and dial in and pick up things that the person is not saying. But you can see from their body language and the reactions. So, I know that I'm a great Interviewer because I actually dial in to who I'm interviewing, and everybody says, you ask some really good questions. That's because I'm dialed in. But what you're saying I was born this way.
That's amazing, everybody likes to hear that they're on purpose and they're doing is what they're supposed to do.
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Alright, let's go back to, astrology, for a minute. You said that you were embodying your, Gemini moon, being very curious, having lots of passions, and having to try out a few different careers before finding the one. So how can listeners use, astrology, to guide their careers? Let's touch a minute and talk about the, Libra, reading, because again, that's right on point. And when I was growing up, all my friends were, Libras.
What is my, Libra? How does that help me with my, career, since my moon is in Libra.
Natalie: So, it's really important to always know what we call your big three. So, your Sun is your character, your moon is your emotion. So, think of that. It's like what you feel it's almost like your insides your core is a, Libra.
Me as a, Tauras, I get along really well because we're ruled by, Venus. We love art and beauty, and we notice the little things.
Myrna: So, for someone that's listening, and they pull their, birth chart, and their Sun is in Aquarius and their, moon, is in Pisces or something like that. Would that tell them about what they're supposed to do with their lives? What their soul is aspiring to do or what they're supposed to do it as far as careers?
Natalie: Yeah, so there's a couple of other planets that I want to pull in about, career, because, moon, is really what you need to take down so we can stay with you for your lives and really, you need to feel connection with people you know, in your job. If you were just working analyzing data all in a room by yourself, you would die, you would feel so isolated. I have all these gifts; I need to talk to people I need to connect with people. You know, for me, for example, as a, Gemini Moon, I need to have a lot of variety.
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So, for me every single day is different, every client session I do every, birth chart, reading it's all different. So, I'm able to really thrive on that because, Gemini, is all about variety. And so, with that we could go through all the signs and say kind of whatever person would need, but also a thing that's really good to look at on the chart is to see where there's is well two things that are really good one is to say, where's your, Venus's sign, because, Venus, is how you're going to make money. So, we can be on our, purpose, but we also want to say, how can I get paid for this?
And for me, my, Venus, is actually also in, Gemini, so the more that I talk to people connect to people do a variety of things. That's also how I get to thrive. So, you want to look at your Venus sign as well. And then the other piece of this that's really important is to look at the planet, Jupiter. Jupiter, is where we have our expansion. So, like I was saying or like read, but mine isn't that, Pisces, science.
Yours is in, Scorpio. And where we have Jupiter, a lot of people are a lot of astrologers will say that, Jupiter, is like the Santa Claus of the Zodiac because it brings us gifts like that's what our gifts are in. And so, for you being in Scorpio, it is all about, transformation. And what do you do as a, Life coach, is all about transformation.
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Myrna; Thank goodness, transformation. You know that word just popped into my psyche one day, and my original show was supposed to be called, mindset transformation. But when I when I uploaded it to iTunes, but it was too long, and then I changed it to, transform your mind. But, transformation, is the main topic of the show. Astrology is amazing.
Natalie: Yeah, it's all about, transformation. And then on top of that, it's in the seventh house, which is to have the relationships so you're transforming people through your relationship with them.
And, Scorpio, is also very powerful. Scorpio, I like to call it the alchemist in the mystic because it's almost like you're able to turn anything that one might have looked at garbage or a very difficult kind of breaking point a lot of, Scorpio, energy it has to hit rock bottom. And you know, you talked about how you went from poverty in Guyana to abundance in America.
Myrna: What is Psych-K and how do you help others heal through it?
Natalie: It's almost like the chart, it’s like a treasure map. So, with psych K, this incredible modality that basically uses muscle testing in order for us to test out what is something that you believe so for example, we could see in your, birth chart, you are a, Libra moon. That may be one of the shadows or there could have been some level of codependency in your life or that maybe people were codependent upon you or something that's maybe in the shadow side of relationships. Does that resonate at all?
Myrna: Well, I was never codependent, but people probably were codependent on me. It was always an independent a woman.
Natalie: And so, we could say something, or we could even use like transformation. Like there's, there's all these things that we can see in your, birth chart, that will show us something, some type of belief that potentially may not be a healthy belief. And then we use an affirmation or a goal statement. So, let's say a lot of people’s belief is I am not enough, or I am not worthy, or I am not worthy of love. I am not worthy of money. And so, then we would talk a little bit about that, we could see in your, birth chart, why you feel this way?
And then what we do is, we actually will muscle test and we can do this virtually where my subconscious will ask you you're whoever my client is, and I'm working with their subconscious for permission to muscle tests on their behalf. And I know it sounds very woowoo, but it actually is very scientific. Hey, it's just our subconscious saying, Can I do this for you?
And so typically, then we'll muscle test and we'll get a positive or a negative or a strong or a weak and then the person will move through living outside experience and saying, you know, I am worthy, or I am enough. And then the G is a school that was held live last year and now people can buy the tape for replay, and you can learn how to read your own, birth chart.
Conclusion
And we go in depth into all of the planets, all of the signs, all of the houses, everything that we talked about, so that you can really start to piece together everything and with the school if you were to purchase it online, there's also an option to get, additional sessions and help from me so that you can we can really go deep into your, birth chart.
My podcast is, the cosmic Earth podcast. We do the same thing where I will talk about once a week about what's going on into cosmos and then have amazing guests on like yourself to talk about what else is happening there and how to read their, astrology, chart.
Check out your Birth Chart and anything you want to know about, astrology, on Natalie website: natalieholbrookwellness.com
How can the, Law of Attraction for couples, help you to thrive at home and at work? NYT best selling author Christy Whitman talks about thriving in your relationships this week on the “Transform your Mind with Coach Myrna” podcast.
Christy is the author of “Quantum Success 7 essential laws, for a thriving joyful and prosperous relationship with your work and money”
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Christie Whitman is a Transformational Leader, Celebrity coach, New York Times bestselling author twice, one for “The Art of Having it All” and the second for “Taming your Alpha Bitch” I love that title! Christy has appeared on The Today Show, the Morning Show, and her works have been featured in People's magazine, Seventeen, Women's Day, Hollywood Life, and Teen Vogue among others.
Christie is the CEO and founder of the Quantum Success Learning Academy and Quantum Success Coaching Academy a 12-month, Law of Attraction, coaching certificate program. Christie has helped thousands of people through her empowerment seminars, speeches and coaching sessions, and products.
Christi's life-changing message reached over 200,000 people a month, and her work has been promoted by and featured with esteem authors and luminaries such as Marianne Williamson, Dr. Dwayne Dwyer, Marci Shimoff,Brian Tracy, Neil Donald Walsh, Abram Hicks, and Louise Hay. She currently lives in Arizona with her husband Frederic and there are two boys Alexander and Maxim.
Christy's Journey as a Law of Attraction for Couples Coach
Myrna – That’s was a very impressive Bio. I loved reading it. As a, life coaching podcast, I am always interested in my listeners learning life skills from my guests stories. You've done a lot, you're quite accomplished. Can you give us a little bit of your backstory? Tell us your journey to becoming a successful, Law of Attraction for couples, leader and, quantum success, coach .
Christy – Sure, I always had the drive to be successful, and worked with the, law of attraction, back in day about 20 years ago, before I found the other universal laws, I did what it took to take action. I had perseverance. I went after the things that I wanted. I was able to focus, using the, law of attraction for couples, but whenever I got there, I never felt satisfied.
Using the Law of Attraction for Couples to Bring you Happiness
I never felt happy, never felt like it was enough. So no matter what I accomplished, it just didn't good. When I actually accomplished something great, it actually would feel the opposite. I remember almost feeling let down, like okay well I was supposed to have this epiphany. I was supposed to have this, amazing feeling. I would never find that feeling of satisfaction.
When I learned more about, the law of attraction for couples, about 21 years ago, I really learned about how your thoughts create your reality. I had already been successful and I had a great career going. I was making money and yet, just wasn't satisfied. I just felt like all the things that I was told would make me happy it wasn't working and I was starting to think like what's wrong with me.
I thought if I had money, if I had the career, if I had a boyfriend, if I had this great body, look a certain way, then I would be happy, and none of the outer things were doing it for me. It was when I found a sense of myself, through meditation on the, law of attraction for couples, and through really returning to myself, stopped focusing outward on everything and everyone outside of me, a healthy selfish me.
I found I was coming back to myself. I started paying attention to the thoughts that I was thinking, that was activating, the law of attraction for couples, and how I was feeling and what I really came to understand, what my body of work really has been now, is that I have to be very mindful of that no matter what situation we're in, we can always find peace.
How to Have it All using the, Law of Attraction
How the Law of Polarity interacts with the Law of Attraction
The law of Polarity, there's a lot of things to appreciate and be grateful for. That's what my bodywork has been. My whole training for last 21 years has been really sensing within myself where I am. Thinking thoughts of lack and limitation, where I comparing myself to other people. I look at other people and go oh my GOD, there's so much more successful than me and then start feeling bad about myself and feeling like what I've accomplished is not enough.
Or do I compare myself to what other people are making? Or what impacts are my thought having? Those are times to check myself, look for what's right and good about my life and about my family and everything in my life versus what's wrong and bad.
These are a different training and a different mindset to come from a perspective of abundance instead of lack and limitation, and that's really where my internal work has been. Each time I shift up belief, a thought, a perspective from lack and limitation to one of abundance, my life just expands and explodes.
So those are the principles that I write about in my new book, Quantum Success, is that we're all searching for some type of success, and the accolades. You know what society says is this is accomplished, then you'll feel successful and a lot of people get there, and they feel empty, they feel like that it doesn't have much meaning in their lives or they're not feeling satisfied or fulfilled.
The truth is that as long as we're chasing things outside of ourselves we're always projecting our happiness or our fulfillment outside of ourselves. Fulfillment is never outside of ourselves, it's within ourselves and it's in the present moment. where all of our power exists.
How does The Law of Attraction for Couples Help in Relationships
Myrna – My first question is How does understanding your belief system help women and men who are functioning at high levels in their career or own their own business, but they're still struggling to find contentment or happiness? How does understanding the, law of attraction for couples, help? How does understanding, quantum success, principles help in relationships?
Christy – Our beliefs are one of the ways that we create. I mean when you think about it, when we have a belief and there is such a conviction that this is so, that this is the way it is, we will create that's what we are expecting to receive. It's what we are expecting life to give us. We can't create outside of our beliefs. If we believe that something good is going to happen, we then create something good.
There's an underlying belief that what we are creating we the deserve. We're not deserving or whatever it is; but we are always creating attracting things from the beliefs that we hold and here's the good news. If we look at our lives and we're not satisfied, we need to shift what we're not satisfied about. Look at what the contrast is in our life, what we don't want and allow that to be the springboard for what we do want.
I always ask myself when I'm finding a situation or circumstance happening in my life, I always ask myself what would I have to believe in order to create this? How does understanding the, law of attraction, facilitate my knowledge?
How Journaling helps Relationships
It's an empowering question. I recommend even journaling about it because a lot of times if you sit there and if you haven't done this practice before, you will not come up with an answer. I would take 10 mins with paper and I would journal. In order to create this situation what would I have to believe? What would I have to think? What would I have to be feeling in order to attract this?
You become more self-aware. I mean it's really the process of self-awareness and when we can slow down enough to pay attention to ourselves, that is the richest thing that we can do. Not only are we connecting with ourselves, which most of us don't do these days we're so busy with so much going on our lives, we need to take the time to slow down and connect with our own self, to know ourselves, to know what you believe about this and that. Beliefs are not either right or wrong. This is a, life coaching podcast, so I will answer with life coaching tips.
I love when you said that most people are not conscious. As a Guyanese, I want this to also be a, Guyana podcast, Most people including Guyanese people, do not understand the, law of attraction, You use the word self-awareness which is another term for consciousness. I've spent a lot of time with that word in meditation and being aware. I live in higher consciousness, personal development, yet at my level right now, I will not be able to look at a situation and figure out how I created it.
I'm not there yet, but I'm in the less than 1% of the world that actually are working on self-awareness, consciousness and, personal development, As a, life coaching podcast, I teach my clients basically that whatever they want, they can create. It starts with their thoughts and starts with their belief system. You and I are both, personal development, coaches and one of the first things I do in my coaching sessions, the first couple of weeks is basically we talk about beliefs and we look back at past behaviors. You can actually figure out what you believe from how you have navigated situations in your past.
The Law of Attraction for Couples and the Universal Laws
What exactly is the, Law of Attraction, and why is it important to know the universal laws and, quantum success? The, Law of Attraction for couples, for me when I learned about it completely changed my life and the reason that they completely changed my life or that my life completely changed is because they're for me like knowing the rules of the game or knowing the recipe to a really good cake or you know the plans to build a house.
I always say how successful would you be if you were going to go play baseball and you never saw the game before? You never knew how it was played? You don't know what the rules are. Someone hands you a bat and says okay hit the ball. You can’t play the game if you don’t understand the rules of the game. What to do when you hit the ball? How can you get thrown out etc.
Life is similar, you have to learn the rules of the game, you have to learn the playbook. The first step is about learning these, essential universal laws and the, law of attraction, and applying them so that you become the deliberate creator of your life instead of being a victim of circumstances. There's always going to be some kind of circumstance or situation or event or person that shapes our experiences.
It's what we do with those experiences the perspectives that we hold, that will determine what we continue to attract in our lives. So the more you learn about these, essential laws of the universe and, the law of attraction. Knowing these universal laws is knowing the rules of the game.
The Seven Universal Laws
I try to make myself a million dollars by working with the, law of attraction, and the seven essential universal laws. We live in a vibratory universe, our universe is all about vibration. Modern science and quantum physics have now proven that everything from a human being to a rock is full of energy. Everything is energy, our thoughts our feelings, what we say, what we do, everything is coming out of us like an energy tower and we as an individual person are sending out energy signals all day every day.
The, Law of Attraction, is just matching those signals that we send out, and giving us more of the same. Now it's not a tit-for-tat kind of thing, it's not like oh I told someone they were a jerk and now someone's going to call me on a jerk. It's not like that literal, but if you're sending out negative vibes you could be in traffic and someone could cut you off and you're experiencing road rage, that negativity for example that wave of negativity will then cast out a returning wave of negativity to you.
So we have to be mindful about the energy that we are sending out. The thoughts that we think, the language we use. We don't feel good when we're sending bad vibes out, so using feelings helps makes for better choices.
For example, language like I choose not to put up with this marriage anymore. I choose not to be treated like that anymore. I choose not to waste my money or spend my money on this right now. Those are more empowering ways and languages that we can use that actually do make a difference in what we attract. The, Law of Attraction for couples, is really a mirror reflection. I like to think of it as a boomerang, it's like what you're sending out it's coming back to you.
The most important law from the seven essential laws of the universe, I believe is the, Law of Sufficiency and Abundance. This law states that everything in the universe is abundant. Most of us are experiencing abundance of lack or pain or suffering, but the universe is always going to give us an abundance.
If you look at nature and look at trees you can't say we can't possibly count the amount of leaves that are on a tree or how many waves crash up again against the shore in the ocean, or count the raindrops that are coming down from the sky. The universe has always functioned in abundance, and to get what you want from the law is called sufficiency and abundance, it's being in a satisfied place.
It's coming from sufficiency. You get there by appreciating and looking for the good. In your life right now, in any situation, I don't care what it is you can find the good things about it. The law of Polarity says that every subject is really two subjects, it's the halving of it, or the not having of it. It's the lack of it or the abundance of it, and when we can deliberately choose how we want to focus, what we want to believe, what we want to appreciate, or not.
How Gratitude engages the Law of Attraction for Couples
Were the ones in charge of which area, what side of the spectrum, we want to be on any given subject, but the doorway into abundance is sufficiency. You start by practicing gratitude. I first started doing gratitude meditation, I would literally walk around and think of a hundred things a day, listing all of the things that I was grateful for and that would raise my vibration, it would make me feel so good and things started, almost like magic, would start being attracted into my life.
Another thing you can do is think about one thing you're grateful for and think of 20 things or reasons why and it's not lip service, it's not like I'm grateful for my husband and I'm grateful my kids, there's no energy behind that, there's no pain, you have to feel the emotion. Doesn't work unless you feel. That's why affirmations work for some people, and they don't work for other people because people are like I'm abundant, but there's no energy.
The other Universal Laws
These are seven essential laws of The Universe:
• The Law of Attraction,
• The Law of Allowing,
• The Law of Pure Potentiality ,
• The law of Oneness,
• The Law of Balance and Harmony,
• The Law of Sufficiency and Abundance,
•
These universal laws, when you apply them and learn how to work with them, they will absolutely change your life.
The Universe sends human beings countless signs and symbols over the course of their lives, and if you are able to comprehend them, you’ll be able to sense when you’re on your destined path in life—and when you’re not. Please read the list below to make sure you haven’t missed any vital info, and to ensure that you’re on the right journey.
Here are 13 signs The, Law of Attraction, is working for you https://ewao.com/2017/10/24/13-signs-the-law-of-attraction-is-working-for-you/
I love the Law of Sufficiency and Abundance. Deepak Chopra used to say we are just like a wave in the ocean, that the universe is abundant. We're not going to run out of water, we’re not going to run out of grass, sunlight. I've used this Law, let's say that you want a promotion and your friend gets it.
You're jealous and you're envious, that is a blockage because it means that you believe that is universe does not have enough for the both of you. if you say I'm happy for my friend, because this world is abundant and she's not taking my job, there's more available for me, and you're happy and you celebrate that person's success, what that’s saying is that you believe that the world is abundant.
You believe that whatever God can do for her, he is going to do for you, and that's where a lot of people don't get it. They're always envious and they're always catty and they're jealous and they can't celebrate your success. Abraham talks about this. She talks about contrast, she says go out there and look for contrast, look for things that you don't have and say that's what I want and be happy for that person. But most people don't live there. The do not understand the, the essential laws of attraction.
We’ve been talking about the, law of attraction, the playbook, personal development, quantum success, and making this a Guyana podcast, for my people.
Be aware of fear and desire. Awareness helps balance them ~ Deepak Chopra
To get a FREE copy of Christy’s book, Head over to iTunes snd leave a review for the Transform Your Mind with coach Myrna podcast, then head over to www.quantumsuccessbook.com and Kristy will send you her new book when it comes out in September for free. All you do is pay for shipping. Kristy will be back for one more episode.
Our topic will be “How to reverse the negative momentum in your career.” So remember to subscribe and you will not miss any new episodes. If you are from Guyana, I hope you enjoyed this, Law of Attraction podcast, leave me a shout out in the comments.
Success is like a two-faced coin, one side is fame and fortune, the other side is no privacy and no peace. Chris Rock, knew about, success, and that he couldn't retaliate to Will Smith's slap.
I agreed with Denzel Washington’s statement to, Will Smith, that when you are at the height of your success that is when the devil comes to destroy you.
The devil was able to grab Will Smiths peace and joy from him seconds before he reached the top of the mountain and the celebration began.
But today so want to talk about, Chris Rock. Most men even Pastor Jamal Bryant from Newbirth church in Atlanta, Ga said that if a man slapped him, he would not have turned the other cheek. They would not let anyone take their manhood and bitch slap them on National TV without retaliation.
The first thing my daughter said to me was that, Chris Rock, was so aware. He knew that the person walking onstage was Richard and not Will. He took the slap said “Dude it was just a GI Jane joke” and then completed this moment by saying “This is the Greatest night in television history.” He was present.
So why didn’t the, Devil, take out two black men at the same time? Why wasn’t he able to destroy, Chris Rock, who remained calm?
Why wasn’t, Will Smith, able to handle, success, and, Chris Rock, grabbed his moment. These are the questions I will attempt to answer in this episode.
Chris Rock, also had 10 seconds to make a decision to retaliate, he made a different choice and instead he continued on with the task at hand. He was there to present the, Oscar, for a documentary film.
Chris Rock, moment came and he was prepared for it. Apparently, he has been in therapy 7 hours per week for being bullied and abused in school. He was attempting to bury his demons. Will Smith, also had a coach for 2 years, but his demons returned.
When your moment of, success, comes, if you take it, the universe rewards you. Chris Rock, is making bank. All his shows have been sold out and, Will Smith, will probably not get another movie role for a long time.
Success, to me looks like a beach front house, a million dollars in the bank a couple of luxury cars.
But I am, successful, now. Everything I have now, I asked God for.
I have a successful podcast,
I have a TV show,
I live in a 5-bedroom house in Florida,
I am an American,
I have a wonderful husband and 2 beautiful kids.
Don’t tell yourself that you will be, successful, when something happens. Nothing wrong with having goals, but you have to enjoy your life now or you will never be able to enjoy it then.
I was listening to the radio the other day and they were talking about a rapper who just retired because she didn’t like fame. Most people want, success, but can’t handle it when it comes. Success. is like a two-faced coin, one side is fame and fortune, the other side is no privacy and no peace.
Can you handle, success?
This is Life coach Myrna Young and you have been listening to 5 mins with coach Myrna.
There are 4 types of, trust, that make, relationships, flourish. These are care, competence, consistency and character. In this episode of 5 mins with coach Myrna, I teach how to develop these areas of, trust, in your, relationships.
Care – When we care about your partner, we put our emotions in their hands, they, care, about what's best for you and not what's best for them. They, care, about your wellbeing. Examples of, care, are: going beyond the call of duty to help you move, accompany you to a doctor’s appointment etc.
Here are some ways to show you care:
Write them a powerful letter full of love and hope.
Take care of some of their responsibilities (for example, watch their kids, do their laundry, cook them dinner, or go shopping for them).
Call often to remind them how much you love them and how you are always thinking of them.
When you visit, bring a book to read aloud or a movie to watch together.
Bring them pictures of your times together and hang them where they can be viewed all the time.
Spend time reminiscing about the fun times that you've shared (as children, in high school or college, or on vacations). Remind him or her that there will be more good times in the future.
Competence – The second type of, trust, is, competence. You trust that your partner is competent to handle financial matters. If you are sick, competent, to handle your, care, and make decisions that are best for you and not best for them. You trust their opinions and recommendations.
Romantic competence entails a conscious awareness of both emotional needs and appropriate actions for meeting those needs within a well-functioning, relationship, And because their, relationships, are still fresh, their emotions toward them are likely quite high.
The definition of, competence, is your skill or ability in a specific field or subject, or being able to do something well or to being sane enough to stand trial in court. An example of, competence, is when you can, trust, your partner to make the financial arrangements of the household.
Character – When we talk about, trust, we are usually talking about a high moral compass or the, character ,of our partner. We look to these people when we are not sure what is right and follow their lead. These people practice what they preach and are valuable in, interdependent relationships. They have good reputation, strong opinion, and down to earth advice. They are trustworthy.
What are examples of, good moral character?
Legal judgments of, good moral character, can include consideration of honesty, trustworthiness, diligence, reliability, respect for the law, integrity, candor, discretion, observance of fiduciary duty, respect for the rights of others, absence of hatred and racism, fiscal responsibility, mental and emotional stability.
Consistency – Your partner shows, consistency, when they are reliable, and you know that they always have your back. They may not be the expert, but they are reliable present and available when you need them. They have been with you through highs and lows.
Someone who is, consistent, always behaves in the same way, has the same attitudes towards people or things, or achieves the same level of success in something. He was never the most, consistent, of players anyway. If one fact or idea is, consistent, with another, they do not contradict each other.
Consistency, in, relationships, is a combination of behaviors that include dependability, and a true desire to have a companion and form a serious, relationship. People who are more, consistent, with their interactions with one another, such as having predictable behaviors and good communication, have longer and healthier, relationships.
People come into your life for a reason a season or a lifetime.
Some people come into your life for a season bringing change and excitement, but the, relationship, ends like all seasons do.
Another person might come in for a reason to help you learn and grow or to support you through a difficult time. It feels like they have been sent to guide you through.
And they are lifetime people they stand beside you through thick and thin loving you even when you have nothing to give them.
Love is a gift without any strings attached.
Remember you are also a season, reason or lifetime partner to someone else and your role may not match theirs.
Pure trust, is when you know that another person has your back.
You develop, trust, by asking for what you want.
Tell them how you want to be loved.
Communicate the areas where there is dissatisfaction.
Build, trust, by telling your partner what would make you feel loved.
Thanks for tuning into, 5 mins with coach Myrna, I want to invite you to join my private Facebook group called Lifecoach so that you can be inspired all week long.
Are you a, failure? Can you recognize your, failure, symptoms? How often have you said “life is short”?
Well It is! We are here on earth for a limited time to fulfill a purpose. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could go to the doctor and tell him our life symptoms and he would give us a diagnosis of success or, failure? For example if you go to the doctor today with itchy bumps and a fever, he would look at you and without running any tests diagnose you with the chicken pox.
Recognizing your, failure, symptoms early in life before you get to your 5th or 6th decade is the only way to take action to modify your behaviors. As we head into 2015, I would like to offer you the gift of consciousness. Do you have any of the symptoms below? If you do, call me for a free coaching session. Take control of your life and get a step closer to success.
Do you sleep more than 6 hours per night or day? Thomas Edison took only 2 hour naps on his desk while he was working on his inventions. He didn’t want to sleep because he was so invested in his work. He called sleep a waste of time.
I read Donald Trump’s biography and he said that he hated going to sleep because he was so excited about his business and he didn’t want to miss anything.
Donald Trump credits only sleeping for three or four hours with staying ahead of his competition. “How does somebody who's sleeping 8 and 10 hours a day compete with someone that's sleeping three or four?” he's said.
Political leaders across the globe run their countries on short spurts of shuteye. President Obama has said he can get by on a four-hour doze. Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher ran the U.K. for a decade, on four hours a night.
The saying “the early bird catches the worm” is meant to tell you that rising early is best if you want to catch the opportunities. If you go to bed early and sleep late, that is a, failure symptom, that you will not be successful.
A shy kid might look longingly at other kids playing in the schoolyard, afraid and unsure about how to approach them, but an introvert is perfectly content on her own.
Laurie Helgoe
Introverts, are sometimes called the “walking sleepers”. Introverts, usually allow activity to pass by them without participation, indulge in time killing pursuits, taking only the most minor role or unconstructive parts. Introverts, are also the solitaire players, the pathological bookworms, the endless crossword puzzlers, the couch potatoes. In order to succeed in business or life, you need to have the ability to sell yourself, you need social skills. You don’t have to be the life of the party; but you must be able to be comfortable at the party. Being an, introvert, and sleepwalking through life is a, failure symptom.
3. Are you drinking more than 2 drinks daily?
Drinking heavily brings on a waking sleep. Drinking affects your ability to think straight and handicaps the drinker. You will not be able to contribute fully in staff meetings, argue sensibly, plan or be proactive if you are under the influence of alcohol and thus could become a, failure.
“I always thought I was an extrovert until I became a theatre major. Then I realized I just didn't like silence.”
― Cora Carmack, Losing It
Do you count the day lost if you did not attend a dinner party, go to a movie theater, dancing at a club or hanging out with friends? To be successful you need time alone to plan, to be creative and to ponder your next move.
5. Having no goals could lead to, failure
Dr William Menninger says “a fellow must know where he wants to go, if he is going to get anywhere”
No goals are bad enough but low goals are worst. Is your goal to just keep your job and make just enough money to pay your bills? Is it to live to retirement and then collect social security? Or is it to be the top player in the “candy crush” video game?
The bible says “people without a vision will perish”. Not necessarily physical death, but spiritual death. It is exhilarating to work towards a goal. Happiness is defined as working towards a goal.
“We are at our very best, and we are happiest, when we are fully engaged in work we enjoy on the journey toward the goal we've established for ourselves.”
The great leaders and legends of our time, all had goals, vision, mission and as they achieved one goal, they started on the next.
10 Signs You Are Going To Be A, Failure
You love wasting money and expect your parents to foot the bill. …
You are not disciplined. …
You don't finish what you start. …
You love playing the blame game. …
You don't believe in yourself. …
You don't set goals. …
You care too much about what others think. …
You don't take care of your health.
Join me for a Free webinar on how to set and achieve clear goals, how to create vision and mission statements, how to motivate your staff to excel and how to create influence.
The, bible stories, have meaning. In the story of the prophet, Elisha, and the, widow woman, this, Bible story, is teaching us that even in your, nothingness, you have something. The, widow woman, had 3 drops of oil. Oil, which represented, joy.
In this episode of, 5 mins with coach Myrna, Life coach, Myrna Young teaches on how to focus on what you do have and not your, nothingness.
Elisha, was a, prophet, who delivered the, prophetic word, from God to his people. In this, Bible story, he told this, prophetic word, to a, widow woman.
2nd Kings 4: 1-7
A certain woman of the wives of the sons of the prophets cried out to Elisha, saying, “Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that your servant feared the Lord. And the creditor is coming to take my two sons to be his slaves.”
2 So Elisha said to her, “What shall I do for you? Tell me, what do you have in the house?” And she said, “Your maidservant has nothing in the house but a jar of oil.”
3 Then he said, “Go, borrow vessels from everywhere, from all your neighbors—empty vessels; do not gather just a few. 4 And when you have come in, you shall shut the door behind you and your sons; then pour it into all those vessels and set aside the full ones.”
5 So she went from him and shut the door behind her and her sons, who brought the vessels to her; and she poured it out. 6 Now it came to pass, when the vessels were full, that she said to her son, “Bring me another vessel.”
And he said to her, “There is not another vessel.” So the oil ceased. 7 Then she came and told the man of God. And he said, “Go, sell the oil and pay your debt; and you and your sons live on the rest.”
You are in a, barren state, if your marriage is unhealthy, and you can’t stand to go home.
You are in a, barren state, if you hate your job and can’t stand to go to work.
You are in a, barren state, if like the, widow woman, you have no money to pay your bills and the bank is coming to take your home.
What this, Bible story, is teaching us in this scripture is that even in your, nothingness, you have something. The, widow woman, had 3 drops of oil. Oil, represented, joy.
Shut out your senses to find your joy
The prophet, Elisha, commanded the, widow woman, “Go within and shut the door” that meant shut the door on your senses that tell you your marriage is dead; shut the door on your senses that tell you that you hate your job. Shut the door on your fear that the creditors will come and take your home.
Instead go within and find your, joy. Find your 3 drops of, oil.
What is the, oil, in your marriage? Don't focus on your, nothingness. Is your husband a good father? Is he a good provider? Why do you stay? You stay because of the 3 drops of, oil, that you have.
What are the 3 drops of, oil, you have at your job? Your, nothingness, could be you hate your boss, but do you like helping people and providing good customer service? Is the pay helping you to feed your family?
What are your 3 drops of, oil, about having no money and not having enough to pay your bill? Your 3 drops of, oil, i.e your, joy, could be your children and the, joy, they bring you. The, bible, says
Weeping only lasts for a night but, joy, comes in the morning.
Even if you lose your home God will find you another home. Find the, joy, in your, nothingness.
What is your barren state or wilderness experience
The prophet, Elisha, commanded the, widow woman, i.e the woman in the, barren state,
“find vessels and begin to pour your 3 drops of, oil, until all the vessels are full”
When you take your attention away from the problems of life and begin to feel the, joy, of having received the things desired, you will have abundance running over. In this, bible story, the, widow, woman’s desire was to pay her debt, so that the creditors won’t take her son as slaves. She received enough money to pay her debts and have money left over.
When you feel the joy of your marriage for whatever, oil, you have, you will be generously rewarded – for the world is a magnifying mirror, magnifying whatever you hold in your heart.
I am praying for everyone within the sound of my voice that you will find your 3 drops of, oil, and that your cup runneth over.
Thanks for tuning into 5 mins with coach Myrna go find your, oil, and feel the joy.
The amazing thing about our, imagination, is that our central nervous system cannot tell the difference between what we are imagining and what is actually happening.
If you think that there is someone hiding under your bed and as soon as you fall asleep they will slit your throat and your body will stay there and rot because nobody will even miss you; then your body responds to those thoughts like you are actually lying on your bed bleeding to death.
Your heart gets heavy like you are having a heart attack. Your breathing becomes erratic, you begin to sweat. You have triggered your, fight or flight, response. Keep that going for any length of time and you will surely die before your time.
A man went to the psychiatrist and told him “I am so scared to go to bed every time I try to sleep I am so afraid, because I feel there is someone hiding under the bed.”
The psychiatrist said to him. Put yourself in my hands I will help you get rid of those fears. Come talk to me 3 times week.
The man asked what is the charge?
The shrink said “$80.00 per visit
The man said “let me think about it”
Six months later the shrink met the man on the street.
“Why did you not come to see me about those, fears” he asked.
The man said” $80 per visit, 3 times per week is over $12,000 per year. I met this man who said he would get rid of my, fears, for $500 and a six pack of beer!”
He cured me, I was so happy I went out and bought a new car!
Well pray tell how did this untrained Jamaican man cure you?
He cut off the legs from my bed so nobody could hide under there anymore ?
In the story I just told we see a man using his, imagination, towards, fear and dread, but do you know that as humans we are the only ones God give the power of, imagination, to?
Imagination, is quite possibly a uniquely human ability. In essence, it allows us to explore ideas of things that are not in our present environment, or perhaps not even real. For example, one can imagine the cup of coffee seen the day before, or one can imagine an alien spaceship arriving in the earth's orbit. The key is that what is imagined is generated from within rather than perceived based on input from without.
The amazing thing about our, imagination, is that our central nervous system cannot tell the difference between what we are imagining and what is actually happening.
As a man thinks so is he
So, how about using the gift of, imagination, to manifest the things you really want. The Bible teaches “As a man thinks so is he.”
Another one of our gifts as humans is that whatever we hold in our minds most of the time, we will someday hold in our hands.
So let’s start with something simple your dream car. Imagine that you walk into the dealership and pay cash for your dream car. Then you imagine yourself driving your car. See your hands on the steering wheel. You have your favorite music blasting in the background. Bring in other people in your, imagination. Imagine you pull up to your favorite restaurant and have your car valet parked and the valet says “Nice ride” and you beam with pride!
This is perhaps clearest in dreaming, where our minds churn up an entire virtual reality for us to experience when we sleep. But, imagination, is used in a whole variety of cognitive processes, including planning, hypothetical reasoning, picturing things in the past or the future, comprehending language, and, of course, in design and creativity in engineering and the arts.
Thanks for listening to, 5 mins with coach Myrna, hope you were both inspired and entertained.
