5 Mindset Transformations for Permanent Relationships

healthy relationship

A mindset shift or transformation is necessary if your belief system is not producing the results you are expecting in life. As a Life and Transformations Coach, I wanted to share some mindset transformations about relationships that may get you better results. Leave a comment if you agree or disagree!

1. What is the right reason to enter into a long term relationship?

Most of us (including me before I was enlightened) feel that we should enter into a long term commitment because we “fell” in love.
Others may enter into a long term relationship like marriage because they want children; they want security or even to stem loneliness. But, according to Neale Donald Walsch from the “Conversations with God” series, we should put a little more thought into choosing a long term partner than feelings.

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We should enter into a long term partnership for a mutually beneficial purpose.

I was watching an very old episode of Oprah a few weeks ago and she was interviewing the Smith’s. I was so impressed with Will Smith and Jada Pinketh Smith’s philosophy on marriage and family. They had a mutually beneficial purpose for their relationship and it continues today. They have family meetings every week to keep the purpose of the marriage and family in front of them.

Their purpose for getting together was to enhance the lives of others and they do that by always choosing work that inspires others.
And even though we have heard many rumors of the marriage failing, it is still standing because their purpose for it is greater than the two of them.

So when two people enter in a long term relationship they have to figure out the Why? What is the mutually beneficial purpose?
-Are they wanting to bring up children for a purpose?
Like Will and Jada Smith
-Are they wanting to enhance Gods kingdom?
Like Joel and Victoria Osteen
-Are they going to change the world through leadership?
Like Barack and Michelle Obama?

If the purpose is strong it will be like a house built on the rocks, it will withstand the storms

2. Why do relationships fail?
Statistics show that relationships fail because of failed expectations.
Most relationships start out with each party having predefined expectations about what they want out of the relationship and what they want from the other person.

Contrary to popular opinion another person cannot complete you, you must complete yourself.

The bible teaches that it is not if another person will disappoint, but when.
So when you enter into a relationship, and its survival is based on what the other person does, says, etc. You will always be disappointed.

The mindset shift is to become the best you, to make sure you are living up to your ideal self because we can never change another person, we can only change ourselves.
For example, there is conflict over a wife’s expectation that her husband takes her out on romantic dinners once per month. She is waiting on him to make the offer and he doesn’t, instead he goes out with his friends and leaves her at home with the kids.
She has several options:
Sulking, picking a fight, going out with her girlfriends – none of which heals the relationship – or she can Give That Which She Wants.
She can take him to dinner, she can cook a romantic dinner and send the kids to the babysitter. She can respond with love.

Anything you want, you first have to give.

3. Become self-centered.
I know this is going to shock some, because we were all brought up to believe that being selfish and self-centered is bad; but not according to the bible!
The bible teaches that we must love others as we love ourselves.

Our first relationship must be with self.

We must learn to honor and cherish self and love ourselves before we can love another.
We can never truly fall in love with another, until we have truly fallen in love with ourselves.
I know women are always sacrificing self for others, they think it makes for a good relationship; but it has the opposite effect.
They get burnt out and then resentment sets in. Then they start to resent their spouse for doing nothing. They cultivated that attitude.
The old saying that you have to train people how to treat you is truth. You start off doing all the work in the home, looking after the kids, doing all the cooking, while your spouse drinks beer and watch TV, then 5 years later when you are burnt out. You shouldn’t blame your spouse!
You should be self centered and make time in the day for your self.
Get up and go to the gym, walk, pray or meditate.
Make time in the evening to reflect, learn something, relax!
Everyone around you will benefit.

4. What should love do when we suffer hurt and disappointment from our loved ones?
We will all have hurt and disappointments in our lives.
In fact there is an old saying that says:

You are either going through something, coming out of something or about to go through something!

It is time for us to adopt a different response to our challenges and disappointments.
As humans we react with pain and hurt to what another is being, saying or doing.
The first thing we should do is to become conscious and aware of the feelings we are having.
Don’t run from the pain, don’t mask it with drugs or alcohol. Feel it, acknowledge it.
Try to find yourself in it.
Be honest with your feelings.

It is very important to not react with vengeance or rage, and to understand your true feelings.
Once you feel it and acknowledge it, it’s power over you diminishes and you can get to the place of this of “This too shall pass”.
After that you can then reach for your highest self and look for the lessons.

A master knows that all experiences comes to teach and is for self-growth.

hilary
5. Should you forgive or look past behaviors of your spouse or significant others because that is the Christian thing to do?
As Christians we are taught to forgive, if we want to forgiveness.
To not judge before we take the plank out of our own eyes.
So it would seem that the Christian thing to do is to forgive our spouses for his/her sins.
But in the book “Conversations with God” by Neale Donald Walsh
The author teaches that you should always do what’s best for us. Remember we are self-centered.
Your girl friends are always going to encourage you to leave your husband because he is a cheater.
Walsch says that you should leave your spouse only if it is best action for you or your children.
You leave when the marriage no longer fulfills its purpose.
Let’s look at Hilary Clinton. I believe she married Bill Clinton with a purpose. He has always been a cheater but she saw his potential as a future President; So she proposed to him and chose to overlook his infidelity. She chose self!
Today her daughter is living a purpose driven life, She was First Lady of the Unites States of America and could become the first female President of the United States of America. You have never heard of her infidelity even though we have heard all about her husband’s.
We should all follow her lead and leave our cheating spouses to God, we should concern ourselves only with self. Being the best we can be and we will get our crown here on earth as well as our heavenly crown in the next life.

Myrna is the Host of the “Mindset Transformation radio show” on http://www.wdjyfm.com/#!on-air/cee5 every Wednesday from 5:00 pm to 6:00 pm
If you would like to be a guest or become a sponsor contact her at info@myhelps.us.
Listen to past broadcasts of the “Mindset Transformations radio show” on the Myhelps Youtube Channel
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8p2lfxF2GhOihRv8N3EZeA

How to Get and Keep a Man

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CTooaAxUNQ

Welcome to Mindset Transformations with Coach Myrna
A Show that showcases content on how to change your brain to change your life. A show empowering women who have been abused, betrayed, abandoned or rejected to change how they feel about themselves and become co-creative sources attracting abundant love and happiness into their lives.

I am Coach Myrna Young, I am a certified professional coach, author of 3 books, motivational Speaker and your Host.
I know from Personal experience that change is hard. In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and encouragement; I share my journey of poverty and child abuse, betrayal and disappointment and how I turned that all around to live an abundant life. This show is going to give you the tools to do the same in your life.

Todays Guest is Stephanie Stanford, The Love Empowerment Coach
stephanie stanford

Stephanie teaches audiences how to reach inside and access the power that’s always been there through the power of LOVE!
She’s worn tiara’s on stage, thrown candy in the crowd and performed lip sync of “All About That Base” to keep the crowds laughing while they learn. Her down to earth tips make it easy for anyone to master the mysteries of love and bring out the peace, passion and princess-power of every woman.

In her interview on How to Get and Keep a Man, Stephanie says that Self Love shuts down Self doubt so you can take action!
Relationship Love doesn’t have to be so hard. Life Love keeps you balanced, peaceful and calm in a crazy world.

Steph says “When your life is filled with love, then you are free to pursue your purpose” You can experience Self Love, Relationship Love and Life love!

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Love is life a Boomerang, it always comes back, so give it freely. It is like seeds that blow in the wind. It does not always come back from the people we choose to love; but it always comes back. Check out my Chapter on Love in my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement”

Stephanie tells us that men have needs and some of those needs are to be the man, to be appreciated, to feel important.
To Get and Keep a Man, women needs to know how to let a man know they are interested and then step back and let the man lead.
To Get and Keep a Man, women needs Self Love. If you have no love for self you can’t give love.

You cannot give away what you don’t have

Principle # 4 Have a Positive Mind-set

fear-no-evil

Take control of your thoughts and attitudes. Get rid of ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts) #outofthesnares

All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” ~Buddha

Imagine your mind as a garden. Positive thoughts are the beautiful flowers that brighten your life. Negative thoughts are the ugly weeds that spread and suffocate your happiness, by cutting off sunlight. Just like plants we need sunlight to thrive.

Negative thoughts can take the form of fear, self-doubt, guilt, anger, blame, insecurity, prophesying or any thought that makes you feel bad!

You need to kill the ANTS :(Automatic Negative Thoughts)

Ant # 1 Fear – Defined as False Events Appearing Real, is the number one reason that we don’t achieve success in this life. Fear of the unknown, that feeling of uncertainty. Fear is the bottom feeder of all the negative emotions. When you are living in Fear, you feel very bad and you attract more bad things into your experience.

One way to Kill this ANT is to imagine what is the worst that could happen. Face it in your mind. Take it to your subconscious and dream about it. Once you face it, it loses its hold on you. Talk back to this fear. Move up the emotional scale with anyone of the negative emotions. Eg. You can become angry that your spouse is treating you a certain way, instead of being afraid of being alone if you left the relationship. See yourself alone and loving it.

There is also a positive side to this ANT.

If you are afraid of losing something be it your spouse, your job, your home; it tells you that these things are important to you and that you should do everything in your power to keep them. For example: if you fear losing your spouse, then you should work on keeping the marriage fresh, you should keep yourself attractive and don’t let yourself get to 300 lbs, serve your spouse and make him/her feel special.

Ant # 2 Self-doubt – or lack of self-confidence is a very powerful ANT. One of the most essential character traits to have is self-confidence. It is sexy and it allows you to command attention. When this ANT is telling you that you are not good enough, you will not get that promotion because you don’t have a degree, for example; talk back to it and tell it that you are the best person for the job and that it is their loss if they don’t hire you. If you don’t, you will never move from where you are today. You will never be an over achiever or the top sales person on a team! You need self-confidence to achieve success.

ANT # 3 Guilt – Guilt is a result of your conscience telling you that you have violated your own core value. It is telling you that you did something that is moving you away from your predetermined goal. You can talk back to this ANT by telling it that you have recognized your mistake and that you have forgiven yourself. Don’t let the guilt and shame arrest you and keep you in bondage. A lot of people wash away this guilt with drugs and alcohol.

ANT # 4 Anger – Anger ANTS keep telling you that someone had no right to do something. The more you think about it, the angrier you get. Psychologists say that anger is like an iceberg. What you see is just the tip, that there is more ice for miles below the surface. If you are conscious that you have an Anger problem, then you should understand (with the help of a Therapist) what is causing your anger. You can talk back to this ANT and tell it that you cannot control what someone else does; the only person you can control is yourself.

ANT # 5 Blame – this ANT can be very destructive. When you blame others for the results you are having in your life, you assume the role of the victim. As the victim, you have no power to facilitate change. You talk back to this ANT by becoming a Player. As a Player you take back control. Regardless of what the dealer is showing, you can still win! You are not the product of your circumstances. Everyone has a story. It is how you handle adversity and challenges that define and grow you. In my book “Out of the Snares” I never blamed my childhood abuser. I instead chose to look at the positives I learned from that experience. Life is full of good and evil. Every evil person has a good side and every good person has an evil side.

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ANT # 6 Prophesying – the prophesying ANT talks to you about what it knows about the future! It tells you things like “you are never going to close that sale”. “The customer is going to string you along and they will never buy” or “it is never going to work out”. You can talk back to this ANT by declaring that IT cannot predict the future. It does not have a crystal ball!

Once you learn to recognize the ANTS and learn to deal with them by sending them packing, then you can replace them with Positive Thoughts. Positive thoughts are like flowers, they beautify your garden and bring smiles to anyone who stops and pays attention to their beauty; in a similar way positive thoughts make you beautiful to anyone who you have interpersonal relations with. But the beauty of Positive Thoughts is that they make you feel good. Like attracts like and before you know it, you have an abundance of good things becoming part of your experience.

I’ve seen firsthand how dangerous it is to let the weeds of negative thinking take over your mind. Just like in a natural garden, it you left the weeds unattended, they thrive more than the flowers or plants. In a similar way when you allow the ANTS to run free in your head; they snuff out all the joy from your life. All you then see is darkness, because they are blocking the sunlight from getting in!

In my book “Out of the Snares” I share with you, my readers, the principles of the Bible and the Universal Laws or Truths that I stood on to keep a positive mindset. Order your copy today.http://myhelps.us/book-order/

Get 4 coaching sessions for $100.00 with the order of Out of the Snares

Place order here:
http://myhelps.us/book-order/