Tag Archives: people pleaser

Surviving Divorce: The Ultimate Roadmap to Rebuilding Your Life

In this blog post, Karen McMahon, Divorce coach discuss the ins and outs of divorce, and provide you with the resources you need to rebuild your life after a divorce. Many people believe that divorce is the end of the world, but that's not necessarily the case.

In this episode, we're going to discuss the steps you need to take in order to rebuild your life after a divorce. We'll cover topics like financial planning, communication strategies, and rebuilding your relationship with your children. If you're struggling after a divorce, don't worry! This podcast is designed to help you on your road to rebuilding your life after divorce.

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Bio

Karen McMahon is a certified relationship and divorce coach and the founder of Journey Beyond divorce.  Together Karen and her team of divorce coaches encourage thousands of men and women worldwide to navigate their divorce calmly, clearly and with confidence. Karen began her journey as a coach in 2010 after coming to the realization that her tumultuous three and a half year divorce was a catalyst for a transformational journey into a new life, instead of allowing her pain to wear her down.

She turned inward with a laser-like focus and worked on healing herself, setting suitable barriers and surrendering what she could not control. Karen now shows others that the shifting world of divorce is a perfect opportunity to begin identifying and practicing new ways of thinking being and doing.  Looking at relationship challenges with A New Perspective inevitably leads to deeper self-discovery, which allows individuals to boldly move forward in to the next chapter of Life.

Karen is the host of the acclaimed Journey beyond divorce podcast, the co-author of stepping out of chaos, turning pain to possibility and the co-creator of JBD's exclusive 12-step divorce recovery program.  Her other accomplishments include work as in NYS lobbyist Health Advocate, Community organizer and chairperson of an NYS non-profit organization.

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Divorce is one of life ambushes

Myrna: I remember an interview that I had just a few weeks ago with retired Navy SEAL Jason Redman, who talked about, life ambushes, and one of the ambushes he talks about was divorce.  Jason said that people when they have a life Ambush, they keep looking at the closed door.  They don't understand that whenever you have an end you also have a new beginning, so that's where I'm going to start off my conversation today.

Karen said that she started this work after she went through her divorce and realized that it was a beginning of something, so Karen how do you teach your clients to turn the pain of the of divorce into a possibility?

Karen: That's a great starting question and so the first thing I'll say is there are those who ask for the divorce and those who find themselves blindsided when the divorce comes to them.  So if you're asking for a divorce, if you're finally deciding that you want a divorce, you've been struggling in your marriage for a long time.  You may have gone through counseling, but you've been on your own grief Journey for some time now and it's still super messed up.

Then there is those who are blindsided, they knew the marriage had problems but every marriage has problems and so when their spouse says I want a divorce they're like hit, they're ambushed and it feels like they're being run over by an  18-wheeler.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

Divorce road map

So I always like to talk about the, grief Journey, because the person who's ambushed is immediately in denial.  Oh are you seeing someone?  You're just going through a midlife crisis, you're just confused, this can't be happening.  They start bargaining, they go through this whole thing and a lot of people who have decided to divorce will think their spouse is being manipulative when in fact they're really in this, grief Journey.

Myrna:  I can understand you going into the possibilities of what can happen so diving a little deeper. What is the, roadmap for divorce,  you coach your clients  about the possibility of relationships, career, etc.

Karen: The roadmap for divorce, is like a roadmap to a destination with all the stops.  I was just speaking to a client earlier today and this person knows they need to leave and so there's so much to map out.

  • When do I tell my spouse
  • How do I tell my spouse
  • What do we say to the kids
  • When do we say it to the kids
  • If it's a high conflict marriage do I tell them individually
  • Will mom or dad throw me under the bus and hurt the kids if I tell them together?
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The emotional load and emotional pain body are enormous.  At Journey Beyond divorce, we support people both on the Practical Journey which is telling the spouse, telling the kids, finding an attorney, figuring out your finances, how do I negotiate, how does the court work.

Journey beyond divorce: co-parenting

That whole journey and as you're going down that Journey, what's coming up it's like you've jumped into a murky Pond and all of your shortcomings, all of your insecurities, everything you need to heal from and refine comes bubbling up. So now you're in an emotional tsunami after just being drop shipped into a foreign land called divorce, where you don't know the language you don't have a guide and you don't know what the heck you're doing.

It's really a powerful opportunity for, personal transformation, and reinvention because basically it's a hot mess.

Myrna: For sure, one of the things that you teach is how to do effective, co-parenting.  So can we talk about that for a minute.

Karen:  So in today's day and age the majority of people get 50/50 custody and the reason is I think that to a large degree our dad's a much more  engaged.  So when the decision is made and you might still be living under the same roof, it's a good time to start saying let's let's experiment with this co-parent thing.

This is always hard for especially if it's a stay-at-home mom or a stay-at-home parent, because you're so used to this being all your division of labor.  I want to talk about when co-parenting, and this is straight through the divorce, not only don't you speak to your child about what's wrong with their other parent they are 50 that other parent.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Never bash the other parent to your kids

So not only don't you get on the phone with your girlfriend in the kitchen complaining about your soon-to-be ex while the kids are listening in the living room because they're always listening and it does such incredible harm.   I'm divorcing him because he wasn't a good spouse or partner let's not assume that means he's not a good parent.

Myrna:  I'm talking to you because I've never done the co-parenting thing and it sounds real complicated. I'm wondering does it benefit the kids?

Karen: A hundred percent. I work a lot in, high conflict divorce, and if you have a parent who has severe trauma, personality disorder, addiction, alcoholism etc. If you have a very, high conflict co-parent, the children are better spending more time with you.  But children unless those people are dangerous it's always valuable for kids to experience both parents on a regular basis.

If you have one, high conflict personality, it's so vitally important that if you're married to the, high conflict personality, I can guarantee you you've lost your temper.  You've raged, you've been a people pleaser, a codependent, you don't have boundaries, and you have to work on all of those things to become a whole and healthy person.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

High conflict divorce

You can teach your children those skills so that they can navigate that, high conflict personality, you get to divorce them the children have to find the lanes that work for them.  The safe places where they can really enjoy that, high conflict parent, and know that it's not their responsibility to take care of mommy or daddy.

There's one other piece that if I could talk about with co-parenting sometimes it was my experience a lot of people in a, high conflict divorce, sometimes the children come back from the other parent and and they're upset, they've been put down, they've been ignored, they feel diminished, they don't feel heard, they might not feel loved.

The worst thing that the mom can do is criticize their dad.  It's so vitally important if your child comes to you and they're struggling with the other parent, ask a lot of questions.

  • What happened,
  • how did that make you feel,
  • what did you do about it,
  • what do you wish you could do about it,
  • what were you afraid to do that you wished you could do about it,
  • why are you afraid,
  • how can I help you,
  • how would you do it different next time,
  • how do we help you be able to say to Daddy or to set a boundary?

Myrna:  I was talking about how love turns to hates so quickly.  If a divorce happens because irreconcilable differences or something along those lines where you've been you've been living for a while and it's not working out you decide to divorce, but a lot of times, you're calling it,  high conflict divorce, I'm assuming that you're meaning, high conflict,  infidelity or you really hate your spouse male or female.

Mommy hates Daddy, mommy is  gonna jump on that opportunity to bash that man, there's absolutely no way that we're gonna oh you know Daddy's not a bad person.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

What is a high conflict divorce?

Karen:  Actually there are plenty of people who divorce and are angry and hate each other, that's actually not, high conflict divorce. High conflict divorce,  is when you're divorcing someone who takes zero responsibility and I'll say this because I think it's important in today's day and age everyone's like oh you're divorcing a narcissist.

I have a hard time with that, we're not psychologists, we don't know that, but what we do know is if you have someone who has very black and white thinking.  Who always blames you and can't take responsibility, who seems to have a different memory of almost everything that happened yesterday or in history.  Who can't sit down at the table and negotiate anything because they want everything or they're always right you're wrong.

These are personalities where a divorce isn't is a negotiation,  because negotiations require transparency and compromise.   Most Garden variety divorces involve someone who hates the other one or who's outgrown them and they're not interested in them.  But no matter how you feel about your ex please hear me it is never ever going to be valuable for you to tell your child how bad their parent is.

Taking off your armor and trusting after a divorce

Myrna:  I agree with that totally.  In my community women don't even want the kids even to see the parent because they hate them so much.   All right, now one of the other things we talk about  is after the battle of the divorce, when the divorce is final, that women put down our weapons and take off our armor and start to trust again.  How do we how do you teach women to become vulnerable again and trust again?

Karen: That is one of the most important questions and I hope that everyone listening that you can receive this.  When our trust has been broken, it usually starts with us breaking our trust in ourselves, and what I mean by that is most of us will say I knew it. I saw the red flags and ignored them.  I saw that characteristic in him but he was just so handsome and sexy,  I ignored it.

So when you start rebuilding trust, don't bash yourself, don't criticize yourself don't condemn yourself, for what you did.  Be incredibly compassionate with yourself and start tuning in because our fear voices is this loud Amplified voice and our inner wisdom our intuition is this very soft whisper.  When we can start tuning into the soft whisper and trusting our intuitive hit, our women's intuition that is going to be the foundation of building trust.

Entrepreneurship and divorce

Myrna: A lot of people don't think about going through a divorce when you're an entrepreneur and you have a business or maybe even going a divorce in the corporate world.  When you are not emotionally at your Peak everything falls around you like dominoes.  So what are three ways of keeping your business running smoothly during a divorce?

Karen: So you want three okay so the first thing I'm gonna say is:

  • The first one is you're going through the largest transition of your life, you're not going to be on your A game, so adjust your expectations.  If you've got some enormous campaign that you've planned for this upcoming year and you're going to be in the courts and juggling kids and becoming a single parent you're basically setting yourself up to fail.
  • The second thing is to realize what's going on.  When we're going through divorce, life is busy and overwhelming for all of us.  It's almost like being on your computer and adding this huge database that's going to download onto your computer you know when you download something it's like every program slows down it gets really glitchy it just freezes that's what's happening in your brain.
  •  I'll say like hiring a coach and a therapists because the do different things.  A coach helps you both logistically and emotionally, a good attorney and you might need a financial plan; but on a personal level what is your All-Star support team look like?

Conclusion

Myrna:  Karen this has been amazing, you have designed a 12-step divorce recovery program which sounds really great because what you're saying is  you've got to recover from this divorce.

Karen:  We found that over the course of years we started looking at what are all of the typical emotional challenges that people face during and after divorce. So we created the 12 Steps around that and so the first one which would be a surprise to nobody is to curb the conflict, because no matter what kind of a divorce you have there's going to be conflict.  Let's keep the focus on you and look at your behavior and here's how you can do things differently.

Then we have another step that's about calming the chaos.  Most chaos during divorce doesn't happen outside of you it happens between your ears, it's your stinking thinking.  So what are your assumptions, what are your interpretations, what are your limiting beliefs?   We talk in the 12 Steps about becoming less problem focused and more solution focused.  We talk about how to grieve and grieve well and the importance of feeling your feelings and so many more.

Each step is really helping someone pivot in one an area of their emotional experience of divorce.

Myrna:  How can our listeners and those watching on TV get in contact with you? Talk about your website how they can get all the course?

Karen: We are Journey Beyond divorce on all platforms. It's Journey Beyond divorce podcast, Journey_Beyond divorce on Instagram and if the high conflict part of the conversation resonates with you we just created a toxic quiz and it's on the home page.  It's 10 questions and it gives you a really good sense of the health or lack thereof of your current relationship.

Additional Resources

How to be Confident after a Divorce

Who Are You? How To Connect To Your Inner Guidance

Matheo Galatis teaches how we can connect to our, inner guidance system, to know ourselves and to find, who are you, your beliefs systems inherited from your, genetic patterns. Once you know, who are you, then you will be able to use the, law of Attraction, to get the things you want in life.

Download the podcast here

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10785592-who-are-you-how-to-connect-to-your-inner-guidance.mp3?download=true

BIO

Matheo Galatis founder  of the, Know Yourself teachings, aimed at supporting you to cut through the confusion in the, personal development industry, and learn about the hidden dynamics that affect your life. He has trained over 200 professional coaches, was a director of a coaching company in South Africa, worked in organizations such as Oracle stratus, South Africa, Mars, Africa and clients from 27 different countries, ranging from successful CEOs, political and public personalities, executives, coaches, trainers, therapists, and entrepreneurs.

But they are mistaking the, personal development industry, to a whole new level by supporting people to find what he calls your, transformational why. The one thing that usually prevents people from getting, unstuck, and achieving their desires.

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We develop our belief systems from genetic patterns

Myrna: That's an awesome Bio.  It seems that you are in the work of service helping people to get to know them selves again.  What was your journey to becoming a teacher of, personal development? How do we pick up these, genetic patterns?

Matheo: Essentially this is what happens.  To know, who are you, and, know yourself, I explain in quite a bit of detail the different ways we take on stuff from our parents and the generations before. It can happen through observation. When we're growing up, we have certain experiences and we observe our parents, we start mimicking what our parents do.

So, that's one way, but it runs even deeper. Our parents, sometimes they have something unexpressed in themselves, a dream or maybe an emotion that's suppressed. And they've suppressed that, they push it down. Now what happens is when they conceive a child, the DNA of the supreme shun or the suppression is obviously encoded into the gene, because everything is according to the gene.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

The suppression gene and knowing who you are

The gene knows there's a, suppression, and that gene goes into the child and the child now has a, suppression. Now the job of the, suppression, sharing is not to be there. The purpose is when something's suppressed, it's suppressed  momentarily or temporarily moved and at some point in life it needs to be expressed in words.

For example, if someone has a, suppression, at a very young age and they don't process it, its hard for them to know, who you are.  They don't work through the short stays inside the system, it's frozen inside the, muscle memory, in the, subconscious mind, of the brain. And what happens is they continue living with us. Now if they don't deal with it in their lifetime, that's obviously restoring the genes and is going to get passed on to the next generation.

Children don't do well at home, they don't become aware of it that's gonna get passed on, so we have something in our evolution that is already in inside of us to help us with, traumatic patterns.  Some emotions are blocked, so when children are born later on life at some point they are triggered and that's what pushes the buttons of the parents.

When children start behaving in ways the parents don't like, I call the parent control we think wow my child is out of character. The child is not actually out of character, the child is just mirroring or expressing things that the parent doesn't want to see inside themselves and haven't processed within themselves.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Finding who you are from subconscious patterns

Children will start acting out bringing forth, subconscious patterns, from their parents. A, guidance system, is your, spiritual journey, where you've got like a router or an angel or your higher self, and they're communicating with you.  I like to call this the, inner guidance system, is the connection to your, true self, and finding out, who are you.

Your, guidance system, helps you connect to your, true self, when you're not connected to your, true self. When you're connected to yourself, you're able to distinguish in an instant, what is true and right for you versus what is not. In an instant, there is no debate in the mind. There's just a sense of yes or a sense of no. And it's not happening from a fear.  It's not happening from a desire, it's happening from this, inner knowing.

These, beliefs, are part of our, belief system, there are, family patterns.  So, an example with a, belief system.  If you have a, belief system, I'm not worthy, how do you behave? If you're very insecure how do you behave? The other way is to trying to cover up the perceived unworthiness and show that you're worthy. The, belief system, I'm not worthy is a persona which is not you, it's just a, belief system.

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

Who are you? Are You a people pleaser?

This belief of unworthiness can develop into a, people pleaser.  I'm a, people pleaser. The, people pleaser,  that person owner's a person has developed in order not to feel the unworthiness.

Myrna:  I get what you're saying a lot of times they say the extroverts are covering up some some deep down feeling as well that's why they need to be the life of the party.

Okay so alright so what we're talking about though is our, inner guidance system, and, knowing yourself.  What you're saying is you let people understand that the personality that they're projecting to the world is not real.  And you help them to connect to their, inner guidance system, to know themselves.

Letting your inner guidance system uncover who you are

Matheo:  Right. So that's what I mean by, inner guidance system, is that you have a an innate intelligence telling you what's true and right for you right now. It tells you, who you are.

Myrna: So talk about whats behind, beliefs. I know we talked about that a little bit, but maybe we can expand on it a little bit by because you said, belief systems, are difficult to resolve. So so let's go with our example that we're talking about this person that, you know, doesn't feel that there were any.

So when you go into the training and coaching, you help them understand to peel away those layers and understand, who you are. They're maybe not feeling worthy because of something they inherited or maybe something somebody said to them 40 years ago, or whatever, you need to peel that back. But why do you think it's difficult for someone to resolve that specific, belief system?

Transform Your Mind Podnews
Transform Your Mind Podnews

Your beliefs are not who you are

Matheo: It is challenging working with a, belief system.  A, belief system, was created a long time ago so around up to the age from conception up to the age of seven, eight years old our, belief systems, about ourselves and about life and about other people are formed.

How we perceive the world is being created, so this is at an age where the brain is just absorbing everything that is happening in the world and making associations.  But a lot of people might rarely even get to that, belief system, because they're dealing with other, belief systems.

I developed a belief of I'm shy or a persona I'm shy. And because this happened at two years old, I grew up as a shy person, knowing that oh, I'm just shy, I'm just a quiet person, so I'll become an accountant and an auditor. Yeah, because I'm shy. So, who are you? Are you shy or an extrovert?

Train yourself to connect to your emotions, train your souls to connect to your body, so that you know how you feel at any time, whether it's good or bad emotions doesn't matter, connect to them. Allow yourself to have these emotions, because that's how you're going to go down into the, beliefs, and into the other aspects that are hidden inside of you.

And that's what we want to identify and remove what's hidden. Because when you remove what's hidden, then you start to become more and more free.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

How to know yourself

Myrna: And that's how you, know yourself, and find out, who you are. This is what we're talking about here. I had a short stint with a therapist. I talked to her for about a month or so, and one of the things I got from those sessions was not to stuff down my feelings but to catch them and breathe into them.

This has been an incredible conversation to highlight your skills highlight what you do for people. And I will tell you there's so many people that are walking around don't know, who they are. I don't want to use I use the word broken,  but people become broken from past traumas.  So what you what you're doing is phenomenal. Tell us how somebody can sign up or how you offer this training.

Matheo:  The teachers that came before me and many researchers and scientists know that the subconscious runs our life. We're able to to retrain and recondition the subconscious, but doing it the correct way is important. We have to uncover what's causing In the subconscious mind to dictate our lives.  So I put together the, Know Yourself teachings, and this essentially  explains step by step how finding out, who you are, works, how thoughts become, beliefs, how emotions work.

Using your inner guidance system to find out who you are

Emotions, are like a garden system, we go in and out gamify.  Not listening to your, inner guidance system, does not bring you back on track.

Myrna: So explain how our, internal guidance system, works when we're not listening to our own, inner guidance.

Matheo:  I go through the five different ways that we take on stuff from our parents, help clients realize that there was are many patterns running their life. Many of them was the specifically looking at the, family patterns.

Connect with Matheo and get access to the Know Yourself Teaching @ http://matheogalatis.com/

Additional Resources

5 Ways Millennials Can Stimulate Personal Development

How to Rewire The Brain to Engage The Law Of Attraction

Bob Doyle, from, the Secret, teaches that we need to do more than concentrate on our, vibration, and, vision boards, for, the law of attraction, to work.  We must, rewire our brains.   He teaches that the metaphysical aspects of, the law of attraction, or the “reality creation” process is what controls our experiences.

Download the podcast here

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10657647-rewiring-the-brain-for-the-law-of-attraction.mp3?download=true

Bio

Bob Doyle is best known for his contribution to the film and book “The Secret” as a law of attraction expert and coach.  He has been teaching these principles through programs, live events, podcasts, live streams, coaching, writing, and even virtual reality, since 1988. He is driven by his passion for creative self-expression and his work is heavily focused on helping people decide whom they want to be and how they want to express themselves.

Recently Bob's attention has shifted from the metaphysical aspects of the, law of attraction, or reality creation process to a more grounded and biological look at what controls our experiences…our, brain.

The Law of Attraction and the Secret

Myrna: After 20 years, why to shift away from the, law of attraction, and, the Secret?

Bob: So, after, the Secret, especially, a lot of people got in the game, the law of attraction, experts were putting out their programs and a lot of them didn't really have the research or experience. They were sort of regurgitating what they got from, the Secret, or had heard. And what happened was that people got very confused about this, law of attraction. Some of them who had not heard of it before, the Secret, got understandably excited about it.

They thought this is how I'm going to get everything I want in my life. I want to learn more about it. So, they go out in the world, and they start learning about it. And they're learning all of these techniques and they're learning about, vibration, and resistance and vibrational resonance, and all this stuff. They're learning about, vision boards, and lists and, visualization, and the whole thing. It's a lot that they're trying to figure out and they're trying all of these different techniques and they're so focused on getting the, law of attraction, right, that they're putting almost no focus on the most important thing, which is who do they need to be to attract those things.

When it is through who we're being, that things happen in the world, our action is expressed the things we say, the thing how we make meaning in the world is all at all a factor of our, brains wiring. So, our experience of reality is all based on how our, brain, is processing this ocean of energy. So, if we're not getting the results that we want in our life, it’s ultimately a factor of our, brains wiring. So, the reason I'm shifting from, law of attraction, to changing your, brains wiring,  in terms of a focus for teaching and coaching and, transformation, is because there's nothing to get confused about.

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Rewiring the brain to get results

You don't have to worry about all the processes and the techniques and getting it wrong and self-doubt and all of that stuff. That's it, and that's proven science. So how do we change your, brain, so that you can become the person that get the results or attract the results you want?

Myrna: That's awesome. I do believe that again. I'm one of the ones that went after, the Secret, trying to understand, the law of attraction, and the, vision boarding, and, vibration. But what you're saying is that if you keep your thoughts clean, and your energy positive, the law of attraction, is not going to work for you unless you, rewire the brain.

Bob: No, it's not so, this is the problem. We're getting into this, law of attraction, it’s always working. It's always working and the focus that we're putting on it is confusing the issue. We don't need to understand how gravity works for the glass to fall when we let go of it. We also don't need to understand how, the law of attraction, works. What we need to do is focus on what action we need to take every day so that, the law of attraction, works automatically.  Everything in your life, you're attracting it, because you're on this sort of default way of being.  It's an, autopilot.

You may not think of it that way. But because of your, brain's wiring, you're not consciously looking at how can you improve your wiring, you're probably going on, autopilot. And all of those, autopilot, behaviors are getting results in the world, that result in your reality.  So different results come from different action, different ways of being.

Myrna: right. Okay, so we're talking about, rewiring the brain, but we're talking also about energy and, vibration. I'm trying to understand it for the people that are believed that the energy and vibration is responsible for attracting before we get onto the rewiring.

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Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Law of attraction and the brain

Bob: Let me make clear that I am not against any of that, I stood for these principles for 20 years and I still believe them the vibration, the energy, the resonant. That's all there. The problem and it the magic, if you will, the invisible stuff, but all of those results in the universe presenting you with something. Now you have to act, what you've been presented, what are you going to do with it and what action can you take that will affect your, vibration, and send out the stuff all the cool, Law of Attraction, stuff. But if we focus so much on the magic issue or the invisible issue or energy, we're not rewiring our, brain.

Myrna: Alright, so that's a good a good segue into how does rewiring the, brain, help us with manifesting in the, law of attraction?

Bob: So, right now we're manifesting totally on, autopilot. For the most part, most people are manifesting is because of their, autopilot wiring, and their behaviors. So, if we want to manifest something different, then we have to focus on changing the wiring within us that will create the action that will get those results. Okay. So, rewiring, is fundamental. The whole premises of this whole conversation is that permanent, transformation. Transformation, does not happen unless the brain is rewired.

If we're not consciously reinforcing all of that, and we're allowing our old triggers to take us back into our old patterns, then we were not going to grow new neural pathways. They're going to be in a permanent place that's going to create new, autopilot behavior.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

The personality types of the brain

Myrna: So, I know what you're saying. That's why they're saying that motivation is so good because you're excited for a second, and there's no deep, transformation. Right, exactly. So, I know that you know, in our conversation, that you have a quiz that people can do to get this process started of, rewiring the brain, so you want to talk about it now.

Bob: Yeah, so the very first question is does my behavior is dictated by my wiring? I want to rewire how do I begin, right, like that makes sense. So, to really effectively, rewire the brain, you need to know where your current wiring is, so that you can recognize it when it's at play. And then you can consciously override it. That is the process that's required here. We're going to need to consistently override the old wiring, old thought process.

We're going to need to physically take different actions, we're going to have to consciously make new meaning, but for us to be able to do that we have to be able to see that we're on, autopilot, in the first place. So that's where I created this quiz. And it's called the, transformation personality type quiz. So, it's not your typical, personality type, that's out there in the corporate world. This is something I totally created just for myself based on my own experience. 20 years of dealing with people who are trying to transform that they fall into one of these or more one or more of these four types, personality types, when it comes to, personal transformation.

So, there's nothing wrong with any of these types. And just because you are one of these types, it doesn't mean that you're going to sabotage or slow your efforts. However, if you are a person who has been working on this for a while, and it seems like it should be here by now, then this is this is something you can do to try to figure out what behaviors might I have in going that are stopping me?

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

Your Autopilot Response

So, the quiz identifies the, personality type. It explains the behaviors that type has that can cause self-sabotage, and then offers very specific things you can do instead. So, I invite anybody reading this, it only takes 60 seconds to take the quiz and it's free. They can go to www.TPTquiz.com. Just as multiple choice they'll know their type. They'll have a video they can watch. They there's a PDF they'll get that explains more about their type and then what they can do about it.

But we can also talk about briefly, you know the four types here so that they if they do take the quiz, then they can you know, they can understand that we're talking about them.

Myrna: Okay, briefly, what are what are the four types?

Bob: So, let's assume that they went in took the quiz and now they're back. Now the number one type most popular is the, seeker type.

The Seeker Brain

  • The, seeker type, is a person who is very committed to their, personal transformation. They really want the best in their life. And so, to do that, they try everything that comes along. There's nothing wrong with having that kind of wild enthusiasm and curiosity. However, if you're trying to implement something, a process, a new way of thinking, a structured way of thinking that is going to create wiring in your, brain, you got to stay consistent.
  • You can't just keep flip flopping from approach to approach you're giving your brain no time to grow anything. Remember it's a biological process that starts with thought and intention and consent continues with consistency.
Transform Your Mind podcast curiocaster podcast
curiocaster podcast

The Skeptic Brain

  • Number two – the skeptic, obviously wants the best in their life, but maybe they've been burned a few times with this when things didn't show up the way they thought and they made that mean that oh nothing really works. So, the skeptic, while committed to, transformation, generally looks at an opportunity for change. And the question they have internally is, why won't this work for me?

And when you ask yourself or the universe a question like that, you're going to get those answers. If you ask the different questions, you’ll get different answers. So, the same skeptical person who is a, skeptic, they don't want to be duped. They want to be intellectual and logical about this can ask a different question, get different results, and then actually allow themselves to take action. And it's just the opposite of the question they automatically ask.

So instead of saying, why won't this work for me, they asked How could this work for me? And leave us all their intellect in logic and see how I could work? Because if they keep asking themselves the wrong question, they'll never take action. They'll get to be right about how it will work because they'll never get a result. And the law and the logical the skeptical, brain, likes to be right they don't want to look stupid.

Transform Your Mind Podcastland
Transform Your Mind Podcastland

The Wizard Brain

  • The next personality type is – the wizard. The Law of Attraction, community feels, the skeptic, is all logic and the, wizard, is all invisible trust and magic. Rituals, vision boards, the list, visualization, they're just conjuring mentality like I'm using the, law of attraction, to change the energy of the universe so that they will do my bidding, rather than changing themselves. This is where the, alchemy, needs to begin. And then the universe will respond to you, you have to be a cause.
  • So, the wizard, brain,  and all of their rituals helps it's what you were talking about. There is the energy, there is the, vibration. All this stuff is happening. It's sending stuff out there, if you will, but it also needs to be affecting who you are being in the world. You cannot just sit cross legged and be your, wizard, in your cave and not show the world how you are now this new person.
  • So, the wizardry, brain, needs to be around visioning yourself as this ultimate, wizard. you that's what you're conjuring, not the stuff, not the money, you're conjuring the best version of who will take the action to get those things.

The Heartbreaker Brain

  • The last one is the – heartbreaker, brain.  The, heartbreaker, is the, people pleaser. And the, people pleaser, is someone who really wants to transform and I know that this happens for a lot of people. They stop their progress when the people around them start to get uncomfortable. Start to comment, what are you doing, who do you think you are? Or in some other way, add a negative layer of emotion to your journey.
  • And so, for whatever your reasons you stop, whether it's to make them comfortable, yourself comfortable or whatever, you stop your journey. Now, a lot of times it is so that mom will be uncomfortable. You won't make that person mad. You're trying to keep everybody comfortable.
  • Transform your Mind Podcast Index
    Transform your Mind Podcast Index

Neuroplasticity of the brain

Myrna: All right. How does, neuroplasticity, fit in into, rewiring the brain? Can you make the connection for us?

Bob: Well, neuroplasticity, is the brain's ability to rewire. So, in essence, it's the same thing. So, neuroplasticity, there's a there's neurogenesis or the ability to grow new brain cells and all those other things, and then, neuroplasticity, which is the ability for it to change. And that's really all we're focused on. There's a lot of people out there in the community, the personal development communities, we're talking about the, brain, now who might have been talking to, law of attraction, before I'm not the only one.

And a lot of these people will go very deep into the parts of the, brain, and how this is all happening. Personally, I'm intentionally not doing that because I'm afraid that what's going to happen is people are going to get focused on that again, just like they were all, the law of attraction, stuff. We weren't meant to have to understand all of us.

We weren't born into this human experience with all this amazing creative potential that we have needing to know all the ins and outs of the biology and how it works. We don't need to know that. All we need to know is that this right here is a reality creation machine. And all we need to do is feed it the vision that we want for ourselves and then move and act and be in alignment with the person who would have that vision and it will all just take care of itself.

But we are adults and just waking up to this we have to understand we have a lifetime wiring a lifetime and it doesn't seem like wiring. It just seems like our truth. And so, anything radically outside of our truth, we're going to have conflict with it. It doesn't fit into our normal paradigm. But we can look past that and see that in the world.

There are people who have the success and the things that we want. It is possible but they are being something different. You don't have to be them. But there is certain action that they're taking, certain ways of being that they are that have brought them those results. It's not magic. It's the result of logical action that you're taking.

Rewiring the brain on autopilot

Myrna: You said something earlier that I want to connect the dots, because you're talking about, rewiring the brain, but that can also be the same thing as, reprogramming. And we're all programmed, by the time we're seven years old, in order to be erase the tape, then we have to, rewire the brain. So, once they take the quiz and then become conscious of their programming. Because 95% of people are not conscious of their programs.

The, Law of Attraction, is working all the time, consciously or unconsciously. What are you thinking? What do you say? I don't want this. That's what's going to show up. What do you say I want this, maybe sometimes it shows up. Whatever is happening to us is that we're recreating it. So, talk a little bit about, autopilot.

Bob: Well, autopilot, if we do not wake up to our wiring to see that we are in fact program. We can probably see some program behavior, we do rituals every day and so on, but how we make meaning out of our lives and how that causes us to take action or not take action. If we don't wake up to that then we are by default on, autopilot, which means we're literally robots just reacting to stimuli based on the wiring that we've the programming that we've been given that we have mostly, subconsciously, just led in without too much critical thinking or evaluating.

So now everything we're doing is on, autopilot, for the most part, even though sometimes it feels like we're making a conscious decision. What is driving that decision? It's probably some, unconscious wiring, that hasn't been properly evaluated, especially if it is in some way limiting you from moving forward toward your dreams. So, we're all running on some sort of, autopilot, until we realize that we are and start being conscious about it.

So, then we get conscious about it for a while, long enough for new neural pathways to form and now we have a new, autopilot, and that, autopilot, is manifesting on a different level. It's creating different results because we visualize what we need to do.  We take that action, we make different meaning, we don't buy into old limiting stories. So much of a part of this is giving up all of our old stories.

Beliefs and the Brain

Myrna; The old stories, you're talking about beliefs?

Bob: Beliefs, like my dad did this, or I've lived here and I didn't have this and bla bla bla all the reasons, all the sad stories. And the thing is this, yeah, if you keep hanging on to those, beliefs, you will always be a prisoner of them. You have to let them go and tell yourself a new story. Because most of what you're telling yourself in this story that is affecting you and causing you to not take action, is a lie.

Anyway, its interpretation is something you made up based on some action that did occur. How you move forward in your life is something that you made up based on your wiring. So, we want to create wiring in the, brain, that moves you in the action that you need to take to get what you want.

Myrna: How can readers learn more about your program and what you offer. How you help people, rewire their brain?

Bob: Well, the quiz is a good front door to everything, because then we all know where we stand. I know how to help you, and you could use some assistance, so that is a good way to get it.  After you take the quiz, you'll learn about our boundless living challenge, which is where I do the work with people. It's an online community. They have 45 days of new content every day that's real short and concise. They know exactly what to do every day.

They have tools to deal with the emotional spikes that come with all of this rewiring process. They have coaching on a regular basis. All the things I know after 20 years of coaching people actually helps people make a change, isn't it? If they just want to know more general stuff about me there's www.meetBobdoyle.com that just my website, you can get to the quiz from there as well. And then you can also see how I coach and train and some of the other stuff that I'm doing.

https://youtu.be/jt2LMmpSsY8

Additional Resources

The Law of Attraction: How Vibrational Energy Works