In a world brimming with information and opportunities for growth, the simple yet profound mantra “If you know better, do better” serves as a guiding light on the path to personal development and positive change.
Key Takeaways:
Acknowledging that you “know better” requires self-awareness and reflection.
Understanding alone is not enough; action is the catalyst for transformation.
Embracing a growth mindset and overcoming the fear of failure are essential for progress.
The first step towards personal growth and positive change is self-awareness. Acknowledging that you “know better” requires a heightened sense of awareness, where you recognize areas in your life that can be improved. This self-reflection can encompass personal habits, relationships, or even societal contributions.
Social contributions include social security contributions by employees, employers, and self-employed individuals, and other contributions whose source cannot be determined. They also include actual or imputed contributions to social insurance schemes operated by governments.
For example, smoking is a habit that many people know is detrimental to their health. The knowledge that smoking causes lung cancer is widely available, yet some individuals continue to smoke. This discrepancy between knowledge and action highlights the importance of self-awareness. By recognizing the negative impact of smoking and acknowledging that they “know better,” individuals can take the necessary steps to quit and improve their health.
While self awareness is crucial, understanding alone is not enough. Action is the catalyst for transformation. The mantra “If you know better, do better” challenges individuals to break free from the inertia of complacency and take intentional steps towards positive change.
In today's fast-paced world, it is easy to become overwhelmed by information and remain stagnant. However, true growth and progress require action. Merely knowing what needs to be done is not sufficient; one must actively engage in the process of change. As the saying goes, “knowledge is power, if you use it.” It is through action that knowledge is transformed into tangible results. My people perish for lack of knowledge, is no longer true.
If you know better, do better: Embracing Growth Mindset
The mantra “If you know better, do better” embodies the essence of a growth mindset. A growth mindset is the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work. It is a mindset that embraces challenges, persists in the face of obstacles, and sees failure as an opportunity for growth.
In a culture where information is readily available, there is no excuse for feigning ignorance. With the abundance of resources such as books, podcasts, and online courses, individuals have the means to acquire knowledge and learn new skills. By embracing a, growth mindset, and actively seeking out opportunities for growth, individuals can continuously improve themselves and their lives.
The, fear of failure, often hinders progress. Many individuals, know better, but do not, do better, because they are afraid of failing. However, the mantra “If you know better, do better” invites us to confront this fear and take action.
Failure is not something to be feared but rather embraced as a learning opportunity. Elon Musk once said, “Failure is a learning experience. The only way to learn is by making mistakes.” Each attempt, even if it falls short of the desired outcome, brings valuable lessons and insights. By reframing failure as a stepping stone towards success, individuals can overcome their fear and take the necessary risks to achieve their, personal development goals.
Accountability: Do better if you know better
Beyond personal growth, the mantra “If you know better, do better” emphasizes accountability. It challenges individuals to take responsibility for their actions and fosters a sense of accountability not only to oneself but also to the wider community and the world.
When individuals recognize that they have the knowledge and ability to make a positive impact, they become accountable for their actions. This accountability extends beyond personal spheres and contributes to the betterment of communities, societies, and the world at large. By taking ownership of their actions and striving to do better, individuals can create a positive legacy for future generations.
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Do better: Inspiring Others through affirmative action
Living by the principle of “If you know better, do better” sets an inspiring example for those around you. Your actions become a beacon, encouraging others to embark on their journeys of positive change and continuous improvement.
When others witness the transformative power of, affirmative action, they are inspired to follow suit. By leading by example and demonstrating the positive outcomes that can be achieved through knowledge and action, individuals can inspire a ripple effect of betterment in their communities and beyond.
The Ripple Effect of Betterment
The cumulative effect of individuals striving to do better creates a ripple effect that extends beyond personal spheres. It contributes to the betterment of communities, societies, and the world at large, creating a positive legacy for future generations.
When individuals embrace the mantra “If you know better, do better,” they become agents of change. Their actions, no matter how small, have the potential to create a ripple effect that inspires others to take action. This collective effort towards positive change can lead to a brighter, more enlightened future for all.
“Habit Grows Out Of Environment — Out Of Doing The Same Thing In The Same Way Repeatedly — Out Of Thinking The Same Thoughts Over And Over — And When Once Formed It Resembles Cement Which Has Sent In The Molds And Is Hard To Break.”
In Conclusion
In the tapestry of personal growth, the mantra “If you know better, do better” weaves a thread of wisdom and action. It calls us to move beyond passive awareness and embrace the transformative power of intentional, positive change. As we navigate the complexities of life, may this mantra guide our decisions, inspire our actions, and lead us toward a brighter, more enlightened future.
Your Life Theme and, personalities, shape what motivates and drives you throughout your life. Find out which of the four archetypes and the, 16 personalities types, that can compose your identity.
Introduction
John Voris, author of the book “Discover the Power that Drives your, Personality, How four Virtues Define your World, started his career as a door to door salesman. He failed miserably as a salesperson, even after taking sales training. He wondered why some people with the same training is better than others and discovered that, personalities, play an important role in skill. That started his thinking that some, personalities, can do certain skills better than others. He also realized that, 16 personalities types, controls our communication.
He learned that the human mind needs to express its authentic identity and, personality. One way it does that is by selecting the objects and environment that expresses who we are. That means that the objects around you right now reflect your past decisions. Decisions like, I know I like this or I don't like that.
How to identify our 16 Personalities.
John: So when I figured out how to sell to, personalities, I became an excellent salesperson closing 12 out of 14 transactions. I would be able to walk into a room and tell the motivation of my clients by the objects they surrounded themselves with. For example If you came into my office today I have over 4000 books. You can deduct that I am curious. Then you look at the titles of the books and you would understand my desire for wisdom. That doesn't mean I’ll buy; but if the salesperson tailor their language to my desire for wisdom and build rapport, they have a great chance of closing the sale. That is how you read people.
Another example, if I were to go into a beauty salon, I can figure out the, personalities; everyone is having fun. I want to appease the, personalities, so when I walk into the salon I talk about other people of interest. The people who just purchased my widgets like Janice two doors down. I would talk about what is factual about Janice. The, personalities, in the salon would buy my widget because Janice bought it.
Our, personality, as our way of expression. Your identity does not follow. I think therefore I am; It’s the only way to find self-actualization or self-realization. The objects, events and people around their, personality, identify the, personality type.
Myrna: I'm thinking of an object and that identifies, personalities, and identities. I'm thinking of maybe an expensive car, a big house, nice expensive clothes. These objects around me definitely define my, personality.
True, but I look at what do you like to do for fun? What is your hobby? In my 35 question, personality test, I ask the questions like “What event caused you the most pleasure? What event caused you the most pain?” I ask you to describe both, you will find they are linked to the same answer because they are linked to your, personality, and who you are. I am able to identify one of your, 16 personalities types, from this test.
Discover Your Life Theme: The, Personality, Engine That Drives You
Your Life Theme offers the, personality, framework that gives shape to what motivates and drives you throughout your life.
You are not a, personality, you are an identity. That identity is driven by one of four archetypes or “Life Themes.”
These “ Life Themes” are Love, Justice, Wisdom and Power.
These represent four and the only four major motivating forces that can explain human behavior.
These four archetypes have many roles and functions that compose our identity. It is their adequacy of expression that is responsible for us living a life of happiness and success.
While each of us contains all four, there is one that takes precedent over the others.
They are responsible for our feelings and emotional reactions often causing anxiety, fear, anger, self-doubt, alienation, the lack of life meaning and purpose.
Once you know your, personality, that’s driving your Archetype, you will be able to understand its presence and better manage your life and your relationships.
The Myers-Briggs Personalities Type Indicator
An Overview of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
Intuitive-Thinking. INTJ. INTP. ENTJ. ENTP.
Intuitive-Feeling. INFJ. INFP. ENFJ. ENFP.
Sensing-Judging. ISTJ. ISFJ. ESTJ. ESFJ.
Sensing-Perceiving. ISTP. ISFP. ESTP. ESFP.
According to, Myers-Briggs, theory of, personality types, people can be characterized by their preference of general attitude:
Extraverted (E) vs. Introverted (I), their preference of one of the two functions of perception:
Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N), and their preference of one of the two functions of judging:
Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F)
The three areas of preferences introduced by Jung are dichotomies (i.e. bipolar dimensions where each pole represents a different preference). Jung also proposed that in a person one of the four functions above is dominant – either a function of perception or a function of judging. Isabel Briggs Myers, a researcher and practitioner of Jung’s theory, proposed to see the judging-perceiving relationship as a fourth dichotomy influencing personality type [Briggs Myers, 1980]:
Judging (J) vs. Perceiving (P)
The 16 personalities types
The first criterion, Extraversion – Introversion, signifies the source and direction of a person’s energy expression. An extravert’s source and direction of energy expression is mainly in the external world, while an introvert has a source of energy mainly in their own internal world.
The second criterion, Sensing – Intuition, represents the method by which someone perceives information. Sensing means that a person mainly believes information he or she receives directly from the external world. Intuition means that a person believes mainly information he or she receives from the internal or imaginative world.
The third criterion, Thinking – Feeling, represents how a person processes information. Thinking means that a person makes a decision mainly through logic. Feeling means that, as a rule, he or she makes a decision based on emotion, i.e. based on what they feel they should do.
The fourth criterion, Judging – Perceiving, reflects how a person implements the information he or she has processed. Judging means that a person organizes all of his life events and, as a rule, sticks to his plans. Perceiving means that he or she is inclined to improvise and explore alternative options.
All possible permutations of preferences in the 4 dichotomies above yield 16 different combinations, or personality types, representing which of the two poles in each of the four dichotomies dominates in a person, thus defining 16 different personality types. Each personality type can be assigned a 4 letter acronym of the corresponding combination of preferences:
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The motivation of each of the four Life Themes or, personalities types:
The Love Theme- is motivated to better humanity by trying to correct that which causes pain, discomfort, suffering, and victimization. It is driven by love, compassion, and empathy.
The Justice Theme – seeks balance and harmony. Justice is expressed in several ways. It seeks to correct injustice and immorality in people, relationships and organizations. It also gets expressed by seeking balance and perfection using design through engineering, art, music, and literature.
The Wisdom Theme – is driven by a need to know in order to exercise sound judgment in problem solving and goal attainment. Wisdom finds its expression and purpose through teaching, learning, and working with data.
The Power Theme – needs to act upon thoughts and get into action. Empowerment finds its expression and purpose through Power as a natural leader and agent of change.
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As you can see, there is something deeper than our, personality, at work that is running the show. Our, personality, is merely the way we appear in social situations. It is not what drives us.
What drives us are ancient archetypal forces based on moral and ethical virtues. I like to see these virtues as gifts that we are born with and are compelled to express and give throughout our life.
All of us need all four of the universal motivation systems regardless of our upbringing, opportunities, and physical attributes:
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Author Traci Thomas offers, reflection on her abandonment by her mother in her book, Reflection 4 Rejection. Traci answers the question how does rejection by a natural mother affect the child's self worth and self esteem for the rest of their life.
On, reflection, I feel that, rejection, by your natural mother, it's such a unique, unusual, weird, inhumane space to be. It nonetheless served such a great purpose in my life, and what I mean by that is the following. It's one of those preambles whereas once you have survived this type of, rejection, you pretty much can walk on water, and I mean that literally and figuratively. It's one of those scenarios and situations very few people ever experience or understand. When you suffer from, abandonment, you're in your own community and it's isolating; but yet you're so powerful at the same time.
With that being said once you overcome this, abandonment, and it is a challenge, it's a lot to muddle through. However, once you get through it, and you're on the other side, there's nothing you can't do. So in my situation, it's like a head of bipartisan. I had two scenarios, two lives coexisting at one time. I had a father who had full custody of me at three years old. That's when my natural, mother, and my dad were divorced back in 1968. I was born in 1965, that was unheard of within the United States. Very few fathers gained custody of their children or their child, so that in itself is a profound statement. That also shows you how little fight my natural, mother, put up to keep me.
I do remember one particular time my, mother, did quote, unquote kidnap me. She did take me when I got off the school bus when I was in kindergarten, and she took me to Philadelphia and thank God my father and the FBI came and rescued me. But even when she's so-called put forth some effort, to show that she wanted me, it was still a situation where I was locked up in a room, there were German Shepherds downstairs and the FBI had to come and get me. She never really exemplified that she wanted me; but that's okay and that's what I explained in the book. It's perfectly okay, because I define what, abandonment, is. It's a supernatural definition. I actually give you, hind sights, definitions, elaborations and explanations as to what's going on. What's happening, why your natural, mother, abandoned, you. It took me 50 years to figure it out, which is sad, but at least I figured it out.
Wikipedia says that, abandonment issues, causes Abandoned child Syndrome.
Abandoned child syndrome is a proposed behavioral or psychological condition that results primarily from the loss of one or both parents or sexual abuse.
Abandonment issues, may stem from physical (the parent is not present in the child's life) or emotional (the parent withholds affection, nurturing, or stimulation). The abandoned child syndrome is not recognized as a mental illness.
Mothers, who leave their children, or when a parent is alienated from their children by the other parent (after a bitter divorce, DCHS, or foster care), can cause psychological damage to the child. This damage is reversible, but only with appropriate assistance. Abandoned children may also often suffer physical damage from, rejection, malnutrition, starvation, and abuse.
I want to comment on something you said that's a little different from my normal association with, abandonment, you said it took you about 50 years to get to the other side and it was very isolating; but once you got to the other side you felt like you could walk on water. Which is a very positive spin on, abandonment, because if you were to take a survey of the, child abandonment, community you will find that most kids end up having a lot of self-esteem issues, they don't think they're good enough.
When you feel, abandoned, it's not your imagination. When you make every effort imaginable to connect or contact your natural mother and every single attempt, every single effort, every single expendable energy that you put forth, the end result is just this repellent. It's this, rejection, of your natural, mother, not wanting you or your natural, mother, treating you as if you're a bill collector. Your natural, mother, is literally tolerating you and can't wait to get you off the phone. When you're in a scenario like that again and again, it’s so bizarre.
On, reflection, once you've been in a situation where you've made every effort and did somersaults, headstands, back-flips, anything you can think of to connect with your natural mother, and every single attempt is unproductive and counterproductive. It's toxic, and it's unhealthy, because of the way that you feel afterwards. You literally feel as if you've been punched in the stomach with every single attempt to get the love of your, mother.
You're in tears and you're shaking, and you have anxiety, and then you go through life thinking that you've got to kiss every behind in the universe. You have this feeling of inadequacy this feeling of I'm not good enough, there's something wrong with me. That's why I wrote the book, because I do not want another human being going through five decades of what I went through. That's why I engineered and composed the book.
My objective in writing the book, is for someone to have an open mind and instead of going through life telling themselves, my own, mother, didn't want me. Even though that is true, instead they can tell themselves that they have every right and privilege to not want her either.
Power is something you take, nobody gives you power. You snatch power.
So what I wish to do with this work, with this writing, is to allow an individual to look at being, abandoned, in hindsight. Let's really look at it and put an autopsy and microscope on, abandonment, for a second. If you really do this it's not hard at all, you won't have to go through all these dog and pony shows and tail spins. Kissing this one's tail, and doing back flips for this person, and making your, mother, love you, trying to buy this person, begging for love, please love me, please like me. You don't have to go through all of those mental gymnastics. It's not necessary. I'm trying to save somebody 50 years.
Abandonment, from Relationships
Can this scenario be also transferred to people who are, rejected, period? I mean because, rejection, and being, abandoned, are not only synonymous with, mothers, or parents. Men can reject you, your friends can reject you, jobs can fire you. Is this information transferable?
I placed a laser focus on this particular relationship between a child and a natural, mother. This ironically is not, rejection, and if you read the book you'll totally comprehend what I'm speaking about. The natural, mother, is not rejecting you, the natural, mother, is rejecting the reminder of neglecting you. The natural, mother, doesn't even know you. How can somebody reject you when they don't even know you? That makes absolutely no sense.
I've seen that the trauma that it is caused in young lives and almost every aspect of being , abandoned, or, rejection. So it's kind of good to tell yourself that your natural, mother, didn't reject you because she doesn’t know you. If you actually do believe that I can understand that it is easier to get to the other side. That's good, I like that spin.
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What is the main message of your book Reflection for Rejection?
I wrote the book to give some insight to, child abandonment.
What message would you give to that listener of why they should go out and buy the book?
It would be in their best interest even if they don't get the book, if they just listened to the podcast, because it summarizes the book. It's their prerogative if they wish to purchase it or not. I mean that's their choice; but with that being said.
Don't ever allow another person, place or thing to define your self-worth. Don't do that. Don't ever give someone that opportunity or luxury.
I know you talked about your natural mother not really rejecting you because she didn't know you; but did you touch on psychologically what was happening to her for her to have that unnatural response to her biological daughter?
My father, God bless his soul, was extremely intimidating. He was a very wealthy, powerful, articulate, worldly man. He traveled a lot because he was a computer programmer, so he was extremely I guess very controlling. So I give my, mother, an inkling of understanding, because he was pretty much a womanizer.
I'm not giving her a full 24-hour pass, but I am giving her an hour pass. I can't really give her a full 24-hour pass, because there are, mothers, who have gone through the same episode and they didn't react that way.
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One of the things that I noticed talking with you Traci is that I see no evidence of PTSD from being, abandoned, by your, mother. Post traumatic stress disorder in teenage girls, usually develops for girls who have been sexually abused, neglected, or abandoned. You said that every time you tried it to communicate with your mom, or tried to make her love you, or tried to form a relationship; you felt like you got punched in the stomach. At those times were you ever angry?
What's so interesting is that I got angry at the end. Like right in the last year. My book goes in chronological order. In the book, I actually highlight the events that have occurred during the last five decades, and what's so flabbergasting to me is that I didn't get angry and livid until the very end. I wasn't angry at her, I was angry at me for participating. I was so livid at myself for wasting so much time, that it took me decades to come down from the humiliation, the frustration, the hurt, the pain, the disappointment, the monotony, and the redundancy.
Getting to the other side, puts you in a disposition where you're at total complete peace. I call it a, mother, transplant because once you realize why she acts the way she does, once that clicks in your brain, a light bulb goes off and you're free.
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When you read the book you'll completely understand what's going on and it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Your, mother, didn't reject you, she can't reject you because she doesn't know you.
Yes, I understand what you're saying. After you become immune to the, rejection, and you get on the other side of, abandonment, when you get to the other side, you feel empowered like you can walk on water. Nobody else has the capability of hurting you.
Childhood trauma and, abandonment, affects children in many ways.
Childhood trauma, #1
1. Addictions – as a child, did your parents have any addiction?
Now we typically think of drugs and alcohol, but there’s also sex addiction.
If your parent was a cheater or watched porn, have an eating addiction, was a hoarder,
spending or gambling, workaholics etc. There’s 11 addictive behaviors.
Childhood trauma, #2
2. Verbal abuse – Did you witness your mom and dad screaming and
yelling at each other? The typical is yelling screaming but
this also includes no verbal alkaloids, no compliments, not hearing I love you
verbally humiliated, or put down, your opinion means nothing, or statements like
“you’ll never amount to anything.” Comments like that.
Childhood trauma, #3
3. Emotional abuse or Neglect – Your parents were not around, being gone for
long periods of time. Research also shows latch key kids let’s say they
came home from school at 3 o’clock and mom if they’re in a single household mom
had to work 9 to 5. That child is alone for two or so hours. There’s anxiety around that.
So that even falls under the neglect believe it or not. While we’re out trying to support our
kids there home alone.
Childhood trauma, #4
4. Physical Abuse, Rape or Molestation – The rape or Molestation could have happened
in or outside of the home. Physical abuse is being beat hit in any way other than
the typical spanking like a quick spank on the butt. Research shows that spanking does nothing to help teach your child anything, so I always say when I do parenting lectures in the schools
we’re supposed to teach our child another way. If you’re beating them or hitting them you’re teaching them to be violent back. We don’t want to do that.
Childhood trauma, #5
5. Abandonment – There’s two types, childhood trauma from, abandonment. Fault and No Fault, abandonment.
Here are three examples of no-fault, abandonment.
• a parent has to go off and serve at war
• a parent happens to die early
• early a parent travels away from the home a lot for work. 20:24
Here is an example of “Fault”, abandonment:
• Divorce and the mom or dad leaves the home
and is supposed to see the children every weekend and is either late or
cancels, does not pick up the child. The dad is spending more time with his new
girlfriend than he is paying attention to you the child.
Childhood trauma, #6
6. Adoption – if you were adopted, part of the foster care system, or you needed to
live with relatives because mom or dad couldn’t take care of you, that even
includes Grandma’s, aunts or uncles. I had a client who signed up with me she
asks “How about if we chose to live with another family because we didn’t
want to go home? I said yes that falls under this category because there was
always yelling and screaming in her household so she didn’t want to go home.
Childhood trauma, #7
7. Personal trauma – This comes from being bullied, feeling different not
fitting in, being a little overweight as a child or like me skinny and gawky.
Many people remember being bullying not part of the sports teams.
8. Sibling trauma – Your sibling could have been born with a
medical issue where it demanded more of moms and dads time.
Or they could be bullying you, but most often this one applies to if you
perceive your sibling as being the golden child. They were more athletically beautiful
or handsome or intelligent getting better grades and mom or dad gushed over
them versus you. You were always trying to prove yourself and say see I’m
worthwhile too.
Childhood trauma, #9
9. Community trauma – If a parent was incarcerated, if you moved
a lot like military families. In the U.S.A military families move every two to four years.
Growing up in lack, growing up in dangerous neighborhoods, that’s all
family trauma and community trauma.
Today we have active volcanoes, massive fire, floods, hurricanes, mass
Shootings.
10. Mental Health – Bipolar, Manic Depression, Hidden personalities.
We have Sociopaths and narcissism is part of community trauma.
Sociopathic means that they have no regard for your emotional feelings, they
act on what they want, when they want without thinking about their partner or
the repercussions.
Two examples of sociopaths are Steve Jobs and Tiger woods.
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Uninvolved parenting, sometimes referred to as neglectful parenting, is a style characterized by a lack of responsiveness to a child's needs. Uninvolved parents make few to no demands of their children and they are often indifferent, dismissive, or even completely neglectful.
Child abuse happens when a parent or care giver of a minor child allows, inflicts or permits physical or sexual abuse or allows a situation where there is a risk of physical injury. Child neglect means a minor child lacks adequate care and is danger of physical or psychological harm.
So how does it feel to be in a relationship with someone with, adult ADHD?
Here is one woman’s story af adult adhd
I dated 4 men with, adult ADHD, or ADD. One was predominantly hyperactive; two inattentive, one likely mixed. I fall under the vagueness of “mixed” myself, which means I show characteristics of hyperactivity — the impulsiveness, the occasional non-stop talk, the rash decisions — and inattention: the fuzziness, the daydreaming, the drifting off mid-conversation.
I learned the, ADHD, tricks early on like, touching him when I needed his attention and he was working. I learned to move my fingers from his face to mine — the universal signal for eye contact — when he began to drift off.
The two inattentive men, naturally tended toward household chaos, an inability to finish projects, and a desperate need for legal stimulants.
Understanding is the key to calming the chaos in the relationship.
I'm curious about, Adult ADHD symptoms. Does kids with, ADHD, become adults with, adult ADHD?
For clarity let's make sure people understand the acronym for, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Individuals can have, attention deficit disorder, without the hyperactivity and that disorder is ADD. Things to keep in mind about, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or, Adult ADHD, is that, yes you can have, ADHD, in childhood and about 60% of kids grow up still having the same symptoms and become, adult ADHD. One of the interesting pieces about this is that it's important for folks not to misconstrued information about what they're seeing the adult exhibit. Certain characteristics of, Adult ADHD, can mimic other disorders like for example Thyroid disease.
Does the 40% of kids who don’t have, adult ADHD, become cured?
Not necessarily , they could have developed coping skills to manage the, ADHD, behavior so the symptoms were minimized. They could have also learned strategies on how to behave or how to compensate for the symptoms.
What are the different types of, Adult ADHD?
When you look at the diagnostic and statistical manual that psychologists use. It gives you clarity on how, Adult ADHD, is diagnosed. There are different types 3 types of symptoms that we see in, ADHD.
Inattention
Impulse Control
Hyperactivity
We have to go through the process and can’t have people diagnosing themselves or their children or anyone else with the disorder. Sometimes you have symptoms because people don't have appropriate amounts of minerals in their body or they might be subject to low levels of magnesium. Things like that or people might have other diseases that might mimic, ADHD symptoms, so get these things ruled out with blood work.
ADHD in adults could mean you have an, ADHD, partner.
Here is what happening in their brain. What exactly is happening in the brain to cause someone to develop symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?
The Adult ADHD brain has impaired activity in four functional regions of the brain.
Frontal Cortex. This region controls high-level functions: …
Limbic System. This region is located deeper in the brain. …
Basal Ganglia. …
Reticular Activating System.
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To test for, adult ADHD, one has to look at the functions of the brain. The neurotransmitter in the brain is affected in ADHD. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for how we organize our cognitive flexibility and being able to control ourselves and things that come into our frame of reference.
The Basal Ganglia helps to regulate communication within the brain, sending signals from one neuron to the other and is responsible for our motor control movement. The Basal Ganglia is also responsible for regulating emotional volatility and the Reticular Activating System is our major relay system. It controls the many pathways that enter and leave the brain and is responsible for arousal and consciousness.
Dr Gray who is the author of Men Are from Mars Women Are from Venus wrote an article in which he claims that men with, Adult ADHD, have problems committing to women because of the disorder. Do you agree with that statement?
No, not at all. I think there are other reasons that men can’t commit to women. Dr Gray is trying to give these men a pass. I would love to see his research.
Does, ADHD, medications cure the disorder?
Medications for, ADHD, are non-stimulant and stimulant meds depending on what the individual the parents would choose. I always think of other Alternatives besides the use of pharmaceuticals. I would rather use in a non-medication treatment or neuro feedback to help with symptoms of, ADHD. Bio feedback can cure the disorder, medication just masks or controls but never cures.
if you give anyone who clearly has, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, medication for 6 months and the other Bio Feedback for 6 months, you will see the difference in the treatment results.
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Does internet pornography rewire men’s brain to have, Adult ADHD?
I came across an article from Dr Gray and he was specifically talking about men who develop, Adult ADHD, because of pornography. He said pornography is re wiring men’s brain and causing them to develop, ADHD. He said pornography also blocks love and connection with their partner.
One out of ten American children have been diagnosed with ADHD,
One out of seven American women over 55 will develop dementia,
Statistics reveal a greater risk of ADHD in children of divorced parents, particularly when boys are missing the regular influence of their fathers or their mothers are unable to find happiness
In this 5 min segment with coach Myrna, she explores how women can become, the Type Of Woman A Man Falls In Love With. She discusses the qualities that make a woman irresistible to men and how women can, become the type of woman any man wants to marry.
Drawing inspiration from a conversation between Jesus and a, Samaritan woman, coach Myrna emphasizes the importance of intelligence, confidence, independence, communication, kindness, self-improvement, positivity, and a sense of humor in attracting a partner and building a meaningful relationship. By focusing on self-improvement and fostering genuine connections, women can create a solid foundation for love and marriage.
In John chapter 4 Jesus has a great conversation with a, Samaritan woman. Because Jesus is Omniscience, which means all-knowing, he is aware of the past, present, and future. He told her she had 5 husbands and living with a man who she is not married to.
Society judges’ women who have a lot of husbands. It carries an element of shame to it. So today I want to flip that around and look at, why a man wants to marry a woman.
First and foremost, what men want. Men are looking for, intelligent women. A woman who can talk on all topics and can have a stimulating conversation.
The Samaritan woman was such a woman. Jesus knew who she was before he sought her out to talk to her and on cue, she started the conversation by asking “So tell me, why is it that you Jews insist that Jerusalem is the only place of worship?”
After that she started taking about the Messiah. Jesus said I am the Messiah.
So, ladies the message today is, Are you, the type of woman a man falls in love with?
Here are some ways that you can prepare to shine when you are in the spotlight, when you too can tell your friends “I met a man”
So what type of woman is an alpha male attracted to? In the intricate dance of love and relationships, there's no magic formula to make someone fall in love with you. However, there are certain qualities and behaviors that can enhance your attractiveness and create a solid foundation for a meaningful connection. Today, we will explore how you can become a woman any man wants to marry, the type of woman a man falls in love with, by focusing on self-improvement and fostering a genuine connection.
Cultivate Confidence: Embrace Your Inner Strengths
To become, the type of woman a man falls in love with, you must have self-confidence. Confidence is magnetic. Embrace your strengths, be comfortable with your flaws, by becoming flawesome and radiate self-assurance. “Confidence not only makes you attractive, but it also creates an environment where others feel comfortable and inspired around you.” When you exude confidence, you become a beacon of positivity and allure and, the type of woman a man falls in love with.
The type of woman a man falls in love with is Independent Woman
While partnership is essential in a marriage, maintaining individuality is equally crucial. As the transcript states, “A woman with a strong sense of self is not only attractive but also brings added depth to a relationship.” By pursuing your passions, having your own goals, and demonstrating a sense of independence, you become a well-rounded and captivating partner.
Prioritize Communication: The Key to Connection
Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. As the transcript suggests, “Being able to communicate honestly and respectfully fosters understanding and strengthens the emotional bond between you and your partner.” By learning to express your thoughts and feelings openly and actively listening, you create a safe space for vulnerability and intimacy to flourish.
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What men want: an Empathatic Woman
Kindness goes a long way in building lasting connections. Show empathy, be considerate, and prioritize compassion in your interactions. “A woman who exudes kindness not only attracts a partner but also contributes to the overall well-being of the relationship.” By nurturing kindness and compassion, you create a nurturing and loving environment that fosters a deep emotional connection.
Invest in Self-Improvement: The Journey of Personal Growth
Continuously strive to grow and better yourself. “Investing in yourself not only makes you more interesting but also demonstrates a commitment to personal growth that can be inspiring to others and make you attractive to men.” That is also the type of woman a player falls in love with. Whether it's through education, personal development, or acquiring new skills, investing in yourself showcases your dedication to self-improvement and adds depth to your character.
The Power of Optimism: The type of woman a man falls in love with.
Maintain a positive attitude and approach challenges with optimism. As the transcript states, “Positivity is infectious and can create a harmonious atmosphere in your relationship.” By embracing a positive outlook, you become a source of inspiration and support for your partner. A woman who can navigate life's ups and downs with grace is someone many men would aspire to have by their side and is, the type of woman a man falls in love with.
Cultivate a Sense of Humor: The Joy of Laughter
Laughter is a powerful bonding tool. Cultivate a sense of humor, find joy in the little things, and share lighthearted moments with your partner. As the transcript suggests, “A woman who can bring joy and laughter into a relationship is sure to be cherished.” By embracing humor, you create a joyful and light-hearted atmosphere that strengthens the emotional connection between you and your partner.
Becoming the Woman Any Man Wants to Marry
Becoming a woman any man wants to marry, involves a combination of self-discovery, personal growth, and fostering positive qualities. While there is no one-size-fits-all approach to love, by embracing your authenticity and cultivating these traits, you can create a foundation for a fulfilling and lasting relationship. Remember, the journey to becoming irresistible is not about changing who you are, but rather about embracing your unique qualities and continuously striving to be the best version of yourself.
As you embark on this journey, keep in mind the words of Jesus in his conversation with the Samaritan woman. He saw her for who she truly was, and she engaged him in a stimulating conversation. By embodying intelligence, confidence, independence, effective communication, kindness, self-improvement, positivity, and a sense of humor, you can become the woman any man wants to marry.
So, ladies, prepare to shine when you are in the spotlight, and one day, you too can proudly tell your friends, “I met a man.” The power to unlock the qualities that make you irresistible lies within you. Embrace it, nurture it, and watch as love and happiness find their way into your life.
Conclusion and Future Outlook: A Journey of Continuous Growth
The journey to, becoming a woman any man wants to marry, is not a destination but a continuous process of, personal growth and self-improvement. As you navigate the complexities of love and relationships, remember to stay true to yourself, embrace your uniqueness, and never stop learning and evolving. By embodying the qualities discussed in this guide, you will not only attract the right partner but also create a strong foundation for a lifelong connection filled with love, understanding, and mutual respect.
Unlock the qualities that make you irresistible, and embrace the journey of becoming the woman any man wants to marry. Your future awaits, filled with endless possibilities for love and happiness.
In the pursuit of, personal growth, embracing the philosophy of CANI (Constant and Never-Ending Improvement) can be a transformative approach. CANI encourages a mindset of continuous learning and progress, fostering, personal development, in various aspects of life. Here's a guide on how to, personal growth, using CANI in 2024:
Personal growth, is a lifelong journey that requires dedication, self-reflection, and a commitment to continuous improvement. In the year 2024, embracing the philosophy of CANI can provide a powerful framework for, personal development. CANI, which stands for, Constant and Never-Ending Improvement, encourages individuals to adopt a mindset of continuous learning and progress. By embracing CANI, we can unlock our full potential and achieve, personal growth, in various aspects of our lives.
In this article, we will explore eight key ways to grow personally using CANI in 2024. Each theme will be supported by verbatim quotes from a transcript that highlights the importance of these principles. By delving into these themes, we can gain a deeper understanding of how CANI can positively impact our, personal growth, journey.
“Cultivate a mindset that values continuous learning. Embrace challenges as opportunities to acquire new knowledge and skills. Attend workshops, read books, and stay curious about the world around you.”
A, growth mindset, is the foundation of, personal growth. By embracing a mindset that values continuous learning, we open ourselves up to new possibilities and opportunities for growth. Challenges become stepping stones for acquiring new knowledge and skills. Whether it's attending workshops, reading books, or staying curious about the world, a learning mindset allows us to expand our horizons and unlock our full potential.
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2. Set Incremental Goals
“Break down your long-term objectives into smaller, achievable goals. This not only makes the journey more manageable but also provides a sense of accomplishment along the way.”
Setting incremental goals is a powerful strategy for, personal growth. By breaking down long-term objectives into smaller, achievable goals, we make the journey more manageable and less overwhelming. Each small win along the way provides a sense of accomplishment, fueling our motivation to keep pushing forward. Whether it's running a marathon or pursuing a new career, setting incremental goals allows us to make progress and stay motivated.
3. Reflect Regularly
“Take time to reflect on your experiences, both successes, and challenges. Regular reflection allows you to gain insights into your strengths and areas for improvement. Consider journaling as a tool for self-reflection.”
Regular reflection is a vital practice for, personal growth. By taking the time to reflect on our experiences, both successes, and challenges, we gain valuable insights into our strengths and areas for improvement. Journaling can be a powerful tool for self-reflection, allowing us to delve deeper into our thoughts and emotions. Through reflection, we can identify patterns, learn from our experiences, and make informed decisions for our, personal growth, journey.
“Constructive feedback is a valuable source of information for personal growth. Actively seek feedback from mentors, peers, or friends. Use it as a guide to refine your skills and behaviors.”
Seeking feedback is essential for, personal growth. Constructive feedback from mentors, peers, or friends provides valuable insights into our strengths and areas for improvement. By actively seeking feedback, we can gain a deeper understanding of how others perceive us and use it as a guide to refine our skills and behaviors. Feedback serves as a catalyst for growth, helping us identify blind spots and make necessary adjustments to reach our full potential.
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5. Emphasize Consistency in your Personal Growth Journey
“Consistency is key to CANI. Establish habits that align with your personal development goals. Whether it's dedicating time each day to learning or maintaining healthy habits, consistency builds momentum over time.”
Consistency is a fundamental principle of CANI. By establishing habits that align with our, personal development goals, which are also, SMART goals, we create a solid foundation for growth. Whether it's dedicating time each day to learning or maintaining healthy habits, consistency builds momentum over time. It is through consistent effort that we can make significant progress and achieve lasting, personal growth.
6. Embrace Failure as a Personal Grwoth Opportunity
“View failures as stepping stones to success. Learn from setbacks, adjust your approach, and keep moving forward. Failure is not a roadblock but rather a detour on the path to improvement.”
Failure is an inevitable part of the, personal growth, journey. Instead of viewing failure as a roadblock, we should embrace it as a learning opportunity. By learning from setbacks, adjusting our approach, and persevering, we can turn failure into a stepping stone towards success. Failure provides valuable lessons and insights that help us refine our strategies and improve our chances of achieving our goals.
7. Surround Yourself with Growth-Minded Individuals
“Engage with people who inspire and challenge you and have a, growth mindset. Surrounding yourself with a supportive and growth-minded community can provide motivation, accountability, and fresh perspectives on, personal development.”
The people we surround ourselves with have a significant impact on our, personal growth. Engaging with individuals who inspire and challenge us can provide motivation, accountability, and fresh perspectives on, personal development. By surrounding ourselves with a supportive and growth-minded community, we create an environment that fosters, constant and never ending improvement. These individuals can serve as mentors, sounding boards, and sources of inspiration on our, personal growth, journey.
8. Stay Adaptable
“Life is dynamic, and, personal growth, requires adaptability. Be open to change, embrace new opportunities, and be willing to adjust your goals based on evolving circumstances.”
Adaptability is crucial for, personal growth, in an ever-changing world. Life is dynamic, and our goals and circumstances may evolve over time. To achieve, personal growth, we must be open to change, embrace new opportunities, and be willing to adjust our goals accordingly. By staying adaptable, we can navigate challenges, seize opportunities, and continue our journey of, constant and never-ending improvement.
Conclusion and Future Outlook
Embracing the philosophy of CANI in 2024 is not just a commitment to, personal development; it's a lifestyle that fosters a continuous journey of improvement. By incorporating the eight key ways to grow personally using CANI, we can unlock our full potential and achieve sustained growth and fulfillment. Embracing a learning mindset, setting incremental goals, reflecting regularly, seeking feedback, emphasizing consistency, embracing failure, surrounding ourselves with growth-minded individuals, and staying adaptable are all essential components of the CANI philosophy.
As we look to the future, the impact of embracing, CANI in personal growth cannot be underestimated. By adopting a mindset of continuous learning and progress, we can navigate the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead. The principles of CANI provide a roadmap for, personal growth, in an ever-changing world. By committing to constant and never-ending improvement, we can unlock our full potential and create a life of fulfillment and success.
Here's to a year of, constant and never-ending improvement, in 2024!
In this blog post, I'm exploring the concept of drinking your, cup of suffering, like Jesus did. Jesus asked God to take this, cup of suffering, from him if it is his will. But Jesus had to drink his, cup of suffering, to get to his purpose and destiny.
Suffering is usually the pathway to, personal growth, so you must learn to, embrace pain, and suffering as part of your journey and growth. When you drink your, cup of suffering, you're able to transform your pain and suffering into something positive. This podcast episode is about finding compassion and strength in the face of difficulty, and it's something that can be helpful on any journey. If you're looking for a way to overcome hardship, this episode is for you!
In the garden of Gethsemane Jesus, born with the ability to see his future knew of his impending death. He knew his purpose for becoming God in the flesh was to die for our sins, yet even as a God in flesh he was not looking forward to suffering. The scripture says he became anguished and distressed.
He told his disciples “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. He prayed to God his father and asked him to take the, cup of suffering, from him, if it is his will. Then he prayed again and said “if this, cup of suffering, cannot be taken away unless I drink it, then your will be done.
So, let’s talk today about suffering. Most of us will suffer before we die just like Jesus did. The Buddha teaches that we can transcend suffering with our minds.
Let’s imagine that you were just given a diagnosis of stage 4 cancer. So like Jesus you know suffering is coming and maybe even death.
You pray and ask God for a miracle, but at some point, you realize that you have to drink your, cup of suffering.
One of the ways to drink your, cup of suffering, and not choke, is to look at what comes after your suffering.
Jesus knew that he would raise from the dead in 3 days and his suffering was for a purpose. The shedding of his blood was to redeem our sins. So, he made plans with his disciples. He told them “after I have been raised from the dead, I will go ahead of you to Galilee and meet you there.”
So, if you have been given a diagnosis that could lead to suffering and pain, if you can see yourself healed and maybe taking that trip that’s still on your bucket list. See yourself with family and friends totally healthy and cancer free. That will allow you to be in pain, but not suffer. Suffering is resistance to the now. As Eckhart Tolle teaches the now is already here there is nothing you can do, other than accept it.
All suffering is emotionally created and is due to resistance. If you refuse to go with the flow of life, you will suffer. Suffering is usually for a purpose. You must have deep pain or suffering to be drawn to the spiritual dimension.
And if it is God’s will that you transition to the other side you will still meet up with friends and family who are waiting for you there in heaven.
The Buddha on suffering
Anyone who has had even the briefest introduction to Buddhist teaching is familiar with its starting point: the inescapable truth that existence entails suffering. Buddhist psychology makes a clear distinction between pain and suffering. Pain is an unavoidable aspect of the natural world. It is physical, biological, and social, woven into our existence as night is with day, as inevitable as hard and soft, as hot and cold.
In this human incarnation we experience a continuous ebb and flow of pleasure and pain, gain and loss. Suffering is different from pain. Suffering is caused by our reaction to the inevitable pain of life. Our personal suffering can include anxiety, depression, fear, confusion, grief, anger, hurt, addiction, jealousy, and frustration. But suffering is not only personal.
Our collective suffering grows from human greed, hatred, and ignorance, bringing warfare and racism; the isolation and torture of prisoners; fueling the unnecessary hunger, sickness, and abandonment of human beings on every continent. This individual and collective suffering.
Conclusion
Pain is inevitable part of life, suffering is optional.
Thanks for tuning into this weeks episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.
Guided Meditations, has been proven to make real changes in your brain, like in the actual structure of your brain. Using Muse, guided meditations, helps you focus.
Today I am speaking to Ariel Garten, Psychotherapist and founder of Muse Headband for, guided meditations.
Muse Headband comes with, free guided meditations, and help to reduce stress and improve sleep.
This topic that's near and dear to my heart because I am a meditator. So I am going to be learning as much from you as our audience on, guided meditations, and using, Muse Headband for meditation.
Ariel, How did your work in psychotherapy and neuroscience lead you to becoming the founder of Muse?
How Muse guided meditations started
My story is a really varied one. I was always interested in everything and how the world worked and how we work; so I went to school for neuroscience, so that I could learn more about the brain. Our brain creates our experiences of life. The movements of chemicals across our sinapps create the experience of being happy of feeling connected to one another.
I became trained as a psychotherapist and so in psychotherapy so that I could work one-on-one with people to help them understand the narratives that play in their minds, these are the stories that are in their head and shapes their existence. I help them shift those narratives and stories so that they could be more comfortable with the life that they're living. I became really fascinated by brain waves. Brain waves are the electrical energy that comes off your head. It's real information from your brain.
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I began working with a professor at the University of Toronto and and we began to use an EEG system eg or sensors to detect brain waves to listen to people's brain activity and create feedback loops. We could literally make sounds from the energy coming off of people heads. We were actually creating musical experiences as you shifted your brain state from focused to relaxed.
I stood back and started to recognize that we could actually create company around this technology and uses this for human good. I got together with my co-founders Chris and Trevor, two friends of mine one who's an amazing electrical engineer the other amazing business person and the three of us set off to bring, Muse Headband for Meditation, to the world.
In psychotherapy I would be teaching people to meditate as one of the tools to help them, transform their mind, but we all know that meditation is incredibly hard to do because most of us can’t quiet our minds. I sucked at meditation. I teach it to my patients and they would go home and try to do it but their brains would bounce all over the place and they would be frustrated.
Muse Headband for meditation, gives you real-time feedback on your brain during, guided meditation.
Muse gives you audio feedback. You're actually hearing your brain state and it's helping you guide yourself back into that state of focus when your mind wanders off.
When I meditate, there's certain times that I can sit there and just concentrate on my breathing, and then the next time I've got all these thoughts that are bouncing around. When you recognize that you're no longer concentrating on your breathing you bring it back but that could be 30 mins later.
What is, Guided meditation?
Meditation is simply a practice or a training that leads to healthy and positive mind. It's an exercise that you do regularly that leads to improvements in your mind and your brain. The most common form of meditation that most people do first is a focused attention meditation. You might hear different forms of meditation and they all have a lot of similarities with their basics and focused attention.
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You focus your attention on your breath or part of your body. Eventually your mind wanders away from the thing you're paying attention to or the voice on the, guided meditation, onto a thought or a distraction and it's your job to notice that your mind has wandered and come back to your breath. It is incredibly simple. You're putting your attention on your breath, your mind wanders you realize your mind is wandered and instead of following your wandering mind you choose to come back to your breath. Your guide from the, guided meditations, would remind you to follow your breathe.
How to Meditate?
Sit or lie comfortably. You may even want to invest in a meditation chair or cushion.
Close your eyes. …
Make no effort to control the breath; simply breathe naturally.
Focus your attention on the breath and on how the body moves with each inhalation and exhalation.
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Focusing on your breath and returning to your breath is big deal. When you do this really simple exercise, some pretty profound things happen to your mind and brain. Most of us just kind of go through the world on autopilot. We just go through the world with a bunch of thoughts in our head and we assume we're supposed to be thinking them. We're thinking about our brother who’s not feeling well or the groceries that we're supposed to get or with the thing in front of us that we don't really care about.
What happens is as soon as you engage in , guided meditations, and you put your attention breathwork, your mind wanders into one of those thoughts and you choose to say. I don't want to follow this wandering thought, I want to control my mind and put it elsewhere, on my breathe. All of a sudden you have changed the relationship to your thoughts and that is HUGE. You're no longer just subject to the thoughts that are in your head, you can actually have control over them. You can have dominion over your own mind. Every time you do this you get better and better at saying hey I don't want to follow that thought, I want to come back to this, guided meditation, and my breathe.
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A lot of the thoughts that we have are negative, frustrating and repetitive so instead of just following these negative, frustrating, repetitive thoughts and assuming that's what happens, we can now observe them and say heck NO, I don't like that thought. I don't want to go there and choose to come back to focused attention and, guided meditations.
The benefits of guided meditations
There's literally over a thousand published studies demonstrating the benefits of, guided meditation, and its impact on your mind your body:
Deepak Chopra introduced me to, guided meditation, maybe 10 – 15 years ago. I have been a meditator for a while and there is a significant difference in everything about me because of meditation. One benefit is that I am able to relieve pain by breathing into the area.
There's a ton of studies that demonstrate, guided meditations, potential to improve pain.
One study shows a novice meditator or a short-term learning meditation can reduce their pain by 50%, expert meditators have been shown to be able to reduce their pain levels by 90%.
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Muse Headband for meditation, has agency G and heart rate sensors inside of it that track your brain during your meditation. The same way that a heart rate monitor will track your heart while you're at the gym and let you know when you're in the fat-burning zone.
Muse Headband for meditation, tracks your brain during, guided meditation, to let you know when you're in focused attention. When your mind is wandering, it actually lets you hear the sound of your mind. It lets you know when you're focused and it warns you when your mind has wandered off and then guides you back into that state of focused attention. Muse Headband for meditation, use really beautiful audio cues that you hear through your phone, in the same way a Fitbit connects with your phone.
What happens to our brain during, Guided Meditation?
Meditation has been proven to make real changes in your brain, like in the actual structure of your brain. It's quite amazing. There's an amazing study from Dr. Sarah Lazar she's a researcher at Harvard and she's shown that meditation that can increase the thickness of your prefrontal cortex. The prefrontal cortex is the area of your brain right under your forehead and it's the part of your brain that's responsible for planning, organization and higher-order thinking.
It's the thing that like separate us from other animals. As Humans we have really developed prefrontal cortex. As we age our prefrontal cortex actually becomes thinner; but Dr Lazar was able to show that people with a long term, guided meditation, practices were able to maintain the thickness of their prefrontal cortex even as they aged. So quite amazing, guided meditation, actually was able to reverse the aging process by maintaining our prefrontal cortex.
Through the, guided meditation, process it actually strengthens the ability of your prefrontal cortex to now regulate your amygdala. It's like your prefrontal cortex is the parent and the amygdala is the little three-year-old having a temper tantrum.
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Can our Set point for Happiness be changed by, guided meditations to reduce stress?
Our set point is our capacity for happiness, and apparently it is set very early in life from our parents or our caretakers. Deepak Chopra says that, guided meditation, can move that set point so your capacity for happiness increases. I thought this statement was interesting enough for us to include it in our conversation today, so can you touch on the neuroscience behind this statement.
During, guided meditations, you begin to recognize that you can have control over your thoughts. Typically the next thing that happens is you recognize that you are not your thoughts, and if you are not your thoughts you are also not all of the stories about yourself that your thoughts have been telling you about you. At some point with meditators there's this unbelievable shift where you realize that like you know the things that you learned about yourself in the grade 3 school yard when you were being picked on are not true. So you let go of that perspective in the same way you let go those negative thoughts and that is unbelievably liberating. So your capacity for happiness or set point shifts.
Is the secret to, Love, Sex? This week on Mindset Transformation Radio Podcast, I interview, Love Coach, James Green. James answers the question “Is, Sex, the most important factor in a relationship?
So, let me ask you. What do you think is the most important factor in a relationship? In my research for this interview. I found this article
on the secret to a long marriage. Hint it was not, Sex!
But in all seriousness. We have heard the phrase ” A Happy wife a happy life”
Here is another article about a couple married 79 years.
“Just want you to know that you’re still the one I would choose. Still the one I give my heart to, still the one I love.”
So, what’s their secret?
“To support one another, whatever the problems may be, good or bad. Stick together. That’s about it,” Bertha said.
“You know why this lasted 79 years? She has the last word,” Dan added with a smile.
Let me introduce my guest this week:
James is a certified Love and Emotional Intelligence coach. His mission is to teach people how to love themselves as well as love each other. James specialty is Relationship and Personal Development Coaching.
1. Question 1: Tell us of your journey to become a Love and emotional Intelligence coach. Do you have a personal story that made you specialize in this field?
I was a single parent and realized that when looking for a mate, I had to look for someone who would fit into my lifestyle as a single father. The woman had to accept me and my son as a package deal. That made me look at factors other than, Sex.
As far as my journey to becoming a Love and Emotional intelligence coach, I found I had the aptitude to reach people. People opened up to me. I remember once standing in the line at McDonald's and this man in line started talking to me telling me his story. I decided to get my certification as a, Life Coach
2. Question 2: How does emotional intelligence fit into the relationship dynamics?
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to hear what your partner is not saying. It is the ability to realize that when your partner says Fine, I am okay with that. for example. She is not fine with that, from her tonality or her body language.
Another facet of emotional intelligence is the ability to keep your cool and not fly off the handle at the slightest provocation.
3. Question 3: What problems do find are the most common and how do you coach your clients to solve them?
I find Trust, Communication and the inability to seek out coaching until after they start experiencing problems.
Couples tend to think that coaching is not needed until there is a huge problem in their relationship and when I hear that I ask them do you also see a doctor AFTER you have Cancer?
4. Question 4: If you had a magic wand to solve common relationship problems, what would you solve?
If I had a magic wand to solve relationship problems, I would solve trust. Lack of trust is one of the most destructive elements in a relationship.
5. Question 5: When you say that relationship is not a 3-letter word, what do you mean?
The topic of our show today “Is the secret to love, Sex?”
Couples would have us believe that great sex keeps the relationship going or strong.
While sex is very important in a relationship it is not the most important factor.
I believe that communication is the most important factor.
Click the podcast link to hear from James directly as he answers this question.
6. Question 6: Why would you say that couples do not proactively seek relationship coaching and wait until there is a problem to get counselling?
Culture, conditioning. Women go to get an annual checkup every year. They get a PAP test to proactively check for any cervical problems. But this same woman would not think of going to a relationship coach to proactively check to see if her relationship is in danger of abnormal growth!
For the men I use the analogy of the oil change because men hate going to the doctor for an annual check up. But they do change their oil every 3 to 5 months. ( I had a laugh at this one. I asked James if he was suggesting men change their wife's, as often as they change the oil in their cars?)
He assured me he was not saying that but letting the men know that just like the car engine their relationships need regular maintenance.
Tony Robbins also has lots of empowerment advice for couples.
Click the link below to understand how to create better relationships from Tony Robbins
If you are empowered to become a member of the Human Potential Movement and would like to be a guest on the Mindset Transformation radio show and podcast contact me.
For some people their, career, is closely interwoven with their, life purpose. Keshia Morris, is that person, Political Activist and Project Manager with Common Cause.
In this interview on the Transform your Mind radio hour and podcast, Life Coach and Mom Myrna Morris Young, trace the story of, Keshia Morris, as an undocumented alien, to her starting her career as a Psychologist, to getting a tug from God to transform her, career with purpose, to help with our democracy.
Listen to full interview here:
Introduction to a Career with Purpose
Keshia Morris is the project manager for the, Census 2020, with Common Cause and is getting a lot of media attention because of the Trump's administration efforts to add the question “Are you a Citizen” to the, Census 2020.
Keshia Morris, talks about the importance of the Census, the reason the Trump administration was trying to add this question and, Common Cause, fight for a fair democracy.
The media attention started when, Keshia Morris, wrote an amazing article that was published in the Miami Herald that highlighted her, career, with purpose. In this article she talked about our personal journey to becoming permanent residents in the United States and why the question on the Census asking “Are you a Citizen?” would have a negative affect on our democracy.
After that article was published, several podcasts and radio personalities wanted to interview her.
Before we could get to what God has done in Keshia’s life as far as her chosen, career, with purpose. She chose me to be her mother. I knew from the moment she was conceived that she was born to do great things. She was conceived on my honeymoon and was born 9 months later on my 30th birthday. So even without being conscious I knew that she was born with a, life purpose.
Again without being yet conscious; but understanding the principle of generational increase, I started my journey to becoming an American Citizen. I believed that there were more opportunities for my children here in the USA.
Both my children are Canadian, and maybe my assumption was incorrect, but our perceptions become our reality.
Keshia Morris, went through high school as an, undocumented alien. The beauty of this country is that children didn't require papers to go to public school until higher education. Without a vision, I could have sent her back to Canada to go to college; but that was not even a consideration. I paid out of state fees for her first 2 years of college. I could only afford one class; but she was in College.
I got married again in 2006 and my husband sponsored both of us, and we became permanent residents or documented immigrants.
Keshia received her BA and started out on her intended career as a Psychologist.
How Keshia's Became On Purpose, career coaching
One day while listening to the audio book “A long walk to Freedom,” by Nelson Mandela, she had what is called a Damascus experience. Everything that was before was no more. So this is where I want to pick up the story.
I want to start off by saying that you tell my story so much better than I do. Just laying out for our listeners how I got to the moment where I decided I wanted to do something new with my career. I had always thought that I that I was going to be a psychologist. As a child people kept telling me that oh you know you're great at giving people advice, so I thought I might as well make a career out of this and try to achieve the American dream.
Psychologists make a lot of money. I started getting into listening to audio books in my car and as I listening to Nelson Mandela’s “A long walk to freedom” I would say in the very first few chapters of the book, I feel like it changed me and changed my trajectory of my life almost immediately. It was also the time of the sequester where the government was shut down. I interpreted this as wealthy special interests groups were getting in the way of government and our lawmakers not being able to do their jobs. I didn't feel like this was right, so I felt an extreme tug to try to do something about it.
I had already invested over 4 years as a Psychology major and started with my masters degree credits which were not inexpensive. I had already amassed about $30,000 in student loans before listening to Nelson Mandela's book. I felt an immense tug from God that becoming a political activist was my, career purpose, I wanted to help change the democracy the United States of America.
How to look for signs that your, career, is on Purpose
Question #2: How did you know that this was God. What were the signs?
I knew it was God because it changed the trajectory of my life in seconds. I was now a new woman and had a firm grasp on what my, career, should be.
Things lined up for you. I was a new Life Coach at the time and you requested a coaching session. I remember it, like it was yesterday. Because what I said out loud was not what I was thinking. I told you to go for it. To make a plan and pursue this goal.
Before graduation you got an internship at your number 1 choice for employment, Common Cause,
You received a job offer with, Common Cause, immediately after graduation. So we know that you were on, career purpose, because God opened doors.
Why family support and career coaching is so important to your career
Question # 3: What advice would you give our listeners who face obstacles. No family support, not accepted to schools, kids at home etc.
I would tell them to believe in the vision that you can have it all. Believe in yourself, believe in God and believe in their, career purpose,
Keshia Morris, you are getting National attention now as the Project Manager for the 2020 Census at Common Cause. The Trump administration has been very unfriendly towards immigrants and, undocumented aliens, and intended to use the question “Are you a Citizen?” on the, Census 2020, to instill fear to the non-Citizens, so as to set up, Gerrymandering. Common Cause fought for this question to be removed from the Census and won.
Question # 4 Please explain the importance of having this question removed from the, Census 2020, and what exactly the Census does for our democracy.
Gerrymandering is manipulating districts to give one party advantage over the other. We have definitely seen a lot of gerrymandering being done by Republicans; but we do absolutely know that Democrats do it as well.
The Constitution mandates that a Census or accounts of all people that live within these United States be counted for apportionment purposes every ten years. So every ten years the Census Bureau takes counts of everyone that lives here. That is including illegal aliens, that is including children and newborns. Everyone should get counted.
What this count does for our democracy is it apportioned the amount of seats in Congress.
There are 435 seats and the House of Representatives and those 435 seats are distributed based on population size. Right now about each congressional district has about 700,000 people.
In a State like Florida, for example that has a population of maybe six to nine million people, but say only eight million people were counted in the, 2020 census, that means that Florida would get less congressional representation than it actually truly deserves because one million people were not counted.
The Trump administration wanted to add this last minute question “Are you a Citizen” to the, Census 2020, I say last minute because usually each question is tested and vetted thoroughly for about three years before a question can be added to the census. It has to go through Congress and an approval processes. The Trump administration came in and decided they were not gonna do any of that, and just announced that they were going to add this question to the, Census 2020,
Census Bureau researchers have found that if this question were to be added to the, Census 2020, about 6.5 million people would not answer the census form and thus insure a fair census. So advocates like, Common Cause, but really across the board, millions of people stood up and said that this is wrong. Common Cause, took the case all the way to the Supreme Court and the Supreme Court sided with us. They said that the Trump administration cannot add this question to the, Census 2020, they called the reason the Trump administration gave to add this question, contrived.
Myrna: I heard you say in one of your interviews that the data that comes from the, Census 2020, is confidential and it's illegal for anybody to use this information for harm to the people. I know you said that if this question was on the, Census 2020, 6.5 million people would not have answered because they might be afraid that someone will come to their door. But what you said is that information is never presented in such a way that somebody can know who filled out the form, and if they were going to actually use information from the data, they will use the information as a collective.
I am curious as to why research shows that 6.5 million people WOULD NOT have responded to the, Census 2020, if the question “Are you a Citizen” was on the form?
Keshia Morris: My answer to that question is twofold.
The law states that your responses on the census cannot be used to cause harm to any person. That means that it can't be sent to ICE to enforce immigration law. It can't even be sent to your landlord if you have too many people living in in your household. However, what the Trump administration wanted to do, was to create fear. That information isn't always communicated correctly and even if it was, people don't trust that the Trump administration would follow the law.
So it's better just not to have the question on the, Census 2020, whatsoever.
The Trump administration has given up on their efforts to add the question “Are you a Citizen” on Census 2020, but they are now trying another way to get this information. President Trump has now issued an executive order to get administrative data to be collected for the purpose of redistricting. Common Cause, is fighting for this not to be the case, and it absolutely will be challenged through litigation.
Facts about the, Census 2020,
Section 2 of the Constitution requires a count every 10 years of every person residing in the United States—citizens and non-citizens, newborns and seniors, documented and undocumented, homeowners, renters, and the homeless. The, 2020 Census, will be in full swing during the Winter, Spring and Summer of 2020.
Counting hundreds of millions of people is an immense undertaking, and it’s critical for state legislators to start preparing now. Census data determine the allocation of more than $800 billion in annual federal funding and are often used in state and local policy-making, decision- making, and research. An inaccurate census in 2020 would jeopardize state funds for over 300 federal programs and compromise crucial supports for marginalized communities.
Census data are also used for the reapportionment and redistricting processes and therefore vital to advancing a fair and representative democracy. Ensuring that all residents in your state are counted will require funding, coordination, and commitment from policymakers but will provide your constituents the resources and representation they deserve.
Research shows that if the question “Are you a Citizen” was on the, Census 2020, 6.5 million people would not fill in the Census thereby states would be unrepresented by millions in congress.
Myrna: From listening to all your numerous interviews I will list them. I have learned that the Census data is confidential and it is illegal for anyone to use that data to target aliens.
Myrna: I have had a front row seat to your growth from a Psychology major into a political activist. I have watched you take the mike and rally a crowd. I have listened you spout very technical data about the history of our democracy with names and dates of legal documents. As your mother, I am impressed by your transformation.
Question # 6: Take us through how you released your fear of public speaking. What did you do to get yourself from this abstract fear of speaking and communicating to what you do now?
I am still working on being an effective communicator and working past my fear. My fear has lessened a bit, there was a time where I mean I couldn't get in front of people and I couldn't say two words without my voice shaking, without saying um a hundred times, without looking completely lost. So yeah I definitely think that I have I've experienced some growth and really all I can say, well the main thing I can say that got me around the corner is practice.
There's that Malcolm Gladwell books that says you need like 10,000 hours of practicing something to be an Expert. You just named a bunch of the interviews that I've done; but you know each of those interviews requests, I started off by saying NO. because the fear is still there. But I able to overcome the fear by resting in the fact that this is for a, life purpose, and I am working towards the goal of having this democracy be the best that it can be.
As we wrap up our show today, I want to leave you with these thoughts.
There is a difference between living an active life and a, purpose driven life. We all lead active lives. To be active does not mean we even have to physically do anything. We could be mentally active and be making plans and, setting goals, etc. but not going anywhere. But when we are living a, purpose driven life, our energy and activities has a, life purpose, and meaning. Pause to reflect the purpose of your chosen, career. What is the meaning of your, career, purpose. What is the quality of the energy you are expending. When you have a, career, of purpose, the more energy you expend, the more renewed you are. On the other hand, when you are not on, life purpose, the energy you expend is not renewed, instead you end your day depleted and diminished.
A, purpose driven life, and, purpose driven career, alters the course of history. I hope you all find yours.
Keshia Morris, one final question What do you want your contribution to be to God’s Kingdom?
To make this country's democracy the best it can be, that is my, career purpose,
How can any of our listeners get in contact with common cause to support the organization, volunteer for the census or reach you for speaking engagements or interviews?
