Is the secret to, Love, Sex? This week on Mindset Transformation Radio Podcast, I interview, Love Coach, James Green. James answers the question “Is, Sex, the most important factor in a relationship?
So, let me ask you. What do you think is the most important factor in a relationship? In my research for this interview. I found this article
on the secret to a long marriage. Hint it was not, Sex!
But in all seriousness. We have heard the phrase ” A Happy wife a happy life”
Here is another article about a couple married 79 years.
“Just want you to know that you’re still the one I would choose. Still the one I give my heart to, still the one I love.”
So, what’s their secret?
“To support one another, whatever the problems may be, good or bad. Stick together. That’s about it,” Bertha said.
“You know why this lasted 79 years? She has the last word,” Dan added with a smile.
Let me introduce my guest this week:
James is a certified Love and Emotional Intelligence coach. His mission is to teach people how to love themselves as well as love each other. James specialty is Relationship and Personal Development Coaching.
1. Question 1: Tell us of your journey to become a Love and emotional Intelligence coach. Do you have a personal story that made you specialize in this field?
I was a single parent and realized that when looking for a mate, I had to look for someone who would fit into my lifestyle as a single father. The woman had to accept me and my son as a package deal. That made me look at factors other than, Sex.
As far as my journey to becoming a Love and Emotional intelligence coach, I found I had the aptitude to reach people. People opened up to me. I remember once standing in the line at McDonald's and this man in line started talking to me telling me his story. I decided to get my certification as a, Life Coach
2. Question 2: How does emotional intelligence fit into the relationship dynamics?
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to hear what your partner is not saying. It is the ability to realize that when your partner says Fine, I am okay with that. for example. She is not fine with that, from her tonality or her body language.
Another facet of emotional intelligence is the ability to keep your cool and not fly off the handle at the slightest provocation.
3. Question 3: What problems do find are the most common and how do you coach your clients to solve them?
I find Trust, Communication and the inability to seek out coaching until after they start experiencing problems.
Couples tend to think that coaching is not needed until there is a huge problem in their relationship and when I hear that I ask them do you also see a doctor AFTER you have Cancer?
4. Question 4: If you had a magic wand to solve common relationship problems, what would you solve?
If I had a magic wand to solve relationship problems, I would solve trust. Lack of trust is one of the most destructive elements in a relationship.
5. Question 5: When you say that relationship is not a 3-letter word, what do you mean?
The topic of our show today “Is the secret to love, Sex?”
Couples would have us believe that great sex keeps the relationship going or strong.
While sex is very important in a relationship it is not the most important factor.
I believe that communication is the most important factor.
Click the podcast link to hear from James directly as he answers this question.
6. Question 6: Why would you say that couples do not proactively seek relationship coaching and wait until there is a problem to get counselling?
Culture, conditioning. Women go to get an annual checkup every year. They get a PAP test to proactively check for any cervical problems. But this same woman would not think of going to a relationship coach to proactively check to see if her relationship is in danger of abnormal growth!
For the men I use the analogy of the oil change because men hate going to the doctor for an annual check up. But they do change their oil every 3 to 5 months. ( I had a laugh at this one. I asked James if he was suggesting men change their wife's, as often as they change the oil in their cars?)
He assured me he was not saying that but letting the men know that just like the car engine their relationships need regular maintenance.
Tony Robbins also has lots of empowerment advice for couples.
Click the link below to understand how to create better relationships from Tony Robbins
If you are empowered to become a member of the Human Potential Movement and would like to be a guest on the Mindset Transformation radio show and podcast contact me.
O.J Simpson, was a young boy who was born into poverty in a rundown section of San Francisco. This young boy became a fan of football legend, Jim Brown, then the running back for the Cleveland Browns. Even though this young boy was crippled by Rickets from malnutrition, he dreamed of one day becoming a star running back like his hero, Jim Brown.
Since he had no money to pay to see his hero play, he would wait outside the stadium for the maintenance crew to open up the gate in the fourth quarter and he would hobble on his crocked legs into the stadium and watch the balance of the game.
At the age of 13, he walked into an ice cream parlor one day after a 49'rs game against the Browns and came face to face with his idol, Jim Brown.
He went up to him and said “Mr. Brown I am your biggest fan. I know every record you've ever set, every touch down you've ever scored. Mr. Brown one day I am going to break every one of your records.”
Jim Brown smiled and said “That great Kid. What's your name?”
The young boy smiled and said “Orenthal James Simpson my friends call me O.J”
O.J Simpson, did indeed go on to break all of Jim Brown's records proving that, whatever you water will grow, and that, energy goes where attention flows.
So, what was O. J’s secret to manifesting his, dreams, of breaking all of his hero’s records and becoming the best even though he had crocked legs? Focus and determination. Whatever you think about you bring about.
There are more, rags to riches, stories than rich kids born with trust funds. Today I want to look at 6 other famous people who manifested the life of their dreams. We are looking for a common thread and that is the secret.
Oprah Winfrey, was born in the rural town of Kosciusko, Mississippi, on January 29, 1954. After a troubled adolescence in a small farming community, where she was sexually abused by a number of male relatives and friends of her mother, Vernita, Winfrey moved to Nashville to live with her father, Vernon, a barber and businessman.
Winfrey launched TheOprah Winfrey Show in 1986 as a nationally syndicated program that ran for 25 years, until 2011. With its placement on 120 channels and an audience of 10 million people, the show grossed $125 million by the end of its first year, of which Winfrey received $30 million. Winfrey went on to become the first Black woman Billionaire in the USA.
4 things that made Oprah manifest the life of her dreams
Oprah says the number one thing she relied on was her instinct. Women are born with instinct but we most times second guess our instincts and that is why we don’t succeed. We all have that inner voice that guides us. Oprah says “Every decision I’ve ever made that led me to the right space and place in my life, I got there because I relied on that inner voice.”
2. What is your intention?
Oprah says she read the book called “The Seat of the Soul” by Gary Zukav. In it, Zukav explains that intention precedes every thought and action and determines outcomes.
The principal of intention changed her life. “I started to make my decisions on what I intended,” she says. “What do I really intend to happen from the outcome of this decision or this choice?” I personally credit intention to my success as well. I read the book “The power of Intention” by Dr Dwayne Dwyer and used the, energy of intention, to design my life. Which is what I am teaching you guys to do.
“I practice being grateful,” says Winfrey, and she knows what you’re thinking. “And a lot of people say, ‘Oh Oprah, that’s easy for you ‘cause you got everything!’”
No, says Winfrey: “I got everything because I practiced being grateful.”.
Winfrey, has been keeping, gratitude journals, for years. “Some days she says you only have, ‘I’m still breathing.’ Because life gets in the way.”
Gratitude is one of the most powerful energies in manifesting the life of your dreams. Most of you want the things you are dreaming about before you can feel gratitude. The secret is to feel, gratitude, before you get it. You have to use your imagination to feel like you already have the, life of your dreams, and feeling, gratitude. That is how you move the needle.
Know your truth
You have to know yourself. You can pretend to others and fake it till you make it, but you should not fool yourself.
How Tony Robbins manifested the life of his dreams
Tony Robbins, was born Anthony J. Mahavoric in North Hollywood, California, on February 29, 1960. Robbins is the eldest of three children, and his parents divorced when he was seven. He is of Croatian heritage from both sides of his family. His mother then remarried several times, including a marriage with Jim Robbins, a former semi-professional baseball player who legally adopted Anthony when he was 12.
During high school, Robbins grew ten inches in a year, a growth spurt later attributed to a pituitary tumor. He has said his home life was “chaotic” and “abusive”. When he was 17 years old, he left home and never returned. Robbins later worked as a janitor and did not attend college.] One day he asked the landlord on site, who was a family friend, about how he became so successful. The landlord then told him that he started to turn his life around after going to a Jim Rohn seminar.
Tony Robbins, is now the #1 Life coach in the world speaking into the lives of millions, including Presidents, and top executives.
He is also instrumental in my story as I went to his seminar in 1992 and started my journey to manifesting the life of my, dreams, from that seminar.
Here are the 4 modalities that allowed, Tony Robbins, to manifest the life of his, dreams.
If you want to make your, dreams, a reality, it’s critical that you move past your, fear of failure. Fear can stop you from even thinking about taking the first steps toward the life you want. Fear of failure, makes you feel like you are treading water in one place.
2. EXAMINE LIMITING BELIEFS
Fear of failure is one of the most common, limiting beliefs, but it isn’t the only one. Would you be surprised to learn you can also have a, fear of success? Other common beliefs are that we’re not deserving of love and success, that we’ve “always been” a certain way or that we are inherently “not good at” something. All of these beliefs are false, and you must identify and replace them to make your, dreams, a reality.
3. REVEAL YOUR NEEDS
Every human on earth is driven by one of the, Six Human Needs. If your top need is connection or significance, you may feel like you’re following someone else’s dreams in order to fit in or earn love. If you need certainty, you may need to break away from your comfort zone to make your dreams a reality. Discovering your top needs can change your entire perspective on life.
Certainty: assurance you can avoid pain and gain pleasure
2. Uncertainty/Variety: the need for the unknown, change, new stimuli
3. Significance: feeling unique, important, special or needed
4. Connection/Love: a strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something
5. Growth: an expansion of capacity, capability or understanding
6. Contribution: a sense of service and focus on helping, giving to and supporting others
My top need is for contribution and service and that is why I try to speak into the lives of thousands on this show.
4. TAKE ACTION
Taking action is what Tony built his coaching practice on. In fact, he says to, take massive action. Tony says, “The path to success is to take massive, determined action.”Set goals and make a plan to get there. Hold yourself accountable every day. And never, ever give up.
Neal Donald Walsch – Twenty years ago, Neale Donald Walsch, was in deep struggle. He had lost everything – his house, his marriage, his health and his job. He spent a year living on the street. His life turned around the day he asked in despair, “God, what will it take for my life to work?” He was invited to step into another version of himself – the version that would share his greatest gifts with the world and publish the best-selling Conversations with God book series.
Neal’s strategies for manifesting your, dreams, are:
Live in the knowledge that you are one of God’s offspring and there is nothing you are required to do to “get better” or to be seen as perfect and beautiful to God.
Activate and tap into the full power of God by believing you are the Universe and all powerful.
Turn your feelings of anger, pain, fear and doubt into love. Love is an energy that facilitates change.
Les Brown (born 1945) is a motivational speaker. Born into poverty and abandoned as a child, Les Brown, has gone on to become one of America’s best-known and highest-paid motivational speakers. His company, Les Brown Unlimited Inc., has made millions of dollars from the sale of motivational materials to a variety of audiences, from Fortune 500 executives to special education students and prisoners.
Les’s secretes for manifesting a, life of your dreams, are:
Have courage to go after your, dreams. “A lot of people do not muster the courage to live their, dreams, because they are afraid to die.
Give what you want to get. “Help others achieve their, dreams, and you will achieve yours.
You got to be hungry! “If you do not develop the hunger and courage to pursue your, dreams, you will lose your nerve and you will give up on your dream.
So, what do all these people have in common. They focused their attention on what they wanted and not their current circumstances.
Here are my secrets for Living the Life of Your Dreams
Use your imagination to dream big. As humans we are the only species that has the ability to imagine or daydream. Utilize this faculty to engage the, laws of attraction, and bring to you the desires of your heart.
Pay attention to how you feel. Dr Dwayne Dwyer says you got to feel good. When you feel good you attract good things into your life.
Launch your creation of your abundant life by launching your desires into the universe. Utilize prayer, meditation or any communication with infinite intelligence.
Be grateful for what you have right now.
Everyone has something they can be grateful for even if it is feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin or being able to walk in the rain. Do you know that people in prison would give anything to feel the sun or walk in the rain. Positive vibration attracts positive things and circumstances into your experience and your, dreams become reality.
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of, Transformation Fridays, with coach Myrna.
Are you aware of your, emotional home? It is what you, focus, on when the going gets tough, determines your, actions. Your, emotional home, is the emotion you return to when life events happen, good or bad. For example, have you ever been fired? What did you, focus, on?
What was your, emotional response? Did you, focus, on fear that you will be homeless? Was it hope that you will find a better job, or did you, focus, on gratitude, that now you can do what you really love. Science shows that our, emotions, have a home and we always go home.
Tony Robbins, tells the story often about one Thanksgiving when he was 11 years old, his step father had just lost his job and they were eating saltine crackers and butter for dinner when there was a knock at the door and a man was there with a basket of food and a Turkey.
His father was not grateful for the food. He told the man at the door. We don’t accept charity and tried to shut the door in the man’s face. The man put his foot in the door and responded it was not charity and he was just the delivery man.
His father took the food without saying thanks and slammed the door in the man’s face.
We’re you bullied in school because you wore hand me downs and your shoes had holes in them?
Did your parents favor your siblings?
In every one of those scenarios, you focused on the situation.
You probably give it the meaning that you were worthless or unlovable.
What, actions, did you take?
Did you become sexually promiscuous?
Did you sleep with boys or men to get money to buy stuff?
Did you hate your parents or siblings?
The, emotions, that came from the meaning affect our, actions, and are the, emotions, you return to when you are hurt.
Let me help you change the narrative – you have to deliberately draw a line in the sand and change it. It takes work to, rewrite your story.
Download on Spotify
STEPS TO REWRITE YOUR STORY
Examine your habits Instead of focusing on what you want to change, turn your attention to the bad habit or habits that lead to you wanting to learn how to change yourself. Are your sugar cravings at 10 PM what lead to you being overweight? Is your habit of sleeping in and arriving at work late getting in the way of your promotion? Once you’ve identified the, negative habits, you can create better ones that will help you, rewrite your story, such as utilizing delayed gratification.
Practice every day Once you know what your new, healthy habits, are, practice them every single day – no matter what. Have a backup plan in case circumstances get in the way of your new habits and don’t allow yourself to cut corners.
Focus on self-reflection One of the habits that lead you to wanting to learn how to change your life around was not facing reality. You need to, focus, on realistic self-reflection throughout your journey and, when needed, ask those you trust for their perspective. Are you improving? If not, what else needs to change?
Surround yourself with good people When you spend quality time with good people who love you, you develop a natural support system for your new habits and you are able to, rewrite your story, in a nurturing environment.
Keep taking risks If you want to learn how to change your life, you cannot stay in your comfort zone. You need to take risks until you get comfortable with those risks – then take more. The more you push yourself, the easier it will become to rewrite your story and transform your life.
Conclusion
Can you use your story to help others?
If you take control of your mind and, focus, on making better decisions, sometimes the worst experiences in life turn out to be your best teachers and your, testimony.
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of, 5 min Fridays, I hope you were inspired to become aware of your emotional home and if is not a positive emotion, change it. Until next time Namaste
In this interview, I share my back story of how I became conscious and awakened, my first book, Becoming Conscious, my Awakening, the situations and storms in my personal life that resulted in my spiritual growth and evolution, and finally my topic “Are you Eating your Seed, How to Reap where you Plant”
In this episode I also share how Tony Robins “Unleash the Power Within” seminar ushered me in the direction of my purpose.
You see I was on my way to becoming a house wife when I happened to attend one of Tony's “Unleash the Power Within” seminars and left the experience totally fired up!
Two months later, I was the proud owner of my first stretch limousine and the CEO of “A Royal Livery Limousine Service”
Six years later, I was being honored with “Entrepreneur of the Year”
https://youtu.be/4bVOFPtOFu4
The Law of Sowing and Reaping
Here is Gerald Butler's experience with the “Unleashing the Power within” seminar!
“Fear is a huge issue for me. This technique Tony has is a really smart way to literally set those fears aside… That to me, is unleashing the power within.” – Gerard Butler
As a distinguished actor, Gerard Butler, spends his life at the next level. Between his countless roles, Gerard is also a dedicated philanthropist. Introduced to Tony Robbins through his dad when he was 17, Gerard had listened to several audio programs before attending Unleash the Power. Despite living life in the public eye and being one for adventure, Gerard struggled with losing focus and being consumed in fear. Before attending Unleash the Power Within, he even found himself nervous about participating with 10,000 other people. Enraptured by the intense energy of the event, his nerves quickly disappeared and he found himself finally able to move towards overcoming his habit of fear. Gerald learned the, law of sowing and reaping, sow joy and reap joy instead of fear.
How coaching helps you learn the laws of sowing and reaping
Life Coaching, is taking the client from where they are today to where they want to be tomorrow.
Life coaching, is different from sports coaching.
If the client does not get the victory, you don't fire the coach!
The life coach's role is not to design the plays, but to Help the client discover the right plays!
As a spirituality coach, I help my clients understand who they are?
What beliefs have been holding them back from success.
What are the obstacles they have to overcome to achieve success in life and the concept of, sowing and reaping.
What are some of the seeds you need to plant to reap success
Most of us are familiar with the seeds of, tithing, and giving.
The bible teaches that if you bring your tithe into the storehouse, God would multiply it 60, 100 times.
But, the law of sowing and reaping, go way beyond the physical.
My sales manager told me once to “To Reap where I Sow”
That means that as a field sales agent, I am building relationships in my, sales territory, I am, sowing seeds.
Similar to a real estate agent who farms a territory.
You don't want to spend years building, sowing, and then leave before the harvest!
Sowing seeds, are important in your job, in your marriage, in your friendships, with your children.
The bible teaches to love as you want to be loved, you must give first whatever you want to receive!
In your job, if you are faithful, working hard every day as unto the Lord, then your seeds will grow into the harvest of a promotion.
Just keep watering the seed through service and attention.
Why does God give you a seed?
As is taught in the parable by Jesus and the 3 servants entrusted with bags of silver by their master; God expects you to multiply whatever he gives to you.
He does not give you a talent or a gift for you to bury it or hoard it for yourself; no he gives it to you to benefit his kingdom.
Let me explain that using a physical example, the apple tree. Each apple has 5 seeds.
500 apple trees can produce an orchard of 30,000 apples. Proprietary growing and pruning methods developed by Tree Plantation, can double that again to over 100,000 apples per acre.
In a similar way, God gives you seeds so that you can scatter them and produce fruit! He can blow your seeds where you did not even plant!
How to Make your Ground Fertile for sowing and reaping.
To make your ground fertile, you have to hear the word, and do the word.
You can't reap a harvest without first tilling the soil, you have to make the soil ready to receive the nutrients to grow the plants.
One way to do this is to find your burning bush!
What did God put inside of you that he wants you to bring to fruition?
How to Equate the Laws of the Harvest to the Laws of the Universe?
Whatever you sow you shall reap!
You reap in proportion to what you sow, so sow generously.
Remember the oak tree lives in the acorn!
Small things do grow into big things.
Keep hitting the anvil, do something small every day to water the seed you have in the ground.
What is the Eating Your Seed Concept?
You have to save some of your earnings in order to plant it.
If you consume it all, you will have nothing to, sow, and you will always be without.
That is why your financial planner advises you to save 10% of your income to invest and get a return.
The bible teaches us that if you give, it will be given to you, A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over.
But it starts with giving.
Give whatever you want to receive, plant whatever you want to sow!
In closing, this is your season, this is the right time, start planting your seeds, keep watering them every day and watch God turn your apple into an orchard!
