Goal Digger vs. Gold Digger: The Power of SMART Goals

How to be a goal digger and not a gold digger

In a world where aspirations and motivations can vary significantly, it's crucial to understand the distinction between being a “goal digger” and a “gold digger.” Both terms revolve around the pursuit of something valuable, but their intentions and paths diverge drastically.

In this blog, coach Myrna shares the difference between setting SMART goals with ambition, determination, and a desire to achieve your dreams with hard work and perseverance. Coach Myrna also explore the pitfalls of falling into the “gold digger” mindset – an approach driven by the pursuit of material wealth at the expense of genuine service and personal growth.

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How to be a goal digger

Do you chase money instead of goals? Being a, goal digger, means you are focusing on achieving your goals and pursuing your passions rather than solely chasing money. For example, do you want that job because you have a goal of being of service or you want that job because of the pay grade?

Take Life coaching for example, a lot of Life coaches can’t make a living doing this work but they love helping people so they willingly do the job.

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Here are six tips to help you become a goal digger:
  1. Define your goals: Take time to identify your long-term and short-term goals. What do you truly want to achieve in life? Having a clear vision will help you stay focused and motivated. It is also good to go deeper and have SMART goals.
These are SMART goals.

Specific: Spell out exactly what you want to accomplish

Begin by thinking about your goal as an observable action, not a broad concept. If your goal is vague, moving beyond this part of goal-setting is challenging. because it could be too generalized to measure or too wide-reaching to be attainable.

Measurable: Define the end result in quantitative or qualitative terms

How will you know when you have achieved your goal? Or how close you are to attaining it? Think about the outcomes and what can be measured. Knowing what success looks like will help you maintain the outcome of the goal, or set a baseline for future improvement.

Achievable: Confirm that your goal is possible and reasonable to accomplish

Do you have access to the skills and resources required to achieve your goal? What support or learning do you need to achieve it? Make sure you are set up to succeed when you establish your goal. This is a critical part of goal-setting.

Relevant: Make sure your goal is relevant for the future. AI is making a lot of jobs obsolete as computers did in the past. For example, writers are being phased out because AI can write a really good copy.

Time-bound: Identify an achievement date for your goal. Is it a long term or short-term goal? 6 months or 6 years? When does your goal need to be completed? A time-bound goal creates a sense of urgency. Even if the date identified isn’t the final deadline of the program or work, a time-bound goal helps to chart a course to completion.

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Becoming a Goal Digger by setting goals

  • Pursue your passions: Identify your interests and find ways to incorporate them into your goals. When you genuinely enjoy what you're working towards, it becomes easier to stay committed and motivated.
  • Create a plan: Break down your goals into actionable steps. Develop a plan that outlines the specific tasks you need to complete to achieve each goal. This will help you stay organized and make progress.
  • Embrace learning and growth: Continuously seek opportunities to learn and develop new skills related to your goals. Invest in self-improvement, whether through books, courses, or mentorship. Constantly expanding your knowledge will enhance your ability to succeed.
  • Surround yourself with like-minded individuals: Connect with people who share similar goals or passions. Engaging with a supportive community can provide motivation, inspiration, and valuable insights.
  • Stay persistent and resilient: Achieving meaningful goals often requires perseverance. Be prepared for setbacks and challenges along the way. Learn from failures, adapt, and keep moving forward. Maintain a positive mindset and believe in your abilities.

 

Conclusion

Remember, while money can be a byproduct of achieving your goals, it should never be the sole focus. Stay true to your passions, work hard, and enjoy the journey of pursuing your dreams and being a, goal digger.

Additional Resources 

Jim Rohn on How to Improve Yourself

Beyond Love: When Love Alone Isn’t Enough

When love is not enough

Love is a powerful and beautiful emotion that has the ability to uplift, inspire, and bring immense joy to our lives. But what happens, when love alone isn't enough? Love forms the foundation of many relationships, providing strong bonds between partners, family members, and friends.

However, there are instances, when love alone isn't enough. In this video, coach Myrna looks at the, Bible story of Hanna, and why the love of her husband was not enough. Coach Myrna, shares 5 realities of, when love isn't enough, and how we can build resilience and understanding to overcome obstacles on the path to fulfilment.

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When love alone isn't enough

Have you ever loved someone, but could not live with them so you broke up with them instead? That is an example of, when love alone isn't enough.

Today I want to look at the bible story of Hanna and why the love of her husband was not enough.

Let’s look at 1st Samuel 1:8

Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons?

Hanna had all the love a woman could want from a man, but she was not happy because she could not have children. Her husband’s love was not enough to fill the hole in her heart.

For Hanna having a husband wasn’t enough, having a man who loved her, wasn’t enough.

Love can be a wonderful and important aspect of our lives, but it is not the sole determinant of our happiness. Happiness is a complex and multifaceted emotion that can be influenced by various factors. While love can contribute significantly to our well-being, there are other aspects to consider.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Here are 5 reasons when love isn't enough

  1. Self-fulfillment: True happiness often involves a sense of purpose and personal fulfillment. Pursuing your passions, setting and achieving goals, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and a sense of accomplishment can contribute to overall happiness. For Hanna and most women this includes being a mother.
  2. Emotional well-being: Happiness goes beyond love and encompasses emotional well-being. It's important to develop coping skills, self-care practices, and maintain healthy relationships beyond romantic love, such as with family and friends, to cultivate happiness.
  3. Personal growth: Continuous personal growth and self-improvement can lead to a sense of fulfillment and happiness. This can include learning new skills, expanding your knowledge, and challenging yourself to become the best version of yourself. You can have all the love in the world but if you are not growing, you will feel unfulfilled.
  4. Physical and mental health: Taking care of your physical and mental health is essential for overall happiness. Engaging in regular exercise, practicing self-care, managing stress, and seeking support when needed are all crucial aspects of well-being.
  5. Meaningful connections: While romantic love is significant, nurturing relationships with friends, family, and a supportive community can provide a sense of belonging and happiness. Building and maintaining meaningful connections with others can be a source of joy and support.
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Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast

Motherhood a path to self fulfillment

I Just finished reading Paris Hilton memoir.  In her book Paris shares her infertility journey. Like Hanna love was not enough, being a Hilton and an heiress was not enough, having a brand was not enough, like Hanna she wanted a child.

Remember that happiness is subjective, and what brings happiness to one person, may differ from another. Sometimes love of your family or spouse is enough, but most of the times you must love yourself first. It's important to explore and cultivate various areas of your life beyond love to find fulfillment and happiness. Seeking a balance between different aspects of life, investing in personal growth, and fostering relationships can contribute to a more fulfilling and joyful existence.

Being in love or receiving love is not enough for self-actualization which include realizing your dreams, being true to yourself, and achieving inner peace.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna

Additional Resources

Becoming Flawesome: The Journey to Self-Acceptance

 

Carlee Russell: Attention Seeking Behavior

Carlee Russell attention seeking behavior

Was, Carlee Russell, attention seeking behavior, going too far for attention? Seeking attention, is a natural human desire, but it is essential to strike a balance and consider healthy ways to, seek attention, without compromising personal values or the well-being of others. Going too far to, seek attention, can lead to negative consequences, such as alienating others, damaging relationships, or even risking one's own life.

In this blog post coach Myrna looks at, attention seeking behavior, in adults and offer some alternative behaviors.

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Carlee Russell Attention seeking behavior

The story this week getting national attention is the story of, Carlee Russell, a 25-year-old Black nursing student who decided suddenly or maybe she has been fascinated about this for years, to fake her abduction. Police says that, Carlee Russell, googled the movie Taken and other abduction tips before calling 911 and saying she saw a 4-year-old walking on the highway and she was going to go investigate.

Social media was in an uproar.  Black activists, took to Instagram and Facebook to call for the same attention to finding, Carlee Russell, as they took to finding the rich White men who were lost in the submarine.

Then, Carlee Russell, showed up at her home 2 days later and tried to spin a story of how she was forced into an 18-wheeler truck and taken to a home where a man and a woman told her to get undressed and then took photos of her.

Carlee Russell Lied

After police started asking for details, she decided to come clean and confess that the story was a hoax and she lied about being kidnapped.

So today I want to look at, why adults seek attention.  We know that kids love attention and if they don’t get, positive attention, they resort to getting, negative attention.

For adults, attention-seeking behavior, is a conscious or unconscious attempt to become the, center of attention, sometimes to gain validation or admiration.

In the, Carlee Russell update, In a news briefing on Monday, Hoover Police Chief Nick Derzis said the department received a letter from Russell's attorney saying that she was never taken and that her report of a missing child on an interstate highway was false. No understanding of what was the purpose of this, attention seeking behavior.

What attention seeking behavior in adults may look like

Attention-seeking behavior, can include saying or doing something with the goal of getting the attention of a person or a group of people.

Examples of, attention seeking behavior include:

  • Fishing for compliments by pointing out achievements and seeking validation
  • Being controversial to provoke a reaction
  • Exaggerating and embellishing stories to gain praise or sympathy
  • Pretending to be unable to do something so someone will teach, help, or do it for you.

We know that saying something controversial gets you attention in the media and a lot of people seek attention this way, but for business reasons.

In the movie Barbie, there is a humorous section about women pretending not to know how to do things so as to get the attention from men who loves to show off that they could help.  That is a tactic to make men feel strong and protective.  I get that also.

Why did Carlee Russell Lied to seek attention

But why would Carlee want to pretend she was abducted? To me that sounds almost like a mass shooter filming himself killing people so he could get his picture in the news. If that was Carlee’s intent she succeeded.  Her pictures are plastered all over the news.

Getting attention for something that is a lie never works out.  We still live in a society with values and lying is something that is still not acceptable. This stupid act has ruined her life and shamed her family.

So, the next time you want to seek attention, try to get it by contributing to humanity or doing acts of kindness instead of engaging in, attention seeking behavior. That works out better for everyone.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources

Self Confidence: The Courage To Be You

 

Unlocking the Hidden Dangers of Relying on Your Feelings

Don't trust your feelings

In this blog post, I'm going to talk about the dangers of relying on your feelings. I think a lot of people rely on their feelings to guide them through life, but this isn't always the best way to go.

This is illustrated in the bible story of Jacob and Essau. In the bible story of Isaac Jacob and Essau. Isaac told Essau to go out and find something wild and cook it the way I like it, then I am going to bless you. But Rebecca, Esau’s mother cooked up a scheme to fool Isaac because he was blind and could not see.

She went into the back yard and killed something that was not wild and cooked it to make it taste like something wild and gave it to Jacob to take to his father. When Jacob told her that his brother was hairy and he had smooth skin. His mother glued animal skin to his arms so he would feel like his brother. This story shows the dangers of relying on your feelings.

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God expects you to do something before he blesses you

As a follow up thought, I want you to know that before God blesses you, you have to do something. He is not going to bless you if you sit on the couch and pray. He is going to tell you to go look for work, go fill out applications. If you are praying for a spouse he is going to tell you to go to the watering hole to find this man. Don’t expect to sit on the couch and this man will knock on your door. God also wants to bless you when you take risks and be wild. Isaac told Essau to go hunting for something wild, cook it the way I like and then I will bless you.

But Rebecca, Esau’s mother cooked up a scheme to fool Isaac because he was blind and could not see. She went into the back yard and killed something that was not wild and cooked it to make it taste like something wild and gave it to Jacob to take to his father. When Jacob told her that his brother was hairy and he had smooth skin.  His mother glued animal skin to his arms so he would feel like his brother.

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Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Your feelings can lie to you

Which is the lesson for today. Sometimes your feelings lie, so don’t always trust your feelings. Do a deep dive into the situation. Gather all the facts.

Your feelings will convince you they are coming back even though they have clearly moved on.

  • Ignore your feelings and trust your spirit
  • Your spirit is stronger than your flesh
  • Be honest with yourself
  • Why are you still with that man? It is because of how he makes you feel.
  • You can’t be with somebody just because of how they make you feel
  • Jacob felt like his brother, but he didn’t sound like your brother.

When he spoke his father noticed the difference. He said you feel like Jacob but you don’t sound like him.

Don’t get caught up in how that man makes you feel, listen to what he says and how he says it. Because out of the mouth the heart speaks.

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Transform Your Mind Podnews

Listen to what people are saying: Don't just trust your feelings

Is he talking about the future or is he talking about himself. You have to watch for the disconnect between the feelings and the voice.

Isaacs realized that the feelings did not match the voice.

Then he became suspicious and asked. How did you get it so quickly? That is how did you go hunting for something wild and cooked it so quickly.

Jacob lied and said I got it this quickly because of God.  God did it. If you do something wild, then that could be your true answer. God did it for me. They told me it was going to take 10 years before I could be a supervisor, but God did it in 3 years.

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Transform Your Mind Amazon

God did it for me

They ask me, how did your podcast become #1 in the personal development space? How did you get it so quickly with no celebrity guests on your show?  How did you get it so quickly as an independent podcaster without a team.

My answer I got so quickly because of God and my mother.

My mother wasn’t the perfect mother, but she taught me how to trust God. She showed me how to work hard and to never give up.

I got it so quickly because I was born to do this. I was anointed by God for this job and the devil knows not to mess with me.

In your daily life, your feelings, thoughts, and attitudes are you order form. The currency you pay for your order to the universe is your belief. You have to establish the feelings the condition you want is already present.

Feelings can be deceiving

Jacob got his blessing by pretending to feel like his brother, but he had to run for his life after that because his brother wanted to kill him.

Isaac could not give Essau his blessing as the first born son because he had already given it to Jacob and he could not take it back. Similarly, when you give yourself to someone because of how they made you feel and then you find out that they tricked you, you can’t take back what you give them already. That is why, never trust your feelings alone, because your feeling can lie to you.

Additional Resources 

How To Use Feelings To Manifest Your Dreams

 

The Complex Impact of Father Absence

Coach Myrna Impact of Father absence

As we approach Father’s Day, I wanted to talk about, father absence. I was inspired to talk about this from an article I read from relationship coach Andre Paradis. He shared some disturbing, father absence statistics, and the, causal effects of, father absence, and, black father absence.

Back in the 60’s, 5% of white women, 15% of Latinas, and 20% of black women were single mothers. Fast forward 40 years later Now, 20% of white women, 55% of Latinas and 70% of black women are single mothers. Those are scary numbers. The causal effects of, father absence, is that 70% of criminals in jail come from, single-mom households? 90% of all inmates are males, fatherless males.

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Black father absence

As a black woman I empathize with my black sisters who are raising their children without fathers.

As a relationship coach Andre feels the reason for, father absence, is because women are not able to create healthy bonds with men so they leave. Also, the role of a father is to provide and protect his family and now the women have become the providers and protectors. No wonder women have lost their, feminine traits, and men run around calling us, masculine women.

Problem is Andre says, is women can’t raise men. I know they say that we only raise cattle not kids, but that is the only word we know.

Single family homes or to be specific, single mom homes, are creating kids who are not contributing members to society.

70% of criminals in jail come from, single-mom households. 90% of all inmates are males, fatherless males.

Without a father present, boys don’t learn to develop some very basic male traits like integrity, accountability, sacrifice, character-building choices, appropriate use of force, how to provide or protect, etc. Only men can teach young men how to become good men.

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Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

 Father absence creates soft men

He says women don’t have these traits built in. Women pass on connection, tenderness, being kind, sweet and loving, being passive, sharing instead of competing, etc. The problem is that raising boys to be sweet girls doesn’t make them sweet boys; it makes them emotional, and weak. Not able to provide or protect a family.

Masculine men, who had a father as a role model, control their tempers and do what needs to be done regardless of how they “feel” about it. They protect women, children, animals, and the weak, because they’ve built up their character and know that they are valuable and capable. Weak, sweet, soft men DON’T! Boys need Men to show them the right way and the honorable way.

Women can’t do this for boys. They have a whole different set of innate values and characteristics.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

Father absence makes girls look for love in all the wrong places

But boys are not the only ones who need a father, girls needs a daddy for two very important reasons.

  • First, she needs her dad to be the first man to love and protect her. This builds her trust in men. Girls who grow up without a father’s love go looking for love in all the wrong places.
  • Secondly, young girls who are raised without fathers have NO idea what a “daddy” (father role-model) looks like and does in life. Without daddy energy in the house or around her, a young woman sees her mom become the provider and protector and she in turn becomes a, masculine woman, which takes away her femininity, vulnerability and ability to trust anyone… especially men.

So, ladies your children need their fathers. Do whatever you can to encourage a relationship with their fathers even if he does not support them financially. A father’s love is priceless.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. Your kids need you.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna

Additional resources

How Single Women over 40 Find Love

Self Love: Why Loving Yourself is NOT Crucial for Loving Others

coach Myrna self love

Most of us believe that self love is crucial for loving others. But is this really true? In this podcast, coach Myrna challenges that belief and ask instead, what is the relationship between self love and love for others? I believe the answer is much more complicated than we think.

If you're questioning whether or not self love is important for love for others, then this video is for you! I'll explore the concept of self love from different perspectives and discuss why it may not be as vital as we think it is. I believe that self love is important for our own happiness, but it's not the be-all and end-all of our relationship to others. Download and listen see what you think!

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What is self love

In this segment of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna I want to answer the question of, self love, what is it? Specifically, can you love another if you don’t first love yourself.

I have been saying for years that you can’t love another if you can’t first, love yourself, because you can’t give away what you don’t have. If you can’t even, love yourself, then you don’t know what love is, so you can love someone else. That is until I heard Eckhart Tolle say that when we talk about, self love, we are saying that there are two beings self and someone else. That if we are separating self from being then we got it wrong.

Let me back up and give you the definition of Self-love. Self love, is  defined as “love of self” or “regard for one's own happiness or advantage”, it has been conceptualized both as a basic human necessity and as a moral flaw, akin to vanity and selfishness, conceitedness, egotism, narcissism.

I grew up thinking when someone called me selfish it was the worst thing, until I understood the concept of, self love, and putting yourself first.

podhero podcast Transform Your Mind
Podhero podcast

How to practice self love

  • You put yourself first.
  • You are authentically yourself.
  • You are honest with yourself.
  • You express yourself freely.
  • You say positive things to yourself.
  • Forgiving yourself when you mess up.
  • Meeting your own needs.
  • Being assertive.
  • Not letting others take advantage of or abuse you.
  • Prioritizing your health and wellbeing.

But Eckhart Tolle teaches that when you talk about loving yourself it means you are splitting you and self, and that means that you have missed the concept of being. If you be yourself then you don’t have to love yourself.

You are not separate from self, so no need to love yourself, no need to be proud of yourself, no need to pat yourself on the back.

When you understand that the ripple or waves is part of the ocean and you are the ripple that is part of the ocean of the universe, you do not separate self from the whole.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

You don't have to love yourself first: to love another

So, the answer to the question Can you love another if you don’t, love yourself, is NO; it is not necessary to, love yourself, before you can love another.

If you are not comfortable with being with yourself when you are alone, you will seek another to complete you, but what will happen is that the need that made you seek another human to complete you, will show up in another form in the relationship, because another person cannot fill the void inside of you, only you can fill that void by accepting the present moment in whatever form it presents itself and just be yourself.

When you are in a relationship and you still feel alone, you blame your partner for not giving you what you need. You become needy, but even if your partner tells you he or she loves you every hour of the day, you still feel unloved, because you don’t love yourself and don’t know how to be yourself.

Ever heard a man say I can’t please this woman?

Will Smith is a classic example of this phenomenon. He said in his autobiography, he spent weeks planning a surprise 40th birthday party for Jada. He was very proud of his work and he expected her to be so grateful and see his love; yet all she saw was that he wanted to make himself look good by receiving praise for planning such an extravagant  party and missed the love that was behind the effort.

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

If you don't love yourself you cannot receive love

He was hurt by her lack of appreciation and walked out of the marriage saying I can’t ever please this woman. He also told her if it is possible for you to be happy, show me.  This was because Jada had a hole in her heart that Will Smith could not fill. She had to fill it herself. She had to find her wholeness by connecting to source, God.

So, no need to love yourself, feel sorry for yourself, judge yourself, hate yourself, all you need is to be yourself.

When you are able to be yourself, you can watch your emotions, you can watch your thoughts, so you are no longer controlled by them.

You watch them until they pass through you or float away like colored balloons. That is how you practice, self love, and that is by loving the whole you by being yourself.

Thanks for tuning into this weeks episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna

Additional Resources

How to Love Yourself and Heal The Body

How To Transform Your Relationships Using The Power of Now!

Transform relationships power of the now

In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I share how to use, the power of the now, to change dysfunctional negative relationships into positive ones and how to use the, power of now, to transform your relationships.

Relationships are one of the most important aspects of our lives, and it's easy to let them get out of control. Today we study Eckhart Tolle's book “The Power of The Now” on how to improve your relationships. By learning how to use the power of now, you'll be able to align yourself with what's really important in your life, and your relationships will start to improve as a result.

Eckhart Tolle says that everything happens in the now. There is only one point of access and it is the now.  And until you access the now, all relationships are deeply flawed. They may seem perfect for a moment when you are in love, but that perfection is lost when disappointment and dissatisfaction set in.  If we look at the divorce rate, it seems that most love relationships become love hate relationships.

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Relationships bloom when we access the power of  now

If we look at the divorce rate, it seems that most, love relationships, become, love-hate relationships.  

When we don’t access, the power of the now, love can turn to hate with the flick of a switch.  

Sometimes the relationship continues for a while between the polarities of love and hate. It gives you as much pleasure as it gives you pain. 

Some couples get addicted to the drama because it makes them feel alive, but when the negative events occur with increasing frequency, the relationship collapses

Here is some, relationship advice, you may think that if you remove the, negative cycles, then the relationship would flower beautifully, but this is not the case. The polarities are mutually interdependent, you cannot have one without the other. The reason we want to be in the now in our relationships is that you can’t access the, pain body, of what he did to me and then bring it forward and relive the pain.

The, power of the now, means unless the event is happening now, it is in the past.  The reason Eckhart Tolle teaches that the polarities are mutually interdependent is because your pain feed his pain. Your triggers, trigger his triggers.  

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

The Power of the now eliminates dysfunctional relationships

The negative side of a relationship is more easily recognized as dysfunctional. It is also easier to recognize the source of negativity in your partner, than to see it for yourself. Negativity and your past pain can show up in many forms in your relationship as: 

  • possessiveness,
  • jealousy,
  • control,
  • withdrawal,
  • resentment,
  • the need to be right,
  • insensitivity and self-absorption,
  • emotional demand’s,
  • manipulation,
  • the urge to criticize,
  • judge, blame, anger, and unconscious revenge.

Quite a list. None of these things happen in, the now.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

The power of now in love

The positive side can be just as bad.  This is the, power of love. When you are in love, someone needs you, wants you and makes you feel special.  The feelings of being in love can become so intense that the rest of the world fades into insignificance.  

You become addicted to the other person; he acts on you like a drug. Even the thought of that person no longer loving you, illicit jealousy, emotional blackmail, blaming and accusing, because of fear of loss.

If the other person does leave you, it can lead to the most intense pain from grief or the most intense hostility. Was this love in the first place or just addictive clinging?  

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Survival relationships can be addictive clinging

Then , survival relationships, comes along.  It seems to meet all your needs, at least that is how it appears at first. You now have a new focal point, the person who defines your identity. The person you are in love with. Your world now has a center again, you are loved.  

Then there becomes a point when your partner fails to meet your needs. The feelings of fear and lack now resurface, they had been covered up by the love relationship. Like any drug, you are on a high until the drug no longer works for you. When the feelings of fear return, you feel them stronger than they were before and you now perceive your partner as the cause of those feelings. You attack your partner and this awakens their own, pain body, and he may counter your attack. Every attack is manipulation to get your partner to change their behavior.  

This is because you refuse to work through your pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever you are addicted to, whether it be alcohol, food, shopping, sex you are using something or someone to cover up your pain.  

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Romantic relationships do not cause unhappiness

That is why there is so much pain and unhappiness in, romantic relationships. Romantic relationships, do not cause pain and unhappiness, they bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you.  

Avoidance of relationships in an attempt to avoid pain is not the answer either. 3 failed marriages are a source of awakening more than if you shut yourself off in a room and refuse to engage in a relationship.

The power of the now, must be strong enough so you don’t get taken over by the thinker or the, pain body.  

Bringing, the power of the now, to your relationship means, first you stop judging yourself then you stop judging your partner.  

The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is without needing to judge or change them in any way.  

You are in a, love relationship, if that person feels the same way about you; other than that you are in a relationship with yourself. Don’t let this love turn into a, love- hate relationship, by constantly bringing up the past. Embrace, the power of the now.

Additional Resources

How Single Women over 40 Find Love

 

Fixing the Root VS Fruit – What You Didn’t Know!

We must, fix the root and not the fruit. You can’t change the fruit without changing the root. We must change or, limiting beliefs, to have fruit.

Fixing the root and not the fruit. You can’t change the fruit without changing the root. Fixing the root, means we must change our, limiting beliefs, to have  the desired fruits. The fruits of life are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. 

You may have heard the phrase, external locus of control. That is when your happiness is derived from events outside yourself.

Today I want to talk about an, internal locus of control. That means fixing the root vs fixing the fruits. Putting our focus on beliefs, our roots not our behaviors, the fruit.

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Fixing the root:  your limiting beliefs

In other words, If you want to change the visible, you must first change the invisible.” If you want to change the fruit, you must plant a different seed.

We will look at both of these phrases today because we want to, fixing the root and not the fruit.

Internal locus of control, means that control comes from within. You have personal control over your own behavior. When you have an, internal locus of control, you believe you have personal agency over your own life and actions. Because of this, these people tend to have more, self-efficacy.

If you have an, internal locus of control, you will not let people push your buttons. Firstly, let’s look at people finding our soft underbelly and deliberately pushing it to get a reaction from us. We’ve all had our buttons pushed to the point where we feel we can’t take it anymore. The button pusher may or may not be aware that they are exposing your unresolved hurt or trauma, but the truth of the matter is that the buttons belong to us, and we are the ones who must deal with what comes up. The more we take responsibility for our own feelings and reactions, the less tender these buttons will be.

That is why, fixing the root, and not the fruit is important

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

Fix the root of the problem

When you, fix your root, and be at peace with yourself you will find the peace that defies all understanding that Jesus preached about.

The button pushers will stop trying to get a reaction from you, the bully’s will stop trying to make you feel bad about yourself etc.

For the longest time my button was my age. I understand why that guy called Lebron James old. He is a button pusher. He was pushing Lebron’s buttons not sure if Lebron James was ruffled by that or he was secure in his roots. I have fixed my roots on my age issue. Change the way you think of a thing and the thing you think of will change.

So, fixing the root, will have you worrying less about your fruit. By fruit I mean your behavior when someone is nasty to you, call you names, or pushes your buttons, you can just respond by saying that is me. I accept it or that is not me and I reject that. I am not letting that stick to me.

Journy plan life self care App
Journy: Plan Life & self care App

Internal Control Personality Characteristics

Here are some characteristics we get after, fixing the root.

  • Hard working– always putting in effort to achieve goals
  • Confident – recognizing the skills and knowledge required to overcome challenges
  • Physical healthy – considering it their active obligation to eat healthily, partake in regular exercise, and remaining diligent in keeping up with medical appointments
  • Responsible – holding themselves accountable for successes and their mistakes or failures
  • Positive – feeling happiness, peaceful, and relaxed about the future because increased control over life leads to minimal stress
  • Independent – not relying on others for success
  • Studious – valuing knowledge and the skills it contributes to overcome obstacles
  • High self-esteem – respectful of oneself and confident in abilities
podhero podcast Transform Your Mind
Podhero podcast

External Control Personality Characteristics

When we don't, fix the root, here are the fruits we will reap.

Those with an external control also display a particular set of personality characteristics.

  • Insecure – not confident in their own abilities and continually doubting they can accomplish difficult goals. Low self-esteem.
  • Dependent – reliance on other people for tasks they are capable of doing without assistance
  • Hopeless – feeling emotions like “what’s the point” or as if any response to a life event is futile
  • Passive – resigning effort to surmount challenges because their actions won’t make a difference in the outcome
  • Indecisive – events are not analyzed to the fullest causing difficulty to make concrete decisions

 

Additional Resources

Jim Rohn on How to Improve Yourself

 

Let’s Talk About Casual Sex

Coach Myrna: Lets talk about casual sex

My grandmother taught me if you give away the cow, then there is no reason to purchase the milk.  What that means if you practice casual sex, there is no reason for a man to marry you.

I got inspiration for this episode from the Fresh and Fit podcast. My son introduced me to this podcast. They have the men market covered. So since this is #1 self-improvement podcast in the world for women, I thought I should get into the conversation and share my wisdom.  The first episode I watched on the Fresh and Fit podcast was about what a high value man looks for in a woman. Good information, I realized immediately that they were picking up where, Kevin Samuels, left off.

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High Value man and casual sex

I will have a future episode on what is a, high value man, and what they look for in a woman, because ladies you at least need to know what men are thinking. Thus, the book and movie Think Like a man.  But today I want to address the phenomena of casual sex. That is women sleeping with men who don’t even call you their girlfriend or woman, much less wife. On the Fresh and Fit podcast they interview women and ask them about their body count aka how many men they have slept with because ladies it matter to a man who wants to make you his woman or wife.

So how did we get here? How did we get from women being virgins on our wedding day to discussing our body count?

I believe that someone put out the false narrative that sex is the way to a man’s heart.

My grandmother always told me that food was the way to a man’s heart that is why women over 40 know how to cook a good meal not an air fryer meal. The new generation do not even know how to cook and today everybody should be able to cook. When I first got married, I used to call my mom and ask her how to cook stuff. My daughter has never called me and asked me how to cook stuff because all she has to do is go on Google or YouTube for a recipe.

The Transform Your Mind Podcast is the #1 Personal Development Podcast for women in the world.

Life Coach Myrna Young
Life Coach Myrna Young

https://blog.feedspot.com/personal_development_podcasts_for_women/

What a High value man looks for in a woman

I talked to my brother, a high value man, and asked him if he cares how many men his woman slept with and he told me he wouldn’t want to know. My follow up question was let’s say she slept with 30 men he almost had a conniption. He said that is almost a roulette wheel. A roulette wheel has 32 numbers. Some women get to 30 men body count in a few years.

So back to the Fresh and Fit podcast. I was trying to find that episode on the high value man and I came across the episode that was a tribute to, Kevin Samuels

It was a call-in show and one guy told a story of how he met a girl in a restaurant and totally ignored her. When he left the restaurant, she walked up to him and asked him “You want my number” and he said no.

So, she Dm’d him on Instagram and they started talking. A few weeks later she asked him if he wanted to come over. He said Yes

So, he went to her apartment and a short time later she was giving him oral sex and then according to him he was smashing it.

Then he left and never called her again and she was blowing up his phone and he never called her back.

His conclusion, the more badly you treat a woman the more she wants you.

Transform your Mind Podbean
Transform your Mind Podbean

Casual sex and your value as a woman

Men actually believe this because women always seem to love the bad boys. You seen the Whitney Houston documentary?

So, let’s dissect all the things this girl did wrong

Firstly, ladies’ men are hunters, let them hunt. Do not throw yourself at a man. If has the same effect as him finding a dead dog at his door. That’s why women in the olden days played hard to get. This allowed the men to go fishing and enjoy reeling in their catch.

# 2 Why would you invite a man to your house for sex and he hasn’t even invited you out on a date? I am trying to get into her head. Did she think she had skills and that was the way to his heart?

Ladies, according to Andre Paradis, relationship coach, the moment you have sex with a man his emotional connection with you halts. I do not know about all that, I do know that if marriage is your end game no man marries a ho.

One of the topics on the Fresh and Fit podcast is about body count. No man wants to be where everyone else been, that is why they asked the question.

If you haven’t watched the movie, Think Like a Man you need to go watch it. Steve Harvey laid out some rules like the fundamentals, Have the man call you his girlfriend before you take the cooked out of the cookie jar. Let him wait 90 days before you engage in casual sex, in the meantime let him wine and dine you. Let him work for your cookie.

Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast
Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast

Conclusion: let the man court you before engaging in sex

Casual sex, or giving away your milk before they buy the cow, will make you end up old and alone. I hope this helps someone.

Thanks for tuning into the transform Your mind to transform your life the podcast.  I would love to hear your comments in chat.

Additional Resources

How to Get and How to Keep a Man

 

What is The Purpose of Unhappiness?

Does Unhappiness have a Purpose

Does your unhappiness have a purpose? Does your negativity change anything? The answer is no, so why do we choose it?

I just finished reading the book The Power of The Now by Eckhart Tolle and he made the statement that we chose unhappiness even though it serves no purpose. He asked the does your unhappiness change anything?

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Childhood unhappiness: Did it serve you

The book the Course in Miracles states that we believe that when we are unhappy our unhappiness buys us what we want. Not true in fact it pushes what you want further away.

Take a child who has conscious parents. Let’s say the child decides to throw a temper tantrum because they want to watch TV or they want a toy or candy. Any good parent will not give it to them, in fact if my kids threw a tantrum or cried for anything, they never got that thing.  Just recently my foster daughter cried because she wanted to watch TV and she thought crying and carrying on would get her TV instead the TV was removed from her room. So, if crying and unhappiness did not get us what we wanted as children, why do you still use it as adults?

All negativity is resistance. Negativity ranges from irritation to fierce anger.

The ego believes that through negativity, it can change reality and get what it wants. It believes that through unhappiness it can attract a desirable condition or dissolve an undesirable one.

If your mind did not believe that unhappiness works, then why would it create it?

Podbay FM Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podbay FM

Negativity keeps undesirable conditions in place

The fact is that negativity does not work; instead of attracting a desirable condition, it stops it from arising. Instead of resolving an undesirable one it keeps if in place.

Its only useful function of negativity, is that it strengthens the ego and that is why the ego loves it.

What is the ego? The ego is that portion of the human personality which is experienced as the “self” or “I” and is in contact with the external world through perception.

No other life form on the planet knows negativity, only humans. Just as no other life form poisons the earth that sustains it. Have you ever seen 2 ducks fight? They fight and then go their separate ways and then flap their wings to release the negativity and they are done. Humans carry around that negativity for decades. He did that to me! This negativity becomes, depression.

There is a line in the Matrix that says that Humans destroy their environment or land and then moves on the next place. What are you destroying with your unhappiness?

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

What is the purpose of unhappiness

Think about it. Has nagging your spouse ever resulted in him becoming the spouse that you want them to be or did it have the opposite effect? That is why the Bible teaches that a man would rather live on the roof top than live in a house with a nagging wife.

So today, I want to shine a light on unhappiness. Why do we create it if it does not get us what we want?

There are life situations that create unhappiness

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

How to be happy:  we have 3 choices:

  • We can remove ourselves from the situation
  • We can change how we think about the situation
  • Or we can accept the situation completely.

These are the options in, how to be happy. What good does it we do none of the these things, but just live with unhappiness? If you can successfully find which negative behavioral and cognitive patterns are making you unhappy, and address them, you’ll be able to start feeling happier in less time than you may think.

I will tell you what it does. It creates disease in the body and sends you to an early grave, but it never gets you what you want. Unhappiness serves no purpose other than to make you sick.

Even if you throw a temper tantrum and you get the toy in the store or your spouse gives in. Ultimately your unhappiness returns. It is only temporarily satiated.

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.

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Find Your Purpose: What's in Your Hand