Drug and Alcohol Treatment for Women with Trauma

Personal Growth Podcast

Childhood Abuse has continually been linked to substance abuse for women. In this Episode we look at, Drug and Alcohol treatment for women with trauma, who were abused by men and parents during childhood.

I interview Dr Tra Ahia who is the author of “Call me an Addict, War on Women”

Call me an Addict
Call me an Addict

She has been recognized as a champion of woman’s issues. Particularly women who have struggled to maintain a positive balance in their lives despite addiction. As the Therapist for women in Rehab for over 30 years, Dr Ahia was responsible for the, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, who turned to substance abuse to as a means to cope with trauma.  Her work in, addiction and recovery, began some thirty years ago and has empowered thousands of women as they transitioned to a healthy place in their lives. Dr Ahia’s research has been a motivating force in moving many broken women away from the men in their lives that lead them down the path of destruction, confusion, and addiction to a place where they are whole mentally, physically and emotionally with, drug and alcohol treatments.

In the book “Call me an Addict” Dr Ahia tells the brutal stories of 3 women.  We will look at one of these women on the blog and podcast on the, Transform Your Mind radio and Podcast with Life Coach Myrna Young.

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This is a summary Kelly’s story in the Book “Call me an Addict”

Kelly’s first memory at 2 years old was her father punching her in the face for not eating her food.  Then she remembered at 5 years old taking her father’s fingers as she sat on his lap with his friends and sticking them in her vagina!

That was the start of her life that included sex with her father, an alcoholic and abusive mother, promiscuity with men at age 14.

At age 15 her parents gave her away to her boyfriend and moved to another city. She had her first child soon after and was homeless because the boyfriend also moved away to another city and left her to look after a child with no home and no income.

Another man gave her a place to live in return for sex. He ended up marrying her and they had 3 more kids.

Her abuse resulted in her abuse of alcohol and rehab. Her drug and alcohol treatment for women with trauma, was not successful. She continued to relapse.

Kelly started drinking heavily at 14 years old and used it for escape. It was drinking, sex, and prostitution.

Her story ended with her kids being placed in the custody of child protective services and she being placed in rehab for the 3rd time.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

What was so sobering to me hearing this story was how 3 generations were ruined from addictions. Kelly’s father and mother were both addicts. She hated them both. She became an addict and then her eldest daughter followed her lifestyle. One of the most profound statements in the story to me was when Kelly said she and her daughter would fight all the time about who was the bigger whore!

As a Life Coach and survivor of child sexual abuse, I can say that the reason my life didn’t spin out of control like Kelly’s was because even before I knew anything about mindset and the power of intention, I wanted respect. I did not want to be known as a Bad Girl or whore. A girl who is free with sex and all the boys talk about her.

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Free Download: Out of the Snares, How to Heal your Brokenness
Out of the Snares

In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement”, I share a similar story about my molester fingering me in his car as he drove me to school. I had the mindset to become a player in this game of life and not become a victim. You see victims have no power. Like Kelly she was powerless to stop her father from molesting her. In fact, another sobering part of her story was when she told her father “No” and he returned with the handle of a mop and stuck it up her ass. He told her with that move that she was nothing more than his bitch and he could do with her anything he wanted.

But we as women always have power!

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Drug and Alcohol Treatment for Women with Trauma

Women are placed in Rehab facilities either by the Police, their families or sometimes they walk in on their own accord

Rehab facilities are an intensive in house process

As the in house Therapist my job was to administer, drug and alcohol treatments to these women with trauma, by helping them to learn from their addictions.

These Therapy sessions were conducted one on one and their, drug and alcohol treatments, were first understanding how they got to that point in their lives.

They first had to accept that they were addicts

These, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, were 30 days to 6 months and sometimes even years

Most people including families do not understand that, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, were not miracle drugs, these women were trying to get over abuse from their childhood.  They can’t be cured in 6 months when they had these traumas for 10, 20 even 30 years.

After the intensive in house, addiction and recovery, treatments these women continue their, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, in an half way house for about one year.  In this house they are expected to remain clean, get jobs, practice self love and self care  and become contributing members to their community.

For more information on Dr Tra Ahia’s work and to pick up a copy of her book visit her on the web at www.forlifeservices-cc-com

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Here are some of the Symptoms from Childhood Sexual Trauma Resulting in Addiction.

PTSD is a mental health condition triggered by a traumatic event. Symptoms can emerge months or even years after the sexual trauma. Some common symptoms of PTSD include flashbacks, nightmares, intense distress when exposed to sights, sounds, or smells that trigger memories of the trauma, and bodily reactions when reminded of the trauma.

Dissociation

Dissociation, often associated with PTSD, is feeling disconnected or dissociated from one’s body. It can affect a person’s ability to focus, concentrate and function for periods of time. In an effort to detach from the sexual trauma, people learn to numb themselves from the pain. Dissociation is often referred to as avoidance coping, because survivors use it as a mechanism to escape and pull away from their past.

The Road to Recovery

The recovery from sexual trauma is a healing journey that takes time. Children who have been traumatized by sexual abuse often report feelings such as shame, terror, depression, and guilt. They often blame themselves for the abuse. Although drugs and alcohol can give survivors a moment of reprieve, there are dangerous risks and high costs to that emotional escape.

Sexual abuse not only leaves emotional and psychological scars, but it can lead to dangerous risk-taking behaviors, like using drugs. Substances are only a temporary fix and they can’t erase the past. Fortunately, dark moments don’t have to last, and drugs don’t have to cover unhealed wounds. Survivors can learn healthy coping skills and become a beacon of encouragement and hope to other youth who travel a similar path toward healing.​

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Additional Resources for Drug and Alcohol Treatments for Women with Trauma

https://launchcenters.com/treatment/

 

https://www.turningpointtreatment.org/blog/the-role-childhood-abuse-plays-in-addiction/

https://americanaddictioncenters.org/blog/the-link-between-child-abuse-and-substance-abuse

https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/drug-addiction/related-topics/connection-child-abuse/#gref

 

https://blog.myhelps.us/10-ways-childhood-trauma-impact-adults-in-love/

Protecting your Child from, Sexual Abuse, in your Own Home

https://blog.myhelps.us/surviving-r-kelly-mindset-sexual-predator/

Protecting your Child from, Sexual Abuse, in your Own Home

As mothers we must be vigilant and protect our children from predators; but most of us do not think we to protect them from, sexual abuse, from their own fathers. Maralee McLean share her story of her 12 year battle to protect her daughter.

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Welcome to the Transform Your Mind blog and podcast, I’m your host coach Myrna Young and today I am speaking with Maralee McLean. Maralee is going to be talking to us today about her experience with, sexual abuse, from a parent. This is a very personal story for Maralee and I applaud her braveness and her transparency.

I’ve spoken several times on the show and this blog, of my , sexual abuse, as a child. I wrote a book about my story “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” So what I hope to do today is help Maralee bring awareness to, sexual abuse, in the home by family members.

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This nightmare became real for Maralee McLean, and her book “Prosecuted but not Silenced” details it. The entire narrative of “protective mothers”, mothers who have to share custody of their children with dangerous, abusive men; defies belief. People with background knowledge of the plight of protective mothers will recognize many themes of Maralee’s story- Woman falls in love with a “nice guy” who turns violent, uses the divorce to unleash a previously unimaginable level of cruelty and violence, and a court system so blinded to this evil and to the needs of children, they facilitate it. But for those who still find Maralee’s story beyond belief, there is almost a hundred pages of appendices providing the actual documentation mentioned in the chapters of the book, as well as background on issue.

Out of the Snares of , sexual abuse

• This book deals with child, sexual abuse, It’s impossible to write a book about child, sexual abuse, without describing child, sexual abuse, there are some concrete and medical description of child, sexual abuse, Readers easily triggered by that should skip through those descriptions, but by no means should they not read the book.
• In some ways, this book is the strongest testimony to the mother-child bond I’ve ever read. It’s also a testimony to why that bond should not be broken capriciously, and why a system that does, cannot be tolerated. This book deals with how our society is willing to sacrifice children on an altar of egos and ideologies. And it illustrates why that must stop.

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There’s lots of these cases today of protective moms that can’t protect their children, so that’s one of the reason I’m telling this story. I had I’ve been married to a, Domestic Violence abuser, and I really got out of my marriage carefully. Before we got married there were no red flags or books out there to tell you about these kinds of men. I thought a woman had be physically abused for it to be domestic violence. I didn’t understand control and emotional abuse and psychological abuse. I suffered all those abuses. I tell young girls today, especially in college, if they see red flags, run because if they marry that guy and have a child with him, you’re in this for life because that child will be possibly abused. I not saying, sexual abuse, but abuse in other forms.

My red flags were that he would be a perfectly nice guy and then his eyes would change in an instant to scary evil looking eyes.

We were married for many years before I had a baby but once I divorced him, there was a lot going through the divorce in itself. I mean I was stalked, emotionally abused, some physical and psychological. He would write editorials to the newspaper about our divorce and they would print them and they not even true.

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When my daughter was a baby her father did not want anything to do with her but once she turns like around 2 years old, he started wanting to see have visitation. This one time on a visitation our two-year-old daughter was wearing this little pink dress, her long dark hair was in a ponytail, her little blue eyes that danced and every one on the street literally stopped me to talk to her and I say her sweet she looked. I dropped her off at her dad at 4 pm for a 3 hour visit. When I went to pick her up about 7:00 pm that evening, I knocked at the door and there was no answer. I thought well that’s weird. I knocked again, still no answer. Finally he comes to the door and I saw my daughter’s clothes are strewn all over the living room floor. He goes upstairs and brings her down the stairs. She was covered in sweat and limp in his arms. Her hair was matted to her head. I asked him what the heck happened to her, my gut pulled tight. He said she got sick. I said well that’s funny because she was fine a few hours ago. I got her clothes together got her dress and got her out of there fast; but I at that point I never would dream he would, sexually abuse, his daughter. I always thought he’d be the greatest father that was one of the reasons I’d married him. I never saw any indication of, sexual abuse, or anything like that in him before this. I thought well she just got sick at his place.

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Later within maybe three months or so after that incident, my little girl discloses, sexual abuse, to the daycare provider and to myself in detail. No child could possibly come up with that on her own. She was 2 and a half. I called my sister who was a nurse at Children’s Hospital and I asked her what to do. She told me to ask her again in the morning and see if she repeats it. Don’t mention her father’s name and then take her to her pediatrician, so that’s exactly what I did and she I repeated the same, sexual abuse, to me and to her pediatrician. The doctor notified social services and that’s when my nightmare began!

Social services set up supervised visits and he was the perfect father. Then one day I met The Guardian Ad litem, which is a lawyer for the child. I go into this room and they had other social workers there and the father and she interrogated me like nothing I’ve ever seen on TV. Why would your daughter continue to say, sexual abuse, if you weren’t coaching her?

I said have you talked to the babysitter who spent quality time with my little girl? She had been on the case for 3 months and she had not met the babysitter.

She said this is, parental alienation, I didn’t even know what, parental alienation, meant at the time. This is a term I’ll bring up later. She says this child going into foster care. She already had a foster care home lined up before she even talked to me. I am beyond belief. Her father and I are not even living together. They were going to put my baby into foster care and totally traumatize her. She’s never been away from me. I’m the sole caretaker. But I held it together, because I knew if I emotionally went nuts the would say I was not a fit mother.

After they took my baby, I lay my head on a desk and cried as if my soul was just ripped out of me. Then I drove a hundred miles an hour to Dr. Baker’s office. I walked in with my makeup all over my face. They just took my baby from me, you know the truth, fight for us.
It took me 12 years to get my baby back.
Click the link below to listen to the rest of this powerful story.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7atnnDykwb0&t=405s

Additional Resources
https://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-overcome-the-pain-domestic-violence-child-molestation/
https://blog.myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/313252392_Prosecuted_but_Not_Silenced_Courtroom_Reform_for_Sexually_Abused_Children_by_Maralee_McLean
https://stopabusecampaign.org/what-is-a-protective-mother/
https://stopabusecampaign.org/campaigns/custody-court-crisis/custody_court/parental-alienation-syndrome/

What are the, Secrets to Success,? Here are my 10 Secrets

I do believe that success leaves Clues, As a successful Author, Life Coach, Realtor, and Radio Host, these are my, secrets to success,

My story is probably similar to a lot of people that reached success. Most successful people start off with nothing and I was no exception. Today I am sharing my story on the , secrets of success, podcast with Dr Ken Keis.

I was born in a British Guyana, which is in South America. We have a Caribbean culture, so we consider ourselves part of the Caribbean Islands; but we’re really South American. When I was born Guyana was very poor country, it still is a Third World country. Both my mom and my grandmother were domestic servants and we didn’t have much. My Dad taught me at a very early age the value of education to elevate ourselves out of poverty. He was very smart. When I was born he was in Teachers College and went on to get his PH.D in in London in his early thirties.

I’m submerging myself right now in in in the book “The Biology of Belief” by Dr. Bruce Lipton and I’m understanding from Dr. Lipton, that genes give us 50% of our character and the other 50% comes from the environment we grew up in. Looking back I can say that as a child, because I was the first born I was marooned in love so, the environment that I grew up in, kind of nullified the poverty thing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mp49uQgIBbM&t=331s

I also believe that I’m highly favored. I still see it still every day of my life; but I also got some good breaks. One of the first good breaks is that I had was a very wealthy Godfather. He showered me with a lot of gifts and a lot of love. He ended up also sexually abusing me but I never really focus on that because I’m not a victim. The, sexual abuse, started when I was 10 years old or so and living down the street from him. I was at his house all the time because he had grandchildren and we would play together. I spent most of my time at his house and then when my mom moved to Canada when I was 11, my grandmother and my siblings moved into one of the rental rooms on his property. So I was like right there. This continued until I was about 13 years old and started liking boys.

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________________________________________________________

As a 13 year old girl I noticed I was different from other girls. 13 year old girls were virgins, they never had sex until they started going out with boyfriends. I wasn’t a virgin! Sexual abused, children don’t know that what someone is doing to them is wrong. I did not know it was wrong. My Godfather was considered a family member per se, and I loved him. So at 13 years, I started on my first, secret to success,

#1 I decided I needed respect. I decided not to have sex with boys, because I did not want them to know I was not a virgin. Using my podcast title, I transformed my mindset from being a victim to becoming respectable and started on the first of my, secrets to success,

A story like this that affects you for your entire life until you transform it, until you see that a lot of good people have have a lot of bad things happen to them. If you look at the bad things all the time, it keeps you stuck in the past.

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#2 of my, secrets to success, is You have to rewrite the story of your past and start writing the story of your future.

God gives you a test, so that you can have a testimony. In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” I talk about coming out of the snares of poverty, out of the snares of, sexual abuse, people can have out of the snares of addiction, people can have out of the snares of rape. I wasn’t raped so it’s a little different experience. Somebody took advantage of
my innocence, using their wealth to capture my heart. It happens all the time. Pedophiles, I can spot them in a minute now, because I been through that.

#3 of my, secrets to success, An abundant mindset – I consider that having a wealthy Godfather who gave me everything I wanted, one of my breaks and, secrets to success, even though it came with the, sexual abuse, attachment.
Google Play [/caption]
I immigrated to Toronto, Canada at 17 years old. I immediately got a good job at a bank with no experience. After a couple of years, I decided to go to college. Canada is a country with lots of benefits. I was able to go back to school for free, Unemployment insurance from my job paid for my schooling. I graduated with a degree in computer science and I decided to go to sell computers because I understood that that’s where the most money was.

#4 Unleash the power within. was definitely one of my, secrets to success, A couple years into selling computers, I got my 4th of my, secrets to my success, Tony Robbins impacted my life! My story is all about favor. My company was given free tickets to a Tony Robbins seminar. Unleash the Power within. I came out of that seminar and I know now looking back is when I started my consciousness or my awareness journey.

Tony Robbins talked about unleashing the power within and I came out of that seminar at changed woman. I immediately went about starting my own business. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, so I looked it up in books. I decided to become a Limousine Operator. I took that limousine business to one of the top female owned operators in Toronto. I even won the Entrepreneur of the Year award. Then I wanted more. Whenever you achieve a goal, you start on the next goal because the goal is never the ending place. Life is the journey. I would come to Las Vegas every year at the limousine Convention and I thought that the America was where it’s at. America was where all the limousine operators were rich.

I started dreaming of coming to America! I applied for a Free trade agreement visa and set up a branch office of my limousine service in Miami.
Stitcher[/caption]
Then the needle moved again. I no longer wanted to live in the USA without the benefits of becoming a permanent resident, so started my journey into becoming a permanent resident and citizen. That wasn’t without a lot of trepidation and failure. It took me ten years and three marriages. I wrote about it in detail in my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement, pick up a copy. It reads like a suspense thriller!

#5 This is my fifth of my, secrets to success, never give up. It took me ten years but I won. I became an American citizen. I’m married still married to my third American husband and we’re doing great things together.

Sometime after that, I saw this newspaper article about a, Life coach, I had never seen or heard that word before; but I knew immediately that is what I was supposed to be.

#6 That is my 6th, secrets to success, be open for guidance from the Divine or your Higher self. You have to live consciously to be in communication with your spirit guide. I know now that the things that we see and the things that we pay attention to, is the universe speaking to us and directing us to our purpose.

#7 I acted on this vision. This is my 7th of my, secrets to success, Action. My next step was to get certified, so I enrolled in University of Miami coaching program and got my, Life coaching, certification.

About a year after becoming a, Life Coach, I received an invitation to be a guest on a radio show and talk about my , secrets to success, The show was aired on WDJY 99.1 Metro Atlanta. Hype Media Global owned the station and they loved my personality and my content and offered me my own show.

# 8 That’s the 8th of my, secrets to success, Jump in and learn as you go. I had to learn to interview, I had to learn to produce my show and then learn how to convert it to a podcast.

I am now a Life Coach, Realtor, and a Podcast Host.

So to recap, one of the first, secrets to success, is to not become a victim. A victim has no power. A victim mentality says that somebody did something to me and that person has the power over you. Instead you need to become as a Player. When you are a player, I use the analogy of a blackjack game, regardless of what the dealer is showing, regardless of where you are and your circumstances right now, regardless of what you see physically in front of you, you can still play to win.

That is basically one of my first conscious decisions and definitely need to included in the list of my, secrets to success, Before I even got into transforming your mind or anything like that, I just knew I wasn’t going to be a victim. I’m not going to carry my story to my grave. Somebody did something to me and I looked for the lessons in that story. I look for the positive and what I gained from that situation instead of what somebody took from me. That transformed into my relationships. I don’t bear malice or grudges. If my spouse cheated on me, I give him to right to follow his desires. I could then make my own choices.

Some women hate their spouses because they cheated on them or they did something to them and become bitter and dried up and they take that hate to their graves. When you forgive then you are able to transform yourself.

They say unforgiveness is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die.

#9 Another of my, secrets to success, is that I’m into meditation, and I’m into energy, and I’m into vibration. I’m into having a vision and designing my life and being as a the co-creator in my world. Not just letting things happen to you and you have no control.

My vision is that I want to become the top Podcaster. I’m not going to sit back and not do anything. I work my ass off, every day. I put a lot of energy into this vision because where attention goes, energy flows!

# 10 of my, secrets to success, is to transform my mind, I encourage everybody that’s listening to this podcast or reading this blog, to look at what beliefs and behaviors are not serving you and replace them. It is not easy because most of us live unconsciously, but awareness is key.

Look for the opportunity in any setback. I’m an optimist. I am not sure when this started, but I’m an optimist. Optimism is listed as one of the six foundations to, secrets to success, Anytime something happens to me or I receive any kind of push-back, I look for the opportunity in it. What I’m talking about is, transforming your mind, you know that’s the reason I became a full-time coach. I was working for Office Depot and Office Depot and OfficeMax merged and they fired me and gave me a great severance package. I had worked for Office Depot for ten years. With that severance package, I started my own business and went into it full time. I never looked back. I had co workers who wallowed in self-pity. What am I going to do? How am I going to find a job at 50 years old? Cry, cry.

I heard Oprah say it a different way. The sun is always there even when the clouds are covering it. The sun is still shining underneath, you just can’t see it. Always look for the silver lining, if you look for it, you will find it.

Live your life with intention. Intention is energy, it’s thought. Before you do anything, it first has to be a thought in your brain.
Before you can hold anything in your hand you first have to hold it in your head.

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Additional resources:
https://www.success.com/4-secrets-of-insanely-successful-people/
https://www.wanderlustworker.com/what-is-the-secret-to-success-in-life/
https://blog.myhelps.us/become-life-coach/
https://blog.myhelps.us/9-love-out-of-the-snares/
https://blog.myhelps.us/are-you-trapped-by-your-past/

10 Ways Childhood Trauma Impacts our Ability to Love

Child sexual abuse - break the silence
The Legacy of, Childhood Trauma

10 ways that, childhood trauma, can sabotage your love life and relationships. Relationship Coach Riana Milne joins The Transform your Mind podcast to discuss, childhood trauma, and how it impacts our adult life. Riana is the best selling author of “Love Beyond your Dreams” and “From Fear and Doubt to Personal Power, Purpose and Success.”

For anyone who have had trouble maintaining healthy relationships, listen to find out if your have any of the, childhood trauma, that can affect your love relationships.

How Childhood Trauma affects Adults
How Childhood Trauma affects Adults

IN THIS EPISODE YOU’LL LEARN:

How does, childhood trauma, impact adults in life and love?
Riana goes over ten, childhood traumas, and relate them back to how they show up in our lives as an adult.
To get the most out of this topic, Riana advise the listeners to Get a sheet of paper and make three columns.

The first column you put “ME”, the second column you put “Your partner” and the third column you put “Your parents” because research shows, childhood trauma, go through the generations.

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So here are the ten, childhood traumas:

As I speak them remember that when you were child you’re very young and innocent all you knew is what mom and dad modeled to you so there’s
nothing to feel guilt or shame about.
I don’t want people to say no it didn’t happen because they’re embarrassed or they feel shame around it.
If it is a fact, if it happened write it down.
It is like putting a puzzle together. Once you know what your, childhood trauma, is and then how it’s showing up as a for you as an adult.
As a coach, I can start putting the pieces together and everything starts making a whole lot of sense.

My favorite line is you can’t change what you don’t understand.

Childhood trauma, #1
1. Addictions – as a child, did your parents have any addiction?
Now we typically think of drugs and alcohol, but there’s also sex addiction.
If your parent was a cheater or watched porn, have an eating addiction, was a hoarder,
spending or gambling, workaholic etc. There’s 11 addictive behaviors.

Childhood trauma, #2

2. Verbal abuse – Did you witness your mom and dad screaming and yelling at each other? This, Childhood trauma, is typical is yelling screaming but this also includes no verbal alkaloids, no compliments, not hearing I love you
verbally humiliated, or put down, your opinion means nothing, or statements like “you’ll never amount to anything.” Comments like that.

Childhood trauma, #3

3. Emotional abuse or Neglect – Your parents were not around, being gone for long periods of time. Research also shows latch key kids let’s say they came home from school at 3 o’clock and mom if they’re in a single household mom
had to work 9 to 5. That child is alone for two or so hours.

There’s anxiety around that. So that even falls under the neglect believe it or not. While we’re out trying to support our kids there home alone.

Childhood trauma, #4

4. Physical Abuse, Rape or Molestation – This, childhood trauma,  could have happened in or outside of the home. Physical abuse is being beat hit in any way other than the typical spanking like a quick spank on the butt. Research shows that spanking does nothing to help teach your child anything, so I always say when I do parenting lectures in the schools we’re supposed to teach our child another way.

If you’re beating them or hitting them you’re teaching them to be violent back. We don’t want to do that.

Childhood trauma, #5

5. Abandonment – There’s two types, childhood trauma, from abandonment. Fault and No Fault abandonment.
Here are three examples, childhood trauma, from no-fault abandonment.
• a parent has to go off and serve at war
• a parent happens to die early
• early a parent travels away from the home a lot for work. 20:24

Here is an example of “Fault” abandonment:
• Divorce and the mom or dad leaves the home and is supposed to see the children every weekend and is either late or
cancels, does not pick up the child. The dad is spending more time with his new girlfriend than he is paying attention to you the child.

Childhood trauma, #6

6. Adoption – if you were adopted, part of the foster care system, or you needed to live with relatives because mom or dad couldn’t take care of you, that even includes Grandma’s, aunts or uncles. I had a client who signed up with me she
asks “How about if we chose to live with another family because we didn’t want to go home? I said yes that falls under this category because there was always yelling and screaming in her household so she didn’t want to go home.

Childhood trauma, #7

7. Personal trauma – This comes from being bullied, feeling different not fitting in, being a little overweight as a child or like me skinny and gawky. Many people remember being bullying not part of the sports teams.

 

Childhood trauma, #8

8. Sibling trauma – Your sibling could have been born with a medical issue where it demanded more of moms and dads time. Or they could be bullying you, but most often this one applies to if you perceive your sibling as being the golden child. They were more athletically beautiful or handsome or intelligent getting better grades and mom or dad gushed over
them versus you. You were always trying to prove yourself and say see I’m worthwhile too.

Childhood trauma, #9

9. Community trauma – If a parent was incarcerated, if you moved a lot like military families. In the U.S.A military families move every two to four years. Growing up in lack, growing up in dangerous neighborhoods, that’s all
family trauma and community trauma. Today we can also have, childhood trauma, if we have active volcanoes, massive fire, floods, hurricanes, mass shootings in our community.

https://blog.myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/

Childhood trauma, #10

10. Mental Health – Bipolar, Manic Depression, Hidden personalities. We have Sociopaths and narcissism is part of community trauma. Sociopathic means that they have no regard for your emotional feelings, they act on what they want, when they want without thinking about their partner or the repercussions.

I am unlike every other love coach, because I specialize in how the past has harmed you and what you’re attracting. We call it same person different face. The repetitive toxic relationships and this happens to my clients who are very successful
in business but they struggle in love. They can’t figure out why like I can get the career right,

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Get it here:
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Additional Resources:

https://blog.myhelps.us/reflection-4-rejection-surviving-mothers-abandonment/

4 Ways a Traumatic Childhood Affects Adult Relationships

What happens to us as children can affect the attachment style we carry into our adult relationships. Childhood Trauma, hugely influences attachment. Often people who grew up in happy, healthy, and stable homes where caregivers were emotionally available and responsive to their needs have a secure attachment style. These people don’t push partners away or cling too tightly. While they may have troubles in their relationships, an unhealthy attachment style isn’t the cause.

The Long Shadow of Childhood Trauma

A new study suggests that stress experienced early in life damages the ability to assess risk, creating young adults with poor decision-making skills.

Are You Trapped By Your Past?

Self Improvement Book: Out of the Snares

As a Certified a, Life Coach, I know that we can become, trapped, by past hurt. I am trained to help my clients look back at their, past, and find clues for their future. It is not that the, past, equals the future; but that it gives you an indication of how you respond to hurts and disappointments. For example: Do you tackle them head on and fight like Rocky Balboa, or do you fold up like an umbrella like your best girlfriend and let circumstances anchor you in life?

Out of the Snares, trapped by your past
Out of the Snares, trapped by your past

In Chapter 2 of my book “Out Of The Snares” I share with my readers how I responded to a significant childhood hurt, child abuse. I used the analogy of a train traveling to a predetermined destination and hit something along the way and become derailed. That train can no longer continue on to that destination. Once derailed it is finished and we become, trapped.

I made the choice not to let the circumstances of my childhood, derail me. I choose to release, past, hurt. Instead, I chose to look at the positives that came out of that experience and allowed the lessons learned to shape me into the person I am today.
We all have a story, the successful people in life, succeed in spite of their story. I share secrets on how to use your story as the launching pad to fire you up. I teach you how to not become, trapped.

I show how the people that God placed in your life as a child, are there to teach you something. Just as in the story of Moses being raised by the Pharaoh’s daughter until he was ready for God to use him to fulfill his purpose, all the people in your life and your, past, have strategic purposes.

How to Heal, Past, hurts

We all have a mother or mother figure who helped shape us into the women we are today – whether that person is a biological mother who gave birth to us, or a mother figure such as an older sister, aunt, stepmother, grandmother, or teacher. However, the reality is that no matter who you called “mother,” this woman held power over your development throughout your life, and she may not have been the mother you needed. Whether through intentional malice, physical or emotional abuse, or unintentionally through absence or other life circumstances, you may find yourself wounded by her actions — or lack of action. This, past, hurt, influences who you become and how you live, either, trapped, or free.  Releasing, past, hurts stops the harmful impacts that can ripple through your relationships with a partner, children, and within yourself. It stops you from becoming, trapped, by these memories.

The take away from this chapter is that we all have a, past. Some more daunting than others, but under every cloud there is a silver lining. Success in life depends on how you chose to respond to the rain.

Remember that the same rain that causes the flood is the same rain that is responsible for the harvest.

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5 Ways to Let Go of, Past, Hurts

The only way you can accept new joy and happiness into your life is to make space for it. If your heart is filled full-up with pain from, past, hurt, you can’t be open to anything new.

1. Make the decision to let go of the, past.

Things don’t disappear on their own. You need to make the commitment to “let it go.” If you don’t make this conscious choice up-front, you could end up self-sabotaging any effort to move on from this, past hurt.

Making the conscious decision to let it go also means accepting you have a choice to let it go. To stop reliving the, past, pain, to stop going over the details of the story in your head every time you think of the other person (after you finish step 2 below). This is empowering to most people, knowing that it is their choice to either become, trapped, by the pain, or to live a future life without it.

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Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

2. Take responsibility and release blame for, past hurt.

Express the pain from, past hurt, whether it’s directly to the other person, or through just getting it out of your system (like venting to a friend, or writing in a journal, or writing a letter you never send to the other person). Get it all out of your system at once and take responsibility. Blame allows you to stay a victim.  Doing so will also help you understand why specifically you are hurting.

We don’t live in a world of black and whites, even when sometimes it feels like we do. While you may not have had the same amount of responsibility for the hurt you experienced, there may have been a small part of the hurt that you are also partially responsible for. What could you have done differently next time? Are you an active participant in your own life, or simply a hopeless victim? Will you let your pain become your identity? Or will you become, trapped, by it.

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3. Stop being the victim and blaming others.

Being the victim feels good — it’s like being on the winning team of you against the world. But guess what? The world largely doesn’t care, so you need to get over yourself. Yes, you’re special. Yes, your feelings matter. But don’t confuse with “your feelings matter” to “your feelings should override all else, and nothing else matters.” Your feelings are just one part of this large thing we call life, which is all interwoven and complex. And messy.

In every moment, you have that choice — to continue to feel bad about another person’s actions, or to start feeling good. You need to take responsibility for your own happiness, and not put such power into the hands of another person. Release the shackles and get out of the snares of blame. Why would you let the person who you feel is responsible for your, past hurt, have such power, right here, right now?

No amount of rumination of analyses have ever fixed a relationship problem. Never. Not in the entirety of the world’s history. So why choose to engage in so much thought and devote so much energy to a person who you feel has wronged you?

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4. Focus on the present.

Now it’s time to let go. Let go of the past, and stop reliving it. Stop telling yourself that story where the protagonist — you — is forever the victim of this other person’s horrible actions. You can’t undo the past, all you can do is to make today the best day of your life.

When you focus on the here and now, you have less time to think about the past. When the past memories creep into your consciousness (as they are bound to do from time to time), acknowledge them for a moment. And then bring yourself gently back into the present moment. Some people find it easier to do this with a conscious cue, such as saying to yourself, “It’s alright. That was the past, and now I’m focused on my own happiness and doing .”

Remember, if we crowd our brains — and lives — with hurt feelings, there’s little room for anything positive. It’s a choice you’re making to continue to feel the hurt, rather than welcoming joy back into your life.

5. Forgive them and free yourself from being, trapped.

We may not have to forget another person’s bad behaviors, but virtually everybody deserves our forgiveness. Sometimes we get stuck in our pain and our stubbornness, we can’t even imagine forgiveness. But forgiveness isn’t saying, “I agree with what you did.” Instead, it’s saying, “I don’t agree with what you did, but I forgive you anyway.”

Download you copy of “Out Of The Snares” today
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Additional Resources

How to Forgive even when it feels impossible 

https://blog.myhelps.us/reflection-4-rejection-surviving-mothers-abandonment/

No Fear : How to Live with Courage