As I did all these different, meditations, what happened to me was I was able to release out of my body and mind, all this inner turmoil and activate the, law of attraction money. I found my creativity, love and the wisdom that we all have within us. It was hugely successful to say the least that I found those, meditations.~Pragito Dove
Listen to the full interview here:
Myrna – Tell us your journey to becoming an author, hypnotherapist and coach?
Pragito Dove is an internationally recognized Author, Hypnotherapist, Coach and Speaker with over 20 years’ experience. Pragito helps entrepreneurs, leaders, and CEO’s align their mindset to allow more peace, time and financial freedom. She shows you how to change your money blueprint, recondition your mind for automatic abundance, and use Spiritual Laws of Attraction to create real world success.
Pragito – It didn’t start off so great. I could tell you I had a very challenging childhood. I had a cruel mother and my father didn’t protect me. I just adored my father; but he was not in his power. He didn’t stand up for himself and didn’t stand up for me, so basically I got trodden all over by my mother. I was actually terrified of her; so what I did to cope was to shut down my heart and live in my head.
I had a lot of fear, I had a lot of anger and pain in my heart. I realized even as a young child that I was just going to have to sort of stick it out so to speak until I got old enough to do something about it.
In my early 20s, I heard about this Zen master called Osho in India. He had a wide range of, meditation techniques, including expressive, meditation. I started doing these, meditations, because I really needed to release all those turbulent emotions that I’d stuffed down; because they were clearly not helping me attract the life I wanted.
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I travelled to India with my son was 14 months old and studied with Osho. Let me tell you, they worked.
There was a laughter, meditation to activate the, law of attraction money
A fearless, meditation, for crying and releasing
There was a dancing, meditation, for joy
A gibberish, meditation, to just get out all the junk
Also a dynamic, meditation, great for dumping out anger and
A humming, meditation.
As I did all these different, meditations, what happened to me was I was able to release out of my body mind, all this inner turmoil and found inner peace. I found my creativity, love and the wisdom that we all have within us. It was hugely successful to say the least that I found those, meditations.
Myrna – How many years did that take you to release all the hurt?
Pragito – Well, it was a process.
It was just an unbelievable transformation that happened to me. I saw how it was possible for me, so I trained to teach all these, meditations, to others as well. I realized I could create a business and help others use the, law of attraction money, and that’s become my mission.
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Hypnotherapy vs Meditation
Myrna – What exactly is, hypnotherapy, and how is it different from, meditation?
Pragito – Well, what I do with the, hypnotherapy, is I take people on a guided journey deep into their subconscious mind (because that is where the solutions to the problem lay).
Now, if we take, money, let’s say someone is always broke or use his/her credit cards and pay off the credit card; but then goes back in the same cycle. That was me actually. I would pay off the credit card and then it’d be back on the credit cards again. Always getting to the same place like an inner ceiling and not being able to get past that.
What we can do in the, hypnotherapy, session is go to the root of the problem and find out what is going on with their, law of attraction money, what they learned about, money as a child.
Myrna – My last interview, we discussed, money blocks. I don’t want to do too much into that because I had a whole episode on, money blocks; but would that be considered another, money block, or is there a different word for this particular blueprint like, law of attraction money?
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Using Hypnotherapy to remove Money Blocks
Pragito – The, money block, is what’s blocking you. The blueprint is your beliefs and what’s guiding you. Like a blueprint for a construction project, you’re told this is the way life is and you believe it because that’s what you’re told.
I have to tell you something very interesting. I’ve been doing, hypnotherapy, for over 23 years. It’s not about, making money, at all. It’s about love. It’s about deserving, a lot of us believe I am not deserving, I am not worthy. Another way, ‘I’m not enough, I don’t deserve wealth.
Myrna – I agree, Michelle Obama in her book – “Becoming”, talked about not being enough a lot. Even when she was first lady and even when she was a lawyer and successful; because she started off in the poor parts of Chicago, she felt she wasn’t enough and she felt that she didn’t deserve it.
As a hypnotherapist, what kind of work do you do to remove that, money block, blueprint and activate the, law of attraction money?
Pragito – Your, money, blueprint is sometimes formed in the womb! The child can learn that the mother doesn’t want it or maybe the father doesn’t want it, because it’s all energy. We’re all transmitting energy all the time and then the child arrives. So I take my clients into a more relaxed state; but not going out. They’re still present and I ask the wisdom of their body, the wisdom of their heart and their higher self to bring forward for us the, money block.
Pragito – The good thing about, hypnotherapy, is because you’re working at the root, when we’ve healed everything, it never ever comes back.
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Myrna – Why is it important for an entrepreneur to understand how the, Law of Attraction money, works and to invest in themselves? Do they have to start by being in a, hypnotherapy, session for them to understand their, money, blueprint?
Pragito – Well it’s just that the, hypnotherapy, can help to make it all go quicker. That’s what the, hypnotherapy, can help with; but the place to start is with the awareness. It’s a three-step process.
The first step is “Ask for what you want”. However, you have to be clear, you need clarity on what you want.
Then you have to focus on what you want and activate the, law of attraction money. You have to focus on it and let people know you want it. Get pictures of what you want. One tip I give is, Do not ask for, money, because the universe doesn’t really understand what you mean by, money. Do you want a bag of, money, to fall on your head one day? Is that what you want? It’s much more powerful to ask what you want the, money, to buy. For instance, I want a Lexus car or I want to go on a cruise.
Step 3 is “allowing” This is the most difficult step and it’s a step where most people fall down. You have to allow what you want to come to you. This is where the, meditation, is helpful. One of the, meditation techniques I teach with, meditation, is learning to witness the mind. You learn to misidentify from the mind, because the thoughts of the mind actually are not real. They are like shadows, like when you walk down the street on a sunny day and you can see your shadow, that’s what thoughts are. They’re like shadows, they are not real and they’re often not true. The mind says things like “you can never have a Lexus, you’re broke.”
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What you learn to do with the, meditation, work is to observe, witness or watch the mind. Learning to misidentify from it so that you don’t get caught up in believing what the mind is saying and you can just relax and say “thank you mind,” and just let the thoughts pass-by.
Those are the five magic words for the mind. Let the mind pass-by, just let it pass-by.
Myrna – That reminded me I used to work with automatic negative thoughts and when I would hear the mind telling me something, I would talk back to it, because it keeps repeating all the time and then you talk back to it – I would say you better stop.
Pragito – Yes that’s good, that’s right. You better cut that out.
Good Vibes activate the, Law of Attraction Money
If we look at the, Law of Attraction money, on a scale of one to ten, one being our most negative vibes and ten being our most positive vibe, All the, law of attraction money, does is it matches. It’s a one trick pony, that’s all. It doesn’t care who you are or what you want. If you’re some famous Hollywood actor or a rickshaw driver in Calcutta, it doesn’t care.
All it does is match your energy. We really need to pay attention to our emotional state which is in the subconscious. With 95% of our thoughts being in the subconscious, if we transmit anger, guess what we get back, anger. If we’re transmitting fear, that’s what we get back. So we have to pay attention to our vibes. Our only job is to keep our vibes positive.
There are many ways to do that and one of my favorite ways is the laughter, meditation. Well I do that a lot. That’s good and fantastic, because laughter really helps to keep your high vibes and then you’re in your positive energy which is the, law of attraction money, state. At this point, your possibility of attracting, money, is very high.
Whereas when you’re in a negative state, of course it becomes very low. The most important thing is to be aware of your emotional state. We want to be aware of the thoughts of the mind; but that’s only about five percent of it. It’s the emotional state that is the most powerful and so here’s another tip if you really want something and you need, money, to buy.
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Let’s say you’ve got this really dinged up old car to take your kids to school and you need a decent car. So you say to the universe “look I really need a good car and you say it with a lot of emotion and with a lot of energy. “I really need a really good car”. Your chances of getting what you want go up astronomically when you put emotion behind it.
But if you just say “well I’d like to have a Lexus, it’s on my list but I don’t care. There’s no real emotion behind it, then you’re not going to get a Lexus. You might still attract it, but you won’t get it as quickly as someone who’s very passionate about what they want and puts a lot of feeling into asking for it.
Pragito – The, meditations, are for manifesting peace, prosperity and passion. Meditation, is being in the present moment and, meditation techniques, are important. The, meditation techniques, are there to help us and remind us to be in the present moment. Why do we want to be in the present moment? Because first of all we’re aware of our feeling state, the feelings are always in the present moment and when we have that present moment awareness, we have the power of choice.
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We can choose. If we find our vibes are down, then we could say, I need to watch a funny video or comedy’. ‘I need to get my vibes up right now, etc. That awareness gives you that choice. Let’s say for example we feel really angry towards somebody, so it’s not a good idea to talk to somebody when you’re angry or when you feel angry with them.
In the book, I give suggestions for what you can do when you feel angry. There are two techniques in particular where you can dump your anger out in the sacred context of a, meditation technique, in the first stage. Then in the second stage, you sit in silence and you find it much easier to sit in silence when you’ve let the lid off the pressure cooker. So, to speak and get rid of a lot of emotional turmoil, it’s very easy to drop down. You will find inner peace in calm, your inner wisdom, love, creativity and all these good things.
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From that place you can decide what to do about this irritating person that’s annoyed you. Do you need to talk to them? If you do need to talk to them, then you talk to them from that place of peace and calm, because that will help them become calm and peaceful; because normally they would be reacting to your energy. Then, the whole thing is just a big mess; but when you take responsibility that you feel angry and that it’s not going to help to either dump your anger on somebody else or stuff it down. You do the, meditation technique, you’re nice, calm and very likely to come up with a creative way to handle the situation.
That is perfect for marriages because a lot of people in intimate relationships blow up and it doesn’t ever go anywhere.
Myrna – Tell our listening audience how they can get a copy of your book. Also, tell them how they can reach you to do any of your, hypnotherapy, sessions coaching and things like that because I’m pretty sure you get results.
Pragito – The book is on Amazon. Actually this book was just released in August and it’s already a number one bestseller.
Myrna – Good for you, congratulations.
Pragito – Thank you. To find me, you go to my website www.discovermeditation.com/contact you can sign up for my laughing Buddhist Network newsletter and you get two free Gifts.
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Money blocks, are negative subconscious beliefs about, money, that limit you from achieving your conscious desires. Hilary Hendershott, wealthcoach talks today on the Transform Your Mind Radio and Podcast on the topic “How to remove your, money blocks, and, build wealth.” Hilary was once $600,000 in depth and nowhasa seven figure net worth.
Listen to the full interview here:
Hilary – I found myself in my late 20s withmultiple credit cards and tens of thousands of credit card debt, plus I had a $420,000 in mortgagedebt on a condo. In 2008 that condo in San Jose Californiawent from $430,000 in appraised value to just $190,000. I hadmassiveuncollateralized debt, $72,000in tuition debt and I was the kind ofperson whowould spend money before it came in! I was a massiveoverspender.
Back then I had never heard the term, Money Blocks. Today as a coach and operating from my own, money blocks, I understand that I was an over spender because I had, money blocks.
The definition of, Money Blocks
The definition Money blocks: negative subconscious beliefs about, money, that limit you from achieving your conscious desires. Let’s say you’re trying to save, money, but, for whatever reason, you can’t seem to do it. You spend, money, almost as soon as you get it, and you don’t know why.
Hilary – I started gaining clarity on my, money blocks, the day I pulledmy leased BMWinto the gas station and I put my creditcard into the machineto get gas, and my credit card wasdeclined. I tried another card, it was declined,I put the third card it was also declined. At that point, all my creditcards are maxed out and no one would give meany more credit cards.
My bank accounts were empty and hadalready emptied out my 401k. I had spentall this good moneychasing after bad while trying to dig myself out of this hole;because as my income was declining in2008, and my debt was increasing. So I literally couldn’t even put a tank ofgas in my beautiful convertible BMW thatday.
How I became an expert on clearing, money blocks
Hilary – Idecided to become an expert on, money,psychology. I really made a decision thatdayand I said“I‘m not willing to live like this anymore”. I understood from the beginning that our, money blocks, are as much a function of linguistics, thewords that we useto describe, money, than it is about our upbringing.
So, when I said “there’s neverenough money” I was speaking it into the atmosphere. That became a self fulfilling prophesy. There’s never enough money was my, money operating system. I trademarked thisterm, Money Operating System. Just likeyour computer has an operating system, we all have a, money operating system. That is sort of another way of saying, money blocks.
How, money blocks, are formed
As a child we hear adult say:
money, doesn’t grow on trees,
you have to work hard for, money
money, isthe root of all evil
Money, is evil and rich people are greedy.
I wonder who she had to screw to get that job.
You see your parents fight about, money, all the time.
Whatever it is, everyone will have a different set of, money blocks; because not everyone has thesame, moneyoperating system.
I was in financial planningand trying to, build wealth through real estate, so I was making, money.Iactually had a six figure income; but spent more than I earned.
Howdo you manifest there’s never enough,money, when you have a six figure income?
There was one year I earned $120,000 in income and I spent $150,000. I attended a talk at a FinancialPlanner Conference and this woman, who is nowa personal friend of mine, talkedabout, money blocks, and, money, psychology. She used the term“over spender”. I had never heard about, money blocks, before that talk. Being an over-spender is one way to manifest, there is never enough money.
Another way you canmanifest, there’s never enough money, isby being an,under earner. There are someof you listening to this podcast; you just can’t seem to earnwhat you know you’re worth in themarketplace. You are actually sabotaging yourself.
You deliberately pick the jobs that areunder earning.
Youunder promote yourself,
You don’t askforraises,
You get contract gigs and spendsix months unemployed.
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Hilary – To make a long story short, I put what I learned into practice – I paid off all mydebt and then I got really honest and transparentabout where I was financially.
Ilived in my mother’s guest room for a while to make it happen. I lostthat condo and I paid off the debt. I started puttingmy money where my mouth was in terms ofbuilding my business. I now run a registered investmentadvisory firm. We are all women, owned andoperated.
My business earns about amillion dollars a year.My husband and I just share thenumbers; because I want tonormalize peopletalking about, money. My husband and I have a house in Silicon Valley that’sworth two million dollars and ifyou put together all of our otherinvestments, we’re definitely what youwould call financially independent. We have, financial freedom.
Build Wealth, by having your, money, work for you.
Now we have, money, work for us; but it’s askill set that I didn’t always have.I have found out that my purpose on thisplanetis to coach people, especiallyentrepreneurs. For those people who runbusinesses,the sky is the limit for themto remove their, money blocks, whereverthey may be.
I figured it out. I sort of put myselfin, money, boot camp.I didn’t buya cup of coffee in a coffee shop for twoyears. When I was in boot camp, I gotvery conscious about what I was sayingabout, money. I now use linguistics as the foundation of my coaching. Anyone I coach, the first thing we do is remove “I can’t afford that.” from our vocabulary.
Those words are notallowed to come out of your mouth.You either say “Oh great, let me see how I can work that out”or “I‘m going to put that in my spending plan.”
Myrna – That’s awesome. Your language about,money, is very powerful.Let’s talk about, money mindsetblock. My audience on the radio are mostly African American and sometimes they are in the poverty space. Our community is predisposed to over spending. We want thenice things, we want the designer shoes and bags.
I was talking to a guy one day, hewas wearing nice running shoesand he said they were Kanye Westshoes and cost$400.I couldn’t help thinking what was his, money mindset, to spend $400 on Kanye West running shoes?
What is a, Money Mindset Block
Myrna – Whatexactly is a, moneymindset block, and how does thatshow itself for somebody that’slooking at their spouse and saying maybe they have a,money mindset block?
Hilary – First of all, the idea ofthe, money operating system, is the lead, money block. For me itwas “there’s never enough money” and soall my, money blocks, are going to harmonize with thatparticularlead, money block. For example, let me just say each individualis different and I don’t mean toanswer questions for someone who isn’teven here; but let’s take the example ofthe person who spent $400on Kanye West running shoes and maybe can’t payrent, so there’s an imbalancethere.
If youask that person why he spent $400 on running shoes, he might say:
I need to have this to be sociallyaccepted,
I need these shoes so that people can think I‘m wealthy,
I needto have these shoes, so that people can think I‘mpowerful.
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And if you really look, it’s probably notbecause we need another pair of shoes or another designer bag or any other another brand name to become socially acceptable. It’s an infallible hole that you can’t fill with designer shoes. Instead, if youcan repositionin your mind, if you’re really tiredof your, money, going the way that it’sgoing, if you’re sort offed up and a little bit disgusted withthe fact that you know you’re a smartcapable educated, well-intentioned person and money isn’tworking for you in your life, that is how you clear a, money mindset block.
What are your 7 steps to, build wealth?
Myrna – You have 7 steps to, wealth, is that how you coach someonethat maybe have an overspending problemor they have a, money mindset block, problemor their, money operating system, is notworking properly?
Step 1- Permission: Alleffective coaching starts withpermission. The first step is to decide you have, money blocks, to make the decisionthat you’re ready for change. There’s no denying that you’re giving upthe Kanye West shoes and the brand name bagsand other creature comforts. A lot ofpeople who make financial transformation to, build wealth, find that they have to move.
Theyactually need a lower cost place to live;they need to give up the beautifulleased car so they can pay cash for acar and don’t have monthly payments. You arelowering your standard of living in thebeginningand that takes courage. It takeswillingness to sacrifice,so after you’ve made a decision then wecatalog your vocabulary about money, this is really important.
Step 2– Your money vocabulary – no one ever wants to talk about, money. You need to talk about money, to find out what your friend isdoing; what’s working, what’s not working.You can provide advice or ask for adviceif you want. What do yousay to yourself about, money? Maybe some people think in picturesabout, money, or maybe it’s just anemotion. You think aboutspending, money, and you get excited; youthink about saving, money, and you get sad.
I have myparticipants that I coach, actually spenda month doing a, money, conversation log. What do you say to your partner about,money? How do you tell your customersabout, money?For example, if you’re a realestate agent and someone wants to payyou a fourpercent commission instead of a sixpercent commission, what do you say?What are the actual words that arecoming out of your mouth?
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So, let’s get specific about what yousay about, money.We’ve got a map,we’ve actually gotkind of your, money blocks, in black andwhite in front of us.
Now, we can really start the coaching.So, we have sort of highlighted and done the private detective workfiguring out, what’s your actual,money blocks.
I‘ll give you an example, someone I coached found thiscounterintuitively. She felt rich whenchecks would get mailed to her, so shewould put the checks in her desk and notsend them to the bank. Isn’t that strange? I can’t even identify that block,that is like a serious, money, scarcitything.
Myrna – Did she not know the checks are only paperunless you get the, money?
Hilary – No. It was completely just somethingshe was blind to,until we did the, money, conversation logand she saw it.
She saw it for what it was and she’slike oh my God, this is crazy behavior;but no one’s ever asked me about my,money, behavior, so I never thought aboutit.
Step 3 – logistics of money. I don’t teach budgets, I thinkbudgets are overwhelming and toodetailed for most people.I think that people spend a lot of timedesigning a budget and then theynever honor it or live by it, becauseit’s too restrictive .
Step 4 – Earn money – You can’t categorize every singleexpenditure you have, you’re a busyperson with lots of responsibilities. So instead, I teach a system I callautomation. It’s sort of like theequivalent ofirrigation in your garden – little hosesbring, money, to the places where it needsto be. People love it.
That’s the plan and honestly mostpeople get through the planbecause it’s very front-loaded. It is alot of work in the beginning; but onceyou set it up, just like irrigation, ithappens everytime you turn the hose on.People pay a lot of, money, to coaches to figure out how to earnmoney and they can’t figure out whytheir, money, still doesn’t work for themand it’s because they don’t have thesesteps.
Step 5 – The ASK mindset – Learning to ask is a mindset . You can ask for a million things :
you can ask your credit cards companies for a lower interest rate,
you can ask your insurance for a lower premium,
you can ask your memberships for a discount.
You can ask for a discount at Star Buck. Just go ask. The point is not whether you get the discount or not, it’s having the mindset to ASK. We do a challenge inside my coaching program called “Get 100 No’s” You win the game by getting a hundred no’s and my assertion is, It will change your life. You’re building strength your, money blocks, are going to be different. For some, you’ll find that your, money blocks, are operationally systematized in your business processes.
Step 6 – Clearing the, money blocks. in your business – As an entrepreneur you’re either under charging for your products or services or you’re not spending enough effort getting prospects into your funnel. Whatever it is, there’s some part of the process that’s broken for you. My training is called “Eight Ways Business Owners can Transform Revenue into Personal Wealth”, it is anon-demand training from October 8th to 15th.
So, you definitely want to go grab it. This training is really for entrepreneurs who are sick and tired of working so hard for the, money, and having not much to show for it.
Step 7 – Protect – Once you clear your, money blocks, you can, build wealth, by protecting what you built.
I just want to show you how to climb out of that trap in this training and the great news is – it’s totally FREE. You can grab your copy of that training by going to www.hillaryhendershott.com/myrna.
I want to encourage you, please subscribe to the ‘Transform Your Mind’ YouTube podcast’s channel. Definitely trying to grow our audience.
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The purpose of the, soul, is to guide us to our purpose. Every, soul, came into a body with a purpose. You can accelerate your, souls purpose, by clearing the, money blocks, you had from childhood.
Jennifer Longmore is a leading authority on, soul, purpose as well as an elite business coach to enlightened entrepreneurs. She is a sought after media personality, three times best-selling author and is known for her laser-like clarity on seeing into the depths of your, soul, for more than 15 years. She has served clients in permanently shifting their limiting beliefs and patterns that prevent them from being who they truly are, so they can accelerate their, souls, journey.
Listen to the full interview Here:
Myrna: I am excited to talk to you today, because I’ve been spending some conscious moments thinking of my, soul.
How Did you become a, soul, whisperer?
I grew up, I guess you could say prophetic. I always knew things were going to happen before they happened. If the phone rang and someone said something, I was usually telling my parents 10-15 minutes before that so-and-so called and they said A, B and C, and then sure enough that person would call and say those things.
I guess you could say I am Claircognizant, because I would just know that it was going to happen. I couldn’t tell you why I knew, in fact I didn’t even know I was telling people anything they didn’t know. That’s actually how I went through school, freaking people out. I didn’t know who to be. I would tell people things, and I would freak them out. I’m also a truth teller and I do that with love. I definitely speak my mind, call out injustices and so on. I was kind of doubly offending people without realizing it.
Myrna: I like that word “truth teller”, we always say direct communicators – that’s what I call myself; but truth teller sounds nicer.
Jennifer: It depends. I mean some people like it when they’re ready to hear the truth. They like it when you’re telling them something they want to hear. It’s usually around relationships I find where people don’t particularly like the truth. They have questions like. I just met someone at a bar, is this my soul mate?
I knew from a very young age what my purpose was and was to help people on their, soul journey; but I also needed to feel safe enough and supportive enough to live with this gift.
Myrna: So you were born with a gift – the gift of being able to see things before it happened. I’m thinking when I say the, soul, I’m using the traditional definition of it. I was listening to an audio book the other day and they said that there are different several names or labels for the, soul. some say the, subconscious, some call it the, super conscious; but it is the part of our non-physical that never dies. Is that what we’re talking about when you say, soul?
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Jennifer: Yes the, soul, we are referring to is our non physical or spiritual part of a human being that gives life to it.
Myrna: What do you think the purpose of the, soul, is? You mentioned the fact that you were not connected to any religion. But every religion talks about the, soul, because it’s eternal. It’s not tied to any religion. How did you connect to your, soul? How did you bridge between connecting to the, soul, from what was happening to you? Being able to know things before they happened?
Jennifer: I think the purpose of the, soul, is to guide us to our purpose. Every, soul, came into a body with a purpose. When I was younger, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you about my, soul. My maternal grandfather was a psychic medium. He used to solve crimes for the police, and my mom’s very intuitive. My dad was very intuitive. I think it’s just we’re all intuitive.
How does understanding your, soul purpose, help clients shift their limiting beliefs?
I think what’s going on in the world right now, it’s kind of hard not to feel really compelled to make sure that we are using our purpose to the fullest. I even consulted with my astrologer recently, and I said I want to make sure I use every ounce of my purpose that I came here to deliver. I want you to learn whatever I came here to learn. I want to be give back in whatever way I can. So I think even before the pandemic, we were spending our time asking does my life matter? Why am I here? Does my life have meaning?
So this is how I help my clients find their purpose and why they are here. As a, soul, whisperer, I can see what they can’t see. I didn’t plan on being a business coach when I first started. I was doing readings, I was teaching other people how to do readings. I was so successful because someone like me is always going to be successful.
What I came to realize is that most people, when they discover their, souls purpose, it is so unique that the best way to express it is through a business. The business is just the portal, it’s just the gateway, it’s just the vehicle to be able to share our gifts with the world and be compensated.
Once someone has a relationship with me and they trust me, I not only show them some of the different ways that they can express those gifts; but I help them with their mindset; because I feel mindset is a big reason why people don’t have success.
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If you don’t have the correct mindset, all the business plans in the world, all of the marketing and the Facebook ads, we still have this really sneaky way of sabotaging ourselves. I really like reminding people what their potential is and then helping them find the easiest path to live their potential and express their potential in the world.
Myrna: That’s beautiful because really if we were to tap into the, soul, it is limitless. That’s one of the beautiful things about the, soul, or super consciousness or your subconscious it’s limitless. So tapping into it’s potential is a good thing.
How to accelerate your, Souls, Journey by removing your, Money Blocks
You just mentioned mindsets and one of the questions I have here is about, money blocks. Let’s combine the two. You said that you can teach somebody things and they can have all the strategy in the world; but if their mindset is limited or they have a belief that maybe money is evil or if they achieved success then they wouldn’t be good parents. All kinds of, money blocks, are in their head. Are you able to see these, money blocks?
Jennifer: I can see it right away. Right away as soon as someone’s talking to me. I’ll have a client describe their business to me and in 30 seconds, I can tell why they’re not where they want to be. I don’t know why it’s just I’ve talked to so many people, tens of thousands of people at this point. So it starts to become a pattern and we all have, money blocks.
We all have a money story, it’s not about judging the money story, it’s our goal to have a healthy money story. You can have a healthy money story with a hundred dollars in the bank or you can have an unhealthy money story with a billion dollars in the bank. I’ve served a client who had 100 million dollars net worth and she was probably the biggest pain in the bum that I’ve worked with.
She didn’t trust everyone, she felt everyone was out to screw her, everyone else was out to take her money. She had no peace. That’s not financial freedom; if you don’t have the peace with the money that you’ve worked so hard to accumulate. I’ve talked with billionaires and they’ve said look, like I have money pains too, my money pains are just different because I’ve created a lot of jobs, a lot of people depend on me for their livelihood.
They tell me, I’m always worried that I’m going to drop the ball and I’m going to implode my business and then I’m going to be destitute and 500 other people are going to be without a job. So they just have different, money blocks.
Money is just a magnifier for what’s already there. How do you have peace when you keep waiting for someone to come and take your money? I had a colleague of mine who didn’t pay her taxes for seven years. You’re allowed up to seven years where I live not pay your Federal taxes before they start to audit you? Not only did they come and audit her; but because they needed to audit her, they froze all of her accounts including her Stripe Account and her Paypal account.
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She had no money to access while they investigated her. Her, money blocks, were so resistant to looking money in the eyes. When we do taxes, we have to look money in the eyes. This is our biggest issue and most of us don’t want to be in conversation with money.
We literally don’t want to pull up a screen and see what’s in our bank account. We don’t want to see what’s coming in or what’s going out and when we’re not willing to look money in the eyes, we can’t have a healthy relationship with our money.
How to Clear your, Money Blocks
Most of us tend not do that and so every activity in our business that requires us to look money in the eyes like sending an invoice, receiving an invoice, chasing someone for money, paying for a room to rent, hiring a team member etc. There’s so many conversations around money every single day in our business that if we don’t learn how to look money in the eyes and treat it like a friend and act like it’s a part of our dream team that wants to help our dreams come true, then we’re going to be working way harder than we need to work.
Myrna: I love that one.
Treat, your money like part of your dream team!
I heard a financial analyst talking about, money blocks; but she was talking about, money blocks, based on things like when your mother said “money don’t grow on trees”. You just got into detail of some really high level blocks about not being able to look at money, not being able to have a relationship with money, or look money in the eye that’s really high level.
Even about when people are billionaires and they still have money issues; because now they have no peace. They think everybody is out to get them, so that is high level, money block.
So would you put, money blocks, and limiting beliefs in the same bucket or is it different?
I think the same blocks that we have around money would at the core of how worthy we feel.
How deserving do I feel?
Do I feel I can succeed in life and business?
We tend to take our, money blocks, cues from our parents. If our parents were working class or they struggled or they had a business and that business failed.
Sometimes we have a really hard time out-succeeding the people that are important to us, even our mentors. There are a lot of people that feel like it’s disrespectful to out-grow their mentors.
What is the Souls Imprint?
Myrna: I was listening to a podcast recently and the founder of Mindvalley, his name is Vishen. He talked about coaching people on their, souls imprint. So is our, souls imprint, different from our, souls purpose?
I would say our, souls purpose, is what did we come here to learn and do.
What did we come here to master?
What do we come here to contribute?
Our, souls imprint, might be worded something like what’s our, soul, essence. Some people just carry this frequency of truth for example so they can’t help it. If there’s shady stuff going on in a room or in a business or something like, their, souls imprint, can’t let them ignore it.
I have had jobs that within the first month, I was able to pick out whatever was out of integrity. It would just come to the surface. My, souls imprint, had this way of vacuuming it out of the shadows. It’s not like I was trying to reveal anything; I didn’t even know it was there.
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Well similar to the looking money in the eyes, write a letter to yourself or your business.
Start like this – I love you; but stop what you are doing. I’m not having any fun with you anymore. Create an avatar of the person you are speaking to. This person could be your dad or a parent who influenced your, money blocks.
My dad was always there physically; but he wasn’t there emotionally which is not an uncommon experience for a lot of us; because men were taught to not be emotionally unavailable. After writing my letter, I had this huge epiphany like, oh my goodness, I am expecting my business to be like my dad!
I had no idea that my subconscious block was being projected onto the consciousness of my business; because everything has consciousness. Then I thought okay, well my business makes money so what would happen if I wrote a letter to money? I did and the same thing revealed itself. I realized money’s always been there for me. I’ll ask for it and it shows up for me.
Money is always there for me; but I don’t feel connected to it. My dad isn’t always showing up when I write letters to money, sometimes it’s someone that bullied me in my past. Sometimes it’s a boss that I really hated, sometimes it’s my mom.
It can be whoever is responsible for your, money blocks, because our body has a consciousness and our business has a consciousness. This imprints on whatever we’re unconsciously projecting onto it. So the only way we can shift our perceptions is to create a new relationship with money. Become aware of the relationship we’re already having with it, that we don’t even know. Once we bring awareness to something, then we can heal and shift.
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How can readers get in touch with you for Business Coaching and, Soul Purpose, Sessions?
I don’t do, soul purpose, sessions anymore; but I do offer that within business coaching . Readers can head over to my website www.souljourneys.ca/soul, I have a FREE GIFT for your listeners and readers. It is a checklist of the nine most important questions to ask yourself to get in alignment with your, soul purpose.
Then I go much more deeply into the work that I do. They can also connect with me by signing up for my daily inspirational emails. I send little intuitive love bombs basically every day as an email when people sign up for that.
If you liked this content please subscribe to the Transform Your Mind podcast on iTunes, iHeart radio, Spotify, YouTube, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Please also post a review.
As a Business Coach, I kept getting clients who kept hitting a plateau with, business strategy. They hired experts to help them figure out the right business model, to surpass this plateau or ceiling; but they kept hitting this ceiling, nothing was working. It reminded me of my own, capacity, issue.~~~Lisa Fabrega
In this interview I speak with to Lisa Fabrega, leadership coach on the topic It’s not your, business strategy, it’s your, capacity.
Listen to Full Interview
Introduction to Capacity
Myrna – What I love about this topic is references one of my favorite quotes
You are the Lid! You can only go as far as your, capacity, for growth.
So the headline It’s not your, business strategy, it is your, capacity, for growth resonates with me.
Lisa as a Business coach, How did you stumble on the concept that what’s was holding your clients back was not their, business strategy, or goals but their, capacity?
Lisa – Great question I stumbled upon this concept very early on in my coaching practice.
I was actually was a health coach working with clients on nutrition. I noticed from my first couple of clients weren’t talking about food, instead it was their, capacity, was the focus.
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My clients were very ambitious and had already achieved a lot and yet they were hitting a plateau or something wasn’t working anymore. They couldn’t figure out what it was even though they were very smart people, so they’d throw a bunch of, business strategy, at the problem.
When, business strategy, didn’t work, they would hire experts to figure out the right business model, to surpass this plateau or ceiling. But they kept hitting this ceiling, nothing was working. It reminded me of my own, capacity, issue.
Four years ago I had a, capacity, issue. My coaching packages were sold out, I had a huge wait list. I was overwhelmed with requests and I didn’t have the, capacity, for it at the time. One thing I always say to my clients is if Oprah called you tomorrow, are you ready? Do you have the, capacity, to handle that influx of new business?
I thought this must be a, business strategy, problem instead of diagnosing it correctly that I had a, capacity, issue. I couldn’t hold handle or receive what was coming my way on many levels, so I went and invested a ton of money in a new, business strategy, and a funnel and I ended up a hundred thousand dollars in debt.
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Myrna – I would make the same decision. I immediately would think I needed to add more staff or something that’s probably what you did right?
Lisa – I added more staff, I hired a huge expansion team, I started a whole new funnel! It was the most stressful year of my life because I did not sleep that entire year. I was so stressed out about the money and the debt.
After doing some real deep self-reflection about what actually caused that problem, I started to noticing my conversations with my clients who also had, business strategy, issues. I realized that It was not a, business strategy, issue but a, capacity, issue.
Myrna – Obviously you need, business strategy; but you also need the, capacity, to get there; so how did you transition your clients to look at their, capacity, not their, business strategy?
Lisa – I realized that there are six areas of, capacity. I drilled it down to six because everything kind of falls under these, capacity, areas that we tend to struggle with as ambitious and successful people.
Money capacity – What’s your, money capacity? Score yourself from zero to ten. Are you earning enough, saving and investing larger and larger amounts of money every year? If you answered No, then ask yourself why not?
Visibility capacity – visibility capacity is your ability to allow all of you to be fully seen in your work. So many people hide little bits of themselves from their brand and from their clients and then end up with a misalignment. A lot of my women clients who come to me and tell me they’re drained, it’s not that they’re overworked or have the wrong, business strategy; the burnout is not because of that, it’s because they’re hiding these parts of themselves and it’s so exhausting to have to constantly hide and not be transparent.
Purpose capacity – purpose capacity is when your inside matches your outside. Your, business strategy, is lined up with your true purpose. You can’t start a business just because it has the potential to make you lots of money. Your business must also line up with your values and purpose.
Embodiment capacity – embodiment capacity is your emotional, spiritual, mental and physical capacity. If you were to get up on a stage in front of a thousand people and it drains the life force out of you to the point that you’re exhausted and have to recover for two days, you have an, embodiment capacity, issue. If somebody leaves a nasty comment on your Instagram post and you are just like freaked out and hiding for two weeks, you have an, embodiment capacity, issue.
Structural capacity – I call this also your foundation capacity. What are the foundations that are holding you up or lifting you up to your next level? What systems or, business strategy, do you have at home, or at work to hold you up?
Boundary capacity – boundary capacity is about being clear about who you are. It’s not just boundaries with other people, it’s boundaries with yourself; because sure you could work 10 hours today but is actually going to serve where you’re going? Should you instead get some rest? That’s setting a boundary with yourself.
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How to Expand your Capacity: your New Business Strategy
Myrna – What can women do to expand their capacity for growth, wealth and success?
Lisa – It starts with knowing how they score on the six capacities.
It will tell you what the real problem is because the biggest roadblock we experience when trying to expand our, capacity, is that we misdiagnose the actual problem.
If women don’t get clear and score themselves in these areas, they might think they have a structural issue or a strategic issue and don’t realize that it’s actually a, money capacity.
Why does our energy level affect our Capacity
Myrna – One of the things I wanted to ask you about is this, embodiment capacity. You said we can subconsciously drain our energy and power thus lowering our, capacity; explain that a little.
Lisa – I think that some of the ways that we unconsciously drain our power is through what I call emotional labor. Women particularly do this a lot and that’s actually part of an, embodiment capacity, issue. I have a great example. One of my clients told her husband would ask her every week after she would put the towels away, where’s the such-and-such towel and she’d say “it’s in the closet with the towels” and he would say. “I don’t see it” and she’d have to walk over to the closet and the towel would be right there.
This went on every week until she told him she was not doing any more emotional labor, that he can find the damm towel himself, she was no longer going to get up from what she was doing to find the towel for him.
This is a great example of tiny ways that we do emotional labor without realizing that we are being drained. These little leaks, I call them little power leaks leave you exhausted. You wonder why you’re exhausted and burned out and it has nothing to do with your, business strategy, we have to be mindful of our energy. It’s being drained from emotional labor with our family, friends and even clients.
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Myrna – So true, women especially the care-giving kind of woman are always doing things for other people and then they emotionally drain themselves and then they don’t have the energy to do anything for some themselves which is why the self-care movement is becoming so popular.
If you’re emotionally drained, it limits your, capacity, we can’t operate within our full capacity if our battery is drained.
Four keys to unlock Capacity: Your New Business Strategy
Pleasure – pleasure can be whatever it means to you, it could be taking a walk in the park, it could be taking a break, getting in the tub, getting some nice smelling lotion and rubbing it on your hands. Making sure to have those pleasure breaks because it’s like refueling your tank. Allow your, business strategy, to be your best self.
Eat Whole Foods – According to Ayurveda, it is very important to eat foods that are natural and pure for their full benefit to be absorbed by the body. When foods are as close to their state in nature as possible, that’s when they deliver the most potent nutrition. Foods that have been genetically altered, processed or refined have much of their natural intelligence stripped from them, disturb the intellect and the coordination and lowers our, capacity .
Manage stress levels – We live in difficult times. Stress and anxiety, whether caused by time pressures or difficult work relationships, stress can have a significant negative impact on mental performance. A calm mind, serene and centered in its equilibrium, is unquestionably superior in terms of focus, attention span, retention of knowledge and problem-solving ability. It is important to manage stress before it becomes a severe problem, because stress has been known to damage or destroy brain cells, and many prescription pills for anxiety can have side effects that can further erode mental performance and, capacity. a new, business strategy, manage your stress.
Get adequate, quality sleep – Related to stress is the other plague of modern society — lack of deep, restful sleep. With diet and lifestyle, sleep is a fundamental pillar of increasing your, capacity. Optimal physical and mental performance is impossible if sleep is not addressed. Getting eight hours of sleep is less important than striving for quality sleep, which occurs when the mind is totally disconnected from the senses. Quality sleep recharges and rejuvenates the mind, improving both short-term and long-term mental prowess as well as your, capacity for growth.
Myrna – I understand that you have a capacity in crisis virtual workshop.
Lisa – First of all I have an amazing free gift for your listeners. To get your Free Gift head over to my website at www.lisafabrega.com.
You can also sign up for my newsletter it’s actually an entire video series that I call the, capacity conversations. It’s like binging on Netflix except you get to binge and expand your, capacity, instead of numbing your mind.
You get a series of free videos that walk you through all the capacities and help you diagnose what your capacity issue might be holding you back.
Myrna – I want to introduce a contest this week. The prize is a gift card from one of our sponsors hbnaturals.com. One of you lucky listeners will get this $25 gift card for subscribing to either the Transform Your Mind iTunes podcast or subscribing to the Transform Your Mind podcast Youtube channel. Once you subscribe send me an email to info@myhelps.us with your contact information and if you are the winner, you will get this gift card to purchase any of the products on hbnatures.com coffee, skincare products, tea, CBD oil, super-foods, essential oils, pet products and more.
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Scott Miller, author and EVP at Franklin Covey, shares tips on, leadership, relationships, efficiency, vs, effectiveness, and how to straight talk to your employees as well as family and friends.
What has the book ” 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” taught you about, Leadership?
I have had the privilege of being in the Franklin Covey company which of course was co-founded by Dr. Stephen R. Covey who wrote the book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” that, leadership, book has sold 40 million copies.
I wrote “Management Mess to, Leadership, success” because quite frankly my life’s been a mess. Not because you are an executive or an author or parent means you are a success automatically. I wrote the book because I wanted to share with readers that owning your mess is really the first step to becoming a success.
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Recognizing the difference between having an, effectiveness, mindset and an, efficient, mindset. One of the biggest messes that I’ve had to conquer was recognizing when am I in an, effectiveness, mindset and when I should be in an efficient, mindset; because they’re not the same factors.
I’m a very, efficient, person, I get up at 4:00 am in the morning, I write my column, I write a couple chapters on the books that I’m writing. On a Saturday morning I would get up at five o’clock, go to Home Depot and buy flowers and have them planted by six o’clock. Be at the car wash by 7 am, be at tennis by nine. I mean I live a very productive and, efficient, life. That’s helped me in a lot of areas of my life; but it hasn’t helped me in my relationships, because as Dr. Covey said
So one of the biggest areas of growth for me was with people. I had to learn to slow down. When someone comes into my office, I take off my glasses, close my laptop and turn off my phone. I have to really understand when and where can I be, efficient, and when and where should I practice, effectiveness. If you want to develop more trustworthy, long-lasting, mutually beneficial, relationships, be more cognizant of when you’re being, efficient, and fast and when you’re being, effective, and slow.
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I think it’s good advice to, leaders, to be a little more, self-aware, and introspective. Is your need to be, efficient, in some areas of your life negatively impacting other areas in your life?
Use Communication to become, Self-Aware.
It is all about, communication, because when you are being, efficient, you’re probably not being, effective, because it all depends on your audience.
Self-awareness, I use this term a lot. Everybody could benefit from being more, self-aware.
Ask yourself – what’s it like to be your friend?
What’s it like to be your husband?
What’s it like to be your neighbor
I’d encourage all of your readers, if you really want to improve your relationships, if you want to improve your influence expand your credibility and become more trustworthy or likable, go ask the people in your life what’s it like to be in a meeting with you.
What is it like to be on a carpool with you
What’s it like to go on vacation with you
What’s it like to be at dinner with you
What’s it like to be married to you.
When someone gives you that feedback, don’t refute it don’t brush it away.
Don’t blame anybody else, just listen.
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What, communication skills, are important to, leadership, success
Let’s talk about, leadership, and then this broaden it to a straight talk between peers. Talking straight is really a sign of respect to everyone in your life. We’ve all met people who say they call it as they see it, that is actually quite selfish. Talking straight is when you are able to base what you’re saying in fact. When you talk straight with someone, you don’t postulate, you don’t pontificate, you don’t technically tell the truth, but you kind of leave the wrong impression. No you just you say straight up what is true.
As a life coach, I would use something called the, sandwich technique, which means that you package that talk with something positive like a sandwich.
sandwich feedback method
I would not advocate the, sandwich feedback method. I think it’s generally disingenuous. I think the better technique is to first declare your intent, because the moment there is suspicion about your intent, everything you do becomes tainted. So be very clear on what your intent is. Say what is uncomfortable straight, no chaser without any bogus compliments and no hidden agenda.
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The first step to becoming a great, leader is to check their own paradigms, our own belief systems. We all have deeply entrenched, deeply enculturated paradigms that were built into us by our grandparents, our parents, our aunties, our first grade teachers, our neighbors, our relatives and it is how we see the world. How we see ourselves and everyone should be emotionally nimble, or emotionally flexible enough to challenge your belief systems.
Women in Leadership
Here’s a great example:
I am 51 years old, I’m Caucasian. I live in Salt Lake City, but I lived in the 70s in Central Florida, Orlando Florida. I am from an upper middle-class white family, one of two children. My mother was a full-time stay-at-home mom, my father had a fairly traditional corporate job. It was a stable family in the seventies and I was raised to believe that, doctors, police officers, and Catholic priests were always right and always told the truth!
Can you imagine for a moment that had I been eight year-old young boy and an altar server and that a Catholic priest who was perhaps a pedophile told me to do some inappropriate things?
I think the first step in becoming a, leader, of your own self, your own life is to challenge your own paradigms. You don’t see every situation, every argument, every interaction, every meeting, every conflict, every win, every lost accurately; you always have a little bit of a judgment on it.
We don’t see the world as it is, we see the world as we are.
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How does “carrying your own weather” help with, Leadership, Success.
Proactive, leaders, carry their own weather, reactive people give over there weather. They metaphorically give their power to other people. Proactive people choose their response to any situation, any crisis, any reaction based on values, not based on other people.
Here’s a great example of, carrying your own weather.
My son and I were in Miami and we came upon this intersection in a downtown shopping district where there had just been an accident. There was no injuries, very small accident. There was this young woman, I’m gonna say in her 20s who was having this outrageous, hysterical, verbal meltdown. I mean she was out of control. This person was not, carrying her own weather, she was giving up control of her emotions to that situation. Being out of control was serving her no benefit. The point of that story was people who are proactive, they’re calm, they’re rational, they don’t let other things influence their own responses.
Leaders who “carry their own weather” move from mess to success. They put space between stimulus and response. When someone says something to them that pisses them off, they don’t immediately lash out to them.
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What sets your book apart from other, leadership, and management books
I wrote this book was with very clear intention, I’ve been privileged to have my entire career dedicated in the, leadership, development industry. I worked for years with the Disney Company and now almost 25 years with the Franklin Covey company and learned a few things; but I have always struggled with a lot of these management and, leadership, practices. Like you I host a podcast and interview guests every week, I read close to 70 books a year and I wanted to write a different kind of, leadership, book because most, leadership, books are written by fortune 500 CEOs or academic professors and they’re kind of hard to relate to. I wanted to write a really real raw and relatable book where regardless of what role I was in, anybody in their career and their personal life could relate to a lot of my own struggles.
So the book is kind of uproariously funny, it’s very raw and blush. I shared a lot of my own messes in the book not because I was trying to be funny gratuitously, I just wanted to validate everybody that, leadership, is hard whether you are a formal or informal leader. It didn’t come naturally to me and so the challenge is based on Franklin Covey’s research, that if you can get your arms around these 30 principles, you will transform your influence in your relationships and your career. It’s kind of aligned with a month, 30 practices in 30 days. You can take one every day get your groove on.
Connect with Scott Miller at Franklin Covey on LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram.
I want invite you guys to join my private Facebook group called, life coach, there you can get daily tips and strategies to live in your best life now not only from me but from all the members of the group. Also please subscribe to the podcast and leave an iTunes review.
In her book “Thriving, Not, Surviving” The author provides you with the route map to navigate a particular life, focusing on self-belief, relationships, managing change and finding your true purpose and achieving fulfillment.
Gina is a Motivational Speaker, Empowerment and Relationship Coach and Transformational Leadership Trainer with well over 30 years of experience helping people experience happiness, success and fulfillment. She’s the founder of the Thrive Together Tribe membership and personal and spiritual development Program and The Enlightened Leadership Program.
Gina has learned to walk twice as an adult. For over 20 years, she ran her award-winning school, for the most part from a wheelchair. The gift of this experience was the development of a unique approach to life and learning the tools on, Thriving, not just, surviving.
In 2004 Gina left Headship school as the Principal and has since worked with countless individuals, couples, teams and organizations helping them to step into their potential, to learn the lessons from the past and to recognize that it is their choice to step into their power and live a fearless life. Gina is passionate about supporting people to live a truly happy, successful and fulfilling life, thriving, not just, surviving.
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What is the Difference between, Thriving, and, Surviving?
There’s a huge difference between, surviving, and thriving. Surviving, means to “continue to live or exist, especially in spite of danger or hardship.” Thriving, means to “prosper, be fortunate or successful, to grow or develop vigorously; to flourish.”
I really found myself moving on my career path very quickly. I was promoted to deputy principal of a large junior high school when I was 28. I was appointed to be the catalyst for change. I was the youngest on the staff and for the first six months. I was working directly with the principal because I was the deputy principal to strategically plan what we were going to do and start making the changes.
In the UK schools have a week off in February for the spring half term. I was really thrilled to be going skiing with the kids. I was a keen skier and went off to Italy for the ski trip. In those days it was very fashionable to have the longest skis possible and I got a new pair of skis for Christmas. I proceeded to wrap the extra 10 centimetres’ of the skis. We left for the ski lift after lunch the next day after arrival. It was an absolutely beautiful day, one of those days in the mountains where the sun was shining and everything was clean and crisp. I followed my friends to this new trail, when our lift turned a corner, I noticed the mountain was not as we expected. Instead of being on a lovely red run that went for three or four kilometres, we were on the Schindler slope, which was the most difficult black run called a mogul. A mogul is where the snow has been carved by the weather and they are often little cobblestones; but these were six-foot monsters and the only way to ski was to turn on the top of a mogul and slide down and then find a way through the moguls till the next one, and turn on either side a narrow piece. There was some powder snow, so I skied the first bird and then lost my nerve in terms of turning and ended up falling a long way in the powder snow. It took me about 20 minutes to retrieve my ski and then make my way down to where my friends were sitting. Each of them sitting on a mogul rather like an elf sitting on a toadstool!
I decided to sit on a mogul as well and the top of my mogul gave way and I starting to fall. The next thing I knew, I was coming to. I had lost consciousness. I’m told I fell about 150 to 200 feet down the mountain.
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We were traveling home the next morning, so I thought I’d rather go and see the medics in the UK instead of Italy. I had a terrible journey home. My mum took one look at me and she carted me off to the emergency at the hospital. They diagnosed with a bad concussion and that I had damaged a nerve in my neck. It took me three weeks to get back to school and two weeks later I was due to be the deputy leader on a skiing trip to Switzerland. I was given permission to go because we were taking a doctor with us. I was finding it more and more difficult to manage but I did manage until the very last evening when I said to a staff member, I’m going to have to go and lie down. I wasn’t laying on my bed for more than a few minutes when I discovered that I was paralyzed. So I’m lying on my bed, I can’t feel my one side, I didn’t want to frighten the children, their rooms were children down the corridor, and so I waited until one of the other adults arrived. I have to say it was the longest time in my life. I have no idea how long it was, I just know it felt like forever. When they did arrive all hell broke loose, an ambulance was called. I was carted off to Geneva Hospital and I was there for several days before being flown home and gradually my mobility returned; but I was never quite the same. By the end of May, I went back to school. I was doing school and sleep. I thought I’ve had six weeks to recuperate during the summer break but; two weeks later I had a phone call very early in the morning from my principal’s wife, she had just found him dead in bed, he had a massive heart attack and so far from being restful holiday I was suddenly acting principal.
I had to contact the staff, the parents and the local authority and prepare for September and so by the time September came, I had plans in place and by the following January I was appointed the permanent head master. I was determined that not only the children; but also the staff in my school would get the best learning environment that I could produce. That they would, thrive not just survive. I’ve been very unhappy at school, and I wanted something very different for my pupils, and also for the staff.
I was walking, but by 1987 my mobility was deteriorating, and I had to start using the wheelchair in school. I wasn’t at that point wheelchair-bound, I could walk into the classroom, I could walk into my office; but I couldn’t walk any distance. Any walking produced fatigue and pain and for the next few years I managed like that until in 1996, I sneezed and I felt something ping in my back. It was towards the end of the summer term, there’s something about the summer holidays for me, I’m not quite sure what I did.
I had a special chair in assembly and that where I could sit at standing height, and one day I went to get off the chair, and my legs wouldn’t hold me. I fell to the floor. So off to the hospital. It turned out that I had a huge ruptured disc. I was just, surviving. I had failed back surgery syndrome, so when I came around from the operation, if I put my left foot to the floor, then I just used to faint because of the pain. Surviving, was becoming tedious.
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The best explanation the doctors came up with is that during the fall I had bruised the spinal cord and with skiing the second time, that the spinal cord had been swollen and cut off the blood supply or whatever, and so a period of time I was paralyzed on one side; but I was back at school after the back operation very quickly. I already had my wheelchair, so the school was all set up for me to be operating from a wheelchair. I was still just, surviving. It took me 18 months to walk at the end of my quite small garden.
I ruptured another disk that summer. I could not stand at all now, if I stayed at home, I couldn’t do anything other than read or watch television. If my care giver didn’t fill the kettle, I couldn’t make myself a drink. So I decided to go back to school. I was back at school because my brain worked, my mouth worked, my hands worked. I had people who could lift things if I needed it and I could do what I loved and I was good at. Surviving was my intent. I was going to focus on what I could do to start, thriving, not just surviving.
In 2004 I was given an ultimatum by the neurologist you’ve got to stop working the 15 hours a day that you’re doing because my health was deteriorating. I made the very difficult decision that I was going to leave the school. I had to use an electric wheelchair. I had all of these Skills, these expertise, experience and I thought well. What am I going to do now?
I decided to focus on the development of leadership. Getting more women to the table. I looked at retail manufacturing, finance, Insurance, local government and a whole range of industries. The issues that they faced in terms of developing leadership, was no different in education, so I wrote my first couple of books and they became my credibility. I worked mainly in corporate field as an, executive coach. I was now, thriving. The recession in early 2008 hurt my business, because the corporations just slashed training and development. I was back to, surviving.
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I started to do some lecturing for the university and they would commission me out to go and work with smaller businesses, SME is anything up to about 8 million pound turnover. I would go and work with these companies, we’d sort out the problem, I’d go away and then a few months later I’d be invited back to sort out another problem, so I suggested in those businesses to hire me full time as an, executive coach.
Back to, thriving, using the principles that I used to build up my own organization and become one of the best 100 schools in England. I used the gift that my disability gave me and the gift that I had developed within my own organization to developing people’s empowerment, personal empowerment and leadership where they would take radical responsibility for their own performance and shared responsibility for the team, for the whole organization and it was incredibly successful.
So I setup genuinely you. I wrote the book, thriving not surviving, and that sent me on my mission. My mission now is to positively impact one million people and to do that through personal empowerment and enlightened leadership.
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How can people go from, Thriving, to, Surviving, when facing challenges?
It’s a bit serendipitous. You have a problem, you find a way to get over it, then something
else happens and you find another way to keep, surviving. When I came to write, thriving not surviving, and it was the second book that I’d written around looking at the strategies that I’d used to overcome my personal challenges and going from, surviving, to thriving. The first book
was called, Chariots on Fire, that was my story and the personal strategies that I used to overcome the difficulty of, surviving, but between 2009 and 2017, a lot of things changed.
I’ve done a lot of development work on myself and I’d worked with thousands of people and so I had moved my thinking.
Here are the Two areas to focus to start, Thriving, and stop, Surviving.
Beliefs – our beliefs about ourselves become our reality. If you believe you’ll fail, the chances are you won’t even start. If you believe you’ll might fail, you’re going to make a set of decisions. If you believe I’m going to succeed, don’t quite know how but; I’m going to succeed, your beliefs about whether you’re enough or whether you are, too fat, too tall, too short, not rich enough, not educated enough, too old, too young, those beliefs absolutely determine what sort of quality of life you’re going to have.
The second pathways is relationships. You want to be, thriving, in your relationships. Every relationship we have with other people is a mirror image of the relationship we have with ourselves. So if you don’t feel that you’re enough, if you listen to other people’s opinions rather than trusting your own, if you believe that you deserve to be treated badly because you don’t actually love and appreciate yourself, you’re going to put up with people treating you in a very different way, than if you actually have confidence and a good self-esteem. So the relationships we have with ourselves are incredibly important.
The Lifetime series, Surviving R. Kelly, and the follow up Dateline episode, show a rich and famous R. Kelly feeding his sex machine with women of all ages. His preference seemed to be teenage girls as young as 12 years old; but women in their 30’s had the same experience. One said that she did unspeakable things in a Black room, was starved, had to ask before she went to the bathroom, was physically abused, and had to call Art. Kelly, Daddy.
So in this interview, Nicole and I explore the mindset of predator and how women of all ages can use their intuition to escape the lair of a predator.
These women who were a part of the, surviving R Kelly, documentary, had to learn to be strong minded. Similarly Gina had to learn to push past her flesh and fight to do the things she had always done, like lead a school. One of the victims in the, Surviving R. Kelly, interview, said just that. She said that, sexual predators, look for the, weak minded woman,. They usually go for the young, like teenagers because they are, weak minded women, but if they find you are weak minded as an adult, then you become a victim as well. She was one of the women in her 30’s who was a victim. So if you are a, weak minded woman, then you are not using your intuition, instead, you are looking for this person to fill the void in your life, and in, the mindset of a sexual predator, they are more than happy to accommodate.
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If you are interested in your personal and spiritual development, all of Gina’s programs are on her website which is genuinely- you. You will find all sorts of resources, lots of free stuff and also find her one-on-one coaching program and enlightened leadership program.
Your Life Theme and, personalities, shape what motivates and drives you throughout your life. Find out which of the four archetypes compose your identity.
John Voris, author of the book “Discover the Power that Drives your, Personality, How four Virtues Define your World, started his career as a door to door salesman. He failed miserably as a salesperson, even after taking sales training. He wondered why some people with the same training is better than others and discovered that, personalities, play an important role in skill. That started his thinking that some, personalities, can do certain skills better than others. He also realized that, personality, controls our communication.
He learned that the human mind needs to express its authentic identity and, personality. One way it does that is by selecting the objects and environment that expresses who we are. That means that the objects around you right now reflect your past decisions. Decisions like, I know I like this or I don’t like that.
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How does objects that we surround ourselves with express our identity and, Personalities.
John: So when I figured out how to sell to, personalities, I became an excellent salesperson closing 12 out of 14 transactions. I would be able to walk into a room and tell the motivation of my clients by the objects they surrounded themselves with. For example If you came into my office today I have over 4000 books. You can deduct that I am curious. Then you look at the titles of the books and you would understand my desire for wisdom. That doesn’t mean I’ll buy; but if the salesperson tailor their language to my desire for wisdom and build rapport, they have a great chance of closing the sale. That is how you read people.
Another example, if I were to go into a beauty salon, I can figure out the, personalities; everyone is having fun. I want to appease the, personalities, so when I walk into the salon I talk about other people of interest. The people who just purchased my widgets like Janice two doors down. I would talk about what is factual about Janice. The, personalities, in the salon would buy my widget because Janice bought it.
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Our, personality, as our way of expression. Your identity does not follow. I think therefore I am; It’s the only way to find self-actualization or self-realization. The objects, events and people around their, personality, identify the, personality type.
Myrna: I’m thinking of an object and that identifies, personalities, and identities. I’m thinking of maybe an expensive car, a big house, nice expensive clothes. These objects around me definitely define my, personality.
True, but I look at what do you like to do for fun? What is your hobby? In my 35 question, personality test, I ask the questions like “What event caused you the most pleasure? What event caused you the most pain?” I ask you to describe both, you will find they are linked to the same answer because they are linked to your, personality, and who you are.
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Discover Your Life Theme: The, Personality, Engine That Drives You
Your Life Theme offers the, personality, framework that gives shape to what motivates and drives you throughout your life.
You are not a, personality, you are an identity. That identity is driven by one of four archetypes or “Life Themes.”
These “ Life Themes” are Love, Justice, Wisdom and Power.
These represent four and the only four major motivating forces that can explain human behavior.
These four archetypes have many roles and functions that compose our identity. It is their adequacy of expression that is responsible for us living a life of happiness and success.
While each of us contains all four, there is one that takes precedent over the others.
They are responsible for our feelings and emotional reactions often causing anxiety, fear, anger, self-doubt, alienation, the lack of life meaning and purpose.
Once you know your, personality, that’s driving your Archetype, you will be able to understand its presence and better manage your life and your relationships.
Personality Myers Briggs
The Myers-Briggs, Personality, Type Indicator
An Overview of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
Intuitive-Thinking. INTJ. INTP. ENTJ. ENTP.
Intuitive-Feeling. INFJ. INFP. ENFJ. ENFP.
Sensing-Judging. ISTJ. ISFJ. ESTJ. ESFJ.
Sensing-Perceiving. ISTP. ISFP. ESTP. ESFP.
According to, Myers-Briggs, theory of, personality types, people can be characterized by their preference of general attitude:
Extraverted (E) vs. Introverted (I), their preference of one of the two functions of perception:
Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N), and their preference of one of the two functions of judging:
Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F)
The three areas of preferences introduced by Jung are dichotomies (i.e. bipolar dimensions where each pole represents a different preference). Jung also proposed that in a person one of the four functions above is dominant – either a function of perception or a function of judging. Isabel Briggs Myers, a researcher and practitioner of Jung’s theory, proposed to see the judging-perceiving relationship as a fourth dichotomy influencing personality type [Briggs Myers, 1980]:
Judging (J) vs. Perceiving (P)
The first criterion, Extraversion – Introversion, signifies the source and direction of a person’s energy expression. An extravert’s source and direction of energy expression is mainly in the external world, while an introvert has a source of energy mainly in their own internal world.
The second criterion, Sensing – Intuition, represents the method by which someone perceives information. Sensing means that a person mainly believes information he or she receives directly from the external world. Intuition means that a person believes mainly information he or she receives from the internal or imaginative world.
The third criterion, Thinking – Feeling, represents how a person processes information. Thinking means that a person makes a decision mainly through logic. Feeling means that, as a rule, he or she makes a decision based on emotion, i.e. based on what they feel they should do.
The fourth criterion, Judging – Perceiving, reflects how a person implements the information he or she has processed. Judging means that a person organizes all of his life events and, as a rule, sticks to his plans. Perceiving means that he or she is inclined to improvise and explore alternative options.
All possible permutations of preferences in the 4 dichotomies above yield 16 different combinations, or personality types, representing which of the two poles in each of the four dichotomies dominates in a person, thus defining 16 different personality types. Each personality type can be assigned a 4 letter acronym of the corresponding combination of preferences:
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The motivation of each of the four Life Themes or, personality types, are described here:
The Love Theme- is motivated to better humanity by trying to correct that which causes pain, discomfort, suffering, and victimization. It is driven by love, compassion, and empathy.
The Justice Theme – seeks balance and harmony. Justice is expressed in several ways. It seeks to correct injustice and immorality in people, relationships and organizations. It also gets expressed by seeking balance and perfection using design through engineering, art, music, and literature.
The Wisdom Theme – is driven by a need to know in order to exercise sound judgment in problem solving and goal attainment. Wisdom finds its expression and purpose through teaching, learning, and working with data.
The Power Theme – needs to act upon thoughts and get into action. Empowerment finds its expression and purpose through Power as a natural leader and agent of change.
Personality INEJ
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As you can see, there is something deeper than our, personality, at work that is running the show. Our, personality, is merely the way we appear in social situations. It is not what drives us.
What drives us are ancient archetypal forces based on moral and ethical virtues. I like to see these virtues as gifts that we are born with and are compelled to express and give throughout our life.
All of us need all four of the universal motivation systems regardless of our upbringing, opportunities, and physical attributes:
To download a copy of John Personality test quiz visit www.JohnVoris.com
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Have you found your, passion? Passion, is that burning desire that God placed in your belly at birth. It is also called your burning bush.
Find your Passion
In this episode I reference the Final chapter of my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement”
I call this chapter “God’s consuming fire your , passion.
In this chapter of my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement”I tell the stories of Walt Disney, Sylvester Stallone, and J.K Rowling. These are 3 examples of ordinary people who accomplished extraordinary things because they were able to convert their passion, the fire in their belly, into its monetary equivalent. Their passion was like a “burning bush” deep within their souls and they were driven to consummate this burning desire.
Out of the Snares
“The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.”
Passion it is that thing that you were created to do. The thing that makes you feel good when you are doing it, like you transcended your body and entered the heavens. The thing that you would do all day for free.
Kobe Bryant was born with a purpose, he got the genes and the physical attributes to be a basketball player but; he had to engage his, passion.
Purpose is what you were placed on the earth to do, it is your contribution to mankind. The first way to uncover your, passion, is to find out what holds your interest and what you love doing. God gave you your gift of purpose, and you’re not always passionate about your purpose; but if you can marry it to your, passion, it’s like pouring gasoline on the fire. You have to feed your, passion. That’s what Kobe Bryant did and that is why he is a Legend. No one out worked him, he wanted to be the best and win championships.
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One of the self-evaluation questions I ask my new coaching clients is “If you were the Power-ball winner of $500,000,000. What would you do with your time?” You see, when you take away the need to earn money, then your head becomes clear as to what your passion really is.
In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement”I tell the stories of Walt Disney, Sylvester Stallone, and J.K Rowling. These are 3 examples of ordinary people who accomplished extraordinary things because they were able to convert their passion, the fire in their belly, into its monetary equivalent. Their passion was like a “burning bush” deep within their souls and they were driven to consummate this burning desire.
For Walt Disney it was drawing and Art. Walt started drawing as an ambulance driver in the army. Then he became a commercial artist. After being let go from his company, he decided to start his own graphics company. His company failed from bad management. Walt had a string of failures that included bankruptcy before he found success. He married Art with imagination and created the happiest place on earth. His passion for drawing birth an empire that has gross revenues today in the billions of dollars.
Walt Disney World is now visited by over 5 million families every year, Annual cash flow from Disney’s consortium of products and films are in excess of 21 billion dollars. It includes 535 Disney stores, a cable television station, amusement parks in Orlando, California, Paris and more. All because he would not let the fire in his belly die.
So what would you do for free?
How did Sylvester Stallone Find his, Passion?
Sylvester Stallone was born disabled. He suffered injury at birth that left one side of his mouth deformed and caused him to speak funny. Sylvester’s passion was born from being hungry. Like Les Brown would say “You got to be Hungry” Sylvester was broke and hungry. He was walking the street one day, cold and hungry and he decided to go into a library to stay warm. Laying on the table was a book about a fighter who overcame odds to win. That inspired Sylvester Stallone to go write the Rocky story. He wrote that story in one sitting. He did not stop for 20 hours. That inspiration was the gasoline that lit the fire that God put inside him. Again he married passion with imagination and wrote a story that resonated with each and every one of us. The story of Rocky. It made him a millionaire many times over.
“When you set yourself on fire, people love to come and see you burn.”
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Back in the day, Stallone was a struggling actor in every definition. At some point, he got so broke that he stole his wife’s jewelry and sold it. Things got so bad that he even ended up homeless. Yes, he slept at the New York bus station for 3 days. Unable to pay rent or afford food. His lowest point came when he tried to sell his dog at the liquor store to a stranger. He didn’t have money to feed the dog anymore. He sold his dog for $25. He says he walked away crying.
Two weeks later, he saw a boxing match between Mohammed Ali and Chuck Wepner and that match gave him the inspiration to write the script for the famous movie, ROCKY. He wrote the script in 20 hours! He tried to sell it and got an offer for $125,000 for the script. But he had just ONE REQUEST. He wanted to STAR in the movie. He wanted to be the MAIN ACTOR, Rocky himself. But the studio said NO. They wanted a REAL STAR.
They said he “Looked funny and talked funny”. He left with his script. A few weeks later, the studio offered him $250,000 for the script. He refused. They even offered $350,000. He still refused. They wanted his movie, but NOT him. He said NO. He was not selling out, if they did not cast him, they couldn’t buy his script. It worked. They wanted the script so badly, that they cast his as Rocky and history was made.
What is exactly the, Meaning of, Passion
Passion, is that which deeply stirs us or a developmental perspective, so it’s like the essence of our commitment. Passion is the thing that drives us. You might hear older individuals say they “lost their will to live,” that means they lost their passion, their fuel. Just like a child requires love to grow, we require passion to continue to grow inside.
When we selectively share our, passion, we engage the universe to manifest our, passion.
It’s like putting gasoline on your fire when you engaged your, passion.
J.K Rowling was a single parent, a divorcee and out of work. On a train ride from Manchester to London she got the inspiration to create the Harry Potter story. But she was already a published author. Writing her first book at 6 years old and another at 11 years old. She became an English teacher because her passion was writing. Ms Rowling says
Failure stirs the fire in your belly to do something about your passion.
In 2015 J.K. Rowling’s 2008 Harvard commencement speech was published under the title ‘Very Good Lives: The Fringe Benefits of Failure and the Importance of Imagination’
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My, passion, is learning, building and imparting. As a Life coach, author and motivational speaker, I am constantly learning, building and imparting into the lives of others. I could do it all day and I do it for free.
Find your, passion!
“There is no greater thing you can do with your life and your work than follow your passions – in a way that serves the world and you.” Richard Branson
Dr Tra How can our listeners find their, Passion 2020?
What I encourage people to do is to focus on the positive at all times. If they remove the negative, those emotional vampires, they will let the light in. Once you move away or walk away or even run away from negativity, you can begin to find your, passion in 2020. Be passionate about whatever you desire, it doesn’t matter what it is, be passionate about it by surrounding yourself with those people who are similar in Life or those people who have already done it. I remember people talking about Diana Ross, one of my favorite people. They were so upset with her for continually surrounding herself around for White people, and she told them she surrounds herself with anyone regardless of color who is going in the same direction as she or where she wants to go.
The common complaint among a lot of people is that they need to, ‘find their passion.’
What is the difference between, Passion, and Emotion?
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Did you start your New Year’s resolutions yet? I bet there’s one missing that you should add right now: find a greater sense of purpose in your life. To do that effectively, you need to understand the eight key components of living with purpose.
The new book, The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel, is a complete step-by-step walkthrough of how humans derive meaning from their existence. This book helps you to identify what really matters to you in life, define a clear plan of going after what you want, and grow toward fulfilling your true calling.
Best of all, this book does not tell you how to live your life or which goals you should have. Instead, it helps you figure it out for yourself. ..That’s what you really want—someone in your corner helping you make sense of your life, not someone with their own agenda telling you what to do.
You can, have it all, anything you desire through visualization and meditation. The, Laws of the Universe, including the, law of attraction, are working for you. You only have to plant in the fertile field of your mind to ,have it all.
Your subconscious mind cannot hold any contradictory mandates. For example if you are using the, Law of Attraction, to manifest a red sports car, but you are thinking that you could never afford such a car, you are cancelling out, the Law of Attraction.
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If you have a belief that you will not be able to, have it all, then your beliefs will block these things from your experience. You will not, have it all. Your belief must be changed first in order to, have it all.
Nothing in our world exists until we create it. We engage the, Law of Attraction, one of the, laws of the Universe, whenever we dream about something we want.
Everything is first created in the mind before you hold it in your hand.
We must first observe or experience it for it to become a reality. Quantum physics tells us that everything exists in wave form or infinite possibility it is only when we observe it, it becomes form. It does not become form until we observe it by giving it our conscious attention. It is our act of observation that gives everything form.
Consciousness creates our reality. The, Law of Attraction, is a tool we could use to design our life, to have it all.
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This energy is infinite. The brain functions 24 hours until we die, so the, law of Attraction, is always working. Both your conscious thoughts and subconscious thoughts activate, the Law of Attraction.
When the conscious mind and the subconscious mind are in conflict the subconscious mind always win. So most of the time we are activating the, law of attraction unconsciously.
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Did you start your New Year’s resolutions yet? I bet there’s one missing that you should add right now: find a greater sense of purpose in your life. To do that effectively, you need to understand the eight key components of living with purpose.
The new book, The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel, is a complete step-by-step walkthrough of how humans derive meaning from their existence. This book helps you to identify what really matters to you in life, define a clear plan of going after what you want, and grow toward fulfilling your true calling.
Best of all, this book does not tell you how to live your life or which goals you should have. Instead, it helps you figure it out for yourself. ..That’s what you really want—someone in your corner helping you make sense of your life, not someone with their own agenda telling you what to do.
For example when an overweight person decides to go on a diet without changing subconscious programming they will continue to overeat and override conscious behaviors.
The conscious mind has a limited memory and most of it is short term.
The subconscious mind has infinite memory for all your experience for your entire life.
The subconscious mind can block out changes in your surroundings so you don’t focus or see changes in your environment. Like driving down a street for months and not seeing a new complex or a new tree.
We have a shortage of attention and fail to notice what is going on around us including obvious changes in our surroundings.
Conscious attention is required to see requested changes from the, Law of Attraction.
Always use the, law of attraction, to focus on what is wanted and not what is unwanted. You can, have it all.
The law of Attraction, having it all
The mind focus on what we place our attention on whether negative or positive so the, law of attraction will bring you whatever you focus on.
All day every day we are placing our attention on something and engaging the, law of attraction.
Concentration on one thing and suppressing all others is the key to controlling your reality and using the, law of attraction, to, have it all.
Controlling your attention and focus is the way to control your reality.
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How to use the, Law of Attraction, to change your reality
Reevaluate what seems negative by focusing on the good experiences. This trains the mind only to see the positive, it teaches the subconscious to only focus on the positive and thus more positive things will be attracted into your lives through the, law of attraction.
Challenge yourself in your free time. When we go into low energy modes our brain reverts to old programming, so to prevent this schedule things to do that will move the needle to your required destination of, having it all.
Appreciate all the goodness that you see. We can search for happiness in our present situation. Teach the mind what we want from life. The conscious mind is the master and the subconscious mind the gene. When we train the conscious mind to focus on what we want, we can make any changes we want in our lives. What you focus on comes to you by the, law of attraction.
You can, have it all. Is it possible to have: a passionate marriage; a thriving career; a healthy beautiful body; more money than you ever dreamed possible, and enough “down” time to enjoy it – without running yourself ragged? Use the, law of attraction to, have it all.
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Here is a Test to see your Capacity for, Happiness:
What is an area in your life that you feel happy about?
Then ask yourself, why are you happy with that area?
You could find, happiness, in your body, your marriage, your career, your friends, your finances, your kids, your relationship with God etc.
If your Life Conditions or LC match your blueprint for, happiness, you will find, happiness, in this area.
Let’s pick an easy one to see, how to be happy, I am sure you know people who are happy with being overweight.
They find, happiness, with their body because their blueprint says, Big is Beautiful. They love being Big. You may also know someone who is a twig and they feel fat. You become unhappy with your body when you step on the scale and it is different than your blueprint for, happiness, with your weight or body.
While you are in this space you can also get clarity on why you are Unhappy with some areas of your life.
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Happiness, is defined as a feeling of contentment, that life is as it should be. Perfect, happiness, comes when you have all your needs met according to your blueprint of what life should be.
Here is the formula for, Happiness
H=S +C + V
Happiness is “H”
S – Set point or genetic capacity for happiness
C- Conditions or circumstances of living
V – Voluntary choices
Your Set point or core belief is both genetic and environmental. Do you see life as an opportunity or do you see life as a problem?
Your set point for, happiness, is determined in the first 3 years of life by parents or caretakers. Your neurons mirror your parents. If your parents were always criticizing each other or playing the victim; that’s what you grow up to be. A critical person always seeing the glass as half empty instead of half full. You feel victimized by life. You blame the system for your lack of, happiness, in life. You feel you were born on the other side of the tracks.
On the other hand If your parents were happy, then you grew up thinking that life is a place for service and to look for the silver lining under every cloud. Never being the victim because victims have no power. Your set point on, how to be happy, if pretty high.
Your set point represents 50% of your, happiness, so if you have a negative set point, you are always fighting an uphill battle.
Fortunately, your set point for, happiness, can be changed through therapy?
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The second factor in the, Happiness Formula is your capacity for happiness or your Life Conditions “C”
C = Conditions of living – conditions of living represents 10 -12% of your, happiness. For example If you are extremely poor you can’t be happy because your basic needs are not being met and your poverty becomes a source of stress.
There is a movie I saw years ago called the, Happiness, movie. It showcased people in India living in very poor conditions, earning something like $100 per year and they found, happiness.
How to be happy, they had love, they had family and since poverty is what they knew from birth, their blueprint for, happiness, was different than someone born into wealth.
Do you know poor people who are happy? I am sure you do.
When your Life conditions don’t match your blueprint that is when you suffer. Stress, depression, substance abuse this is the doorway they enter from. Not always but most times.
The next leg on, How to be Happy, is “V”
V = Voluntary Choices. These are the choices you make every day =these choices represent 40% of your, happiness.
If your choices are all about personal pleasure then your, happiness, will be transient.
In the US the #1 choice for personal pleasure is shopping
#2 is alcohol and food
# 3 sex
When you make choices for personal pleasure your, happiness, lasts a few days or a few months at best. If you are trying to find, happiness, by acquiring things like cars, clothes, houses, jewelry. The, happiness, lasts a few weeks or at best 6 months then it is no longer a source of joy.
This is the same for alcohol, food, drugs, sex.
Lasting, Happiness, does not come from external sources.
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If you are suffering in your marriage, your relationships, or anything other than your health, you can change your blueprint and find, happiness. If you feel you have no control to change your Life conditions, that is when there is pain.
You can change your set point through meditation and expanding your consciousness.
If you don’t like your conditions of living or your body, change it. It is in your control. If you don’t want to change your conditions then you must change your blueprint.
When I first got married my husband and I fought constantly. We had different blueprints of what marriage was supposed to be. We are still together today because we both changed our blueprints. Most couples end up in divorce court because they refuse to change their blueprint of what it take to find, happiness, in a marriage or after a divorce.
Instead of making the choice of personal pleasure, spend your money or time on experiences like vacations, adventure, entertainment, being social with friends etc. Creating Good memories make you happy.
The fastest way to, happiness, is to give others attention, appreciation, acknowledgment, affection, or acceptance.
Before you make choices, ask yourself would this choice make me happy? Will it make others happy? You cannot find, happiness, making others unhappy.
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