Most of us on finding ourselves in the, lions den, would only be concerned with the lions (the problem) we would not be thinking of any other, problem, but the lions that are about to eat us. Daniel, turned his back upon his, problem, and instead looked towards the, light, that was God.
In this episode of 5 mins with coach Myrna, I share wisdom for the New Year. How to deal with any problem that is trying to take your spiritual life, knock you down or eat you up. When, Daniel, was thrown into the, lions Den, he turned his back on the problem!
Darius became the ruler over Babylon. He loved, Daniel, and wanted to make him leader over all the kingdom. Some of the king’s wise men were jealous.
The wise men knew, Daniel, prayed to God, so they tricked the king into making a new law. Anyone who prayed to God would be thrown into a, lions den.
Daniel, chose to pray to God anyway. The king’s wise men saw, Daniel, praying and told the king that, Daniel, was breaking the law. The king realized his wise men had tricked him. He tried to find a way to save, Daniel, but the king had to follow his own law.
Daniel, was thrown into the, lions den. The king stayed awake all night, fasting so that, Daniel, would be protected.
Early the next morning, the king rushed to the, lions’ den. He called to, Daniel, to see if he was still alive. Daniel, called back! He told the king that God sent an angel to shut the lions’ mouths. The lions did not hurt him.
The king was happy that, Daniel, was safe. He punished those wise men who tricked him, and he ended the law. He taught his kingdom about God’s power and goodness.
The story of, Daniel, is the story of every man. It is recorded that, Daniel, while locked in the, lions den, turned his back upon the hungry beasts; and turned towards the, light, coming from above while praying to God.
Daniels’s story was written to instruct you in the art of freeing yourself from your, problem, or whatever is holding you captive.
Most of us on finding ourselves in the, lions den, would only be concerned with the lions (the problem) we would not be thinking of any other, problem, but the lions that are about to eat us. Daniel, turned his back upon his, problem, and instead looked towards the, light, that was God.
The message in this, scripture, is when we are threatened with any dire disasters such as poverty, sickness, divorce, we could remove our attention from these lions and look towards the, light, of God which is our solution.
For example, if you were imprisoned, no man would need to tell you that what you should desire is freedom. Freedom or the desire to be free would be automatic.
The same would be true if you found yourself sick or in debt or in any other predicament. Lions den, represent any situation that could swallow you up.
The solution is to, turn your back on the problem, and focus your attention on the promises of God.
This is where your, faith, moves from something you read about to something you do.
What is the lion in your life right now that is trying to eat you up? We are in a pandemic a lot of us are dealing with debt and sickness.
I know that when you are in the, lions den, it is natural to focus on the lion that is trying to kill you, but you must find the strength to turn away. Look towards the, light, and speak the, scriptures, you should be standing on.
Scriptures like “I will live and not die”
“Everything works out for my good”
“I know the plans I have for you plans to prosper you”
The definition of, alchemy, is turning lead into gold. That's the meaning that we're told to understand, but there's so much deeper going on behind it. Turning lead into gold means turning something Heavy and impure into something precious.
Today we are talking on the topic using, alchemy, to transform your mind.
Bio
Vi Vi Thai, is a writer, truth seeker healer and fearlessly determined to live a free lifestyle, regardless of others opinions. In her book “Living Through Alchemy,” Vi seeks to dispel the myths beyond and behind, alchemy, shining and eliminated in light of this fascinating, esoteric practice; a compilation of a lifetime of soul searching.
The book “Living Through Alchemy” blends the fields of art and science, painting a compelling picture of how, alchemy, manifests in your daily lives. Living her, life purpose, Vi helps others to find their path of freedom to live their authentic selves, because only then she feels that we can live a fulfilled life of happiness.
Today Vi is speaking to me from her camper with her dog and her, van life. We are going to be embarking on a, journey of freedom, and, spirituality. Let's start out by telling you what exactly is, alchemy?
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Vi: I came across, alchemy, probably about seven years ago after I read the book “ The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho”. That book inspired me to embark on my, nomadic life, and, van life, because Paulo, loved to travel, and he wanted to travel the world. During that time, I was in a very dark phase of my life. I was very unhappy about my job, and everything else in my life. I was questioning the, meaning of life. I was asking myself questions like:
Why do I exist?
What's my, life purpose? Because I was so unhappy.
Every day going to work, it felt like I was carrying a huge rock on my shoulder. I asked myself, am I supposed to live like this? Why did I go through 10 years of school, got a very high degree, got a very prestigious job in one of the best hospitals in the US and I am still depressed?
At this time, I came across this book; but I didn't understand anything about, alchemy, at that time. So, I thought it was a really cool story about traveling. I didn't know that there's so much, esoteric, meanings that were embedded in this book. Not until last year when I was writing a book about my, van life. When I decided to go deeper into my, nomadic life, and, van life, I realized that it had to do with my spiritual journey and, freedom.
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I wanted to live in a van, because I didn't want to go back to the corporate life. I wanted to have more time for myself, to learn who I am and follow my passion.
That's the reason I changed my, lifestyle; I wanted to live simply in a very low-cost way, and mainly focus on what I love to do the most. I just followed that passion and where it led me. That was the biggest thing I learned from the book, The Alchemist. I learned from that book is just to follow your heart and so that's how it led me here. And during that the writing process of my book, I stumble upon a show about, alchemy. Everything happened like, synchronicity.
Myrna: My last podcast was on the topic of, synchronicity, which states that there's no coincidences in life!
Vi Vi: I started seeing, synchronicity, happen all around me. So, when I was writing the book, I came upon this show called “Mystery Teachings” presented by Teresa fuller on Gaia Network.
Myrna: I am not picking up, what is alchemy, can you give us a definition of it?
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Vi Vi: The definition of, alchemy, is turning lead into gold. That's the meaning that we're told to understand, but there's so much deeper going on behind it. Turning lead into gold means turning something heavy and impure into something precious.
However, the goals of, alchemy, went far beyond simply creating some golden nuggets.
The history of alchemy, was rooted in a complex spiritual worldview in which everything around us contains a sort of universal spirit, and metals were believed not only to be alive, but also to grow inside the Earth. When a base, or common, metal such as lead was found, it was thought to simply be a spiritually and physically immature form of higher metals such as gold. To the, alchemists, metals were not the unique substances that populate the Periodic Table, but instead the same thing in different stages of development or refinement on their way to spiritual perfection.
Myrna: That's beautiful It's almost like turning coals into diamonds, same kind of thing.
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In order to understand, what is alchemy, you need to understand the, stages of alchemy, and how It transmuted. So, alchemy, refers to the stages of transmutation. It's sort of spacious and through that process you transform into a different form. Similar to how the caterpillar transforms into the butterfly. Just like the caterpillar it has to go through the stages.
The 7 stages of Alchemy
Calcination – This stage refers to the breaking of our attachments to the worldly.
Dissolution – The chemical process of dissolution is to take the ashes from calcination and dissolve it in water.
Separation – In this stage the, alchemist, separates and filters the products of dissolution.
Conjunction – Here the, alchemist, is at peace with both the perceived “darker” aspects of the self, and the mask that they need to wear when interacting with the world.
Fermentation – Fermentation is essentially, all about testing this newly integrated self. We test ourselves through trials and tribulations, through the natural swings that life provides us.
Distillation – To prepare for the final stage, we need to purify the spirit to make sure that it is free from any destructive forms of ego
Coagulation – Here, there is the meeting between matter and spirit, inner and outer, good and evil, the union of dualities. It is at this stage of, spiritual alchemy, where the spirit has become self aware – it perceives itself, and it sees and understands that the inner world and the outer world are not different, but reflections of each other.
The, stages of alchemy, also connect us to the, energy portals, in the body the, chakras. All your, chakras, also connect you to the, seven laws of the universe, and once you go through the process and stages of, alchemy, you perceive the world without dualities and embrace consciousness.
Once you travel through an the, stages of alchemy, you open up your third eye chakra, and remove the blockage of the Pineal Gland.
Myrna: Everything you're saying I understand. I do energy work with my, chakras, and I am reading Deepak Chopra's book right now “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success.”
Vi Vi: It's a very natural process. It happens to everyone because The Universe wants you to transmute; change is the only constant. So in, alchemy, everything has to transmute. The universe wants to protect itself and that’s why we all have to go through the process of transmutation.
The beauty of, alchemy, is that once you understand all of these stages, then you'll be able to have a different perspective about your life. When you have a different perspective, then you have different thoughts. You look at things differently.
Once you have different views, you have different actions so you do things differently. So with, alchemy, we are creating a different reality. Through this process of letting go and purifying, you start to, transform your mind, as well.
When you go through this process of purifying, you travel through the, seven chakras, and the, Kundalini energy, is activated. When you open up all your, chakras, the energy is lighter. So, once it is opened up, it gives the light the passage for the, Kundalini energy, to rise through the, chakras.
As the Kundalini energy rises to the, sixth chakra, your third eye, this allows you to see with intention and access to the spiritual realm. We have blockages in our, third eye charka; we all have blockages is in our, chakras. So, the end result is the healing of these blockages.
Kundalini Energy
Myrna: I'm familiar with, Kundalini energy, I do, Kundalini meditation. This energy is like a snake that goes up your nervous system. I practice thinking of the, Kundalini energy, moving from my, seventh chakra, and going all the way up to my, first chakra.
Vi Vi: I teach about the, 7 stages of alchemy, and people can find my book on Amazon, it will soon be available everywhere, but for now it is only on Amazon. The title of the book is “Living Through Alchemy, a transformational journey to freedom.” And they can also go to my website www.livingthroughalchemy.com , and that's where they learn more information about the book and I have my book trailer on there. They can also download a free copy as well of the first chapter. In the first chapter I walk people through the, meaning of alchemy, and explain the, stages of alchemy. Follow Vi Vi on Instagram at @smileyvivi05
I was sitting around telling myself I'm sick all the time. I'm concentrating on the pain so I started practicing, self love. I started loving the parts of my body that didn't hurt , like my hands. I start really paying attention to my thoughts, how I'm speaking to myself, and within three weeks the pain was gone. It is important to, love yourself.
Jenny Mannion has spent the last fifteen-years helping hundreds of clients re-awaken their energy & passion, rediscover their self-worth, and transform to the person they were meant to be. After suffering with several debilitating chronic diseases for over seven years, Jenny healed herself in three weeks using techniques she developed, which are the same techniques she uses today to help others heal.
Jenny helps her clients overcome fear, stress, lack of self-worth, anxiety, and traumatic memories or events with simple to use mindfulness & meditation practices, positive affirmations, revolutionary wellness practices, and community support of likeminded individuals.
Love yourself for healing
Jenny: I was sitting around telling myself I'm sick all the time. I'm concentrating on the pain so I started practicing, self love. I started loving the parts of my body that didn't hurt , like my hands. I start really paying attention to my thoughts, how I'm speaking to myself, and within three weeks the pain was gone. It is important to, love yourself.
Myrna: What was your chronic illness was?
Jenny: My first diagnosis was chronic mono. Mononucleosis sometimes leads to a serious condition called chronic EBV infection. In chronic EBV infection, you have long-lasting symptoms and a viral infection that lasts longer than usual after your original mononucleosis diagnosis.
Then they found the Epstein Barr Virus in my blood, then it was fibromyalgia. Then it was a genetic blood disorder, which made me more prone to blood clots. I manifested a blood clot within three weeks of them telling of this diagnosis and ended up in the hospital for a week. And the last was Ehlers Danlos, which was the most serious because that was what that made them say I'd wind up in a wheelchair.
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Myrna: So you had four things going on with you. Wow.
Jenny: Four things and you keep going I got to keep getting diagnoses.
Myrna: And I know that, Fibromyalgia, which is the only one I recognize from that is very painful, isn't it?
Healing Fibromyalgia with self love
Jenny: Fibromyalgia, was very painful and it was focused on my leg. It feels like you have the flu, you are just really out of it. You don't know what you'll be able to do that day; If you can get out of bed. There were times when I was crawling downstairs wondering if it was safe for me to drive my kids. You have got to, love yourself, to push past the discomfort and start healing my body.
It was disempowering. I joined support groups, but those were a little disempowering, too because it wasn't about how will we cope with this illness? It became like almost a one upping, everyone sharing their sad stories, my husband left me because I'm sick. Well, you know, it wasn't inspiring at all.
So, in really focusing on my mind, and my limiting thoughts about, self love, I fostered my Mind, Body, and Spirit connection. Deepak Chopra is so great at teaching about that. Wayne Dyer with intention, really focusing on my mind, because we're on automatic pilots so much of the time. When I started to focus on, self love, I was appalled at the things I was saying to myself.
Myrna: So what exactly did you do?
Attention Shifting for deep healing
Jenny: I started with some forgiveness work. Then I went to the, attention shifting, really paying attention to my fingers that didn't hurt, because my legs were in pain and a lot of my other body parts were in pain so I started focusing my energy on the body parts that were healthy. Then gratitude work and, self love. Grateful for my comfy bed. I would be in gratitude that I could read to my kids even if I couldn't run.
Myrna: You love Deepak Chopra, one of the things I learned from him was this affirmation:
“Every day in every way, I'm getting better and better. My Biostat is set at a healthy 45 years of age. I look and feel 45 years old.” And then you go through about 10 things that you're getting better and better at you know: So I understand you saying every day that you are getting better and better!
Jenny: Yeah, I'm saying yeah, every day I'm working on my healing every day. I'm getting a little better every day. Yeah, I mean, giving myself that credit to for the work that I am doing, you know I am watching videos, I am listening, I am focusing my attention. Just really be mindful and conscious of the way I was talking to myself and where I was putting my energy.
I mean, we know this all boils down to, energy, our thoughts and emotions, creates our, energy. So, that was one of the big lesson I took away from the secret, that one line! Every 11 months were 99.9% new so where are we putting our intention?
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Myrna: True every 11 months, you're a new person. But yeah, so that's actually pretty good, because if you're seeing your healing, what you're seeing is your body is regenerating itself. So, you concentrate on, mindfulness, you concentrate on, gratitude and you practice, self love. You concentrate on your mantras and forgiving yourself. And you said in three weeks, you were you were out of pain, right? So what do you attribute that to? Do you attribute that to to the fact that you are no longer concentrating on the pain?
Jenny: I changed my, energy. The, energy, flowing through me was creating healthier cells. When I was focusing on my legs and how my legs were in pain, wondering if I could walk today; I really wasn't giving my body an opportunity to create those healthy cells. I was expecting pain and that is what I got.
Myrna: Yeah, one of the things that I learned from that is that when your, chakras, are blocked that's when disease come through. So when you talk about changing the, energy, and changing the flow I understand.
Jenny: Absolutely, once I started reading about, chakras, (Caroline Myss) was a huge influence) they resonated so deeply.
Myrna: Let’s talk about how to , love yourself. You talked about, self-love, in your Bio. What are some of the, self-love affirmations, and, self-worth, practices that you teach your clients to declare and own their value?
Jenny: Well, it's so important first of all, to have, self-love, and self-worth. Because if we are thinking we're not worthy and we don't love ourselves, we attract the relationships that reflect that, we attract negative situations. We're vibrating at that energy to attract those unhealthy relationships over and over. It can be like Groundhog Day, different person, same relationship, you know, so it is really important to, love yourself, and have, self worth.
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Jenny: And I do think, forgiveness, is a great one. At the, soul, level we know we should love ourselves unconditionally. Unfortunately, there's a long distance between the, soul, and the, mind. When we're just in our groove, that negative self talk is limited.
The limited way we see ourselves maybe from a relationship we had or from our parents or from a job. There's so many different ways that we can get those messages and we tend to hang on to the negative messages we've received, a lot tighter than the positive ones. So it really is about reclaiming that, self love.
I love the morning and night, because that is when our, subconscious mind, is tuned in. I love the shower in the morning to practice, mindfulness. We are never mindful in the shower. We're never really there. And it’s such a powerful time, we’re receiving the water element, and we are usually were left alone in the shower.
Myrna: So, what exercises can you do in the shower that you can bring in gratitude and, mindfulness?
Jenny: There are so many different things that we can do that make that our, self love meditation, time worth it. Most people do shower in the morning. I also love the idea of holding our hands over our hearts and taking some deep breaths and bringing in one of our favorite moments. We have we're so programmed to replay the worst moments so this is a time to consciously bring in the good times.
Bring in the memory i.e of a loved one cuddling with a pet, maybe the memory of a beautiful vacation that you went on, bring in all the senses, affirm to the world that everything's okay. Because a lot of times we are affirming that things aren't okay.
So, really choosing to be mindful, choosing to listen to the stories you're telling yourself. Do you do something and then say, Oh, I'm so stupid. Well, you know, correct that, catch yourself and say that you're not stupid.
Meditation and self love is the best form of healing
Myrna: I like that. I like that. I like the shower idea too. I do, energy, work. So I meditate, I also walk in the park every morning and, when I'm going to bed I'm also you know doing, energy work. So I'm in the space, but I never actually heard anybody talk about practicing, mindfulness, in the shower. I know that a lot of people are not, conscious, in the shower, and I'm one of them. It's just one of those things where you're never actually there. So practicing to be mindful in the shower is profound.
Now, one of the things you talk about is how we can access our body's inner diagnostic system for, deep healing. How we can tap into our body inner diagnostic system, so that we can heal ourselves?
Chakras and healing energy
Jenny: I consider the, chakras, our inner diagnostic system. Connecting to those different, chakras, really can heal us. I also think it's so important to pay gratitude for our body. We have this complex system, going on all the time, we just expect them to work and usually we don't pay attention to them until they start giving us some trouble.
Myrna: Can you explain what, chakras, are?
Jenny: The, chakras, are energetic wheels of, energy, that are in our body? We have seven major ones. We have hundreds in our body, but we have seven major ones. And they're the colors of the rainbow, they run from the bottom of our lower back to our top of our head and each, chakra, holds a different, energy.
Give you an example the, Root Chakra, at the base of our spine. That's really about the messages we got from our parents from when we came into this world and it makes sense that that includes like our safety. Do we feel safe on this planet walking on this planet, it affects our legs and affects our feet. So as we go as we inform ourselves about each, chakra, we really can it kind of makes sense.
Jenny: The, heart chakra, is at the heart and it is about our relationships or, self love. Are we open to receiving love for ourselves? And it makes sense that our chest and our lungs and our heart can be affected by the balance.
So really, when we know the part of us that's not feeling well, we can go to that, chakra, and find out, what is out of balance. If you're having like, something is hard to digest, your, solar plexus chakra role, will start acting up, which is your third, chakra. Each of the, chakras, has its own emotional and physical component and it's so powerful to learn about them. You can download a free chart online to find out which, chakra, controls what.
Myrna: It's really, powerful to learn because our body is always speaking to us. And those little pains aren't to punish us. They are to tell us that something's out of balance. And if we catch it early, we can prevent things from getting really bad. I love that you've talked to your body, you know we can tell our body what we would like it to do for us.
Jenny: Our, energy, goes through the pain and focusing on the pain or taking away the pain on a superficial level like popping a pill doesn't allow, deep healing. You're not looking at why do I have this headache? Did something stress me out today? When you really, love yourself, you investigate.
Pain represents blocked energy. A lot of women that I've coached have issues with their, throat chakra. So, if you have issues with your throat or your voice, ask yourself, am I speaking my truth? Does it feel safe for you to speak your truth? Are you living authentically?
Myrna: That's pretty good. Yeah, I know about the, chakras, and I do a lot of Chakra meditation to clear my, chakras but, I never thought of them as my, inner diagnostic, system.
I just concentrated on the fact that if you have disease in your body, that means your, chakras, are blocked. Right, and you clear it, but going backwards to say, Well, yeah, you know, if you're having problems with your legs or something or you're having, you know, stomach issues. It could be because of something that came in the, energy, that got stuck there.
That's best, inner diagnosis. And then obviously, once you've diagnosed it, then you could not only heal yourself, but you can also heal your mind.
Jenny: Right, yeah, absolutely. I mean, our mind is so with energetic healing, we know that things can disappear in an instant. But if our mind doesn't change, we also manifest those things all over again. So it is really important to have that mind and a consciousness around it as well.
Conclusion
Myrna: Learn more about the, chakras, and Jenny’s APP Love 365 by visiting her on the web at www.jennymannion.com. There you get links to everything in her community and her courses. Sign up for the free healing sessions that I offer and yeah, and the first and if you do sign up for Love 365 you learn about the, chakras, every single day for a week, one a day and then you get a love through the, chakra healing meditation, at the end. Jenny’s handle on social media is @jennymannion
Thanks for tuning into the Transform Your Mind podcast and blog. If you have done so already, please subscribe rate and review us on iTunes.
The, bible stories, have meaning. In the story of the prophet, Elisha, and the, widow woman, this, Bible story, is teaching us that even in your, nothingness, you have something. The, widow woman, had 3 drops of oil. Oil, which represented, joy.
In this episode of, 5 mins with coach Myrna, Life coach, Myrna Young teaches on how to focus on what you do have and not your, nothingness.
Elisha, was a, prophet, who delivered the, prophetic word, from God to his people. In this, Bible story, he told this, prophetic word, to a, widow woman.
2nd Kings 4: 1-7
A certain woman of the wives of the sons of the prophets cried out to Elisha, saying, “Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that your servant feared the Lord. And the creditor is coming to take my two sons to be his slaves.”
2 So Elisha said to her, “What shall I do for you? Tell me, what do you have in the house?” And she said, “Your maidservant has nothing in the house but a jar of oil.”
3 Then he said, “Go, borrow vessels from everywhere, from all your neighbors—empty vessels; do not gather just a few. 4 And when you have come in, you shall shut the door behind you and your sons; then pour it into all those vessels and set aside the full ones.”
5 So she went from him and shut the door behind her and her sons, who brought the vessels to her; and she poured it out. 6 Now it came to pass, when the vessels were full, that she said to her son, “Bring me another vessel.”
And he said to her, “There is not another vessel.” So the oil ceased. 7 Then she came and told the man of God. And he said, “Go, sell the oil and pay your debt; and you and your sons live on the rest.”
You are in a, barren state, if your marriage is unhealthy, and you can’t stand to go home.
You are in a, barren state, if you hate your job and can’t stand to go to work.
You are in a, barren state, if like the, widow woman, you have no money to pay your bills and the bank is coming to take your home.
What this, Bible story, is teaching us in this scripture is that even in your, nothingness, you have something. The, widow woman, had 3 drops of oil. Oil, represented, joy.
Shut out your senses to find your joy
The prophet, Elisha, commanded the, widow woman, “Go within and shut the door” that meant shut the door on your senses that tell you your marriage is dead; shut the door on your senses that tell you that you hate your job. Shut the door on your fear that the creditors will come and take your home.
Instead go within and find your, joy. Find your 3 drops of, oil.
What is the, oil, in your marriage? Don't focus on your, nothingness. Is your husband a good father? Is he a good provider? Why do you stay? You stay because of the 3 drops of, oil, that you have.
What are the 3 drops of, oil, you have at your job? Your, nothingness, could be you hate your boss, but do you like helping people and providing good customer service? Is the pay helping you to feed your family?
What are your 3 drops of, oil, about having no money and not having enough to pay your bill? Your 3 drops of, oil, i.e your, joy, could be your children and the, joy, they bring you. The, bible, says
Weeping only lasts for a night but, joy, comes in the morning.
Even if you lose your home God will find you another home. Find the, joy, in your, nothingness.
What is your barren state or wilderness experience
The prophet, Elisha, commanded the, widow woman, i.e the woman in the, barren state,
“find vessels and begin to pour your 3 drops of, oil, until all the vessels are full”
When you take your attention away from the problems of life and begin to feel the, joy, of having received the things desired, you will have abundance running over. In this, bible story, the, widow, woman’s desire was to pay her debt, so that the creditors won’t take her son as slaves. She received enough money to pay her debts and have money left over.
When you feel the joy of your marriage for whatever, oil, you have, you will be generously rewarded – for the world is a magnifying mirror, magnifying whatever you hold in your heart.
I am praying for everyone within the sound of my voice that you will find your 3 drops of, oil, and that your cup runneth over.
Thanks for tuning into 5 mins with coach Myrna go find your, oil, and feel the joy.
We are all in the, pursuit of happiness. Ask anyone what they want most out of life and they will tell you I want to be happy. But we have to choose to be happy. Our, happiness, cannot depend on external circumstances whether they be good or bad because everything is temporary.
If You lose your home or your job, that event takes your, happiness, or, wellbeing, with them. You go into depression because the winds of the storm are making the waves of your seas rough; but do you know the ocean is 2 miles deep? There could be hurricane force winds on the top of the ocean, but there is no movement on the ocean floor. It remains calm and unaffected.
That is how we can, choose to be happy, regardless of the hurricane force winds, that is creating chaos in our lives, we can choose to be in the, pursuit of happiness.
You have to, transform your mind, from, jealousy, anger, and depression because we feel badly after we express those feelings.
On the flip side:
We feel good when we give to the poor.
We feel good when we help others who are less fortunate.
We feel good when we, choose to be happy, regardless of how we feel.
Synchronicity, is the simultaneous occurrence of events which appear significantly related, but have no discernible causal connection.
Spirituals guru’s like Deepak Chopra says, synchronicity, operates in the spirit realm. Our, vibration, and energy attract people and things to us to help us to carry out our purpose and sometimes to guide us in another direction.
Everything in our physical world is made up of, vibration of energy, including the walls in your house, your bed and our thoughts.
Our thoughts are the most powerful, vibration of energy.
Any thought that is repeated over and over in your conscious mind will make an, imprint, into the, subconscious mind.
Once this, imprint, takes place, it becomes a, vibrating force, and attracts to you the people, places and things, circumstances, events, etc. that matches the images you have within. You have the real power to influence and direct the things that happen to you with your thoughts.
Back in 2004 my ex-husband and I were going through a rocky marriage. I was constantly thinking of ending the marriage, but I kept it going because he was sponsoring me to become a permanent resident in the United States. During the application process, I left the country to go to Toronto for my brother’s wedding and when I tried to return to the USA, I was denied entry because I did not apply for a travel pass.
I spent a very painful week in Canada and my husband did not care if I ever came back. So, my thoughts were constantly on “I can’t go through with this. I can’t stay married to this man.”
I was able to get back into the United States (if you want to hear the story pick up a copy of my book)
My very first day back to work I met my current husband. I took the train to and from work and he was the officer working the train to verify ticket purchase. I walked on the train and he was standing at the door doing a ticket check. Our eyes met and sparks flew. Two weeks later my husband and I had a fight on Father’s Day, and we called it quits. Nothing about this chain of events was a, coincidence, this was, synchronicity. My permanent residence application was denied with my ex-husband and my current husband sponsored me and my children.
“The most strongly endorsed explanations for coincidences are God and fate” God promises that everything will work out for your good.
Synchronicity vs Coincidence
Coincidence vs synchronicity, are related, but distinct terms. The term coincidence, describes a seemingly related series of events that occur without apparent cause. The term, synchronicity, requires that the individual ascribe deeper meaning to the, coincidence; like the story of how I met my husband.
Pay attention to where coincidence is leading you.
Synchronicity, is energy when you change your, vibration of energy, you start attracting more of what you are feeling. This is the, Law of Attraction.
One practice to clean up your, vibration, and start attracting, synchronicity, into your life is with, imprinting.
Imprinting, is like learning your times tables
It has been, imprinted, into our, consciousness. We never forget.
Visualization with imprinting
I bet if I asked you what is 7*7 you don’t have to think before responding 49. I learned that 55 years ago!
You can win without a, team. Whenever you get out of your comfort zone and go against the masses you will first be ostracized, but that is where personal growth occurs.
Welcome to, 5 mins with coach Myrna. Today I want to coach on the topic “You Don’t need a, team, to win.” I am sure you have heard the name, Colin Kaepernick. He is an NFL quarterback turned, activist. He is bi-racial born to a Black father and White mother. His mother gave him up for adoption at birth and he was adopted by White parents.
All his life, Colin Kaepernick, had been discriminated against because he was black. People would see him with his white patents and ask them if he was bothering them. He was called names like Thug, because he braided his hair. He was discriminated in the NFL because he was black and there are only a handful of Black quarterbacks.
Because of this history, he was tired of Black men being brutalized by white officers and decided to take a stand. His motto ,
“Believe in something. Even if it means sacrificing everything.”
Kaepernick, decided to do something about it. He took a knee to the National Anthem to protest police brutality and racial inequality in the United States while his teammates stood in reverence.
Everyone was in an uproar, President Trump called for him to be fired. When he became a free agent, he was blackballed and no team offered him a job. But he became an inspiration to other Black men in the NFL and they started taking a knee to the National Anthem.
Kaepernick the Activist
Today, Kaepernick, has been rewarded the largest contract to date with Nike. He was given the highest honor from Harvard University the W. E. B. Du Bois Medal and he got a chance to tell his story in a Netflix documentary “Black & White” about, Institutional racism.
Institutional racism, is “The collective failure of an organization to provide an appropriate and professional service to people because of their color, culture, or ethnic origin. It can be seen or detected in processes, attitudes and behavior that amount to discrimination through prejudice, ignorance, thoughtlessness, and racist stereotyping which disadvantage minority ethnic people.”
Kaepernick's victory proves that, You don’t need a, team, to win.
Winning without a team or support
Whenever you get out of your comfort zone and go against the masses you will first be ostracized, but that is where personal growth occurs.
You can’t grow sitting in your comfort zone
Stand up for yourself and take a stand against wrongdoing at work, in your home or on your community. You don’t need a, team, to win you just need God to be on your side.
What I love about the Old Testament is that nobody did anything without consulting God. David, Saul, Samuel, Elijah they all consulted God before they went into battle. We as a collective have lost that communication with God, but if you are doing good then you know God is on your side and he is the only team member you need to win.
Winning requires Determinization
Finally, winning without a, team, requires, determination. Teams, need to have the, determination, the grit, and the heart to rise to the occasion and so do you. Nothing is ever going to be easy, the road to holding a trophy or being awarded a top prize is often filled with obstacles that will test every aspect of your character.
It doesn't matter what the score is or what the final records will read, if you are in the game, you need to give everything you have. It doesn't matter if you are blackballed like, Colin Kaepernick, you still need to stand up for what you believe is right. This is the mentality that will lead to, winning without a team. Champions recognize that losing and failure are both simply tools that they will use to build success.
Conclusion
Remember ” Winners never quit and quitters never win” Vince Lombardi
Thanks for tuning into 5 mins with coach Myrna. Tune in Next week for another episode of 5 mins with Coach Myrna.
Marathons, can be everything from 25 miles to 200 miles potentially. What I love so much about them is the, fitness mindset, you have to develop to complete them. Everyone on a, weight loss, journey has the same issues, it's like – Oh, I want the ice cream in the fridge, the voice in your head is telling you to eat that ice cream, you have to learn to override that voice and don't eat the ice cream. It's the exact same voice that tells you that you can't do this, weight loss, thing.
I'm talking to Brian Keane. He's a personal trainer, nutritionist, best-selling author and ultra athlete. Today, we're going to be talking on the topic; “Rewiring Your Mindset for Fitness.” In order for you to keep going even when your body tells you to stop, you've got to have a, fitness mindset.
BRIAN KEANE: Over the past seven years, Brian has gone from working full time as a schoolteacher to one of Ireland and the UK’s leading thought leaders on all things health, fitness and nutrition. Brian is the author of two best sellers “The Fitness Mindset” and “Rewire Your Mindset.”
On top of his ever-growing social media platforms, with over half a million followers, he also hosts one of the world’s top health podcasts which is #1 on the iTunes Health Charts. He has spoken at major wellness events around the world such as Wellfest Ireland, Mefit Dubai and was a Keynote speaker at Google HQ in Dublin for their 2018 wellness event.
Among his many fitness and athletic achievements, Brian has transitioned from a professional fitness expert to an, ultra-endurance athlete, running, through the Sahara, the Arctic, and completing a 100-mile ultra-marathon.
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Myrna: Can you share your journey from school teacher to an, ultra endurance athlete?
Brian: I started to work as a, personal trainer, for two years. I worked as elementary school teacher during the day and worked as a, personal trainer, at a gym at nighttime. Basically, I tried to get that business up and, running, and eventually, I got to the point where every time I got paid from a, personal training, client. I was like, I can't believe I'm getting paid for this!
Myrna: We're going to talk about a, fitness mindset but, how did you get to the, entrepreneur mindset?
Brian: I found the success clues. It didn't really matter whether it was leaving a teaching job to overcome that fear or somebody that's trying to lose 100 pounds of weight. We all have these stories that hold us back. We all have these fears and insecurities. When I was starting to develop that, fitness mindset, it became my whole philosophy. When it comes to, fitness, you need to have a little education on how to get in shape and it looks different for everybody.
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My nutritional philosophy is doing what you can stick to. What's your goal? What foods do you enjoy and how do you find a diet that you can stick to over the long term?’ It doesn't need to feel like a diet. That's my whole nutritional philosophy to have a, fitness mindset. It's the same for weightlifting.
Not everyone does, ultra marathons. Most of the people I work with do a daily step count, they hate exercise. So we go cool, you've got 10,000 steps today, that's a start. I want you to do some exercise every day, so 10,000 steps that's okay.
It's just about what can you do in the long term or what can you stick to? I think that the, fitness mindset, is all about – here's the basic education on how to lose weight or how to build muscle or how to get a bit stronger and here's the, mindset, to keep it because that's the really important thing. You talk about, mindset, on your podcast all the time; the, mindset, is what allows you to keep it and developing is what's going to reap the most dividends over time.
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Myrna: It's sustainable change when you change your, mindset. It’s actually sustainable. If you change your diet or you change something external, it's not your, mindset, then it's easy for you to revert back to your old habits.
What are the biggest mistakes that people make when it comes to their diet? Can you share some, weight loss tips?
What are some, weight loss tips, if you want to lose 20 pounds?
Weight loss vs fat loss
Brian: I’ll surely give you some, weight loss tips, because when it comes to understanding, weight loss, or, fat loss, first thing is not confusing those two things because they're two different things.
Weight loss, is lowering the numbers on a scale. Fat loss is reducing the amount of fat in your body.
A lot of people use those terms interchangeably, but they're actually two different things. It is very easy to manipulate, weight loss, a lot of them fad diets – bad diets, juice diets etc. They manipulate, weight loss, because they massively restrict calories, reduce carbohydrate and as a result you will weigh less when you step on a scale, but doesn't mean your fat levels have come down.
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Whereas, fat reduction, on the other hand, is that you've got what's called a calorie deficit that your body has to take some of that stored fat and burn it for fuel. When it comes to, weight loss, there's only one thing you really need to understand – it's how calories basically work. If you consume too many calories, more energy is added to your body. Your body takes that extra energy and stores it as fat, the same thing works in reversing a calorie deficit.
If you consume fewer calories, your body doesn't have enough from food. It has to go into storage body fat and use that for food. So, when people know that it's really about finding what dietary system works for and what you like to do:
People will do a, keto diet,
Some will go, plant-based diet,
Others will go for clean eating,
Some people will count their calories,
and a few people will find other plans that works for them.
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I'm all about the basic science of, nutrition, when it comes to calories and then finding a nutritional plan that you can stick to over the long term. When it comes to, weight loss tips, it's about sustainability and finding what you can do over the long term. If you want to go a bit stricter with this, you don't have to count every calorie, you don't have to do any of these things, you just have to make a little more of a conscious food choice.
What am trying to say here is understand that, weight loss, and, fat loss, are two different things, just figure out what you're tracking. However, I recommend that anyone who's obese or overweight should track, weight loss, because it's easier. You don't have to track fat, you're better to just step on a scale and see, but if you're somebody that just wants to feel a bit better and drop a dress size or two or just have your clothes getting a bit looser, you need to track body fat.
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Myrna: One of the things that you have done is not only you've gone from school teacher to, personal trainer, but you've developed, mental toughness, because you're now an, ultra endurance athlete. How does somebody build mental toughness, and a, fitness mindset, to achieve some of their, weight loss, or, fat loss, goals?
Brian: When it comes to, mental toughness, I think breaking down the misconceptions around it is probably the most important thing before you go into the tips. One of the, mental toughness, issues I had was realizing some people were born mentally tougher and some people were just mentally tougher as opposed to realizing that it's something that you develop over time.
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It's like a muscle-like, what I call your, mental toughness, muscle, the more you exercise it, the more you develop it, the stronger it gets. When it comes to, mental toughness, they're kind of two sides of the same coin with self discipline (i.e. when you exercise that muscle and get stronger) over time. When it comes to developing, mental toughness, what I normally ask people is “Can you anchor your day in two or three things that will support you moving forward?”
Successful people do what they have to do regardless of how they feel or think.
You can develop that, mindset, anybody can develop that, mindset, over time. It's one of my brain tattoos. Another way to put that is you're not always motivated for fitness, right? But do it unmotivated until you feel motivated. What I mean is you do it until when becomes natural.
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Running for fitness
I don't really enjoy, running, that much, but I run a little every day just to keep that, mental toughness, muscle ticking. I'm sitting here thinking of the, mental toughness, of running a marathon over 100 miles, and maybe after 25th miles you're broken down. You can't seem to go anymore, but you put in a one foot in front of the next and your foot feels like rubber yet you keep going.
Myrna: I don't know if you have read the book “Can't Hurt Me” by David Goggins or the book “Finding Ultra.” Finding Ultra was about a 40 year old guy who was having problems walking up the stairs and then he transitioned to become a plant-based, ultra endurance athlete. It was so fantastic reading about his journey to becoming an, iron man, and, ultra endurance athlete. Of course, David Goggins talked about the, fitness mindset, in his book “Can't hurt me” he kept going on his marathon runs sometimes, running, on broken legs – developing the, mental toughness, to keep going at all costs.
This is the exciting part of this interview, you don't like, running, yet you run 100 miles ultra-marathons. Tell us about that.
Brian: Marathons, can be everything from 25 miles to 200 miles potentially. What I love so much about them is the, fitness mindset, you have to develop to complete them. When you're running an earth, marathon, like it's the biggest metaphor for life of all time.
Even a normal, marathon, is difficult for the average person. You get tired; you don't want to continue. The pain is unbearable, the voice in your head is telling you to stop, but you just have to learn to override that voice and put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.
Everyone on a, weight loss, journey has the same issues, it's like – Oh, I want the ice cream in the fridge, the voice in your head is telling you to eat that ice cream, you have to learn to override that voice and don't eat the ice cream. It's the exact same voice that tells you that you can't do this, weight loss, thing.
When you let the negative voice in your head win
You have to learn to master and control that voice in your head and you get better at that over time as you consistently move forward on whatever journey you're doing. For me, it was so. What happened to me (probably the best story), I can give here was in 2019. I ran through the arctic circle in a, marathon, of about 230 kilometers. The tip is north of Sweden, it was minus 40 degrees the coldest I've ever experienced.
There was one point where (I have a photo up on my Instagram), where my eyelids froze over because obviously you've got water in your eyelids and it was so cold. My eyelids froze that I couldn't blink properly and it kind of gives you an idea on the conditions. But, 86 kilometers from the end of that race, my Achilles tore so that the tendon at the top of your ankle just above your ankle and now the likes of David Goggins, and hearing these people helped me massively, because they've been through these conditions.
We talked about the race where he was pooping himself and had to strap up his foot with stress fractures. I would read a lot of those books, listen to a lot of those podcasts in the lead up to these events. When my Achilles tore 86 kilometers from the end in the arctic, it was a case of well – “I'm not coming back to finish this and do this again”. I'll be like if I don't do it now, I'm not coming back and for me, I had a little of self-awareness, that I think everyone needs to bring to their own mindset. For me, I'm not able to give myself a, plan B.
Never Have a Plan B when developing a fitness mindset
I can't give myself an out because from experience to somebody that's quit races and backed out of things and pulled out of things, if I give myself an out, I generally take it when times get tough. When I went to the arctic, I had no, plan B, my goal was I either finish this or get to the Arctic Circle line which is 230 kilometers from where I started or I get shipped out on a helicopter. I was like, it sound crazy now, but I had to make that commitment to myself before I go now.
Not everybody has to do that, but having some version of no, plan B (like somebody else's no, plan B), is you don't buy your favorite foods while you're starting on a, weight loss, journey until you get to a certain point where you can reintroduce them. it's all relative in terms of how somebody would apply that into their own life. For me, developing that, fitness mindset, was just putting one step in front of the other and keep moving forward.
Anyone can develop that, fitness mindset, over time, that no, plan B, mindset. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, whatever that is, you've lost 100 pounds and you're trying to lose 150, but you've gone up 10 pounds. What do you need to do now that's going to help you get back on track? It might be taking a break, and it might be going forward. It’s relatively based on the goal and you use that. You develop that going forward and you use the failures feedback. It's never just a success.
Book: The Fitness Mindset
The Fitness Mindset: Book
Myrna: Tell us about your books “The Fitness Mindset” and “Rewire Your Mindset”
Brian: Rewire Your Mindset, is an extension of the, Fitness Mindset. The Fitness Mindset, is the book that I could give to people that would help them with their, fitness, journey. This is how you get in shape and how you stay in shape. It's a short book for people who don't really read books.
Rewire your Mindset, on the other hand was the book that I didn't feel like I could go to the grave inside me. That was the book I needed to put out on paper. If something ever happened to me, I wanted my daughter to be able to read it. I wanted to get this book out of me, it was my legacy book. They were written in two completely different frames of mind.
The, fitness mindset, gets them up and running with their, fitness; rewire your mindset, cements it. They're like – Oh! my God I am in the right place now, I'm a believer.
Conclusion
Rewire Your Mindset, it's very much all the misconceptions and beliefs that you have so you can take ownership back in the decisions you make. I split it up into, health, wealth and, fulfillment. Like the four quadrants, these are the areas of your life that need the most work. Rewiring your mindset, so that you can get out of your own way effectively”. I love the quote, it's normally attributed to the Buddha, but I don't know who it's from.
Your biggest enemy live between your two ears. Buddha
The whole book is about rewiring the way you see things so that the enemies in between your two ears can go after the body. You can go after the dream job you want, you can go after the family relationship you want, you can go after the things that make you feel fulfilled. In my case, it's ultra endurance events and spending time with my loved ones and my family. Other things that make me feel fulfilled and light me up inside is conversations like this one!
Myrna: As we wrap up Brian, it's been an incredible conversation with you. I love your energy and physique. Congratulations on your podcast. What's the name of your podcast?
The amazing thing about our, imagination, is that our central nervous system cannot tell the difference between what we are imagining and what is actually happening.
If you think that there is someone hiding under your bed and as soon as you fall asleep they will slit your throat and your body will stay there and rot because nobody will even miss you; then your body responds to those thoughts like you are actually lying on your bed bleeding to death.
Your heart gets heavy like you are having a heart attack. Your breathing becomes erratic, you begin to sweat. You have triggered your, fight or flight, response. Keep that going for any length of time and you will surely die before your time.
A man went to the psychiatrist and told him “I am so scared to go to bed every time I try to sleep I am so afraid, because I feel there is someone hiding under the bed.”
The psychiatrist said to him. Put yourself in my hands I will help you get rid of those fears. Come talk to me 3 times week.
The man asked what is the charge?
The shrink said “$80.00 per visit
The man said “let me think about it”
Six months later the shrink met the man on the street.
“Why did you not come to see me about those, fears” he asked.
The man said” $80 per visit, 3 times per week is over $12,000 per year. I met this man who said he would get rid of my, fears, for $500 and a six pack of beer!”
He cured me, I was so happy I went out and bought a new car!
Well pray tell how did this untrained Jamaican man cure you?
He cut off the legs from my bed so nobody could hide under there anymore ?
In the story I just told we see a man using his, imagination, towards, fear and dread, but do you know that as humans we are the only ones God give the power of, imagination, to?
Imagination, is quite possibly a uniquely human ability. In essence, it allows us to explore ideas of things that are not in our present environment, or perhaps not even real. For example, one can imagine the cup of coffee seen the day before, or one can imagine an alien spaceship arriving in the earth's orbit. The key is that what is imagined is generated from within rather than perceived based on input from without.
The amazing thing about our, imagination, is that our central nervous system cannot tell the difference between what we are imagining and what is actually happening.
As a man thinks so is he
So, how about using the gift of, imagination, to manifest the things you really want. The Bible teaches “As a man thinks so is he.”
Another one of our gifts as humans is that whatever we hold in our minds most of the time, we will someday hold in our hands.
So let’s start with something simple your dream car. Imagine that you walk into the dealership and pay cash for your dream car. Then you imagine yourself driving your car. See your hands on the steering wheel. You have your favorite music blasting in the background. Bring in other people in your, imagination. Imagine you pull up to your favorite restaurant and have your car valet parked and the valet says “Nice ride” and you beam with pride!
This is perhaps clearest in dreaming, where our minds churn up an entire virtual reality for us to experience when we sleep. But, imagination, is used in a whole variety of cognitive processes, including planning, hypothetical reasoning, picturing things in the past or the future, comprehending language, and, of course, in design and creativity in engineering and the arts.
Thanks for listening to, 5 mins with coach Myrna, hope you were both inspired and entertained.
The, good girl, label is not about beingmorally good, the problem with being a, good girl, is thatat the end of the day, it doesn't work.It doesn't work for anyone. This isn't an anti-moralityconversation; it's correcting our idea ofwhat’s good and what’sright.
Sitting in the guest chair today on the Transform Your Mind Podcast, isKasiaUrbaniak. Kasia is the author of “Unbound:A woman's Guide to Power”. Today, we are going to be talkingabout “How to ditch the, good girl label”.
Bio
Since founding The Academy in 2013, Kasia has taught over 4000 women to radically increase their power, agency and influence. Using practical tools, Academy graduates transform their lives by breaking the yoke of ‘Good Girl’ conditioning. They step boldly into leadership roles within their relationships, families, workplaces, and wider communities.
They become adept in the art of verbal self-defense against bulldozing, bullying, and gaslighting. They make bold, life-changing asks of the people around them in a way that feels good to the person being asked. They can hear “no” without getting flustered or giving up, and use resistance as a way to build intimacy and partnership.
Introduction
Myrna: Kasia, let's start off by asking youwhat was your journey into founding the Academy, teaching womenthefoundations of power and influence? I read part of your bio that you were once a, dominatrix, I would love to hear about that.
Kasia: I found myself with an unusual set oftraining. I exploredvarious spiritual traditions and wanted to transcend this world.The one that spoke to me because it seemed the most practical andmagical was, Taoism.
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I was a Dominatrix while pursuing monastic education
Now, while I waspursuing my trainingand pursuing monastic education, the ironic part was there was no way for me as a girl growing up in New York Cityto be able to afford such things withoutgetting a job that would pay me a lot ofmoney in short bursts. So, I was workingas a professional, dominatrix, in dungeons in New York City and then flying off tomeet with teachers to convincethem to teach me all the way up to mountaintops in China.
Thislasted for thegreater part of a decade. This straddling, absolutely insane split personality education, where I felt guilty about one when I was doing theother. What started happeningwas these extremes ended upmergingwhen I started diagnosingpeople's bodies as a, Taoist, trainee.I started going into deeper states ofmeditation and noticed that my training as a, dominatrix, allows me to notice the power dynamics , I startedseeing similarities in my work as a,dominatrix.
I was paying attentionto human beingsand started to understand powerdynamics the way you study martial arts. I began to teach this power to women, I do not teach as a, dominatrix, and I do not teach as anun.
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Afterthis wildlife of extremes, of desiringabsolute purity and devotion while goinginto these wildly psychologically strange, weird and interesting placeswith other humans, I started noticing that I was changing. I saw all my friends around me and allthe people in my life (the womenespecially), living in a world ofassumptions and superstitions.
Women are communicating with their bodies all the time
I started noticing that women didn't realize that they are physically broadcasting and communicating all the time. That their power magnetic. You could say more submissive,but it's not submissive at all.
The, good girl, label is not about beingmorally good, the problem with being a, good girl, is thatat the end of the day, it doesn't work.It doesn't work for anyone. This isn't an anti-moralityconversation; it's correcting our idea ofwhat’s good and what’sright.
Myrna: You had a lot of nuggets andyou're very right. When your publicist approached meand she started off with the, dominatrix, thing, I pushed back right away until I read the full bio. I understoodwhat you were trying to say.You're giving women the power of choice. Women canstill be submissive and powerful, right?
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Also, I know that being a people-pleaser and being a,good girl, doesn't get you anywhere, people walk all over you. We've got asaying in my country “ifyou lay down like a doormat, people are going to walk all over you”.So, I understand you help women break the yolk of the,good girl, conditioning. So, tell us why specificallythe label of a, bad girl, is beneficialbecause I’m interested in hearing your spin.
Kasia: Good girl, conditioning has a very longhistory and it comes fromtheagreementthat we make not as spiritual and personal agreement, but an economicagreement of marriage. We have a deal and there's nothingwrong with even holding that deal today,but the deal is “I willlet you lead, but you provide forme”. So, up until very recently, a woman who had ambition, opinion, a vision and desirescouldn't express it as an individual. The best she could do and the best way shecould fulfill her ambitions was to marry. The behaviors around the, good girl,are the behaviors we're calling, good girl, conditioning.
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Such behaviors are basically thebehaviors of how to be marriageable, how to attract and keep agood man, how toqualifyto marry the most economically promising man – given that you can't have a job, you can't get educated, you can't read, and you're not allowed toleave the house (in some countries).
So, women learn “I don’t want to be aburden”.
How to be resourceful because ifyou're the economic provider, then I haveto be able tomakebig things out of little things (beresourceful),
Be moderate in temperament,
Not be tooattractiveso as to notget competition, but not to benoticeably unattractive, not to stand outin this way or that way,
Women are not to have too much sexual desire, in fact notto have too much desire at all.
Actually, it's not just being accommodating, harmonious and warm, but also not havinga voice essentially, they're from women who are like I‘mnot a, good girl,I don't need anyone, I‘m fine.
The modern day, people-pleaser, is an outgrowth of the, good girl. Why we call her an outgrowth like asister of the, good girl, but she's still thesame woman because even though shebelieves that she can haveher desires, she has to go for what she wants by herself. She never asks anybody for help, she neverburdens anybody, she does it all. She isthe feminine and the masculine.She is the alpha female.
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Most of the women who come to my schoolare like this because, they're verysuccessful. They have families, they havecareersand they have everything they want and they are exhaustedand are furious;they have to do it all.
Myrna: it's like the superwoman syndrome.
Good Girls learn to say No
Kasia: The problem is that men hold all the cards. Women don't have the same experience asmen because, men don't do it all the same way. When they are in positionsofleadership or have a career, they havesupport that the women in their sameplace do not have.
The issue with, good girl,conditioningis – you can say “I‘m an, independent woman, I push back and I stand up for myself. I have learnt how to say No. You can identify with someone whodoesn't have, good girl conditioning, butthe truth is the conditioning comes outso quicklythat we barely catch it.
We're programmed and it's in our subconscious and that is why I founded the Academy with my partnerReuben.
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Myrna: Why do you say specifically that the, bad girl, label isgood? How do you transform them from being a,good girl, to a, bad girl? What does,bad girl, really mean?
Kasia: Okay. We got three things, bad girl,is the first. The first of the threeand the other two are really importantelements ofthe, bad girl.So, the first is a really simple exercise and I want to set up the context ofthis exercise. Bad girls learn to ask for what they want.
I have the women that I work with this exercise which ends up beingmore difficult than it sounds. The intention is to write all the things you feel make you a, bad girl, onto paper. What we want to dois start opening Pandora’s Box in thesafest way possible.
We start with a sentence completion, its part of a sentence you fill in the blank and you repeat it, You write “if I were a, badgirl. I would do ,,,,,,,,,,,”
We use, bad girl, specificallybecause it brings you back to thatyounger age where you start learning what you'resupposed to like, not like, what you're supposed to think etc.
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The purpose ofwriting all these terrible things is that, the things we didn't even knowwe put in the, bad girl, closet start comingout. When I explain part two and three, it's going to become even more apparenthow this works so you start opening the,bad girl, closet.
Myrna: I‘m sure a lot of itis around sex and what, badgirls, do and what, good girls, do not do.
Kasia: Some have ideas and desires of sexual liberation and some have ideas of standing up for themselves. Some feel that anger is bad, that, good girls, do not get angry. Good girls, is part of the submissive conditioning or why,good girls, don’t get angry.
The, good girl conditioning, doesn’t even let you become awarethat your man isdisrespecting you when he calls you names.Maybe he just treats you like amaid and then one day youwake up and start thinking; this is disrespect.
When you tell The Bulldozer, explicitly or implicitly, to back off, they come on even stronger. When you tell The Bulldozer your needs, they will do exactly the opposite. That's why they're called The Bulldozer. Because they trample all over your boundaries.
How good girls get respect
Kasia: If you want respect, you never ever say I want youto respect me! That's communicating there's something wrong with you.
The moment you arevoicing a complaint, you arecreating an atmosphere of defense. We don't want to be in defense mode, we obviously want to be in offense, mode.
Myrna: So, how does someone do it, how do we state ourdesires in offensive mode?
Kasia: Themoment you ask them to do somethingspecific, the power dynamichas changed. The issue with women is thattheir energy is too inward:
The moment you start directing theiractions, making those requests thatwould resonate with you as respect, you are in the dominant position. The moment you start making them in control of yourhappinessand telling them they're doing a bad job, you are in defense mode.
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Myrna: I heard thisa lot that men say, “Oh, she'stoo, high maintenance”, but you're also saying there's no such thing as a, lowmaintenance, woman just women who arenot bold enough to ask for what they want.
Kasia: So, high maintenance, is a fad. No woman is, lowmaintenance, but when men complain aboutwomen being, high maintenance, whatthey're actually saying is not you are too much work. What they'resaying is I never got the instruction manual on how to treat you as a woman.
Men just got used to ignoring and toleratingthe complaints of women, because they neverreally understood what makesthem happy. Women weren't asking for thethings that would actually light them up, give them orgasms, make themfeel supported and empowered. What men got was a bunch of vague things.
You find a manwho's getting specific instructions forthe first time; he's like a little boy ina candy storelike – yes, what can I do next?He feelscompetent and takes care of his women like he takes care of his car!
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Kasia: The book is a step-by-step trainingmanual. It definitely talks about how to ask and how to get off the spotwhen you're being bullied and bulldozed. There's a lot of how-to stuff therealso. I teach women howto create allies out of all the men in their lives. The book is also a journeythroughhow toget all of the support that you needfrom the people in your lifeto make your actual dreams anddesires come true.
Not the ones that youthink are attainable and not the onesthat you think are socially acceptable. A huge part of the book is breaking the, goodgirl conditioning.
Myrna: How can those listening and watching in TV connect with you? How can they get a copy of yourbook and get yourget information about yourAcademy?
Kasia: The easiest way to find out more isto go to the website www.weteachpower.com.
We have an announcement on the site of all our classes. Also, there are tons of free resourcesand videos and things that theinterested listeners, viewers and readers canengage with. The book is available everywherebooks are sold. Penguin Randomhouse published itand there's my Ted talk that I delivered to 10,000people live as well.
Myrna: Thank you forbeing so in-depth about understandingthe mindset of women andthe mindset of the power. What is your social media handle?
Kasia: @realkasiaUrbaniak on Instagram.
Conclusion
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Thanks for tuningin and until next time, blessings.
