Category Archives: Life Coaching

Are the 5 Stages of Grief a Myth?

Krista St-Germain watched her husband killed by a drunk driver as he was changing her flat tire at the side of the road. After she was able to uncurl herself from the fetal position, she started working on the journey of post traumatic growth and became a Master certified coach to help other widows how to deal with,  grief, and debunk the myth of the, 5 stages of grief.

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Bio

Krista St-Germain is a Master Certified Life Coach, Post-Traumatic Growth and grief expert, widow, mom and host of The Widowed Mom Podcast. When her husband was killed by a drunk driver in 2016, Krista’s life was completely and unexpectedly flipped upside down. After therapy helped her uncurl from the fetal position, Krista discovered Life Coaching, Post Traumatic Growth, and learned the tools she needed to move forward and create a future she could get excited about. Now she coaches and teaches other, widows, so they can love life again, too.

Myrna: Can you share your story of your, grief, following your husband’s death.

Krista: I was 40 When my husband died, it was my second marriage. My first one did not end all that well. And my second marriage was to me proof that amazing relationships are possible that you can be treated with respect and cherished. He was a lovely man who's French Canadian. English was his second language, and we worked together.

The day the accident happened we had been on a trip, but we had driven separately. I had a flat tire on the way back we were almost back to my home city, so I pulled over on the side of the road, and he pulled up behind me in his car. And even though we had AAA service, he just didn't want to wait on AAA to come, he just wanted to get home.

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My grief was caused by a drunk driver

So, I'm standing on the side of the road texting my daughter who was 12 at the time to tell her that we would be a little bit late. And he's digging in my trunk, essentially his car's parked behind my car. He's trying to get access to the spare tire, and its daylight 5.30 pm on a Sunday and a driver who we later found out had meth and alcohol in his system, did not see our hazard lights and just crashed into the back of Hugo's car and trapped him in between his car and my car. And you know within 24 hours he was gone.

So, I went from having this amazing marriage and life to thinking that I would probably never be that happy again. And that I should just be grateful for what I had, because if it wasn't going to be what it once was. First, I made a call to my therapist and I still had a therapist who had been very supportive and helpful to me when I had gotten my divorce. So I went back to her and I spent those early weeks of, grief, just letting myself feel the pain. And it really helped to be able to talk about my, grief, with her.

There are, 5 stages of grief, and in the first stage, the brain goes through which I didn't know at the time, but I understand now. The brain literally encodes “WE” so when you're in a significant relationship, the brain makes a move from I to “WE” and so it has to then make that rewire itself essentially over time and move back from “We” to I. But while you're in this weird place in your brain, you don't feel exactly the same. Sometimes you kind of question yourself because you know intellectually that they died.

You still expect that they didn't. One of the, five stages of grief, is denial. So, the garage door goes up and you still expect they will come in the door. You reach over in the middle of the night and you still expect that they will be there.  Something happens and you pick up your phone and you attempt to text them. And so therapy was just really helpful to be able to talk that through with someone and say it as many times as I needed to say it and just let my brain adjust to the actual fact that he really had died and this really wasn't a bad dream that I was going to wake up from.

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Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Hitting a grief plateau in the 5 stages of grief

After I went back to work, I kind of reached the place where a few months in I felt stagnant. Therapists was telling me I was doing a great job. This is what I now call it, grief plateau. I didn't have a word for it then. But that's where all of my clients get stuck. In this place where everyone else has gone back to normal living. You look like you're fine because you're handling the day-to-day tasks of life.  You look like you're doing okay. And so, everyone's telling you that you're strong because they think you are and that you're doing so great because it looks like you are but then on the inside you don't feel great on the inside.

Life is this kind of empty and maybe hollow and maybe robotic and it's just you go through the motions but there's not a lot of joy inside. And that's kind of where I found myself. And thankfully at that moment in time. We could call it a few things right, but it was divine timing in my opinion. That right when I really needed it and was ready for it. A coaching program came to me and it was a brand-new coaching program from a coach I had followed for a long time.  It was not, grief, related, but I had listened to her podcast and I trusted her. And what she taught really resonated with me. And so I decided to go ahead and take the leap of faith and do her program.

Even though it wasn't, grief, related, it was the tools and the things that she taught me about how to how to deal with my, emotions. And how to think about about my future. It took me from a place where I really did believe that my best days were behind me to the possibility that I could believe my best days were in front of me if I wanted and it was just really powerful.

And so, I decided, as do many people when you lose something or someone important to you, you kind of start doing an inventory on how you're living your life. One of the, 5 stages of grief, is bargaining  so, you start asking yourself, am I am I living the way that I want to live? And the answer for me was no.  I didn't I love the people that I worked with, I didn’t love my job, we built planes.  I was never inspired.

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The grief journey is long that is why the 5 stages of grief is a myth

Myrna: I understand the, grief, journey is long. My daughter will call me up and say, Mom, and it's not getting any better and the days are still long and I can't wait to get through them.

Krista: Yeah, I remember that so well, too. And I see it so often in the women that I coach. It's almost that when the world is the quietest, like evenings or weekends, it's when you sit down and you stop working. That tends to be the moments that we dread the most because that's when our brain starts to offer us some really challenging thoughts.

That's when my brain would offer me you know, you should probably just be grateful because it's really never it's never going to be that good again. Or, no one's really ever gonna love you like he did. No one's going to accept your shadows and all of your humaneness like he did.

I think there is opportunity there, to open ourselves up to what's really happening in that moment. The, stages of grief, are all emotions and we were never taught how to deal with feelings and emotions.  Nobody ever said, emotions, aren't problems for you to solve. They're just experiences for you to allow. What I was taught was you know, if you're gonna cry, should probably go to your bedroom, you should probably do that alone. So in the, 5 stages of grief, you are supposed to get to, acceptance, but that is a myth.

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5 stages of grief: Anger

One of the, 5 stages of grief, is anger. But we were taught that if you're angry, that means that something bad, you're an angry person and we and maybe that means you shouldn't be angry. And so I very much thought of, emotions, as problems to solve.  I have learned that it is that philosophy that that makes those moments so awful. Feeling the, emotions, of, grief, makes us want to get out of our current experience and turn to something for comfort. It makes us want to turn to food or it makes us want to turn to alcohol or to shopping or to any distraction such as social media scrolling, it just really makes us want to get away.

Because we don't have any other, coping mechanism, it really starts to kind of shrink what's possible for us emotionally. So, we might be able to escape that intense loneliness with whatever the behavior is that we're choosing, but then conversely, limit what's possible for us in terms of taking advantage of new opportunities and figuring out what we want to think about ourselves or where we want to go next. So, we end up in this very kind of stagnant place. I call it the, emotional stagnation, zone where we've we're numbing out a little bit.

Myrna: Do you teach your clients to just sit and feel there, grief? Because a lot of coaches and luminaries such as Sadhguru and all these luminaries, teach that you've got to feel the uncomfortable emotions. Don't try to do to try to get rid of them. Just sit with them and let them move through you. So sitting with the, anger, is good.

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iHeart Radio

Using the NOW Acronym to handle grief

Krista: I do teach them to sit with their, emotions.  I use an acronym called NOW, which I find is very easy to remember.

  • N – and it simply stands for name. So, you've just named the, emotions, in the, 5 stages of grief. So this is, anger, this is loneliness, this is denial etc.
  • O – stands for Open which means open up to it, which is completely the opposite of what you will want to do. Right? But breathe it in, open your shoulders, open your chest, give it permission to be with you, and then witness your feelings of, grief.
  • W – Is to witness. Become aware, witness just means watch what's happening in your body. How are the emotions of, grief, showing up in your body. Where in your body do you notice it? Is it in your throat? Is it in your chest? Is it in your abdomen? Where is it and what is it like? Is it fast? Is it slow? Does it have a texture? Does it have a color, does it have a shape? Does it take up a little amount of space? Or is it a large amount of space? You know what actually is it and then by observing it, we get our mind off of the thoughts that created it in the first place.

Then it just flows through and once you get good at it, what I found is that it really only takes a couple of minutes for an, emotion, to flow through and so I teach it that way. And then also I don't know about you, I love, Emotional Freedom Technique tapping. So, I teach my clients about that too. I have found great value in that over my lifetime and it helps move, widows, through the, 5 stages of grief.

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TuneIn Radio

Tapping gives us relief from the painful emotions of grief

Myrna: I just got introduced to, EFT tapping. Do you tap on the head?

Krista: Tapping, it's a very flexible tool. So sometimes you can get great relief simply by, tapping, on the side of your hand, which some people will call the, karate chop point, and then also on the collarbone those are the points that if I am just looking for immediate relief, from my, grief, emotions, that I tap.

If I'm in a public situation where I don't really want it to be all that noticeable, I'll tap on those spots, but if you're going through the full, tapping, regime, they're the, karate chop point, and then eight other points make up what they call the basic recipe. And so, but it's just it's kind of like an off switch to you’re your, stress response, so your cortisol drops. You can breathe a little bit deeper, but I do see it as a huge opportunity.

Myrna; I haven't had anyone in the show talking about, tapping, but I've read a lot of books and a lot of therapist’s touch on it. And recently, I was going through a meditative process. And one of the things that I was told is tap on your collarbone and also tap on the top of your head to certain parts of your head.

All right now you one of the things that you teach is that you said that the, Stages of Grief, are a myth. And I think one of the stages we were probably talking about what are the stages there when you said you're in a kind of dead zone.  Can you talk about the traditional, 5 stages of grief. Then we can talk about the myths. I know one of the, 5 stages of grief, is anger; one of them is denial.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

The myth of the 5 stages of Grief

Krista: Yeah, first of all, I think it's interesting when I asked this question, if I asked people how, you know how many of you knew about the, five stages of grief, or had heard of the, five stages of grief? Most people raise their hands. And then if I ask what other, grief theories, have you heard of? I usually don't get much people don't they've never heard of anything besides the, five stages of grief. And so, I think it's just important for us to know that as with any field of study, there are multiple theories.

The, five stages of grief, is just one of the older ones and one that seems to have caught on in terms of our popular culture. So, there are many other ways of looking at, grief, besides the five stages. And I also have a lot of respect for Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, who, pioneered that work in her time. She made conversations about, grief, happen at a time when they really weren't happening. But her approach was never really intended to be it. She never really intended anyone to take her work and make it as literal as people made it right.

So, what she was doing was studying initially hospice patients. She was studying people who were coming to terms with their own mortality. She was not studying people who had lost someone.

The Five stages of grief:
  • denial,
  • anger
  • bargaining,
  • depression,
  • acceptance,

Those were the, five stages of grief,  that she saw happening with death and dying and then on, grief, and grieving along with David Kessler, and that work was taken and misinterpreted. So really, I think, if she were here today what she would be more likely to say is something along the lines of these are things you might experience, but you don't need to experience them in any particular order. You are not trying to get to an end point; grief, doesn't end.

She was not trying to say that we should all be shooting for, acceptance of grief, and then whenever we reach the point of, acceptance, that somehow that's a fixed and finite place. She wasn't saying that, that's what people have heard. And that's the boxes that they tried to put themselves in as well that they will come to me and they will say things like well, am I angry enough? Or I'm not sure that I ever felt angry. It's not a problem. Did I do something wrong? Am I doing, grief, wrong? Because I never really felt angry. And instead of taking it as, as a starting point, a way of normalizing what could happen we've turned it into something prescriptive, which was never how I think that work was intended.

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Podbean

5 stages of grief: Denial

Myrna: You mentioned that you would be in bed and you're be looking over for your husband and when you heard the garage door open you would hope it was him. Isn’t that, denial?  Some people do get angry thinking what why did this happen? A lot of people get angry at God because they're thinking why would God do this to me? So, I'm thinking that, even though the, stages of grief, is not prescriptive, it's understanding that if you feel these, emotions, then there's nothing wrong with you because it's natural.

I would think that we always have to get to a place of, acceptance. I talked to you about my daughter when she went through, grief, because her fiancé, the man that she loved, committed suicide and she had some guilt there. Because they had a fight before he committed suicide so, she felt that she was responsible. But now she's happily married. So, at some point in time, she had to get through the, five stages of grief. I don't know if she was ever angry, but guessing she got to, acceptance.

Krista: I think anytime we can tell people that what they're experiencing is an abnormal that is not in service. And so, I'm imagining that it was rather freeing for people to hear that it was okay to be angry, but that didn't mean there was anything wrong with them if they were angry, right. So, I do think that is helpful.

And I do think it's also helpful to offer someone what might be available to them when they feel or think in ways that create, acceptance. But I think we want to be careful of saying that when we get to, acceptance, grief ends.  And that's, that's my issue with, acceptance. We might accept something. But that doesn't mean that because we have accepted it, we are now somehow freed of it.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

What is the goal of grief?

The goal of, grief, is not to get through it. The goal of, grief, is to integrate. Right? Because we can't undo the loss. We're not capable of time travel. So, we're always going to have thoughts and feelings about the loss. And so, we never get to the end of, grief, or we don't move on from, grief. We move forward with, grief, and we integrate that part of our life experience into the rest of our life, right? It becomes something that we now see the world through. So, what I want to help people do is just to do that with intention.

I try to help people with is to, to open them up to the idea that everything they have, everything they need is already has been given to them and is within them. Right? And that they really their happiness comes from within. And so, if they can find that truth in themselves and realize that they really are, you know, fully intact and valuable and worthy and wonderful and they don't need anything outside of them, then if they do choose to be in a partner relationship that experience can become about giving. Right about being filled with love, and then finding someone who you want to give that love to, as opposed to what they often feel, which is the opposite is that they have a hole and they're trying to find someone to fill it

Myrna; So that's amazing. So yeah, so the cure is the same cure for everything. I love it. All right, so now, tell us about the Widowed Mom’s podcast and talk to us about your coaching program for helping widows.

Conclusion

Krista: If you have you have people listening who are podcast listeners. If they want to learn about, grief, I very much invite them to listen to the Widowed Mom podcast. It's pretty specific, but I get a lot of feedback that it's very helpful for people who are just curious about, grief, and curious about post traumatic growth and maybe want to support someone that they love who's experiencing, grief.

And then the program that I run is highly niche right. I specifically work with, widowed moms, moms of all ages. Some of my moms have grandchildren, right? It's not just widows with very young children, but women who identify as moms, and I help them figure out how to get through that, grief plateau, and get to a place where they really do love life again.  I do that and in a six-month program.

They can find it at www.coachingwithkrista.com. Also, if anybody needs help, figuring out what episodes of the podcast would be helpful. I have a podcast quiz that I think is really good to take. and it's at coachingwithKrista.com/grief support, and it's a free quiz. and if you take the quiz, it will point you towards the most useful episodes for you based on what you might be struggling with.

Additional Resources

How Does Grief Affect Mental Health

 

Why God Loves Gratitude

Gratitude, is at the top of the, positive emotions, list and is an energy that attracts goodness into your life. Jesus, said, gratitude, can also make you, whole.

Welcome back to the transform your mind to transform your life the podcast. You are listening to 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. Today I want to teach on the topic Why God loves Appreciative people.  I want to use as my foundation scripture Luke 17:15 to 18

One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him.

Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?” Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you whole.

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Why you should express gratitude

My Pastor Apostle Glover preached this message a few weeks back and it brought to my awareness that I have a good life because I came back to say thanks to God.

Just to be sure I knelt at the alter and gave God thanks for every blessing in my life.

I am big on, gratitude, my parents taught me to say thanks for everything I received. I never complete an email without thanking the person who sent it.

I have had personal relationships with people who were never appreciative of what others did for them and because of that never experienced life’s abundance and always struggled. They were never, grateful.

The 10 lepers healed by Jesus

Jesus said to the one leper, who returned that his, gratitude, or faith made him, whole. Why is, gratitude, so important to God?

Gratitude, is at the top of the, positive emotions, list and is an energy that attracts goodness into your life. Jesus, said, gratitude, can also make you, whole.

10 Common Positive Emotions 
  • Joy.
  • Gratitude.
  • Pride.
  • Serenity.
  • Interest.
  • Amusement.
  • Hope.
  • Awe.
Podbay FM Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podbay FM

What is the Definition of wholeness?

To be, whole, means that your insides match your outside. In other words if you feel peace and joy on the inside, life will present you peaceful experiences on the outside.

On the other hand, if everything in your world is chaotic then you know that you have no internal peace.

Wholeness is the state of being perfectly well in body, soul (mind, will and emotions) and spirit.

God expects us to give thanks for our blessings or we will not be well in body soul and spirit. That why God loves appreciative people.

How many times you have heard people say that they had huge financial success, but no peace or happiness on the inside? They did not feel fulfilled. That’s because there were not, whole. Maybe they are one of the ones who never came back to thank the Lord for blessing them with abundance and overflow. Only, gratitude, makes you whole.

When you live in, gratitude, God promises to pour our blessings you don’t have room to receive.

Transform Your Mind podcast curiocaster podcast
curiocaster podcast

Express gratitude to the people who helped you

Don’t be like the nine, lepers, who were so happy to be healed that they forgot to come back and thank the person who healed them.  Remember to thank the people who helped you along the way. Not just your parents, but teachers, friends who were there for you in your time of need, supervisors who trained you or didn’t fire you when you messed up and of course your team. The people who help you succeed.

When you, give thanks, that energy seeps into all areas of your life creating, wholeness.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind
Practicing gratitude can:
  • Lower blood pressure
  • Improve immune function
  • Enable quicker recovery from illness
  • Allow one to enjoy more robust physical health
  • Promote happiness and well-being
  • Reduce lifetime risk for depression, anxiety, and substance abuse disorders
  • Help with coping more effectively with everyday stress
  • Show increased resilience in the face of trauma-induced stress
  • Help protect from the destructive impulses of envy, resentment, greed, and bitterness

https://youtu.be/q84cfJW_FP0

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I hope you were inspired to always give thanks and be, grateful, because God loves appreciative people. Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources 

Look At The Heart Not Outward Appearance

Why Leading With Feminine Energy Gets Results

Allyson Chavez, prosperity and success coach stops by the show to teach us how to embrace, feminine energy, and get us out of push and hustle which is, masculine energy, to flow and pleasure.

We talk about how women can embrace, pleasure, as a success tool without feelings of guilt and shame. Allyson turned her business around after filing for Bankruptcy to over 2 million in 3 years by getting out of, masculine energy.

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BIO

Allyson Chavez is a prosperity & success coach for ambitious, God-centered women. She teaches women how to get phenomenal results with ease, bend time & space, achieve their goals without hustle or grind, and reshape their reality in feminine energy (no more constant pushing)!

She is a sought-after speaker on mindset, prosperity, universal laws and success strategies for relationships and life. She is the bestselling author of The Prosperity Approach. Her work has been featured on CBS, NBC, ABC, FOX, and hundreds of television, newspaper, and magazine outlets.

Allyson believes that challenge is necessary on your journey to success–but the struggle isn’t! Her mission is to end the struggle and bring joy to the lives of millions of women around the globe.

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Using your feminine energy to get into flow

Allyson: I was coaching women, I was teaching them to be successful. And I was in hustle and grind and constant push and figure it out and make it happen. And I'm not good enough and all of that nonsense that we go through. And actually, I built my company from nothing to multiple six figures in just over two years. But I didn't have the right, mindset. I didn't have the right structure behind me as far as like my own belief system.

I was just in so much, masculine energy. And so, my business began to crumble. And the harder I worked to save that thing, the faster my business fell, and it landed in a what I like to call like financial Armageddon.  It was translated into a chapter 13 Bankruptcy several years ago, and when the dust settled, and I had a moment of clarity, I was like, wow, I created this and I didn't mean to. I wonder if I can create my way out of it. I bet I can.

And I really feel like that's the moment when God and my angels were like, she is ready. She's gonna learn. He's ready to suit up and get on the field and actually go do this. There were three really important things that God needed to teach me:

  • First it was understanding the difference between, feminine energy, and, masculine energy.
  • balancing the two and then leading with the, feminine.
  • I had to learn how money actually works on a spiritual and energetic level.
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Feminine energy grew my business to multiple 6 figures

I learned how to change my beliefs and subconscious programs. And I learned those three things actually really quickly, and I started to apply them and within six months, I went from a bankruptcy to $232,000. I went from six clients to 97 clients in the same amount of time, I released 45 pounds.  And it was the easiest, most effortless, most supportive 45 pounds I have ever released in my life. I did that in about four months, transformed my relationships with my spouse, with our children.

And just like all of life changed in amazing ways. And that was about three years ago. Now we've done over 2.1 million over the last three years. I've  kept the weight off. I've kept the, feminine, on.  I've been on this planet too with everybody else over the last three years. So, like there have been ups and downs as well. We've had heartbreak in our family. We've had the flow of money problem just like everybody else has, but it's been amazing how we've been able to navigate it so much better. Because of these things that I know and especially leading with, feminine energy.

Myrna: So, I understand that, masculine energy, at work. I've had this really interesting guest on my show, The episode is called “What men Want In a Woman” he's coming back again, and he's saying that women should have their, masculine energy, at work, but they should leave it in a drawer at night. And when they go home, they switch on the, feminine energy. You're talking about working with, feminine energy, at work.

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How to shift from masculine energy to feminine energy

Myrna; What was the catalyst in your shift from, masculine energy, to feminine energy? I mean, you went into chapter 13. But that doesn't inevitably say, hey, I got to change to, feminine energy. What happened there?

Allyson: The catalyst was that I was robbed of joy.

So, first and foremost, I want to make a distinction. We're not talking about male and female; we're talking about energies of creation.  Every gender has both, feminine energy, and, masculine energy, as women were meant to lead with our, feminine energy. So, if you think about an analogy, if we have a river bank, the river bank is, masculine energy, and the river is, feminine energy.

If we only have the river and no riverbank, that water gets very destructive. It goes everywhere. It seeps into everything, but it doesn't have a whole lot of power, because it's got has no direction behind it. If we only have the river bank, but there's no river flowing that river bank has no purpose.

And that's why if we as women are in constant, masculine energy, constantly building, the constant framework, the structure, the strategies, the tactics, without letting the feminine lead, which is the vision, it's the imagination, it's the flow. It's the experience we desire to have. And so the, masculine, and the, feminine energies, are complementary energies. Feminine energy, is very circular or spiral in the way that it moves, masculine energy, is very linear in the way that it moves.

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Masculine energy is very linear

Think about how women have conversations. We go, here we go there we go back there. Then we circle back around here, like leaping everywhere. And men have a very hard time following that because they're in, masculine energy, which is very linear. But when we as women lead with our, feminine, the, masculine energy, is actually divinely designed to serve the, feminine. Regena Thomas shower is an expert on, feminine energy, and she says the primary function of, feminine energy, is desire. And the primary function of, masculine energy, is the production of that desire.

So what's here to support us in our dreams, as I've been pondering, and I've been doing research and my own experience, what came to me intuitively was feminine is the experience and masculine is the execution. So, it's understandable why women in business whether you own your own company or whether you're working in a corporation, we are like, all masculine all the time, because it's about production, right? It's about productivity. It's about getting stuff done and meeting your numbers and all of those things that are really important here.

But that doesn't serve anybody in the workforce if women are just behaving like shorter, less hairy men.  We are robbed of a really important creative energy, which is the, feminine, and a lot of women think okay, I'm gonna wear some pink hoop earrings or hoop earrings and then that's going to make me feminine. No, that’s not, feminine energy!

Myrna: Yes, we want to be in that, feminine, flow. We want to start in, feminine energy, and keep it throughout the day. The, feminine, is all about connection. It's all about community.

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No need to feel guilty about feminine pleasure

Myrna: Let’s talk about, feminine pleasure, without feeling guilty shame I was listening to the Jay Shetty podcast and he was interviewing Alex Cooper, she is apparently the female Joe Rogan. So, I listened to one of her episodes on Call Her Daddy, and she was selling, vibrators.  And she was saying the, vibrator, it's going to come in a non-disclosed box so you don't have to be ashamed. So as women we are all ashamed about, feminine pleasure.

Allyson: So, here's the thing about, feminine pleasure, pleasure lights a woman up the same way pressure lights a man up, it fuels us in very in very different ways. So, women have been taught that, pleasure, is something to be ashamed of, that, pleasure, is a waste of time, that downtime is a waste of time. And if you go into any sort of, pleasure, now you're behind in your work. And so why would we even do that? But women are fueled by, pleasure, the same way men are fueled by pressure.

And, since you said the word, vibrator, so we're gonna go here, but we're going to be really clinical about why women and men are designed the way they are. So, the reason why women are fueled by, pleasure, is that pleasure actually connects them. We have a natural connection with the eternal. Now that doesn't mean that men aren't spiritual, but women are more naturally wired to the eternal than men are. We are built to receive the, feminine, is a receiving energy.

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Feminine energy is a receiving energy

Feminine energy, it's all about receiving and we have a, pleasure portal, an organ in our body that has one function, one function only, and that structure is called our is our, clitoris. In order for men to receive, pleasure, there has to be a functionality to it, as well for them to be able to receive, pleasure, through, sexual organs. But women don't have to do that, women can just receive that pleasure and it literally connects us to God. So, if you think about those times when you have been in, pleasure, isn't that when you get inspiration?

Isn't that where you feel open? And you get wonderful ideas and you feel connected and you can see God more clearly in your life and you just love people more, because you're receiving that, pleasure. So, women get fueled by, pleasure. Men get fueled by pressure, because men connect pressure to a sexual experience, because men have to experience pressure in order to ejaculate. And so, that's creativity that's creating life. That's potential life, potential creation. And so, men thrive in pressure because it reminds them of creation, and their part in creation, where women actually thrive on, pleasure, because that's their part of creation is pleasure.

Myrna: I actually heard that in order for the sperm and the egg to connect, there still has to be orgasm. I don't know how true it is. But what you're saying is that we're getting, pleasure, from our, feminine energy, that's our function in this whole creation process.

Receiving pleasure is not only sexual

Allyson: And pleasure doesn't just have to be sexual. And I think this is where lots of women take it.

Myrna: I agree, pleasure is not always sexual. I get immense, pleasure, from walking in the park and listening to inspirational material. I get pleasure from dancing.  A lot of people get, pleasure, from food.

Allyson: People get, pleasure, from a lot of things. Right? Yeah. And this is what happens when you are in, pleasure. A hormone is released called, oxytocin, in our body. And, oxytocin, is a connecting hormone. Some people call it the cuddle hormone. It's why, when you're in pleasure, you want to share it with somebody, you want to reach out to your girlfriends. That cuddle hormone when we're in, oxytocin, and it helps us with our radiant as women.

Now when we are task oriented, and we're checking the boxes and we're crossing off the to do list, what we get hit with is, dopamine, and, dopamine, is that that sense of achievement that means you are in, masculine energy.

It's different, because it makes you feel accomplished that feeling accomplished is a much different experience from receiving, pleasure. Both are important, but if we're in too much, dopamine, that actually inhibits, oxytocin, which is why so many women will hit goals and still feel unfulfilled. That was what I experienced, you know, where we were making more money than we'd ever made and all I felt was tired. Then my business coaches would say “now double it.” And I'm like, are you kidding me? I just ripped up my entire soul for that. And now I got to double that thing.

Pleasure lights us up

And so that's why that's what I meant by like that price tag was way too high. I was in, dopamine, and I was in pressure, but I wasn't thriving in it because we thrive in, oxytocin, and in, pleasure. Here's what happens to us physiologically as well, when we're in, pleasure. It actually helps us to focus more. If you've got brain fog going on. There are lots of different contributors to brain fog, but I fully believe that one of them is you're in too much push and you're in too much, masculine energy. So, if you'll pull out of that, and you'll get into some, pleasure.

Myrna: How can single mothers find pleasure?

Allyson: Single mothers need community, women need a community and more so than anybody else would be single mothers who are wearing the mother and the father hat all the time and the provider and the nurturer hat like all the time, they need that support group. They need their community of people that will encourage them, people that can give them breaks every once in a while so that they can reconnect with their identity, reconnect with who they are.

Start your day in, feminine energy. Start your day in quiet and if that means waking up 15 minutes early, then wake up 15 minutes early. It's the greatest gift you can give to yourself and do a breathing meditation where you just breathe in and you breathe out and listen to soothing music with the whole intention of opening yourself up to receive, because God or your higher power wants to connect with you. Your higher self wants to guide you, wants to do the heavy lifting for you. You just need to put yourself into a position of receiving in order for that to happen.

Conclusion

Let us know how we can reach you online, your website. What is your free gift for us?

Awesome. Thank you. So, I think that the, feminine, is a deeper dive so I actually created a free download. So you can look at the list of, feminine qualities and masculine qualities right there laid out for you. You can also find out what it looks like when we show up in disempowered feminine or disempowered masculine, so you know which energy you're playing in more often than not.

You can get that at www.prosperity approach.com/ataglance.  But this was so helpful for me to just really start doing a really beautiful dance between the feminine and the masculine and leading with my feminine. I also have a podcast it's called the prosperity approach. And so, if you want to hear my philosophy and practical tips for actually living in prosperity, rather than waiting for prosperity to come to you before you live in it, I would love to have you join my audience there as well. You can also head over to over to Allysonchavez.com You can join our free Facebook group. It's called the prosperity experience. And I actually have regular master classes where we talk about mindset, where we talk about how to change those programs and how to lead with that feminine and you can find out more information about that at prosperity approach.com/free-masterclass

Additional Resources 

How to Embrace Female Sexuality and the Divine Feminine

How to Disable your Autopilot Brain

Brain scans have revealed that when your mind wanders, it switches into “autopilot” mode, enabling you to carry on doing tasks quickly, accurately and without conscious thought. Our, autopilot, mode seems to be run by a set of brain structures called the default mode network or, autopilot brain.

Whenever you are on, autopilot, you are running, subconscious programs.

Have you ever gotten in your car and driven to your destination and you don’t recall how you got there.  That is your, autopilot brain,  driving you to your destination.

Your, Autopilot brain, is part of your, subconscious brain.

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  • Daily Habits That Can Help You Stop your, Autopilot Brain
  1. Wake Up Mindfully. Become conscious of your body, your breathe
  2. When you brush your teeth and take a shower, become aware of what you are doing.
  3. Take the Scenic Route. …When you stop at the traffic light, become aware of the other cars and notice your surroundings
  4. Connect with Others. …When you get to work, actually listen to other and don’t tune them out.
  5. Connect with Nature.. Take a walk and stop to smell the roses.

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Examples of, Autopilot Actions

  • Taking a shower, most people are not mindful in the shower
  • Driving your car
  • Eating a meal, are you conscious of chewing your food?
  • Scrolling on social media, your fingers have a mind of their own!

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How to take your brain off, Autopilot

Many contemporary psychologists have very different concepts of the, autopilot brain. Rather than see it as a seething cauldron of battling unseen forces, they conceptualize the, autopilot brain, or the, subconscious brain, as a set of cognitive processes for sifting through the welter of stimuli impinging upon our sense organs and preparing responses to them.  It is the, autopilot brain, that allows us to recognize in an instant a familiar face, to play a musical instrument without thinking about the position of our fingers, and to ride a bicycle without thinking about how to maintain our balance.  Many of our daily behaviors, involve, autopilot, processes that lie outside the range of ordinary awareness.

We operate on, autopilot, for 95% of our daily activities.  To take your brain off, autopilot, you have to become aware of your breathe and your body sensations.

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Getting past your, Autopilot programs

  1. Take risks to get past your, autopilot programs. Your, subconscious brain, always wants to play it safe.
  2. Ask questions like, What else is possible that I have not considered?
  3. Say things like, how cool is it that I have all this extra money.
  4. What am I going to do with all this extra cash?
  5. How can I make this a reality?
  6. What if I become a successful as a TV talk show host?
  7. What would that look like? See yourself in this role. This one is for me!!

This strategy is called auto inquisition.

Thomas Edison practiced auto inquisition. He would sit in a chair and ask his, subconscious brain, questions about an invention, you can do the same.

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Additional Resources Autopilot Brain

http://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-reprogram-your-unconscious-mind/

http://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-use-intuition-to-transform-your-life/

http://blog.myhelps.us/understanding-and-managing-compulsive-behaviors/

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/anatomy-of-the-brain

https://naturalfactors.com/en-us/articles/know-three-brains/

https://www.webmd.com/brain/picture-of-the-brain#1

 

Why Birds Fly Together in a V Formation

Ever noticed the beauty and grace of, birds, flying together in the sky? Ever wondered who selects the leader and why all the, birds, follow the leader?

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Birds fly in a V formation

Birds, fly together in a, V formation, because the aerodynamic V, formation, reduces, air resistance, for the whole flock. With their wings moving in harmony, the feathered group continues its course across the sky, covering more ground together in, community, than they could as individuals. When the, bird, at the front gets tired, she will move to the rear of the, formation, where the, wind drag, is lowest, and a more rested, bird, takes her place.

As humans there are lessons to be learned from, birds, about the power of, community. When we move with others there is little we cannot accomplish.

I was listening to the Jay Shetty podcast a few days back with Kevin Hart and when asked about his success Kevin said he is successful because of the people on his, team.  He says we can never achieve success as a solo act. I have heard this said in so many different ways. Like there is no I in team, etc.

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Transform Your Mind Amazon

Birds soar heavenward in a community

That is why I wanted to use this analogy as a teaching today.  As, birds, swoop, drift, and glide, inscribing magnificent patterns across the sky, with serene displays of grace and beauty. Who says you can’t look good as you climb to the top! Birds have long been a source of inspiration, because they can be messengers from the spirit realm, or a symbol of the human soul, as they cast off their earthly mooring and soar heavenward with upturned wings, fluttering gracefully, effortlessly and free… More magnificent still is the inspiring sight of, birds migrating, progressing steadily across the horizon in a solid, V formation, that is a singular pattern too unique to be mere chance.

All of us can feel empowered to take on daring challenges of growth and expansion in a community of likeminded individuals.  We can either do it alone and work hard flapping our imaginary wings or we can glide upward with our, support group or, team.

Just like Moses needed someone to hold up his hands when they were tired, members of your, team, can hold us up when we are tired and take on some of the tasks. The energy of others in a group also builds up our energy and their presence lends power to our wings during this journey across the sky of life.

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

A support community help us cope with tragedy

When unexpected gusts or storms blows our way, we can choose to find refuge in the loving shelter of friends and family and let someone else lead for a while. If your wings begin to ache on your journey, look around for somebody else to fly at the front for a while. All of us move faster when we move together.

We can also use the analogy of, birds flying, together in a, V formation, to support us in difficult situations like, tragedy, grief, weight loss, fitness etc.

At times we need to tap into the collective strength of a group to deal with trauma that is why support groups like AA and mothers who have lost children are necessary for healing.  When you get together in a, community, of like-minded individuals, people who have had similar experiences as yourself, then it makes the journey back to wholeness so much easier, because like the, birds, who take turns at leading and retreating, in the group when you are strong you support and encourage others and when you are weak someone from the group supports you by holding you up.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Conclusion

Thanks for tuning in to this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.

Additional Resources 

How to Assemble Your Power Team Like WandaVision

Kevin Samuels: Black Women Over 35 Are Low Value

The late, Kevin Samuels, controversially said that, Black women, over 35 cannot get a man because any, high value man, could get a younger woman.

The gist of his message was that women over 35 who are single with children are like used cars. Top quality men don’t want them since they they are, low value, and the, high value man, have options and they exercise these options for younger women with no children and baby daddy drama.

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The 35 and Single Black Women Dilemma

So here in lies the dilemma.  Even though women were calling, Kevin Samuels, a scum bag, he had a huge following of men because they knew he was talking truth. These so called, high value men, were willing to rip into a man of God Dr.  Jamal Bryant, senior pastor at New Birth in Atlanta, in defense of, Kevin  Samuels.

It is true that, black women, over 35 are looking for the, high value man, and  men over 35 are looking for younger women? How do we know this is true? The reason I know this is true is because everyone is looking and nobody is finding love, because love is not about hair, booty, breasts or skin color. Love is about chemistry, it is an energy.

So, ladies my, dating advice,  to you is you must age like fine wine, you have much more to offer a man and you need to let him see this. You have experience.

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iHeart Radio

Dating Advice for Black Women

Remember that relationship you walked out of in your 20ths, now you realize that it was the best relationship you ever had. There is a lesson in every failure.

So now that you are 35+ and single; what have you learned about men? What I have learned is that the, high value man, would sleep with the 35+, black woman, with the good hair and the booty, but they look for more in the woman they marry.

So, while you are sitting on the shelf, make yourself ready for your husband. You have to become,  wife material.

6 ways to become wife material
  • Learn to speak on a variety of topics, men are no longer attracted to the dumb pretty woman anymore.
  • Learn the rules of basketball and football.  Most men like sports so, you must learn to like them as well, so he doesn’t have to go out with the boys to watch the game. He could watch it with his woman.
  • Learn to cook dinner for two. A man wants to marry a woman who can cook.
  • Get a gym membership, men like to hold muscles not fat.
  • Learn to control your tongue, sometimes silence is the best answer.
  • Learn to build up a man and not tear him down. Life and death are in the tongue, speak life into your man. Encourage him, listen to him, support him.
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TuneIn Radio

Kevin Samuels YouTube Videos

I listened to, Kevin Samuels, most famous video. This video had 3M views and over 3K comments when I watched it months ago! Kevin Samuels, was speaking to a woman who was 35 had a 13-year-old son and was making 6 figures. She said she wanted a, high value man, who made 6 figures because when she dates men below her pay grade, she gets idiots.

Kevin Samuels, asked her from a scale of 1 to 10 where would she fall and she said 6. He then told her that, high value men, who make 6 figures are in the top 10% of all men and have options.  They are not looking for an average, black woman,  35+ with a 13-year-old son, he called her a, low value woman.

He is correct, they are not looking for you, but if you age like fine wine and prepare yourself while you're fermenting, they will take a sip of you and become intoxicated.

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Black women prepare yourself to become a high value woman

The other thing I have learned is it may have been a long time since you have been held by a man and you can't wait to jump into bed; don't do it. A man must respect the woman he marries. Don't sleep with him until he calls you his girlfriend and you are sure he is not married!

There is a dilemma for, black women, over 35 who are single with children, but finding love is not impossible. I got married at 46 with a 16-year-old daughter. The chemistry was right and I was prepared. So don't let anyone tell you, you are a, low value woman, and that you are like a used car. Antiques cars are more valuable than new cars. You have wisdom, skills, and know how to treat and keep a man.

Conclusion

Hope this helps someone.

You have been listening to 5 mins with coach Myrna, I want to invite you to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach, for inspiration throughout the week.  Until next time Namaste

 

The Circle of Life: Embracing Motherhood

Keshia Morris Desir, my daughter and mom to be interviews me on motherhood.  In my book Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement I talk about motherhood and how being a mom is my purpose.

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Bio

Keshia Morris Desir has a blossoming career in DC. She is an activist working in DC to disrupt the over criminalization of communities of color by investigating and exposing the underlying causes of mass incarceration through a democracy lens.  Getting incarceration money out of politics, and advocating for guaranteed voting rights for everyone, including people serving time in prison. But today she is speaking as my daughter about becoming a mother. She is entering into the second trimester of her first pregnancy.

Keshia: I am super excited to be here with my mother today to interview her on her book, Out of the Snares: A story of hope and encouragement and her chapter on, motherhood.

The very first question I have for you, mom is in your book, you share a bit about the, circle of life, and how your parents were not married when you were born. So, for folks that haven't yet read the book, can you share a little bit about that experience?

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My circle of life started with poverty and child abuse

Myrna: Yes, I would love to. Out of the Snares, is basically my story. It's the story of me getting out of the snares of, child sexual abuse, poverty, being born in a third world country. And, of course, being born to parents, or who were not married. My mom and my dad hooked up and had sex and I showed up. They weren't even really in a committed relationship. It's one of those things that happened. When I read Oprah’s story I found out that her parents also hooked up just one time and created her.  We were both born for a purpose.

So, I pull that in to my experience, that I was born with a purpose. On that rainy day, all those years ago in Guyana, my mom was alone when I was born because my father was not around. And I feel that coming from that kind of nurturing environment, where my mother was my central figure or my central person. For a long time, it was my mom, it was my grandmother, it was my aunt. These are the people that kind of raised me and as I got a little older, my father came back into my life.

But yes, I learned everything that I know about, motherhood, from my mom and my grandmother and my mom is an amazing mother. She has four children, and she basically single handedly raised them all on her own because the men were not around. She was that unfortunate, the men kept leaving. Your dad and I broke up when you were five years old. So, I have been the most influential person in your life and I took that very seriously.  So, that's basically my introduction to, motherhood.

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The connection between Single mothers and delinquent children

Keshia: As you were speaking, I'm thinking about my work.  And I'm thinking about what usually breeds or is usually the crux of, black families, being involved in the, criminal justice system. Thankfully, none of your brothers and sisters have been involved in the, criminal justice system, and I just want to know, what do you what do you attribute that to? Because often we do hear of, black families, that come from, quote, unquote, broken homes where fathers aren't in the picture.  They get involved in crime, they go down the wrong path, they get involved in the, criminal justice system, somehow. So, what do you attribute your family success to?

Myrna: Excellent question. And I've thought about this a while now, not in Guyana, because we left Guyana as children. So, we weren't old enough to get into the, criminal justice system, in Guyana. But when we were living in Toronto, Canada, we actually lived in the projects. And I have always wondered why my siblings didn’t get involved with the bad crowd.  I've always wondered about that and the only thing that I can come up with was that my mother loved us and we didn’t want to disappoint her. I was speaking to her a couple of weeks back. And it was really interesting what she said. She said to me, you know, I had yawl, and I took any job because I had yawl to feed!

Keshia: Thank you for sharing that mom, it was really helpful to hear that feedback. It was just something that I was thinking about. I'm just gonna turn it back over to you. I think you have something a poem that you'd like to share.

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Motherhood my baby girl is born

Myrna: Yes. Right. So, in my chapter on, motherhood, I start off my book talking about the, circle of life, continues where I was born, and then I dived right into, motherhood, because it was something that was very important to me and made me feel so special. I have two biological children. I was 21 years old when my son was born, and then you my daughter was born on my 30th birthday. So, because she was born on my 30th birthday, she was a girl and a lot of women always want little baby girls. You know, I was tickled pink, in fact, it becomes more special than that. She was conceived for my honeymoon.

So, I came back from my honeymoon, and a couple of weeks later found out that I was pregnant. The immediate response of me learning that I was pregnant was joy. I mean, I didn't know the sex until she came out. But we had a connection from the very beginning. So, in my book, I actually wrote a poem that I want to read to you guys. It says,

Poem my baby girl is here

My greatest blessing showed up on my 30 birthday,

A bundle of joy for born to this world

Six pounds, seven ounces of joy, my birthday gift. Oh, what a toy.

I little girl with curly brown hair, smooth black skin, with the face of an angel.

I shed a tear it was a love affair at first sight.

She reached through my heart and grabbed my soul forever more.

God had given me the desires of my heart, a daughter to adore.

Bird sang, trees swayed, the sun shone brightly, and the heavens opened up and poured out rain.

My baby girl was here. Keshia, her father whispered welcome to my world.

And her mother answered, Glory be to God, let her light shine brightly.

Let her be a delight.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Myrna: See, I spoke it into existence, you have been a delight. You have been the gift that keeps on giving. A lot of mothers and daughters have special relationships, but we have a relationship that everybody talks about, and it's absolutely amazing.

Keshia: Wow. It's been a while since I've heard that poem. I have a jacket on but if you could see my arms, I probably have goosebumps. I just hope to repeat that, I am heading as you said, into my second trimester. And I have a similar due date as our birthday so yeah, we should be hoping for three peat.

Myrna: Yes, yes. From our mouths to God’s ears.

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Motherhood: How to protect your kids from sexual abuse

Keshia: Okay. All right. Well, I'm gonna take this conversation a little bit differently. And I'm going to ask you a question, because at the start of this conversation, you started by saying that Out of the Snares is about you coming out of poverty, sexual abuse, and parents not being in the home. And so, we talked a little bit about the, poverty, we talked a little bit about parents not being in the home. But I'm wanting to hear a bit more about your memories of your, child abuse. And in your book, you also talk about how the memories of that, child abuse, came back to you after I was born.  Can you talk a little bit about that? About that time for you as you had me and those memories of, sexual abuse, came flooding back to you.

And then also maybe you want to give some advice to listeners that have experienced, sexual abuse, and have had daughters and now have to feel like they have to protect their child at all costs.

Myrna: Well, thank you Keshia, it's a very important conversation to have. So let me start with me and then I will expand it out. I was, sexually abused, by my godfather.  I called him grandfather and I spent a lot of time at his house. So, that is the first problem that contributes to our black and brown babies getting, sexually abused, because apparently in our community it happens a lot. In my experience, it wasn't a babysitting thing. It was just that, I was always at someone's house. I was at my aunt's house, I was at my grandfather's house and when you're sleeping over at people's houses and there is men around, this is basically what happens.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict
Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict

Mothers also need to protect boys

I read something from Tyler Perry, that was addressing this issue, and he was talking about our community. Most Black mothers don't have money for a babysitter, so they always have the kids go and stay at the uncle dem house and this person's house and all that kind of stuff. And this is basically what happens. Kids are being, sexually abused, by people that come to our homes and even boyfriends.  So, getting back to my, child abuse, I didn’t have any trauma attached to it as it was happening because this person was a loved one and I really loved him.

He showered me with gifts, we were poor, and he was rich. So when this experience was going on, I wasn't traumatized in any way. I mean, I didn't understand what was going on because it started when I was very young age. I didn't understand what was going on until I started having boyfriends at 13 and realized, you've already had sex. These guys are gonna think that you're a tramp.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Past sexual abuse trauma resurfaced after birth of child

That started my whole self-respect phase which worked for me because I was never promiscuous. So, it wasn't very traumatic. When I recognized that it was wrong, I stopped it. There was no big problem. You know what I mean? But then, when you were born, something that I buried came alive and it was very, traumatic. I stopped wanting to have your dad to touch me, I had bad dreams. And whatever it was, clearly it was coming back up. I mean, and it was really an unusual response. Of course, I never went to therapy or anything. I just worked through it, but it started my vigilance of making sure you were not exposed to, sexual abuse.

And my vigilance came with people in my home and where I sent you to sleep over.  Your father and I split up when you were five years old. I made sure that anybody that I'm bringing to the house that I would, make sure I don't leave you alone with that person.  At one point in time, my sister was living with me, and her husband started bathing you. And I immediately put a stop to that.

So these are the ways that you protect your girl children and boy children, because it's not only girls now. But you protect them by knowing who they're coming into contact with.  Our world is becoming really messed up because women are now molesting boys. Tyler Perry, tells a story of how he was molested by a woman and I think even Terry Crews revealed that he was also, sexually assaulted.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Motherhood: Be careful your kids are always watching

In my book, I share my views on, motherhood, and I believe that, motherhood, you are a role model for your kids. I remember you were always watching me. It was an incredible thing, you didn't feel comfortable unless you're in my presence watching and listening, watching and listening. And mothers or fathers, your kids are always listening. They're always watching. So, you can't say “Do as I say it, not as I do.” You've got to do it. You've got to walk the walk. So, I was a role model to you and I taught you things that my mom taught me. For example, to make decisions for yourself.

What do you feel is the role of a mother and how do you plan to embrace, motherhood?

Keshia: Yeah, I mean we've talked a lot about protection, I definitely think that the role of the mom is to protect their cub so to speak. When we watch Animal Planet you always see the mother lion protecting her cub and protecting them from harm.

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The role of a mother

So definitely protection is the, role of a mother, as well as all the other things like:

  • Feed your children not only actual physically feeding, but emotionally feeding, feeding their self-confidence,
  • Teaching them to become contributing members of society
  • Helping them to find their purpose
  • Teaching them to love God
  • And how to survive in life
  • To lead by example, kids are always watching. You want to be able to not only say the important things, but show them the important things as well.

So how am I embracing motherhood? I'm still learning, I am just a few months in but yeah, I have been reading books and I am working towards embracing, motherhood.

It still feels weird. You know, hearing my baby’s heartbeat seeing it via ultrasounds. I mean, it just feels different. I can't even really grasp the words to say like, how does it feel to know that something is living inside of you and living inside of your belly? Right. Something that you have to care for and nurture and protect and be worried for and scared for and love all at the same time. So, it's very humbling. Maybe that's the word.

Circle of life continues connection with baby

Myrna: I didn't hear the word, connection.  Are you connecting to this baby?

Keshia: Thanks for putting me on the spot mom. I don't know if I would say I am connecting with the baby yet. I don't feel connected yet. I did have the feeling that morning that it was a girl even though all along I've been saying they think it's a boy. But that morning I did say yeah, you're a girl. So maybe. Also, the day before I found out that I was pregnant. I said we need a new car and went out and bought a new car that day. Because I'm like we you know, we need a new car for family planning. So, I guess she is speaking to me.

Myrna: She's sending you those signals. Yes, yes. Amazing. All right. Well, listen, Keshia Morris Desir. You did not disappoint. We had an incredible conversation. Thank you for sharing your, motherhood experience, with me and my audience.  Wishing you the best pregnancy and delivery.

Additional Resources

How To Protect Your Child from Sexual Abuse

 

The Power of Salt

The power of salt, salt is used for flavoring, preserving, fertilizing and other uses.  It is the ingredient we want to be most like. What happens when we, lose our saltiness?

In Mathew 5.13 Jesus declared You are the, salt of the earth. But what good is, salt, if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless.

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Salt is not just to season food

Today I want to teach on the, Power of Salt, because, salt, is not just for seasoning food.

So, what does, salt of the earth, mean? Are we, salt of the earth, in our relationships? On our jobs?

Salt, is used for, flavoring, salt, is used for, preserving food, salt is used for fertilizing and to kill weeds. Salt, is used to de ice roads so you don’t slip and slide.

The, power of salt, can be seen in the colonization of India by Britain. All Britain wanted was the, salt!

Let’s look at the uses of salt and thus the, power of salt.

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Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Salt is used for flavoring food

Salt, is used for, flavoring food. We all know, salt, makes food taste better, either by adding flavor to something that would otherwise be bland or by enhancing flavors that are already there. Have you ever eaten bland food? You don’t want people to label you bland or boring. To be the, salt of the earth, you have to bring the flavor to your relationships. This is where your personality shines.

Salt is used for Preserving food

Salt, is used for, preserving meats. Salt, was the ancient equivalent of refrigeration. If you wanted to stop meat or fish from decaying, you could rub in salt and make it edible for longer. This was the main reason salt was so valuable.

If you are a Christian, you are Disciples of Jesus, and he sent us into the world to keep it from decay, preserving its goodness and preventing it from becoming corrupted or ruined.

How are you preserving your relationship with your spouse, your children, your co-workers? Just like how you preserve meat by rubbing salt on it, you should preserve your relationships by rubbing kindness into them.

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

Salt is used for Fertilizing

The power of salt, can also be seen in, fertilizing. Several ancient civilizations used salt as a fertilizer for the soil, and depending on the conditions, it could help the earth retain water, make fields easier to plow, release minerals for plants, kill weeds, protect crops from disease, stimulate growth, and increase yields. The reason this matter is that Jesus specifically describes his people as the, salt of the earth, which in a rural, farming culture would have been significant.

Disciples are fertilizers. We’re meant to be in those places where conditions are challenging and life is hard. We are sent to enrich the soil, kill weeds, protect against disease, and stimulate growth.

So, when, Jesus, said we are the, salt of the earth, he meant that God will use us for flavoring, preserving, destroying, or fertilizing?

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Salt of the earth

When, Jesus, talked about salt losing its “saltiness” or “savor,” it refers to a process in which the compounds of salts naturally disintegrate over time. We, lose our saltiness, when we no longer bring value to this world. We are no longer, flavoring, fertilizing, preserving or enriching the lives of others.

If you are, salt of the earth, then life without you would be bland and tasteless. Are you preserving your marriage or your relationship with God? Are you fertilizing the soil of your mind and killing the weeds? If not, you have lost your saltiness.

You are (like) the salt for the soil, a stimulant for growth. If you become like the savorless salt, you are no longer good for anything.

What are you doing to make sure you don’t lose your saltiness?

Transform Your Mind Podcastland
Transform Your Mind Podcastland

Here are 3 ways to become the salt of the earth

  1. Nourish and solidify your relationship, today and tomorrow.
  2. Become the best at what you do. Be indispensable. There is no replacement for salt.
  3. Be salt' deliberately seek to influence the people in your life by showing them the unconditional love of Christ through good deeds and service.

Additional Resources 

Understanding the Healing Powers of The Earth

How to Use Vibrational Energy to Get What You Want

Ginny Gane, Law of Attraction coach, empowers women to transform mediocre lives into experiences of true abundance, joy, and love through levering the principles of, vibrational energy.

Leveraging our, vibrational power, allows us to create more love, harmony, and freedom in our lives.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11938165-how-to-use-vibrational-energy-to-get-what-you-want.mp3?download=true

Vibrational energy and the law of attraction

Myrna: People don't understand that, vibrational energy, is responsible for all the things they are attracting in their lives, but as a, Law of Attraction coach, you know that they are manifesting it from vibrational energy.  So, explain, what is vibrational energy?

Ginny: We are utilizing, the laws of attraction,  in every moment of every day.  The Laws of Attraction, work by responding to our, vibrational energy, that you're embodying or putting out into the world. So, the way I like to think about it is like we're constantly emitting, vibrational energy. And, the Law, of Attraction, is constantly responding by bringing conditions that match this, energy. Now we know what that, vibrational energy, is formed by how we feel. So, we measure and interpret, vibrational frequency, through emotion.

Myrna: You're going to attract conditions that is similar to whatever emotion you're feeling. If you spend a lot of time in anger or frustration, you're going to attract negative conditions that vibrates at the same frequency of anger or frustration.  We never get out of the cycle, that is why we must pay attention to our, emotions, and, vibration.

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What Is the Law of Vibrational Energy?

The law of, vibrational energy,  might not be as famous as the, Law of Attraction, but it’s just as important.

Now, we know that everything around us is, vibrational energy. The energy around us is actually vibrating.

Every single thing, living or inanimate, is made up of energy. And it’s all vibrating.

This is the, law of vibration.

Ginny: Vibrational energy, is a real thing, it’s like this momentum that builds up. So, we will attract frustrating conditions and then we will look at the condition and then feel bad and then we'll look at what is next. It's just the cycle. So, until we become aware of that cycle of, positive energy, we have no chance to stop it or to do something different to, raise your vibration. So the first thing we can do is just start to become aware of what you are getting back from, vibrational energy, and, how to have high vibrational energy.

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The law of vibration: Everything is vibrating at a frequency

Vibrational energy, it's just like electricity, it's energy. And we interpret, vibrations, through our emotions. There's an emotional scale. So, the same as there's a frequency scale of energy, measured in Hertz from zero Hertz to 1000 hertz. Our, vibration, is very similar. It's just a measure of that frequency.

And so there's low frequencies and there's high frequencies, and our, emotions, match up. Our lower frequency, emotions, are those like fear and guilt and sadness. Our higher frequency, emotions, are the happiness, the joy, the hopefulness, those kinds of, emotions. How we feel is our interpretation of the, vibration, we are emitting and what, the Laws of Attraction, is attracted to.

Myrna: All right.  I was reading something new today and it made me aware that everything is, vibrational frequency, the walls in your house, the bed that you sleep in, the trees in nature, the rocks all are vibrating at an energy frequency. When I go to the park, I sit on rocks because the rock is vibrating. I'm trying to blend with the, vibrational frequency, of the rock.

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This podcast episode is brought to you by energyforjoy.com

Energy for Joy features a visual meditation video named Release and Align.

There are many, many benefits to meditation…

But meditation can be a problem for those who have a difficult time quieting their minds.

If traditional meditation hasn’t worked for you yet, visual meditation might be what you’re “looking” for.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Release and Align is a Visual Meditation created to provide the benefits of meditation without the frustration many experience as they try to meditate.

This visual meditation is an 8-minute video. It's a type of meditation you practice with your eyes open and it works whether you quiet your mind or not.

Release and Align combines layered graphs and precisely positioned color patterns.

It uses leading edge color techniques and is designed to help you experience the benefits of meditation within minutes.

First, images of red, orange, and yellow help you release resistance.

Next, mellow colors of soft yellow, green, and blue will help bring you to equilibrium in order to stop any negative momentum and help you feel a calm balance.

Finally, alignment takes place— this is accomplished through sky blue, indigo, and magenta. These luxurious colors send the message to your system that your normal state of being is a calm, happy, and abundant state.

Experience the benefits of meditation and alignment.

Find out more at energyforjoy.com

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

Nature is high vibrational energy

Ginny: That's why we feel so good in nature, because nature is connected to source, what you are talking about is alignment.  Alignment is when your emotions are like in alignment with our God Self, or our Source self, that nonphysical part of us. And so, when there's alignment between how we're thinking and feeling, and that other part of us we feel good.

Nature, animals, they stay in this mostly connected place. That's why we love to be around them. They're just unconditional love pouring through. That's why it feels so peaceful to be in nature is because we're literally surrounded by these, vibrations, that are all in alignment.

Additional Resources

6 Ways Your Thoughts Activate The Law of Attraction

 

Drug and Alcohol Treatments for Women with Trauma

Childhood Abuse, has continually been linked to substance abuse for women. In this Episode we look at, Drug and Alcohol treatments, for women with trauma, who were abused by men and parents during childhood.

I interview Dr Tra Ahia who is the author of “Call me an Addict, War on Women

Call me an Addict
Call me an Addict

She has been recognized as a champion of woman’s issues. Particularly women who have struggled to maintain a positive balance in their lives despite addiction. As the Therapist for women in Rehab for over 30 years, Dr Ahia was responsible for the, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, who turned to substance abuse to as a means to cope with trauma.

Her work in, addiction and recovery, began some thirty years ago and has empowered thousands of women as they transitioned to a healthy place in their lives. Dr Ahia’s research has been a motivating force in moving many broken women away from the men in their lives that lead them down the path of destruction, confusion, and addiction to a place where they are whole mentally, physically and emotionally with, drug and alcohol treatments.

In the book “Call me an Addict” Dr Ahia tells the brutal stories of 3 women.  We will look at one of these women on the blog and podcast on the, Transform Your Mind radio and Podcast with Life Coach Myrna Young.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

This is a summary Kelly's story in the Book “Call me an Addict”

Kelly's first memory at 2 years old was her father punching her in the face for not eating her food.  Then she remembered at 5 years old taking her father’s fingers as she sat on his lap with his friends and sticking them in her vagina!

That was the start of her life that included sex with her father, an alcoholic and abusive mother, promiscuity with men at age 14.

At age 15 her parents gave her away to her boyfriend and moved to another city. She had her first child soon after and was homeless because the boyfriend also moved away to another city and left her to look after a child with no home and no income.

Another man gave her a place to live in return for sex. He ended up marrying her and they had 3 more kids.

Her abuse resulted in her abuse of alcohol and rehab. Her, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, was not successful. She continued to relapse.

Kelly started drinking heavily at 14 years old and used it for escape. It was drinking, sex, and prostitution.

Her story ended with her kids being placed in the custody of child protective services and she being placed in rehab for the 3rd time.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

What was so sobering to me hearing this story was how 3 generations were ruined from addictions. Kelly's father and mother were both addicts. She hated them both. She became an addict and then her eldest daughter followed her lifestyle. One of the most profound statements in the story to me was when Kelly said she and her daughter would fight all the time about who was the bigger whore!

As a Life Coach and survivor of child sexual abuse, I can say that the reason my life didn't spin out of control like Kelly's was because even before I knew anything about mindset and the power of intention, I wanted respect. I did not want to be known as a Bad Girl or whore. A girl who is free with sex and all the boys talk about her.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

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Free Download: Out of the Snares, How to Heal your Brokenness
Out of the Snares

In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement”, I share a similar story about my molester fingering me in his car as he drove me to school. I had the mindset to become a player in this game of life and not become a victim. You see victims have no power. Like Kelly she was powerless to stop her father from molesting her. In fact, another sobering part of her story was when she told her father “No” and he returned with the handle of a mop and stuck it up her ass. He told her with that move that she was nothing more than his bitch and he could do with her anything he wanted.

But we as women always have power!

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

Drug and Alcohol Treatment for Women with Trauma

Women are placed in Rehab facilities either by the Police, their families or sometimes they walk in on their own accord

Rehab facilities are an intensive in house process

As the in house Therapist my job was to administer, drug and alcohol treatments to these women with trauma, by helping them to learn from their addictions.

These Therapy sessions were conducted one on one and their, drug and alcohol treatments, were first understanding how they got to that point in their lives.

They first had to accept that they were addicts

These, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, were 30 days to 6 months and sometimes even years

Most people including families do not understand that, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, were not miracle drugs, these women were trying to get over abuse from their childhood.  They can't be cured in 6 months when they had these traumas for 10, 20 even 30 years.

After the intensive in house, addiction and recovery, treatments these women continue their, drug and alcohol treatments for women with trauma, in an half way house for about one year.  In this house they are expected to remain clean, get jobs, practice self love and self care  and become contributing members to their community.

For more information on Dr Tra Ahia's work and to pick up a copy of her book visit her on the web at www.forlifeservices-cc-com

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Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

Podbean

Here are some of the Symptoms from Childhood Sexual Trauma Resulting in Addiction.

PTSD is a mental health condition triggered by a traumatic event. Symptoms can emerge months or even years after the sexual trauma. Some common symptoms of PTSD include flashbacks, nightmares, intense distress when exposed to sights, sounds, or smells that trigger memories of the trauma, and bodily reactions when reminded of the trauma.

Dissociation

Dissociation, often associated with PTSD, is feeling disconnected or dissociated from one’s body. It can affect a person’s ability to focus, concentrate and function for periods of time. In an effort to detach from the sexual trauma, people learn to numb themselves from the pain. Dissociation is often referred to as avoidance coping, because survivors use it as a mechanism to escape and pull away from their past.

The Road to Recovery

The recovery from sexual trauma is a healing journey that takes time. Children who have been traumatized by sexual abuse often report feelings such as shame, terror, depression, and guilt. They often blame themselves for the abuse. Although drugs and alcohol can give survivors a moment of reprieve, there are dangerous risks and high costs to that emotional escape.

Sexual abuse not only leaves emotional and psychological scars, but it can lead to dangerous risk-taking behaviors, like using drugs. Substances are only a temporary fix and they can’t erase the past. Fortunately, dark moments don’t have to last, and drugs don’t have to cover unhealed wounds. Survivors can learn healthy coping skills and become a beacon of encouragement and hope to other youth who travel a similar path toward healing.​

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Additional Resources for Drug and Alcohol Treatments for Women with Trauma

https://launchcenters.com/treatment/

https://americanaddictioncenters.org/blog/the-link-between-child-abuse-and-substance-abuse

https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/drug-addiction/related-topics/connection-child-abuse/#gref

 

http://blog.myhelps.us/10-ways-childhood-trauma-impact-adults-in-love/

http://blog.myhelps.us/protecting-your-child-from-sexual-abuse-at-home/

http://blog.myhelps.us/surviving-r-kelly-mindset-sexual-predator/