Are you a stay at home mom? Why not become a, mompreneur? Allison Lancaster, lifestyle blogger and, mompreneur, shares how to start and grow your business along with your babies.
Today on the, Transform your Mind, to Transform your Life radio show and podcast. I interview Allison Lancaster. Allison is a mom, wife and six-figure business owner. She started her business in 2016 after giving birth to her first son, who spent 2 weeks in the NICU. She has since grown not only a lifestyle blogger; but has become a trusted online business manager for entrepreneurs who are seeking to find purpose, passion & freedom as a, mompreneur. Allison's passion project is teaching other moms how to become work at home moms so that they can grow their business along with their babies.
Allison How did you go about deciding to be a Mompreneur?
The entire time I was pregnant with my son, I had decided to go back to work. We had a daycare picked out and everything. But I think going through the NICU experience and just becoming a new mom, that's a huge life change. Whether you're an NICU mom or not. I can remember one day that just sticks out in my mind, my son was about two months old, my maternity leave was dwindling down and I could just remember sitting looking at my baby and just crying. I didn’t want to leave him to go back to work.
Myrna: So you fell in love and couldn't bear to part with your baby!
I've always had kind of an entrepreneurial spirit. I had my own business as a wedding planner and always had a side hustle. I have always wanted to have my own business. So when I decided to be a, mompreneur, I started just researching like a mad person on Google for ideas. I started out by buying things from Walmart on clearance and then trying to sell them on Amazon, which some people make great business out of; but I just could not do it.
So I considered what I am good at. I clarified my strengths. Writing has always been a passion of mine, so I decided I'll just start a, mompreneur, blog.
I really didn't think that it would be any sort of a career. It was just something I used as an outlet.
How did you build your Business as a, Mompreneur?
The, NICU experience, was really kind of a traumatic birth experience; so I decided to download by writing about it and maybe helping other NICU moms.
The, NICU experience, is a different kind of experience from a regular birth. I mean you don't get to hold your baby for days, possibly weeks and you're separated from him or her and you have to watch them being fed by tubes. It is both a traumatic and terrifying experience.
Other, NICU moms, started sharing their experience and it was powerful.. My blog was very quickly picked up and syndicated by a large parenting website.
I joined some blogging groups on Facebook and I found this amazing community of bloggers who were very receptive and helpful.
Then I started promoting my blog on Pinterest, just kind of pinning it just to see what would happen. My content very quickly gained traction had I had some viral pins.
Then friends started to reach out to me and there they were like, hey you're doing really well on Pinterest. You're being syndicated in all of these places. What are you doing and how can you help us?
So that's really kind of where the online business management side of my business was born.
How did you Grow your, Mompreneur, Business along with your Babies?
I took on one client and then they referred me and here we are some 50 or more clients later.
Myrna: Wow yeah I have a blog ( this one!) and my blog did not take off! I have never been syndicated and I have yet to figure out what Pinterest does! So you're doing great. Why do you thing you were so successful so quickly?
It has come full circle. Initially I would have said it was the marketing pieces of it and the website building and things like that. But late last year I noticed a shift. People wanted to hear about the nuts and bolts of running a business and that is what I blogged about.
Today I kind of talk about everything, I call it a lifestyle blog. I share a lot of my grandmother's recipes. I'm a southern girl and we like our food. I share a lot of parenting kind of tips and advice too. I have 2 kids now. A 3 year old and a 9 month old. As they're growing, things that I'm learning and discovering, I share.
How to Find your Passion, Purpose and Freedom as a, Mompreneur
Mompreneurs, are women entrepreneurs who just happens to be moms as well. A lot of, mompreneurs, started their businesses because they wanted the freedom to stay at home with their babies, or the freedom to travel or whatever kind of freedom they are looking for.
I have started very recently a free course for, mompreneurs, who want to become virtual Assistants. Mompreneurs, who want to stay home with their babies and don't necessarily want to sell a product or create a product. I want to teach them how they can start a business offering virtual assistant services. We all have marketable skills whether that's accounting, bookkeeping or marketing. I kind of coach them through the process.
Most, mompreneurs, don't even remember what their purpose was in starting their business. They just wanted to see the light at the end of the tunnel. So I do a lot of business strategizing with clients. I ask them what is your five-year plan for your business?
Why did you start your business, was it to stay at home with your babies or was it to travel?
Then I ask them. Are you seeing those things in your business right now? If not why?
I teach, mompreneurs, to find their passion and purpose by doing what they love.
I think it's different for every person; but there's just a lot of questions and kind of deep-diving and soul-searching that you have to do. We have to do it consistently, not just in the beginning or in the middle of your business. It's a daily thing. Ask yourself, how does this task fit into my bigger plan and my bigger purpose?
Listen to the full interview by clicking the link below or by downloading and subscribing to your favorite podcast player.
The, desert, is a harsh, dry place sometimes called the, wilderness, and most of us have to go through it to get to our promised land. In this episode of, 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I teach you how to, bloom, in the, desert.
There is no, promised land, if you don’t go through the, wilderness. You have to go through the, desert, to get to your, promised land.
You can’t drive by in your air conditioned vehicle. You have to spend some time in the, wilderness, and learn how to bloom in the dry harsh conditions.
You have to go through something to get to something
There is no, promised land, if you don’t go through the, wilderness. You have to go through something to get to your, promised land.
In the Bible, the term “Promised Land” refers to a specific region of land that God endowed to His chosen people, as part of their heritage. (Genesis 12, Genesis 26:3, Genesis 28:13) God first gave this pledge of land to Abraham saying, “I will establish your borders from the Red Sea to the Mediterranean Sea, and from the desert to the Euphrates River.” He then reiterated the vow to Abraham’s descendants until the time came for His people to claim their inheritance.
The people of Israel wandered in the, wilderness, for 40 years before they were ready to inherit the promise.
You have to spend time in the wilderness, you can't drive through
You have to spend some time in the, wilderness. You can’t pass through in your air conditioned vehicle. You have to spend some time in the, wilderness. The, wilderness, is your in between place. You have to spend time there, but God does not intend for you to stay there. God did not intend for you or the people of Israel to die in the, wilderness.
If you die in the, wilderness, then you were never supposed to inherit, the promised land.
God promises to make a way out of no way, but in order for you to understand that promise you have to find yourself in a situation with no way out.
The pandemic was a, desert place, over a million people died. We couldn’t drink from our church, our family, our jobs, all the places we drank from was closed off to us.
The profit Elijah found himself in the, desert, and God sent him to a brook where the ravens fed him. Find your brook. What is feeding you in your, desert place?
God says that no weapons formed against you shall prosper, he did not say the weapons will not be formed. You have to hold on and find the strength to fight the enemy and the weapons formed against you.
Sometimes you have to spend some time in the, desert place, in the place of loneliness, in the darkness of the night. The promise that joy comes in the morning is your scripture of your, promised land. Find your brook and hold on to the promise.
Even if you are in a fruitful place on the mountain top, if you keep walking, you will have to pass through the, desert! Life is made up of hills and valleys.
Your experience in the wilderness allows you to bloom
If you look back on your life you grew most in your, desert place.
What can cause a desert to blossom into a rose? Roses need water. They don’t do well with intense heat from sun blazing all day. It has no shade.
Is there anyone reading this who has blossomed while living in a concrete jungle? Who has blossomed living with abusive parents? Who has blossomed in the desert place of extreme property? Read Viola Davis story and it will give you hope that you could be the rose that, blooms in the, wilderness.
The purpose of the, desert, is to teach you how to walk with the giver of living waters, The Holy Spirit.
The, fluid mindset, is not about being disoriented or lacking focus, but rather having the potent ability to prevail over multiple aspects and situations through shifting laser sharp focus!
The, fluid mindset, is different from the, fixed mindset, because having a, fixed mindset, does not allow for personal growth.
The, fluid mindset, has the power to liberate and bind at the same time! Liberate from the templated and structured thinking patters and ability to bind to vague, uncertain, untested and new ways of thinking and expressing oneself! It is when these new pathways are walked upon that magic gets created and we see them manifest in the usual ways of creative or innovative breakthroughs all around us!
What mindset are you working with? Do you have a, fluid mindset, or a, fixed mindset?
Is your mindset flexible?
Is your, mindset fluid?
Or do you have a, fixed mindset? Which could be good or bad depending on what it's fixed on.
When we talk about the, psyche, the, psyche, being your sense of, self-consciousness. Why do we need, renewing of your mind, in your sense of, self-consciousness? Because it's our sense of awareness, our sense of, self-worth. It also is our mental and emotional health, so if your, mind, is not flexible, you need work in your sense of awareness.
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The Flexible Mindset
Some people who are not self-aware or there's some people who suffer from, low self-esteem, or there's some people who are damaged mentally and emotionally. If you don’t have a, flexible mindset, which means pliable then you will resist God doing the eternal work in your, psyche, to, transform your mind. So, in order for, transformation, to occur you have to have a, flexible mindset.
There can be no, transformation, if you're unwilling to change.
Conversely a, fluid mindset, means that you are evolving, you are open to change. If you don’t have a, fluid mindset, you internalize and have what some call “stinking thinking.” You have a toxic, mindset, about yourself or about people. For instance oftentimes when people experience hurt in a relationship, they'll say I’ll never trust another man again or I’ll never trust another woman again.
So, if you don’t have a, fluid mindset, you're not willing to let that hurt go and embrace truth.
Energy for Joy features a visual meditation video named Release and Align.
There are many, many benefits to meditation…
But meditation can be a problem for those who have a difficult time quieting their minds.
If traditional meditation hasn’t worked for you yet, visual meditation might be what you’re “looking” for.
Release and Align is a Visual Meditation created to provide the benefits of meditation without the frustration many experience as they try to meditate.
This visual meditation is an 8-minute video. It's a type of meditation you practice with your eyes open and it works whether you quiet your mind or not.
Release and Align combines layered graphs and precisely positioned color patterns.
It uses leading edge color techniques and is designed to help you experience the benefits of meditation within minutes.
First, images of red, orange, and yellow help you release resistance.
Next, mellow colors of soft yellow, green, and blue will help bring you to equilibrium in order to stop any negative momentum and help you feel a calm balance.
Finally, alignment takes place— this is accomplished through sky blue, indigo, and magenta. These luxurious colors send the message to your system that your normal state of being is a calm, happy, and abundant state.
Experience the benefits of meditation and alignment.
The third, mindset, you mentioned was a, fixed mindset. Just like when we lay concrete, we have to do the work before the concrete sets, because once it sets it's fixed. So, we have to be careful what we let set in our minds. We have to do the work while the concrete is fluid and pliable.
A, fixed mindset, is like set concrete.
Renewing the mind, is like renovation of a house. You’ve got to rip out things, knock down walls or beliefs before you can put in the new things or new learnings.
When we're inviting God to, transform your mind, then we have to understand our, psyche, our, self-consciousness, and our heart. That's why, the mind, is so important because it is connected to all of these aspects of the human person and they're all interrelated yet distinct.
Myrna – Someone with a, fixed mindset, like concrete why did you say that God can use this person?
In the, Life coaching, world, when we talk about a, fixed mindset, we're saying that there’s no growth in this person. But if your, mind, is set like concrete, is it possible for it to be changed?
Pastor Glover – Well yes but again you must have awareness of your, fixed mindset. You can get at that concrete two different ways. Through, transformation, which speaks to internal work that has to be done. The word, transformation, comes from the Greek word metamorphosis and so that speaks of going through a, transformation, but it starts from the inside out.
The other word that's used is, renewing, which literally has to do with renovating. When concrete sets, the only way to change it is to get a jackhammer and that's very painful work. People oftentimes will not choose to do that work, because it is painful, noisy, and messy. But if you're going to lay a new foundation in your life, you must do the, mental, emotional and spiritual work to jackhammer a, fixed mindset.
Myrna – How can God use a jackhammer to change that, fixed mindset?
Pastor Glover – I think an example in the context of, relationships, particularly in the context of, marital relationships, a lot of work that has to be jackhammered in counseling sessions really has to do those, fixed mindsets, about marriage that have been set, but are toxic and are not healthy.
Couples have very different ideas about the foundation of a, marriage, and what it should be about. It is really about how men and women are socialized in our society. Young girls are socialized towards inter interdependent relationships. That's means they play together, they share much more readily than men do. They are invested in group success as they are reared and everybody kind of having a good time.
Boys are socialized totally different. They are taught to stand on your own two feet, be independent. Be a man, don't share your emotions. So, men are much less equipped than women in, marital relationships, to handle a, fixed mindset, that's why women are 10 times more verbal than men.
One of the fun exercises I like to do when I’m dealing with, communication, is I’ll ask the man and the woman to get a sheet of paper and have each one writes me all the feeling words they are aware of. The woman's list is four times longer than the man,
Mind power, is one of the strongest and most useful powers you possess. This power consists of your, thoughts. The, thoughts, that pass through your, mind, are responsible for everything that happens in your life. Your predominant, thoughts, influence your behavior and attitude and control your actions and reactions.
Mind power allows you to become a co-creator of your life
You may not believe that you are the co-creator of your life because whatever you think about, you bring about. That is the amazing, power of your mind.
One of the ways of unlocking our, mind power, is understanding how our, subconscious mind, works. Whether we’re looking to be creative or successful in areas of our lives, we’re going to need the, power of your subconscious mind.
The, subconscious mind, is also called the superconscious because it is your connection to source. To unlock the amazing, power of your mind, is to take your desires to the subconscious level and let your, subconscious mind, bring your desires to you. The, subconscious mind, or the universe goes out and works for you.
Let’s say you're drawn to 10 different things at the same time your, mind, is capable of creating 10 different channels and keep them running all at the same time creating a complex mathematical problem. That is how complex human mind is. This complexity you can use either to drive yourself crazy with unbridled thought and emotion. Or if you harness it, it can do things that nobody has imagined possible. It can do things in a miraculous way. You can manifest things in a phenomenal way by tapping into the, subconscious mind.
Most human beings the problem is we have this super computer, the most sophisticated machine on this planet and we have never read the user’s manual. Sadhguru says some people to want to read the user manual of the mind on their last day, what's the point? If you buy a phone, should you read the user's manual in the first three days not after three years when you want to get rid of the phone?
Should you not understand the, power of the mind, and the super computer that is your, brain power? Should we not understand what is the nature of our mind, what is the full potential of it and explore this?
Unlocking your, mind power, is a matter of working with your, subconscious mind. It’s becoming a co-creator in your life and living a life by design and not by chance. Tap into the amazing power of your, mind, by giving your, subconscious mind, a purpose to work on for you.
Conclusion
When you combine your, conscious mind, with your, subconscious mind, you’ll be able to tap into your, mind power, and create what it is you desire. Whether that’s being more creative or a path to success, you can create anything with your, mind power.
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. Until next time Namaste
Marilyn Alauria is a gifted psychic medium, author and creator of the Soul Finder Academy. Our soul guides are here to help us to tap into the infinite wisdom of our soul. And they're also a direct reflection of our soul. We also have, spirit guides, in specific areas of life but we need to learn how to communicate with them. I have a, spirit guide, for love. I had a marketing guide for a while. I have a philosophy guide, these are all spirit guides.
Marilyn Alauria is a gifted psychic medium, teacher, and coach with an unmatched capacity to ignite deep, soul-level transformation for her clients around the world. As the creator of Soul Finder Academy, Membership for Your Soul and host of the podcast Who Can It Be Now, she offers a clear action plan for developing our talents, following our purpose, fulfilling our dreams, and living in alignment with your soul. Her online courses Live and Thrive with Your Psychic Gifts and Communicate with Your Soul Guides are popular courses on Sacred U
Connecting to your spirit guides
Myrna: When did you first learn you were a, psychic medium?
Marilyn: After the columbine murders, I woke up to find the kid who did the killing were at the end of my bed. And I thought that it was my imagination. I thought I was just traumatized by the event. I don't watch the news, but that particular day I was watching the news. I was living in Manhattan at the time and then a year later, 911 happened and I woke up and the pilots were at the end of my bed and they had blood dripping down their faces. It sounds crazy, but that is what I saw. And then from then it just accelerated.
I started getting locked in rooms. I started hearing my name called, I started seeing spirits all the time. I moved to LA soon after that because I didn't want to be in New York anymore. And I went to see a, psychic, and I told her what was happening to me. And she said the dead are trying to reach you, you need to see a, psychic medium. So, I picked a, medium, out of a magazine and I went to see her. As soon as she walked into the room and she said you are a, medium, without knowing anything about me.
After that the floodgates opened. I had to learn how to work with it. Because it really scared me. I do talk a lot about my experiences as a, psychic medium, on my podcast. Who can it be now.
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A Psychic Medium helps people connect to deceased family members
Myrna: There's a movie called “The Sixth Sense” and the kid says “I see dead people.” So, you see dead people, but our conversation today is about, soul guides. So how do we make the bridge from seeing dead people to having a, soul guide, because a, soul guide, is different from someone who's dead correct?
Marilyn: Yeah, it's definitely a different experience. Although you can have a deceased one as a, spirit guide, or a, soul guide. Through my process of working with this gift, I met different people and one of them was a therapist who knew how to work with, mediums. I was in her office one day and I felt something leaning on me, it was leaning on me for quite some time and I knew enough to trust the experience and I said to her, something's leaning on me. And she said, close your eyes and tell me what it is. And I closed my eyes and I just started channeling right away.
I had no idea what, spirit guides, were I didn't know really what, soul guides, were, I knew a little bit about angels since I come from the Catholicism. So, angels and saints were big for me. And so I went home and I started working with this one particular, spirit guide, and he started teaching me about all these other, spirit guides, and how to open up my gifts.
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Now is the time to BANISH your feelings of fear, doubt, worry, and insecurity… and replace them with the clarity, confidence, and prosperous mindset you need. Whether it’s love… money… or career dreams you’re after, DreamBuilder Live will help you achieve your full potential.
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What are Spirit Guides
Myrna: What is the purpose of a, spirit guide?
Marilyn: I have more than one or two, spirit guides, I have a bunch. I'm not gonna say how many because it's a very intimate connection for me. But you can also you can have, spirit guides, in specific areas like I have a, spirit guide, for love. I had a marketing guide for a while he was amazing, you know I have a philosophy guide, these are all, spirit guides.
So yeah, you can have a, spirit guide, for business as well and here's the beauty of it. You could admire somebody's business who's deceased. And you could say hey, I want to work with Coco Chanel. And you'll feel a full on yes with that. And Coco Chanel can come in and start helping you out or Steve Job, it doesn't matter. So, soul guides, can be anything and they can help us in all arenas. And then there's teachers, which is a little bit different. Teachers are experts in areas and they only come in for a short period of time to help you through a specific phase of your life.
Spirit guides, will go in and out too. But I think there are certain, spirit guides, that are with me, that will probably be with me till the end.
Myrna: So you have a lot, spirit guides, because you're a, medium, and you can communicate with them. That's probably why they're there. Most people don't know how to communicate with their, spirit guides. I went to a, psychic, maybe 20 years 30 years ago and she told me that I have two people sitting on my shoulder. I'm thinking maybe it's my grandma or someone else. So my question is, is your, spirit guide, a loved one?
Marilyn: So here's my answer to that. First of all you I do feel you have a female and a male, spirit guides, on your shoulders. I feel like there's definitely a grandmother ancestral energy with you. But I also feel like it goes deeper than that because there's a lineage of your breaking patterns and habits and you're bringing in incredible infinite wisdom to the masses. Like you are a voice of so many women behind you, who have always been a voice, but kind of like a whispering voice because they didn't have the platform to speak it out loud.
But you are now being you've given yourself permission. Your, spirit guides, are clapping and applauding you along to bring that message out to millions. And it's also about your heritage and your story. You being a face not only for, women of color, that's really important, but it's also women in general. And, spirit, says please do not deny the men that may resonate with your story as well as anybody who's felt like they were put down or trampled on before.
And then there is a man, spirit guide, behind you as well. I feel like there might be more to and this, I a picking up the, cathodic spiritual realm. It's like a, St. Anthony. It's like an energy like that. It's a very specific type of holy energy. I'm getting pain in my shoulders with you as well. But it's not a burden. It's not meant to feel like a burden for you. It's meant to feel like it's light. I feel like the people before you have maybe felt burdened by this and they want you to know that you are being lifted. This is an incredible way for you to bring this out into the world.
So with that said, I honestly believe that, guides, can be anything; they can be ascended masters, they can be angels, they can be Jesus. It's what resonates for you. People love, Archangel Michael, it could be, Archangel Michael, I love, Jesus, but, Jesus, isn't one of my, guides, but I still love, Jesus. You know, it could be a deceased loved one. It could be an angel being from another planet you've never met.
I'm actually starting to do, psychic readings, again for people because I stopped doing them for a long time because I wanted people to stop being dependent on my word. But I believe that these, soul guides, are here to help us to tap into the infinite wisdom of our, soul. And they're also a direct reflection of our, soul. We're helping them as much as they're helping us. So that's I'm gonna leave you with that answer. Have you written a book or are you writing a book because you're supposed to be writing a book?
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Energy for Joy features a visual meditation video named Release and Align.
There are many, many benefits to meditation…
But meditation can be a problem for those who have a difficult time quieting their minds.
If traditional meditation hasn’t worked for you yet, visual meditation might be what you’re “looking” for.
Release and Align is a Visual Meditation created to provide the benefits of meditation without the frustration many experience as they try to meditate.
This visual meditation is an 8-minute video. It's a type of meditation you practice with your eyes open and it works whether you quiet your mind or not.
Release and Align combines layered graphs and precisely positioned color patterns.
It uses leading edge color techniques and is designed to help you experience the benefits of meditation within minutes.
First, images of red, orange, and yellow help you release resistance.
Next, mellow colors of soft yellow, green, and blue will help bring you to equilibrium in order to stop any negative momentum and help you feel a calm balance.
Finally, alignment takes place— this is accomplished through sky blue, indigo, and magenta. These luxurious colors send the message to your system that your normal state of being is a calm, happy, and abundant state.
Experience the benefits of meditation and alignment.
Myrna: I written 3 books. One of them is titled “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement.” Boy, I'm connecting with you. I'm getting all these chills and goosebumps everywhere. Thank you for that confirmation. I live a charmed life and and I know that I'm receiving guidance from my, soul guides, someone was guiding me. So thank you for that. I love that. Yeah.
As a psychic medium, you help your clients connect with their, soul guides. How do you help them do that?
Marilyn: So I like to teach people how they see, hear, feel ,sense ,and know on their own. So they can develop those skills and then apply it to their life. It helps you to live a life aligned with your, soul. And that's what we're all here to do. And you said something really important. You said, you get instruction from your, spirit guide, in the mornings and sometimes in the evenings because the mind chatter is turned off.
So if you wake up with a song in your head, go look up the lyrics because that's your, soul guide, planting a song in your head. And when you read those lyrics, that's, clairaudience, clear hearing.
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Marilyn: I wrote the book because my, soul guides, really changed my life. I was suicidal. I was really depressed. I was really unhappy. And when I met my, guides, and I learned what I was capable of and how I was supposed to help people. I really understood why I was here. And that gave me, I don't like to say the word purpose because I feel like it always evolves our purpose, but it really gave me understanding.
So I hope that when people read it, they can have that peaceful connection or when things are really disruptive in their lives. They have a tool or a technique to connect to something larger than themselves so that they don't feel alone and they recognize that there is hope. Because I feel like that's what my, soul guides, gave me.
Myrna: That's great. Do you see your, spirit guides, or do you feel them?
Marilyn: So I see, hear, feel, sense, everybody can develop these skills. So yes, I see my spirit guides. I know where they stand. It's a big thing for me. You need to know where they stand so that when you're talking to them, you're there in different spots. For me I have different, guides, but if I'm speaking to my main guide who's in front of me, my whole inner awareness is directed at her and I teach people in the book how to do that with their breath.
I'm sure you've had that experience when you get a download and you're like, I know everything. I know what to do. I feel my, guides, and I sense things as well. So sensing them is not the same as feeling because I know them so well. I know their names. I know where they stand. I know what they're here for.
Myrna: You are a, psychic medium, let's talk about an ordinary person.
Marilyn: Well, in the book, there's exercises to help you see and feel your, spirit guides, I think to hear also.
Myrna: how can readers connect with you and get a copy of your book?
Marilyn: Go to my website. www.marilynalauria.com I'm on social media as well on Instagram and Facebook. So if you liked what you hear, let me know. Let me know what your takeaway was and I will communicate with you. Thank you so much. Thanks,
We are born with invisible, seeds of greatness, inside of us, that we need to nurture in a, tree. endowed with a combination of unique gifts, strengths, and talents. Some of us are born into less-than-ideal circumstances, and some of us are born into a more privileged life. Regardless of economic realities, or the environment we were born into, each of us has the ability to nurture our, seeds of greatness, as our own unique, seeds. It doesn’t matter where you start out only where you end up.
In order for your, seeds of greatness, to become a harvest, you must consistently tend to them. If you neglect the God-given, seeds, you were born with, they will eventually die because the, weeds of neglect, will kill them.
Sadhguru says that all of us have come into this world with the same, seeds, but for this, seed, to become a, tree, between a, seed, and the, tree, there is a journey to be made. If you want the, seed, to become a, tree, you have to nurture the, seed, and you have to protect it from the, weeds, of automatic negative thoughts.
The same, weeds, have been bothering humanity for a million years, still human beings haven't figured out how to handle these, weeds. Weeds of life, like anger, hatred, jealousy, fear, endless doubt. These, weeds, have lasted so long, because, weeds, don't need any care, they sprout up because we don’t cultivate the, garden of our minds. Weeds, don't need any protection, weeds, don't need any cultivation, they just grow without any help from you; but if you want a, sacred seed, to sprout and prosper, you have to pull up the, weeds, you have to cultivate the land which is your mind.
Your seeds need water and sunlight to turn into a tree
You have to make sure enough water and sunlight finds its way to the, seed. How do you do that? Let’s say you were born with the talent of singing, you have to nurture your vocal cords, you have to protect your voice, you have to practice singing daily until you can sign like an opera star. What are the, weeds, that could snuff out your talent? Like Sadhguru says doubt. Maybe jealousy of someone who is better that you because they are giving their talent the sunlight it needs and you are in the corner doubting yourself and being jealous of them.
Are you surrounded by thorns that are choking out what your heart desires and what you were put on this earth to do, or are you planting your, seeds, in fertile soil where your dreams can flourish?
What, seeds of greatness, do you have to plant and nurture into a, tree? Does your mind provide the fertile soil where your dreams can take root?
How do you nurture your, seed, into a, tree? You prepare the soil of your mind and make sure it is fertile and conducive to the growth of your, seed.
In this episode I talk with Wytisha Williams. Wytisha's mother tried to take her life at 5 years old, she was molested by her biological father and she attempted suicide several times, but God won't let her die before she achieved her purpose. Her purpose is to help those who are suffering under the weight of depression, pain, or suicidal thoughts, to become their voice; that is why she wrote the book He Wouldn't Let Me Die
Wytisha Williams is a Mental Health Counselor/ PLPC born in Louisiana. She is also a disabled United States Army Veteran and transformational speaker. She coined the word Mind Empowerment which was inspired by the understanding that every challenge begins and ends with the mind. She created the character M.E. who is a white eagle with a crown and cape that represents her brand which signifies a person soaring above the obstacles that were meant to destroy any person.
Myrna: You start off your book summary with the following statement “This book is based on a series of true events such as the gruesome experience of a mother trying to murder her child, while the same child endures, sexual abuse, by their biological father.” So can you share your story with us please.
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My story of trauma and dysfunction
Wytisha: My life growing up was pretty much a life full of dysfunction. Severe, trauma, because the two people that actually brought me into this world, the most important people in my life, caused me the most, trauma. At age five, my mother tried to take my life. And then around the same age, I had an experience of, molestation, with my biological father. So, growing up, enduring so much, trauma, and it wasn't just in the household, I suffered a lot of unfair and unjust treatment through from my family members.
So as a child, I did not understand what was taking place and so many different things, so many different what I would call spirits were a part of my life that I lacked, self-esteem. I also endured some of the same abuse and unfair treatment, and bullying in school. I then begin to lash out and react in a way that was uncontrollable, which resulted to me being in a part of the judicial system in a negative manner, becoming a juvenile delinquent, which later kind of trickled over to my adulthood.
But, I always had a feeling that there was something better out there for me. I wanted to get out of Louisiana, so I actually attended college for a year but after still not addressing that, trauma, not receiving help for those childhood traumatic events; all of that stuff that was suppressed and deep down inside. I was still getting into trouble with the law. So, I decided to go into the, United States military. However, when you don't deal with, childhood trauma, it only manifests in a different manner, or a different way.
So, my behavior became quite severe while I was serving active duty and I was required by my chain of command to receive therapy and address issues that I had endured during my childhood. So that led to me receiving therapy. And that's when I developed a passion for therapy. It actually planted a seed inside me and motivated me to want to be that voice for people that suffer inside. So, I began the journey of becoming a therapist.
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How the Military helped with my trauma
Myrna: Wow. You know, as you tell the story, I know that you're healed from it, because I'm not picking up any residual effects of, trauma. So, you have released it. That’s awesome. It looks like you were also injured in the, Military, and became a, disabled veteran. What happened there?
Wytisha: Not trying to go into too much detail. Being an active-duty soldier, I've endured multiple conditions within my body. And it's so funny because when people see me, from outward appearance, they're like, oh, where are you disabled? I have I have so much pushback when I go to get my disabled pay. When I go to get my certifications, and any type of discount. You know, I get so much pushback because I don't look disabled. What I continue to do is educate people on is every disability is not visual, you can't always see every disability, having, mental illness, that's considered a disability, and you can't see it.
Myrna: True, I know what you're talking about. PTSD, which is a disability, you can’t see that either. What inspired you to write the book and share your story, and why did you pick such an amazing title?
God won't let me die after several suicide attempts
I know from your bio, that you tried to commit, suicide, several times. So, let's talk with that your now. Is that the reason you wrote the book, you named your book, He wouldn't let me die?
Wytisha: Absolutely, yes, the title coincides with me trying to take my life. Like I say it was, trauma, from the very beginning of my childhood. Yeah, I tried try multiple times to, commit suicide. I did not want to be here, because I just felt hopeless. I felt like I wasn't worthy of love. I felt like nobody loved me. And I always felt that I was alone. And throughout so much, trauma, and always just being picked on in the home at the school in the community. I'm just like, I've never understood why every time I go somewhere, somebody wants to abuse me.
So, when I say my self-esteem was just little to none. The title also ties into people trying to take my life. I'm speaking about, you know, my mother, the giver of life other than my Creator. Her trying to take me out at the age of five. And then you know, I even talk about in my book, another near death experience that I faced with another family member at the age of seven. So, it was like doing the whole entire time of my childhood someone was trying to take me life. When I just looked back over my life, God wouldn't let me die. So, that's where the title came from. The enemy has been trying to take me out since birth. You know and he wouldn't let me die.
Myrna: Why did you write the book?
Wytisha: I'm in a place now where I can actually tell the story holistically without any bitterness or without any type of anger or resentment. My book is basically to help others. So, what started happening to me is I could not sleep and it was like a spiritual thing. It was like God just kept telling me look, you overcame this. There are so many people that do not overcome, trauma. There are so many people that that has attempted to, commit suicide, and has accomplished it and they're no longer here to tell the story.
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And so as a therapist, I talked to so many people that experienced, trauma, abuse, molestation, sexual assault, and they will not talk it. about that mean they will not come for free. God just kept telling me you have to release book, because your story is going to help others heal and transform. And honestly, I've fought against it for so long because I did not want to verbalize it or disclose it. So, I had to get to a place where I told myself it's not about you. It's about the people that you are going to help.
Myrna: That's amazing. You know, as you were talking, I was trying to think about what your parents thought about your book?
Wytisha: I don't have a relationship with either one of my parents especially since the book has come out. Like I said, I don't have any resentment towards them and I try to make it clear to so many people. And honestly, I wish that we could have actually gone on this journey together. I know that both of my parents experienced, trauma, there was some things that happened to both of them in order for them to do to me what they did. So, when I became older, I began to understand that it didn't it begin with me, it didn't begin with them. Somewhere along the line something took place. And so, I'm so adamant about finding answers.
So I did ask both of my parents what happened? Let's talk about this thing. But their like whatever happened, it happened and we're not going to talk about it.
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Myrna: Well, they're probably not holding any accountability, because they were never, arrested or charged or anything. So, they're going to say that what you're saying is not true. They're not going to admit it. But yes, you have to talk about it. And a lot of people wait until their parents die actually, before they come out and talk about these things because they know how it's gonna affect the family. So, I give you kudos for being brave enough to talk about it now, so that you can help other people.
As for your parents, it's very true. Hurt people hurt people. It didn’t start with you, something happened to your parents. That's the reason they abused you. They should go on a journey of healing and they should ask your forgiveness, to be quite honest, and they should do that before they die. Have you forgiven them?
Wytisha: I don't have any ill will towards them as people. I can’t say that I have forgiven them.
Myrna: You're doing great. We're talking about some very difficult things here and you're doing great. Excellent, let’s switch to, mental health awareness. You talk about being on the wrong side of the judicial system, serving in the, military, and now being a Therapist. Which one of these roles helped you the most with your, mental health, and, mind empowerment? .
Wytisha: All where necessary, the combination of every last milestone every less accomplishment is what actually has helped me to this point. The experience of me being on the wrong side of the judicial system actually helps me when it comes to counseling, because I can also counsel and help individuals that had been incarcerated. I actually work in a correctional facility, so I can relate on those issues.
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Helping veterans with military trauma and sexual trauma
I can also help and assist other, veterans, that are suffering from, PTSD, or any other type of, military trauma, any type of military, sexual trauma, you know, things of that nature. And being a therapist, of course, the one of the best techniques and counsel that you can put there is empathy, being able to empathize, being able to relate to a client, because it's one thing when you have an education, education is great, but most people they identify when the limitations of education.
When you sit down and you can actually listen to a person and then you can relate and understand and then also give them recommendations or help or resources that you have also utilized for yourself or apply to your own life. That takes it to another level.
Myrna: So true. One of my coaching clients told me that she would not go to a life coach that hasn't gone through the same experience that she wants help with, because she doesn't want anybody tell her stuff that they haven't gone through. This is why a lot of my coaches and even therapists always help clients with the issues they've overcome.
What do you want readers to walk away with after they put the book down? What is the goal of your book?
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Wytisha: The goal of the book is to help others that have been through the same experience. Understand that as you say, and I love the way that you put it that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know by being a therapist, there are so many people that are still stuck in there, childhood trauma. And a lot of it comes from not wanting to talk about it, not being able to talk about it. So, I always tell people that this book was to basically be the voice for people that suffer in silence.
I want this book to be able to reach people in every nation, because I've shared it's not about gender. It's not about race. It's not about the creed. It's not about social economics, because we all on some level has experienced some type of, trauma.
It doesn't matter if it was psychological, mental, emotional, you know, and I shared this before. I mean, you can experience, trauma, as small as your parent making you tie your shoes 100 times a day and when you become an adult you no longer want to wear shoes with laces. Or your, trauma, can be as severe as the abuse I suffered, sexual abuse, and physical abuse.
I want people to be able to read this book and say if she did it, I can do it too. If she overcame it, I can overcome it too. And I just want to be that voice and I want to be that witness that you can overcome it. You can overcome it, that the, trauma, does not control you. It does not have to control you, you can find a way to heal and find a purpose and find joy, peace and happiness through all that you endure. And you have to be willing to let go of the pain.
Conclusion
We all want to learn, how to die. When life is no longer fun for us we sometimes want to, die.
Myrna: How can people connect with you on social media and pick up a copy of your book?
By taking control of your, emotions, you can free yourself from the pain of old wounds, loneliness, feelings of not good enough as you expand your consciousness and well-being.
Today I want to talk on the subject “ 7 steps to Take control of your emotions” I think the time is apt for this conversation because we are entering the Holiday season and a large percentage of us will be wishing for things to be different. If you are single, you will be wishing you had someone to share Christmas and New Years with, if you are in an unhealthy relationship, these is nothing like the holidays to point that out and then there are those who have lost loved ones, we always remember them during the, holidays.
Don't be hijacked by your emotions over the holidays
So, with that being said, the, holidays, have gained a bad reputation for being an emotional roller coaster. Instead of experiencing a season of peace, many people dread this time of year as a season of stress and frayed, emotions. But it doesn’t have to be this way. You can bring the gift of peace to yourself by following seven steps of, emotional release. By taking control of your, emotions, you can free yourself from the pain of old wounds, loneliness, feelings of not good enough as you expand your consciousness and well-being.
Here are 7 Steps to, take control of your emotions. Take your time with each step, staying with it until you feel a sense of completion before moving on to the next one.
When someone has hurt or wronged you, there’s a tendency to hold onto blame and accusation, or a wish that the other person will ask for forgiveness and express how sorry they are for what they’ve done to you. Such wishes almost never come true, and when you keep holding onto, toxic emotions, you only victimize yourself.
To begin to change this situation, first, take responsibility for your, feelings. This isn’t the same as blaming yourself or finding an excuse to let the person who hurt you off the hook. Instead, you say to yourself, “No one is feeling this hurt (or anger or resentment) except me; therefore, it is up to me to do something about it. I accept responsibility for how I feel.”
There are only two ways in which you can relate to an old emotion: either with attachment or, detachment. If you are attached, then a reminder of the past brings back the old hurt or wrong, and you vividly relive the, toxic emotions, all over again. When you are detached, on the other hand, an old feeling doesn’t trigger you; you can feel it without getting mired in emotional upset.
To make the shift from attachment to, detachment, recall the emotional situation you want to release, sitting calmly and letting it return. Instead of thinking about the situation or the people involved, close your eyes and feel your body. Let your attention easily go to any tightness, strain, discomfort, or ache. Don’t force anything. If the sensation is too intense, take a deep breath and open your eyes—this will bring you out of contact with the sensation.
If the sensation is manageable, visualize a white light infusing the area where the sensation is occurring. After a few seconds, see the white light exiting your body as you exhale. Have the intention of sending the old, emotions, away. Do this exercise for a few minutes until the sensation lessens. You don’t have to release it completely—often old, stuck emotions, take some repetition, one session per day, to complete the release, or even more if you are releasing a deep, long-held experience.
The key to, detachment, is to avoid mentally replaying the old situation all over again. Instead, put your attention entirely on the physical response being held inside the body, which gives you the ability to be more detached.
Putting, feelings, into words helps in two ways: it gives you greater clarity and access to the emotion you want to release, and it gives your mind something positive to do in the releasing process. The technique of expressing the emotion has three parts.
Part One: Write down the whole story of this old emotion, recalling who did what, how you felt, and the consequences that followed. Leave nothing out when describing how hurt, outraged, abused, betrayed, or victimized you felt. This is your first-person account of what happened and how you felt.
Part Two: Now write down the same story as the other person in the situation would tell it. Your first-person account switches to a second-person account. With just as much detail, relate the other side of the story. Don’t insert your own blame or judgments. As in a courtroom, the other person is telling their side of the story.
Part Three: Finally, put on a reporter’s hat and tell the story again, this time in the third person. Imagine that a journalist or detective is investigating the situation and is writing an objective report about what happened.
Step 4: Share the Experience with Someone You Love and Trust
The next step is to share your experience with a close confidant, such as a friend or family member. Important note: If your emotion is rooted in a traumatic experience or a secret shame that you have never shared with anyone, it’s best to seek the help of a professional therapist.
In all likelihood, your friends and family have already heard your complaints. This time, however, relate the three steps you have just taken. Instead of seeking sympathy for your injuries or asking for help or commiseration, now you are unveiling how you intend to heal and release this old painful, emotions.
Just by sharing your process of, emotional release, you deepen your commitment to it. At the same time, the release will begin to feel more real because others have been brought into the process.
By now, the stuck emotion has started to dislodge. You are no longer trapped by it and victimized by past events. Take some time and ask yourself a critical question: Is holding on helping me or making the situation worse? Don’t ask this superficially and be sure to reflect deeply on what is true. There is a perverse satisfaction we all feel when nursing our wounds and grudges. In fantasy, we exact all kinds of payback and punishment, which can feel like it’s helping us when it’s only reinforcing our pain.
If you still feel stuck in old, emotions, be patient with yourself. Wait until you feel calmer and more centered. Perhaps you might want to repeat the previous steps a second time. It is essential that you see, very clearly and rationally, that your interpretation of events—and the, painful emotions, resulting from it—isn’t helping you. It has closed off an avenue of openness, trust, and inner peace.
Step 6: Release Through a Ritual That Is Memorable
A ritual is like drawing a line in the sand, stepping over it, and not looking back. Such a ritual is important with deep, long-held feelings. You have consciously been working toward the moment of, emotional release. Make the ritual one that you will remember. It is up to you whether the ritual will be private or shared with others close to you.
What kind of ritual? Some people write down the story of their process up to this point and burn the paper in a beach bonfire, throwing the ashes out to sea or into the wind. Others take a rock or stone and symbolically “charge” it with their story and, emotions, before casting it into the ocean or a river. A ritual can be made out of tossing away old mementos and photos. Be creative and choose something that will stick in your mind as a decisive turning point.
Step 7: Celebrate the Release
This step is self-explanatory, but remember to include it. When stuck, emotions, are released, there’s a gap or hole where it used to be. You want to fill it with lightness and joy. You want to congratulate yourself for truly accomplishing something. A celebration of the most positive kind, in the spirit of renewal, is called for.
By using this process consistently, you will gradually be able to let go of old hurts and resentment, freeing yourself to experience your inherent state of peace and well-being. This is a gift not only to yourself but to everyone in your life and the world beyond.
We are extensions of source energy also called God or the Universe. The, Law of Divine Oneness, says we are all one with the, Universe. You may have heard the statement. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. We are made up of a body, soul and spirit.
We came into this physical body with a purpose, and that is to grow and evolve. So we embarked on this game. We can call it the, game of life, or we can call it the matrix!
We are living in a, matrix! And just like the, matrix, there are rules in how you play the game.
The Rules of the Law of Divine Oneness
The rules are the, laws of the Universe. The first Law we will discuss is, The Law of Divine Oneness.
If you are a bible scholar you will recognize lots of parallels between the, laws of the Universe, and the teachings of, Jesus.
Jesus, came into his physical body with the awareness that he was a subset of God or God incarnate in the flesh. He understood, The Law of Divine Oneness.
We are also a subset of God, that is why man can command diseases to leave the body and perform the same miracles, Jesus, did in the earth. Jesus, most profound scripture tells us
“If we have the faith as small as a mustard seed, we can command the mountain to move into the sea.”
I bet you have never seen anyone do that in the natural, but in the, matrix, you can! In Higher consciousness you can. I have heard of monks elevating their bodies and travelling from one place to another.
The Law of Divine Oneness, means that we are all connected to one source. Everything we do effects the collective consciousness of the entire, universe.
That is why when we contribute to others and in some way make their lives better, it gives us the highest joy. The bible teaches that it is better to give than to receive and that is because when we give, when we share what we have, it makes us feel good.
That is also why the word, Namaste, is so powerful. It means I see the divine in you. Put another way is, I see God's light in you. We are all God's children.
We all originated from one energy, called the source. The Law of Divine Oneness, Everything in this Universe is made up of energy. The bed you sleep in, the TV you watch, the rocks in your garden, the car you drive and most importantly your thoughts. This energy is vibrating in circular patterns.
Visualize a Ferris wheel. You start off at the bottom and circle to the top and then you are back to where you started. You can get off or you can continue circling in a continuous loop. This is the same as energy. It is circling and whatever we send out is what we will get back.
Even though every object or thing is made up of energy, this energy is vibrating at different frequencies for each thing or object. Your positive thoughts for instance are vibrating at the highest frequency, while your negative thoughts are vibrating at a lower frequency. Just like light envelops darkness, your positive feelings and emotions can eat up your negativity and bad feelings. So always look for the higher vibrations of positive thoughts and feelings.
Now we can take this further. If you attach the energy of emotion to your thoughts, it multiplies your energy. This leads to a quicker harvest or manifestation. Think of it as a super charged Ferris wheel spinning faster and faster!
Your emotions are a good indicator of the frequency you are vibrating. Learn to pay attention to your feelings, they are indications of what you are manifesting either consciously or unconsciously.
Whenever you feel depression, anxiety or trepidation, it is telling you that you are going in the opposite direction to your destiny.
Everything that exists seen and unseen are connected to each other, inseparable from each other to a field of, divine oneness. Divine all knowing, the matrix, pure consciousness or universal mind energy, sometimes also known as Life Force or God. Everything is one.
Increasing awareness of this law will increase our awareness of God and awareness of being connected to everything. It is important for us as a human race to start realizing and understand this law. As we do, we will realize that what we think of each other should only for good. As we think of the good in others, they will in turn think of the good in you. It is essential that the thoughts, feeling and actions be for good, for we “reap what we sow”.
As you gain a fuller understanding of the laws, you will see how they are all related and overlap each other and govern the world we live in.
Everything consists of, and exists as energy. Your subatomic particles aren’t fixed, in fact, particles may be flowing into and out of you now from: this page, the sky, the floor, your best friend and your worst enemy. In other words, there is no separation. How would you behave if you really knew that you were not separate from life, your friends, colleagues and every being that has ever existed? The answer is this – probably differently.
Today we discussed the first Law of the Universe, The Law of Divine Oneness . Tune in next week when I will teach on the second, Law of the Universe, for success – The law of vibration!
Until next time, Namaste
We all have, generational trauma, and suppressing, trauma, and being oblivious and a lot of time, depending on when, trauma, occurs. It can affect how much we remember. Where is my mind? It follows me wherever I go. Buddhism, is about understanding how the, mind, works.
Melissa Moore PhD has dedicated her adult life to teaching the tenets of Buddhism and Contemplative Psychology, helping students better manage their emotions, explore the notion of intrinsic health, and understand their interconnected, non-dual nature.
Melissa's latest book,The Diamonds Within Us, brings modern context to ancient Tibetan Buddhist teachings. The lessons within this book aim to help readers discover how to better integrate their human experience to live more empowered lives. Melissa reveals how to befriend yourself as you are, and access the wisdom of emotions. She teaches how to embody deep listening skills, using resources when working with others, address long-standing fears and challenges in relationships, explore and sync with the invisible forces of life, and much more.
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Where is my mind: The Body and Mind are inseparable
Myrna: You said that your mind follows you wherever you go. Where is my mind?
Melissa: Wherever you find the body you find the mind, it is inseparable from the body. We can sense and store experiences in our bodies. That's part of our mind, our thinking mind is always thinking about the future or thinking about the past. We are never in the, present moment. Where is my mind,? It's never focused on what I am doing. And so wherever we go, there you are, and so you can't really ever get away from yourself. Right?
So, where is my mind? How do I befriend it? We're always trying to change ourselves, which is another form of aggression. When we're trying not to be who we are, we are not being kind to ourselves. Every one of us is actually pretty perfect as we are even when we have disabilities and problems. There's a jewel inside all of us, but we need the right conditions for that to shine.
Myrna: It that a part of, contemplative psychology? What is the definition of, contemplative psychology?
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What is Contemplative psychology
Melissa: Contemplative psychology, is, Buddhist psychology, in an engaged form. So Buddha, God, whenever you study, Buddhism, you're studying, Buddhist psychology, because, Buddhism, is the language of, psychology, right? Buddhism, is about understanding how the, mind, works. The, Buddhist, path and what makes it so appealing is it can be done very intellectually.
In, karuna, as in, contemplative psychology, we make it very experiential. We not only talk about the teachings of the five skandhas, which is how the, mind, creates itself, but we look at those aspects of, mind, how we engage them in our daily life. So we sort of study under the hood, how the, mind, operates, but we bring it personally down into what that means on a day to day basis. We do a lot of experiential exercises, and processes and methods that teach us about the non duality that you and I are not separate.
Myrna: All right. I like that. So if you're saying that the, mind, follows us wherever we go, and the, mind, is in the body, I'm assuming that your work is teaching people how to not have the, mind, follow them. Is that correct?
Melissa: It's not that you don't want your, mind, with you in your body. It's a question of what your, mind, is doing.
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Myrna: That's what I meant. Let's take for instance, right, you talk about women, or I think you said women, but let's say anyone that has a mental issue, and or maybe they have, trauma, from their past, and they're stuck in the past. Because their, mind, is following them in the, present moment. Their body has all kinds of disease and all kinds of pain. So when you go through the, karuna, program, are you are telling them how to release the, mind?
Melissa: Not to release it, much more how to utilize it. I teach how to utilize and work with your, mind, so that there's a certain amount of, mind training, that happens which has to do with learning how to synchronize your body, your breath or your speech because speech is not only what you know, from a, Buddhist, perspective, we say synchronize your body, speech and mind together, the, present moment.
And most of the time we're not doing that, right. We're doing one thing we're driving in the body. The, mind, is thinking about what we have to do or what we didn't do. Or we may be driving and we might be feeling bad because our kid got a bad grade or something. You know, we were constantly multitasking. We're splintered. But when we learn to synchronize our body, speech and mind in the, present moment, even just sometimes, then it is powerful.
It took me a very long time to learn how to do that because I did have a lot of, trauma, in my body. And it's only recently that I've been able to access some of that with some of the new therapies and things so this doesn't isn't an answer for all. We are addressing, trauma, because we're learning so much about, trauma, and how it abides in the body.
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Using Buddhism to welcome the present moment
But learning how to bring your, mind, to the, present moment, and experience what you're experiencing in the, present moment, is profoundly powerful. So usually we use our body to anchor ourselves in feeling. Sometimes we're thinking so wildly, we can't do anything except feel your body right now. How it feels, how it's sitting in the room.
Just bringing your breath into the present moment and then kind of scan your body puts you in touch with your feelings. Your, mind, is located somewhere in your body. You can use your body as an anchor to the, present moment, and bring yourself present. And then we teach how to work with those emotions because all emotions from our perspective, have wisdom.
But a lot of times we're managing them we go. I don't want to feel that so how are you doing? I'm fine. You know, we have real conditioned ways of working. Or another alternative is we can act on our, emotions. But really to meet the, emotion, we have to feel it in the body. We experience it fully and listen. And that's where the, contemplative psychology, part is.
You befriend us you actually befriended it as your teacher, and take it as in because, emotions, can be very difficult and painful. So there's a certain amount of training ourselves to abide in discomfort without acting out and without suppressing things. So that takes time.
We all have, generational trauma, and suppressing, trauma, and being oblivious and a lot of time, depending on when, trauma, occurs. It can affect how much we remember. A lot of my, trauma, was pre verbal, right? So took me a lot to be able to recover that. But what do I mean when I say your, mind, follows you? So I'm talking about our, habits of mind. And of course, trauma, informs our, habits of mind. Right?
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So the training isn't it about releasing it, because there is work to be done to release and discover, trauma, but our work has to do with understanding that there's some emotional content around it and that emotional content has wisdom. And it you know, for example, like anger, people don't want to feel angry, right? But anger has a real purpose. It's for one thing, it's how we set boundaries. How we know how to say no, when we need to say no. It's also how we can learn what we don't want in life and being very clear about you know, it sharpens the mind. Right? Or even jealousy, which is usually coming out of a comparative thing where we're comparing ourselves,
Myrna: I'm a Christian. And what I've heard about, Buddhism, is a from Buddha himself and, and his teachings about suffering and his teachings about, the mind. I also follow guru's like Sadhguru and Deepak Chopra. So, first of all, talk to us about, Buddhism. What is Buddhism? What are some of the foundational principles of, Buddhism, and then we want to talk about this, tantric Buddhism, because, to me, when I hear the word, tantric, I'm thinking sexual energy.
Melissa: Well, Buddhist, Buddhism, really wasn't from the, Buddha. Buddha, himself was not a, Buddhist. And it's a what I love about, Buddhism. I've had many people of other faiths in my trainings, because, Buddhism, is kind of a philosophy or an understanding of the, mind, and the development of the heart to be beneficial to others. And of course, all religions have their version of that.
But, Buddhism, offers a very distinct path of, meditation, where you learned, not everybody can meditate. I've recently I'm really reevaluating because, Buddhism, like everything else has been colonized in America and whitewashed. So I want an individualized tool teaching us about learning how, meditation, is the tool to teach us how to synchronize our body, our speech and our breath, that which exchanges with the world in our, mind, in the, present moment, and that is how we evoke sanity.
So many people come to my trainings and I'm very specific, that I'm not offering a spiritual path. I'm condensing down the teachings of the, Buddha, and a very ancient recipe of how to develop a potent heart, a compassionate heart. That's an essential recipe into western psychological process. And then also how to bring that presence to others. Like as a listening presence or as a compassionate friend. And so these kinds of trainings, don't have anything to do with, Buddhism, except that we draw on the wisdom of, Buddhism, but one doesn't need to be a, Buddhist.
Okay, wants to get into, tantric Buddhism. So it was initiated by a very wild character named Padma Sun bhava, who went to Tibet. And he's brought, Buddhism, to Tibet in the eighth century, and he was bringing, Tantra, which is basically, tantric. Tantra, teachings come from Hinduism, and the Vedic tradition came before them it kind of married with, Buddhism, right? All these traditions marry. But, Buddhism, a, tantric Buddhism simply means using anything in the world to wake up, including things that you wouldn't consider spiritual.
Sexuality is kind of where it's been taken, especially in North America in the hippie days, everybody was doing, Tantra. One should be very careful if someone says I'm going to teach you, tantric Buddhism. Wrong because it's a very specific lineage that needs to be built on the foundation of all the other, Buddhism, the classical, Buddhism, of no harm.
So I think we have to be careful with this word, tantric Buddhism. It just simply means using anything to wake up like one's habits or addictions or that you can wake up and become a kind and compassionate person. So it's about a path of transmutation.
Book: The Diamonds With Us
Book The Diamond Within Us
Myrna: Okay, so that's awesome. All right. So you wrote your book and you call it “The Diamond Within US” or conversation has been about understanding your your mind body, and, and looking inside you mentioned that we have we're all gems, right. So tell us about what do you mean by the, diamond within us? Also why you wrote the book and what do you want people to walk away with after reading the book?
Melissa: Well, we have a practice in, Karuna, training called shining the dual, which is where we bear witness to others skills and holding others in compassionate exchange. First we learn how to see everyone as having strengths, real strengths, genuine strengths, authentic strengths, and how to call those out. They may not be your strengths and they wouldn't be how you would do it, but how do you see through the eyes of people what they bring which is different than you? Right?
And we practice that in, karuna, it takes a kind of intensity and intensification the same way diamonds take a lot of intensification and are formed in the muck and slime. Just like lotuses the classic tradition is lotuses grow in the muck and slime but they're pure and white on the outside. It's the same principle that we had, and I really do truly believe because I have worked with all walks of life and and even people suffering with very chronic mental conditions such as schizophrenia and some of these very difficult mental states.
So, the book is really an offering of the teaching that I've done. It doesn't follow the curriculum of, karuna, but it's also used as a kind of textbook in, karuna, training. But it's also just an offering because a lot of people don't know what, contemplative psychology, is. I hope they will because I feel like what I'm teaching should be taught in kindergarten, honestly, I feel it is the operating system of our body speech and mind and we don't know how to use it.
Myrna: What do you want them to walk away with after reading?
Melissa: Well, I hope that my book instills the importance of loving kindness, that it can be cultivated towards ourselves and towards others, that making friends with our strengths exactly as we are with all of our warts and our problems.
Myrna: Well that's good, that's another way of saying, self love, people might think, why do we need to teach, self love, but you're right. A lot of people don't love themselves, they look in the mirror, and they don't like what they see. Tell us about your website. I'm assuming that you offer the, Karuna, classes on your website or courses, right?
Melissa: Well, we don't offer courses through the website www.karunatraining.com that we advertise and if they come to our website or in a training, you can sign up for our mailing list and then you'll get our newsletters. I am about to launch information about a new cohort because we do our bigger trainings or certificates in cohorts. so we'll probably start in the spring, I'm just getting ready to publish that and putting it all together. And then we have other courses every month. We have a, Karuna, live where people can come on live time and we do a little, meditation. There's usually a topic and a talk that goes along with our newsletter, and then we do an experiential exercise so people can get a taste of the work.
