Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement is a book written to encourage women of color who were born in lack. It showcases my, personal growth, journey and how I got, out of the snares, of poverty and, child abuse.
This is my interview on the Books of the Month show on www.ptwwntv.com
Listen to the interview:
Introduction to Out Of the Snares
Myrna – I am a, life coach, I host a show on the preach the word television network called Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life, one of the reasons that I wrote the book, Out of the Snares, is because I believe and I wanted to encourage women that it is not where we come from, but where we end up that’s important.
It’s also the only way that we can go through that transition like from a caterpillar to a butterfly is if we allow the things that happen to us in life help us with, personal growth. We should use challenges to transform ourselves and for our, personal development.
So, the book, Out of the Snares, is basically a story of my life. I wrote it from a, life coaching, perspective with 10 principles of, life experiences, that happened to me and what I learned from those, life experiences.
I’m a, life coach, but I do most of my coaching on my show Transform Your Mind. It is a radio, podcast and a television show.
Dr O.C Pringle: You’re doing it all sister Young, you’re doing it all right and so of course your inspiration would be your, life’s experience, and, child abuse. let’s talk about that.
Out of the Snares of Child Sexual Abuse
Myrna: I was, sexually abused, as a child in Guyana by a family friend. He was technically my Godfather, but being from a third world country, a very poor country and he was very rich.
We would call him a, pedophile, he showered me with a lot of attention, and bought me a lot of gifts and then took advantage of that.
I didn’t realize that we were doing anything wrong until I became 13 and started having Boyfriends.
DR O.C Pringle: Until you became what? Wait how old were you?
Myrna: This, sexual abuse, began at age 10.
Dr O.C Pringle: Wow did anything ever happen to this guy?
Myrna: No, because like most children I didn’t say anything about it. I told no one. This book was my first experience talking about it and I in my 40’s when I wrote, Out of the Snares. My dad read the book and was very upset that he did not know this was going on.
Children carry a lot of shame regarding, sexual abuse, I still carried shame when I wrote, Out of the Snare. As you can see I used my maiden name Trotman for the author name.
Dr. O.C Pringle: So, you placed Myrna Bernadette Trotman on the cover of the book, because you didn’t want people to know it was you, but your picture is on the cover!!
Myrna: I started to release shame when I started talking about the, sexual abuse, and when I learnt that children can’t give consent for sex. So whatever guilt and shame that I had attached to my, sexual abuse, I released it.
Dr O.C Pringle: Well listen it worked out for your good, but all things work together for the good of them that loved God and are called according to his, purpose, so your, sexual abuse, worked in your favor. You were able to redirect that energy into something positive where you’re helping people all over the world. You’re on radio and on television, yes you are some kind of a woman.
Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement
Myrna: Out of the Snares, is made up of 10 principles in life that we should live by:
Keep Your, Vision, in Front of you– Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of vision casting.
The events in your life whether good or bad, work together for good– God said I know your expected end. Stay the course; don’t give up until you win.
Let the, Universal Laws of Attraction, the, Laws of Intention, work for you– Ask and it will be given unto you.
Have a, Positive Mindset– Take control of your thoughts and attitudes. Get rid of ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts)
Use what you have in your hand– You were created with a purpose; God gave you the skills and talents you need to complete your task. Stop waiting for the right time.
Be intentional about your Growth– Be proactive, be intentional, build on your gifts, and continually improve.
If you build it, they will come“ Be a servant first.
Find your Passion– it is the Fire in your belly. Become conscious of what lights you up. God put that Fire in your belly as a beacon to achieve your purpose.
Love– it is what makes this Human experience worthwhile. Love yourself first. Love is spirit, God is spirit.
Business Consciousness– how to create a startup company and succeed in marketing.
Have you guys ever wondered why David when he was going to fight, Goliath, carefully selected five, stones, even when he knew that he only needed one, stone, to kill, Goliath? The reason was he was confident. He was confident because he knew that God was with him. It didn’t matter that he was a little person and, Goliath, was a giant. He knew that God would help him to slay that giant, like God helped him slay lions. So he knew he needed one, stone, but he carefully selected, five stones, and that’s what we’re going to be talking about today.
Bishop Anthony Banks is going to talk to us how we can, select, stones, for battle and, cast these stones. We, cast stones, so that we can too can slay the giants in our life. Like David we can, slay the enemy, that is coming towards us. Just be sure, don’t cast stones if you live in a glass house! So make sure you read or listen to end, because I never heard a message on this topic before and I have been a Christian for over 20 years. This is unique informative and content.
Bishop Banks is a visionary, who is committed to excellence in ministry. Banks also has a passion for reaching the lost and to make disciples for Christ who are changed for life as is going to be our topic today. Bishop is the author of the soon-to-be-released book, to Cast A Stone. So, we’re going to be talking about, casting stones. Bishop is going to explain why God gave him that message and why he wanted to share it with the world.
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Myrna – The first question I want to ask you is what prompted you to write the book to, Cast A Stone?
Bishop Banks – Well, it was prompted out of a desire to have better understanding of reading the Bible. People usually send you to find what you need spiritually, but what I found is in my early days of reading the Bible. I didn’t really understand what the Bible was saying and so as I’ve matured and now provide training to ministers, I realized that I could make things simpler for people. So, it really was prompted out of that and as well the manuscript has been sitting on a computer for about nine-ten years.
So, I started thinking on some things and realized I need to go ahead and get this out and get it into the hands of people. The realization came about that people are missing a lot of times on what they need. We hold on so tightly to what God puts inside of us and we won’t release it out.
Miles Monroe encouraged me to write to Cast A Stone
To Cast A Stone, was born out of that and mainly I think Miles Monroe and encouraged me to get the book out. He told me that there are people who need to hear specifically from me. There are things that you’re holding as well that other people need to get and receive to make them better.
Myrna – Why this particular topic, To Cast a Stone?
Bishop Banks – Well To, Cast A Stone, has to do with the fact that in the scripture Elijah was told to go to a certain brook and he was told that at that particular brook he’ll be sustained there.
What I’ve done is in this my book, I have provided information in, to cast a stone, that will sustain people if they’ll read it. So when you go into that place, your brook, you’ll find that there are things there that will help you when you encounter life situations. It will help you to move forward at this place and become sustained by GOD. To, Cast A Stone, offers a lot of encouragement. There are some specific things in the book that speak to leaders, young people, men and women. It’s very diverse.
Okay to, cast a stone, is to go in and find it and prepare yourself to cast it.
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Myrna – Alright, so I thought that we were talking about when David picked up, five stones, to cast and kill, Goliath, did I misunderstood that?
Bishop Banks – No, you didn’t. There’s also a part of it, David, casting a stone, is a part of the book. David, cast a stone, using his faith in God. David is an example of the faith that’s necessary to, defeat the enemy. When David picked up, five stones, he had to do that by faith because it’s just a rock and he was up against a giant. You have a certain amount of faith, and David did the work, because he had to reach and get the stone, prepare to launch it and then, cast a stone. So, no, you didn’t misunderstand.
The other part of to, Cast A Stone, speaks on Elijah at the brook, because the book is where you can go and be sustained as well. The actions that David took are the works and scripture tells us that faith without works is dead. If David had not got reached and gotten the, stones, then surely he’d have been dead. Goliath, would have killed him and fed his body to the dogs like he was threatening to do. But David did the work, he carefully chose his weapons, stones. He had the faith that God would show up and help him to kill, Goliath, with these, stones.
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Knowledge we gain from books is only power if we use it
The hardest thing for us to do sometimes is to crack the pages of a book, but it’s work that has to be done. If you don’t do that work, you’ll have it sitting right there on your table. Whether it’s the Bible or a book that someone’s written, it’ll be on your table. Everything you need is right there to slay whatever’s in front of you. It’ll sit there idle if you don’t do the work of opening and cracking it. We all have to do work, we cannot change in life without doing the physical work.
Myrna – Haven’t you heard people say knowledge is not power until you use it? But the reason I was so interested in this particular topic is why do you think when David was looking for those smooth, stones?
Bishop Banks – Of course, what was he thinking of when he selected those, stones. Let’s use the analogy for somebody right now that’s preparing to slay a giant and they are selecting their tools or their weapons in order to slay the giant. We’re not physically going into a brook or getting stoned.
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Myrna – So how can somebody use that information in real life?
Bishop Banks – Well, I think I would if I had to use it as an analogy. David would say that especially, spiritually speaking if you’re reaching into the word of God to find specifically what you need. David will have us to understand he had a sense of weight when it came to the, stones, he chose. Also it said he chose smooth, stones, which means there could have been some rough ones there, but he knew the trajectory that he needed right from his experience of launching them. It wasn’t going to work and so he may have used rough ones at a certain time for certain things, but he chose smooth, stones, for this giant.
I would say that even in scripture when you go into scripture, this is why the book is important because sometimes you can go in scripture and be so general on the surface. A lot of my own personal experiences also are in the book along with scripture that helped me to get through. I think that if people read the book they get in there, they’ll find that there are things that they can launch out from their experiences. If you don’t have experiences, I think when we read the Bible, we forget we check it as just a spiritual book, but those are people’s literal experiences. We have to sometimes look at exactly what they were going through and not just one verse, but exactly what led up to that.
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Use your Life experiences when choosing your Stones
You see, even with David, His experience was that of a shepherd. What I mean, he was coming to bring lunch to his brothers, he wasn’t expecting to, fight a giant, but when he got there he realized there’s something here that is against what God’s doing. So, he went and found what he needed and I say to people find what you need. People can suggest the scripture to you, but it may not fit what you need right. You have to find what you need specifically and then, cast that stone. We know that the launching part of it or the casting part of it, David had a slingshot. We have our mouth.
Life and death is in the power of the tongue, but you got to have the right words or, stones, to speak.
I would say clearly, going into the word and finding specifically the, stones, that you need to launch for the giant that you’re facing is important. I mean because you know life and death is in the tongue and we can use words as our weapons and that is what I’ve heard preached many times and which is what I also use in my life. Your words are the descriptors that you stand on, the things that you say out of your mouth is what is you’re going to launch to the enemy.
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Myrna – That’s good, I get it. One of the questions I have here for you Bishop, is what is the method that we can use to, cast a stone? We talked about finding the scripture that pertains to your particular situation. What pertains to the giant that you’re fighting right now, one is scripture. So what are some of the other methods that we can use to find our, stones?
Bishop Banks – Well, I think mustering up your, faith. There’s a situation in scripture where the disciples had issues and they thought Jesus was going to do something, move something around for them. He (Jesus) said I pray that your, faith, don’t fail you, but it didn’t change the situation. The same thing that you’re going to launch out, I think with David his faith would have failed him. He never would have launched it because thought would have come into his mind that, casting a stone, was not going to kill a giant.
You’ve only got one, stone, you have had a certain amount of, faith, with that and I think faith is the key to any launching or, casting a stone. It’d be like throwing a baseball. If you’re a pitcher, you pitch the ball now you can just throw the ball anywhere and not even go near where the batter is or you can throw that thing specifically at the target at the catcher’s glove.
You see and you know if you throw it there and I think, faith, is like that. You have to launch it in the direction you want it to go and then on top of that what I said a minute ago you’ve got to be specific about where you’re throwing it. You just can’t throw it into the air and hope that something happens because, faith, doesn’t work that way. I think that’s what I would say is, faith is the key.
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Myrna – Okay, so that’s awesome. You have a book and you talk about the brook that sustained Elijah.
You talked about the, stones, that you cast, it has to be going directly to the target you’ve got.
To have faith to know that when you, cast a stone, it’s going to slay your giant or enemy
Myrna – What are some of the other things that you want the readers to walk away with in your book? I know that your ministry involves leaders, you also train ministers. You talk about them being disciples and also I’m pretty sure you talked about some of your personal stories that are in there. Now, tell us about the book. What you want people to walk away after reading the book?
Bishop Banks – Sure, I think you know the thing that I believe should happen once you read the book or come out of the book, is that you should be changed. Okay you absolutely should be changed. There’s no way you would read, to Cast A Stone, and not come out with something of substance. I know it’s substance because of my experiences that I’ve had in life that I share in the book.
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Conclusion
Myrna – Let’s talk about your ministry. I know that you mention that you teach, you teach discipleships to people, but you also have a speaking ministry. So tell us how someone can get in touch with you for speaking engagements, to help them sustain wherever they’re at, to help them, cast a stone, I mean all of that.
Bishop Banks – I do speak at leadership conferences and not just at ministries, I also can provide information to people in the business sector. When I say that I train leaders, it’s not just church leaders. I can go into any setting and speak to leaders about leading. Not only that, I can also go in there and work with teams to pull teams together. I’m really good at that and so people can reach me at my email address anthonybanks1938@gmail.com or my phone number – 770-572-0547.
I’m glad to come and help any way. I can and I’ve really been trying to help ministries to grow. I’m currently at Loving Faith Ministries. I’m glad to come and speak in any situations whether it’s young people, or older people, whatever business, it doesn’t matter. I’m open to coming to speak at those engagements or marriage. I tell you, if you can work with teams in a teen situation sure where everybody wants to go their own way, then you can definitely work with organizational leadership as far as David goes you know you need to choose the, stones, that you are going to throw at the giant.
Myrna – Once again thanks for downloading this podcast, please remember to subscribe, rate and review if you found this content inspirational. Until next time blessings.
Help me, makeover my marriage, improve intimacy, find personal time and communicate better with my, husband. Communication, is very important in a, marriage, because you have to communicate to fix problems. It is a man thing, they all shut down and go into their, man cave. In fact, marriage counselors, say that the worst thing you can say to a man is “we need to talk”
Welcome to the premiere episode of, Help Me Makeover My Marriage. Today we are going to talk about, communication, in a marriage.
I’m your host Life coach Myrna Young, my guest today is Michele Brunson and together we want to share our experiences in our, marriages, to help you, makeover my marriage.
Listen to the full Episode Here:
I can be called the Marrying Woman
I have been married four times so you can call me a, marrying woman, for a total of 30 years. Michele has been married for 25 years. Her husband died last year, we give her our condolences.
We want to help you to with your, marriage makeover. A lot of times when things are not going right in our, marriage, or our, relationships, we always feel that the grass is greener on the other side, so we think I’m going to be able to find someone better, but I’ll tell you,
“The grass is never greener on the other side, the grass is greener where you water it.”
Wherever you put your attention on, wherever you put your focus on is definitely what’s going to grow. So Michelle and I will give you, marriage advice, and strategies to help you to, makeover my marriage.
Treat your husband according to knowledge
The reason we’re saying that, you need to be the change you seek, is because I’ve always remembered what my Pastor Tony said to me years ago, maybe about 20 years ago. A lot of times we don’t use knowledge and knowledge is never useful until used. Pastor Tony said to me. “Whenever I go to God, I never ask him to change my, wife, I ask him to change me.”
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The reason that’s important is because like me and most of you, we’re always blaming our, husbands, or our partners for whatever is wrong in our, relationships. I am in my fourth, marriage, now as I said before and I came into this, marriage, with all kinds of expectations.
I was in my 40’s when I got, married, this last time, so I had a lot of stuff that came with me.
Baggage and expectations and I brought it all into my, marriage, and we started having all the same problems again because you are the common denominator if you have multiple, marriages, and everything follows you.
When I decided to change ME my, marriage, started getting better. This was 20 years after I heard that advice, a lot of times we have knowledge and we don’t actually use it. My current teacher, Pastor Glover would say
“treat your, husband, like he’s your king and love him the way you want to be loved.”
So that’s what I did and a remarkable thing happened! I found out that I enjoyed serving my, husband, I enjoyed treating my, husband, like my king and our relationship started to mend, because I was no longer pointing fingers. I was no longer you not talking to him because of something he wasn’t doing.
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So, in this episode and subsequent episodes we’re going to give you information on how to change YOU, because it all starts with you.
In this first segment of “Help Me Makeover My Marriage,” we’re going to do a question and answer, later segments we’ll have guests come on the show. Today we are gonna start with questions that was sent into us from my Facebook group called Lifecoach
Help me Makeover my Marriage and get Intimacy Back
Our first question comes from Debbie in Miami, Florida. Debbie writes:
I’ve been married for 12 years my, husband, and I have two children ages 7 and 10. I immersed myself in the role of mother and, wife, as a, stay-at-home mom, while my, husband, worked full-time and saw his role as the provider.
As a, stay-at-home mom, I rarely took time for myself and began to resent my, husband, for not helping with the kids and not paying me any attention. Our, intimacy, suffered and my resentment built up. I even started looking outside the, marriage, for fulfillment.
Debbie’s asks, Help me, makeover my marriage, and recapture, intimacy?
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Myrna – Debbie I had a similar experience with my second, husband, and my, marriage, ended
because I built up resentment and never communicated this to my, husband. The situation was reversed. I was the breadwinner making most of the money and he sat around doing nothing because he told me that housework and looking after the kids was women’s work.
So, here I was paying all the bills and I was being treated like the maid. I built up resentment and that, marriage, eventually ended, but now I know better. Again knowledge is only powerful when you use it. Now I know that what Debbie should do is to ask for help. She should say to her, husband.
“Babe I know that you work all day and you’re the provider for this family and we made this contract that I’m going to be a, stay-at-home mom, but I need a break. Can you help out?”
I need you to help around the house. I need you to help with the kids, because being a mom is a full-time job. He goes to work from nine to five and then he’s off, but a mom is always on the job, it’s a full-time job. Maybe also get a babysitter for kids every two weeks or something and have date night so, that you guys can be together without the kids and recapture, intimacy.
So my advice to you would be to Help, makeover my marriage, is:
First of all ask for what you want
And second, make the time to do your part.
If you have the, intention, that you are gonna love your, husband, and you’re gonna appreciate him for being the breadwinner, because that’s what he is, and you show him appreciation, he will give you back love.
Michelle what would you say to Debbie from your experience? Mitchell is actually an Intercessor, so maybe you can bring in a biblical touch or scripture from the bible that can help Debbie, makeover my marriage.
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Michele – Myrna I want to thank you for having me on your show. My advice to Debbie to help her, makeover my marriage, would first off be pray for your, husband, first because most, wives, don’t start there. Pray for your, husband, because God is his creator and he will change any situation concerning your, husband, and if your, husband, is providing for the family no, husband, wants to come home after fighting all day at work and have to fight with his, wife.
So, the first thing that she needs to do is have peace in her home, if her, husband, is providing and it’s for a season, because like you said y’all in this contract together and you chose to be a, stay-at-home mom.
Another, marriage advice, would be to have a schedule because some women don’t know how to have a schedule. Monday you might do one thing, Tuesday something else. Don’t try to do everything all at once, that’s how you get overwhelmed and burnt out.
If you feel mis-valued in your, marriage, you should have, communication, with your, husband, about it. You should value one another, you value him as your king. Once you start with valuing your, husband, and appreciating him for who he is. He’s going out there making it happen every day and providing for you and the kids, you should make him feel comfortable in his own home.
Marriage Makeover Wives become a Woman of Noble Character
As, wives, we create the atmosphere in the home. I would have her reflect on Proverbs 31:
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
11. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
12. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
13. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
14. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
15. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.
16. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
18. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
19. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
21. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
26. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29. Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
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Myrna – That’s what we fail to do sometimes as women, we forget to take care of ourselves. Self-care, is very important and that’s what she’s lacking, because she’s so consumed with looking after the kids she’s not doing, self-care. Self-care, also leads to, intimacy, because if you look good you’re going to feel good and your, husband, is going to feel that, sexual energy.
What advice do you give Debbie for re-establishing, intimacy, with her husband?
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I have always scheduled personal time with my husband, even when we go on vacations.
One time we take the kids and one time we go alone. Women do not understand that they need personal time alone with their spouse without the kids to keep, intimacy, alive.
Help me Makeover My Marriage Personal Time
Michele – I would get up before everybody else in the house got up for my, personal time, of prayer because that really set up my entire day. Once you pray and set the environment, your day will be less stressful.
Myrna – That’s good, marriage advice, a lot of women take time for, self-care, at the end of the night when the kids are in bed.
Before we go to the next question let’s circle back to reiterate that, wives, got to appreciate their, husbands, for what he does for the family. In this case Debbie need to show appreciation for her, husband, as the breadwinner.
Makeover My Marriage – Intimacy
Our next question for Help me, makeover my marriage, comes from Hollis in Atlanta, Georgia. Hollis writes I have been married for 10 years, my, husband, and I have a good, marriage, not great because he does not like to talk. The slightest disagreement sends him into his, man cave, and I can’t reach him or get him to talk, Help me, makeover my marriage, and improve my, communication, with my, husband.
Help me Makeover My Marriage: Communication
Like I said earlier the, marriage advice, that I’m giving is, marriage tips, that I can pull from my personal, marriage, experience. Right now I’m married to a man who does not like to talk and i like to talk. So normally I would lead the conversation and he would sit there and listen, then I would say you know conversation is a dialogue and he would say I’m listening to you.
But recently I changed that model. I just finished reading the book “What Happened to You” By Oprah Winfrey and Dr Perry. Dr Perry was explaining why kids who experienced trauma don’t talk.
Dr Perry discovered that not even trained therapists can get these kids to talk until they are ready. You just have to give them time and space. Sometimes it means sitting or doing projects in total silence. When they are ready to talk, they will talk.
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So I used that information and now when I sit with my husband, I just let there be space and whenever he’s ready to talk then he will talk. It’s very uncomfortable for me because I like to talk. But I did and so far this approach is working. We have had some good conversations from this approach.
Communication, is very important in a, marriage, because you have to communicate to fix problems. It is a man thing, they all shut down and go into their, man cave. In fact, marriage counselors, say that the worst thing you can say to a man is “we need to talk”
Help me Makeover My Marriage and get my Husband out of his Man Cave
Michelle what was your experience with your, husband, with, communication. Did he go in to a , man cave?
Michelle – First of all, we all have different temperaments and personalities, my, husband, was more of a, phlegmatic. Phlegmatics have an unemotional and stolidly calm disposition.
So he was a laid-back, easygoing type of guy.
It’s been said that a woman speaks a thousand more words than the man so, I would just find something that interests him to talk about. Most men don’t analyze things the way we do and they’re not as emotional as we are. We like to talk about everything and they don’t always understand why we need to always be talking.
Myrna – So let’s say that you wanted to talk to your, husband, about quality time, for example, or something that’s going on in your, relationship, did you start the conversation talking to him about something he likes to talk about and then kind of steer the conversation to quality time?
Michelle – Our quality time was watching TV together or shopping for groceries.
Myrna – Okay I was just using quality time as a placeholder for any conversation you want to have with your husband that was important.
For example, once in a while I would want to talk to my, husband, about where our, marriage, is going or where we see ourselves in 10 to 15 years from now, or something like that.
I am a Life coach right and I want to steer the conversation in that direction my, husband, would push back and say you’re not my coach!
So getting back to Hollis’s question. What advice would you give to move her, husband, out of his, man cave, and get him to open up?
Husbands need to process things longer than Wives
Michelle – I would tell her that men have to process things, so I would give him time.
If they had a conflict or something, men and women process differently. Wives, want an answer right then while, husbands, might take a day or two to process before they want to discuss the situation.
Myrna – I like that answer, give them time to process. I would add give them space to process. Don’t go into their, man cave, and harass them. Let them be until they are ready to come out.
In the meantime don’t withhold love or affection.
Even though we’re not talking about a physical, man cave, even though some men have a physical space they hide out in, we are talking about going into the mental, man cave.
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In this premier episode of, Help me, makeover my marriage, we had a couple of questions and even though they might look different, they’re both dealing with, communication, in your, marriage.
Debbie didn’t really communicate with her, husband, that she needed help around the house or that she needed him to pay her some attention, she just built up animosity that he wasn’t doing these things.
Hollis wanted some information on, communication, with her husband once he’s in his, man cave. What to do either to get him out of the, man cave, or prevent him from going into the, man cave. So, communication, is very important, marriage counselors, say that it is the top reason couples get divorced.
I started off the segment talking about what we can as, wives, to change instead of asking God to change our, husbands. We need to learn to deal with our, husbands, according to knowledge. If we know they don’t like to talk, then we should not push the issue. Like I learned from Dr Perry, let them talk when they are ready. Even if they don’t want to talk they have ears to listen.
Remember to ask for what you want. If you need help around the house, ask for help. If you need affection, ask for it.
When you don’t ask for want you want or communicate your desires, then resentment builds up and the energy in the house changes. You can feel tension. If you have the intention to have peace in your home and to love and appreciate your, husband, he will feel that energy and your home will be peaceful and full of love.
Thanks for reading this blog, listening or watching to the premier episode of “Help me make over my marriage” I will post and air an episode once per month, please subscribe to the Transform Your Mind To Transform your Life podcast to get all new episodes in your inbox.
Our, gut, plays a role in weight loss, it plays a role in brain health. Eighty percent of our immune systems is in our, gut. So, if you want to be well you have to have a, healthy gut. Our, gut, acts as a barrier, it doesn’t allow the bad stuff in and it doesn’t allow the good stuff out until it’s ready to be released. But because we are exposed to things like antibiotics, not only through medications, but through the foods we eat, these things kill our microbiome, our good bacteria.
A, leaky gut, is where the lining of the, gut, has developed tiny, microscopic holes and now things like undigested food, bacteria, viruses, toxins are escaping into the bloodstream.
My guest today is Dr Bill Cole co-founder of Cellular Health Accelerator. We are talking today on the topic of, gut health, how to prevent a, leaky gut.
Listen to full interview here:
Introduction to Gut Health
I have a little bit of experience with the topic of, leaky gut, because I went through a couple of Dr Mark Hyman‘s trainings on, leaky gut. Dr Hyman taught about probiotics and how some of the foods that we eat goes through the, gut lining, and the, gut brain barrier.
We’re going to talking about more than, nutrition, we’re going to be talking about how sleep and, stress, affect our, gut.
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Dr. Bill Cole, Founder of the Largest Functional Medicine Group of its kind, has created, The Cellular Health Accelerator Program, that helps people to feel well and age well. He has already helped to transform the lives of thousands and has spoken on stages across the nation.
Dr. Cole noted that recent research has shown that what people used to think was “normal aging” is actually caused by cumulative cellular damage that is causing premature aging. Stress, poor sleep, unhealthy diet and environmental toxins, can lead to problems at the cellular level.
This knowledge inspired him to create and launch The, Cellular Health Accelerator Program. The 5-step plan is designed to help people increase their cellular energy and prevent, Leaky Gut, so that they can get through their days feeling healthy and strong, and have the energy they need to activate their own natural healing processes.
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Myrna – As an introductory question Dr Cole can you share with us your journey to becoming an expert on, cellular health, and, gut health.
How a Sick Friend opened a new path into Cellular Health
Dr Cole – I’d love to, back in 2001 I had already been in my own private practice for over 15 years, and I had taken on a partner who was one of my best friends. This man was a picture of health Myrna. He was a national level mountain bike competitor and he took great pride in not just talking the talk, but walking the walk. He was truly one of the healthiest people I’ve ever known.
Mysteriously, he started to lose his health. He was training for a mountain bike event and he noticed that his energy was starting to wane and it progressively got worse.
He came to my house one day and described it as brain issues and, gut, issues. He continued to get worse to where he became nearly bedridden and started to entertain thoughts of suicide. He was trying every natural thing he could think of, every supplement.
Finally, this brilliant endocrinologist asked him a question. He said have you ever investigated, mercury? My friend said I thought of, mercury, and I had a blood test done and it came back negative. The endocrinologist replied “blood test won’t show, mercury, you need to do this other test called a, urine toxic metal test.
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He did the, urine toxic metal test, and, mercury, was off the charts. So this endocrinologist asked him “did you have any work done on your teeth?” My friend had, silver fillings, and his symptoms started several days after because the, mercury, fillings was leaking.
That, mercury, went up into his brain then to his, gut, his thyroid and his adrenals. That is why he was sick. Once they started treating the, mercury, toxin my friend started getting his health back.
At the time we had one of the largest chiropractic clinics in the state of Pennsylvania, if not the country, but it really geared us both towards this idea that there are other things happening from a, cellular, perspective in his case it was the brain cell.
Mercury poisoning sets up a Leaky Gut
Myrna – I actually heard about the, mercury, situation from Tony Robbins. He had a similar story to your friend where he started to have no energy and almost couldn’t walk. Which was a total shock to him and family because Tony is used to being high energy at his events for 14 hours straight. They found out he had, mercury, poisoning from eating too much Tuna.
The question I want to ask you is when the, mercury, seeped into from the teeth of your of your friend into his brain, how did it get to his, gut, and became, leaky gut?
Dr Cole – We must understand first of all that the, gut, is made of cells. Our whole body is made of, cells. It would be important to know that when we’re talking about, silver fillings, that you know that those, silver fillings, are called, amalgam fillings. Dental amalgam, is a dental filling material used to fill cavities caused by tooth decay.
Dental amalgam is a mixture of metals, consisting of liquid, mercury, and a powdered alloy composed of silver, tin, and copper. Approximately half (50%) of, dental amalgam, is elemental, mercury, by weight. The chemical properties of elemental, mercury, allow it to react with and bind together the silver/copper/tin alloy particles to form an amalgam.
Dental amalgam fillings, are often referred to as, silver fillings, because of their silver-like appearance, although the use of this term in not recommended because the term does not correctly explain the materials in, amalgam.
The Gut Brain Connection
As it relates to the, gut, our brain and our, gut, are connected. They’re connected over the longest nerve in our body called the, Vagus Nerve. So there’s this, gut, brain connection. My friend he had no and never had any issues with his, gut, but once this happened with his brain now all of a sudden, he couldn’t eat certain foods. He would have sensitivities in his, gut, he was bloated all of the time. He had alternating bouts of constipation and diarrhea so his, gut, was severely damaged.
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Here is an analogy we can utilize to gain understanding. Let’s say you have a river that’s flowing by your house, you might start to see the fish in the river die and your solution might be to put more fish into the river, but if the problem is 20 miles upstream where there’s a chemical company dumping let’s say, mercury, into the river we can change the fish all day long.
But if we don’t get upstream to where that problem’s coming from, we’re really only treating symptoms. A lot of people are doing just that. They’re dealing with just the, gut, but it may be upstream too.
Stress and a Leaky Gut
How does poor sleep, stress, and an unhealthy diet including environmental toxins lead to problems at the cellular level?
Three Types of Stress
Dr Cole – Let’s look at, stress, first. If you ask the average person about, stress, they think of, emotional stress. Like marital problems, work problems or financial problems; but there’s really three types of, stress:
Physical stress, could be from an automobile accident and people’s health is never the same after that, physical stress.
Chemical stress, is the big one where toxins come into play. We have and onslaught of chemicals that we’re dealing with daily in our lives that are creating damage to our, cells. But we’re finding out that these chemicals are doing even more than that. They are turning on our bad genes.
Toxins in Beauty Products that cause a Leaky Gut
I just was recently reading a study from the environmental working group. They looked at 12 different beauty products and these products had over 168 different toxins in them and that’s just in the beauty products.
What we’re seeing today in terms of these unexplainable types of illnesses is lack of sleep is causing, stress. Our body repairs itself during sleep, if we’re not getting adequate sleep which is pretty common in our society, they’re not going to be repairing the way that they should. There’s something called the, glymphatic system, most people have heard of the, lymphatic system.
The, glymphatic system, is really an accumulation of different vessels that help cleanse our central nervous system. Our brain is active at nighttime when we’re sleeping. It cleanses out the impurities in our body, so if we’re not getting adequate sleep that can impact that connection between the brain and the, gut.
The, urine toxic metal test, can detect these toxins but as far as the, leaky gut, there really is no specific test for that.
There are over 1600 medical studies they refer to it as intestinal permeability, we’re calling it, leaky gut, it’s the same thing.
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How the Cellular Health Accelerator program helps Prevent a Leaky Gut
I know that you’ve got a solution and part of your solution is your program that you developed called, cellular health accelerator program. Can you tell us about that program?
Dr Cole – I would like to preface that question by just giving a little understanding of our, cells. We’re made of, cells, every tissue organ and gland are, cells. We can think of ourselves like bricks in a building. The difference though is that our bricks our, cells, are alive.
No matter what’s happening disease-wise, it’s always traceable back to something gone wrong at that, cell, level. So if a person wants to be well, they have to fix their, cells.
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We approach it from something called the five R’s of cellular healing:
Remove the source to the damage. Remove the mercury and other toxins.
You have to regenerate the, cell membrane that is damaged. There’s going to be certain techniques we use like consuming healthy fats like extra virgin olive oil, virgin coconut oil, eating grass-fed beef and wild salmon. These foods will help heal our, cells.
We have to restore energy. A person who barely has enough energy to make it through the day don’t have the reserve energy to heal there, cells. We need to understand why the cell is not producing enough of that gasoline called ATP.
Reduce inflammation, sugar is driving inflammation. We’ve got to eliminate those sources.
Re-establish methylation. I won’t get lost in the weeds here but most sick people don’t have enough what are called methyl groups. They’re carbon and hydrogen groups without them they can’t detoxify, they can’t make energy, they can’t heal. So we have to reestablish that methylation. We give them certain nutrients like methylated folate or methylated B12 that will help them to methylate.
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Let’s get to the, leaky gut. You talked about whatever comes upstream comes into your, gut. Your, gut, is made of, cells, but how can people understand what the symptoms are for a, leaky gut.
Dr Cole – I realized that most disease that we see has some basis or at least some connection to an unhealthy, gut. We know that the, gut, microbiome is an accumulation of bacteria. This environment in our, gut, made of bacteria outnumber the, cells, in our body by at least ten to one.
Our, gut, plays a role in weight loss, it plays a role in brain health. Eighty percent of our immune systems is in our, gut. So, if you want to be well you have to have a, healthy gut. Our, gut, acts as a barrier, it doesn’t allow the bad stuff in and it doesn’t allow the good stuff out until it’s ready to be released. But because we are exposed to things like antibiotics not only through medications but through the foods we eat, these things kill our microbiome our good bacteria.
A, leaky gut, is where the lining of the, gut, has developed tiny, microscopic holes and now things like undigested food, bacteria, viruses, toxins are escaping into the bloodstream.
Well, the response from that is your body will go on high alert right and the immune system must destroy these things. The problem with that is every meal every day the immune system is on high alert. Eventually it goes haywire, and it begins looking at other parts of our body that are normal as abnormal and then we wind up with autoimmune disease.
Dr Cole – The first thing that we have to do if we’re using utilizing my 5R’s is going to be that source thing. We want to make sure that we’re consuming foods that are going to aid in the development of good health and does not promote bad health.
If you can afford organic, you really should do that. The average apple for instance has has four different pesticides. We must eliminate what we can like aluminum in our deodorant.
The second thing is going to be eating whole foods. We must eliminate man-made foods that are pre-packaged and that are full of sugars and bad fats. We need to focus on whole foods and that that’s going to be whole grains. Grass-fed meats, wild salmon versus farm salmon. You want pastured eggs and chickens that are actually allowed to roam in the grass and eat bugs, not kept four to six in a cage where they take their beaks off because they’ll peck each other to death and given daily doses of antibiotics.
If they want a, healthy gut, they’ve got to put healthy things into their gut.
We need to create an anti-inflammatory environment in the body that supports health, that supports cellular healing.
Tell our listeners and those watching on TV how they can get access to your, cellular health accelerator program, and connect with you on social media.
Your audience can connect with me on Facebook and Instagram @ Cellular Health Accelerator but they could also go to my website which is www.drbillcole.com.
I want to thank you all for tuning in to the, transform your mind, to transform your life blog. Today we hoped to, transform your mind, on the importance of, gut health, the importance of sleep and the importance of distressing your body. We all think, stress, is just, emotional stress, but, stress, can also be, physical stress, and, chemical stress.
I want to invite you guys all to join my Facebook group which is called “life coach” and if you’re listening to this on a podcast, I would appreciate if you can rate and review as well as subscribe to the Transform Your Mind podcast.
When we talk about the, renewing of the mind, it is not simply about changing or adjusting how you think, but renewing your sense of, self-consciousness. Renewing your mind, impacts your conscience, which is your sense of what is right and wrong. It impacts your heart, which in Hebrew literature is the center of your being.
Renewing your mind, runs much deeper than simply making confessions and changing how you think upon a thing. Apostle Paul teaches “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind”
Pastor William L Glover speaks on the biblical principles of what God meant when He said “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
Pastor Glover just completed a powerful series on, renewing the mind, it was a four part series, you can watch the full series on the Mount Hermon Ministries YouTube Channel. But today we’re going to pick some of the important pieces of that, renewing your mind, series to share with you.
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Dr. William L. Glover is the Senior Pastor of Mount Hermon Ministries. He also oversees the Dew of Hermon Early Learning Center and is Campus Director of Life Christian University at Mount Hermon Ministries. He has a strong mandate for Education, Missions, Leadership Development, Justice Ministry and reaching the lost for Christ.
Having ministered in nine different countries on 29 international trips, Dr. Glover is an anointed teacher, preacher, and international speaker. He has assembled ministry and medical teams that have seen thousands of souls saved and thousands more received desperately needed medical care. His passion is to reach the globe, but God has fashioned his heart in the shape of Africa.
Through Mount Hermon Ministries, he is very involved in reaching his community through educational empowerment. He is a founding board member of L.I.F.E (Lee Interfaith for Empowerment), a Network of Congregations committed to finding solutions to systemic justice issues in Lee County; is an Executive Board Member of Healthy Lee, a group of faith, business and health professions committed to inspiring healthy life styles, and chairs the Religious Affairs Committee of the local branch of the NAACP. Dr. Glover is also Co-Founder (with Pastor Cheryl Glover) of Redeeming Influence Community Outreach, a non-profit that serves blighted communities.
Dr. Glover has earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in Bible and Theology from Southeastern University (formally Bible College), a Master of Arts degree in Religion from Florida State University, a Master of Education degree in counseling from Florida A & M University, and his Doctor of Ministry degree in Theology from Life Christian University.
Dr. Glover is also the author of the three books: Justice: God, Nations, and Systems, which examines the role of faith in addressing systemic justice issues which plague the systems of men; 30 Days of Excellence, a daily devotional that focuses on cultivating a culture of excellence in Faith, in Speech and in Life; and Ready for the Harvest, a study on how to release the principle of seedtime and harvest into your life.
Book: Ready for the Harvest Transform Your Mind Podcast
Dr. Glover is married to Pastor Cheryl Glover. Four wonderful adult children enhance their lives: Brittney, Jade, Jana and William II. Dr. Glover credits God for His demonstration of goodness and continues to trust in His faithfulness throughout his Pastoral Ministry.
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Myrna – My first question to you Pastor Glover is why did why do you think God wanted you to preach on, renewing your mind?
Pastor Glover – that’s an excellent question Myrna. I ended the 2020 year with a series of messages entitled, living in your redemption. The idea being that God had already paid the price for redemption and that he’s redeemed our lives from destruction.
Whatever destruction has occurred in our lives, be it:
personal,
financial,
relational
emotional
mental
God has already invested in the price to redeem and restore us from that destruction. That message was received so well that I began to contemplate well how do I get people to embrace that, mindset, and the, renewing your mind, messages were born. If a person can hear something, but if it’s not internalized and if it’s not received, then it’s not going to have an impact on their lives.
So that series of, renewing your mind, messages was born out of that realization of moving people from the point of where they are, to living in the redemption and, renewing their minds.
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Myrna – you talked about the three different parts of the, mind, that God wants renewed.
Can you share with us the three different parts of the, mind?
Pastor Glover – Sure there are different aspects to each individual sermon, but the broad overview is the reason the, mind, is important is found in the wisdom literature. Scripture reveals that the, mind, is connected to and influences:
our psyche
our conscious
and our heart
When we talk about, renewing of the mind, it is not simply about changing or adjusting how you think, but it impacts your sense of, self-consciousness. It impacts your, conscience, which is your sense of what is right and wrong. It impacts your heart, which in Hebrew literature is the center of your being.
So, renewing your mind, runs much deeper than simply making confessions and changing how you think upon a thing. Apostle Paul teaches “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the, renewing of your mind”
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One is internal and one is external. It impacts our, psyche, our consciousness, and our heart. So it is the, transformation, of the total person, the total being.
What is the Flexible mind, the Fluid Mind and the Fixed Mind?
We need to have a conversation about what kind of, mindset, you are working with.
Is your, mindset, flexible?
Is your, mindset, fluid?
Or do you have a, fixed mindset? Which could be good or bad depending on what it’s fixed on.
When we talk about the, psyche, the, psyche, being your sense of, self-consciousness. Why do we need, renewing of your mind, in your sense of, self-consciousness? Because it’s our sense of awareness, our sense of, self-worth. It also is our mental and emotional health, so if your, mind, is not flexible, you need work in your sense of awareness.
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Some people who are not self-aware or there’s some people who suffer from, low self-esteem, or there’s some people who are damaged mentally and emotionally. If you don’t have a, flexible mindset, which means pliable then you will resist God doing the eternal work in your, psyche, to, transform your mind. So, in order for, transformation, to occur you have to have a, flexible mindset.
There can be no, transformation, if you’re unwilling to change.
The Fluid Mindset
Conversely a, fluid mindset, means that you are evolving, you are open to change. If you don’t have a, fluid mindset, you internalize and have what some call “stinking thinking.” You have a toxic, mindset, about yourself or about people. For instance oftentimes when people experience hurt in a relationship, they’ll say I’ll never trust another man again or I’ll never trust another woman again.
So, if you don’t have a, fluid mindset, you’re not willing to let that hurt go and embrace truth.
The Fixed Mindset
The third, mindset, you mentioned was a, fixed mindset. Just like when we lay concrete, we have to do the work before the concrete sets, because once it sets it’s fixed. So, we have to be careful what we let set in our minds. We have to do the work while the concrete is fluid and pliable.
A, fixed mindset, is like set concrete.
Renewing the mind, is like renovation of a house. You’ve got to rip out things, knock down walls or beliefs before you can put in the new things or new learnings.
When we’re inviting God to, transform your mind, then we have to understand our, psyche, our, self-consciousness, and our heart. That’s why the, mind, is so important because it is connected to all of these aspects of the human person and they’re all interrelated yet distinct.
Myrna – Someone with a, fixed mindset, like concrete why did you say that God can use this person?
In the, Life coaching, world, when we talk about a, fixed mindset, we’re saying that there’s no growth in this person. But if your, mind, is set like concrete, is it possible for it to be changed?
Pastor Glover – Well yes but again you must have awareness of your, fixed mindset. You can get at that concrete two different ways. Through, transformation, which speaks to internal work that has to be done. The word, transformation, comes from the Greek word metamorphosis and so that speaks of going through a, transformation, but it starts from the inside out.
The other word that’s used is, renewing, which literally has to do with renovating. When concrete sets, the only way to change it is to get a jackhammer and that’s very painful work. People oftentimes will not choose to do that work, because it is painful, noisy, and messy. But if you’re going to lay a new foundation in your life, you must do the, mental, emotional and spiritual work to jackhammer a, fixed mindset.
Myrna – How can God jackhammer to change that, fixed mindset?
Fixed mindset in marital relationships
Pastor Glover – I think an example in the context of, relationships, particularly in the context of, marital relationships, a lot of work that has to be jackhammered in counseling sessions really has to do those, fixed mindsets, about marriage that have been set, but are toxic and are not healthy.
Couples have very different ideas about the foundation of a, marriage, and what it should be about. It is really about how men and women are socialized in our society. Young girls are socialized towards inter interdependent relationships. That’s means they play together, they share much more readily than men do. They are invested in group success as they are reared and everybody kind of having a good time.
Boys are socialized totally different. They are taught to stand on your own two feet, be independent. Be a man, don’t share your emotions. So, men are much less equipped than women in, marital relationships, to handle a, fixed mindset, that’s why women are 10 times more verbal than men.
One of the fun exercises I like to do when I’m dealing with, communication, is I’ll ask the man and the woman to get a sheet of paper and have each one writes me all the feeling words they are aware of. The woman’s list is four times longer than the man,
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I’m curious though you also say in your message that God can use a, fixed mindset.
Pastor Glover – When you lay concrete, it’s properly set, it is suitable for what you want to build on it. So, let’s pull in this conversation, purpose and destiny. If you have great purpose or great destiny, you have to take the time to lay the foundation. If your foundation is fixed, God can build on it.
People do not take the time to factor in the type of foundation they need to lay to accommodate their dreams and visions of what they want. That can be applied to anything, in my book “30 Days of Excellence” I teach that excellence is in the foundation that you lay for, purpose and destiny.
Be ye not conformed to the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Why did God say that do not be transformed to the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind?
The World is Battling for your Mind
Pastor William L Glover – Because it is all a battle for the, mind. This simple principle is found in Proverbs.
“As a man thinketh so is he”
Your, mindset, determines the reflection of who you are and it determines who you will be.
We would never be greater than our thoughts about things.
We would never rise above our thoughts about things.
We will never allow ourselves to be pulled beneath our thoughts about things.
Our thoughts reflect where we are going.
It’s a battle for your, mind. The world we live in today, people don’t want to do the work, to think for themselves. There is professional, think tanks, and these, think tanks, think for people and feed them what to believe, what to say.
They all are vying for our, minds, we don’t tune in to learn anymore from the news, we tune in to determine what we need to think. So, hence “do not be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the, renewing of your mind.
That, transformation,
happens through the word of God,
that transformation happens through your relationship with God
that transformation happens through a community of faith like-minded believers who are committed to growth.
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Your, heart, which is the center of your being, the seat of your soul and this is important because wisdom literature teaches us that we should guard your heart for from it flow the issues of life.
Everything that matters, that’s important to us impacts our, heart. If the, heart, is injured, broken or unhealthy because the, heart, plumps the pumps the blood. The, heart, pumps the influence of that thing to your spirit and to your soul and to your body.
So, when we talk about the, transformation, then it’s holistic and God is always at work in our lives trying to move us to a place of wholeness in all three of these areas as it pertains to renewal and, transformation.
As we wrap up how can listeners connect with Mt Hermon Ministries Fort Myers? Tell us about your books and how we can connect on social media.
You can connect with our ministry, we are currently streaming on YouTube and Facebook at MT Hermon Ministries. You can join us Sundays at 11 a.m. you can go to our website.
The justice book which is about your community of faith finding relative relevance as a
change agent in your community
30 Days of Excellence which is a 30-day devotion that cultivates habits of excellence in your life and
Ready for the Harvest which teaches us how to apply the principle of seed time and harvest in our lives and all these can be found on Amazon.
You can contact me personally at dr.wmglover0613@gmail.com
My Spiritual Father Helped in the Renewing of My Mind
I enjoyed the conversation, so thank you like we’ve known each other for 14 years let me also state how proud I am of you forging the way. I remember when you began this journey and witnessing your evolution and growth. Witnessing how God is enlarging your territory, makes me very proud. I want to encourage you to continue that journey.
Myrna – Thank you Pastor and I’ll share something publicly with you that when I wrote my book and you said that you’re proud of me, it brought tears to my eyes because it was the first
Time someone told me that. My father had never said he was proud of me.
As my spiritual father thank you so much for saying that I appreciate it. God sent me to you specifically I didn’t share our story of how I came to be under your guidance, but our connection has a purpose.
Thank you for tuning in to the Transform your Mind to Transform your Life radio podcast and television show. If you are um listening on iTunes I would love for you to subscribe, rate and review. I also want to invite you to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach.
Most of the time our, self-communication, is negative. Our, negative self-talk, is different from the way we talk to our friends for example. So we need to tell ourselves “I don’t like the way you talk to me”
My guest today all the way from the UK is Cheyne Towers. Cheyne is a hypnotherapist and, self-communication, expert and we are going to be talking today on, negative self-talk, and, mindfulness.
Listen to the full interview here:
Cheyne Towers. London-based hypnotherapist Cheyne Towers has been helping people to transform how they speak toward themselves for the best part of two decades. Through simple yet profound understanding he has successfully helped many who have suffered trauma, abuse, depression, and anxiety. Now the co-founder of The Dialogue of Self Liberation, Cheyne is sharing this practical transformational system online, helping people to develop The Mindfulness of Self-Communication, and nurture self-forgiveness and self-compassion. Always willing to connect Cheyne can regularly be found hosting the TDSL Global Community Calls, where he provides continuing support to people around the world who wish to improve and enhance the quality of their self-communications. As a lifelong martial artist, Cheyne has also developed seated Qigong for people with mobility challenges, and also teaches workshops at Sword Punk traditional weapons-training festival in the UK.
Does being a martial artist help with self communication?
Myrna – You are a martial artist and a, self-communication, expert. Martial art is a very controlled sport, so it lends to having control of your, mind. Can you share your journey from martial art to, mindfulness? You mentioned that you’re helping people who have suffered, trauma, or, abuse, and depression.
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Cheyne – From an early age, I had an interest in, inner development, self-development, meditation, and those kinds of practices. I started practicing martial art around 17 years old. I’m currently 55 years old and that’s been a constant throughout my life.
I never wanted to become a therapist, but through mutual friends, I was introduced to it by a very experienced, hypnotherapist. I studied with him as his personal student for the last four years of his life and during that time he took me through a process that totally transformed my life on every level for the better.
How I let go of my Negative Self-talk and repetitive patterns
Unbeknown to me, I’d spent 20 years of my life engaging in very, negative repetitive patterns of, self-talk, giving myself a very hard time, beating myself up, blaming myself for not being good enough, for having been a failure in relationships and many other things.
I didn’t realize that I was doing it. I hadn’t got a clue and he helped me in a very clear and methodical way to identify those unhelpful habits and, negative beliefs, that I’d picked up along the way about myself.
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Myrna – Did he put you under under, hypnotherapy, or did he just talk to you?
Cheyne – He used the methodology of developing the, mindfulness, of, self-communication. The very first thing he had me do was to develop the skill of monitoring the dialogue I was speaking to myself. Moment to moment what are you actually saying to yourself, about yourself now in this moment is very important to stopping, negative self-talk.
You need to develop the skill of listening to what you’re actually telling yourself and your, negative self-talk, from moment to moment. I bet you will discover that you don’t like the way you speak to yourself.
What are the stories you picked up along the way that no longer serve you? There’s a responsibility that we have toward ourselves, with regards to, how we speak to ourselves about ourselves. We program ourselves through our, self-communications, but then we begin to utilize the more creative aspects of the imagination which is more the formal.
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Hypnosis, or, self-hypnosis, is sometimes necessary to stop the, negative self-talk. Let’s say somebody can’t stop the, negative self-talk, about themselves because all their life they were hearing things like:
you’re not good enough.
you’ll never be nothing.
you will never amount to anything.
You will never be a success in life.
Myrna – Now they’re mindful of it because they’re listening. Can they stop without, hypnotherapy?
Can we stop the negative self-talk without Hypnotherapy?
Cheyne – I don’t like the term, hypnotherapy, or, hypnotherapist, because I think it’s a loaded term and people have many misconceptions about what, hypnotherapy, actually is. So I tend to describe that aspect of the work as I help people to harness the creative power of their imagination, so that they learn how to work with it, rather than be a slave to it.
Myrna – Hypnotherapy, migrates and it changes, so now you’re using the term, creative imagination. How did the martial arts piece fit in to your, negative self-talk?
Cheyne – That’s a great question. I use a lot of metaphors and symbolism in this work because the metaphors and symbols convey things to the, subconscious mind. Which is where we need to make the alterations in the trigger mechanisms that are built up because of our experiences.
There’s a saying a very old Chinese saying the mind leads the chi
This is true of everything in life. If we fixate our thinking in a particular way, if we imagine a particular scenario that is what we attract into our lives. The mind leads the Chi!
When we think about those negative imaginings, our energy, our Chi, gets poured into those molds and we kind of become that shape.
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Myrna – I’m a, Life coach, I know that I’m not good enough is one of the top, negative self-talk, or, self-communication, that we partake of.
Cheyne – True, we torment ourselves and beat ourselves up and come up with all kinds of cruel variations on that theme. We would never dream of speaking to another person the way we speak to ourselves. I Don’t Like the Way You Speak to Me.
We would never dream of putting another person down and yet somehow, we’ve become conditioned to believe that it’s somehow okay for us to talk to ourselves like that.
I’m going to title this “I don’t like the way you speak to me” because we don’t say nice things to ourselves. It is always, negative self-talk. We never say things like:
you’re so pretty.
you’re so beautiful.
you are going to kick ass in this job.
I am good enough for this promotion.
No, the, self-communication, is always negative.
Cheyne – I did that for 20 years of my life totally unconsciously until my teacher helped me to to spot it.
Self-liberation is a program to help us with, negative self-talk
Myrna – That’s amazing, so he pointed you to your purpose. That helped you create the, self-liberation, program. Tell us about it.
Cheyne – The dialogue of, self-liberation, is the name that I’ve given to the methodology of understanding the principles of, negative self-talk. I also call it the “rinse and repeat.”
People have come to see me in all states of, brokenness. I’ve worked with many people who’ve been raped, who’ve had experience of, sexual abuse, violent, abusive relationships, all kinds of, trauma.
Yet when it’s explained clearly to a person that there is a way for them to begin to change literally the stories, they’re telling themselves about themselves.
Just because we’ve had certain experiences in our past, those experiences don’t need to define who we are today. What defines who we are, is what we do with the experiences we’ve been through.
How do we process those experiences? We can learn from those experiences and choose to no longer communicate about the past as if it were the present or the future. We can chose to stop the, negative self-talk.
Self-liberation is a freeing experience
This is an incredibly freeing and liberating experience, so the dialogue of, self-liberation, is process of learning how to communicate toward ourselves. In a way that has nothing to do with, positive affirmation, nothing to do with fake positivity or anything like that. It allows us to stop communicating to ourselves in, self-abusive, self-limiting, self-pitying, ways in the present tense and the future tense.
Myrna – I’m listening very intently to what you’re saying, because someone who’s reading this wouldn’t understand the depth of what you’re saying. What you’re saying is someone who has been, broken, they’re a victim, someone has done something to them and yet the, negative self-talk, that they’re telling themselves is saying that because of this, you are nobody. Because of this you’re not worth anything.
I was in this same situation for a long time myself, I didn’t get out of it until I was in my 40s. I was, sexually abused, as a child and I carried shame with that. I experienced that, self-liberation, myself once I started talking about it. Now I don’t have any shame attached to it because I was a victim, I was a child. A child can’t give consent to anything.
What does, self-liberation, look like on the other side of shame?
Cheyne – Guilt and shame are really common themes in, trauma. We all commonly normalize the behavior and then end up blaming ourselves. We communicate to ourselves, well I must have deserved it for some reason or another.
When we uncover what we’ve actually been communicating toward ourselves, then we can utilize the use of the, creative imagination, to change the dialogue. We have online programs that we have via the website that we’re teaching the dialogue of, self-liberation. We have various audio materials, some of those are what we refer to as guided contemplations.
These are spoken voice exercises to encourage the person to speak out loud with their own voice in an unconditionally open, self-supportive, and non-limiting way. We have these suggested spoken voice exercises we call guided contemplations plus audio exercises of guided visualizations. The guided visualizations are designed to help people to take old memories of experiences that were upsetting or traumatic or just incredibly challenging and then to use their, creative imagination, to begin to change how they choose to view the memory.
Myrna – One of my most favorite quotes from Dr Wayne Dwyer
Change the way you look at a thing and the thing you look at will change
All we have to do the work. I love Byron Katie, she has a book called “The Work. Change does not come without us doing the work!
We have to do the work to replace our negative self-talk
If you don’t do the work, you will continue to be with your bottom feeder emotions. The guilt, the shame, the anger, the blame. You will play the blame game. I’m not going to do well in life, because my parents abused me, or somebody abused me. In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement” I call this stop being a victim and become a player. When we are in the, game of life, and we get bad cards, we have to learn how to play to win with those cards.
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We have an audio program which is in the form of an app which you would download to your phone with five audio lessons with accompanying audio exercises in the form of guided contemplations.
We also have a live program which consists of drip-fed PDF material over a five-week course with accompanying audio exercises plus one live zoom call with a small group of people once a week at the same time each week for five weeks. We’ve been running this with people around the world now for the last year and we’ve had some just wonderful feedback from the participants.
Conclusion
I want to thank you guys for tuning in to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life Radio Podcast and television show. Please leave a review on iTunes and give us a rating if you liked this blog and podcast.
If you are listening on Spotify or any of the other podcast players, please subscribe and turn on your notification so you can be notified of new episodes.
I also want to invite you to join my private Facebook group called Life coach, we have daily inspiration in this group to help you to, transform your life, by, transforming your mind.
I made lot of mistakes in my first year and then with, business coaching, I started to understand how to build an, online coaching business, a scalable business, and a sustainable business. My, online business, took off to seven figures.
My guest today is Sigrun, business coach and mentor. Online businesses, are booming, the pandemic has forced everyone online; so even if you didn’t have an, online business, before 2020, hopefully you have one now, because having an, online business, is the global trend.
I understand that 20% of the people who went online because of the, pandemic, will stay online because they just find shopping online more accommodating and useful.
Sigrun, is going to give us some information on how to be successful in your, online business.
Listen to the full interview here
Introduction to building a scalable online business
Sigrun Bio
Sigrun, started her, online business, and quickly built a multiple seven figure, online coaching business, with membership, coaching programs and masterminds. She has helped women from all over the world start and build their, online business, to six and seven figures.
In 2020 she founded a real estate company around two properties and started her first fund. Her next brick project is an International conference in Iceland called the, self-made summit.
Myrna – is your coaching specifically for women or everybody?
Sigrun – I would say it’s specifically for women, even though I have a few male clients. I don’t turn men away; but my mission is to accelerate gender equality. I’m doing that through, female entrepreneurship.
Myrna – Very interesting story, it says that you started your, online coaching business, because you lost your job twice in two years and then you became sick for seven months which made you become an, entrepreneur.
A lot of people during this, pandemic, are suffering a similar fate, because they lost their jobs or they were sick with, COVID-19, or something like that. What happened to you in 2014 is happening to a lot of people right now.
Can you share your story and hopefully inspire someone who has lost their job.
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How is this even possible?
I’ve created a proven process specifically for creative entrepreneurs so you can succeed. The personal coaching element allows you access to my wealth of knowledge without the price tag of many other coaches.
I take creative entrepreneurs just like you and I’ll teach you how to develop a brand that sets you apart in the market within the next three months using a simple, repeatable process that just plain works.
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Sigrun – I got sick in 2010, so that’s over 10 years ago. I had been a CEO for a number of years and then I moved from Iceland to Switzerland. I got a job in a small company where I didn’t have to do many meetings, I just sat on my desk for nine hours a day. I developed something called RSI which is repetitive strain injury.
After I got this injury under control, I started to ask myself. Do I really want to go back to work nine to six, nine to seven, you know work nine or ten hours at the desk?
I could be working from home and that’s when I started to taste the freedom and flexibility of potentially an, online business. Many people will just not have a business idea, and I struggled with that piece. I spent several months trying to figure what my, online business, should be.
I ignored the obvious choice which was a, business coach, because I had been a CEO for 10 years with a master’s degrees including an MBA from a business school and still the idea of being a, business coach, was somehow too horrible.
Don’t think too much about your online business idea, just do it.
Overthinking and not moving forward is the most dangerous place you can be.
Myrna – A lot of people do that, people always think that they can only start something when the time is or they have the funds etc.
But it’s a fear of failure that prevents them from moving forward.
It’s better to take the first step even if it might be wrong step. It’s better to take some step than no step.
Sigrun – Finally after 18 months of being inside my head and overthinking, I started my, online coaching business, January 2014.
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Hire a Business Coach to Help you with your Online Business
The next challenge came when I thought I could figure this out on my own. I had decided to be a, business coach, but I didn’t know how to coach myself.
Myrna – The problem with that scenario is a lot of times most, entrepreneurs, do it all in the beginning, because they don’t have the money to hire a, business coach.
Sigrun – How we get past that financial situation in the beginning is there are lots of programs that cost nothing and still give you enough steps to move forward. As you grow your own funds, you can invest in more expensive programs.
My lowest price, coaching program, is $3000 and I know that it’s possibly out of reach for some people, but at the same time I offer a lot of free content.
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Podbean
Look for Free Programs to Help you With Your Online Business
I have a podcast where I offer, business coaching. I also have free trainings every three months or so that people can join. So you can get to a certain point with free stuff.
After nine months of thinking I could do it on my own in 2014, I pulled out my credit card and invested $5000 in a, business coach.
It was like what I call a rocket up my butt.
My, online business, took off. After nine months of what I call throwing spaghetti at the wall, the puzzle started to work out for me.
I made lot of mistakes in my first year and then with, business coaching, I started to understand how to build an, online coaching business, a scalable business, and a sustainable business.
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I went into business with the aim of making it, scalable, sustainable and profitable. I had run multiple businesses before and one thing that I didn’t like was when revenue was tied to the number of employees.
That’s the beauty of an, online business, of offering courses and, scalable, programs, memberships and masterminds, that is not so people dependent.
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It was about mid-second year that I started my first, group coaching, program and immediately sold out. I had two groups of six people. I started with six people, because I saw some other coaches do it.
Then I tried eight people and then ten people and twelve people and it took me a year to finally then offer a group of 18 people. My first 18 people group stayed with me for two more rounds. Every, group coaching, program ran about 10 to 12 months.
Then I started to ask myself if 18 people was the limit? I can run maybe five groups at the same time, but that is a limit again. How can I scale from there?
So in 2018, after doing 18 people, coaching groups, for a while and getting to the limit of how many groups I can run, I decided I was going to have a more, scalable, program. I get other coaches to come in with me and coach separate groups. This was a huge step for me.
Myrna – Tony Robbins is making millions doing that. He trains coaches to do his, coaching program.
Sigrun – Absolutely, now I have six coaches plus myself in this, coaching program, with 500 members, so totally doable to scale to that size.
How to start on online business
I can literally take an absolute beginner on a 10-week journey and they will:
Build an email list.
They will create their first or next, online course, that is four weeks.
They will sell another, coaching program, that they also come up with in the program.
So, after 10 weeks they have an email list with excited buyers, they have created an, online course, that is four weeks and they start the process of creating a second program that is longer than four weeks.
Stage one: one-on-one coaching. I do believe people benefit from doing, one-on-one coaching, you start the seven stages with stage zero which is sometimes confusing. Stage zero you’re not making any money, that’s the research stage. That’s where you can for instance, create a course that is for free.
Stage two- Offer your first online course for free. A free four-week, online course, so you create something with your clients and then you know that people will like it, and then you can more easily sell it. So, in the research stage, you’re not earning money, but you are talking to your ideal client, you’re figuring out what you like, what they like.
Stage three – you start with, group programs. In stage three you have your four-week, online course. I highly suggest that people have a four-week, online course, as the first, online course, they create. You circle to the free 4-week, online course, you gave away for free in stage one. Now you can add testimonials and charge.
Stage four – once you have created a small, online course, this gives you the confidence to create your signature, online course. A signature, online course, is typically 8, 10 or 12 weeks. This is where you can start to really scale your, online business. The year I created my signature, online course, was the year that my revenues increased from $340,000 to $1,000,000.
Stage five – You want to finish your ascension model. Your ascension model is literally the journey you want to take your client on. It’s 27 times more expensive to always get new clients, so you need to create a pathway for your clients to move up when they finish one, online course.
Stage six – Then there’s another problem I needed to tackle. Now I’ve created my, online course, how do I sell it? How do I launch my, online business?
Stage seven – Then I have a final program at the top where I take clients to a million dollars in revenue. I only work with 10 or 12 women at this level.
Your Ascension Model
I have an, online course, called Momentum. This is where they stay with me for 12 months. They learn how to launch their, online business, again and again.
Learn how to get new clients.
Learn how to do Facebook ads.
Hopefully reached $200,000 in revenue
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It is important to know the numbers. If you have 100 people interested in your, online business, typically only three will buy.
In an, online business, we don’t talk to everyone, we do a webinar or we do a podcast. We do different things, this is the marketing attraction model.
If you can envision a pyramid. At the bottom is the entry level program. In my case it’s a $3000 program, but for a lot of businesses this could be something like a four week, online course, for $197 or $297.
That’s the first taste of working with you and if people like it, they’ll move to the next stage. In my case I have kickstart, online course. Then they just keep moving up the pyramid.
Conclusion Online Coaching Business
Tell us about your, self-made conference, coming up for a thousand, female entrepreneurs.
The, self-made summit, was supposed to happen in 2020 we all know what happened, now it’s been moved to 2022. It is for, female entrepreneurs, so all the speakers are seven figure women who have built an, online business, in different industries.
These women built million dollar businesses and now they want to share their journey and their steps for others who want to follow or just be inspired to take action.
I’m all about action and implementation, so it will not just be inspiration, people will walk away with real action steps that they can take in their, online business.
I have one young speaker, Haley Thomas, she has worked with Michelle Obama. She is a super inspiring young black woman who has built a non-profit helping children eat healthier.
How they our readers connect with you and buy tickets to the, self-made summit?
today on possibility of a successful, online business.
I want to invite you guys to join my Facebook group called Life coach where you’ll be inspired daily by dozens of coaches that we have on the platform including myself so thanks again. Please subscribe to the podcast and leave us a review.
Can you fix a broken marriage? Laura Doyle best selling author of the Surrendered Wife and the Empowered Wife gives us , marriage advice, on how to get your, husband’s, attention and affection.
If you’re in any kind of situation right now where you’re needing some tips to get through a, bad marriage, and need some, marriage advice, This is the episode for you. Be sure to download and listen to the full audio interview, because I’m understanding the pandemic has put a lot of strain on some, marriages. We’re going to be giving you, marriage advice, to get you over the hump.
Download full Interview Here:
Secrets For Attracting Your Husband’s Attention Introduction
You know, marriages, are always an, ebb and flow, so if you’re in the ebb right now, we want to offer, marriage advice, help you out.
New York Times Bestselling Author Laura Doyle was the perfect wife…until she got married. When she told her husband how to be tidier, more romantic, and more ambitious, he avoided her. So, she dragged him to, marriage counseling, and nearly divorced him.
Laura’s mission today is to offer, marriage advice, to end world, divorce. She is the founder of the international relationship coach training school Laura Doyle Connect, the star of Empowered Wives on Amazon Prime, the Creator of The Ridiculously Happy Wife program, the host of The Empowered Wife Podcast and she has appeared on The Today Show, Good Morning America and The View.
She has given, marriage advice, to over 15,000 women fix their, relationships–even the hopeless ones– without their husband’s effort. But the thing that Laura is most proud of is her gratifying 31-year marriage with her hilarious husband John, who she says has been dressing himself since before she was born.
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Myrna – Let’s dive right in. One of the first questions about, marriage advice, I want to ask you is. How can a, wife, single-handedly bring a boring or broken, marriage, back to life?
Laura – There was a time when I would have been like Hell no, she can’t, because I had been trying myself for years with no success. I read all the books, got tons of, marriage advice, and I did what they said. I dragged my, husband, to, marriage counseling, because I thought well then the, marriage counselor, can fix him and then I will finally be happy!
I told myself, I think that is how it works. I am pretty sure how it works! Of course it didn’t work at all. My, husband, and I were having wall-to-wall hostility and cold wars at my house, which is where there’s no talking for days and it’s just uncomfortable and tense.
You’re kind of avoiding each other and it was very painful and lonely. I wanted to have a great relationship with my, husband, so bad, but it just eluded me. I had thought that he was a great guy when I married him, but this is seven, eight, nine years in and I thought I married the wrong guy. In fact, we went to, marriage counseling, for like over a year and spent nine thousand dollars and nothing changed. I remember I was sitting on the, marriage counselors, gray couch when I realized my, marriage, was not gonna work. I’m gonna have to get divorced. My, husband, is never going to change. I’m either going to spend the rest of my life in a, loveless marriage, or else I’m going to have to just move on.
What Marriage advice would you give: Should a wife stay or go?
I decided I would get a, divorce, but, there was just one problem, I was too embarrassed to get a, divorce, because all my relatives and friends had been to the wedding and I didn’t want them to know that we were struggling. We would show up at parties after we’d had a big blow up in the car and put on the fake face.
So, I started doing research. I’d been a journalism major in school so, I thought I’m going to get, marriage advice, from other, wives, who have a, happy marriage, for at least at least 15 years; because that seemed like a really long time to be married to me at the time!
I’m going to ask them for, marriage advice, and what their secrets are and then whatever they say, I’m going to do. I’ll just experiment with it and if it works great, I’ll keep it and if it doesn’t work, I’m going to throw it out.
These married women gave me, marriage advice, I didn’t even understand. It didn’t make sense to me. I thought they were going to say “You have to pick the right man” but they didn’t. They said things like:
I try never to criticize my husband no matter how much it seems like he deserves it.
I was like, you got anything else?
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I was desperate enough to start doing some of the things these, wives, suggested. I remember it was not that long afterwards that I came through the front door from work or somewhere and when my, husband, saw me, face lit up. He was happy to see me!
I thought to myself, something’s working, this is working! I got really excited, I got very hopeful. But then not that long afterwards, we were driving down the street in the car and we had another blow up. I was so discouraged, I was hoping this wasn’t going to happen anymore, because now I knew what to do. It wasn’t that hard, it was just new.
Over time I got the, marriage, I always dreamed. My, husband, went back to making bedroom eyes at me again. He would just grab me at the waist, I’d be passing him in the hall, and he would just pull me in for a kiss! We were laughing together again and now 31 years later, I still get to enjoy my, husband.
Marriage Advice # 2 Make your Husband feel like a man
Myrna – It does feel like a miracle. It turns this is, how to fix a, broken marriage, by changing our behavior towards our, husbands. The first secret is to not criticize our, husband; instead, make your, husband, feel like a man.
Laura – I would say the first secret and , marriage advice, was shocking for me, and I really had a very hard time getting to this, because I think as a woman, I felt like I was doing all the work. I was paying all the bills and doing more housework and I was making more money. We think, why should I do any more work? I’m already doing all the work in this relationship.
A big secret in that most people don’t know it is that women are actually the keepers of the relationship.
I mistakenly thought that being angry was gonna make my, husband, see how he should shape up. I thought if I give him the silent treatment or yell at him or even if I’d sit down and nicely tell him all the things he was doing wrong, he will change! It doesn’t work.
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Now I’ve learned this little secret which is that if I just express my desires in a way that inspires, I get a completely different response. Eg. I would say “John I would love a clean kitchen right” and the kitchen would be in the same shape that it always was when I would be complaining about it, but this time he would say, “okay I’ll clean it!”
Myrna – That’s interesting that you didn’t ask a direct question. I heard that women always think that men are mind readers, and they don’t state their desires clearly, they always expect the men to read their minds. Instead of saying this kitchen is a mess, instead ask for help, John can you help me clean the kitchen.
Laura – If you say “John can you help me with the kitchen” maybe that wouldn’t work either, because then it’s like a direct order and, husbands, don’t like orders from their, wives.
Myrna – You are correct. Yet, they say we are the difficult ones!
Marriage Advice #4 Don’t be the boss of your husband
Laura – It’s funny that you say that, because I think that’s a very common, marriage advice, that you hear. Ask for what you want, but you can come off like his boss or his mother.
Husbands, are not sexually attracted to their mothers.
Their mother probably used to say “take out the trash” or “put your dish in the sink.”
What are some of the intimacy skills you teach in your book?
Myrna – you also talk about six, intimacy skills. What are they?
Laura – The first, marriage advice, to get to, intimacy, is to bring down the boss-like attitude into softness. One of the best, intimacy skills,
that I was pretty excited to learn about was and this is the best, aphrodisiac, on the planet for men and it’s free and it works fast! I got this from the other, wives, who were, happily married.
The best, aphrodisiac, on the planet for men is respect. It is like oxygen for men.
I think when people hear, surrendered wife, they think subservient or obedient or whatever, that’s not me. I’m a feminist, I’m well educated, I don’t do obedient. My opinion counts, but I started to get a superiority complex. I would see my, husband, make a mistake and I’d be like I’m probably better at this. I better show him how to do things.
I better help him be more ambitious.
I better help him be more romantic.
I better help him learn how to load the dishwasher the right way.
Marriage advice # 5 do not disrespect your husband
Like these things are so important! I did not know I was so disrespectful. I was helpful in, wife, language, but disrespectful in, husband, language. So, one of the chief phrases that I use now is
“I apologize for being disrespectful when I criticized you just now.” and I stop.
That’s a key part of that cheat phrase, you have to just stop because otherwise if you just go explaining it kills it.
I don’t really want to be disrespectful. I don’t want to be that nagging, controlling, shrewish wife who thinks she knows more than her, husband, or that she is better than her, husband. That, wife, is lonely.
Conclusion Empowered Wife
Myrna – Let’s talk about your book The Empowered Wife and where can we get it.
Laura – As I mentioned there’s six, intimacy skills, we only talked about 3 of them today. The book lists them all and it’s just so nice to have all the training right there laid out in front of you. Which is all laid out in the Empowered Wife, but I have something really fun going on right now too that you can download for free on my website at www.lauradoyle.org.
It’s called the, Adored Wife, Road Map. This lays out the steps to becoming an, Adored Wife, which let’s face it, don’t we all want to feel like, Adored Wives? I also talk about the three mistakes that almost every, wife, seems to be making when they’re trying to get their, husband’s, attention or his affection. You’re trying to make things more passionate; you just want him to spend some time with you, these mistakes will backfire on you. In the map I talk about what to do instead. So you can download that at www.lauradoyle.org.
We all know that children from zero to seven are all like little sponges, downloading everything. This is when the, mother wound, gets started. Mothers, are nurturers if the child is not getting nurtured, they fail to thrive.
I want to say that I personally have not had a, mother wound. My, mother, and I are pretty close. I’m the eldest of four children and my, mother, she’s actually my best friend. But I understand the pain from the, mother wound. I adopted three children from the, foster care, system who were heavily wounded by their, mothers. They all had, abandonment, issues so, I experienced firsthand how the, mother wound, affected every aspect of their lives.
The girls became promiscuous with men and boys, wanted friends and have people like them. Also because of the, mother wound, they were not being able to bond with me or my husband, because another bi-product of the, mother wound, is, attachment disorder, so the adoption was not successful in integrating our families.
My guest today is Keri Hummingbird, author of “Love is Fierce: Healing the Mother Wound. If you or anyone you know need healing from, mother wounds, this is the episode for you.
Listen to the full interview here:
Introduction
Keri Hummingbird Sami is a soul guide, shamanic healer, award winning author and inspirational speaker. Kerri has over 20 years of experience in helping women rewrite the story of their lives through inner transformation, connection to essence, remembrance of purpose and realignment to authenticity and truth.
Myrna – Kerri what was your relationship with your mother like? Were you wounded by your, mother?
Kerri – Myrna even though your personal experience with your, mother, from your vantage point is very healed, which is a beautiful gift, there is like an ocean of not healed women on the planet. Having a, mother, as a life preserver who knows how to love is so beautiful and really pivotal because everything that happens in our early life, starting from the moment of conception is being recorded.
Starting from the moment of conception in the mother’s womb, babies are being formed in the, consciousness, of the, mother, it can’t be any other way. You’re inside the, mother, you’re being formed by the, mother’s, beliefs about herself, beliefs about the world, ancestral traumas that are unhealed; all of it goes inside of our ancestral DNA in our very human bodies.
Your Communication with your mother starts in the womb
Just imagine that the voice that you speak to yourself with it starts forming when you’re being formed inside your, mother’s womb, so however your, mother, speaks to herself is how you start to learn to speak to yourself. If the, mother, is not confident or if she’s had sexual traumas or if she does not believe in herself that’s going to influence your development. If the, mother, believes in herself, if she’s strong, if she’s vibrant then you’re getting that. You’re getting that training inside as you’re growing inside her body.
They’ve proven now that babies are able to perceive outside the womb, they’re able to perceive not only what’s going on inside the, mother, but also the outside environment. Babies can perceive things, they can hear voices, a vibration happens they can feel things, they sense things.
So, the beginning of education in earth school starts from the moment of conception. We all know that children from zero to seven are all like little sponges, downloading everything. This is when the, mother wound, gets started. Mothers, are nurturers if the child is not getting nurtured, they fail to thrive.
If a child is not being nurtured by the mother they develop a mother wound
If you experience a big loss like an, abandonment, early in that zero to seven age range, that’s hugely impacting. Anywhere along your development from zero to twenty-one, anything that happens is going to be huge for you, because all of your various bodies are getting developed.
Your physical body is getting developed first, then your emotional body is getting developed then your mental body is getting developed, then your spiritual body gets developed until age 28, so all of these bodies are being formed. Everything that happens in your life experience is like creating the context of your life, the inner context.
Myrna – In this moment anyone who is a, mother, should take that role seriously. It’s a big responsibility. Before I got into this consciousness space and this self-improvement space I would hear them talk about the men or women who are in prison and blame their parents. It all starts with their, mother wound.
I always thought it was a big old blame game, but now I know it’s true the, mother wound, develops into so many unfortunate situations.
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Kerri – I want to reassure every, mother, because when I started learning about the, mother wound, I started going to self-judgment. I look at oldest child especially how his life rolled out. He’s really struggling with this and that and I was struggling with the same things while he was in me. I had a lot of, mental health, challenges that I’d been working on when I was pregnant with him at 30.
I had already been working on it for 15 years from the time I was 15 years old because I had early, childhood trauma, so I was trying to heal and I thought I had it all together and then he came into my womb.
This happens to a lot of, mothers, because you get pregnant and then your whole physiology changes. Any traumas from your childhood comes right up to the surface. You start having, postpartum depression, or other things and you’re like why is this happening. I was really excited to have this baby. Why am I going through, postpartum depression?
Having a baby, it’s like the big purge. One of the reasons for, postpartum depression, is not dealing with stuff from your past or not dealing with your, mother wounds. Psychology makes an effort in helping, mothers, to cope with this kind of thing. I even invested in psychotherapy.
I would sit there every week and like try to work on myself.
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How is this even possible?
I’ve created a proven process specifically for creative entrepreneurs so you can succeed. The personal coaching element allows you access to my wealth of knowledge without the price tag of many other coaches.
I take creative entrepreneurs just like you and I’ll teach you how to develop a brand that sets you apart in the market within the next three months using a simple, repeatable process that just plain works.
In the program, I’ll be teaching you everything from my 25+ year career of building better brands and squeezed it into a fast path program to help you go from zero to success in as little as 90 days. If you do the work, you will see results!
How the mother wound affects your romantic relationships
Myrna – If you’re abandoned by your mom or hurt by your mom, the, mother wound, it’s very hard for you to love yourself, then you can’t really be in romantic relationships.
You have to remove the subconscious programming that says you are not good enough and learn to love yourself. If you can’t release the, mother wound, and love yourself, you will continue to struggle in romantic relationships. You must gain control of your life as it deals with this issue of the, mother wound?
Kerri – I think that subconscious holds the keys to all of it because if you think about this concept of the iceberg submerged in the ocean. The part you see above the water is the conscious mind, but there’s so much more underneath the surface.
There’s so much to explore about your own consciousness to understand yourself better, so that you can show up even better.
You didn’t choose to be molested , you didn’t choose to be abandoned, you didn’t choose to be hurt by your, mother, and have a, mother wound.
According to according to Dr Wayne Dyer‘s teaching he says we chose our parents, because we needed that experience in order to do what we have to do in this earth.
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My journey in psychotherapy helped my understanding of why I had a, mother wound. The home I grew up in from the time I was five years old, was very solid. My mom and my dad worked as a team. I didn’t always like the things that they told me I had to do, but they were caring, they were loving and attentive.
We had three-way hugs in a supportive family environment. We went sailing on the weekends, we had a nice life. So I was like, why am I so screwed up? I had this feeling that something got broken inside of me from my early childhood, because I knew that there was trauma from zero to five years old.
It was a big trauma. My mom married a man who was probably not suited to be a dad. He had his own trauma story from his own childhood of being abused by his mother and left outside of hotel rooms while she slept with men and things like that. He was abandoned in hotels for days, so we had all these traumas he was working through.
Unresolved Wounds from your childhood affects your ability to parent
My, mother, started noticing that there was a really good possibility that he was going to molest me. I want to give my mom huge props, because many, mothers, stay in a situation like that afraid to leave, but my, mother, was a warrior of love. So left and found the next best pathway and that was my first step father.
My first stepfather was a violent drunk, so it was very traumatic. So by the time I was five after four years with this violent step father, we moved and just by chance met my second stepfather who I call my dad. He is the man my, mother, has been with for 45 years until he passed away three years ago.
Spirituality is the path to healing the mother wound
I started my spiritual path and for me that was the opening because it taped into beyond the mind, it taped into the body where a lot of trauma is stored. Many people know trauma is stored in the body and it taps into the emotional body. When you’re a child and you’re seeing these scary things happening, you don’t have words to talk. You don’t have language.
As an adult, you have to go deeper into the body, the somatic experience. You have to go into inner child healing, and make friends with all these aspects of you and become their parents. It’s really about re-mothering yourself and the re-mothering process takes some time because
of those early conditionings.
You have to stay in the conversation of love and kindness and gentleness long enough for it to start to sink in, and for these aspects to heal. Along that journey all kinds of modalities might happen for you. I found mine in a shaman. Somebody told me they got healed by a shaman and I was like sign me up.
What are men’s role in healing the, mother wound? A lot of times men add it to the damage that the, mother, started and then the men compound the, mother wound.
Kerri – Men can help by healing the mother wounds inside of them, because all men were boys and they came out of a, mother, so that’s why the solution is the, mother, because we all live in a, mother, to begin life. So, in order to heal we all have to walk back to the, mother.
Your relationship with your, mother, and the programming of love that you received from your, mother, is also your trust in your connection with the divine and earth. It’s a multi-dimensional conversation, because whatever lack of trust you have with your biological mother, that same lack of trust can show up in your connection with the divine, in your connection with the planet.
If you’re disregarding your body, you’re probably also disregarding your impact on the earth.
Why did you write the book “Love is Fierce: healing the mother wound”?
Kerri – My book uses my personal experience to illustrate various points that are very common across humanity so, there’s a lot of themes in the book that talk about why it is that we are in the situation we’re in right now. Why we have so much war and conflict, misunderstanding and divides between people. This is because of the breakdown of the matriarchy. The breakdown of the feminine and how a lot of the patterns we see are derived directly from breakdown of that primary relationship with the, mother.
I had to go through the deep inner work to write the book and to reveal the patterns, but honestly I’ve been working on this project my entire life.
Myrna – I understand, you had 20 years in psychotherapy. This project allowed you to heal your, mother wound, and also heal the, mother wounds, of your children.
Myrna – Where can our listeners connect with you get a copy of your book? How can they connect with you on social media and your website?
Kerri- They can connect with me on my website www.kerrihummingbird.com
On the website there is a link to sign up for 17 days of interviews on the return of mother wisdom, which I find to be really inspiring. I interviewed all these women and they have these beautiful things to say about where we’re going with humanity on the earth.
You can purchase the book on amazon and then you can take your confirmation number over to www.motherwoundbook.com (receive 17 days of interviews for the Return of Mother Wisdom Series)
I also have a podcast called the Soul Nectar Show, I hope you’re going to come and be a guest on the show.
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Love Mastery Game, and oracle card game that explains the Love Lesson you’re learning by a particular challenge.
Food, plays a major role in, beauty, not only because it helps us reduce, stress, but it feeds us vitamins and minerals that can stimulate our, collagen. My whole approach to, skin care, is how do we purge the mind, the body and the skin from, stress and have a natural, facelift?
Gregory Landsman is one of the most noted global, beauty, and wellness experts in the world. He is the best-selling author of nine books, and a TV host who specializes in using food as a natural, facelift. Often referred to as ‘The Beauty Advisor’, Gregory’s books and global TV program “Face Lifting Food” show viewers how to create quick skin-boosting meals and powerful skin treatments using everyday foods to achieve younger, healthier looking skin at any age. Having worked in the, beauty, industry for 30+ years Gregory believes that looking youthful goes well beyond waging war on wrinkles: and that how we age is 100% controllable. His natural, face lifting, methods are used globally by models, shown in universities, and recommended by doctors. Gregory is a strong voice for inclusion. From Apartheid South Africa to working at the height of the fashion industry, and his fundamental discovery that regardless of what we do, how we look cannot be separated from how we feel.
Listen to the full interview here:
Introduction to Becoming a Beauty Expert
Myrna – Tell us your journey to becoming a, beauty, and wellness expert as well as authoring nine books.
Gregory – I think our life journey takes us where we need to go regardless of where we start. My journey to understanding the concept of, beauty, started from a young age. I was born in South Africa at the height of the apartheid system. Many people say that the country you are born in shapes the quality of the human being and your character.
In my case I have strong views on skin, because from an early age I knew that the color of my skin, the texture of my hair and the width of my nose would determine my level of freedom. My quality of life and before I even got to school, I could read park bench signs – whites only or the public toilets or having to listen to my mum saying could you please hold going to the bathroom until we got home because you can’t use that toilet.
We’ve got to stop with the judgments, we’ve got to stop with the labels. I was a child that was beaten and spat on daily by the time I got to school for my differences. I had lost all belief in who I was as a child, but I was able to put myself back together. We shifted to Australia and my mum became a model and I followed in her footsteps and that’s how I entered into the, beauty, Industry.
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Myrna – Your story is really interesting. When you were growing up you probably had a negative opinion of yourself and then you became a model and a, beauty expert. Did that shift the way you viewed yourself?
Gregory – I still walked around with insecurities and fears and I still felt like that broken kid. That’s why I firmly believe that what is on the inside shows up on the outside. My grandma said something that goes to the heart of, beauty.
She said you know boy, God gives us all five minutes of grace and we can wow people with our fancy smiles and our cute little nose; but after your five minutes, the truth of who you are emerges and nothing can hide that.
The definition of Beauty
I utilize the acronym of, beauty:
B – is for balance. It is the balance of inner virtues that radiates outwardly. It’s what ultimately shapes our, beauty, and our lives.
E – the ease for enthusiasm, to show enthusiasm for who we are and all aspects of who we are.
A – is for acceptance, accepting ourselves as a whole without isolating or fragmenting, beauty, to certain physical characteristics.
U – is for understanding that when we are born, we are born whole and beautiful and along the way we have been educated to doubt what we were given. If we have the ability to create insecurity, we have the ability to eliminate it.
T – is for trust, learning to trust in who we are and what we represent in this world, and the wisdom that you possess.
Y- You possess, beauty, if you can see it in a much more expansive way, other than just physical, beauty. It is not about masculinity, it’s not about femininity, it’s about humanity and celebrating the divine differences we all bring to this world.
That is the foundation that my work is based on, because I believe that is where it starts. It starts on the inside and then we can take care of the skin that houses the spirit, we take care of our, beauty.
It is not a line that ages a woman, it is her energy. Her energy gives her a natural, facelift.
Beauty and Aging
When a woman begins to lose her self-belief and her strong sense of what she represents in this world, she begins to age. I know women who are 85 years old, I call them ageless, because it’s not about their age, it’s about their energy and they’re beautiful.
The Beauty of a Natural Facelift
Gregory – Myrna you’re ageless, you’ve got vitality and beauty, it’s your beautiful energy. It is infectious and give you a natural, facelift.
Myrna – Thank you, I do have a lot of good energy and I feel good about myself and I laugh a lot. I am thinking this is because I have good genes and because I followed a, skin care, regiment since the age of 18 years old. When I was 18 years old, I became a model and learnt, skin care. I have kept that, skin care routine, of cleanse, tone and moisturize for over 3 decades. I have also done facials over the years to give my face a, facelift.
Gregory – When we’re speaking about cleanse, tone and moisturize, that is all the stuff of forgive, learn, laugh that’s how we’re constantly cleansing internally and that is a natural, facelift. We are letting stuff go and the more we let go, the younger we look.
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I never look at, skin, in isolation or a wrinkle, it’s much more on a holistic level. Aging is a natural process of life, and it is something that I welcome; but, premature skin aging, we can seriously do something about that.
The skin, it never lies.
It will tell you the food you’re eating or not eating,
You skin will tell you your breathing patterns,
Highlights the lack of water, or lack of sleep.
All of these things play a major role in our skin and, beauty.
Food, plays a major role in, healthy skin, not only because it helps us reduce, stress, but it feeds us vitamins and minerals that can stimulate our, collagen and give us a, facelift. My whole my whole approach to, skin care, is how do we purge the mind, the body and the skin from, stress?
We do that with, food, we purge with good breathing, we do it with, face exercises, and a little, face massage. We have to purge the body from, stress, because, stress, is what ages the skin. When we are stressed, we make less, collagen, and as we age it also decreases. Constant, stress, accelerates this whole process.
If the, stress hormone, cortisol, is raging, you are aging prematurely. We want to get, cortisol, under control and we can do it with, food, and breath. Cortisol, is responsible when if you can’t sleep, that means you have too much of it in your body.
Stress, and, cortisol, impacts the production of our, collagen, and it creates chaos with our skin. It also creates chaos in our lives, when we don’t feel good, we don’t look good either.
Myrna – You mentioned that, sleep, is really important when it comes to your, skin care routine, people often refer to it as, beauty sleep.
What people don’t know is that when we, sleep, we activate the, human growth hormone, which strengthens the skin. It creates a thicker skin. It’s also in the state of, rest and digest, where we repair our skin and more, collagen, is produced.
The greatest, anti-aging, secrets can be found in our everyday, foods. With the right, foods, wrinkles begin to fade and skin regains elasticity, that’s the power of, food to give us a natural, facelift.
Can we get collagen from beauty creams?
When you buy facial products or creams with, collagen, it is a waste of money. Collagen, is the protein in connective tissue that keeps the, skin, elastic. That molecule can’t push through the, skin, when applied with creams. The best way to stimulate, collagen, is through, food, and, sleep.
The fibers in our, collagen, become weak through the free radicals. The best way to strengthen is to eat, foods, and topically apply skin regenerating vitamins and minerals that naturally stimulate and protect our, collagen.
• Vitamin C – Vitamin C is key to, collagen, production and since it can’t be stored in the body, it’s really important to top it up all the time. So we have to eat, face-lifting foods, like –
sweet red peppers,
brussels sprouts,
broccoli and
tomato.
If you love tomato, while it’s fantastic uncooked, when you cook it with a little bit of olive oil, you access lycopene, a powerful antioxidant.
A fresh tomato is something you can put in a little strainer and you take the juice of it and apply that on your skin. It’s a wonderful tonic for the skin and a natural, facelift.
• Vitamin E – that’s a powerful antioxidant that protects and reduces damage caused to, skin cells; but it’s also anti-inflammatory and that keeps the, skin, smooth, and it reduces wrinkles.
• You can find antioxidant with spinach, almonds, sunflower oil and mangoes. It’s not one specific, face lifting food, it is a variety.
• Vitamin B – is incredible for, skin, and you can get a complex variety from beets, eggs, turkey, whole wheat breads. If you are a lover of spinach and kale, pour a little bit of olive oil over the greens. It helps the body absorb the nutrients effectively.
If you eat garlic and onion, they contain sulfur, a wonderful, beauty, mineral, but with garlic, one thing you’ve got to remember is while it’s got incredible health benefits you must crush it and then leave it for at least five minutes. It activates and releases the enzyme allicin, an organic compound and a really powerful antioxidant and, facelift.
Glutathione, is often referred to as the mother of all antioxidants, you find it in the tip of asparagus, and avocados. It’s a wonderful way to support your, glutathione, levels.
If you’ve heard of, hyaluronic acid, people have it injected in their faces. These are injectables, but if you look, hyaluronic acid, is present when a baby’s born. Babies they always say as smooth as a baby’s bottom. Babies are pumped full of, hyaluronic acid, but as we age we lose it, but something as simple as consuming Vitamin B in our diet activates and helps increase our, hyaluronic acid, levels for a natural, facelift.
Include omega-3 fatty acids in your diet, it is a wonderful moisturizer, you access omega-3 fatty acids through fish, and it moisturizes the skin from the inside out giving you a, facelift.
You use, supplements, if you’re not getting these nutrients in natural, food.
Water we all have access to it and our body it’s 70 to 80% of our brain tissue is water, so if you’re dehydrated your body and your mind are stressed. If you’re feeling thirsty, you’re already a little bit dehydrated.
I can change someone’s, skin, the quality and texture of with water and showing them how to breathe correctly.
Myrna – We can’t have this conversation without talking about what Hollywood and most people are doing with the cosmetic, plastic surgery. Plumping up the, skin, with Botox.
Using Natural Food as a facelift instead of Plastic Surgery
I think our world as it stands today, there’s some things going wrong especially in the, beauty, world. The, beauty, industry, anti-aging, it’s a multi-billion dollar industry that often drives fear and, stress, around the aging process.
There’s a fine line between self-improvement and self-destruction and with many of the procedures that I see, I believe that we’ve crossed the line to self-destruction. I can’t see the, beauty, in a face that doesn’t move or paralyzing a muscle.
You wrote the books “Face Value” “Face Fitness” and “Face Food” tells us about your books.
Face Value, is a incredible book that shows you really how to utilize all the ingredients in your kitchen to take years off your face naturally and for a natural, facelift. It will show you things like how to use the avocado, what grape seed oil can to support stronger skin. This
is based on rock solid science, everything that I do is based on science.
That’s why I work in the wellness centers with people undergoing chemotherapy. I show them how to change their, skin, because chemotherapy does horrible stuff to, skin.
Book: Face food
I wrote “Face Food” and Face Food shows you how to stimulate the, collagen, from the inside with foods that you’re eating and where to find all of these, anti-aging, ingredients.
Face massages and Face Fitness
We haven’t touched on, face fitness, is how do you keep the muscles on the face strong because it’s not a line that ages a face, but a sagging muscle. We’ve got over 50 of these muscles on the face, we only use not even half of them, so when we know these are the muscles need to be strengthened.
We give ourselves a, natural facelift. When I get a, facial they always end it with a, face massage.
I also do a, face massage, every night when I apply my night cream.
