How to Tackle Teenage Anxiety and Depression

Tackling Teenage Anxiety and Depression

Anxiety, in teenagers and young adults is much more than a phase. It’s a real condition that can interfere with daily life, lead to, depression, and suicidal thoughts.

In this interview, I am speaking with Megan Gallagher, mental health advocate and Tedx speaker.

While growing up, Megan experienced chronic, anxiety, and panic attacks, as well as body image issues. Inspired by the lack of honest conversations among her peers/teachers about “real life topics”. After therapy and healing, she dove headfirst into making that change in the public school system! Gallagher currently speaks at middle schools and high schools about, mental health, self-care, following your dreams & mindfulness. She has spoken at over 500 schools and been featured in major media outlets like Forbes Magazine, Entrepreneur Magazine, The Today Show, OK! Magazine, NBC news, FOX news and Yahoo!

Listen to the full interview here:

How did you traverse your painful childhood?  What exactly caused your, anxiety, and how did you become an, anxiety, and, mental health advocate?

Growing up as a youth I can remember as early as  elementary school,  I have vivid memories of just sitting in class and noticing my stomach churning and getting really sweaty under my armpits. All these things would happen and I didn’t really know what triggered these spiral of symptoms.

I would think I ate something weird at lunch or maybe something’s not sitting right on my stomach or even that I had stomach flu.

My mom figured that I was more sensitive than my sister and needed more attention. I wanted just to be alone.  Going to crowded public places really overwhelmed me.  My parents would say Megan tends to freak before an event happens so they would try to find ways to calm me down.

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It wasn’t until I was 13 years old in eighth grade about to graduate to go to high school, that I became aware of my emotions and become in tune with my body.  These, anxiety attacks, were really scary and they came out of nowhere.

I would be sitting in a classroom and I felt like I was like coming out of my skin.  Just wanting to get up and go the bathroom and just breathe. Freaking out, I  like didn’t want to be around people,  I just wanted to just have a moment for myself.

Myrna – Do you think you are in introvert? Did you put a label on it?

Megan – I’m actually the most social extroverted person ever. I thrive off of being around people and I love having a big friend group and I love hanging out with people, so I wouldn’t say I’m an introvert, I would say I’m have high functioning, anxiety.

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Teenagers,  can go one of two ways with Anxiety and Depression :

  • People who show their, depression, and, anxiety, through shutting down. They kind of isolate themselves.
  • I handled my, anxiety, and found comfort in talking about my feelings. I just love talking and being around people. I loved being around people hosting events and parties.

Now that I’m 24, I don’t really get the, anxiety attacks, but I still have anxious moments.

I learned how to handle it though.  I know how to stop the negative thoughts before they turn into a full-blown, anxiety attack.

My, anxiety, continued into high school. I remember so well gearing up during the summer and counting down the days until my first day of high school.  I had the normal thoughts of you know, where’s my locker. What if I get lost in this new school. The what if thoughts would fuel my, anxiety.

How to Control your Anxiety by being in the moment.

Now I know I should have stayed in the present moment, my mind was trying to anticipate what’s gonna happen two months from now, one month, 3 weeks etc.  But the truth of the matter is we can’t control the future.

With, anxiety, you have such a fear of losing control. For people with, anxiety, being in control is what they want.

My, anxiety, has manifested itself in different ways throughout my life.  When I was younger in high school, my, anxiety, manifested in an eating disorder. I was too anxious to eat in school, so I would starve myself all day and then binge at night.

My, anxiety, showed up where my mind would just black out. I would feel  like I got shot off into space and then I would get hot and sweaty and see stars.  It was so scary and  so uncomfortable in public.

Anxiety, can mimic a heart attack or a stroke or it can mimic other life-threatening health conditions.

My freshman sophomore year of high school I was a mess, in constant, anxiety, mode. My mind would calculate that an episode happened at 9 00 a.m. in English class, so then the next day my body, that internal clock started saying it’s 9 a.m.  Yesterday I got an, anxiety attack, so I would have another, anxiety attack, thinking about the last, anxiety attack. It was a vicious cycle. I got so deep in the ditch I felt like a prisoner to my own mind.

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How did you Heal Yourself of, Anxiety?

My, anxiety, had reached a point where I felt like I was being cornered in a wall, so I had to ask for help.  I sat my parents down and told them what had been going on with me for years. They told me that, mental illness, and, anxiety,  runs on my dad’s side of the family and what I have it’s called, anticipatory anxiety.

They scheduled me in therapy and told me your first session is next week.

Forms of Therapy for, Anxiety.

  • Talk therapy where it’s just the typical talking while the Therapist takes notes.
  • Hypnotherapy where you lie on a couch and the Therapist  puts you in a hypnotic state where you can reach your subconscious mind.
  • EFT Tapping for, anxiety, and fear. EFT is the abbreviation for Emotional Freedom Techniques, an effective self-help tool for calming anxiety and fear. EFT is like acupuncture for emotional healing, but you can do it for yourself and there are no needles, just tapping on a sequence of calming meridian points with your fingertips.

I am such an advocate for therapy. I think everyone who suffers from, anxiety, should do therapy because every single person on this planet has their own stuff.  It doesn’t have to have been something traumatic; but every person has baggage.

My therapist in high school told me “Megan everyone in life has baggage.” Just like people getting on a plane, some just have a little carry-on while some  have like four suitcases.  Some people have designer baggage, others have a trash bag; but everyone has something to bring on the plane.

What made you become a, Mental Health Advocate, talking in Middle and High Schools?

My therapist also taught me your mind is like a dog on a leash. When you walk your dog outside and you let the dog do its thing while on the leash. The dog just want to take off; but you have to maintain control of the dog on the leash. You mind is the same way, it wants to take off and anticipate everything and then get, anxiety attacks, but you have to reign it back in.  You are still in control of the leash.

When I talk in schools, I try to teach teenagers that they are in control of their minds.

We’re in a pandemic right now and people are getting, anxiety attacks, worrying about the future, worrying if they are going to find a job, it they are going to loose their homes.

Why do you think there is an epidemic of teenagers with, Anxiety, and Depression?

Teenagers were always having a problem with, depression, and, anxiety.  A lot of people blame it on the social atmosphere, the social culture.  The culture we live in today it’s so different from the 80s or the 90s even the early 2000s.  A huge switch happened when  social media like Facebook and Myspace took off. Now there’s Tumblr, there’s Twitter, there’s, Tic Tock,  there’s Instagram. It’s insane but it is important to remember social media does the same thing to human beings as, anxiety,  it triggers the fear of missing out.  Oh I didn’t get invited to that party that I see on snap chat,  oh my gosh what’s going on with me, my friends are posing on a yacht with a celebrity, so their life must be better than mine.

Social media it really is a very negative thing and I think it’s important to really be aware of how does it make you feel?Before you go on Instagram versus after you get off Instagram. If you are feeling, anxiety, or, depression, after you go on social media, you should cut back your time on it to like 20 minutes a day instead of scrolling for hours.

Here are some of the signs that your Teenager is Depressed

Since teenagers are often moody, it can be difficult to recognize when your son or daughter has become depressed, and might need help. The thing people tend to notice first is withdrawal, or when the teenager stops doing things she usually likes to do. There might be other changes in her mood, including sadness or irritability. Or in her behavior, including, appetite, energy level, sleep patterns and academic performance. If several of these symptoms are present, be vigilant about the possibility of teen, depression.

This is especially important because by the time family members and other people around a teenager note her lack of interest in most things.  She’s usually been depressed for some time. Depression, is an internalizing disorder, i.e. one that disturbs a patient’s emotional life, rather than an externalizing one, which takes the form of disruptive or problematic behavior. As such, it takes a while not only for others to recognize it but often for the patient herself to realize that her thinking, and emotional responses, are disturbed.

What your main message for teenagers battling with,  Anxiety?

My main message is follow your dreams in life. Once upon a time, it feels like a decade ago, when I went was allowed to speak at schools,  I talked about, mental health, anxiety, and self-care.  I touched on a lot subjects; but the main takeaway was follow your passions.  First fill up your cup, take care of yourself and get to know your body.

Connect with Megan for speaking or to hear any of her work on Instagram @ meganwgallegher on Linkedin @ Megan Gallagher

Additional Resources on Anxiety

How to Heal Your Brokenness

In a Unhealthy Relationship? Should you Stay or Go.

Unhealthy Relationships vs Healthy Love

So many women stay in, unhealthy relationships, and complain.  They feel unsatisfied, they feel unappreciated,  they feel disconnected, but they stay because they don’t want to be alone.  Blake D Bauer, relationship coach lets you know the signs when you should go, if you have given it all you got.

In this Blog and podcast, Blake D Bauer and Myrna Young, Life Coach, are going to be talking on the topic, unhealthy relationships, vs, healthy love.  So ladies download and listen to the full interview because we’re gonna be talking about men and how to understand your man.

Listen to full interview here:

Introduction to Blake D Bauer and, Unhealthy Relationships

Myrna – How did you become an Author, Teacher and a Relationship Coach?

Blake – As a young man I struggled a lot psychologically and emotionally and I didn’t have a lot of healthy men role models in my life, so to cope and survive I got into drinking alcohol, partying and doing drugs.

As a man I instinctively learned how to survive by repressing my emotions.  I spent a lot of time in the gym building up my ego and building up my muscles which is a very common masculine tendency.

It’s ironic because all that was my subconscious way of protecting my heart and my vulnerability and surviving the world.  We all do that in our own way; but these are the common male tendencies.

Later I developed a desire to understand my purpose in life, which is another topic I think is really important for men.  If we don’t have a very clear sense of purpose, it’s hard for us to be strong for our family, for the women in our life and our business. I found that my purpose was to become a, relationship coach, helping women understand when they are in, unhealthy relationships.

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Men really do need a very clear sense of purpose, to be a captain of the ship or be a king for his queen.  I started waking up every morning trying to answer two questions.

  1. How do I free myself from this suffering of, unhealthy relationships?
  2. What’s the purpose of my life?

This question led me to five different universities where I studied psychology, nutrition, theories of education and early childhood development,  Chinese Medicine including acupuncture and oriental medicine.

I then had a series of insights where I could see how, unhealthy relationships, including the, unhealthy relationship, with myself, was fueling, unhealthy relationships, with others.

In other words if we never learn how to love ourselves as children, it can lead to physical disease, psychological and emotional suffering like depression, anxiety,  bipolar disorder and, unhealthy relationships.

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Blake – There was a point in my journey when I realized that everything was really about how you learn to love yourself and value yourself on a daily basis; because that’s the key to your health and happiness.  It’s also the key to, healthy love, and, healthy relationships.

In my book “You Were not Born to Suffer” I share all my findings on, unhealthy relationships, vs, healthy love.

You were not born to suffer in unhealthy relationships
You were not born to suffer in unhealthy relationships

Why is Finding your Purpose Important for, Healthy Love?

Blake – One of the big questions that everybody asks is,  Does money and wealth equal success and happiness?  So that was the question I kept asking myself.  Is success and happiness equivalent to financial success? Can you find, healthy love, if you have lots of money?

I had actually grown up around people who had been very successful financially; but who were very self-destructive and in, unhealthy relationships.

I saw people chase money, get it and lose it again doing drugs. They hurt their children, ruined their marriages and they all had, unhealthy relationships.

  • So I started asking the question, What is the purpose of Life?
  • I was plagued and tortured with questions like, Why did I come to this planet?
  • Is there a God?

From the age of 18 to 24,  I was on this very intense healing spiritual and personal development journey. I felt that the reason I had come to the planet and my purpose was to share my insights on self-love with as many people as possible.

If I could teach others how to love themselves then they would be able to love others and have, healthy relationships.

How does the Emotional Health of men lead to, Unhealthy Relationships?

A lot of women go into, unhealthy relationships,  with men and they don’t get what they’re looking for because the man is not emotionally ready.

Sometimes as a woman you can also be seeking love from a man that you don’t give yourself,  or that you didn’t get from your father. For example, it’s really important to have that self-awareness.

I am  spending time with this guy because I really enjoy his company, I really enjoy his energy.

He’s supportive,  he’s loving,  he’s present plus I’m attracted to him.  We should be having a, healthy relationship, but we are not. So if he is not giving me what I need, then I have to analyse why I am with him.

Ask these questions.

  • Did you enjoy his company?
  • Did you like feeling protected?

You want to build something with this man, so you start to open up.  You tell him, I feel X Y and Z.  Pay attention to whether he can really hear you.

  • Does he listen and respond?
  • Or  does he check out and become distracted?
  • Or does he change the topic?

Another good question to ask is:

  • How do you feel about this or that?
  • How does he feel about regrets in his life?
  • How does he feel about the importance of communication or emotional connection?
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Blake – This is how you know if you can have a, healthy relationship, with this man.

If you don’t get the response that you want, this is the red flag that you are in an, unhealthy relationship.

A lot of men use this mask, I don’t like to talk.  I don’t like to talk about my feelings.

If you get that response,  say I need a partner who is able to open up and talk about his feelings, because that’s  important to me.  As a woman looking for a, healthy relationship, you need a partner who can connect to you emotionally and be there for you and be your best friend as well as a lover.

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If you don’t demand what you want, this would be a whole relationship based on you betraying yourself, so the key from the beginning is don’t betray yourself.  If you’re betraying yourself right now, STOP because it’s never going to get better.

Many women go into relationships thinking, I am going to fix this man up. He is a work in progress! He is like a fixer-upper, I’m gonna flip this house, I’m gonna flip this man. I’ll just put some nice new wallpaper and everything will be great.

NO it never works,  it just doesn’t work.

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What does, Healthy relationships, look like?

If you’re looking for this great of a husband then you have to be a great wife.  If you’re looking for a, healthy relationship, then you’ve got to understand what are you bringing to the table,  starting with self-love. You’ve got to fix yourself because even if you do get the man,  he might not stay because you’re insensitive, you’re bitchy, or you complain all the time.

You’ve got to be the best version of yourself, you’ve got to be able to understand what you what you want up front and ask for it.

Healthy relationships, are merely a projection of the relationship you have with yourself.  It directly connects back to where you have unhealthy thought habits and unhealthy habits of internalizing your emotions or pretending you feel different than you feel.

What are the steps to check if you are in an Unhealthy Relationship?

There’s a couple of practical approaches and mindsets that go with having, healthy relationships.

  1. One is that you have to become very aware of what you’re feeling on a daily basis, so for example you can just ask yourself, What do I feel right now in my body?
  2. Get used to saying – I feel hungry, I feel hot,  I feel frustrated,  I feel sad, I feel depressed.  I feel unloved, I feel angry, I feel alone.
  3. Become intimate with your feelings.
  4. On a daily basis talk openly and honestly with your friends, your family or your partner.
  5. Find someone that you feel safe with that and who you can talk to on a daily basis about what’s going on inside of you.  If you don’t have a friend or a family member that you can talk to openly and honestly, then it’s important to find a therapist.
  6. Another thing you can do on your own or until you talk to someone, is to get a diary or a journal and write, Dear Universe or Dear God, depending on what you believe. Some people have a connection with a deceased loved one, like their mother or their father or a grandparent,  you can write to your loved one who has passed on as well.
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You are in an, Unhealthy Relationship, should you stay or should you go?

Firstly, expressing your emotions honestly and kindly, is the first step if you are in an, unhealthy relationship.  Most of us never learned how to do that, and that sabotages relationships and makes us sick and miserable.  So you got to learn how to be open, honest, and  vulnerable on a daily basis.

  • Step two is acting in integrity, acting in alignment with what you feel and want and need. So how many people stay in, unhealthy relationships, and all they do is complain.  They feel unsatisfied, they feel unappreciated,  they feel disconnected;  but they stay and they complain.
  • They don’t take action following what they feel, because they don’t want to be alone. Yet most people in that situation feel alone anyway. They stay in an, unhealthy relationship, and stifle the chance of meeting someone new.

You should leave an, unhealthy relationship, if you’ve done everything you can in that situation to heal the relationship and the other person’s not willing to help.

Conclusion for Unhealthy Love Relationships

You can leave without regret.  You know in your heart you gave it a hundred percent,  you gave everything you had.  You took the responsibility for your actions. This person did not meet you on the bridge!

Blake – My book “You were not born to suffer” is on Amazon, iTunes and audible.  It’s on audio kindle and paperback, you can get it at any bookstore.  I normally teach at retreats throughout the year in person in the united states,  I teach a lot in the mountains in Colorado at a 600 acre Buddhist retreat center. Now that we have COVID  Check out my online events  on my website unconditional-self love. Com.

Follow the Transform Your Mind Podcast on Instagram @https://www.instagram.com/myrnamyoung/

on Facebook @https://www.facebook.com/Transform-Your-Mind-356442618235798/

on Twitter @https://twitter.com/myrna_young1

Join my Private Life Coach Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/193005424200128/

Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/transform-your-mind-coach/id1144973094?mt=2

Additional Resources Unhealthy Relationships

https://blog.myhelps.us/alchemy-desire-episode-5-long-term-relationship-dance/

What is the #1 Thing Women can do to, Improve Their Relationships,?

https://www.mentalhelp.net/relationships/is-it-love-or-codependency/

https://time.com/5274206/toxic-relationship-signs-help/

A New Business Strategy: Increasing Your Capacity

Business strategy vs capacity

As a Business Coach, I kept getting clients who kept hitting a plateau with, business strategy.  They hired experts to help them figure out the right business model,  to surpass this plateau or ceiling; but they kept hitting this ceiling, nothing was working. It reminded me of my own, capacity, issue.~~~Lisa Fabrega

In this interview I speak with  to Lisa Fabrega, leadership coach on the topic It’s not your, business strategy, it’s your, capacity.

Listen to Full Interview 

Introduction to Capacity

Myrna – What I love about this topic is references one of my favorite quotes

You are the Lid! You can only  go as far as your, capacity, for growth.

So the headline It’s not your, business strategy, it is your, capacity, for growth resonates with me.

Lisa as a Business coach, How did you stumble on the concept that what’s was holding your clients back was not their, business strategy, or goals but their, capacity?

Lisa – Great question I stumbled upon this concept very early on in my coaching practice.

I was actually was a health coach working with clients on nutrition.   I noticed from my first couple of clients weren’t talking about food, instead it was their, capacity, was the focus.

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My clients were very ambitious and had already achieved a lot and yet they were hitting a plateau or something wasn’t working anymore.  They couldn’t figure out what it was even though they were very smart people, so they’d throw a bunch of, business strategy, at the problem.

When, business strategy, didn’t work, they would hire experts to figure out the right business model,  to surpass this plateau or ceiling.  But they kept hitting this ceiling, nothing was working. It reminded me of my own, capacity, issue.

Four years ago I had a, capacity, issue. My coaching packages were sold out, I had a huge wait list.  I was overwhelmed with requests and I didn’t have the, capacity, for it at the time.  One thing I always say to my clients is if Oprah called you tomorrow, are you ready?  Do you have the, capacity, to handle that influx of new business?

I thought this must be a, business strategy, problem instead of diagnosing it correctly that I had a, capacity, issue.  I couldn’t hold handle or receive what was coming my way on many levels, so I went and invested a ton of money in a new, business strategy, and a funnel and I ended up a hundred thousand dollars in debt.

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This fictional short-story, inspired by real-life events, teaches different concepts, that can be utilized by anyone who wants to excel at managing themselves effectively in any professional and personal setting.

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Myrna –  I would make the same decision. I immediately would think I needed to add more staff or something that’s probably what you did right?

Lisa –  I added more staff,  I hired a huge expansion team, I started a whole new funnel!  It was the most stressful year of my life because I did not sleep that entire year.  I was so stressed out about the money and the debt.

After doing some real deep self-reflection about what actually caused that problem,  I started to noticing my conversations with my clients who also had, business strategy, issues. I realized that It was not a, business strategy, issue but a, capacity, issue.

Myrna – Obviously you need, business strategy; but you also need the, capacity, to get there; so how did you transition your clients to look at their, capacity, not their, business strategy?

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Six areas of building capacity

Lisa – I realized that there are six areas of, capacity. I  drilled it down to six because everything kind of falls under these, capacity, areas that we tend to struggle with as ambitious and successful people.

  • Money capacity – What’s your, money capacity? Score yourself from zero to ten. Are you earning enough,  saving and investing larger and larger amounts of money every year?  If you answered No, then ask yourself why not?
  • Visibility capacity – visibility capacity is your ability to allow all of you to be fully seen in your work. So many people hide little bits of themselves from their brand and from their clients and then end up with a misalignment. A lot of my women clients who come to me and tell me they’re drained, it’s not that they’re overworked or have the wrong, business strategy; the burnout is not because of that, it’s because they’re hiding these parts of themselves and it’s so exhausting to have to constantly hide and not be transparent.
  • Purpose capacity – purpose capacity is when your inside matches your outside. Your, business strategy,  is lined up with your true purpose. You can’t start a business just because it has the potential to make you lots of money.  Your business must also line up with your values and purpose.
  • Embodiment capacity – embodiment capacity is your emotional, spiritual, mental and physical capacity.  If you were to get up on a stage in front of a thousand people and it drains the life force out of you  to the  point that you’re exhausted and have to recover for two days, you have an, embodiment capacity, issue.  If somebody leaves a nasty comment on your Instagram post and you are just like freaked out and hiding for two weeks, you have an, embodiment capacity, issue.
  • Structural capacity – I call this also your foundation capacity. What are the foundations that are holding you up or lifting you up to your next level? What systems or, business strategy, do you have at home, or at work to hold you up?
  • Boundary capacity – boundary capacity is about being clear about who you are. It’s not just boundaries with other people, it’s boundaries with yourself; because sure you could work 10 hours today but is actually going to serve where you’re going? Should you instead get some rest?  That’s setting a boundary with yourself.

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Head over to www.fightclubnutrition .com for the best nutritional supplements for athletes.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

How to Expand your Capacity: your New Business Strategy

Myrna – What can women do to expand their capacity for growth, wealth and success?

Lisa –  It starts with knowing how they score on the  six capacities.

It will tell you what the real problem is because the biggest roadblock we experience when trying to expand our, capacity, is that we misdiagnose the actual problem.

If women don’t get clear and score themselves in these areas, they might think they have a structural issue or a strategic issue and don’t realize that it’s actually a, money capacity.

Why does our energy level affect our Capacity

Myrna – One of the things I wanted to ask you about is this, embodiment capacity.  You said  we can subconsciously drain our energy and power thus lowering our, capacity; explain that a little.

Lisa – I think that some of the ways that we unconsciously drain our power is through what I call emotional labor.  Women particularly do this a lot and that’s actually part of an, embodiment capacity, issue.  I have a great example. One of my clients told her husband would ask her every week after she would put the towels away, where’s the such-and-such towel and she’d say “it’s in the closet with the towels”  and he would say. “I don’t see it”  and she’d have to walk over to the closet and the towel would be right there.

This went on every week until she told him she was not doing any more emotional labor, that he can find the damm towel himself, she was no longer going to get up from what she was doing to find the towel for him.

This is a great example of tiny ways that we do emotional labor without realizing that we are being drained. These little leaks, I call them little power leaks leave you exhausted.  You wonder why you’re exhausted and burned out and it has nothing to do with your, business strategy, we have to be mindful of our energy. It’s being drained from emotional labor with our family, friends and even clients.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Tim Trilioni is a New Orleans Native who’s grown up literally most of his life around all genres
and music forms. He fell in love with Jazz music from a young age performing at local jazz
clubs, churches and events. As an artist, Tim Trilioni does not feel artists should put boundaries
on their musical expression and it shows in his work. He loves Afro Beats and Kwaito. He is
currently discussing potential collaborations with artists from these genres in the near future.

Follow Tim on https://www.instagram.com/timtrilioni/

 

Myrna – So true, women especially the care-giving kind of woman are always doing things for other people and then they emotionally drain themselves and then they don’t have the energy to do anything for some themselves which is why the self-care movement is becoming so popular.

If you’re emotionally drained, it limits your, capacity,  we can’t operate within our full capacity if our battery is drained.

Four  keys to unlock Capacity: Your New Business Strategy 

  1. Pleasure – pleasure can be whatever it means to you, it could be taking a walk in the park, it could be taking a break, getting in the tub, getting some nice smelling lotion and rubbing it on your hands. Making sure to have those pleasure breaks because it’s like refueling your tank. Allow your, business strategy, to be your best self.
  2. Eat Whole Foods – According to Ayurveda, it is very important to eat foods that are natural and pure for their full benefit to be absorbed by the body. When foods are as close to their state in nature as possible, that’s when they deliver the most potent nutrition. Foods that have been genetically altered, processed or refined have much of their natural intelligence stripped from them, disturb the intellect and the coordination and lowers our, capacity .
  3. Manage stress levels – We live in difficult times. Stress and anxiety, whether caused by time pressures or difficult work relationships, stress can have a significant negative impact on mental performance. A calm mind, serene and centered in its equilibrium, is unquestionably superior in terms of focus, attention span, retention of knowledge and problem-solving ability. It is important to manage stress before it becomes a severe problem, because stress has been known to damage or destroy brain cells, and many prescription pills for anxiety can have side effects that can further erode mental performance and, capacity. a new, business strategy, manage your stress.
  4. Get adequate, quality sleep – Related to stress is the other plague of modern society — lack of deep, restful sleep. With diet and lifestyle, sleep is a fundamental pillar of increasing your, capacity. Optimal physical and mental performance is impossible if sleep is not addressed. Getting eight hours of sleep is less important than striving for quality sleep, which occurs when the mind is totally disconnected from the senses. Quality sleep recharges and rejuvenates the mind, improving both short-term and long-term mental prowess as well as your, capacity for growth.

Myrna – I understand that you have  a capacity in crisis virtual workshop.

Lisa –  First of all I have an amazing free gift for your listeners.  To get your Free Gift head over to  my website at www.lisafabrega.com.

You can also sign up for my newsletter it’s actually an entire video series that I call the, capacity conversations.  It’s like binging on Netflix except you get to binge and expand your, capacity, instead of numbing your mind.

You get a series of free videos that walk you through all the capacities and help you diagnose what your capacity issue might be holding you back.

Myrna – I want to introduce a contest this week. The prize is a gift card from one of our sponsors hbnaturals.com.  One of you lucky listeners will get this $25 gift card for subscribing to either the Transform Your Mind iTunes podcast or subscribing to the Transform Your Mind podcast Youtube channel. Once you subscribe send me an email to info@myhelps.us with your contact information and if you are the winner, you will get this gift card to purchase any of the products on hbnatures.com coffee, skincare products, tea,  CBD oil, super-foods, essential oils, pet products and more.

I want to invite you all to join my private Facebook group called life coach, this group has lots of life coaches giving daily inspiration and tips to live your best like now.

Additional Resources 

How to Find your Passion, Purpose and Freedom as a Mompreneur

https://blog.myhelps.us/the-world-of-the-entrepreneur/

https://www.moneycarer.org.uk/useful-information/capacity-assessment-for-money-management.html

How to Use Mantras to Build Self-Confidence (The Skill of Self Confidence)

Build self-confidence

To me the most important thing about that Ted talk,  the reason I did that talk has over 20 million views is because I struggled with, self-confidence.  I had to, build self-confidence so I sat on the bench of a soccer team.  I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man’s world, you’re always not feeling like you’re quite up to it. ~ Dr Ivan Joseph

I am speaking to the infamous Dr Ivan Joseph. Dr Joseph is a best-selling author of the book “You Got This: Mastering the Skill of Self-Confidence.

Listen to the full interview 

Short Bio: 

Dr Ivan Joseph was born in Guyana, South America, my birth country.  He immigrated to Toronto, Canada at the age of 5. I immigrated to Toronto, Canada as well but at the age of 17. As he became a  young man of color, he often felt disenfranchised and disconnected. But he excelled in sports and  attended a small University in Iowa on an athletic scholarship, then achieved his Master’s Degree, and  a PhD in psychology. This lead to him becoming a professor, AND being awarded Coach of the Year. For ten years he was the Director of Athletics for Ryerson University in Toronto, and spearheaded the 100 million dollar renovation of the iconic Maple Leaf Gardens. Dr Ivan is now the Vice Provost of Student Affairs at Dalhousie University, one of Canada’s most distinguished and competitive institutions. ”

Introduction to, Self-Confidence Definition

Self-confidence definition, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task at hand.  Everybody needs to understand that you may have all the talent in the world,  you may be the most beautiful person in the world, the smartest person in the world,  the strongest person in the world; but if you don’t have this genuine belief that you have that skill,  you will never put your hand up to answer the question in the math class or sit on the board, or volunteer to be the do the presentation,  or choose to join the team.

Myrna – What was your journey from an immigrant boy and a man of color and then transcending that to becoming a doctor, a performance coach, a Tedx speaker, an author?

Dr Ivan – l  think  like many immigrants who come to North America whether that be your audience, that’s American or my audience that’s Canadian, we all choose to leave our countries of birth for hopefully a better future.

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There’s something that’s grounded in all of us that chose the country of citizenship and that is a desire to achieve.  We were not comfortable or we were not content with what we had and discontent drives us.  That desire is to be better and to pay it forward for our families.  Those parents who are immigrants who grew up as kids, we are drilled with that constant mantra you need to be twice as good.   It’s not good enough to be average, you need to get an A.

You could end up  internalizing that message where you’re never quite good enough and that is where a lack of, self-confidence, gets rooted. Great jobs will pass you by because you don’t have the, self-confidence, to go after it. So you’re pushed to the corners or to the edges of society.  You start to not achieve what you may have achieved if you had, self-confidence, whether that’s from your own internal belief or from society.

All of us will fail in life at some time. When you fail, you hang on to that failure and it becomes paralyzing.  You’re then not willing to take the next risk to achieve. It took me many strikeouts, to use my sports analogies,  or swinging and missing to succeed. With every success I , build self-confidence, was tapped up.

How do we, Build Self-confidence?

Myrna – As I was preparing mentally for this interview I asked myself how I, build self-confidence? I think I have been, self-confident,  all my life and I was wondering how I, build self-confident,  and my own response was that life experience was my confidence builder. If somebody tells you that you’re good at something or somebody tells you you’re pretty or you get good grades in school, you start, building self-confidence, that you can do most things.

Dr Ivan – One of the things about, build self-confidence, is the more you achieve the more it grows. The more you achieve the bigger it gets.  You’ll get your opportunity, you’ll get your promotion and then you start all over and your, self- confidence, will wane.

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Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

How Does, Build Self-confidence, Equal High Performance?

Myrna – So let’s transition to our, build self-confidence,  topic.

Why do you believe, building self-confidence, optimism,  grit,  and resilience are fundamental skills in achieving high performance goals?

Dr Ivan –  If you don’t believe in yourself, you will not put yourself in front of anybody and risk failure.  So the genuine belief is the foundational cornerstone of success.  We can all outwork and learn to do whatever we want, given enough time; but if we’re not willing, really willing to put ourselves out there, it doesn’t matter how talented we are.

Myrna – I understand not having the, self-confidence,  to do a job or not having the, self- confidence, that you’re gonna win the race or not having the, confidence, when you’re down 20 points in the fourth quarter and have the, confidence, that you can still win because I’ve seen that happen.

But what I don’t understand is why women can be beautiful, have a great body and don’t have the, self-confidence, that  they can walk in a room and own it. Instead they don’t project anything, they  don’t protect any energy.  They want to be in the corner, and then you have the woman who is not by standards attractive; but she walks in a room  and she feels that she’s got it and you know she gets the guys.  Because guys think that, self-confidence, is sexy.

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Why do we Lack, Self-confidence?

Dr Ivan – Well I’ll never comment on a woman’s appearance or looks.  What I would say that anybody whether it’s a female or a male or an athlete or a young girl or a young man. It’s the measuring stick that they’re using to measure themselves against.  This is key.  If I’m measuring myself up to Denzel Washington, I may never feel like I’m good enough.  It’s human nature to always be in competition and in comparison with others.  Whether it’s the Joneses next door, whether it’s what you did last week,  we are always looking at how we compare and stack up.

So your message to the young woman who may not be attractive, or the gentleman who may not be as smart, or the person who doesn’t think they have as much as the next person; you can’t tell them they are attractive or smart, they won’t believe it.

This is why we have to start with this genuine belief and, self-confidence. We’ll call this maladaptive perfectionism.  This is when you  have an unrealistic understanding of what perfectionism is or excellence is and you chase that almost impossible thing.

Myrna – What about optimism and the gift of resilience to achieve, high performance goals?

Dr Ivan – Optimism and, build self-confidence, takes you to the next level.  You believe that you can make it.  You’re, confident, you may have setbacks,  you may fail or flounder; but this is where grit comes into play. Grit, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task despite setbacks.

The only way to develop, grit, in order to achieve your goals is to experience failure.  There is no other way to grow, grit, and resilience than to sit and be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

So many people out there won’t ever achieve, because they are so caught up with the embarrassment of failure.

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Ladies you should definitely buy this for your man.

Head over to www.fightclubnutrition.com for the best nutritional supplements for athletes.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

How to, Build Self-Confidence, Resilience and Grit

Dr Ivan – One of the first things you have to recognize is that your thoughts influence your beliefs which influence your actions.  It’s this whole cyclical self-fulfilling prophecy. What you tell yourself you become,  so you gotta stop the negative talk like:

  • Oh my God I look terrible in this dress.
  • or I’m never going to get this Job
  • Or I’m not as smart as these folks
  • I can’t do this, I’m no good

We keep saying these things to ourselves and they beat us up,  so you got To Stop the negative talk.

3 Centering Mantras to, Build Self-Confidence.

  1. In my book I teach some centering exercises to help stop the negative self talk and, build self-confidence
  2. Positive statements or mantras help replace the negative self talk.
  3. Replace the negative self talk with a positive statement or an affirmation e.g
  4. I  am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate.
  5. Nobody outworks me,
  6. I can learn anything.

Mantras to,  Build self-confidence:

1 – “MY TIME IS TOO VALUABLE TO WASTE IT WORRYING ABOUT THE THINGS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER.”

2 – “THE OUTER IS ALWAYS A REFLECTION OF THE INNER.”

3 – “I TAKE NOTHING PERSONALLY.”

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Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
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Myrna – I’m a big believer in positive self-talk.  I fluctuate back and forth about affirmations; but I know as a Life Coach, that you should speak it until you believe it. Sooner or later if you keep on speaking it, you will start to believe it.

Dr Ivan – In sports we call it the as if principle.  Act as if you already have it.

Myrna – How can we , build self-confidence, and develop a winner’s mindset?

How, Building Self-confidence, contributes to a Winners Mindset

Dr Ivan – I think  a, winner’s mindset, and, self-confidence, go hand in hand. I’ll flip your question around and say, build self-confidence, helps you build a winner’s mindset.

Write a letter to yourself about all the things you’re great at. There’s going to be times when you feel like you can’t do it and you need to change that. Take that letter and read it to yourself and whatever that letter says congratulate yourself on it’s accomplishment.

Write that letter to yourself because, there will be  times when people tell you you can’t do it.

When you feel like you can’t do it,  that, winner’s mindset, will be turned on. The other way to build that, winner’s mindset, is to be careful and be intentional about the company you choose.

Myrna – I know personally that will work because how did we start off our conversation?

Saying that, self-confidence, comes from past experience.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Mastering the,  Skill of Self-confidence

Tell us about your book “You’ve got this: Mastering the, Skill of Self-Confidence”  I know that your TedX on the, Skill of Self-confidence, has over 19 million views. Why do you think  that talk resonated with so many people and did you put some of that content in your book?

Dr Ivan –  To me the most important thing about that Ted talk,  the reason I did that talk was because I struggled with, build self-confidence.  I sat on the bench of a soccer team,  I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man’s world, you’re always not feeling like you’re quite up to it.

One day when my wife came to me, she was my girlfriend at the time and she realized after I’d been sitting on the bench, that  she saw me practice and said I was terrible. She had already seen me play a really good game and she said to me.

“What happened to your game?  You let that man define your sense of self-worth.  Didn’t you tell me that he didn’t play high level Soccer?  That you’ve been coached by some of the best?”

I realized I had given my power away and that affected my performance, because I didn’t believe I was good any good anymore. I stopped that very day and changed my mindset. I went on to start to play like I was meant to play, I became the captain of that team playing in the all-conference finals.

It wasn’t that man who belittled me, I belittled myself. There’s always going to be people who don’t believe in you,  it’s your job to change that person’s mindset, not to fulfill their belief prophecy about you.

So the reason that TedX talk resonates with everybody is that we all have feelings of Self-doubt. We all need to, build self-confidence.

  • I’m not smart enough
  • I’m not rich enough
  • I’m not skinny enough
  • I don’t look good here
  • My teeth aren’t this
  • You get the new job and you’re great but then you get the promotion
  • I don’t know if I can do it
  • I don’t think I can do it

What I did with the book, was I shared some of that Ted talk and I went even further to create exercises, practical pieces and workshops in that book as a self-help guide about how to go about, building self-confidence.

I teach  about higher expectations, talking about skill and mastery. Listeners of the podcast will get a 20% discount using the coupon code Myrna

To order click the link below

https://drivanjoseph.com/ivans-bookivans-book/

If you go on  the website and order the book, I’ll give you the course materials.  I think it’s a great opportunity for people who want to grow and learn how to develop their, self- confidence, to improve their performance.

Follow Dr Ivan Joseph on Linkedin, Twitter and Instagram

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Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

I do have a contest this week. The prize is a 25 gift card from hbnaturals.com

This $25 gift card allows you to purchase any of the 80 natural organic products including, coffee, skincare, tea, CBD oil, super-foods, essential oils, pet products and more. All you need to do to enter this contest is to subscribe to either The Transform your Mind iTunes podcast or the Transform your  mind YouTube channel. Once you subscribe, send me an email to info@myhelps.us with your contact information and one lucky winner  will win this $25 gift card.

Dr Ivan how can our listeners Transform their Mind to Transform their life?

Just remember your mantra! You are the captain of your ship and the master of your fate.  So whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember You Got This!

Additional Resources

How to Build your Self-Confidence Muscle

Setting Goals Leads to Higher Performance

Successful But Unfulfilled? How to Get Back to Basics

Getting back to Basics ABC

The foundation to getting, back to basics, is fulfillment.  People don’t just want income, they want impact and they want freedom. People searching for, fulfillment, are often buying the cultural lie which is you’ll find, fulfillment, through income. Hidden in that lie is this idea that, fulfillment, lies somewhere in money.

Listen to the full interview

TJ Loeffler shares tips and strategies on the topic Successful but Unfulfilled, getting Back to Basics. TJ is a best-selling author of the new book “Getting Back to Basics”

This interview on the Transform your Mind podcast covers the fundamentals of living your life the way that you purposed it. How to live your best life now with some simple little tweaks by getting, back to basics.

Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast
Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast

Introduction to Getting, Back to Basics

TJ Loeffler is a founder, speaker, coach and advisor. After a personal awakening and a decade long journey of life transformation he now uses his gifts in speaking and coaching to share
Lessons from his story. TJ’s personal mission is to help people be free, get healthy and stay wealthy. Not just financially but spiritually by getting, back to basics.

  • TJ Loeffler – the first thing that I’ll say about Jesus being at the center of my transformation and
    the change in my life is one of the things I heard

God makes the trees and we make the tables.

It’s a very powerful way to think about God’s role in our lives and more importantly our role in his life. What I mean by that is he provides and it’s up to us to meet our potential, so if he has the promise, we have the potential. I give God the credit and specifically Jesus for the revelation.

Successful but Unfulfilled – Getting Back to Basics

The changes that have happened in my life are really stemming from a change that happened in my heart. I was successful but unfulfilled working at Goldman Sachs, a well-known investment bank. I was on the trading floor on wall street making a great income but I was unfulfilled.

  • You see I had been driven my whole life to perform and achieve, because I had low self-esteem.
    I had low self-esteem, because I had a subconscious belief that I was abandoned or neglected at birth. I was adopted.
  • I had never really come to the place where I had accepted my own story, because I had never really gone through the process of healing. My relationship with God allowed me to release the feeling of low self-worth and embrace my life.
  • Everything hit me in terms of the understanding who you are when my father was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and the supernatural started speaking into my life.

After facing a lot of adversity, I started coaching to help others and my company Loeffler international was founded.

Getting Back to Basics
Getting Back to Basics

Are Overachievers Unfulfilled?

Myrna – That’s awesome why do you think that some overachievers are still unfulfilled?

In my coaching experience I found that there was a lot of overachievers who are making money, they’re successful in their marriages, they’ve got a couple of boxes that they can check; but they still this emptiness inside.

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Fight Club Nutrition a black owned company has put together a catalog of nutritional supplements to bring out the best fitness body.  Try our Iron Body Fat burner or the Alpha Wolf to increase testosterone.

Ladies you should definitely buy this for your man.

Head over to www.fightclubnutrition .com for the best nutritional supplements for athletes.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

How Getting, Back to Basics can help you become fulfilled.

TJ Loeffler – it’s a great question and I’m going to make this super practical and it does relate to, back to basics, the book that is coming out this summer.

  • The foundation to getting, back to basics, is fulfillment.  People don’t just want income, they want impact and they want freedom. People searching for, fulfillment, are often buying the cultural lie which is you’ll find, fulfillment, through income. Hidden in that lie is this idea that fulfillment lies somewhere in money.
  • But then people who start making money realize wait I need to do something meaningful with my life, so then they start a non-profit or do something to make an impact on the world. Then they realize that they can’t help everybody in the world.
  • Then they realize wait I need inner freedom and finances don’t bring me freedom! Money just magnifies the state you’re already in. If you’re a sad person, money can make you extra sad. So getting, back to basics looks at your inner world.
    • Forgiveness – forgiveness sets us free. There’s a lot of people who follow Jesus; but haven’t had the revelation of Jesus in their heart, which is full freedom. In other words they still live hanging on to the weight of their past and that’s not living in freedom that’s living in self-condemnation.
    • Health – there are a lot of really spiritual people who are functionally unhealthy and so underneath all that income still, unfulfilled. They can be making an impact; but if they’re not healthy no, fulfillment.

Does Money equal Fulfillment?

Myrna – I want to circle back to one of the most poignant things you said. People think that income equals, fulfillment. That is such a lie and it’s really sad to see the, unfulfilled, people with lots of money like the stars who have millions of dollars and all the fans and then they realize that all that doesn’t make them, fulfilled.

TJ Loeffler – One thing I would add is getting, back to basics, means that when you think about money the gift is with the giver and so generosity is one of the tools to greater joy; but generosity can also be an outpouring of guilt. So if you don’t have gratitude in your heart and you feel guilty for privilege and money, then you are back to being, unfulfilled.

Myrna – In your book, back to basics, you talk about the idea of having the right foundation for,
Fulfillment. What is that foundation?

What’s the core of, Back to Basics

TJ Loeffler – At the core of, Back to Basics, is this idea of the foundation to, fulfillment.

  • We were talking about health being the foundation layer in getting, back to basics, because
    people that I’ve experienced this in my own life have gone through a health transformation including myself. You can’t end burnout of 10 years with poor lifestyle choices in 24 hours.
    People want to have conversation with our coaching team to find out what truly makes them happy and how to get, back to basics, without changing their mindset.

The foundation to, fulfillment, is to overcome indecision and paralysis from analysis and anxiety. There are functional changes you need to make in your life, not just the mindset shifts which are
Core. Just like your philosophy, transform your mind, to, transform your life, we believe that mindset comes before strategy or tactics.

If you have pressures in your life and you’re not taking care of your body, I don’t care how you
Look visually, it’s going to affect you mentally, emotionally spiritually. It’s going to affect you and all these areas of life.

Getting, back to basics, is as simple as starting your day with lemon water. You have to start your day hydrating your body and specifically with lemon water because your body is
Detoxifying.

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TuneIn Radio

There are six Core Pillars to getting, Back to Basics.

Myrna – is that your foundation to getting, back to basics?

  • TJ Loeffler – there are six core pillars to the foundation. When we think about health we break it up into these six things:
    • Diet
    • Sleep
    • Movement
    • Active rest
    • Reflection and
    • Connection

These six pillars are how I grew my business. These six things are also how I changed my life functionally. There were things that I was facing in my life, a lot of difficulty. I believe some of it was spiritual, some of it was really practical. I was burned out, so I hadn’t changed my mindset around productivity, around balance, around energy, I wouldn’t have found the recipe for getting, back to basics.

Pride comes before the fall and I definitely fell. I felt my pride took me to fall several times.

If God makes the trees and we make the tables, the tree is the body. He made this body.
I’m a spiritual being in this body. Our body keeps the score and we’re losing. Our body is telling us we have to look at ourselves and say I’ve neglected nutrition in my life.

I have to start thinking not diet; but my relationship with food and how my body processes the food. If i don’t have active rest in my life then I’m in constant sympathetic tone or fight or flight or free state and then my body diverts all the blood away from my digestive system. Now I can’t process the kale and salmon that I’m eating all the time and I think I’m healthy; but the reality is I’m in constant state of chronic stress or anxiety, so my body doesn’t process the nutrition I an eating.

How does Active Rest take us, Back to Basics?

Myrna – Is active rest Meditation?

TJ Loeffler – meditation is one leg of active rest. Here’s the key with meditation. You can empty
Yourself; but are you filling yourself with the right things? Otherwise you’re just walking around with an empty bin.

  • Active rest is really about helping your body move from sympathetic tone to what’s called parasympathetic tone. I think of it like a light dimmer not a light switch.
  • People are walking about their day being triggered by trauma that happened in their life and not even knowing that they’re being triggered. How many people are aware that they’re in a chronic state of fight or flight? How many people are aware of that and so recognize shallow mouth breathing as stress? All this is part of getting, back to basics.

Myrna – all the foundational things you’re talking about are things that I know that people can actually use to become better themselves and when they become better themselves, then everything else on the exterior becomes better. So, back to basics, it’s basic a perfect book.

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Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

How can these Core Pillars help Overachievers have, Fulfillment?

Back to Basics, is a collection of the six core pillars.

Everything you do it starts as a discipline before it becomes a desire; but the reality is you can really start to enjoy your life when you when you like the way you look, when you like the way you feel. You start realizing it’s probably all the good choices that I’ve been making to engage with my body in a different way that is making me feel good.

  1.  I check my relationship with food
  2.  Analyse my relationship with sleep

What people are really looking for is, fulfillment, in life, in other words they have made an
agreement that work will provide, fulfillment. I spoke with a client yesterday, who said, I need a new career. I don’t have a career that gives me, fulfillment, and I said a career is not where you find, fulfillment. It may be a contributor but it can’t give you, fulfillment.

Myrna – I agree change starts with you, it’s within your power.

How to Change your Life Right Now by Getting,  Back to Basics

What’s one of the first and most important things someone can do to begin changing their life right now?

A lot of people want to put things off until they’ve checked this box or they get married or got this new job. They always put off happiness; but we know as coaches that anything that you want to do, this is the right time. Now is the right time so what can somebody do right now to begin changing their lives?

TJ Loeffler – Besides lemon water every morning which is recommended in the book, back to basics, do things that make you feel and look better. They can also hire a coach. Coaches can help people to find, fulfillment, within. I found is coaches really accelerate the process and the good ones are going to be able to hold a mirror up to you.

They’re going to be able to help you see something differently in order to make practical change in your life. But I can hold a mirror but if you’re not willing to let go and let God in, if you’re not willing to give permission, if you’re still trying to hold on and have control over every area of your life, including your own perception.

If you want to hold on to the pain of your past, if you want to hold on to the things that have happened to you that you are still the victim, it’s really going to be hard to make changes. I don’t care how many coaches you hire, you won’t find, fulfillment. You have got to do the work.

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Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

Conclusion

The first part of the book, Back to Basics, is really about helping people be open. If you’re not open, if your mind’s not open, your heart’s not open. Your mind is a reflection of your heart.

Myrna – How can listeners connect with you and order a copy of your book, Back to Basics?
They can order from my website corepillers.com.

We do have a boot camp. We do have health coaching, VIP days and a number of other options for people. If you’re at a place in your life where you’re really looking to make a change and
that’s our prerequisite, we’re looking for people who are resourceful, teachable and ready for
change NOW. Not six months from now.

Here are the links to TJ site
Website Site: tjloeffler.com

Book: corepillars.com

Thanks for supporting the Transform your Mind radio and Podcast. You can sponsor this podcast by checking out my gig on Fiverr. We are now recording on video so check out the Transform Your Mind Podcast YouTube channel. Please subscribe and leave your comments.
If you have not done so already, please subscribe, rate and review the Transform Your Mind iTunes podcast.

Additional Resources Getting Back to Basics

Transform Your Mind Personal Development podcast.

How to Transform your Career with Purpose

https://www.artofliving.org/us-en/meditation/srisri-meditation/deep-rest-meditation

 

 

How to become Limitless: Emotional Intelligence Leadership

Become Limitless using emotional intelligence self awareness

Become limitless, with, emotional intelligence leadership. Your, emotional intelligence leadership,  skills keeps track of everything.  It stores emotions,  holds emotional experiences.  Emotional intelligence self awareness, refers to your ability to notice and express your emotions.  How well you control your own emotions and to notice as well and to manage how those emotions affect you and affect us around you in positive or negative ways.

Listen to the Full Interview

 

Introduction to becoming Limitless with, Emotional Intelligence Self Awareness

My guest today is Adri Kyser, she is an international holistic wellness and personal development Coach.  We discuss the very exciting topic, renewing your mind, going from limited to, limitless by taping into our, emotional intelligence.

Adri Kyser yoga, uses the enlightened alchemy method that has helped thousands of women worldwide achieve everything from reduced pain and stress to increasing confidence and productivity. She’s also the co-author of the best-selling book “Overcoming Adversity and Entrepreneurship

She was born in Venezuela, went to Law school, (since I was born in Guyana, we are neighbors.) But when she came to the United States she felt not good enough, because she spoke with an accent.

Adri has helped over 4500 men and women worldwide change the narrative of their painful memories, so they can tap into their own super power and go from being limited to living a life of, limitless, potential.

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The Four Components to becoming, Limitless

I found four key components to long-lasting health, happiness and fulfillment using, emotional intelligence leadership.

  1. Physical health – how you take care of your body
  2. Mental wellness – how you perceive the world number
  3. Emotional Intelligence – how you experience the world
  4. Spiritual connection – how you feed your soul including, Adri Kyser yoga

When you really begin to work on these foundations, these pillars you begin to shift and see tremendous transformations in your life.  You begin to heal from the inside out, and become empowered.  You are no longer driven by your negative voice.

The impostor syndrome that a lot of us have, especially women is that voice that’s constantly saying.   Are you sure you can do that?  You’re not good enough to do that.  That voice that feeds your fears, your insecurities and even your self-sabotaging behavior, that negative voice. Using your, emotional intelligence leadership, skills allows you to become aware of that voice.

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Myrna – If we want to change, then it’s never from the exterior, it’s always from the interior.  A lot of women feel they are not good enough. Michelle Obama wrote an entire book on this subject “Becoming”.  Even as the First Lady, she still felt not good enough.

We feel not good enough, when a person of authority tells us something negative and it becomes imprinted on our minds.

Most of the time we stuff it down and don’t actually know that we are holding on to that hurt,  then it comes it comes up in chronic pain.  It comes up in overeating or even when you drink or take drugs or any of that stuff.  You are trying to artificially change your state;  but one of the best ways to change your state is to go inwards maybe in gratitude, because that’s basically what I do.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

What is your method for teaching someone to understand what emotions they’ve stuffed down?

Adri – I call this process Enlightened Alchemy.  This is a process that was born from my personal experience and then from working with clients. It is the process of transforming the physical, mental, and emotional with, emotional intelligence leadership.  Including even the spiritual transformation of one’s self.

What made these transformations successful, was not just addressing the pain or one particular area of life, it was addressing all those four components of life.  If you’re ready to get the soulmate,  ready to lose the weight,  ready to make X amount of money in your business? I am here to help you go from limited to, limitless, using your, emotional intelligence leadership.

I’m here to help you go within, clear some stuff,  remove the stuff that’s preventing you from, becoming limitless.  So you can feel empowered, so you can feel confident and know your true potential to,  become limitless.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Myrna – As Coaches we are supposed to be enabling our clients, we’re supposed to be having our clients understand their blockages,  understand what’s preventing them from becoming, limitless, by looking at their past and seeing their patterns. Using, emotional intelligence leadership.

Is your Enlightened Alchemy based on the four principles: the physical, the mental, the emotional, and the spiritual?

Adri –  Yes. I also call myself an energy alchemist, because I do a lot of energy work and activation.

Because everybody’s unique,  I truly believe in the holistic approach, mind, body, emotions and spirit; so that everything we do whether it’s business coaching or life coaching or whatever it is includes all four pillars.

How can, emotional intelligence leadership, help someone with emotions that they’ve stuffed down?

Adri – Your body remembers everything that you’ve ever done.  Every emotion, every thought, how you’re eating, how you’re sleeping.  It keeps track of everything.  Moving to the  mental part of your thoughts, on average an individual has about 70 000 thoughts per day.

About 10% of those thoughts are original thoughts so meaning 90% of your thoughts are repetition of the day before, or  weeks before, or even years before.  The problem with this, is your belief will affect your biology. Meaning your belief will affect how your body responds.  It changes your biochemistry.

So that’s why the mind and body are so important.  Emotional intelligence self awareness, keeps track of everything.  It stores emotions,  holds emotional experiences.   Emotional intelligence leadership, refers to your ability to notice and express your emotions.  How well you control your own emotions and to notice as well and to manage how those emotions affect you and affect us around you in positive or negative ways.

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What people don’t know is that emotions are molecules that carry information that affect the functioning of their cells their emotions.  Emotional Intelligence, will affect your biology just as your thoughts.  So, emotional intelligence leadership, is important, because if you don’t have, emotional intelligence self awareness, you are not able to relate with the world around you or with others.

You’re not able to read the social cues.  Emotional intelligence leadership, also empowers you to take control back of your life.  You’re no longer coming from a victim place, you’re no longer pointing fingers, because that person did this to me.  Emotional intelligence leadership,  is about understanding how you’re managing the emotions that you’re experiencing.

Emotional Intelligence to become Limitless
Emotional Intelligence leadership to become Limitless

According to Ayurveda the emotions that are not expressed or digested properly, gets buried in your tissues and fascia and will affect your physical well-being.  So over 15 years of teaching, Adri Kyser yoga,  and wellness, I have had students who cried after releasing these emotions that were buried in their tissues.

We hold anger in our liver,  grief is in our chest and lungs.

The other thing I like about, emotional intelligence leadership,  is it gives you the opportunity to take your power back.  So if someone is making you angry,  then you can ask yourself,  why am I choosing to be angry about this?

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Then you can move to asking yourself, what is triggering this emotion within me?

You can take your power back, by not letting people trigger you. The other part about triggers is recognizing what part within you is getting triggered.  Where the hurt coming from, because if you come and tell me Adri you are not a good rocket scientist, I wouldn’t get triggered.

You can only be triggered by limited beliefs. Limiting beliefs keep you limited not, limitless.

If somebody right now tells me either you’re a horrible coach or you’re a bad yoga teacher. It will probably trigger me because it could be true.

If there’s a trigger still around, that means there’s still a part of me that’s not healed. If you are still being triggered, you’ve gotta rub it out.  Figure out what is making you angry? What is this anger telling me?  Using, emotional intelligence leadership, skills and having the responsibility and the maturity and the tools necessary to go deeper and figure it out. It’s not saying that, Adri Kyser yoga, never gets angry.

We have to feel our emotions in order to process them, that’s emotional intelligence leadership.  In order to release them and in order to learn the lessons that they want to teach us, so the next time your reaction may be milder.

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How do you go from limited to, limitless with, Emotional Intelligence Leadership

If you’re operating with, limited mindsets, then you are going to be limited. I like to start with the physical body, because that’s where you’re going to start seeing the fastest results.  When you feel safe and secure, when you are comfortable in your own skin, then you’re going to be able to go deeper into the other layers.

So to become, limitless,  it’s recognizing where your self-imposed limitations are.  We can learn to fly and soar in our personal relationships, in our growth.  The limits that we have, oftentimes come from self-imposed limitations or limits that other people have put on us. When it comes to living a, limitless, life it is working in your mindset and working on your, emotional intelligence leadership.

It’s really about becoming aware.  Awareness is key.  Thoughts and emotions you’re experiencing on a regular basis it is important to be aware.  Grab a journal and start the practice where you write down the thoughts and emotions you’re having on a regular basis. Once a week or once a month review what you’re writing.

You’re going to see patterns.  You’re going to say “oh my gosh look how many times I thought about this and that.”

Emotional intelligence leadership, is key. You cannot change something you don’t know.  That it’s like being in a dark room that’s dirty and messy; but because the lights are out, you don’t see the the mess or the dirt until you turn the lights on.

I created a workbook that I’m happy to offer to your podcast listeners.  It’s free.  It’s simple, but it gives you some exercises and things that you can implement right away for you to become aware and notice some of your limiting beliefs that run in the background.

So with this workbook can take you from limited to, limitless.  I give you the tools to become aware of your limiting beliefs.  It allows you to understand that the universe is unlimited and the universe is abundant.

How can our listeners get a copy of your workbook.

My website is www.adrikaiser. They can also go to adrikeiser.com/free-gifts

Conclusion 

If you decide to step out of your comfort zone and if you’re willing to work on yourself and use your, emotional intelligence leadership, and you’re willing to try something new.   You can find new levels of strength, confidence, comfort or success that you never thought possible.  So push yourself, because if you stay in your comfort zone, you’re never going to excel at anything.

I invite you to subscribe to the Transform your mind podcast YouTube channel to watch this interview live.

Additional Resources 

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-does-emotional-intelligence-affect-your-success/

https://globalleadershipfoundation.com/geit/eitest.html

 

The Secrets to Thriving Not Just Surviving

Does Love have a Color: The Interracial Marriage Experience

The Happiness Wheel

Not until after we got married Kevin confided and shared with me a few situations where family members questioned his choices and wanted to ensure he understood the challenges that come with an, interracial marriage. Ericka Augutis

I want to invite you guys all to the table. We are going to be talking on the topic the, “The Color of love, interracial marriages, in America”   my guest today is Erica Augustus.

Listen to the interview

Interracial Marriage in America

Ericka and I became friends when we worked at Office Depot for about 10 years, and we have maintained our friendship.  I decided that I wanted to get into the conversation on, interracial marriages, in America because of what’s been happening in the world and specifically in the last month or so.

It’s a very difficult place for a, black woman, married to a, white man. I think it’s even a little bit more complicated when your partner or your spouse cannot understand a lot of the times your, black experience.   I was listening to a podcast a few weeks ago and this, black woman, was talking about her experience.

She was married for 13 years to a, white man, the marriage dissolved not because of racial differences or any kind of racial problems, but she said it contributed to it, because her husband never really got into the conversation.  If she would come home and say she was discriminated against at the office, he didn’t have a response or didn’t talk about it and then the host asked her the question.

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Interracial Marriage black man white woman
Interracial Marriage black man white woman

Can a, white man, love a, black woman, and still be a racist?

And her response was, “love has nothing to do with it”, now that piqued my interest and that’s the predominant reason that I wanted to get into this conversation, and have you guys all join in the conversation and discuss, the color of love.

Interracial Marriage Interview Highlights

    1. How did you and your husband meet?
    2. How Ericka and Kevin handled the stares from Black and White people in their, interracial marriage, when they walked down the street.
    3. What are her thoughts on Systemic racism, did her husband understand her experience as a, Black woman.
    4. Love has no color. How easy is it to love someone from a different race?
    5. How does she and her husband talk to her black sons regarding the police.
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My name is Ericka Augutis, my husband  Kevin and I have been married for 18 years 19 in November.  We do have two children. One is 14 and the other is 4.

We met about 22 years ago. He worked at a local Blockbuster in my neighborhood. He was a manager and anytime I would go into the store to look at videos, he would offer to help me.  Well that’s when our relationship started.  Finally we went on our first date and I have to say it was really awkward for both of us and I thought okay I’m never doing that again. He was super quiet there was very little conversation.  A few months went by and he called again, and asked for a second date and I was going to say no, but my mom chimed in and asked me to give him another chance.  I’m so glad I did that second date because we just had the best time.

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Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

We dated to my dismay for nearly five years,  we were engaged twice. The first proposal I  accepted I was elated.  I was excited to say yes; but a few months later we went to a party with some of our friends and I realized some of the ladies didn’t even know I was engaged. Here I was super excited and some of his circle of friends didn’t know that were engaged. So, it really hit me hard.  I felt like okay I’m really pressuring him into this, interracial  marriage. So I called off the engagement.

After that we kind of went our separate ways for a few months and then we slowly started dating again. And I have to say both of us matured during that time of separation and he proposed a second time in restaurant. He got down on one knee in front of all these people and proposed me a second time. This time he was ready! We got married like a year later.

Myrna Young Did you think that he maybe didn’t want to tell his friends he was engaged because you were a, black woman?

Ericka Augutis No, I don’t think the fact that we were contemplating an, interracial marriage, had anything to do with it, or the, color of love, because I was in his circle of friends for four years. We all vacationed together so it wasn’t that. I just felt like he wasn’t ready and I was forcing him to get married.

Myrna Young I’m going to ask you not a question as a follow-up to that.  So all the time you guys dated, five years or so, you got engaged twice you didn’t see color?  The question today is there a, color of love?  Did any of your friends treated you differently? Or said  Ericka he’s white?  None of his friends says hey Kevin why do you want to marry a, black woman? Nothing?

Ericka Augutis Not until after we got married Kevin confided and shared with me a few situations where family, maybe one or two family members, questioned his choices and wanted to ensure he understood the challenges to come with an, interracial marriage.

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Or visit: https://obriendoor.com

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

So yes, from my perspective it came later as well, being a successful, black woman,  my parents and other family members wanted to know why I was  dating someone that doesn’t look like me. I really had to kind of ask myself that question as well.  I realized it’s not as if I said to myself,  I’m going to find a Caucasian man and have this, interracial marriage. I fell in love with a white man.

Myrna Young Yea Love is color blind actually, Love is an Emotion, it’s a feeling and it doesn’t see color!

Ericka Augutis There were experiences and times where we had to deal with the looks and the stairs especially when we would go into places where everyone was a little older.  I would say during that time anyone that was over age of 65 would give us those looks on both sides. It’s not just the Caucasian folks, black folks as well.

Myrna Young Did you let the stares and looks bother you?

Ericka Augutis No, Kevin was always so confident and strong and it made me just feel like I had nothing to worry about. But there was this time just after we had our son Kevin Jr,  we were having dinner in this fancy restaurant and this gentleman,  I probably shouldn’t call him a gentleman. A white man,  came over to our table and he said to Kevin, Is this your son? My husband says yes, he says well I’m going to tell you I’m a doctor that’s not your son!

You got to be kidding me!

I am not kidding.  it was such a strange experience. I mean he just came over and I think his goal was just to disturb our night and really rock and test the foundations of our, interracial marriage. That was one experience that I’ll never forget.

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Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast
Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast

Myrna Young Okay but in your marriage of itself was there any kind of friction at all regarding race?  Was all the friction from outside people looking in and trying to disturb your harmony?  For instance as a, black woman, is it hard to go and talk to a partner that is outside your race about racism that’s been happening to you?  Because, it’s not their experience and they can’t understand it how a, black women, survive in the workplace for instance? As a, black woman, I have not been discriminated against a lot and especially growing up in Canada; but I know that if I was talking to a, black man, who had a white spouse, it would have been a totally different conversation. Because as a, black man, he would have been harassed by the police, he would have been discriminated at work, he would have experienced racism throughout his life. Racism that  his white spouse would not be able to understand or identify.

So, did any of those situations happen in your marriage where your husband couldn’t understand your black experience?

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Ericka Augutis I would say initially when we’re in the newlywed stage, there were a few situations, super minor things, nothing hardcore or anything like that; but I could tell there was an inequality in the situation.  When I  talked about it, he would always ask me why  I was so passionate? That was his word or way of saying, why are you so angry? It took me about three or four times of him saying that or using that phrase for me to get that he’s trying to ask me to express myself and make him understand.  Why was something so small making you angry?  So, once I understood what he was truly trying to say and ask me, we had a tough conversation on racism.

I explained to him  the history black people and the challenges I’ve experienced throughout my career being a, black woman.  I think in his career not everyone knows he’s married to a, black woman; so he would hear things people would say that were borderline racist and he would tell me he got it.

Myrna Young Not only did your husband not understand your black experience but as a, black woman, I didn’t understand my husband’s black experience either. My husband was a police officer and what upset him more than anything else was that he was going out there every night putting his life on the line and yet the white officers were racial against him.  Not just my husband; but they were racist against all the black officers in the department. There was no equality even when they could die together.  My husband would say we bleed the same blood, when we’re out there on the street and I am treated differently. I didn’t understand until recently when I understood the definition of a racist and the definition of racist policies.  I had to go back to him and apologize for not understanding.

That’s basically what I would I wanted to you know.  To find out from you how is the cohesiveness in an, interracial marriage, when one person has white privilege and the other person has to claw their way for everything?

So, the other question I have on here is and I think you mentioned it, people staring at you and I think you said that you felt protected because Kevin was so strong and you weren’t scared; but did it bother you psychologically?

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Ericka Augutis We’ve been married for so long,  I would say it bothered me until we had our son.  A small portion of me would wonder is it worth it?   Is it worth it, why can’t we just go out to dinner and just have a nice dinner without any stares, comments or judgment?  So I would say, yes it does bother you, it does affect you.  You just have to find a way to deal with it and ensure that your relationship is solid enough where it’s worth it.

How does Interracial Marriage affect children?

Myrna Young How does your 14-year-old son, he’s old enough to understand what’ going on right now in the world, how does he relate to having a white dad?

Ericka Augutis Oh, that’s a good question so, he’s actually okay with it. He was in Boy Scouts from the age of I think five or six until 12 years old and I remember we were on a camping trip he may have been 7 or 8 at the time and he came into our tent and I could tell something was wrong.  His face was a little flushed, so I said to him what’s wrong he said this kid asked him why is your dad white and your mom black?

I said, what did you say?  He says I said because they love each other! So I think he’s okay with what’s going on right now.  I did not know how to quite handle it when a child asked him like where is he from? If he was Spanish?  I think that’s he’s at that stage where he’s getting that question and has to figure out how he’s going to handle it and answer it.

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Is there a Color to Love? The Answer is NO.

Myrna Young It sounds like your, interracial marriage, is healthy. You guys don’t see color.  Your, color of love, is blended.  You love your kids, you show them love you don’t show them a difference and that’s definitely the way to go about it.  So your, interracial marriage,  experience has been a good one.  As a, black woman, marrying outside of your race  you still go through get the same racism and racist policies that our, black men, go through on a lesser scale.

That’s basically what I wanted to have a conversation so that we can shed a light on, interracial marriages. I mean we’re looking at black and white but, interracial marriage, can also be Spanish and black or even religion Muslim and Christian or anything that makes you different.  It causes some controversy or cause some friction.

Ericka Augutis I don’t want the podcast listeners thinking I am making, interracial marriage, sound like it’s just perfect.  Absolutely not, there are challenges don’t get me wrong.  When we get invited to parties and there’s only a sprinkle of brown and black people in room, you have to figure out how to navigate.  Do you want to be like over-the-top polished or just be yourself. When our families get together we both have to play roles.  Every day you encounter racism. If you’re dealing with the public or you go in a public space you’re dealing with those types of situations where people are looking people are asking questions so it’s a conversation that you have more often than not. When you’re in a relationship like this, it’s something that you have to deal with if you want it to work out.

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Myrna Young I thank you for coming on and having a seat at this table I appreciate it. I hope our readers and listeners learned a few things one, interracial marriages, can work. They can be successful, you just have to have love and talk about it.

I want to remind you that if you like this content, please share with your friends, subscribe on iTunes rate and leave a review.

Additional Resources and mentions

Paradigm Shifts that can Heal Racism in America

https://blog.myhelps.us/find-your-soulmate-science-of-attraction/

https://voxeu.org/article/incarceration-unemployment-and-black-white-marriage-gap-us

 

 

Are All Sociopaths Predators? The Jeffrey Epstein Story

Psychopaths have no ability whatsoever to feel shame, guilt, or remorse. One in twenty-five Americans, are secretly, sociopaths and so we have Jeffrey Epstein.

There are some subjects that fascinate me and one of them are, sociopaths.

This fascination began when I read the book the “Psychopath Next Door.”

This story was about a man who selected this woman because of her vulnerability.

Sociopaths, always chose their victims.

He actually knocked on her door one day and began a friendship with her, then he got her to move away from her friends and family to this remote house in England.

Sociopaths,  always want to get you away from your friends and family because friends and family strengthen us. Jeffrey Epstein, had his island in the Virgin Islands

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sociopaths in history Charles Manson
sociopaths in history Charles Manson

The definition of a Sociopath

This house in England was a beautiful large Victorian home. This man let’s call him Jim told this that  he inherited this property and had her suggest that they modernize the house with her money.

Later in the story after she had escaped with her life, she found out that the property was rented, it was a con to get her money.

Sociopaths, are liars.

Then Jim started abusing her, verbally and emotionally, then physically. He told her if she ever left him he would kill her. Every time she attempted to leave, he would find her and punish her. Finally in desperation she walked for miles in the freezing cold one night to someone’s home and hid there.

Sociopaths, keep you in control with abuse. Remember the Robert R Kelly documentary? All the women said that he controlled them with physical abuse and punishment like starvation when they disobeyed his orders. Like going to the bathroom without getting permission

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Like I said, this story imprinted on my mind and since then I have been able to spot, sociopaths. Almost all of them are good looking and charming and they use this asset to reel in their victims.

Jeffrey Epstein, was also good looking and charming and was able to charm his way into getting jobs as a teacher and securities broker without having any of the necessary paperwork, because he dropped out of college.

Sociopaths vs Phychopaths

As a, sexual predator, they use this good looking charm to make women fall for them and after they get them emotionally tied, they switch from charming to becoming a monster.

Sociopaths, are also narcissistic. They can feel no emotions so they do unconscionable things without batting an eyelid.

Jeffrey Epstein, sexually abused hundreds of children for decades by luring them with $200. He knew that to a 14 year old $200 was a lot of money. If he ordered a call girl or prostitute the price for a massage and sex would be $2000 not $200; but then of course they wouldn’t turn him on. Only young girls turned him on.

What is the difference between, sociopaths vs psychopaths? Sociopaths and psychopaths  are usually dishonest. In my story Jim swindled over a $100,000 from his victim to modernize a house that he didn’t own.

Jeffrey Epstein, was also a thief. He stole $46 M from one of his employers and was fired from another for stealing.

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So to answer the question are all,  sociopaths, predators? I would say yes,  Sociopaths,  are always looking for their next victim. They may not be ALL in like, Jeffrey Epstein, and, Robert R Kelly; but they are, sexual  predators, who charm women, men and children out of whatever their prize is. There are, sociopaths, scamming old people out of their last dollar and have no remorse that these seniors have no funds left to live out their lives

sociopaths in history Jeffrey Dahmer
sociopaths in history Jeffrey Dahmer

The Sociopath next door

We are accustomed to think of, sociopaths, as violent criminals, but in The Sociopath Next Door, Harvard psychologist Martha Stout reveals that a shocking 4 percent of ordinary people—one in twenty-five—has an often undetected mental disorder, the chief symptom of which is that that person possesses no conscience. He or she has no ability whatsoever to feel shame, guilt, or remorse. One in twenty-five everyday Americans, therefore, is secretly a, sociopath. They could be your colleague, your neighbor, even family. And they can do literally anything at all and feel absolutely no guilt.

How do we recognize the remorseless? One of their chief characteristics is a kind of glow or charisma that makes, sociopaths, more charming or interesting than the other people around them. They’re more spontaneous, more intense, more complex, or even sexier than everyone else, making them tricky to identify and leaving us easily seduced. Fundamentally, sociopaths, are different because they cannot love. Sociopaths, learn early on to show sham emotion, but underneath they are indifferent to others’ suffering. They live to dominate and thrill to win.

The fact is, we all almost certainly know at least one or more, sociopaths already. Part of the urgency in reading The Sociopath Next Door is the moment when we suddenly recognize that someone we know—someone we worked for, or were involved with, or voted for—is a, sociopath. But what do we do with that knowledge? To arm us against the sociopath, Dr. Stout teaches us to question authority, suspect flattery, and beware the pity play. Above all, she writes, when a sociopath, is beckoning, do not join the game.

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What is the difference between a, Sociopath, and a Psychopath?

I don’t use either term, you’re speaking about an, antisocial personality disorder.   Several people in our lifetime like Jeffrey Dahmer’s and other individuals like, Jeffrey Epstein,  can be diagnosed with, antisocial personality disorder.  The reason why I use that term,  a psychological perspective and diagnostic criteria is attached to that term.

There are seven diagnostic criteria that we would use in order to diagnose someone exhibiting, sociopath, behavior:

  • One there’s a pervasive pattern as well as a disregard for and violation of the rights of others. This behavior starts occurring usually at the age of 15 years old.
  • Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest, as we saw with both, Jeffrey Epstein, and Robert R Kelly.
  • Deceitfulness very much so. Very easy for, sociopaths, to be deceitful.  Jeffrey Epstein scammed  a gentleman that he worked for out of millions of dollars.  He taught in a  school without the proper credentials.  He said he  went to certain schools and never attended the schools.
  • Repeated lying, some of these men even use aliases.  They scam others for their own profit.  Their personal profit and pleasure.
  • Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead.
  • Irritability and aggressiveness as indicated by repeated fights or assaults
  • Reckless regard for safety of self and others. Consistent irresponsibility as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work, behavior or honor financial obligations.
  • Lack of remorse, indicated by being indifferent and to or rationalizing having hurt mistreated or stolen from another individual.

Are Sociopaths Narcissists?

Sociopaths are narcissists because they have no conscience, the barometer to tell you when you are doing wrong. I can imagine it may be a struggle for some, sociopaths,  so that’s when they become, sexual predators. The sexual part of it with the, sexual predators,  become hard to control. It becomes an addiction.

I was actually very surprised when, Jeffrey Epstein,  did go to prison the first time for 18 months and he got himself out on a work permit, that he was still continued bringing women in to his office to have sex. The same behavior he was in prison for, he continued doing!

Ted Bundy did the same thing.  They incarcerated him and he escaped twice and continued the same behavior.  He continued the same exact behavior with those women, killing and murdering and having sexual encounters with them.

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That’s part of the impulsive label.  I personally think that the reason, Jeffrey Epstein, did not stop or had no remorse is because he was wealthy. He didn’t care about these women, he just cared about himself and his sexual desires. They called him, sociopath narcissist, you can call it, antisocial personality disorder,  all these different labels; but he knew what he was doing was wrong and he thought that he could buy his way out, and he did for quiet some time.

I was quite impressed that the first time, Jeffrey Epstein, was on trial, he had eight lawyers,  a team of eight lawyers! I am sure that cost him millions; but Robert R Kelly was poor.  I mean he couldn’t even afford a proper lawyer so he’s still in prison.

How are sexual predators created?

What is the, test for a, sociopath? Well that’s a good intro to the, sociopaths vs Psychopaths,  and your  definition of,  anti-social Personality disorder.  How does that lead them to become, sexual predators?

I’m not just talking about, sexual predators, but the , sociopath narcissistic, piece where they have no conscience don’t care about their victims, just into your fulfilling of their desires.  You mentioned Jeffrey Dahmer and you talked about Ted Bundy.  I’m assuming that you put them in this in this conversation, because they’ve also been diagnosed with, antisocial personality disorder, commonly called, sociopath.

These are mental health issues probably passed on from parents and grandparents. Some, sociopaths, develop after being abused as children.  Robert R Kelly was raped as a child by his aunt.

 

How would the women look for, sociopaths, out to take advantage of them?

  • Firstly, they don’t want to trust. You want to be more cognizant of who you’re trusting.
  • We want to be aware of someone asking you about your life in terms of your financial abilities.
  • You want to be more cognizant to the fact of strange men visiting your home.  Limit the frequency that they visit or stay in your home.  Visit their dwelling to see where they live.
  • See what their lifestyle is.  Talk to their family members don’t even allow them to come to your home for at least 90 days after you meet them.

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How a sexual predator chooses his victims.

The, sociopath,  or the person with, antisocial personality disorder, always chooses their victims.

The documentary said that, Jeffrey Epstein, had the ability to read his victims  and offer whatever they wanted.

I have worked with families who had children that have been sexually assaulted.  In my first intake, my first conversation with the parents, I say to the parents that their child has the 50% likelihood of being sexually assaulted again because pedophiles tend to know. They can read them. They can either pick up on the fear or the vulnerability.

They choose their victims, Robert R Kelly looked for the women with weak minds. Jeffrey Epstein, looked for girls with no parental influence, were poor or needy.

Young females have to be vigilant because people will try to manipulate them and do things to them to get them to perform sex acts.  Someone gave, Jeffrey Epstein, three twelve-year-old girls as a birthday present.  You saw some of the images of some noted men today some powerful men including Prince Andrew who hung out with, Jeffrey Epstein, they partook of these young girls.  Some of them had daughters of that same age. So mothers look out for your daughters.

I tell parents it’s okay to be quote-unquote a helicopter parent.  It’s okay to not let your kids spend the night over someone’s house. It’s okay to be a hands-on face-to-face with your kid till they are at least 18 going into college.

If you value your child’s life and you do not want your child to be fractured into pieces as a result of this trauma from a, psychopath, be vigilant.  I work in the education field right now and there are people that will become educators or social workers on campuses or they’ll work with the children because they know they have access to be with them alone with children.

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Dr  Tra Ahia you mentioned that you have some classes that speak to this topic for women.

You are all invited to join my Facebook group called Life Coach, and of course please subscribe, rate and review this podcast on iTunes. 

Additional Resources

 

 

 

 

Celebrating Black Love Introducing BlackdateBox

Black Love Datebox

Love, is a spirit and if you speak to love it will return back to you when you call it. Black Love, is no different; but we need to change the narrative because, Black women, deserve, love.

I think that, love, is waiting for everyone to be silent, so that, love, can speak for itself.

Today we are celebrating, black love.  My guest is Lisa Kimberle author of “500 ways to celebrate black love”

Here is the synopsis of 500 ways to celebrate, Black Love

500 ways to celebrate, black love, provides an accelerating approach to, black love, relationships. Love coach and enthusiast Lisa Kimberle gets candid through personal reflection in hope of inspiring real, black love, stories.  This is her, love story, a story filled with passion and discovery that led her to a wonderful fulfilling, black love, relationship.  This is a, black love book, and it introduces the, blackdatebox, a subscription box created with love for all relationship stages. Black love box, asks the question, what is, black love?  It celebrates, black love, and highlights black owned businesses and retailers.

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Why did you write the book “500 ways to black to celebrate, black love?”

For me it all started from my personal journey.  What I was personally going through in my, love story.  I was in a relationship and everything seemed right, we were very compatible.  It seemed like it was love at first sight, and then when we further got in the relationship, we discovered that we just were not meant to be together.  He was not a bad person or anything like that; but it was for someone else, it wasn’t for me and we were both totally fine ending the relationship. It was a three year journey that I spent discovering, what is black love.

I started researching family history and I discovered things and thoughts that existed within the family passed down from my grandparents and from my parents.  One of the interesting things that I discovered about my grandmother was that for whatever reason my grandmother hated relationships.  I kind of discovered during the journey about, black love, and what to do to break your patterns,  because these patterns are cyclical and runs for generations.

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I don’t know your, love story; but I know as a,  Life coach,  I know women who cycle from abusive relationships into new abusive relationships. That’s their pattern, and they keep going into those relationships. They don’t look for them,  but it just happens.  So what you’re saying is exactly what happens, we all attract the same kind of man and it’s something unconsciously that we’re doing.  You traced your pattern and you found that it came from parental influence.

The second thing I discovered when I began researching, black love,  is that the internet portrayed, black love relationships, as nonexistent. I bumped into articles such as the one in Marie Claire magazine titled “Marriages are for white people”  and then when I read the article it goes further on to explain how, marriage, isn’t for, black women!

So now I am dealing with the generational belief passed down from my parents and grandparents, then it’s the societal belief that, black women, does not deserve, love.

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Is, Black Love, different than White Love?

No, Love, is a spirit and it does not define color. But as, black women, we have some challenges to find fulfilling black, love story. After my 3 year relationship went  sour, I really wanted to help, black women, find that perfect, love story. Since I couldn’t find any, black love books, I decided to write one.

I believe that, love, is a spirit and if you speak to, love, it will return back to you when you call it.

I think that, love, is waiting for everyone to be silent, so that love can speak for itself.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

What are 3 of the 500 ways to celebrate. Black love?

  • Wholeness before pleasure.
  • Becoming best version of ourselves. That’s discovering who you are.
  • Becoming the best version of us as a black race.

In a Unhealthy Relationship? Should you Stay or Go.

What is Quantum Water Leaping and how does this celebrate, Black Love?

Black Couples, Quantum Water Leaping is utilizing water as a representation of life. I believe that water is life and so if it’s used as a representation to cleanse out the old, love story, whatever that is,  whether it’s past relationships, marriages, things that you haven’t forgiven yourself for concerning past relationships or anything thing that can hinder your, black love relationship. Black couples, are using that water and jumping into like a new, love story. It’s a quantum leap.

Black Couples, Quantum Jumping is all about strengthening, black love relationships, because it is very true that relationships breakup because we’re carrying baggage. Leaping from one to the next is a perfect way to drop off your baggage!

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Don’t worry about the Mule going Blind is a book about Fear, insecurity, sexual abuse, and neglect: This memoir will look beyond the description of these difficulties in the author’s life to examine how she acquired the tools she needed to take more control of her life, and what decisions impacted her choices.  Pick up your copy today! Don’t worry about the Mule going Blind now available on Amazon.

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Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

How does the, Blackdatebox, Help, Black Love Relationships?

The, blackdatebox,  or, black love box, is a quarterly subscription, love box,  that was created to celebrate, black love. We celebrate, black love, depending on the season such as Christmas and other holidays or occasions that, black couples, wants to celebrate.  For example there is a quarantine, love box.

It has most of what you need to create a date at home and while you’re on the stay at home experience, you will kindle a deeper level of communication, a deeper level of, love.

The, black love Box, comes with the rose petals and the candles and whatever you need to create a romantic date.

We are coming into summer so the summer celebration, blackdatebox, 2020 has fireworks inside the box.  There’s two different boxes for the summer celebration because some, black  couples, may want to have a daytime date, so I have a brunch box.  I work with a chef she lives in Alabama her name is Erika Barrett she makes these excellent pancakes, so she’s one of the African American business that are featured in the box. The, blackdatebox,  comes with decorations for the ambiance and  all the, black couples, have to do is add the feelings of, love!

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I also have a product that is amazing.  It’s a game with miracle berries and they’re actually from Ghana and some people have taste tripping parties.

You take these berries and they’re intact in form and then they dissolve on your tongue.  You have to let it dissolve for about 10 minutes, once it dissolves and you suck a lemon or a lime it is going to turn everything that you’re tasting, sweet.  It’s an amazing experience.

When somebody goes out and purchases your book, what do you hope that they will come away with?

I’m hoping that my readers get inspired and more empowered.  I’m hoping that it will inspire them to their own self journey to finding, black love,  and discoveries of their family history that could be blocking, black love. I want to change the narrative of, black love, and society.  I want my book to be a form of mental jogging.

Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast
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How do you advise women to set their intention for, black love?

Whenever you have good intentions for being in a relationship then you will manifest those intentions. One way to set intentions is with daily affirmations. Some of these affirmations are:

  • I am loved
  • I am black and lovable
  • I am black excellence

If your intentions are that you want, love, because of loneliness,  change your intentions. Your purpose for wanting a relationship must be because you have something to give, not want. If you set your intentions in a good way then you’ll receive good results. Call, love, and it will come!

I pray that everyone every listener, every reader of my book that this will be the best year of, Black love, or any other love for them. I just want to pray that, Love, Finds them from the north, the South, the east and the West.  I just want to pray that they receive total healing.

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Additional Resources

https://blog.myhelps.us/find-your-soulmate-science-of-attraction/

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-single-women-find-love/

 

How to Survive an Economic Collapse

Solomon Ali Economic Collapse

To survive the, economic collapse, first thing I would say you need to do is you’re going to have to acknowledge where you are financially. The beauty of an, economic, downturn is that  there are more successful people created during a period of, economic collapse, than any other times. The, economic collapse 2020, is no different.

My guest today is Solomon Ali author of “The Empowered Wealth Bible” and “Economic Survival” and we’re going to be talking today on “How to survive an, economic, collapse because I think we’re heading to an, economic, collapse.

Introduction to How to Survive an Economic Collapse

Solomon, I’m very curious to hear your backstory, how did you become an expert on, economic, conditions?

Immediately after high school, I went into the military.  I went to a predominantly white high school and my guidance counselor said I had good GPA; but they never directed me to go to college or university,  so I went straight into the military.  I made it to the rank of sergeant and learned how to manage people and how to build a team.

When I got out of the military and went home, I couldn’t find a job, common story.  So I started helping my parents clean up their rental properties.  I ended up organizing the cleaning crews. We became a mobile company, cleaning up apartments, painting them, doing minor repairs so that the apartments could be ready for the next tenant to move in.  I had a team of people structured like an assembly line.  We had people come and do the masking of everything.  We would mask off four or five apartments at one time. The next group would come in and they would clean the tubs and the toilets, and the next guy would come in and paint it. Then someone would come back and take all the masking tape off, vacuum and shampoo the carpets and we were done.

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Author Betty Tucker shares the story of her life in her memoir, Don’t Worry About The Mule Going Blind.

Betty Tucker came of age in Belle Glade, Florida, infamous for its poverty and violence. Her childhood was one of de-bili-ta-ting poverty, borne of racism, exploitive migrant labor, multiple rapes and other abuse, and chronic illness among her family and acquaintances … the list is long and bitter.

Betty moved to California, earned her College  degree, and raised a family. Then, in 1997, she began a long and eventually successful search for the twin girls she had given up for adoption thirty years earlier.

Don’t worry about the Mule going Blind is a book about Fear, insecurity, sexual abuse, and neglect: This memoir will look beyond the description of these difficulties in the author’s life to examine how she acquired the tools she needed to take more control of her life, and what decisions impacted her choices.

Pick up your copy today! Don’t worry about the Mule going Blind now available on Amazon.

Now that is, economic, survival. Surviving the rental income business.  That sounds like the best structured management cleaning that I have ever heard, and I do property management as a Realtor!

We had over 70 people on our team. We went from zero revenues, to a little over 6 million in 12 months! But I was not able to collect all my money.  I had all these accounts receivables and I had payroll that was coming up.  So I got on my knees and prayed one night and I was talking to God, and the next day I’m looking in the LA Times and I see a company advertising for accounts receivables loans.  I called the guy and left a message on Sunday he calls me promptly on Monday morning and he went over everything. I made the trip to San Bernardino, California and got a check for $380,000. He bought all my $500,000 accounts receivable accounts.

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Sponsor The Transform Your Mind Podcast

That was my first lesson on, economic, survival in the form of risk management.  You do not want to have a huge concentration of your business coming just from one or two customers, you want to make sure that your company it’s more diversified.

That is what I do today. I consult companies on how to survive, economic collapse, or downturns because they come about every 10 years. I teach them how to scale, how to grow, and how to access the finance world.  In other words how to arrange capital, so they can do their roll-ups for this , economic collapse 2020.

We check out the competition and then we begin to set up what I call mirroring.  We design a program that fits my client so that they can grow and scale their business and we’re able to access capital for them.  I may have private equity companies that I have arrangements with and I get very passionate about helping others fulfill their dreams.

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What does your book “The Empowered Wealth Bible” teach us about, Economic Collapse 2020?

That book speaks in reference to the different tricks of the trade, how you survive, economically, and raise the capital for your business. It teaches you how to use personal credit and credit cards.

It is extremely helpful to the new entrepreneur trying to fund his business as well to the mother wanting the best for her family.

There is one chapter in the book where we talk about how we could take your credit card money’s right from your credit cards and apply it to your mortgage and rotate that around cutting the interest rate on your mortgage and shortening the time period.  The book also shows you how to start a business with very little to no money and still be okay in an, economic collapse. Things like that, it is all about, economic, survival.

I started my private equity company back in 2009, I started with two hundred and fifty dollars and by the end of a year or so I was making millions of dollars.

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In Les Brown’s new book “You got to be hungry” you must be hungry for success. You must be hungry  to achieve your set goals and work your strategies to achieve, economic, survival.

We are now smack in the, coronavirus, pandemic and the, economic collapse 2020.   Companies are closed, millions of people have lost their jobs and everybody is scared about their future.  It’s really interesting that you had the premonition to write the book, Economic Survival, before we faced an, economic, collapse.

I understand we are heading into a recession even a depression.

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How would we survive economically if the US, economy, was to go into, economic collapse 2020?

Firstly,  I’m going to say we’re already in a recession. Our, economy, is already seeing an, economic collapse 2020. We haven’t saw seen all the manifestations of what’s going to happen, but anytime you shut down businesses state by state, you’re losing your, economic, base within those states.  So all of these businesses shutting down resulted in I think as of today there’s over 37 million people filing for unemployment.

Let’s put that in perspective, that’s not counting the people who are self-employed, who are not able to file for unemployment.  So you have to add millions or more to that number, that’s not also counting the people who are just giving up and not looking for work. That’s millions more.

I predict that the US unemployed will be closer to about 60 or 70 million by the 3rd quarter. I predict we will see an, economic collapse.

I’m going to Segway  over to the African American businesses.  On average there’s approximately five million businesses existing in the United States with ten or more employees.

African American companies there are only about one hundred thousand or so with ten or more employees.  That’s a big and significant difference between five million to a hundred thousand.  That tells us that the majority of us, African-Americans,  are working for other people and those jobs are no longer going to be there in the future.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Small businesses create the majority of the jobs, however your larger companies employ more people.  So when you place all this in perspective African Americans are not going to have anywhere to go and will suffer more from an, economic collapse.

Here are some strategies on surviving an, Economic Collapse:

  • To survive the, economic collapse, first thing I would say you need to do is you’re going to have to acknowledge where you are financially. The beauty of an, economic, downturn is that  there are more successful people created during a period of, economic collapse, than any other times. You have to solve someone else’s problem, you have to be of service to someone,  so that now you have people looking for you because you become in demand.

New businesses will be created like, AirBnb, created in the 2009 financial crisis.

We are losing millions of businesses but new businesses are created during an, economic collapse.

  1. After you solve someone’s problem is you have to educate yourself. You have to remove the fear, because fear will paralyze you.  Once you remove the fear you will be able to go out and help someone else.
  2. A lot of people that have the employee mindset will have to switch because they are not going to do well. Unfortunately our, economy,  and, economic survival, depends on developing an entrepreneurial mindset.  We’re going to be living in the, economy,  where a job no longer exists.  You’re going to be a subcontractor, you’re going to be an independent .
  3. You have to look at where are you today financially and reset your priorities. Instead of loosing your home in the, economic, downturn because you lost your job, maybe your parents have a room you could live in and you could rent your house. You’re going to have to be willing to do what is necessary for, economic survival.
  4. Immediately begin to renegotiate your debt so that you can have more cash flow.
  5. Diversify – you may have to do some joint ventures with other companies or other people.

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Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast
Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast

Conclusion

How do you think the Real Estate Market will fare in this, economic collapse 2020?

I think we’re about to see by the last quarter of this year a lot of foreclosures will begin to take place.  I believe a lot of people will begin to lose their homes.

For those investors who have the cash flow and the ability to buy, they will be able to pick up properties at a significant discount, because the banks are going to have to give rid of those assets off of their books.  Credit lines will be cut by the end of the third quarter.  I’m pretty sure maybe even at the beginning of the third quarter the credit lines will begin to get cut, which will have a trickle effect on the, economy.

What we do know is that our, economy,  is not coming back anytime soon.  We may have as many as 60 million people unemployed.  People don’t have any reserves and if you don’t have any reserves at the beginning of the, economic collapse, then what is going to happen after you have been unemployed for a year.  Robert Kawasaki, of Rich Dad Poor Dad,  was saying that what you do is you find out your runway for your business or personal life. How much money you have in the bank to take care of the essentials, housing, food and transportation?

Robert is  absolutely right.  We were all taught to have six months of reserves,  but if the last, economic collapse, in 2009 taught us anything, is that it took people 18 months on average to get a job so we were wrong saying to have six months of reserves,  you need to literally have two years of reserves. Most don’t even have one month.

How does Private Equity Investing help with, economic survival?

I love private equity, I love loaning out money and helping people to fulfill their dreams.

I have a passion right now for minority businesses. There’s approximately 13,000 publicly traded companies all together but, there’s only 13 black publicly traded companies currently.  I sat on the board of directors of three and I was Officer of three all at the same time, where I was responsible to help them raise the capital they needed to, survive economically. The companies that I helped, they were not only successful they became in the top 5 companies.

To purchase any of Solomon Rc Ali books or for consulting services visit his website

https://www.solomonrcali.info/ follow him on twitter and Instagram and Facebook @supportsolomon.

Additional Resources

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-transform-your-career-with-purpose/

https://www.learnhowtobecome.org/entrepreneur/