4 Ways Your Brain is Hardwired for Negative Thinking

We have to change the, negative thinking. I work on not just on your, stinkin thinking, but also your behaviors, because they both work in sync together. So for example, if your, stinkin thinking, is all men are liars and cheaters, you’re coming in to a relationship waiting to be cheated on and lied to and that is what you manifest.

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Bio

Jaime B. Haas is founder of the Jaime B. Haas Method, a guided process that draws from spirituality, positive psychology, mindfulness and life experiences. The Method helps individuals heal from intergenerational, societal and emotional trauma, freeing them to reconnect with their personal power, gain clarity on what they really want to achieve in life, and dismantle any deep-seated beliefs holding them back from moving forward. Her work is motivated by a painful past, at 40 she came to a place of complete surrender. Her approach is rooted in the belief that when you focus on finding the root of the pain and the related stories you’ve told yourself you will be able to change the way you see yourself and the world. Known to her clients as the Soul Surgeon, they say her Method has helped heal wounds that no other modality, including therapy, was able to help them achieve and find lasting love—starting with themselves

Myrna: Can you share your back story. You mentioned that at 40 years old you came to a place of complete surrender. How was your childhood?

Jaime: Finding the, core programming, right? I’ll try and give you the basics, but I was adopted having a younger sister. My parents have isms. So, isms would be like, food addiction, spending addictions. My father left when I was 10 years old, for another woman that he was cheating with on my mother, and I went and moved in with her and her children. And so, that was the beginning of the end, because I worshiped my father. When my father walked out on my mother, she became completely emotionally unavailable. Her addiction started taking off and then I had very abusive step family that were very intent on hurting me and trying to divide my father and I.

Myrna: So sad. It sounds like it’s still painful for you to talk about. But I wanted to get the connection between your childhood and your adult story.

Jamie: Thank you. Yeah, I mean, I feel sad for little me. You know what I mean? I think I’ve done so much work around it. I don’t really talk about myself as much anymore, I talk to my clients. My mother wound up hating men and had a lot of negative stories about men that she used to pour into me, and also a lot of stuff around money and work. My father was like, you’re just gonna get married to this rich Jewish man and be taken care of. Don’t worry about you wanting to dance or you want to act. No, none of that’s gonna happen. Those are just a few of the multitude of stories and programming that I got that created me at 40 in the bottom.

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Our Negative Thinking is downloaded from our parents

Myrna: Okay, let’s talk about the positive things now. So, when you hit rock bottom, you spent two years figuring out why. What I’m understanding is that you started erasing all those, negative thoughts and, negative thinking, stinkin thinking, that was downloaded into you by your mom. Let’s say somebody is in the same scenario or situation and they can’t seem to make it happen. How can we start changing the, negating thinking? Yeah, what is the first thing you do?

Jaime: I just want to be clear; this is for men or women because I work with a lot of men, that maybe been divorced. We have to go back to the, root belief system. Most of my women clients are very angry at men and have very specific thoughts and, beliefs, about men and relationships. And my men clients are very angry at women and has very specific experiences, thoughts and beliefs around women. First, we have to get to what is the top, negative belief, or limiting fear-based thoughts that’s going on in your head. So, I usually start with that and most people the first, negative thoughts, we must release are “men are liars and cheaters” and “women are all controlling”.

Myrna: Wow, you hit the nail on the head. If we’re going to characterize men, that’s actually pretty good.

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Limiting negative beliefs drives our relationships

Jaime: Because that’s a, negative thought, right? Or a, limiting belief, or a, fear-based thought, but it’s the prevailing thought that’s driving the ship. Because then you make all of your decisions based on how you’re going to protect yourself, how you’re going to react to something new.

Myrna: So, let’s say that you were you think that all men are liars and cheaters, and that’s because maybe your father cheated on your mom. Then you experienced it yourself. And maybe you have a sample of two or three, but then you say all men are liars and cheaters. How do you change this, stinkin thinking?

Jaime: So let me see if I can break it down in a different way for you because if you’ve had an experience and you are thinking that all men are cheaters. We have to change that, negative thinking. I work on not just on your, stinkin thinking, but also your behaviors, because they both work in sync together. So it’s like if your, stinkin thinking, is all men are liars and cheaters, you’re coming in to a relationship waiting to be cheated on and lied to.

So this is where the pattern where it comes in. So you come in and whatever the, coping mechanisms, you have set up for your, negative thinking, and specific behaviors you’re doing, bring you back to the original pain. So you have all these behaviors to protect yourself, but in the end, you end up been lied to and cheated on. And you’re like, I knew it. How did I end up here again?

Myrna: Yep, whatever you think about, you bring about.

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Negative thinking affects our behaviors

Jaime: That’s correct. Well, and this is I’m trying to explain to you in a bigger way and I can then unpack it in a smaller way, but I need it because my, belief system, is based on that you are in a state of woundedness. You will continue to bring in people and situations to take you back to the wound to reaffirm the pain. So okay, that’s manifesting 101.

But it’s in direct relation to not just our, negative thinking, but how we’re behaving. So how are we going to change that? So on the top line, there’s like, we can go on the top line or the deep stuff. So on the top layer, is that you’re gonna have to tell yourself a different story about men. Like there are good men in the world. There’s good, honest, loyal men in the world. And I am bringing them in. All my turnarounds are, affirmations.

Because all the negative stuff you’ve been telling yourself is actually a, negative affirmation. You’ve now created a way of being by affirming this belief. So now we have to unprogram and reprogram in a new way by telling yourself a new, affirmation, to imprint a new belief. The new, affirmation, is “there are good men in the world.” “There are good, honest, loyal men in the world and I am bringing them to me.” Are you with me so far?

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Stinkin Thinking: Men are liars and cheaters

My, belief system, all men are liars and cheaters was downloaded to me from my mom. She hated men after my father walked out on her. Not only did she tell me that all men lie and cheat, but she added all they want to do is get in your pants. Once they do, they’re gonna leave you. And so I really had a thing for men, I wanted to stick it to them. I have other clients that were afraid of men, but I wanted to go out and punish men. I wanted to punish them so they couldn’t do it to me. I didn’t get cheated on. I like hurt everybody.

So I had to do a lot of cleaning up my, stinkin thinking. But the most amazing part of my, stinkin thinking, was that I built a, belief system, on my mother’s pain, not mine. He did that to her not to me.

Our, belief systems, follow us everywhere. We take our, beliefs, into work, into business, into friendships, into our relationships, everywhere. As deep seated core program, beliefs and stories, and it affects every area of our life. It’s so powerful, we don’t even know.

I’m gonna interject, I got to stick up for my men. All the men that I work with had really controlling, dominating, emotionally abusive mothers. And so they actually don’t do any of the stuff we’re talking about. They’re actually afraid of women. They are people pleasers. Which means they’re totally dishonest because they’re terrified of being punished.

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Self love is the way out of stinkin thinking

Until we practice, self love, we’re fractured and so all the relationships we bring in are going to be fractured. I call it, emotionally unavailable. We’re, emotionally unavailable, because we’re not even there for ourselves, we don’t love ourselves. So, you know, that is actually the beginning. of the journey. I don’t tell you that right away because people be like, I don’t want to get into coaching where I have to love myself like what is that about? I just want to fix the problem and move on.

Myrna: I love that yeah, if you can’t love yourself. You can’t be in a love relationship because you can’t give away what you don’t have. It’s very profound.

Jaime: Yes, that’s correct. And so what I’ve also found is that there’s not one thing that fixes the problem. It’s actually a concoction of a multitude of things when done all together, to create the secret sauce. And so, you know, in the getting to the self love and starting to create a connection with the universe and yourself and then reprogramming and changing your thinking and your behaviors.

The more that magnet within you shifts and changes the more what you start to bring in shifts and changes and all of your relationships become more loving. The people and situations become more aligned with who you are inside. And then you’re bringing in that person that perfectly aligns with you who you are now. But we have to evolve and change first so that we can change in shape shift and change inside to match up and align with that which we are actually calling in and desiring.

The Jaime B Haas method

That’s the first layer. I have found that there are 10 actions to help us get to, self love, and connection. What I do in the, Jaime method, is that we do the patterns with your parents. I go back to mom and dad, specifically three patterns for parent each parent, we do a letter of healing. It’s really the letter of acceptance and healing. So that when we do that, remember in the beginning I said you if you’re in a state of woundedness you will bring in light so we heal the wound. We are no longer attracted to or attracting that.

So we do that last person we do is yourself and then we begin to manifest and it’s just but we have to heal clear reprogram and change everything and love ourselves and get a connection with the universe so that we can really be this vessel, this huge magnet of magic, so to speak of love and healing. And then we start aligning with and bringing him you’re not chasing going after figuring it out.

People in situations start coming to you a lot of attraction you know like thoughts, you know, when you are in a negative space, then you’re attracting, negativity, to you because that is basically what’s what’s the alignment you know, like attracts like.

So when when we’re in that place, we actually surround ourselves with people who are also in negative thinking, who are also talking that way who are reaffirming that even if we’re not talking about it, they’re talking about it right. So we carry it from our childhood into the present day. So it’s like and then we’re watching like the news and finding the negative things are we’re watching certain things, or reading a lot of things or being around people and going into situations that where it’s all this pervasive negative talk.

Conclusion

Myrna: What inspired the topic and how our listeners can get in contact with you.

Jaime: Okay, great. Thank you. So I’m working on a book right now. It’s actually on, self love. Actually, because my method will come later. The reason being is that anyone can do this. And if you do it for 30 days, it changes your life immediately. So that I wanted to get the fastest way of healing out to everybody and anybody that you get it now. my website is www.jaimebhaas.com My Instagram is Jaime B Haas and my Facebook is Jaime B Haas and also my YouTube is Jaime B Haas.

You can find the, self love, actions on my web site.

Additional Resources

Motivate Yourself with The Power of Positive Thinking

November 25, 2022

Jim Rohn on How to Improve Yourself

In the episode of 5 Min Fridays with Coach Myrna, I share 4 secrets to improving yourself as taught by Jim Rohn. Every book you read, every podcast you listen to, every seminar you attend, starts changing your philosophy. Now if you’re excited, and you’re ready to change your lifestyle and improve yourself, here are the steps to improve yourself. Improving yourself will one day show up in your bank account and in your lifestyle.

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How to Improve Yourself by Jim Rohn

You don’t have to change what’s outside, all you got to change is what’s inside. To have more you simply have to become more. Don’t wish it was easier wish, you were better. Don’t wish for less problems, wish for more skills. Start working on improving yourself by making these personal changes and it’ll all change for you.

Jim Rohn, says here’s the secret, learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job. Once I got that it turned my life around. He said if you work hard on your job, you’ll make a living. If you work hard on yourself, you can make a fortune. He said If you would have known me at age 25 you would have said, Jim Rohn’s, a hard worker you didn’t know me you would have said that. I’m the guy that don’t mind coming in a little bit early, and staying a little bit late. But If you’ll start working harder on yourself than you do on your job, work hard on yourself and develop the skills, work hard on yourself and develop the graces all of the stuff necessary to become more valuable to the marketplace. Your whole life can explode into change.

When you improve yourself Life is no problem

Promotions – no problem
Becoming more valuable to the company – no problem
Money – no problem
Economics – no problem
Future – no problem.

You just go to work on the right thing. Don’t try to change the seed, don’t change the soil, don’t change the sunshine, don’t change the rain, don’t change the mix of seasons.

Let the miracle of everything that’s available work for you and start working on the inside.

Work on your philosophy.
Work on your attitude.
Work on your personality,
Work on your language,
Work on the gift of communication,
Work on all of your abilities.

If you’ll start making those personal changes, I’m telling you, everything will change for you.

Success is not something you pursue

Success, is something you attract by the person you become. Success, is not something you pursue. So, the whole key to unlock all the treasures, whether it’s economic treasures or spiritual treasures, financial, social personal every way you can possibly think of is by your own, personal development.

Then he added one more which is so important, and it’s probably worth its weight in gold. Here it is. What you become is much more valuable than who you are today. You become by the books you read, you become by the thoughts you have. If you want the things on the higher shelf, you got to stand on the books you read. Every book you read; you get to stand a little higher, so you can get the things on the higher shelf.

Every book you read, every podcast you listen to, every seminar you attend, starts changing your philosophy. Now if you’re excited, and you’re ready to change your lifestyle and, improve yourself.

Here’s the steps to improve yourself:

Find out how things work. The first key to doing better and improving yourself is find out how things work.
Then you need, ideas. The books you read can give you, ideas. Become a good reader. All of the successful people I know, they’re all good readers. Curiosity drives them to read. You need, ideas, on a new business, you need ideas to start something new. You may think you need, money; no the problem is lack of, ideas on creating wealth. It isn’t lack of, money. It’s a, lack of ideas. So, if you get the idea so you can change anything. When you find out something that works, put the information in your journal. Don’t use your head for a filing cabinet. Put it in your journal so that you can do the next best thing, Repetition, repetition, go over it. And if you repeat it, go over it. Sure enough, someday, some mysterious day. The idea takes root and shows up in your bank account and your lifestyle.
Study success, it leaves clues. If you wish to be successful, study success. If you wish to be happy study happiness. If you wish to be wealthy study wealth, don’t leave it to chance. Make it a study. Some people just go through the day with their fingers crossed. You’ve got to study the things that can change your economic, social, spiritual personal life.
Finally, learn, study, grow, change. It’s what, how to improve yourself, is all about. Human development, takes time, incredible amounts of time. It does take time for personal development, it does take time for, spiritual development, physical development and, mental development. So, it is important to keep feeding the mind, nourishing the mind.

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of, 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I hoped you were encouraged to keep improving yourself daily by reading and looking for new ideas because whenever you seek, you will find.

Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources

November 21, 2022November 21, 2022

Parenting Teenagers Using the EMBRACE Method

Samantha S. Woo, author of How to Stop Yelling & Start Connecting with Your Highly Emotional Teen, shares The EMBRACE parenting method for parents dealing with teenagers who are tempted to yell or anything else. The EMBRACE method is a seven-step model developed by Internal family systems and the concept is that we’re all made up of parts inside of us. We have access to this healing inside in the deepest part of our souls through the Spirit. Once we know which part of us is reacting to the part of your teens, then we can start connecting as parents.

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Bio

Samantha Woo, LCSW, is a Certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapist and author of the book “How to Stop Yelling & Start Connecting with Your Highly-Emotional Teen” She is also in private practice helping anxious people find their spirit-led balance.

Samantha has a BA in Neuroscience and Behavior from Wesleyan University, an MSW from California State University, and a Clinical Fellowship from Bryn Mawr College Graduate School of Social Work.

She is married and has three young adult children herself, with plenty of “schooling” in the parenting realm, both past, present, and in years to come. She is a believer in process and sharing, even when things are not perfect.

Myrna: In your book you teach a method of, parenting, that’s called the, EMBRACE method. Can you tell us what that acronym stands for?

Book: How to stop yelling & start connecting with your Highly emotional teen

What is the EMBRACE Method

Samantha: Yeah, so I’m so glad that you noticed that it was both an acronym and the word embrace. That was part of the intention in me coming up with this is a seven-step layman’s approach, based on internal family systems model by Dr. Richard Schwartz. He came up with the internal family systems, parenting, model and I took it and expanded on it knowing that how hard it is to get trained on this system.

So, I digested it, broaden whatever I could and then came up with this for the everyday person, everyday parent that’s dealing with, teenagers, who are tempted to yell or anything else. So, it’s a seven-step model and the two main aspects of this is very similar to the internal family systems which is that we’re all made up of parts inside of us and we have access to this healing inside in the deepest part of our souls through the Spirit. Basically, it says we should check our own parts before we check somebody else’s parts.

This whole idea of parts is also confusing for the everyday person. So let me explain. The internal family systems believes that we’re all born with parts like for instance, the way where we have hands and feet and all these physical parts. But our personalities also have parts, we have personality parts that make us individuals. You have seen the, parents, yelling at the sidelines of a soccer field. So, it’s just kind of recognizing we all have these parts, and then as we live and have, traumas, as parts become very burdened with messages that they take in, and then they become very extreme in their behavior. And then their behavior takes over.

Other parts, become disconnected with other parts and you and the Holy Spirit inside and they just kind of take over. So, this view is what we’re kind of bringing in to the, parent teen relationship. When a teen for example, is saying I hate you get away from me and then slams the door, we can see that it might be an unhealed part of them, not all of them. Because, it’s so tempting for us, parents, to say, oh my gosh, my, teen, hates me. Well, I hate them too. It’s being able to take a step back and say, you know, it’s a part of them that is unhealed and kind of helps us to get curious, and also to recognize that we’re reacting to I hate you.

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Is your parenting style to yell at your teens?

Myrna: My, parenting style, would be to yell “Get back in here right now”

Samantha: Yeah. That’s what usually happens, right? We can get curious about that. Well, part of me is reacting to that and as we kind of become more aware of our parts and their parts. We have more space to kind of let the Spirit work and help us to connect all these parts that are pretty much isolated and extreme because they don’t know that they have access to this healing center.

Myrna: Now I understand. You explained how you came about the seven steps, EMBRACE method. I actually never heard before that we have parts like personalities because, it’s very interesting, because one of the things that I do is I do yell at my, teenagers, almost all the time. You’re saying that’s because of my unhealed parts or maybe my parents yelled at me and that’s what I’m yelling. But I wanted to understand what EMBRACE stands for.

Samantha: Yes, it does. This is the, EMBRACE method

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The Embrace method of parenting

E – stands for, exhale. It means to take a step back. You know how we breathe when we’re really stressed?
M – is to move and its meaning to like move according to what the Spirit is telling you is. Get in tune with the discomfort and move.
B- is to, befriend, the parts in ourselves that are uncomfortable.
R- is to relate, recognizing we have things that we can, relate, to them like our own internal, teenagers.
A – is for, access, accessing what is underneath all this behavior. Access, to the vulnerable stuff underneath all of this external stuff both in our, teenagers, and in ourselves? Why are we yelling? What is that protecting? What is the need? So, something to be curious about.
C – is create, create, something different.
E – is to, engage, not move away from but, engage, with your teen. And it’s a level of commitment.

Myrna: I absolutely love it. So, let’s test my memory here. So, exhaling, is good because they also tell you that you should take a breath, anytime somebody, pisses you off, or you’re angry or something, then you take a breath. So that’s really good, whether it’s your, teen, or your spouse, or your boss. You, exhale, and you take breath.

It’s also good to get up and move about. You know, wherever you’re sitting or whatever you’re doing, movement creates a little bit of energy, and that also helps to calm the situation and calm you. Befriending, your disrespectful, teenager, is very difficult.

Samantha: It’s very difficult and impossible, unless we understand the parts of us that really are annoyed by them. You know what I mean?

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Relating to our teens

Myrna: Yes, when, teenager, says I hate you, you’re ruining my life. It is very difficult to be thinking, befriend, at that moment. So, in order for you to, befriend, I would think you need therapy. As parents we can, relate, to when you were a, teenager, you can, relate, to how important friends are to them and you can, relate, that your, teenagers, want to be liked at school. And maybe that’s why they’re not doing their homework because they want to be liked. So, relating is this easier for most, parents, to do so.

Samantha: You’re so right. It’s so much easier. I guess. The challenge of, befriending, that word would be becoming curious about what they’re wanting. We want to kind of modify the behavior, we want the results. So, we, befriend, to access what is underneath. We, befriend, to gain access to that vulnerability of what is driving that behavior. And just being able to do that takes that relating. Because you’d be surprised, teenagers, want to know even though they act like they don’t. So, they’re kind of wanting a little bit of that attachment and knowing that there’s a home base, but then what they want to be separate at the same time.

Teenagers, want to know that they are conditionally accepted in love.

How to Use the create parenting method with teenagers

We use, create, to create new memories, because this dance becomes old. The dance of, I hate you, you’re grounded, leave me alone. It’s a repetitious cycle. So, we, create, something new and it starts with what we can, create, inside of ourselves as, parents. What defense mechanism are our, teens, using and how can we create something new. For example, of saying “you’re grounded” maybe creating something new would be a different response. Maybe offering them a choice. Oh, I hear that you hate me. Here’s some choices. What would you like to do? Would you like to talk about it? Or do you would you like to just be left alone?

Myrna; I like that. We are staying engaged for the longer term, it’s kind of like that commitment. It’s like staying in that fight. A lot of, parents, have given up, on their, teens, and they live their own lives. Teenagers, are just left to themselves, but that’s not what they need. They still want to know that you care.

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What are some, parenting tips for teenage son?

Samantha: The first, parenting advice, would be to, exhale, first and foremost, because we can’t just mindlessly engage your, teenager. So that is really important to, exhale. And as you, exhale, I would ask what part of me is triggered right now? And what part of my, teen, was just talking? And just even understanding. Using parts language and saying, it’s not all of him? It’s not all of me.

Another, parenting tip, would be again to, befriend. And if that is hard to do, I would try to, relate. Try to remember the, teen, inside of you and most likely yelling part might be stopped. Then finally, the last, parenting tip, for your, teenage, son would be, create. Let’s disrupt the old dance. That takes some creativity, and that comes from that spirit inside that I was talking about. And I think we need to remember that access to that healing, core spirit is there. I think that is the hope that’s in this model. Therapy is helpful and you know, coaching is great. And when that is not available right away. Do you have something available here?

Myrna: Awareness is the important thing in anything. So, what we’re doing here is we’re building awareness that there is a method or there is a way to connect to our, teenagers, in the, EMBRACE method.

So how do you teach, parents, to form lifetime friendships with their, teenagers?

Your kids won’t be teenagers forever

Samantha: Thank you, it starts with your relationship with you. Which I’m sure you as a coach you know that a lot of times when we see the, teenager, child that we specifically don’t get along with, usually because parts of them that really resonate with parts of us. And so, being able to access your awareness, you can be able to be aware of that and standing the game and staying there as that. That steady hand and steady heart as they’re going back and forth and you know, acting out and all that and letting them know you’re here for the long haul, and not like demonizing.

Myrna: Awesome. What do you want, parents, and other readers to walk away with after reading your book? You said, it’s not only for Christians, it’s not only for, parents of teenage children.

Samantha: Yes, thanks for asking that question because it’s so important and I feel like the answer is important. At the end of the book, when I wrote my acknowledgments, I realized that it came from an intersectionality of many communities. So, I think I would want listeners and readers to walk away with hope for, parenting teens, and being in a relationship with, teenagers. Sometimes those are the things that drive us to despair. I want, parents, to not give up, I want them to know this method works. This stuff actually really works. I’ve seen it in my practice. I’ve seen it in my personal life.

Conclusion

In conclusion I want to say It’s hard when the, teens, are yelling at you and telling you what to do. But don’t give up on them. Don’t walk away or shut the door. Have hope that they will grow up.

You can pick up a copy of my book on Amazon

How to Stop Yelling & Start Connecting with Your Highly-Emotional Teen: Healing Anxiety, Depression & Trauma Using The E.M.B.R.A.C.E. Parenting™ Method

or on my website is SW Counseling & Wellness For Anxiety (swcwellness.com) at a discounted price of 99 cents until end of November.

Additional Resources

Why Health Literacy for Children is Important

November 18, 2022

Ten Ways Women Jump Into The Wrong Relationships

10 Ways women jump into the wrong relationships

Today I want to give some, relationship advice, and teach on the topic Ten ways women jump into the wrong, relationships.

I have heard it said that, women are responders, and it is true. Men know this and that is why they court us. And sometimes we find ourselves in relationships just because we were courted. eHarmony says that both men and women can fake us out for 2 years before we see who they truly are.

So today I want to share about some of the ways we as women jump into the wrong relationships.

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Relationship advice: Don’t ignore the warning signs

We as women ignore the, warning signs; we ignore the internal alarms and move ahead into a love fantasy. Thinking we are the one that can make him change. Case in point, a man hollers at you and he is living with a woman or he is married. He tells you that he is only there for some reason and that he no longer loves his wife. He promises to leave in a certain amount of time. 99% of the time men never leave, but let’s say he will and string you along sometimes for years. Don’t ignore the, warning signs. Let me give you some, relationship advice, If he hasn’t left before he met you, he ain’t going leave.
Some women feel that it is a dog eat dog would out there and that good men are hard to find. Because we fear being alone, we accept the first person who comes along, only to be left beaten, ripped off and sometimes even impregnated. Here is some, relationship advice, never go into, relationships, as a needy person. Men can smell your need, It’s like giving beef to a blood hound. Its not going to end well for you.
Another reason women jump into the wrong, relationships, is we confuse friendship for romantic love. Love is about chemistry; friendship is a bonus in a love relationship, but friendship without love is a roommate arrangement.

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Some relationships should stay as friends

As women we have a hard time saying No, so sometimes when you just want to be friends we get caught up in intimate, relationships, and have no chemistry with our partner. Some, relationships, should stay as friends but we have a hard time saying no, I just want to be friends. Next thing you know he is asking to move in and you say yes or even marry him and you know that you are not in love.
You get caught up in packaging and promises. We all like the playboys. They look good, they know how to make you feel like a woman, but you are just a plaything for them. You fall in love and they just like you. They have no intention of taking the, relationship, to the next level while you are shopping for wedding dresses.

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Relationship advice: never issue an ultimatum

You demand a commitment or issue an ultimatum and the man goes along with it because it suits his purpose at the time. But how many of you know you can’t force love it is either there or it is not so he goes along with it until he finds something better. You become his in the meantime woman.
As I mentioned earlier, women are responders, so men dole out gifts and charm and we respond to the treatment without exploring if this, relationship, is right for us. But how many of you know that people can only play roles for a short time. Sooner or later usually after the man gets what he wants they move on to the next victim.
You allow blind faith, which leads to blind love, to take you into a relationship that is unhealthy. A lot of Christian women would stay in unhealthy relationships praying to God to fix the other person, but if God didn’t send the man, he is not going to fix him.

Love and sex are not the same thing

Sexual compatibility, is mistaken for love. It took me a while to understand that sex and love are two different things. Women are emotional creatures and usually fall in love with their, sexual partners, men on the other hand are very good at compartmentalization. They are able to separated good sex from love.
Breaking up is hard to do. Women stay in, relationships, even though they are miserable trying to work things out even though most times the men have already moved on emotionally. I have learned personally men leave emotionally long before they leave physically.

Additional Resources

How to Find your Soulmate

November 14, 2022November 15, 2022

How To Be Loving And Live From The Heart

I wanted to be useful and connected and, loving, no matter what’s going on with me emotionally, no matter what’s going on with the other person, no matter what’s going on in the world. And that requires a higher vibration. Lots of mystics talk about love, being a state of consciousness. What that means is, love is not a feeling, love is higher vibration.

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Bio

Danielle LaPorte needs little introduction. Oprah Winfrey has said she “is uniquely connecting the world together with a spiritual energy that matters,” while Marianne Williamson has called her “a bright light in the modern priestess hood.’ As the founder of DanielleLaPorte.com, ranked by Forbes as one of the Top 100 Websites for Women and visited by millions of people each month, Danielle is one of the most critically acclaimed spiritual thought leaders of our time.

With her highly anticipated new book, How to Be Loving as Your Heart is Breaking Open and The World is Waking Up, releasing October 11 2022, Danielle has written the modern day manifesto on how to uncondition your mind from all kinds of social programming, tap into the intelligence of the heart, and elevate your life through the quality of your own thoughts.

Myrna: What is your journey from making love a priority in your life? How did that come about?

Danielle: For a long time, I was led by the question, how do I want to feel? And now the question is what do I want to embody? And the journey there was me realizing that even if I was having a bad day and wasn’t in a state of happiness, wasn’t feeling like the way I wanted to feel. I still felt connected to something higher and more meaningful. But really, the light bulb was when I realized that, I could still be useful to my friends, even if I was in the dark night of my soul. And then it occurred to me maybe this whole happiness thing, the end game, it’s important.

And I wanted to be useful and connected and loving, no matter what’s going on with me emotionally, no matter what’s going on with the other person, no matter what’s going on in the world. And that requires like a higher vibration. And you know, lots of mystics talk about love, of course, being a state of consciousness, but what that brings us to is, love is not a feeling, love is higher vibration.

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Power of Love: Intelligence of the heart

Myrna: Well, it’s very hard. They always say that that happiness is not an external thing. You know, it comes from inside and even if you have an, external locus of control, which is basically where your happiness depends on other people, circumstances or things. It’s only going to be temporary, because those things can’t continue for too long. Which is why they say that your happiness has to come from inside. And that means that whatever is going on outside, it’s not going to bother you. But it’s extremely, hard to do. You almost have to be like an enlightened being. That’s the, power of love and the intelligence of the heart.

Danielle: Everybody’s a little enlightened, the Zen Buddhist philosophy is everybody’s enlightened, we just have forgotten.

Myrna: Yes, we don’t operate in it because we forgotten. So, that was your journey into becoming, loving. You wanted to feel good all the time. You wanted to embody you. You learned, how to live from the heart, gratitude and, vibration. You talk about, vibration. Wayne Dyer talks about, vibration. Abraham Hicks talks about, vibration. What kind of work did you do to make sure your, vibration, is good?

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Loving yourself through the heartbreak

Danielle: It’s not so much that I want to feel good all the time. Who wants to suffer, I don’t want to suffer. Right? But it’s a place of even if you are suffering and you’re not feeling good, you’re in a state of acceptance with it. It’s like, okay, this is what’s happening. I’m gonna love myself through this. I created this. I’m not going to push it away. I’m going to bring it into my, heart. I’m going to have space for it. I’m going to be more gentle with it. I’m going to speak to myself more lovingly. But more specifically to your question about how to get there.

Well, I think it’s a lifelong journey, but certainly, big challenges questioning if, am I in the right career? Is this the faith that I should be holding? Suffering that leads us to meaningfulness and purpose. There are those challenging circumstances and then there’s just dedication. Like I want to know truth. I want to be love. No matter what, I’m committed.

My commitment, doesn’t mean it’s always easy, but I do the things that I know makes me more compassionate and more forgiving. And those things are ancient tools that have been around a long, long time. Contemplation, it’s a prayer practice. It’s, sifting through all the different practices and types of, meditation, until I found the kind of, meditation practice, that I actually wanted to do, that made me feel like energized and lit up.

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How to tap into heart intelligence

Myrna: I know that acceptance is very important. And it’s very important to accept your loved ones. Because a lot of times we get into relationships, and we want to change people and we don’t accept them. But yeah, talking about accepting suffering. That is deep.

How do we tap into, heart intelligence? One of the most powerful books that I’ve read is “The Alchemist.” The entire book is about listening to your, heart, and, how to live from the heart. I thought that we were supposed to listen to your gut. Your gut is what tells you when something is wrong, but listening to your, heart. This is a great because we are tapping to the, intelligence of the heart. It’s amazing.

Danielle: It’s important to make that distinction between the gut and, heart because gut is more instinct. The gut is gonna say run from danger. This is basic survival stuff. But we don’t want to be in that survival mode every day. We want to be in a state. So just like move it up. The, chakra system, moving on up your body move into the, heart. Everybody knows on a cellular, psychological level, what love is and what it feels like to be connected to soul, to be connected to others, to be giving and receiving loving kindness.

We just have to be still and we have to connect to the, heart, space, heart chakra, and higher consciousness. There’s no fear just presence. Don’t worry about tomorrow, don’t worry about the rent not right this moment. And you move into that gentleness that calms down your nervous system, both your, parasympathetic, and your, central nervous system. When your nervous system is calm you think more clearly. You’re not all panicked, or jacked up with anxiety and then you make more, loving choices. Loving choices, which all comes from quality of thought. You reference Dr. Wayne Dyer. Dr Dyer had a lot to say about the thoughts we think.

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Can everyone be loving?

Myrna: Right, that’s amazing. Now, I want to circle back to something you said that everybody knows what it’s like to give and receive love. Do you think that everybody knows that? Because there’s a lot of people that don’t love themselves and I believe that if you don’t love yourself you actually can’t give and receive love.

Danielle: Okay, there’s two things in there. I think in our depths, we do know love. And I think to get to the depths of love, we have to plumb those depths. You got to be still, you’ve got to get yourself in nature. You’ve got to ask those questions. It’s in there. The truth is in there. Is it buried? Absolutely. Do we doubt it? Yes, we have lots of so called evidence from how we’re raised in society that is not a loving place to be? Totally, but it’s the truth is eternal? It’s in there, you’re gonna find it.

You just got to look for what was that? Oh, loving other people and loving yourself? Yeah, I’ve thought about this very specifically for a while. Because you know, in this in our self-help space, there’s that theory of like, don’t fall in love with someone who doesn’t love themselves because they’re not gonna love you properly. I think it’s half-truth because we’re all one. We all come from the same source, and we’re all connected.

Then does it really matter if I’m loving myself first, but if I’m loving you first, and I’ve witnessed people who clearly had on a surface level, self-esteem issues, broken, not loving themselves, and I have seen them be, loving. Learn to love someone in their community. Learn to love the person who abandoned them. And it changed their whole way of living, obviously, with a lot of work, digging in and plumbing it out.

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Do you have heart intelligence?

Myrna: So how do we tap into the, intelligence of the heart? Is it through meditation or how do we do it?

Danielle: Yeah, It’s the practices. First you gotta want it. Want to sleep through the night? Do you want to be peaceful? Do you want to have more intimate conversations? Want to know your real power? Awesome, great. There are some things you can do. Find a, meditation, practice that works for you. Not one where you sit down on the, meditation cushion, and you hate being there and it’s grueling and you don’t feel lit up or expanded. That’s just like New Age punishment. Find a, prayer practice, that works for you.

Guided meditation heart center, is heart centering, prayer, and time for stillness. Our society is obsessed with being productive and it pulls us away from our wisdom. You need to be still to hear your, higher guidance. If you are always moving, you are going to get confusing information. So, stillness could be as simple as 15 minutes in the morning before anybody else in your house wakes up. Or it’s for those of us who have done, yoga, the last pose. It doesn’t matter how sweaty and bendy your, yoga, class was, the last pose is always, corpse pose. You just lie there in stillness. And people think, oh, this is my break. But actually that, corpse pose, the great, yoga, teachers tell you everything is moving towards that stillness.

So that you get to integrate all the work you did with your body and your mind. So, the end of the day, you ask yourself, what do you learn today? Who do you love? How did you get a little more time? What are you grateful for? That’s integrating lessons of the day. And then you don’t need to repeat the same lessons. Ideally, tomorrow you start fresh. Yeah. So, practices.

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Loving yourself through your meditation practice

Myrna: Well, my, meditation practice, is sitting and concentrating on the breath. Sometimes I do a, walking meditation, because I walk in the park and there’s a wooded area that I walk through. And when I’m in there, I’m talking to God and I am visualizing some of the things I want to manifest. What do you think about a, walking meditation?

Danielle: I have a very similar practice. It’s more of a working meditation. There’s lots of, prayer, in my life. There’s definitely, breathwork, for sure. I pray and meditate and it’s all mostly focused on being of service and healing. And I know that as I’m doing that, doing the work, getting closer to God and being more aware, I’m getting healed as well.

I use the light of the sun in, meditation, as well. The sun is very powerful. My belief this is, through some research into mysticism, because the soul is really the source. The sun is really the symbol, if not the embodiment, of the collective soul. And then in all the, meditations, that I’ve designed, I work with an energy healer that I’ve been with for many years, we co create all of these, meditation experiences, which is part of my offering. Almost every, meditation, begins with seeing this golden light, the sun. That is the symbol, the visual of your soul’s vastness. Your only job really, is to just bask in that light, you don’t have to reach for that light. You don’t even have to amplify that light.

The God source is always trying to find you, wants to get into every thought and every crevice, just bow down at your intention. I’m going to be aligned today. I’m going for this walk. And you step into it and you just receive the guidance.

Myrna; Beautiful, I’m in the self-improvement space and I know that, meditation, works for me, because one of the one of the byproducts of, meditation, is that you don’t get upset very often and you’re always in a calm space.

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What is heart centered manifesting?

Danielle: Heart centered manifesting, you come up with a visual. You think it through every day. You see it, feel it, taste it, you really bring it to life. And you just keep watering it, anybody can manifest anything, there is a basic science of, manifesting. You don’t have to be enlightened. You don’t have to be a good person. You don’t have to have great intentions. If you want the car and you think about it enough. You will manifest the car.

I’m interested in is what I would call, heart centered manifesting, because I think ego centered manifesting has really gotten a lot of us into a lot of trouble. And it’s not very fulfilling ultimately. So, it’s like heart centered vision. comes from a place of knowing that your happiness matters to me that we all come from the same source. So, if I get the car, how is that going to be a benefit or harmful to others? So, what’s your vision got to do with everybody else? That’s a really basic great question to ask. How does your fulfillment lead to the fulfillment of others or does it take from others? My belief is that we have a, heart centered vision, and you can still want all the same things.

You can still want the car and the relationship and the money, whatever it is. When it’s on behalf of being of service, I think the soul is going to help lead you to more fulfillment. So, when you get the car, let’s just keep using that example. Maybe you’re doing some meals on wheels or maybe it’s just that you’re happier, more relaxed, and you’re better in your community. Maybe that car actually helps you be a more chill, loving mother, whatever it is, somehow your happiness is kind of spilling over.

Whereas if that was an ego goal to just get the car, going to get the car and you’re gonna want to the next thing, no lasting fulfillment. Soon you’re gonna want a better car. You’re gonna need the car and you’re gonna need the handbag. Then you need the likes on Instagram on and on. Heart centered manifesting, relax and it comes.

Book: How To Be Loving as your Heart is Breaking Open and the World is Waking up

Myrna: Well, that’s actually pretty good. Tell us about your book “How to be Loving as your heart is breaking open and the World is Waking Up” Why did you write it? What do you want readers to walk away with after reading? And how can you know listeners pick up a copy of it?

Danielle: This is what I want to have happen. I want to get gazillion emails for years of people telling me things like, I read you book how to be loving and forgive my mother or I speak more gently to myself, or I got over this heartbreak or I finally started asking my neighbor what they need. I just want to I want to hear those stories of how my book helped others become, loving.

I wrote it because it’s my first book in five years. I know lots of people are saying, Wow, this is so timely, did you know, the world was gonna fall apart? I did not know the world was gonna be in the state that it was in. It is on time, right?

Myrna: Yes. So, yeah. Now, part of the title is when your heart is breaking open, so and you said something a minute ago about, your heart is breaking but you’re still loving yourself. Is that part of it? Is it for people with a broken heart to love themselves?

Danielle: I think that’s in reference to we think we’re falling apart when we’re heartbroken, whether it’s the state of our community or an ending relationship or we get canned from a job; you’re not actually breaking, you’re expanding. All that heartbreak is showing you what you’re made of. It’s showing you where all the love, the real love is in your life, how capable you are. It’s a spiritual emergence.

My website is www.Daniellelaporte.com. I’m Danielle Laporte on Instagram. I’m there all the time. I have a membership, beautiful membership program called heart centered membership.

It’s like a spiritual support system. And we also have a program called the heart centered leadership program where we’ve got this really gorgeous curriculum of workshops, conversation starters, for coaches and HR directors and Unitarian, so it’s being used at really high levels of business. It’s being used in yoga studios.

Additional Resources

How to Love Yourself and Heal The Body

November 11, 2022

Waiting for Love: What To Do In the Meantime

While you are, waiting for love, you need to get prepared for love. One way to do this is to know which floor of, love’s house, you live on. If you live in the basement you have to do the work to get to the Attic. In the Attic everything is in tip top shape, you look good, you’ve done good. You are ready, you expect, love, to show up and it does.

Iyanla Vangant’s book “In The Meantime” the author gives us instructions on what to do while you are, waiting for love, to find you.

Iyanla says there are 4 floors that determines where we are in our ability to be a great partner.

· The basement

· The first floor

· The second floor

· The 3rd floor

· The Attic

In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I break down what each floor looks like and what as women what we need to do to move up to the top floor as we are, waiting for love.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11658416-what-to-do-while-you-are-waiting-on-love.mp3?download=true

Waiting for love what floor are you on?

But before I get to what these floor means. Let’s look at, love. Life is about, love. Love, is the only true meaning of life. Being alive means that we are occupants in, love’s house, and are accountable to, loves rules, and we all should experience it.

As women we are not always aware of how our needs lead us into dark corners, looking for love. We look for love in all the wrong places and find, no love. So we always seem to end up alone in the basement of life looking out the window.

Because our, biological clock, is always ticking or sometimes we just don’t want to be alone or sometimes we desperately want to be loved we inevitably accept the wrong partner. Our, love story, is always one of hurt and suffering. Men know that women are responders, so they court us, buy us dinner, give us gifts and we respond and then when they get what they want, they move on to the next conquest.

So, while you are, in the meantime, waiting for your next relationship you have to know where you live, you have to know, what is love, and become aware of what you need to work on so you can move up to the attic of, love’s house.

The basement of love’s house

In the basement of, love’s house, Your house needs cleaning. The basement is where you throw all the stuff you don’t want. There is dirt and clutter everywhere. It is time to pick up, sweep out, get rid of the old, useless, worn-out, stuff that you have been hanging on to. You have to get rid of your baggage.

It’s. Dirty job but someone has to do it and that someone is you.

You can’t play in a dirty basement. Most, basement dwellers, become angry and resentful blaming others for their misery. How many of you know that victims have no power. You and only you are responsible for the choices you made in life. Stop blaming others. Unfortunately, victims of, love, can never seem to find anyone to, love, them the way they want to be loved. They are always being cheated on, treated badly, used up, and dumped.

In relationships, basement dwellers, are obsessed with issues related to survival. They hang on to people in order to survive. A battered spouse lives in the basement.

What to do if you live in the basement:

Take back your self-respect and set up boundaries on how you will be treated.
Throw out the baggage you have been holding on to. I know you collected and stored up all the hurt from your childhood.
Now is the time to talk to a therapist or coach and let your baggage go. Throw out your baggage and dirty laundry, because if you don’t you will take them into, another love, and that, love, will also end.

First Floor of Love’s house

You must know the rules if you want to play the game. You are the, love, you seek. While you are, waiting for love, you are the companionship you desire.

When you live on the first floor of, love’s house, you are still preoccupied with physical love and satisfaction. You are still asking yourself why aren’t you pretty enough, desirable enough and why nobody loves you. You feel incomplete and worthless. You are probably blaming your parents for not loving you enough. You don’t make self-care a priority, so you tell yourself you have, no love, because you are overweight.

Whatever you project is what men see. It is part of your aura and it is not attractive. When you lack self-confidence you become a magnet for unavailable men.

On the, first floor of love’s house, you start to build boundaries and decide what you will and will not put up with in relationships. In the basement you let people walk all over you because you needed them, now if a man tells you he going to call you and you don’t hear from him in a week, you get to stepping.

A First Floor Love Story

Iyanla Vanzant shares a, love story, depicting floor love in her book “In the Meantime.”

This male couple was very much in, love, and a perfect match for each other, the problem was that one of them was living as an openly gay man and the other was living in the closet. He was also engaged to be married and living with a woman. The openly gay partner kept pressuring the other to tell his fiancé he is gay and move in with him. He finally agreed to do it one day. His partner prepared a feast with champagne and waited and waited for him to show up. He never did. He couldn’t hurt his mother who hated gay men. He ended up terminating his relationship with his gay lover and continued to live a lie with his fiancé.

But the author asked the question why did an openly gay man fall in love with a man in the closet living with a woman? This same scenario plays out when Singe women falls in love with married men. This only happens when you are living on the first floor of love’s house and unconsciously sabotaging your life.

Second floor of love’s house

The second floor is where you learn to have a relationship with yourself. The second floor is where you know that you are, in the meantime, relationship because you know what you want.

You are aware of your patterns of falling for unavailable men or if you are male hooking up with women who trade sexual services for money for their hair, nails, clothing or rent.

You do not enter, meantime relationships, in need, you enter them by choice; eyes wide open. You know this is not the forever one, but he is the one for now. Maybe you like being held, you like having company to go out, you like having someone to talk to. You know who you are and you never lose yourself. Nobody is using you, you are here by choice

The third floor of love’s house

Living On the third floor is a cakewalk because you have all the information you need to move through any situation. You understand that love is an energy that heals everything. You learn to apply it to every situation. You are, waiting for love, and you are ready.

Here is an example of a 3rd. floor love.

Tim was a surgeon and Lara was a nurse. They worked together for about a year before they started dating. When Tim suggested they get married Lara agreed. Shortly after the honeymoon Lara realized that Tim was always critiquing her in a way that was a back handed compliment he would say things like “why are you only a nurse, they are only glorified slop queens; you are smart enough to be a doctor or your hair is pretty, but it would look nicer if it was shorter or streaked”

Then Tim decided it was time for Lara to get pregnant and took away her birth control pills. Lara did not want kids yet because she was not even sure she liked her husband. One day he said to her after 4 months of trying. What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you get pregnant that’s when Lara blurted out because I don’t like you. You are just like my father.

Lara took 3 weeks alone to decide if she wanted to stay in the marriage. Then she came back home and demanded what she needed from Tim. He agreed.

When you live on the Third floor of, Love’s house, you realize that life is but a dream and you are the dreamer. As the dreamer, you know that you can change your scenario any time you wish. You demand what you want.

The Attic: the top floor of Love’s house

You’ve made it to the Attic of, Love’s house. Take a look around. Everything is in tip top shape, you look good, you’ve done good. You have made it to the top of the “Love is Sweet suite.” You are, waiting for love, but because you are ready you expect, love, to show up and it does.

So, what does life in the Attic look like?

Life in the Attic is what the film the Notebook is all about. Unconditional love. Love, that does not see color, love that does not see status. You love even the though the person you love does not even remember who you are anymore. It is where Jesus lives, it is where Buddha lives, it is where the archangels and healers live. It is the realm of the spirit and the highest level of the mind, it is where you want to live.

Many of us will never get to the attic of, love’s house, because it takes work to get there and stay there. My wish for you is not to live in the basement or even the first floor. Awareness is always the first step to change. You can’t change anything you are not aware of. I hope I gave you something to thing about.

Waiting for Love Avicii

Avicii, the singer songwriter also wrote a song called, Waiting For Love. Avicii, song was about discovering his wife missing in the morning, as he frantically searches the house and finds no trace of her. Distraught and despondent, he looks at a picture of his wife from the past before he leaves home on his mobility scooter the next day to search for her.

He roams through the countryside on his scooter, witnessing many sights and wonders in his journey; including a bridge, a city, a beach, a marsh, snowy mountains, and numerous grasslands and forests. As the man’s journey continues, he experiences flashbacks of him and his wife in happier times, all the while growing as a person and making unlikely friends as well as performing many good deeds along the way while he was, waiting for love, to return.

He ultimately returns to his home city in the midst of a celebration and is welcomed as a celebrity, as well as discovering his wife and love waiting for him as they reunite and embrace in joy.

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning in to this week’s episode of Transformation Fridays with coach Myrna until next time Namaste

Additional resources:

3 Ways to Find Happiness After a Divorce

November 7, 2022

Why Entrepreneurs Don’t Achieve Their Vision

A lot of, entrepreneurs, don’t achieve their, vision, because they’re working in the business, not on the business. If you’re a, small business owner, that’s become the employee, and you’re doing all the legwork, that means you don’t have any time to become the CEO. You’re just an employee. You’re not looking at, vision, and you’re not looking at the next steps. You’re doing the legwork.

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Entrepreneurs should work on their business Not In their business

Myrna: I know that, entrepreneurs, wear a lot of hats. I’m an, entrepreneur, and I do it all. You know what I mean? And I’ve always done it all. And I don’t mind it. But I know that, entrepreneurs, tend to work hard in the business not working on the business. Robert Kiyosaki that if you work in your business, you are just like an employee, right, so how do you teach, entrepreneurs, to work on their business?

Curtis: A lot of, entrepreneurs, they put their heart and soul and their passion into it and work themselves into their jobs. So they went from a 40 hour a week job to an 80 hour week job because they’re doing all these things. Being direct with the customers all the time. Being the one person that’s collecting money, being the one person providing the service, or even if they have a team, the team doesn’t do what you want them to do, so they say it’s faster or easier for me to just do it myself. And you start training people to get paid for doing nothing because you’re still always doing it.

Working on the business is taking a step back and looking at it. You have a business plan. Let’s come up with an overall strategy, where we’re trying to go, let’s build the team. Let’s put a budget together. Let’s put, cashflow measures, in place that’s going to teach us how our business is performing from a health perspective. Let’s get all the measurements that we need: financial measurements, sales measurements, customer measurements and employee measurements and let start to look at the business holistically and start running it that way.

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Entrepreneurs should put systems in place

That way you start to focus more on how you get the right talent. How you move money in? Whether you need additional capital to grow your business or not and you have a better way of seeing an entire business. But business owners that come to me are always talking about how they’re trying to get to the next level and or legacy. How do I take this business and give it to my kids? Well, you’re not teaching them how to run a business. We’re teaching them to do all the crazy things that you do. And they don’t want no part of it.

So, it’s how you run a business with being with other like-minded business leaders and not working at the business every day. A good example is you walk into a McDonald’s, you don’t see the CEO or even the owner that McDonald’s at that business you see, systems, being run by teenagers.

Myrna: Yes, we can always McDonalds model for, systems.

Curtis: If you’re the, business owner, that’s become the employee, and you’re doing all the legwork, that means you don’t have any time to become the CEO. You’re just an employee. You’re not looking at, vision, and you’re not looking at the next steps. You’re doing the legwork.

Myrna: So that’s right, but, you know, a lot of times the reason that, entrepreneurs, do everything is because they don’t have any money to pay people. So how do you teach them to hire people with no money to pay them?

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What’s your fastest path to cash

Curtis: Yeah, and this one comes up a lot. I ask them what’s your, fastest path to cash? I recently became a business advisor for an organization where they only had just the two business partners. But they have a great product, a really great product. And so, they’ve spent a couple of years working with other organizations and they say, show me what’s current. What’s your current businesses, they had three contracts on the team.

They had two contracts that were very promising. And they had one contract that was going and lingering and I say, cut the contract that you’re not going to see any cash and then focus on this cash or these two contracts. And when you do, you’re going to have enough money to get your next employees, and that’s exactly what they did. So, then they got the next employee and then got more contracts and then the next employee after that, and so even prior to them, getting employees we planned on who’s going to be the next most effective employee to get this going to help us grow this business. And so now they have four employees.

They’re growing the business, and you know, it took some time. So yeah, you got to be a, solopreneur, doing it all, but you got to find your, fastest path to cash. And think about as you get to that next level. What’s the next most important person that you need to hire into your organization that’s going to exponentially grow your business each time you add somebody else?

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Small business owners should add strategic employees

Myrna: So, when you’re looking to add someone, you’re not necessarily looking for a lay man help. You’re looking for a strategic person that can help you make more money. That’s a good plan.

Curtis: In this case, they needed somebody that was very, very technical, to help them build their model on an application that they can present to potential customers. So, it took their model and actually made it better for them to present and then made them more attractive. So, then the next person was a now doing all this running around. We need a project manager to help us and so again, just building off of that, and then let’s get some salespeople. So, it really depends on the direction that you’re going.

Myrna: Yeah, that makes sense. Instead of saying let me get a receptionist just answering the phone

Why do you think that most, entrepreneurs, don’t achieve their, vision? They may have a goal of $100 million a year in sales and don’t even get close.

Sometimes the vision is monetary

Curtis: You’re so right. A lot of times that, vision, is monetary and I’m okay with the, vision, being monetary. But I try to dive a little bit deeper into your why. Because your why is what’s going to motivate you to even go after that number. Because one of the things I say in the book is the first million is the hardest. And the reason I’m saying that is because you don’t have a, system. Once you’ve reached it reached a million dollars and have a system, you start working your system and improving on the, system.

So, then you get better at it. But, you know, I talk to people about, business plans. This is where I would say, my sweet spot is here, right? And that is because I’m a, project manager. I’m a planner. So, you need someone to help keep you accountable. Small business owners, one of the things I talk about is having a board of advisors, right? So, develop a strategy, develop a set of goals and targets to that $100 million. And tell me what does that look like?

What does it look like in terms of your customer mix?
Your demographics, where’s your office located?
How many employees do you have?
Give me that vision that’s going to be so crystal clear and that 100 million starts to look like real and then we’re going to develop plans. We’re going to develop plans that take us from daily, weekly, monthly and quarterly activities that service today.

Now, when I work with clients, the one thing I say is do it for a year. I don’t care what happens because in our minds, when we create that, vision, we want a linear path. Everything we said we were going to do is just going to happen. That is not life. Life is going to throw you a bunch of curveballs, but you got to stick to it. I mean we do it every year right what happens in January. The gyms are full of people. They are full of people because these people have, visions, of the best bodies they can have in the summertime. And by March, the people that normally go to the gym, they’re relieved because they get rid of all those people.

Myrna: I just heard a statistic that is actually worse than that. And I don’t even know if I believe it. But the statistics says it most of those people that make New Year’s resolution, they abandon them by Martin Luther King’s birthday, and that’s mid-January!

Solopreneurs are always busy doing the wrong things

Curtis: You have to pivot. If your head is down all the time working on your business. I mean in your business. You can’t work on your business by innovating and finding ways partnering with other people. So that’s why it’s important that if you want to grow, you have to get yourself out of your day-to-day operations.

And I know that’s hard for a lot of, solopreneurs, because they always feel that they can do better than anybody and they want to do themselves. But yeah, because as a person, you’ve got a finite number of time.

Myrna: So, if we were to wrap what you are saying up in a bow, the reason that a lot of, entrepreneurs, don’t achieve their, vision, is because they’re working in the business, not on the business. They’re basically they’re busy doing the hamster wheel thing.

Curtis: Yes, we’ve glorify being busy. We always say how busy we are.

Myrna: That it’s a badge of honor.

Curtis: Tim Ferriss had a great mix. One of the books that has inspired me, actually, about the Four-hour Workweek because it makes you start to think about how best to delegate and only focus on your value-added activities. It’s something that for me from a productivity perspective, one of the four things that I do, to implement that into my day-to-day life.

Myrna: A lot of, solopreneurs, the one man operations, they’re dreaming of being on their laptops on the beach doing their work, because they don’t have a brick and mortar. Tim Ferriss made that very popular. So, alright, so that’s amazing, right. So now, you have developed a program called the “Realization Framework Experience.” What is that? Tell us about that?

The realization framework experience

Curtis: Okay, so the, realization framework experience, is five steps and the five steps are:

Evaluate
Calculate,
Clarify and
Realize

I trademark the art and science of, vision to reality. And that was actually going to be the original title of my book. I was trying to figure out how, how can I help, small business owners, learn and behave like the large business owners with an easy to follow strategies. And so we’ve spent a little bit of time on the first one, visualize, and that’s developing a compelling, vision, that inspires others to want to become a part.

One of the biggest things when I’m coaching is I’ll ask a, business leader, what their goals are? I say does your team know what your goals are? They say no, it doesn’t make sense. Because the next part is, evaluate, your business ecosystem or, evaluate, your people. Well, with the goals that you have. You look at your team, can your team help you get there? Do they have a role? Because that’s what employees want. And so, you got to make sure that your employees understand where you’re going, your customers understand where you’re going, your suppliers understand where you’re going, and anybody else in your, business ecosystem.

So, putting together the right team, evaluating the difference between your, vision, and where you are, and then figuring out whether you need to upskill people, let some people go and get some new people or add new talent. You need a plan for getting more people to help you reach that, vision. Then we go into, calculate, and this is all about, cash flow. When I ask people about their business, and I asked them about their books and their numbers, people aren’t managing their, cash flow, very well. They’re living payroll and payroll, and they’re comfortable in that term. So, statistically, 82% of businesses fail, small businesses in particular, because they don’t understand, cash flow. If, entrepreneurs, don’t understand, cash flow, they don’t have enough when there’s a pandemic.

Small business owners need to calculate measurements

Then there is, clarify. I encourage, small business owners, to hire a financial professional to help them. When I work with large companies, there’s always a quarterly meeting or even monthly meetings, weekly meetings on how are we doing with Financials. But we don’t do that as, small business owners. We need to be looking at our numbers, we need to be planning forward. I do an exercise where I’m planning, cash flow. I ask Do you know what happened last week? What’s gonna happen the next two weeks? I like to work with small business owners to get to an 80% predictability, especially with income.

Expenses are easy to predict, income is harder when it’s erratic. So, you want to put in systems that make an erratic, you want to put in measures to help you collect your money faster. So, it’s a whole thing around, evaluate, their cash flow, but you also want to create a budget that matches not only the people that you need to bring in, but the goals you have the, vision. Now you have the people, and then you have the budget. How are you going to manage? Do you have $1 set aside or at least plan?

You clarify this with a plan, you put together a plan that has these objectives, that has every factor in your business. Evaluate, on a daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly basis that leads up to that, vision, so that when you’re looking at how well you’re doing, everybody’s telling you their progress on their parts, right? But you mentioned the pandemic, so I do also, risk analysis. So, people do, SWOT analysis, strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. I like, SWOT analysis.

Entrepreneurs need accountability measures

So, STEP stands for societal, technological, economical, environmental and political. So you saw our pandemic, now that you’ve seen one, you know that there’s recessions that come inflation is here. So how are you going to behave? Let’s go through some scenario planning. Let’s put aside some reserves and get ourselves ready for the next disaster and that’s the best insurance you can have. Right? And so, that’s, that’s the four steps. The first step we realize is to Component Measures, we talk about. financial measures, customer measures, employee measures, and what we’re trying to get to 100 million we need to break that down.

I’ll give you an example of a $5 million company that I’m working with, and you have to get sales of $96,000 a week. So, when we’re having a weekly conversation, it’s how are we going to get that $96,000 Some weeks are really bad. Some weeks are really good. It’s not always linear, but you’re driving your actions to meet that minimum.

So, the first one is measures. The second part is, accountability. We talked about this earlier. Where, small business owners, don’t have, accountability measures.

You know, I advise the, small business owners, to get an advisory board not like a corporate board of directors because that it has a lot more structure and a lot more legal ramifications tied to it. But a group of people that have done this business before and or have a specialty.

You can’t grow what you can’t measure

Myrna: Tony Robbins, one of his sayings is that you can’t grow what you don’t measure that, you know, you got to you’ve got to be able to measure your progress. Right. And a lot of people don’t like measuring their progress. They just, fly by the seat of their pants. Putting measures in places is very good. I remember when I was in sales, my boss was always measuring my progress. I hated it!

Tell us where they can get a copy of it your book “Vision To Reality, Stop Working, Start Living” and your website.

Curtis: So, this is my second book. My first book I wrote was called “The Only Job Search Book You’ll Ever Need.” And I had met with a marketing organization who’s part of my marketing team now. And they started interviewing me and I thought we were talking about the next book, The career the next career. And I talked about, business coaching and they said, that’s the book you should write. So, I said, Okay, so let me let me get all of this on paper. So, I started looking back at my computer files, all the people that I coached. Entrepreneurs, who won’t try anything different. The ones that quit if it didn’t work right away, the ones that said, I’m not going to do that.

The ones that don’t trust nobody. Nobody can do this like me. So, I delved into the mindset, and basically say, hey, you gotta get out your own way. This is hard, you don’t want to give your baby to somebody or so you don’t get to develop these trust mechanisms. And so that’s the first thing I do is try to develop rapport and trust with, business leaders, because I know your people have been naysaying you and telling you what you can’t do and part of you believes it.

Conclusion

The second part is how can I make it easy? bridge that gap. What can I do to put a formula in place to help you and that’s the remedies, right? That’s the, realization framework experience, the things that are the key that business owners can do with me, to develop the muscles, right? And then they can start to believe in themselves believe in the business and just keep going and believe in other people. And then the third part is okay, now that you’re here, don’t backslide. Right, don’t go back. Let’s put some things in place. And that’s when I talk about the, accountability measures, and constantly training yourself to go after the, vision.

The book is available on Amazon, Barnes and noble or wherever books are sold. My website is www.cljassoc.com

Additional Resources

When The Vision Fails: Dealing with Failure

November 4, 2022November 4, 2022

Coach Myrna: How to Be Single

Single means not married. If you have a boyfriend, you are single. If you are engaged, you are single. If you live with a guy, you are single.

So, what is the right way to be single?

Should you go to clubs and pick up guys for one-night stands? Should you play the algorithms from dating sites? Should you get a rule book and play the rules?
In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I share what you should do while prepare yourself for love.

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Movie: How to be single

I just finished watching the movie, How to be Single. The movie showcases three, single ladies. One woman using algorithms to select her perfect mate from 10 dating sites. Her goal was to find a mate and get married 18 months after meeting her man.

The second woman chose to sleep with strange men and have no meaningful connection with any of these men. To her sex was just a bodily function like peeing.

The 3rd woman didn’t want to be, single, so she slept with men hoping it would lead to something, but the timing was always wrong. She kept meeting men who were emotionally unavailable or wanted to play the one-night stand game. In the end she decided that it was great being alone and doing her own thing. She even either purchased or made her own contraption to pull down her zipper!

Single ladies are looking but not finding single men

I am sure most of the women listening to this podcast are not married, because it seems to be the culture. Everybody is looking but nobody is finding.

Also, it may seem condescending but let me share the definition of, single. Single, means not married. If you have a boyfriend, you are, single. If you are engaged, you are, single. If you live with a guy, you are, single.

So, what is the right way to be single?

Should you go to clubs and pick up guys for one-night stands? Absolutely not. I don’t know who started that trend. Probably the same person who made up the name whore. Sex should be a very personal and intimate experience. Everybody you have sex with leaves a part of themselves behind. Hollywood needs to stop promoting promiscuity. It is definitely not the way to be, single.

Single Ladies Throw out the rule book

Should, single ladies, have rules like Steve Harvey’s 90-day rule? In the movie “Think Like a Man” one, single, woman decided that her cookie did not come out of the cookie jar until after 90 days. So, she told her date this number and he was game to wait it out because now her cookie was something he wanted. Something interesting happened along the way. He started to like her and called her his girlfriend.

That was exactly why, Steve Harvey, gave this advice. The longer you wait to have sex, the man has time to get to know you as a girlfriend. I interviewed a relationship coach on the show the episode was called “What do men want” he says that as soon as you sleep with a man his emotional connection stops growing. So, the longer you keep sex off the table, the more his feelings for you grows.

Some, single ladies, subscribe to the theory that sex before marriage ruins a marriage. We can always find the extremes. The trick to being, single, is to find out what works for you. If you want the, girlfriend experience, I suggest you get to know the man before you introduce sex in the relationship.

How to be Single

I believe this is, how to be single:

Enjoy your own company by learning how to be alone without being lonely.
Getting to know yourself, your real likes and dislikes, what makes you happy. When there is no one around to please, you please yourself, you do more self-care. You go to the gym, not to meet men, but to improve yourself.
Prepare yourself so you will be ready when your soul mate shows up.

You are in the meantime space.

Tune in next week as we talk about what to do while you are waiting for love.

Conclusion

This is life coach Myrna Young, and you have been listening to 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. Thanks for listening. Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources

How to Find your Soulmate

October 31, 2022

Is the Mind in the Brain?

Neuroscientists think of the, mind, as an epiphenomenon of the, brain. In other words, it’s a function of the, brain. Just like urine is a function of the kidneys, or bile is a function of the gallbladder. I think that the, mind, is a function of the whole body because all of these cells work together. We have never been able to locate the mind or consciousness in the brain.

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Bio

Dr. Thomas R. Verny is a clinical psychiatrist and the author of eight books, including The Secret Life of the Unborn Child, which was published in 27 countries and 47 scientific papers. He has previously taught at Harvard University, the University of Toronto, York University (Toronto), and St. Mary’s University

His book “The Embodied Mind” is a profoundly important synthesis revealing how cells utilize consciousness to not only manifest their life functions but more importantly, to create a distributed nervous system that coordinates and supports life-sustaining behavior in multicellular communities, such as those comprising the human body.

Myrna: How did your work with the, embodied mind, start?

Dr Verny: I wrote a paper on everything that I knew about, prenatal life. And there was a huge conference in Rome, Italy, the Fifth World Congress and psychosomatic Obstetrics and Gynecology, and I submitted a paper and lo and behold, I mean luck sometimes is really important in life. My paper was accepted. I was like a totally unknown young psychiatrist from Toronto. It was put on the same morning as some of the biggest lights in psychosomatic obstetrics in the world we’re presenting their papers.

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The Secret life of the unborn child

I was right up there with all the luminaries, and I got 20 minutes to speak. I noticed within 10 minutes into my talk, that there was tremendous interest in the audience about what my topic “The Secret Life of the Unborn Child.” You could just feel electricity in the air. And so, I said at the end of my lecture, I said, well, if anybody here would like to continue the conversation, please come to my room at five o’clock.

And at five o’clock, huge numbers of people were lined up. They thought that I was promoting some new ways of looking at, prenatal life. That’s when I made up my mind to write the book, which then became two years later, The Secret Life of the Unborn Child. We were taught in school that’s impossible to remember when you were in the womb, your nervous system is not mature enough to be working in the womb. I wrote the book, and it is based on very solid research that shows that from six months after, conception, the nervous system is mature enough to be able to lay down some, pretty simple, primitive memories, and there’s lots of research to back that up.

I could prove this; the evidence was solid was scientific. That children from the age of six months after, conception, would be able to remember things that happened to them in the womb. I had this patient who was able to go back further in time, back to three months after, conception, and some people even carry information from their parents’ experiences. Big traumas, like drowning or being in a war or things like that. So, I asked myself, how is this possible? How can I show this to be scientifically true? Because I was not interested in a lot of stories, I was interested in science.

The book The Secret Life of the unborn child was published in 1982, that’s a long time ago. So, seven years ago, I came across information on the, embodied mind. It’s ridiculous to think of the, brain, as kind of separate from the body and not being connected to the rest of the body. And so, what I’ve come to see is that the cells in the body, the tissues, the organs, like the heart, especially, but also the guts. They all act as kind of a backup system to the, brain. And so, when something goes wrong with the, brain. We still have our backup system just like the iCloud.

The gut is a backup system of the brain

Myrna: I think I’m getting where you’re going with this now. Go ahead.

Dr Verny: So, when something goes wrong with the, brain, the backup system comes online, right. What neurologists say we’re sort of your orthodox conservative. Biologist neuroscientists will say that other systems in the, brain, take up the slack. But there is no research to prove that at all. There’s no evidence to show that. In my book, The Embodied Mind, I bring up a lot of research evidence to show that the cells in the cells in the body are really not much different from neurons in the, brain. And so, they have, all the elements that the neurons in the, brain, have, except that they’re connected a little bit differently.

We have stressed the importance of the, brain, over the importance of the rest of the body. It also goes with our culture, which is very patriarchal, and hierarchical. And as a result of that, the emphasis is always underneath the head honcho supervisor.

Myrna: How did you get them to access that memory? Did you use, hypnosis?

Dr Verny: I have used, hypnosis, once in a while. Never really terribly successful. People did that all on their own without any help from me? In a sense, some kind of a memory would come up, something would trigger that memory. It would it was not instituted by me. Sometimes people you know, after the, Secret Life of the Unborn Child, was published, sometimes people would come to me and asked me to take them there. And I would do that, again, in a very sort of non-directive fashion. I would say things like, what is the first memory that you have in your life?

What your earliest memory can you go back to the womb?

Myrna: My earliest memory was at five years old. I don’t go back any further than that. I don’t think.

Dr Verny: You probably could. Some of your listeners can try asking 2.5- to 4-year-old kids if they remember being in the womb. Don’t ask any leading questions. Just what do you remember? What was it like?

Myrna: And that’s amazing. My grandson is almost 2 years old. I can’t wait to ask him. What I think what I’m hearing you say it is that it’s a backup for your main brain. So how does that work?

Dr Verny: The, gut, has been referred to as the second brain and there’s good things good reason for that. The, gut, has got a tremendous number of neurons in it. And it creates some very important substances such as, serotonin, for example, which is very important in terms of in terms of how you feel. People with, depression, for example, are supposed to have less, serotonin. And one of the reasons that they are depressed is because they lack, serotonin. Most people don’t realize that most of the, serotonin, in the body is actually produced in the dark.

The vagus nerve has 2-way communication to the brain

So, we have the, vagus nerve, which is that ends cranial nerves. Then we have 12 nerves coming out of our, brain. And number 10 the, vagus nerve, is the most important one because it goes to the heart and from the heart, it also goes to the, gut.

Myrna: I try to simulate the, vegas nerve, every day when I do my meditation.

Dr Verny: Think of the, vagus nerve, as sort of from the, embodied brain, to the heart from the heart to the, gut, but you hardly ever also the steps the other way, you know, traffic along the route from the duct to the heart to the to the, brain. So, but then again, you know, we have the bad circulation, and the blood is in contact with all the cells in our bodies. So, when we talk about the second brain, it’s really inaccurate, because it’s just another organ in the body that stimulates the, brain, and the rest of the body.

I like to I will give you a metaphor that perhaps best describes how I sort of picture the body working. I think it’s a very large orchestra, like let’s say, you know, the New York symphony. Let’s say more than 120 musicians, one conductor. So, each musician plays an instrument and most of the instruments are different. But the person sitting in the audience does not hear 120 instruments. A person in the audience hears one sound one sound emanating from the symphony. That’s how our memories are. That’s how our, brain, works. But instead of having 120 instruments, we have 120 billion.

Myrna: Deepak Chopra and a few other scientists, says that the, mind, is not in the, brain. Let’s talk about that for a minute, where is the mind?

Is the mind in the brain?

Dr Verny: Where’s the mind? Yeah. Yes, again, conservative academic, neuroscientists think of the, mind, as an epiphenomenon of the, brain. In other words, it’s a function of the, brain. Just like urine is a function of the kidneys, or bile is a function of the gallbladder, right? Any normal person if they think about this analogy, they can see that it’s a mistaken analogy, because the, mind, is not like urine. You know, you can’t see it. You can’t measure it, quantify it, you can’t research on it. It’s like beauty, or love. You cannot quantify it. It’s a whole different phenomenon.

So, to say that the, mind, is a function of the brain doesn’t make sense. I think that the, mind, is a function of the whole body because all of these cells work together. We have never been able to locate the mind or consciousness in the brain. There are some very interesting studies of Near-Death Experiences. Perhaps you have heard of those.

Myrna: Yeah, I read a few plus interviewed several on the show.

Dr Verny: So, very often you will have people who will have died, even for all intensive purposes. I actually experienced that with a patient when I was working in a hospital and, his heart stopped beating. I put a vial of adrenaline directly into the heart. About two minutes later, he came back, so to speak, and then he described in great detail what had happened in the room.

Myrna: Apparently, you’re supposed to have left your body and you’re watching it all. Someplace up here, right.

Dr Verny: Exactly, there is no explanation except to say that the, mind, is definitely not dependent on the body, but independent of it. The mind may very well be one of those elements of the universe like gravity or electrical charges, which have always been here and kind of borrowed from it in some way. You know, we have a tiny bit of that, embodied mind, that exists out there. And it’s so certainly, you know, is connected to the body, but it also in some ways is independent of the body.

The embodied mind

And so, that’s the reason I called my book “The embodied Mind”, because it’s not just the skull mind. Okay? It’s not just in the, brain, not just in the head, it’s in the old total body, and who knows what happens after we die. It may persist and who knows?

Myrna: I’m reading your work and I see that you also kind of like equated the mind to the matrix. You’re in this alternate universe where, things are happening in the matrix. So, let’s say that, someone is listening to this conversation. So, we’ve got the brain and we’ve got the body. We’ve got a backup system. So how can they use this information to transform their lives?

Dr Verny: I think that’s a very good question. There are many answers to that question. One of them is that the, mind, is incredibly powerful. And we just don’t appreciate how important the, mind, is. Let me let me just give you a very simple example. There was a study done, it’s mentioned in my book by a Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer. And it’s a very simple study, and it’s just so beautiful. She studied hotel maids in New York, and she divided them into two groups of 41. One group, she said that the work that they do, actually follows and lives up to the Surgeon General’s recommendations for daily exercise. There work was like exercise, like some people go to the gym, but you work, it’s the same thing.

The other group was told something quite different. At the end of at the end of 30 days, they measured all kinds of measurements on these maids. They found that the group that believed that they were exercising lost weight, they decreased waist to hip ratio, and they had a 10% drop in blood pressure. And they did nothing different from the other group. They only believed that they exercising. Now the same thing you know, happens in placebos. You can tell someone that this pill is going to take your headaches away. And it does, you know, nine times out of 10.

What you believe in your mind you create in your body

Myrna: Yeah, and as a psychiatrist, you also know the fact that belief is so important. Now someone coming in sitting on your couch and believes something, regardless of if it’s true or not, that’s how their body and their, mind, and their world is going to respond.

Dr Verny: Right, in terms of practical advice, it’s very important for people to change their attitude towards their own bodies and towards themselves. You know, there are, unfortunately, a lot of people around with low self-esteem. There are a lot of people around who have been criticized as children. I just saw a patient yesterday. You know, and he was always very enthusiastic.

And sometimes he would if the teacher would ask a question, he would speak out without putting up his hand and we would be punished for that. Instead of a good teacher would say, Yeah, okay, that’s very good. But perhaps next time you could put up your hands. Instead of that, you know, he was put down so now you know, even when he goes shopping, he’s afraid that somebody might ask him a question. He might not be able to come up with the right answer. I mean, he’s just full of anxieties.

Myrna: Wow, such a simple thing like that has a far-reaching consequences.

Dr Verny: My advice is, be honest. Look in the mirror and look at yourself. And if you find that there are certain things you don’t like about yourself, well face that and make it better, improve it. Don’t go around trying to cover up That’s not the way to do it. Get it out of your system. Find out why you think that you are not beautiful or that you are not clever or whatever your negative beliefs are. Get rid of them. Talk to your friends, ask them why they like you. And, and you will be you will be astonished what they say.

Myrna: Yeah, because you never see your strengths yourself.

Dr Verny: So when you get that kind of a feedback, then perhaps you can start believing in it. And if you believe in it, well then you will become it.

Conclusion: The embodied mind

Myrna: Okay, this is a good point to talk about your book. It is called “The Embodied Mind: Understanding the Mysteries of Cellular Memory, Consciousness and our Bodies.” So, tell our listeners about your book, tell them where they can pick it up. Pick up a copy, talk about your website. And what do you want people to walk away with after reading your book.

Dr Verny: Will they can pick up my book on Amazon. My website is www.TRVernyMD.com. It’s a very rich book because I read above 5000 books and journals in preparation for that book. And it has actually 500 references in the back of the book scientific references. So, it has a tremendous amount of information in there and at the end of each chapter, you have, practical sort of takeaways.

But I think the most important feature is just to develop a respect for your, mind, and how powerful it is and how it can influence every particle, every cell in your body, how you think about yourself, is very important. And also, you know, interacting with other people. touching other people is very important. You know, the hug a day keeps the doctor away, as far as I’m concerned.

So, I think those things are really important and, and to realize how important also the, gut bacteria, are because every day we are learning more and more about the importance of the, gut bacteria, for example, just one more thing. People take antidepressants when they’re depressed. 1/3 of patients do not benefit from antidepressants. The reason they don’t benefit is there’s nothing wrong with the drugs. They’re pretty good drugs, actually, but some people have bacteria in their gut which destroy those particular antidepressants, and so they don’t work.

Additional Resources

4 Techniques to Outsmart Your Brain

October 28, 2022

Your Struggle is Part of Your Story

Your, struggle, started before you were born. Your mama acted that way because of her story, your father won’t have walked away if he didn’t also have a story. Your shift started the day you were born but it is not the day your, story, started.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11560440-your-struggle-is-part-of-your-story.mp3?download=true

Marilyn Monroe’s story of struggle

I just finished watching the Netflix film called Blondie the, Marilyn Monroe story. Marilyn’s, story, is the perfect, back story, for my message today. Her, story, started way before she was born. Her parents met and had a baby. Both of them were messed up. Her father walked away, and her mother blamed, Norma Jean, for her father walking away. The fact that the father walked away contributed to her mental health and what did she do, she abused, Norma Jean, because that is what adults do when they are hurting, they hurt the defenseless.

What was her father’s, story? Why did he walk away and abandon his child at conception and never looked back. In the, story, there was a fire and the mother attempted to drive through the fire to get to the father’s house in Hollywood which tells me he was not without means. Yet he walked away from his daughter and never looked back. What was his, story? It probable started with his parents.

The movie showed Norma Jean, Marilyn Monroe, looking for her father her entire life until her death. Parents do so much damage to kids. Norma Jean’s struggled in life even though she was the most successful movie star in history. They are still writing about her and talking about her 3 decades after her death.

She never knew her father and her mother was mentally ill and abused her, even tried to drown her. She struggled her entire life because of the shift she took over from messed up parents. She was the most beautiful woman, men all over the world wanted even Presidents, yet she had no value for herself.

Lack of love in our childhood contribute to struggle

The fact that her father did not love her, she let men abuse her. I am not a psychiatrist, but I would guess because she felt unlovable. She had no self-worth. So, she made an impact on this world, but never found personal happiness in it. She lived her life to make men happy, make movie producers happy and everyone else. When she started falling apart, they gave her drugs so she could continue making movies.

So, are you in a story of, struggle? Do you see yourself anywhere in Marilyn’s, story? I want to let you know that you were set in your situation by circumstances that happened before your birth, you are not to blame for your story.

Your birthday isn’t your start day it’s just the day when your shift started.

You have to fight someone else’s battle, that’s why generational curses are real. In my church whenever the pastor baptizes a baby, he cancels all generational curses.

Let’s say that your grandparents dabbled in witchcraft or even belonged to a Lodge, you inherited their sins and curses. It is up to you to repent for the sins of your forefathers and walk a straight and narrow path. If you don’t repent for their sins the sins of the father and mother is passed on to the 3 and 4 generation.

You need to declare and decree that victory is going to happen on your shift. The buck stops here.

Samuel’s struggle in a barren temple

In the bible story of, Samuel, the prophet, God took, Samuel, from the barrenness of his mother’s womb to the barrenness of a temple to prepare him to become a prophet. Sometimes your, struggle, is preparing you for your purpose and destiny. Sometimes you have to wander in the wilderness until you get to the promised land.

So, how do you, rewrite your story, of, struggle, to one of abundance and flow? You have to shake things up, get out of your routine. When you are comfortable just existing, you don’t get revelation. Nothing happens when you are in your comfort zone, if you want to move the needle from, struggle, to flow, you have to get out of your, comfort zone.

That is the only way you will hear the voice of God when he calls you. In the darkness of the night God speaks. God shows up in your barren places and calls you by name.

When God called, Samuel, in the middle of the night, Samuel, didn’t recognize it was God because he had never spoken to him before. Learn to hear God’s voice by being in constant communication with him.

Conclusion to struggle

In conclusion, if you are in, struggle, at the moment understanding that you are just continuing the, story, that started before you were born is the way out. You need to change the, story, because then your children and your children’s children will continue the, struggle.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. Praying for flow and abundance for you. Until next time Namaste

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Our Negative Thinking is downloaded from our parents

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Limiting negative beliefs drives our relationships

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Negative thinking affects our behaviors

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Stinkin Thinking: Men are liars and cheaters

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Self love is the way out of stinkin thinking

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The Jaime B Haas method

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When you improve yourself Life is no problem

Success is not something you pursue

Here’s the steps to improve yourself:

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What is the EMBRACE Method

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Is your parenting style to yell at your teens?

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The Embrace method of parenting

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Relating to our teens

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How to Use the create parenting method with teenagers

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Happy Again

What are some, parenting tips for teenage son?

Your kids won’t be teenagers forever

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Relationship advice: Don’t ignore the warning signs

Some relationships should stay as friends

Relationship advice: never issue an ultimatum

Love and sex are not the same thing

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Power of Love: Intelligence of the heart

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Loving yourself through the heartbreak

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How to tap into heart intelligence

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Can everyone be loving?

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Do you have heart intelligence?

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Loving yourself through your meditation practice

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Entrepreneurs should work on their business Not In their business

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Entrepreneurs should put systems in place

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Small business owners should add strategic employees

Sometimes the vision is monetary

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