What are the Symptoms of Adult ADHD?


 

We most often associate, ADHD, with children; but statistics show that 60% of childhood, ADHD, transforms to, adult ADHD.

We as have seen or been parents to the child who never stops or sits down.

In addition to never sitting down they are also:

Symptoms of Childhood, ADHD

  • Are impulsive
  • Have trouble focusing
  • Have trouble managing their emotions
  • Have difficulty remembering information
  • Don’t start tasks (or don’t finish them)

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So how does it feel to be in a relationship with someone with, adult ADHD?  Here is one woman’s story

I dated 4 men with, adult ADHD, or ADD.  One was predominantly hyperactive; two inattentive, one likely mixed. I fall under the vagueness of “mixed” myself, which means I show characteristics of hyperactivity — the impulsiveness, the occasional non-stop talk, the rash decisions — and inattention: the fuzziness, the daydreaming, the drifting off mid-conversation.

I learned the, ADHD, tricks early on like, touching him when I needed his attention and he was working. I learned to move my fingers from his face to mine — the universal signal for eye contact — when he began to drift off.

The two inattentive men,  naturally tended toward household chaos, an inability to finish projects, and a desperate need for legal stimulants.

Understanding is the key to calming the chaos in the relationship.

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I’m curious about, Adult ADHD. Does kids with, ADHD,  become adults with, adult ADHD?

For clarity let’s make sure people understand the acronym for, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Individuals can have, attention deficit disorder, without the hyperactivity and that disorder is ADD.  Things to keep in mind about, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or, Adult ADHD,  is that, yes you can have, ADHD, in  childhood and about 60% of kids grow up still having the same symptoms and become, adult ADHD. One of the interesting pieces about this is that it’s important for folks not to misconstrued information about what they’re seeing the adult exhibit.  Certain characteristics of, Adult ADHD, can mimic other disorders like for example Thyroid disease.

Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

Does the 40% of kids who don’t have, adult ADHD, become cured?

Not necessarily , they could have developed coping skills to manage the, ADHD, behavior so the symptoms were minimized. They could have also learned strategies on how to behave or how to compensate for the symptoms.

What are the different types of, Adult ADHD?

When you look at the diagnostic and statistical manual that psychologists use.  It gives you  clarity on how, Adult ADHD, is diagnosed.  There are different types 3 types of symptoms that we see in, ADHD.

  1. Inattention
  2. Impulse Control
  3. Hyperactivity

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We have to go through the process and can’t have people diagnosing themselves or their children or anyone else with the disorder. Sometimes you have symptoms because people don’t have appropriate amounts of minerals in their body or they might be subject to low levels of magnesium.  Things like that or people might have other diseases that might mimic, ADHD symptoms, so get these things ruled out with blood work.

ADHD in adults could mean you have an, ADHD, partner.

Here is what happening in their brain. What exactly is happening in the brain to cause someone to develop symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?

 

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

The Adult ADHD brain has impaired activity in four functional regions of the brain.

  • Frontal Cortex. This region controls high-level functions: …
  • Limbic System. This region is located deeper in the brain. …
  • Basal Ganglia. …
  • Reticular Activating System.

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iHeart Radio

The neurotransmitter in the brain is affected. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for how we organize our cognitive flexibility and being able to control ourselves and things that come into our frame of reference.

The Basal Ganglia helps to regulate communication within the brain, sending signals from one neuron to the other and is responsible for our motor control movement.  The Basal Ganglia is also responsible for regulating emotional volatility and the Reticular Activating System is our major relay system.  It controls the many pathways that enter and leave the brain and is responsible for arousal and consciousness.

ADHD in women
ADHD in women

Dr Gray who is the author of Men Are from Mars Women Are from Venus wrote an article in which he claims that men with, Adult ADHD, have problems committing to women because of the disorder. Do you agree with that statement?

No, not at all.  I think there are other reasons that men can’t commit to women. Dr Gray is trying to give these men a pass.  I would love to see his research.

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Does, ADHD, medications cure the disorder?

Medications for, ADHD, are non-stimulant and stimulant meds depending on what the individual the parents would choose. I always think of other Alternatives besides the use of pharmaceuticals.  I would rather use in a non-medication treatment or neuro feedback to help with symptoms of, ADHD. Bio feedback can cure the disorder, medication just masks or controls but never cures.

if you give anyone who clearly has, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, medication for 6 months and the other Bio Feedback for 6 months, you will see the difference in the treatment results.

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Does internet pornography rewire men’s brain to have, Adult ADHD?

I came across an article from Dr Gray and he was specifically talking about men who develop, Adult ADHD, because of pornography. He said pornography is re wiring men’s brain and causing them to develop, ADHD.  He said pornography also blocks love and connection with their partner.

https://wellnessforce.com/dr-john-gray-adhd-brain-health-sex-addiction/

Download to listen to the full episode

 

Shocking Facts About ADHD

  • One out of ten American children have been diagnosed with ADHD,
  • One out of seven American women over 55 will develop dementia,
  • Statistics reveal a greater risk of ADHD in children of divorced parents, particularly when boys are missing the regular influence of their fathers or their mothers are unable to find happiness

Additional Resources Adult ADHD

https://blog.myhelps.us/understanding-mental-illness-my-bipolar-life/

How to Disable your Autopilot Brain

Dealing with Anxiety Disorder after Addiction

https://www.verywellmind.com/add-and-attention-deficit-disorders-2161810#:~:text=Attention%20deficit%20disorder%20(ADD)%20is,completing%20tasks%20and%20social%20interaction.

 

How to Heal After being Abandoned

Being, abandoned, by  a loved one cuts deeply in the heart resulting in emotional, abandonment.  It is the result of a significant person discarding you, dismissing you, devaluing you, or not acknowledging you. This type of invisible injury causes great harm to the recipient.  In fact, the term “recipient” is ironic because often the recipient receives nothing; which is the problem.

Abandoned by Love
Abandoned by Love

Regardless if you are, abandoned by your parents, a lover, a friend, a sibling. The feeling of, not being enough, overwhelms those who are, abandoned. No one sees it and it tends to go underground in terms of abuse. Victims simply feel empty and invisible.

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Here are the top 3 reasons for feeling, Abandoned:

  • Devalued and rejected by others
  • Abandoned, by our parents
  • Feelings of, not good enough,  because we have lack.

When the, abandonment, wound is caused by an absent parent. When one of your parents has chosen to not be in your life, this cuts deeply. There is no easy explanation to be found by those who’ve been abandoned by a parent. Some try to make the best of the situation, ignoring that fact that they don’t have this parent in their lives; but the damage is still the same.  There are life-long consequences to parental abandonment.

Children in the foster care system that have been, abandoned, by their parents never regain their self-esteem. They look are other kids who have their parents and feel worthless. They end up most time becoming promiscuous because they look for love in all the wrong places.

Some learn to cope in different ways. Some pretend it doesn’t matter; some question their worth; others may be openly angry.  With, abandonment, comes defense mechanisms.

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Are you tired of going to bed each night hoping that tomorrow will be a better day, only for it to be more of the same?

Are you sick of empty affirmations that make you feel good but don’t actually lead to change?

Are over being shamed and yelled at to “do the work!” with no insight as to HOW to get it done?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then friends, check out the Productive on Purpose podcast. this podcast is for you! Search “Productive on Purpose” on your favorite podcast player to listen today!

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Abandoned, by Love

Most women who were, abandoned, end up in unhealthy relationship with narcissistic men who abuse them and, abandon, them again.  This pattern is repeated often.

Women who have been, abandoned, could be likened to a cracked vase. If you have been broken from, abandonment, then you can’t hold love, you can’t hold self-esteem, you can’t hold purpose, everything pours out of you.

It takes work to heal your cracks.  The first step in is to identify that you are broken from, abandonment.

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Identifying your, Abandonment, Feelings

Once you have identified your, abandonment, issue and have processed through some of the feelings there are some other imagery exercises you can to do heal yourself. These are described below:

  1. Identify the part of you that is hurt.This can be labeled as your, “hurt inner child.” If the source of your hurt occurred in adulthood, this does not matter because the wound of, abandonment, most likely put you in a regressive state of mind.  You have likely regressed emotionally to a younger, more helpless age. Use imagery and visualize this inner child.
  2. Now imagine the part of you that is healthy and compassionate.This part of you is going to be instrumental in your healing from being, abandoned. You must come to the rescue of your inner, hurt self by offering love, time, empathy, hope, and encouragement.
  3. In addition to the hurt, abandoned, part of yourself, identify your coping mechanisms – particularly any personas or sub-selves that act out; the part of you that is trying to compensate for the hurt experienced by the abandonment of your loved one. Identify parts of you that are trying to respond to the hurt in an unhealthy manner.
  4. Talk to your inner hurt, abandoned, child.Assure her of her value and worth. Be present for her in a real and tangible way.
abandonment hurts
abandonment hurts

In the end, no matter who has hurt you, no matter how affected you may be from the resulting injury from, abandonment, you still have a life to live. Even if you have an ache in your heart for the missing person, you can still thrive in life; find hope and love, and live well. You do this by honoring your feelings, acknowledging the loss, validating the consequences of the loss, and enjoying your life.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
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How the, Abandonment,  wound plays out in relationships:

  • Oversensitivity to criticism or feedback
  • Overreacting to conflict
  • Becoming a pleaser
  • Anxiety and fear of the other person leaving
  • Ending relationships early before the other person has a chance to leave
  • Jealousy or suspicion that your partner will hurt, cheat, or leave even when there’s no sign of malicious behavior
  • Self-doubt, insecurity, and lack of self-worth
  • Staying in an abusive relationship for fear of being alone
  • In more extreme cases of being deeply triggered during events such as break-ups, a divorce, or a loss:one might feel a total loss of control over their emotions, hyper-reactivity, anxiety attacks, fear, insomnia, weight loss or gain, and obsessive thoughts or behavior.

An, abandonment, wound is invisible to the eye, but it leaves telltale signs in how we relate to the external world, how we feel internally and how we behave in our relationships. It can have us spend our whole lives running from perceived danger. To test someone’s love like a straw that inevitably breaks, then using their resignation as evidence we’re living in an unsafe world. It can cause us to blindly accept the bad behavior of others, ignoring our own needs and prevent us from having a strong, powerful voice.

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Best of all, this book does not tell you how to live your life or which goals you should have. Instead, it helps you figure it out for yourself. That’s what you really want—someone in your corner helping you make sense of your life, not someone with their own agenda telling you what to do.

This book is a life-changer, and I recommend you go out and get it now. The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel. Now available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Order today!

Additional Resources Abandonment

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-single-women-find-love/

How to Heal Your Brokenness

https://blog.myhelps.us/10-ways-childhood-trauma-impact-adults-in-love/

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-are-the-effects-of-childhood-trauma-4147640

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/201706/4-ways-childhood-trauma-impacts-adults

 

 

Understanding Mental Illness – My Bipolar Life

My Bipolar Life

If you have been diagnosed with, mental illness, or, Bipolar,  disorder,  it means that you probably think of ending your life all the time.  In this episode, I interview Gabe Howard, who was diagnosed with, Bipolar disorder, at age 25.

Before then Gabe said that he did not know he was sick. His parents thought  he was just acting out and would punish him for his behavior. But he remembers thinking of suicide all his life, until he got treatment. No one knew he was, Bipolar.

Today GABE HOWARD is an award-winning speaker, author, and podcast host who lives with bipolar disorder. He hosts the weekly Psych Central Podcast and is the co-host of the Not Crazy podcast. He’s the author of Mental Illness is an Asshole – and Other Observations and has appeared on numerous websites, podcasts, and in many traditional media outlets

Introduction to My Bipolar Life

I was diagnosed with, Bipolar disorder, when I was when I was 25 years old. I didn’t know that I was sick. I had all of these, mental health, symptoms. They were causing me a lot of personal problems. I had a drug and alcohol problem, hyper sexuality was an issue, my relationships were just being destroyed, all because of, mental illness, but I didn’t know anything was wrong.

Then one day I ended up in a psychiatric hospital, because I was ready to end my own life. I thought about suicide as far back as I can remember.

I just thought it was normal to want to die.

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What is, Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder is a mental illness marked by extreme changes in mood from high to low, and from low to high. Highs are periods of mania, while lows are periods of depression. The changes in mood may even become mixed, so you might feel elated and depressed at the same time.

The problem Gabe says is that when you are in the middle is when you get the job, the girl, the promotion, get married.  You usually loose these things when you are depressed or manic;  being in the middle is where you want to be.

I became an advocate because I consider myself to be a smart person and I don’t have like some story about how my parents were awful. My parents are good people, they loved me very much. My dad was a truck driver my mom a stay-at-home mom and they did all the things right.

They were engaged, they loved me, they were present and none of us knew that I was, Bipolar, None of us got me any help. I thought wow if I didn’t know, if my family didn’t know, if all of that love and engagement and connection and caring and they just missed it. There must be other people that are in my shoes. That’s why I became a, mental health advocate.

I just wanted to talk about, Bipolar, openly so that there just wouldn’t be other people wandering around sick and scared and symptomatic. They could get help, because I was really lucky.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

Podbean 

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
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Hypnosis-Everywhere with Ines Simpson explores, dissects, discusses and opens up the world of Hypnosis. You will discover that Hypnosis is a very big world indeed. In Hypnosis-Everywhere, Ines offers you tools and answers to deal with that tricky mind of yours, and proven ways to enrich your life.

Fears, Anxieties, Phobias, PTSD, Body health, Mind Health, Spiritual Health are just some of the things Hypnosis works for. Hypnosis-Everywhere is a show about our minds and the miracles we can achieve for ourselves and each other

webpage https://hypnosis.simpsonprotocol.com/hypnosis-on-the-radio

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

What is Mental Illness?

My Bipolar Life
My Bipolar Life

Mental Illness is an Asshole!

In his book Mental Illness is an Asshole – and Other Observations

Mental Illness is an Asshole is Gabe Howard’s first collection of articles about living with mental illness.

All the articles date from 2014 through 2018 and include his observations on reaching recovery, stigma, and living well in spite of depression, bipolar, and anxiety. Totaling over 380 pages, Gabe even shares the story of his :): logo for the first time.

For years, Gabe Howard’s entertaining articles and essays have been educating people about living with mental illness. His observations cover everything from practical advice to family relationships to the fears that people with mental illness experience.

In essays such as “Anxiety Says Everyone Hates Me,” “I Have Bipolar and I’m a Hypocrite,” and, yes, “Mental Illness Is an Asshole,” Gabe makes mental illness less scary and more understandable.

I had a suicide plan and I just happen to run into somebody that understood that understood mental illness and it she looked at me and asked me “are you planning on killing yourself?” Her training allowed her to ask that question and I said yes! She he me committed to the psychiatric hospital.

I was diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, and of course once I was diagnosed with, bipolar, to go on and lead good life. This is why I always say that I was lucky.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio
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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
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The new book, The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel, is a complete step-by-step walkthrough of how humans derive meaning from their existence. This book helps you to identify what really matters to you in life, define a clear plan of going after what you want, and grow toward fulfilling your true calling.

Best of all, this book does not tell you how to live your life or which goals you should have. Instead, it helps you figure it out for yourself. ..That’s what you really want—someone in your corner helping you make sense of your life, not someone with their own agenda telling you what to do.

This book is a life-changer, and I recommend you go out and get it now. The Meaning of Life: A guide to finding your life’s purpose by Nathanael Garrett Novosel. Available now on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Order today!

What is, Bipolar Disorder?

Bipolar disorder, is commonly described as extreme highs to extreme lows. From suicidal depression all the way to God like mania. As a, Bipolar, you will have to battle depression where you want to die, and feel like you want to die, you feel like you want everything to end. When you are in Mania, you feel like the whole world revolves around you.

Then there is the middle. Everything is normal. That’s when you get the job, that’s when you meet the girl, that’s when you get married, buy the house, have all the friends; all the things that you lose when you become symptomatic.

Psych Meds for, Bipolar Disorder, the Good, Bad, and the Ugly

Psychiatric medications are the religion and politics of the mental health advocacy world.

In this episode, we cover the good, the bad, and the ugly surrounding medications. Like whether or not you should take them. We tackle side effects like feeling numb and sexual dysfunction and share our personal histories with medication therapy.

If you have any form of, mental illness, that you need Meds to function. Medications are amazing, they saved my life. I want to be very clear. Without my medication I cannot live the life that I live. So many people mistakenly believe that psychiatric medications are magical that you just need to take the pill and boom everything is fine and it’s simple.

It’s much bigger than that. In addition to psychiatric medication, therapy is very important, learning coping skills is very important, and going to support groups. You have to deal with the trauma of your past and all of these things matter; but all we ever hear about is psychiatric medication and I want to change that. I want to change it to, did you take your meds and did you go to therapy and did you utilize your coping skills?

 

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What is the most common cause of, bipolar disorder?

Biological traits

Hormonal problems: Hormonal imbalances might trigger or cause bipolar disorder. Environmental factors: Abuse, mental stress, a “significant loss,” or some other traumatic event may contribute to or trigger bipolar disorder.

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Mental Health Advocate for, Bipolar

Gabe is a, Mental Health Advocate. He remembers when no one knew he was sick for over 20 years.  He had a plan to end his life and luckly for him, someone asked him the question “Are you planning on hurting yourself” He answered yes and he was admitted to the Psychiatric ward in hospital.

That saved his life so now, he is a, mental health advocate, to help others suffering from, mental illness, or, bipolar disorder, receive treatment and services.

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Additional Resources for, Bipolar Disorder.

The book is a collection of Articles and all of the Articles have something to do with, mental illness, mental health, loving somebody with, mental illness, dating someone with, bipolar,

It’s almost a reference guide that you can carry around for people with, bipolar, or dealing with somebody who is living with, mental illness, and depression and anxiety, don’t just live with, bipolar, you can have just depression, you can have just anxiety. Even people with schizophrenia, they suffer from depression and anxiety as well.

Dealing with Anxiety Disorder after Addiction

https://blog.myhelps.us/understanding-and-managing-compulsive-behaviors/

https://blog.myhelps.us/9-steps-to-effective-advocacy/

 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20356007

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324602.php

 

 

What is the Connection between Sexual Abuse and Addiction?

child sexual abuse
Child Abuse, and, sexual abuse,  Statistics, show a connection between, child abuse, Mental Health, addiction, and depression.
In her book “Call me an addict, war on Women” By Dr Tra Ahia. shares Kreta’s story of, child abuse, and sexual abuse, that started with her biological mother. I think this is very rare. Kreta said her mother was a sick person. Her, child abuse, was by her mother. Her mother used to make her kids do sexual acts on her boyfriend and her. Her mother and boyfriend also had sex in front of her and her brothers and sisters. This, abuse, started when she was about 4 years old.
Listen to the full interview here:

Kreta’s story of, sexual abuse

Kreta was raped by an older boy around the age of 7.

Kreta’s, child abuse, started when she was only 8 or 9 years old when she started smoking weed, crack and sniffing blow. As she got older when she didn’t have money she would perform sexual acts for coke.

Even though she was a good student in school she started ditching school to sleep with older men and eventually dropped out of school.

She started working for a pimp who continued her, sexual abuse, he beat her all the time and had other men rape her and pie on her. After a string of, sexually abusive, relationships She got pregnant several times while still doing drugs. She had two abortions; but decided to keep her third pregnancy – a baby girl.

She went in and out of rehab several times trying to stay clean but always relapsed.

Kreta’s story ended the saddest of all 3 stories from the book “Call me an Addict, war  Her, strange addiction, was out of control. She got so high one night that she stabbed her baby to death. She got life in prison.

Kreta’s has so many of the, Child Abuse, Statistics, in her story

  • Risk for intimate partner violence
  • Alcoholism and alcohol abuse
  • Illicit drug abuse
  • Smoking & drinking at an early age
  • Depression
  • Suicide attempts

I want to say that Kreta’s mother surprised me; but I have heard, sexual abuse,  stories like this one before. I had a coaching client who told me that her mother stopped having sex with her husband and when she was 4 years old gave her to her husband to have sex with. Tyler Perry tried to bring attention to this, child abuse, and, sexual abuse,  in his movie Madea Family Reunion .

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Here are 5, Statistics, about, sexual abuse, offenders

  1. Ages 12 to 14 are the peak ages for child offenders.
  2. 70 percent of perpetrators have between 1 and 9 victims.
  3. Child abuse,  statistics, show as many as 40 percent of children who are, sexually abused,  are abused by older or more powerful children.
  4. Sex offenses are the crimes least likely to involve strangers as perpetrators. Although a smaller percentage of, sex offenders, are women, the majority are male. Sex offenders, are generally NOT “dirty old men” or strangers lurking in alleys. They are typically not obviously mentally ill or retarded. In fact, sex offenders, are usually well known and trusted by the children they victimize, and frequently are members of the family, including fathers and stepfathers, brothers, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and cousins. There is no clear cut description or profile of a, sex offender. Thus there is no way to recognize a potential, sex offender, and  abuser; and it’s often hard to believe that a trusted individual would be capable of abusing children.
  5. Children who disclose their abuse within one month are at a reduced risk for, depression, or substance abuse and, addiction. Believe your kids when they talk to you and LISTEN. 

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Why, Addiction, and, Depression, are by products of, Child Abuse

Although any type of, addiction, can trigger violence, those most likely to impair judgment, like drug and alcohol, addiction, are most often linked to addiction-related violence. Drug and alcohol use can weaken self-control, it’s not uncommon to see people who are under the influence engaging in behavior they usually wouldn’t if they were sober.

People living with, strange addictions, who commit violent crimes, is usually as a result of intoxication or as a means of obtaining money to finance their habits. According to an article published in Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment, more than 75 percent of people who seek treatment for, drug addiction,  report having performed acts of violence, including mugging, physical assault and using a weapon to attack another person.

People who suppress negative feelings like anger or, depression, are more likely to drink or use, drugs, to the point of intoxication and exhibit violent behaviors. If you have Pent-up rage and you are using drugs, you are more likely to act violently because loss of self-control can increase your chances to act on your anger.

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Dr Tra Ahia How does CBT help a, sexual abuse, survivor to love themselves? What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

Evidence is growing that cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is an effective treatment for, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, including those who have experienced physical, child abuse, and other traumatic events.

Most of the studies that have evaluated Trauma focused-CBT have been well designed. This treatment model represents a synthesis of trauma-sensitive interventions and well-established CBT principles  treatment-outcome studies for, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, and otherwise traumatized children. The therapy was developed to resolve post traumatic stress disorder, and, depression, and anxiety symptoms, as well as to address underlying distortions about self-blame, safety, the trustworthiness of others, and the world. The treatment also fits, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, and other traumatic experiences into a broader context of children’s lives so that their primary identity is not that of a victim.

Child abuse,  statistics, show that CBT therapy allows, sexual abuse, victims to learn self love.

Drug and Alcohol Treatment for Women with Trauma

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Arifah What does, Child abuse, statistics, show about self love?

It shows that if, child abuse, and sexual abuse, victims do the following, They begin to heal.

  • Take your time
  • Recognize that your needs matter
  • Forgive yourself and knowledge of self through therapy
  • Find a support group
  • Learn to practice self-compassion, to rid yourself of shame-based beliefs, such as you are worthless, defective, bad, or unlovable
  • Find time for self care activities (journaling, exercise, mediation, art, hanging out with people that care about you).
  • Gain new experiences (i.e. get involved in the community)
Call me an Addict
Call me an Addict

 

Dr Tra I am curious after listening to 100 stories like the ones you told in your book and from all the data you have collected over your 30 years in this space.  Why do you think fathers and stepfathers, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, and cousins, abuse, little girls?

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I want to comment on one of the, child abuse,  statistics,   the one that says 70% of perpetrators have between 1 to 9 victims.  I remember my,  sexual abuse, It was from a man  who I called grandfather, even though he was no relation.  He used to tell me to bring my friends, and he would do the same thing to them as he did me. In fact he had a reputation of liking little girls.  I never told anyone!

That’s another thing, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, statistics, show,  victims never tell.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Here are 5 tips for loving yourself after, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, 

  1. Read Positive affirmations
  2. Heal the mind through the body (ie. Boxing, Running, Martial Arts)
  3. Mindful breathing exercises and meditation (stop, breathe and think app)
  4. Channel your pain into creativity ( i.e.journaling)
  5. Ask for help when you need it

 Conclusion, Child Abuse, and, Sexual Abuse 

Dr Tra, Do you support the, child abuse statistic,  that says that if kids who are experiencing trauma of any kind tells someone who offers support, it has a direct and positive effect on the, sexual abuse and addiction connection?

Totally, when you tell someone what is being done to you, you release the shame of thinking you are to blame. You will also get help to cope with the emotions.  When you stay silent it eats away at you all your life and then you self medicate with, drugs,  and alcohol and your, sexual abuse, continues into your adult relationships.

Additional Resources on,  Child Abuse and Sexual Abuse

Drug and Alcohol Treatment for Women with Trauma

https://blog.myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/

https://blog.myhelps.us/10-ways-childhood-trauma-impact-adults-in-love/

https://www.masterproblems.com/2017/02/what-can-be-done-about-child-abuse.html

When Your Child Can’t Speak

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/subabuse_childmal.pdf

 

 

No Fear : How to Live with Courage

no fear just courage

No fear, How do we say goodbye to Fear and live with courage?

What is fear? The first thing we must realize is that FEAR is False evidence appearing real.

Fear is an energy. Created totally in our minds. The energy of fear is powerful.  It can change the quality of lives.

A few years back, I had a guest in my home. When it was time for her to leave, it was dark and she refused to walk out the front door because she was afraid of Frogs jumping on her foot. Now, I have never seen a Frog in my front yard and neither had she; but she must have had an experience of a Frog jumping on her foot and it had traumatized her. So now every time she walks in a yard at dark, she was afraid of Frogs. How can we live with, no fear?

No fear, it is not real
Fear is not real

Now this is an example of a trivial fear but ask yourself. Is fear affecting the quality of your life? What would life be like if you had, no fear?

The problem with fear is that it is the bottom feeder of all emotions, that means that if you have fear in your heart you can’t have:

  • Love,
  • Happiness,
  • Feelings of belonging,
  • Self-reliance,
  • Self-control,
  • Initiative,
  • Ambition,
  • Enthusiasm,
  • or Certainty.
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  • The most common appearances of fear in the, African American Community, are:
  • Fear of poverty
  • Fear of criticism
  • Fear of ill health
  • Fear of loss of love
  • Fear of old age
  • Fear of death

Today Arifah and I are going to look at how Fear shows up in African American families and how it prevents us from living a life of purpose and abundance.

Here are the symptoms of the, Fear of poverty:

  • Willingness to tolerate poverty
  • Acceptance of whatever compensation that life offers without protest.
  • Mental and physical laziness
  • Lack of initiative
  • Lack of imagination
  • Indecision
  • The habit of permitting others to think for you
  • Sitting on the fence of indecision
  • Excuses for not taking initiative
  • Excuses for failures
  • Envy of those who are successful
  • Finding fault with others who are successful

My co-host is Arifah Yusuf, registered social worker, specializing in, mental health. She is the founder and program director of Lifted by Purpose.

Lifted by Purpose Provides a diverse range of services including training, workshops with the intent to engage youth in conversations about mental health and learn practical strategies to cope with life stressors.

Here are Arifah’s experience in working with youth and dealing with, No Fear, Living with Courage

In my experience working with young people, majority of children and youth live with anxiety.   The anxiety impacts their relationships to function in socially and or academically.  As well, how they view themselves and their ability to complete tasks or take risks.  Common signs of an anxiety disorder in youth I noticed are:

  • Constantly worrying about grades
  • Always trying to be perfect / Being afraid to make mistakes
  • Not sleeping well
  • Difficulty managing daily tasks and/or distress related to these tasks.
  • Anxious predictions – Worrying about something horrible happening (ie. Being embarrassed or humiliated)
  • Anxious thoughts “ I’m out of control, I can’t do this”
  • Avoiding friends or social situations and activities
  • Being afraid of speaking up and asking questions in class
  • Blanking out or freezing up in stressful situation
  • Safety behaviors (habits to minimize anxiety and feel “safer,” e.g., always travelling with a friend or have cell phone in their hand)
  • Excessive physical reactions relative to the context (e.g., heart racing and feeling short of breath in response to certain spaces or when they see certain individuals)

Anxiety is the most common disorder in Canada.  2.6% of Canadians aged 15 and older reported symptoms consistent with generalized anxiety disorder, an anxiety disorder characterized by a pattern of frequent, persistent worry and excessive anxiety about several events or activities.

According to the Anxiety Disorders Association of Canada, “the 12 month prevalence for any anxiety disorder is over 12% and one in four Canadians (25%) will have at least one anxiety disorder in their lifetime”.

No fear living with courage
No fear living with courage

Seven Major types of Anxiety Disorders:

  • Agoraphobia,
  • generalized anxiety,
  • specific phobia,
  • panic disorder,
  • social anxiety
  • separation anxiety
  • selective Mutism.

(ie. Selective Mutism is a complex childhood anxiety disorder characterized by a child’s inability to speak and communicate effectively in select social settings, such as school. These children are able to speak and communicate in settings where they are comfortable, secure, and relaxed)

Other Anxiety Disorders:

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders (obsessive-compulsive disorder, body dysmorphic disorder, hoarding disorder, trichotillomania, and excoriation disorder).

Trauma and Stressor-Related Disorders(reactive attachment disorder, dis-inhibited social engagement disorder, PTSD, acute stress disorder, and adjustment disorder).

 

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No Fear, means Living with Courage: How do we define courage?

Aristotle believed courage to be the most important quality in a man or woman. “Courage is the first of human virtues because it makes all others possible,”

How do you build your courage character?

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  1. Practice courageous acts.

To build a courageous character, with, no fear, the muscle of courage must be continually strengthened. Aristotle, the ancient philosopher who focused most on courage, said that we develop courage by performing courageous acts. Recent psychological research also suggests that courage is an ethical habit that we develop by repeatedly practicing acts of bravery.

Let me share a personal story with you, that helped me develop courage and have, no fear.

Years ago I was living in the United States as a temporary resident as a Canadian Citizen.  I was married and my husband sponsored me and applied for me to become a permanent resident. Before my application was finalized, My brother was getting married in Toronto, Canada and I just upped and left the country for the weekend to attend my brothers wedding.

When I tried to return to the USA, a few days later, border patrol  asked me for my Advance Parole documents.  I told them I never applied for Advanced Parole.  This is a document that gives you permission to leave the country while you have a pending application.   The border patrol told me that I had voluntarily abandoned my application by leaving the country and that my husband had to apply again.  He also told me I would have to stay in Canada for approximately 2 years while my new application was processed. To date that was one of my darkest days!

Then because he knew that as a Canadian Citizen, I could come back into the country at any time as a visitor, he added that if I tried to sneak back into the country as a visitor and I got caught, I would get a 10 year ban from entering the United states.

I returned back to Canada, and for a week I weighed all my options. I had a husband in the USA, my daughter was in school in the USA, I had a good job in the USA.  I decided I had to take the risk of returning to the USA as a Canadian visitor.

So I strapped on some courage, and made myself have, no fear, rented a car and drove myself over the border alone because I did not want to implicate any of my family members.

I drove up to the border patrol with, no fear, and as calmly and as courageous as a dove, I told him that I was going to Buffalo to pick up my husband from the airport.  He asked me if I had anything to declare, I said no and he  and waved me through!

I would tell you that after that incident, I look fear in the face every time and do it anyway. That is how I started to build my courage muscle having, no fear.

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Arifah, do you have a story to share of a time you had to look fear in the eye but do it anyway?

This is a good time to introduce a question I received on my Life coach group on Facebook. I would like for my listeners to join that group.  It is a forum to ask questions regarding your current struggles and get answers from me and the group.

This is a question from Mari: How do I have, no fear, to stop bullying

I really need some advice, I have a lot on my plate right now. I lost the love of my life. In December and since I moved in with my dad and brother I have been picking up after them. Folding their clothes. And they make me out to be their maid. I have paid money to have the house clean and it gets messy by the second day. Now since I’ve moved here my brother has been bullying me. He calls me little girl. Saying I’ll never make it on my own. Saying he feels sorry for me. Calls me a retard. Saying I act like a 12 year old. Says I don’t clean up after myself when I have been picking up after them both. Saying I’m a bitch. Calls me dumb ass. The list goes on but I’m trying to get an apartment and I don’t wish nothing bad on him but If he will ever be homeless I’m not going to put up with this. I thought of suicide but hell no!!! I’m just tired of him bullying me.

Arifah, what advice would you give Mari?

As a Life Coach, here are my steps for having, no fear, and building courage.

Exercise and meditation both have the power to lower stress levels and reduce feelings of depression and anxiety, which could help you to act more courageously in the face of challenges.

This is a meditation practice  I use every day to  build my courage character. It is from the Tibethan Monk Dandipanni

  • Sit quietly and start witnessing your breathe
  • Be aware of the air as it enters your nostrils and follow it all the way down to your belly.
  • Hold your breathe for a few seconds and then breathe out, once again follow your breathe as it exits your nostrils.
  • Do this for 3 breaths
  • Now become aware of your feet on the ground. Focus your attention on your big toe on your left foot. Feel the energy in your left toe as it becomes warm. Now keep your attention on your left foot and feel the energy as it climbs through your feet, ankles, calf, knees, quads, hips. Move this energy into your spine and hold it there.
  • Repeat this with your right foot, left arm and then right arm.
  • Hold the energy that you directed from all your limbs into your spine and now think about a courageous act. I think of the courageous act I just shared with you.  Your energy body is now infused with courage.
  • Now send this energy back to your right arm, left arm, right foot and left foot.

This is how you build your courageous body and have, no fear!

Additional Resources:

https://blog.myhelps.us/principle-4-have-a-positive-mind-set/

https://blog.myhelps.us/who-is-tending-your-mind-garden/

How to Heal Your Brokenness

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/conquering-fear_n_3909020

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/inspired-life/wp/2015/05/22/nothing-to-fear-how-to-find-courage-when-you-need-it-most/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.43ce47fdd4e3

How to Build your Self-Confidence Muscle

So What is, self- confidence? How do we define, self- confidence, and what does it look like?

Self-confidence, comes from building your confidence muscle. It increases with positive input from your parents, peers, loved ones and from your personal victories.

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In Today’s #podcast  Arifah and I are talking on the topic of How to build, Self-confidence, we want to  shed some light on one of the top struggles of , African American women,  self-confidence,

In the co-host chair today is registered, social worker and mental health counselor, Ms Arifah Yusuf.

How to Build Self Confidence
How to Build Self Confidence

What is Self-Confidence?

The most important thing to remember about, self- confidence, is that we were born with it. It is our natural state.

How many of you remember your play days as kids? As a child I was always the doctor or teacher.

Boys have no fear. They would climb to the tallest point in their home, put on a cape and jump! They were Superman!

So I would define, self- confidence, as certainty. Confident and certain that you are able to handle your job, your family, social events and personal relationships.

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How do you build, self-confidence?

Self-confidence, comes from building your confidence muscle. It increases with positive input from your parents, peers, loved ones and from your personal victories.

But a large percentage of, African American women,  and men suffer from a lack of, self-confidence, because of negative input from parents, peers, and loved ones.

Usually centered on their intellect, the color of their skin, their hair, their lips, their butt, the section of town they live, their lack of designer clothing, and the list goes on.

It is important to note that lack of, self-confidence, always comes from negative comments that you believe. If you don’t let these negative comments in, they will never take root and grow.

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Here is a story showcasing how a lack of, self-confidence,  usually starts.

A surgeon opened his office one day and found a tall black man in the waiting room. He was six feet four inches tall and towered over the surgeon. He complained about his lip. You see his underlip protruded out from his top lip. His girlfriend told him she was ashamed to be seen in public with him because of his ugly lip; so he came to the surgeon to get it fixed.

The surgeon told him there was nothing wrong with his lip, it was just a minor protrusion. The black man insisted on getting it fixed; so the surgeon gave him an outrageous price of $1200 hoping he would go away.

He did, he said that he didn’t have that kind of money. But lo and behold, he came back the next day with a little black bag in his hand. He dumped the contents on the table. Bills poured out, his life savings; $1200 worth!

The doctor was shocked. He didn’t want to deprive the man of his life savings so he made him an offer. He agreed to do the surgery for a smaller fee on the condition that he tell his lady love that he paid $1200 for the surgery.

The operation was simple enough and one week later all the bandages came off and the man had a smaller lip he was proud of. All the surgery was done inside the lip so he had no visible scars except for a small scar inside the lip. The man was happy, he strode from the doctor’s office full of, self-confidence, A commanding figure. Tall, black and proud.

However a few weeks later he was back in the surgeon’s  office. His body seemed to have shrunk, his hands lost their strength, his voice squeaked. The doctor asked him what happened to him.

He said “the African Bug, sir. It got me and it’s killing me”

He told the doctor after he removed the bandages he went to see his lady love. She loved his lip and asked him how much he paid for the surgery.  When he told her $1200, she became enraged and cursed him saying she could have used that $1200 and accused him of hiding the money from her. She cursed him and told him he would die.

Deeply troubled and hurt, the man laid in his bed for 4 days worrying  about this curse that was going to kill him. Then running his tongue around, he discovered the horrible thing inside his mouth. He went to see a medical doctor who checked his mouth and confirmed that “the slimy African bug was stuck inside his mouth and it was indeed killing him.

The surgeon looked at this diminished and fearful man and asked him “Is it really in your mouth?”

“Yes sir,” the man said “the doctor tried to help get rid of it with liquids, pastes and potions – but nothing worked. The curse is too strong”. It’s burned inside my lip.

“Your lip?”

“Yes sir” the man said

“You didn’t say lip before”

The doctor ran his finger at the back of the man’s lip and told the disbelieving man that “the bug” was no more than scar tissue from his surgery.

The disbelieving man looked up in wonder and asked “then there is no African bug?”

The man stood up. Instantly he seemed to have regained his full height and strength. A rich smile spread over his face and his voice boomed out again. His, self-confidence, had returned.

The moral of this story is that you can’t get your, self-confidence, from other people. You have to take inventory of your strengths and weaknesses and deal with them on your own terms.

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Let’s bring Arifah into this, self-confidence, conversation. Arifah is a, registered social worker, specializing in, mental health issues. She is the founder and program director of Lifted by Purpose.

Lifted by Purpose Provides a diverse range of services including training, workshops with the intent to engage youth in conversations about mental health and learn practical strategies to cope with life stressors.

Arifah I am sure that a large population of your clients suffer from a lack of, self-confidence, Why do you think that is?

I think there are many reasons young people lack, self-confidence, I often work with young people who experienced unhappy childhoods or maybe their parents neglected them in some way or they weren’t involved much in their lives.

Also I’d say lack of, self -confidence, sometimes comes from negative input from teachers or authority figures in their lives. Sometimes teachers have a way of saying things that discourage young people.  Making them feel inadequate made and like they couldn’t be successful.  That kind of influenced how they feel about themselves and their, self-confidence, I’d also say young people who have experienced trauma or bullying from their peers can obviously influence their, self-confidence,

I believe that when young people don’t value themselves and sometimes that comes from people not validating them, they often lack, self-confidence,

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

How to Build Your Self-Confidence through Courageous acts

As a, life coach, I believe that Courage is a byproduct of, self confidence,

It takes courage to walk up on stage and speak to an audience large or small.

It takes courage to call that guy you like and ask him out.

It takes courage to go into that interview even though you have no idea what you are going to say.

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So how do you make yourself, Face the Fear, but do it anyway?

Tell yourself that it is not going to kill you.

My grandmother used to say “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”

And that’s exactly what, Feeling the fear but doing it anyway does for you. It makes you stronger, it builds your, self-confidence, muscle because even if you bombed you got practice and practice also makes perfect!

Here are my steps to build your, self-confidence, muscle on public speaking or doing a presentation at work.

  1. You can start by writing out your speech word for word and just read it
  2. Then as you get more, self- confidence, and your brain recorded that you did not die, you weren’t booed off the stage, nobody laughed at you.
  3. So the next step is to write out the headlines and speak from the heart on your headlines
  4. Sooner or later you will have, self- confidence, muscles like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Tony Robbins and command the attention of the audience.

Arifah What are your steps to building the, self-confidence, muscle?

I find that it  wasn’t only their, self-confidence muscle,  that needed to be built up, it was their self-worth,  it was a whole bunch of things there was all built into the one thing.  If we were to put a label on it,  it would be that we’re not enough.

You would not believe how many people feel that they are not enough;  even the most successful

people like, Michelle Obama, in her book “Becoming Michelle Obama” felt that she wasn’t good enough.  Why did she feel that way?  Because she was black and from the south side of Chicago!

As, African American women,  we have got a lot of things that we have to deal with, we just have to believe that we are all born with purpose and with the love of God.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GetiPNOx9dU

I have seven steps that I use to help my clients gain, self-confidence:

  1. Self-reflection – every time I meet with them, I allow them to self-reflect on their day self-reflect on things that were happening in their lives with gratitude.
  2. Acknowledgement and self-acceptance – what makes them unique because everybody is unique.
  3. Positive reinforcement – praising their effort and not obsessing over mistakes.
  4. Mastering a skill – I had the girls work on a project. They created their own YouTube video. Everyone mastered a skill in the production of the video.
  5. Communication skills – I do a lot of exercises around different forms of communication. Assertiveness,  passive, passive aggressive etc.
  6. Positive self-talk and affirmations – paying attention to their internal dialogue
  7. Pay it forward – giving back helps build, self-confidence,

To listen to the full Podcast audio, download on your favorite podcast player.

Download on the following podcast players and please remember to subscribe, rate and review if you found this content helpful.

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Additional Resources:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/joyburnford/2019/01/08/confidence-one-more-muscle-to-exercise-this-year/

 

How to Raise your Self-esteem by Erasing Self Doubt

The Secret to Living the Life of your Dreams

 

So What’s the secret to, living the life of your dreams? Have you wondered how someone can be born with nothing, and then live a, dream life? They can live in abject poverty, having nothing to eat, sometimes homeless and in a few years become a millionaire?

In this episode of the Transform your mind, to Transform your Life, radio show and podcast, registered social worker and mental health counselor, Ms Arifah Yusuf Mortley, share what we believe is the secret to, living the life of your dreams.  Arifah is the founder and Program Director of  Lifted by Purpose, a company that Provides a diverse range of services including workshops or programs designed to help the youth in Toronto, Canada deal with mental health issues, make positive changes in their lives after issues with the criminal justice system.  Arifah has been a registered social worker specializing in mental health for over 15 years.  She just started working with the prison system to help inmates live fulfilling lives when released from prison.

There are more, rags to riches, stories than rich kids born with trust funds.

Some Names of, Rags to Riches, people

Oprah Winfrey

Tony Robbins

Dean Graziosi

Neal Donald Walsh – he went from living homeless on the street to writing the book “Conversations with God”

Arnold schwarzenegger

Les Brown

So what do all these people have in common. They focused their attention on what they wanted and not their current circumstances.

Rags to Riches, story of O.J Simpson

O.J Simpson, rags to riches story
O.J Simpson

A young boy was born into poverty in a rundown section of San Francisco. This young boy became a fan of football legend Jim Brown, then the running back for the Cleveland Browns.  Even though this young boy was crippled by Rickets  from malnutrition, he dreamed of one day becoming a star running back like his hero Jim Brown.

Since he had no money to pay to see his hero play, he would wait outside the stadium for the maintenance crew to open up the gate in the fourth quarter and he would hobble on his crocked legs into the stadium and watch the balance of the game.

At the age of 13, he walked into an ice cream parlor one day after a 49’rs game against the Browns and came face to face with his idol, Jim Brown.

He went up to him and said “Mr Brown I Am your biggest fan.  I know every record you’ve ever set, every touch down you’ve ever scored.  Mr Brown one day I am going to break every one of your records.”

Jim Brown smiled and said “That great Kid. What’s your name?”

The young boy smiled and said “Orenthal James Simpson my friends call me O.J”

O.J Simpson did indeed go on to break all of Jim Brown’s records proving that, whatever you water will grow, and that, energy goes where attention flows.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Arifah what is your experience as a counselor with youth transforming their lives from nothing to something?

I think the story is very powerful in terms of sharing his lived experiences with adversity and having a mindset from an early age to be great. Being able to meet his mentor, the person that he looked up to was also a great moment in his life. I admire that he not only set a goal to be like his hero Jim Brown but he wanted to surpass him.

I know that’s the same even with me working with young people often when you’re in your situation sometimes you feel stuck but then if you take the moment to look at it and be like well if I feel like this is the worst situation for me the only way to go is up from here.

The best thing to do is to reflect on your situation, then look at your strengths and look at how you use those strengths.  Ask yourself how do I use those resources around me to get where I need to go.  Then you can definitely work towards transforming your life.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

I have a story of a young person.  He was referred to me by another social worker. This young man was always in and out of incarceration.  I was working on a peer support project with young people sharing their lived experiences and the learning from these experiences with other young

People.  This young man was awaiting trial for a new charge and while he was working in the program, he developed a lot of skills.  He learned to tell his story and self- reflect on some of his challenges.

One day his story connected with another youth and the youth told him his story changed his life.  That made him feel like a leader. He became inspired to help more youths in the program.

He graduated from our program, got a job in trades work and when he came out of prison got a full time job at a top company.  Today he is a supervisor, making good money and supporting his family.

As a, Life coach, I know for a fact that if you keep watering your goals with your attention and have faith and perseverance, you will one day manifest them into your experience and soon you will be,  living the life of your dreams.

Authors Myrna Trotman and Jerome Dickey
Me and Eric Jerome Dickey

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All my life I have been called lucky; but there is no such thing as luck just positive energy and preparation.

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You will never get a better chance to invest in you. I believe that you are worth it. Don’t you?  

 

So how do you transform your current lack of resources, love, energy, or just a miserable existence to, Living the Life of your Dreams?

I am a follower of Ester Hicks and the consciousness of Abraham. I believe that The universe responds to whatever you focus on. You could be laying in bed with a broken body or in a broken relationship and you could shift your reality to where you want to be and that would become your new point of attraction.

If you were to focus on what you don’t have, you are in fact activating it to continue in your life. Eg If you focus on your lack of money or the lack of a man that is what you will continue to have.

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Arifah what are some exercises or steps you help your clients to live a, Life of their dreams ?

I focus on a strength-based assessment.  This assessment helps young people recognize their strengths or skills abilities and the things that they’re good at doing.  We made a list of things that he was good at.  Some of the things that he profited from illegally; but  skills like marketing,  figuring out demographics, leadership, acquiring a team.  The skills were transferable into other things.

Then we figured out what jobs matched the skills he was good at.  For example, he was good with his hands so we looked at construction jobs or trade jobs like plumbing.

Once we listed the jobs that he had an aptitude for, then it was just connecting him to those Resources. We looked for friends or family members who worked in that industry. We made a resource list of who he knew and where they worked.

Then we looked at what steps would he have to take to apply or what skills was needed for each job.  After this process, he became a little bit more hopeful.  He started to approach the problem with a positive mindset and a strategy.

My youth are able to find the perfect job and start, living the life of their dreams.

Here are the, Life coaching, steps to, Living the Life of Your Dreams

  1. As a Life coach I ask my clients to utilize their imagination.
  2. To withdraw their attention from the negative vibration of their current situation and dream.
  3. Our brains can’t tell the difference between real or imagined images.
  4. Launch their creation of their abundant life by launching their desires into the universe. Think of OJ Simpson.
  5. Become pure positive energy like a breath of fresh air

Everyone has something they can be grateful for even if it is feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin or being able to walk in the rain. Do you know that people in prison would give anything to feel the sun or walk in the rain. Positive vibration attracts positive things and circumstances into your experience.

Control where your awareness goes within your mind because that is where your energy flows.

Learn the fine art of concentration

Concentration is defined as holding your awareness on one thing.

Do you remember the book and movie the secret?

It was about the Law of attraction and creating vision boards and everyone in the movie had their vision come true. Everyone was living the, like of their dreams.

 

So what’s the secret to, living the life of your dreams? “Believe, have faith and persevere”

God said I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and give you hope.

 

To listen to the full audio interview

Download on the following podcast players and please remember to subscribe, rate and review if you found this content helpful.

Podbean,  iTunesSpotify, SoundcloudGoogle Play, iHeart radio,

Additional Resources

https://bigthink.com/experts-corner/10-steps-to-attract-the-life-you-want

 

https://blog.myhelps.us/principle-1-keep-your-vision-in-front-of-you/

The Secret to Having it All

How to Heal Your Brokenness

How to Heal Brokenness

My pastor taught a sermon on, brokenness, a few months back, and he made the analogy of a, broken, vase.  He said that a, broken, or cracked vase cannot hold any content, everything leaks out. We must heal our, brokenness if we are going to hold love, self-esteem, self-worth, or confidence.

Certified Life coach, Myrna Young and registered social worker, Arifah Yusaf discuss, How to Heal your Brokenness,

The LORD is near to the, broken hearted, And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

 

In this blog and podcast here are some of the mental health topics we will be discussing every week.  We want to discuss real life issues and struggles of the, minority woman:

Brokenness
Brokenness

Lets start with, How to Heal your Brokenness,

My pastor taught a sermon on, brokenness, a few months back, and he made the analogy of a, broken, vase.  He said that a, broken, or cracked vase cannot hold any content, everything leaks out.  That means that if you are, broken hearted,

  • you cannot hold love,
  • you cannot hold appreciation,
  • you cannot hold compliments,
  • you are incapable of receiving and holding anything.

So it is very important for us to find our cracks and mend them.  As, minority women, most of us have experienced some, brokenness, in our lives.

Here are the top 3 reasons for, Brokenness:

  1. Devalued and rejected by others
  2. Abandoned by our parents
  3. Feelings of not being good enough because we have lack.

 How do we Heal, brokenness?

I know in our practice of social work and in psychology, a lot of clinical professionals, look at the research study around ACES which is our first childhood experiences.

That study basically states that childhood experiences before the age of 18, whether that be witnessing abuse or being abused themselves, living in poverty or just going through traumatic events; Those experiences impact their, brokenness, as they grow up into adulthood.  It may impact how they maneuver through success or how they view themselves as  failures.

These experience are also linked to risky health behaviors, chronic health conditions, low life potential and even early death.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Myrna Young, Life Coach, I agree that risky behaviors from, brokenness, usually means an absence of self-love and that can definitely lead to early death.

I am going to niche down in our conversation today to address women of color and, minority women, because that’s who we are.

As women we can be, broken, both in our childhood and by narcissistic men in our adult lives, who have rejected us or devalued us.

Our, brokenness, becomes compared with the, broken hearted.   Also when we experience, brokenness, as children those experiences can leads us to get into unhealthy relationships.    Healing our, brokenness,  prevents us from repeating this pattern of unhealthy relationships that would leave us, broken hearted.

It takes work to heal our cracks.  The first step in coaching is to identify how you became, broken, and then replace your subconscious programming with a new program similar to writing over a CD disk.

 

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

How to heal the, Broken Hearted

  1. Acknowledge that you are, broken
  2. Follow the pain – pay attention to where it hurts
  3. Trust outside eyes. Have close trusted friends to tell you what they see. This can also be a, life coach, who can uncover your blind spots.
  4. Allow love to mold you like the potter molds clay.
  5. Pray and meditate on the fruits of the spirit, peace, joy, love

Here is a story on, How we become broken, and the process of healing.

Arifah – In my years of practice, I obviously had a lot of opportunities to engage young people who have expressed feeling, broken, based on their lived experiences or their adverse childhood experiences.  As we talked about earlier in the segment, those experiences impact how they view themselves,  how they show up in relationships, in their place within society or their environments.

I recall speaking with this young woman who shared witnessing domestic abuse at home.  She actually found her mother’s body when she came home from school one day. She was then placed into the foster care system.  At 18 years old having nowhere to go, she was placed into a shelter.  I remember her telling me that she really struggled with her identity and her self-esteem.  She harbored resentment towards her family because nobody had come to claim her in Foster care which magnified her, brokenness.

In her late teens she became pregnant and wanted to connect with her family; because she was starting to feel isolated and she wanted her child to know more about her family history. But she faced rejection once more. She decided that it was all up to her, to make a difference in her child’s life.

She then stared setting small goals for herself and accomplishing them.  That started building her self-esteem until she recovered from her, brokenness. She became more engaged in her community and connected with other single mothers. She stopped blaming others or comparing herself to others and continued her healing process.

She decided to develop a plan with a network of positive healthy people. Eventually  she stopped defining herself as, broken, because she realized that she really could make a difference in the life of her child. It was all up to her, no one else.  Like the analogy of the broken vase, she couldn’t hold self-esteem, or self-worth, as a broken vessel, everything leaked out. When she became whole everything stayed in.  That is, how to heal your brokenness,

Free Gift

Free Download: Out of the Snares, How to Heal your Brokenness
Out of the Snares

As a gift to my radio and podcast audience and you my Blog readers, I want to give you a FREE COPY of my book Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement.

My purpose in writing this book was to share with my readers the power of intention as the energy in my life. This book is my testimony on how I overcame my, brokenness.

All my life I have been called lucky; but there is no such thing as luck just positive energy and preparation.

As women we sometimes fail because we are always working; but not On their lives. We instead work in our lives. To succeed your commitment to your own personal growth must parallel your commitment to building remarkable lives for yourself and your children.

After you read my book and become inspired by my story of success after starting out with nothing and healing my, brokenness, I would like to Help you get off the starting block with the most unbelievable coaching offer ever made!

If you are interested in doing something remarkable with your life and escape the Snares of failure from, broken relationships, broken marriages,  by moving your dreams from your head into your hands, then download your FREE book and purchase my coaching package.

You will never get a better chance to invest in you. I believe that you are worth it. Don’t you?

To reach out to Arifah Yusaf at Lifted by Purpose head over to her web site https://liftedbypurpose.com/

Remember to download and subscribe on your favorite podcast player, iTunes, Spotify, Soundcloud, Google Play, iHeart radio

Additional Resources:

The Weight of the Cape: Why Am I Afraid to be Broken?

https://myhelps.us/personal-development-podcast/

https://blog.myhelps.us/become-life-coach/

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-become-lifted-by-your-purpose/