In the world of, Quantum physics, it was discovered that matter can be both a particle and a wave. That everything exists in the wave format, infinite possibility, until it is observed. So to live in, infinite possibility, is to know that you have a, vortex, of un-manifested possibility waiting to become your reality.
In this episode Life coach Myrna Young teaches on living in the state of, infinite possibility. Quantum physics, tells us that until something is observed, it is in the form on the infinite.
Listen to the full interview here:
Introduction
Observation turns the wave, infinite possibility, into a particle.
Let me explain: when we are born we have, infinite possibilities. We were all born with a purpose and the talent to fulfill that purpose. God said
“ I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
But God also gave us free will, which means that we got to choose which road we wanted to take in life. Either towards our purpose or away from it.
As a kid we dreamed big, we lived in the state of, infinite possibility, We wanted to become doctors and lawyers, firemen and policemen, scientists and movie stars. Our future was a wave full of, infinite possibility. Them someone told us, we were not good at math, so we could never become a doctor or a scientist; because you have to be good at math to become a doctor, so that un-manifested possibility that was in your, vortex, is no longer.
The wave, infinite possibility, is now observed and has become a particle. Regardless if that statement is true or not, it is now your reality, because perception is reality. You now no longer want to be a doctor or scientist; but think about maybe becoming a nurse or Art teacher because you don't need to know math.
I once interviewed Ilona Selke the author of the book “Dream Big, the Universe is listening”. She writes whatever you set your intention to, the universe conspires to bring it to you. That is called the Law of Attraction. If you missed that episode Download that episode now on iTunes now, or any of the podcast players.
I love Dr Martin Luther King Jr. and his I have a dream speech. As a pastor and man of God, Dr King lived in the, infinite possibility, that this country would treat a man based on his character, and not the color of his skin. That possibility still exists today but it is still un-manifested in our, vortex.
So in this episode of 5 mins with coach Myrna, I want to remind you that You are the Universe apply the Law of Divine Oneness to your Life. You are made up of the same matter as the stars and the Ether. You are an infinite being with, infinite possibilities,. Do not limit yourself, because as soon as you make that observation, you become limited to what your flesh could do.
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As James Allen said, As a man thinketh so is he. You become what you think about, so think as a wave and embrace the, infinite possibilities, of your life.
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Black Fathers, are so valuable, we are so important. We have to take care of ourselves, we have to get over this idea of stepping back or I can't deal with this and be there for our black families.
Dr Carl decided to write this book and mentor, black fathers, because it is something that the black community needs to get better at. Carl Stokes Jr. is an award-winning social worker, educator, college instructor and recently received his doctorate in education. His dissertation focuses on, Black Fathers, and their perseverance in community colleges. Dr Carl is passionate about working to uplift the black community. He also enjoys teaching, parenting classes, for a small non-profit organization.
Myrna – As a black man tell us your story of your relationship with your, father, and your current relationships with your daughters. I'm curious to know, because a lot of times we work on areas that we have lived through.
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Dr Carl – What's interesting is that my answer is both. I grew up with my, black father, and without my, black father. My dad was in the home until I was about 10 or 11 years old, unfortunately though during that time he had fallen victim to the crack cocaine epidemic of the 80s. So my, father, was in a home; but life was very difficult during that time; because of what he was going through.
However, he was still in the home, there was still benefits of his presence. Then things got really bad to the point where we were basically forced out. I went through that whole period of teenage years and everything without guidance of my, father. So, as an adult, I can see the difference between an, absentee dad, and a, Black father, in the home. Because even though my, father, wasn't at his best, when he was in the home I benefited form him being visible.
Why Black Fathers should be visible to their kids
Myrna – So between the ages of 1 and 10 your dad was in the home; but he even though he couldn't be a, father, because he was under the influence of crack cocaine, what you are saying is that the fact your, father, was in the home; it had some positive effect on you.
Dr Carl – Absolutely! Discipline wise, teaching me how to protect and take care of my mother, because he was gone a lot. He would have conversations with me. It was nice having a, father, to talk to. It was a benefit to me and my younger brother.
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I can sit here and say that I did get lessons from having that male presence in the house. I can also say I also experienced domestic violence and theft. I also experienced run-ins with the police and people from the street and all that. I wouldn't say stick it out regardless, because I just as easily could have went the other way. I was just fortunate enough to take the more positive path.
Why is being a visible Black Father is Important
Myrna – Let's transition to your relationship with your daughters. You have three daughters. How do you parent them knowing that you didn't have a, father, since you were 10 years old?
Dr Carl – Okay, this is where it gets a little bit interesting and sort of complicated, because I became a, black father, at 17 years old. I was a senior in high school, unfortunately because I was so young and because I didn't have the guidance and I was immature, I ended up not handling my, parenting, as a, Black father, the way I should have. My daughter’s mother decided to move to Atlanta Georgia and take my daughter with her.
I didn't know I had rights. I didn't know that I shouldn’t have allowed her to take my daughter without working out any arrangements. The separation caused damage to the relationship between me and my first daughter. When I became a, Black Father, to my other two daughters, I vowed that nothing was going to stop me from being a good dad. Fatherhood, became my absolute top priority.
Myrna – Why is it that traditionally, black fathers, have been absent? We know we've got the crack epidemic, we know we've got prison; but even when none of those circumstances are present, black fathers, still don't make it a priority to parent their children. Why do you think that is the situation?
Dr Carl – We kind of lowered our own expectations as, Black dads. We have very little guidance and then when we put the other things in a mix;
It causes extra stress and strain on, Black fathers, and their relationships with their kids.
Myrna – I actually just started reading Mike Tyson's book “Undisputed Truth”. If you want to hear about a messed up Black family with no role models, this is the book to read. I couldn’t believe all the stuff that Mike Tyson lived through as a child without a, Black father, and an, absentee dad. How can, Black Dads, have a relationship with their kids and a relationship as a husband when all they know is dysfunction?
A Guide for Black Fathers
Why did you write the book “Reclaim your Visibility: A Straightforward Guide for Black Men to Improve Themselves and their Relationship with your Children?
Dr Carl – I wrote this book simply because of this: I got it wrong for many years and I want to assist in the idea of, black fathers, not having to go through being an, absentee dad, and learn from my mistakes. My eldest daughter and I had a very rocky path and I don't want that to go in vain. I don't want to just talk about the plight of, Black Fatherhood, I want to do something about it. If I can help one, Black Father, have a better relationship with their child or children, then it's totally worth it.
Book: reclaim your visibility, Black Fathers
Myrna – What makes your guide book different from all the other, Fatherhood, books?
Dr Carl – I am not the old wise man on top of the mountain talking to the village. The reason why this book is different is I literally started to repair my relationship with my eldest daughter this past summer. So this book is about real life, not theory.
Myrna – A lot of, Black Fathers, are, absentee dads. Do you think that they can repair the damage and build back a relationship with their children?
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Dr Carl – Absolutely! We can't always take it back; but we have to learn from these mistakes and move on. That is the basis of the book and that's why it's called “A Straightforward Guide for Black Fathers to Improve Themselves and their Relationships with their Children” Because a lot of times, black fathers, need healing ourselves.
How to offer support for Black Father in College
Myrna – You mentioned that you did a doctoral thesis and research on Black Fathers in Colleges. Tell us about that.
Dr Carl – The dissertation is actually on, Black Student Fathers, and their persistence and perseverance in community Colleges. I was a community college, Black Father, with a child and a lot of times, these schools have programs for mothers; but no guidance for, Black Dads. I wanted to do something different and focus on this very specific population, black student fathers, in community college settings.
Dr Carl – In the media piece, I do several things. This is my official company where I do speaking engagements, seminars conferences, trainings and mentoring. The other sides of my books are self-published. I'm also assisting other people to help get their stories out and become published Authors. So the whole Stokes Media concept embodies all those things.
Myrna – Tell our listeners and those watching on YouTube how to contact you and get a copy of your book.
Dr Carl – The easiest way to contact me is to go directly to my website www.drcarlstokesjr.com. You can go right to the contact page and fill out the inquiry form. You can ask questions, leave comments/feedback or whatever you want to do.
Myrna – You also mentor, Black Fathers, at a non-profit organization. Tell us about that.
Dr Carl – I actually do, parenting classes, for an agency here in Buffalo called the “Family Help Center”. So when parents are looking for assistance, I help.
How Co-parenting can help Black Fathers stay visible
Myrna – When you do the, parenting classes, can you walk us through some of your subjects or the things that you talk about? In this conversation we've been focusing on, Black Fathers, but all fathers can benefit from your book and, parenting. What advise would you give them?
Dr Carl – I would say the number one advice I would give to parents is on, co-parenting. I don't care if you don't get along, I don't care if all broke up because he was doing this or doing that. What's important is the child or the children. We have to learn to get along for the sake of the children and be fair to each other for the sake of the children. Your children are witnessing and understanding these arguments, these disagreements, these accusations and things like that.
We tend to think that the kids are stupid and they're not listening to anything. Let me tell you, they're taking in everything, they're taking in how you feel, they're taking in the energy that you're putting out and they are internalizing the things that they're hearing. So, co-parenting, is key especially in our community we have to get that fixed.
What is the message for Black Fathers
Myrna – What is the message that you want them to take away with when they close the book?
Dr Carl – The predominant message of the book if I had to break it down into one main theme, I would say I would want my, black fathers, to understand how important we are to the situation. As a foundation of the family, to us being better as a community as a whole. Black Fathers, are so valuable, we are so important, we have to take care of ourselves, we have to get over this idea of stepping back or I can't deal with this.
We have to understand how meaningful it is for us to be around and holding down our families. We hold down our households, our households work together to hold down our neighborhoods, our neighborhoods hold it down together to hold down our communities and it spreads on like that.
We don't need to worry about or hope for everybody else to do this for us, we can do it ourselves; but it starts with us being in the house and visible to our kids. Even if you don't live in the house, I'm just saying the presence of involvement is necessary. Not everybody is going to be together, and that's why we talk about, co-parenting. Our presence is so valuable, we have to make sure that we handle our business as a, black father.
Dr Carl – You can get the book on Amazon Kindle. If you want a signed copy you can get it from me directly at www.drcarlstokesjunior.com.
If anybody wants the Audio book, go to my site www.drcarlstonesjr.com. Order the Audio book and there's a free sample on there.
Enter the code “stay visible2021” and you'll get 25% off of the Audio book.
Conclusion
Black Fathers, are important to the community. Any father is important to the community; but we're concentrating on our community, the black community. Our community is jacked up. Like you said you go to your friend's house and they've got a mom and a dad and food in the kitchen and everybody is getting along. You're not outside throwing things at each other and having the police come by and all that which is a lot of which is the lifestyle of some children in the, black community.
Shout out to my Atlanta audience. Hopefully your daughter can listen on the radio WDJY 99.1 FM.
I want to encourage you guys if you're watching us on YouTube to please subscribe. We're trying to grow our channel because it's much more exciting to actually see the person that I'm interviewing. So, if you're watching on YouTube, kindly subscribe so you'll be able to get the new videos as they come out every week.
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If you're in iTunes, please read and review because that allows us to grow our audience as well. I also have a Facebook group called Life Coach. I invite you guys all to join.
Using the, energy healing, power of, Reiki, allows you to cause an effect in your life instead of reacting to cause and effect!
Listen to the full interview here:
I was listening to a podcast episode with Dr Joe Dispenza a few weeks back and he was talking about his events where people heal themselves from incurable diseases by changing their energy and accessing the, healing energy, of the quantum field.
He shared a story of a woman who had a stroke two years ago which according to the medical journals is one year and 10 months past the time for damaged brain cells to regenerate. This woman healed her brain and body through meditation. She tapped into, quantum energy, and healed her body.
Dr Dispenza says this is the Time in history when it is not enough to know, it is a time in history to know how.
How to Use the, Healing Energy, of, Reiki
Information stimulates thought, and fosters new connections in our brain.
Said another way, Information creates awareness and awareness is consciousness.
You can't have consciousness without energy.
Nobody changes anything until they change their energy.
In this episode of the, Transform your Mind, to Transform your Life radio and podcast, Life Coach, Myrna Young and Social Worker and Mental Health Counselor, Arifah Yusuf, want to expand your consciousness on changing your energy to Change your life using, Reiki, energy and just changing your thoughts.
Instead of living by cause and effect, we want to teach you how to Cause an Effect!
Here is a story on how one woman used, Reiki, energy healing, to Transform her mind and body .
In 1985 Tori’s life started falling apart. Her baby was only 4 months old, in hospital suffering with lung problems, her husband was fighting for our country and the icing on the cake she was involved in a serious car accident with her oldest son who was 4 years old and in the car with her at the time of the accident. He suffered serious head injuries and she was in a coma for 72 hours.
When she came out of the coma, she felt this overwhelming guilt that she could not be there with her child to comfort him in the hospital.
She says everything she believed in, came to a sudden end. Hope was lost. She endured months and months of rehabilitation for not only her oldest son but for herself as well. Her 6 month old baby took was still suffering with lung problems so all these events took it's toll on her family.
One afternoon while paging through a magazine her eye fell on a story about, Reiki. Up until this time, she had never heard of alternative or, energy healing, and found the article most interesting and informative.
Both her children as well as herself were in great need of, energy healing.
She did some research and enrolled in, Reiki, 1 and then followed that with, Reiki, level 2.
She says, Reiki, has been an absolute life saver for her and her children. With the support of, Reiki, and , energy healing, on all levels – body, mind and spirit she is grateful for the complete recovery of both herself and her sons.
Reiki, Energy Healing session from, Reiki Therapist
During this, energy healing, session my, Reiki Therapist, first cleaned the energy out of the room, then she funneled my, energy healing, up through my head. My head got so hot it was dripping with sweat. The sweat was not just on my face but under my hair.
Typically the person receiving, Reiki, energy healing, will lie down on a massage table, fully clothed. The, Reiki Therapist, would then either place hands on the client or place their hands slightly above the client’s body, but still within their energy field. Client’s often express that they feel warm, tingling sensations during a session.
When I came out of that session, I felt so good and I had clarity in my life.
The, Reiki, stories I just shared require advanced knowledge. I wanted to share to illustrate what is possible. But I want to share with you today how you too can transform your life by transforming your, Reiki energy, by just changing your thoughts.
You may be waiting your whole entire life to get the good breaks, to get the love of your life, the career you dream about, the home you dream about and you tell yourself that when I get these things I will be happy.
Unfortunately, thoughts of lack create more lack.
The trick is to begin to condition your, energy healing, and feel like you already have all those things. This is hard to do and takes a lot of visualization exercise. And if you are auditory like me almost a hat trick! But this is the secret to getting all you desire.
Arifah, from the mental health space do you help your clients to condition their minds and improve their, Reiki energy, body? How do you get someone who is feeling angry, depressed, insignificant to get to joy and gratitude?
I created a wellness daily action plan that I share with clients to help them condition their minds and improve their energy. It includes, journaling food and water intake, as well writing down priorities, 3 things they are grateful for and quotes or music that make them feel motivated to get active. We also focus on things that have brought joy in the past, such as achievements/moments of gratitude.
During my sessions with clients I also teach a few different breathing exercises for the optimization of mind-body, energy healing, and mindfulness exercises to help clear the mind and focus on the present. I also ask them to reflect and write down what they admire or love about themselves and a proud moment, it’s a great way to bring focus back to milestones and connect to what has worked in the past and what they need to do in the present to boost their, Reiki energy, and find their purpose.
Most the times, my clients are impacted by overthinking and challenges in their own lives, I try to remind them that we all go through this, but in those moments you have to focus on what you are willing to let go and what you want to change, making this decision alone will help increase your, Reiki energy, as you may feel a weight lifted, and a sense of freedom and new direction.
For example, recently my friend was told that her timing was coming and she needed to start preparing to leave this world. She prepared her mind mentally using, Reiki, methods and began to get her affairs in order and say her farewells. She planned her memorial to celebrate the life she lived, and thank everyone for being a part of her journey. She also thanked her lungs, heart and other organs for helping her live until she was almost 40.
In her farewell letter, she mentioned to seize every opportunity, live life to the fullest, forgive, take risks if your heart is in it and have gratitude. I feel blessed to be reminded every time that we need to focus our, Reiki energy, to build ourselves up and others, if something is bringing you down, find a solution or let go.
Getting outside can have an effect on mood and because you are exposed to the boundless, Reiki energy, that exist in nature. Feeling the sun on your face is just one way to draw in some of the vital, Reiki, energy that comes from your environment, as well bonding socially with people that are positive
I do a powerful meditation that helps me condition my, energy healing. It is not, Reiki, but it gives me clarity.
Remember You can't attract anything good if you don't feel good.
We have to Stop telling the story of our past and start telling the story of our future. As humans we were given the gift of imagination and the beauty of imagination is that our creator added a bonus. He hard wired our brain to not be able to tell the difference between imagination and the real thing. So day dream copiously!
Cause an effect in your life instead of reacting to cause and effect!
Your thoughts produce an electrical charge and feelings produce a magnetic charge.
How you think and how you feel broadcasts, quantum energy, fields that influences every atom in your life.
Thoughts send the signal out and feelings draw it back.
So when you imagine you already have your dream house, your dream man, living in abundance you think and feel good, that engages the law of attraction and draws these things to you.
Visualization of your story Past, Present, Future: Accessing, Reiki Energy
Tell the story of how You want your life to be and repeat it until you become it and your subconscious mind picks it up and manifests it.
Visualization exercise: 5 Ways to use Change your Life by Changing your Thoughts
You are relaxing at the beach and notice two chairs in a distance. You decide to walk over to the chairs and investigate. As you get closer the person sitting in the chair begin to look familiar. You recognize your future self 5 years from now.
You have realizing all your goals and living a perfect life.
One chair is empty so you sit in this chair opposite and begin to interview your future self.
Question 1:
How did you overcome a challenge you face today?
What action steps did you take?
Question 2:
What beliefs did you let go of to have this perfect life?
Question 3:
What makes you feel proud?
Question 4:
What new habits did you acquire?
Question 5:
What part of your story excites you?
Arifah how does the mental health counselor teach visualization?
Most of the time, when I am working with clients I will play a visualization recording or read one out loud for clients to focus on. For example, I love the exercise 54321 that focuses on connecting back to the present using your 4 senses. I also, have an exercise I call memory play back, where I have clients visualize a time and place in their life they remember feeling joy, and have them share details about that day out loud while their eyes are closed.
There are many visualization and guided imagery exercises that are in self help books and credible sites online, that people can use to practice when feeling overwhelmed. I always tell clients to ensure they practice visualization in a safe space, where they feel comfortable and can focus.
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Additional Resources for, Reiki, and Energy Healing
Worship, definitely brings access because, God loves, worship. He's our creator and He loves it when we make time for Him. He wants us to actually, worship, and praise Him. To enter His gate with thanksgiving and His courts with praise.
Worship, is one of my favorite topics. I have a very special relationship with, praise and worship. Whenever I'm in, worship, I’m so moved the feeling intimacy with, God.
My guest today is Tricie Graham. This post is how to take your, worship, to the next level. My pastor would say a church without, worship, is like absent fire; because you need to bring the fire in your worship.
Book A Higher Place of Worship
Listen to the full interview
Introduction to, Praise and Worship
Tricie Graham was born and raised in Detroit Michigan and now resides in Chicago Illinois. She grew up in a Pentecostal Church on the West side of Detroit as the daughter of an Assistant Pastor who later became a Pastor. As a dreamer and a seer, Tricie came to be acquainted with the prophetic at a very young age. Tricie now works alongside her husband Elliott Graham in Evangelism and outreach at Good Seed Ground Ministries.
Tricie is a prophetess, teacher, dream interpreter and intercessor trained in spiritual warfare. (That's some good skills) She believes in the supernatural, God, of the Bible and has experienced miraculous encounters with, God. Tricie is passionate about helping others to achieve intimacy with, God, through a relationship with His son, Jesus Christ. She’s also a freelance writer and author of the book “A Higher Place of Worship”.
Introduction to A Higher Place of Worship
Myrna – Why did you write this book? Tell us how this book came about and what was your inspiration for writing it?
Tricie – My inspiration for writing “A Higher Place of Worship” began with my recovery from COVID 19. I was sick in March. I was diagnosed with COVID 19. I was sick for about three weeks, I was really ill. During this sickness and even before then I was asking, God, what my next step in my life would be. Where do I go from here?
So as soon as I recovered from COVID 19, the Lord told me to go and revisit some notes from a message I had taught back in December of 2018. The message was on, worship. As I did that, I heard the Lord say that He wanted me to write a book on, worship.
Myrna – Tell us more about your, worship, message and why, God, wanted you to talk on, worship specifically?
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-clear and concise communication and having a
-collaborative and creative approach
You focus on your recovery.
We focus on collecting the check!
Give The Law Offices of Janica L. Campbell a call today.
Tricie – I was lying in bed very scared. I had just come back from the hospital with this diagnosis and I was praying to God. I was asking Him – Lord, if you're in my corner, please show me. I fell asleep. That night my whole body was aching; I have a headache, I have a fever and my chest was very congested. Though, I can still breathe, I'm having all these different symptoms. Scared thoughts were racing through my mind of what's going to happen next. Am I dying?
God Had me in his Arms
With all the news all over the world that people are dying and losing their lives, I cried out to, God, with my whole being saying “Lord, if you're with me please show me.” I didn't know how the answer was going to come, so I go to sleep. That night, I dreamed of being on a balcony and as I'm on this balcony, I saw a man sitting in the corner.
As I held on to the banister, because I felt I was going to fall. I actually fell backwards onto the Balcony and this man caught me. So, when I woke up I knew that, God, heard my prayers and I knew that He had me in his arms.
Is Worship Prayer?
Myrna – But you weren't really worshiping right? You were just praying to God.
Tricie – I want to go into that. It's a higher place of, Worship. Most people when they think of the word, Worship, that is maybe lifting your hands or singing a song or maybe just having a moment with the Lord.But I want to challenge everybody to know that, worship, is spilled over into every part of your life. It includes everything we do from the time we wake up to the time we go to Sleep. That's where the idea for the name “A Higher Place of Worship” came from.
That’s the foundation message of my book. Our, worship, should spill over into our prayer life. It should go over into maintaining a relationship with, God, outside of the church. During COVID-19, a lot of churches were closed, so how do we, worship? We have to find our place to, worship, wherever we are and that includes our homes.
Worship, includes reading the Word of God, it includes fasting, and listening to hear the voice of God. Worship, includes so many different areas in life. God, requires us to always have a mindset of, worship, wherever we are.
How to Worship
I have a chapter called a “Permanent Place of Worship”. There's a section in there that talks about how to stay rooted and grounded in, God, no matter what's going on around you. This book could be for anybody. It could be for someone just starting out as a Christian believer, it could be for someone who’s been saved for a long time and has been in church for some years, and it's definitely for the skeptics. I want it to be for the skeptics that may not know if, God, is real so that they can experience the, God, of the Bible – the Supernatural, God, of the Bible.
I have a lot of supernatural experiences and testimonies in the book, so that people can know that, God, is still a, Supernatural God.
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A particular section is called “Mindful Worship” – how, worship, can spill over into every area of our minds. We should, worship. the Lord with our minds because the scripture says that we should love the Lord our God with all our hearts, with all our souls and with all our minds.
Changing the channel – Mindful of our thoughts and change the channel we're experiencing negative thoughts. Negative thought patterns can be changed by changing the channel. When we feed on the word of, God, we can actually change the channel.
Renew our minds – God wants all of us to, worship. We're worshiping him by the renewing of our minds. We are giving Him total control because where the mind goes, the body follows. So the thought originates in your mind, then it becomes an action. God. wants our actions to line up with His word. That's why we should renew our minds with the word each day.
Use Worship to renew Our Minds
Myrna – That’s one of the reasons I named this podcast ‘Transform Your Mind’ because you know the Bible says be renewed by the transformation of your mind. You can't do anything or achieve any kind of success whether it's in a business, in your relationship, even your marriage. I have found that even transforming my mind in my marriage has made my marriage a little better.
Tricie – Anything that you need to do whether it's worshiping God, using scriptures as your foundation, in your work or whatever, it all starts with your mindset. I want to challenge Christians and non-believers alike to take it a step further to kind of go out of the box to, worship, on a different level that you haven't. A lot of Christians aren't experiencing, God, on that level, because they're not taking the time to do what it is that the Bible says to do. If you read the word of God on a regular basis and you practice it, you can experience, God, on a new level that you haven't before, even if you've been in church for 30 years.
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Does Worship Give us Access to God?
Myrna – Why do you feel that when we, worship, it opens a path to access God?
Tricie – I believe, worship, gives us access to, God, because that's the way we communicate with Him. That's the way we interact with, God, that's the way to have a relationship with Him.
Anytime you want to be close to someone, you have to make time to talk to them, you have to make time to learn about them, you have to make time to maintain that relationship.
It's no different with God as it pertains to, worship. We're supposed to keep that relationship with Him and, worship, Him on the level that we can experience Him. Worship, definitely brings access because, God, loves, worship. He wants us to, worship, Him. He's our creator and He loves it when we make time for Him. He wants us to actually, worship, and praise Him. To enter His gate with thanksgiving and His courts with praise.
Is Faith different from Worship?
Myrna – What is the difference between, faith, and, worship? One of the things that I’ve learned in my walk with the Lord is that even if you, praise and worship, but you don't have, faith, then nothing happens because, faith, is the communication language of God. So can you connect the dots for us between, faith and worship?
Tricie – Absolutely, there's a scripture in Hebrews 11:
says without, faith, it's impossible to please, God, and that He that comes to, God, must first believe that He is a Rewarder of them that diligently seek Him.
So, faith, is definitely a cornerstone of worshiping, God. If you don't have, faith, you won't be able to access any of the promises that He has for you. Faith, is definitely important. Probably I would say the number two thing.
Love is number one. The bible says that these three things,
Faith, Hope and Charity, but the greatest of these is charity.
So our love is definitely first; but, faith, is very important as well as number two.
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Myrna – What do you want someone that reads your book; “A Higher Place of Worship” walk away with when they finished the chapters and close the book?
Tricie – I want the listeners or the readers of my book to walk away with
A profound sense of getting back to the original blueprint of worship – where it all began without all the lights and the smoke during, praise and worship.
Without all the eyes, without everybody watching you, without your pastor actually seeing you raising your hands and when nobody's there to see you pray when you have the microphone.
I want them to know that a real relationship with, Christ Jesus, is possible outside of church.
To walk away with knowing how to hear the voice of, God.
People to walk away knowing that when you access, God, through, worship, that your life won't be the same.
No matter how long they've been with, God, in a relationship that they can have a more profound sense of knowing, because God is all-knowing. When you walk with Him, there are things that He can show you. I believe each day of your life as you live, no matter how old you are living there's always room to grow in our relationship with, God.
Also, I want them to walk away knowing that they have access to God no matter who they are.
I want them to walk away knowing that, God, wants them to be stretched with, worship. They can actually get to a place that they never thought they could get. We are supposed to actually have a very intimate relationship with God. It's not just for pastors or for teachers; it's for all of us as believers.
We all can hear the voice of God. Yes, that's what I want everyone to walk away with.
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That's good and beautiful. The book is available on Amazon Kindle. I can be reached on Facebook at the remnant page of my ministry page. Also they can reach me at “Tricie Graham” on Facebook as well or either Triciegraham@yahoo.com.
I want to remind you to watch us on YouTube. To subscribe to the channel so that you can watch this program as well as listen to it. If you're listening on iTunes. I would love you to post a review and to subscribe. I would also like to invite you guys to join my private Facebook group which is called “Life Coach”.
In order to make permanent changes in your life, the first question you must ask is, who am I? This question allows you to understand yourself and why you came into this body.
As a, Life coach, I want to share with you a , life coaching session, Life Coaching Part 1: Who am I, from my 6-week Life coaching workshop.
We can never become who we were meant to be unless we can first recognize who we are by asking the question, who am I.
To know thyself is to grow thyself
So let’s dive right in.
First a little about, who I am.
I am a certified, Life coach, specializing in Mindset and consciousness. In 2012 I wrote my first book “Becoming conscious, my awakening” because I started to understand, who I am. In this episode I will take you through the process of discovering Who you are, be asking the question, who am I.
If you like this content please share with your friends and remember to rate, review and subscribe to the podcast. Thank you
Life coach Myrna Young, who am I
Who am I, What are my deepest and truest values?
Your deepest values are the ones no one can move you off of. Your deepest values are the ones that if not met, hurt the most. Your truest values are the ones that make you cry.
Your deepest value could be that you would never hit your child. You were abused as a child and you vowed never to hit your child; but you get married and your spouse believes in spanking. He or she believes the bible that says spare the rod and spoil the child. So, your spouse spanks your child. It hurts you so much that you are forced to file for a divorce. Irreconcilable Differences!
Another example to find out, who am I, could be that you were brought up that nice girls do not have sex before marriage. It is a deal breaker in all your relationships. Your dates either leave you or they cheat on you; but you can't bring yourself to have premarital sex. It is one of your deepest and truest values. As a result, you are single and unmarried at 40 years old.
Your deepest values are found by asking the question, who am I. It could be about how you feel about charity. I never pass someone on the street begging. I feel it is a blessing to have a dollar to give. My husband on the other hand, feels that everybody can find a job, and only the worthless people stand at the corner and beg. That is his deepest value and this is mine.
Your deepest value could take the form of image and by asking, who am I. You may be willing to endure a passionless marriage if it gives you status in your community. There are lots of big houses with white picket fences that house very unhappy families.
One of my deepest values was on domestic abuse. My ex-husband slapped me and I divorced him. Simple as that! My value took the form that I would never become a battered woman. I didn't have to ask the question, who am I. I knew that if he hit me once he would hit me again. My daughter was 5 years old at the time. Most women would have a value in giving their children a family with a mom and dad. But mine was more self-centered. Nobody should judge your deepest values. They are yours. You must know them and accept them. They make you who you are. A unique being!
Who am I, do I believe in One True Love?
Your truest value could be found by also asking, who am I. How do you love and receive love?
Do you believe that you could only love one person and there is only one true love for you? What happens if you get a divorce or your spouse dies? Does that mean that love is over for you?
How do you receive love?
I heard a story once about a woman who would ask her husband every day if he loved her. He would say of course I love you honey. Yet she did not believe him and would ask him again the next day. She felt love by how much attention she received from her husband. As her insecurities grew she required more and more attention. The marriage ended in divorce.
Your deepest value could be on why you feel you are on this earth, in this body. Do you take the time to consider your purpose and your legacy?
Who am I, What are my preferences and priorities?
Who am I, What kind of house would I like to live in.
What country would I like to live in if I had a choice. Do I prefer beach front, mountain view or lots of trees and greenery? Visualize yourself sitting on the porch of this house.
Who am I, how do I like my men? Do I like them tall, dark and handsome? or am I looking for the spiritual connection and don't care what form the package takes?
What kinds of music do I like? What kinds of music transports me to a good place?
What are my preferences during sex? Do I like it with the lights on or off?
What forms of entertainment do I prefer? Do I like the movies, going dancing or staying at home with a good book?
If I didn't have to work, what would I do?
Who are my priorities in Life? Do my children come first, my spouse or God?
Do I make healthy eating and exercise a priority or do I never have time to get to it?
Who am I, What genuinely makes me happy?
I love walking in the park and listening to podcasts and books about successful people in life.
I love listening to the rain and the sounds of the ocean.
Ask yourself , who am I, and put your list of preferences on paper.
Who am I, What are my subconscious patterns and ways of reacting?
How do I react when I feel rejected?
Do I seek revenge?
Do I get even or do I eat a pint of ice-cream?
How do I look at the world?
Do I see abundance or do I see scarcity?
Do you feel jealous when your friends get a promotion or find love?
Are you glad for them or do you secretly hope they fail? No judgment just understanding.
Who am I, If you are happy for your friends, you are attracting abundance into your life. If you are jealous, you are saying that there is not enough to go around and you feel they have taken your share. So, you have a spirit of lack and that will not bring you abundance.
Who am I, What are your triggers?
Ask yourself? When do I pick up the phone and call my old lovers?
Is my trigger when I can’t get my lover on the phone and I think he or she is cheating on me?
I am one of those people who don't bear malice. That means that I get angry for a few days and then I forgive. Unless it is the third time. I have a 3-strike rule!
As a Life coach, I ask my clients, what do they fear?
This is an important workshop. Fears are bottom feeders. Fears keep you at the tail and not the head of the table. If you have fears, you must face them and replace them.
Fear can also keep you bound in a bad or abusive relationship.
Here are some common fears:
Do you fear getting old?
Do you fear being alone?
Do you fear being homeless?
Do you fear getting fat?
Do you fear your spouse would leave you?
Do you fear losing your job?
Do you fear death?
Fear is an energy. Thoughts are the most powerful energy force in the universe.
Thoughts can be either positive or negative.
Heading up the rear of negative thoughts is fear.
It is the bottom feeder or all the emotions.
When you live in fear, you feel bad all the time.
If you allow fear to linger in your body and in your mind. It will not only attract the thing you fear the most into your experience; but it will also bring disease to your body.
All diseases can be traced back to negative thoughts and emotions.
Negative thoughts transform your body into an acidic state.
In fear mode your body is activated in the fight or flight mode.
Your body tenses, your breathing is shallow, your heart palpitates, your blood pressure is elevated, your hands and body sweat.
Not a good place to dwell.
Today I want to teach you how to use positive energy to clear the negative energies of fear. But first I want to touch on one of the spiritual laws of the universe. i.e The Law of Sowing and Reaping.
We all know of the physical laws like gravity.
Some laws are physical and some are spiritual and quantum.
Understanding the Law of Sowing and Reaping can change your world.
Understanding that whatever you create it in the spiritual world will manifest in the physical world.
Put another way means that whatever you plant in your mind you will manifest in your physical world.
Just like planting an apple tree.
In the spiritual world,
The soil is your mind.
The seeds are your thoughts.
The water are your actions.
And the sun is your feelings.
If you allow fear to dwell in your heart and mind every day you will manifest an apple orchard in your reality.
Energy flows where attention goes.
Whatever you focus on expands.
Everything is energy and all energy attracts similar energy.
You can't put out negative energy and expect positive results.
You can't plant apple trees and expect oranges.
Likewise, you can't focus on what you fear and produce a successful result.
If you are constantly thinking of the things you fear, you are planting a seed and based in the universal law of reaping and sowing it must germinate.
The mind or consciousness is connected to reality.
Think of something strong enough or long enough to and it will eventually manifest in your reality.
These are six words you must stamp on your mind.
“You become what you think about”
When you realize that your mind is a garden you will begin to plant only the things you desire.
So, write down something that is opposite of what you fear and start giving it the same attention you have been giving your fear.
Since light conquers darkness it will eventually have your fear for lunch!
This means whatever you fear you will attract. So, if you fear being alone that is what you will be, alone. If you fear your spouse will leave you, be prepared for that reality. It is very very important to replace your fears with your desires.
As we wrap up this episode, let’s recap
Ask yourself these questions:
Who am I?
What are my deepest values. What do I care about the most?
What are my preferences and priorities?
Who and what is important to me?
What makes me happy. What images make me cry?
How do I react to things or people who hurt me?
What do I fear the most?
As a certified Mindset Coach, I have designed a 6 Part Coaching program that starts off by bringing clarity to Who You Are because that is how you show up in your personal interactions.
Are you a single woman hoping to, find your soul mate? What about your, twin flame, who is your mirror, soul. Science says that when you meet your Life partner, some thing magical happens. In this blog we look at what happens when two, souls, with constructive energies meet?
Listen to the full interview here:
In our last episode my co-host and I looked at what, single women, need to do to get their house ready for love, where to look for love and what to look for when you are starting over after divorce or death of a partner.
Today's episode of the Transform your Mind Radio Hour is sponsored by Columbus Financial Coach. Are you in a deep hole of “Financial Depression” with nowhere to turn for help? Constantly being harassed by collection agencies? Then visit Columbus Financial and success coach. www.columbusfinancialcoach.com
Introduction
How to, Find your Soul mate, the Science of Attraction
In the last Blog post, I shared how I met my husband on a train. I am going to use this personal story to illustrate what happens when two strangers or, souls, meet for the first time.
As you may remember from Chemistry class, every atom and molecule gives out and absorbs light. The human body is made up of 50 trillion cells composed of atoms and molecules. So we are massive bundles of energy giving off and absorbing light or energy all the time.
When two energies come together they become entangled, the first step to, find your soul mate, is constructive energy.
When two energies are in harmony, the result is called, constructive energy, because it increases in size. That is why you should grow as a person when you are in the right relationship.
We call this, “good vibes” very important when you are hoping to, find your soul mate.
So let's look at what happened when I met my husband and our energies became constructive!
I walked onto a train and he was standing by the door. I looked fine, mini skirt, sunglasses, designer bag over my shoulder, so I caught his attention. He caught my attention because he was the first black officer I had seen on the train.
On be known to me my second Chakra or energy center in charge of communication sent him a signal because he tells me he felt this warm feeling in his body. He had never felt that before. Let me put a pin here and explain.
Our bodies are made up of seven energy centers, called Chakras. Each of these energy centers are responsible for certain functions. I know that my second Chakra located below my navel is my communication center and it is responsible for engaging a mate by sending out signals when it finds a compatible energy so you can, find your soul mate.
My husband could also be my, twin flame. After 14 years of marriage, I do believe we are mirror souls. What Is A Twin Flame? Sometimes discussed in terms of a “mirror soul” or, soul connection, a, twin flame, is the other half of your, soul. It is theorized that a, soul, can split into two after ascending to a high frequency. Thereafter, the, soul, lands in two different bodies.
I must have also received something from my husband's energy center as well because my thoughts lingered on him. I was curious. That was all that it was for me at that time. Curiosity. I was not actively looking to, find a soul mate.
But I have heard men say that the first time they saw their wife they knew that she was the one. There is such a thing as love at first sight! Have you heard Steve Harvey tell his story of when he met his wife and, how he found his, soul mate?. I don't think he was actively trying to, find your soul mate. But there she was. He was doing stand up comedy and she walked in late with her girlfriends, and he couldn’t stop staring at her. In fact he couldn’t even continue his act. He told her right then that she was going to be his wife! Believe in compatible energy, it is real.
Anyway, back to my story. Because our energies entangled and we both got, good vibes, we looked to further the communication.
The, Soul mate Connection, is Immediate
Another pin. That is why we shouldn't chase men. if you guys have, constructive energy, or, good vibes, they will reach out. We are hard wired to mate. It is all happening without our conscious thought. Your soul is looking for it's, twin flame.
So my husband searched for me on the train every day until he found me. I noticed him sit behind me for a few mins while he got up the nerve to come talk to me. We talked for about 30 mins until I got off the train at my stop. I will confess that I was not impressed by the conversation. He cursed like a sailor. I think that men who curse in front of women have no respect; but when I got off the train my energy body told me that it had made a, soul connection.
I had this incredible feeling of euphoria! My stomach was doing somersaults. I knew right then that we would have a relationship. I knew right then that I had found my, soul mate, This is how you, find your soulmate, you listen to your body.
Three months later he proposed we were married 8 months after. That was 13 years ago and we are still in love, compatible energies!
Soul mate Meaning
This is an example of the science of two, compatible energies, something we have no control over. That is why you have heard people say we have no control over who we love. You can't pick your, soul mate. The science of attraction brings him or her to you.
Your, soul mate meaning, two souls joining together to perfect each other.
On the other hand when your energy is not in sync with other, we get, bad vibes, not your, soul mate. The energy cancels each other out and instead of feeling euphoria you feel depleted.
Energy is your most important reading as a single woman looking for a mate. Ever heard the saying that someone is like an anchor, you can’t thrive since you met them. Pay attention that means that you are not expanding, you are contracting or stuck.
Illustration the Science of, Attraction, the bad vibe
Rhonda met this great guy at a bar. The guy was gorgeous, absolutely delicious. He pursued and seduced her and they started, dating. They had a great time together but something didn’t click. He was kinda, sorta vague on his explanation about everything.
It took about three months of, dating, this guy for Rhonda to discover that he was still living with his daughter’s mother and another 6 months to understand that theirs was an on and off relationship. He would never under any circumstances spend the night, saying that he did not want his daughter to wake up and he was not there. This reminds me of Whitney Houston’s married relationship in Waiting to Exhale!
This is when Rhonda realized that a married man is a married man. They can string you along forever. They can tell you anything. She decided to breakup. The breakup was mutual but she wasted at least 2 years on a relationship that was going nowhere when if she had paid attention to her, bad vibes, she could have saved herself from heartache.
Reading energy is the most important data in the, dating, world.
Be careful of Psychopaths while looking to, find your Soul Mate
Have you ever met a psychopath? Or been in a relationship with one? They are masters at reading energy.
We are all broadcasting a frequency of our most innermost thoughts. That is how a predator picks out his prey.
That is how a mugger chooses his victim.
Animals also know how to read this energy. A lion picks his prey from a flock. He reads the vibration of the weakest prey.
I am sure everyone on the planet is aware on some level of the Art Kelly crimes against teenage girls and women. How do you think he chose his victims? Women who would allow him to disrespect their bodies and lock them up in a room and have to ask to go to the bathroom and ask to eat? Some said that he didn't feed them for 3 days, yet they didn't leave. As one of his victims said in an interview. If you were weak minded, he wants you. You could be a teenager or a 30 year old woman!
Science of, attraction, reading vibrations when looking to, find your soul mate?
Synergistic relationships are based on both individuals being on the same wavelength, when they completely understand each other and don't try to limit the space they occupy in each other's lives.
I read an article that stated the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. The examples used was if you train two Belgian horses together, the effect is multiplied: together, they can pull 32,000 pounds. Two horses, doing the work of four, even though it seems to defy physics. Often, in a positive relationship, you’ll find that synergy is already happening.
How can you increase that by finding harmony, in acknowledging individual strengths and how they work best together? For example, I love to shop; but I don’t necessarily like to cook all the time. My husband, will send me a list of all the items to pick up the grocery store and he will cook. I then just have to do keep the kitchen tidy and get the family read to enjoy his great cooking. It works for both of us.
In regards to signs women should look out for in predators, Robert Hare, one of the world’s foremost experts on, psychopathic behavior, believes that people need to know what to do in the event they find themselves involved or associated with a predatory psychopath.
Here are his tips on How to Avoid being targeted by a predator when trying to, find your soulmate:
Be careful of props—the winning smile, the promises, the fast talk, and the gifts meant to deflect you from the manipulation and exploitation that may be occurring. Any of these characteristics can have enormous sleight-of-hand value, serving to distract you.”
Anyone who seems too perfect is. Psychopaths hide their dark sides until they get their target person deeply involved. Too much flattery, feigned kindness, and cracks in grandiose stories should provide clues and put you on your guard. Make reasonable inquiries.
Know yourself—or you might be vulnerable from your blind spots. Predators know how to find and use your triggers, so the more you realize what you tend to fall for, the more closely you can guard against it.
The second stage in the Science of Attraction, is Chemistry
I know you have heard this word thrown around all the time. For example the dating sites match people up by common interests; but they can't manufacture chemistry.
Let's get back to my husband for a minute.
I just shared all about the our first meeting and about us having good vibes but if we had no chemistry we would just become good friends.
Here are the Chemicals released by love that is responsible for Chemistry:
Dopamine – Lights up your pleasure center. Your pleasure goes up when you are near or think about this person. Your motivation goes up, Now you are thinking of that nice house and 2 kids! Your sadness goes down, if you were depressed, you are now happy.
I know you have heard the saying love is blind. It is true. Dopamine make you more attractive to your mate and since we are on this planet to procreate, your sexuality goes up! I am sure you have heard or have personal data that new lovers do it all the time!
The second chemical that is released in love is Oxytocin – Oxytocin is responsible for trust. Your level of trust goes up, and your attachment goes up. This is probably why your girlfriends can’t figure why you are going out with a player; but you don’t see it until your heart is crushed. The psychopath uses this one to his advantage.
Finally Serotonin is released. – This hormone is responsible for all the pain attached to love. Serotonin goes up and you become obsessed with your lover. Love is a chemical addiction!
Thank God I have only had one experience with an over abundance of this hormone.
I met one of my boyfriends at a club and it was an instant attraction. I fell hard. I swooned when he called me baby the next day!
Less than 2 months after we met, we made plans to spend the New Year in Jamaica. He left before Christmas but I wouldn’t leave my kids for Christmas so I made plans to meet him in Jamaica after Christmas. It was the longest week in my entire life. I literally looked at the clock the entire time. I was an addict! I however did not, find my soulmate.
Arifah what can you lend to this conversation from a social worker perspective?
Wow, Myrna glad you spoke about the hormones. I always talk to my clients about increasing their Oxytocin through touch, such as a hug, holding hands, a kiss. Everyone has a sensitive area on the body that causes arousal when touched, whether sexual or just to feel good. It’s important in a relationship to know what your partner likes and does not, to give each other compliments and share tips on how increase synergy between each other. It’s important to always reminisce on moments, like when you first met, knew you were in love and what you admire about one another now. All of this, helps build connection.
In general the most salient characteristics for chemistry between two people are mutual interest (reciprocal candor, reasonableness, intimacy,
Remember you have an open invitation to join this group to get answers from the group on any of your struggles in life.
Question from Velma: I would like to, find your soul mate, but most men in my age group 60, want a traditional woman to cook and clean and a man to think for her. I’m not a traditional woman and I’m tired of pretending to be helpless. How do we as women maneuver in a world of the insecure man?
My answer – be both cake and ice-cream. Sometimes you are soft like ice cream and sometimes you are in charge and embrace your masculine energy and be cake.
What’s your answer Arifah
Keep doing what you love and make yourself a priority to level up.
Question from Elizabeth:
Should I be looking to, find your soul mate, of just someone to keep me warm at night?
When you are in your fifties and you have to start all over dating, do you date to find a husband or should you be okay with someone to keep you warm at night.
My answer- Someone to keep you warm at night. Women over 40 have a very slim chance of finding a husband, but you can definitely, find your soul mate!
What’s your answer Arifah?
Its up to you, based on what you are looking for in the present. Dating, can work either way, based on what you end up wanting.
Arifah is the Founder and Program Director of Lifted by Purpose.
Lifted by Purpose Provides a diverse range of services to organizations seeking trainings, workshops or programs with the intent to engage youth in conversations about mental health and learn practical strategies to cope with life stressors. Including:
Anger Management
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Located at 180 Shaw St, suite 201, Toronto, Ont. Phone # 416-391-5270
Additional Resources for, How to Find your Soulmate
We all know that there's a lot of, tension, right now in the world. We can't even just say America because this is a global pandemic. There's a lot of uncertainty so living with, intention, relieves stress.
A few weeks ago I was looking at these large groups and wondering If I would ever again be comfortable at a concert or a parade with thousands of people? Will our consciousness around this, tension, be changed forever?
Listen to the full interview
Introduction Intentional living in the Tension
So how do we traverse this, tension, with, intention? We shouldn't always just react, we should have some, intention.
Meanwhile, one of the things I also want to mention is, intentional living. Some people are have the, intention, to live intentionally. The people who practice, intentional living, are called, minimalists. What, minimalists, do for intentional living is they intentionally live with few possessions. They do that because, intentional living, with only the items that support your purpose, is one of the ways to live with, intention. So, minimalists, are saying “we don't need all this stuff, we're getting rid of all this junk and we're going to practice, intentional living.
Minimalists, made me remember or think about the tiny homes movement.
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Thane Marcus Ringler, is a former professional golfer turned speaker, writer and development coach living in Denver Colorado with his wife, Evan. Thane's mission is to help others live and work better. He's passionate about speaking to the journey from the journey and is striving to empower this generation to take ownership of their lives and never settle for less than they're capable of.
Thane is the host of the “Up and Comers” show – a podcast all about the process of becoming and, intentional living, while sharing stories from other inspiring Up and Comers. Find out more about Thane and his work on, intention, in the, tension, by visiting him on the web.
Alright, I'm going to digress a little bit from the normal start to my interviews, because, I love your podcast the Up and Comers show because I love stories. Stories are a good way to teach as you said; you do stories on, living intentionally. Do you follow the format of the American life podcast? They perfected storytelling and became the first popular podcast.
Thane – Thanks for asking. It's been a really fun journey of about four years now. Obviously when you do something for that length of time, it changes a lot as you do it. It kind of shifts and iterates into different forms; but ultimately it was mirrored off of similar shows like the Tim Ferriss show or even the Joe Rogan experience. In that, they're long-form interviews that are more of a dance than a system, with the length of time being on average with interviews around 90 minutes.
It allows someone's story to really be told. People that are, living intentionally, like you said earlier, in this, tension, because I think that is the big difference between, intentional living, and maybe normal living.
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Myrna – Yes, I love hearing how we can do, intentional living. Whether it's intentional for personal growth which is basically my, intention, learning something every day and not to be reactive, living intentionally.
Thane – Everyone does have a story to tell and I think those are really fun to hear from other people mine. I grew up in Kansas, the Central heartland of America and ended up going to California for college, spent about 10 years out there in LA. Vastly different cultures just socially and interacted with a lot of different peoples within that timeframe. I did play golf.
My whole life I was an athlete and competitor; I ended up getting to play about four years professionally, that was a really neat journey. I felt very blessed to have that opportunity in the second half of my career when I faced that injury that repeated about five times over a year and a half that sidelined me for a lot of it. That was very frustrating; but also diversified my interests.
During that time, I started the podcast with a buddy of mine. Thereafter, I started on my journey of writing the book that you talked about last time. From Here to There was my first book and that was really about the experience of playing golf. My whole life in a high level taught me about how to pursue excellence in any field and then from that I kind of went on building a speaking career and pursuing more opportunities as a speaker.
That was a really neat adventure. This coaching practice has kind of been the main focus outside of professional golf for the last three years, working with individuals on personal and professional development.
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Using the power of intention to get unstuck in life
A lot of times that involves three types of people:
People who are stuck and want to get unstuck.
Some who are transitioning or starting something on the side and want help with finding the right path to follow or even the feedback that they need to hear on how they can develop to set themselves up for success.
Then, finally people who want to level up in their work or in their lives and need some extra accountability and objectivity to do that.
That's been a really fulfilling process for me, I help people live with, intention. Playing golf I was more focused on myself and not other people. Most recently, this year I got married at the start of COVID and moved to Denver where my wife and I now live, and that's been a really sweet transition even though so much change is going on in our world. We've definitely experienced a lot of that even personally.
This fall, I'm really excited. In November, the two online courses I’ve been building are going to be finally released and that's been the next chapter that I’m really excited about.
Myrna – So, how does the, power of intention, help when you're stuck, afraid alone like many of us during this pandemic?
One of the areas that you mentioned that you coach is helping people who are in the stuck place in life. I would probably think that most of the people that are coming into the life coaching conversation is stuck somewhere, right?
Well as humans, we all are to some extent constantly either stuck in a circular movement. Usually that means digressing or decaying in some way where we're growing, we're moving forward and there's really in between there's no sitting on the fence in the middle of those two sides, at least not for very long. I like to think, as humans, I think our natural default if we don't make a choice is to go down the path of least resistance and not live with, intention.
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So, if we don't choose, living intentionally, we're going to be going downhill. Our brains are designed that way. In order to go upstream or the path of most resistance, we have to have effort and, intention, which is ultimately discipline. Discipline is effort, and, intention, is saying “I’m going to choose to go upstream and I’m going to put forth the effort to do so by rowing or whatever the illustration”.
I struggled with this idea that in practicing, there's a practice and performance mentality. I think this would be helpful for what we're talking about. Here, the practice mentality is saying “I’m going to hold myself to a higher standard with, intention.” I think I can achieve, intention, because of practice. It's okay to fail in practice because, there are no consequences; but I’m going to try to reach a level that I didn't even think I can reach”.
That's good training for, intentional living. When we come to a performance, if we maintain that mindset and we keep failing to reach that super high level we start beating ourselves up – like “Oh! You suck, you aren't good enough, you're never going to get there, and you’re never going to perform.
Thane – What we are speaking about is self-awareness. A lot of times, having a self-awareness to know what we need ourselves – means we need to understand ourselves. I think the three primary tools of self-awareness are journaling and reflecting which is just sitting with a pen and paper. Now looking back on a situation or a day or a moment or our lives and understanding it more clearly. That’s feedback, you're thinking about having a person in your life whether it be a coach, mentor, family member, a close friend or confidant who can help you see more objectively; because we are inherently subjective.
Then there is meditation, just being able to sit in the present moment and remove the distractions that cloud our vision and by using those three primary tools. We get way better at seeing ourselves clearly, so that we can steer ourselves better and live with, intention.
Myrna – Self-awareness and meditation, that's awesome.
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What does it mean to live with, intention in the, tension?
Myrna – When I researched, intentions, what came up was Justin Bieber's song –intentions, he's talking about shower you with my, attention. These are my only, intentions. So, let's dive in and talk about these, intentions, in the, tension.
Thane – The, intention, is really the reason behind what we do. So, intentional living, is just infusing a why, a reason or purpose into our daily lives, our daily thoughts or daily actions. Again, it doesn't happen by chance. We don't default into this, we have to choose it and so a lot of it really revolves around purpose and identity. In the whole phrase, intention, in the, tension, my co-founder of the podcast; Adam Setzer came up with that term.
I think it's just a catchy phrase to show that in life we face, tensions, we all know this very well right now in the COVID 19 pandemic. There are people that are on the one side of the, tension, (always wear masks). And there are people saying, “no don't ever wear masks.” Everyone's at a different place, some are following President Trump saying this pandemic is nothing and it would go away and some people are so fearful, they stay home, because there's a lot of, tension.
So, those are just two myriads are the more permanent or pressing right now; but every single day we have, tension, that we face even from exercise.
Tension during the COVID 19 Pandemic
Try getting married during COVID, like I did. You have, tension, as a newly married couple during COVID 19. The point of, tensions, isn't to pick a side and then just rest on that side. A lot of times with, the power of intention, the best place to be is in the middle, in the gray, in the messy, tension. By choosing a side, we eliminate the, tension, but really that isn't the best place to be.
The best place is to be in the middle. When we're living in the, tension, we have to infuse, intention, and a purpose or reason. Why? So that we can be able to see both sides with some fairness, with some objectivity without camping out and saying okay I’ve already made my mind. I already know everything and I’ve already arrived. That is never true for any of us in life, so a lot of it revolves around recognizing that there are, tensions, and then understanding our purpose and our identity.
Myrna – There's a lot going on right now. Everybody is talking about how divorce rates has just shot up, because people are forced to be together with, tension. There's a lot of, tension, because there's no outlets; but I like what you said, I’m a Christian and I was just finished reading this really fabulous book, Think like a Monk by Jay Shetty and one of the things I learned from that book is that we don’t always get back the love from the people we give it to.
Jay Shetty shared a story when he was in this monk. He's complained to the senior monk that he was giving all this out this service and love and he was not getting anything back. Then, the senior monk told him that a lot of times when you give out love, you don't get it back from the same people but the universe always send it back.
So, we are giving out love to let's say a spouse or children or something and we're expecting it back; but love like Jesus said love your enemy as your friend. You should know that the foundation of the Bible is ALL LOVE. It's not necessary that you’re going to love somebody that loves you. If you love your enemy, then obviously they don't love you back.
So, if you have the, intention, that you're going to love unconditionally and maybe it's will boomerang back to you, even if it's not from this person; but you're going to get it back somehow. That actually makes it easier.
Hope and the Power of Intention
Myrna – What do you think helps us live full of hope and live with, intention, in 2020?
Thane – HOPE, as you earlier mentioned is I believe, readily available for anyone at any time. I think hope is the fuel that comes from just reframing our perspective on things. When your perspective is simply your view of a situation, an object or yourself and guess what that can be viewed from many different places, hope in 2020 as you rightly said is something that more and more people are feeling hopeless.
I think it starts just by reframing our perspective. My book “Catalyst for Hope”. It's really just talking about four catalysts or four simple perspectives that I’ve found to unlock a lot of hope in my life.
We can always do this and it’s very simple. The fact that we are all in process that has not finished yet, is not over. We get to keep going forward and we get to keep moving. We still have a choice and a chance to live, breathe and do work in this world. Be a part of the change we wish to see.
In conclusion
Myrna – Tell us about your online courses, you told me you have two of them. One is “Growing Self-awareness” and we have talked about that, which is great. Another word for Self-awareness is “Consciousness”.
I thought I heard something the other day about one of those books – Think like a Monk that he mentioned, that consciousness is the biggest way to live with, intention. I mean it's a word that everybody throws around and nobody knows what it is. However, self-awareness and consciousness is like hope. What I mean is, if you practice it and you live in it, then it's the biggest thing that you can do in your life.
The other book title is “Developing Discipline”. Of course, as a professional golfer discipline is big. Discipline is the most fundamental component of being a good leader. Meanwhile, being a good leader starts always with self leadership, you have to be able to lead yourself well before you can lead others.
Thane – I'm all about growing self leadership for myself and for others. These two courses, I believe are going to help with self-awareness and discipline being fundamental aspects. In the two courses, what people can expect is they're both eight-week courses and so it's self-directed meaning – if you want to go faster or slower, you can.
I recommend eight weeks and that's how it's set up because it gives us enough time to really put these things into practice. Then thereafter, start shifting our identity and the way we see ourselves with these things so we can start saying I'm not just pursuing discipline, I am a disciplined person and that's the shift that we want to make in those eight weeks.
Are you on a quest to, find your purpose? It is the only way to find fulfillment and the secret to happiness. Dr. Ken Keis shares six holistic approaches or benchmarks in your quest for, purpose.
Intro to our topic:
Dr. Ken Keis, is a highly sought-after author, speaker, trainer, podcast host, and TV and media guest. His latest books include: Why Aren't You More Like Me?, Deliberate Leadership, and The Quest For Purpose.
A story on how to find your purpose
So many people listening have been trapped down a pathway that was really sort of conditioned from their background. I woke one morning and asked myself if this was what I wanted to be doing in 20 years from now, and the answer was no. So, I immediately took action. I decided to quit farming and hired a coach to help me figure out what I wanted to do in life. My, quest to, find my purpose, began. What was my purpose in life? The answer, to help others to live, lead and work on purpose. This is the question to, find your purpose.
My coach passed away from cancer many years ago now, and I just took his process and then added and enhanced it. Basically it was a self-discovery narrative and an interactive sort of process to, find your purpose.
What are the six Holistic approaches to, find your purpose?
A lot of times what happens people don't realize their, purpose, because the question is too big. It's overwhelming and what we're trying to do here is get people to fine tune all the components of their life to go to the next level.
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So let's go through these benchmarks to, find your purpose.
1. First Benchmark is, Personal Style, CRG is an assessment company. In our quest to, find your purpose, one of our assessments is called “the personal style indicator.” We believe that we are all born with a certain Personal style. Not right not wrong and we develop and we change and we mature in life but our personal style never changes. Myrna is the same Myrna from 10 years ago. In other words Myrna can wake up in the morning and still count on Myrna being Myrna.
2. Biophysical Influences, like Health concerns, physical and mental disabilities. The statistics of North American health is that 75 to 80 percent of people are unwell at some level and another 50 percent are diabetic or pre-diabetic. So there's no way if I am thinking of, finding my purpose, if I'm sick. I don't have energy, I have chronic fatigue syndrome, I have immunity disorder or whatever is going on. 90 to 95 percent of all illness is lifestyle related. In my quest to, find my purpose, I need to take my body and treat it well. If I have a racehorse and I don't take care of that racehorse and then try to have it win the Kentucky Derby, it’s not going to happen.
3. Self-worth – What you think of yourself. We have another assessment called “the self-worth inventory” to, find your purpose, our confidence levels highly influence the decisions we make or not make. So maybe you actually have an idea of your, purpose, but you don't have the courage to step into it.
4. Environmental systems – Schools , workplace, culture. We are a product of our environment. If I grew up in Florida versus LA or New York, Toronto or Vancouver versus Afghanistan, I'm going to have a different perspective on life and possibly a different path to, find my purpose.
5. Social Teachers – Parents, teachers, pastors As a kid you you very curious. You watched how your parents interacted, they're teaching you how to treat others. The songs you listened to there's now linkage towards violence and video games. In your quest to, find your purpose, be aware of what you’re letting in, who you’re working with, who are nurturing your personal relationships.
6. Emotional Anchors or triggers – Divorce, physical and verbal abuse, death of a loved one are all triggers. Any kind of event in life that causes either positive or negative associations becomes a trigger. Every single person listening or reading has triggers. You had an event in life that creates an emotional response. This goes back to a trigger that has been anchored, in many cases these triggers are subconscious. In your quest to, find your purpose, you don't realize your, purpose, because you’re angry. You can also have unforgiveness. You have not really released yourself of this traumatic event. I had my girlfriend when I was 21 years old murdered by a friend of mine. If I didn’t let go of that event from 1982, it would affect me forever.
7. Spirituality, – This is a bonus because it covers everything. We are spiritual beings have a human experience. All of these seven benchmarks, come together to develop the whole person. They are essential in our quest to, find your purpose. That's why developing all these areas is critic to finding your, life purpose.
Spirituality, is also consciously spending time developing yourself. It is a fact that you create your world. Most of us believe that we are product of circumstances; but if you believe that you actually can design and create your world, that's what you will create. So yes, spirituality, the spiritual part of you is very important to, finding your purpose.
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Very powerful conversation with Dr. Ken Keis. Dr Keis is the author of “The Quest for Purpose” A self-discovery process to find it and live it!
To listen to the full episode, download on iTunes, Google play, Sticher, TuneIn radio, iHeart radio.
To quickly summarize, Dr. Keis gave us seven personality development models called benchmarks, that can help you in your quest to, find your purpose, we talked about personality style, we talked about wellness and stress and how it affects how you show up in life, we talked about, self-worth and self-confidence. How that affects what you go after. We talked about the, environmental systems, where you were born and what your parents expect you to become. We talked about, social teachers, the news and our, emotional triggers. If something bad happened to you a lot of times, people can't get over it. This event hijacks them and it controls most of their thinking.
We talked about, spirituality, which is all-encompassing because we are spiritual beings and what we believe, has one of the most predominant effects in your quest to, find your purpose.
As a Business Coach, I kept getting clients who kept hitting a plateau with, business strategy. They hired experts to help them figure out the right business model, to surpass this plateau or ceiling; but they kept hitting this ceiling, nothing was working. It reminded me of my own, capacity, issue.~~~Lisa Fabrega
In this interview I speak with to Lisa Fabrega, leadership coach on the topic It's not your, business strategy, it's your, capacity.
Listen to Full Interview
Introduction to Capacity
Myrna – What I love about this topic is references one of my favorite quotes
You are the Lid! You can only go as far as your, capacity, for growth.
So the headline It's not your, business strategy, it is your, capacity, for growth resonates with me.
Lisa as a Business coach, How did you stumble on the concept that what's was holding your clients back was not their, business strategy, or goals but their, capacity?
Lisa – Great question I stumbled upon this concept very early on in my coaching practice.
I was actually was a health coach working with clients on nutrition. I noticed from my first couple of clients weren't talking about food, instead it was their, capacity, was the focus.
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My clients were very ambitious and had already achieved a lot and yet they were hitting a plateau or something wasn't working anymore. They couldn't figure out what it was even though they were very smart people, so they'd throw a bunch of, business strategy, at the problem.
When, business strategy, didn’t work, they would hire experts to figure out the right business model, to surpass this plateau or ceiling. But they kept hitting this ceiling, nothing was working. It reminded me of my own, capacity, issue.
Four years ago I had a, capacity, issue. My coaching packages were sold out, I had a huge wait list. I was overwhelmed with requests and I didn't have the, capacity, for it at the time. One thing I always say to my clients is if Oprah called you tomorrow, are you ready? Do you have the, capacity, to handle that influx of new business?
I thought this must be a, business strategy, problem instead of diagnosing it correctly that I had a, capacity, issue. I couldn't hold handle or receive what was coming my way on many levels, so I went and invested a ton of money in a new, business strategy, and a funnel and I ended up a hundred thousand dollars in debt.
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Myrna – I would make the same decision. I immediately would think I needed to add more staff or something that's probably what you did right?
Lisa – I added more staff, I hired a huge expansion team, I started a whole new funnel! It was the most stressful year of my life because I did not sleep that entire year. I was so stressed out about the money and the debt.
After doing some real deep self-reflection about what actually caused that problem, I started to noticing my conversations with my clients who also had, business strategy, issues. I realized that It was not a, business strategy, issue but a, capacity, issue.
Myrna – Obviously you need, business strategy; but you also need the, capacity, to get there; so how did you transition your clients to look at their, capacity, not their, business strategy?
Lisa – I realized that there are six areas of, capacity. I drilled it down to six because everything kind of falls under these, capacity, areas that we tend to struggle with as ambitious and successful people.
Money capacity – What’s your, money capacity? Score yourself from zero to ten. Are you earning enough, saving and investing larger and larger amounts of money every year? If you answered No, then ask yourself why not?
Visibility capacity – visibility capacity is your ability to allow all of you to be fully seen in your work. So many people hide little bits of themselves from their brand and from their clients and then end up with a misalignment. A lot of my women clients who come to me and tell me they're drained, it's not that they're overworked or have the wrong, business strategy; the burnout is not because of that, it's because they're hiding these parts of themselves and it's so exhausting to have to constantly hide and not be transparent.
Purpose capacity – purpose capacity is when your inside matches your outside. Your, business strategy, is lined up with your true purpose. You can’t start a business just because it has the potential to make you lots of money. Your business must also line up with your values and purpose.
Embodiment capacity – embodiment capacity is your emotional, spiritual, mental and physical capacity. If you were to get up on a stage in front of a thousand people and it drains the life force out of you to the point that you're exhausted and have to recover for two days, you have an, embodiment capacity, issue. If somebody leaves a nasty comment on your Instagram post and you are just like freaked out and hiding for two weeks, you have an, embodiment capacity, issue.
Structural capacity – I call this also your foundation capacity. What are the foundations that are holding you up or lifting you up to your next level? What systems or, business strategy, do you have at home, or at work to hold you up?
Boundary capacity – boundary capacity is about being clear about who you are. It's not just boundaries with other people, it's boundaries with yourself; because sure you could work 10 hours today but is actually going to serve where you're going? Should you instead get some rest? That's setting a boundary with yourself.
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How to Expand your Capacity: your New Business Strategy
Myrna – What can women do to expand their capacity for growth, wealth and success?
Lisa – It starts with knowing how they score on the six capacities.
It will tell you what the real problem is because the biggest roadblock we experience when trying to expand our, capacity, is that we misdiagnose the actual problem.
If women don't get clear and score themselves in these areas, they might think they have a structural issue or a strategic issue and don't realize that it’s actually a, money capacity.
Why does our energy level affect our Capacity
Myrna – One of the things I wanted to ask you about is this, embodiment capacity. You said we can subconsciously drain our energy and power thus lowering our, capacity; explain that a little.
Lisa – I think that some of the ways that we unconsciously drain our power is through what I call emotional labor. Women particularly do this a lot and that's actually part of an, embodiment capacity, issue. I have a great example. One of my clients told her husband would ask her every week after she would put the towels away, where's the such-and-such towel and she'd say “it's in the closet with the towels” and he would say. “I don't see it” and she'd have to walk over to the closet and the towel would be right there.
This went on every week until she told him she was not doing any more emotional labor, that he can find the damm towel himself, she was no longer going to get up from what she was doing to find the towel for him.
This is a great example of tiny ways that we do emotional labor without realizing that we are being drained. These little leaks, I call them little power leaks leave you exhausted. You wonder why you're exhausted and burned out and it has nothing to do with your, business strategy, we have to be mindful of our energy. It’s being drained from emotional labor with our family, friends and even clients.
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Myrna – So true, women especially the care-giving kind of woman are always doing things for other people and then they emotionally drain themselves and then they don't have the energy to do anything for some themselves which is why the self-care movement is becoming so popular.
If you're emotionally drained, it limits your, capacity, we can't operate within our full capacity if our battery is drained.
Four keys to unlock Capacity: Your New Business Strategy
Pleasure – pleasure can be whatever it means to you, it could be taking a walk in the park, it could be taking a break, getting in the tub, getting some nice smelling lotion and rubbing it on your hands. Making sure to have those pleasure breaks because it’s like refueling your tank. Allow your, business strategy, to be your best self.
Eat Whole Foods – According to Ayurveda, it is very important to eat foods that are natural and pure for their full benefit to be absorbed by the body. When foods are as close to their state in nature as possible, that's when they deliver the most potent nutrition. Foods that have been genetically altered, processed or refined have much of their natural intelligence stripped from them, disturb the intellect and the coordination and lowers our, capacity .
Manage stress levels – We live in difficult times. Stress and anxiety, whether caused by time pressures or difficult work relationships, stress can have a significant negative impact on mental performance. A calm mind, serene and centered in its equilibrium, is unquestionably superior in terms of focus, attention span, retention of knowledge and problem-solving ability. It is important to manage stress before it becomes a severe problem, because stress has been known to damage or destroy brain cells, and many prescription pills for anxiety can have side effects that can further erode mental performance and, capacity. a new, business strategy, manage your stress.
Get adequate, quality sleep – Related to stress is the other plague of modern society — lack of deep, restful sleep. With diet and lifestyle, sleep is a fundamental pillar of increasing your, capacity. Optimal physical and mental performance is impossible if sleep is not addressed. Getting eight hours of sleep is less important than striving for quality sleep, which occurs when the mind is totally disconnected from the senses. Quality sleep recharges and rejuvenates the mind, improving both short-term and long-term mental prowess as well as your, capacity for growth.
Myrna – I understand that you have a capacity in crisis virtual workshop.
Lisa – First of all I have an amazing free gift for your listeners. To get your Free Gift head over to my website at www.lisafabrega.com.
You can also sign up for my newsletter it’s actually an entire video series that I call the, capacity conversations. It's like binging on Netflix except you get to binge and expand your, capacity, instead of numbing your mind.
You get a series of free videos that walk you through all the capacities and help you diagnose what your capacity issue might be holding you back.
Myrna – I want to introduce a contest this week. The prize is a gift card from one of our sponsors hbnaturals.com. One of you lucky listeners will get this $25 gift card for subscribing to either the Transform Your Mind iTunes podcast or subscribing to the Transform Your Mind podcast Youtube channel. Once you subscribe send me an email to info@myhelps.us with your contact information and if you are the winner, you will get this gift card to purchase any of the products on hbnatures.com coffee, skincare products, tea, CBD oil, super-foods, essential oils, pet products and more.
I want to invite you all to join my private Facebook group called life coach, this group has lots of life coaches giving daily inspiration and tips to live your best like now.
