Protecting your Child from, Sexual Abuse, in your Own Home

As mothers we must be vigilant and protect our children from predators; but most of us do not think we to protect them from, sexual abuse, from their own fathers. Maralee McLean share her story of her 12 year battle to protect her daughter.

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Welcome to the Transform Your Mind blog and podcast, I’m your host coach Myrna Young and today I am speaking with Maralee McLean. Maralee is going to be talking to us today about her experience with, sexual abuse, from a parent. This is a very personal story for Maralee and I applaud her braveness and her transparency.

I’ve spoken several times on the show and this blog, of my , sexual abuse, as a child. I wrote a book about my story “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” So what I hope to do today is help Maralee bring awareness to, sexual abuse, in the home by family members.

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This nightmare became real for Maralee McLean, and her book “Prosecuted but not Silenced” details it. The entire narrative of “protective mothers”, mothers who have to share custody of their children with dangerous, abusive men; defies belief. People with background knowledge of the plight of protective mothers will recognize many themes of Maralee’s story- Woman falls in love with a “nice guy” who turns violent, uses the divorce to unleash a previously unimaginable level of cruelty and violence, and a court system so blinded to this evil and to the needs of children, they facilitate it. But for those who still find Maralee’s story beyond belief, there is almost a hundred pages of appendices providing the actual documentation mentioned in the chapters of the book, as well as background on issue.

Out of the Snares of , sexual abuse

• This book deals with child, sexual abuse, It’s impossible to write a book about child, sexual abuse, without describing child, sexual abuse, there are some concrete and medical description of child, sexual abuse, Readers easily triggered by that should skip through those descriptions, but by no means should they not read the book.
• In some ways, this book is the strongest testimony to the mother-child bond I’ve ever read. It’s also a testimony to why that bond should not be broken capriciously, and why a system that does, cannot be tolerated. This book deals with how our society is willing to sacrifice children on an altar of egos and ideologies. And it illustrates why that must stop.

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There’s lots of these cases today of protective moms that can’t protect their children, so that’s one of the reason I’m telling this story. I had I’ve been married to a, Domestic Violence abuser, and I really got out of my marriage carefully. Before we got married there were no red flags or books out there to tell you about these kinds of men. I thought a woman had be physically abused for it to be domestic violence. I didn’t understand control and emotional abuse and psychological abuse. I suffered all those abuses. I tell young girls today, especially in college, if they see red flags, run because if they marry that guy and have a child with him, you’re in this for life because that child will be possibly abused. I not saying, sexual abuse, but abuse in other forms.

My red flags were that he would be a perfectly nice guy and then his eyes would change in an instant to scary evil looking eyes.

We were married for many years before I had a baby but once I divorced him, there was a lot going through the divorce in itself. I mean I was stalked, emotionally abused, some physical and psychological. He would write editorials to the newspaper about our divorce and they would print them and they not even true.

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When my daughter was a baby her father did not want anything to do with her but once she turns like around 2 years old, he started wanting to see have visitation. This one time on a visitation our two-year-old daughter was wearing this little pink dress, her long dark hair was in a ponytail, her little blue eyes that danced and every one on the street literally stopped me to talk to her and I say her sweet she looked. I dropped her off at her dad at 4 pm for a 3 hour visit. When I went to pick her up about 7:00 pm that evening, I knocked at the door and there was no answer. I thought well that’s weird. I knocked again, still no answer. Finally he comes to the door and I saw my daughter’s clothes are strewn all over the living room floor. He goes upstairs and brings her down the stairs. She was covered in sweat and limp in his arms. Her hair was matted to her head. I asked him what the heck happened to her, my gut pulled tight. He said she got sick. I said well that’s funny because she was fine a few hours ago. I got her clothes together got her dress and got her out of there fast; but I at that point I never would dream he would, sexually abuse, his daughter. I always thought he’d be the greatest father that was one of the reasons I’d married him. I never saw any indication of, sexual abuse, or anything like that in him before this. I thought well she just got sick at his place.

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Later within maybe three months or so after that incident, my little girl discloses, sexual abuse, to the daycare provider and to myself in detail. No child could possibly come up with that on her own. She was 2 and a half. I called my sister who was a nurse at Children’s Hospital and I asked her what to do. She told me to ask her again in the morning and see if she repeats it. Don’t mention her father’s name and then take her to her pediatrician, so that’s exactly what I did and she I repeated the same, sexual abuse, to me and to her pediatrician. The doctor notified social services and that’s when my nightmare began!

Social services set up supervised visits and he was the perfect father. Then one day I met The Guardian Ad litem, which is a lawyer for the child. I go into this room and they had other social workers there and the father and she interrogated me like nothing I’ve ever seen on TV. Why would your daughter continue to say, sexual abuse, if you weren’t coaching her?

I said have you talked to the babysitter who spent quality time with my little girl? She had been on the case for 3 months and she had not met the babysitter.

She said this is, parental alienation, I didn’t even know what, parental alienation, meant at the time. This is a term I’ll bring up later. She says this child going into foster care. She already had a foster care home lined up before she even talked to me. I am beyond belief. Her father and I are not even living together. They were going to put my baby into foster care and totally traumatize her. She’s never been away from me. I’m the sole caretaker. But I held it together, because I knew if I emotionally went nuts the would say I was not a fit mother.

After they took my baby, I lay my head on a desk and cried as if my soul was just ripped out of me. Then I drove a hundred miles an hour to Dr. Baker’s office. I walked in with my makeup all over my face. They just took my baby from me, you know the truth, fight for us.
It took me 12 years to get my baby back.
Click the link below to listen to the rest of this powerful story.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7atnnDykwb0&t=405s

Additional Resources
https://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-overcome-the-pain-domestic-violence-child-molestation/
https://blog.myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/313252392_Prosecuted_but_Not_Silenced_Courtroom_Reform_for_Sexually_Abused_Children_by_Maralee_McLean
https://stopabusecampaign.org/what-is-a-protective-mother/
https://stopabusecampaign.org/campaigns/custody-court-crisis/custody_court/parental-alienation-syndrome/

What are the, Secrets to Success,? Here are my 10 Secrets

I do believe that success leaves Clues, As a successful Author, Life Coach, Realtor, and Radio Host, these are my, secrets to success,

My story is probably similar to a lot of people that reached success. Most successful people start off with nothing and I was no exception. Today I am sharing my story on the , secrets of success, podcast with Dr Ken Keis.

I was born in a British Guyana, which is in South America. We have a Caribbean culture, so we consider ourselves part of the Caribbean Islands; but we’re really South American. When I was born Guyana was very poor country, it still is a Third World country. Both my mom and my grandmother were domestic servants and we didn’t have much. My Dad taught me at a very early age the value of education to elevate ourselves out of poverty. He was very smart. When I was born he was in Teachers College and went on to get his PH.D in in London in his early thirties.

I’m submerging myself right now in in in the book “The Biology of Belief” by Dr. Bruce Lipton and I’m understanding from Dr. Lipton, that genes give us 50% of our character and the other 50% comes from the environment we grew up in. Looking back I can say that as a child, because I was the first born I was marooned in love so, the environment that I grew up in, kind of nullified the poverty thing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mp49uQgIBbM&t=331s

I also believe that I’m highly favored. I still see it still every day of my life; but I also got some good breaks. One of the first good breaks is that I had was a very wealthy Godfather. He showered me with a lot of gifts and a lot of love. He ended up also sexually abusing me but I never really focus on that because I’m not a victim. The, sexual abuse, started when I was 10 years old or so and living down the street from him. I was at his house all the time because he had grandchildren and we would play together. I spent most of my time at his house and then when my mom moved to Canada when I was 11, my grandmother and my siblings moved into one of the rental rooms on his property. So I was like right there. This continued until I was about 13 years old and started liking boys.

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As a 13 year old girl I noticed I was different from other girls. 13 year old girls were virgins, they never had sex until they started going out with boyfriends. I wasn’t a virgin! Sexual abused, children don’t know that what someone is doing to them is wrong. I did not know it was wrong. My Godfather was considered a family member per se, and I loved him. So at 13 years, I started on my first, secret to success,

#1 I decided I needed respect. I decided not to have sex with boys, because I did not want them to know I was not a virgin. Using my podcast title, I transformed my mindset from being a victim to becoming respectable and started on the first of my, secrets to success,

A story like this that affects you for your entire life until you transform it, until you see that a lot of good people have have a lot of bad things happen to them. If you look at the bad things all the time, it keeps you stuck in the past.

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#2 of my, secrets to success, is You have to rewrite the story of your past and start writing the story of your future.

God gives you a test, so that you can have a testimony. In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” I talk about coming out of the snares of poverty, out of the snares of, sexual abuse, people can have out of the snares of addiction, people can have out of the snares of rape. I wasn’t raped so it’s a little different experience. Somebody took advantage of
my innocence, using their wealth to capture my heart. It happens all the time. Pedophiles, I can spot them in a minute now, because I been through that.

#3 of my, secrets to success, An abundant mindset – I consider that having a wealthy Godfather who gave me everything I wanted, one of my breaks and, secrets to success, even though it came with the, sexual abuse, attachment.
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I immigrated to Toronto, Canada at 17 years old. I immediately got a good job at a bank with no experience. After a couple of years, I decided to go to college. Canada is a country with lots of benefits. I was able to go back to school for free, Unemployment insurance from my job paid for my schooling. I graduated with a degree in computer science and I decided to go to sell computers because I understood that that’s where the most money was.

#4 Unleash the power within. was definitely one of my, secrets to success, A couple years into selling computers, I got my 4th of my, secrets to my success, Tony Robbins impacted my life! My story is all about favor. My company was given free tickets to a Tony Robbins seminar. Unleash the Power within. I came out of that seminar and I know now looking back is when I started my consciousness or my awareness journey.

Tony Robbins talked about unleashing the power within and I came out of that seminar at changed woman. I immediately went about starting my own business. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, so I looked it up in books. I decided to become a Limousine Operator. I took that limousine business to one of the top female owned operators in Toronto. I even won the Entrepreneur of the Year award. Then I wanted more. Whenever you achieve a goal, you start on the next goal because the goal is never the ending place. Life is the journey. I would come to Las Vegas every year at the limousine Convention and I thought that the America was where it’s at. America was where all the limousine operators were rich.

I started dreaming of coming to America! I applied for a Free trade agreement visa and set up a branch office of my limousine service in Miami.
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Then the needle moved again. I no longer wanted to live in the USA without the benefits of becoming a permanent resident, so started my journey into becoming a permanent resident and citizen. That wasn’t without a lot of trepidation and failure. It took me ten years and three marriages. I wrote about it in detail in my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement, pick up a copy. It reads like a suspense thriller!

#5 This is my fifth of my, secrets to success, never give up. It took me ten years but I won. I became an American citizen. I’m married still married to my third American husband and we’re doing great things together.

Sometime after that, I saw this newspaper article about a, Life coach, I had never seen or heard that word before; but I knew immediately that is what I was supposed to be.

#6 That is my 6th, secrets to success, be open for guidance from the Divine or your Higher self. You have to live consciously to be in communication with your spirit guide. I know now that the things that we see and the things that we pay attention to, is the universe speaking to us and directing us to our purpose.

#7 I acted on this vision. This is my 7th of my, secrets to success, Action. My next step was to get certified, so I enrolled in University of Miami coaching program and got my, Life coaching, certification.

About a year after becoming a, Life Coach, I received an invitation to be a guest on a radio show and talk about my , secrets to success, The show was aired on WDJY 99.1 Metro Atlanta. Hype Media Global owned the station and they loved my personality and my content and offered me my own show.

# 8 That’s the 8th of my, secrets to success, Jump in and learn as you go. I had to learn to interview, I had to learn to produce my show and then learn how to convert it to a podcast.

I am now a Life Coach, Realtor, and a Podcast Host.

So to recap, one of the first, secrets to success, is to not become a victim. A victim has no power. A victim mentality says that somebody did something to me and that person has the power over you. Instead you need to become as a Player. When you are a player, I use the analogy of a blackjack game, regardless of what the dealer is showing, regardless of where you are and your circumstances right now, regardless of what you see physically in front of you, you can still play to win.

That is basically one of my first conscious decisions and definitely need to included in the list of my, secrets to success, Before I even got into transforming your mind or anything like that, I just knew I wasn’t going to be a victim. I’m not going to carry my story to my grave. Somebody did something to me and I looked for the lessons in that story. I look for the positive and what I gained from that situation instead of what somebody took from me. That transformed into my relationships. I don’t bear malice or grudges. If my spouse cheated on me, I give him to right to follow his desires. I could then make my own choices.

Some women hate their spouses because they cheated on them or they did something to them and become bitter and dried up and they take that hate to their graves. When you forgive then you are able to transform yourself.

They say unforgiveness is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die.

#9 Another of my, secrets to success, is that I’m into meditation, and I’m into energy, and I’m into vibration. I’m into having a vision and designing my life and being as a the co-creator in my world. Not just letting things happen to you and you have no control.

My vision is that I want to become the top Podcaster. I’m not going to sit back and not do anything. I work my ass off, every day. I put a lot of energy into this vision because where attention goes, energy flows!

# 10 of my, secrets to success, is to transform my mind, I encourage everybody that’s listening to this podcast or reading this blog, to look at what beliefs and behaviors are not serving you and replace them. It is not easy because most of us live unconsciously, but awareness is key.

Look for the opportunity in any setback. I’m an optimist. I am not sure when this started, but I’m an optimist. Optimism is listed as one of the six foundations to, secrets to success, Anytime something happens to me or I receive any kind of push-back, I look for the opportunity in it. What I’m talking about is, transforming your mind, you know that’s the reason I became a full-time coach. I was working for Office Depot and Office Depot and OfficeMax merged and they fired me and gave me a great severance package. I had worked for Office Depot for ten years. With that severance package, I started my own business and went into it full time. I never looked back. I had co workers who wallowed in self-pity. What am I going to do? How am I going to find a job at 50 years old? Cry, cry.

I heard Oprah say it a different way. The sun is always there even when the clouds are covering it. The sun is still shining underneath, you just can’t see it. Always look for the silver lining, if you look for it, you will find it.

Live your life with intention. Intention is energy, it’s thought. Before you do anything, it first has to be a thought in your brain.
Before you can hold anything in your hand you first have to hold it in your head.

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Additional resources:
https://www.success.com/4-secrets-of-insanely-successful-people/
https://www.wanderlustworker.com/what-is-the-secret-to-success-in-life/
https://blog.myhelps.us/become-life-coach/
https://blog.myhelps.us/9-love-out-of-the-snares/
https://blog.myhelps.us/are-you-trapped-by-your-past/

What is Systemic Injustice Immigration?

Today I share my personal, immigration, story and highlight, systemic injustice immigration, in the USA. I am willing to help, undocumented aliens, apply for, permanent residence, in the USA. I am recording this episode a few hours after God touched me and inspired a core part of my being to help with, Systemic injustice immigration, I know that God touched me because I couldn’t stop weeping. I know that our emotions signal our true self.

From the moment I started worshiping God this morning during praise and worship I was plugged in. I felt reverence, I was reminded of what God has done for me in this life. He has brought me a mighty long way. Then my pastor Dr William Glover from Mt Hermon Ministries in Fort Myers, FL began his message.

He said that today he was going to teach on the difference between personal evil and systemic evil. He explained that the evil that we do personally is usually between us and God. The husband who is committing adultery is hurting himself and his wife; but it does not affect his neighbor. Then there is systemic evil. The kind that affects entire nations, cities and certain races or classes of people like, systemic injustice immigration, is affecting the lives of a nation of families.

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What is Systemic Injustice

Pastor Glover gave us an analogy of, systemic injustice. Let’s say that a farmer got inspired to get him a slave or slaves. He is then able to turn a bigger profit because his labor costs are low. The farmer in the next town decides that in order to compete with this farmer,  he also needs to get him a few slaves to bring his labor costs down.

Soon all farmers have them some slaves and they write a law that the slaves are considered property and it is legal to own slaves as your property the same as purchasing equipment for your farm which is, systemic injustice. These farmers feel there is no sin in treating men and women as slaves and property because it is legal.

These slave owners could go to church and tithe on the profit from their plantation and feel that all is right between them and God because ska very is legal. The system and laws says that it is okay to treat the negros like they treat their animals.

Pastor Glover went on to share several scriptures on what Jesus felt about injustice and specifically systemic injustice immigration,

In Exodus Jesus teaches that strangers or Aliens should be treated the same as the citizens once they abide with the laws of the land. In Exodus the bible also teaches that a multitude of all kinds of people were delivered into the promised land. We could say he was talking about, systemic injustice immigration.

Systemic Injustice Immigration in the USA

Catholics and Bishops pray for Families entering the USA

Catholics from around the country will spend the coming days protesting the Trump administration’s treatment of families entering the United States illegally and learning more about challenges facing these migrants. A number of protests will take place this weekend and a group of bishops, including the head of the U.S. bishops conference, will visit the border early next week.

Dr Glover finished his message talking about the current, systemic injustice immigration, climate in America. You know the Trump administration no tolerance, immigration, policy. He shared two stories, one I was familiar with and the other was one he witnessed.

He shared that he was in court once and was listening to a case in which a young man from Mexico who was living in the USA for over 20 years who committed a crime and was put on probation. He completed his probation and received a letters stating he had completed stating this. He decided to move out of state to Minesota to be near his family.

While in Minesota he got married had 3 children, had a good job making $60,000 per year. ICE tracked him down and arrested him for leaving the state. Apparently his probation had nothing to do with him, immigration, case. He pleaded his case to the judge stating it was an honest mistake ;but his pleas fell on deaf ears. The judge obviously played by the rules and the law states an offense was committed. The punishment was deportation, systemic injustice immigration, This young man was sent back to Mexico.

Deportation feeds the Systemic Injustice Immigration Problem

Then he talked about this case that was all over the news. This woman came into the country illegally 20 years ago. She married an American, they have 2 beautiful daughters, her husband served 3 tours in the army, yet she was deported. Apparently ICE arrested her from a routine traffic stop and she and her husband has spent over $20,000 in legal fees to no avail, systemic injustice immigration.

The law said that she committed an offense and the punishment was deportation. Separation from her husband and family and the country she has called home for 20 years. That is, systemic injustice immigration.

Now I saw this woman on the news, I saw her daughter curse President Trump. The network bleeped her and my only response was why didn’t her husband sponsor her? I asked my husband if, undocumented immigrants, could not be sponsored and he did not know; but today something different happened to me when I heard this story in the presence of God. I identified, I emphasized, I felt her pain.

I understood what my pastor was talking about, systemic injustice immigration, I was Transported back to my story. I was grateful to the core of my being that my story turned out different. I wondered why? Why was I given favor? What did God want me to do? Then I received my answer. God wanted me to use my platform to help with , systemic injustice immigration.

I have an audience of over 50,000 per month on the radio. I have a #1 iTunes podcast, I have a blog that got over 150,000 hits this year, I write a monthly newspaper column for the Community Press in Fort Myers, FL. I have a best selling book called “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement.” God has given me a platform to Help with, systemic injustice immigration. God has given me a purpose and that is the Help by offering hope and encouragement. How do I know this?

My Immigration Story

Listen to my story:

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-awaken-to-your-souls-purpose/

https://blog.myhelps.us/are-you-trapped-by-your-past/

That is an unbelievable story right? That was why I couldn’t stop weeping in church today. I have walked in the shoes of the families being torn apart

https://blog.myhelps.us/8-find-your-passion-it-is-your-burning-bush/

Now I can Help with, Systemic injustice immigration

I wondered why that mother who was an, undocumented alien, did not apply for permanent residence after 20 years in the USA?

There is one of 2 reason:
1. Fear
2. Lack of Knowledge

Let’s talk about fear. I was there. I used to dream that the, immigration, police would knock on my door in the middle of the night arrest me, put me in handcuffs and throw me in the trunk of the car. Fear is false evidence appearing real. If you are illegal and you fall in love you can get your husband to sponsor you.

If you are already in the country, you don’t have to leave while the application is pending. Be prepared for the fraud interview, but you have nothing to fear if you are legitimately married and living together. Even if you have to leave the country for a few years, it is better than living in fear for 20 years.

Fear affects your immune system and make you a magnet for infectious disease; because it activates your flight or fight response

Knowledge: You don’t know how to complete your 1-485 application to adjust permanent residence and you have no money for a lawyer. This is how I can help. I created a guide book years ago. I used to sell on my web site. I will mail this book to you for free. This guide gives you the forms to complete if your marriage occurs inside the United States and the forms for if the marriage occurs outside the United States.

It gives you step by step instructions to complete forms I- 485, form I- 130, form I-765, Form I-131, Advance parole letter, form I-864, and form I-693
I would even pay the shipping free of charge. All I ask in return is for you to subscribe and review this podcast if you find this information helpful. For anyone listening who wants to join this fight for justice and want to join with me either as a sponsor or as a free service send me an email to info@myhelps.us

You will also access the links for iTunes, google play, iheart radio and other players on my blog as well.
Remember justice for life, Life for Justice

Additional Resources

https://www.usa.gov/deportation

 

Keep Your Vision in Front of You

Keep Your, Vision,  in Front of you – Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of, vision casting.

In OUT OF THE SNARES, MYRNA BERNADETTE TROTMAN shares her story of child abuse, poverty and her success as an entrepreneur. As a certified, Life Coach, she shares ten undeniable resources she used to help her achieve success and live the American Dream. This inspirational and motivational book will help you to reach your potential and achieve new levels of success in your life. Get these ten principles based on biblical principles and Universal Laws, deep down in your spirit and boldly go in the direction of your destiny:

Principle # 1. Keep Your Vision in Front of you

 

Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of, vision casting.

Like a Blacksmith, you need to keep hitting the Anvil, pounding it daily, shaping your dreams

If you build it they will come

Don’t let life’s challenges knock you off course remember:

“Circumstances does not make the man, it reveals him to himself” ~ James Allen

Man is the Lord and Master of his thoughts and thus is the maker of himself.

In my book “Out of the Snares” I tell a compelling story of my, vision, of America as my promised land. My Land of milk and honey. I kept that, vision, in front of me and kept picking myself up after each failure believing that I would succeed, and I did.

https://myhelps.us/out-of-the-snares/

A few weeks ago I was talking to a young leader, trying to upgrade his, vision casting, skills. I gave him four simple tips about communicating, vision.

1. CLARITY. Leaders must create clarity by narrowing the focus when casting, vision. Everything that can be done in the name of God is not sign at all. It is a sign of undisciplined thinking. The leader’s job is to focus the organization on the core essentials. The more we focus on and clarify essentials, the easier it is to identify and eliminate non-essentials.

2. COMPELLING. Once your goals are clarified, it must be communicated in a way that is compelling. A leader who makes an unprepared sloppy presentation can make an otherwise exciting goals seem boring. Compelling goals produces action. Boring goals produces nothing.

3. COMMITMENT. Casting a clear and compelling, vision, without calling for commitment is a waste of everyone’s time. Real leaders are committed and they call others to commitment. Some leaders are hesitant to demand sacrificial commitment because they are not all-in themselves. Commitment is an example that leaders set, not a message they teach. Leadership commitment is contagious. So is leadership non-commitment.

4. COMMUNITY. Clear and compelling goals attracts committed people. As these people sacrifice for the common, vision, community happens. Trying to create community for the sake of community creates unhealthy ingrown short-lived community. Doing goals together creates strong healthy long-term community.

SUMMARY. As a leader, you are the visionary for your church, ministry, or organization. If you communicate a, vision, that is clear and compelling, if you model and call for commitment, you will end up with a strong healthy community. You will also accomplish your dreams.

Additional Resources:

https://blog.myhelps.us/vision-fails-5-things-can-failure/

https://blog.myhelps.us/ten-characteristics-of-an-entrepreneur-leader/

https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/resumes-cover-letters/leadership-skills

 

Are You Trapped By Your Past?

Self Improvement Book: Out of the Snares

As a Certified a, Life Coach, I know that we can become, trapped, by past hurt. I am trained to help my clients look back at their, past, and find clues for their future. It is not that the, past, equals the future; but that it gives you an indication of how you respond to hurts and disappointments. For example: Do you tackle them head on and fight like Rocky Balboa, or do you fold up like an umbrella like your best girlfriend and let circumstances anchor you in life?

Out of the Snares, trapped by your past
Out of the Snares, trapped by your past

In Chapter 2 of my book “Out Of The Snares” I share with my readers how I responded to a significant childhood hurt, child abuse. I used the analogy of a train traveling to a predetermined destination and hit something along the way and become derailed. That train can no longer continue on to that destination. Once derailed it is finished and we become, trapped.

I made the choice not to let the circumstances of my childhood, derail me. I choose to release, past, hurt. Instead, I chose to look at the positives that came out of that experience and allowed the lessons learned to shape me into the person I am today.
We all have a story, the successful people in life, succeed in spite of their story. I share secrets on how to use your story as the launching pad to fire you up. I teach you how to not become, trapped.

I show how the people that God placed in your life as a child, are there to teach you something. Just as in the story of Moses being raised by the Pharaoh’s daughter until he was ready for God to use him to fulfill his purpose, all the people in your life and your, past, have strategic purposes.

How to Heal, Past, hurts

We all have a mother or mother figure who helped shape us into the women we are today – whether that person is a biological mother who gave birth to us, or a mother figure such as an older sister, aunt, stepmother, grandmother, or teacher. However, the reality is that no matter who you called “mother,” this woman held power over your development throughout your life, and she may not have been the mother you needed. Whether through intentional malice, physical or emotional abuse, or unintentionally through absence or other life circumstances, you may find yourself wounded by her actions — or lack of action. This, past, hurt, influences who you become and how you live, either, trapped, or free.  Releasing, past, hurts stops the harmful impacts that can ripple through your relationships with a partner, children, and within yourself. It stops you from becoming, trapped, by these memories.

The take away from this chapter is that we all have a, past. Some more daunting than others, but under every cloud there is a silver lining. Success in life depends on how you chose to respond to the rain.

Remember that the same rain that causes the flood is the same rain that is responsible for the harvest.

Sponsor The Transform Your Mind Podcast
Sponsor The Transform Your Mind Podcast

5 Ways to Let Go of, Past, Hurts

The only way you can accept new joy and happiness into your life is to make space for it. If your heart is filled full-up with pain from, past, hurt, you can’t be open to anything new.

1. Make the decision to let go of the, past.

Things don’t disappear on their own. You need to make the commitment to “let it go.” If you don’t make this conscious choice up-front, you could end up self-sabotaging any effort to move on from this, past hurt.

Making the conscious decision to let it go also means accepting you have a choice to let it go. To stop reliving the, past, pain, to stop going over the details of the story in your head every time you think of the other person (after you finish step 2 below). This is empowering to most people, knowing that it is their choice to either become, trapped, by the pain, or to live a future life without it.

Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

2. Take responsibility and release blame for, past hurt.

Express the pain from, past hurt, whether it’s directly to the other person, or through just getting it out of your system (like venting to a friend, or writing in a journal, or writing a letter you never send to the other person). Get it all out of your system at once and take responsibility. Blame allows you to stay a victim.  Doing so will also help you understand why specifically you are hurting.

We don’t live in a world of black and whites, even when sometimes it feels like we do. While you may not have had the same amount of responsibility for the hurt you experienced, there may have been a small part of the hurt that you are also partially responsible for. What could you have done differently next time? Are you an active participant in your own life, or simply a hopeless victim? Will you let your pain become your identity? Or will you become, trapped, by it.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

3. Stop being the victim and blaming others.

Being the victim feels good — it’s like being on the winning team of you against the world. But guess what? The world largely doesn’t care, so you need to get over yourself. Yes, you’re special. Yes, your feelings matter. But don’t confuse with “your feelings matter” to “your feelings should override all else, and nothing else matters.” Your feelings are just one part of this large thing we call life, which is all interwoven and complex. And messy.

In every moment, you have that choice — to continue to feel bad about another person’s actions, or to start feeling good. You need to take responsibility for your own happiness, and not put such power into the hands of another person. Release the shackles and get out of the snares of blame. Why would you let the person who you feel is responsible for your, past hurt, have such power, right here, right now?

No amount of rumination of analyses have ever fixed a relationship problem. Never. Not in the entirety of the world’s history. So why choose to engage in so much thought and devote so much energy to a person who you feel has wronged you?

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

PODBEAN

4. Focus on the present.

Now it’s time to let go. Let go of the past, and stop reliving it. Stop telling yourself that story where the protagonist — you — is forever the victim of this other person’s horrible actions. You can’t undo the past, all you can do is to make today the best day of your life.

When you focus on the here and now, you have less time to think about the past. When the past memories creep into your consciousness (as they are bound to do from time to time), acknowledge them for a moment. And then bring yourself gently back into the present moment. Some people find it easier to do this with a conscious cue, such as saying to yourself, “It’s alright. That was the past, and now I’m focused on my own happiness and doing .”

Remember, if we crowd our brains — and lives — with hurt feelings, there’s little room for anything positive. It’s a choice you’re making to continue to feel the hurt, rather than welcoming joy back into your life.

5. Forgive them and free yourself from being, trapped.

We may not have to forget another person’s bad behaviors, but virtually everybody deserves our forgiveness. Sometimes we get stuck in our pain and our stubbornness, we can’t even imagine forgiveness. But forgiveness isn’t saying, “I agree with what you did.” Instead, it’s saying, “I don’t agree with what you did, but I forgive you anyway.”

Download you copy of “Out Of The Snares” today
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B013C71KHE

Additional Resources

How to Forgive even when it feels impossible 

https://blog.myhelps.us/reflection-4-rejection-surviving-mothers-abandonment/

No Fear : How to Live with Courage