In sales, you are the, Bait! Everything you heard is true! People buy from people they like, people they feel a connection to or with people who are like them!
I recently watched the movie “A River runs through it”. I should confess that anything with Brad Pitt I watch with a big smile on my face! Anyway, in the movie Brad and his brother were fishing in this river. Brad’s brother was catching a whole lot of fish and Brad had not caught one. After some time of being a spectator in this fishing expedition, he shouted to his brother, “What are they biting on?” His brother shouted back, “Pimento Bugs”. Strangest bait I ever saw, these bugs had wings! But sure enough, when Brad changed his bait he caught the biggest fish ever! Know your, bait.
1: Use Your Attire as your, Bait, What to wear to an interview.
I will start with an Old Cliché “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” If you are going for an interview or meeting with a customer for the first time; look the part, and that is your best, use the first impression as your, bait.
I went for an interview once at Apple retail Store and I was very confused. Apple, Google and Facebook CEO’s have all made famous the tea shirt and running shoes mode of dress. So I was not sure how to dress; but I decided on a suit. No tee-shirt and runners for me! Better to be overdressed than not get a job because you showed up in tea shirt and tennis shoes.
In the movie “the Pursuit of Happyness“, Will Smith was sleeping in bathrooms and homeless; but he made sure he had one suit that always looked good. That is all you need, one good outfit. What to wear to an interview, It is suggested that for the man the color should be blue, black or grey for a suit. For the ladies a pant suit or an A-line dress works wonders. Looking good is always, bait, to the looker.
2: Your Profile picture is also your, bait
Your profile picture is what everyone sees. Just a picture of your head and face, and they from that they form a judgement, whether consciously or not from your, appearance, In a recent LinkedIn training class, the presenter told a story about how he was about to hire someone for a service, then he noticed that their picture was dark and blurred. He said he decided not do business with them. He formed a judgement that if they could not spend $50 to get a good profile picture, then they could not be successful. You might say that he was too judgmental; but you never know what is costing you business. It is best to button it up and use your, bait.
I personally would never connect with anyone who didn’t have a profile picture, because I made the judgement that they were either not active or not serious. Now I connect because I can offer my consulting services because they need Help! Spend the money to get a professional profile picture and it will pay dividends. Whoever you are trying to attract, your picture is one, bait.
3: The entire package or, appearance, is your, bait.
I could never understand the “shoe shine” concept. Why did men favor going to get their shoes professionally shined until it became a mirror and they could see their faces in their shoes?
Now I understand, those men understood the value of “the entire package”. You can’t show up in an expensive suit, and your shoes are not shined! You can’t show up in an expensive suit and your hair looks like a hippie; you can’t show up in an expensive suit and your car looks like you bought it from the scrapyard. People form the wrong impression and then you have to work doubly hard for them to hear what is “coming out of your mouth”. Your entire package is your, bait.
For men, pay attention to the suit, shirt, tie, hair style, shoes.
For women, pay attention to your dress, your hair, your shoes and your pocket book! Yes, people now pay attention to what handbag you are putting your lipstick into!
4: Your Business card, your Website, and your Printed Materials is also your, Bait.
If you want to convey success, then you have to dress for success.
Has anyone ever handed you a business card that was printed at home on cheap paper? What was your reaction? Did you want to run out and purchase their product? I am sure you didn’t. Or you ask someone who has a service you are interested in for a business card, and they tell you they don’t have one. Not having a business card is one way to be sure that the prospect is not going to bite on your, bait.
I should even add a pin to this scenario. In the movie “the Pursuit of Happyness”, there is a scene in which a salesperson bent over backwards to get a contract with Will Smith to produce his story. He called him several times, he made him an irresistible offer, he tracked him down at the airport and when Will was about to sign the contract and he asked him for a pen, he did not have one! Will cancelled the deal. He felt that a salesperson should always have a business card and a pen if he is worth anything!
I don’t know if you have noticed, but most of the leading roles for movies and television commercials are going to actors who sound English! It is like a “cool breeze” to listen to someone with a pleasant voice. You don’t have to have an English accent; but your volume should be right and your pace should be right. As a Toastmaster, when we are speaking, we are gonged when we add fillers to our speech. Fillers are so, umm, ahh, etc. if you are doing a presentation, erase self doubt by not having too many fillers, your audience won’t regard you as a subject matter expert.
Your, Bait is you! Once you make a good impression and the fish are biting; then you can get on with the business that you came to do, and that is to sell your product or service.
Ashley Bernardi opens up about losing her dad as an eleven-year-old and trying to save his life alongside her mother and sister as he suffered from a sudden death heart attack. She ignored the trauma, grief, and guilt from the horrifying experience for years after being told she was “so strong” in trying to save her dad’s life and attempting to move on. In her 30s, she suffered from a debilitating mystery illness that left her bedridden and unable to care for her three children.
It was then, in a state of despair and hopelessness, that she began to feel the pain and “mess” she had been ignoring – her illness, grief, and trauma – and found the true healing and growth that she had been searching for her entire life. For years, she had pushed her trauma aside to maintain a “mask” of strength for others, yet her feelings came out in other ways – in people-pleasing, alcohol use, in destructive relationships, and eventually, making the devastating effects of her mystery illness even worse.
Authentic Power, teaches us that our darkest hours are disguised as an opportunity to uncover and process, feel, heal, and grow from our mess.
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Myrna: What was your journey to finding your, authentic power?
Ashley: I was so horribly, physically ill. And on top of that had been diagnosed with, postpartum depression, after the birth of my third child, that I was forced, I had no choice, but to sit still and surrender to the pain, the physical pain, but also the mental image, mental, emotional, and spiritual pain that I had been bearing since I was 11 years old. But that’s where the healing happens. That’s where that little sliver of light in all that pain, I felt it, I saw it, I held on to it.
I taught myself how to move through and process all of this, trauma. And here I am today, that’s what my book is all about, authentic power, give yourself permission to feel. And I say, authentic power, because that really starts with accessing the wisdom within by getting still turning off all the noise around us. Finding your own authentic voice of what it is that that your body, mind and spirit are calling you to process. And so that’s where that’s really where the story begins.
Myrna: Yeah, that’s an amazing story. You’re right, when you said that, you hope that everybody goes through the long journey as you. You talked about holding on to your pain, and then having it come out as disease, depression and people pleasing. You got healed from, Lyme disease, and you started meditating and finding the power inside of you.
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So, tell us why, authentic power? Once you start to feel and acknowledge your feelings, how does that transform to, authentic power?
Ashley: Oh, that’s such a great question. So, this really goes into, has anyone asked you a simple question, how are you? We always say we’re fine, right? Usually, that’s not the truth. In that moment. It’s like, well, I’ve got a lot of things going on. So, I think like in society, teaches us to mask our feelings because nobody really wants to know, right?
We have social media, Instagram, where we post all the great pictures of the family. There’s just the lack of truth and vulnerability. And I found that in my own life, I was lacking that truthfulness to myself. And I was lacking being vulnerable with myself. And so, when I got truthful and vulnerable with myself, therein lies my authenticity, which is so powerful. You can actually create by going within and listening to that inner voice.
And you mentioned a couple healing modalities that I use to access my, authentic power. Meditation is one of them. Getting quiet and getting still work for me and so was healing yoga. And then also during my healing process, I discovered something that I call the field framework. Which is a technique for me to really go into those messy and uncomfortable emotions, process them in real time allowing me to move through those emotions, and therefore kind of clearing the space again, for me to access my, authentic power.
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Myrna: So yeah, when you can feel, you become vulnerable and don’t have to be so strong. Women we feel that we should be so strong, it’s a badge that we wear. We love hearing, Oh, you’re so strong. Oh my God. Nobody wants to be vulnerable. Right? They want to be the Superwoman. And you know, women usually are Superwoman, looking after the kids, they’re working, and taking care of their men.
Ashley: I’m so glad you mentioned that. It’s so funny because my original title for, authentic power, was not so Strong, because I really felt not strong, despite wearing that mask of strength for so long. And that’s something that we do in society. I did that before my health crisis, I wanted to look like Superwoman, I was the one that was pureeing the baby food and making sure my husband had dinner on the table every night, and people pleasing everyone around me, except myself.
When I had my own self, my own health crisis, I had to, I had to look at my own self-worth and value my self-worth, not what other people thought of me. And that really stopped me in my tracks. So now, I don’t try to be superwoman at all. I get a lot of help and I put boundaries in place saying. I tell my husband dinner on the table is not happening tonight. I tell my team this project not going to get done today.
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Myrna: Awesome now I’ve read your book, I know that you felt a lot of, guilt, because on your father’s death, because you felt that there’s something that you could have done. So, what was it that you stuffed down for 20 years or so? Was it, guilt?
Ashley: That’s a great question. It was 100%, guilt. I felt guilty because when my dad was actively having a heart attack, I didn’t run to go by his side to give CPR. My mom and sister did, I ran to go call 911. I also ran to the neighbor to get help. So, for so long, I was like, what if I had gone and given him CPR to help my mom and sister? What if I had been the one to do that? There are so many what ifs. As a child I buried that guilt within me very, very deeply. I also buried the, grief.
So before, before my health crisis, which you know, really is was my greatest awakening, I see, Lyme disease, as my greatest gift, and I’m so grateful for it. It allowed me to really look deep and face my, grief.
I never visited my father’s grave, alone. That’s how much I did not want to deal with facing his death. I did not allow myself to grieve. I’m sure there were sometimes when I cried, but in the early days of, grief, it was just straight up in shock. My dad died very suddenly, it wasn’t a slow death, one day he’s there the next day, he is not. So, the, grief, was a very uncomfortable feeling for me. It was very, very scary, and I didn’t want to face the fact that my dad was gone.
And even afterwards, in middle school, and high school, I would have friends come over, I wouldn’t even tell them that my dad had died. They didn’t know my dad had died. They had to ask other people like where’s Ashley’s dad? Oh, yeah, we heard he passed away. So that’s what bearing, grief, looks like. But I can say now, here I am. 27 years later, just this year, because of all the healing work that I’ve done. I visited his grave by myself for the first time ever.
And I’m so proud of myself, because it was just an incredible way to show how far I’ve come, how long the journey has been. And when I did, it was so beautiful. And I found that it is possible to have relationship with your loved ones, even in death. And that’s something that’s very important. I want to stress that I thought that once my father was dead, he was gone, but I talked to him. I pray for him. I visited him, I cried with him at his gravesite.
Myrna: That’s awesome. What does it mean to have, authentic power? How did dealing with your, grief, give you, authentic power? Why do women need, authentic power?
Ashley: That’s a great question too. Therein lies our truth. It’s also about surrendering to your power because I would also stuff down my power. I’ll give you an example. My entire life, I’ve been told that I’m too sensitive. Oh, Ashley’s more sensitive than the average bear. And I thought that being sensitive was a flaw of mine. I feel everything. I’m an empath. I feel other people’s feelings. And I what I learned when I went through my health crisis, when I began to really feel into this emotion was that my sensitivity is my superpower!
It was then I got really quiet and still and listened to that inner wisdom, which is our, authentic power. I use that sensitivity when I’m feeling a little bit energetically overwhelmed. I know that I need to go step away and be by myself for a little bit. I know that I need to go recharge, I know that I can pick up on other people’s, emotions, and so, authentic power, can also help us accept and honor our gifts.
So, for me journaling helps me unlock my, authentic power, but that can also be done in a quiet meditation and walking through nature. This could be done in prayer, too. That is the inner wisdom, that could be from the Divine, it could be from your higher self, or it could just be from that, that within you, which is what your, authentic power, is.
Myrna: Yeah, that’s awesome. A lot of nice little nuggets there. Yes. You know, I’m a meditator, myself, I meditate every morning. Sitting on my meditation cushion, I listen, and I get still.
How did you heal yourself from, Lyme disease? You were bedridden, you couldn’t do anything for yourself. It dropped you on your back. Literally.
Ashley: I’ll paint the picture of what it looked like and then I’m, I will share how I feel. So, this is what it looks like. I mean, for anyone who’s had, Lyme disease, it can show up in so many different ways. For me it went undiagnosed for a very long time and wasn’t diagnosed until after I delivered my third baby.
This is how it started. I believe it was the summer of 2014. I started having symptoms that felt like the flu. I couldn’t keep any food down; I was nauseous all the time. Those symptoms didn’t go away, and it kept getting worse. I had headaches constantly I started losing weight, I got down to the weight that I was before high school. I mean it was very dangerous. I seem to develop a food intolerance to everything I ate. Then I had so many weird things happen, my body would go numb, including my arms and legs. I would have muscle fat isolation so it would feel like I had things crawling on my skin at all times.
I saw so many doctors, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, postpartum depression, you name it. Then when I become pregnant with my third baby those symptoms mysteriously went away and I remember my OBGYN I am saying, pregnancy can do this. It really does turn off the immune system because it knows you’re growing a baby inside you. The day that I delivered my third baby those feelings came right back.
I was sent home from the hospital four days later and it was downhill from there. I remember one time (and this is this was really my turn turning point in the journey) after continuing to see doctor after doctor, nobody could figure out what was wrong with me, the room started spinning and I started blacking out. I lost control my bowels and started Like urinating all over myself.
I just surrendered I said alright God you either take me now because I don’t want my family to suffer anymore or we going to heal together. So, I started the healing process. Healing was the slowest, most excruciating, physical, spiritual, mental and emotional process I ever went through. But I will say that the physical healing was only like 20% of the work that I needed to do. The other 80% came down to me working with energy.
Symptoms of Lyme Disease
Finally, I was diagnosed with, Lyme disease. I was so far off the deep end physically that they couldn’t treat me with just antibiotic pills. I had to have a PICC line installed to my heart. And for eight weeks I couldn’t lift my baby, so we moved in with my in laws. I had I was on the highest dose of antibiotics Rocephin that they use to treat meningitis patients. I had a nurse come to my house, my husband would administer the antibiotic nightly, the nurse would come once a week and change my dressing.
I was not better after eight weeks; the healing took a full year. And this is where I say that, Lyme disease, was my greatest gift, because it allowed me to get still and finally address all these other feelings that had been buried since I was 11 years old. Those feelings of, trauma, and, grief. I learned about the power of, affirmations, and journaling. Every day I would write in my journal as if I was already healed. I would write in my like little book “I am feeling Awesome, my health is vibrant. I am well, I am healthy.” I would affirm it.
I found that journal the other day, the book is this thick of me affirming my health and wellbeing every day. And in addition to that, having a spiritual mentor and joining a church community and sharing my pain with others, being vulnerable and open helped with my healing. I could no longer wear that mask of strength because I was too sick. So, I finally opened up to my friends and loved ones what was happening to me.
Myrna: So, finding that community as well as the power of connection is the path to healing and finding, authentic power. You’ve talked a little bit about your book throughout the conversation. Tell us about your book “Authentic Power.” What is it that you want the reader to walk away with after they closed the book?
Ashley: The book is for anyone who is faced with any sort of adversity in their lives, you know, I described my, trauma. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have to ever experience, trauma, like I’ve experienced, because every single person’s, trauma, looks very different. It could be the loss of a job, the loss of a loved one, the end of a marriage, the end of something.
My book is for anyone who’s looking to provide holistic healing in their lives and learning that these messy and uncomfortable emotions like, grief, trauma, despair, depression, that there could be a reason they might are there to actually teach us something.
I’m a true believer that these, emotions, that we feel on a physical level are meant to be addressed. We have something to learn from every single, emotion. I want my book to teach readers how to become aware of these messy and uncomfortable, emotions, and then get curious about why they are there. Check out Ashley on the web at https://ashleybernardi.com/
Mindfulness, is the practice of training our minds to be, present, moment by moment. When we are, mindful, we are, conscious, of what is happening around us, our environment, our emotions, our reactions, etc. When we are fully, present, or practice, mindfulness, we listen rather than just hear, we perceive rather than just see. Mindfulness, affects everything we do, and impacts every interaction we have with others.
In this episode of 5 mins with Coach Myrna, I teach on the topic of, Mindfulness. Mindfulness, is the art of, being present. It is not as easy as it may seem to become, mindful. As humans we are controlled by automatic programming for over 95% of the time, so remembering to stay in the space of, mindfulness, is also saying to become more, conscious.
Our minds are really good at shuffling between past, present and future, driven by our fears and desires, memories and imagination. Our minds habitually go from reflecting on the past one moment, to worrying about the future at the next moment, with very little time spent on being fully, present. This behavior is so habitual that we don’t even realize that we are not, present.
For some people, mindfulness, is primarily a way to enhance health or performance. For others, mindfulness, is a tool for self-exploration. And for yet others, mindfulness, is part of a spiritual path, a way to develop insight into the human condition and freedom from suffering.
Regardless of the motivation, scientists find that practicing, mindfulness, is associated with changes in the structure and function of the brain as well as changes in our physiological responses to stress, suggesting that this practice has important impacts on our physical and emotional health that are worth exploring.
Mindful, action is connecting the body with the mind. Yoga is one way we connect our bodies and mind through movement to release stored stress and trauma. Mindful Breathing, is regulating our breathing to shift the way we feel, so we can better regulate our emotions.
Mindful Centering, is being aware of what you are thinking about as you think it. Becoming conscious of your thoughts and then using the breath to keep your focus in the, present moment. This allows you to center back in the, present, and breathe when the mind moves into the past or the future.
Focused attention is another, mindfulness, technique. This technique uses the breath to anchor the mind and maintain awareness. Focus your attention on the breath — specifically the rise and fall of the chest — and return to the breath whenever you get distracted or notice your, mind, starting to wander.
Mindfulness Meditation, is an ancient Buddhist tradition that focuses on clearing your, mind, and stillness. You can think of, mindfulness meditation, as training for your, mind, in the same way exercise trains your physical body. Just as there are different workouts you can engage in to get your body fit, there are different types of, meditation, you can practice to sharpen your, mind. One of these types is, mindfulness meditation.
Like its name suggests, mindfulness meditation, involves becoming more mindful of the breath and the sensations in your body as you focus on your breathing. When thoughts come to the forefront of the, mind, you let them float away like colored balloons being taken away by the wind. You do not analyze the thoughts or let them take you into the past or the future, you simply let them come and go without being judgmental about them or trying to figure out what they mean.
Your goal is to become, mindful, of the, present moment, and how your body responds to these thoughts. This allows you to ultimately become less reactive to or overwhelmed by what you’re feeling — particularly when it comes to things like stress and anxiety.
While, mindfulness meditation, may have once seemed like an esoteric practice that only monks or the highly spiritual did, it has now become mainstream. Everybody now knows of the measurable benefits of, meditation. Meditation, has undergone numerous clinical studies that are cluing scientists into the very real benefits this practice has. As it turns out, meditation, is officially great for your, mind and body.
When it comes to the science behind, meditation, different studies have investigated its relationship to a variety of different health conditions. While research remains ongoing, so far, there’s demonstrated evidence that, meditation, may promote an array of positive health effects, including:
Lower blood pressure in people who are at risk of developing high blood pressure
“Help with psychological distress, anxiety, depression, anger/hostility and coping ability,” according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
Potential diminishing severity of irritable bowel syndrome symptoms after at least eight weeks of practice
Mindfulness meditation, doesn’t only change our, mindset, and perspective, it actually can change the shape of our brains. Generalized neuroimaging, meditation, studies found that 8 weeks of, mindfulness meditation, also changes our brains, rewiring them towards more positive thoughts and emotions.
Your ability to relax has a profound effect on your bodily functions, and the relaxation, meditation, leads to can lower your blood pressure, improve circulation and lowers your heart rate. You could see less perspiration, less strain in your breathing and lower levels of stress hormones in your body.
One of the biggest benefits of, mindfulness meditation, is mental. Being, mindful, can reduce your stress levels and anxiety and make you feel more relaxed. Regular, mindfulness meditation, becomes a tool you can use throughout your life to boost your mental and physical wellness.
For many people, meditation is a, spiritual practice. It can allow you to feel closer to God and more connected to your faith. This transcendent state feels otherworldly.
Meditation, may also help kids learn to become more grounded and stable. You should begin practicing, mindfulness meditation, with your kids. Children benefit from the act of relaxing and concentrating. Practicing, mindfulness, can help them with their emotions, stress, anxiety, and feelings, just as it can for adults. Life is full of new feelings for children, and you may see an improvement in your child’s wellbeing after introducing, meditation.
People, meditate, for different reasons. While some do it as a religious practice, others practice for, self-development, a better sense of clarity, or just being still and hearing God. Many hope to feel more balanced and relaxed by lowering their stress levels. Whatever your reason, start by trying a few techniques to see which works best for you. Remember to give it time and have patience.
Many who start, mindfulness meditation, give up because they can’t quiet their minds, but like I said earlier a technique is to let the thoughts come and go, don’t fight them because the more you resist, the quicker they come back. With practice, you will be meditating like the, Buddhist monks, in no time.
Conclusion
So start your practice of being, mindful. Pay attention to your environment, the sensations in your body and start seeing the benefits.
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 mins with coach Myrna. I invite you all to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach for daily life coaching tips and strategies to live your best lives now.
For the soul, spirituality, is how it chooses to evolve through physical life. While we are incarnate, pursuing our, dreams, we can follow the path to, fulfillment. We are both the source and the recipients of the gifts of the Universe and God.
Spirituality, and awakening is natural. The process is similar to waking up in the
morning and opening your eyes to the light. Your light is personal to you
expressing your inner vision.
Dreams, come true by merging your inner and outer life. We all have wishes and, dreams, to fulfill. For, spiritually, to be valid, it must be useful in bringing, fulfillment.
There are seven levels of, fulfillment. When you are fully connected to the light of being, which is the light of the self, your light shines beyond all things on earth, beyond the highest heavens. This is the light that shines within you!
1: The level of Pure Potential – We are in our essential state pure, consciousness. Pure, consciousness, is pure, potential energy. It is the field of all possibilities and infinite creativity. When you discover your essential nature and know who you really are, in that knowing itself is the ability to fulfill any, dreams, you have; because you are the eternal possibility, the immeasurable, potential energy, of all that was, is and will be! One way to access these, spirituality gifts, is through the daily practice of silence, meditation and Life Coaching.
2: Fulfillment, from Giving – Your body, mind and the Universe are in constant and dynamic change. Stopping the circulation of, potential energy, is like stopping the flow of blood. Whenever blood stops flowing, it begins to clot, to stagnate. That is why you must give and receive in order to keep wealth, affluence, love, respect …or anything you want…Circulating in your life.
I practice not only giving to God, but, giving to the homeless, and everyone I meet. It could be a smile, a compliment or a prayer. The most powerful forms of giving and, spirituality, are the non-material. The gifts of caring, attention, affection, appreciation and love are some of the most precious gifts you can give or receive for, fulfillment.
3: Fulfillment, from Sowing and Reaping – Everyone has heard the expression “whatever you sow, you shall reap”. It is obvious that if we want to create happiness in our lives, we must learn, sowing and reaping. Sowing the seeds that will grow Happiness. Therefore, we must life consciously, making good choices because, the law of sowing and reaping, is finite.
Whether you like it or not, everything that is happening to you at this moment is a direct result of the choices you’ve made in the past, sowing and reaping. You cannot alter the past, but you can make the choice to design your future. Start now with the help of a Spiritual Life Coach. The more you bring your choices into the level of your, consciousness, and awareness, the more you will make those choices which are spontaneously correct for both you and those around you.
When you seek money and power for the sake of the ego, you spend energy chasing the illusion of happiness from material things, instead of enjoying the happiness of the moment. On the other hand, when your actions are motivated by love, your energy multiplies and accumulates and the surplus can be channeled to create anything you want; including unlimited wealth and optimal levels of, spirituality.
5: Fulfillment, from The Desires of your Heart –
The whole Universe, in its essential mature, is the movement of energy and information. You can consistently change the energy and information of your own Quantum mechanical body and therefore influence the energy and informational content of your extended body…your environment, your world… and cause things to happen.
In other words “You become what you think about, most of the time”. The quality of your intention on the object of your attention will orchestrate an infinity of space-time events to bring about the outcome intended. So, never, never give up on your dreams.
6: Fulfillment, from Detachment –
Detachment, does not mean you give up the intention to create your desire. Instead, you give up your attachment to the result. The moment you relinquish your attachment to the result and just believe that it will be yours; you will have that which you desire. Detachment, is based on the unquestioning belief in the power of God.
Detachment, is also synonymous with wealth, consciousness, because with, detachment, there is freedom to create. True wealth, consciousness, is the ability to have anything you want, anytime you want and with little effort. Start creating your wealth. Call for a free consultation
7: Fulfillment, from being on Purpose –
We have taken manifestation in physical form to fulfill a purpose. There is something that you can do better than anyone else in this whole world. There are also unique needs. When these needs are matched with creative expression of talent, there is a spark that creates affluence.
Expressing your talents to fulfill needs creates unlimited wealth and abundance. It is said that “who you seek, is seeking you” my talent is to HELP you in discovering your purpose and fulfilling your destiny by creating awareness, discovering your essential nature, making conscious choices and co-creating for you and your loved ones.
Many researchers have demonstrated that, spirituality, plays a significant role in the lives of people, their thoughts, and behaviors. The effect of, spirituality, on mental health has been reviewed. In order to make further advances in the field it is becoming increasingly important to
(a) acknowledge the differences between the different religions;
(b) develop context-specific definitions of, spirituality, namely define, spirituality, in the context of a particular faith; and (c) construct the studies that will evaluate, spirituality, according to the context-specific measures. This approach will enable us to carry out comprehensive studies of analytical and comparative nature, and generate groundbreaking results in this research field.
A lot of times we become overwhelmed with the challenges we face in our lives. We can do one of two things; we can fold up like a flower at night or we can stand up push out our chest find our, courage, and declare. I was, born for this!
This is exactly what happened to, Queen Esther, in the, bible story.
King Xeroxes threw a banquet and for 6 months he celebrated with wine and food. He invited all the nobles from 127 province that he ruled over to attend this banquet.
In his drunken state he sent for his wife and demanded she appear before him in her robe and crown. He wanted to parade her around and show off her beauty to his subjects. She refused. That sent the king in a rage, and he asked his advisors what to do about her. They suggested he banish her forever from his presence because women all over the Kingdom would follow her and start to disrespect their men.
The king agreed and banished the queen, but now he needed a queen. So, they searched the country for the most beautiful virgins and brought them to the palace to be in the Kings, harem.
How women were prepared before they could sleep with the King
These women were prepared for one year before they were allowed to sleep with the king. In this year their skins were rubbed with the oil of myrrh for 6 months and the next 6 months their body was perfumed. Then after a year they would be sent to the king’s bed and would not get a chance again unless he was pleased with their performance and requested them again by name!
So, in those days the women in the, king’s harem, had to be beautiful smell like a fragrant garden and also had skills!! Wow! This was, life in harem.
Anyway, moving on with the story, Esther, had what the King wanted because not only did she please him and he sent for her by name several times, but he decided to make her his queen.
Now, Esther, was a, Jew, and she never told anyone. Her family was part of the, Jews, who were displaced when King Nebuchadnezzar banished the, Jews, from their homeland.
So, when her uncle heard that Haman was planning to destroy all the, Jews, on March 7 the following year, he asked, Queen Esther, to go before the king and ask for mercy.
Now, the king had a rule that anyone who appears before him in his inner court without being invited is doomed to die, unless the King holds out his golden scepter. The king had not sent for, Esther, in 30 days. Her uncle told her if she did not go to the King and beg for mercy for her people, she would be dead anyway then he added “Maybe you were, born for this!”
So, Queen Esther, found her, courage, and risking her life and appeared before the King uninvited. But when a man loves a woman, she can do no wrong. When, Queen Esther, appeared before the king in his inner court without being invited, the king welcomed her and held out his golden scepter then asked her
“What do you want Queen Ester? What is your request? I will give it to you, even if it is half my kingdom!
So it was that, Queen Esther, was responsible for saving her people the, Jews. Her, enemy, Haman was killed by the same trap he laid for Mordecai and all his sons and family was killed.
You Were Born For This: Lessons from Queen Esther’s Story
The first lesson is that you were born with a, purpose, and you don’t know what it is until you know. You must find the, courage, to do it afraid because, you were born for this.
Whatever life events or circumstances that is trying to kill you, just remember, you were, born for this. Everything that you have done in your life have been training for this moment.
Esther, was born with great beauty, but, Queen Esther, was trained in how to please a man and how to ask for things from a man. She threw the King 2 banquets before she asked for her request and then she began with
“If I have found favor with the king and if it pleases the king to grant my request and do what I ask.”
Learn the, rules of engagement, Learn the, rules of negotiation, learn how to ask your husband for what you want.
The second lesson we can take from this story is that the, enemy, Satan and all his people go about seeking who to kill and destroy and you don’t have to do them anything for them to come after you. They can plot to destroy you because you refuse to bow down to them and placate their ego.
All you have to do to defeat your, enemies, is keep praying to God and he will take care of your, enemies, using the same weapons they formed against you to destroy them. Haman was killed on the same pole he planned to impale Mordecai on.
The, Jews, were victorious against their, enemy, and so will you because, you were born for this.
This is coach Myrna Young and this is, 5 min with coach Myrna, until next time God Bless.
You are invited to join my private Facebook Group called Lifecoach to be inspired by hundreds of Life Coaches every day
Abigail Damoah was wrongly convicted and sent to prison for 12 years. During this dark time in her life, she used inspiration for the bible story of David to find her, life purpose, of helping the women in, prison. She turned her, pain into power, and achieved tremendous personal growth by not seeing herself as a, victim.
After serving five years in a Florida state prison for a crime that she didn’t commit, and then two years later being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and undergoing major surgery to remove most of her colon, Abigail learnt one very important life lesson; you will find treasure in the darkest places if you simply change your perspective by turning her, pain into power.
During her, incarceration, Abigail became a Christian and learnt that life isn’t just about her. She was surrounded by women who had endured the most horrific traumatic childhoods and were now being victimized by the very system that was supposed to help them. She found the strength to end her pity party, opening her eyes to the immense suffering of others.
She began to use her gifts to make an impact on the lives of the women she was housed with. It was during the worst season of her life that she experienced true peace, contentment, and fulfilment because she found her life’s purpose, and learned how to turn her, pain into power. Abigail is the author of ” She is Risen from Destitute to Destiny”
book: She is Risen Turning Pain into Power
Using Adversity to turn pain into power
Myrna: All right, so here we have a whole bunch of, adversity. Being sentenced to 12 years in, prison, even if it’s for a crime you do commit, it is very traumatic. It is worst when it is a crime that you didn’t commit.
Can you share your story, why you were sentenced to 12 years in, prison? I know you said you only served five of those 12 years. Tell us how you survived that and turned that, pain into power?
Abigail: Okay, so I had my dream to live in America. I’m from the United Kingdom and after I finished my undergraduate degree. I relocated to Atlanta, Georgia to study and pursue an MBA. I got an internship in Florida. I flew down to Florida and I met a man. One night he called wanting to go out to a nightclub, and I agreed. He came and picked me up and we made our way to the nightclub and ended up having a car accident where he was killed, and I was seriously injured.
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My injuries were so extensive that I spent over six weeks in the hospital. My parents at the time decided the best course of action was to take me back to the UK, because there’s no way I was going to be able to look after myself in the USA. I recuperated and got back on my feet. And then in 2011, the state of Florida issued an extradition warrant for my arrest. I was charged with vehicular homicide. The legal definition for that is reckless driving.
So, I was accused of driving in such a dangerous manner that caused death or great bodily harm to another. While I was waiting for the extradition, I began to study the laws surrounding my case and discovered that I should never have been charged with a crime in the first place. The state of Florida had sent over the deposition, the discovery and detail they had a very detailed chronology, of exactly what happened. And one of the things that should have exonerated me from the beginning, was the fact that the road was under reconstruction at the time, so they had taken down all the speed signs.
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There were no warning signs that the road was about to change and if you’re not familiar with that road, you would not know that you need to slow down. So, when an accident happened, all of a sudden, a curve came up and I hit the curb and the car ended up flipping over and going into a tree. So, based on that alone, I should never have been charged with a crime. But if you know anything about the laws in the United States, you know, sometimes it can be a bit one sided.
I was extradited to America to stand trial. I had a judge who had no legal integrity, because of the way my case had been portrayed in the media. She was determined to make an example out of me. I was found guilty sentenced to 12 years Florida State Prison. After serving 5 years, the case was dismissed.
Myrna: Wow. So sorry to hear what you have been through. I’m assuming you were driving.
Abigail: Yes, I was driving, it wasn’t my car.
Myrna: Yeah, that’s what I thought because he came to pick you up.
Abigail: The reason I was driving was because he got so drunk, that he was unable to continue the journey. I was at the wrong place at the wrong time.
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Myrna: So sorry for your pain. But the fact that the case was dismissed, I’m assuming that you’ve cleared your name.
Abigail: Yes, yes. My name is completely cleared. The sentence was vacated, and I was released from, prison.
Myrna: Did you get any money for it?
Abigail: No, absolutely nothing. The state of Florida had laws to protect themselves against wrongful convictions. So, I was knocked out of financial assistance there. But, it was a driving force behind what I do now because I had to start my life from scratch. I had to use the gifts that I had been given to build a life for myself, and turn my, pain into power. I didn’t have anything. I came back to nothing, but God worked it out for my good.
Going through the tunnel of adversity
Myrna: Well, they say that a lot of times, we must go through the tunnel, we must be beaten down all the way to the bottom, before we find our, purpose. We all go screaming into it because we really don’t want to go through pain, we don’t want to hit rock bottom. I’m in this space where I interview a lot of people and I remember talking to this woman. Her husband died and she started her coaching practice helping other women handle, grief. She turned her, pain into power, but we all prefer not to go through the pain even if it is the fire starter to our, life purpose.
So how did you manage after also being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and having most of your colon removed?
Abigail: I wasn’t raised in a Christian household, but I had a lot of Christian friends. If there’s one thing that I learned from them, even while I wasn’t a believer, was that they had this ability to see past their circumstances. So, before I even arrived in America, they were already speaking life into my situation. They were already telling me that this was going to work out for my good, something good is gonna come out of this.
And it wasn’t until, I became a Christian and I began to read the Bible and I began to apply those principles, that I was strengthened in that area. God gave me a perspective that enabled me to see things through his eyes, he gave me the ability to step outside of myself. I was surrounded by people who are who were suffering, who have been through women the worst heinous things. My whole perception changed.
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Helping people in prison turn their pain into power
Not only are people dying from much worse situations than I had, but I had to reframe my situation to say, okay, I’m in, prison, now, what can I do while I’m here to make an impact on the lives of the women that I am housed with? How do I turn my, pain into power?
I had a writing gift and there are women that couldn’t read or write. I remember the very first time I tapped into that. There was a woman that I was, bunking in, prison, she had a terrible situation, her children have been taken into DCF custody because of her arrest.
So, I wrote a letter for her. explaining the situation to DCF, speaking in legal terminology. She wanted her children to be put into the custody of her sister while she was in, prison, and lo and behold, that’s exactly what happened. Two weeks later, she came to me, I mean, she was in floods of tears. She was so grateful that I took the time to do this for her, and it was at that moment that I realized that what my, purpose, is connected to my gift of writing. Writing was how I was going to turn my, pain into power.
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I also realized that my, purpose, had nothing to do with me, it was to enrich the lives of the people that I am surrounded by. So, from that moment, my prayers changed from Lord get me out of here, I can’t take this anymore to Lord who are the people in, prison, that you want me to impact? That started a tsunami of work. My inmates just started coming to get the help they needed. I started helping them write letters, probation letters, letters to their family, etc. It was one of the most, fulfilling aspects of my time in, prison.
Myrna: Now, how did you take own ownership of your situation? What was your internal dialogue?
Abigail: I dropped the, victim mentality. You know, it’s so easy when you’re going through a situation whatever it is, it’s so easy to point the finger and say is your fault that I’m here, but when you play the, victim, you are not helping anybody. You’re not helping yourself and you’re not helping anyone else. When I was in the, victim, state I felt so sorry for myself. You know, such an injustice had taken place.
I was depressed, I was in a place of desolation, I couldn’t sleep at night, I had no peace. But the moment I relinquished that, victim mentality, I came to the revelation that it wasn’t the state of Florida that put me in, prison, to punish me. I was placed there strategically to be empowered, and then to empower. I was placed there to turn my, pain into power.
So once my, mindset, changed, I was able to say I am going to use this situation to become the best person that I be and to help as many people as I can while I’m in here. That is exactly how I took ownership of my situation. I took the power out the hands in the state of Florida, and turned, my pain into power, because, victims, have no power.
Myrna: This is so true. Victims have no power. In my book, Out of the Snares, A story of Hope and Encouragement, I have a full chapter on, victims. My story was that I was abused as a child, but I never became a, victim. In fact, what I suggest we become a, player. You know, when you are playing a game of blackjack and the cards that you’re dealt with are bad cards? People use those same bad cards to win, in the same way when you become a, player instead of becoming a, victim, you play with the cards you are dealt. And that’s exactly what you did, you became a, player in the game, you decided that these are the cards that I’ve been handed, and I am going to make the best of the situation. I am going to turn this, pain into power.
How to become a player and turn pain into power
Myrna: You could have played the “what if game”. What if I didn’t go out? What if I didn’t agree to drive? But instead you said it happened. There’s no way you can go backwards, all you can do is make the best of the situation that you have right now and use it to help people and learn from it and turn your, pain into power.
What is the lesson that that that you took out of that? Were you able to equate it to a, Bible story? I want to talk about Joseph who was thrown in, prison, and it was strategic to God’s plan for him. And I am also thinking of a Job which is the chapter reading now in the Bible and all the bad things that happened to him.
Job declared God does only do good things for you. God does good things, and he does bad things.
Abigail: Joseph was one of my favorite stories in the Bible. And it wasn’t until I got to that Genesis chapter 37, where Joseph was put in, prison, that I found strength in my situation. Prison, shaped Joseph into the man that God needed him to be. I knew that my time in, prison, was in God’s hands, just based on that story alone. I learned a lot from Joseph and his, mindset, during that time. He refused to be a, victim, he used his time to assist other people. He was looking for others to help while he was, incarcerated, and it opened the door to his freedom.
Myrna: Yes, exactly helping people got him introduced to the king.
Abigail: That was a very powerful story for me, and I used that, bible story, to empower myself. So my God has given me dreams and visions, and I knew that, okay, I’m not living the dream and the vision now, but it is this situation here that is going to lead me to the destiny that God has for me and I had to remind myself of that daily.
Myrna: That’s amazing, I am loving our conversation. One of my personal mantras is that just like an airplane needs resistance to take off the ground, we need resistance to move up our next level. And whenever I have resistance in my life, when I was working full time when I received resistance eg. one door closed or something, I always knew that resistance was supposed to push me forward and up. The door closing from being fired got me into, Life coaching, helping women to, transform their mind.
A lot of women, especially minority women live in the, wilderness, and in order for them to get out of the, wilderness, they have to change their, mindset.
Abigail: I wrote the book because I knew that I had a story to tell number one, and it wasn’t a story of the tragedies, but stories of, empowerment. The book a memoir, going back to my childhood, I packed a lot of things and I think that’s very important that you need to go back to, to know why things are the way they were. So, I went through that process in the book, I had a very turbulent teenage years, connected to childhood. But despite those challenges, I still managed to make something all my life, and it didn’t come easily, or immediately at all.
It was a very, very difficult situation and a very, very difficult process. And I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, but what I do know is that you can, turn your pain into power, if you change your perspective on a situation. I could have not written this book. I could have so easily come out of, prison, and just felt sorry for myself, and accept government assistance and nobody would have blamed me
Teaching others how to overcome adversity
So, I had to look at the situation and ask myself what have I learned from this? And not only what have I learnt from it, but now what can I do about it? I decided I can teach other people about how to overcome, adversity. One of the things that helped me while I was, incarcerated, were the different, prison ministries. People would share these terrible stories, but they got through it, and that’s something that inspired me.
Myrna: Well, that’s the reason I asked you if you’re going into the, prison, and doing, prison ministry, because I know your story is powerful. Now you are on the radio, podcast and PTWWN TV, sharing your story, not only the people that are in, prison, is going to hear this, but people all over the world. Your story doesn’t just speak to someone in, prison, but speaks to any women in the, wilderness, the, wilderness, can be any dry place.
Do you have a, cup mentality, mindset? Are you asking God to fill up your cup instead of asking him to fill up as many containers you can find? In the, Bible story, Elisha the prophet told the widow woman to borrow containers and keep pouring oil until they were all filled. Find out how to get rid of your, cup mentality, and your, abundance blocks, and live an abundant life.
Welcome to this week’s episode of, 5 mins with coach Myrna. In this coaching session, I want to teach on, mindset, getting rid of your, cup mentality.
One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon. 2 Now a man who was lame from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. 3 When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. 4 Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!” 5 So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them.
6 Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” 7 Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong. 8 He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God.
This story illustrates a, cup mentality, because too many of us are content with our lot in life and never aspire or dream of a better life. This crippled man was stuck in his old routine of getting someone to take him to the gate of the temple every day to beg for coins. He never dreamed of more, he never prayed to be healed even though he went to the temple every day. He accepted that he was crippled and for the rest of his life he would beg for coins to survive. This is the definition of a, cup mentality. Your dreams can only fill up a cup.
The crippled man could not understand when Peter told him to get up and walk. He had never thought of walking. Peter was putting new information in this man’s, old wineskin. Peter had to hold his hand and help him up.
A, cup mentality, is when we accept our circumstances and never dream of having more. You get stuck in a rut in your negative routines not expecting anything to change, but as long as you have a, cup mentality, you will never receive the abundance of God.
For example please use the phrase, like mother like daughter, or like, father like son. They are expecting you to be like your mother and because they spoke it over your life, you become like your mother.
I heard a story of a mother who left her baby with her parents, because she was a hitwoman and she believed that if she got arrested she would be sent away for life. When the child was 3 years old, the mother was sent away for life. The grandparents raised the child and always told her don’t be like your mother. She grew up with that, cup mentality, that she could never expect anything great, because she would probably end up in prison. At 16 years she stabbed someone and ended up in prison.
The Bible teaches that You can’t put, new wine, in, old wineskin, because the, new wine, will burst the, old wineskin. This means you can’t do new things like be the first one in your family to graduate college with the same old, mindset.
I was born poor in a third world country. I was listening to podcast a few weeks back regarding, abundance blocks. The author was saying that we manifest the same, abundance blocks, as our parents, so I decided to interview my mom to see if she passed on her, abundance blocks, to me. What I found is my mom has a, cup mentality.
She told me that we were poor when I was born, she didn’t have a job, but she was quite comfortable. My dad would give her money, people would bring her food from the market, and she had her mother to help her. She never asked for more, she never dreamed big. Luckily, I did not get her, cup mentality. I have always dreamed of success even as a child as young as 10 years old!
If doesn’t matter where your start out only where you end up
God took David from a low-income family and made him a King. It does not matter where you start out only where you end up.
A, limited mindset, will keep you from getting more from God.
God promises to pour out blessings you won’t have room enough to receive; he is not looking just to fill up your cup.
Don’t water down your dreams to match your environment.
Take the limits off of God and the limits off your life.
You are the lid!
The prophet Elisha told the Widow woman to borrow a few containers and to pour the little oil she had into these containers. She obeyed even though it was not logical. She started pouring and the oil continued to pour until she had filled up all the containers she borrowed and then it stopped. If she had more containers, the oil would have continued to pour, so she did not have a supply problem, but a capacity problem.
God wants to fill up your containers, he can’t fill up what you never bring to him. How do you bring your containers to God? You bring them to him by asking for what you want in prayer, by dreaming big and visualizing your dreams.
In a previous episode called Finding joy in your nothingness. I talked about the oil, that it represented the joy in your life. Today I am talking about your capacity to experience that joy. Are you looking for a cup full of joy like my mom or as many containers you can fill?
God said open your mouth wide and I will fill it.
Get rid of your, cup mentality, and give God as many containers as possible so he can fill them up.
This is coach Myrna Young and you have been listening to, 5 mins with coach Myrna. I would like to invite you all to join my Life coach group on Facebook for daily inspiration from dozens of life coaches.
I had this insight to bring, storytelling, that I did in the entertainment business, to champion people and make them better at building their brand and own their voice.
Today I interview Audrey Cavenecia, the Co-producer and co-host for the Amplify Voices podcast, alongside NFL coach Pete Carroll and host of the “Unlikely podcast” on leadership. A talented, storyteller, and visionary Audrey has decades of experience in, leadership development, entertainment production, and content marketing with a focus on championing humanity in all people.
Audrey Cavenecia is the Co-producer and co-host for the Amplify Voices podcast, alongside NFL coach Pete Carroll and host of the “Unlikely podcast” on leadership. A talented storyteller and visionary Audrey has decades of experience in leadership development, entertainment production, and content marketing with a focus on championing humanity in all people.
She has worked alongside some of the most influential leaders in the world—including speaker and author Tony Robbins and Oracle founder Larry Ellison—to develop and empower new visionaries through stories and insights around authentic human connection. No matter the sector, she continues to build bridges between what is and what can be, with, storytelling, as the scaffolding.
Audrey’s back story
Myrna: I know you are an expert, storyteller, what’s your story?
Audrey: Well, you know, it’s interesting because I grew up, I was born in Oakland, California and grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area. My parents were pretty much the extreme polar opposites in every sense of the word, my mother is white. And when I say white, I mean white, like blond hair, blue eyes, can’t even tan, white from Germany.
She came here to the US when she was about 12. My father is African Latin from South America. He had dark skin, kinky hair, all the features as a black man. So, think of this mixture of German culture and African Latin culture and your get total polar opposites in so many ways. They meet in church and five children later; we each have a roll of the dice of that race of that mixture of all of that.
So, I think we started out, especially for myself, started out very early, being forced almost to be an observer of society. Because I didn’t have my, my tribe. I couldn’t point at somebody and be like, oh, you’re exactly like me. I couldn’t find the Mexican culture and fit in with them. Every single person was like, No, you’re a little bit different. You’re a little bit on the outside, and maybe it wasn’t even them maybe it was just me.
And my own perception of where do I fit when I come from these two narratives that are so different. And then I live inside of my own Americanization while still being pulled into both of their cultures, different languages in the household and all that.
Most of those movies we watched were white people. My dad comes to the United States and marries a white woman. So, it’s another layer for me to look at and be like, Oh, what am I not beautiful? Because my father didn’t even marry somebody who looked like me. What does that say about me? My parents owned their own business, like a lot of people that come from other countries. And so my first foray into just self-expression was, storytelling, and finding myself in the theater, because I thought, in that place, I can pretend with, storytelling, because I have no home, I have no tribe, and I can be anything.
Myrna: I am sure you had problems there as well, not being black enough for certain roles, and not white enough for others.
Audrey: That’s right. And but I did have some extraordinary experiences. I toured with the work inside of the African Repertory Theater, and Berkeley toured with plays with individuals was on the Wayans brothers show. So, I had a great time being inside of, storytelling, and that was my lead into, leadership.
So, I went to the, leadership development, in my 20s, I went to the, leadership development, course and there was something about it, it had the beauty of theatrics of being onstage. It had that spiritual kind of nature of going to church and that physiological kind of feeling that you have in your chest and in your heart when everything opens up that is where, storytelling, is born. I fell in love with, storytelling, as a, leadership development, tool.
I threw myself into it. I dedicated all my time to, leadership. I was single mom at that time as well. And so, I rose through the ranks, I became a really successful leader in that regard and then one woman said something to me. She said, Okay, great, so what? You can be a superstar, but can you create other superstars?
I thought to myself, why isn’t the whole point of competition to be the best, why would I want to develop people to be better than me? But it really stirred something in my heart and in my soul. It spoke to something that was way down deep there which was being a champion for humanity.
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Audrey: And now I threw myself into understanding the art of, storytelling, in, training and development. I wanted to do everything possible to help people that have failed. The people that no one can turn around, the people that have given everything and couldn’t find themselves. I trained the shy people introverts the art of, storytelling.
I want to pull all of them up and make them the best, storytellers, in front of crowds. I want to make them the best public speakers. I did just that and that’s when people like Tony Robbins and all those others in the, leadership development, space started searching me out and having me work with their, intellectual property.
And then I had this insight and I listened to my heart and my mind, and it said, now bring those two things together, bring, storytelling, that you did in the entertainment business, and bring this, storytelling techniques, to champion people and make them better at their own purpose and voice. Bring them together. Storytelling, and leadership development, is something unique. I opened my own agency, and it took off from there.
I’ve worked with some of the biggest names out there, I not only champion them and rise them up and help curate and formulate their voice and their audience, all of that, but I combine, storytelling, with their actual content. So now I’m in publishing. I have this media company with Pete Carroll, and we’re pulling in people right and left. Our company it’s called “Amplify Voices” for a reason. We’re going into the margins of, leadership, with, storytelling. We need to expand what, leadership, is.
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What does leadership look like
what does it looks like,
what size it is,
what color it is,
what its hair looks like,
what his nose looks like,
what his what his voice sounds like,
where it lives,
what it does,
its temperament,
its emotions, all of that.
We need this more expansive view of, leadership, because there’s so much to accomplish in this world.
Myrna: Beautiful, wow. So beautiful. I love how you found your voice through, storytelling, and entertaining in theater and, and now you’re helping people to tell their story through, storytelling. I love what your definition of what a leader looks like, smells like, tastes like etc.
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Audrey: For Amplify Voices, the voices we’re focusing now are on podcasts, podcasting. So, I’m on finding particular people out there that have a voice. We’re looking for voices that are timely, that are important. Like for instance, Reza Metacam, is a writer of grandmother’s hands African American male, who specializes in, body trauma.
We’re asking people to be together;
Leaders are asking people to work on their divisiveness,
Some are asking people to work in their business environment,
Everyone is asking them to be great parents, but we have not confronted the trauma that lives in their bodies, especially black bodies. Black bodies are not the only ones who’ve experienced trauma, white bodies have trauma as well. Before black people were enslaved, they were enslaving white people, it’s in our history.
And so, our bodies have this pain, this fear of one another. You look in the world right now we feel resonance, such an important voice. So, what we do is we find people that that are out there speaking when they have a book or they’re a public speaker, or they’re doing workshops with businesses, or a community leader or something. I approached them, I have dialogue with them and if I feel there’s a real sense of synergy, there is collaboration.
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At Amplified Voices, we take them over and start developing their content. We become a support for them, not only in the production process and the postproduction process, but also helping them in shaping their brand through, storytelling, and marketing. We take them through those ranks and then when they get to a certain point, get them right in front of the right people for their book deal, or television show or whatever else becomes the natural progression. There’ll also be projects that they’ll do independently on their own by nature of this collaboration and some things we’ll do together.
Developing authentic human connections
Myrna: Awesome, this is how can we empower, leaders, basic, human connections. We talked a little bit about, storytelling, and what, leadership, looks like. What is an, authentic human connection? I know that, human connection, is connecting with someone, But I think you probably have a broader definition of it.
Audrey: Actually, I’ve got a simpler definition for, authentic human connection. It’s not actually quite broad. It has depth, but it’s quite simple. The very myopic interpretation and narrative we’ve had around, leadership, and, authentic human connections, is this “sharing yourself.” If you share yourself that is where the magic happens. Just think of the last three days of your work lives, maybe even your relationships, maybe even with your children. Are there moments where you wanted to say something, and you didn’t? Where you felt like you wanted to reveal something, and you didn’t?
Did you want to ask for help or support and you didn’t? You didn’t because of your pride, or shame, or because of the way you were raised. We do not have the freedom to express ourselves. As, leaders, we can’t tell people “I don’t know how to meet payroll at the end of the week” Leaders, can’t tell people “I have an eating disorder, I may be drinking too much because of the stress and the pressure” But it truly is accurate statement to say “bitch this will set you free” Getting rid of the, imposter syndrome, and establishing, authentic human connections, won’t just set you free, It will actually allow people to grow inside your, leadership. It is the greatest possible thing that you can do.
Myrna: One of the things that people love about Gary Vaynerchuck is that he’s very transparent. He made, Storytelling, and, transparency, necessary for all leaders. Transparency is one of the ways to develop, authentic human connections, because you are sharing yourself and letting others see your pain.
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How does Diversity and Inclusion affect Leadership
Audrey: Harvard has done studies behind, diversity and inclusion, this is not a moral compass conversation. This is an economic conversation because we are talking about business. I know everybody gets like, yeah, we know we need, more Black people. I’m not talking about a moral compass. What I’m saying is, look, in the world, there are 6.5 billion people, do you think all those people only like white things? They think all those people only want to hear from aggressive, outspoken, black people. Diversity, makes economic sense.
Well, here’s the thing. It’s the pretend part. That’s so damaging. Because you can’t pretend, unless I’m hiring you to be an actor and film. There’s really nothing beneficial about pretending. Pretending doesn’t get you to the other side. Pretending doesn’t get you help from the team, pretending doesn’t give you an opportunity to experience failure and learn from it.
Myrna: How can people connect with you on social media and listen to your podcasts?
Audrey: Okay, well it’s very easy to find us at www.amplifyvoices.io. You’ll find everything there. Find me all our podcasts on our website and our social media handles. We just won a prestigious award so we’re very happy that people have received it so well.
Which, wolf, are you feeding? The one that wins is the one you feed. The one you choose to feed will define who you are. We all know we should feed the, good wolf, even if it’s harder. Feeding the, good wolf, is how we end up feeling a sense of accomplishment and success at the end of the day.
In this week’s episode of 5 mins with coach Myrna, I want to teach on the topic, Which Wolf are you feeding?
Let me share with you an ancient story: Which Wolf Are You feeding?
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.” The one you feed.
This story depicts the battle for your mind.
There is a war going on in your mind
Every choice we make is a battle between the two wolves in our head.
These two wolves are competing for supremacy. The one who wins is the one you feed.
Think of a dripping faucet. Most of us don’t have the patience to wait for the drips to fill our cup. We want to turn on the tap at full blast and have our cup full up in seconds, but our goals are like the dripping faucet, we make small steps towards them and we must have the staying power to watch the drips fill the cup.
This also builds mental toughness because of delayed gratification.
If you don’t conquer the mind, it becomes your enemy. If you feed the, evil wolf, then you make the mind your enemy.
The definition of an enemy is one who is opposed or hostile to something or a thing that weakens or harms you.
Feeding your anger, fear, greed ego, envy, insecurities and jealousy with negative thoughts and emotions harms and weakens you. The negative emotions gets stronger while the positive qualities gets weaker and weaker.
Start feeding the, good wolf, that represents love, compassion, humility, patience, peace and harmony. You conquer the mind by staying the course, by watching the faucet drip and having faith that the cup will eventually fill up.
Another way to conquer the mind is by talking back to it out loud.
For example.. If the voice in your head is telling you that you always quit and that you will never get your degree reply out loud “just watch me. I will finish this class no Devil in hell is going to prevent me from getting my degree. Get behind me Satan.”
Do not feed the one that presents fear and insecurity, remember that fear is false evidence appearing real.
If the, inferiority wolf, tells you that you no man will love you because you are not educated, talk back to it with your voice and say “I will find happiness and love because I am love, I have a lot to offer a man, I don’t need an education, any man would be blessed to have me. The next man who comes my way will be exactly what I prayed for. He will be kind and generous and love me like I deserve to be loved.” That is how you feed to, faith wolf!
One truth to remember is that it’s so much easier to feed the bad wolf. The, evil wolf, is is easy to get angry, complain, feel resentful, dismiss or ignore others, and feel superior.
There is almost no effort required to do those things, and you’re getting the reward with the sensation of relieving and instant gratification without much an action.
The, good wolf, is very different; it’s picky, it’s harder to feed. It’s challenging, tiring and time-consuming to do things like learning, teaching, inspiring, sharing or simply sticking to a new behavior. These things take so much energy, effort, momentum, and guts. And you don’t usually see immediate results from them.
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 mins with coach Myrna I hope you were encouraged today and that you stay in joy peace and harmony so the, evil wolf, would never get you.
The fear of, cancer, can be just as powerful as actual, cancer, right? And not all, cancers, in fact most, cancers, are not a death sentence. So, what I wanted to do was to explain in my book is that we don’t really know what people are going through.
Cycle of Lives shares 15 REAL STORIES OF TRIALS AND TRIUMPH WITH VICTORY AND DEFEAT: Many books only share one perspective; however, David’s book provides cancer stories told from 15 different perspectives, allowing readers to examine a wide range of experiences, events, emotions, backgrounds, and viewpoints. This array of human experiences will help readers to grow in empathy and better understand how issues like suicide, abandonment, loss, survivor guilt, abuse, fertility, and more, affect the way people deal with the traumas that shape their lives, cancer, or otherwise.
How has your life been impacted personally by cancer?
David: What brought me to this project was, my sister was diagnosed with, terminal brain cancer, in 2004. So, she was right around 40, married with two young kids, great profession, life going great for her. Then all of a sudden, she was diagnosed with, terminal brain cancer, and all that was going to be taken away. To me that was profound on a lot of different levels. Because not only was she gonna face the reality that she was going to die soon. Some people get a terminal diagnosis, but survive, but my sister had no hope.
She had kind of come to terms with the fact that there was a lot of different aspects of it that she had to deal with. And I think that’s kind of true with anybody that might have that type of an issue, where you’re forced to face your own mortality. And with, cancer, especially, you’re kind of given sometimes time to get your house in order, right? A lot of a lot of people die on the spot, they don’t get tine to put their house in order.
Myrna: So, let me ask you, I know I’m jumping ahead of myself, but it seems like a good point to ask the question. Do you think that from the people that you’ve spoken to you, do they appreciate getting this time? If somebody asks, how much time I got, and I said five months? Do they appreciate that time and knowing they have 5 months to live? Or they prefer not to know?
Do people appreciate knowing of their mortality
David: That’s a great question. I think it’s probably super personal. That’s the whole reason that I wrote the book, if you are going through, trauma, or know somebody who is going through, trauma, whether it’s terminal or not, but it’s related to, cancer, you know, some other major trauma, if you do have the opportunity to form deeper connections with these people, do so.
The problem is, is that we often self-isolate, and or we abandon people not willingly, but we just, we don’t want to say we don’t know what to do. We don’t want to make people feel guilty. We don’t want to say the wrong thing or bring people down or whatever. And so, a lot of times, people do not use this time constructively.
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Myrna: How did you deal with your sister’s diagnosis? And how did you help her?
David: Great question. So, what we did was, throughout our adult lives, we were close, sometimes not close, because life just gets in the way, right. Like we she had her family and kids and friends and work and you know, just like gets in the way. After the, cancer diagnosis, though, I think we probably talked way more regularly and purposefully.
I had a friend recently who lost one of his best friends, and he said that they couldn’t count the number of, cancer nodes, on his lungs, because there was too many, so he died really quickly after his, cancer diagnosis. And my friend said, that was probably the best way, why put him through all that pain?
Sometimes the reality is there, I felt like with my sister, even though she fought for three or four years, I mean, there wasn’t an option for her to survive, because she had a massive tumor and it spread. What happened was that anytime that I reached out, she was available. We didn’t always talk about heavy stuff. But knowing that there was a finish line, fast approaching, I think that we, with intentionality really tried to try to bond as deeply as we could.
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Myrna: Now, a lot of people who are given that diagnosis would say I’m gonna make peace because they tell you to put your house in order and make sure you tell everyone you love them. And maybe you should do the things that you have always wanted to do. You think that people do that, like their, bucket lists? Do they do that?
David: I think that’s a rarity. Because you know, we live in denial. And one of the people I spoke to was a doctor, an oncologist at NYU. She told me that no one accepts that they are going to die from, cancer. They always have hope, so very few people put their house in order or do things on their, bucket list. One of the things she told me that really made a lot of sense was, the human brain is not wired to be able to really contemplate in an understanding way our own mortality, it just doesn’t just doesn’t happen.
I think that kind of explains why we don’t ever want to put our house in order and we don’t ever want to do those, bucket list, kinds of things. Because we just don’t think we’re going to die. So the vast majority of people that I spoke to, they did have a fair amount of denial, either from them or the people that they loved. They put off taking care of things. They were abandoned by people that loved them, they self-isolated and didn’t close loops that they probably should have closed.
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Myrna: So true, that is why suicide is so against the norm, because most of us are wired to preserve our life, and we will go to great lengths to stay alive, even when the quality of our lives is taken away, we want to live. So that is a very distinct, very good information to put out to someone who is reading this, that is either going through, trauma, or they know someone who has been given a terminal diagnosis of, cancer. Make sure that you tell your loved ones that you love them and put your house in order.
David: My book is not all about death and dying from, cancer, because, cancer, does not always mean death. Even the fear of, cancer, can be unbelievably traumatic for some people, right? Imagine if you received a diagnosis, it was early diagnosis, like a stage one, cancer, or something, and very treatable. But now you got to live the rest of your life thinking in the back of your head, oh, my gosh,
Am I allowed to go out in the sun?
Should I eat a certain food?
Do I need to exercise more?
Is this, cancer, going to come back and take me?
Do I not have kids because I don’t want to lose them in case my, cancer, is fatal.
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I mean, the, fear of cancer, can be just as powerful as actual, cancer, right? And not all, cancers, in fact most, cancers, are not a death sentence. So what I wanted to do was to explain in my book is what are people going through that we might not know? Or what, traumas, have affected them so that they’re not able to navigate this kind of traumatic diagnosis of, cancer. Because we don’t really know what people are going through.
Myrna: Yea death and taxes are the only thing that are guaranteed. And yet, we don’t want to we don’t want either of them.
One of the things you said, though, is that, went and you interviewed, these 15 cancer survivors even though each one of their stories were different, you found something that was consistent that linked all these stories. What is the link?
David: Sure, so there were two things that was consistent. And just to add one more thing to what you just said is it also is not just people that had gone through, cancer, that I spoke to, but also caregivers, doctors. I spoke to people that never had, cancer, themselves, but their lives were centered around, cancer, as a caregiver, or maybe they were with a loved one who went through, cancer.
So, I wanted all those different perspectives, because I think that it’s not the same. If your spouse is diagnosed with, cancer, there still is an unbelievably deep and traumatic set of emotions that go through you, as well, right? You’re not even the one with, cancer, but imagine what you must go through watching your spouse go through, cancer.
But the two things that I found that were quite consistent with every person I spoke to whether they made the book, or they didn’t this is one:
No matter how crazy people lives are, nobody thinks their life is that interesting. They’re just living their life
Two they feared asking for help. The theme that we’ve been talking about, which is almost everybody not everybody, had a big identification with the thought of, I don’t know if I’m equipped to form really deep connections with the people around me about what I’m going through.
They are dealing with the tasks like how do I get to my appointment? How do I get my kids watched while I’m in the chemo chair? How do I navigate time off work? How do I eat healthier? They don’t want to be a burden, so they have a hard time asking for help. And that was very, very consistent with almost every single person I spoke to.
Myrna: Do you think it’s because people don’t really like to ask for help?
David: That’s definitely a. Yeah,
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There was one story about this woman her name is Patricia and she made the statement I don’t get colds, I get, cancer. From that statement, I delve into her, mindset, and I am assuming that she’s had a hard life because she made the comment that I don’t get colds, I get cancer, which tells me that, cancer, kept coming back. But, one of the reasons that I want to I want to I want to touch on it, is because I also know when we make statements like this one, then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. So, what can you share about Patricia’s story?
David: Wow, that’s a great insight. So, her story is really fascinating. And one of the things that was hilarious was like the second conversation I had with her she tells me, “My life’s not that interesting.” So, let me try to explain her story. Her story is pretty fascinating, because I thought it was about the fact that she had, beat cancer, five different times over a 35-year period. But that’s not what her story is about. Near the end of her talking to me, I asked Patricia, I go, Hey, What’s your secret? Like how did you, beat cancer, 5 times?
And she said to me, well, ever since I moved on from x, and I’ll give you point x in a second. She said, every time that I moved on from point x, all I did was I just said to myself,
Every single day, you have to put your feet on the ground, get up out of bed, and go about your day.
Now sometimes David, I was able to make my bed and walk away. Other times, I make my bed and lay right back into it. But I wanted to get up and put my feet on the ground and make my bed and go about my day. Oh, wow. Now not knowing her story. If you told me life was get your feet on the ground and make your bed and go about your day, I’d roll my eyes go on, whatever, you know, good for you.
But her story is this so when she’s a teenager she was in a relationship and that the relationship was exceptionally abusive. To the point where she has is forced to cut ties with every person that she knows, including her family friends, not allowed to go out anywhere on her own. He beats her up if he just thinks that she’s having a bad thought. I mean, it’s horrible. Okay, so after four years she learns how to escape by getting another identity and she escapes that abusive relationship.
Shortly after she escapes, she gets diagnosed with, cancer, for the first time. Over a 35-year period she gets diagnosed with, cancer, five different times and five different types of, cancer, very serious. Her story is while beating the first, cancer, she met some someone and he becomes the only person that she had ever met that she could trust and that she could love and felt would love her no matter what.
This man helped her recover from that abusive situation she had escaped from. And he was beside her for her whole life, during which time she was fighting all these different, cancers, and living her life. This love sustained her through battling her cancers, caring for her dad who died of, cancer.
She looked at herself one day in the mirror, and she said, hey, don’t walk around, like all burden. Don’t walk around all emotional.
Everybody has their time in the barrel. All you do is just keep getting up, keep putting your foot on the ground, make your bed and go about your day.
And I’m just like, holy cow. She’s had been through all of that and the only solution to her was, everybody’s got a tough life. Everybody has it bad, you could be burdened by it. Or you could not just get your feet on the ground, make your bed and go about your day. I’m like, That’s brilliant. Right. And so, so that’s, that’s Patricia’s story. So, I mean, there’s more way more to her story you have to read the book.
Myrna: Well, you surprised me with that answer. But I get it. When I looked at that statement. I don’t get colds, I get cancer. I thought that was a, defeated mindset. You know, saying I’m always sick. And then you become always sick, like self-fulfilling prophecy. But instead, she’s looking at, cancer, almost like a cold, something that you get through. You get, and you just go on with your life!
David: And you know, one of the first things she said to me, she goes, I never been sick a day in my life. I never had a cold; I never had the flu. I have never been sick except for, cancer, and all the other stuff that came with it, I literally have never been sick a day in my life. And she goes, if somebody wrote a story about me, it would be titled, I don’t get colds, I get cancer!
Myrna: What do you want the reader to walk away with after reading your, cancer stories?
David: Well, first of all, what I want them to know is that each one of the book participants, doctor, patient, loved one, whatever survivor, they chose a, cancer focused charity, or other charity that they wanted the proceeds of the book to go to, so 100% of the proceeds of the book, no matter where it’s sold, or how it sold, it gets divided up between the organizations that they chose. So that’s number one. What I want the reader to know is they’ll be doing some good financially, there’s not a lot of money in books, but 100% of it will go to support their organizations.
But I think what more you know, like that saying, we talked about it earlier, like you never know what people are going through. That’s what I want readers to walk away with. We really have no idea what people are going through. For example, Patricia finished a master’s in art. She’s an amazing artist and when you were sitting next to her in art class and admiring her work, and she’s admiring yours, you would have no idea what she had gone through.
Myrna: How can readers get their hands on your book? How can they connect with you on social media?
David: Yes, the book is available wherever books are sold. So, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, your local bookstore. Up until a week ago, I couldn’t have said this. But now the audible is out. So, it’s, it’s available as a book, as an e book or as an audio book. In fact, we had 15 different actors each read one of the different stories, so it’s very entertaining, and very inspirational and it’s not very heavy. There’s a lot of inspiration that can come from these stories.
They can connect with me on Facebook or Instagram @cycleoflives or @David Richman or go to my website www.David-Richman.com And they can learn about the institutions that we’re supporting, and all the other things that are going on around this whole cycle of life’s project.
