How to Clear Your Money Blocks and Build Wealth

How to remove money blocks

Money blocks, are negative subconscious beliefs about, money, that limit you from achieving your conscious desires. Hilary Hendershott, wealth coach talks today on the Transform Your Mind Radio and Podcast on the topic  “How to remove your, money blocks,  and, build wealth.” Hilary was once $600,000 in depth and now has a seven figure net worth

Listen to the full interview here:

Hilary – I found myself in my late 20s with multiple credit cards and  tens of  thousands of credit card debt, plus I had a $420,000 in mortgage debt on a condo.  In 2008 that  condo in San Jose California went from $430,000 in appraised value to just $190,000.  I had massive uncollateralized debt, $72,000 in tuition debt and I was the kind of person who would spend money before it came in!  I was a massive over spender.

Back then I had never heard the term, Money Blocks. Today as a coach and operating from my own, money blocks, I understand that I was an over spender because I had, money blocks.  

The definition of, Money Blocks

The definition  Money blocks: negative subconscious beliefs about, money, that limit you from achieving your conscious desires. Let’s say you’re trying to save, money, but, for whatever reason, you can’t seem to do it. You spend, money, almost as soon as you get it, and you don’t know why.

Hilary – I started gaining clarity on my, money blocks, the  day I pulled my leased BMW into the gas station and I put my credit card into the machine to get gas, and my credit card was declined. I tried another card, it was declined, I put the third card it was also declined. At that point, all my credit cards are maxed out and  no one would give me any more credit cards.

My bank accounts were empty and had already emptied out my 401k. I had spent all this good money chasing after bad  while trying to dig myself out of this hole; because as my income was declining in 2008, and my debt was increasing.  So I literally couldn’t even put a tank of gas in my beautiful convertible BMW that day.

How I became an expert on clearing, money blocks

Hilary – I decided to become an expert on, money, psychology. I really made a decision that day and I said “I‘m not willing to live like this anymore”. I understood from the beginning that our, money blocks,  are as much a function of linguistics,  the words that we use to describe, money, than it is about our upbringing.  

So, when I said “there’s never enough money” I was speaking it into the atmosphere. That became a self fulfilling  prophesy.  There’s never enough money was my, money operating system. I trademarked this term, Money Operating System.  Just like your computer has an operating system, we all have a, money operating system.  That is sort of another way  of saying, money blocks. 

How, money blocks, are formed

As a child we hear adult say: 
  • money, doesn’t grow on trees,
  • you have to work hard for, money
  • money, is the root of all evil
  • Money, is evil and rich people are greedy.
  • I wonder who she had to screw to get that job.
  • You see your parents fight about, money, all the time.

 Whatever it is, everyone will have a different set of, money blocks; because not everyone has the same, money operating system.  

I was in financial planning and trying to, build wealth through real estate, so I was making, money. I actually had a six figure income; but spent more than I earned. 

How do you manifest there’s never enough, money, when you have a six figure income?

There was one year  I earned $120,000 in income and I spent $150,000.   I attended a talk at a Financial Planner Conference and this woman, who is now a personal friend of mine,  talked about, money blocks, and,  money, psychology.  She used the term over spender”. I had never heard about, money blocks,  before that talk. Being an over-spender is one way to manifest, there is never enough money. 

Another way you can manifest, there’s never enough money, is by being an, under earner. There are some of you listening to this podcast; you just can’t seem to earn what you know you’re worth in the marketplace. You are actually sabotaging yourself

  • You deliberately pick the jobs that are under earning.  
  • You under promote yourself,
  • You don’t ask for raises,
  • You get contract gigs and spend six months unemployed.
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Hilary – To make a long story short, I put what I learned into practice I paid off all my debt and then  I got really honest and transparent about where I was financially.

I lived in my mother’s guest room for a while to make it happen. I lost that condo and I paid off the debt. I started putting my money where my mouth was in terms of building my business.  I now run a registered investment advisory firm. We are all women, owned and operated.  

My business earns about a million dollars a year. My husband and I just share the numbers; because I want to normalize people talking about, money. My husband and I have a house in Silicon Valley that’s worth two million dollars and if you put together all of our other investments, we’re definitely what you would call financially independent. We have, financial freedom. 

Build Wealth, by having your, money, work for you.

Now we have, money, work for us; but it’s a skill set that I didn’t always have. I have found out that my purpose on this planet is to coach people, especially entrepreneurs. For those people who run businesses, the sky is the limit for them to remove their, money blocks, wherever they may be. 

I figured it out. I sort of put myself in, money, boot camp. I didn’t buy a cup of coffee in a coffee shop for two years. When I was in boot camp, I got very conscious about what I was saying about, money.  I now use linguistics as the foundation of my coaching.  Anyone I coach, the first thing we do is remove  I can’t afford that.” from our vocabulary. 

Those words are not allowed to come out of your mouth. You either say “Oh great, let me see how I can work that out or  “I‘m going to put that in my spending plan.”

Myrna – That’s awesome. Your language about, money,  is very powerful. Let’s talk about, money mindset block.   My audience on the radio are mostly African American and  sometimes they are in the poverty space.  Our community  is predisposed  to over spending.  We want the nice things, we want the designer shoes and bags.

I was talking to a guy one day, he was wearing nice running shoes and he said they were Kanye West shoes and cost $400. I couldn’t help thinking  what was his, money mindset, to spend $400 on Kanye West running shoes? 

What is a, Money Mindset Block

Myrna – What exactly is a, money mindset block, and how does that show itself for somebody that’s looking at their spouse and saying maybe they have a, money mindset block?

Hilary – First of all, the idea of the, money operating system, is the lead, money block. For me it was there’s never enough money and so all my, money blocks, are going to harmonize with that particular lead, money block. For example, let me just say each individual is different and I don’t mean to answer questions for someone who isn’t even here;  but let’s take the example of the person who spent $400 on Kanye West running shoes and maybe can’t pay rent, so there’s an imbalance there.

If you ask that person why he spent $400 on running shoes, he might say:

  •  I need to have this to be socially accepted,
  • I need these shoes so that people can think I‘m wealthy,
  • I need to have these shoes,  so that people can think I‘m powerful. 

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Then you would ask the question.

  • Well, do you have those things?
  • What do people think about you?
  • Have you achieved this goal?
  • Is that desire fulfilled for you?

And if you really look, it’s probably not because we need another pair of shoes or another designer bag or any other another brand name to become socially acceptable.  It’s an infallible hole that you can’t fill with designer shoes. Instead, if you can reposition in your mind,  if you’re really tired of your, money, going the way that it’s going, if you’re sort of fed up and a little bit disgusted with the fact that you know you’re a smart capable educated, well-intentioned person and money isn’t working for you in your life, that is how you clear a, money mindset block. 

What are your 7 steps to,  build wealth?

Myrna – You have 7 steps to, wealth, is that how you coach someone that maybe have an overspending problem or they have a, money mindset block, problem or their, money operating system, is not working properly? 

Step 1- Permission: All effective coaching starts with permission. The first step is to decide you have, money blocks,  to make the decision that you’re ready for change.  There’s no denying that you’re giving up the Kanye West shoes and the brand name bags and other creature comforts. A lot of people who make financial transformation to, build wealth, find that they have to move.

They actually need a lower cost place to live; they need to give up the beautiful leased car so they can pay cash for a car and don’t have monthly payments.  You are lowering your standard of living in the beginning and that takes courage. It takes willingness to sacrifice, so after you’ve made a decision then we catalog your vocabulary about money, this is really important.

Step 2–  Your money vocabulary –  no one ever wants to talk about, money.  You need to talk about money, to find out what your friend is doing; what’s working, what’s not working. You can provide advice or ask for advice if you want. What do you say to yourself about, money? Maybe some people think in pictures about, money, or maybe it’s just an emotion.  You think about spending, money, and you get excited; you think about saving, money,  and you get sad.

I have my participants that I coach,  actually spend a month doing a, money, conversation log. What do you say to your partner about, money? How do you tell your customers about, money? For example, if you’re a real estate agent and someone wants to pay you a four percent commission instead of a six percent commission, what do you say? What are the actual words that are coming out of your mouth?

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So, let’s get specific about what you say about, money. We’ve got a map, we’ve actually got kind of your, money blocks, in black and white in front of us.

Now, we can really start the coaching. So, we have sort of highlighted and done the private detective work figuring out, what’s your actual, money blocks.

I‘ll give you an example, someone I coached found this counter intuitively. She felt rich when checks would get mailed to her, so she would put the checks in her desk and not send them to the bank. Isn’t that strange? I can’t even identify that block, that is like a serious, money, scarcity thing.

Myrna –  Did she not know the checks are only paper unless you get the, money?

Hilary – No. It was completely just something she was blind to, until we did the, money, conversation log and she saw it.

She saw it for what it was and she’s like oh my God, this is crazy behavior; but no one’s ever asked me about my, money, behavior, so I never thought about it.

Step 3 –  logistics of money I don’t teach budgets, I think budgets are overwhelming and too detailed for most people. I think that people spend a lot of time designing a budget and then they never honor it or live by it, because it’s too restrictive .

Step 4 – Earn money – You can’t categorize every single expenditure you have, you’re a busy person with lots of responsibilities.  So instead, I teach a system I call automation. It’s sort of like the equivalent of irrigation in your garden little hoses bring, money, to the places where it needs to be.  People love it. 

  • you pay yourself first,
  • you pay your overhead
  • you save for your short-term goalsmaybe your next car 
  • you save for your financial independence first.
  • Then what’s left over, You spend from one account and that way when that account gets to zero, you’re not at zero, your money goals are already funded.

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That’s the plan and honestly most people get through the plan because it’s very front-loaded. It is a lot of work in the beginning; but once you set it up, just like irrigation, it happens every time you turn the hose on. People pay a lot of, money, to coaches to figure out how to earn money and they can’t figure out why their, money, still doesn’t work for them and it’s because they don’t have these steps.

Step 5 – The ASK mindset –  Learning to ask is a  mindsetYou can ask for a million things :

  •  you can ask your credit cards companies for a lower interest rate,
  • you can ask your insurance for a lower premium,
  • you can ask your memberships for a discount.
  • You can ask  for a discount at Star BuckJust go askThe point is not whether you get the discount or not, it’s having the mindset to ASK. We do a challenge inside my coaching program called “Get 100 No’s  You win the game by getting a hundred no’s and my assertion is, It will change your life. You’re building strength your, money blocks, are going to be different. For someyou’ll find that your, money blocks, are operationally systematized in your business processes.

Step 6 – Clearing the, money blocks.  in your business –  As an entrepreneur you’re either under charging for your products or services or you’re not spending enough effort getting prospects into your funnel. Whatever it is, there’s some part of the process that’s broken for youMy training is called “Eight Ways Business Owners can Transform Revenue into Personal Wealth, it is anon-demand training from October 8th to 15th.

So, you definitely want to go grab it.  This training is really for entrepreneurs who are sick and tired of working so hard for the, money, and having not much to show for it.

Step 7 – Protect – Once you clear your, money blocks, you can, build wealth, by protecting what you built.

I just want to show you how to climb out of that trap in this training and the great news is it’s totally FREE. You can grab your copy of that training by going to www.hillaryhendershott.com/myrna.

I want to encourage you, please subscribe to the Transform Your Mind’ YouTube podcast’s channelDefinitely trying to grow our audience. 

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Additional Resources 

https://blog.myhelps.us/rich-wealthy-9010-rule/

How to Survive an Economic Collapse

 

How to Accelerate Your Soul Journey: Clear these Money Blocks

Soul Journey

The purpose of the, soul, is to guide us to our purpose.  Every, soul, came into a body with a purpose. You can accelerate your, souls purpose, by clearing the, money blocks, you had from childhood.

Jennifer Longmore is a leading authority on, soul, purpose as well as an elite business coach to enlightened entrepreneurs. She is a sought after media personality, three times best-selling author and is known for her laser-like clarity on seeing into the depths of your, soul, for more than 15 years. She has served clients in permanently shifting their limiting beliefs and patterns that prevent them from being who they truly are, so they can accelerate their, souls, journey.

Listen to the full interview Here:

Myrna: I am excited to talk to you today, because I’ve been spending some conscious moments thinking of my, soul.

How Did you become a, soul, whisperer?

I grew up, I guess you could say prophetic.  I always knew things were going to happen before they happened. If the phone rang and someone said something, I was usually telling my parents 10-15 minutes before that so-and-so called and they said A, B and C, and then sure enough that person would call and say those things.

I guess you could say I am Claircognizant,  because I would just know that it was going to happen.  I couldn’t tell you why I knew, in fact I didn’t even know I was telling people anything they didn’t know. That’s actually how I went through school, freaking people out. I didn’t know who to be. I would tell people things, and I would freak them out.  I’m also a truth teller and I do that with love. I definitely speak my mind, call out injustices and so on. I was kind of doubly offending people without realizing it.

Myrna: I like that word “truth teller”, we always say direct communicators – that’s what I call myself; but truth teller sounds nicer.

Jennifer: It depends. I mean some people like it when they’re ready to hear the truth. They like it  when you’re telling them something they want to hear. It’s usually around relationships I find where people don’t particularly like the truth. They have questions like. I just met someone at a bar, is this my soul mate?

I knew from a very young age what my purpose was and was to help people on their, soul journey; but I also needed to feel safe enough and supportive enough to live with this gift.

Myrna: So you were born with a gift – the gift of being able to see things before it happened.  I’m thinking when I say the, soul, I’m using the traditional definition of it. I was listening to an audio book the other day and they said that there are different several names or labels for the, soul. some say the, subconscious, some call it the, super conscious; but it is the part of our non-physical that never dies. Is that what we’re talking about when you say,  soul?

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What is the Purpose of the, Soul?

Jennifer: Yes the, soul, we are referring to is our non physical or spiritual part of a human being that gives life to it.

Myrna: What do you think the purpose of the, soul, is?   You mentioned the fact that you were not connected to any religion. But every religion talks about the, soul,  because it’s eternal. It’s not tied to any religion.  How did you connect to your, soul? How did you bridge between connecting to the, soul, from what was happening to you?  Being able to know things before they happened?

Jennifer: I think the purpose of the, soul, is to guide us to our purpose.  Every, soul, came into a body with a purpose.  When I was younger,  I wouldn’t have been able to tell you about my, soul.  My maternal grandfather was a psychic medium. He used to solve crimes for the police, and my mom’s very intuitive. My dad was very intuitive. I think it’s just we’re all intuitive.

How does understanding your, soul purpose, help clients shift their limiting beliefs?

I think what’s going on in the world right now, it’s kind of hard not to feel really compelled to make sure that we are using our purpose to the fullest. I even consulted with my astrologer recently, and I said I want to make sure I use every ounce of my purpose that I came here to deliver. I want you to learn whatever I came here to learn. I want to be give back in whatever way I can. So I think even before the pandemic, we were spending our time asking does my life matter? Why am I here? Does my life have meaning?

So this is how I help my clients find their purpose and why they are here.  As a, soul, whisperer, I can see what they can’t see.  I didn’t plan on being a business coach when I first started. I was doing readings, I was teaching other people how to do readings. I was so successful because someone like me is always going to be successful.

What I came to realize is that most people, when they discover their, souls purpose, it is so unique that the best way to express it is through a business. The business is just the portal, it’s just the gateway, it’s just the vehicle to be able to share our gifts with the world and be compensated.

Once someone has a relationship with me and they trust me, I not only show them some of the different ways that they can express those gifts; but I help them with their mindset; because I feel mindset is a big reason why people don’t have success.

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If you don’t have the correct mindset, all the business plans in the world, all of the marketing and the Facebook ads, we still have this really sneaky way of sabotaging ourselves. I really  like reminding people what their potential is and then helping them find the easiest path to live their potential and express their potential in the world.

Myrna: That’s beautiful because really if we were to tap into the, soul, it is limitless. That’s one of the beautiful things about the, soul, or  super consciousness or your subconscious it’s limitless. So tapping into it’s potential is a good thing.

How to accelerate your, Souls, Journey by removing your, Money Blocks

You just mentioned mindsets and one of the questions I have here is about, money blocks. Let’s combine the two. You said that you can teach somebody things and they can have all the strategy in the world; but if their mindset is limited or they have a belief that maybe money is evil or if they achieved success then they wouldn’t be good parents. All kinds of, money blocks, are in their head. Are you able to see these, money blocks?

Jennifer: I can see it right away. Right away as soon as someone’s talking to me. I’ll have a client  describe their business to me and in 30 seconds, I can tell why they’re not where they want to be. I don’t know why it’s just I’ve talked to so many people,  tens of thousands of people at this point. So it starts to become a pattern and we all have, money blocks.

We all have a money story, it’s not about judging the money story, it’s our goal to have a healthy money story.  You can have a healthy money story with a hundred dollars in the bank or you can have an unhealthy money story with a billion dollars in the bank. I’ve served a client who had 100 million dollars net worth and she was probably the biggest pain in the bum that I’ve worked with.

She didn’t trust everyone, she felt everyone was out to screw her, everyone else was out to take her money. She had no peace. That’s not financial freedom; if you don’t have the peace with the money that you’ve worked so hard to accumulate.  I’ve talked with billionaires and they’ve said look, like I have money pains too, my money pains are just different because I’ve created a lot of jobs, a lot of people depend on me for their livelihood.

They tell me, I’m always worried that I’m going to drop the ball and I’m going to implode my business and then I’m going to be destitute and  500 other people are going to be without a job. So they just have different, money blocks.

Money is just a magnifier for what’s already there. How do you have peace when you keep waiting for someone to come and take your money?  I had a colleague of mine who didn’t pay her taxes for seven years. You’re allowed up to seven years where I live not pay your Federal taxes before they start to audit you?  Not only did they come and audit her; but because they needed to audit her, they froze all of her accounts including her Stripe Account and her Paypal account.

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She had no money to access while they investigated her.  Her, money blocks, were so resistant to looking money in the eyes.  When we do taxes, we have to look money in the eyes. This is our biggest issue and most of us don’t want to be in conversation with money.

We literally don’t want to pull up a screen and see what’s in our bank account. We don’t want to see what’s coming in or what’s going out and when we’re not willing to look money in the eyes, we can’t have a healthy relationship with our money.

How to Clear your, Money Blocks

Most of us tend not do that and so every activity in our business that requires us to look money in the eyes like sending an invoice, receiving an invoice, chasing someone for money, paying for a room to rent, hiring a team member etc. There’s so many conversations around money every single day in our business that if we don’t learn how to look money in the eyes and treat it like a friend and act like it’s a part of our dream team that wants to help our dreams come true, then we’re going to be working way harder than we need to work.

Myrna: I love that one.

Treat, your money like part of your dream team!

I heard a financial analyst talking about, money blocks; but she was talking about, money blocks, based on things like when your mother said “money don’t grow on trees”. You just got into detail of some really high level blocks about not being able to look at money, not being able to have a relationship with money, or look money in the eye that’s really high level.

Even about when people are billionaires and they still have money issues; because now they have no peace. They think everybody is out to get them, so that is high level, money block.

So would you put, money blocks, and limiting beliefs in the same bucket or is it different?

I think the same blocks that we have around money would at the core of how worthy we feel.

  • How deserving do I feel?
  • Do I feel I can succeed in life and business?
  • We tend to take our, money blocks, cues from our parents. If our parents were working class or they struggled or they had a business and that business failed.
  • Sometimes we have a really hard time out-succeeding the people that are important to us, even our mentors. There are a lot of people that feel like it’s disrespectful to out-grow their mentors.

What is the Souls Imprint?

Myrna: I was listening to a podcast recently and the founder of Mindvalley, his name is Vishen. He talked about coaching people on their, souls imprint. So is our, souls imprint, different from our, souls purpose?

I would say our, souls purpose,  is what did we come here to learn and do.

  • What did we come here to master?
  • What do we come here to contribute?
  • Our, souls imprint, might be worded something like what’s our, soul, essence. Some people just carry this frequency of truth for example so they can’t help it.  If there’s shady stuff going on in a room or in a business or something like, their, souls imprint, can’t let them ignore it.

I have had jobs that within the first month, I was able to pick out  whatever was out of integrity.  It would just come to the surface. My, souls imprint, had this way of vacuuming it out of the shadows. It’s not like I was trying to reveal anything; I didn’t even know it was there.

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How to shift your perceptions or, money blocks?

Well similar to the  looking money in the eyes, write a letter to yourself or your business.
Start like this – I love you; but stop what you are doing.  I’m not having any fun with you anymore.  Create an avatar of the person you are speaking to.  This person could be your dad or a parent who influenced your, money blocks.

My dad was always there physically; but he wasn’t there emotionally which is not an uncommon experience for a lot of us; because men were taught to not be emotionally unavailable. After writing my letter, I had this huge epiphany like, oh my goodness, I am expecting my business to be like my dad!

I had no idea that my subconscious block was being projected onto the consciousness of my business; because everything has consciousness. Then I thought okay, well my business makes money so what would happen if I wrote a letter to money?  I did and the same thing revealed itself.  I realized money’s always been there for me. I’ll ask for it and it shows up for me.

Money is always there for me; but I don’t feel connected to it.   My dad isn’t always showing up when I write letters to money, sometimes it’s someone that bullied me in my past. Sometimes it’s a boss that I really hated, sometimes it’s my mom.

It can be whoever is responsible for your, money blocks, because our body has a consciousness and our business has a consciousness.  This imprints on whatever we’re unconsciously projecting onto it. So the only way we can shift our perceptions is to create a new relationship with money.  Become aware of the relationship we’re already having with it, that we don’t even know. Once we bring awareness to something, then we can heal and shift.

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How can readers get in touch with you for Business Coaching and, Soul Purpose, Sessions?

I don’t do, soul purpose, sessions anymore; but I do offer that within business coaching . Readers can head over to my website  www.souljourneys.ca/soul, I have a FREE GIFT for your listeners and readers. It is a checklist of the nine most important questions to ask yourself to get in alignment with your, soul purpose.

Then I go much more deeply into the work that I do.  They can also connect with me by signing up for my daily inspirational emails.  I send little intuitive love bombs basically every day as an email when people sign up for that.

If you liked this content please subscribe to the Transform Your Mind podcast on iTunes, iHeart radio, Spotify,  YouTube, or wherever you listen to podcasts.  Please also post a review.

Additional Resources

How to Transform your Career with Purpose

A New Business Strategy: Increasing Your Capacity

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_find_your_purpose_in_life

Can Introverts be Successful Networkers?

Networking Introverts

Introverts, are not extroverts and most find, networking, challenging. It is possible to be an introvert and become a wildly successful networker. In his book “An Introvert’s Guide to World Domination” Author Nick Shelton offers practical, reliable strategies for forming lasting connections with others. You will improve your confidence, strengthen your relationships and gain access to people and opportunities you’ve never had before.

 An Introvert’s Guide to World Domination shows introverts a way to access their best life and upgrade their lives and lifestyles through communications and networking techniques specifically designed with the introvert’s needs in mind.
By breaking the process down into bite-sized steps, Nick Shelton offers practical, reliable strategies for forming lasting connections with others. You will improve your confidence, strengthen your relationships and gain access to people and opportunities you’ve never had before.

Listen to the full interview here:

How to Find the Right Group if you are an Introvert

Myrna – When you decided that because you were an, introvert, you were  going to change your circle of friends because the friends  you were hanging around with were not conducive to you in becoming a social person. How did you find the right group?

Okay, I don’t want people to think that I just completely abandoned everyone I knew or say I’m not talking to my old friends,  I still kept in touch with everybody; but I tried to shift my focus more towards people that I thought would be of help to my course to become a networking, introvert.

I looked for groups of people that I thought would be good to be around them. I would find that they have to meetup groups. I would go to these meet up groups and introduce myself to some people. Everybody takes a little time to be comfortable around people, just like relationships they take a little time to build; but it starts off by you initially showing up and just being around and people starting to recognize you.

Myrna – I used to go sit in expensive hotel lobbies for a different reason, not for, networking,  but that is a good way to, network, with the rich.  I did it to get comfortable with wealth.  You were doing it to build a network with influential people, which is good too.

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 What inspired you to write the book An Introverts Guide ?

After I figured out how to, network, as an, introvert, by the way  I am still an, introvert. I still like to spend a lot of time alone. I recharge myself; but then when I do network, I want to go out and be seen and be heard. I’m able to do that; but once I learned how to do this then, I was often invited to do some speaking about it.  I would go to speaking events and  people would ask me  where can we get your book, and I would say I don’t have a book!  I told myself, should probably write  a book.

An Introvert's Guide to World Domination
An Introvert’s Guide to World Domination

I realized there’s a lot of, introverts,  who would get a lot out of a book about how to network as an, introvert, so I sat down and starting writing a book. I knew exactly what I wanted to say.  I wanted to help, introverts, who were in similar situations be able to have the steps that they needed to upgrade their lifestyles and really enhance their experience, networking.

I think everything in life comes down to your connections and your relationships and if you can have better connected relationships, it makes the life of the, introvert, so much richer.  You don’t  even have to be, networking, with  billionaires on yachts; it can just be with your own family and close friends or people in the community.

Myrna – One of the questions that popped into my mind as you were talking about speaking and meet-up groups was, did you join toastmasters?

I did go to toastmasters because everybody says,  you have to go to toastmasters.  I went to toastmasters but; I didn’t really like toastmasters.  Everybody said to me what are you talking about, you have to like toastmasters,  everybody likes toastmasters;  but I don’t know it didn’t do it for me.

I know a lot of people say well if you’re shy and, introverted, and socially awkward;  how can you do public speaking?  I think I have some kind of weird defect in my brain that allows me to think whenever I do public speaking, I go into a dreamlike trance.  We can do anything in our dreams, you’re not a body.

If you just say go talk to those four people over there then I become an, introvert;  but if you say there’s a hundred people go talk to them that’s fine, I become an, extrovert.

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Myrna – You’re kidding that that’s weird wiring;  but you know it’s not that I haven’t heard it before.   It is probably a good time to have a definition of an, introvert, and how that is different from, extrovert. How does someone know if they’re an, extrovert, or, introvert?  We can figure out that if you are shy you may be an, introvert but I am sure there is more.

Define an introvert and the different levels

There are some people that are more, introverted, than others and there’s different categories.  I’d say generally you are an, introvert, if you get drained by being out and interacting with people and have to recharge by being yourself.

I fit that category, that’s the classic, introvert. You can also be shy and that doesn’t necessarily make you an, introvert.  I suffered from being shy and being drained by being around people plus the social awkwardness.  I did’t know what to do and how to even interact with people,  so there’s different combinations of, introversion,  and there’s different levels.

One of my closest friends who has had great success with some of the techniques I teach in my book, always makes fun of me; because he always tries to compare himself saying, I’m way more, introverted, than you.  I tell him this isn’t a competition.

I say that to say there’s different levels for the, introvert; so there’s different things that different obstacles that, introverts, have to deal with.  An obstacle for me might not be an obstacle for my friend.  I mentioned the different types of, introverts, the steps in my book is able to help the whole spectrum of, introverts.

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Everything is for everybody; but I say at the beginning of the book pick out the parts that apply to you that you can use and then what’s not helpful right now just file it away and then maybe later once you hit a certain level maybe that’s going to come in handy at a later time.

How can your Book Help Introverts 

Myrna– Your book is called “An introvert’s guide to world domination: become a high level networking and upgrade your life.”  So what can someone walk away with after reading your book?  What are the skills that you want transferred?

I love that question that was really good,

  1. They are going to be able to know what their obstacles are.
  2. What their blocks are
  3. Identify those blocks so then they can get those out of the way
  4. Then they’re going to be able to find social events that appeal to them that can help them achieve whatever goals they desire.

What are the networking steps covered in your book?

We find out what sort of networking, introverts, should you be doing; so we cover the personal, networking, and then I  also teach about, networking, in the  workplace and at social events.  Depending on what your goal is, you’ll have clear steps on what to do in your personal social life, in the workplace and in, networking, events  to level up in all of those areas.

You’ll know exactly what to do and say if you go to  the company holiday party or if you’re just going to hang out, or you take your kid to soccer practice and there’s going to be a bunch of parents there.

  • You’ll know exactly what you need to do to be interesting and interested and engage in conversation
  • How to have good body language and appear confident, calm and approachable.
  • Show good energy, so you’ll be able to also maintain your relationship
  • Know where to go, what to do, when you get there who to talk to
  • What to say and how to talk to people once you’ve established a relationship
  • How to maintain those relationships; because why build all these relationships if you’re not going to maintain them.

Introverts, will have this whole spectrum of, networking, obstacles; so all they have to do is just work the steps.  I break it down really easy; I put little things in there to make sure that, introverts,  keep pushing forward. introverts,  will be able to go out and put these steps into practice immediately, the very first day even before they finish the book.

What is the definition of a social introvert?

A social, introvert, is somebody who doesn’t like talking to people and is uncomfortable in social situations.  That was my biggest challenge as an, introvert, and that’s why I concentrated my book on, networking; even though I think that there are some other areas being an, introvert, would have challenges with.

So there are social, introverts, who aren’t really good around people and they don’t want to be, they want to have nothing to do with, networking, so they’d just rather maybe stay in the science lab or stay in the basement playing video games. This book is not for this type, these steps are for the, introvert,  who says, hey I would like to be able to do that, I just don’t know how.

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Helping Introverts Lead Regular Lives

I want to help, introverts,  feel more confident just day to day in their regular life.  Just  going to the grocery store or if you live in an apartment building and your neighbors are out on their balcony and you think well I can’t go out on my balcony; because they’re there maybe I should wait until they go inside.

Or when it comes to your work place or when it comes to just any relationships, introverts, have an understanding of what being an, introvert, is really costing them.  It’s costing them much more than you can possibly imagine, and it’s all these little micro instances of hiding.  If, introverts, can just take that little extra step to not hide,  it can completely change their life and lifestyle.

Myrna – I can imagine that an, introvert, is somebody who is a pleaser, because they don’t want to make a fuss right, they don’t want confrontation, they don’t want to challenge whatsoever.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher

Is the pandemic good or bad for the introvert? 

All the, networking, in person situations are no longer an issue and we’re like talking on zoom and we’re in our bedroom and in our house and we don’t have to go out; so is an, introvert’s, heaven.  The pandemic is this helping them stay hidden we, introverts,  think this is the best time to be alive ever in the history!  It gives the, introvert, the excuse to say,  hey I would love to be out socializing and hobnobbing with everybody; but I’m locked down.

What can introverts do to make the most of this pandemic situation?

One of the things the, introvert, can do during the pandemic is to strengthen the relationships you already have.  COVID  gives you a perfect excuse to go through your work email and your personal email of all your contacts and see who you haven’t touched base within say three months.  Make a list of those people and then every day just contact a few and just say, hey how are you doing during COVID?

MyrnaI’m going to borrow that to touch base with my real estate clients and just keep up the, networking, because a great strategy for realtors whether they are, introverts, or not to keep, networking, during the pandemic.

How to build your network as an Introvert 

If you want to become a high-level networker, or upgrade your life both, introverts, and, extroverts, can be a high-level networker.  I’ve had a lot of students who are realtors and they are not, introverts, but they just wanted an edge over their competition and so they used some of these techniques,

Where can listeners get a copy of your book and connect with you on social media?

My book is available on  amazon.com An introvert’s guide to world domination You can also visit me on the web at connectedintrovert.com.  I have an  online course and a mentorship program and a free mini master class.

 

Thanks for listening to this podcast or watching on YouTube. If you are an iTunes user, please  subscribe, rate and review this podcast.   I also want to invite you to my Facebook group called Lifecoach and it’s growing by leaps and bounds and you know every day I post little you know inspiring messages.

Additional Resources Social Networking 

Can you recognize your failure symptoms?

https://makeawebsitehub.com/social-media-sites/

How to Tackle Teenage Anxiety and Depression

Tackling Teenage Anxiety and Depression

Anxiety, in teenagers and young adults is much more than a phase. It’s a real condition that can interfere with daily life, lead to, depression, and suicidal thoughts.

In this interview, I am speaking with Megan Gallagher, mental health advocate and Tedx speaker.

While growing up, Megan experienced chronic, anxiety, and panic attacks, as well as body image issues. Inspired by the lack of honest conversations among her peers/teachers about “real life topics”. After therapy and healing, she dove headfirst into making that change in the public school system! Gallagher currently speaks at middle schools and high schools about, mental health, self-care, following your dreams & mindfulness. She has spoken at over 500 schools and been featured in major media outlets like Forbes Magazine, Entrepreneur Magazine, The Today Show, OK! Magazine, NBC news, FOX news and Yahoo!

Listen to the full interview here:

How did you traverse your painful childhood?  What exactly caused your, anxiety, and how did you become an, anxiety, and, mental health advocate?

Growing up as a youth I can remember as early as  elementary school,  I have vivid memories of just sitting in class and noticing my stomach churning and getting really sweaty under my armpits. All these things would happen and I didn’t really know what triggered these spiral of symptoms.

I would think I ate something weird at lunch or maybe something’s not sitting right on my stomach or even that I had stomach flu.

My mom figured that I was more sensitive than my sister and needed more attention. I wanted just to be alone.  Going to crowded public places really overwhelmed me.  My parents would say Megan tends to freak before an event happens so they would try to find ways to calm me down.

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It wasn’t until I was 13 years old in eighth grade about to graduate to go to high school, that I became aware of my emotions and become in tune with my body.  These, anxiety attacks, were really scary and they came out of nowhere.

I would be sitting in a classroom and I felt like I was like coming out of my skin.  Just wanting to get up and go the bathroom and just breathe. Freaking out, I  like didn’t want to be around people,  I just wanted to just have a moment for myself.

Myrna – Do you think you are in introvert? Did you put a label on it?

Megan – I’m actually the most social extroverted person ever. I thrive off of being around people and I love having a big friend group and I love hanging out with people, so I wouldn’t say I’m an introvert, I would say I’m have high functioning, anxiety.

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Teenagers,  can go one of two ways with Anxiety and Depression :

  • People who show their, depression, and, anxiety, through shutting down. They kind of isolate themselves.
  • I handled my, anxiety, and found comfort in talking about my feelings. I just love talking and being around people. I loved being around people hosting events and parties.

Now that I’m 24, I don’t really get the, anxiety attacks, but I still have anxious moments.

I learned how to handle it though.  I know how to stop the negative thoughts before they turn into a full-blown, anxiety attack.

My, anxiety, continued into high school. I remember so well gearing up during the summer and counting down the days until my first day of high school.  I had the normal thoughts of you know, where’s my locker. What if I get lost in this new school. The what if thoughts would fuel my, anxiety.

How to Control your Anxiety by being in the moment.

Now I know I should have stayed in the present moment, my mind was trying to anticipate what’s gonna happen two months from now, one month, 3 weeks etc.  But the truth of the matter is we can’t control the future.

With, anxiety, you have such a fear of losing control. For people with, anxiety, being in control is what they want.

My, anxiety, has manifested itself in different ways throughout my life.  When I was younger in high school, my, anxiety, manifested in an eating disorder. I was too anxious to eat in school, so I would starve myself all day and then binge at night.

My, anxiety, showed up where my mind would just black out. I would feel  like I got shot off into space and then I would get hot and sweaty and see stars.  It was so scary and  so uncomfortable in public.

Anxiety, can mimic a heart attack or a stroke or it can mimic other life-threatening health conditions.

My freshman sophomore year of high school I was a mess, in constant, anxiety, mode. My mind would calculate that an episode happened at 9 00 a.m. in English class, so then the next day my body, that internal clock started saying it’s 9 a.m.  Yesterday I got an, anxiety attack, so I would have another, anxiety attack, thinking about the last, anxiety attack. It was a vicious cycle. I got so deep in the ditch I felt like a prisoner to my own mind.

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How did you Heal Yourself of, Anxiety?

My, anxiety, had reached a point where I felt like I was being cornered in a wall, so I had to ask for help.  I sat my parents down and told them what had been going on with me for years. They told me that, mental illness, and, anxiety,  runs on my dad’s side of the family and what I have it’s called, anticipatory anxiety.

They scheduled me in therapy and told me your first session is next week.

Forms of Therapy for, Anxiety.

  • Talk therapy where it’s just the typical talking while the Therapist takes notes.
  • Hypnotherapy where you lie on a couch and the Therapist  puts you in a hypnotic state where you can reach your subconscious mind.
  • EFT Tapping for, anxiety, and fear. EFT is the abbreviation for Emotional Freedom Techniques, an effective self-help tool for calming anxiety and fear. EFT is like acupuncture for emotional healing, but you can do it for yourself and there are no needles, just tapping on a sequence of calming meridian points with your fingertips.

I am such an advocate for therapy. I think everyone who suffers from, anxiety, should do therapy because every single person on this planet has their own stuff.  It doesn’t have to have been something traumatic; but every person has baggage.

My therapist in high school told me “Megan everyone in life has baggage.” Just like people getting on a plane, some just have a little carry-on while some  have like four suitcases.  Some people have designer baggage, others have a trash bag; but everyone has something to bring on the plane.

What made you become a, Mental Health Advocate, talking in Middle and High Schools?

My therapist also taught me your mind is like a dog on a leash. When you walk your dog outside and you let the dog do its thing while on the leash. The dog just want to take off; but you have to maintain control of the dog on the leash. You mind is the same way, it wants to take off and anticipate everything and then get, anxiety attacks, but you have to reign it back in.  You are still in control of the leash.

When I talk in schools, I try to teach teenagers that they are in control of their minds.

We’re in a pandemic right now and people are getting, anxiety attacks, worrying about the future, worrying if they are going to find a job, it they are going to loose their homes.

Why do you think there is an epidemic of teenagers with, Anxiety, and Depression?

Teenagers were always having a problem with, depression, and, anxiety.  A lot of people blame it on the social atmosphere, the social culture.  The culture we live in today it’s so different from the 80s or the 90s even the early 2000s.  A huge switch happened when  social media like Facebook and Myspace took off. Now there’s Tumblr, there’s Twitter, there’s, Tic Tock,  there’s Instagram. It’s insane but it is important to remember social media does the same thing to human beings as, anxiety,  it triggers the fear of missing out.  Oh I didn’t get invited to that party that I see on snap chat,  oh my gosh what’s going on with me, my friends are posing on a yacht with a celebrity, so their life must be better than mine.

Social media it really is a very negative thing and I think it’s important to really be aware of how does it make you feel?Before you go on Instagram versus after you get off Instagram. If you are feeling, anxiety, or, depression, after you go on social media, you should cut back your time on it to like 20 minutes a day instead of scrolling for hours.

Here are some of the signs that your Teenager is Depressed

Since teenagers are often moody, it can be difficult to recognize when your son or daughter has become depressed, and might need help. The thing people tend to notice first is withdrawal, or when the teenager stops doing things she usually likes to do. There might be other changes in her mood, including sadness or irritability. Or in her behavior, including, appetite, energy level, sleep patterns and academic performance. If several of these symptoms are present, be vigilant about the possibility of teen, depression.

This is especially important because by the time family members and other people around a teenager note her lack of interest in most things.  She’s usually been depressed for some time. Depression, is an internalizing disorder, i.e. one that disturbs a patient’s emotional life, rather than an externalizing one, which takes the form of disruptive or problematic behavior. As such, it takes a while not only for others to recognize it but often for the patient herself to realize that her thinking, and emotional responses, are disturbed.

What your main message for teenagers battling with,  Anxiety?

My main message is follow your dreams in life. Once upon a time, it feels like a decade ago, when I went was allowed to speak at schools,  I talked about, mental health, anxiety, and self-care.  I touched on a lot subjects; but the main takeaway was follow your passions.  First fill up your cup, take care of yourself and get to know your body.

Connect with Megan for speaking or to hear any of her work on Instagram @ meganwgallegher on Linkedin @ Megan Gallagher

Additional Resources on Anxiety

How to Heal Your Brokenness

In a Unhealthy Relationship? Should you Stay or Go.

Unhealthy Relationships vs Healthy Love

So many women stay in, unhealthy relationships, and complain.  They feel unsatisfied, they feel unappreciated,  they feel disconnected, but they stay because they don’t want to be alone.  Blake D Bauer, relationship coach lets you know the signs when you should go, if you have given it all you got.

In this Blog and podcast, Blake D Bauer and Myrna Young, Life Coach, are going to be talking on the topic, unhealthy relationships, vs, healthy love.  So ladies download and listen to the full interview because we’re gonna be talking about men and how to understand your man.

Listen to full interview here:

Introduction to Blake D Bauer and, Unhealthy Relationships

Myrna – How did you become an Author, Teacher and a Relationship Coach?

Blake – As a young man I struggled a lot psychologically and emotionally and I didn’t have a lot of healthy men role models in my life, so to cope and survive I got into drinking alcohol, partying and doing drugs.

As a man I instinctively learned how to survive by repressing my emotions.  I spent a lot of time in the gym building up my ego and building up my muscles which is a very common masculine tendency.

It’s ironic because all that was my subconscious way of protecting my heart and my vulnerability and surviving the world.  We all do that in our own way; but these are the common male tendencies.

Later I developed a desire to understand my purpose in life, which is another topic I think is really important for men.  If we don’t have a very clear sense of purpose, it’s hard for us to be strong for our family, for the women in our life and our business. I found that my purpose was to become a, relationship coach, helping women understand when they are in, unhealthy relationships.

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Blue Cheese dedicated to Nupsey Hussle
Blue Cheese dedicated to Nupsey Hussle

BleuCheese by:Frank Blacq dedicated this track in the loving memory of Nipsey Hussle follow me @Fblacq229

https://youtu.be/ROGAM_HG-5o

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Men really do need a very clear sense of purpose, to be a captain of the ship or be a king for his queen.  I started waking up every morning trying to answer two questions.

  1. How do I free myself from this suffering of, unhealthy relationships?
  2. What’s the purpose of my life?

This question led me to five different universities where I studied psychology, nutrition, theories of education and early childhood development,  Chinese Medicine including acupuncture and oriental medicine.

I then had a series of insights where I could see how, unhealthy relationships, including the, unhealthy relationship, with myself, was fueling, unhealthy relationships, with others.

In other words if we never learn how to love ourselves as children, it can lead to physical disease, psychological and emotional suffering like depression, anxiety,  bipolar disorder and, unhealthy relationships.

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Stuck A short story about success
Stuck

Blake – There was a point in my journey when I realized that everything was really about how you learn to love yourself and value yourself on a daily basis; because that’s the key to your health and happiness.  It’s also the key to, healthy love, and, healthy relationships.

In my book “You Were not Born to Suffer” I share all my findings on, unhealthy relationships, vs, healthy love.

You were not born to suffer in unhealthy relationships
You were not born to suffer in unhealthy relationships

Why is Finding your Purpose Important for, Healthy Love?

Blake – One of the big questions that everybody asks is,  Does money and wealth equal success and happiness?  So that was the question I kept asking myself.  Is success and happiness equivalent to financial success? Can you find, healthy love, if you have lots of money?

I had actually grown up around people who had been very successful financially; but who were very self-destructive and in, unhealthy relationships.

I saw people chase money, get it and lose it again doing drugs. They hurt their children, ruined their marriages and they all had, unhealthy relationships.

  • So I started asking the question, What is the purpose of Life?
  • I was plagued and tortured with questions like, Why did I come to this planet?
  • Is there a God?

From the age of 18 to 24,  I was on this very intense healing spiritual and personal development journey. I felt that the reason I had come to the planet and my purpose was to share my insights on self-love with as many people as possible.

If I could teach others how to love themselves then they would be able to love others and have, healthy relationships.

How does the Emotional Health of men lead to, Unhealthy Relationships?

A lot of women go into, unhealthy relationships,  with men and they don’t get what they’re looking for because the man is not emotionally ready.

Sometimes as a woman you can also be seeking love from a man that you don’t give yourself,  or that you didn’t get from your father. For example, it’s really important to have that self-awareness.

I am  spending time with this guy because I really enjoy his company, I really enjoy his energy.

He’s supportive,  he’s loving,  he’s present plus I’m attracted to him.  We should be having a, healthy relationship, but we are not. So if he is not giving me what I need, then I have to analyse why I am with him.

Ask these questions.

  • Did you enjoy his company?
  • Did you like feeling protected?

You want to build something with this man, so you start to open up.  You tell him, I feel X Y and Z.  Pay attention to whether he can really hear you.

  • Does he listen and respond?
  • Or  does he check out and become distracted?
  • Or does he change the topic?

Another good question to ask is:

  • How do you feel about this or that?
  • How does he feel about regrets in his life?
  • How does he feel about the importance of communication or emotional connection?
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Blake – This is how you know if you can have a, healthy relationship, with this man.

If you don’t get the response that you want, this is the red flag that you are in an, unhealthy relationship.

A lot of men use this mask, I don’t like to talk.  I don’t like to talk about my feelings.

If you get that response,  say I need a partner who is able to open up and talk about his feelings, because that’s  important to me.  As a woman looking for a, healthy relationship, you need a partner who can connect to you emotionally and be there for you and be your best friend as well as a lover.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

If you don’t demand what you want, this would be a whole relationship based on you betraying yourself, so the key from the beginning is don’t betray yourself.  If you’re betraying yourself right now, STOP because it’s never going to get better.

Many women go into relationships thinking, I am going to fix this man up. He is a work in progress! He is like a fixer-upper, I’m gonna flip this house, I’m gonna flip this man. I’ll just put some nice new wallpaper and everything will be great.

NO it never works,  it just doesn’t work.

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What does, Healthy relationships, look like?

If you’re looking for this great of a husband then you have to be a great wife.  If you’re looking for a, healthy relationship, then you’ve got to understand what are you bringing to the table,  starting with self-love. You’ve got to fix yourself because even if you do get the man,  he might not stay because you’re insensitive, you’re bitchy, or you complain all the time.

You’ve got to be the best version of yourself, you’ve got to be able to understand what you what you want up front and ask for it.

Healthy relationships, are merely a projection of the relationship you have with yourself.  It directly connects back to where you have unhealthy thought habits and unhealthy habits of internalizing your emotions or pretending you feel different than you feel.

What are the steps to check if you are in an Unhealthy Relationship?

There’s a couple of practical approaches and mindsets that go with having, healthy relationships.

  1. One is that you have to become very aware of what you’re feeling on a daily basis, so for example you can just ask yourself, What do I feel right now in my body?
  2. Get used to saying – I feel hungry, I feel hot,  I feel frustrated,  I feel sad, I feel depressed.  I feel unloved, I feel angry, I feel alone.
  3. Become intimate with your feelings.
  4. On a daily basis talk openly and honestly with your friends, your family or your partner.
  5. Find someone that you feel safe with that and who you can talk to on a daily basis about what’s going on inside of you.  If you don’t have a friend or a family member that you can talk to openly and honestly, then it’s important to find a therapist.
  6. Another thing you can do on your own or until you talk to someone, is to get a diary or a journal and write, Dear Universe or Dear God, depending on what you believe. Some people have a connection with a deceased loved one, like their mother or their father or a grandparent,  you can write to your loved one who has passed on as well.
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You are in an, Unhealthy Relationship, should you stay or should you go?

Firstly, expressing your emotions honestly and kindly, is the first step if you are in an, unhealthy relationship.  Most of us never learned how to do that, and that sabotages relationships and makes us sick and miserable.  So you got to learn how to be open, honest, and  vulnerable on a daily basis.

  • Step two is acting in integrity, acting in alignment with what you feel and want and need. So how many people stay in, unhealthy relationships, and all they do is complain.  They feel unsatisfied, they feel unappreciated,  they feel disconnected;  but they stay and they complain.
  • They don’t take action following what they feel, because they don’t want to be alone. Yet most people in that situation feel alone anyway. They stay in an, unhealthy relationship, and stifle the chance of meeting someone new.

You should leave an, unhealthy relationship, if you’ve done everything you can in that situation to heal the relationship and the other person’s not willing to help.

Conclusion for Unhealthy Love Relationships

You can leave without regret.  You know in your heart you gave it a hundred percent,  you gave everything you had.  You took the responsibility for your actions. This person did not meet you on the bridge!

Blake – My book “You were not born to suffer” is on Amazon, iTunes and audible.  It’s on audio kindle and paperback, you can get it at any bookstore.  I normally teach at retreats throughout the year in person in the united states,  I teach a lot in the mountains in Colorado at a 600 acre Buddhist retreat center. Now that we have COVID  Check out my online events  on my website unconditional-self love. Com.

Follow the Transform Your Mind Podcast on Instagram @https://www.instagram.com/myrnamyoung/

on Facebook @https://www.facebook.com/Transform-Your-Mind-356442618235798/

on Twitter @https://twitter.com/myrna_young1

Join my Private Life Coach Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/193005424200128/

Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/transform-your-mind-coach/id1144973094?mt=2

Additional Resources Unhealthy Relationships

https://blog.myhelps.us/alchemy-desire-episode-5-long-term-relationship-dance/

What is the #1 Thing Women can do to, Improve Their Relationships,?

https://www.mentalhelp.net/relationships/is-it-love-or-codependency/

https://time.com/5274206/toxic-relationship-signs-help/

A New Business Strategy: Increasing Your Capacity

Business strategy vs capacity

As a Business Coach, I kept getting clients who kept hitting a plateau with, business strategy.  They hired experts to help them figure out the right business model,  to surpass this plateau or ceiling; but they kept hitting this ceiling, nothing was working. It reminded me of my own, capacity, issue.~~~Lisa Fabrega

In this interview I speak with  to Lisa Fabrega, leadership coach on the topic It’s not your, business strategy, it’s your, capacity.

Listen to Full Interview 

Introduction to Capacity

Myrna – What I love about this topic is references one of my favorite quotes

You are the Lid! You can only  go as far as your, capacity, for growth.

So the headline It’s not your, business strategy, it is your, capacity, for growth resonates with me.

Lisa as a Business coach, How did you stumble on the concept that what’s was holding your clients back was not their, business strategy, or goals but their, capacity?

Lisa – Great question I stumbled upon this concept very early on in my coaching practice.

I was actually was a health coach working with clients on nutrition.   I noticed from my first couple of clients weren’t talking about food, instead it was their, capacity, was the focus.

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Blue Cheese dedicated to Nupsey Hussle
Blue Cheese dedicated to Nupsey Hussle

BleuCheese by:Frank Blacq dedicated this track in the loving memory of Nipsey Hussle follow me @Fblacq229

https://youtu.be/ROGAM_HG-5o

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

Podbean 

My clients were very ambitious and had already achieved a lot and yet they were hitting a plateau or something wasn’t working anymore.  They couldn’t figure out what it was even though they were very smart people, so they’d throw a bunch of, business strategy, at the problem.

When, business strategy, didn’t work, they would hire experts to figure out the right business model,  to surpass this plateau or ceiling.  But they kept hitting this ceiling, nothing was working. It reminded me of my own, capacity, issue.

Four years ago I had a, capacity, issue. My coaching packages were sold out, I had a huge wait list.  I was overwhelmed with requests and I didn’t have the, capacity, for it at the time.  One thing I always say to my clients is if Oprah called you tomorrow, are you ready?  Do you have the, capacity, to handle that influx of new business?

I thought this must be a, business strategy, problem instead of diagnosing it correctly that I had a, capacity, issue.  I couldn’t hold handle or receive what was coming my way on many levels, so I went and invested a ton of money in a new, business strategy, and a funnel and I ended up a hundred thousand dollars in debt.

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Marc was a successful and admired corporate executive and Real Estate mogul in New York city when trouble arrived in his life. He loses everything.

With the guidance of a great mentor and coach, he learns how to become unstuck and get his life back.

This fictional short-story, inspired by real-life events, teaches different concepts, that can be utilized by anyone who wants to excel at managing themselves effectively in any professional and personal setting.

Pick up a copy of Stuck today from Amazon or wherever books are sold and get moving towards your success.

Stuck A short story about success
Stuck

 

Myrna –  I would make the same decision. I immediately would think I needed to add more staff or something that’s probably what you did right?

Lisa –  I added more staff,  I hired a huge expansion team, I started a whole new funnel!  It was the most stressful year of my life because I did not sleep that entire year.  I was so stressed out about the money and the debt.

After doing some real deep self-reflection about what actually caused that problem,  I started to noticing my conversations with my clients who also had, business strategy, issues. I realized that It was not a, business strategy, issue but a, capacity, issue.

Myrna – Obviously you need, business strategy; but you also need the, capacity, to get there; so how did you transition your clients to look at their, capacity, not their, business strategy?

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Six areas of building capacity

Lisa – I realized that there are six areas of, capacity. I  drilled it down to six because everything kind of falls under these, capacity, areas that we tend to struggle with as ambitious and successful people.

  • Money capacity – What’s your, money capacity? Score yourself from zero to ten. Are you earning enough,  saving and investing larger and larger amounts of money every year?  If you answered No, then ask yourself why not?
  • Visibility capacity – visibility capacity is your ability to allow all of you to be fully seen in your work. So many people hide little bits of themselves from their brand and from their clients and then end up with a misalignment. A lot of my women clients who come to me and tell me they’re drained, it’s not that they’re overworked or have the wrong, business strategy; the burnout is not because of that, it’s because they’re hiding these parts of themselves and it’s so exhausting to have to constantly hide and not be transparent.
  • Purpose capacity – purpose capacity is when your inside matches your outside. Your, business strategy,  is lined up with your true purpose. You can’t start a business just because it has the potential to make you lots of money.  Your business must also line up with your values and purpose.
  • Embodiment capacity – embodiment capacity is your emotional, spiritual, mental and physical capacity.  If you were to get up on a stage in front of a thousand people and it drains the life force out of you  to the  point that you’re exhausted and have to recover for two days, you have an, embodiment capacity, issue.  If somebody leaves a nasty comment on your Instagram post and you are just like freaked out and hiding for two weeks, you have an, embodiment capacity, issue.
  • Structural capacity – I call this also your foundation capacity. What are the foundations that are holding you up or lifting you up to your next level? What systems or, business strategy, do you have at home, or at work to hold you up?
  • Boundary capacity – boundary capacity is about being clear about who you are. It’s not just boundaries with other people, it’s boundaries with yourself; because sure you could work 10 hours today but is actually going to serve where you’re going? Should you instead get some rest?  That’s setting a boundary with yourself.

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Fight Club Nutrition a black owned company has put together a catalog of nutritional supplements to bring out the best fitness body.  Try our Iron Body Fat burner or the Alpha Wolf to increase testosterone.

Ladies you should definitely buy this for your man.

Head over to www.fightclubnutrition .com for the best nutritional supplements for athletes.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

How to Expand your Capacity: your New Business Strategy

Myrna – What can women do to expand their capacity for growth, wealth and success?

Lisa –  It starts with knowing how they score on the  six capacities.

It will tell you what the real problem is because the biggest roadblock we experience when trying to expand our, capacity, is that we misdiagnose the actual problem.

If women don’t get clear and score themselves in these areas, they might think they have a structural issue or a strategic issue and don’t realize that it’s actually a, money capacity.

Why does our energy level affect our Capacity

Myrna – One of the things I wanted to ask you about is this, embodiment capacity.  You said  we can subconsciously drain our energy and power thus lowering our, capacity; explain that a little.

Lisa – I think that some of the ways that we unconsciously drain our power is through what I call emotional labor.  Women particularly do this a lot and that’s actually part of an, embodiment capacity, issue.  I have a great example. One of my clients told her husband would ask her every week after she would put the towels away, where’s the such-and-such towel and she’d say “it’s in the closet with the towels”  and he would say. “I don’t see it”  and she’d have to walk over to the closet and the towel would be right there.

This went on every week until she told him she was not doing any more emotional labor, that he can find the damm towel himself, she was no longer going to get up from what she was doing to find the towel for him.

This is a great example of tiny ways that we do emotional labor without realizing that we are being drained. These little leaks, I call them little power leaks leave you exhausted.  You wonder why you’re exhausted and burned out and it has nothing to do with your, business strategy, we have to be mindful of our energy. It’s being drained from emotional labor with our family, friends and even clients.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Tim Trilioni is a New Orleans Native who’s grown up literally most of his life around all genres
and music forms. He fell in love with Jazz music from a young age performing at local jazz
clubs, churches and events. As an artist, Tim Trilioni does not feel artists should put boundaries
on their musical expression and it shows in his work. He loves Afro Beats and Kwaito. He is
currently discussing potential collaborations with artists from these genres in the near future.

Follow Tim on https://www.instagram.com/timtrilioni/

 

Myrna – So true, women especially the care-giving kind of woman are always doing things for other people and then they emotionally drain themselves and then they don’t have the energy to do anything for some themselves which is why the self-care movement is becoming so popular.

If you’re emotionally drained, it limits your, capacity,  we can’t operate within our full capacity if our battery is drained.

Four  keys to unlock Capacity: Your New Business Strategy 

  1. Pleasure – pleasure can be whatever it means to you, it could be taking a walk in the park, it could be taking a break, getting in the tub, getting some nice smelling lotion and rubbing it on your hands. Making sure to have those pleasure breaks because it’s like refueling your tank. Allow your, business strategy, to be your best self.
  2. Eat Whole Foods – According to Ayurveda, it is very important to eat foods that are natural and pure for their full benefit to be absorbed by the body. When foods are as close to their state in nature as possible, that’s when they deliver the most potent nutrition. Foods that have been genetically altered, processed or refined have much of their natural intelligence stripped from them, disturb the intellect and the coordination and lowers our, capacity .
  3. Manage stress levels – We live in difficult times. Stress and anxiety, whether caused by time pressures or difficult work relationships, stress can have a significant negative impact on mental performance. A calm mind, serene and centered in its equilibrium, is unquestionably superior in terms of focus, attention span, retention of knowledge and problem-solving ability. It is important to manage stress before it becomes a severe problem, because stress has been known to damage or destroy brain cells, and many prescription pills for anxiety can have side effects that can further erode mental performance and, capacity. a new, business strategy, manage your stress.
  4. Get adequate, quality sleep – Related to stress is the other plague of modern society — lack of deep, restful sleep. With diet and lifestyle, sleep is a fundamental pillar of increasing your, capacity. Optimal physical and mental performance is impossible if sleep is not addressed. Getting eight hours of sleep is less important than striving for quality sleep, which occurs when the mind is totally disconnected from the senses. Quality sleep recharges and rejuvenates the mind, improving both short-term and long-term mental prowess as well as your, capacity for growth.

Myrna – I understand that you have  a capacity in crisis virtual workshop.

Lisa –  First of all I have an amazing free gift for your listeners.  To get your Free Gift head over to  my website at www.lisafabrega.com.

You can also sign up for my newsletter it’s actually an entire video series that I call the, capacity conversations.  It’s like binging on Netflix except you get to binge and expand your, capacity, instead of numbing your mind.

You get a series of free videos that walk you through all the capacities and help you diagnose what your capacity issue might be holding you back.

Myrna – I want to introduce a contest this week. The prize is a gift card from one of our sponsors hbnaturals.com.  One of you lucky listeners will get this $25 gift card for subscribing to either the Transform Your Mind iTunes podcast or subscribing to the Transform Your Mind podcast Youtube channel. Once you subscribe send me an email to info@myhelps.us with your contact information and if you are the winner, you will get this gift card to purchase any of the products on hbnatures.com coffee, skincare products, tea,  CBD oil, super-foods, essential oils, pet products and more.

I want to invite you all to join my private Facebook group called life coach, this group has lots of life coaches giving daily inspiration and tips to live your best like now.

Additional Resources 

How to Find your Passion, Purpose and Freedom as a Mompreneur

https://blog.myhelps.us/the-world-of-the-entrepreneur/

https://www.moneycarer.org.uk/useful-information/capacity-assessment-for-money-management.html

How to Use Mantras to Build Self-Confidence (The Skill of Self Confidence)

Build self-confidence

To me the most important thing about that Ted talk,  the reason I did that talk has over 20 million views is because I struggled with, self-confidence.  I had to, build self-confidence so I sat on the bench of a soccer team.  I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man’s world, you’re always not feeling like you’re quite up to it. ~ Dr Ivan Joseph

I am speaking to the infamous Dr Ivan Joseph. Dr Joseph is a best-selling author of the book “You Got This: Mastering the Skill of Self-Confidence.

Listen to the full interview 

Short Bio: 

Dr Ivan Joseph was born in Guyana, South America, my birth country.  He immigrated to Toronto, Canada at the age of 5. I immigrated to Toronto, Canada as well but at the age of 17. As he became a  young man of color, he often felt disenfranchised and disconnected. But he excelled in sports and  attended a small University in Iowa on an athletic scholarship, then achieved his Master’s Degree, and  a PhD in psychology. This lead to him becoming a professor, AND being awarded Coach of the Year. For ten years he was the Director of Athletics for Ryerson University in Toronto, and spearheaded the 100 million dollar renovation of the iconic Maple Leaf Gardens. Dr Ivan is now the Vice Provost of Student Affairs at Dalhousie University, one of Canada’s most distinguished and competitive institutions. ”

Introduction to, Self-Confidence Definition

Self-confidence definition, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task at hand.  Everybody needs to understand that you may have all the talent in the world,  you may be the most beautiful person in the world, the smartest person in the world,  the strongest person in the world; but if you don’t have this genuine belief that you have that skill,  you will never put your hand up to answer the question in the math class or sit on the board, or volunteer to be the do the presentation,  or choose to join the team.

Myrna – What was your journey from an immigrant boy and a man of color and then transcending that to becoming a doctor, a performance coach, a Tedx speaker, an author?

Dr Ivan – l  think  like many immigrants who come to North America whether that be your audience, that’s American or my audience that’s Canadian, we all choose to leave our countries of birth for hopefully a better future.

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Self-confidence helps you get a man
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There’s something that’s grounded in all of us that chose the country of citizenship and that is a desire to achieve.  We were not comfortable or we were not content with what we had and discontent drives us.  That desire is to be better and to pay it forward for our families.  Those parents who are immigrants who grew up as kids, we are drilled with that constant mantra you need to be twice as good.   It’s not good enough to be average, you need to get an A.

You could end up  internalizing that message where you’re never quite good enough and that is where a lack of, self-confidence, gets rooted. Great jobs will pass you by because you don’t have the, self-confidence, to go after it. So you’re pushed to the corners or to the edges of society.  You start to not achieve what you may have achieved if you had, self-confidence, whether that’s from your own internal belief or from society.

All of us will fail in life at some time. When you fail, you hang on to that failure and it becomes paralyzing.  You’re then not willing to take the next risk to achieve. It took me many strikeouts, to use my sports analogies,  or swinging and missing to succeed. With every success I , build self-confidence, was tapped up.

How do we, Build Self-confidence?

Myrna – As I was preparing mentally for this interview I asked myself how I, build self-confidence? I think I have been, self-confident,  all my life and I was wondering how I, build self-confident,  and my own response was that life experience was my confidence builder. If somebody tells you that you’re good at something or somebody tells you you’re pretty or you get good grades in school, you start, building self-confidence, that you can do most things.

Dr Ivan – One of the things about, build self-confidence, is the more you achieve the more it grows. The more you achieve the bigger it gets.  You’ll get your opportunity, you’ll get your promotion and then you start all over and your, self- confidence, will wane.

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Blue Cheese dedicated to Nupsey Hussle
Blue Cheese dedicated to Nupsey Hussle

BleuCheese by:Frank Blacq dedicated this track in the loving memory of Nipsey Hussle follow me @Fblacq229

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

How Does, Build Self-confidence, Equal High Performance?

Myrna – So let’s transition to our, build self-confidence,  topic.

Why do you believe, building self-confidence, optimism,  grit,  and resilience are fundamental skills in achieving high performance goals?

Dr Ivan –  If you don’t believe in yourself, you will not put yourself in front of anybody and risk failure.  So the genuine belief is the foundational cornerstone of success.  We can all outwork and learn to do whatever we want, given enough time; but if we’re not willing, really willing to put ourselves out there, it doesn’t matter how talented we are.

Myrna – I understand not having the, self-confidence,  to do a job or not having the, self- confidence, that you’re gonna win the race or not having the, confidence, when you’re down 20 points in the fourth quarter and have the, confidence, that you can still win because I’ve seen that happen.

But what I don’t understand is why women can be beautiful, have a great body and don’t have the, self-confidence, that  they can walk in a room and own it. Instead they don’t project anything, they  don’t protect any energy.  They want to be in the corner, and then you have the woman who is not by standards attractive; but she walks in a room  and she feels that she’s got it and you know she gets the guys.  Because guys think that, self-confidence, is sexy.

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Why do we Lack, Self-confidence?

Dr Ivan – Well I’ll never comment on a woman’s appearance or looks.  What I would say that anybody whether it’s a female or a male or an athlete or a young girl or a young man. It’s the measuring stick that they’re using to measure themselves against.  This is key.  If I’m measuring myself up to Denzel Washington, I may never feel like I’m good enough.  It’s human nature to always be in competition and in comparison with others.  Whether it’s the Joneses next door, whether it’s what you did last week,  we are always looking at how we compare and stack up.

So your message to the young woman who may not be attractive, or the gentleman who may not be as smart, or the person who doesn’t think they have as much as the next person; you can’t tell them they are attractive or smart, they won’t believe it.

This is why we have to start with this genuine belief and, self-confidence. We’ll call this maladaptive perfectionism.  This is when you  have an unrealistic understanding of what perfectionism is or excellence is and you chase that almost impossible thing.

Myrna – What about optimism and the gift of resilience to achieve, high performance goals?

Dr Ivan – Optimism and, build self-confidence, takes you to the next level.  You believe that you can make it.  You’re, confident, you may have setbacks,  you may fail or flounder; but this is where grit comes into play. Grit, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task despite setbacks.

The only way to develop, grit, in order to achieve your goals is to experience failure.  There is no other way to grow, grit, and resilience than to sit and be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

So many people out there won’t ever achieve, because they are so caught up with the embarrassment of failure.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

How to, Build Self-Confidence, Resilience and Grit

Dr Ivan – One of the first things you have to recognize is that your thoughts influence your beliefs which influence your actions.  It’s this whole cyclical self-fulfilling prophecy. What you tell yourself you become,  so you gotta stop the negative talk like:

  • Oh my God I look terrible in this dress.
  • or I’m never going to get this Job
  • Or I’m not as smart as these folks
  • I can’t do this, I’m no good

We keep saying these things to ourselves and they beat us up,  so you got To Stop the negative talk.

3 Centering Mantras to, Build Self-Confidence.

  1. In my book I teach some centering exercises to help stop the negative self talk and, build self-confidence
  2. Positive statements or mantras help replace the negative self talk.
  3. Replace the negative self talk with a positive statement or an affirmation e.g
  4. I  am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate.
  5. Nobody outworks me,
  6. I can learn anything.

Mantras to,  Build self-confidence:

1 – “MY TIME IS TOO VALUABLE TO WASTE IT WORRYING ABOUT THE THINGS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER.”

2 – “THE OUTER IS ALWAYS A REFLECTION OF THE INNER.”

3 – “I TAKE NOTHING PERSONALLY.”

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Myrna – I’m a big believer in positive self-talk.  I fluctuate back and forth about affirmations; but I know as a Life Coach, that you should speak it until you believe it. Sooner or later if you keep on speaking it, you will start to believe it.

Dr Ivan – In sports we call it the as if principle.  Act as if you already have it.

Myrna – How can we , build self-confidence, and develop a winner’s mindset?

How, Building Self-confidence, contributes to a Winners Mindset

Dr Ivan – I think  a, winner’s mindset, and, self-confidence, go hand in hand. I’ll flip your question around and say, build self-confidence, helps you build a winner’s mindset.

Write a letter to yourself about all the things you’re great at. There’s going to be times when you feel like you can’t do it and you need to change that. Take that letter and read it to yourself and whatever that letter says congratulate yourself on it’s accomplishment.

Write that letter to yourself because, there will be  times when people tell you you can’t do it.

When you feel like you can’t do it,  that, winner’s mindset, will be turned on. The other way to build that, winner’s mindset, is to be careful and be intentional about the company you choose.

Myrna – I know personally that will work because how did we start off our conversation?

Saying that, self-confidence, comes from past experience.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher

Mastering the,  Skill of Self-confidence

Tell us about your book “You’ve got this: Mastering the, Skill of Self-Confidence”  I know that your TedX on the, Skill of Self-confidence, has over 19 million views. Why do you think  that talk resonated with so many people and did you put some of that content in your book?

Dr Ivan –  To me the most important thing about that Ted talk,  the reason I did that talk was because I struggled with, build self-confidence.  I sat on the bench of a soccer team,  I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man’s world, you’re always not feeling like you’re quite up to it.

One day when my wife came to me, she was my girlfriend at the time and she realized after I’d been sitting on the bench, that  she saw me practice and said I was terrible. She had already seen me play a really good game and she said to me.

“What happened to your game?  You let that man define your sense of self-worth.  Didn’t you tell me that he didn’t play high level Soccer?  That you’ve been coached by some of the best?”

I realized I had given my power away and that affected my performance, because I didn’t believe I was good any good anymore. I stopped that very day and changed my mindset. I went on to start to play like I was meant to play, I became the captain of that team playing in the all-conference finals.

It wasn’t that man who belittled me, I belittled myself. There’s always going to be people who don’t believe in you,  it’s your job to change that person’s mindset, not to fulfill their belief prophecy about you.

So the reason that TedX talk resonates with everybody is that we all have feelings of Self-doubt. We all need to, build self-confidence.

  • I’m not smart enough
  • I’m not rich enough
  • I’m not skinny enough
  • I don’t look good here
  • My teeth aren’t this
  • You get the new job and you’re great but then you get the promotion
  • I don’t know if I can do it
  • I don’t think I can do it

What I did with the book, was I shared some of that Ted talk and I went even further to create exercises, practical pieces and workshops in that book as a self-help guide about how to go about, building self-confidence.

I teach  about higher expectations, talking about skill and mastery. Listeners of the podcast will get a 20% discount using the coupon code Myrna

To order click the link below

https://drivanjoseph.com/ivans-bookivans-book/

If you go on  the website and order the book, I’ll give you the course materials.  I think it’s a great opportunity for people who want to grow and learn how to develop their, self- confidence, to improve their performance.

Follow Dr Ivan Joseph on Linkedin, Twitter and Instagram

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Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

I do have a contest this week. The prize is a 25 gift card from hbnaturals.com

This $25 gift card allows you to purchase any of the 80 natural organic products including, coffee, skincare, tea, CBD oil, super-foods, essential oils, pet products and more. All you need to do to enter this contest is to subscribe to either The Transform your Mind iTunes podcast or the Transform your  mind YouTube channel. Once you subscribe, send me an email to info@myhelps.us with your contact information and one lucky winner  will win this $25 gift card.

Dr Ivan how can our listeners Transform their Mind to Transform their life?

Just remember your mantra! You are the captain of your ship and the master of your fate.  So whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember You Got This!

Additional Resources

How to Build your Self-Confidence Muscle

Setting Goals Leads to Higher Performance

Successful But Unfulfilled? How to Get Back to Basics

Getting back to Basics ABC

The foundation to getting, back to basics, is fulfillment.  People don’t just want income, they want impact and they want freedom. People searching for, fulfillment, are often buying the cultural lie which is you’ll find, fulfillment, through income. Hidden in that lie is this idea that, fulfillment, lies somewhere in money.

Listen to the full interview

TJ Loeffler shares tips and strategies on the topic Successful but Unfulfilled, getting Back to Basics. TJ is a best-selling author of the new book “Getting Back to Basics”

This interview on the Transform your Mind podcast covers the fundamentals of living your life the way that you purposed it. How to live your best life now with some simple little tweaks by getting, back to basics.

Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast
Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast

Introduction to Getting, Back to Basics

TJ Loeffler is a founder, speaker, coach and advisor. After a personal awakening and a decade long journey of life transformation he now uses his gifts in speaking and coaching to share
Lessons from his story. TJ’s personal mission is to help people be free, get healthy and stay wealthy. Not just financially but spiritually by getting, back to basics.

  • TJ Loeffler – the first thing that I’ll say about Jesus being at the center of my transformation and
    the change in my life is one of the things I heard

God makes the trees and we make the tables.

It’s a very powerful way to think about God’s role in our lives and more importantly our role in his life. What I mean by that is he provides and it’s up to us to meet our potential, so if he has the promise, we have the potential. I give God the credit and specifically Jesus for the revelation.

Successful but Unfulfilled – Getting Back to Basics

The changes that have happened in my life are really stemming from a change that happened in my heart. I was successful but unfulfilled working at Goldman Sachs, a well-known investment bank. I was on the trading floor on wall street making a great income but I was unfulfilled.

  • You see I had been driven my whole life to perform and achieve, because I had low self-esteem.
    I had low self-esteem, because I had a subconscious belief that I was abandoned or neglected at birth. I was adopted.
  • I had never really come to the place where I had accepted my own story, because I had never really gone through the process of healing. My relationship with God allowed me to release the feeling of low self-worth and embrace my life.
  • Everything hit me in terms of the understanding who you are when my father was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and the supernatural started speaking into my life.

After facing a lot of adversity, I started coaching to help others and my company Loeffler international was founded.

Getting Back to Basics
Getting Back to Basics

Are Overachievers Unfulfilled?

Myrna – That’s awesome why do you think that some overachievers are still unfulfilled?

In my coaching experience I found that there was a lot of overachievers who are making money, they’re successful in their marriages, they’ve got a couple of boxes that they can check; but they still this emptiness inside.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

How Getting, Back to Basics can help you become fulfilled.

TJ Loeffler – it’s a great question and I’m going to make this super practical and it does relate to, back to basics, the book that is coming out this summer.

  • The foundation to getting, back to basics, is fulfillment.  People don’t just want income, they want impact and they want freedom. People searching for, fulfillment, are often buying the cultural lie which is you’ll find, fulfillment, through income. Hidden in that lie is this idea that fulfillment lies somewhere in money.
  • But then people who start making money realize wait I need to do something meaningful with my life, so then they start a non-profit or do something to make an impact on the world. Then they realize that they can’t help everybody in the world.
  • Then they realize wait I need inner freedom and finances don’t bring me freedom! Money just magnifies the state you’re already in. If you’re a sad person, money can make you extra sad. So getting, back to basics looks at your inner world.
    • Forgiveness – forgiveness sets us free. There’s a lot of people who follow Jesus; but haven’t had the revelation of Jesus in their heart, which is full freedom. In other words they still live hanging on to the weight of their past and that’s not living in freedom that’s living in self-condemnation.
    • Health – there are a lot of really spiritual people who are functionally unhealthy and so underneath all that income still, unfulfilled. They can be making an impact; but if they’re not healthy no, fulfillment.

Does Money equal Fulfillment?

Myrna – I want to circle back to one of the most poignant things you said. People think that income equals, fulfillment. That is such a lie and it’s really sad to see the, unfulfilled, people with lots of money like the stars who have millions of dollars and all the fans and then they realize that all that doesn’t make them, fulfilled.

TJ Loeffler – One thing I would add is getting, back to basics, means that when you think about money the gift is with the giver and so generosity is one of the tools to greater joy; but generosity can also be an outpouring of guilt. So if you don’t have gratitude in your heart and you feel guilty for privilege and money, then you are back to being, unfulfilled.

Myrna – In your book, back to basics, you talk about the idea of having the right foundation for,
Fulfillment. What is that foundation?

What’s the core of, Back to Basics

TJ Loeffler – At the core of, Back to Basics, is this idea of the foundation to, fulfillment.

  • We were talking about health being the foundation layer in getting, back to basics, because
    people that I’ve experienced this in my own life have gone through a health transformation including myself. You can’t end burnout of 10 years with poor lifestyle choices in 24 hours.
    People want to have conversation with our coaching team to find out what truly makes them happy and how to get, back to basics, without changing their mindset.

The foundation to, fulfillment, is to overcome indecision and paralysis from analysis and anxiety. There are functional changes you need to make in your life, not just the mindset shifts which are
Core. Just like your philosophy, transform your mind, to, transform your life, we believe that mindset comes before strategy or tactics.

If you have pressures in your life and you’re not taking care of your body, I don’t care how you
Look visually, it’s going to affect you mentally, emotionally spiritually. It’s going to affect you and all these areas of life.

Getting, back to basics, is as simple as starting your day with lemon water. You have to start your day hydrating your body and specifically with lemon water because your body is
Detoxifying.

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Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

There are six Core Pillars to getting, Back to Basics.

Myrna – is that your foundation to getting, back to basics?

  • TJ Loeffler – there are six core pillars to the foundation. When we think about health we break it up into these six things:
    • Diet
    • Sleep
    • Movement
    • Active rest
    • Reflection and
    • Connection

These six pillars are how I grew my business. These six things are also how I changed my life functionally. There were things that I was facing in my life, a lot of difficulty. I believe some of it was spiritual, some of it was really practical. I was burned out, so I hadn’t changed my mindset around productivity, around balance, around energy, I wouldn’t have found the recipe for getting, back to basics.

Pride comes before the fall and I definitely fell. I felt my pride took me to fall several times.

If God makes the trees and we make the tables, the tree is the body. He made this body.
I’m a spiritual being in this body. Our body keeps the score and we’re losing. Our body is telling us we have to look at ourselves and say I’ve neglected nutrition in my life.

I have to start thinking not diet; but my relationship with food and how my body processes the food. If i don’t have active rest in my life then I’m in constant sympathetic tone or fight or flight or free state and then my body diverts all the blood away from my digestive system. Now I can’t process the kale and salmon that I’m eating all the time and I think I’m healthy; but the reality is I’m in constant state of chronic stress or anxiety, so my body doesn’t process the nutrition I an eating.

How does Active Rest take us, Back to Basics?

Myrna – Is active rest Meditation?

TJ Loeffler – meditation is one leg of active rest. Here’s the key with meditation. You can empty
Yourself; but are you filling yourself with the right things? Otherwise you’re just walking around with an empty bin.

  • Active rest is really about helping your body move from sympathetic tone to what’s called parasympathetic tone. I think of it like a light dimmer not a light switch.
  • People are walking about their day being triggered by trauma that happened in their life and not even knowing that they’re being triggered. How many people are aware that they’re in a chronic state of fight or flight? How many people are aware of that and so recognize shallow mouth breathing as stress? All this is part of getting, back to basics.

Myrna – all the foundational things you’re talking about are things that I know that people can actually use to become better themselves and when they become better themselves, then everything else on the exterior becomes better. So, back to basics, it’s basic a perfect book.

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Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

How can these Core Pillars help Overachievers have, Fulfillment?

Back to Basics, is a collection of the six core pillars.

Everything you do it starts as a discipline before it becomes a desire; but the reality is you can really start to enjoy your life when you when you like the way you look, when you like the way you feel. You start realizing it’s probably all the good choices that I’ve been making to engage with my body in a different way that is making me feel good.

  1.  I check my relationship with food
  2.  Analyse my relationship with sleep

What people are really looking for is, fulfillment, in life, in other words they have made an
agreement that work will provide, fulfillment. I spoke with a client yesterday, who said, I need a new career. I don’t have a career that gives me, fulfillment, and I said a career is not where you find, fulfillment. It may be a contributor but it can’t give you, fulfillment.

Myrna – I agree change starts with you, it’s within your power.

How to Change your Life Right Now by Getting,  Back to Basics

What’s one of the first and most important things someone can do to begin changing their life right now?

A lot of people want to put things off until they’ve checked this box or they get married or got this new job. They always put off happiness; but we know as coaches that anything that you want to do, this is the right time. Now is the right time so what can somebody do right now to begin changing their lives?

TJ Loeffler – Besides lemon water every morning which is recommended in the book, back to basics, do things that make you feel and look better. They can also hire a coach. Coaches can help people to find, fulfillment, within. I found is coaches really accelerate the process and the good ones are going to be able to hold a mirror up to you.

They’re going to be able to help you see something differently in order to make practical change in your life. But I can hold a mirror but if you’re not willing to let go and let God in, if you’re not willing to give permission, if you’re still trying to hold on and have control over every area of your life, including your own perception.

If you want to hold on to the pain of your past, if you want to hold on to the things that have happened to you that you are still the victim, it’s really going to be hard to make changes. I don’t care how many coaches you hire, you won’t find, fulfillment. You have got to do the work.

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Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

Conclusion

The first part of the book, Back to Basics, is really about helping people be open. If you’re not open, if your mind’s not open, your heart’s not open. Your mind is a reflection of your heart.

Myrna – How can listeners connect with you and order a copy of your book, Back to Basics?
They can order from my website corepillers.com.

We do have a boot camp. We do have health coaching, VIP days and a number of other options for people. If you’re at a place in your life where you’re really looking to make a change and
that’s our prerequisite, we’re looking for people who are resourceful, teachable and ready for
change NOW. Not six months from now.

Here are the links to TJ site
Website Site: tjloeffler.com

Book: corepillars.com

Thanks for supporting the Transform your Mind radio and Podcast. You can sponsor this podcast by checking out my gig on Fiverr. We are now recording on video so check out the Transform Your Mind Podcast YouTube channel. Please subscribe and leave your comments.
If you have not done so already, please subscribe, rate and review the Transform Your Mind iTunes podcast.

Additional Resources Getting Back to Basics

Transform Your Mind Personal Development podcast.

How to Transform your Career with Purpose

https://www.artofliving.org/us-en/meditation/srisri-meditation/deep-rest-meditation

 

 

How to become Limitless: Emotional Intelligence Leadership

Become Limitless using emotional intelligence self awareness

Become limitless, with, emotional intelligence leadership. Your, emotional intelligence leadership,  skills keeps track of everything.  It stores emotions,  holds emotional experiences.  Emotional intelligence self awareness, refers to your ability to notice and express your emotions.  How well you control your own emotions and to notice as well and to manage how those emotions affect you and affect us around you in positive or negative ways.

Listen to the Full Interview

 

Introduction to becoming Limitless with, Emotional Intelligence Self Awareness

My guest today is Adri Kyser, she is an international holistic wellness and personal development Coach.  We discuss the very exciting topic, renewing your mind, going from limited to, limitless by taping into our, emotional intelligence.

Adri Kyser yoga, uses the enlightened alchemy method that has helped thousands of women worldwide achieve everything from reduced pain and stress to increasing confidence and productivity. She’s also the co-author of the best-selling book “Overcoming Adversity and Entrepreneurship

She was born in Venezuela, went to Law school, (since I was born in Guyana, we are neighbors.) But when she came to the United States she felt not good enough, because she spoke with an accent.

Adri has helped over 4500 men and women worldwide change the narrative of their painful memories, so they can tap into their own super power and go from being limited to living a life of, limitless, potential.

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Sponsor The Transform Your Mind Podcast

The Four Components to becoming, Limitless

I found four key components to long-lasting health, happiness and fulfillment using, emotional intelligence leadership.

  1. Physical health – how you take care of your body
  2. Mental wellness – how you perceive the world number
  3. Emotional Intelligence – how you experience the world
  4. Spiritual connection – how you feed your soul including, Adri Kyser yoga

When you really begin to work on these foundations, these pillars you begin to shift and see tremendous transformations in your life.  You begin to heal from the inside out, and become empowered.  You are no longer driven by your negative voice.

The impostor syndrome that a lot of us have, especially women is that voice that’s constantly saying.   Are you sure you can do that?  You’re not good enough to do that.  That voice that feeds your fears, your insecurities and even your self-sabotaging behavior, that negative voice. Using your, emotional intelligence leadership, skills allows you to become aware of that voice.

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Myrna – If we want to change, then it’s never from the exterior, it’s always from the interior.  A lot of women feel they are not good enough. Michelle Obama wrote an entire book on this subject “Becoming”.  Even as the First Lady, she still felt not good enough.

We feel not good enough, when a person of authority tells us something negative and it becomes imprinted on our minds.

Most of the time we stuff it down and don’t actually know that we are holding on to that hurt,  then it comes it comes up in chronic pain.  It comes up in overeating or even when you drink or take drugs or any of that stuff.  You are trying to artificially change your state;  but one of the best ways to change your state is to go inwards maybe in gratitude, because that’s basically what I do.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

What is your method for teaching someone to understand what emotions they’ve stuffed down?

Adri – I call this process Enlightened Alchemy.  This is a process that was born from my personal experience and then from working with clients. It is the process of transforming the physical, mental, and emotional with, emotional intelligence leadership.  Including even the spiritual transformation of one’s self.

What made these transformations successful, was not just addressing the pain or one particular area of life, it was addressing all those four components of life.  If you’re ready to get the soulmate,  ready to lose the weight,  ready to make X amount of money in your business? I am here to help you go from limited to, limitless, using your, emotional intelligence leadership.

I’m here to help you go within, clear some stuff,  remove the stuff that’s preventing you from, becoming limitless.  So you can feel empowered, so you can feel confident and know your true potential to,  become limitless.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Myrna – As Coaches we are supposed to be enabling our clients, we’re supposed to be having our clients understand their blockages,  understand what’s preventing them from becoming, limitless, by looking at their past and seeing their patterns. Using, emotional intelligence leadership.

Is your Enlightened Alchemy based on the four principles: the physical, the mental, the emotional, and the spiritual?

Adri –  Yes. I also call myself an energy alchemist, because I do a lot of energy work and activation.

Because everybody’s unique,  I truly believe in the holistic approach, mind, body, emotions and spirit; so that everything we do whether it’s business coaching or life coaching or whatever it is includes all four pillars.

How can, emotional intelligence leadership, help someone with emotions that they’ve stuffed down?

Adri – Your body remembers everything that you’ve ever done.  Every emotion, every thought, how you’re eating, how you’re sleeping.  It keeps track of everything.  Moving to the  mental part of your thoughts, on average an individual has about 70 000 thoughts per day.

About 10% of those thoughts are original thoughts so meaning 90% of your thoughts are repetition of the day before, or  weeks before, or even years before.  The problem with this, is your belief will affect your biology. Meaning your belief will affect how your body responds.  It changes your biochemistry.

So that’s why the mind and body are so important.  Emotional intelligence self awareness, keeps track of everything.  It stores emotions,  holds emotional experiences.   Emotional intelligence leadership, refers to your ability to notice and express your emotions.  How well you control your own emotions and to notice as well and to manage how those emotions affect you and affect us around you in positive or negative ways.

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Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

What people don’t know is that emotions are molecules that carry information that affect the functioning of their cells their emotions.  Emotional Intelligence, will affect your biology just as your thoughts.  So, emotional intelligence leadership, is important, because if you don’t have, emotional intelligence self awareness, you are not able to relate with the world around you or with others.

You’re not able to read the social cues.  Emotional intelligence leadership, also empowers you to take control back of your life.  You’re no longer coming from a victim place, you’re no longer pointing fingers, because that person did this to me.  Emotional intelligence leadership,  is about understanding how you’re managing the emotions that you’re experiencing.

Emotional Intelligence to become Limitless
Emotional Intelligence leadership to become Limitless

According to Ayurveda the emotions that are not expressed or digested properly, gets buried in your tissues and fascia and will affect your physical well-being.  So over 15 years of teaching, Adri Kyser yoga,  and wellness, I have had students who cried after releasing these emotions that were buried in their tissues.

We hold anger in our liver,  grief is in our chest and lungs.

The other thing I like about, emotional intelligence leadership,  is it gives you the opportunity to take your power back.  So if someone is making you angry,  then you can ask yourself,  why am I choosing to be angry about this?

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Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

Then you can move to asking yourself, what is triggering this emotion within me?

You can take your power back, by not letting people trigger you. The other part about triggers is recognizing what part within you is getting triggered.  Where the hurt coming from, because if you come and tell me Adri you are not a good rocket scientist, I wouldn’t get triggered.

You can only be triggered by limited beliefs. Limiting beliefs keep you limited not, limitless.

If somebody right now tells me either you’re a horrible coach or you’re a bad yoga teacher. It will probably trigger me because it could be true.

If there’s a trigger still around, that means there’s still a part of me that’s not healed. If you are still being triggered, you’ve gotta rub it out.  Figure out what is making you angry? What is this anger telling me?  Using, emotional intelligence leadership, skills and having the responsibility and the maturity and the tools necessary to go deeper and figure it out. It’s not saying that, Adri Kyser yoga, never gets angry.

We have to feel our emotions in order to process them, that’s emotional intelligence leadership.  In order to release them and in order to learn the lessons that they want to teach us, so the next time your reaction may be milder.

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Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

How do you go from limited to, limitless with, Emotional Intelligence Leadership

If you’re operating with, limited mindsets, then you are going to be limited. I like to start with the physical body, because that’s where you’re going to start seeing the fastest results.  When you feel safe and secure, when you are comfortable in your own skin, then you’re going to be able to go deeper into the other layers.

So to become, limitless,  it’s recognizing where your self-imposed limitations are.  We can learn to fly and soar in our personal relationships, in our growth.  The limits that we have, oftentimes come from self-imposed limitations or limits that other people have put on us. When it comes to living a, limitless, life it is working in your mindset and working on your, emotional intelligence leadership.

It’s really about becoming aware.  Awareness is key.  Thoughts and emotions you’re experiencing on a regular basis it is important to be aware.  Grab a journal and start the practice where you write down the thoughts and emotions you’re having on a regular basis. Once a week or once a month review what you’re writing.

You’re going to see patterns.  You’re going to say “oh my gosh look how many times I thought about this and that.”

Emotional intelligence leadership, is key. You cannot change something you don’t know.  That it’s like being in a dark room that’s dirty and messy; but because the lights are out, you don’t see the the mess or the dirt until you turn the lights on.

I created a workbook that I’m happy to offer to your podcast listeners.  It’s free.  It’s simple, but it gives you some exercises and things that you can implement right away for you to become aware and notice some of your limiting beliefs that run in the background.

So with this workbook can take you from limited to, limitless.  I give you the tools to become aware of your limiting beliefs.  It allows you to understand that the universe is unlimited and the universe is abundant.

How can our listeners get a copy of your workbook.

My website is www.adrikaiser. They can also go to adrikeiser.com/free-gifts

Conclusion 

If you decide to step out of your comfort zone and if you’re willing to work on yourself and use your, emotional intelligence leadership, and you’re willing to try something new.   You can find new levels of strength, confidence, comfort or success that you never thought possible.  So push yourself, because if you stay in your comfort zone, you’re never going to excel at anything.

I invite you to subscribe to the Transform your mind podcast YouTube channel to watch this interview live.

Additional Resources 

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-does-emotional-intelligence-affect-your-success/

https://globalleadershipfoundation.com/geit/eitest.html

 

The Secrets to Thriving Not Just Surviving

How to Heal Your Brokenness

How to Heal Brokenness

My pastor taught a sermon on, brokenness, a few months back, and he made the analogy of a, broken, vase.  He said that a, broken, or cracked vase cannot hold any content, everything leaks out. We must heal our, brokenness if we are going to hold love, self-esteem, self-worth, or confidence.

Certified Life coach, Myrna Young and registered social worker, Arifah Yusaf discuss, How to Heal your Brokenness,

The LORD is near to the, broken hearted, And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

 

In this blog and podcast here are some of the mental health topics we will be discussing every week.  We want to discuss real life issues and struggles of the, minority woman:

Brokenness
Brokenness

Lets start with, How to Heal your Brokenness,

My pastor taught a sermon on, brokenness, a few months back, and he made the analogy of a, broken, vase.  He said that a, broken, or cracked vase cannot hold any content, everything leaks out.  That means that if you are, broken hearted,

  • you cannot hold love,
  • you cannot hold appreciation,
  • you cannot hold compliments,
  • you are incapable of receiving and holding anything.

So it is very important for us to find our cracks and mend them.  As, minority women, most of us have experienced some, brokenness, in our lives.

Here are the top 3 reasons for, Brokenness:

  1. Devalued and rejected by others
  2. Abandoned by our parents
  3. Feelings of not being good enough because we have lack.

 How do we Heal, brokenness?

I know in our practice of social work and in psychology, a lot of clinical professionals, look at the research study around ACES which is our first childhood experiences.

That study basically states that childhood experiences before the age of 18, whether that be witnessing abuse or being abused themselves, living in poverty or just going through traumatic events; Those experiences impact their, brokenness, as they grow up into adulthood.  It may impact how they maneuver through success or how they view themselves as  failures.

These experience are also linked to risky health behaviors, chronic health conditions, low life potential and even early death.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Myrna Young, Life Coach, I agree that risky behaviors from, brokenness, usually means an absence of self-love and that can definitely lead to early death.

I am going to niche down in our conversation today to address women of color and, minority women, because that’s who we are.

As women we can be, broken, both in our childhood and by narcissistic men in our adult lives, who have rejected us or devalued us.

Our, brokenness, becomes compared with the, broken hearted.   Also when we experience, brokenness, as children those experiences can leads us to get into unhealthy relationships.    Healing our, brokenness,  prevents us from repeating this pattern of unhealthy relationships that would leave us, broken hearted.

It takes work to heal our cracks.  The first step in coaching is to identify how you became, broken, and then replace your subconscious programming with a new program similar to writing over a CD disk.

 

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

How to heal the, Broken Hearted

  1. Acknowledge that you are, broken
  2. Follow the pain – pay attention to where it hurts
  3. Trust outside eyes. Have close trusted friends to tell you what they see. This can also be a, life coach, who can uncover your blind spots.
  4. Allow love to mold you like the potter molds clay.
  5. Pray and meditate on the fruits of the spirit, peace, joy, love

Here is a story on, How we become broken, and the process of healing.

Arifah – In my years of practice, I obviously had a lot of opportunities to engage young people who have expressed feeling, broken, based on their lived experiences or their adverse childhood experiences.  As we talked about earlier in the segment, those experiences impact how they view themselves,  how they show up in relationships, in their place within society or their environments.

I recall speaking with this young woman who shared witnessing domestic abuse at home.  She actually found her mother’s body when she came home from school one day. She was then placed into the foster care system.  At 18 years old having nowhere to go, she was placed into a shelter.  I remember her telling me that she really struggled with her identity and her self-esteem.  She harbored resentment towards her family because nobody had come to claim her in Foster care which magnified her, brokenness.

In her late teens she became pregnant and wanted to connect with her family; because she was starting to feel isolated and she wanted her child to know more about her family history. But she faced rejection once more. She decided that it was all up to her, to make a difference in her child’s life.

She then stared setting small goals for herself and accomplishing them.  That started building her self-esteem until she recovered from her, brokenness. She became more engaged in her community and connected with other single mothers. She stopped blaming others or comparing herself to others and continued her healing process.

She decided to develop a plan with a network of positive healthy people. Eventually  she stopped defining herself as, broken, because she realized that she really could make a difference in the life of her child. It was all up to her, no one else.  Like the analogy of the broken vase, she couldn’t hold self-esteem, or self-worth, as a broken vessel, everything leaked out. When she became whole everything stayed in.  That is, how to heal your brokenness,

Free Gift

Free Download: Out of the Snares, How to Heal your Brokenness
Out of the Snares

As a gift to my radio and podcast audience and you my Blog readers, I want to give you a FREE COPY of my book Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement.

My purpose in writing this book was to share with my readers the power of intention as the energy in my life. This book is my testimony on how I overcame my, brokenness.

All my life I have been called lucky; but there is no such thing as luck just positive energy and preparation.

As women we sometimes fail because we are always working; but not On their lives. We instead work in our lives. To succeed your commitment to your own personal growth must parallel your commitment to building remarkable lives for yourself and your children.

After you read my book and become inspired by my story of success after starting out with nothing and healing my, brokenness, I would like to Help you get off the starting block with the most unbelievable coaching offer ever made!

If you are interested in doing something remarkable with your life and escape the Snares of failure from, broken relationships, broken marriages,  by moving your dreams from your head into your hands, then download your FREE book and purchase my coaching package.

You will never get a better chance to invest in you. I believe that you are worth it. Don’t you?

To reach out to Arifah Yusaf at Lifted by Purpose head over to her web site https://liftedbypurpose.com/

Remember to download and subscribe on your favorite podcast player, iTunes, Spotify, Soundcloud, Google Play, iHeart radio

Additional Resources:

The Weight of the Cape: Why Am I Afraid to be Broken?

https://myhelps.us/personal-development-podcast/

https://blog.myhelps.us/become-life-coach/

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-become-lifted-by-your-purpose/