The amazing thing about our, imagination, is that our central nervous system cannot tell the difference between what we are imagining and what is actually happening.
If you think that there is someone hiding under your bed and as soon as you fall asleep they will slit your throat and your body will stay there and rot because nobody will even miss you; then your body responds to those thoughts like you are actually lying on your bed bleeding to death.
Your heart gets heavy like you are having a heart attack. Your breathing becomes erratic, you begin to sweat. You have triggered your, fight or flight, response. Keep that going for any length of time and you will surely die before your time.
A man went to the psychiatrist and told him “I am so scared to go to bed every time I try to sleep I am so afraid, because I feel there is someone hiding under the bed.”
The psychiatrist said to him. Put yourself in my hands I will help you get rid of those fears. Come talk to me 3 times week.
The man asked what is the charge?
The shrink said “$80.00 per visit
The man said “let me think about it”
Six months later the shrink met the man on the street.
“Why did you not come to see me about those, fears” he asked.
The man said” $80 per visit, 3 times per week is over $12,000 per year. I met this man who said he would get rid of my, fears, for $500 and a six pack of beer!”
He cured me, I was so happy I went out and bought a new car!
Well pray tell how did this untrained Jamaican man cure you?
He cut off the legs from my bed so nobody could hide under there anymore ?
In the story I just told we see a man using his, imagination, towards, fear and dread, but do you know that as humans we are the only ones God give the power of, imagination, to?
Imagination, is quite possibly a uniquely human ability. In essence, it allows us to explore ideas of things that are not in our present environment, or perhaps not even real. For example, one can imagine the cup of coffee seen the day before, or one can imagine an alien spaceship arriving in the earth's orbit. The key is that what is imagined is generated from within rather than perceived based on input from without.
The amazing thing about our, imagination, is that our central nervous system cannot tell the difference between what we are imagining and what is actually happening.
As a man thinks so is he
So, how about using the gift of, imagination, to manifest the things you really want. The Bible teaches “As a man thinks so is he.”
Another one of our gifts as humans is that whatever we hold in our minds most of the time, we will someday hold in our hands.
So let’s start with something simple your dream car. Imagine that you walk into the dealership and pay cash for your dream car. Then you imagine yourself driving your car. See your hands on the steering wheel. You have your favorite music blasting in the background. Bring in other people in your, imagination. Imagine you pull up to your favorite restaurant and have your car valet parked and the valet says “Nice ride” and you beam with pride!
This is perhaps clearest in dreaming, where our minds churn up an entire virtual reality for us to experience when we sleep. But, imagination, is used in a whole variety of cognitive processes, including planning, hypothetical reasoning, picturing things in the past or the future, comprehending language, and, of course, in design and creativity in engineering and the arts.
Thanks for listening to, 5 mins with coach Myrna, hope you were both inspired and entertained.
The, good girl, label is not about beingmorally good, the problem with being a, good girl, is thatat the end of the day, it doesn't work.It doesn't work for anyone. This isn't an anti-moralityconversation; it's correcting our idea ofwhat’s good and what’sright.
Sitting in the guest chair today on the Transform Your Mind Podcast, isKasiaUrbaniak. Kasia is the author of “Unbound:A woman's Guide to Power”. Today, we are going to be talkingabout “How to ditch the, good girl label”.
Bio
Since founding The Academy in 2013, Kasia has taught over 4000 women to radically increase their power, agency and influence. Using practical tools, Academy graduates transform their lives by breaking the yoke of ‘Good Girl’ conditioning. They step boldly into leadership roles within their relationships, families, workplaces, and wider communities.
They become adept in the art of verbal self-defense against bulldozing, bullying, and gaslighting. They make bold, life-changing asks of the people around them in a way that feels good to the person being asked. They can hear “no” without getting flustered or giving up, and use resistance as a way to build intimacy and partnership.
Introduction
Myrna: Kasia, let's start off by asking youwhat was your journey into founding the Academy, teaching womenthefoundations of power and influence? I read part of your bio that you were once a, dominatrix, I would love to hear about that.
Kasia: I found myself with an unusual set oftraining. I exploredvarious spiritual traditions and wanted to transcend this world.The one that spoke to me because it seemed the most practical andmagical was, Taoism.
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I was a Dominatrix while pursuing monastic education
Now, while I waspursuing my trainingand pursuing monastic education, the ironic part was there was no way for me as a girl growing up in New York Cityto be able to afford such things withoutgetting a job that would pay me a lot ofmoney in short bursts. So, I was workingas a professional, dominatrix, in dungeons in New York City and then flying off tomeet with teachers to convincethem to teach me all the way up to mountaintops in China.
Thislasted for thegreater part of a decade. This straddling, absolutely insane split personality education, where I felt guilty about one when I was doing theother. What started happeningwas these extremes ended upmergingwhen I started diagnosingpeople's bodies as a, Taoist, trainee.I started going into deeper states ofmeditation and noticed that my training as a, dominatrix, allows me to notice the power dynamics , I startedseeing similarities in my work as a,dominatrix.
I was paying attentionto human beingsand started to understand powerdynamics the way you study martial arts. I began to teach this power to women, I do not teach as a, dominatrix, and I do not teach as anun.
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Afterthis wildlife of extremes, of desiringabsolute purity and devotion while goinginto these wildly psychologically strange, weird and interesting placeswith other humans, I started noticing that I was changing. I saw all my friends around me and allthe people in my life (the womenespecially), living in a world ofassumptions and superstitions.
Women are communicating with their bodies all the time
I started noticing that women didn't realize that they are physically broadcasting and communicating all the time. That their power magnetic. You could say more submissive,but it's not submissive at all.
The, good girl, label is not about beingmorally good, the problem with being a, good girl, is thatat the end of the day, it doesn't work.It doesn't work for anyone. This isn't an anti-moralityconversation; it's correcting our idea ofwhat’s good and what’sright.
Myrna: You had a lot of nuggets andyou're very right. When your publicist approached meand she started off with the, dominatrix, thing, I pushed back right away until I read the full bio. I understoodwhat you were trying to say.You're giving women the power of choice. Women canstill be submissive and powerful, right?
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Also, I know that being a people-pleaser and being a,good girl, doesn't get you anywhere, people walk all over you. We've got asaying in my country “ifyou lay down like a doormat, people are going to walk all over you”.So, I understand you help women break the yolk of the,good girl, conditioning. So, tell us why specificallythe label of a, bad girl, is beneficialbecause I’m interested in hearing your spin.
Kasia: Good girl, conditioning has a very longhistory and it comes fromtheagreementthat we make not as spiritual and personal agreement, but an economicagreement of marriage. We have a deal and there's nothingwrong with even holding that deal today,but the deal is “I willlet you lead, but you provide forme”. So, up until very recently, a woman who had ambition, opinion, a vision and desirescouldn't express it as an individual. The best she could do and the best way shecould fulfill her ambitions was to marry. The behaviors around the, good girl,are the behaviors we're calling, good girl, conditioning.
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Such behaviors are basically thebehaviors of how to be marriageable, how to attract and keep agood man, how toqualifyto marry the most economically promising man – given that you can't have a job, you can't get educated, you can't read, and you're not allowed toleave the house (in some countries).
So, women learn “I don’t want to be aburden”.
How to be resourceful because ifyou're the economic provider, then I haveto be able tomakebig things out of little things (beresourceful),
Be moderate in temperament,
Not be tooattractiveso as to notget competition, but not to benoticeably unattractive, not to stand outin this way or that way,
Women are not to have too much sexual desire, in fact notto have too much desire at all.
Actually, it's not just being accommodating, harmonious and warm, but also not havinga voice essentially, they're from women who are like I‘mnot a, good girl,I don't need anyone, I‘m fine.
The modern day, people-pleaser, is an outgrowth of the, good girl. Why we call her an outgrowth like asister of the, good girl, but she's still thesame woman because even though shebelieves that she can haveher desires, she has to go for what she wants by herself. She never asks anybody for help, she neverburdens anybody, she does it all. She isthe feminine and the masculine.She is the alpha female.
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Most of the women who come to my schoolare like this because, they're verysuccessful. They have families, they havecareersand they have everything they want and they are exhaustedand are furious;they have to do it all.
Myrna: it's like the superwoman syndrome.
Good Girls learn to say No
Kasia: The problem is that men hold all the cards. Women don't have the same experience asmen because, men don't do it all the same way. When they are in positionsofleadership or have a career, they havesupport that the women in their sameplace do not have.
The issue with, good girl,conditioningis – you can say “I‘m an, independent woman, I push back and I stand up for myself. I have learnt how to say No. You can identify with someone whodoesn't have, good girl conditioning, butthe truth is the conditioning comes outso quicklythat we barely catch it.
We're programmed and it's in our subconscious and that is why I founded the Academy with my partnerReuben.
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Myrna: Why do you say specifically that the, bad girl, label isgood? How do you transform them from being a,good girl, to a, bad girl? What does,bad girl, really mean?
Kasia: Okay. We got three things, bad girl,is the first. The first of the threeand the other two are really importantelements ofthe, bad girl.So, the first is a really simple exercise and I want to set up the context ofthis exercise. Bad girls learn to ask for what they want.
I have the women that I work with this exercise which ends up beingmore difficult than it sounds. The intention is to write all the things you feel make you a, bad girl, onto paper. What we want to dois start opening Pandora’s Box in thesafest way possible.
We start with a sentence completion, its part of a sentence you fill in the blank and you repeat it, You write “if I were a, badgirl. I would do ,,,,,,,,,,,”
We use, bad girl, specificallybecause it brings you back to thatyounger age where you start learning what you'resupposed to like, not like, what you're supposed to think etc.
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The purpose ofwriting all these terrible things is that, the things we didn't even knowwe put in the, bad girl, closet start comingout. When I explain part two and three, it's going to become even more apparenthow this works so you start opening the,bad girl, closet.
Myrna: I‘m sure a lot of itis around sex and what, badgirls, do and what, good girls, do not do.
Kasia: Some have ideas and desires of sexual liberation and some have ideas of standing up for themselves. Some feel that anger is bad, that, good girls, do not get angry. Good girls, is part of the submissive conditioning or why,good girls, don’t get angry.
The, good girl conditioning, doesn’t even let you become awarethat your man isdisrespecting you when he calls you names.Maybe he just treats you like amaid and then one day youwake up and start thinking; this is disrespect.
When you tell The Bulldozer, explicitly or implicitly, to back off, they come on even stronger. When you tell The Bulldozer your needs, they will do exactly the opposite. That's why they're called The Bulldozer. Because they trample all over your boundaries.
How good girls get respect
Kasia: If you want respect, you never ever say I want youto respect me! That's communicating there's something wrong with you.
The moment you arevoicing a complaint, you arecreating an atmosphere of defense. We don't want to be in defense mode, we obviously want to be in offense, mode.
Myrna: So, how does someone do it, how do we state ourdesires in offensive mode?
Kasia: Themoment you ask them to do somethingspecific, the power dynamichas changed. The issue with women is thattheir energy is too inward:
The moment you start directing theiractions, making those requests thatwould resonate with you as respect, you are in the dominant position. The moment you start making them in control of yourhappinessand telling them they're doing a bad job, you are in defense mode.
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Myrna: I heard thisa lot that men say, “Oh, she'stoo, high maintenance”, but you're also saying there's no such thing as a, lowmaintenance, woman just women who arenot bold enough to ask for what they want.
Kasia: So, high maintenance, is a fad. No woman is, lowmaintenance, but when men complain aboutwomen being, high maintenance, whatthey're actually saying is not you are too much work. What they'resaying is I never got the instruction manual on how to treat you as a woman.
Men just got used to ignoring and toleratingthe complaints of women, because they neverreally understood what makesthem happy. Women weren't asking for thethings that would actually light them up, give them orgasms, make themfeel supported and empowered. What men got was a bunch of vague things.
You find a manwho's getting specific instructions forthe first time; he's like a little boy ina candy storelike – yes, what can I do next?He feelscompetent and takes care of his women like he takes care of his car!
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Kasia: The book is a step-by-step trainingmanual. It definitely talks about how to ask and how to get off the spotwhen you're being bullied and bulldozed. There's a lot of how-to stuff therealso. I teach women howto create allies out of all the men in their lives. The book is also a journeythroughhow toget all of the support that you needfrom the people in your lifeto make your actual dreams anddesires come true.
Not the ones that youthink are attainable and not the onesthat you think are socially acceptable. A huge part of the book is breaking the, goodgirl conditioning.
Myrna: How can those listening and watching in TV connect with you? How can they get a copy of yourbook and get yourget information about yourAcademy?
Kasia: The easiest way to find out more isto go to the website www.weteachpower.com.
We have an announcement on the site of all our classes. Also, there are tons of free resourcesand videos and things that theinterested listeners, viewers and readers canengage with. The book is available everywherebooks are sold. Penguin Randomhouse published itand there's my Ted talk that I delivered to 10,000people live as well.
Myrna: Thank you forbeing so in-depth about understandingthe mindset of women andthe mindset of the power. What is your social media handle?
Kasia: @realkasiaUrbaniak on Instagram.
Conclusion
Please remember to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes, we would love for you to rate and post a review so that we can getthese fantastic guests out towider audience.
Thanks for tuningin and until next time, blessings.
This is life coach Myrna Young and today I want to teach on the topic “Loving Your Enemy”.
In the King James Version of the Bible: Jesus Christ, says “But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”
He goes further to say “do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also”
Most humans in the natural cannot live by the doctrine to, love your enemies, and neither could I, until I, transformed my mindset. You see the reason, Jesus Christ, taught us to love our, enemies, is that the power of love, transforms.
For the last 9 months I have been in a battle with my, enemy. A racist neighbor who is the Vice President on my HOA. For months I allowed her to steal my peace. I know that evil intentions against another is a, karmic debt, so I battled against this, enemy, with my, spiritual warfare prayers.
Spiritual Warfare Prayer
Father God as we enter in spiritual warfare please cover us in your armor the breastplate of righteousness, faith, and the power of your word.
Let no weapon formed formed against me penetrate our heart and that all weapons formed against me and my family be returned to the sender void.
Anoint me of God that I will be strong in the word and I will be able to stand against the enemy.
Bless my heart and my tongue with the words of warfare in Jesus name.
I decree and declare that the anointing of Elisha will be upon me. That the God of Elisha and Joshua answer me by fire, that the sun and the moon won't recognize me in this time of warfare. That the works of the enemy would not succeed and all the darts of wickedness will be sent back to the sender in the powerful name of, Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.
Father bless me with divine strength that you gave to Jacob that I will go out prepared and that I would know your will. That my enemies will be unseated by fire. Amen
Don't give back the Hate your enemy gives you
I gave her back the same, hate, she gave me and prayed for her demise until one day I was listening to the book “The seat of the soul” by Gary Zukav and was convicted when he said that when we respond to hate with hate we enlarge the energy and become the same as the person who hates us.
We should instead, love our enemies, because light always erases darkness. So I started meditating and sending my, enemy, light and understanding, because I knew, hate, is a learned behavior and she is operating from lack of knowledge.
Then a few weeks ago I was watching the Netflix movie “The Best of Enemies” the movie was about a white ,clansman, and a, black activist. The, clansman, was the president of the, Ku Klux Klan, and he believed that the white race was superior and that black people had no rights. The, black activist, was fighting for fair housing for blacks. Then someone burnt down the black school, (this was during the segregation age) so the fight changed to school integration. The white, clansman, and the, black activist, were opposing leaders on the integration issue.
Love Your Enemy and Send Them Light
The white, clansman, had a mentality ill son who was in an institution and because we teach our kids our, hate, the boy became unhinged when they placed a black boy to share his room. The boy would scream all day saying the black boy was a monster. The white, clansman, asked the institution to remove the black boy, but they told him if he wanted the boy removed he had to pay for a private room. The, clansman, was poor, he could not afford the $75 extra per week for a private room.
The, black activist, heard the story and felt sorry for the son of the, clansman, and used her influence to have him transferred to a private room at no cost to the, clansman. This act of kindness and love started to change the, clansman, heart against black people. Then his white friend told him that other than his wife, the black man who was his store manager is the only one he trusts in this world, because this black man served with him in Vietnam and saved his life.
That completed the, transformation. His heart changed. The power of love and light moved in, and the darkness and hate moved out.
Dr Martin Luther King Jr on Loving our Enemies
How do you go about loving your, enemies? Dr Martin Luther King Jr says, I think the first thing is this: In order to, love your enemies, you must begin by analyzing self. And I’m sure that seems strange to you, that I start out telling you this morning that you, love your enemies, by beginning with a look at self. It seems to me that that is the first and foremost way to come to an adequate discovery to the how of this situation.
Now, I’m aware of the fact that some people will not like you, not because of something you have done to them, but they just won’t like you. I’m quite aware of that.
Some people aren’t going to like You
Some people aren’t going to like the way you talk.
Most people aren’t going to like you because you can do your job better than they can do theirs.
People aren’t going to like you because other people like you, and because you’re popular, and because you’re well-liked, they aren’t going to like you.
Some aren’t going to like you because your hair is a little shorter than theirs or your hair is a little longer than theirs.
Some of them won't like you because your skin is a little brighter than theirs; and others aren’t going to like you because your skin is a little darker than theirs.
Some are going to dislike you, not because of something that you’ve done to them, but because of various jealous reactions and other reactions that are so prevalent in human nature.
Who is Your Enemy
But after looking at these things and admitting these things, we must face the fact that an, enemy, might dislike us because of something that we’ve done in the past. Some personality attribute that we possess, something that we’ve done in the past and we’ve forgotten about it; but it was that something that aroused the, hate response, within the individual. That is why I say, begin with yourself. There might be something within you that arouses the tragic, hate response, in the other individual.
And this is what Jesus means when he said: “How is it that you can see the mote in your brother’s eye and not see the beam in your own eye?” Or to put it in Moffatt’s translation: “How is it that you see the splinter in your brother’s eye and fail to see the plank in your own eye?” And this is one of the tragedies of human nature. So we begin to love our enemies and love those persons that hate us whether in collective life or individual life by looking at ourselves.
A second thing that an individual must do in seeking to, love his enemy, is to discover the element of good in his enemy. Every time you begin to, hate, that person and think of hating that person, realize that there is some good there. Look at those good points which should over-balance the bad points.
Can we love our enemy?
So, the question is can we, love our enemies? I say we can. There is a saying that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I say, hate, is the same way.
Joel Osteen teaches that when we stamp things negative, we allow them to steal our joy and happiness. I stamp, hate, from my, enemy, as positive, because I believe that God will turn whatever my, enemy, meant to harm me for my good. His word says
“'For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
The, words, that I used all the time was “I shouldn't have eaten that”. Then I always pray to God for help to stop me from, binge eating. I didn't want to, eat, all of that food, so I became like almost obsessive about, dieting, and my, relationship with food.
Isabel’s new book EAT YOUR WORDS is not the typical, self-help diet book, Instead, Isabel’s approach is a more narrative, semi-autobiographical exploration of the sensual-and-painful relationship to food so many of us can’t escape. The book expertly coaches from life lessons and experiences of the uber-relatable curvaceous girl entry into womanhood. Her hearty Italian appetite make for a complex-carb tale about the depth of our relationship with self-nourishment.
Myrna: Isabel, can you share with our listeners your own journey through, body shaming, and self-discovery?
Isabel: Of course. In my own journey, food, eating and, dieting, has always been a big point of contention my whole life. It was through this non-acceptable way that I eat and always focus on the food. I always guilty after eating, like I shouldn't have eaten it.
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The, words, that I used all the time was “I shouldn't have eaten that”. Then I always pray to God for help to stop me from, binge eating. I didn't want to, eat, all of that food, so I became like almost obsessive about, dieting, and my, relationship with food.
I started using, words, like there's a certain way to, eat, there's a certain way to be with food, and, diet. Each day I try to do it, there was always a new, diet. That is what has been the journey of my life. It's been a journey of the kind of needs to come to terms with on some level and I think the, body shaming, was me telling myself my body is this way because I ate all that food.
Many times in my book, my main character, I say she's walking around with no head. This is to highlight that sometimes we are disconnected our head from our body. It’s a very common feeling or a life existence that is happening on some level. It’s kind of introspection book on the whole journey of the, body shaming, and coming to terms with the body, mind and spirit on some level.
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Myrna: How did you transition from walking around kind of discombobulated – which is a word where you're not connected and then you got to the point where you're going to, eat your words, because you're not going to be telling yourself these negative things about food. What was your transition? Did you go to a Therapist?
Isabel: There have been a million people involved in this process, because you're always a person with focus and you're always trying to come up with a resolution to stop, self destructive eating. It's almost like I became a researcher. It was really a journey of finding what was really in my own soul, what was I really like?
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If your body and mind are disconnected, you can't even figure out what your, words, are saying to you. I saying to myself on a daily basis, a lot of negative, words, about myself and my body. I saying these, words, to myself before I, eat, and after I, eat.
What happens is when you take yourself to task on some level, when you start to really become conscious, you notice your, words. First thing I became conscious was I knew I needed to be in my body. Because when you are out of your body you eat unconsciously. For different people, it's different things. I started to work out because I needed to feel my body and I was out of it.
The other thing was, as long as you're feeling your body, then you get to hear your, words, and what you're saying to yourself. So, the, words, started to become more conscious. What I have realized lately is that to be out of your body, you have to be really busy with things. If you're busy, then you also have those, words, that are saying – oh! I'm so busy, I didn't, eat, all day long and I'm starving. Now, I have a permission to just, eat, whatever I want, wherever I want and it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter which is what we say to ourselves.
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Myrna: Where did your, self destructive eating, habits come from? I know you mentioned that you're Italian and, Italian food, has a lot of carbs and pastas and things like that. Is that where your, eating habits, came from?
Isabel: Yes, except for Italians are for the most part are thin! I mean I'm in the restaurant business. I started my whole life in a family restaurant business, so my focus in life became food. At an early age, when we made food, we made huge meals. I never knew what a, portion size, was like. I never used the, words, portion size, until I was in my 30s and 40s!
I would go to my friend's homes and they would have like a bit of rice, or a bit of meat. I was like confused when I was younger, because that was never what happened at our house. I understand now the, portion size, mentality that really showed up in my whole scope of thought. My whole thought pattern shifted.
I was no longer eating like I was at an you can eat buffet. My, eating habits, as a child made me end up with this buffet mentality.
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Myrna: At some point in time, you developed, body shame. You took me through your self-discovery, how did you use your, words, to stop, body shaming and accepting that you are a curvaceous girl?
Isabel: Body shaming, comes when you start a comparison with other people who are a certain size. You see people in a certain way and then you start looking at yourself as different. Each time you talk to people, you're like wait, why don't I look like you? But it doesn't matter because we already internalized that there's something wrong with us.
Whatever we look like, we want to be someone else. People start to say oh, for a little girly you're eating a lot. Then you start to make a correlation with; I'm eating a lot, there's weight here and there's something wrong with what's happening in me. I'm not okay and that’s how one starts to develop, body shame.
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Myrna: Why do you think we purposely distract ourselves when making food choices to the detriment of our health and, binge eating?
Isabel: I'm not a psychologist, I just know. I've been looking at this behavior for a long time. What I think is that we distract ourselves because we don't want to feel the things that is going on in our life. I think a lot of times, when we do choose, binge eating, we are actually eating food as a distraction.
Maybe the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing kind of thing. A lot of times, we start to, eat, because we start to feel something's coming up. It doesn't matter what it is, it could be happy, it could be sad, it could be like anger and/or even bored. I, eat, when I'm bored.
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Notice what going on in your body before you eat that food
When there's nothing going on, there's still something going on in your body. If there's something going on your body, but you're not present to it or you don't want to know what it is or what for every reason, you're not used to it. I think a lot of times people don't recognize their feelings or they judge their feelings.
I'm a night time eater. I could do all day long with no food (because every emotion from the day maybe was just piled up), but at night, I'm like a wreck for that. Not for nighttime or for that one time and it's all starting to come up and then we're like let's just go for it and we start, binge eating.
Myrna: Yes, that has been my biggest struggle for a long period of time. I couldn't stop eating at night. It's a little under control now, but that was my biggest struggle for a while.
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Isabel: I decided to lose the word, diet. I decided to do something different for myself which eventually added more nourishment and nutrition to my day. I first started with being in my body, and then I used my, words, to say let me give myself food instead of saying, I'm going to take away food and I'm not going to eat this.
I started giving myself different foods, I allowed myself to have more nutritious foods and I started creating a new mindset. This new mindset was alright. I was totally resistant to this, but I started finding a place that had green drinks. I could have green drinks which took the edge off of hunger and it made me feel in my body. So, instead of going into the business of my whole day, I'm going to add a green drink. Just one thing, I added nutrition instead of taking something away, I was going to give myself things.
If someone once likes eating at night, instead of having the bad things we want to, eat, at night you and what would you give what did you give yourself to replace that because a green drink. Just starting to give yourself other more nutritional things maybe you want to give yourself more vegetables than that and rice.
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Myrna: How can those of us struggling with, weight gain, and a pure relationship to food face the issue head-on?
Isabel: The first thing I say is to, change your mindset. Start creating an intention for yourself and start creating a, mindset, that you're in the middle of the process. I always like to say we're always in the middle of the process and that we are shifting. We're always shifting and we're always changing, even though it looks really bad – it always looks really bad before it gets really good. We're going to start to use the right, words.
Myrna: Tell us about your book “Eat Your Words”, why you wrote it and what do you want someone that's reading it to walk away with?
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Isabel: The book was a way to be conscious for myself like it really was. I wrote it for myself like a journal. I was really writing a book, but it was the stories of my life. So the goal was for me to get to some kind of resolution in my life. The stories are for people to really understand that they're not struggling in this arena by themselves. This is really to bring the behaviors to consciousness and to show anybody that he/she is not the only one going through this. I mean most of the world is going through this on some level.
Now you become conscious of what the, words, are and how they affected our behaviors and through that, there is healing that can be done when you see something that somebody else is doing and you hear what their process is. I bring up a lot of processes.
Myrna: Where does the, “Eat Your Words,” come from? I'm assuming it's internal dialogue.
Isabel: “Eat Your Words,” is internal dialogue and it starts at the origins of the family.
Myrna: It's all about inner dialogue? But the inner dialogue as you can imagine is kind of runs your life and it could be conscious or unconscious.
Isabel: It wasn't so sometimes.
Myrna: It's unconscious right?
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Isabel: It was the, words, that I would say, as my mantra was, oh I don't care. The biggest, words, were “oh I don't care”. However, once you start saying I don't care, it doesn't just apply to what you are eating. It really becomes what you start to say to yourself, the, words, you use.
I don't care,
Oh I don't care about myself
So I don't care what I put in my body.
Anyway I don't care what becomes of my life.
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Myrna: How can readers connect with you and get a copy of your book?
Isabel: If anyone wants to get the first chapter of my book, just to see if they like it or if it works for them, they can go to https://isabel-chiara.com, on that page, they could download the first chapter for free or they could just buy the book on Amazon.
We also have a membership site called Healing and Activation Process Integrations. Happy place is what I call it. It's going to be a lot of processes that are going to help people to get inside of themselves. It can move things and look at things differently and channel them differently.
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Weight loss, and related challenges is not about, nutrition, but are projections of deeper rooted emotional and psychological challenges.
PAUL SALTER is a Registered Dietitian, Coach, Author, and, Sustainable Weight Loss, Expert, believes that, weight loss, and it's related challenges, aren’t related to lack of nutrition or knowledge; but are actually projections of deeper rooted emotional and psychological challenges. We won’t be able to confidently maintain, weight loss, until those challenges are acknowledged and overcome. His passion is helping men and women just like you re-frame their thoughts and reshape their behaviors so that they can transform their relationship with food and dieting, and finally, lose weight, once and for all.
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Introduction to Sustainable Weight Loss
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Myrna: What’s your story? You look pretty lean and fit. Did you have a problem with, weight loss, at one point and how did you become a, sustainable weight loss, expert?
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Paul: Yes, I appreciate the kind of words. I have quite an interesting and diverse journey. For me, it started off with a late growth spurt. What I mean by that is at 16 years old, as a multi-sport athlete, I was about 5 foot 1 and 110 pounds.
Paul's Story: Becoming a Weight Loss Expert
As you can imagine it was quite challenging to keep up with all of my peers who were bigger, stronger and faster than me. It finally clicked one day, and I don't know why. I like to give my mother all the credit for what I was eating and putting into my body. This, nutrition, enabled me to perform better during sport practices and competition. I was able to keep up with everyone despite the size disadvantage that they had. I took that nugget of knowledge with me and carried it into College, where I shared my new found love for exercise, weight lifting, and, nutrition, with friends.
Quickly I realized that my peer group was turning to me more often than not for advice related to, nutrition, and, weight lifting. It finally dawned on me that maybe I could get paid to just talk about, nutrition, and, weight lifting, all day. That was how I began to study for my, personal training, certification. I still remember to this day exactly where I was reading and I believe it was chapter 23 of the big exam book, it was called, sports nutrition.
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That was my light bulb or the moment that I finally realized there are actually people out there who are helping others or helping even athletes pay attention to what they're eating and when they're eating, so that they can feel look and perform at their very best.
The very next week, I went into my supervisor (counselor's office) declared my major in, dietetics, and then went down the path of studying, nutrition. I really wanted to get into, sports nutrition. At the time there were only seven, sports dietitians, in the whole nation. Crazy to think about right? So, it was definitely a very new area of focus, but I was fortunate enough to be proactive and a bit aggressive.
If you will put my resume everywhere to meet the right people to lead me through a path as a, sports nutrition, expert. I spent time in a hospital as a, dietician, I knew that wasn't for me, but that was part of a, dietitian, training so I had to do it. I also spent a lot of time doing competitive body building as I went through this journey of self-discovery.
This is where I started to really understand the holistic, specifically the emotional and psychological impact that, dieting, has on people. When we finish a, diet, trying to return, I guess to a sense of normalcy is a lot easier said than done. This revelation birthed if you will a passion for helping people, maintain weight loss .
How to Lose Weight: The Definition of Diet
Myrna: Alright, so let's transition to our topic for today. As I said, we're going to be focusing a lot on, diet, and, nutrition.
What is the, definition of diet? I know it fluctuates How does the, definition of diet, affect us, maintain weight loss?
I ask the question because, diet, is the number one influencing factor that people can't maintain, weight loss. They go on a, diet, and six months later, they're back to the same weight or even sometimes they gain more. What's that about?
Paul: I think there's two major driving forces behind this occurrence. The first one fits right into the, definition of diet. It's a perfect opportunity to talk about this because there are actually two definitions to the word, “diet”.
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Diet – Eating fewer calories to Lose Weight
There's one that we are all so familiar with – which is intentionally eating fewer calories to, lose weight. That's the one that the, weight loss, industry promotes very heavily and tries, for lack of better words to brainwash us with.
The second definition is simply “a habitual way of eating, “and the best example I like to describe to illustrate that definition difference is a vegetarian or someone who follows a, plant-based diet, doesn't necessarily mean that said person is eating to try to, lose weight.
What that, diet, encompasses is a lifestyle, a foundation of healthy behaviors in a healthy relationship related to our food choices. Where we all go wrong as a whole population, is we focus on the former definition only (i.e. intentionally eating to, lose weight)
What happens as a result of focusing on the wrong definition, is we develop a very short-term focus. Where things go wrong is we commit ourselves to:
We never have a plan for day 31, day 92 etc. It's kind of like, oh crap what do I do now? I just made all these massive changes for the short term because I was really committed, motivated and exciting.
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Dieting to Lose Weight is a Major Stressor on the Body
After you complete your 30 day cleanse or your 90 day transformation, motivation has now waned, excitement has now waned and now you realize you do not have a foundation of healthy eating habits to fall back upon. So you fall back on your past lifestyle and then the weight comes back.
Myrna: Okay, you're saying that the, weight, comes back because they eat and fall back on their bad food choices, but I've been told or read that a lot of times, people gain the weight back because they changed their metabolism. The lowered their, metabolic rate, from, dieting. Can you talk on that?
Paul: One of the biggest things that we have to remember is that, dieting, is a major psychological and emotional stressor. Your body wants nothing more than to bring you out of that, diet. What happens when we begin eating fewer calories to initiate, weight loss, our body starts to enter this protective mode. It begins to hoard food and anytime we get excess calories it holds onto them for dear life, and store them to protect itself from future stress of starvation.
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What happens is when we begin, dieting, our body wants to conserve energy and the way this manifests is simply our, metabolic rate, or the number of calories we burn per day begins to slowly decline. What also happens is there are hormonal changes that actually make you hungrier and less likely to want to stay on track with your plan. Our cravings increase. Our body is almost like a professional kick boxer, it's going to punch and kick from any angle to fight, to get you out of that calorie deficit and you have to be prepared to handle the punches.
The kicks maybe head butts. The occasional elbow who knows what? That's basically why you gain back the, weight loss, faster because you're changing your cylinder structure.
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The #1 Reason Diets fail
Myrna: Would you say that's the number one mistake that people make that leads to regaining the, weight loss?
Paul: The #1 reason, why diets fail, is this. I think it's important to note, diet, to really initiate, weight loss, you have to be in a calorie deficit or there has to be some form of calorie restriction. . It's literally an essential step, but what happens is, the harsher your, calorie restriction, or the longer your restriction, your body is so dynamic and adapts quickly.
Let me give a numerical example to help. Let's say somebody's eating 2000 calories per day, they decide they want to lose weight and they slowly drop their calories to 1600 or 1200, maybe even a 1000. People get too excited and make such harsh changes in their, calorie restriction, that their body adapts so quickly and then when they get to day 91 for example, and they just return to their old eating habits now, they've been accustomed to eating a thousand calories per day.
They go right up to 2000 calories or even more. Like I mentioned earlier, their body just wants to hold on to all of those excess calories to protect them and there comes the, weight gain. That's the number one reason, why diets fail, harshly restricting calories.
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Myrna: Do you have another suggestion on the proper way to, lose weight?
Paul: Absolutely. The two points to keep in mind, the first is you want to try to, lose weight, eating as many calories as possible. Let me explain, I know that sounds a little funny.
Myrna: That's what you call a paradox or something.
Paul: Yes like an oxymoron.
Myrna: Okay I got it. What's the difference between a, pre maintenance diet, and, post diet maintenance? You just talked about the, post diet maintenance, phase which is where you gradually bring your calorie level back up so that your body can get accustomed to all this. What you're doing to it? What should we do as a, pre diet maintenance?
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Paul: Fantastic question. The way I like to talk about a, pre-diet maintenance, phase is when somebody comes to me and it's about 99% of those I work with, they say hey I want to lose X amount of weight and I want to lose it yesterday.
It's typical we want all of our results yesterday. When I go through their questionnaire and have these initial conversations with them, I get a really good picture of their current foundation of eating habits and relationship with food. More often than not, people who want to start a diet don't really have any foundation in place.
Maybe they're dining out seven times a week or they're skipping meals here and there, and then they're binging later etc. So, this, pre-diet maintenance, phase is a point or an opportunity rather to start building a unique, sustainable weight loss, structure for that individual and because changing habits can be a stressful process on its own.
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We don't want to add additional layers of stress from, calorie deficit, like as we just mentioned that's a psychological emotional and physiological stressor on its own, so it's during the, pre diet maintenance, phase we're not trying to, lose weight, whatsoever. We're simply working on rebuilding a foundation of healthy eating habits, one that is unique and sustainable and also reframing or rebuilding our relationship with foods.
Myrna: Is this a diet?
Paul: Yes.
Myrna: Explain that so that someone's reading can understand what that means.
Paul: Absolutely. In the 10 plus years of doing this, working with 1400 plus people those who have had the most success, it all boils down to three common principles and that's related to the foundation of their food and eating habits. Those principles are:
simplicity,
individualization and
sustainability.
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If you and I for example, we're working together from day one I'm really going to ask you a lot of questions, challenge you to think differently about what an ideal day of eating, nourishing your mind and body, your soul looks like. I am looking to see you, weight loss mindset.
For example, maybe you only want to eat three times per day, maybe your best friend eats five times per day and you want to do the same. So, we focus on you, we really build a structure that is unique to you. If you want to eat three times per day, great. I'm going to have collected information about what your eating looks like.
I'm going to be able to identify what I like to call areas of focus or areas for growth. And then we're going to start with the one I feel is the most important and that's going to give you the quickest win right away. We're going to take that and we're going to build positive momentum before we move to the next one.
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One of the most common ones I get is a person coming to me under eating protein. So, I look for ways to add in protein throughout the day. I even like to say sneak protein in so you can reap the many benefits protein has to offer without making some completely upheaval change to your current approach to, nutrition, and eating.
Myrna: Alright, I got it. You're just getting them maybe in touch with what they're eating and getting them into starting the, diet, phase and maybe even seeing if they can follow it to be quite honest.
Paul: If you are going to, diet, and then maintain your ,weight loss, successfully, you should probably only spend about one percent of the rest of your life ever, dieting. Think about that for a minute, if you do one good diet and you learn how to, maintain weight loss, you never have to, diet, again which is fantastic.
Myrna: That's where you're talking about lifestyle right?
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Paul: Yes. During the, post diet maintenance, phase, we want to pay attention to the gradual increases in your calories. Your portions to get you back to a level that supports everything you want to do and to live life to the fullest. But during this time too, we need to really put a lot of attention and time into redefining what normal or balance or moderation looks like for you as an individual.
We view each of those through the lens of sustainability, so that, weight loss, maintenance continues to happen as you operate on this new version of autopilot with your eating, exercise, and self-care habits.
Myrna: In your program do you include exercise or just a, nutrition, plan?
Paul: We focus a lot on, nutrition, but we actually focus a lot more on the emotion, behavioral and mindset aspects.
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Myrna: This whole, sustainable weight loss, equation entails so not much on exercise right?
Paul: Yes, the brain and the mindset.
Myrna: Someone coming into your program:
You help them with the, pre diet maintenance,
Put them on a, diet, to reduce calories
They lose 20 pounds
The, post diet maintenance, phase kicks in where it's a lifestyle shift. If they do those three things, the million dollar question. Is, weight loss, sustainable?
Paul: Here's the one thing I'll include before someone enters our community and program. Before they receive instructions and the individual one-on-one care to build out their, pre-diet maintenance phase, they actually spend the first couple of months not even focusing on, nutrition.
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We spend a lot of time up here and I'm pointing to my head and my heart. I am really looking to understand their past. How for example their childhood traumas, relationships with parents, guardians, friends and their environment shaped their current relationship with food.
We use this time as an opportunity to shine a big bright spotlight of awareness on some of the ways our past experience is affecting self-talk, limiting beliefs, thought counterproductive habits. We spend a lot of time there first before even getting to the, nutrition, because, if we can start making changes, they're going to accumulate and compound over time.
Myrna: Tell our readers about your program, how you can help them maintain their, weight loss, goals and how they can contact you.
How the 5 Community Help you with your weight loss goals
Paul: Absolutely. My core focus where I eat, sleep, breathe and live these days is called the, 5 Community. This is where we work with high achieving women specifically mothers, to help them reclaim their confidence, their inner peace and calm through learning how to rebuild not only their relationship with food and dieting; but most importantly, the relationship with themselves, so they can, lose weight, reclaim their energy and truly feel, look and be their best.
The ways we do this is our central focus of the course. There is plenty of coaching such as:
one-on-one time,
online continuing therapeutic and
transformational curriculum that is with them every step of the way, but truly the magic comes within our community. When you surround yourself with a like-minded in a group of like-minded individuals truly is an opportunity to time collapse your results.
One of the worst things that I've observed happening specifically with the mothers I've worked with over the years, is they develop this sense that they are alone.
But when you surround yourself with like-minded individuals, you can actually restore hope, restore feelings that change is possible and it's through the collaborative accountable and supportive efforts amongst our community. We've really seen some fantastic sustainable changes and of course on the scale, and in the mirror; but more importantly in mindset, relationship and emotions related to food eating and just simply being the best version of us.
The best place to connect and engage with me is on Instagram @paulsaltercoaching. The best website is going to be www.thepaulsalter.com
Paul: Remember to trust yourself. The difference between an appropriate portion size and maybe a not so appropriate portion size is that you already know what to do. Before you spend your money and time energy and effort, trying to outsource to fad, diet, A B or C, focus on making one tiny positive change that is geared towards helping you feel a little better.
When you make that change successfully, then insert another one and you're going to start to build, positive momentum, because when you begin feeling better, your energy comes up. Your confidence comes up, you're just exuding this different level of energy that has a nice positive ripple effect on other areas of your life. Now, we're talking about creating a win-win-win situation
When you replace, fear, with, faith, it prevents your, subconscious mind, from going into reflex mode and bringing what you, fear, into your experience.
The Bible teaches that, faith, without works is dead. That means as we say in my birth country of Guyana
Put your money where your mouth is.
Eg. If you, have faith, that God is going bring you the desires of your heart and you desire to have a child; then you don’t do like Sarah and have your husband sleep with Hagar (your maid) so you can have a child. No you have, courage, to stay the course and in God’s time you will have a child.
You pick out baby names,
Shop for your nursery,
You buy pregnancy clothes,
And you live in expectancy, hoping every month that your period does not show up!
Listen to the full episode here:
Faith means getting up after you fall down
If you experience some setbacks like several miscarriages, you have, courage, and believe in Gods promise, that everything works out for your good. You believe that Gods intentional!
The, subconscious mind, can’t tell fact from fiction, it brings you whatever you think about consistently.
Jesus says by their fruits we shall know them.
If you live with, courage, we shall know you by your fruits because, faith, is the language to God and he always delivers.
Man was created in Gods image with the power to rule the world. Have faith, that you have the power to manifest your heart’s desire and believe that whatever you hold on your head, you will hold in your hand.
Every living thing has confidence in something or somebody. You, have faith, that if you deposit your money in the bank, it will be there when you go to withdraw it. You, have faith, that if you plant a mango tree, it will bear mangoes and not oranges.
Similarly, we must, have faith, that whatever we ask God in prayer he will answer.
It is your habitual tendency of thought that reappears in your body and recreates the conditions in your life.
You become what you think about most of the time.
https://youtu.be/pcQz3Y-Zl5A
Speak faith Not fear
The words you use are the channels in which the creative energy takes shape.
This energy takes the shape from the instrument from which it passes. Water flowing from a crooked cup, flows crooked. Water must take the shape of the pipe from which it flows.
You can't think one thing and produce another, this is as impossible as an electric fan being used for lighting purposes.
As a man thinketh so is he.
There is an intelligence in all nature. Faith, without works is dead but with it, sets you free.
Say Goodbye to, Fear, cultivating, courage, have faith, and if you are afraid, Do it afraid.
When you, fear, you have a pessimistic view of life. Worrying about the future is futile, we have no control about the future so if you are going to imagine the worst, why not shift it and use your imagination to create the life you want.
We are able to create whatever we think about most of the time. We become what we think about.
Think about this story. A young lady was worrying about losing her job. She feared losing her home, becoming homeless and worked herself into a frenzy by looking down into the abyss of, fear. But if she used her imagination to dream about getting a promotion instead of losing her job. Dreaming about buying a new home allows her to look up.
Your, unconscious mind, is carrying out behaviors that sabotage your, conscious mind, 24 hours per day. In fact studies show that our, subconscious, mind, is running our lives 95% of the time. If you don't, reprogram your subconscious mind, you will continue to run the same, subconscious programs, like a a tape recorder. We have to erase the tape and rewrite the tape for it to play new programs. Listen to the interview to learn how to, reprogram your unconscious mind.
Listen to the full interview here:
Introduction, Unconscious mind
Whenever you are on autopilot, you are running, unconscious mind. Have you ever gotten in your car and driven to your destination and you don’t recall how you got there. That is your, unconscious mind, driving you to your destination.
Autopilot is just one of your, subconscious programs, that has to do with your beliefs.
These, subconscious programs, were downloaded to you before your 7th birthday are the programs your, unconscious mind, play until you die; unless you, reprogram your subconscious mind.
Even if you become aware of your, subconscious programs, you still continue the behaviors because the, unconscious mind, will keep playing the same, subconscious programs. Think about your vinyl record. Unless you scratch the record, it will play the same song forever!
When I was growing up my activity of choice was reading Harlequin romances. I was brainwashed into believing that love looked and acted in a certain way. For example, all the leading men in my Harlequin romance novels, were rugged, tall, dark and good looking. All the leading ladies were independent and did not want a man's help; so the man and the woman ended up feuding and hating each other until they realized that all, this attention they are placing on each other fighting, were actually the flip side of love!
These lovers, leading men and ladies were never a good match. Chemistry and raw physical attraction lead the way. Thirty years later, I was still playing that, subconscious program, It wasn’t until I met my husband that I started looking on the inside of a man, and not what he presented on the outside that I was able to, reprogram my unconscious mind,
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I was listening to a sermon by, Joel Osteen, a few months back and he was telling the story of, subconscious programs, with his sister. Joel said his sister was praying and asking God for a husband and God sent her a wonderful man; but she rejected him because he had red hair. He did not fit her, subconscious programs, for a mate. It took her years to reprogram her mindset and love this man.
Did you grow up in a home where your dad worked and your mom stayed home and watched the kids? You never saw your dad because he was always working and your family just had enough? That is your model of a family and today you are probably still running this, subconscious programs,
What is your, Unconscious Mind, that needs to be rewritten?
I was a foster mom for years. I see the, unconscious mind, in foster and adopted kids all the time. Especially since most of them came into foster care system before their 7th birthday. They developed programs on, abandonment, attachment disorders, survival, most of them hoard food because their, unconscious mind, and lack and survival.
Here are 5, subconscious programs, Teenagers are running today
Make generalizations (no one loves me, I’m always going to be a failure, I’ll never get a job or pass this test)
Make choices and judgment based on past experiences.
3. Settle in life, don’t apply for jobs or get involved in extra curricular activities.
4. Reviews information and draws conclusions.
If someone breaks their heart, they learn to not trust people – to avoid being hurt again. If living in poverty, feel like will never get enough money to make it out of poverty. If get in a fight, feel they always need to protect them self
5. Accepts information literally and personally (take a lot of things said to heart, but not as constructive criticism)
A mental picture is worth a thousand words. Your, unconscious mind, will bring to pass any picture held in the mind and backed by faith.
This is the space I am spending a lot of time in, at the moment. I am working on visualizing my goals and desires and speaking, affirmations. I am having a hard time of it, because I am not a visual person. But this is the first step in controlling the, unconscious mind, Visualizing what you want. Let the, unconscious mind, find the way, you only have to give it the destination.
For example if you want to be married by the age of 30 and have 3 kids. That is the mental picture you give your, unconscious mind, The universe will find the man and arrange the kids! Just say, affirmations, every day to reprogram your, unconscious mind.
Daily Affirmations, like:
I will get married to the man of my dreams by age 30
The Universe will deliver to me the man of my dreams by the time I am 30
I will get married by age 30 and have 3 kids by age 35
Remember to give your, unconscious mind, only instructions that would elevate and heal. It is the secret to your success. Your, unconscious mind, cannot take a joke. Don’t say things like with my luck the man that shows up would be bowed legged with buck teeth! Because guess what, hold that image in your mind for any length of time and that is what you will get, a bow legged man with buck teeth. Trust me on this.
About 10 years ago I read, Deepak Chopra’s, book called “Grow Younger, Live Longer” In this book Deepak taught us to say, affirmations, every day. It went like this.
Daily Affirmations for aging younger
Every day, in every way, I am getting younger and younger,
my biological clock is set at a healthy 30 years of age,
I look and feel a healthy 30 years of age.
Every day I am renewing my mind and body by eating healthy foods,
I take nutritional supplements wisely, etc.
I don’t remember all of it. I was saying these, affirmations, around my 40th birthday. So over 20 years ago. I still remember those, affirmations, because I said them every day for several months.
This year on my 60th birthday, I posted a picture on Facebook and this girl commented. She said “It is like you stopped aging at 30 years old. You just said F**K it! I am not getting any older! I do look 20 years younger than my chronological age and that’s because I rewrote my, subconscious programs,!
How to Rewrite Your Subconscious Mind
In my, conscious mind, I was always planning out my future and all things I wanted it to entail. I told myself, you will never be broke, you’re a go getter and you will always meet your basic necessities because of that. This mindset, relays into my life because it reminds me that failure is never an option and all things are possible because I know it is.
Many times, I feel that I have programmed my, unconscious mind, for the success. I heal myself faster from injuries. For example, one time my eye was swollen, and I had a workshop coming up in 2 days. I said to my, subconscious mind, don’t sweat it, you are going to get a warm rag and sleep with it on your eye, then you will use antibiotics and by the day of your workshop it will be gone.
Sure enough, the eye was not swollen anymore and I was able to facilitate my workshop with two functional eyes. Furthermore, despite all the adversity I have experienced in my life, I was always sure that I would finish University and get my degree. I programmed my, unconscious mind, to prepare for the test.
Remember the, unconscious mind, is carrying out behaviors that sabotage the, conscious mind.
Our, subconscious programs, doesn't stop at age 7; but continues for the rest of our lives.
Take risks to get past, subconscious programs, Your, unconscious mind, always wants to play it safe.
Ask questions like, What else is possible that I have not considered?
Say things like, how cool is it that I have all this extra money.
4. What am I going to do with all this extra cash?
5. How can I make this a reality?
6. What if I become a successful as a TV talk show host? What would that look like? See yourself in this role. This one is for me!!
Conclusion reprogram your unconscious mind
This strategy is called, auto inquisition. Thomas Edison practiced, auto inquisition. He would sit in a chair and ask his, unconscious mind, questions about an invention. You can do the same.
Give yourself permission to be successful, believe that you deserve good things to happen
Don’t allow other peoples fears to make you doubt yourself.
Surround yourself with positive reinforcement and allies.
Speak your success as present fact not a future plan. Instead of saying I am figuring out how to do that now, say I am strategist. What do I need to make that happen right now.
Start asking for what you want and keep track of all the things that have happened (gratitude journal)
Create a vision space, so you can imagine what it is you want to happen in your life.
Additional Resources Unconscious mind
“Keeping a healthy mind is important to have a balanced life. Mental health training can help you enhance self-awareness providing tips and knowledge about this topic”.
I made the connection in my mind between unresolved, childhood trauma, and these, autoimmune, problems. What I mean by unresolved is that the, trauma, is continuing to loop. The people are continuing to experience it as when the, trauma, was active, that creates, inflammation, in the body. The, inflammation, then compromises your, immune system, and your, neurotransmitters. If your, immune system, is compromised like it was with my daughter, the, inflammation, stays active. Inflammation, is basically a temporary pause in the system to protect the system against a threat.
Listen to the Full Interview Here
Introduction to Childhood Trauma and Autoimmune Disease
Bio
Dr. Don Wood, PhD developed the TIPP method after spending years researching how atmospheric conditions™ affect our minds and impact our lives. He went back to school later in life to get his PhD in clinical counseling and psychology, to learn how to heal his daughter’s Crohn’s disease and his wife’s autoimmune disease. Dr Wood says Both my wife and daughter experienced childhood trauma and I saw how it affected their life, including their health. They both had developed autoimmune disorders.” The TIPP program developed by Dr. Wood has benefited individuals all over the world. “ Dr. Wood is the author two books “You Must be out of your Mind” and “Emotional Concussions”, are focused on how we can all make the desired changes by allowing our mind to reset and reboot.
Dr Don Wood Childhood Trauma and Autoimmune Disease
Myrna: I just finished reading the book “What Happened to You” by Dr Perry and Oprah Winfrey. It is a profound book on, childhood trauma, which is where we're going to be spending some time on today. That book focused on the results of, childhood trauma, on, mental health, and relationships. I don't think I've ever read a book that so clearly links what happened to us as children to how we live life as adults. I've had a lot of guests on the Transform Your Mind talk show, talk about, trauma, and it's link to substance abuse and drug use etc., but this is the first time I am hearing a connection of, childhood trauma, to, autoimmune disorders and, Crohn's disease.
So, I want to start off by putting a pin on something you said in your bio. You said that you went back to school later in life to get your PhD in Clinical Counseling and Psychology, to learn how to heal your daughter's, Crohn's disease, and your wife's, autoimmune disease. You also said that, childhood trauma, were the causes for both, inflammation. Can you share what you found is the connection between, childhood trauma, and, autoimmune disease?
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Dr Wood: Absolutely! It was really because of my daughter. My wife, when I met her, I realized she was living in a very different household than I grew up in. She had a very traumatic childhood with a very disruptive father, and so she developed Hashimoto’s (which is a thyroid disorder). She was in a constant state of, fight or flight, and it wasn't until my daughter was diagnosed with, Crohn’s disease, at age 14 that we then started to look for answers for her.
She was just basically told to get rid of gluten and dairy and change her diet, they really had no answer. When she was 16, she disclosed to us some, childhood trauma, that she'd experienced between the ages of six and eight that we were unaware of. I usually sometimes don't talk about this, but she actually had a second, autoimmune disorder, called Idiopathic Pulmonary Hemosiderosis; which is just a long form. It's a long name. Basically, it's another, autoimmune disease, that affects the lungs and the iron in the lungs. It causes the lungs to bleed out and basically that could be a death sentence. One out of 1.2 million people get it and a fair percentage of them die from it within five years.
That is really what started me looking for answers. I made the connection in my mind between unresolved, childhood trauma and these, autoimmune, problems. What I mean by unresolved is that the, childhood trauma, is continuing to loop. The people are continuing to experience it as when the, trauma, was active, that creates, inflammation, in the body. The, inflammation, then compromises your, immune system, and your, neurotransmitters. If your, immune system, is compromised like it was with my daughters, the, inflammation, stays active. Inflammation, is basically a temporary pause in the system to protect the system against a threat.
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If Childhood Trauma is not addressed it becomes inflammation
The problem for my daughter was that the threat continued because the memory of her, childhood trauma, was looping and continued to stay active. What I believe is the connection between these, autoimmune, issues is if you don't resolve that, trauma, it just continues. The, inflammation, for my daughter showed up in her intestinal area. There are a lot of people who have ended up with, Crohn’s disease, colitis, and, IBD, because of, inflammation, from, trauma. The cells go into a cell danger response, so they basically become hardened, enlarged and inflamed to protect the system temporarily until the danger passes. Then the, immune system, comes in, cleans up and takes over.
For my daughter, it didn't fix because she constantly was feeling the experiences from the result of her, childhood trauma. It stayed in this active cell danger response, but after we got the, trauma, resolved for my daughter, she hasn't had a, Crohn’s, flare-up. There's no other explanation in my mind that why her, Crohn’s, would stop and her idiopathic pulmonary issues also stopped. There was where I made the connection between the two.
Myrna: The connection between the, Crohn’s disease, I understand, because a lot of times when we're in, fight or flight, or when we're nervous or anything, we feel it in our gut, so that's definitely understandable.
Dr Wood: Crohn’s disease, can be sometimes called Creatural Bowel Syndrome, you feel it in your gut. I understand that part because you're always tense, and you’re always nervous.
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Autoimmune Disease and the Fight or Flight Response
Myrna: That's definitely a, fight or flight, response. Now, did you understand why your wife's, autoimmune disorder, showed up in her lungs which a a weird place to get it? What does the breath, the lungs and the iron in the lungs has to do with your, autoimmune? Tell us what's going on there again.
Dr Wood: I just believe it's coming down to, inflammation, so it shows up genetically different in different people. For my daughter, it ended up in her lower intestinal area. She also ended up with, inflammation, in her lungs as well. My wife ended up with a, thyroid disorder. I think it just shows up depending on where your weakest link is in your system. That's why it shows up in different places for different people.
Myrna: Now, you mentioned specifically that your daughter's, childhood trauma, happened between the ages of six and eight. Did you adopt her or something?
Dr Wood: No, she is our biological child. There was another young girl in the neighborhood that was a little older that had been abusing her. We were unaware. We thought she was just like a big sister and so she had been abusing her and we didn't know about it, and then we moved. The abuse stopped obviously because we moved, and then when she was 16, my daughter disclosed it to us and then by now she's got, Crohn’s disease. Again, we hadn't quite made that connection yet, because we were told by the doctors that, she's just have to learn to live with, Crohn’s disease. She'd eventually have to have four surgeries done where they had to literally go in and cut out pieces.
She really suffered and they said eventually she'll just end up with a colostomy bag. That's why my wife did all kinds of research and everything that she was learning was teaching people to live, manage and cope with, Crohn's, but not fix it, because they say there's no cure for, Crohn’s.
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Myrna: If you're having, autoimmune disorders, then you might want to look at the fact that you might have unresolved, childhood trauma. There is a host of people that has unresolved, childhood trauma.
Dr Wood: My wife didn't have a safe place and there was no safe landing place. So, she constantly stayed in this state of fear so she couldn't, regulate.
Myrna: Regulate, that's Dr. Perry's favorite word. Regulate, is new word for me.
Dr Wood: Yes, we all need to, regulate. We need to find a way to cope either by listening to music or something else.
Myrna: Yes. I mean, I didn't understand what that meant, but now it's one of my new words in my vocabulary. I understand what, regulate, means, but maybe you might want to explain it to our listeners and readers.
Dr Wood: Sure. I know you had mentioned the, Vagus nerve. The, Vagus nerve, is either going to activate your, sympathetic nervous system, or, parasympathetic nervous system. Your, sympathetic nervous system, is your, fight or flight, and your, parasympathetic nervous system, is your rest and digest. The idea behind it is, if there's a constant threat going on your mind (like feeling unsafe), your, sympathetic nervous system, is going to be constantly activated. Eighty percent of the messaging from the, Vagus nerve, comes from the stomach, where all that, inflammation, starts coming in. They say your, gut, is your second brain and is sending information to the brain that there's something wrong and we're in stress all day long. Then the, inflammation, comes in and the rest and digest goes out the door. The, parasympathetic nervous system, is now turned off and is responding from the, sympathetic nervous system.
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The Parasympathetic Nervous System and Childhood Trauma
The idea behind it is when you're in, regulation, that, sympathetic, responds to a threat that is current and, parasympathetic, is what you're supposed to be in most of the time. The problem coming is that, childhood trauma, continues to activate that, Vagus nerve, sympathetic nervous system, because the mind glitches. Actually, I call it an error message. Your mind thinks the memory is still real, because it sees it in real time and so it's activating that system to try to protect you even though there's nothing happening. It's just information about something that happened in your past.
Myrna: That's why we develop, autoimmune disorder, because we are constantly in, fight or flight, mode.
Dr Wood: One of the things that was difficult for my wife, I couldn't understand why. Even though, she was living in my world now, we were doing well, we had a beautiful home with three beautiful children; yet she wasn't enjoying it. She couldn't relax and enjoy it, she was constantly preparing for the trouble to come. As a child her father would always cause her pain.
She learned that good times end and they end really quickly. She never wanted to get into that position of getting her hopes up that things were going to be okay, because her experiences which I call her ‘atmospheric conditions’ had been very dark and stormy. So, she's expecting the storm and don't want to start feeling safe. It was the loops our program can fix. We don't need to live and manage with it, we can actually fix it.
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Myrna: You said that people that experience symptoms from unresolved, childhood trauma, such as, addiction, PTSD, anxiety, achieving peak performance of the sport, business center, relationships. You say to think of those unresolved, childhood trauma, as rust and you said that most programs and therapies solution is to paint a cover over the rust whereas your program; the, TIPP program, removes the rust altogether. Now, this is your opportunity to tell us. What does, Tipp, stand for and what does it do?
Dr Wood: Tipp, stands for The, Inspired Performance Program. The reason we called it performance and not ‘trauma therapy’ was because I start off with the premise that there's nothing wrong with anybody. There's nothing wrong with anybody's mind. Your mind is filtering through your unique set of experiences to respond to your current present situation and so when you talked about the rust, what I say is, if you just paint over the rust, the rust will bubble up through the paint.
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Eventually, the key is to sit it down, prime it and then paint it and then the rust is gone. That's what we do. What we do with, TIPP. I take you through a process. It's a four hour process that we basically reboot and refresh that old traumatic memory. The best way to explain it to you and people who are listening to this is that you can do this along with this, is I'll say can you remember what you ate for dinner last night? So, I ask you Myrna, can you remember what you ate for dinner last night?
Myrna: Yes. I had rice and beans with something that we call tripe.
Dr Wood: Okay. When you're looking at this, you'll notice that you looked up and when you looked up you saw pictures of what you ate, right? That's how you stored the information about dinner last night. No other animal does that, only humans store that kind of explicit detail about events and experiences. Now your survival brain is operating about 95 of everything for you. Your survival brain is fully present and in the moment now, when we have a traumatic event all your senses are heightened, sight, smell and hearing.
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How's it going to record that very bright and very intense with a tremendous amount of data brought in? Can you see where this glitch is going to come in now? If for some reason your mind accesses that memory that was traumatic and it sees all that intensity and high definition to it, what does it think it's happening? Right now. If you're in a threatening situation, doesn't it make sense that all of a sudden your, sympathetic nervous system, would engage your heart, your heart would start racing and you would go into that kind of a response. Even though there's no threat, it's just information about a threat that's, post traumatic stress. The person is constantly reliving through that memory and experiencing, PTSD.
What we do in our program is we're going to take that high definition traumatic memory and get your mind to reprocess that into the same format as to what you ate for dinner last night and takes a lot of that intensity out of it. Now, when you recall it, your mind doesn't call for the action, because when you have an emotion, the purpose of an emotion is a call for an action. The purpose of fear is to escape a threat and the purpose of anger is to attack a threat.
Myrna: Your, Tipp program, also helps people by rebooting, panic attacks, and anxiety.
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Dr Wood: It works the same way. If I can think, it will be the panic attack and anxiety, is the, fight-or-flight, response to this memory, right? So, panic attacks, are actually a combination of the emotional and physical. The mind is feeling threatened for some reason, but it can't find the danger and then what happens is it starts to activate your nervous system.
Now, your brain starts getting messages from the, Vagus nerve, from the system saying we're running low on oxygen, the brain is like there's going to be a lion around here, but I can't see the lion. Then the body starts sending messages like our Co2 has changed, our oxygen level has changed and so all of those signals come into the brain when the brain is already feeling a stress response; it then goes into a, panic attack.
So, I wrote a patent for a band that you can wear on your wrist to detect a, panic attack, coming up to an hour before the, panic attack, start. The mind is doing this constant search looking for a problem that it can't find, starts to activate the nervous system which then starts sending messages to the brain and it's happening up to an hour before the, panic attack, happens.
But, people think the, panic attack, can come on suddenly, but it is starting an hour before. The idea behind this band is that, the band will detect when the mind is starting to do that thing and then what I teach you in our, TIPP program, is how to shut it down.
Myrna: I love our conversation. I now see why you're a podcast favorite, because this is good Stuff.
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Dr Wood: The second book I wrote was called “Emotional Concussions”. Exactly those kinds of things that are not the big “T” traumas.
They're like that coach that told you you're never going to be good enough.
The teacher that told you you're not smart enough,
the parent that said you'll never make it give that whole plan up, you're not going to make it.
Those are, emotional concussions, that can keep looping for 40 years.
Myrna: Your new book is called “You must be out of your mind, we all need a Reboot”, so tell us about your book. Why you wrote the book and what's basically the message that you're sending out?
Dr Wood: The first book was written really about the, Tipp program, and how it was developed. I talked about how my daughter and my wife were living this life. The only solution had been medical, give them prescriptions and medications and that led me on the search to try to find what I discovered – that this, childhood trauma, is what was continually activating their nervous system which was then creating their issues. So, that's why I said we all need to reboot, we got to get you out of that mind, we've got to reboot that mind and reset it to its original manufacture settings.
Everybody can benefit from this reboot, because like I said, the highest performing people when we have this unresolved, trauma, not only does it affect the mind, it affects the body and it actually affects our energy.
Myrna: Tell our listeners how they can connect with you and pick up copies your books.
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Conclusion to Childhood Trauma and Autoimmune Disease
Dr Wood: They can either do it two different ways: go to get the, Tipp program, at gettipp.com . You'll get the information on the program. You can either do it digitally online or in person. I take you through the whole four hour program online or you can come and personally see me for a one-on-one experience.
Myrna: Everybody has been talking about mindfulness and meditation and I'm not sure how that relates to, trauma.
I know that's how I find my peace, but whatever, trauma, I had, if I had any it's been long removed, but I do practice my self-care meditation. I, regulate, myself, I didn't even know that's what I was doing, but I, regulate, myself by walking 5k every day. You know what I mean, that's all part of, regulation, so absolutely yes a lot of those things that you can do to sort of help as well.
Thank you guys for tuning in to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Real Life Radio podcast and television show. If you have not done so and you're listening to this on iTunes, please subscribe and leave a review. I bring you great quality guests like Dr. Wood every week as we try to transform your mind so that you can transform your life.
Until next time, blessings.
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We have been in a, pandemic,situation for over 15 months now. Many of you who are reading this blog, have experienced some, personal finance,problems.We know thatAmazon, Walmart, Googleand all those big brands actually mademillions of dollars and were very profitable during this, pandemic.
But, it is a fact that ordinary people like you and me had somestruggles. Financial planner, Michelle Arpin Begina is going to share with us how to change our, money mindset, by paying attention to your, money story. Your, moneystory,shows up in good times and bad times. So, keep reading tounderstandhow your, money mindset, affectedwhether you thrived in this, pandemic, or just survived.
Listen to the full interview:
Your Money Story
This is the time to really getcurious and ask yourself, What is my, money story? Go back and tracethe roots of your, money story,and experiences?
Similarly, ask yourself asan adult, What didI hear growing up about, money? What did I take away from the big financial moments ofmy life? What were some of thebehaviors that I observed from otherpeople or my parents, that influence my, personal finance, now?
Did you become a consumer or did youbecome a miser?
Did your parents tell you all the time ” Money does not grow on trees”
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Michelle:I remember growing up watchingmy parents and saying tomyself two things:
If only they could gettheir, personal finance, act together, becausethey had all the ingredients to haveeverything they wanted. We all have it within us.
The second thing I saidwas: this is not going to be me. But, as it turned out. When I firstgot started out,I started following their footsteps.
Myrna: Oh!You became a, consumer, too?
Michelle: I did! I boughtthe new car when I was 19,while I was paying my own tuition andrent. So,I lived with that feeling of financial insecurity.I kept it going with, personal finance, problems well intomy 30sand then I turned it around.
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Myrna: What is the, personal finance, lesson that you wantto share with us, that can help the people who are barely surviving?
Michelle: I can say thatit's not just about the, consumers, and the savers, but there'sprobably more depth to thriving than that. We have to go into some biology.
Myrna: So, let's take a deep dive into biology of the, money mindset.
Michelle:Alright!We've got to cut slack for the, consumers, and the savers. Putting away money for a rainy day, could turn someone into a tight wad, where they are not enjoying their,money. There are so many differenttranslations that can happen from whatwe take in as a child and that forms our, money story.
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Let's talk about flourishing for a second.We are hardwiredto live in the moment,because we are psychologically distantfrom Michelle 10.0.
We are not friends with our future self. Michelle 10.0 or Myrna 10.0, is not our relative. We don'tfeel this connection with her today, so we can'thelp it. This is who we areas people, this is our biology. It's very difficult to handle, money,outside of what our needs or wishesor even impulses are in the moment.
What we need to do is recognize this. When the 401K rep comes in, when youdon't have two dimes to rubtogether and say if you putaway the maximum amount in this account,you'll be a billionaire by the timeyou're 65.When you were 22, it'sgoing to go in one ear and out the other. You tell the 401K rep, I can't even afford lunch! A 22 year old has no relationship with her 65 year old self.
Myrna: You hit the nail right in the head. I was just saying that people can't save because they have no extras to save.
Most of us have more month than, money!
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Michelle: What we can do to helpourselves and transform our, money story, is to literally create a relationshipwith your future self.The closer we feel to that person,as if they were really alive today and isour friend,the more that we're going to act intheir best interests.
There are so manynew little things that we have toaccomplish in the day-to-daydetails to get us to that overarchinggoal. So, when we're in the momentof the impulses or justchoosing between two different things,and we want to maintain, self-control. What actually helpsis to create distance in the moment.Whenwe talk to ourselvesin the third person, it actually helps us to control ourbehavior in the moment.
Myrna: I get it like saying
“Myrna would never do that, Myrna is going todo is make the choicethat is going to really help her in thefuture.”
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Myrna: Let's get back to the, pandemic. What has the, global pandemic, taught us about, money?
Maybe you're going to be a little differentbecause, money, is your work, and youstudy it. Did you learn anything newabout yourself and your, money beliefs,during the, pandemic,what do you think the global lesson was for us?
Michelle:I‘m a little afraid to answer thisquestion.
Myrna: Let's talk. It's just your opinion.
Michelle: What I‘ve learned during this, pandemic, is a littleembarrassing to say out loudis “I learned a whole lot more about oursystemsand just how differently everybodyis impacted, was the biggest thing that I witnessed.
Heartbreaking really in manyways and I‘ve discovered is that our systems were not designedto take care of people.Our systems were designed for theefficient managementof accounts to obey the laws, rules andregulations.Many people had no, money,in the Bankbecause they didn't see the need to saveor to put something away for the rainyday. This, pandemic, exposed that flaw.
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Myrna: Do you think that our values havechanged, now that the, pandemic,highlighted our, money mindset?
Michelle: That's basicallywhat I was trying to get to as far as, money mindset, andthe fallout from our, money story. Maybe their, money mindset, was that “you get it”,“you spend it” that kind of thinking.I like to think – I mean it's hardtoknow on a such a broad levelwhetherit has or hasn't,but I think for someonewho was probablyscared to their core, there will be a change to their, money mindset.
If they lost jobs or clients,
Were not able tocontinue to work or couldn't pay their rent or mortgage. Their, money mindset, will shift to saving for a rainy day.
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We've heard so many different things happened.The income that I was relying on to make my monthis evaporated or it's down etc., but to me, it really is that, fight orflight,or life or death kind of an experience.On the other hand, we may want tototally push that out of our mindbecause it was such an awful experience.
I think for a lot ofpeople whomaybe saw, for the first time,at their own hand, how perilous theirsituation could become.I think those people have probablychanged their, money mindset.
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USP: As an Asian host, I am looking to be the change within the Asian culture as sexual abuse is still a very taboo topic and not discussed and so many survivors are still suffering from suppression and not being able to talk openly about their abuse which then leads to trauma/PTSD so I am starting a conversation and being the voice to help these women to open up about what has happened to them. Cases of Sexual abuse and Rape are still at an ever increasing high in India which saddens me.
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What's your success formula to change money mindset
Myrna: Great!!! You're a financial planner.Do you want to share your, successformula, or howyou help your clients to develop a relationship with their future self and change their, money mindset?
Michelle: What a, financial planner,doesis to help you with, personal finance such as:
Plan for therainy day,
Put away for retirement,
Save to buy a house,
You plan forvacations.
Myrna: That's what you guys do,right?I understand you have a,success formula, can you share that?Like thinking aboutwhat resources did you bring to thetable not just with, personal finance, butwho did you know, what did you know etc..
Michelle: The, success formula, can be called your superpowers. Weuse the word “superpower” so much,but what part of you is special andunique? What do you bring tothe table in every single oneof your successes? We use that information to develop hope, optimism and resiliency.
What superpowers did you use to pull those things in when timeswhen facing difficulty or you faced a challenge. How did you react when there was anupside surprise?
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All of those traits that I justdescribed, in whateverway someone uses them, it'sso cool.I mean we've all gota special factor that's so differentfrom one another.If you just look at your own and youstart picking it apart, you can see how I can pull on thisthreadwhen it comes to my money.
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It'sabout figuring out what's effective sothat's like thepart of the expandedversion of, personal finance. Financial Literacy, is what I would call it which is really kind of recognizing that we have apsychology and biologyaround in our brains and bodyaround our, money. It's notjust understanding markets or investingor good sound, financial planning, or,risk management, or all of those thingswhich are important,but it's about your strengths.
Looking at the big picture and understanding someone's background,who they are and are notwith their, money, what their wishes are,what their values are, of course what the,money, isand then really digging into some oftheir, money mindset, about whatmakes them.
Myrna: So, that's the, success formula.
Michelle: Yes, we use what makes you successful in otherareas of your lifeand use the common thread to help you tobe successful with your, money.
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Myrna: I understand that you have a websiteor a challenge to help the readers and thosewatching on TV. That would help them develop their, success formula. You want to talk about that?
Michelle:The best place for people to findme is my website, which is www.michelleab.com. Right on the home page is my, successformula, guidewhich anyone can download.Other channels that people can as well reachme or connect with me are on LinkedIn,
You can watch the full interview on the Transform Your Mind Podcast YouTube channel.
Also you can tune in at six o'clock Est every Sunday for our Preach the Word Network Television broadcast and of course you can listen in theradio WDJY 99.1 FMWednesdays at 5p.m.
Myrna: Thanks again Michelle. Thanks everyonefor tuning inand until next time, blessings.
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Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement is a book written to encourage women of color who were born in lack. It showcases my, personal growth, journey and how I got, out of the snares, of poverty and, child abuse.
This is my interview on the Books of the Month show on www.ptwwntv.com
Listen to the interview:
Introduction to Out Of the Snares
Myrna – I am a, life coach, I host a show on the preach the word television network called Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life, one of the reasons that I wrote the book, Out of the Snares, is because I believe and I wanted to encourage women that it is not where we come from, but where we end up that’s important.
It's also the only way that we can go through that transition like from a caterpillar to a butterfly is if we allow the things that happen to us in life help us with, personal growth. We should use challenges to transform ourselves and for our, personal development.
So, the book, Out of the Snares, is basically a story of my life. I wrote it from a, life coaching, perspective with 10 principles of, life experiences, that happened to me and what I learned from those, life experiences.
I’m a, life coach, but I do most of my coaching on my show Transform Your Mind. It is a radio, podcast and a television show.
Dr O.C Pringle: You're doing it all sister Young, you're doing it all right and so of course your inspiration would be your, life's experience, and, child abuse. let's talk about that.
Out of the Snares of Child Sexual Abuse
Myrna: I was, sexually abused, as a child in Guyana by a family friend. He was technically my Godfather, but being from a third world country, a very poor country and he was very rich.
We would call him a, pedophile, he showered me with a lot of attention, and bought me a lot of gifts and then took advantage of that.
I didn't realize that we were doing anything wrong until I became 13 and started having Boyfriends.
DR O.C Pringle: Until you became what? Wait how old were you?
Myrna: This, sexual abuse, began at age 10.
Dr O.C Pringle: Wow did anything ever happen to this guy?
Myrna: No, because like most children I didn’t say anything about it. I told no one. This book was my first experience talking about it and I in my 40’s when I wrote, Out of the Snares. My dad read the book and was very upset that he did not know this was going on.
Children carry a lot of shame regarding, sexual abuse, I still carried shame when I wrote, Out of the Snare. As you can see I used my maiden name Trotman for the author name.
Dr. O.C Pringle: So, you placed Myrna Bernadette Trotman on the cover of the book, because you didn't want people to know it was you, but your picture is on the cover!!
Myrna: I started to release shame when I started talking about the, sexual abuse, and when I learnt that children can’t give consent for sex. So whatever guilt and shame that I had attached to my, sexual abuse, I released it.
Dr O.C Pringle: Well listen it worked out for your good, but all things work together for the good of them that loved God and are called according to his, purpose, so your, sexual abuse, worked in your favor. You were able to redirect that energy into something positive where you're helping people all over the world. You're on radio and on television, yes you are some kind of a woman.
Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement
Myrna: Out of the Snares, is made up of 10 principles in life that we should live by:
Keep Your, Vision, in Front of you– Dare to dream big dreams and understand the principles of vision casting.
The events in your life whether good or bad, work together for good– God said I know your expected end. Stay the course; don't give up until you win.
Let the, Universal Laws of Attraction, the, Laws of Intention, work for you– Ask and it will be given unto you.
Have a, Positive Mindset– Take control of your thoughts and attitudes. Get rid of ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts)
Use what you have in your hand– You were created with a purpose; God gave you the skills and talents you need to complete your task. Stop waiting for the right time.
Be intentional about your Growth– Be proactive, be intentional, build on your gifts, and continually improve.
If you build it, they will come“ Be a servant first.
Find your Passion– it is the Fire in your belly. Become conscious of what lights you up. God put that Fire in your belly as a beacon to achieve your purpose.
Love– it is what makes this Human experience worthwhile. Love yourself first. Love is spirit, God is spirit.
Business Consciousness– how to create a startup company and succeed in marketing.
