Here are 3 ways to find, happiness, after a divorce:
1. Your relationship with yourself.
2. Your relationship with those closest to you.
3. And your relationship with God.
Let’s look at each of these
As you can see, relationship is key.
We are social beings, we need connection, even it is one person.
That is why people commit suicide at Christmas, because while everyone is celebrating with family and friends they are alone.
It is also the reason that social media is so powerful, it allows connection to others.
Out of the Snares of rape
I will share a story.
This woman from Toronto sent me a friend request on Facebook. She was the friend of one of my friends. I accepted. Then she started reaching out to me about coaching and about my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” .
I found out her story.
Raped twice when she was a teenager, sent to live with her father in another country who abandoned her, got pregnant and gave her child up for adoption. She was living in a studio apartment alone. Facebook was her lifeline. You don’t know who is on the other end of that friend request!
So if you are lonely, connect!
These are a different training and a different mindset to come from a perspective of abundance instead of lack and limitation, and that’s really where my internal work has been. Each time I shift up belief, a thought, a perspective from lack and limitation to one of abundance, my life just expands and explodes.
You know what society says is this is accomplished, then you’ll feel successful and a lot of people get there, and they feel empty, they feel like that it doesn’t have much meaning in their lives or they’re not feeling satisfied or fulfilled. The truth is that as long as we’re chasing things outside of ourselves we’re always projecting our happiness or our fulfillment outside of ourselves. Fulfillment is never outside of ourselves, it’s within ourselves and it’s in the present moment. where all of our power exists.
1. Let’s look First at your relationship with yourself.
The first secret to finding happiness, You have to love yourself.
If you can’t love yourself, no one else can love you. If you can’t love yourself, you can never be happy!
You can start by finding one thing about you, that you love.
Come on, God knew what he was doing when he created you. Everyone has at least one thing that makes them stand out.
One of my daughter’s friend’s laments about the fact that she has no breasts and no curves. She can’t find a boyfriend. Why? Because she projects that and that is what the men see. Not loving herself shows up in other ways in a relationship.
Now look at some women who do not fit the cultural norm of beauty and weight. I can guaranty you that in every situation if she loves herself, she will be in a healthy relationship.
Plus, if there is something you can change about something you don’t like about yourself, do it.
If you can’t change it, find a different perspective on it and learn to love it.
2. Your relationship with those closest to you
A mother, a father, a sister, a brother, a best friend, a spouse are top on the list of level 5 intimate, relationships. A level 5, relationship, is a relationship with someone who knows your intimate secrets. Someone who you share everything with and they with you. If you have someone like this in your life. You are blessed indeed.
Now you may be wondering why I did not add children to that list. Children gives us profound happiness especially when they are young. But you can’t share secrets with your children so they don’t provide the intimacy we look for to be happy.
To be happy find a level 5 friend and cry on their shoulders!
3. Your relationship with God.
The beauty of having a relationship with God is that it alone can make you happy. If you have a relationship with God, you will love yourself, you will be happy alone because you feel God’s presence with you always, your relationships will be healthy because you will love unconditionally because that is what God teaches us to do. You will find opportunities to bless others and that will make you happy.
A relationship with God is not just going to church, it is not just knowing scripture, it is not just about tithing. The relationship I am talking about is being in direct communication with God.
Going to God with your issues and struggles and seeing him make a way out of no way. Seeing him turn the weapons formed against you into blessings. Being able to receive guidance from the Holy Spirit every day. When you walk in that space everything else in your life falls into place.
You will not only find happiness again, but you will find bliss!
Ashley Bernardi opens up about losing her dad as an eleven-year-old and trying to save his life alongside her mother and sister as he suffered from a sudden death heart attack. She ignored the trauma, grief, and guilt from the horrifying experience for years after being told she was “so strong” in trying to save her dad’s life and attempting to move on. In her 30s, she suffered from a debilitating mystery illness that left her bedridden and unable to care for her three children.
It was then, in a state of despair and hopelessness, that she began to feel the pain and “mess” she had been ignoring – her illness, grief, and trauma – and found the true healing and growth that she had been searching for her entire life. For years, she had pushed her trauma aside to maintain a “mask” of strength for others, yet her feelings came out in other ways – in people-pleasing, alcohol use, in destructive relationships, and eventually, making the devastating effects of her mystery illness even worse.
Authentic Power, teaches us that our darkest hours are disguised as an opportunity to uncover and process, feel, heal, and grow from our mess.
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Myrna: What was your journey to finding your, authentic power?
Ashley: I was so horribly, physically ill. And on top of that had been diagnosed with, postpartum depression, after the birth of my third child, that I was forced, I had no choice, but to sit still and surrender to the pain, the physical pain, but also the mental image, mental, emotional, and spiritual pain that I had been bearing since I was 11 years old. But that’s where the healing happens. That’s where that little sliver of light in all that pain, I felt it, I saw it, I held on to it.
I taught myself how to move through and process all of this, trauma. And here I am today, that’s what my book is all about, authentic power, give yourself permission to feel. And I say, authentic power, because that really starts with accessing the wisdom within by getting still turning off all the noise around us. Finding your own authentic voice of what it is that that your body, mind and spirit are calling you to process. And so that’s where that’s really where the story begins.
Myrna: Yeah, that’s an amazing story. You’re right, when you said that, you hope that everybody goes through the long journey as you. You talked about holding on to your pain, and then having it come out as disease, depression and people pleasing. You got healed from, Lyme disease, and you started meditating and finding the power inside of you.
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So, tell us why, authentic power? Once you start to feel and acknowledge your feelings, how does that transform to, authentic power?
Ashley: Oh, that’s such a great question. So, this really goes into, has anyone asked you a simple question, how are you? We always say we’re fine, right? Usually, that’s not the truth. In that moment. It’s like, well, I’ve got a lot of things going on. So, I think like in society, teaches us to mask our feelings because nobody really wants to know, right?
We have social media, Instagram, where we post all the great pictures of the family. There’s just the lack of truth and vulnerability. And I found that in my own life, I was lacking that truthfulness to myself. And I was lacking being vulnerable with myself. And so, when I got truthful and vulnerable with myself, therein lies my authenticity, which is so powerful. You can actually create by going within and listening to that inner voice.
And you mentioned a couple healing modalities that I use to access my, authentic power. Meditation is one of them. Getting quiet and getting still work for me and so was healing yoga. And then also during my healing process, I discovered something that I call the field framework. Which is a technique for me to really go into those messy and uncomfortable emotions, process them in real time allowing me to move through those emotions, and therefore kind of clearing the space again, for me to access my, authentic power.
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Myrna: So yeah, when you can feel, you become vulnerable and don’t have to be so strong. Women we feel that we should be so strong, it’s a badge that we wear. We love hearing, Oh, you’re so strong. Oh my God. Nobody wants to be vulnerable. Right? They want to be the Superwoman. And you know, women usually are Superwoman, looking after the kids, they’re working, and taking care of their men.
Ashley: I’m so glad you mentioned that. It’s so funny because my original title for, authentic power, was not so Strong, because I really felt not strong, despite wearing that mask of strength for so long. And that’s something that we do in society. I did that before my health crisis, I wanted to look like Superwoman, I was the one that was pureeing the baby food and making sure my husband had dinner on the table every night, and people pleasing everyone around me, except myself.
When I had my own self, my own health crisis, I had to, I had to look at my own self-worth and value my self-worth, not what other people thought of me. And that really stopped me in my tracks. So now, I don’t try to be superwoman at all. I get a lot of help and I put boundaries in place saying. I tell my husband dinner on the table is not happening tonight. I tell my team this project not going to get done today.
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Myrna: Awesome now I’ve read your book, I know that you felt a lot of, guilt, because on your father’s death, because you felt that there’s something that you could have done. So, what was it that you stuffed down for 20 years or so? Was it, guilt?
Ashley: That’s a great question. It was 100%, guilt. I felt guilty because when my dad was actively having a heart attack, I didn’t run to go by his side to give CPR. My mom and sister did, I ran to go call 911. I also ran to the neighbor to get help. So, for so long, I was like, what if I had gone and given him CPR to help my mom and sister? What if I had been the one to do that? There are so many what ifs. As a child I buried that guilt within me very, very deeply. I also buried the, grief.
So before, before my health crisis, which you know, really is was my greatest awakening, I see, Lyme disease, as my greatest gift, and I’m so grateful for it. It allowed me to really look deep and face my, grief.
I never visited my father’s grave, alone. That’s how much I did not want to deal with facing his death. I did not allow myself to grieve. I’m sure there were sometimes when I cried, but in the early days of, grief, it was just straight up in shock. My dad died very suddenly, it wasn’t a slow death, one day he’s there the next day, he is not. So, the, grief, was a very uncomfortable feeling for me. It was very, very scary, and I didn’t want to face the fact that my dad was gone.
And even afterwards, in middle school, and high school, I would have friends come over, I wouldn’t even tell them that my dad had died. They didn’t know my dad had died. They had to ask other people like where’s Ashley’s dad? Oh, yeah, we heard he passed away. So that’s what bearing, grief, looks like. But I can say now, here I am. 27 years later, just this year, because of all the healing work that I’ve done. I visited his grave by myself for the first time ever.
And I’m so proud of myself, because it was just an incredible way to show how far I’ve come, how long the journey has been. And when I did, it was so beautiful. And I found that it is possible to have relationship with your loved ones, even in death. And that’s something that’s very important. I want to stress that I thought that once my father was dead, he was gone, but I talked to him. I pray for him. I visited him, I cried with him at his gravesite.
Myrna: That’s awesome. What does it mean to have, authentic power? How did dealing with your, grief, give you, authentic power? Why do women need, authentic power?
Ashley: That’s a great question too. Therein lies our truth. It’s also about surrendering to your power because I would also stuff down my power. I’ll give you an example. My entire life, I’ve been told that I’m too sensitive. Oh, Ashley’s more sensitive than the average bear. And I thought that being sensitive was a flaw of mine. I feel everything. I’m an empath. I feel other people’s feelings. And I what I learned when I went through my health crisis, when I began to really feel into this emotion was that my sensitivity is my superpower!
It was then I got really quiet and still and listened to that inner wisdom, which is our, authentic power. I use that sensitivity when I’m feeling a little bit energetically overwhelmed. I know that I need to go step away and be by myself for a little bit. I know that I need to go recharge, I know that I can pick up on other people’s, emotions, and so, authentic power, can also help us accept and honor our gifts.
So, for me journaling helps me unlock my, authentic power, but that can also be done in a quiet meditation and walking through nature. This could be done in prayer, too. That is the inner wisdom, that could be from the Divine, it could be from your higher self, or it could just be from that, that within you, which is what your, authentic power, is.
Myrna: Yeah, that’s awesome. A lot of nice little nuggets there. Yes. You know, I’m a meditator, myself, I meditate every morning. Sitting on my meditation cushion, I listen, and I get still.
How did you heal yourself from, Lyme disease? You were bedridden, you couldn’t do anything for yourself. It dropped you on your back. Literally.
Ashley: I’ll paint the picture of what it looked like and then I’m, I will share how I feel. So, this is what it looks like. I mean, for anyone who’s had, Lyme disease, it can show up in so many different ways. For me it went undiagnosed for a very long time and wasn’t diagnosed until after I delivered my third baby.
This is how it started. I believe it was the summer of 2014. I started having symptoms that felt like the flu. I couldn’t keep any food down; I was nauseous all the time. Those symptoms didn’t go away, and it kept getting worse. I had headaches constantly I started losing weight, I got down to the weight that I was before high school. I mean it was very dangerous. I seem to develop a food intolerance to everything I ate. Then I had so many weird things happen, my body would go numb, including my arms and legs. I would have muscle fat isolation so it would feel like I had things crawling on my skin at all times.
I saw so many doctors, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, postpartum depression, you name it. Then when I become pregnant with my third baby those symptoms mysteriously went away and I remember my OBGYN I am saying, pregnancy can do this. It really does turn off the immune system because it knows you’re growing a baby inside you. The day that I delivered my third baby those feelings came right back.
I was sent home from the hospital four days later and it was downhill from there. I remember one time (and this is this was really my turn turning point in the journey) after continuing to see doctor after doctor, nobody could figure out what was wrong with me, the room started spinning and I started blacking out. I lost control my bowels and started Like urinating all over myself.
I just surrendered I said alright God you either take me now because I don’t want my family to suffer anymore or we going to heal together. So, I started the healing process. Healing was the slowest, most excruciating, physical, spiritual, mental and emotional process I ever went through. But I will say that the physical healing was only like 20% of the work that I needed to do. The other 80% came down to me working with energy.
Symptoms of Lyme Disease
Finally, I was diagnosed with, Lyme disease. I was so far off the deep end physically that they couldn’t treat me with just antibiotic pills. I had to have a PICC line installed to my heart. And for eight weeks I couldn’t lift my baby, so we moved in with my in laws. I had I was on the highest dose of antibiotics Rocephin that they use to treat meningitis patients. I had a nurse come to my house, my husband would administer the antibiotic nightly, the nurse would come once a week and change my dressing.
I was not better after eight weeks; the healing took a full year. And this is where I say that, Lyme disease, was my greatest gift, because it allowed me to get still and finally address all these other feelings that had been buried since I was 11 years old. Those feelings of, trauma, and, grief. I learned about the power of, affirmations, and journaling. Every day I would write in my journal as if I was already healed. I would write in my like little book “I am feeling Awesome, my health is vibrant. I am well, I am healthy.” I would affirm it.
I found that journal the other day, the book is this thick of me affirming my health and wellbeing every day. And in addition to that, having a spiritual mentor and joining a church community and sharing my pain with others, being vulnerable and open helped with my healing. I could no longer wear that mask of strength because I was too sick. So, I finally opened up to my friends and loved ones what was happening to me.
Myrna: So, finding that community as well as the power of connection is the path to healing and finding, authentic power. You’ve talked a little bit about your book throughout the conversation. Tell us about your book “Authentic Power.” What is it that you want the reader to walk away with after they closed the book?
Ashley: The book is for anyone who is faced with any sort of adversity in their lives, you know, I described my, trauma. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have to ever experience, trauma, like I’ve experienced, because every single person’s, trauma, looks very different. It could be the loss of a job, the loss of a loved one, the end of a marriage, the end of something.
My book is for anyone who’s looking to provide holistic healing in their lives and learning that these messy and uncomfortable emotions like, grief, trauma, despair, depression, that there could be a reason they might are there to actually teach us something.
I’m a true believer that these, emotions, that we feel on a physical level are meant to be addressed. We have something to learn from every single, emotion. I want my book to teach readers how to become aware of these messy and uncomfortable, emotions, and then get curious about why they are there. Check out Ashley on the web at https://ashleybernardi.com/
Let’s bring this, team player, scenario to your, sales team. How are you letting the stars on your, sales team, know that you value their contributions? Do you reward them with praise publicly and personally? Do their bonuses reflect their value?
Who is your favorite team player?
Who is your favorite, team player? Is it LeBron James in basketball? Peyton Manning in Football, or Derek Jeter in baseball? Regardless of which star you pick, management knows that this, team player, is the “duck who lays the golden eggs” and they treat him with respect and shower him with dollars.
On the same team, suiting up in the same uniform, playing the same number of games, going to the same amount of meetings and practice workouts; you can have the star making 10 million per year and his team member making the minimum $300,000 per year. What exactly is the message management is trying to convey with this disparity in salary? The message is “you are the best, you are, the most valuable, team player, on this team.
We need you to win. We value you and your skills, we don’t want another team to be able to steal you away by offering you more money.” The other members of the team don’t grumble at the water cooler about the unfairness of pay. Instead they are happy to play in the presence of greatness and they are hoping that some of his skills will rub off on them.
Sales team player
Let’s bring this, team player, scenario to your, sales team. How are you letting the stars on your, sales team, know that you value their contributions? Do you reward them with praise publicly and personally? Do their bonuses reflect their value? I have been on, sales teams, where the top sales representative overachieves by 150% to revenue goal and the Sales Manager offers no public or personal congratulations. No fanfare! On top of that accounting tries to not pay by recalculating and cutting the amounts of bonuses.
The, 20/70/10 rule, of differentiation states that 20% of your team are your star players and should be showered with incentives to continue to perform at this high level. The next 70 percent are average or mediocre team members and management should offer them coaching to improve their confidence and skills sets.
Take the case study of Rolando McClain. He was the #1 draft pick for the Oakland Raiders in 2010. That means that he was one of the best coming out of college; but once in the NFL, he didn’t live up to his potential and he was released first by Oakland Raiders. He was then picked up by the Baltimore Ravens and later released as well.
Then when the Cowboys were looking for a linebacker, McClain came under their radar and they decided to check him out. They called his old college coach Nick Sabin and asked him what made McClain good in college. With this information the Cowboys received from Coach Sabin, they called McClain in for a tryout and made him an offer. The story goes that the exchange with the Ravens cost the Cowboys a bag of donuts! Jason Garrett the head coach of the Cowboys and his coaching staff worked with McClain, improved his confidence, and moved him from the bottom 10%, to the top 20%. McClain now starts every game and he and the Cowboys had an awesome year.
We could this sports analogy to show that the job of a Sales Manager is to move his mediocre, team player, up through the ranks with effective coaching. Sometimes an outside coach works best, because the employee can be honest. Beating them over the head with the numbers on the report is not the way to do it.
Who Is a Team Player?
A, team player, is a person who plays or works well as a member of a team or group. Teams in organizations need strong team players to perform well and reach their goals.
Team Players, motivates unity in the workplace
A teamwork environment promotes an atmosphere that fosters friendship and loyalty. These close-knit relationships motivate employees in parallel and align them to work harder, cooperate and be supportive of one another.
Individuals possess diverse talents, weaknesses, communication skills, strengths, and habits. Therefore, when a teamwork environment is not encouraged this can pose many challenges towards achieving the overall goals and objectives. This creates an environment where employees become focused on promoting their own achievements and competing against their fellow colleagues. This is not a, team player. Ultimately, this can lead to an unhealthy and inefficient working environment.
When teamwork is working, the whole team would be motivated and working toward the same goal in harmony.
Teamwork and Team Players offer differing perspectives and feedback
Good teamwork structures provide your organization with a diversity of thought, creativity, perspectives, opportunities, and problem-solving approaches. A proper team environment allows individuals to brainstorm collectively, which in turn increases their success to problem solve and arrive at solutions more efficiently and effectively.
Effective, sales teams also allow the initiative to innovate, in turn creating a competitive edge to accomplish goals and objectives. Sharing differing opinions and experiences strengthens accountability and can help make effective decisions faster, than when done alone.
Team effort increases output by having quick feedback and multiple sets of skills come into play to support your work. You can do the stages of designing, planning, and implementation much more efficiently when a team is functioning well.
Please call me for a free consultation if you are interested in improving the players on your team.
The last number is the bottom 10%. These team members should be moved out to other roles. If on a sales team and selling is not their forte, they could be moved to a supporting role, for example.
Running your, sales meetings, like a, coach, we can take lessons from, Head Coach, Bill Belichick‘s. His greatness comes from the fact that he builds his systems around the strengths and weaknesses of his roster and it led him to 4 Super Bowl Championships. This is good coaching in the purest form; playing to the strengths of one’s personnel.
It may not be something that often crosses your mind, but a football, coach, and small business owners have a lot in common. Both professions require leadership, dedication, commitment and a strong work ethic in order to succeed.
There is an old saying about the strength of the wolf is the pack, and I think there is a lot of truth to that. On a football team, it’s not the strength of the individual players, but it is the strength of the unit and how they all function together.” — Bill Belichick
Just like football coaches, as a small business owner or a Sales Manager; you must take on many roles to ensure everybody is working together as a team to achieve important goals and for operations to run smoothly. Here are a few other ways football coaches and small business owners play a similar game.
Running your, sales meetings, life Pre-game
To prepare for a football game the, coach, research opponents, develop game plans and determine the best lineup of players who will help the team win. Similarly, when starting a small business, sales managers, conduct market research to understand the competition and the key economic conditions and indicators. Entrepreneurs also build a business plan, which sets the strategic framework for the organization and maps out the path forward. In addition, small business owners find top talent who will help them execute the plan and beat the competition.
Over the course of a game, head coaches, make adjustments regularly, shifting tactics to put their team in position to score and win. They consult with the assistant, coach, to get advice on what plays they should run. Entrepreneurs and Sales Managers also make strategic moves and adjust to constantly changing market forces and customer demands.
How does your, sales teams, handle Halftime
A, coach, typically deliver inspiring halftime speeches that motivate players to give their all and function as a team. Entrepreneurs and, Sales Managers, should also motivate their employees by providing benefit programs and encouraging their career growth through coaching and motivational curriculum, that helps to strengthen their teams’ skills. Having a motivational speaker at your monthly or quarterly sales meetings also adds a charge to your team, similar to the Half Time inspirational speeches of great coaches.
Following a game, coaches review footage to analyze which plays and strategies did or did not work and what improvements the team can make to defeat the next opponent. At the end of each day or period of performance, entrepreneurs crunch numbers to determine how well the business performed and identify ways to boost profits, cut costs and improve customer service.
At your Monday Morning, sales meetings, Sales Managers, should be doing the same thing. They should be analyzing which plays resulted in closed sales and which plays didn’t. They should develop strategies and best practices from reviewing the week’s plays. Only then can they become the Tom Brady of management.
They will know the strengths and weaknesses of not only their team members but of the competition. They will know if the competition has a tendency to lead with price or service. They could then quarterback their team to run plays that would leave the competition behind or looking in the wrong direction.
It’s still easy to make a case for Belichick as the best.
Belichick’s Patriots are in the AFC championship game for the sixth consecutive season and the 11th time overall in his 17 seasons. If they beat the Steelers tonight and go on to win Super Bowl LI against Green Bay or Atlanta, they will win the championship for the fifth time under Belichick, which would break his tie with Noll for most Super Bowl wins as a coach. Belichick’s 24 postseason wins are a record and his 237 regular-season wins rank fourth all time. His record with the Patriots is 201-71, a staggering .739 winning percentage. His accomplishments and consistency are terrific, especially during the free agency era.
“His handprints, his fingerprints are over that whole team,” Ben Roethlisberger said last week. “They often out, coach, their opponent. That’s a credit to him, mastermind or whatever you want to call him.
“When you’re playing a defense like [New England’s], you have to be prepared for everything. You may not see the same defense twice. He’ll change things up. He’ll give you looks you’ve never seen before. He’ll do things that it doesn’t matter how much you study. That’s what makes him so good. He’s difficult to go against. You look at, arguably, the most well prepared quarterback to ever play the game, Peyton Manning. How many years did Belichick supposedly have his number?”
Manning lost seven of his first eight games against Belichick and finished his Hall of Fame-worthy career 8-12 against him. Roethlisberger, by the way, is 3-6 against Belichick.
I get that people say Belichick didn’t become a great coach until he went to New England and hooked up with Tom Brady to become the best coach-quarterback combination in NFL history. Belichick’s five-year record with the Cleveland Browns from 1991 – 95 was 36 44 with four losing seasons. No one was preparing his bust for Canton back then.
As a CEO, it doesn’t matter whether your company is only “you” or you have a staff of one thousand. If you are the CEO, you are the visionary. You are all your company has, and your company will rise or fall depending on what you do with your “thought seed” or, inception, ideas.
You are the lid!
Limits, like fear, is often an illusion.
Michael Jordan
What we are today comes from our, inception, thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind.
Buddha (563 BC-483 BC) Founder of Buddhism
An, inception, story
Let’s say you are a Law student at Harvard University; but your passion is writing software. You spend most of your time in the computer lab writing code. One day your friend and fellow computer enthusiast show you an edition of Popular Electronics magazine, featuring a kit to build one of the first mini computers, the “Altair 8800”.
You think to yourself, this new computer needs software to run, inception, thought, idea! I can write the code for the software to run this computer!. So you call the company and tell them that you have already written software that would run on this new computer. Not true, you don’t even have a model!
But you get them to agree to give you a meeting to demonstrate. You bust your ass to deliver; and you meet the deadline. Your code worked perfectly. The company gives you the contract. You quit Harvard and go full time into your own company; you call it Micro-soft! All because of an, inception, thought, idea.
Where is reality in this story? How many CEO’s operate in this space of total confidence, vision and action? The ordinary would have said, “We would need to get an Altair computer and understand the Bios before we can write code.” The ordinary would wait for the right time to make the call. The ordinary would waste this, inception, idea because they are waiting for the right time or the stars to line up.
You know the end of the story. Bill Gates and Paul Allen started Microsoft after that. At 23 years old, Bill had 25 employees and his company was grossing over 2 million annually. This was before IBM and MS-DOS. Today he is the richest man in the world with a personal fortune in the billions.
How to Care for your, Inception, or, Thought, seeds.
Care for your, “thought, seeds” or, inception, ideas. Ideas that are in alignment with your purpose will light you up and make you feel good. Most of us, you and me, when we get, “thought, seeds”, we filter them through our reality filter. We ask the question “does this make sense”.
“Dare to be unrealistic. Saying this is not realistic is the most commonly traveled road to mediocrity”
Will smith
What do you do with your, “thoughts, seeds“? Are you like the farmer from the scriptures? Do you sow some of them on rocks? Where the winds of negativity or your friends and family discourage you and tell you it would never work? Thoughts, are incepted into your mind so you can water them and make them grow.
Inception of thought seeds
“A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4 As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5 Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6 But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9 Whoever has ears, let them hear.”………Mathew 13:4-9
Each moment as you move through this world, you are planting seeds. Those seeds are your, thoughts. Once planted, they take root and grow into a forest of reality which surrounds you. So how is your forest growing?
Is it filled with beautiful, productive flora, growing from a steady stream of, positive thought seeds,? Or is it filled with gnarled, thorny, tangled vines which hold you back in every direction?
The trees that grow depend upon the seeds that are planted. Though each thought is a small, seemingly insignificant thing, once it has passed through your mind it begins to grow into something real and substantial.
Each, thought, combines with the other, thoughts, that came before it, and the, thoughts, that come after it, to set the direction of your reality. Even the most secret, hidden thoughts eventually become obvious because of the direction they give to your life.
You can decide how to direct your mind, and by so doing you can profoundly affect the reality of your life. Plant row after row of positive, empowering, thought seeds, and these, inception, thoughts, will grow into a rich and magnificent forest of value and accomplishment.
So, when you have a, “thought, seed” or, inception, that excites you; you plant it in the ground, you cover it up, you water it and it WILL become a tree.
I started off talking about CEO’s; but each and every one of us wants to grow up to be something.
Michael Jordon wanted to be the best at basketball. So he hired a coach and every summer he practiced and mastered one skill.
Coaching helps you take stock of where you are now in all aspects of your life, and how that compares to where you would like to be.
Elaine MacDonald
Join me for my new webinar workshop entitled “The Leader Within“. I am offering to HELP you either water the, “thought, seeds” already planted or plant new “seeds” to realize your vision. This webinar will be absolutely FREE!. Its purpose is to help you discover where you are today and plant your, inception, idea of where you want to be.
So if you want to be something tomorrow you are not today then: REGISTER FOR FREE!!
As a gardener of your, mind, you have to be vigilant about tending your, mind garden. Imagine your, mind, as a garden. Positive thoughts are the beautiful flowers that brighten your life. Negative thoughts are the ugly weeds that spread and suffocate your happiness, by cutting off sunlight. Just like plants we need sunlight to thrive.
All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” ~Buddha
Negative thoughts can take the form of fear, self-doubt, guilt, anger, blame, insecurity, prophesying or any thought that makes you feel bad!
Garden your, mind, to kill the ANTS, Automatic Negative Thoughts
The mind garden of fear
Fear – defined as false events appearing real, is the number one reason that we don’t achieve success in this life, it grows when we don’t tend our, mind garden. Fear of the unknown, that feeling of uncertainty. Our, minds, spin tales of past events when we failed or of someone we knew who failed. One way to Kill this, automatic negative thought, or weed in our, mind garden, is to imagine what is the worst that could happen.
If you hate your job and are afraid to leave for fear that you would be able to find another job that pays as much or more than you are making now; talk back to this fear and say that you are skilled and you would so get another job. If the worst that could happen is that you run out of money and can’t eat or become homeless; then you plan ahead and either find another job before you quit or acquire the necessary skills to get the job you want. Doing nothing because you are afraid should never be an option. There is also a positive side to this ANT or weed in your, mind garden.
If you are afraid of losing something be it your spouse, your job, your home; it tells you that these things are important to you and that you should do the necessary due diligence to keep them. For example if you fear losing your spouse, then you should work on keeping the marriage fresh, you should keep yourself attractive and don’t let yourself get to 300 lbs and you should serve your spouse and make them feel special.
Self-doubt grows in your mind garden
Lack of confidence is a very powerful, automatic negative thought, or weed that could unchecked in your, mind garden. One of the most essential character traits to have is confidence. It is sexy and it allows you to command attention. When this, automatic negative thoughts, is telling you that you are not good enough, you will not get that promotion because you don’t have a degree for example; talk back and tell it that you are the best person for this job and that it is their loss if they don’t hire you.
Tend to your, mind garden, and pull up this weed. If you don’t, you will never move from where you are today. You will never be an over achiever or the top sales person on a team! You need self-confidence to achieve success.
Guilt is a weed in your mind garden
Guilt, is a result of your conscience in your, mind, telling you that you have violated your own core value. It is telling you that you did something that is moving you away from your predetermined goal. You can pull up this weed from your, mind garden, by telling yourself that you recognize your mistake and that you have forgiven yourself. Don’t let the guilt and shame arrest you and keep your, mind, in bondage.
Anger – Anger ANTS, automatic negative thoughts, keep telling you that someone had no right to do something. The more you think about it, the angrier you get. Psychologists say that anger is like an iceberg, what you see is just the tip but there is more ice for miles below the surface. If you are conscious you have an Anger Management problem, then you should understand (with the help of a Therapist) what is causing your anger. You can pull up this weed from your, mind garden, by telling this , automatic negative thought, that you cannot control what someone else does; the only person you can control is yourself.
Blame – this, automatic negative thought, can be very destructive. When you blame others for the results you are having in your life, you assume the role of the victim. As the victim, you have no power to facilitate change. You pluck this ANT from your, mind garden, by becoming a player. As a player you take back control. Regardless of what the dealer is showing, you can still win! You are not the product of your circumstances. Everybody has a story, it is how you handle adversity and challenges that define and grow you.
Prophesying – the prophesying, automatic negative thought, talks to you about what it knows about the future! It tells you things like “you are never going to close that sale”. “The customer is going to string you along and they will never buy” or “it is never going to work out”. You remove this ANT from your, mind garden, by declaring that you cannot predict the future. You do not have a crystal ball!
Automatic negative thoughts are the weeds in your mind garden
My, Automatic Negative Thoughts, generally take the form of conversations. These ANTS usually starts crawling when I get a trigger. You know what happens when you step on an Ants nest? The Ants all run out at the same and start attacking, they bite!
Tony Robbins teaches about anchors and how to replace the negative ones with positive ones. If you have this problem you should check out his book “The Power Within“. The way I handle these, automatic negative thoughts, is by shaking my head when I become conscious that they are crawling around. I physically shake my head like I am trying to shake them off me, then I bring my attention to my breathing for a few minutes. If they come back again and they usually do, I download them in my journal and that usually takes care of the problem for me and frees my, mind. This is how I tend my, mind garden.
I tend the Garden of my mind by becoming Conscious of the thoughts that make me feel bad!
Positive thoughts on the other hand are like flowers, they beautify your gardens and bring smiles to anyone who stops and pays attention to their beauty; in a similar way positive thoughts make you beautiful to anyone who you have interpersonal relations with. But the beauty of positive thoughts is that they make you feel good. It is not only sex that makes you feel good!
Tending to the garden of your, mind, is an ongoing process.
I’ve seen firsthand how dangerous it is to let the weeds of negative thinking take over your, mind, and just like in your natural garden the weeds thrive more than the flowers or plants. In a similar way when you allow the, automatic negative thoughts, to run free in your head; they snuff all the joy out of your life. All you see is darkness, because they are blocking the sunlight from getting in! Let’s look at a garden metaphor to bring an awareness of what happens when weeds take over a garden. Left alone the weeds flourish, creating a dark, tangled mess.
Is your, mind garden, full of weeds?
This morning I stepped outside and noticed one of the largest weeds I have ever seen. I didn’t notice it before because it looked like a tree. It had a trunk, and was taller than the other flowers. I thought to myself; how on earth could a weed grow so strong and big? The answer is simple: their purpose is to take the nutrients from the plants, so they get big when your plants become weak and die.
So it is too with your, mind: An unattended, mind, can create havoc for you because your, mind, is amazingly receptive to whatever suggestions may be dropped into it. It has been said that the subconscious mind cannot take a joke. This simply means that whatever belief is introduced to it, it takes seriously as an instruction to grow that thought-seed into a full-blown plant–be it a rose or a weed, and it can’t tell the difference.
How to plant positive seeds in your, mind garden
When you stop and consider how many thought-seeds are purposefully planted in your, mind garden, on a daily basis, it may cause you to tend to your mental garden with a bit more regularity. This is in addition to all the seeds that were planted in your mind unconsciously. As you listen to the radio, watch TV or even sit in a restaurant where others are talking, your mind hears it ALL, irrespective of whether you are conscious of it or not. Given what’s going on in our world today with all of the talk that comes from fear and anger, this is a vital point to grasp. Even when you engage in gossip or negative conversation with or about others, your subconscious mind hears it all. Be careful of the seeds you let in.
A, mind, expanded with an implanted thought cannot be returned back to its original form. Leonardo DiCaprio starred in this complicated movie called “inception”, the implantation of another person’s idea into a target’s subconscious.[Hollywood understands this concept. The only way to avoid this type of mind pollution is to be consciously focused on positive activities and limit news and gossip.
There are some companies that have a zero tolerance for gossip. They treat it like a cancer and remove the gossiper immediately.
The action you and I need to take is clear isn’t it? It has been proven that the human mind thinks thousands of thoughts a day. Instead of planting a mixed bag of thousands of various seeds, from fearful to simply confused and unfocused thought-seeds, which will require a full time gardener to pull up the weeds, why not specialize in planting one or two types of seed? Plant thought-seeds about yourself and others that are rooted in reverence and loving-kindness.
Plant seeds that focus on God’s Presence at the center and circumference of all you say think and do, at work, home, or play.
Be mindful…be skillful in the seeds you plant and how you nurture them. Your life is your garden; keep the weeds out because that is one way in which you can personally beautify our world. You owe that much to yourself and to those who receive the benefit of the seeds you plant along the way.
A lot of times we become overwhelmed with the challenges we face in our lives. We can do one of two things; we can fold up like a flower at night or we can stand up push out our chest find our, courage, and declare. I was, born for this!
This is exactly what happened to, Queen Esther, in the, bible story.
King Xeroxes threw a banquet and for 6 months he celebrated with wine and food. He invited all the nobles from 127 province that he ruled over to attend this banquet.
In his drunken state he sent for his wife and demanded she appear before him in her robe and crown. He wanted to parade her around and show off her beauty to his subjects. She refused. That sent the king in a rage, and he asked his advisors what to do about her. They suggested he banish her forever from his presence because women all over the Kingdom would follow her and start to disrespect their men.
The king agreed and banished the queen, but now he needed a queen. So, they searched the country for the most beautiful virgins and brought them to the palace to be in the Kings, harem.
How women were prepared before they could sleep with the King
These women were prepared for one year before they were allowed to sleep with the king. In this year their skins were rubbed with the oil of myrrh for 6 months and the next 6 months their body was perfumed. Then after a year they would be sent to the king’s bed and would not get a chance again unless he was pleased with their performance and requested them again by name!
So, in those days the women in the, king’s harem, had to be beautiful smell like a fragrant garden and also had skills!! Wow! This was, life in harem.
Anyway, moving on with the story, Esther, had what the King wanted because not only did she please him and he sent for her by name several times, but he decided to make her his queen.
Now, Esther, was a, Jew, and she never told anyone. Her family was part of the, Jews, who were displaced when King Nebuchadnezzar banished the, Jews, from their homeland.
So, when her uncle heard that Haman was planning to destroy all the, Jews, on March 7 the following year, he asked, Queen Esther, to go before the king and ask for mercy.
Now, the king had a rule that anyone who appears before him in his inner court without being invited is doomed to die, unless the King holds out his golden scepter. The king had not sent for, Esther, in 30 days. Her uncle told her if she did not go to the King and beg for mercy for her people, she would be dead anyway then he added “Maybe you were, born for this!”
So, Queen Esther, found her, courage, and risking her life and appeared before the King uninvited. But when a man loves a woman, she can do no wrong. When, Queen Esther, appeared before the king in his inner court without being invited, the king welcomed her and held out his golden scepter then asked her
“What do you want Queen Ester? What is your request? I will give it to you, even if it is half my kingdom!
So it was that, Queen Esther, was responsible for saving her people the, Jews. Her, enemy, Haman was killed by the same trap he laid for Mordecai and all his sons and family was killed.
You Were Born For This: Lessons from Queen Esther’s Story
The first lesson is that you were born with a, purpose, and you don’t know what it is until you know. You must find the, courage, to do it afraid because, you were born for this.
Whatever life events or circumstances that is trying to kill you, just remember, you were, born for this. Everything that you have done in your life have been training for this moment.
Esther, was born with great beauty, but, Queen Esther, was trained in how to please a man and how to ask for things from a man. She threw the King 2 banquets before she asked for her request and then she began with
“If I have found favor with the king and if it pleases the king to grant my request and do what I ask.”
Learn the, rules of engagement, Learn the, rules of negotiation, learn how to ask your husband for what you want.
The second lesson we can take from this story is that the, enemy, Satan and all his people go about seeking who to kill and destroy and you don’t have to do them anything for them to come after you. They can plot to destroy you because you refuse to bow down to them and placate their ego.
All you have to do to defeat your, enemies, is keep praying to God and he will take care of your, enemies, using the same weapons they formed against you to destroy them. Haman was killed on the same pole he planned to impale Mordecai on.
The, Jews, were victorious against their, enemy, and so will you because, you were born for this.
This is coach Myrna Young and this is, 5 min with coach Myrna, until next time God Bless.
You are invited to join my private Facebook Group called Lifecoach to be inspired by hundreds of Life Coaches every day
Are you a, failure? Can you recognize your, failure, symptoms? How often have you said “life is short”?
Well It is! We are here on earth for a limited time to fulfill a purpose. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could go to the doctor and tell him our life symptoms and he would give us a diagnosis of success or, failure? For example if you go to the doctor today with itchy bumps and a fever, he would look at you and without running any tests diagnose you with the chicken pox.
Recognizing your, failure, symptoms early in life before you get to your 5th or 6th decade is the only way to take action to modify your behaviors. As we head into 2015, I would like to offer you the gift of consciousness. Do you have any of the symptoms below? If you do, call me for a free coaching session. Take control of your life and get a step closer to success.
Do you sleep more than 6 hours per night or day? Thomas Edison took only 2 hour naps on his desk while he was working on his inventions. He didn’t want to sleep because he was so invested in his work. He called sleep a waste of time.
I read Donald Trump’s biography and he said that he hated going to sleep because he was so excited about his business and he didn’t want to miss anything.
Donald Trump credits only sleeping for three or four hours with staying ahead of his competition. “How does somebody who’s sleeping 8 and 10 hours a day compete with someone that’s sleeping three or four?” he’s said.
Political leaders across the globe run their countries on short spurts of shuteye. President Obama has said he can get by on a four-hour doze. Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher ran the U.K. for a decade, on four hours a night.
The saying “the early bird catches the worm” is meant to tell you that rising early is best if you want to catch the opportunities. If you go to bed early and sleep late, that is a, failure symptom, that you will not be successful.
A shy kid might look longingly at other kids playing in the schoolyard, afraid and unsure about how to approach them, but an introvert is perfectly content on her own.
Laurie Helgoe
Introverts, are sometimes called the “walking sleepers”. Introverts, usually allow activity to pass by them without participation, indulge in time killing pursuits, taking only the most minor role or unconstructive parts. Introverts, are also the solitaire players, the pathological bookworms, the endless crossword puzzlers, the couch potatoes. In order to succeed in business or life, you need to have the ability to sell yourself, you need social skills. You don’t have to be the life of the party; but you must be able to be comfortable at the party. Being an, introvert, and sleepwalking through life is a, failure symptom.
3. Are you drinking more than 2 drinks daily?
Drinking heavily brings on a waking sleep. Drinking affects your ability to think straight and handicaps the drinker. You will not be able to contribute fully in staff meetings, argue sensibly, plan or be proactive if you are under the influence of alcohol and thus could become a, failure.
“I always thought I was an extrovert until I became a theatre major. Then I realized I just didn’t like silence.”
― Cora Carmack, Losing It
Do you count the day lost if you did not attend a dinner party, go to a movie theater, dancing at a club or hanging out with friends? To be successful you need time alone to plan, to be creative and to ponder your next move.
5. Having no goals could lead to, failure
Dr William Menninger says “a fellow must know where he wants to go, if he is going to get anywhere”
No goals are bad enough but low goals are worst. Is your goal to just keep your job and make just enough money to pay your bills? Is it to live to retirement and then collect social security? Or is it to be the top player in the “candy crush” video game?
The bible says “people without a vision will perish”. Not necessarily physical death, but spiritual death. It is exhilarating to work towards a goal. Happiness is defined as working towards a goal.
“We are at our very best, and we are happiest, when we are fully engaged in work we enjoy on the journey toward the goal we’ve established for ourselves.”
The great leaders and legends of our time, all had goals, vision, mission and as they achieved one goal, they started on the next.
10 Signs You Are Going To Be A, Failure
You love wasting money and expect your parents to foot the bill. …
You are not disciplined. …
You don’t finish what you start. …
You love playing the blame game. …
You don’t believe in yourself. …
You don’t set goals. …
You care too much about what others think. …
You don’t take care of your health.
Join me for a Free webinar on how to set and achieve clear goals, how to create vision and mission statements, how to motivate your staff to excel and how to create influence.
Do you have a, cup mentality, mindset? Are you asking God to fill up your cup instead of asking him to fill up as many containers you can find? In the, Bible story, Elisha the prophet told the widow woman to borrow containers and keep pouring oil until they were all filled. Find out how to get rid of your, cup mentality, and your, abundance blocks, and live an abundant life.
Welcome to this week’s episode of, 5 mins with coach Myrna. In this coaching session, I want to teach on, mindset, getting rid of your, cup mentality.
One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon. 2 Now a man who was lame from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. 3 When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. 4 Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!” 5 So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them.
6 Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” 7 Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong. 8 He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God.
This story illustrates a, cup mentality, because too many of us are content with our lot in life and never aspire or dream of a better life. This crippled man was stuck in his old routine of getting someone to take him to the gate of the temple every day to beg for coins. He never dreamed of more, he never prayed to be healed even though he went to the temple every day. He accepted that he was crippled and for the rest of his life he would beg for coins to survive. This is the definition of a, cup mentality. Your dreams can only fill up a cup.
The crippled man could not understand when Peter told him to get up and walk. He had never thought of walking. Peter was putting new information in this man’s, old wineskin. Peter had to hold his hand and help him up.
A, cup mentality, is when we accept our circumstances and never dream of having more. You get stuck in a rut in your negative routines not expecting anything to change, but as long as you have a, cup mentality, you will never receive the abundance of God.
For example please use the phrase, like mother like daughter, or like, father like son. They are expecting you to be like your mother and because they spoke it over your life, you become like your mother.
I heard a story of a mother who left her baby with her parents, because she was a hitwoman and she believed that if she got arrested she would be sent away for life. When the child was 3 years old, the mother was sent away for life. The grandparents raised the child and always told her don’t be like your mother. She grew up with that, cup mentality, that she could never expect anything great, because she would probably end up in prison. At 16 years she stabbed someone and ended up in prison.
The Bible teaches that You can’t put, new wine, in, old wineskin, because the, new wine, will burst the, old wineskin. This means you can’t do new things like be the first one in your family to graduate college with the same old, mindset.
I was born poor in a third world country. I was listening to podcast a few weeks back regarding, abundance blocks. The author was saying that we manifest the same, abundance blocks, as our parents, so I decided to interview my mom to see if she passed on her, abundance blocks, to me. What I found is my mom has a, cup mentality.
She told me that we were poor when I was born, she didn’t have a job, but she was quite comfortable. My dad would give her money, people would bring her food from the market, and she had her mother to help her. She never asked for more, she never dreamed big. Luckily, I did not get her, cup mentality. I have always dreamed of success even as a child as young as 10 years old!
If doesn’t matter where your start out only where you end up
God took David from a low-income family and made him a King. It does not matter where you start out only where you end up.
A, limited mindset, will keep you from getting more from God.
God promises to pour out blessings you won’t have room enough to receive; he is not looking just to fill up your cup.
Don’t water down your dreams to match your environment.
Take the limits off of God and the limits off your life.
You are the lid!
The prophet Elisha told the Widow woman to borrow a few containers and to pour the little oil she had into these containers. She obeyed even though it was not logical. She started pouring and the oil continued to pour until she had filled up all the containers she borrowed and then it stopped. If she had more containers, the oil would have continued to pour, so she did not have a supply problem, but a capacity problem.
God wants to fill up your containers, he can’t fill up what you never bring to him. How do you bring your containers to God? You bring them to him by asking for what you want in prayer, by dreaming big and visualizing your dreams.
In a previous episode called Finding joy in your nothingness. I talked about the oil, that it represented the joy in your life. Today I am talking about your capacity to experience that joy. Are you looking for a cup full of joy like my mom or as many containers you can fill?
God said open your mouth wide and I will fill it.
Get rid of your, cup mentality, and give God as many containers as possible so he can fill them up.
This is coach Myrna Young and you have been listening to, 5 mins with coach Myrna. I would like to invite you all to join my Life coach group on Facebook for daily inspiration from dozens of life coaches.
I had this insight to bring, storytelling, that I did in the entertainment business, to champion people and make them better at building their brand and own their voice.
Today I interview Audrey Cavenecia, the Co-producer and co-host for the Amplify Voices podcast, alongside NFL coach Pete Carroll and host of the “Unlikely podcast” on leadership. A talented, storyteller, and visionary Audrey has decades of experience in, leadership development, entertainment production, and content marketing with a focus on championing humanity in all people.
Audrey Cavenecia is the Co-producer and co-host for the Amplify Voices podcast, alongside NFL coach Pete Carroll and host of the “Unlikely podcast” on leadership. A talented storyteller and visionary Audrey has decades of experience in leadership development, entertainment production, and content marketing with a focus on championing humanity in all people.
She has worked alongside some of the most influential leaders in the world—including speaker and author Tony Robbins and Oracle founder Larry Ellison—to develop and empower new visionaries through stories and insights around authentic human connection. No matter the sector, she continues to build bridges between what is and what can be, with, storytelling, as the scaffolding.
Audrey’s back story
Myrna: I know you are an expert, storyteller, what’s your story?
Audrey: Well, you know, it’s interesting because I grew up, I was born in Oakland, California and grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area. My parents were pretty much the extreme polar opposites in every sense of the word, my mother is white. And when I say white, I mean white, like blond hair, blue eyes, can’t even tan, white from Germany.
She came here to the US when she was about 12. My father is African Latin from South America. He had dark skin, kinky hair, all the features as a black man. So, think of this mixture of German culture and African Latin culture and your get total polar opposites in so many ways. They meet in church and five children later; we each have a roll of the dice of that race of that mixture of all of that.
So, I think we started out, especially for myself, started out very early, being forced almost to be an observer of society. Because I didn’t have my, my tribe. I couldn’t point at somebody and be like, oh, you’re exactly like me. I couldn’t find the Mexican culture and fit in with them. Every single person was like, No, you’re a little bit different. You’re a little bit on the outside, and maybe it wasn’t even them maybe it was just me.
And my own perception of where do I fit when I come from these two narratives that are so different. And then I live inside of my own Americanization while still being pulled into both of their cultures, different languages in the household and all that.
Most of those movies we watched were white people. My dad comes to the United States and marries a white woman. So, it’s another layer for me to look at and be like, Oh, what am I not beautiful? Because my father didn’t even marry somebody who looked like me. What does that say about me? My parents owned their own business, like a lot of people that come from other countries. And so my first foray into just self-expression was, storytelling, and finding myself in the theater, because I thought, in that place, I can pretend with, storytelling, because I have no home, I have no tribe, and I can be anything.
Myrna: I am sure you had problems there as well, not being black enough for certain roles, and not white enough for others.
Audrey: That’s right. And but I did have some extraordinary experiences. I toured with the work inside of the African Repertory Theater, and Berkeley toured with plays with individuals was on the Wayans brothers show. So, I had a great time being inside of, storytelling, and that was my lead into, leadership.
So, I went to the, leadership development, in my 20s, I went to the, leadership development, course and there was something about it, it had the beauty of theatrics of being onstage. It had that spiritual kind of nature of going to church and that physiological kind of feeling that you have in your chest and in your heart when everything opens up that is where, storytelling, is born. I fell in love with, storytelling, as a, leadership development, tool.
I threw myself into it. I dedicated all my time to, leadership. I was single mom at that time as well. And so, I rose through the ranks, I became a really successful leader in that regard and then one woman said something to me. She said, Okay, great, so what? You can be a superstar, but can you create other superstars?
I thought to myself, why isn’t the whole point of competition to be the best, why would I want to develop people to be better than me? But it really stirred something in my heart and in my soul. It spoke to something that was way down deep there which was being a champion for humanity.
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Audrey: And now I threw myself into understanding the art of, storytelling, in, training and development. I wanted to do everything possible to help people that have failed. The people that no one can turn around, the people that have given everything and couldn’t find themselves. I trained the shy people introverts the art of, storytelling.
I want to pull all of them up and make them the best, storytellers, in front of crowds. I want to make them the best public speakers. I did just that and that’s when people like Tony Robbins and all those others in the, leadership development, space started searching me out and having me work with their, intellectual property.
And then I had this insight and I listened to my heart and my mind, and it said, now bring those two things together, bring, storytelling, that you did in the entertainment business, and bring this, storytelling techniques, to champion people and make them better at their own purpose and voice. Bring them together. Storytelling, and leadership development, is something unique. I opened my own agency, and it took off from there.
I’ve worked with some of the biggest names out there, I not only champion them and rise them up and help curate and formulate their voice and their audience, all of that, but I combine, storytelling, with their actual content. So now I’m in publishing. I have this media company with Pete Carroll, and we’re pulling in people right and left. Our company it’s called “Amplify Voices” for a reason. We’re going into the margins of, leadership, with, storytelling. We need to expand what, leadership, is.
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What does leadership look like
what does it looks like,
what size it is,
what color it is,
what its hair looks like,
what his nose looks like,
what his what his voice sounds like,
where it lives,
what it does,
its temperament,
its emotions, all of that.
We need this more expansive view of, leadership, because there’s so much to accomplish in this world.
Myrna: Beautiful, wow. So beautiful. I love how you found your voice through, storytelling, and entertaining in theater and, and now you’re helping people to tell their story through, storytelling. I love what your definition of what a leader looks like, smells like, tastes like etc.
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Audrey: For Amplify Voices, the voices we’re focusing now are on podcasts, podcasting. So, I’m on finding particular people out there that have a voice. We’re looking for voices that are timely, that are important. Like for instance, Reza Metacam, is a writer of grandmother’s hands African American male, who specializes in, body trauma.
We’re asking people to be together;
Leaders are asking people to work on their divisiveness,
Some are asking people to work in their business environment,
Everyone is asking them to be great parents, but we have not confronted the trauma that lives in their bodies, especially black bodies. Black bodies are not the only ones who’ve experienced trauma, white bodies have trauma as well. Before black people were enslaved, they were enslaving white people, it’s in our history.
And so, our bodies have this pain, this fear of one another. You look in the world right now we feel resonance, such an important voice. So, what we do is we find people that that are out there speaking when they have a book or they’re a public speaker, or they’re doing workshops with businesses, or a community leader or something. I approached them, I have dialogue with them and if I feel there’s a real sense of synergy, there is collaboration.
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At Amplified Voices, we take them over and start developing their content. We become a support for them, not only in the production process and the postproduction process, but also helping them in shaping their brand through, storytelling, and marketing. We take them through those ranks and then when they get to a certain point, get them right in front of the right people for their book deal, or television show or whatever else becomes the natural progression. There’ll also be projects that they’ll do independently on their own by nature of this collaboration and some things we’ll do together.
Developing authentic human connections
Myrna: Awesome, this is how can we empower, leaders, basic, human connections. We talked a little bit about, storytelling, and what, leadership, looks like. What is an, authentic human connection? I know that, human connection, is connecting with someone, But I think you probably have a broader definition of it.
Audrey: Actually, I’ve got a simpler definition for, authentic human connection. It’s not actually quite broad. It has depth, but it’s quite simple. The very myopic interpretation and narrative we’ve had around, leadership, and, authentic human connections, is this “sharing yourself.” If you share yourself that is where the magic happens. Just think of the last three days of your work lives, maybe even your relationships, maybe even with your children. Are there moments where you wanted to say something, and you didn’t? Where you felt like you wanted to reveal something, and you didn’t?
Did you want to ask for help or support and you didn’t? You didn’t because of your pride, or shame, or because of the way you were raised. We do not have the freedom to express ourselves. As, leaders, we can’t tell people “I don’t know how to meet payroll at the end of the week” Leaders, can’t tell people “I have an eating disorder, I may be drinking too much because of the stress and the pressure” But it truly is accurate statement to say “bitch this will set you free” Getting rid of the, imposter syndrome, and establishing, authentic human connections, won’t just set you free, It will actually allow people to grow inside your, leadership. It is the greatest possible thing that you can do.
Myrna: One of the things that people love about Gary Vaynerchuck is that he’s very transparent. He made, Storytelling, and, transparency, necessary for all leaders. Transparency is one of the ways to develop, authentic human connections, because you are sharing yourself and letting others see your pain.
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How does Diversity and Inclusion affect Leadership
Audrey: Harvard has done studies behind, diversity and inclusion, this is not a moral compass conversation. This is an economic conversation because we are talking about business. I know everybody gets like, yeah, we know we need, more Black people. I’m not talking about a moral compass. What I’m saying is, look, in the world, there are 6.5 billion people, do you think all those people only like white things? They think all those people only want to hear from aggressive, outspoken, black people. Diversity, makes economic sense.
Well, here’s the thing. It’s the pretend part. That’s so damaging. Because you can’t pretend, unless I’m hiring you to be an actor and film. There’s really nothing beneficial about pretending. Pretending doesn’t get you to the other side. Pretending doesn’t get you help from the team, pretending doesn’t give you an opportunity to experience failure and learn from it.
Myrna: How can people connect with you on social media and listen to your podcasts?
Audrey: Okay, well it’s very easy to find us at www.amplifyvoices.io. You’ll find everything there. Find me all our podcasts on our website and our social media handles. We just won a prestigious award so we’re very happy that people have received it so well.
