Building wealth with, turnkey real estate, is offering fully finished performing properties that have inspected, warranted, and professionally managed to, real estate investors. The benefit of this service to a new investor or even an seasoned investor who already has a portfolio, is we just know that we can do it better than they can.
You want to invest in, turnkey real estate, near or in bigger cities, near big employers, and near downtown areas.
How to build a turnkey investment business
Jeff Schechter, CEO and co-founder of High Return Real Estate teaches, how to build wealth though, turnkey real estate investing. Jeff has been helping his clients, build wealth, though, turnkey real estate investing, for close to 40 years.
As a Realtor, real estate investor, as well as Life coach. I myself have been in the, real estate, business for some time 19 years. So, I can lend a lot to this conversation. In fact, if you google, Realtor Life coach, I am at the top of the list!
CEO & CO-FOUNDER Jeff Schechter, aka “Shecky” has had the entrepreneurial bug his entire life. He started his first business right out of college, and over the years been involved in numerous businesses ventures. His love for, real estate investing, began in the 1980’s, when he rehabbed 5 of his own residences, before the term, house hacking, even existed.
Since those early days of torn up kitchens and bathrooms, he’s bought and sold many properties, and is an active investor to this day. In addition to, real estate investing, he operates a private consulting practice. He thrives on helping people realize their full potential…not just in business and investing, but in all aspects of life.
I kind of sucked at school. I was not very focused. I came from an incredibly traditional background, where I just reversed a lot of expectations placed on me. As a result, it was very difficult for me to follow through with stuff in college. So, entrepreneurialism and starting my own businesses were really a form of necessity, because I didn’t really have any terrific formal training. It was also a form of establishing my own, freedom Lifestyle.
Myrna: What made you choose, real estate, as your business?
I just always kind of have this entrepreneurial bend and would look for ways to increase my income. Eventually I started seeing that high ticket items like homes, had lots more opportunity for profit. I figured out back in the 80’s, I could buy them in not as good a condition and be able to buy them for a whole lot cheaper than what the pretty ones were, and I could fix them up and add a whole lot of value to them, because people were willing to pay a premium for the really nice homes.
So what I would do is, I would just live in them for a year or two while I was fixing them up and then I would sell them and move on to the next one. It was a way to make some really nice extra profits and live for free for many years.
That was kind of the initial seeds of my, real estate investing, career before I started, turnkey real estate investment,
That’s also a good model as well, because you know the government helps you with the capital gains tax breaks. If you live in a house that’s your primary residence for two years and sell that home, then you can earn up to $250,000 in tax free income if single and $500,000 if married.
I actually didn’t know that at the beginning, but learned it very early on. I would figure out that I wanted to live in most places exactly two years and one day!
I was listening to the audio book “The Automatic Millionaire Homeowner” and the author was interviewing a lot of homeowners who started off with purchasing small homes, like buying a $30,000 home and then selling it to buy a bigger home and so on and so on. One homeowner couple who started off with like $3,000 or something like that to buy their first home ended up making $500,000 on a $750,000 property. All tax free!
Myrna: What is your advice for someone who is starting out today, Real Estate Investing, in 2019?
Someone starting with a small house or a condo or something and trying to build wealth?
There is a bit of a downturn going on in the current Real Estate market, but you know, Real Estate, is cyclical and there’s a natural cycle. When we look back at what happened in 2009, the banks were doing some really stupid stuff. Anybody could get a loan, even if they didn’t have a job. It had to crash. Fast-forward to today, there’s been a lot of laws and regulations that has been put into place to prevent that situation from happening again.
But playing the appreciation game is dicey. It’s not the way that we invest anymore in our, turnkey real estate investment, model; appreciation is not our primary concern. What I mean by that is the only thing that we know for sure is that people need basic things. They need food and they need shelter, and so from a shelter standpoint, we know that owning a basic property whether you call it a house, duplex, apartment, whatever it is, always going to be something that’s in demand, because people will always need a place to live.
You want to invest in, turnkey real estate investing, near in or in bigger cities, near big employers, and near downtown areas. Rental properties are always going to be in demand in those areas. So what we look for from a standpoint of, turnkey real estate investment, are properties that we can buy inexpensively and sell as, turnkey real estate investing, that we don’t have to put a lot of money into rehab. The price to rent ratio is everything to us. In other words, can want to get a really good return on our money when we put that property out there into the rental pool.
So cash flow is more important to us than appreciation. We start by getting that thing rented and cash flowing. Even after we take out all kinds of money for taxes, insurance, property management, repairs all that other kind of stuff, can we still make a really attractive and in most cases, a double-digit return on our, turnkey real estate investing,.
If we can do that, we don’t really give a crap about appreciation. We don’t even really care if we have a little bit of depreciation, because we always have the demand for the rental properties, and as such we will always have cash flow. If we always have cash flow, we always have a great asset and the investors are happy.
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Myrna: What, turnkey real estate investment, services you offer?
We offer fully finished performing properties that we have inspected, warranted, and professionally managed. The benefit of this service to a new or an investor or even an investor who already has a portfolio is we just know that we can do it better than they can.
We buy properties in bulk, so the properties are acquired for the right price, rehabbed correctly so that it’s in great condition. It doesn’t need a lot of repairs moving forward and most importantly it has to be managed correctly for cash flow.
My business partner and myself are buying properties in the Midwest and Indianapolis and neither one of us lived in Indianapolis, but we wanted to invest where it made sense. In the last two and a half to three years, we’ve just really dialed everything back and built a better mouse trap.
We now have an amazing acquisition team, amazing rehab teams and a full property management division that really does everything. We married the combination of this great city for investing where prices are low and price to rent ratios are really like the best in the country and we’re also in a state that has incredibly friendly landlord laws.
After competing for nearly four years as a professional golfer, he transitioned out of the world of golf into his new endeavors as coach.
Can you share your journey to becoming a professional golfer and how it marries to your life today as a coach, collaborator and podcaster. There must be a story in there why you actually give up golf, love to hear it.
Journey to self-mastery
My journey like everyone’s life and path is a journey. Journeys take lots of time and usually involve lots of failure and mine is no doubt the same. I started playing golf when I was really young. My dad got me into it and I really enjoyed playing. I was a competitive kid so anything with competition in sports I was in.
In golf, there wasn’t anyone else responsible for your successes. Your path to, self-mastery, depends on only you. I felt like I had the most control in my success. As I progressed it became clear it was something that I could really build. My focus kind of narrowed on golf in high school. I started dropping other sports so that I could really focus on golf. I ended up playing in college at Masters University in California. I worked on, self-mastery, for four years in college.
It was clear that I had the skills to be a professional golfer. So, I decided to give it a shot. In my senior year, I created the business plan and the structure around getting the financing to play professional golf. I got 10 to 11 sponsors and investors to back me. So, when I graduated, I was able to turn professional right away, upon leaving college in May of 2014. That kind of kicked off my four-year journey of playing professional golf.
Professional Golf teaches mastery
It takes a professional golfer about 10 years to get from, here to there, there being the PGA tour, and to self-mastery, the ultimate goal for every professional golfer. It’s not an overnight thing. There’re the people that you know, Tiger Woods, Jordan Spieth and Phil Mickelson and the 1% of the 1% the superstars. Everyone else it takes an average of 10 years to get from, here to there, and to, self-mastery,
My first year was a lot of failure, and a lot of learning. It was this process of development and, self-mastery, the process of learning how to develop and grow as a human very much at the same time.
As a golfer I started to learn to grow and improve and see some slow signs of growth and success. About two years into the journey after I’ve gotten partial status, I started to face a systemic injury which started in 2016. It was a muscle strain in my back. Many different factors combined and that kicked off about a year-and-a-half journey of failing to rehab correctly, failure of treating the symptom versus the injury. When I did reach the end of those first three and a half years, it became clear that my body wasn’t 100 % healed.
But the bigger thing that happened was at my desires and giftings and abilities had kind of shown a different purpose. I felt more called to coach, so I made the decision this last December to transition out of Golf.
Finding true purpose
I truly believe what I’m doing now is my purpose. I believe that golf equipped me for my true purpose. I think that the journey of professional golf was a hyper-focused form of personal development and, self-mastery, because golf again is an arena where at the end of the day you have to take 100% ownership of your career, your life and your success because there’s no one to blame but yourself if you don’t succeed.
There are no coaches, there’s no teammates, there’s no referee, there’s no other external factors that you can blame for winning or losing. You have to take that ownership upon yourself. So, it really it forced me to leave no stone unturned in figuring out how to optimize and to, self-mastery, create the best form of myself as a competitor and as a golfer. You can’t control outcomes, but you can control your preparation and, self-mastery, of the game.
I never planned on being at this place where I am now, as a speaker and a writer and entrepreneur. All these things manifested because I was faithful to do the best that I could. In golf I left no stone unturned, and it has equipped me for his work. If I hadn’t been faithful to do that then I wouldn’t be ready. Golf allowed me to get, from here to there, and to, self-mastery,
There’s a really good book called “The talent code” by Daniel Coyle and he teaches whether you’re coaching soccer or teaching a child to play the piano, writing a novel or trying to improve your golf swing, this revolutionary book shows you how to grow talent by tapping into a newly discovered brain mechanism. He feels that just because you have the talent doesn’t mean
it will be nurtured to the level of, self-mastery, its deep work and deep practice to really develop skill, competence and, self-mastery, in any field it’s always a combination of nature and nurture.
I think the mindset of a professional athlete is one that is competitive but not just competitive it’s also inspired. I think having clarity is really important as well. As an athlete you get objective feedback of win or lose, so you can figure out how to get, from here to there, and to, self- mastery, I think the same is true about having a vision. You have a goal you are striving for and you get feedback from whether you are successful or not.
What is your quarter life perspective on, self- mastery.
I give a lot of credit for this title to my grandpa. When I was writing this book, he was an influential voice in my head and life.
Dr Fred Moss, psychiatrist, shares why he thinks that, psychiatric medications, is like cutting off your arm if you have a mosquito bite. In this podcast we discuss using your, true voice, to reclaim your, mental health, and why actively doing one of the creative 8 activities like creating music, dancing, singing, drama, cooking, writing, gardening, and photography can remove the need for, psychiatric medications.
Dr. Fred Moss, MD is the foremost expert on delivering your True Voice into the world so that it can heal because your voice matters. Your voice can heal. Dr. Fred has been actively practicing in the, mental health, field internationally for over 40 years, and as a, psychiatrist, has been an unwavering stand for the transformation of, mindset. He is a firm believer that conversation, communication, creativity, and human connection are ultimately at the source of all healing of all conditions in all fields.
Along with being a highly successful restorative/transformational coach, his signature technology, True Voice Podcasting is for people who are ready to take their lives back by speaking their authentic message into the world. TVP is designed to guide people from all walks of life, who are ready to rediscover the confidence and courage necessary to bring their full and real humanity back into all areas of their life.
Communication is a mental health tool
Fr Fred: I was born to be a communicator. I was trying to bring healing and joy to the world. My family was in a fair amount of disarray. I had two brothers 10 and 14 years older than me, I still have two brothers 10 and 14 years older than me and, I learned a lot from them about, communication. One day as a young adult my said well, you have to get a job now, and told me that so she got me an application.
I applied and got the job. I started working with adolescent boys at a state hospital, a state, mental health, facility. I was finally getting paid to communicate. And that’s all I was doing. I was communicating with these wonderful human beings who were now living in a in a state hospital and we were healing each other’s, communication.
It was really fun and really a great job. We got to take field trips and play softball and all the cool stuff that I did with these kids. The thing I didn’t like, was the way, psychiatry, was treating these kids. We would call the, psychiatrist, and say Jimmy is up too late or Timmy and Tommy got in a fight.
And he would come down and after three seconds of talking to the kid and maybe six seconds talking to us, he takes out his weapon, his pen. And he would write something in the chart. And then we’d have to go get Timmy and Tommy and hold them down while we injected them full of very high-powered sedatives to put them out of their misery and for the next 12 or 24 hours and if Timmy or Tommy didn’t say another word for 24 hours, we would call that a success.
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Now, that’s still happening in all the state hospitals around this country and mostly around the world too. We’ve not grown past that; it’s still going on. I made it my business to become a, psychiatrist, at that point. I was going to become a, psychiatrist, and bring, communication, back because that I knew that, communication, healed. So took in a big inhale and 13 years later, I graduated from the University of Northwestern University as a as a, psychiatrist, and did my residency in Cincinnati and started being a, psychiatrist.
But in the meantime, Prozac, had been introduced to the world. Prozac, was a medication that changed the whole paradigm of, psychiatry, Biological Psychiatry, chemical imbalance.
Myrna: what’s the difference between a, psychiatrist, and a psychologist?
Dr Fred: A, psychiatrist, prescribes medicine, but that’s actually the last thing I wanted to do as a, psychiatrist. But now it was my typecast and it was what I was doing. Yeah, for the next 30 something years, I wrote over 100,000 medication prescriptions. I saw over 40,000 patients who call me their doctor. And it was very difficult because every time I wrote a prescription, my heart would wrench just a little or my soul would sacrifice it sometimes, not just a little sometimes later, in 2006, I finally decided that I could no longer do that.
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I started taking my patients of psychiatric medications
It was 15 years after I started. I started taking people off their diagnosis and taking them off their, psychiatric medications, and seeing how they did. Now I know that sounds kind of radical. It’s kind of interesting that we’re more concerned about taking people off of medicine than giving it to them.
Myrna: It’s the society, right? It’s life. Why did you become radical?
Dr Fred: I was radical. I took away stuff that was making them worse until they got better. Then I started becoming a healer. I call it my, true voice, moment. When I really started becoming a healer, I was no longer just a doctor, but a healer. And I began communicating with all my patients a little bit more and a little bit more. Until I really knew that I was back to being little Freddie who was pretty sure that, communication, and connection was the point here on Earth.
And over the last 15 years since 2006, I’ve really been just edging myself forward to being a stand for, communication, and connection and my practice has evolved over time, I’ve done work all over the world. A lot of, telepsychiatry, and a lot of utilization review, and I’ve been in every single corner of American, psychiatry, usually as a leader and really attempting sometimes without much success to inject, communication, as the core source of all healing.
Telepsychiatry, a subset of telemedicine, can involve providing a range of services including, psychiatric, evaluations, therapy (individual therapy, group therapy, family therapy), patient education and medication management. Telepsychiatry, can involve direct interaction between a psychiatrist and the patient.
Eventually I set up Welcome to humanity.
Welcome to humanity is my brand name. That’s where you’ll find me is the www.welcometohumanity.net that’s what my main website is and it’s self-explanatory. It just says all of the experiences that we’re having as humans are to be embraced, including the ones that are miserable and painful. Now I’m actually a restorative transformational coach, and I’m a podcast teacher and I’m an expert speaker and a podcast guest. I have my own podcast and I am so finely aligned with who I really came here to be again after 50 years of trying out some other stuff.
Myrna: Well, that’s amazing. Number one that you felt that you knew that you wanted to communicate, in kindergarten, I guess because you had older brothers. So why did your mom get you a job in the, mental health, field? Did you do some work with, mental health, in college?
Starting in the mental health field was coincidence
Dr Fred: You know, it was easy enough to get a job in the, mental health, field. My mom was already a social worker. She didn’t quite give me the job. She got me an application at Fairlawn Center, which was a state, mental health, facility, a civil service job.
Myrna: Well, that’s amazing because that’s usually how if you’re able to be on purpose, that’s how God directs you. Okay, the second question that I have here is, so when you decided to take your patients off of, psychiatric medications, and you said it taught them to communicate. Are you saying that let’s say that someone is on, Prozac, because, Prozac, settles them down. Are you saying that if people really heard them and listened to them, they won’t need these, psychiatric medications? Where are you coming from with that?
Dr Fred: That’s an important question. So, the first thing I want to say to all the listeners is if you have found something that works and it has to do with, psychiatric medications, and your diagnosis, by all means, please don’t switch. Okay. I mean, we’ve got something that’s really working, I’m not telling you to switch. So, let’s make that really clear. This is for people who really know that they’re not living their ultimate optimal life.
Prozac controls your emotions by stopping feelings
When I took my patients off their, Prozac, or the medications like that, what would happen is they would find themselves again coming in touch with their own feelings, coming in touch with their own emotions in ways that have been muted over the years. When they got in touch with themselves, we could learn that they didn’t even have a diagnosis in the first place and in many cases the, psychiatric medications, and the treatment were really perpetuating the actual symptoms they were marketed to treat.
So, you know, that when you start really looking at that, and we pull people off of their diagnosis, because now I can’t just pull people off their, psychiatric medications, the medicine is not the problem. It’s the idea that we all think there’s something wrong with us. And then we get confirmation that there’s something wrong with us and then we need so called, psychiatric medications. The truth is, there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re making it through the world like any of us and you’re just as confused. At times are fearful and other times anxious or depressed.
You make mistakes, you hurt people or something, that’s called being human. You know, people are like, oh, no, I have a diagnosis. It’s interesting a, psychiatrist, can’t get paid unless he gives you a diagnosis. Right? If he writes no diagnosis, he won’t get paid. So, there’s a major incentive to diagnose every single person who comes into their office number one.
Number two, it’s also the only field in all medicine where if you come into the office thinking there, there might be something wrong with you and the doctor says that there’s nothing wrong with you. Then you get upset. If you had gone to the heart doctor, and he says you’re okay, would you get mad at him?
Psychiatrists write prescriptions to control diagnoses
Dr Fred: When we get a diagnosis, it helps us relinquish responsibility for the parts of our life that we don’t like. But if we can blame that on, ADHD, or, social phobia, or, post-traumatic stress disorder, or, major depression, or, bipolar disorder, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, narcissistic personalities, etc. The experiences you’re having in life isn’t like get over it. No, I’m not saying that. What I am saying is embrace it as part of being you and this human condition. And don’t think of it as a deficiency or a sickness.
Myrna: I understand people like to feel good. And these conditions don’t make you feel good. I don’t know about, ADHD, but all the other ones you don’t feel good. So, you want some kind of beta blocker or something to block the symptoms if you’re not feeling good. It’s not what you say these, medications, do. But I wanted to get to the point where you’re saying that they can talk it out.
Dr Fred: Well, inside of, communication, what we really are talking about therapy. Therapy also presumes that there’s something wrong with a patient. Okay? Well, what this is really about is connection. So, it isn’t really about just talking it out. It’s about connecting with another person at whatever level that takes resonating with another person or with your experience.
Myrna: Can they connect that way to their psychiatrists, or we’re just telling them to talk to anybody to connect with anybody?
Dr Fred: The deal with, psychiatry, is that there’s a power gradient, there’s this idea that the, psychiatrist, is okay and you’re not, right. That’s actually not true. We’re both not okay. When we look across the table at each other and see our actual humanity, that’s where healing starts. When there is a gradient, psychiatry, if you’re a patient down there, this perpetuates an ongoing experience of there being something wrong with the patient.
Myrna: Okay, so that’s actually good, because if you walk into the room thinking that there’s something wrong with you and you need help that’s is what you expect. Tell us about healing through creativity and self-expression and the, creative mindset.
Dr Fred: One of the things is that none of us really seek out being uncomfortable. We’re looking to be comfortable. However, we are so addicted to this idea of comfort being normal we think being uncomfortable is abnormal. The truth is, being uncomfortable is totally normal. This is a really crazy world out there. And not only that humanity is an uncomfortable experience. What I noticed in when writing the book, The Creative 8 Mindset, was that when we’re creating our, mindset, shifts.
When we are creating music, dancing, singing, drama, cooking, writing, gardening, these are all things that when we’re creating, they really work to decrease that negative symptomology. While we’re doing any of those creative things, the negative experiences dissolve and disappear. So, with the, creativity, this is different than if you’re listening to music, I want you to be making music. It’s different than if you’re at an art museum, or looking at a beautiful piece of art. I want you to actually be making art. It’s just like if you’re watching Dancing with the Stars, or if you’re actually dancing.
So, the, creative 8 mindset, reminds us that we are here to be creators. So, I invite people to really do that creative eight, exercise which is finding three of those things, art, music, dancing, singing, drama, cooking, writing, and gardening and doing them each day even for just one minute. And really noticing how positive experiences can evolve simply by becoming creative.
Now ultimately, there was a couple more I added on photography and cleaning. And then there’s the trump card if you will, and the trump card is to help anybody do anything. When we’re helping other people do things, it’s also an amazing experience of having our own concern about ourselves disappear as we become service oriented. And that’s just another way to use the, creative 8 mindset, to our benefit.
Myrna: How does finding our, true voice, connect to the, creative 8, mindset?
Dr Fred: If you’re already on medicine, it’s actually really hard to do that. Because medicine can really stifle and smother creativity. The, psychopharmacological medications, do not expand the, creativity, in any way shape. The, psychiatric medications, often perpetuates a condition to remind you treat and it isn’t a matter of you do get to come off medicine, it’s a matter of that’s a good way to manage your life. If you want to come off medicine, the best way to go for that it’s going to be to start connecting with people.
Right now, you know, still help others still be creative, still be loving and still be accepting and compassionate and friendly and kind and all those things. Can you do that even in the face of a world that’s looking like it’s spiraling out of control?
Myrna: So how does using your voice help, mental illness?
Dr Fred: I don’t know anything else that’s gonna help with, mental illness, except using our voice actually. And the truth is, we think that taking medicine is going to help and really in the end, once you’re diagnosed with whatever condition you have, and you’re started on, psychiatric medications, the medication is frequently designed or at least, achieves the goal of perpetuating a symptom of market intention.
So, you’re on that, psychiatric medication, for good. Very few people come off, psychiatric medications, when you first start medicine, you think if it’s not going to work, well just stop it, but it’s not really true. It’s not going to work, we’re going to change it or we’re going to increase it or we’re going to add another medicine. Doctors are not even trained not to take you off, psychiatric medications. And when I started taking people off medicine people were like, you’re doing what?
Myrna: I’m sure your patients were happy with that.
Dr Fred: Well, some of them were scared, because they knew that people get sick again. They’re like, I don’t want to come off. Here’s the other thing, these, psychiatric medications, are built so that when you do come off of them, at least for a short period of time, you get an actual spike of the symptoms that were there in the beginning. And it has you thinking that you have returned, but in fact, it’s not you that returned. It’s a function of coming off of these medicines. They’re built that way.
Myrna: So how does your, true voice, help you with, mental illness? One of the things that, Prozac, does is, is keep you calm, right? Can using your, true voice, keep you calm?
Using psychiatric medications is like cutting off your arm because of a mosquito bite
Dr Fred: That’s not what I’m saying. Let’s say you are a mosquito bite doctor and I had a really bad mosquito bite on my on my elbow. For three weeks I’ve been trying to get rid of it. It gets bigger, it’s painful. It wakes me up at night itching, itching, and I finally decide I’m gonna go to a mosquito bite specialist. So, I find you in the yellow pages, and I go into your office and you’re like, Yeah, I’ve seen something like this before, and we can cure it. Oh, good. That’s why it came to you. You know, it’s only going to hurt for a minute you tell me. Okay, let’s do it. We’re going to cut off your arm at the shoulder.
Myrna: Oh, wow. That’s drastic.
Dr Fred: If we say okay, and then you’ve cut off my arm. Then the next time I come to see you, when we look for that mosquito bite on that elbow, it won’t be there.
Myrna; No, because you don’t have an arm.
Dr Fred: If all I’m looking at is do is cure the mosquito bite then cutting off your arm at the shoulder was a cure for that mosquito bite.
That what, psychiatric medications, do. It totally wipes you out. It blunts you out. And it’s not just, Prozac. These, psychiatric medications, do a lot more than just fix the mosquito bite, by taking away your capacity to have proper feelings, it feels like it’s curing you, but it’s not really curing you. It’s taking away your capacity to have proper feelings, including that one.
Myrna: Wow, what a powerful visual you presented. I get it.
Dr: Fred: And that’s what we’re really talking about here. Now, again, to our listeners. If you have been going far and wide and it found a combination of, psychiatric medications, that works for you and your, mental health, improves considerably, stick with it. By the way, I don’t use the phrase, mental illness, anymore. I don’t think there is such a thing as, mental illness.
There’s definitely such thing as mental discomfort, mental misery, mental pain, for sure. But illness suggests that you’re sick and I don’t think that you’re sick, you’re only experiencing an unpleasant part of life. Now when we started looking at that, then in, true voice, actually voicing your real self, it’s amazing how healing can happen immediately.
I chose, podcasting, to be the avenue for that because you can say your, true voice, right here on a podcast. It’s one of the last remaining spaces on the planet where you can actually say your, true voice. You can’t do it on social media, obviously, you can’t do it. You know, in most cases, you can’t go to like a concert and do it. You can’t have an auditorium full of people to speak your, true voice, anymore. So, your, true voice, is being taken away from you.
True voice, is a way when you resonate with another person and truly, honestly authentically connect with another person. It’s amazing what that does instantly for your, mental health. Even if you haven’t connected with anyone in a long time when you do connect. It’s amazing what healing takes place way better than any, psychiatric medications, I’ve ever written. And like I said, I’ve written prescriptions for over 100,000, psychiatric medications.
True Voice podcasting contributes to your mental health
Myrna: Well, explain it a little bit. What happens when they come on your podcast and talk about their, true voice?
Dr Fred: The, true voice, podcasting is not a podcast, it’s actually a course that I teach so that people who want to express their, true voice, will learn that they can do that best through, podcasting. We spend the first half of the course of a 13-week course really honing on people to get in touch and rediscovering their, true voice, authenticity. And in that authenticity, really exploring what they love.
In your case, you’ve got, mindset, somewhere along the line, mindset, became part of your, true voice. When you start doing it, you can wake up every single day like who am I going to talk to you today about, mindset. And there’s something that drives you forward inside of your commitment to learning more and to teach you more about, mindset.
So other people they’re gonna come up with whatever they come up with. Maybe some of them will come up with really big ones like, climate change or racism or sex trafficking, and maybe others will come up with seemingly smaller ones like petunias in Arkansas or something.
It’s fine, whatever. Your Podcast theme is. We then walk you through your authenticity into a world of a maximum podcast creation and production. I have a couple of teammates who co-lead with me and we take people from zero to podcaster in three months, and then dive in really learn how this method works if you go to www.findyourtruevoicebook.com And you go in there and then I will send you a copy of the book for free. If you go to www.welcometohumanity.net you will find information about my true voice podcasting course. Check out my book: The Creative 8 on Amazon
One way to find your, purpose, is to notice what makes you, weep, or angry. Because that is your, heart, responding to what’s on the outside that is linked to something on your inside. For example, do you, weep, when you hear a child has been abused or a dog left outside in the heat without any water? Then maybe God wanted you to do something about this and that is why he pre-wired you to care.
We see an example of this in the, bible story, of, Nehemiah. Nehemiah, asked his brother a simple question. “How are the, Jews, finding being back home after being in captivity”
Nehemiah, brother replied “Not good. They are in trouble and disgrace because the, walls of Jerusalem, have been torn down and the gates destroyed by fire.”
When, Nehemiah, heard this, he wept for days until he felt compelled to do something about it. At the time he was not a rich man, a man of influence, or had any other qualifications to rebuild a wall; he was the Kings cup bearer. But that did not stop him from asking God to make the King favorable to his request to rebuild the, walls of Jerusalem.
Nehemiah, had this immense calling to do something, it made him sad because he really didn’t think he could actually do anything about it. Remember he was not rich; he did not have any influence or so he thought. While serving the king wine one day, the King noticed he was sad and asked him why.
Nehemiah, replied “I am sad because the city where my ancestors are buried is in ruins.” The king asked “How can I help you?” What a strange response from a King. This is because, Nehemiah, had already petitioned God to go before him and soften the, heart, of the king.
So, Nehemiah, responded “Send me to Judah to rebuild the city where my ancestors are buried.”
The King responded “How long will you be gone?”
Again no pushback, the King did not even ask, Nehemiah, how he plans on accomplishing this task. He just said just let me know how long you will be gone!
How many of you felt angry or sad at things happening around you, but felt you could do nothing about it because you are a nobody without money or influence? I have heard lots of present-day, Nehemiah, stories of men and women tackling huge issues and building a movement. The first one that comes to mind is, Stacey Abrams, in, Georgia.
Stacey did not win her groundbreaking 2018 campaign for governor, but she did not quit. She got right back to work because she understood that she didn’t need the title of governor to make a difference in the lives of Georgians.
But let’s unpack our Nehemiah story. The truly amazing thing about this story is that he completed the wall in 52 days. He, organized, what the enemy called poor feeble, Jews, to work together. Everybody did a little bit. I think today we call this, grassroots organizing, or, boots on the ground, and he did it without technology. No telephones, no internet!
Why was he so successful, because it was his, purpose. It was his, soul’s purpose, and that is why the, organizing, forces in the universe came together to make it happen. How did, Nehemiah, find his, purpose? He wept for days when he heard that his people were living in shame and his, heart, told him he should do something about it.
In a similar way, your, purpose, has a way of finding you. It could jump off the page of a book you are reading, you could hear a term and like, Lifecoach, and know that is what you are supposed to do. Are you trying to find your, purpose in life? Reflect on what elicits emotion from you. Listen to your, heart. It will direct you to your, purpose.
Nehemiah, built a wall, what can you build? Can you build a community center for the youths in your community, so they can get off the streets? Can you build a school in your village, so the kids can get an education? Can you build wells in third world countries, so that poor people can drink clean water?
Conclusion
Whatever is causing you pain, you can do something about it. You are, limitless, you only need the, desire; the, organizing, power of the universe will do the rest.
This is 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I hope that you are on, purpose, and if not, you must learn to listen to your, heart, to find your, soul’s purpose. Join my Facebook group Lifecoach to be inspired throughout the week.
Will Moore is a serial entrepreneur and TEDx speaker. This blog is about replacing your, bad habits, with, success habits, thereby transforming your life.
Habits, are very important. We always say that, it takes 21 days to form a, bad habit, but now some people are actually challenging that. They’re saying it takes about three months or 90 days to form a, habit.
Whatever we do on a consistent basis, it forms a, habit, regardless it is a, bad habit, or, success habit. So, today we’re talking about transforming our lives through, success habits, and replacing the, bad habits. The, habit, that we’re trying to develop is the, success habit, that leads to happiness.
Success habits, generally increase your happiness.
Listen to the full interview here:
Bio and Introduction Bad Habits
Will Moore is a serial entrepreneur, TedX speaker, life coach, and happiness expert. After exiting his delivery startup for $323 million in 2019, Will confirmed what he’d spent the past 25 years researching: True happiness isn’t about money, power, or fame; it’s about figuring out what makes you happy and taking consistent action on those things every single day.
To do this, Will has thrown out the book on traditional, self-improvement, creating instead a unique system that reduces friction by combining the latest in science and technology with, success habits, and universal principles: gamifying the process and building momentum. Will’s company, Moore Momentum, is addressing the “Social Dilemma.” and helping people hold themselves accountable by taking the necessary action to replace their, bad habits, with, success habits.
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Transform Your Mind Amazon
5 core areas to build Success Habits
Mindset,
Career & Finances;
Relationships,
Physical Health,
Emotional Health
Giving Back.
Moore Momentum is committed to helping people fire on all cylinders on their way to becoming an unstoppable force, so they can then pay it forward to help the world do the same!
Myrna: Awesome bio. It sounds that you’re very successful. It’s everybody’s dream to have an exit strategy that makes them several million dollars especially 323 million so that is a great foundation. So, what you are doing with More Momentum? Can you tell us how you got into this journey? Understanding that happiness does not come from fame or it does not come from money or it doesn’t come from power as everybody seems to think.
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Will: My mom was an alcoholic. She was verbally and physically abusive. My parents divorced early, we moved around a lot. I just never really fit in and I just kind of got to a point where I was basically suicidal in college. Serendipitously one of my professors introduced me to a book, “How to Friends and Influence People” by Mr. Dale Carnegie. It sort of changed my mindset and started to shift me towards what I call a growth owner mindset.
Myrna: I read that book. I found it very difficult to understand but it is a classic.
Will: I’ve read it so many times. It was written back in the 40s some 70 years ago, and still it still stands today which is to me is a testament of the universal principles. These Universal principles in life, if you follow them, if you abide by them, if you lead your life by them and build your, habits, around them, you’re going to succeed.
You’re not going to be happy if you ignore them or try to cheat the system. You’re going to struggle, so that sort of opened up my mind to the principle of friends.
It’s not about you, give to other people if you want to have more friends than you can handle.
I just took that to heart. I started to shift and I started taking all the poor me victim stuff self talk which was a , bad habit, and started asking people questions about themselves. It was like my own human science experiment. I started taking notes, seeing what worked and what didn’t. I noticed people responded well when you took interest in them.
I started making, friends, and was becoming more popular. People actually started liking me, compared to what was constantly being played in my head, “I’m a loser nobody likes me.”
That just started my, success habits, journey, and I never stopped. I became an insatiable, self-help, beast. I was reading book after book on, self-improvement.” All the books that I could get my hands on including “Think and Grow Rich”, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, etc.
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I started to live this more holistic type of lifestyle, I call it ‘firing on all cylinders’. When you start to develop these, habits, you’re building momentum and creating, success habits, in each of the 5 core areas. People around you can feel your momentum and your energy. When we sold our solar business in 2019 for a combined 321 million, I had enough money where I could say, okay I don’t technically have to work anymore I can concentrate on building my, success habits.
Myrna: I started my spiritual journey with Robin Sharma’s book “The Monk who Sold His Ferrari”. I understand what you’re talking about.
How did you transition to understanding, bad habits, and, success habits? You started off with, “How to win friends and influence people”, How did you combine that into, habits?
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Changing your Bad Habits into Success Habits
Will: Success habits, were not as integral and central as they are now for me, as I got deeper into, self improvement, I started identifying my, bad habits. I call them, failure habits, and replacing them with, success habits; but I wasn’t doing it consciously.
I didn’t need to shine a spotlight on all my, bad habits, that was causing me, negative momentum, in each of my five core areas. I just decided to replace my, bad habits, with, success habits. The book that brought my, bad habits, home was “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. I read several years ago.
It all comes down to your, habits. You are your, habits. We run on autopilot 90% of the time and we’re just doing the things that we have done repeatedly, whether they’re good or bad and here’s the kicker, habits, don’t care if they’re helping or hurting you. We are all creatures of, habit.
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Myrna: I go on autopilot mode almost every time I drive so I know what you taking about. I’ll be meaning to go someplace different, next thing I end up at the place where I wasn’t supposed to go.
Will: That’s a perfect example, where your brain is trying to conserve energy. A lot of people have no idea that our brain finds the safest route. To start replacing a, bad habit, find a replacement, success habit.
Myrna: You discovered the, success habits, and the, bad habits, and then you just made it integral to your More Momentum training. Now, let’s get to the Seven the Habits of Successful People. You mentioned that you read the book it was written by Stephen R. Covey and it’s called “The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People”.
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Will: One of the things that people do is they get caught up in thinking that certain, habits, are going to lead to the promised land. These seven habits is the formula for being happy, because your belief system plus your repeated actions plus time equals who you will become.
Habit 1: Be Proactive
Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind
Habit 3: Put First Things First
Habit 4: Think Win-Win
Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
Habit 6: Synergize
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
The Book the Secret had the answer to the universe, but they didn’t have the action part of it. It’s like you can’t just think about what you want. You got to actually take action, you have to build your, success habits.
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Myrna: I love it, you mean you can’t just put a picture on your vision board and then 10 years later you manifest it?
Will: Right. That’s right exactly. I had a, vision board. I still do sitting right here. You have to take consistent action to manifest your vision.
You have go to tell yourself, I got everything within me to kick ass. It’s only a matter of time. Obstacles are temporary roadblocks and every step of the way, I’m going to fail forward and I’m going to become bigger, better, faster, stronger, smarter, on my way to becoming this unstoppable force. That’s the attitude you got to have, and it doesn’t come easily.
It doesn’t come overnight and that’s why the compounding part – your belief system plus your repeated actions or, habits, plus time equals who you become. Those actions start becoming, habits, and they turn into things that are actually automatically building your, momentum, along the way versus hurting it. That’s how you become the person that you want to be.
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The Mindset of Success Habits
Myrna: What are some, success habits, that we can start doing? Not necessarily talk about the failure or bad habits yet, give us a couple of success habits that you have discovered.
Will: Your, mindset, is essentially the thoughts that are going through your head Some people have the, bad habit, of talking baldly to themselves about themselves. They say things like
You are not good enough
I will never be anybody
People don’t like me
They have a victim mindset that says people are always out to get them.
Some tell themselves things like I was born this way, there is nothing I can do about it
We have to have the, mindset, that that says, you can’t succeed without failing. If you’ve got a good, mindset, going everything else becomes incrementally easier.
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Myrna: I agree with that. That’s why this show is called “transform your mind to transform your life” because your mind is the first place to start, human transformation.
Will: For your career and finances, I’d say very first thing you should do is figure out what your strengths and weaknesses are. Then start focusing on the things you’re good at and make that part of your daily routine. You’re moving that stuff forward and then peripherally the other things that need to be done will get done.
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Whether it’s your significant other, your friends, your family, your colleagues at work, or acquaintances:
Remember names,
Remember details about people,
Be genuinely interested in what they’re saying (you may have to fake it at first, because we’re all selfish egotistical creatures by nature) but what happens is you actually start to see that they respond to you. They’re interested in you, that becomes addictive and then you do become more genuinely interested in them.
It’s this feedback success loop thing you get into and it’s magical and it just propels your life because, you can’t go through life on your own, you got to have other people.
For physical health, I’d say the top, success habits, are:
There’s your sleep,
Watch your nutrition
Movement, there’s your exercising.
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The final tip I would give for the final core emotional health and giving back, I’ll give two tips because they’re kind of slightly different things. For the, emotional health, part the question is
Are you living a life full of passion, purpose?
Do you actually enjoy the ride or are you just constantly like looking down scratching off to do’s”, trying to just get through the day?”
The, habit, of enjoying life and expressing your passion is important.
I would also say proactively making a list of the things that you love and then making sure that you’re incorporating them into your life regularly is a great, success habit. Whether it’s doing a sport or whether it’s creativity if you’re an artist, you like to paint, and you haven’t painted in 10 years. Use technology and sign up for class or get a buddy that you can paint with.
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Get it into your regular routine because again it’s a, habit, like anything else, and if you start doing it then all of a sudden you’re doing it, you don’t even have time for the, bad habits, to get an opening. With a regular routine thoughts like “Oh, I don’t have time for this” or “Oh, I have conflicting schedules” A daily schedule starts to improve your life, because you’re incorporating more of the things that you love and are passionate about.
The last, success habit, is “giving back”. I have a mantra that I say to myself every morning. I’ve memorized it. I focus on all the things that I want in life and then at the end of it, I talk about what I’m grateful for. So, I get this feeling of “Oh, man I’m so lucky and it just boosts me up and rocket propels me into the day because I start happy and excited.
Myrna: I love that. That was a good idea to give a, success habit, from each of your five core areas of life. So as we wrap up, so tell our listeners more about your business – More Momentum. How they can get in contact with you and what exactly is your program.
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Will: https://mooremomentum.com is the website. There’s a “see the Momentum Movement” tab at the top and you can sign up. I’ve got a weekly blog and newsletter that I do at the top. There’s also the social media buttons (Instagram, Facebook and Twitter) My Instagram page is @willmoremomentum. I post viral videos of stuff and I’m trying to make it fun by gamifying the experience. I’m helping people trick their brain into wanting to watch the stuff that’s good for them.
I’ve got the App that’s coming up so I super excited. I think I mentioned briefly earlier, the App it’s going to just take everything I’ve been doing over the last 25 years and culminate it into one device where you can stop your, bad habits, in these five core places and replace them with, success habits.
In the game, you’re a rocket ship. You’ve got your five core cylinders of your engine in order to fly up to the moon and break earth’s gravitational pull. You got to get enough momentum to get off the ground by stopping those, bad habits, and replacing them with, success habits, one step at a time. I make sure I take it through very slowly. Remember the law of compounding – if you rush into it, you try to change everything at once. It’ll never work then all of a sudden you’re flying off to different planets and universes and solar systems and you’re meeting aliens along the way.
You’re getting universal principles and tips flying through asteroid fields building up your armor and becoming an unstoppable force.
It’s super exciting. You can sign up on my website for that as well. If you click on the App, it’ll say “be notified when the App is Available.”
Conclusion
Myrna: I absolutely love it. Wow, so that’s great not only for adults but for children teaching them that they can do anything. If they want to get to the moon or to get to the top of their goals. Whether it’s a, success habit, or a, bad habit, you just keep doing it. It’s actually pretty good to replace those, failure habits, and make them into, success habits, so you can do it.
If you found this blog and podcast inspirational, please subscribe, rate and review The Transform Your Mind Podcast on iTunes. Leave your comments below if you have, bad habits, that you need to change into, success habits.
Jannette Blair, author of “The Tears Behind my Smile” shares, life lessons, she learned from her long-life journey of an, abandoned, girl and then an, abused woman, who faced challenges in every walk of her life and the strength she gains from each experience she suffers.
The book, The Tears Behind my Smile is a long-life journey of an, abandoned, girl who faces challenges in every walk of her life and the strength she gains from each experience she suffers. It is not an autobiography with an ordinary beginning and a predictable ending; instead, the book depicts a series of emotions occurring in the author’s life and how she alters herself from a self-pitying girl into a strong, resilient woman. It will enlighten the readers on not to depend on anyone and become the superhero in their own story. Jannette shares the, life lessons, she learned along the way
Myrna: Janette, please give us some context of your, life story, and the, life lessons, you learned along the way of the, abandoned, girl becoming a superhero. Fill us in on the, story of your life. .
Jannette: I was born in Jamaica, and just a little it’s a small community in one of the smaller parishes. And while growing up, I didn’t know a mother. I was always wondering, who is my mother? Where’s my mother and why have I not seen one? And so, it was it was a hard life. I went through where I had tons of step mothers, who was not really mothering material at all.
While growing up I was the, abandoned, girl. I was not allowed a certain person’s house because this man had a beef going with my father; they had a fight and he decided, okay, this child can never step foot into my house and this child will never eat food from my house. And so, there was a time when my sisters would hide food around the house to feed me and I’m talking when I was a baby. I would stay outside the gate, just looking at all the others children playing, but I couldn’t play with them.
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I was like I was nobody’s kid. The, abandoned, kid that nobody wanted. I remember one day getting a small cup of tea and a piece of bread. And I looked around and this man was coming. And he said if you put that bread to your mouth, I am going to slap you. I was so afraid so I just stood there shaking. He came over he took the cup and bread from me and poured the tea on the ground. Now I am fighting fears, I can’t even cry because I would get a whipping. one of my, life lessons, was not to cry when you are hurt.
After that my father brought in a woman to help look after me. And she was even worse. She hated me. I remember one night this lady that was supposed to be taking care of me lit my favorite dress on fire out of spite.
Myrna: That is an amazing story of cruelty to a child. I’m understanding is that your dad was looking after you and you didn’t have a mom and we know that women or men or whoever is the step child is you have the Cinderella story where they don’t want to treat the other person’s child well. It’s a common occurrence in the Caribbean.
That behavior is not that prevalent in North America because you always hear about these blended families. The father has four kids and he married a woman with four kids and they live like the Brady Bunch. So, I understand the women treating you badly. But I don’t understand this guy that was so cruel to you that didn’t want you to eat at this house. Who was that person? Do you remember who that was? What was the, life lessons, you learnt from this event?
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Life Lessons from growing up without a mom
Jannette: Yes, until this very day, I still don’t go close to him and he’s still alive. That guy was the stepfather of my sibling. And so, what had happened? So, I became the fat that he used to fry my father. And he transferred the grudge against my dad on me.
Myrna: I hope he’s suffering today because you know all that bad karma. Why would you hate a small child? That is that is a despicable thing to do. I don’t even understand the woman who was supposed to be your mother and set your dress on fire, because she wanted to hurt you. Wow. Now I’m very interested to hear how you transitioned from this cruelty into adulthood. Did you ever find your mom?
Jannette: Yeah, she didn’t want me. So, it’s not like I didn’t have a mother. She didn’t want me, she, abandoned, me. She was mad at my dad for not marrying her. And so, when her mom heard that my dad refused to marry her, her mom came and took her and my other siblings, they left me. I was the fourth child but at that time she had five children. So, she took the others and left me.
After going through so many different step mothers, I finally found one who was good to me and she was murdered in front of me when I was 15.
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I witnessed my step mom being murdered
Myrna: Oh, my goodness, your story keeps getting worse. What happened?
Jannette: They came knocking on the door one evening and I told her not to open the door because we had a blackout that evening and there was no light. So, she didn’t open the door. But they used someone who she knew to come and knock on the door saying hey, I need your help. But something within me was saying something’s wrong. They fired one shot through the window and the bullet hit her in her mouth and she was died at my feet.
Myrna: Wow, what was the reason?
Jannette: She had a witnessed a robbery and so she could have identified them, so they killed her.
Myrna: Wow. All right, yes this is Jamaica for you. How did these, life lessons, help you to transition to becoming a superhero in your life?
Jannette: When I was born, I think I lived a rough life, I also think life was hard throughout my entire life. But I was able to put the pieces together and laugh about stuff. And when I was told by my mother that I would not become anything, I said no I can’t believe that person.
My mother told me I would never amount to anything
I asked my mother to help me with school and she said, you will not become anything, so I will not spend my money on you. So, I had to pick myself up and ask one of her sisters if I could move in with her. She said, yes. She took me with her to her job while she was working, and I was the one doing most of the work, but I didn’t care. Because I saw a shining light. I see your brighter days ahead. Plus, I’m no longer in this house with my mother. Yes, another of, life lessons, was that you had to work if you wanted to be successful in life. I have to work; but it was a better aim for me to get to what I want to become. I came to America in the year 2000.
Myrna: Was life better for you in America?
Jannette: Yeah, it was better, I was working. I met a guy and at first, I thought, oh, I’m not going to get into a relationship. By this time, I’d had a daughter. I dated this guy for almost two years. I was traveling, I went to Indiana. I spent a year and four months there. I went back to Jamaica. And then I came back and I went to Mississippi and I spend maybe six weeks in Mississippi. It was not for me
Mississippi Biloxi, I experienced people walking around with signs that says no blacks allowed.
Myrna: Right? Okay. Yes, down south. So, what happened to this guy?
Jannette: Okay, he sent me a ticket to come to Las Vegas and I visit Las Vegas. I decided to stay and got a job within the first week. But then as my luck would have it, my work permit expired so I couldn’t work.
So, now I can no longer work. And he did a 360 switch. I can’t work and I don’t have any money coming in. I needed to get married, I need papers, blah, blah, blah. You knew that I couldn’t stay in the country without proper papers.
So, he said, okay, let’s do this. I really don’t want to lose you. So, let’s just get married and get your Green Card, but that was not true. Because we got married, I think it was October 28 2001 and by Thanksgiving one month later, I was beaten and kicked out of the apartment that I paid for. I was taken to the hospital and then I ended up in a shelter for domestic violence. The, life lesson, here is than men want you to be dependent on them.
Myrna: My goodness. All right. I can’t wait to hear the end of this story. You’re still in America. So, what happened?
Jannette: So, there was a restraining order filed against him. Of course, I don’t have my, Green Card, and my husband started calling me because he wanted me to drop the charges. He’s promising me everything that he never did before. I tried to drop the domestic abuse case, but after the OJay Simpson case, they didn’t allow me to drop the case. So, the domestic violence case went to court and my husband had to go to anger management class for a few months and he was mad about that. So now he’s not hitting me anymore. But the abuse turned to verbal and emotional abuse.
Myrna: So, you guys got back together. You’re still married?
Jannette: Right. Because I needed this paperwork, my, Green Card. So, when the, abuse, wasn’t physical anymore, it became mental. And so, I have to talk myself through days and nights. I had a childhood friend; I would call her every day, every night. There wasn’t a day that I didn’t cry, a night that I didn’t cry. My husband was just ruthless.
But fast forward to everything else, I was able to get my, Green Card. I stuck it out. I became silent to everything that was going on. It didn’t have a say in much of what was going on. I learned to drive because I couldn’t drive and I had to pay to learn to drive, he refused to teach me. One day after I learnt to drive, I was taking the bus to work so I asked if I could drive one of his cars. He had 2 cars, and he wanted to charge me to use his car.
Myrna: Wow. I can see why your book is called Tears Behind My Smile! So, yeah, that is an amazing story. What made you decide to write the book? You’ve gone through these horrible things, you were born into that situation with your mom and dad, then you went into, abusive relationships, but you know something in life that’s basically how it happens. You know what I mean? When you are not nurtured as a child, for some reason we also get into these, abusive relationships, as an adult.
Your husband was obviously a, narcissist. And you attracted him, narcissists, are attracted to people that they think they can abuse. He chose you.
Jannette: One of the reasons I wanted to write the book, I know that I am not alone in this. I am not the only person going through what I was going through. And for me if I can help someone to say, don’t take your life, because sometimes people kill themselves because they were going through certain abuse and they don’t know where to turn. And I said, if I can help somebody to let them know, hey, you’re not alone, you’re stronger than you think you really are. Now, so get up, pick yourself up.
Myrna: So, in the book do you give women some advice of what you did in order to in order to stick with this horrible situation? Because the marriage has a purpose?
Jannette: Yes, and I tell them to turn to God. With all that was going you have to hang on to Jesus. Because most of the time, you have no one else. Believe in God and yes, he will help get you through.
On Today’s episode “5 Minutes with Coach Myrna”, I teach How to Use the Universal, Law of Action, to achieve Success in Life
In the first episode of 5 mins with coach Myrna, I shared the First Universal Law “The Law of Divine Oneness” If you missed that episode please download. I am teaching on the 12 Universal Laws because they are the blue print for a life by design. They are the rules of the game.
Life is the only job that we don’t get a manual for and most of us leave this body as clueless as when we were born.
Today I want to teach on the:
The second Universal Law the, Law of Action,
Successful people are future oriented so if you are not taking action towards a vision or goal, you will remain stagnant.
Movement creates energy.
Newton First Law states – A body in motion stays in motion. If you, take action, towards your goals you will attain them. If you take, MASSIVE action, towards your goals you will attain them much much faster.
1. Because we are spiritual beings having a human experience, your higher self, which is your source, GOD, gives you guidance in the form of thought or dreams. When you act on that guidance it opens the communication for more guidance. Acting on the guidance you get from your higher self will propel you in the direction of your purpose. One way to gauge if you are moving in the direction of your purpose is your emotions. If you feel excited and happy to do the action then you are aligned. If you don’t feel good then it is not aligned to your goals or purpose and it is not from your spiritual guide. It is said that we have five voices in our head. You have to be able figure out who is speaking to you when you get direction.
If you don’t know what action to take.
Ask yourself, What does successful people do?
Ask yourself again, What do I have to become to do something I have not done before? Taking action usually means stretching yourself to do something you have not done before. The, Law of Action, means taking action in the direction of your goals.
Playing to your strengths will not stretch you.
You have to go beyond your comfort zone and stretch yourself like a rubber band!
Would you like to know what a Life Coach does? A Life Coach prepares you your main goal in life by getting you to your purpose and then holding you accountable to make it happen.
Strengths can be categorized in two columns. The first column are the ones you are born with and the other, the ones you cultivated.
For example Warren Buffet tells the story that he was deathly afraid of public speaking, but he was born with the ability to do math. At a very young age he had the ability to take apart financial statements and understand the true value of a company; but he had zero ability as a speaker. So that was the strength he cultivated. He took action, he joined Toastmasters. The, Law of Action, at work.
Tony Robbins teaches that not only should take action; but you should take, MASSIVE action.
Most coaches will tell their clients, if you have a goal take some action towards that goal. If you want a Mercedes Benz then order a brochure or go test drive it. If you want to enroll in higher education, then go visit the campus and get information; but, MASSIVE action, is totally different. MASSIVE action, is quitting your job and starting your own business. MASSIVE action is Ed Sheeran getting on a plane and coming to America looking for a record deal, with no money in his pocket and sleeping on the subway until he found work! The, Law of Action, worked again, Ed became the biggest male pop-star on the planet!
Conclusion, take action, take, massive action, let the, Law of Action, propel you towards your goals.
Contact me for a FREE Downloadable copy my new e-book “How to Shift Your Mindset to Achieve Your Goals”
Thank you for tuning into 5 mins with coach Myrna, the, Law of Action, In our next episode we will look at the third law of the Universe “The Law of Correspondence”
Please remember to share this episode with your friends and subscribe and post a review.
Until next time Namaste
The Lord said to Samuel “Don’t judge David by his appearance or height. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
In this episode of 5 min Fridays with Coach Myrna, I teach on why we should not judge our partners by their outward appearances, but by what’s in their heart.
Background story of why we should look into the heart
A blind girl hated everything and everyone except her boyfriend because he was the only one who was always there for her. When he asked her to marry him, she refused saying she could only marry a man if she could see his, eyes.
Sometime later someone gave her a pair of, eyes, and when she could see, she saw that her boyfriend was blind and his, eyes, were closed. She told him she couldn’t marry him because she couldn’t look at his closed, eyes, for the rest of her life. Her boyfriend went away with tears in his eyes.
Sometime later she received a letter from her boyfriend asking her to be careful with her, eyes, because they were once his!
So today I want to teach on how to look at the, heart, and not the covering.
True love comes from the heart
Let’s first define, true love. Is, true love, goose bumps, sexual attraction, chemistry, or is, true love, the willingness to give your partner what they need to be complete eg. your, eyes, if they can’t see?
Humans are always influenced by what they see. It is the first level of, attraction. What we see is linked to our, heart. I was watching the Tarzan movie the other day and when Tarzan met Jane, he started to sniff her private parts. Humans can’t go around doing that so we depend on our, eyes, to influence our, heart. That is why we spend hours every day tweaking our, appearance, so that we look our best.
But what about our insides? How much time do you spend tweaking our insides so that we are the best version of ourselves?
Don’t judge the outward appearance: look at the heart
The Lord said to Samuel “Don’t judge, David, by his, appearance, or height. People judge by, outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the, heart.”
Personally, I have always liked my men tall, dark and slim built and when I met my husband, I almost rejected him because he is built like a linebacker and definitely not tall and slim, but I noticed his, heart, immediately and that is why I married him.
Ladies it is nice to have a picture in your mind of what you are looking for in a man, but don’t reject someone outside of your parameters without first looking into his, heart. His, open heart, is what will love you and be emotionally available to you. It will love your kids, provide and protect your family.
I remember Joel Osteen preaching on the subject years ago. He said that his sister had this image of the man she wanted to marry and it didn’t include a red-haired man, so when a red hair man came courting, she sent him away until she realized that this was the man God chose for her. She had to let go of her idea of what a perfect man should look like and look at the, heart, of the man in front of her.
How a man treats others reveals his heart
They have now been married for over 20 years. Ladies sometimes you get what you ordered, but most times you have to take what shows up. Look at how the man treats you, how he treats his mother, how he treats the waiter and his relationship with God and you will get a peek into his, soul.
And if you find one with a great, heart, but not the, outward appearance, that you prefer, please don’t throw him back in the pond, because some other woman will gladly fish him out!
How to Listen to your Heart
By choosing to follow or, listen your heart, you are gaining the strength that comes from all the love you’ve ever had. Once you feel it, that love can overcome your problems.
Understand that if you approach someone with an, open heart, he or she will feel it and will most likely return a similar energy to you. That’s how relationships are born, reaching out and touching another. It’s what we all want, and it is available to you by just being willing to, listen to your heart.
Conclusion
Thanks for tuning into 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I want to invite you to join my facebook group called Lifecoach to be inspired throughout the week.
As mothers we must be vigilant and protect our children from predators; but most of us do not think we have to protect them from, sexual abuse, from their own fathers. Maralee McLean shares her story of her 12-year battle to protect her daughter from, sexual abuse, from her biological father.
Today I am speaking with Maralee McLean. Maralee shares her experience with, sexual abuse, from a parent. This is a very personal story for Maralee, and I applaud her braveness and her transparency.
I’ve spoken several times on the show and this blog, of my , sexual abuse, as a child. I wrote a book about my story “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” So what I hope to do today is help Maralee bring awareness to, sexual abuse, in the home by family members.
This nightmare became real for Maralee McLean, and her book “Prosecuted but not Silenced” details it. The entire narrative of “protective mothers”, mothers who have to share custody of their children with dangerous, abusive men; defies belief. People with background knowledge of the plight of protective mothers will recognize many themes of Maralee’s story.
Woman falls in love with a “nice guy” who turns violent, uses the divorce to unleash a previously unimaginable level of cruelty and violence, and a court system so blinded to this evil and to the needs of children, they facilitate it. But for those who still find Maralee’s story beyond belief, there is almost a hundred pages of appendices providing the actual documentation mentioned in the chapters of the book, as well as background on issue.
• This book deals with child, sexual abuse, it’s impossible to write a book about child, sexual abuse, without describing child, sexual abuse, there are some concrete and medical description of child, sexual abuse, Readers easily triggered by that should skip through those descriptions, but by no means should they not read the book.
• In some ways, this book is the strongest testimony to the mother-child bond I’ve ever read. It’s also a testimony to why that bond should not be broken capriciously, and why a system that does, cannot be tolerated. This book deals with how our society is willing to sacrifice children on an altar of egos and ideologies. And it illustrates why that must stop.
Domestic violence is a red flag for sexual abuse
There’s lots of these cases today of protective moms that can’t protect their children, so that’s one of the reasons I’m telling this story. I had I’ve been married to a, Domestic Violence abuser, and I really got out of my marriage carefully. Before we got married there were no red flags or books out there to tell you about these kinds of men. I thought a woman had been physically abused for it to be, domestic violence.
I didn’t understand control and emotional abuse and psychological abuse. I suffered all those abuses. I tell young girls today, especially in college, if they see red flags, run because if they marry that guy and have a child with him, you’re in this for life because that child will be possibly abused. I not saying, sexual abuse, but abuse in other forms.
My red flags were that he would be a perfectly nice guy and then his eyes would change in an instant to scary evil looking eyes.
We were married for many years before I had a baby but once I divorced him, there was a lot going through the divorce in itself. I mean I was stalked, emotionally abused, some physical and psychological. He would write editorials to the newspaper about our divorce, and they would print them and they not even true.
When my daughter was a baby, her father did not want anything to do with her but once she turns like around 2 years old, he started wanting to see have visitation. This one time on a visitation our two-year-old daughter was wearing this little pink dress, her long dark hair was in a ponytail, her little blue eyes that danced and everyone on the street literally stopped me to talk to her and I say her sweet she looked.
I dropped her off at her dad at 4 pm for a 3-hour visit. When I went to pick her up about 7:00 pm that evening, I knocked at the door and there was no answer. I thought well that’s weird. I knocked again, still no answer. Finally, he comes to the door, and I saw my daughter’s clothes are strewn all over the living room floor. He goes upstairs and brings her down the stairs. She was covered in sweat and limp in his arms.
Her hair was matted to her head. I asked him what the heck happened to her; my gut pulled tight. He said she got sick. I said well that’s funny because she was fine a few hours ago. I got her clothes together got her dress and got her out of there fast; but I at that point I never would dream he would, sexually abuse, his daughter. I always thought he’d be the greatest father that was one of the reasons I’d married him. I never saw any indication of, sexual abuse, or anything like that in him before this. I thought well she just got sick at his place.
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Later within maybe three months or so after that incident, my little girl discloses, sexual abuse, to the daycare provider and to myself in detail. No child could possibly come up with that on her own. She was 2 and a half. I called my sister who was a nurse at Children’s Hospital, and I asked her what to do. She told me to ask her again in the morning and see if she repeats it. Don’t mention her father’s name and then take her to her pediatrician, so that’s exactly what I did, and she I repeated the same, sexual abuse, to me and to her pediatrician. The doctor notified social services and that’s when my nightmare began!
Proving sexual abuse is a nightmare
Social services set up supervised visits and he was the perfect father. Then one day I met The Guardian Ad litem, which is a lawyer for the child. I go into this room, and they had other social workers there and the father and she interrogated me like nothing I’ve ever seen on TV. Why would your daughter continue to say, sexual abuse, if you weren’t coaching her?
I said have you talked to the babysitter who spent quality time with my little girl? She had been on the case for 3 months and she had not met the babysitter.
She said this is, parental alienation, I didn’t even know what, parental alienation, meant at the time. This is a term I’ll bring up later. She says this child going into foster care. She already had a foster care home lined up before she even talked to me. I am beyond belief. Her father and I are not even living together. They were going to put my baby into foster care and totally traumatize her. She’s never been away from me. I’m the sole caretaker. But I held it together, because I knew if I emotionally went nuts they would say I was not a fit mother.
After they took my baby, I lay my head on a desk and cried as if my soul was just ripped out of me. Then I drove a hundred miles an hour to Dr. Baker’s office. I walked in with my makeup all over my face. They just took my baby from me, you know the truth, fight for us.
It took me 12 years to get my baby back.
Click the link below to listen to the rest of this powerful story.
Relational mindfulness, is the humanistic practice of compassionately relating to others, with an open mind and mutual respect. By putting aside your own beliefs and judgments, you can better empathize and understand others from their perspective.
Shari Foos is a Marriage and Family Therapist, adjunct professor and the creator of The Narrative Method, a California 501c3 non-profit organization. Part of the Human Connection movement, TNM creates programs, products and experiences that address the growing isolation and need for real connection through sharing stories. Foos also co-founded the Bridge in 1999, a free humanities program for low-income adults at Antioch University Los Angeles. She received a MS in Narrative Medicine from Columbia University and a MA in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles.
As a sought-after expert on the subject of, relationships, remote group dynamics and meaningful connection, her writing and commentary have appeared in a range of online and print publications and podcasts, including Real Simple, Huffington Post, Women’s Health, KBLA, Fatherly, Thrive Global, Shondaland, The LA Weekly, Sparks & Honey Culture Briefings, Sondership, Let Pleasure be The Measure, and Bustle. Ms. Foos serves on the board of the City Kids Foundation and is the recipient of the New Directions for Veterans Community Hero Award (2015) and The Antioch University Los Angeles Lifetime Achievement Award (2016).
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Shari: I do think every one of us has had, trauma, different degrees, but we certainly all know the feeling of loss or shame or humiliation, or unfair treatment etc. I think of emotions like a piano with all of the keys, we have all of them to different extents at different times. But even if we don’t always use those really high notes or the low, low, low, notes, they’re there and that serves as our empathy. And because of that, we can sit with someone who’s going through something terrible that maybe in our day-to-day life, we’ve never experienced, but we can feel it in our soul because it’s a human experience.
When we put ourselves aside to be truly present and available with our lovingness acceptance or non-judgment or empathy, to hear someone’s story, from their perspective, not our judgment or assumptions. That person feels better. No matter what the problem is, they feel better, because without being heard, we go crazy, that is all part of, relational mindfulness.
When someone comes to you who you love, and they’re really excited about something and you’re so excited with them, that’s when you are aligned, right? You are, head-to-head, heart to heart. That’s easy. But when somebody comes to you, with a complexity that you have a lot of feelings about whether it’s addiction or someone’s choice of spouse or whatever that may be. It’s more difficult. And that’s why we practice awareness, wonder, empathy that is called, AWE, or, relational mindfulness.
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Myrna: Exactly. And here’s where I think it’s going to lead into something else, I know you’re interested in, which is, relational mindfulness.
You had a bad childhood bridge, the gap for us. How did you go from having a bad childhood to being a therapist, and a, marriage therapist? Did it have something to do with your parents’ marriage?
Shari: Well, yeah, that wasn’t very good, my father was a rageaholic and it was at a time where even more so than now, there was a lack of understanding about, mental health. And so, he wouldn’t seek treatment and it just wasn’t in the mentality of people then. So as a result of my having a childhood in which I was wounded, and on top of that, I was never heard or seen, you know, and it’s not uncommon. Lots of people grow up like that, but don’t know that it could be better. So, I was fortunate in that I had friends and I would go to their houses and see like, Wait a minute. This is different from my house.
I watched Leave It to Beaver, where the father would, talk, about it in the library. Our family definitely didn’t have talks. As a result, and probably because of who I came in as into the world, I’ve just always been incredibly passionate about what makes people feel behave. So, I would study my father, the sweat on his upper lip, depending on what was happening there. I knew he was about to blow, and that’s when I got interested in, body language.
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Relational mindfulness starts with reading body language
Myrna: That is excellent on so many levels. One, let’s, talk, about the, talk, issue. I mean, I love that, when I’m talking to someone on the show, I can always bring in personal experience. I read a lot of books, I listen to podcasts and watch television shows. Just yesterday, I was watching of all things Reba, where the it was meant to be comedy, but Van was talking to Reba about her relationship with her daughter and he says, you guys do something called, talk!
And that was so funny. And that’s basically what you’re just saying. You went to other places and saw people actually talking and there was no talking going on in your house. So, you’re right, about your, childhood trauma. Everything starts from there. In fact, I was even reading this book yesterday and it says that every child goes through some kind of emotional damage, even the ones that think they had a great, childhood.
So, talk to us now about, relational mindfulness, and how this, awareness, builds, relationships. You know, a lot of times men has moods, and women have moods, and being aware of when they’re going into a mood or something could be, relational mindfulness.
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Shari: Right, that’s a great concept. And it’s a great question. Here’s again, I know it’s a new word. It’s gonna take a while to sink in. But that talking thing, talk, talk, whatever. When you live with someone, you don’t have to consciously think whoa, his shoulders are slumped or, her bottom lip is really pouty but there is a tremendous value in our being able to break down the, communication, the nuanced, communication, that is silent, because it’s one thing that we rely on we rely on it not just for survival.
That’s what lovemaking is. And that’s what disconnecting is. So, here’s, here’s a good thing that you may do consciously or unconsciously, but you could see that the other persons in a bad mood, and then maybe it triggers you to think, Oh, great. Now I got to take care of you. You know, I have some needs too, but had you been able to, talk, to the person you both might have found out what was going on with each other? Here’s the number one thing to do. It’s so easy. If you need to have a serious, talk, because when we, talk, about, relational mindfulness, it’s a very deliberate action.
It would be really hard to live in that 24/7 You know, but it’s a state of hyper awareness. Of the impact of your words, settled communications, as well as the other person’s. And the idea is you never begin a conversation like that, unless both people in this moment feel willing to be selfless and take turns listening.
And it’s okay. It’s gotta be okay if the persons not there. Because we know that sometimes they’ll say, okay, I’ll talk about something. And if your heart isn’t into it, and a person is asking you to really look at it from my perspective, if there’s resistance, it’s not a good time to talk about it. It’s okay, let’s wait. That’s, relational mindfulness.
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Honestly, you could cancel out so many problems with, relational mindfulness. It’s just good to hear for 20 minutes five minutes, whatever. Would you be willing to have a session of all where we’re both agreeing to mutual respect, awareness, wonder and empathy, taking turns sharing our feelings and then reflecting them back to the other person.
Reflecting them back in the storyteller, making sure that they’ve got it right. And lovingly, of course, correcting each other, then we’ve got it right. Now we can move on to another point that the same person estimate or the other person can share their perspective, but constantly check in because it’s a lot to put yourself aside, especially when somebody is saying things that like, you know, 10 minutes ago.
Wait a minute. I don’t agree with that. So, one thing I often will do for myself is I’ll keep a little pen and paper just so that I can get something off my mind. I don’t even have to look at it to scribble it.
Or ask the person to stop, but everybody realizes that this is a very focused state that is difficult to maintain. There are times we maintain it for a long time, especially for meeting somebody new who may not be pushing our buttons the way our spouse does, but who out there has or has had a spouse has never felt like I’ve told you that a million times before.
I mean, if they had said what they thought they had said, you would have heard it. The problem is either in the delivery or the receiving, let’s find out. Let’s find out with the, communication.
Myrna: That’s a good point. So, you’re saying when they say that I’ve told you a million times, they’ve said it in their heads but not to you?
Shari: Or the way that they’re articulating it? isn’t getting through to you. A lot of times, they’re saying the words but their body action is not is not conveying the message, and the receiver doesn’t actually believe it.
Myrna: So that’s great. But I want to circle back to something you said there where you’re right sometimes is not the right time to ask somebody to talk or ask somebody to get into. I like that, you know, awareness, wonder, and, empathy. I normally work with energy, because I can feel, energy. And I know when it’s not the right time because of, energy. How do you respond with that?
Shari: Well, I think there are two factors for me in terms of reading someone else. One is certain things are obvious. For instance, if someone’s crying, you don’t necessarily know right off the bat, why the person is crying, or if they’re crying for joy or sadness. You soon see the difference. But we can misinterpret someone because of the way they think about something.
So even though I pay attention to my instincts, I always check in so you know if I see someone’s upset and I feel like they want to be alone, I still want to say I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know if you want to, talk, about it, but I want you to know I’m here for you or I want you to know I’m so sorry I have to leave or whatever is true for you.
Myrna: I like that, because sometimes you see something and there’s one and why are you bothering me? If you’re saying you’re just checking in, I don’t know if you want to, talk, about it or not. That’s good, but I’m just checking in let me know when you want to, talk, or something like that.
We’re touching a lot of stuff on, relational mindfulness. How would you describe, relational mindfulness?
Shari: Relational mindfulness, is the humanistic practice of compassionately relating to others, with an open mind and mutual respect. By putting aside your own beliefs and judgments, you can better empathize and understand others from their perspective. And that’s really what it is. So, the idea is, we take turns, especially if we’re having a problem with each other, we’ve already tried both talking at the same time.
And I know, we both know, we’re right, but I’m right. Okay, we’ve done that. And at some point, we may get to a place where we decide I’d rather communicate than be right sometimes I’d rather apologize can be right, because if you perceive that my action, or behavior, or style or subtle communication was offensive, it doesn’t really matter. If that was my intention. I am sorry. I’m especially sorry, that wasn’t my intention.
How does awareness wonder and empathy deepen relationships
Myrna: How do you think that, awareness, wonder, and, empathy, deepens, relationships? What does the science say?
Shari: Well, first of all, one thing that connects our brains is, eye contact, which we can accomplish online which is amazing. Our, eye contact, connects us, syncs our brains. And if we were in MRI machines, you will see our brains are lit up in the same place. But if our backs are to each other, first of all, we don’t know what expression is on someone’s face.
Maybe their faces are mean. If you’re at some level of aggravation, it’s a good time to not have an, AWE, session. Take care of yourself first, run around the block, take a shower, ask for a hug if you’re able, you know, but we need to do what we can do to kind of get our homeostasis back. I suggest to people this self-soothing tool that you can do any place at any time. You take your dominant hand, put it on your heart, and when you really start feeling your heartbeat, you let your hand take comfort from that and vice versa. So, it’s a loop of calm. I don’t know exactly how I’m going to deal with this moment.
Shari: This is the organization I founded in 2014. And it is devoted to bringing together people from completely different backgrounds to connect through sharing the stories of their lives and creative experiences. So, as I mentioned earlier, we do writing groups that are for free on online and they last one hour. You write for a total of 20 minutes, you see pictures, you get prompts. You go into breakouts; you share your stories. At the end, we do this mosaic where everybody pitches in one sentence. One hour, in and out.
Nobody has writer’s block. Nobody’s judged, nobody’s wrong. There’s no mistakes possible. People have a blast with themselves, because we’re really working on how to turn on your creative faucet without that voice inside that says how many. And then the conversation groups which we do on Thursday nights are a matter of seeing compelling videos about anything.
Then getting a prompt and going into breakouts and sharing a story that just came up as a result of those things. And so, people get to know each other because there’s no small talk. And it’s fascinating to hear, not just another person’s story, but whoa, that made you think of this? It’s fascinating. It’s so cool. We offer those free. We have classes, we do trainings. The website is www.thenarrativemethod.org
