Category Archives: Podcast

Using The Inner Game To Become The Richest Real Estate Agent

Ben Oosterveld became a, real estate agent, and a coach and said I would literally show the agents how to do sales using their, inner game.  I convinced 12, real estate agents, to coach with me, and I said, I'm gonna really kill this. I'm going to destroy it. It's not going to be hard. I know how to do it, but I'm going to do it alongside you.

And it was the weirdest coaching program ever. I said only one group of people are ever going to see this and I became Rookie of the Year.  My first year I did over 80 transactions. But I but I also hired an assistant within my first three weeks, because I was businessman.

Download the podcast here: 

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Bio

Ben Oosterveld, didn’t have an easy start. He lived on the streets from the age of 14, survived a failed suicide attempt at age 15, and later spent 365 days in rehab. Ben's, inner game, needed work. He was a pure-bred, people pleaser, manipulative & controlling man who always compared himself to others to the point of constant self-sabotage.

Ben has since coached entrepreneurs and national companies. Previously, he built a real estate investment company that held 61 properties with investors in 4 different cities. After getting his real estate license, he built a multimillion-dollar real estate business with an award winning top national team in 3 years.

Today, Ben helps business owners and, real estate agents, get clear about who they really are and what they really want. He helps them make the right changes in their business and life with the new goal of building a life they love. His focus is on coaching, speaking, and running personal growth retreats. Ben loves business but his real obsession is helping people break free of the old patterns that hold them back in life. The, inner game, is everything to him and he is on a mission to find his tribe, one extraordinary person at a time.

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How Ben found his inner game

Myrna; : Can you share your backstory, why you were suicidal and bridge the gap for us and how you went from there to here?

Ben: Sure, I grew up in a tough childhood. I had good parents, but my dad was not in a place to be a parent. He has his own backstory that shaped him. And yeah, just I started running away from home when I was 12 and lived on the streets. I was a very industrious kid, but still and I would find places to sleep and just honestly just got into drugs. Alcohol found a place of acceptance. I never felt accepted.

I got really good at doing drugs as a young kid, every day just getting go.  I ended up trying to commit suicide and committed in a psychiatric ward. I broke out of the psychiatric ward as a kid and that was on the news. My parents told me the news it was a pretty crazy story. But there's lots of stories within all these stories, but I went to a place called Teen Challenge. I went to 365-day rehab center, my plan was I was gonna give this one last try. And I went and that helped me. It helped me a lot.

And then I went into the world. I got into sales. I got into selling. My dad was a salesman, so it's just ironic that I got into sales. I desperately wanted his approval and his love thinking that was the missing hole in my life, thinking that was the actual hole that I needed to fill was based around my father relationship. But it was a relationship with myself. I didn't realize that till later. And I figured, you know, we got to work on this relationship with my dad and, and he was really interested in to me when I was doing things that he was interested in.

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The performance mentality to crush real estate sales

I built the, performance mentality. You know, people pleasing, mentality where I felt loved when I worked hard, so became a workaholic. My dad was a salesman and a financial planner. I became a, salesman. But I'd be not just a, salesman, I became number one, salesman. I had this weird drive that but if I wasn't number one, I was nothing. I had this huge gap happiness was always based on my performance, and what other people would say about me.  I knew I could control what other people say if I just become number one.

I became a, real estate investor, and the first year or so I bought 41 properties and ended up building a, real estate investment, company. I ended up coaching, real estate agents. We changed the investment company when the crash happened. That was a pretty huge hit in my psychology, because I was always winning, and I didn't know what it was like to not win. I cried at my desk. I went through a lot then I hired a, life coach. And I hired someone I thought he was a, business coach.

His name was Mr. McKernan and I worked with him for eight years. And he was the first guy to challenge me. I was a very strong, strong person. I could tell myself stories and I could convince you and me of these stories. And a lot of times we just got to identify some self-awareness around these people that are going on with their stories.  I've really niched out in, real estate, to help the, real estate industry and, real estate agents.

Transform Your Mind Amazon
Transform Your Mind Amazon

Becoming an inner game coach

I actually became a, real estate agent, and a coach and I would literally show the agents how to do sales. So, I convinced 12, real estate agents, to coach with me, and I said, I'm gonna really kill this. I'm going to destroy it. It's not going to be hard. I know how to do it, but I'm going to do it alongside you. And it was the weirdest coaching program ever. I said only one group of people are ever going to see this and I became Rookie of the Year.  My first year I did over 80 transactions. But I but I also hired an assistant within my first three weeks, because I was businessman.

Why would you buy a restaurant and try to cook and serve all at the same time?  Real estate agents, all over the country are doing everything themselves. And I realize it's the thinking that's the problem. They think they can keep selling and selling, but they forget that you could build a, referral base, every single year bigger and bigger and eventually if you did 1000 deals in your lifetime and you have a 10% referral rate, you'd have 100 sales every single year without even spending $1 in marketing. So, no one's playing the long game. I coach now helping, real estate agents, put in the right systems in place, so they can buy back their time because a business is if you're a, salesman, you got to grind it out.

But if you're a business owner, what you're doing is designing your company to serve the life that you want. The question is what else do you want? And that's where I'm a blackbelt, because I can help people uncover what they want. Now we create that then we say how much does that cost? Cool. So, you only need 200 grand a year to have the life you want when you thought you needed a million.

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

People pleasing and the inner game

So, we do a lot of work regarding the, inner game, and figuring out what they want. Most people don't know. My journey has been this weird, obsessed with human behavior and psychology because I was broken and I hated myself. So, I just was I tried to fix myself along the way and then the, inner game, really changed me.

It's been many, many lessons. We could talk for long. I'm sure we could share stories. The thing is, though, the biggest one. The biggest one happened the last, say three years for me. I've done well. I've done been doing this for years now. But the thing is, I got to a place where I would see something in my life and I want to fix it. I want to fix, people pleasing, manipulative, anger, whatever you can choose, anxiety, and I looked at it and I say I don't want that in me.

So now I'm going to use my skill of attacking and my builder skill, which is like, let's figure out how to get it down. I would study and try to attack these ailments that I had that I didn't like. But the more I fixed them, I find more, fix more and find more, that's when I realized I knew I know a lot of knowledge and I can help a lot of people. But I realized I was digging myself into a hole of unsatisfied anxiety, depression, hatred, through the, Personal Growth Movement. Because I just found that I was still broken.

Then I would go into judgment and say I should feel better. I'm doing all these, personal growth tools, and affirmations and all this stuff. But it was judgment because I didn't feel better. I felt like I could get through stuff, but I had five more things in me that needed to be fixed. So that fixer in the builder just led me to more fixing and builder and what I realized is self-acceptance is enlightenment.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Why hiring an assistant is setting realtors up for success

Myrna: Yeah, you got so many nuggets in there. I got to remember which ones I want to circle back to. Okay. All right. Let me take let me let me test my memory here. So, the first thing I want to circle back on was and you hired an assistant right away.  A lot of, real estate agents, wouldn't understand that because we know in, real estate, you don’t make enough money to hire and assistant when you just get started. I interviewed a guy a couple months ago on the on the show and he became a top, commercial Realtor, in in San Francisco. And he was talking that for the first two years he didn't get a paycheck because of course he was working on big deals.

We know as, Realtors, when you come in, you don't always get the 10 deals a month. You get a little bit of money. And you're not thinking of hiring someone. You said you went in and immediately hired someone because you understood sales.

Ben: I hired an assistant because I was planning to be successful. Are you planning to fail?

Myrna: Yeah, exactly. That's a good tagline. You know, don't plan to fail, you know, set your business up for success.

Ben: I'm dealing with hiring an assistant, it's my secret way to get to find out where you psychologically create emotional friction. So, watch this. Hey, why don't you hire an assistant? Well, I don't have money or time. I don't know what to do. Hold on. That's all emotional friction. Let me change your thinking for some of the people on the show right now that have a business or anything. I'll just do it really quickly.

Can you afford $20 a week? Of course, you can. So, what we need to do is not go to the black belt hire, I gotta get you to hire well white belt, because I need you to get a psychological win.  I want for you to become a CEO or a boss. The learning curve is way too high. But if I can get someone to manage your birthday system to make sure that you send a birthday card to every single client, I call that project hiring. You can practice being a boss and the cost is 20 bucks, one hour a week. It's the only mindset first, real estate coaching, in the world. It's called the Richest Real Estate Agent Facebook group.

Transform your Mind Podcast Index
Transform your Mind Podcast Index

Definition of the inner game

Myrna: Okay, I love that. I will definitely join that. But you know in my defense, I focus a lot on my time on my podcast.  Explain what you mean by the, inner game?

Ben: The, inner game, it's the relationship with yourself. When you wake up in the morning, how do you feel? It’s your, emotional intelligence. Let's talk about, people pleasers. If you're a, people pleaser, you are extremely selfish person. I can speak about it because I got the medal of honor. And so, here's the thing, let's play this game with the readers and even ourselves. If someone says something like this, “You let me down.” If you can really take a second, close your eyes and think about how that would make you feel with someone that mattered. People pleasers, only please the people that matter.

Myrna: I would feel pretty bad. I would feel that I let you down and since I'm a caring person, that would bother me.

Ben: Correct, you have this internal energy this chaos that says, I don't like this feeling that I get when someone lets me down.  By the way I can manipulate anybody with that right now. All I got to do is say you let me down and I can pull the strings on people, that's manipulation. So, if you just be very careful, miss everyone wants to be an independent man, independent woman. Great. So, if you're a, people pleaser, super easy to control. FYI. That's how you give your power away. Second thing is this, if you are people pleasing, you act as if it's about the other person. And it's such a lie, because all I want is that feeling to go away.

So, I got to make sure you're not upset with me. That has nothing to do with the, is all about making sure I don't feel those emotions. Because it makes me feel bad. So, who are you really pleasing?  Yourself.  How do you like when someone says I'm doing something for you, but they're not using you so really, as a, people pleaser, you use people. No wonder there's no real deep connection.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Language and personality types

Myrna: That's true. That's a different way of looking at it. That's a different spin. Tell us about the 16 Psychological languages.

Ben: we're born with 16 personality types and we all are the same human. There are 16 through the study of 100 years of psychology, there's 16 combinations of personality. So, when we say that's just my personality, you're all personalities you just haven't visited say the organizing person, you're more of a winged person or you're more of a detailed person, you're more of this, so forth. So, this is years and years of studying humans is understanding myself as being my obsession, and now I understand the people and I'll give you an example.

Let's just do a practical example on a language understanding human language. So, let's say that, you're a real estate agent, and you go into a house, let's say I'm brand-new, real estate agent. I sit down and the client askes me, so how long you've been in the business, I'm thinking who says that? What if I'm brand new, you know? I'm gonna feel terrible.

And so here's the thing. I look at a guy like that. And so, speaking his language, he has the balls to hit me with a bat. That is a test on my credibility. Okay, we have to understand that we can stop being so self-centered, and observe how people talk to us. Here's the trick. Here's some tactical training. The guy says, how long you been in the business? You have to hit him with a sarcastic hit and you got to be direct, or you'll lose the guy's credibility. That's understanding his language.

So, I would say, you know what? I've only been in the business under a year. And I might not be your, real estate agent. Then I'd say to him, I'd say, but I do know someone 40 years in the business, her name's Betty. She has a walker. If that's how you're going to choose, let me give you her your number right now. And then guess what he says, I like this guy. I want to hire him. Because  sarcasm  is the language of the logical, but then later, they become loyal.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Using language to build connection and rapport

Myrna: So you're really pretty confident to do that. That's pretty good.

Ben: In my course I teach the psychology of all the languages and when someone teaches sales training, I think it's manipulative. What I do is it's like, I look at human connection.

So there's building connection and rapport through tactics or authenticity, and then one is rich, but people pleasing one is real. Like if I really understand you, I'll probably find out what makes you tick. What's your nostalgic value? That’s what I think of when I meet a client. So, this isn't this isn't mirroring, its building rapport. This is truly at a psychological level, making a connection.

Myrna: Tell us about your podcast is called the, Inner Game.

Ben: I am no longer doing the, Inner Game, Podcast. We're all in on bringing mindset and personal growth and business mindset versus worker mindset to, real estate. And so, I'm focused 100% of that in my podcast is called “The, Richest Real Estate Agent. The other thing is I have a book coming out called the real “The richest real estate agent: how to build a seven-figure business without sacrificing your relationships.” It's the first mindset book for, real estate agents, with full tactical training. Never ever has this been combined. We're going to be going after the, inner game, for, real estate agents, and that's our focus.

Book The Richest Real Estate Agent
Book The Richest Real Estate Agent

Conclusion

And so that's the book, the podcast and our group on Facebook is all The, Richest Real Estate Agent.  I also run, personal growth, retreats that I do that once a year for people that want to bring up their teams or whatever, and I take them on a three-day kind of off grid or adventure retreats. And that's three days I can't even compare to the effectiveness of what three days away on one of my retreats does for the for the head and the heart. All these information can be found on my website www.benoosterveld.com

Additional Resources

http://blog.myhelps.us/create-a-freedom-lifestyle-with-investment-property/

Finding Love The Second Time Around

Today my guest is Ms Patricia Fuqua. Patricia is a best-selling author, award-winning motivational speaker, and relationship expert, specializing in, second time around, today we're going be talking on the topic “How to find your diamond the, second time around,” I am going to enjoy talking to you because I've been around more than twice!

Bio

Let me tell you more about my guest Ms Patricia Fuqua. Patricia is the founder
of Dating Diamonds, a service that empowers women to meet the right man the, second time around. She is the creator of the “First Date the Soulmate Program” and since she has helped over 500 women meet the right man by designing a personalized plan. She helps them implement that plan. She's polished the art of relationship in her 40 year marriage to her, soulmate, husband.

Her strategy benefits men too, after all the more knowledge you have the more you can thrive. Her clients can be found in major cities including Sydney, Washington DC, Sacramento and San Francisco. She mentors women to use the story of their lives to create the relationship they choose the second time around. Patricia has her master's degree in American literature and an adult IDI
credential from San Francisco State University.
She holds coaching credentials from the Academy of Excellence and the
Windless Institute. She is a certified matchmaker with the matchmaker Institute and, second time around, coach.

Patricia also produced and hosted the TV show called the Patricia Fuqua show, a platform for using intuitive and spiritual practices as guides for better
relationships.

How to find your diamond the second time around

Well Patricia that is a very excellent Bio, it covers a lot of territory.
I always like to start off my show asking my guests of their journey to this point in their career. Can you talk about your journey to becoming a relationship expert and author specializing in the, second time around? I know that you've been married for years and I need to say congratulations right off the top because that is quite an accomplishment; but how did you transcend your own relationship to becoming a coach?

Patricia: Well, now I've honed and polished my communication skills; but it wasn't always this way. There was a time in my marriage when I
was depressed because I was juggling career and the needs of young children
and my husband. I got really depressed because I was really feeling sorry for myself and then I got mad went into this deep funk. It wasn't until I discovered that I had the choice to be happy or to be sad that I started to turn myself around.

It wasn't my husband, it wasn't my children, it wasn't my job, it wasn't my life. It was the way I was looking at it so, when I discovered that I could be happy as a choice as well as being sad, I started to reach for better feeling thoughts, finding something good about everything and anytime somebody made me upset or I felt overwhelmed. I said okay so what's the silver lining here?

Helping women find love the second time around

I started to get answers and so as I discovered the power of choosing how I was going to feel about any situation or any person or relationship I said to myself this I have to share with the rest of the women in my life, because we could be so much happier if we only knew we could just choose to do it. I have the technique to show them so that's when I became inspired to start coaching women because I love happy people.

I just love being around happy people and helping them
learn to be happy the, second time around.  Helping them to have more love in their lives.
I always been a spiritual person studying spiritual practices, some people would say religion, and always I wanted to be in alignment with source, some people would say God, Universe, Higher Intelligence. There are many names
for that creator and so as a result that's how I started coaching. I started
saying well this is what I've learned about being happy and in love, so I'm
wanting to share this with you and we can personalize it for you so that you
too can have more love and happiness in your life.

And that one day that I had this record-breaking seminar for women, it was just like they were lined up around the table and down the aisles waiting to speak to me. I was just giving them these nuggets of wisdoms and, second time around, nuggets that I had come to from my reading from my study and they were walking away happy, so it was a great day.
It was it's one of those peak experiences.

We are all looking for happiness

Myrna: Wow that is awesome and you know a lot of people would go through that process and keep it all to themselves, so it's absolutely great that
you through that process realized that everything is better when you share.
That's an overstatement, everything is better when you share. God gives
you a testimony, so that you can share and you can encourage and it's really
profound that you had this really record-breaking experience of everybody
wanted a piece because you've hit on something.

Happiness, is a rare quality, even when you've got all you want
somehow a lot of people are still not happy and you know it's really
interesting; but I did an interview on this show with a monk
called Swami G about 2 years and this morning Facebook shared the memory.
I reposted, he was saying that happiness doesn't come from external
Sources, just like you have figured out it comes from inside and that's why you
know the Buddhist monks talk about enlightenment, because when you're
enlightened you know suffering and unhappiness doesn't come to you.

I woke up this morning with some heavy things going on in my
life and my children, and when I posted it. I said, I wish that
I myself can tap into that field today. I was meditating this morning from very early in the morning and it just didn't work because my mind was too busy. So, if you have gems that help people, that is why they're lined up because it's something that you know we all require at some point in time.

We don't have to be depressed but some days just knock you down. Good story so I'm glad that you were able to bottle your experiences to help others to get there as well. You touched on something as well about you being
very spiritual and connected to source. So my second question is how can other women use intuitive and spiritual practices as a guide for better relationships the, second time around?

Let's just add happiness on to that.

That’s the exciting part of my practice because when I'm sharing with women the seven principles that are in the book, Second Time Around,
meditation is number one and I'm glad that you're a meditator because even
when we feel that, oh my God my mind is so busy it didn't make a difference, it
does make a difference because you're quieting your mind,
and it can give you a different perspective on a situation.

I've learned over time that women need to or benefit from having a different
perspective on the situation, or relationship, and dating and love and
happiness because we can as a group, are very sensitive and emotional. Some
more than others, and when we can tap into that place where we're feeling not
as positive as we could and start to look at least one positive thing
about a situation, you recognize what they're feeling and to shift.

It's kind of like this morning you said you woke up with heavy feelings and the meditation didn't feel like it was making a difference, however if it ever entered your mind that oh well this is something I could be thankful for in this
situation, that is going to raise your emotional tone.
We get stronger at managing our feelings and eventually we get to the place where we can move more quickly up this emotional scale to happiness or at least optimism, and after meditation if you say to yourself oh well it wasn't
quite as bad as I thought because B and C is in place, you move up the scale.

You are correct, this morning I didn't come up with
any positives, but I came up with some guidance and that's basically what
happens when you quiet your mind right the Universe, God, your
Higher self gives you some guidance and some next steps.

What are you bringing to the table

Some of the other principles have to do with just mining. Like gold mining your own story to figure out what you really want to experience in relationship. Some women want to feel pampered and protected and privileged, and you know what is it each woman needs is to discover or to remind herself what she really wants to experience in relationship. Some women are very conventional and they like the idea of having a man play a man's role, do the man things in in the conventional sense, manage the house, take out the garbage,
that sort of thing.

Other women want somebody to plan their fun, so what is it that helps you feel the way you want to feel in relationship, that you would like that other person to be doing? That's one of the key principles, there are seven total principles we don't have time to go into them all now. Meditation to manage your own
thoughts and feelings. Now it your, second time around, what are you bringing to the table?

Awesome, alright so again we're touching on mindsets a little bit, so this is an interesting question for me to ask you because we're specifically talking here about the, second time around. Women who has been divorced, the woman is maybe in a committed relationship, maybe not necessarily married; but they're
starting over again and your mindset is very crucial because your mindset can
actually keep you from making this a positive experience.
So what mindset do you coach your women and men then that they have to develop when they're in the, second time around?

I have the attitude that there is a lid for every pot.

Know what you want the second time around

That's an old southern expression that means all they have to do is be very clear on the vision of what they want to experience and they will meet that person.
So those mindsets have to be in the present. If we're going to develop a relationship a, second time around, that is satisfying and that can last. Having a lid and every pot means that there's a match for you somewhere, and if you have a clear vision on the match you know as a coach as well any coaching whether it's for whatever you want just have a clear vision of it and that's the way you attract it to you.

I was thinking that is the most important mindset that they have to develop is that they have release the baggage of the last relationship. How do you feel about that?

It's important to be aware of the baggage of the last
relationship because it can be like a weight around your ankles pulling you
down and away from what you want. It's also important to be able to shift
that attitude that you might have developed, that feeling about
relationship or about the opposite gender that you had. The awareness the
self-awareness of knowing what that attitude is that's blocking you will
allow you to come up with an alternative, so that you can do the things, say the
things that will help you attract that clear vision that you have. That's the
lid for your pot so to speak.

Myrna: Like I said in the beginning of the podcasts, I've been around
the block several times myself and what I have found. To clarify I have been married like four times, what I have found is that a lot of times the baggage is
you come out of a relationship and there is a negative experience you make sure that there's not that a negative experience is not in your next partner;
but a lot of times you find something else right, so how do you coach women
around “hey I don't want to have a guy like that again kind of scenario?

Let the laws of attraction work for you

Patricia: I understand what you're saying and the Law of our Universe, some people call it the Law of Attraction but the way it's
set up is that it wants us to be happy that law is God in action or the
Universe in action or the Creator in action. We are put here to have fun
that's the point in the studies that I have had and so when we focus on what we really want the universe hears.

The trick becomes being able to manage your feelings and
your thoughts and your attitudes so that you're focusing on what you really want it doesn't understand anything except for what you spend the most time
thinking about, so if you're spending most of your time thinking about oh my
God that was the worst relationship ever, I never want to see a guy like that again! Well, that's what you're going to get more of or some variation, because you're spending so much time on it and that's what a Universe is answering.

That is the perfect answer because, yes that is exactly what happens.
That's why a lot of women go in relationships that are
almost the same because they keep attracting the same kind of man or the
same kind of relationship because they're saying well this is this is what
I don't want. Let's take an example of a cheater, this is what I don't want or
even an abusive relationship, and then you are cycling through those all the
time because they tell the universe what they don't want and that is exactly what shows up. I like what you said, whatever you spend time thinking about
whether it's what you don't want or what you do want then that's what's going to show up. Excellent answer.

Myrna: Who would you say is your ideal client?

My ideal client is a woman of experience and substance who has had more than one relationship, I used, second time around, because that's a very familiar expression; but she usually has raised her children, she's launched them into college or into the work world and she's comfortable in her career and in a single mom.

All these years I've been raising the kids I've been taking care of other people. I have a great social life; but where is my special partner? I like this woman. I prefer this as the ideal client although men in the situation my teachings work as well; because they have had enough variety and experience they know what they want through conversation and we can plan how their strategy is going to roll out and make it happen.

I shouldn't say make it happen but we can work with my spiritual principles so that they're very clear on what they want, they know how to manage their mindset, they know what they would prefer to experience, they're open to using these practices. Example: One of my clients was sitting at an
outside café in my little town here of Menlo Park one afternoon with her
college son who was home for the holiday and a man saw her at this outside café, parked his car came over to meet her.

She had been trained by me who had the strategy of being approachable, she looked radiantly beautiful; because I said honey anytime you go out you have got to look good. People are attracted by the visual. She was in line with that and so he came over sat down next to her as if he were her best friend they started chatting well as her calm was being the hostess and making him
feel comfortable; because she found out right away that he was her type of
guy. At the end of that short conversation, he passed his telephone
number to her on a napkin and said if you want to continue this just give me a
call, that was six years ago. They're still together.

It's about being clear, always being ready so you don't have to
get ready and being ready for who comes into your world; so that you can check them out and decide if you want to get to know them better.

Always be ready so do don't have to get ready

I love the last tagline. I think Will Smith says that best he says you
should always be ready cause if you're ready, you ain't got to get ready.
All right now let's get a little personal and transparent. I know
you've been happily married for over forty years
you talked in your BIO in your journey or your history that
there was a period of time when you were depressed, because you're doing so much, and your happiness came after you decided that you had
a choice and it was not your husband or your kids job to make
you happy.

I absolutely love that. I know this personally because that's the reason I'm finally happy. After running around and trying to find happiness by having other people give it to me, the reason I'm happy in my relationship
is because I meditate and I do me. I don't depend on anyone
else to be to make me happy. I make myself happy; but I saw this in
print the other day when Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck had left her. He
cheated on her with the nanny and I think she was having an interview and
she said point blank that it was not Ben's job to make sure that she was
happy. I'm sure a lot of people that are not in our space
wouldn't understand that; but I absolutely loved it.
So what would you say is the reason for your marital success?

Marital success second time around

Well marital success the, second time around, means also that there's a the dark side of it that there are some times that are not successful and after years there have been times where I haven't been successful at being happily married and so now that I am happily married, that I've gone through some things so the idea here is every situation that has conflict in it.

I have learned to ask myself what would you prefer here Patricia? And when I get the answer to that then I can get busy, I can start conversations. In the book, I'm leading women to go from “first date to soul mate” with these principles and it doesn't stop once you meet and develop the relationship with your soulmate, the conversations and the communication has to continue through the inevitable conflicts that happen between two people in an intimate personal relationship.

So as a result I've learned to use that very powerful question
“What would you prefer here Patricia?” That tells me that I
need to start doing my practices and asking that question.
What is it you want the man to do? What it is you
want the woman to do? We don't communicate what we want we just fight about it because we're expecting to be mind reader's.

As we wrap up our show today, Patricia how can our readers and listeners get in touch with you and get a copy of your book, second time around?

I would love to chat with people or let them know a link for the book and so I would ask people to just email me Patricia@datingdiamonds.com Put in the subject line “chat” or “Book” and I'll send you a copy of the book
which will go into some of the seven principles that I talked about.

Remember to subscribe to the Transform Your Mind podcast on iTunes
and leave a review. Much appreciated.

Additional Resources

What Men Want In A Woman

Money Mindset: Removing Your Financial Baggage

In this 21 Day, money mindset, Challenge we help people identify all of the, money beliefs, getting in their way and then shift them into different, beliefs, that are supportive of building wealth and abundance and joy with, money. And then beyond that, to building the structures that really lead towards financial success.

Download the podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10849904-money-mindset-removing-your-financial-baggage.mp3?download=true

 

Bio

A gang of armed men broke into Chana Mason's childhood home in Bogota, Colombia, And held her family hostage. Her family miraculously fled to Miami, but 5-years-old Chana’s sense of safety was decimated. Two decades later, Chana still dealt with PTSD, anxiety, and depression. To heal herself, she dove into a journey to rediscover her peace and joy. She’s learned from the world’s top experts on the human mind and uses her gift for turning complex ideas into easy-to-access tools for transformation.

Through her straight talk, open heart, and addictive joy, Chana helps thousands clarify their vision, shift beliefs getting in their way, and manifest their dreams. Chana lives with her family in the funky Nachlaot neighborhood of Jerusalem and works with individuals and communities around the world.

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Magic Mind Drink
Magic Mind Drink

Byron Katie's book The Work as the foundation for shifting mindset

I love Byron Katie's book, “The Work” I follow her work so, and I started doing some of those exercises or tools. So, I know what you're talking about in your book “Hold That Thought”. From your bio, you said that because you had, PTSD, so you started to, to train with a top world expert. So can you bridge the gap for us, how your, childhood trauma, turned into you becoming a coach and a teacher and how you used Byron Katie's book, “The Work” as the foundation of one of your tools.

Chana: I was constantly in search of things that would help me stop having, anxiety and depression, and one of the things that I experienced which I kind of thought I was the only person in the world who had this because we have a tendency to be very lonely in our suffering and not talk about it.

I would have the worst, anxiety images, I would picture the most horrific things happening all the time. In my mind, I tend to picture things rather than have words as much. And so, as I walk off a bus, I pictured myself tripping off the bus and getting run over or I trip on the sidewalk and I would imagine my head bashing the sidewalk and blood and guts everywhere.

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Athletic greens

Our thoughts are malleable

Those types of images were flooding my mind all the time, in addition because of the kidnap threat when I was a kid, I was constantly being scared of people on the street thinking I was gonna get kidnapped or thinking I was gonna get raped. All of that stuff, didn't respond at all to therapy. So, for years, I tried going to different therapists.  Eventually I started learning about the concept that our thoughts are within our control and, thoughts, are malleable, but I didn't really have clear tools for how to shift those, thoughts, and I kept getting stuck.

Eventually, I found some really phenomenal coaches and healers; but there was something about Byron Katie's material that just really struck a chord.  I was introduced to “The Works” as a process for inquiry. So, The Works, and the option process and other tools for inquiry also.  Their goal is to help you ask questions. When you're facilitating someone else, you ask them questions that help the subconscious to bring up all of the answers and all of the beliefs and all of the rationale that we've been using to drive our behavior.  Sometimes just seeing it on the surface makes us look at it and be like wait, that doesn't make any sense.

You know, so for example, a lot of people think that the best way to lose weight is believing that they should lose weight. My experience is that the belief that I should lose weight makes people want to eat more and exercise less. And so as soon as they see how they react to that belief, they realize, wait, this belief isn't working for me, even though I thought it would help me get to where I want to go.

Eventually, I wanted to help people to this theory clearly a journal work. So just came out with a new book, which I didn't even get to tell you about because it just came out. It’s called “Inner Voices.

Also, in “Hold That Thought” people get a free taste of “Inner Voices” at the end of the book.

Transform Your Mind podcast curiocaster podcast
curiocaster podcast

Using the Works to change your beliefs

Myrna: When I was reading “The Works” I used the inquiry for my, beliefs, regarding my husband. Married people have conflict over certain different things so this was helpful for me. I loved the inquiry, is that true? How do you know that’s true? So, how did you use that book specifically to get rid of your, anxiety images?

Chana: So for me, the purpose of inquiry is to question our thinking. For some people thinking manifests as words. And for other people it manifests as pictures. But what's cool about a picture is that it's not just one belief. Usually a picture, is a container for lots and lots of, beliefs. So, if you're picturing yourself, God forbid, driving off the road, there's a lot of, beliefs, in there.

  • Not safe when I'm driving.
  • The world is not a safe place.
  • I can't trust myself on the road.
  • I can't trust other drivers on the road.
  • I'm going to die.
  • I'm going to die in a painful way.
  • I'm going to die right now.

Asking is it true to shift your mindset

Think about how many things come up. And so, if you can just sit and think about what are the, beliefs, that are embedded in these, anxiety images? I want for your audience to really understand what inquiry is so I can give you a simple example. There was one time that I was in Heathrow Airport, sort of transitioning via London to the United States from Israel. And Heathrow Airport is huge, it's like a mall, and there's a point when you walk through it, it's like walking through the perfume section of a mall. And I saw this huge poster image advertisement of a scantily clad model standing next to a bottle of perfume.

The only thing at the bottom of what brands it was the brand of the perfume, but there were no words on this marketing. This was a big poster. And yet when I looked at it, I noticed that my stomach started to turn. So, for me, the thing that drives me to question my thinking is my emotional state. And my emotional state is a combination of just straight up emotions like anger or sadness, and physiological experiences because we feel emotions inside of our bodies. So, for me, my stomach started to turn and I started to feel a little bit sad and worthless. And so immediately I knew there's something happening in me from this poster. This poster was telling a story, and that story wasn’t feeling good.

I immediately knew to ask myself the question, Is this true? And as soon as I answered this is not true, my stomach was no longer in knots. I was able to shift my, mindset.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Shifting your limiting beliefs

Myrna: So how do you help clients shift their, limiting beliefs,  and manifest their dreams?  We know that we can use the tools that we've been talking about to question how we're feeling, question our, belief system, and so on, but how could we use it for you to shift your, limiting beliefs, and manifest your dreams?

Chana: One of the things I do as a coach is I help people clarify a vision for what it is they want to do with their lives. You know, they may want to build a business, want to increase their sales in real estate.  I have a number of realtors that I work with. They may want to lose weight, it really just depends.

Everybody's a little bit different. But particularly for my business clients, actually, it's true even for somebody wanting to lose weight. What tends to happen is that they have a vision. There's something they want, they know it's a clear manifestation of their life's purpose, and would give them a tremendous amount of meaning.

Yet, they can't seem to get themselves to do it. They keep bumping into all sorts of obstacles along the way. And for that, I created a tool I called the, obstacle course. So, this is where I tend to use the tools of inquiry that I've gotten from others and create tools that help people. Let's say that you want to be 20 pounds lighter. So, I have a client who's in that situation right now. She wants to be 20 pounds lighter.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

Using the obstacle course to change mindset

Myrna: Well, in your book I thought it was interesting this guy, I think he was a Potter or something and he was saying that he could never be successful as a Potter and you used the, obstacle course, to help him shift his, mindset, and remove his, financial baggage.

Chana: So that's a perfect sample. He had this vision of living out in the country and not living in the city and being professionally a Potter and actually making a living as a Potter.  Being able to sustain a family that way. But it seemed so pie in the sky and impossible in his eyes. So, I asked him to do this, obstacle course. What are all the reasons why it's impossible? And for most of us who are visual, it really helps to actually see these, obstacles and remove our, financial baggage.

Everyone comes up with different things, I asked them to envision this dream they have as being someone in the distance in front of them like let's say it's right here. Then I asked them between here and the vision they have, what do they see? And one client said they see shards of glass and other person says they see clouds and other person says the image itself is a black and white, they don't see any color, all sorts of things like that, right?

So, for this guy, the obstacles between himself and the vision is the opportunity to speak. I said, okay, what are the shards of glass or what are the clouds have to say? And he said, It's impossible. I can't do it. I couldn't possibly make enough money to support a family, you know, all these different, beliefs. And he listed about 13 obstacles along with their, financial baggage.  Then we have to do the inquiry and ask him “Is this true” and then get him to do a, turnaround to shift his, mindset, and unload his, financial baggage.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Using turnarounds to shift your mindset

It's a lot. What's really cool is that for most of us the, beliefs, that are driving our lives and driving our behavior, are resting in the, subconscious mind. We're just not aware that they're there. And all we have to do is ask a question, like, what are those, obstacles, have to say or what am I believing right now? This making me feel this way? And it's just amazing. Our, subconscious mind, loves to follow orders. If we ask good questions, we get good answers.

So, if I ask, what am I believing right now the, subconscious mind, is like oh, you want to know your, beliefs. Here they are. They were all sitting under this consciousness, so we talked about money, for example, for most people, what keeps them from manifesting wealth and abundance? They have all of these, money beliefs, and for almost all of us our, money beliefs, are very deeply hidden in the, subconscious mind.

For two reasons. One is we got our, money beliefs, early from our family when we were kids. And the other is, money, is taboo. So, we have, money beliefs, but we don't know what they are. It's like for people for whom your body is taboo.

If God forbid, they ever get abused, well, if you don't know you have a penis. How do you tell someone that it got touched? So, in the same way, if you're not allowed to talk about, money, and, money, is this taboo thing? When things aren't going well with, money, you don't even have the language to talk about debt or stress or credit cards or building wealth or investments.

If you don't even have the language, you don't have the vocabulary for that. So, for this guy, once he was able to identify thoughts, then we could use all of the tools from inquiry from the auction process to, neuro linguistic programming, to The Works, to be able to address what he was doing.

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

Your money mindset and your parents

Myrna: He must have thought that the only way that you can be successful is if maybe you're an accountant or professional or maybe his parents told him that a Potter is not a real job.  I know about the, money mindset, because we grew up poor. You have a, money mindset, when you hear your parents or grandparents, say things like “money don't grow on trees” or, “money is the root of all evil.”

So, you've got it on both ends. So that's basically your, belief system. That is a great segue into what we want to talk about today, removing your financial baggage. Tell us about your 21 day, money mindset, challenge.

Chana: Yeah, I actually really want to focus on this thing of money doesn't grow on trees, because we have this 21 Day Challenge that helps people identify all of the, money beliefs, getting in their way and then shift them into different, beliefs, that are supportive of building wealth and abundance and joy with, money. And then beyond that, to building the structures that really lead towards financial success.

Transform Your Mind Podcastland
Transform Your Mind Podcastland

The money mindset 21 day challenge

And one of the things that my husband and I decided to do in the, money mindset,  challenge is that every single day, every single lesson has a story because we find that stories how we learn and particularly with, beliefs, stories are how we created our, beliefs. You know, your five-year-old Myrna is looking around and she's seeing how people are behaving right. She's living a story, and then she comes up with a whole collection of conclusions about what's true about the world. And some of those conclusions literally came out of people's mouths, but not always.

For example, two people could get divorced and a kid says, oh, my daddy doesn't love me. That's why he left. Even though Daddy never said that. There's no indication of that. Right? And it's probably the opposite of why it's true. Because Daddy loved the kid, he stayed longer than maybe he would have otherwise. There's just such a different collection of stories that kids can create. So, one of the stories that I use repeatedly with students to help them shift is to actually see that money does quite specifically grow on trees.

Myrna: I think ask you those questions. Is that true? What are the other questions? Do you go through in “The Works? Is that how you do them to shift their, mindset?

Chana: So, so there are a few questions that I ask. So, let's say you're believing.  I'm not talented enough to start my own business. Okay, so you and I deal with people who believe that all the time I'm not trying to start my own business. So, one stream of questions could be doing “The Work of Byron Katie”,

  • Is it true?
  • Can you absolutely know that it's true?
  • How do you react when you believe that thought? You see what that thought does to you emotionally, physiologically, behaviorally, you notice that if I believe I'm not talented enough to start my own business, my body shrinks. I get really tight.
Transform Your Mind Podnews
Transform Your Mind Podnews

Your beliefs determine your success

Personally, for me I want to crawl under the covers and hide. I'm much less social and under those circumstances, I literally can't start my own business. I can't do anything even remotely creative or audacious, well, unbelieving, that thought. So, the thought actually creates that reality. And isn't that convenient, right? One of the things that I can ask myself was also, is how do I benefit from believing that thought?

One benefit I get is that I can sit on the couch and drink beer and watch movies.  It's like, because I'm not talented enough, which is beyond my control, right? It's not like oh, I'm going to work on my talent.

So, me as an author, my husband is also an author. We read books about writing books, and we take courses from authors and these work on our craft. We didn't used to be talented enough to write great books, but we are now working really hard, and hopefully it will be a lot better a decade from now. But to say I'm not talented enough to start my own business is sort of saying like, it's like a flatline and it means I don't even have to try. It's much more convenient to sit on the couch and eat ice cream.

Transform Your Mind Amazon
Transform Your Mind Amazon

Using Turnarounds to shift your money mindset

The key part of Byron Katie's process is doing what she calls, turnarounds, where you take the original statement, and you say it's opposite. So, you say “I am talented enough to start my own business.”  I'm talented enough to learn. I'm talented enough to ask questions. I'm talented enough to seek mentors. I'm talented enough at the one thing I know how to do, and I could outsource other pieces that I don't know how to do, where I'm not particularly talented.

So those would be me giving reasons why this new perspective is true. And every time I give a reason why the new perspective is true. I'm literally rewiring my brain into a different perspective and detaching from the old perspective. And the more I do that, the more I train my mind to question everything.  And so, there's something really powerful about questioning absolutely every single thing you see.  So, so in our, money mindset, challenge, we teach a number of different tools to help people shift their, beliefs.

One of the tools we teach is “The Works.” We teach a bunch of other tools. Another one of them is simply choosing to disentangle two concepts that you've glued together. For example, often when we're working with someone in financial coaching I will ask, please complete the following sentence. Rich people are ……… And often people will say things like greedy, selfish, slimy, evil, you know, out to get us, etc.

Myrna: Yes, they hear their parents saying those things.

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

Shifting your mindset on your beliefs

Chana: Right, they have all of these different, beliefs. And what's really cool is you have a few options of what you can do with let's say, rich people are evil. Okay. You can ask yourself, are there times that you've met rich people who are good or generous?

Then list examples of wealthy people you know, who are particularly generous, and every single time all of a sudden the person is like, oh, yeah, you know, there's this guy in my community, and he's always taking care of everyone. And whenever anybody is in need, they can just go to him and he'll get some cash very quietly, secretly under the table.

And oh, yeah. And you know, my church wouldn't stand if it wasn't for these two women who are really rocking entrepreneurs, and they just they support the entire church and they do it so quietly, and oh, yeah, you know that big philanthropist, he's just giving money away all the time.

If they say poor people are good, so you can ask them have you ever met a poor person who's evil and you're like, oh, yeah, you know, there's this guy and it's like, okay, well, let's look at the vast majority of people who get arrested for theft, are they are rich people are people?  The only thing you know for sure is that they're rich. And they are people, right?

Myrna; Right, Rich people are rich, no extra labels!

Why do you believe what you do?

Chana: Another really cool thing that comes from the auction process is a question I really like. It's why do you believe that?

Myrna: I'm sure a lot of people that can't answer that.

Chana: It's shocking how much the, subconscious mind, will give you an answer to these questions.  We teach you other tools on how to take those thoughts and turn them into thoughts that support you. And then and then in the third week, we teach you financial principles and, and understandings of how, money, works so that you can really start moving more towards a positive supportive, money mindset.

Myrna: How can listeners connected with you and learn more about your 21 day challenge and, plus get a copy of your book?

Chana: My personal website is www.chanamason.com you can access my books @ Chanamason.com/books. Most of the books, are available as free downloads. I wrote a book together with my husband called “The Cash Machine.” It's all about how to develop financial independence, but it's a novel. It's a love story. It's like a really fun page turner. And we have another book about how to manifest your dreams called “The Size of Your Dreams,” which is also a novel, but also, personal growth, tools. And “Hold That Thought” that you mentioned and “In Our Voices,” are my 2 newest books. So people can go to that page and access any of those books and our, money challenge, they can access on My Courses page on my website, or they can go to www.moneymindsetmadness.com

Additional Resources

How to Create Positive Core Beliefs

How Can Millennials Find Their Purpose

 

As, Millennials, deal with, adulting, they ask themselves, What is my purpose? What is the reason for my existence?

Today on the “Transform your Mind with Coach Myrna Podcast”, I interview the Author of “The, Millennial's, Playbook to Adulting”, Arika L. Pierce

Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast
Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast

Steps to Adulting

  • The first step is to find your passion. This is where you find that you can be in it all day long and you don't feel tired and you don't feel bored and you're just illuminated and just joyful and and it's a great way to live your life. You know when you live a passionless life just because you're making money does not mean that you are living with passion.

Let me share a personal story. My daughter Keshia Morris Desir always felt that she was supposed to be a Psychologist, getting her degree and everything. Along that journey she read Nelson's Mandela's book “A long walk to freedom” and decided that she needed to become a political advocate and she just switched right away. She applied and got into American University, the top political science university with no background in politics.

Today she's working for a company right next door to the White House, and doing some great great work at Common Cause.

I didn't even think about that until right now and that's what I like about the Holy Spirit or of my Higher Self

things pop into my head. It is also an example of leaning your ladder up against the wrong building!

  • My next question is a follow-up to the first and it is do you agree that we're all meant to do a certain thing on this earth? And what is your advice to, Millennial,  on finding their, purpose? How Can, Millennials, Find Their, Purpose?
Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

Let's say using my daughter story that she didn't know what her, purpose, was as a, millennial.  She went to school and maybe felt psychology was a job that can make her money that's where a lot of, Millennials, Park right?  So what advice do you give them?

  • To answer your first question in terms of do I think we're all here to do something, yes I definitely believe that we individually are all here to bring some value or offer something back to the world. I believe some of us it takes longer than others but; I do believe we are all here to accomplish something and I think we probably give different weight to what we accomplish. Just because what you believe it is something small it can be transformational to somebody else. In terms of what I believe, Millennials, can do in terms of finding their, purpose, I actually think it starts with a very simple concept and that is honestly taking time to think and to plan and I think.  When we sit back and you when you look at your life if you plan it with the level of detail that you plan for example a vacation you'd be surprised about you know how much how differently you might view things.

I recommend taking one hour a week to evaluate where you are and where you want to go.

The timeline might be where I want to go this week, it might be where I want to go in the next year, in the next two years or five years from now. Whatever time period I feel I need to think about it and plan for at that time for example if you're thinking,  I hate my job, it's not fulfilling this is not my, purpose. Then you know think about what would make you feel more purposeful? What are the types of positions or jobs that you would like to be in? And then what are the steps that you need to take to get there. Do you need to you know go back to school? Do you need to join a networking group?

My daughter came to me one day and said that she wants to become a politician and I look at her this sweet innocent person that had no politician skills or natural talents and I said to her

“How do you get there how do you get from where you are today to where you want to be tomorrow?”

As her coach we planned it

  • Toastmasters and learn how to speak in front of people,
  • school for political science,
  • volunteer so she can get some political experience and things like that so yeah and you got to make a

plan and the beautiful thing about it you know is that it might feel far-fetched but you never know if it's really your purpose the universe, God will step in and help you get there. That's why when my daughter applied to American University she said she only had a 30% chance of being accepted. She said I'll apply there's no hope that I'm gonna get in and guess what she got in because she's on, purpose,  because God helps you if you are on, purpose!

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

Don't ever think that anything is too big for God.

Les Brown says reach for the the stars, you might fallback on the moon!

I agree. One of my favorite quotes is

If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough.

You have to become comfortable with being uncomfortable and that's really I think when you accept that, it will help you in finding your, purpose.

Especially if you're not currently living what you believe to be your, purpose. I like that one I mean you  talked.

about it before you must really live by that and it's very true you know when my daughter went to Washington she was incredibly uncomfortable, she was in a city that she didn't know anyone, she was going into something that she didn't

know anything about and it was uncomfortable and that's only way you grow.

Alright so and this is coming from your book, you've got a chapter in your book about your giving advice and strategies and how, Millennials, can achieve their goals in the workplace; but I like the word hustle that you used to describe this. You advise to hustle to get what you want in this world. I think when you hustle you have to you have to be hungry you have to really want it. You have to be motivated and so I think to your point earlier, when it's something that you truly want and you feel passionate about or you really wanted to achieve the hustle actually comes fairly easy at least in the

beginning because you know you most likely will accept that challenge and want to go after it. Where it becomes a challenging, I would say is consistently hustling, always having that thirst, that hunger to push yourself further and

that sometimes can be where we tend to fall off. That's human nature, you have to learn to hold yourself accountable and to make sure that you are you're hitting your own personal benchmarks and hitting your own personal goals. And so a good way to keep the hustle mentality I would say is to make sure that you have measurable things that you want to do and so that way you've got a way to check yourself.

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I use that analogy because when you're finding

your, purpose, you mentioned what are your interests and what excites you but

I'm going to add to that what are you good at. What's your natural ability?

What's your natural talent? Because that's what you have in your hand.

Ray Charles was born blind, and he just picked up a piano and played. But

but some of us has to do these stepping stones.

Transform Your mind Podcast with coach Myrna
Transform Your mind Podcast

What is Adulting.

In your book, in fact your book is called “the, Millennial's, playbook, adulting” Can you explain

what you mean by, adulting, and how that relates to how to find your, purpose?

Adulting, is actually a it's a, millennial, term.

Social media usually uses funny hashtags like

I'm doing laundry hashtag #adulting pain pills #adulting. I'm over

#adulting. Adulting, is really just the idea of growing up frankly and taking on new

responsibilities and transitioning into an adult. I would say being more

independent and if in terms of how can a dull teen connect to her purpose? I

think that one of the things I you know in my coaching is what did I tell people

and tell the, Millennial, that I work with is when you are transitioning into an adult

you are now the owner of your life. I actually say you're the CEO of ME

Incorporated and part of that is determining what you want to do and so it's no longer what your

parents what you to do or what your teachers or grandparents want you to do.

All of these influencers who have really directed you for the majority of

your life so far this next phase of your life is really about running your own life

like a CEO. A CEO runs her company as she sees fit. and so you know I think often times there

are, Millennials, who are in professions because that's what their

parents wanted them to do or that's what was expected of them or that's what they

said they were going to do and they were embarrassed to change their

minds. Well if you want to change your mind, it is now up to you to do so. That's

part of being an adult. It's unlikely that someone is going to come

to you and to say I think that you need to change your

passion or your job. So I would just encourage, Millennials,

especially to think about what they want out of life.

Don't for others to direct your path, certainly others can help lead

you in the direction that you want to go to, and I am a firm believer of

leveraging a personal board of advisers and your mentors and people

around you to help you and to guide you and to get feedback. But it is

really up to you to do the exercises, to do the work, and to decide where you want

to go next or where you want to take your life professionally.

On the first page of your book you made

the humorous statement and I quote

“Dear Universe I miss the how to be an adult 101 class, send help and my mom and wine”

I thought that was humorous. So my question to you is which, adulting, class did you

think that you missed and have the most struggle with?

Probably for me it's the financial class. I

actually spoke to a group of, Millennials, yesterday as part

of a fellowship program and one of the questions they asked was can you tell me about managing my finances?

I admitted to them that managing my finances especially when I was younger

and like 20 was very difficult. I sort of used my debit card like a gift card, just

charge and see how much it is. So and that wasn't that wasn't smart

decision making and I think that as I've grown up I've been forced

to become much more financially literate. I just don't mean you know okay I

save money now that that's that's not being fighting totally financially

literate I mean really understanding you know what's coming in what's going out

I'm having that data point and now you know there's lots of apps that can help

you figure that out as well as understanding what's the best way to say

it's my money what are what are you know but ways that I can you know increase

increase my salary or my revenue streams besides just my day-to-day

nine-to-five job understanding the stock market understanding you know investments and

things like that especially being an entrepreneur really understanding those

types of things are really important and so I think that I came from a very

traditional family that was you put some money in a saving account you do that

every single week and you will likely not you know that's the best thing you

won't go poor that's how you do it but that but there's so much more to that

and so that was part of the I would say the, adulting, class that there I have I

had to say have one that I did not get that I probably you know still learning

but you know came to me much later in life that I think is very critical

um to proper adult thing yeah that's actually pretty good you know I helped

my daughter a lot with that but I'm just learning that now in my 50s so I

understand that because you know our parents certainly didn't sit down and

teach us because they didn't even know themselves so that was a perfect answer

I love it alright so tell our listeners how they can get in touch her to you if

they want any kind of coaching or to purchase a copy of your book sure you

can go to my website.

www.arikapierce.com

Additional Resources

http://blog.myhelps.us/how-transform-your-career-with-purpose/

http://blog.myhelps.us/the-millennial-playbook-unpacking-limiting-beliefs/

 

 

 

How To Use Feelings To Manifest Your Dreams

The, secret of feeling, or calling of the invisible realm into the visible and feeling realm is beautifully told in the Bible story of, Isaac, blessing his second son, Jacob, by the belief, based solely upon, feelings, that he was blessing his first son, Esau.

One of the reasons all the wealth coaches tell you to first visualize how much money you want and then use your, feelings, to visualize  it in your hand is  because, emotions, and, feelings, are the invisible forces that creates.

Download the podcast 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10842434-how-to-use-feelings-to-manifest-your-dreams.mp3?download=true

Bible story of Esau and Jacob

It is told that, Isaac, who was old and blind, felt that he was about to leave this world and wishing to bless his first-born son, Esau, before he died, sent, Esau, hunting for savory venison with the promise that upon his return from the hunt he would receive his father’s blessing.

Jacob's mother Rebekah overheard the father promise to bless, Esau, and since, Jacob, was her favorite, she encouraged him to deceive his father and get the, first-born, blessing.

She sent, Jacob, to the flock to get a couple of young goats and prepared Isaac’s favorite meal. Then she wrapped Jacob's arms and neck with the skin from the goats so, Jacob, would feel like his brother, Esau.

Jacob deceives Isaac with feeling

When, Jacob, went in to see his father pretending to be his brother his father said you don’t sound like, Esau, come closer so I can feel you. Isaac, felt the hairy skin and through these, feelings, was convinced he was speaking to, Esau, and proceeded to give his, first-born, blessing.

He blessed him with an abundance of grain and wine which represents the later promise of a land flowing with, milk and honey.  He blessed him with being the master over his brothers and having them bow down to him which represents the later blessing of being the head and not the tail the lender and not the borrower.

Finally, he blessed him that all who cursed him would be cursed and all who blessed him would be blessed,  that took care of all his enemies both seen and unseen forever.

Feelings, consciousness and desire

The, secret of feeling, is that whatever you desire you must use your, feelings,  before it manifests.  Isaac, the blind father, is your consciousness; your awareness of being.

Esau, the hairy son, is your objectified world, the, present moment, your present environment, the world you know from your, senses.

Jacob, represents your desire or subjective state. An idea not yet embodied;  in short your defined objective.

What's the science? Subjective feelings, are central to everyday human life from forgetfulness to, feeling, ill or having a good day with a friend. Subjective feelings, is the current subjective phenomenological state of an individual.

The secret to feeling your way to your defined objective:

  1. To use, feelings, to manifest your desires, first send your, problem, hunting.  That means to take your attention off the problem.
  2. Second – With your eyes closed and your attention removed from your present circumstances fix your mind on your, desire. Begin to access your, feelings, on  what you want to manifest. Feel that the very place you are is the place desired; feel and sense the reality of it until you are consciously impressed with this fact.
  3. Thirdly – in your, imagination, see the thing desired. If you cannot visualize it, use your, feelings, to sense the general outline of it; contemplate it. Then mentally draw it close to you, Isaac, said “Come close my son that I may feel you” feel the nearness of it, feel it to be in your immediate presence, feel the reality and solidity of it, feel it and see it placed in the room which you are seated, feel the thrill of actual accomplishment, and the joy of possession.

Conclusion

This is how you use, feelings, to manifest your, dreams, and, desires, and walk in your blessings of abundance.

This is coach Myrna Young and you are listening to 5 mins with coach Myrna

Additional Resources

The Law of Attraction: How Vibrational Energy Works

Let Your Conscience Be Your Guide

In the silence of the, mind, the conscience, can hear the voice coming from the, superconscious, portion of the mind and can that reflect that wisdom into our, conscious mind, to be our guide. This is the action that will lead you to your highest and greatest good.

Download the podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10818434-let-your-conscience-be-your-guide.mp3?download=true

Bio

LEONARD PERLMUTTER. Leonard is the founder and director of The American Meditation Institute in Averill Park, New York, and the originator of National Conscience Month. He studied under Swami Rama of the Himalayas whose lab studies at the Menninger Institute demonstrated that blood pressure, heart rate and the autonomic nervous system can be voluntarily controlled. These findings have become a cornerstone of the modern mind/body movement.

His recently released book YOUR CONSCIENCE: The Key to Unlock Limitless Wisdom and Creativity and Solve All of Life's Challenges is a simple, logical introduction to how your mind works and the perfect entry point for anyone who wants to live a more fulfilling life simply by learning to depend on their conscience.

Looking outside ourselves for happiness is a useless pursuit, but where can we find the wisdom, we need to guide us through the trials in our lives? Leonard believes that we can receive all the guidance we need by trusting our, conscience.

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Developing your conscience during childhood

Myrna: How did you develop your, conscience? Can you share your personal story?

Leonard: My personal story, I guess, began when I was quite young, a little child. And it seemed that two principles guided my life at that time and true today. The first principle was always looked at life from a philosophical viewpoint. It's just the way I saw the world immediately, philosophically. And the second principle that has directed me in practicality. I'm a practical fellow. Okay, and even a philosophy of life. Must have practical applications make life rewarding, and to take away the pain and the misery and the bondage, that are seen in the mists time in our world, the pandemic of its own.

Myrna: Okay, all right. Yeah. Were your problems solved by relying on your, conscience?

Leonard: There's not one, problem, that cannot be solved by our, conscience. In fact, as far as I'm concerned, there are no problems. There are only situations. So, for me, even the word problem is a problem. Now, because language trigger us.  Language can trigger us and they carry a heavy weight from the culture.

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Change the word problem to situation

So, if we bring the word, problem, into our heart, and just feel the weight of it, I have a problem Oh, it's very heavy. It's very dark, and it seems to cover a creative capacity, and become intimidated. I become fearful and I worry, which even accelerates denigration of my creative capacity. So, I don't use that word anymore. But I do I substitute a synonym, I say don't say I have problems, I say I have a situation.

If you bring the word, situation, into your heart and just listen with your eyes, situation, is much lighter. Not that I'm not going to have to work resolving the, situation. But I'm a creative fellow, I'd like to tackle that. So, I'm much more optimistic and creative. I'm always watching words that says you have an emotional choice.

Myrna: I like your word, situation, I've learned to change the word, problem, to, challenges, but challenges is also still weightier than, situation.

Leonard: And so, too interesting, because problems, wherever we define that we start in the, mind. What do I mean by that? There's conflict in our minds. There always has to be conflict outside our, mind. And that will be first and foremost in the body, but then, interpersonal relationships. So, working backwards from the, problem, which is outside of us by have a, problem, with you.

Problem, is now with you. It's what I think about you. My mind created an eclipse of my awareness and I cannot really see you, I just see what's in my, unconscious mind. I sift through those lenses. And so maybe I'm intimidated with you. Maybe I understand that you're a podcast, personality and you have a following and oh my gosh, I'm intimidated by her. So, when I talk to Myrna I'm not really able to have a conversation with her until I deal with the fear then, and the worry that is in my, mind.

Myrna: It's very true. When you were talking it reminded me of Buddha statement that says suffering is all in the, mind.

Leonard: Well, I believe that suffering is a choice. We all have pain, but suffering is exactly is your choice.

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Conscience one of the four functions of the mind

Myrna: Let's touch on this word, conscience. Can you just explain how, conscience, and the mind works?  You said mental problems or situations can be solved by relying on the, conscience, so let's dive into this, conscience, so we can put you know some context or conversation.

Four functions of the mind

Leonard: Sure. First and foremost, the conscience is one of the four, functions of the mind. In early childhood, I'm sure that many of us had the experience, I know I did, that there always seemed to be different voices in our, mind. And as it turns out, there are four of them.

  • There is the ego,
  • The, senses,
  • the, unconscious mind,
  • and the, conscience.

So interesting, this was a game changer for me when I learned it was quite shocking. Every single choice that I have ever made in my life, in fact, any human being has made in their life, and every single choice that we will ever make, has been made the, conscience, because, the conscience, is the only function of the mind, that can make a decision. The other three functions of the mind the, ego, the, senses, and the, unconscious mind, cannot make a choice. They only act as advisors. And as advisors, they work all the time in a very determined way.

So, what does that mean? The, ego, senses and, unconscious mind, these advisors, these lobbyists in our, mind, they're loud, they're pushy, and are often wrong. Only the, conscience, has the ability alone to make the choice.

Myrna:  How do we how do we get this, conscience?  I understand that our, conscience, was put by God to distinguish between right and wrong. Is your, conscience, built up after you're born?

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

The Ego, the senses and the unconscious mind

Leonard: The hardware of the, mind, is just like the, senses, and so can make two kinds of choices. The first kind of choice occurs when the, ego, senses, and, unconscious mind, are so unruly as they are with most people today. The, ego, senses, and, unconscious mind, are creating a tremendous amount of noise in our, mind, lobbying for their limited perspectives. Then the only way that the, conscience, can make a choice is simply to rubber stamp, the loudest voice it can hear.

We you know, the ego, the senses, and the, unconscious mind, are not always wrong. You need a, healthy ego, to have this conversation right now and make sense of it or to drive an automobile or a truck. We need a, healthy ego, to keep us alive. And that's gratification. I love a delicious meal just like everybody else and I have a body so why shouldn't I?

But a lot of times limited perspective of the, ego, senses, and even the, unconscious mind, create habit patterns that are faulty. And if they're loud and pushy, the, ego, senses and, unconscious mind, are always worried that a saber-toothed Tiger is going to come around the next corner and that we have to fear for our lives. Then the, conscience, will simply rubber stamp loudest voice.

Myrna: Okay, so we rubber stamp the loudest voice in our, mind. So, the loudest voice is saying hey, you know what? I should feel something right there.

Leonard: Maybe I should have a second piece of apple pie.

Myrna: Exactly. You're going to say get a second piece of apple pie, right? That's not so much your, conscience, that's just guilt, but let's say that we want to steal something and you steal it and then your, conscience, is bothering you. Because you know you shouldn't have done it. You know what I mean? So, what you're saying is that you took it because the, ego, let's choose that one. That's really the one that's telling you that you deserve it or something.

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How to listen to your conscience

Leonard: That's right. However, if we can learn to teach and parent, the ego, senses, and unconscious mind, and share their limited perspectives. Then when each of these three functions of the mind, these advisors after they finish presenting their perspective, sit down and be quiet. When the, mind, becomes quiet, the conscience, can make another kind choice.

Okay, now in this silence of the, mind, the conscience, can hear another voice coming from the, super conscious, portion of the mind. And can that reflect that, superconscious, wisdom into our, conscious mind, and that will tell the, conscience, to advise us. This is the action that will lead you for your highest and greatest good.

Myrna: Right? Well, that's perfect because somewhere along the line I heard that we have five voices in our head, but I've never had anybody actually identify those voices. We just know that we have these voices. One of the things I want to circle back to was what you're saying about, meditation, because this is where the, meditation, link comes in.

When you sit still and be quiet during, meditation, then you're connecting to source, you're connecting to your Higher Self, then you're able to get instructions from your higher self. But normally I guess when you're making a decision, a lot of times you right you just rubber stamp the highest noise.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast
Podbean

The superconscious wisdom

Leonard: There's another ingredient here and this is the need for culture. We are going so fast. Right now, we do not have time to sit quietly right so that the, conscience, can hear the, superconscious, wisdom and share it with us. We have to make a decision now. If it feels good, the advertisements say just do it.

Myrna: I talk a lot about, meditation, on the show. I'm reading the, meditation book, and it's telling you that when you sit quietly, what basically happens is things starts to bubble up that you have pushed down, and once it bubbles up that means it is something you need to take care of. So now I'm hearing another reason to sit still is so you can, solve problems, because when you sit still your, conscience, gets to talk to you.

Leonard: That one pointed attention, training the mind, to be one pointed either on a mantra or the breath in, meditation, automatically creates a space between stimulus and response. That means that I am cultivating the skill of being detached. What does that mean? Just because a thought comes into my awareness, suggesting the desire for the second slice of apple pie. When I create a space between that stimulus of that snack and piece of apple pie and my ultimate decision, that space provides me what? Freedom to redirect my attention.

The, conscience, can then reflect, superconscious, wisdom tells me how my relationship should proceed with this desire for a second slice of apple pie. In, meditation, that one pointed attention creates a space between stimulus and response that provides me the freedom to check with my, conscience. And the more that I do that not only create a large resource of creativity coming from the, conscience, to solve all sorts of situations. But I also am continuously building the muscles of willpower to do what's to be done, when it's to be done and not to do what is not to be done. And when it is not to be done.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Get the conscience involved with every decision

Myrna; How can we reap instant benefits from employing our, conscience, in every decision that we make?

Leonard: That brings up a very important point to do with the, law of karma. That simply means that thoughts lead to action, action, which leads to consequence. Now, as we mentioned a few moments ago most of us feel that the consequence that we want to experience in every relationship is, happiness, to carry good health in body and mind. The question is, do we have a business for that?

I call it the, bridge of yoga. The, bridge of yoga, is a philosophical and a scientific bridge that encourages us 24/7 to base our outer actions thoughts, words and deeds, on the, superconscious wisdom, that is within us, that is us at the core of our being. And the more that I can employ that, bridge of yoga, we can call it anything, we can call it the bridge of Christianity, the bridge of Judaism, the bridge of Islam. You see, you can come up with your own name, but is the more that we base our outer actions. The wise good counsel the, conscience, we are continuously enabled, meekly fulfill the purpose of life without pain, misery or bondage.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Sowing and reaping begin with our thoughts, I can't even raise my hand without first undertaking a thought. The mind moves first, the body just follows. So, what we want the bodies to take an action to bring about a consequence that will bring me, happiness, health and security. I better examine my thoughts.

Because not every thought is going to bring the, happiness, bring me security, or bring the health of the, conscience. If I counsel with the, conscience, and I can quiet the, ego, senses and, unconscious mind, after they make the presentation of their limited perspectives. The, conscience, will tell me what's to be done.

book Your Conscience
book Your Conscience

Your Conscience

Myrna: Tell us about your book “Your Conscience” why did you write it and what do you want readers to walk away with after writing after reading it?

Leonard: I wrote it during the first months of COVID. I was in quarantine and a teacher. I had people coming to the American meditation Institute where I teach. But they weren't coming because everybody was in quarantine at the time. So how am I going to reach people? What do I have that I can give them?

People are in tremendous amount of pain and they don't have the tools. This goes back to scouting. They don't have the tools to be prepared for whatever life can throw them. What can I give them?  I asked myself, I said, the most important thing I can give them is an understanding of the functions of the mind and how to coordinate them serve the, conscience. And so that's why I wrote the book.

Myrna; What do you want them to walk away with?

Leonard: The only thing that I would like them to walk away with is not believe me. I don't want anyone who can hear this, to believe a word I am saying. But I would appreciate it. I will support you if this is true. If you're interested and willing to experiment with your own, conscience, in all sorts of situations, but make sure that they're all easy at first.

You don't want to just pick up 200 pounds thinking that you're going to build muscles when you've never done any kind of exercise before. Start with one or two pounds and then three or four and then five and 10 pounds. And within a short time, you'll be building some muscles without injuring yourself. So, if you're interested at all, turn your entire life into a laboratory to experiment with your own, conscience, and see what happens. Train and love and parent, your, ego, senses, and, unconscious mind.

Conclusion

Myrna: How can readers pick up a copy of your book. What's your social media handles if anyone wants to follows you? And of course, you are the director of the American meditation Institute's you can also talk about that.

Leonard: Well, yes, I founded the American meditation Institute in 1996. And our website is www.Americanmeditation.org.  On the homepage, you can see our foundation course which provides a full curriculum of everything that I've been discussing. There's also on the homepage, a free link to a Sunday meditation every Sunday from 930 to 11am. Eastern time, you get a, free guided meditation, and a free date to discuss philosophical questions, just like Myrna and I have been discussing today. You also get a free recording.

Additional Resources

Six Rules of The Mind

3 Ways To Let Your Inner Greatness Shine Through

We are all, golden buddhas, underneath, we cover up our, inner greatness, with the, mud, of, self-doubt, feelings of, not being good enough, insecurity and other, negative emotions.

In this episode of 5 mins with Coach Myrna, I want to teach on the subject 3 ways to let your, inner greatness, shine through. I want to use the story of the, Golden Buddha, as my foundational story.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10810623-3-ways-to-let-your-inner-greatness-shine-through.mp3?download=true

The Golden Buddha

Story of the Golden Buddha that was covered up in mud by the monks so that the gold couldn’t shine through.

In Bangkok there is a golden statue of the Buddha that stands 9’8” tall, weighs 5.5 tons and is worth approximately 250 million in gold.

The statue was thought to be built in 1,403 and was revered by Buddhist for many hundreds of years. In 1,757 the Burmese Army was invading Thailand. Facing complete annihilation, the Buddhist monks at the monastery hastily began covering their, Golden Buddha, with plaster, which was painted and inlaid with bits of colored glass, to make it look of little or no value to the invading army. During the invasion all the Buddhist monks were tragically murdered, but the, Golden Buddha, was left undiscovered.

In 1957 an entire Monastery in Thailand was being relocated by a group of monks. One day they were moving a giant clay Buddha when one of the monks noticed a large crack in the clay. On closer investigation he saw there was a golden light emanating from the crack. The monk used a hammer and a chisel to chip away at the clay exterior until he revealed that the statue was in fact made of solid gold.

Don't cover up your inner greatness with mud

This story illustrates the point that we can cover up our value by layering it with, mud, as well. So let me ask you.  What is your, mud?

What life experiences added layers of, mud, and covered up your value to the world?

We are all, golden buddhas, underneath, but we cover up our, inner greatness, with the, mud of self-doubt, feelings of not being good enough, insecurity and other, negative emotions.

Here are 3 ways to chip away at your mud let your inner greatness shine through:

  1. Identify your mud. Is it self-doubt? Lack of self-worth? Body image, not being good enough? You can’t change what you don’t identify and until you dig through the layers of mud you can’t shine and become what you were created to do.

Meaning, our delusionary self-creation process starts early in our childhood.

Often, we had to be unnaturally attuned to the demands of our parents, sensing we had to comply in order to be loved and tolerated; we had to be false before we had the chance to feel properly alive.

And this continues in our educational systems and careers.

Most of the time, we are putting on a mask, complying with our teachers, our bosses, our colleagues, our partners, our friends…

2. Speak to the mud

if your, mud, is feelings of not being good enough for example then speak to those feelings and tell them that you are good enough, you were created for this purpose. If your, mud, is body image tell it that you are wonderfully made and beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and you are perfect just the way you are.

“Every problem is a gift – without problems we would not grow.” Believing that problems are opportunities to grow, rather than insurmountable obstacles, is called a, growth mindset, and it’s essential if you want to learn how to stop being insecure. Instead of feeling like a failure just because we have, insecurities, we gain the freedom to view those, insecurities, as a source of information for our personal and professional growth.

Instead of avoiding our, insecurities, we learn to speak to them. Most,  insecurities, are not based on facts, so you can speak to them and challenge them.  As you commit yourself to putting aside your fears and utilizing your insecurity as a source of valuable information, you eliminate the “what ifs” associated with avoidance and open the door to opportunity.

3. Take action to remove the mud:

  • Our daily behaviors reflect our deepest beliefs.
  • Clean up your language and speak life into your situation.
  • Take massive action to change your beliefs.
  • Train your mind with new beliefs and affirmations.

Realize that you were conditioned to believe that you can’t do something.  Think of the elephant that is controlled by a sodden stick in the ground.

Figure out, When did you decide to accept this limitation.

Resources in the mind are unlimited, use the fuel of your thoughts to find the resources to do something great and uncover your, Golden Buddha, your, inner greatness, and let your value shin through.

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with Coach Myrna. I want to invite you to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach to be inspired throughout the week. Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources 

Have a Positive Mindset: Get Rid of Automatic Negative Thoughts

Who Are You? How To Connect To Your Inner Guidance

Matheo Galatis teaches how we can connect to our, inner guidance system, to know ourselves and to find, who are you, your beliefs systems inherited from your, genetic patterns. Once you know, who are you, then you will be able to use the, law of Attraction, to get the things you want in life.

Download the podcast here

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10785592-who-are-you-how-to-connect-to-your-inner-guidance.mp3?download=true

BIO

Matheo Galatis founder  of the, Know Yourself teachings, aimed at supporting you to cut through the confusion in the, personal development industry, and learn about the hidden dynamics that affect your life. He has trained over 200 professional coaches, was a director of a coaching company in South Africa, worked in organizations such as Oracle stratus, South Africa, Mars, Africa and clients from 27 different countries, ranging from successful CEOs, political and public personalities, executives, coaches, trainers, therapists, and entrepreneurs.

But they are mistaking the, personal development industry, to a whole new level by supporting people to find what he calls your, transformational why. The one thing that usually prevents people from getting, unstuck, and achieving their desires.

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We develop our belief systems from genetic patterns

Myrna: That's an awesome Bio.  It seems that you are in the work of service helping people to get to know them selves again.  What was your journey to becoming a teacher of, personal development? How do we pick up these, genetic patterns?

Matheo: Essentially this is what happens.  To know, who are you, and, know yourself, I explain in quite a bit of detail the different ways we take on stuff from our parents and the generations before. It can happen through observation. When we're growing up, we have certain experiences and we observe our parents, we start mimicking what our parents do.

So, that's one way, but it runs even deeper. Our parents, sometimes they have something unexpressed in themselves, a dream or maybe an emotion that's suppressed. And they've suppressed that, they push it down. Now what happens is when they conceive a child, the DNA of the supreme shun or the suppression is obviously encoded into the gene, because everything is according to the gene.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

The suppression gene and knowing who you are

The gene knows there's a, suppression, and that gene goes into the child and the child now has a, suppression. Now the job of the, suppression, sharing is not to be there. The purpose is when something's suppressed, it's suppressed  momentarily or temporarily moved and at some point in life it needs to be expressed in words.

For example, if someone has a, suppression, at a very young age and they don't process it, its hard for them to know, who you are.  They don't work through the short stays inside the system, it's frozen inside the, muscle memory, in the, subconscious mind, of the brain. And what happens is they continue living with us. Now if they don't deal with it in their lifetime, that's obviously restoring the genes and is going to get passed on to the next generation.

Children don't do well at home, they don't become aware of it that's gonna get passed on, so we have something in our evolution that is already in inside of us to help us with, traumatic patterns.  Some emotions are blocked, so when children are born later on life at some point they are triggered and that's what pushes the buttons of the parents.

When children start behaving in ways the parents don't like, I call the parent control we think wow my child is out of character. The child is not actually out of character, the child is just mirroring or expressing things that the parent doesn't want to see inside themselves and haven't processed within themselves.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Finding who you are from subconscious patterns

Children will start acting out bringing forth, subconscious patterns, from their parents. A, guidance system, is your, spiritual journey, where you've got like a router or an angel or your higher self, and they're communicating with you.  I like to call this the, inner guidance system, is the connection to your, true self, and finding out, who are you.

Your, guidance system, helps you connect to your, true self, when you're not connected to your, true self. When you're connected to yourself, you're able to distinguish in an instant, what is true and right for you versus what is not. In an instant, there is no debate in the mind. There's just a sense of yes or a sense of no. And it's not happening from a fear.  It's not happening from a desire, it's happening from this, inner knowing.

These, beliefs, are part of our, belief system, there are, family patterns.  So, an example with a, belief system.  If you have a, belief system, I'm not worthy, how do you behave? If you're very insecure how do you behave? The other way is to trying to cover up the perceived unworthiness and show that you're worthy. The, belief system, I'm not worthy is a persona which is not you, it's just a, belief system.

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

Who are you? Are You a people pleaser?

This belief of unworthiness can develop into a, people pleaser.  I'm a, people pleaser. The, people pleaser,  that person owner's a person has developed in order not to feel the unworthiness.

Myrna:  I get what you're saying a lot of times they say the extroverts are covering up some some deep down feeling as well that's why they need to be the life of the party.

Okay so alright so what we're talking about though is our, inner guidance system, and, knowing yourself.  What you're saying is you let people understand that the personality that they're projecting to the world is not real.  And you help them to connect to their, inner guidance system, to know themselves.

Letting your inner guidance system uncover who you are

Matheo:  Right. So that's what I mean by, inner guidance system, is that you have a an innate intelligence telling you what's true and right for you right now. It tells you, who you are.

Myrna: So talk about whats behind, beliefs. I know we talked about that a little bit, but maybe we can expand on it a little bit by because you said, belief systems, are difficult to resolve. So so let's go with our example that we're talking about this person that, you know, doesn't feel that there were any.

So when you go into the training and coaching, you help them understand to peel away those layers and understand, who you are. They're maybe not feeling worthy because of something they inherited or maybe something somebody said to them 40 years ago, or whatever, you need to peel that back. But why do you think it's difficult for someone to resolve that specific, belief system?

Transform Your Mind Podnews
Transform Your Mind Podnews

Your beliefs are not who you are

Matheo: It is challenging working with a, belief system.  A, belief system, was created a long time ago so around up to the age from conception up to the age of seven, eight years old our, belief systems, about ourselves and about life and about other people are formed.

How we perceive the world is being created, so this is at an age where the brain is just absorbing everything that is happening in the world and making associations.  But a lot of people might rarely even get to that, belief system, because they're dealing with other, belief systems.

I developed a belief of I'm shy or a persona I'm shy. And because this happened at two years old, I grew up as a shy person, knowing that oh, I'm just shy, I'm just a quiet person, so I'll become an accountant and an auditor. Yeah, because I'm shy. So, who are you? Are you shy or an extrovert?

Train yourself to connect to your emotions, train your souls to connect to your body, so that you know how you feel at any time, whether it's good or bad emotions doesn't matter, connect to them. Allow yourself to have these emotions, because that's how you're going to go down into the, beliefs, and into the other aspects that are hidden inside of you.

And that's what we want to identify and remove what's hidden. Because when you remove what's hidden, then you start to become more and more free.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

How to know yourself

Myrna: And that's how you, know yourself, and find out, who you are. This is what we're talking about here. I had a short stint with a therapist. I talked to her for about a month or so, and one of the things I got from those sessions was not to stuff down my feelings but to catch them and breathe into them.

This has been an incredible conversation to highlight your skills highlight what you do for people. And I will tell you there's so many people that are walking around don't know, who they are. I don't want to use I use the word broken,  but people become broken from past traumas.  So what you what you're doing is phenomenal. Tell us how somebody can sign up or how you offer this training.

Matheo:  The teachers that came before me and many researchers and scientists know that the subconscious runs our life. We're able to to retrain and recondition the subconscious, but doing it the correct way is important. We have to uncover what's causing In the subconscious mind to dictate our lives.  So I put together the, Know Yourself teachings, and this essentially  explains step by step how finding out, who you are, works, how thoughts become, beliefs, how emotions work.

Using your inner guidance system to find out who you are

Emotions, are like a garden system, we go in and out gamify.  Not listening to your, inner guidance system, does not bring you back on track.

Myrna: So explain how our, internal guidance system, works when we're not listening to our own, inner guidance.

Matheo:  I go through the five different ways that we take on stuff from our parents, help clients realize that there was are many patterns running their life. Many of them was the specifically looking at the, family patterns.

Connect with Matheo and get access to the Know Yourself Teaching @ http://matheogalatis.com/

Additional Resources

5 Ways Millennials Can Stimulate Personal Development

How to Let Your Desires Flow

How to let your, desires flow, out of you. We can become like the, Alchemist, and transform our desires and let our, desires flow, out of us when we realize that we are abundant.
Whether it's a relationship, whether it's a job whether it's travel, whatever is your most intimate, desire, we've been teaching you, me and my co-host miss Margo Blake has been teaching you how to achieve the, Alchemy of Desire, which is the magical transformation of thoughts into manifestation.

Today I want to conclude with now that you've got it how
to flow with it so we're calling this episode “How to let your, desires flow”

How to let your desires flow

  1. Knowing what you want, and once you know what you want in order to activate it you need to put some emotion to it and that is how you activate the,  Law of Attraction.
  2. Using the, energy of desire, to create something magical.
  3. Put your attention on your, desires, so that you can light your, desires, on fire!

 

How to keep what you now have

What you have in your hands need some work, you just don't get it and then you don't have to do anything else.
Relationships, require work, and most people have a false sense of entitlement.
They feel that it is enough that they are just there in the relationship and
all they have to do is show up or come home every night and they feel that
they're doing something. People think that you should love them as they are
and they don't need any work or they don't need to make any changes.

I remember one of my ex-husband's actually saying this to me.
A few months after we were married I asked him to take more care with his
Appearance and hygiene because he was walking around looking like he was homeless and this was his response and I quote

“This is what you bought and you can't send it back”

A lot of people feel that hey you picked me, you bought me, you got into a relationship with me, so you must be okay with how I am, and you know you gotta put up or shut up. But that does not lead to a healthy relationship.

Your desires need work to manifest

Some ask why do I have to do all this work? I have heard people say it's either a fit or it's or it's not. Why try to force a square peg in a round hole? Good question. It's true, that there are some square pegs that definitely do not need to be forced into a round hole because it's never gonna fit right; but we're not talking about the obvious misfits. We're talking about couples have some synergy. They have love but they just got to do a little bit of work.

We all know the spouse or a partner that just comes home and turn on the TV and pay his partner no attention. Those are the ones were talking about. Relationships,  needs work to keep them fresh and healthy.

When, relationships, are not fresh and healthy, couples then become roommates and it's never more evident as when you go to your partner and you say “Hey this is not working out, I think we should we should go our separate ways and they say sure why not. They agree!

My gosh that is like a slap in your face or like someone throwing a cold bucket of water on you! That is not the response you want but; that's what happens when the relationship Ebbs and Ebbs and nobody pays any attention and you're now just roommates. What has happened is that your partner has emotionally checked out a long time ago and they're just there for I don't know, finances, the children or whatever the reason. You have to let your, desires flow.

When you break up with someone you want them
to miss you. You want them to chase you. You don't want them to say.
“Sure, why not!”. That's not the response that we should get when
we're trying to terminate a relationship right?

When desire stop flowing

I remember reading Gabrielle Union's book We're Going To Need More Wine”  and she told the story a very sad story about the night she had a fight with her first husband. She describes this relationship as feeling like you are driving towards a brick wall yet being incapable of mashing on the breaks! Her marriage was going down the tank for a long time but she didn't want to give up on it.

So, she told the story about a night she had a fight with her husband one of their many fights and she ran out the house in the middle of the night, four o'clock in the morning or some ridiculous time like that. She expected her husband to chase her because you know your husband should be worried about you, he's supposed to be to protect you!

Gabriel ended up sitting by a tree and falling asleep. When she woke up in the morning she was sure that her husband was worried about her and called the cops. She expected to find cops all over her house when she got home. Instead she found her husband fast asleep.
That's when she realized there was no hope for her marriage. Her husband's, desire, for her had stopped flowing.

What can you do to keep desires flowing

So ladies and gentlemen, Ask yourself what do you bring to the table?
You now have the object of your affection, you won. He or she is now yours what are you going to do to keep him or her?
Ladies maybe you were a seductress and got the man interested, now what? What else you got?
One quality will bring someone to the table and even make them fall in love with you but it will not keep them. It will not hold them.

Lots of people love others, but can't live with them.
Lot of couples divorce yet are still in love, that is because you need a pairing of attractive qualities.
A one hat trick is not going to be enough in the long run.
Ladies, You know that there is a long line of seductress waiting around the corner to entice your man.
Men if all you got, is that you are the provider, well all your woman has to do is look to the left or right and find another man with a job and he can replace you.
What is your unique paring? What make your, desires flow?

This information was the reason I went through 4 husbands.
They all had one thing but not the unique pairing I required to hold me.
I will tell you it took me almost 30 years to find it in my current relationship.
My unique paring was ambition and genuine caring. Caring for me and my daughter.
When you get this unique paring you get not only an attraction but you get an addiction.
The “and” is what makes you difficult to replace.
What I would like to do now is play for you an except from one of the relationship experts I interviewed on this show to add some context to our conversation. Ms Inez Bracy is a coach and author of Rejuvenate your life: 21 days to feel like a woman again.

Days to feel like a woman again by Inez Bracy

5 Ways to let your desires flow

1. Meditation
Your journey begins whenever you say it is. Meditation allows you to connect to your inner self and let your, desires flow, out of you.
Now is this moment if you decide this second yeah this makes perfect sense to me. I am going to do something to start changing my life.
If you decide that that's perfect and you go into silence and into meditation, being still, whatever it is you desire to change will reveal itself to you. It will come in a way where you are given steps to take.
Now I can tell you this when that comes, it is going to come very quietly, it's not going to be loud and boisterous, it's going to tell you perhaps you should do this or that.

2. Celebration
The next thing that I enjoy is celebrations. Celebrate something every single day and that's what my blissful living challenge is all about. So many times we can get caught up in everything that's going on around us. Almost like a vortex we get just sucked into it; but if you've ever been around a baby, small babies or under two years old. Up to that age the baby's just gurgles and giggles and they are just so happy.
I imagine it now.

Being blissful allows your desires to flow.  They have no reason not to be. We lose that along the way from boundaries and everything else that comes along. When we lose that we get to recapture and reclaim it because it is our birthright. Babies come in the world with it. We could to reclaim our birthright and no matter what is going on in our environment, we can still choose bliss.

3. Vibration Frequency
The more you start to celebrate, the more you lift your vibrations and The more you sing, the more you dance, the less often you will have to shovel; because your vibrational energy is at a point now where it's attracting to you those things that are good. This level of vibration is higher so you're going to be attracting love, you're going to be attracting Joy, you're going to be attracting bliss.

Yes, I talk about gratitude like that but; I guess it's the same word be grateful for what you have regardless of what's lacking. Don't concentrate on what you don't have. Concentrate on what you want. So that you can raise your vibrational frequency and attract good things.

So, yes celebrating having gratitude very important.

4. Vision
Another thing is to visualize. To live in a space of visualization to write out what it is you want. When I'm working with my clients, I say to them I desire you get to write out your vision for your life. Where do you want to live?
How does it look? How does it show up?

Sit down and see yourself in the theater of your mind. On your own stage and you're the actor and the producer!
Write out your vision for your life.

5. Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda
We can spend our entire lives lamenting Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda and that's all in the past. All in the past, it's already happened or didn't happen. Those words have no value to this present moment. They have no value to your future either.
So you should begin to eliminate woulda coulda shoulda from your vocabulary

Additional resources 

http://blog.myhelps.us/how-use-energy-desire-transform-your-life/

What Is The Foundation Of Happiness

What is the, foundation of happiness? We live in a culture where, happiness, is largely based on external forces. Like, what did we get and what did we achieve? And that's basically your, foundation of happiness. And when our life conditions don't match your expectations, we experience pain and fear. We suffer and become unhappy.

Download the podcast here

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10745096-what-is-the-foundation-of-happiness.mp3?download=true

Foundation of Happiness is Inner peace

But imagine what it would feel like if you could create a constant sense of, inner peace, and freedom and live each day in a beautiful state. Hi, I'm Coach Myrna young and welcome to, Five minute Fridays with Coach Myrna. I want to ask you what's preventing you from, happiness, and living in a state of, peace and joy?

I remember watching the, happiness movie, once. And this was a documentary that was recorded in India, where people who are living on maybe $100 a year living in huts with just covering over their head, most of them sleeping on rocks on the floor. And they were, happy. And this is why this was so unusual in the documentary.

It looked at the, foundation of happiness, what is happiness, and what causes, happiness. The end result of what that movie was trying to show was that it doesn't matter how poor you are, it doesn't matter if you don't have a lot of money. What matters most to the people and the, foundation of happiness, is family, and love.

Happiness, is making sure your children are safe and things like that.  Research shows that 85% of our, happiness, comes from our, relationships. It's not just, relationships, with people, it's, relationship, with God as well.  If you don't believe in God, then your, relationship, with the planet and the universe becomes important, but that is basically how we find, true happiness.

The, foundation of happiness, is living a life of peace and joy. Now, there's a time when I believed that your spouse, or your children or your boss, or somebody was responsible for our, happiness, but nobody can be responsible for your, happiness. I remember when Jennifer Gardner told the world that Ben Aflec was not responsible for her, happiness. He was not the foundation of her happiness.  of course they broke up because he was cheating on her with the nanny but even though she was hurt her, happiness, did not come from external sources and events.

Definition of happiness

Nobody can be responsible for our, happiness. You think that you're going to be happy when you get a husband or when you get that new car or that new job. But once you get, what you find is when you get these things, you're not really happy, because, happiness, only comes from internal sources, and I personally found that the, definition of happiness, is correct.

It's true.

The, definition of happiness, is working towards a goal or purpose.

And that's where my, happiness, comes from. My ,happiness, comes from me trying to excel in what I do. I am a host on a radio program, podcast, I'm a lifecoach. Things that I am working towards, in order to better myself. I learn something new every day because, I practice CANI which is constant and never ending improvement. And when I find that I'm growing then I'm happy.

Good, personal relationships, enhances my life, when you're fighting with your husband you're not thinking of what you don't have in your life.  When you're in the lack mode, you really can't access your, inner peace,  and joy that actually brings you, happiness. So I want you to discover what's holding you back from, happiness.

What's holding you back from being happy. I would like to encourage you to tap in to, inner peace, with, meditation, and, mindfulness, and start living in the, present moment, because, happiness, can only be found in the present moment. That is the, foundation of happiness, being in the present moment. Not in the past, not in the future.

Take the time to sit with your feelings of unhappiness, or pain, or regret. And maybe you can even try to find a lesson in it. Because there's a test in every testimony. So try to find what the universe or God was trying to teach you with that circumstances that you said, made you unhappy. And then once you sit with it, and feel the pain and not trying to, self medicate, with drugs or food or sex or whatever you do to try to feel better.

You just sit with the painful feelings. When you sit with it, then you you will find that you can stop the pain and allow life to unfold in the beautiful way that it was meant to be. One of the things I do to stop the minor irritations in my personal life and that are trying to take my joy and peace away is to breathe deeply.

People will always irritate you.  My little irritation comes when I call my husband, and he doesn't pick up the phone, and I'm wondering why he can't hear the phone, or my kids leave the house and not tell me where they're going and I think it's disrespectful. So I've learned to do something that's called R&R which is, relax and release. And what this is,  I breathe in deeply and relax and then I breathe out through my mouth and release it out.

If you do this breathing method for a few minutes, then you will find that that irritation is no longer there. And the next time that person does that same thing, then you're actually not going to get irritated because you caught it. Caught it and you relaxed and you released it.

Conclusion

So that is all for today's five minutes with Coach Myrna. I hope that I shared a few things on, happiness foundation, and maybe you can start doing some of these things. In order for you to, be happy. Remember, happiness, is not from external sources. It is only from your internal peace or moving towards a goal or desire. What you moving towards it, you're in alignment with the universe and you will be happy. So until next time, Namaste

Additional Resources

3 Ways to Find Happiness After a Divorce