Exploring The Factors Behind The Increasing Divorce Rate

factors behind divorce rate

The divorce rate of women divorcing men is increasing. The dynamic between genders in relationships has been a topic of conversation for decades, but a newer trend seems to be emerging, one that tilts the scales towards dissatisfaction and divorce. As roles within society and the household shift, women are increasingly questioning why they should stay in marriages that no longer serve them or align with their evolved status and responsibilities.


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Key Takeaways:

  • Women are initiating divorce more often due to persistent, gender imbalances, both financially and domestically thereby increasing the, divorce rate.
  • Effective communication and attentiveness are critical in preventing the gradual deterioration of relationships.
  • Understanding and aligning core values, along with continuous self-discovery, are crucial for parallel growth and fulfillment in marital partnerships.
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Gender Imbalance and Its Influence on the Divorce Rate

In recent years, women have climbed the ranks to become CEOs, entrepreneurs, and primary breadwinners, but this rise in professional stature has not been matched by a corresponding shift in domestic responsibilities. Despite their career demands, they often come home to unchanged expectations—house chores, childcare, and an array of additional tasks—while their partners remain disengaged.

“The growing trend… women are making the lion's share of the income… working as hard or harder outside the home… and yet they're still carrying all the burden inside the house.” — Dennis

This pervasive imbalance is increasingly leading women to question the equity in their marriages and, ultimately, to seek divorce when the division of labor remains static and uncommunicative. The dissatisfaction accumulates over time, not only reducing the perceived value of their contributions but also undermining the fundamental respect and partnership expected in marriage.

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The Importance of Emotional Support and Companionship

Relationships are anchored by emotional exchange and mutual support, something that should resound clearly in the everyday interactions between spouses. Men are encouraged to become more aware and active participants in their partner's emotional worlds, offering assistance and appreciation for the daily efforts that often go unnoticed. Men have the ability to affect the, divorce rate, by just asking how can I help.

“Being in tune with your partner to be able to judge these emotions… caring enough to then ask, ‘Can I help?'” — Dennis

When men take proactive steps to contribute meaningfully to the partnership, whether through household responsibilities or emotional support, they create a more balanced and satisfying relationship for both parties. Such actions affirm that the partnership is a priority and that both individuals are committed to its health and longevity.

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Aligning Values affect the Divorce Rate

Another significant aspect of modern relationships and the, divorce rate, is the alignment of core values and beliefs. A strong relationship bears the capacity for evolution and growth; however, divergent fundamental views and a lack of self-reflective growth often lead to discord. Couples must consistently reacquaint themselves with each other, fostering an environment that acknowledges and supports each person's journey and changes.

“Keep rediscovering your partner, keep rediscovering yourself… you're not going to have the same relationship at 45 as you had at 25… but it can be just as fulfilling.” — Dennis

The crux lies in staying connected emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually, through intentional conversations and shared experiences. It underscores the idea that success within the marriage is less about static achievements and more about nurturing an ever-evolving bond that cherishes both individual growth and collective goals.


As the conversation recapped here reveals, the modern woman is reassessing her relationship expectations, which now extend beyond financial provision to include emotional support, equitable division of tasks, and shared growth opportunities. While economic tensions and philosophical differences have always been sources of marital strain, it is the lack of responsiveness to evolving gender roles that's demanding women's attention and action. If relationships are to thrive, it's clear that husbands need to demonstrate a commitment not just to the marriage institution, but to the evolving partnership that modern marriage has become. This in turn will positively affect the, divorce rates.

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Conclusion

Men, take note: cultivating a mutually fulfilling relationship doesn't only rest on grand romantic gestures or financial security. It's built on the everyday attentiveness, gratitude, and willingness to grow alongside your partner—acting as the co-pilot rather than a passenger in the marital journey.

Connect with Dennis on the web @ https://www.drvetranolaw.com/

On Instagram @ https://www.instagram.com/drvlaw/

Additional Resources

Surviving Divorce: The Ultimate Roadmap to Rebuilding Your Life

Why Men Choose Women and Why Women Shouldn’t Chase Men

why men choose women

Relationship coach Andre Paradis joins host Myrna Young to discuss the topic of, why men choose women, and why women often struggle to choose the right partner. Andre explains that men are becoming more hesitant to enter into relationships due to the changing dynamics and expectations placed on them. He emphasizes the importance of understanding the natural dance between masculine and feminine energies and how women can tap into their femininity to attract the right partner. Andre offers valuable insights and advice for both single individuals and those in committed relationships.

Download the podcast here:

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Introduction

In this thought-provoking episode, Host Myrna Young and, dating coach, Andre Paradis, delve into the fascinating world of relationships. Drawing from Andre's experiences as a relationship coach, we explore the reasons, why men choose women, as many women find themselves alone on, Valentine's Day. Andre sheds light on the dynamics of modern relationships and offers valuable insights into, why men choose women, and why women should avoid approaching men. By understanding the natural dance between masculinity and femininity, we can create and maintain successful relationships.

Andre gives a potent example to illustrate the masculine and feminine. He says the sperm is the mover and the egg just sits and waits. So ladies, please wait for the man to approach you. Men need to hunt and when you approach them you just get introduced to the little guy.

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Key Takeaways

  • Men are increasingly choosing to be alone due to the challenges of finding value in relationships with women in a culture that promotes independence and boss babe mentalities.
  • The process of a man choosing a woman is not based on intellectual decisions or a checklist, but rather on feelings and chemistry.
  • Intimacy starts with vulnerability and being present in the moment, allowing the natural dynamic between masculine and feminine energies to unfold.

The Number One Reason Men and Women Are Alone on Valentine's Day

In today's society, men are finding it increasingly difficult to find value in relationships with women. The rise of the boss babe mentality and the push for independence have created a culture where men are expected to follow a woman's lead and be 50/50 partners. However, this goes against the natural instincts of men, who are wired to provide, protect, and cherish women. The cultural shift towards masculine qualities in women has made it challenging for men to connect and form meaningful relationships.

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Why Men Choose Women and Women Shouldn't Approach Men

The process of a man choosing a woman is not based on intellectual decisions or a checklist. It is driven by feelings and chemistry. Men respond to a woman's energy and presence, and they are instantly drawn to feminine qualities such as warmth, receptiveness, and vulnerability. When a woman takes the lead and approaches a man, it disrupts the natural dynamic and can be a turnoff for men. It is important for women to allow men to take the lead and be receptive to their advances.

Some, dating advice: On the First date expect it to be akward. Don't make a decision on the man before the 3rd date. Andre says the woman brings the energy so ladies remember to smile and be laid back.  Do not conduct the date like a job interview. It is a turnoff. Even is you are fine and have all the qualities a man is looking for he will say she of okay BUT. You don't want to be a BUT.

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The Importance of Intimacy in Relationships

Intimacy is a crucial aspect of any successful relationship. It is the deep connection and emotional closeness that allows two individuals to truly understand and support each other. Intimacy starts with vulnerability, which is often initiated by the, feminine energy, in the relationship. When a woman opens up and shares her fears, insecurities, and desires, it creates a safe space for the man to do the same. This vulnerability fosters trust and deepens the emotional bond between partners.

For example, if you are nervous on the first date and worried you will say the wrong thing sharing this with your date shows vulnerability and starts intimacy. He may even share that he is nervous as well.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

The importance of maintaining femininity in attracting masculine men

Women are showing up saying he's got to meet me up here.  Ladies it's not working, this is not what attracts a man,  this does not make you attractive; you know sexy, magnetic warm.  It has the exact opposite effect. Those masculine qualities that you so encouraged to have by society, results in men actually skipping men away.  Masculine men are not interested in masculine women.  It's very simple hunters don't date hunters.

What I mean as a rule so keep that in mind. It's nature in action.  The more masculine the woman, the more Boss Babe and you go- girl, the more the man goes his way.  Boss Babe  it's beautiful for work and making money,  but the masculine men won't stand for it.  They will literally just avoid you like the plague.

There is a lot of conversation around why women are so masculine in this era, and I don't want to you don't want to get sidetracked on this, but I'm just going to make this comment.  Women are stating their demands, you're right and the men, they're running from that because they don't want a woman that's telling them what to do.  So what makes a, man choose a woman, because that's basically where we're going with this conversation.

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Why Men Choose Women

Why men choose women? Men respond to women's energy and presence. A feminine woman is a woman who's receptive, who is magnetic, who's warm, who's inviting, who's happy, joyful in her body in that moment.  That feminine energy brings us straight out of our heads and brings us completely present to you.  Men can't think in the presence of the magnetic warm energy of a woman.

We caught up in the eyes and the smile and the way she's speaking, all the little mannerism and the man be like I can't think in the presence of feminine woman.  This is why the man need femininity, because it takes us out of our heads, brings us present in our bodies.  This is how and, why a man chooses a woman. He knows right away because his body responds to her energy.

Conclusion

Understanding the dynamics of relationships and the dance between masculine and feminine energies is essential for creating and maintaining successful partnerships. By embracing femininity and allowing men to take the lead, women can attract and build meaningful connections with high-value men. Intimacy, rooted in vulnerability and emotional closeness, is the foundation of a strong and fulfilling relationship. So, this Valentine's Day, let's embrace our natural energies and create the love and connection we desire.

Remember, relationships are not a one-size-fits-all formula. Each individual and partnership is unique, and it is important to find what works best for you. By seeking guidance from relationship experts like Andre Paradis, you can gain valuable insights and tools to navigate the complexities of modern relationships.

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Additional Resources

What Men Want In A Woman

Dating Advice: Why Masculine Men Commit To One Woman

How To Become The Type Of Woman A Man Falls In Love With

How to become a woman any man falls in love with

In this 5 min segment with coach Myrna, she explores how women can become, the Type Of Woman A Man Falls In Love With. She discusses the qualities that make a woman irresistible to men and how women can, become the type of woman any man wants to marry.

Drawing inspiration from a conversation between Jesus and a, Samaritan woman, coach Myrna emphasizes the importance of intelligence, confidence, independence, communication, kindness, self-improvement, positivity, and a sense of humor in attracting a partner and building a meaningful relationship. By focusing on self-improvement and fostering genuine connections, women can create a solid foundation for love and marriage.

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Introduction

In John chapter 4 Jesus has a great conversation with a, Samaritan woman. Because Jesus is Omniscience, which means all-knowing, he is aware of the past, present, and future. He told her she had 5 husbands and living with a man who she is not married to.

Society judges’ women who have a lot of husbands. It carries an element of shame to it. So today I want to flip that around and look at, why a man wants to marry a woman. 

First and foremost, what men want. Men are looking for, intelligent women. A woman who can talk on all topics and can have a stimulating conversation.

The Samaritan woman was such a woman. Jesus knew who she was before he sought her out to talk to her and on cue, she started the conversation by asking “So tell me, why is it that you Jews insist that Jerusalem is the only place of worship?

After that she started taking about the Messiah. Jesus said I am the Messiah.

So, ladies the message today is, Are you, the type of woman a man falls in love with? 

Here are some ways that you can prepare to shine when you are in the spotlight, when you too can tell your friends “I met a man”

podhero podcast Transform Your Mind
Podhero podcast

The Power of Becoming Irresistible to men

So what type of woman is an alpha male attracted to? In the intricate dance of love and relationships, there's no magic formula to make someone fall in love with you. However, there are certain qualities and behaviors that can enhance your attractiveness and create a solid foundation for a meaningful connection. Today, we will explore how you can become a woman any man wants to marry, the type of woman a man falls in love with,  by focusing on self-improvement and fostering a genuine connection.

Cultivate Confidence: Embrace Your Inner Strengths

To become, the type of woman a man falls in love with, you must have self-confidence.  Confidence is magnetic. Embrace your strengths, be comfortable with your flaws, by becoming flawesome and radiate self-assurance.  “Confidence not only makes you attractive, but it also creates an environment where others feel comfortable and inspired around you.” When you exude confidence, you become a beacon of positivity and allure and, the type of woman a man falls in love with. 

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

The type of woman a man falls in love with is Independent Woman

While partnership is essential in a marriage, maintaining individuality is equally crucial. As the transcript states, “A woman with a strong sense of self is not only attractive but also brings added depth to a relationship.” By pursuing your passions, having your own goals, and demonstrating a sense of independence, you become a well-rounded and captivating partner.

Prioritize Communication: The Key to Connection

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. As the transcript suggests, “Being able to communicate honestly and respectfully fosters understanding and strengthens the emotional bond between you and your partner.” By learning to express your thoughts and feelings openly and actively listening, you create a safe space for vulnerability and intimacy to flourish.

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Transform Your Mind Podnews

What men want: an Empathatic Woman

Kindness goes a long way in building lasting connections. Show empathy, be considerate, and prioritize compassion in your interactions.  “A woman who exudes kindness not only attracts a partner but also contributes to the overall well-being of the relationship.” By nurturing kindness and compassion, you create a nurturing and loving environment that fosters a deep emotional connection.

Invest in Self-Improvement: The Journey of Personal Growth

Continuously strive to grow and better yourself.  “Investing in yourself not only makes you more interesting but also demonstrates a commitment to personal growth that can be inspiring to others and make you attractive to men.” That is also the type of woman a player falls in love with. Whether it's through education, personal development, or acquiring new skills, investing in yourself showcases your dedication to self-improvement and adds depth to your character.

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The Power of Optimism: The type of woman a man falls in love with. 

Maintain a positive attitude and approach challenges with optimism. As the transcript states, “Positivity is infectious and can create a harmonious atmosphere in your relationship.” By embracing a positive outlook, you become a source of inspiration and support for your partner. A woman who can navigate life's ups and downs with grace is someone many men would aspire to have by their side and is, the type of woman a man falls in love with. 

Cultivate a Sense of Humor: The Joy of Laughter

Laughter is a powerful bonding tool. Cultivate a sense of humor, find joy in the little things, and share lighthearted moments with your partner. As the transcript suggests, “A woman who can bring joy and laughter into a relationship is sure to be cherished.” By embracing humor, you create a joyful and light-hearted atmosphere that strengthens the emotional connection between you and your partner.

Becoming the Woman Any Man Wants to Marry

Becoming a woman any man wants to marry, involves a combination of self-discovery, personal growth, and fostering positive qualities. While there is no one-size-fits-all approach to love, by embracing your authenticity and cultivating these traits, you can create a foundation for a fulfilling and lasting relationship. Remember, the journey to becoming irresistible is not about changing who you are, but rather about embracing your unique qualities and continuously striving to be the best version of yourself.

As you embark on this journey, keep in mind the words of Jesus in his conversation with the Samaritan woman. He saw her for who she truly was, and she engaged him in a stimulating conversation. By embodying intelligence, confidence, independence, effective communication, kindness, self-improvement, positivity, and a sense of humor, you can become the woman any man wants to marry.

So, ladies, prepare to shine when you are in the spotlight, and one day, you too can proudly tell your friends, “I met a man.” The power to unlock the qualities that make you irresistible lies within you. Embrace it, nurture it, and watch as love and happiness find their way into your life.

Conclusion and Future Outlook: A Journey of Continuous Growth

The journey to, becoming a woman any man wants to marry, is not a destination but a continuous process of, personal growth and self-improvement. As you navigate the complexities of love and relationships, remember to stay true to yourself, embrace your uniqueness, and never stop learning and evolving. By embodying the qualities discussed in this guide, you will not only attract the right partner but also create a strong foundation for a lifelong connection filled with love, understanding, and mutual respect.

Unlock the qualities that make you irresistible, and embrace the journey of becoming the woman any man wants to marry. Your future awaits, filled with endless possibilities for love and happiness.

Additional Resources

Help Me Makeover My Marriage: Communication

Twin Flames: A Journey of Love and Spiritual Awakening

Twin Flames love

Shelby Carino joins host Myrna Young to discuss the reality of, twin flames. Shelby shares her personal journey with, twin flames, and explains that, twin flame, is an energy, not a person. She emphasizes the importance of understanding oneself and working on personal growth before attracting a twin flame.

Shelby also addresses the push and pull dynamic in, twin flame relationships and the need for women to lead and guide their partners spiritually. She offers a course to help women break free from limiting beliefs and outdated patterns in order to manifest their, twin flame.

Download the podcast here: 

https://pscrb.fm/rss/p/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://prfx.byspotify.com/e/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/14193809-navigating-the-reality-of-twin-flames-understanding-the-energy-and-dynamics.mp3?download=true

Introduction

Welcome back to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life radio, podcast, and television show. I'm your host, life coach Myrna Young. Today, we have a special guest, Shelby Carino, who will be joining us to discuss the fascinating topic of navigating the reality of, twin flames. If you've never heard of, twin flames, before, I encourage you to stay until the end because knowledge is power. Understanding the concept of, twin flames, can help us attract and cultivate deep, meaningful relationships. So let's dive right in and explore this intriguing topic.

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What are Twin Flames?

What is a, twin flame meaning. According to Shelby, twin flame definition, is an energy, a fifth dimention energy,  that manifests through the mirrored effect of our higher soul journey. It represents the other half of ourselves, whether it be the masculine or feminine energy. The, twin flame, is not just a person, but an energy that helps us grow and ascend spiritually. It is a deep, soulful connection that goes beyond surface-level compatibility.

Shelby's personal journey with, twin flames, began in 2011 when she experienced a spiritual awakening. She stumbled upon the concept of twin flames through a meditation and manifested a person who embodied the qualities she associated with a, twin flame. However, she soon realized that the, twin flame, is not solely about the person, but about the energy and the depth of the connection.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

The Misrepresentation of Twin Flames

Shelby highlights the misrepresentation of, twin flames, in popular culture, particularly in the documentary “Twin Flame Universe” on Netflix. She cautions against the dangerous ideology perpetuated by some self-proclaimed gurus who claim to have the ultimate knowledge of, twin flames. These individuals often convince people that there is only one specific person who is their, twin flame, and that they must do whatever it takes to be with that person. This misrepresentation can lead to obsession, stalking, and unhealthy behaviors.

Shelby emphasizes that the, twin flame, is not about being fixated on one person, but about the energy and the growth it brings. It is a journey of self-discovery and spiritual development. The, twin flame, is an energy that can be manifested through various relationships, not just one specific person.

Twin flame seperation: The Dance of the Runner and Chaser

There is such a thing as, twin flame seperation. In the realm of, twin flames, there is often a dynamic of the runner and chaser. This occurs when one person becomes overwhelmed by the intensity of the connection and tries to distance themselves, while the other person desperately chases after them. Shelby explains that this dynamic arises when the chaser projects their energy onto the runner, overwhelming them and causing them to retreat.

To break free from this, twin flame seperation, Shelby advises women to focus on their own spiritual growth and balance their feminine and masculine energies. Women have the power to guide their partners into their own, spiritual awakening, but they must first be in control of themselves and their own energy. By doing so, they can create a healthy and balanced dynamic in the, twin flame relationship.

Twin flame love: Breaking Free from Limiting Patterns and Beliefs

In, twin flame love, Shelby's work revolves around helping women break free from limiting subconscious patterns and outdated spiritual beliefs. She offers a relationship reset course that helps individuals reset their foundation of what relationships are truly about. By challenging old belief systems and integrating new perspectives, individuals can create healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

The, twin flame, journey is an opportunity for individuals to transform their minds and release outdated beliefs and escape the reality of the, fake twin. It requires deep self-reflection, spiritual growth, and a willingness to let go of old patterns that no longer serve them. Through Shelby's courses and guidance, individuals can gain the knowledge and tools to navigate the, twin flame love, with grace and authenticity.

Twin Flame vs Soul mate

Navigating the reality of, twin flames, is a profound and transformative journey. It is not just about finding a, soul mate, but about connecting with the deepest parts of ourselves and experiencing spiritual growth. The, twin flame vs soul mate, energy serves as a catalyst for self-discovery and ascension.

As we continue to evolve and move into the, fifth dimension energy, the concept of, twin flames, becomes even more relevant. We are being called to go beyond surface-level connections and seek deeper, more meaningful relationships.  We are going deeper than even, soul mate, relationships. By understanding the true nature of twin flames and working on our own spiritual development, we can attract and cultivate the relationships that align with our highest selves.

Twin Flames Conclusion

In conclusion, the journey of, twin flames, is a path of love, growth, and spiritual awakening. It is an opportunity to connect with our true essence and experience the highest form of love, twin flame love.  By embracing the energy of, twin flames, and working on our own spiritual development, we can create fulfilling and transformative relationships. So, let us embark on this journey with open hearts and open minds, ready to embrace the depth and beauty that, twin flames, have to offer.

Additional Resources

How to Find your Soul Mate or Twin Flame

Surviving Divorce: The Ultimate Roadmap to Rebuilding Your Life

Karen McMahon surviving divorce

In this blog post, Karen McMahon, Divorce coach discuss the ins and outs of divorce, and provide you with the resources you need to rebuild your life after a divorce. Many people believe that divorce is the end of the world, but that's not necessarily the case.

In this episode, we're going to discuss the steps you need to take in order to rebuild your life after a divorce. We'll cover topics like financial planning, communication strategies, and rebuilding your relationship with your children. If you're struggling after a divorce, don't worry! This podcast is designed to help you on your road to rebuilding your life after divorce.

Download the podcast here

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/13264126-surviving-divorce-the-ultimate-roadmap-to-rebuilding-your-life.mp3?download=true

Bio

Karen McMahon is a certified relationship and divorce coach and the founder of Journey Beyond divorce.  Together Karen and her team of divorce coaches encourage thousands of men and women worldwide to navigate their divorce calmly, clearly and with confidence. Karen began her journey as a coach in 2010 after coming to the realization that her tumultuous three and a half year divorce was a catalyst for a transformational journey into a new life, instead of allowing her pain to wear her down.

She turned inward with a laser-like focus and worked on healing herself, setting suitable barriers and surrendering what she could not control. Karen now shows others that the shifting world of divorce is a perfect opportunity to begin identifying and practicing new ways of thinking being and doing.  Looking at relationship challenges with A New Perspective inevitably leads to deeper self-discovery, which allows individuals to boldly move forward in to the next chapter of Life.

Karen is the host of the acclaimed Journey beyond divorce podcast, the co-author of stepping out of chaos, turning pain to possibility and the co-creator of JBD's exclusive 12-step divorce recovery program.  Her other accomplishments include work as in NYS lobbyist Health Advocate, Community organizer and chairperson of an NYS non-profit organization.

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Divorce is one of life ambushes

Myrna: I remember an interview that I had just a few weeks ago with retired Navy SEAL Jason Redman, who talked about, life ambushes, and one of the ambushes he talks about was divorce.  Jason said that people when they have a life Ambush, they keep looking at the closed door.  They don't understand that whenever you have an end you also have a new beginning, so that's where I'm going to start off my conversation today.

Karen said that she started this work after she went through her divorce and realized that it was a beginning of something, so Karen how do you teach your clients to turn the pain of the of divorce into a possibility?

Karen: That's a great starting question and so the first thing I'll say is there are those who ask for the divorce and those who find themselves blindsided when the divorce comes to them.  So if you're asking for a divorce, if you're finally deciding that you want a divorce, you've been struggling in your marriage for a long time.  You may have gone through counseling, but you've been on your own grief Journey for some time now and it's still super messed up.

Then there is those who are blindsided, they knew the marriage had problems but every marriage has problems and so when their spouse says I want a divorce they're like hit, they're ambushed and it feels like they're being run over by an  18-wheeler.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

Divorce road map

So I always like to talk about the, grief Journey, because the person who's ambushed is immediately in denial.  Oh are you seeing someone?  You're just going through a midlife crisis, you're just confused, this can't be happening.  They start bargaining, they go through this whole thing and a lot of people who have decided to divorce will think their spouse is being manipulative when in fact they're really in this, grief Journey.

Myrna:  I can understand you going into the possibilities of what can happen so diving a little deeper. What is the, roadmap for divorce,  you coach your clients  about the possibility of relationships, career, etc.

Karen: The roadmap for divorce, is like a roadmap to a destination with all the stops.  I was just speaking to a client earlier today and this person knows they need to leave and so there's so much to map out.

  • When do I tell my spouse
  • How do I tell my spouse
  • What do we say to the kids
  • When do we say it to the kids
  • If it's a high conflict marriage do I tell them individually
  • Will mom or dad throw me under the bus and hurt the kids if I tell them together?
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The emotional load and emotional pain body are enormous.  At Journey Beyond divorce, we support people both on the Practical Journey which is telling the spouse, telling the kids, finding an attorney, figuring out your finances, how do I negotiate, how does the court work.

Journey beyond divorce: co-parenting

That whole journey and as you're going down that Journey, what's coming up it's like you've jumped into a murky Pond and all of your shortcomings, all of your insecurities, everything you need to heal from and refine comes bubbling up. So now you're in an emotional tsunami after just being drop shipped into a foreign land called divorce, where you don't know the language you don't have a guide and you don't know what the heck you're doing.

It's really a powerful opportunity for, personal transformation, and reinvention because basically it's a hot mess.

Myrna: For sure, one of the things that you teach is how to do effective, co-parenting.  So can we talk about that for a minute.

Karen:  So in today's day and age the majority of people get 50/50 custody and the reason is I think that to a large degree our dad's a much more  engaged.  So when the decision is made and you might still be living under the same roof, it's a good time to start saying let's let's experiment with this co-parent thing.

This is always hard for especially if it's a stay-at-home mom or a stay-at-home parent, because you're so used to this being all your division of labor.  I want to talk about when co-parenting, and this is straight through the divorce, not only don't you speak to your child about what's wrong with their other parent they are 50 that other parent.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Never bash the other parent to your kids

So not only don't you get on the phone with your girlfriend in the kitchen complaining about your soon-to-be ex while the kids are listening in the living room because they're always listening and it does such incredible harm.   I'm divorcing him because he wasn't a good spouse or partner let's not assume that means he's not a good parent.

Myrna:  I'm talking to you because I've never done the co-parenting thing and it sounds real complicated. I'm wondering does it benefit the kids?

Karen: A hundred percent. I work a lot in, high conflict divorce, and if you have a parent who has severe trauma, personality disorder, addiction, alcoholism etc. If you have a very, high conflict co-parent, the children are better spending more time with you.  But children unless those people are dangerous it's always valuable for kids to experience both parents on a regular basis.

If you have one, high conflict personality, it's so vitally important that if you're married to the, high conflict personality, I can guarantee you you've lost your temper.  You've raged, you've been a people pleaser, a codependent, you don't have boundaries, and you have to work on all of those things to become a whole and healthy person.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

High conflict divorce

You can teach your children those skills so that they can navigate that, high conflict personality, you get to divorce them the children have to find the lanes that work for them.  The safe places where they can really enjoy that, high conflict parent, and know that it's not their responsibility to take care of mommy or daddy.

There's one other piece that if I could talk about with co-parenting sometimes it was my experience a lot of people in a, high conflict divorce, sometimes the children come back from the other parent and and they're upset, they've been put down, they've been ignored, they feel diminished, they don't feel heard, they might not feel loved.

The worst thing that the mom can do is criticize their dad.  It's so vitally important if your child comes to you and they're struggling with the other parent, ask a lot of questions.

  • What happened,
  • how did that make you feel,
  • what did you do about it,
  • what do you wish you could do about it,
  • what were you afraid to do that you wished you could do about it,
  • why are you afraid,
  • how can I help you,
  • how would you do it different next time,
  • how do we help you be able to say to Daddy or to set a boundary?

Myrna:  I was talking about how love turns to hates so quickly.  If a divorce happens because irreconcilable differences or something along those lines where you've been you've been living for a while and it's not working out you decide to divorce, but a lot of times, you're calling it,  high conflict divorce, I'm assuming that you're meaning, high conflict,  infidelity or you really hate your spouse male or female.

Mommy hates Daddy, mommy is  gonna jump on that opportunity to bash that man, there's absolutely no way that we're gonna oh you know Daddy's not a bad person.

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iHeart Radio

What is a high conflict divorce?

Karen:  Actually there are plenty of people who divorce and are angry and hate each other, that's actually not, high conflict divorce. High conflict divorce,  is when you're divorcing someone who takes zero responsibility and I'll say this because I think it's important in today's day and age everyone's like oh you're divorcing a narcissist.

I have a hard time with that, we're not psychologists, we don't know that, but what we do know is if you have someone who has very black and white thinking.  Who always blames you and can't take responsibility, who seems to have a different memory of almost everything that happened yesterday or in history.  Who can't sit down at the table and negotiate anything because they want everything or they're always right you're wrong.

These are personalities where a divorce isn't is a negotiation,  because negotiations require transparency and compromise.   Most Garden variety divorces involve someone who hates the other one or who's outgrown them and they're not interested in them.  But no matter how you feel about your ex please hear me it is never ever going to be valuable for you to tell your child how bad their parent is.

Taking off your armor and trusting after a divorce

Myrna:  I agree with that totally.  In my community women don't even want the kids even to see the parent because they hate them so much.   All right, now one of the other things we talk about  is after the battle of the divorce, when the divorce is final, that women put down our weapons and take off our armor and start to trust again.  How do we how do you teach women to become vulnerable again and trust again?

Karen: That is one of the most important questions and I hope that everyone listening that you can receive this.  When our trust has been broken, it usually starts with us breaking our trust in ourselves, and what I mean by that is most of us will say I knew it. I saw the red flags and ignored them.  I saw that characteristic in him but he was just so handsome and sexy,  I ignored it.

So when you start rebuilding trust, don't bash yourself, don't criticize yourself don't condemn yourself, for what you did.  Be incredibly compassionate with yourself and start tuning in because our fear voices is this loud Amplified voice and our inner wisdom our intuition is this very soft whisper.  When we can start tuning into the soft whisper and trusting our intuitive hit, our women's intuition that is going to be the foundation of building trust.

Entrepreneurship and divorce

Myrna: A lot of people don't think about going through a divorce when you're an entrepreneur and you have a business or maybe even going a divorce in the corporate world.  When you are not emotionally at your Peak everything falls around you like dominoes.  So what are three ways of keeping your business running smoothly during a divorce?

Karen: So you want three okay so the first thing I'm gonna say is:

  • The first one is you're going through the largest transition of your life, you're not going to be on your A game, so adjust your expectations.  If you've got some enormous campaign that you've planned for this upcoming year and you're going to be in the courts and juggling kids and becoming a single parent you're basically setting yourself up to fail.
  • The second thing is to realize what's going on.  When we're going through divorce, life is busy and overwhelming for all of us.  It's almost like being on your computer and adding this huge database that's going to download onto your computer you know when you download something it's like every program slows down it gets really glitchy it just freezes that's what's happening in your brain.
  •  I'll say like hiring a coach and a therapists because the do different things.  A coach helps you both logistically and emotionally, a good attorney and you might need a financial plan; but on a personal level what is your All-Star support team look like?

Conclusion

Myrna:  Karen this has been amazing, you have designed a 12-step divorce recovery program which sounds really great because what you're saying is  you've got to recover from this divorce.

Karen:  We found that over the course of years we started looking at what are all of the typical emotional challenges that people face during and after divorce. So we created the 12 Steps around that and so the first one which would be a surprise to nobody is to curb the conflict, because no matter what kind of a divorce you have there's going to be conflict.  Let's keep the focus on you and look at your behavior and here's how you can do things differently.

Then we have another step that's about calming the chaos.  Most chaos during divorce doesn't happen outside of you it happens between your ears, it's your stinking thinking.  So what are your assumptions, what are your interpretations, what are your limiting beliefs?   We talk in the 12 Steps about becoming less problem focused and more solution focused.  We talk about how to grieve and grieve well and the importance of feeling your feelings and so many more.

Each step is really helping someone pivot in one an area of their emotional experience of divorce.

Myrna:  How can our listeners and those watching on TV get in contact with you? Talk about your website how they can get all the course?

Karen: We are Journey Beyond divorce on all platforms. It's Journey Beyond divorce podcast, Journey_Beyond divorce on Instagram and if the high conflict part of the conversation resonates with you we just created a toxic quiz and it's on the home page.  It's 10 questions and it gives you a really good sense of the health or lack thereof of your current relationship.

Additional Resources

How to be Confident after a Divorce

How To Transform Your Relationships Using The Power of Now!

Transform relationships power of the now

In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I share how to use, the power of the now, to change dysfunctional negative relationships into positive ones and how to use the, power of now, to transform your relationships.

Relationships are one of the most important aspects of our lives, and it's easy to let them get out of control. Today we study Eckhart Tolle's book “The Power of The Now” on how to improve your relationships. By learning how to use the power of now, you'll be able to align yourself with what's really important in your life, and your relationships will start to improve as a result.

Eckhart Tolle says that everything happens in the now. There is only one point of access and it is the now.  And until you access the now, all relationships are deeply flawed. They may seem perfect for a moment when you are in love, but that perfection is lost when disappointment and dissatisfaction set in.  If we look at the divorce rate, it seems that most love relationships become love hate relationships.

Download the podcast here: 

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Relationships bloom when we access the power of  now

If we look at the divorce rate, it seems that most, love relationships, become, love-hate relationships.  

When we don’t access, the power of the now, love can turn to hate with the flick of a switch.  

Sometimes the relationship continues for a while between the polarities of love and hate. It gives you as much pleasure as it gives you pain. 

Some couples get addicted to the drama because it makes them feel alive, but when the negative events occur with increasing frequency, the relationship collapses

Here is some, relationship advice, you may think that if you remove the, negative cycles, then the relationship would flower beautifully, but this is not the case. The polarities are mutually interdependent, you cannot have one without the other. The reason we want to be in the now in our relationships is that you can’t access the, pain body, of what he did to me and then bring it forward and relive the pain.

The, power of the now, means unless the event is happening now, it is in the past.  The reason Eckhart Tolle teaches that the polarities are mutually interdependent is because your pain feed his pain. Your triggers, trigger his triggers.  

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

The Power of the now eliminates dysfunctional relationships

The negative side of a relationship is more easily recognized as dysfunctional. It is also easier to recognize the source of negativity in your partner, than to see it for yourself. Negativity and your past pain can show up in many forms in your relationship as: 

  • possessiveness,
  • jealousy,
  • control,
  • withdrawal,
  • resentment,
  • the need to be right,
  • insensitivity and self-absorption,
  • emotional demand’s,
  • manipulation,
  • the urge to criticize,
  • judge, blame, anger, and unconscious revenge.

Quite a list. None of these things happen in, the now.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

The power of now in love

The positive side can be just as bad.  This is the, power of love. When you are in love, someone needs you, wants you and makes you feel special.  The feelings of being in love can become so intense that the rest of the world fades into insignificance.  

You become addicted to the other person; he acts on you like a drug. Even the thought of that person no longer loving you, illicit jealousy, emotional blackmail, blaming and accusing, because of fear of loss.

If the other person does leave you, it can lead to the most intense pain from grief or the most intense hostility. Was this love in the first place or just addictive clinging?  

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Survival relationships can be addictive clinging

Then , survival relationships, comes along.  It seems to meet all your needs, at least that is how it appears at first. You now have a new focal point, the person who defines your identity. The person you are in love with. Your world now has a center again, you are loved.  

Then there becomes a point when your partner fails to meet your needs. The feelings of fear and lack now resurface, they had been covered up by the love relationship. Like any drug, you are on a high until the drug no longer works for you. When the feelings of fear return, you feel them stronger than they were before and you now perceive your partner as the cause of those feelings. You attack your partner and this awakens their own, pain body, and he may counter your attack. Every attack is manipulation to get your partner to change their behavior.  

This is because you refuse to work through your pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever you are addicted to, whether it be alcohol, food, shopping, sex you are using something or someone to cover up your pain.  

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Romantic relationships do not cause unhappiness

That is why there is so much pain and unhappiness in, romantic relationships. Romantic relationships, do not cause pain and unhappiness, they bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you.  

Avoidance of relationships in an attempt to avoid pain is not the answer either. 3 failed marriages are a source of awakening more than if you shut yourself off in a room and refuse to engage in a relationship.

The power of the now, must be strong enough so you don’t get taken over by the thinker or the, pain body.  

Bringing, the power of the now, to your relationship means, first you stop judging yourself then you stop judging your partner.  

The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is without needing to judge or change them in any way.  

You are in a, love relationship, if that person feels the same way about you; other than that you are in a relationship with yourself. Don’t let this love turn into a, love- hate relationship, by constantly bringing up the past. Embrace, the power of the now.

Additional Resources

How Single Women over 40 Find Love

 

Understanding Mental Illness: My Bipolar Life

My Bipolar Life

If you have been diagnosed with, mental illness, or, Bipolar disorder,  it means that you probably think of ending your life all the time.  In this episode, I interview Gabe Howard, who was diagnosed with, Bipolar disorder, at age 25.

Before then Gabe said that he did not know he was sick. His parents thought  he was just acting out and would punish him for his behavior. But he remembers thinking of suicide all his life, until he got treatment. No one knew he was, Bipolar.

Today GABE HOWARD is an award-winning speaker, author, and podcast host who lives with bipolar disorder. He hosts the weekly Psych Central Podcast and is the co-host of the Not Crazy podcast. He’s the author of Mental Illness is an Asshole – and Other Observations and has appeared on numerous websites, podcasts, and in many traditional media outlets

Introduction to My Bipolar Life

I was diagnosed with, Bipolar disorder, when I was when I was 25 years old. I didn't know that I was sick. I had all of these, mental health, symptoms. They were causing me a lot of personal problems. I had a drug and alcohol problem, hyper sexuality was an issue, my relationships were just being destroyed, all because of, mental illness, but I didn't know anything was wrong.

Then one day I ended up in a psychiatric hospital, because I was ready to end my own life. I thought about suicide as far back as I can remember.

I just thought it was normal to want to die.

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What is, Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder is a mental illness marked by extreme changes in mood from high to low, and from low to high. Highs are periods of mania, while lows are periods of depression. The changes in mood may even become mixed, so you might feel elated and depressed at the same time.

The problem Gabe says is that when you are in the middle is when you get the job, the girl, the promotion, get married.  You usually loose these things when you are depressed or manic;  being in the middle is where you want to be.

I became an advocate because I consider myself to be a smart person and I don't have like some story about how my parents were awful. My parents are good people, they loved me very much. My dad was a truck driver my mom a stay-at-home mom and they did all the things right.

They were engaged, they loved me, they were present and none of us knew that I was, Bipolar, None of us got me any help. I thought wow if I didn't know, if my family didn't know, if all of that love and engagement and connection and caring and they just missed it. There must be other people that are in my shoes. That's why I became a, mental health advocate.

I just wanted to talk about, Bipolar, openly so that there just wouldn't be other people wandering around sick and scared and symptomatic. They could get help, because I was really lucky.

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What is Mental Illness?

Mental Illness is an Asshole!

In his book Mental Illness is an Asshole – and Other Observations

Mental Illness is an Asshole is Gabe Howard’s first collection of articles about living with mental illness.

All the articles date from 2014 through 2018 and include his observations on reaching recovery, stigma, and living well in spite of depression, bipolar, and anxiety. Totaling over 380 pages, Gabe even shares the story of his :): logo for the first time.

For years, Gabe Howard’s entertaining articles and essays have been educating people about living with mental illness. His observations cover everything from practical advice to family relationships to the fears that people with mental illness experience.

In essays such as “Anxiety Says Everyone Hates Me,” “I Have Bipolar and I’m a Hypocrite,” and, yes, “Mental Illness Is an Asshole,” Gabe makes mental illness less scary and more understandable.

I had a suicide plan and I just happen to run into somebody that understood that understood mental illness and it she looked at me and asked me “are you planning on killing yourself?” Her training allowed her to ask that question and I said yes! She he me committed to the psychiatric hospital.

I was diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, and of course once I was diagnosed with, bipolar, to go on and lead good life. This is why I always say that I was lucky.

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What is, Bipolar Disorder?

Bipolar disorder, is commonly described as extreme highs to extreme lows. From suicidal depression all the way to God like mania. As a, Bipolar, you will have to battle depression where you want to die, and feel like you want to die, you feel like you want everything to end. When you are in Mania, you feel like the whole world revolves around you.

Then there is the middle. Everything is normal. That’s when you get the job, that's when you meet the girl, that's when you get married, buy the house, have all the friends; all the things that you lose when you become symptomatic.

Psych Meds for, Bipolar Disorder, the Good, Bad, and the Ugly

Psychiatric medications are the religion and politics of the mental health advocacy world.

In this episode, we cover the good, the bad, and the ugly surrounding medications. Like whether or not you should take them. We tackle side effects like feeling numb and sexual dysfunction and share our personal histories with medication therapy.

If you have any form of, mental illness, that you need Meds to function. Medications are amazing, they saved my life. I want to be very clear. Without my medication I cannot live the life that I live. So many people mistakenly believe that psychiatric medications are magical that you just need to take the pill and boom everything is fine and it's simple.

It's much bigger than that. In addition to psychiatric medication, therapy is very important, learning coping skills is very important, and going to support groups. You have to deal with the trauma of your past and all of these things matter; but all we ever hear about is psychiatric medication and I want to change that. I want to change it to, did you take your meds and did you go to therapy and did you utilize your coping skills?

 

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What is the most common cause of, bipolar disorder?

Biological traits

Hormonal problems: Hormonal imbalances might trigger or cause bipolar disorder. Environmental factors: Abuse, mental stress, a “significant loss,” or some other traumatic event may contribute to or trigger bipolar disorder.

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Mental Health Advocate for, Bipolar

Gabe is a, Mental Health Advocate. He remembers when no one knew he was sick for over 20 years.  He had a plan to end his life and luckly for him, someone asked him the question “Are you planning on hurting yourself” He answered yes and he was admitted to the Psychiatric ward in hospital.

That saved his life so now, he is a, mental health advocate, to help others suffering from, mental illness, or, bipolar disorder, receive treatment and services.

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Additional Resources for, Bipolar Disorder.

The book is a collection of Articles and all of the Articles have something to do with, mental illness, mental health, loving somebody with, mental illness, dating someone with, bipolar,

It's almost a reference guide that you can carry around for people with, bipolar, or dealing with somebody who is living with, mental illness, and depression and anxiety, don't just live with, bipolar, you can have just depression, you can have just anxiety. Even people with schizophrenia, they suffer from depression and anxiety as well.

Dealing with Anxiety Disorder after Addiction

http://blog.myhelps.us/understanding-and-managing-compulsive-behaviors/

http://blog.myhelps.us/9-steps-to-effective-advocacy/

 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20356007

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324602.php

 

 

How Single Women over 40 Find Love

single women over 40

How do, Single Women over 40, find the love they want? How do they prepare themselves in the meantime while waiting on, Love.  Where do they find, single men?

Single women, who are believing God for a partner, can enhance their in the meantime experience by having the right mindset on why they want a partner, what are the best watering holes to find a partner and how to renovate, Love's house, so that it is ready for Love.

Listen to the full interview here: 

Finding Love Introduction

I think the best, dating advice, is that when, Love's House, is fully ready for, Love, the right partner will appear.

Dating advice, for, finding love again

  1. Work on being the best you.

Become clear on your strengths and the areas that needs improvements

Eg. Are you a good housekeeper or a good cook; but you lack self-esteem and self-confidence? Then work on improving your self -confidence

  1. Advice for single women, Be clear on why you want a partner
  • Do you want a partner for security or to help pay your bills?
  • Do you want a partner because it is culturally acceptable to be married or in a relationship?
  • Are you looking for a partner to complete you?
  • Or Are you looking for a soulmate and equal partner to share your life?
  • The last one was the perfect answer. Many, single women, and some, single men, are out there looking for a partner that contributes something to their lives; but never consider what they are bringing to the table.  Why would someone choose you?
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Where do you, single women over 40, meet, single men?

The reason that so many, single men, and, single women, are still single is because it is hard to meet people.

Here are the most popular Watering holes for the, single woman.

  1. Church
  2. Bars
  3. Gym
  4. Sports events
  5. Networking events
  6. House parties
  7. Work

Most Christian, single women, would love to meet their spouse or partner in the church; but that is rare because most, single men, in church are using the church as their watering hole!

Bars are the most popular place for, single women under 40,  to meet a man; but here is some, dating advice. Bars have become hookup places for casual sex with no commitment; but in every scenario there are exceptions to the rule and you can, find love,  at a bar.

My daughter had the perfect combination, she met her Fiancé in a club; but he was also from her church!

I met my husband on a train. He was the officer who checked for tickets. The train is definitely not a watering hole; but soul mates will attract each other like a magnet in any place. Gas stations, parking lots, grocery stores, bus stop, anywhere!

I have met past boyfriends at a car wash, by friend introduction, Dance club, school, bus stop, train, and work and they were all committed relationships.

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Finding love again, on Dating Sites

The newest place for, single women, to meet, single men, now are dating sites. The good thing about dating sites is that everyone on the site has the same goal, to meet a partner, or to start, dating, again.

As a realtor I love FSBO (For sale by owner) because they already want to sell their homes.  I don't have to convince them to sell, only that I am the right agent to sell their homes. Same with the dating site. You don't have to convince anyone to have a committed relationship, only that you are the one they are looking for.

Dating sites are tough if you are, finding love after a heartbreak, because it would be hard to trust. They are great for, single women over 50, because these women are not in the clubs or other social events.  They are home on their computers.

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TuneIn Radio

My co-host today is Arifah Yusuf, a registered social worker and mental health counselor.

Arifah from a mental health perspective what can, single women, do to make sure they are sending the right vibes to a potential mate? Let’s say they meet someone at one of the many watering holes?

  • It’s really challenging sometimes, when it comes to giving off the right vibes, as different people enter spaces with their own intentions and interest.  It’s important for those that identify as women, to be mindful of their expectations and also have personal boundaries for themselves and others, so when engaging in conversations with, single men,  they can better be aware of the right vibes vs negative vibes, from themselves and others interacting with.  Some key tips, I would give are:
  • Before you try, finding love again, get to know yourself first and understand your past relationships (what worked/ didn’t work). This will help you get ready for a relationship, as you will be better able to recognize what you are looking for and if that relates to signs of a healthy relationship.
  • Some,  dating advice, Go to spaces where you may find someone with similar interest like you, somewhere that you feel comfortable and exudes positive energy. Most likely, you will attract  like minded, single men,   that will give off similar positive energy.
  • Be assertive and clear when communicating. Engage in conversations to discover common interest, identify personal traits.
  • When, dating, be open to new experiences.
  • Know your boundaries and if you feel someone is not respecting them, have your exit and safety plan ready.

These are some of the, dating advice, I would tell  my, single women, clients to keep in mind when thinking about meeting a, single man.

Where did you meet your husband?

  • Arifah says she met her  husband Kevin Mortley while I was working in the entertainment industry as a promoter.  He was also involved in the industry, promoting concerts for artist, and a graphic designer.  He reached out to me online and we had a conversation over the phone.

How do, Single Women, prepare, Love's House?

Almost 20 years ago, I read a book by Iyanla Vanzant called” In the meantime, finding yourself and the love you want”

The concept of this book is prepare yourself and your life for love while waiting in, Love's House.

One of the first things I remembered she said was to,

  • Start by living your, single life, like you are already in a relationship.
  • Park on your side in the driveway or garage,
  • Sleep on your side of the bed. Etc.
  • Let the Laws of Attraction work on, finding love again.

You are making room for a partner. But the synopsis of the book is to look at your, single life,  as a 3 story house, complete with a basement and an attic.

She calls this house, Love's House. Loving yourself in the meantime while you are waiting on, finding love again.

In the basement of, Love’s House, you are pretty miserable. You are hurting, lonely and disillusioned. Your emotions are blame, anger, and fear. But the basement is also a place for healing. For understanding yourself. If you don't fix yourself in the basement, you will carry that baggage and hurt into your next relationship.

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Arifah how do you help, single women, heal from hurt and blame?

  • Finding love after heartbreak, first fdentify and validate the pain.
  • Express yourself –Talking to a trust friend, family member or counselor is often a good way to soothe painful emotions and support healing.
  • Self care – take a break and find time for things you enjoy or would like to try (creative activities, manicure, hairstyles, movies, journaling, baking etc.)
  • Learn from it – An attitude of learning will help you discover value in the experience. You may also discover a curious new freedom: recovering from an emotional trauma or heartbreak makes you stronger, wiser and more resilient.
  • Reinvest in your new reality. Set goals and write down the steps and supports you need to begin working on them. Spark new energy and interests into your life, to find purpose and love of something else.

On the first floor of , Love's House, you are no longer miserable and is able to look objectively at why you attract the people in your life that you do. Who are let’s say are emotionally unavailable, abusive, unsupportive etc.

On the second floor of, Love's House, single women, Love’s house is where you change the dialog from victim to player. You educate yourself to play. You read books on, finding love again, you listen to podcasts on relationships, you start improving yourself, you become the picture card that everyone man wants.

The most important, dating advice  for, single women, on the second floor is that there is nothing wrong with you. You are enough and any man should be happy to have you. Say it until you believe it if you need convincing.

The third floor of, Love's House,  is when, single women,  are living the, single life, and loving who you are as a, single woman. Content with herself, whole, needing no man to complete her. She is confident, self-sufficient,  courageous and beautiful inside and out.

The top floor is the Attic

In the attic, single women, showers themselves with unconditional Love. Single women over 40,  are able to receive the love of, single men. This is where you will begin to attract the perfect partner because negativity, does not live here.

You know what you want and, who you seek is also seeking you!

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

https://www.podbean.com/podcast-detail/acfds-6b7e1/Transform-your-Mind-Podcast

Arifah What, dating advice, you have for, single women, through the phases  of finding themselves in, love's house.

  • Make sense of your past

In order to thing about, finding love, first uncover who we are and why we act the way we do, we have to know our own story 

  • Differentiate

Differentiation refers to the process of striving to develop a sense of ourselves as independent individuals. In order to find ourselves and fulfill our unique destinies, we must differentiate from destructive interpersonal, familial and societal influences that don’t serve us.

  • Seek meaning

In order to find ourselves and, finding love after a heartbreak, we must all seek out our own personal sense of purpose. This means separating our own point of view from other people’s expectations of us. It means asking ourselves what our values are, what truly matters to us, then following the principles we believe in.

  • Recognize your personal power when, finding love again

When we know what we want, we are challenged to take power over our lives.   We are accepting ourselves as a powerful player in our own destiny. Harnessing our personal power is essential to both finding and becoming ourselves

  • Single women over 50, must silence their critical inner thoughts

This destructive thought process can be made up of a judgmental attitude that tells us we aren’t good enough to succeed or don’t deserve what we want or a soothing-seeming attitude that tells us we don’t have to try or that we need to be taken care of or controlled.

  • Know the value of friendship with, single men

We can seek out people who make us happy, who support what lights us up and who inspire us to feel passionate about our lives. Being friends while, dating, gives you the opportunity to learn things about the person that you may not have learned otherwise

Story of a, single woman, finding love after a heartbreak

In the last episode, I mentioned that I would love the listeners to join my Life coach group on Facebook.  They could ask questions and have myself and other members give them, dating advise.

Here is a question from Mari.  Her husband died last year and she wants, dating advice,  on how to start over. What should she look for in a mate?

As a, life coach, I think that, single women,  starting over or starting out, dating, again should have a list of what they want in a man.

  • It should go deeper than tall, dark and handsome!
  • You should have common interests,
  • be equally yoked,
  • have the same standard of living,
  • same religion,
  • similar sex drive.
  • The list could be lengthy and you are not going to get every thing on  your list but you are shooting for 80%.

Arifah What's your, Dating Advice, for Mari

Hi Mari, its never easy after a significant loss, or, finding love after heartbreak. There is no starting over, as your husband will still play a role in your lifestory. Moving forward, you want to know what type of role that will be, maybe its pictures in a photo album or another memory keepsake. You need to figure this out, before you move forward, as sometimes we feel guilty, which is normal; but its apart of the grieving process, allow yourself to acknowledge that is what it is and determine what new reality are you hoping for in seeking a mate.

You can start with figuring out what you want, create a love resume for yourself in terms of what would characteristics, interests, you are looking for in that, single man.  Once that's done, you are half way there to having a mindset and discovering possible spaces or friends your potential mate may visit.

I also got a question on my website. www.myhelps.com/contactus

No Fear : How to Live with Courage

This is a question from our last episode. We talked about fear and courage in our last episode.

How Do I handle the fear of, Dating, Steffy from India. Writes.

All I know is that I've a great fear. I've some kind of burden in my mind and I am not able to figure it out. I am a, single man,  I wake up in the middle of night and I have these panic attacks and stuff, tried meditation; but I am not able to concentrate. I need advice on, dating. Finding love again. The more I try the more I lose my hopes and start feeling worthless. Please help.

Since this is a mental health question I will let Arifah answer this one.

Hi Steffy, thank you for sharing your lived experience with fear.  It sounds like it is impacting your daily routine and ability to accomplish meaningful goals, such as, finding love. I want to say its common for people that are experiencing anxiety to lose hope, but you not worthless and help is available.

It may be helpful to monitor your daily routine and meals for the day, for example, stress/sugar and caffeine can increase anxiety.   Make an appointment to see your family doctor or at a clinic if you are able too, to share how you are feeling emotionally and physically.  Your doctor can provide professional advice to best help you.

In regards to fear of speaking to, single women, it’s helpful to practice writing down what you want to say, then reading it to yourself out loud or in front a mirror.  If you have friends/family you feel comfortable around and that are supportive, you can also practice public speaking in front of them first to get comfortable before larger crowds.

Breathing exercises and drinking water/herbal teas can be helpful in calming the nerves.  As well, watching videos or reading books from motivational speakers, that may offer tips you may find helpful.

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Additional Resources

How I Divorced My Imaginary Husband (and Got the Man of My Dreams)

No Fear : How to Live with Courage

http://blog.myhelps.us/surviving-r-kelly-mindset-sexual-predator/

How to Heal Your Brokenness

https://news.abs-cbn.com/entertainment/03/28/17/erich-gonzales-im-enjoying-my-single-life

https://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/05/the-reality-of-life-as-a-single-mom/

https://www.scarymommy.com/dating-a-single-mom/

 

Kevin Samuels: Black Women Over 35 Are Low Value

Black Women Over 35

The late, Kevin Samuels, controversially said that, Black women, over 35 cannot get a man because any, high value man, could get a younger woman.

The gist of his message was that women over 35 who are single with children are like used cars. Top quality men don’t want them since they they are, low value, and the, high value man, have options and they exercise these options for younger women with no children and baby daddy drama.

Download the podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10885010-are-women-over-35-low-value.mp3?download=true

The 35 and Single Black Women Dilemma

So here in lies the dilemma.  Even though women were calling, Kevin Samuels, a scum bag, he had a huge following of men because they knew he was talking truth. These so called, high value men, were willing to rip into a man of God Dr.  Jamal Bryant, senior pastor at New Birth in Atlanta, in defense of, Kevin  Samuels.

It is true that, black women, over 35 are looking for the, high value man, and  men over 35 are looking for younger women? How do we know this is true? The reason I know this is true is because everyone is looking and nobody is finding love, because love is not about hair, booty, breasts or skin color. Love is about chemistry, it is an energy.

So, ladies my, dating advice,  to you is you must age like fine wine, you have much more to offer a man and you need to let him see this. You have experience.

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iHeart Radio

Dating Advice for Black Women

Remember that relationship you walked out of in your 20ths, now you realize that it was the best relationship you ever had. There is a lesson in every failure.

So now that you are 35+ and single; what have you learned about men? What I have learned is that the, high value man, would sleep with the 35+, black woman, with the good hair and the booty, but they look for more in the woman they marry.

So, while you are sitting on the shelf, make yourself ready for your husband. You have to become,  wife material.

6 ways to become wife material
  • Learn to speak on a variety of topics, men are no longer attracted to the dumb pretty woman anymore.
  • Learn the rules of basketball and football.  Most men like sports so, you must learn to like them as well, so he doesn’t have to go out with the boys to watch the game. He could watch it with his woman.
  • Learn to cook dinner for two. A man wants to marry a woman who can cook.
  • Get a gym membership, men like to hold muscles not fat.
  • Learn to control your tongue, sometimes silence is the best answer.
  • Learn to build up a man and not tear him down. Life and death are in the tongue, speak life into your man. Encourage him, listen to him, support him.
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TuneIn Radio

Kevin Samuels YouTube Videos

I listened to, Kevin Samuels, most famous video. This video had 3M views and over 3K comments when I watched it months ago! Kevin Samuels, was speaking to a woman who was 35 had a 13-year-old son and was making 6 figures. She said she wanted a, high value man, who made 6 figures because when she dates men below her pay grade, she gets idiots.

Kevin Samuels, asked her from a scale of 1 to 10 where would she fall and she said 6. He then told her that, high value men, who make 6 figures are in the top 10% of all men and have options.  They are not looking for an average, black woman,  35+ with a 13-year-old son, he called her a, low value woman.

He is correct, they are not looking for you, but if you age like fine wine and prepare yourself while you're fermenting, they will take a sip of you and become intoxicated.

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Black women prepare yourself to become a high value woman

The other thing I have learned is it may have been a long time since you have been held by a man and you can't wait to jump into bed; don't do it. A man must respect the woman he marries. Don't sleep with him until he calls you his girlfriend and you are sure he is not married!

There is a dilemma for, black women, over 35 who are single with children, but finding love is not impossible. I got married at 46 with a 16-year-old daughter. The chemistry was right and I was prepared. So don't let anyone tell you, you are a, low value woman, and that you are like a used car. Antiques cars are more valuable than new cars. You have wisdom, skills, and know how to treat and keep a man.

Conclusion

Hope this helps someone.

You have been listening to 5 mins with coach Myrna, I want to invite you to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach, for inspiration throughout the week.  Until next time Namaste

 

Some People Come Into Your Life For a Reason

Some people come into your life for a reason

Some, people come into your life for a reason, season, or lifetime, but we have a tendency to turn, relationships, that were only meant to be for a, reason, into a forever relationship and that is why we suffer. These, relationships, have passed their expiration date.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11785744-some-people-come-into-your-life-for-a-reason.mp3?download=true

Bible story Jonah and the Whale was for a reason

In the Bible story of, Jonah. Jonah, heard from God that he wanted him to go preach a message of repentance to the people of Nineveh. Jonah, refused because he believed the people of Nineveh deserved to be punished, so he booked a ticket on a ship going in the opposite direction to get as far away from Nineveh. So, God caused a storm and then whispered in the ear of the sailors that, Jonah, was the cause of the storm and that if they threw him over board they would survive the storm. So, they threw, Jonah, overboard.

God then spoke to the whale and prepared the whale to swallow, Jonah, whole and not to digest him. Jonah, was in the belly of the whale 3 days until realized that his disobedience was the, reason, for him being in the belly of the whale.

He prayed and asked God for mercy and agreed to complete his assignment. God then told the whale where to drop, Jonah, off in Nineveh, the place where he was supposed to go in the first place.

I used this story to highlight that sometimes, people come into your life for a reason,  and not for a lifetime.  Jonah and the whale, was for a, reason. The whale’s only purpose in this story was to swallow, Jonah, spin him around for a few days and then drop him off after he came to his senses.

When the whale dropped off, Jonah, there were no tears, they never saw each other again.

We have to realize that, some people come into our life for a reason, and not try to turn, relationships, that were only meant to be for a, season, or a, reason, into a, forever relationship, and that is why we suffer. These, relationships, have passed their expiration date.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

Here are the, life lessons, we can gleam from Jonah and the whale:

  1. God is in charge. You have a purpose and an, assignment, to your life and even though God gave you free will he still expects you to complete your, assignment.
  2. In order for you to complete your, assignment, some people come into your life for a reason, but because of our psychological make up we fall in love with the people who are only supposed to be in our lives for a, reason. The whale swallowed, Jonah, and transported him to where he needed to be. When the whale dropped off, Jonah, that was the end of the, entanglement. Some people come into your life for a reason, and that reason is called an, entanglement, it is not supposed to lead to a marriage or kids.

Ask Jada Pinkett Smith. She correctly called her affair an, entanglement. The, reason we suffer is that we do not realize that some people come into our lives for a reason, and some for a, season. We try to make our, relationships, last longer than they were intended to.

  1. The third, life lesson, we can learn from, Jonah and the whale,  is that God spoke directly to the whale and not to, Jonah. He told the whale to swallow, Jonah, and he told the whale when to vomit him up. Many of us feel badly when we are vomited up and left alone, but we forget that, some people come into our life for a reason, and that reason was to carry us to the other side. Maybe that man helped you go back to school. Maybe he provided for you and your children when their father walked out on you and left you penny less. He was there for a, season, your winter season and a, reason, to get you through.
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

There is nothing wrong with you. Jonah, didn’t go asking the whale why he vomited him up. He didn’t feel unworthy because the whale did not want to eat him. I read an interview a few weeks back from the actress Emma Thompson. She said that when she found out that her husband was having an affair, she never felt so unlovable and unworthy of love in her life. How many of us have been there. When we are cheated on, we feel there is something wrong with us. We feel unlovable.

Haley Berry said it best she said she left like a piece of gum under David Justices shoes. You have got to realize that men don’t cheat because there is something wrong with you. They cheat because there is something wrong with them and that is how God sets you free.

Have no fear you will find your forever love be patient he will show up when you least expect it. Your failed relationships were there for a reason, God used them to prepare you for your forever love.

Check out my post in what to do in the meantime while you wait on your forever love.

Thanks for supporting the show until next time Namaste

Additional Resources

Your Pain Reveals Your Purpose