In the world of, Quantum physics, it was discovered that matter can be both a particle and a wave. That everything exists in the wave format, infinite possibility, until it is observed. So to live in, infinite possibility, is to know that you have a, vortex, of un-manifested possibility waiting to become your reality.
In this episode Life coach Myrna Young teaches on living in the state of, infinite possibility. Quantum physics, tells us that until something is observed, it is in the form on the infinite.
Listen to the full interview here:
Introduction
Observation turns the wave, infinite possibility, into a particle.
Let me explain: when we are born we have, infinite possibilities. We were all born with a purpose and the talent to fulfill that purpose. God said
“ I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
But God also gave us free will, which means that we got to choose which road we wanted to take in life. Either towards our purpose or away from it.
As a kid we dreamed big, we lived in the state of, infinite possibility, We wanted to become doctors and lawyers, firemen and policemen, scientists and movie stars. Our future was a wave full of, infinite possibility. Them someone told us, we were not good at math, so we could never become a doctor or a scientist; because you have to be good at math to become a doctor, so that un-manifested possibility that was in your, vortex, is no longer.
The wave, infinite possibility, is now observed and has become a particle. Regardless if that statement is true or not, it is now your reality, because perception is reality. You now no longer want to be a doctor or scientist; but think about maybe becoming a nurse or Art teacher because you don’t need to know math.
I once interviewed Ilona Selke the author of the book “Dream Big, the Universe is listening”. She writes whatever you set your intention to, the universe conspires to bring it to you. That is called the Law of Attraction. If you missed that episode Download that episode now on iTunes now, or any of the podcast players.
I love Dr Martin Luther King Jr. and his I have a dream speech. As a pastor and man of God, Dr King lived in the, infinite possibility, that this country would treat a man based on his character, and not the color of his skin. That possibility still exists today but it is still un-manifested in our, vortex.
So in this episode of 5 mins with coach Myrna, I want to remind you that You are the Universe apply the Law of Divine Oneness to your Life. You are made up of the same matter as the stars and the Ether. You are an infinite being with, infinite possibilities,. Do not limit yourself, because as soon as you make that observation, you become limited to what your flesh could do.
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As James Allen said, As a man thinketh so is he. You become what you think about, so think as a wave and embrace the, infinite possibilities, of your life.
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We all have at least one, Guardian Angel, assigned to us and they have two jobs; one is to love us unconditionally and the other is to get us to our predetermined expiration date.
In today’s episode of the”Transform your Mind, to Transform your Life podcast, I interview, Keith Leon S. Keith Leon S, is a multiple best-selling author, publisher and speaker who is well known as the book Guy. His life purpose book called “Walking with my Angels” is a true story with the foreword written by “Chicken Soup for the Soul” Jack Canfield. Keith has appeared in numerous popular radio and television broadcast and his works have been covered by Ink magazine, LA Weekly, The Huffington Post, and Succeed magazine just to name a few. Keith has spoken at events that included Jack Canfield, Bob Proctor, Neale Donald Walsch, Barbara DeAngelis, Dr. John Gray, Dr. Michael Beckwith, and Marianna Williamson.
Listen to the full interview here:
Keith also loves introducing people to their inner guidance system whom he calls heavenly helpers. Keith can you introduce us to your story.
Keith’s story of his Guardian Angel
Well it’s the story of my life and how many times my, Guardian Angel, intervened to keep me on the planet. I should have died eight times already and miracles has kept me alive. These miracles happened when I was a child and, so even from childhood I had this question. What was so great about me that I would be saved and so many people were not. What am I here to do that is so grand that miracles keep happening to keep me on the planet?
It wasn’t until my early 20’s that I actually received the answer to that question. I received that answer from my, earth bound Angel. My, earth bound Angel, John appeared to me as a man; but was really my, earthbound Angel, and told me that his job was to take me from,
“Believing in nothing to believing in Everything”
He performed, miracles, just to get me to open my mind and believe in him and believe that all things are possible. He eventually did reveal my life purpose to me in a very specific way. He told me at one point he would saved my life and once he did that I would have to let him go because then he would be off to help another person.
One of the lessons he taught me, was he took me into a cave that was pitch black and taught me to trust even when I can’t see anything in front of me.
That part of your story reminded me of the movie a Wonderful Life.
I also read the book “A Peaceful Warrior. ” After reading that book I thought that the author had followed me around. It was exactly my story! I actually had to omit a lot of things from my book because there were the same as the author described.
I thought he must have followed me around with the pen and paper. The story was exactly like mine. I really feel like it’s the same angel! So I actually had to omit a lot of things from my story because his experience was almost the same as mine.
You started talking to angels when you were like eight years old or younger and you talked about the times in your life’s when your, Guardian Angel, saved your life or warned you of danger. I specifically remember in your book, the time when this man on the street asked you to touch his penis and your, guardian angel, told you to run and shout for your mom.
How did you know you were talking to your, Guardian Angel, and not a voice in your head, because we all have about 5 voices in our head?
When I was a child my, Guardian Angel, voice came from outside of me. His voice would come from different places. Sometimes would be up in the ceiling, sometimes in the corner, sometimes it would be behind me or to my left, sometimes my right, sometimes right in front of me.
Because I was a child, I feel that if my, Guardian Angel, voice came from inside my head, then I would be doubting myself and questioning myself. But because it was outside of me and I could hear it audibly, just like I hear you talking to me right now, then I was sure the voice was my, Guardian Angel.
I just learned pretty quickly that when I do what my, Guardian Angel, tells me to do, everything goes just great.
Tell us about your, Earth bound Angel, you called him John in your book.
You said the John your, earth bound Angel, told you your purpose. You said you didn’t understand why you were so special before John showed up.
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Does everyone have a, Guardian Angel?
Everyone has at least one, Guardian Angel, assigned to them. They just don’t know it. Like my mom. She thought she had mother’s intuition. That’s what she called it; but she was being guided by her, Guardian Angel. She would say, don’t go out and ride that skateboard, you will get a fractured wrist, and I’d be like yeah mama leave me alone. I’d go ride that skateboard and fractured my wrist.
There was even a point where my, Guardian Angel, advised her at a time when she was manic depressive. There was a time when my mom was really depressed and she just decided that she was gonna kill herself and me and my sister. So she closed all the windows and turned the gas on in the house and a voice told her “you can’t do that, open the windows and turn off the gas.” She didn’t listen and the voice became louder. “YOU CANNOT DO THAT, OPEN THE WINDOWS AND TURN OFF THE GAS.” She said the voice sounded like GOD, she freaked out and turned off the gas and opened the windows.
She didn’t tell me this story until much later when she was on her deathbed and I was telling her that I should have died seven times already and my, Guardian Angel, saved me and she added oh yeah it should be eight times!
We all have at least one, Guardian Angel, assigned to us and they have two jobs one is to:
To love you unconditionally, so they like your mom, there’s nothing you could do that would make them love you less.
To just get you to your predetermined expiration date. There’s a time that you’re here on the earth, and they have to get you to that date. So whenever you avoid an accident or any danger your, Guardian Angel, is intervening to get you to your predetermined expiration date. In the meanwhile they’re standing by going oh my God, I could do so much more for you; but because you have free will they cannot do any more than those two things unless you invite them to do more.
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Here is how you invite your, Guardian Angel, to do more for you
First of all say thanks a lot for keeping me safe. I’m inviting you to show up for me. If you’d like to show yourself physically to me that’s okay too. If you want to have it where I ask a question and I go out to the car and the next song that comes on the radio is the exact answer, great. However you want to show up now that I have invited you, I will pay attention.
What is the message that like your readers to take away about, Guardian Angels, from your book “Walking with Angels”
I wanted to share with everyone in the world what I know is absolute truth and that is this.
You are directly connected to the source energy that created everything in this world.
I call it, Guardian Angels, and you may call it intuition, our guidance system, energy, you may call it Source, God, Jehovah, Buddha. I like to say it doesn’t care what you call it, as long as you call it!
So I’m called to share with you that if you’re willing to sit, ask, and listen, you will get guidance from your, Guardian Angel.
Notice there’s just three instructions, sit, ask and listen. A lot of people sit in meditation and prayer; but are asking the wrong questions. Any question that starts with Why is not a question that you want an answer to. Instead Ask, How can I be more loving? What can I do to create more and attract more abundance into my life?
If you’re going to sit, ask and listen. Listening being the most important of those three words. I just said we’re sitting and asking; but when do we really sit long enough to get the answer? So if you listen, you can access the answer to any question that you have; because you are in direct communication with the Creator.
Your words have power, and here’s what I want you to know. You have more power within you than you’ll ever know. You have more power in your little finger than you think you have in your whole entire body. And so my book will show you all the ways that you may have been disconnected from your source.
It will share with you how to reopen the floodgates to start manifesting your dreams and your desires and to access the inner knowing that you have within you.
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What is the difference between a, Guardian Angel, and, Archangels,
Guardian Angels, like I said, we all have at least one assigned to us. They have a clear job. To love you unconditionally and get you to your predetermined expiration date. They’re like your buddy, they’re with you all the time.
Arc Angels, are more famous Angels. Like, Archangel Michael. Arc Angels, are really great at specific things. People have been channeling them for years.
Archangel Michael, is the warrior who fights against Satan and his emissaries. The defender of those who love God. The protector of the people of God.
The, Archangel Michael, the ‘celestial warrior’, is the protector of swordsmen and masters of arms. His skills as a judger of souls have also made him the patron of all trades that involve the use of assessments, such as traders, pharmacists, pastry chefs. He is also patron saint of the Police.
Archangel Michael, is the protector. You can say, Archangel Michael, I’m going to see my mom every for Thanksgiving dinner. Will you wrap your wings of protection around me right now and if anything negative comes at me energetically, let it bounce off your wings and hit the floor. Because the, Archangel Michael, can be anyplace and anywhere, he can be doing that for me and be doing that for someone across the U.S and someone in Africa or someone in India simultaneously.
You start with your, guardian angel, and then you step up to the, Archangels. So, Archangel Michael, can give support that would help me move forward.
Archangel Gabriel, is one of the spirits closest to God, before his heavenly throne, the one who revealed to Daniel the secrets of God’s plan, announced to Zechariah the birth of John the Baptist and to Mary that of Jesus.
Archangel Gabrielle, is the saint who opens doors for you. Like a business and things that you want to manifest.
Archangel Raphael, stands before the throne of God , accompanied and protects Tobias in his perilous journey and healed his father from blindness and his future bride from the influence of evil.
If you found this content inspirational, please subscribe to the Transform your Mind podcast and post a review on iTunes.
We are extensions of source energy also called God or the Universe. The, Law of Divine Oneness, says we are all one with the, Universe. You may have heard the statement. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. We are made up of a body, soul and spirit.
We came into this physical body with a purpose, and that is to grow and evolve. So we embarked on this game. We can call it the, game of life, or we can call it the matrix!
We are living in a, matrix! And just like the, matrix, there are rules in how you play the game.
The Rules of the Law of Divine Oneness
The rules are the, laws of the Universe. The first Law we will discuss is, The Law of Divine Oneness.
If you are a bible scholar you will recognize lots of parallels between the, laws of the Universe, and the teachings of, Jesus.
Jesus, came into his physical body with the awareness that he was a subset of God or God incarnate in the flesh. He understood, The Law of Divine Oneness.
We are also a subset of God, that is why man can command diseases to leave the body and perform the same miracles, Jesus, did in the earth. Jesus, most profound scripture tells us
“If we have the faith as small as a mustard seed, we can command the mountain to move into the sea.”
I bet you have never seen anyone do that in the natural, but in the, matrix, you can! In Higher consciousness you can. I have heard of monks elevating their bodies and travelling from one place to another.
The Law of Divine Oneness, means that we are all connected to one source. Everything we do effects the collective consciousness of the entire, universe.
That is why when we contribute to others and in some way make their lives better, it gives us the highest joy. The bible teaches that it is better to give than to receive and that is because when we give, when we share what we have, it makes us feel good.
That is also why the word, Namaste, is so powerful. It means I see the divine in you. Put another way is, I see God’s light in you. We are all God’s children.
We all originated from one energy, called the source. The Law of Divine Oneness, Everything in this Universe is made up of energy. The bed you sleep in, the TV you watch, the rocks in your garden, the car you drive and most importantly your thoughts. This energy is vibrating in circular patterns.
Visualize a Ferris wheel. You start off at the bottom and circle to the top and then you are back to where you started. You can get off or you can continue circling in a continuous loop. This is the same as energy. It is circling and whatever we send out is what we will get back.
Even though every object or thing is made up of energy, this energy is vibrating at different frequencies for each thing or object. Your positive thoughts for instance are vibrating at the highest frequency, while your negative thoughts are vibrating at a lower frequency. Just like light envelops darkness, your positive feelings and emotions can eat up your negativity and bad feelings. So always look for the higher vibrations of positive thoughts and feelings.
Now we can take this further. If you attach the energy of emotion to your thoughts, it multiplies your energy. This leads to a quicker harvest or manifestation. Think of it as a super charged Ferris wheel spinning faster and faster!
Your emotions are a good indicator of the frequency you are vibrating. Learn to pay attention to your feelings, they are indications of what you are manifesting either consciously or unconsciously.
Whenever you feel depression, anxiety or trepidation, it is telling you that you are going in the opposite direction to your destiny.
Everything that exists seen and unseen are connected to each other, inseparable from each other to a field of, divine oneness. Divine all knowing, the matrix, pure consciousness or universal mind energy, sometimes also known as Life Force or God. Everything is one.
Increasing awareness of this law will increase our awareness of God and awareness of being connected to everything. It is important for us as a human race to start realizing and understand this law. As we do, we will realize that what we think of each other should only for good. As we think of the good in others, they will in turn think of the good in you. It is essential that the thoughts, feeling and actions be for good, for we “reap what we sow”.
As you gain a fuller understanding of the laws, you will see how they are all related and overlap each other and govern the world we live in.
Everything consists of, and exists as energy. Your subatomic particles aren’t fixed, in fact, particles may be flowing into and out of you now from: this page, the sky, the floor, your best friend and your worst enemy. In other words, there is no separation. How would you behave if you really knew that you were not separate from life, your friends, colleagues and every being that has ever existed? The answer is this – probably differently.
Today we discussed the first Law of the Universe, The Law of Divine Oneness . Tune in next week when I will teach on the second, Law of the Universe, for success – The law of vibration!
Until next time, Namaste
When you develop, Binge Eating Disorder, you aren’t able to fight your desire for food. It’s like an addiction. It IS an addiction. Binge eating, and overeating and how that negatively affects your health until you learn how to reprogram your mind.
My guest today is Dr. Glenn Livingston, author of “Never Binge Again” and our topic is “How to Reprogram Your Mind to stop, binge eating,”
Glenn Livingston PhD, is a veteran psychologist and was the long-time CEO of a multi-million-dollar consulting firm which serviced several fortune 500 clients in the food industry. Dr Glenn has sold over 30 million dollars of marketing consulting services over the course of his career. You may have seen his previous work in major periodicals like the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago sun-times, the Indiana Star Ledger, the New York Daily News, American demographics, or any of other major media outlets.
Show Notes:
Dr. Glenn can you tell us what makes you uniquely qualified to comment on, binge eating disorder?
Well I’m not just a psychologist who wanted to work with people to help them lose weight; I’m a guy who had a very serious, binge eating, problem myself.
I know what’s happening in the addiction treatment field that we’re being told that we’re powerless over the, food addiction, that it’s a disease. Binge eating, is
An irresistible impulse that gets worse over time.
Here is Dr Glenn’s story on how He conquered, Binge Eating,
I discovered a weird thing when I was a youth. I’m 6’4” I’m reasonably muscular and I figured out when I was about 17, that if I worked out for two or three hours a day, I could eat whatever I wanted. So my diet was boxes of muffins, boxes of donuts, boxes of pizza, boxes of chocolate bars. I was eating six, seven, eight thousand calories a day and it was no problem.
Well as you could figure out, I couldn’t continue, binge eating, like that as I got into my 20’s.
When I got to be about 22 or 23, married and in graduate school, I was commuting to school, I had all these responsibilities as a husband. I could barely work out two hours a week, much less two hours a day. But I couldn’t get rid of the cravings for, junk food. I had a, food addiction, and I started getting fatter and fatter. My triglycerides went through the roof, and I had doctors telling me that I was going to die in my 30’s if I didn’t find stop, binge eating .
I eventually figured it wasn’t what I was eating, it was what was eating me.
I had been doing some reading in alternative, food addiction, treatment by a guy named Jack Trimpey. He wrote a book called “Rational Recovery” and he made it clear to me for the first time that the seed of, food addiction, was really the, reptilian brain,.
Binge eating, is looking at food from the reptilian brain doesn’t know love. We’re all we’re all busy trying to love ourselves out of these, food addictions; but the reptilian brain doesn’t know love. The reptilian brain assesses something in the environment and says, do I eat it or do I kill it! There’s no love there, there’s no concern for tribe or family or friends or long-term aspirations or creativity or music or art. There’s none of that. It’s just eat, mate or kill, and when you look at the animal studies you see that is what happens when you short circuit the pleasure system.
You can walk a block in most cities and find a McDonald’s, a Burger King across the street. There’s a fast-food restaurant on every corner these days. So we don’t have physical electrodes in our brain; but there are chemical electrodes and concentrations of pleasure that we weren’t prepared to meet by evolution.
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binge eating disorder
Binge Eating, and what your choice of foods signifies:
My research found was that people who struggled with, binge eating, chocolate was definitely lonely or brokenhearted.
People who struggled with, binge eating, salty crunchy things, tended to be stressed at work people
People who struggled with, binge eating, soft chewy things like bread or bagels or pasta, tended to be stressed at home.
I found out from my mom, the reason I struggled, binge eating, chocolate.
I tell people the best way to stop the, food addiction, and, binge eating, is to is to think of the single worst trigger food or eating behavior that’s getting you in trouble.
Maybe it’s eating in the car, maybe that’s where you do all the damage. Maybe you could create one rule that says: I never eat in the car or maybe it’s a particular food. e.g I can only have salami on Sundays. Maybe it’s about how you eat, maybe it’s more like you need to pause and be more mindful. e.g I’ll always put my fork down between bites.
If there’s something that you know is getting you into trouble, binge eating, start with that one.
Binge Eating and the Reptilian Brain
Don’t worry if making this rule will help you loose weight or not. Unless your doctor says that it’s really urgent that you do, don’t worry about your weight. I just want you to get the hang of the way this mental game is played, because that rule allows you to separate your thoughts from your, reptilian brain.
Come up with a name for your, reptilian brain, I called mine my “pig”
Some people call theirs their food monster or food demon or something like that.
Then you want to listen for those destructive thoughts.
You want to listen for what your inner food demon says is the rationale that you should break the plan with, binge eating, you can do one of two things when you hear it.
You can ignore it, because it doesn’t matter how smart what is saying, it doesn’t matter how logical it sounds, if you know that it’s coming from your food demon, your pig, you now it’s bad. So you might as well ignore it even if it sounds like it’s got a PhD from Harvard!
You could write out what the food demon is saying and you ask yourself where is the lie within it. Where is the logical fallacy within it. For example maybe the food demon says one bite won’t hurt you, or you can start again tomorrow, which is based upon the logical fallacy that you’ll be in the exact same place tomorrow.
If you reinforce the connection today between that craving and the actual eating of the food then, you’re going to have a stronger craving tomorrow. That means the, food addiction and, binge eating, will be a little worse tomorrow.
One of the ways to attack your craving and, binge eating, is to create a food plan. The food plan would have some things that you always eat, some things you never eat, and some things you eat sometimes.
I always eat five servings of fruit or vegetables.
· I always drink two whole glasses of water when I get up in the morning.
·I will only eat pretzels at major league baseball games.
·I only eat bread when I am out at a restaurant.
·I never eat after 6 pm.
·I never eat pizza.
I never eat more than two squares of chocolate a day.
Conclusion
While other addictions, such as alcohol and drug abuse, are more widely known and understood, food addiction, and, binge eating, isn’t. Hope this blog post and Dr. Glenn Livingston, author of “Never Binge Again” helps.
Are you a single woman hoping to, find your soul mate? What about your, twin flame, who is your mirror, soul. Science says that when you meet your Life partner, some thing magical happens. In this blog we look at what happens when two, souls, with constructive energies meet?
Listen to the full interview here:
In our last episode my co-host and I looked at what, single women, need to do to get their house ready for love, where to look for love and what to look for when you are starting over after divorce or death of a partner.
Today’s episode of the Transform your Mind Radio Hour is sponsored by Columbus Financial Coach. Are you in a deep hole of “Financial Depression” with nowhere to turn for help? Constantly being harassed by collection agencies? Then visit Columbus Financial and success coach. www.columbusfinancialcoach.com
Introduction
How to, Find your Soul mate, the Science of Attraction
In the last Blog post, I shared how I met my husband on a train. I am going to use this personal story to illustrate what happens when two strangers or, souls, meet for the first time.
As you may remember from Chemistry class, every atom and molecule gives out and absorbs light. The human body is made up of 50 trillion cells composed of atoms and molecules. So we are massive bundles of energy giving off and absorbing light or energy all the time.
When two energies come together they become entangled, the first step to, find your soul mate, is constructive energy.
When two energies are in harmony, the result is called, constructive energy, because it increases in size. That is why you should grow as a person when you are in the right relationship.
We call this, “good vibes” very important when you are hoping to, find your soul mate.
So let’s look at what happened when I met my husband and our energies became constructive!
I walked onto a train and he was standing by the door. I looked fine, mini skirt, sunglasses, designer bag over my shoulder, so I caught his attention. He caught my attention because he was the first black officer I had seen on the train.
On be known to me my second Chakra or energy center in charge of communication sent him a signal because he tells me he felt this warm feeling in his body. He had never felt that before. Let me put a pin here and explain.
Our bodies are made up of seven energy centers, called Chakras. Each of these energy centers are responsible for certain functions. I know that my second Chakra located below my navel is my communication center and it is responsible for engaging a mate by sending out signals when it finds a compatible energy so you can, find your soul mate.
My husband could also be my, twin flame. After 14 years of marriage, I do believe we are mirror souls. What Is A Twin Flame? Sometimes discussed in terms of a “mirror soul” or, soul connection, a, twin flame, is the other half of your, soul. It is theorized that a, soul, can split into two after ascending to a high frequency. Thereafter, the, soul, lands in two different bodies.
I must have also received something from my husband’s energy center as well because my thoughts lingered on him. I was curious. That was all that it was for me at that time. Curiosity. I was not actively looking to, find a soul mate.
But I have heard men say that the first time they saw their wife they knew that she was the one. There is such a thing as love at first sight! Have you heard Steve Harvey tell his story of when he met his wife and, how he found his, soul mate?. I don’t think he was actively trying to, find your soul mate. But there she was. He was doing stand up comedy and she walked in late with her girlfriends, and he couldn’t stop staring at her. In fact he couldn’t even continue his act. He told her right then that she was going to be his wife! Believe in compatible energy, it is real.
Anyway, back to my story. Because our energies entangled and we both got, good vibes, we looked to further the communication.
The, Soul mate Connection, is Immediate
Another pin. That is why we shouldn’t chase men. if you guys have, constructive energy, or, good vibes, they will reach out. We are hard wired to mate. It is all happening without our conscious thought. Your soul is looking for it’s, twin flame.
So my husband searched for me on the train every day until he found me. I noticed him sit behind me for a few mins while he got up the nerve to come talk to me. We talked for about 30 mins until I got off the train at my stop. I will confess that I was not impressed by the conversation. He cursed like a sailor. I think that men who curse in front of women have no respect; but when I got off the train my energy body told me that it had made a, soul connection.
I had this incredible feeling of euphoria! My stomach was doing somersaults. I knew right then that we would have a relationship. I knew right then that I had found my, soul mate, This is how you, find your soulmate, you listen to your body.
Three months later he proposed we were married 8 months after. That was 13 years ago and we are still in love, compatible energies!
Soul mate Meaning
This is an example of the science of two, compatible energies, something we have no control over. That is why you have heard people say we have no control over who we love. You can’t pick your, soul mate. The science of attraction brings him or her to you.
Your, soul mate meaning, two souls joining together to perfect each other.
On the other hand when your energy is not in sync with other, we get, bad vibes, not your, soul mate. The energy cancels each other out and instead of feeling euphoria you feel depleted.
Energy is your most important reading as a single woman looking for a mate. Ever heard the saying that someone is like an anchor, you can’t thrive since you met them. Pay attention that means that you are not expanding, you are contracting or stuck.
Illustration the Science of, Attraction, the bad vibe
Rhonda met this great guy at a bar. The guy was gorgeous, absolutely delicious. He pursued and seduced her and they started, dating. They had a great time together but something didn’t click. He was kinda, sorta vague on his explanation about everything.
It took about three months of, dating, this guy for Rhonda to discover that he was still living with his daughter’s mother and another 6 months to understand that theirs was an on and off relationship. He would never under any circumstances spend the night, saying that he did not want his daughter to wake up and he was not there. This reminds me of Whitney Houston’s married relationship in Waiting to Exhale!
This is when Rhonda realized that a married man is a married man. They can string you along forever. They can tell you anything. She decided to breakup. The breakup was mutual but she wasted at least 2 years on a relationship that was going nowhere when if she had paid attention to her, bad vibes, she could have saved herself from heartache.
Reading energy is the most important data in the, dating, world.
Be careful of Psychopaths while looking to, find your Soul Mate
Have you ever met a psychopath? Or been in a relationship with one? They are masters at reading energy.
We are all broadcasting a frequency of our most innermost thoughts. That is how a predator picks out his prey.
That is how a mugger chooses his victim.
Animals also know how to read this energy. A lion picks his prey from a flock. He reads the vibration of the weakest prey.
I am sure everyone on the planet is aware on some level of the Art Kelly crimes against teenage girls and women. How do you think he chose his victims? Women who would allow him to disrespect their bodies and lock them up in a room and have to ask to go to the bathroom and ask to eat? Some said that he didn’t feed them for 3 days, yet they didn’t leave. As one of his victims said in an interview. If you were weak minded, he wants you. You could be a teenager or a 30 year old woman!
Science of, attraction, reading vibrations when looking to, find your soul mate?
Synergistic relationships are based on both individuals being on the same wavelength, when they completely understand each other and don’t try to limit the space they occupy in each other’s lives.
I read an article that stated the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. The examples used was if you train two Belgian horses together, the effect is multiplied: together, they can pull 32,000 pounds. Two horses, doing the work of four, even though it seems to defy physics. Often, in a positive relationship, you’ll find that synergy is already happening.
How can you increase that by finding harmony, in acknowledging individual strengths and how they work best together? For example, I love to shop; but I don’t necessarily like to cook all the time. My husband, will send me a list of all the items to pick up the grocery store and he will cook. I then just have to do keep the kitchen tidy and get the family read to enjoy his great cooking. It works for both of us.
In regards to signs women should look out for in predators, Robert Hare, one of the world’s foremost experts on, psychopathic behavior, believes that people need to know what to do in the event they find themselves involved or associated with a predatory psychopath.
Here are his tips on How to Avoid being targeted by a predator when trying to, find your soulmate:
Be careful of props—the winning smile, the promises, the fast talk, and the gifts meant to deflect you from the manipulation and exploitation that may be occurring. Any of these characteristics can have enormous sleight-of-hand value, serving to distract you.”
Anyone who seems too perfect is. Psychopaths hide their dark sides until they get their target person deeply involved. Too much flattery, feigned kindness, and cracks in grandiose stories should provide clues and put you on your guard. Make reasonable inquiries.
Know yourself—or you might be vulnerable from your blind spots. Predators know how to find and use your triggers, so the more you realize what you tend to fall for, the more closely you can guard against it.
The second stage in the Science of Attraction, is Chemistry
I know you have heard this word thrown around all the time. For example the dating sites match people up by common interests; but they can’t manufacture chemistry.
Let’s get back to my husband for a minute.
I just shared all about the our first meeting and about us having good vibes but if we had no chemistry we would just become good friends.
Here are the Chemicals released by love that is responsible for Chemistry:
Dopamine – Lights up your pleasure center. Your pleasure goes up when you are near or think about this person. Your motivation goes up, Now you are thinking of that nice house and 2 kids! Your sadness goes down, if you were depressed, you are now happy.
I know you have heard the saying love is blind. It is true. Dopamine make you more attractive to your mate and since we are on this planet to procreate, your sexuality goes up! I am sure you have heard or have personal data that new lovers do it all the time!
The second chemical that is released in love is Oxytocin – Oxytocin is responsible for trust. Your level of trust goes up, and your attachment goes up. This is probably why your girlfriends can’t figure why you are going out with a player; but you don’t see it until your heart is crushed. The psychopath uses this one to his advantage.
Finally Serotonin is released. – This hormone is responsible for all the pain attached to love. Serotonin goes up and you become obsessed with your lover. Love is a chemical addiction!
Thank God I have only had one experience with an over abundance of this hormone.
I met one of my boyfriends at a club and it was an instant attraction. I fell hard. I swooned when he called me baby the next day!
Less than 2 months after we met, we made plans to spend the New Year in Jamaica. He left before Christmas but I wouldn’t leave my kids for Christmas so I made plans to meet him in Jamaica after Christmas. It was the longest week in my entire life. I literally looked at the clock the entire time. I was an addict! I however did not, find my soulmate.
Arifah what can you lend to this conversation from a social worker perspective?
Wow, Myrna glad you spoke about the hormones. I always talk to my clients about increasing their Oxytocin through touch, such as a hug, holding hands, a kiss. Everyone has a sensitive area on the body that causes arousal when touched, whether sexual or just to feel good. It’s important in a relationship to know what your partner likes and does not, to give each other compliments and share tips on how increase synergy between each other. It’s important to always reminisce on moments, like when you first met, knew you were in love and what you admire about one another now. All of this, helps build connection.
In general the most salient characteristics for chemistry between two people are mutual interest (reciprocal candor, reasonableness, intimacy,
Remember you have an open invitation to join this group to get answers from the group on any of your struggles in life.
Question from Velma: I would like to, find your soul mate, but most men in my age group 60, want a traditional woman to cook and clean and a man to think for her. I’m not a traditional woman and I’m tired of pretending to be helpless. How do we as women maneuver in a world of the insecure man?
My answer – be both cake and ice-cream. Sometimes you are soft like ice cream and sometimes you are in charge and embrace your masculine energy and be cake.
What’s your answer Arifah
Keep doing what you love and make yourself a priority to level up.
Question from Elizabeth:
Should I be looking to, find your soul mate, of just someone to keep me warm at night?
When you are in your fifties and you have to start all over dating, do you date to find a husband or should you be okay with someone to keep you warm at night.
My answer- Someone to keep you warm at night. Women over 40 have a very slim chance of finding a husband, but you can definitely, find your soul mate!
What’s your answer Arifah?
Its up to you, based on what you are looking for in the present. Dating, can work either way, based on what you end up wanting.
Arifah is the Founder and Program Director of Lifted by Purpose.
Lifted by Purpose Provides a diverse range of services to organizations seeking trainings, workshops or programs with the intent to engage youth in conversations about mental health and learn practical strategies to cope with life stressors. Including:
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Additional Resources for, How to Find your Soulmate
Are you on a quest to, find your purpose? It is the only way to find fulfillment and the secret to happiness. Dr. Ken Keis shares six holistic approaches or benchmarks in your quest for, purpose.
Intro to our topic:
Dr. Ken Keis, is a highly sought-after author, speaker, trainer, podcast host, and TV and media guest. His latest books include: Why Aren’t You More Like Me?, Deliberate Leadership, and The Quest For Purpose.
A story on how to find your purpose
So many people listening have been trapped down a pathway that was really sort of conditioned from their background. I woke one morning and asked myself if this was what I wanted to be doing in 20 years from now, and the answer was no. So, I immediately took action. I decided to quit farming and hired a coach to help me figure out what I wanted to do in life. My, quest to, find my purpose, began. What was my purpose in life? The answer, to help others to live, lead and work on purpose. This is the question to, find your purpose.
My coach passed away from cancer many years ago now, and I just took his process and then added and enhanced it. Basically it was a self-discovery narrative and an interactive sort of process to, find your purpose.
What are the six Holistic approaches to, find your purpose?
A lot of times what happens people don’t realize their, purpose, because the question is too big. It’s overwhelming and what we’re trying to do here is get people to fine tune all the components of their life to go to the next level.
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So let’s go through these benchmarks to, find your purpose.
1. First Benchmark is, Personal Style, CRG is an assessment company. In our quest to, find your purpose, one of our assessments is called “the personal style indicator.” We believe that we are all born with a certain Personal style. Not right not wrong and we develop and we change and we mature in life but our personal style never changes. Myrna is the same Myrna from 10 years ago. In other words Myrna can wake up in the morning and still count on Myrna being Myrna.
2. Biophysical Influences, like Health concerns, physical and mental disabilities. The statistics of North American health is that 75 to 80 percent of people are unwell at some level and another 50 percent are diabetic or pre-diabetic. So there’s no way if I am thinking of, finding my purpose, if I’m sick. I don’t have energy, I have chronic fatigue syndrome, I have immunity disorder or whatever is going on. 90 to 95 percent of all illness is lifestyle related. In my quest to, find my purpose, I need to take my body and treat it well. If I have a racehorse and I don’t take care of that racehorse and then try to have it win the Kentucky Derby, it’s not going to happen.
3. Self-worth – What you think of yourself. We have another assessment called “the self-worth inventory” to, find your purpose, our confidence levels highly influence the decisions we make or not make. So maybe you actually have an idea of your, purpose, but you don’t have the courage to step into it.
4. Environmental systems – Schools , workplace, culture. We are a product of our environment. If I grew up in Florida versus LA or New York, Toronto or Vancouver versus Afghanistan, I’m going to have a different perspective on life and possibly a different path to, find my purpose.
5. Social Teachers – Parents, teachers, pastors As a kid you you very curious. You watched how your parents interacted, they’re teaching you how to treat others. The songs you listened to there’s now linkage towards violence and video games. In your quest to, find your purpose, be aware of what you’re letting in, who you’re working with, who are nurturing your personal relationships.
6. Emotional Anchors or triggers – Divorce, physical and verbal abuse, death of a loved one are all triggers. Any kind of event in life that causes either positive or negative associations becomes a trigger. Every single person listening or reading has triggers. You had an event in life that creates an emotional response. This goes back to a trigger that has been anchored, in many cases these triggers are subconscious. In your quest to, find your purpose, you don’t realize your, purpose, because you’re angry. You can also have unforgiveness. You have not really released yourself of this traumatic event. I had my girlfriend when I was 21 years old murdered by a friend of mine. If I didn’t let go of that event from 1982, it would affect me forever.
7. Spirituality, – This is a bonus because it covers everything. We are spiritual beings have a human experience. All of these seven benchmarks, come together to develop the whole person. They are essential in our quest to, find your purpose. That’s why developing all these areas is critic to finding your, life purpose.
Spirituality, is also consciously spending time developing yourself. It is a fact that you create your world. Most of us believe that we are product of circumstances; but if you believe that you actually can design and create your world, that’s what you will create. So yes, spirituality, the spiritual part of you is very important to, finding your purpose.
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Very powerful conversation with Dr. Ken Keis. Dr Keis is the author of “The Quest for Purpose” A self-discovery process to find it and live it!
To listen to the full episode, download on iTunes, Google play, Sticher, TuneIn radio, iHeart radio.
To quickly summarize, Dr. Keis gave us seven personality development models called benchmarks, that can help you in your quest to, find your purpose, we talked about personality style, we talked about wellness and stress and how it affects how you show up in life, we talked about, self-worth and self-confidence. How that affects what you go after. We talked about the, environmental systems, where you were born and what your parents expect you to become. We talked about, social teachers, the news and our, emotional triggers. If something bad happened to you a lot of times, people can’t get over it. This event hijacks them and it controls most of their thinking.
We talked about, spirituality, which is all-encompassing because we are spiritual beings and what we believe, has one of the most predominant effects in your quest to, find your purpose.
As a Business Coach, I kept getting clients who kept hitting a plateau with, business strategy. They hired experts to help them figure out the right business model, to surpass this plateau or ceiling; but they kept hitting this ceiling, nothing was working. It reminded me of my own, capacity, issue.~~~Lisa Fabrega
In this interview I speak with to Lisa Fabrega, leadership coach on the topic It’s not your, business strategy, it’s your, capacity.
Listen to Full Interview
Introduction to Capacity
Myrna – What I love about this topic is references one of my favorite quotes
You are the Lid! You can only go as far as your, capacity, for growth.
So the headline It’s not your, business strategy, it is your, capacity, for growth resonates with me.
Lisa as a Business coach, How did you stumble on the concept that what’s was holding your clients back was not their, business strategy, or goals but their, capacity?
Lisa – Great question I stumbled upon this concept very early on in my coaching practice.
I was actually was a health coach working with clients on nutrition. I noticed from my first couple of clients weren’t talking about food, instead it was their, capacity, was the focus.
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My clients were very ambitious and had already achieved a lot and yet they were hitting a plateau or something wasn’t working anymore. They couldn’t figure out what it was even though they were very smart people, so they’d throw a bunch of, business strategy, at the problem.
When, business strategy, didn’t work, they would hire experts to figure out the right business model, to surpass this plateau or ceiling. But they kept hitting this ceiling, nothing was working. It reminded me of my own, capacity, issue.
Four years ago I had a, capacity, issue. My coaching packages were sold out, I had a huge wait list. I was overwhelmed with requests and I didn’t have the, capacity, for it at the time. One thing I always say to my clients is if Oprah called you tomorrow, are you ready? Do you have the, capacity, to handle that influx of new business?
I thought this must be a, business strategy, problem instead of diagnosing it correctly that I had a, capacity, issue. I couldn’t hold handle or receive what was coming my way on many levels, so I went and invested a ton of money in a new, business strategy, and a funnel and I ended up a hundred thousand dollars in debt.
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Myrna – I would make the same decision. I immediately would think I needed to add more staff or something that’s probably what you did right?
Lisa – I added more staff, I hired a huge expansion team, I started a whole new funnel! It was the most stressful year of my life because I did not sleep that entire year. I was so stressed out about the money and the debt.
After doing some real deep self-reflection about what actually caused that problem, I started to noticing my conversations with my clients who also had, business strategy, issues. I realized that It was not a, business strategy, issue but a, capacity, issue.
Myrna – Obviously you need, business strategy; but you also need the, capacity, to get there; so how did you transition your clients to look at their, capacity, not their, business strategy?
Lisa – I realized that there are six areas of, capacity. I drilled it down to six because everything kind of falls under these, capacity, areas that we tend to struggle with as ambitious and successful people.
Money capacity – What’s your, money capacity? Score yourself from zero to ten. Are you earning enough, saving and investing larger and larger amounts of money every year? If you answered No, then ask yourself why not?
Visibility capacity – visibility capacity is your ability to allow all of you to be fully seen in your work. So many people hide little bits of themselves from their brand and from their clients and then end up with a misalignment. A lot of my women clients who come to me and tell me they’re drained, it’s not that they’re overworked or have the wrong, business strategy; the burnout is not because of that, it’s because they’re hiding these parts of themselves and it’s so exhausting to have to constantly hide and not be transparent.
Purpose capacity – purpose capacity is when your inside matches your outside. Your, business strategy, is lined up with your true purpose. You can’t start a business just because it has the potential to make you lots of money. Your business must also line up with your values and purpose.
Embodiment capacity – embodiment capacity is your emotional, spiritual, mental and physical capacity. If you were to get up on a stage in front of a thousand people and it drains the life force out of you to the point that you’re exhausted and have to recover for two days, you have an, embodiment capacity, issue. If somebody leaves a nasty comment on your Instagram post and you are just like freaked out and hiding for two weeks, you have an, embodiment capacity, issue.
Structural capacity – I call this also your foundation capacity. What are the foundations that are holding you up or lifting you up to your next level? What systems or, business strategy, do you have at home, or at work to hold you up?
Boundary capacity – boundary capacity is about being clear about who you are. It’s not just boundaries with other people, it’s boundaries with yourself; because sure you could work 10 hours today but is actually going to serve where you’re going? Should you instead get some rest? That’s setting a boundary with yourself.
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How to Expand your Capacity: your New Business Strategy
Myrna – What can women do to expand their capacity for growth, wealth and success?
Lisa – It starts with knowing how they score on the six capacities.
It will tell you what the real problem is because the biggest roadblock we experience when trying to expand our, capacity, is that we misdiagnose the actual problem.
If women don’t get clear and score themselves in these areas, they might think they have a structural issue or a strategic issue and don’t realize that it’s actually a, money capacity.
Why does our energy level affect our Capacity
Myrna – One of the things I wanted to ask you about is this, embodiment capacity. You said we can subconsciously drain our energy and power thus lowering our, capacity; explain that a little.
Lisa – I think that some of the ways that we unconsciously drain our power is through what I call emotional labor. Women particularly do this a lot and that’s actually part of an, embodiment capacity, issue. I have a great example. One of my clients told her husband would ask her every week after she would put the towels away, where’s the such-and-such towel and she’d say “it’s in the closet with the towels” and he would say. “I don’t see it” and she’d have to walk over to the closet and the towel would be right there.
This went on every week until she told him she was not doing any more emotional labor, that he can find the damm towel himself, she was no longer going to get up from what she was doing to find the towel for him.
This is a great example of tiny ways that we do emotional labor without realizing that we are being drained. These little leaks, I call them little power leaks leave you exhausted. You wonder why you’re exhausted and burned out and it has nothing to do with your, business strategy, we have to be mindful of our energy. It’s being drained from emotional labor with our family, friends and even clients.
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Myrna – So true, women especially the care-giving kind of woman are always doing things for other people and then they emotionally drain themselves and then they don’t have the energy to do anything for some themselves which is why the self-care movement is becoming so popular.
If you’re emotionally drained, it limits your, capacity, we can’t operate within our full capacity if our battery is drained.
Four keys to unlock Capacity: Your New Business Strategy
Pleasure – pleasure can be whatever it means to you, it could be taking a walk in the park, it could be taking a break, getting in the tub, getting some nice smelling lotion and rubbing it on your hands. Making sure to have those pleasure breaks because it’s like refueling your tank. Allow your, business strategy, to be your best self.
Eat Whole Foods – According to Ayurveda, it is very important to eat foods that are natural and pure for their full benefit to be absorbed by the body. When foods are as close to their state in nature as possible, that’s when they deliver the most potent nutrition. Foods that have been genetically altered, processed or refined have much of their natural intelligence stripped from them, disturb the intellect and the coordination and lowers our, capacity .
Manage stress levels – We live in difficult times. Stress and anxiety, whether caused by time pressures or difficult work relationships, stress can have a significant negative impact on mental performance. A calm mind, serene and centered in its equilibrium, is unquestionably superior in terms of focus, attention span, retention of knowledge and problem-solving ability. It is important to manage stress before it becomes a severe problem, because stress has been known to damage or destroy brain cells, and many prescription pills for anxiety can have side effects that can further erode mental performance and, capacity. a new, business strategy, manage your stress.
Get adequate, quality sleep – Related to stress is the other plague of modern society — lack of deep, restful sleep. With diet and lifestyle, sleep is a fundamental pillar of increasing your, capacity. Optimal physical and mental performance is impossible if sleep is not addressed. Getting eight hours of sleep is less important than striving for quality sleep, which occurs when the mind is totally disconnected from the senses. Quality sleep recharges and rejuvenates the mind, improving both short-term and long-term mental prowess as well as your, capacity for growth.
Myrna – I understand that you have a capacity in crisis virtual workshop.
Lisa – First of all I have an amazing free gift for your listeners. To get your Free Gift head over to my website at www.lisafabrega.com.
You can also sign up for my newsletter it’s actually an entire video series that I call the, capacity conversations. It’s like binging on Netflix except you get to binge and expand your, capacity, instead of numbing your mind.
You get a series of free videos that walk you through all the capacities and help you diagnose what your capacity issue might be holding you back.
Myrna – I want to introduce a contest this week. The prize is a gift card from one of our sponsors hbnaturals.com. One of you lucky listeners will get this $25 gift card for subscribing to either the Transform Your Mind iTunes podcast or subscribing to the Transform Your Mind podcast Youtube channel. Once you subscribe send me an email to info@myhelps.us with your contact information and if you are the winner, you will get this gift card to purchase any of the products on hbnatures.com coffee, skincare products, tea, CBD oil, super-foods, essential oils, pet products and more.
I want to invite you all to join my private Facebook group called life coach, this group has lots of life coaches giving daily inspiration and tips to live your best like now.
The foundation to getting, back to basics, is fulfillment. People don’t just want income, they want impact and they want freedom. People searching for, fulfillment, are often buying the cultural lie which is you’ll find, fulfillment, through income. Hidden in that lie is this idea that, fulfillment, lies somewhere in money.
Listen to the full interview
TJ Loeffler shares tips and strategies on the topic Successful but Unfulfilled, getting Back to Basics. TJ is a best-selling author of the new book “Getting Back to Basics”
This interview on the Transform your Mind podcast covers the fundamentals of living your life the way that you purposed it. How to live your best life now with some simple little tweaks by getting, back to basics.
Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast
Introduction to Getting, Back to Basics
TJ Loeffler is a founder, speaker, coach and advisor. After a personal awakening and a decade long journey of life transformation he now uses his gifts in speaking and coaching to share
Lessons from his story. TJ’s personal mission is to help people be free, get healthy and stay wealthy. Not just financially but spiritually by getting, back to basics.
TJ Loeffler – the first thing that I’ll say about Jesus being at the center of my transformation and
the change in my life is one of the things I heard
God makes the trees and we make the tables.
It’s a very powerful way to think about God’s role in our lives and more importantly our role in his life. What I mean by that is he provides and it’s up to us to meet our potential, so if he has the promise, we have the potential. I give God the credit and specifically Jesus for the revelation.
Successful but Unfulfilled – Getting Back to Basics
The changes that have happened in my life are really stemming from a change that happened in my heart. I was successful but unfulfilled working at Goldman Sachs, a well-known investment bank. I was on the trading floor on wall street making a great income but I was unfulfilled.
You see I had been driven my whole life to perform and achieve, because I had low self-esteem.
I had low self-esteem, because I had a subconscious belief that I was abandoned or neglected at birth. I was adopted.
I had never really come to the place where I had accepted my own story, because I had never really gone through the process of healing. My relationship with God allowed me to release the feeling of low self-worth and embrace my life.
Everything hit me in terms of the understanding who you are when my father was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and the supernatural started speaking into my life.
After facing a lot of adversity, I started coaching to help others and my company Loeffler international was founded.
Getting Back to Basics
Are Overachievers Unfulfilled?
Myrna – That’s awesome why do you think that some overachievers are still unfulfilled?
In my coaching experience I found that there was a lot of overachievers who are making money, they’re successful in their marriages, they’ve got a couple of boxes that they can check; but they still this emptiness inside.
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How Getting, Back to Basics can help you become fulfilled.
TJ Loeffler – it’s a great question and I’m going to make this super practical and it does relate to, back to basics, the book that is coming out this summer.
The foundation to getting, back to basics, is fulfillment. People don’t just want income, they want impact and they want freedom. People searching for, fulfillment, are often buying the cultural lie which is you’ll find, fulfillment, through income. Hidden in that lie is this idea that fulfillment lies somewhere in money.
But then people who start making money realize wait I need to do something meaningful with my life, so then they start a non-profit or do something to make an impact on the world. Then they realize that they can’t help everybody in the world.
Then they realize wait I need inner freedom and finances don’t bring me freedom! Money just magnifies the state you’re already in. If you’re a sad person, money can make you extra sad. So getting, back to basics looks at your inner world.
• Forgiveness – forgiveness sets us free. There’s a lot of people who follow Jesus; but haven’t had the revelation of Jesus in their heart, which is full freedom. In other words they still live hanging on to the weight of their past and that’s not living in freedom that’s living in self-condemnation.
• Health – there are a lot of really spiritual people who are functionally unhealthy and so underneath all that income still, unfulfilled. They can be making an impact; but if they’re not healthy no, fulfillment.
Does Money equal Fulfillment?
Myrna – I want to circle back to one of the most poignant things you said. People think that income equals, fulfillment. That is such a lie and it’s really sad to see the, unfulfilled, people with lots of money like the stars who have millions of dollars and all the fans and then they realize that all that doesn’t make them, fulfilled.
TJ Loeffler – One thing I would add is getting, back to basics, means that when you think about money the gift is with the giver and so generosity is one of the tools to greater joy; but generosity can also be an outpouring of guilt. So if you don’t have gratitude in your heart and you feel guilty for privilege and money, then you are back to being, unfulfilled.
Myrna – In your book, back to basics, you talk about the idea of having the right foundation for,
Fulfillment. What is that foundation?
What’s the core of, Back to Basics
TJ Loeffler – At the core of, Back to Basics, is this idea of the foundation to, fulfillment.
We were talking about health being the foundation layer in getting, back to basics, because
people that I’ve experienced this in my own life have gone through a health transformation including myself. You can’t end burnout of 10 years with poor lifestyle choices in 24 hours.
People want to have conversation with our coaching team to find out what truly makes them happy and how to get, back to basics, without changing their mindset.
The foundation to, fulfillment, is to overcome indecision and paralysis from analysis and anxiety. There are functional changes you need to make in your life, not just the mindset shifts which are
Core. Just like your philosophy, transform your mind, to, transform your life, we believe that mindset comes before strategy or tactics.
If you have pressures in your life and you’re not taking care of your body, I don’t care how you
Look visually, it’s going to affect you mentally, emotionally spiritually. It’s going to affect you and all these areas of life.
Getting, back to basics, is as simple as starting your day with lemon water. You have to start your day hydrating your body and specifically with lemon water because your body is
Detoxifying.
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There are six Core Pillars to getting, Back to Basics.
Myrna – is that your foundation to getting, back to basics?
TJ Loeffler – there are six core pillars to the foundation. When we think about health we break it up into these six things:
• Diet
• Sleep
• Movement
• Active rest
• Reflection and
• Connection
These six pillars are how I grew my business. These six things are also how I changed my life functionally. There were things that I was facing in my life, a lot of difficulty. I believe some of it was spiritual, some of it was really practical. I was burned out, so I hadn’t changed my mindset around productivity, around balance, around energy, I wouldn’t have found the recipe for getting, back to basics.
Pride comes before the fall and I definitely fell. I felt my pride took me to fall several times.
If God makes the trees and we make the tables, the tree is the body. He made this body.
I’m a spiritual being in this body. Our body keeps the score and we’re losing. Our body is telling us we have to look at ourselves and say I’ve neglected nutrition in my life.
I have to start thinking not diet; but my relationship with food and how my body processes the food. If i don’t have active rest in my life then I’m in constant sympathetic tone or fight or flight or free state and then my body diverts all the blood away from my digestive system. Now I can’t process the kale and salmon that I’m eating all the time and I think I’m healthy; but the reality is I’m in constant state of chronic stress or anxiety, so my body doesn’t process the nutrition I an eating.
How does Active Rest take us, Back to Basics?
Myrna – Is active rest Meditation?
TJ Loeffler – meditation is one leg of active rest. Here’s the key with meditation. You can empty
Yourself; but are you filling yourself with the right things? Otherwise you’re just walking around with an empty bin.
Active rest is really about helping your body move from sympathetic tone to what’s called parasympathetic tone. I think of it like a light dimmer not a light switch.
People are walking about their day being triggered by trauma that happened in their life and not even knowing that they’re being triggered. How many people are aware that they’re in a chronic state of fight or flight? How many people are aware of that and so recognize shallow mouth breathing as stress? All this is part of getting, back to basics.
Myrna – all the foundational things you’re talking about are things that I know that people can actually use to become better themselves and when they become better themselves, then everything else on the exterior becomes better. So, back to basics, it’s basic a perfect book.
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How can these Core Pillars help Overachievers have, Fulfillment?
Back to Basics, is a collection of the six core pillars.
Everything you do it starts as a discipline before it becomes a desire; but the reality is you can really start to enjoy your life when you when you like the way you look, when you like the way you feel. You start realizing it’s probably all the good choices that I’ve been making to engage with my body in a different way that is making me feel good.
I check my relationship with food
Analyse my relationship with sleep
What people are really looking for is, fulfillment, in life, in other words they have made an
agreement that work will provide, fulfillment. I spoke with a client yesterday, who said, I need a new career. I don’t have a career that gives me, fulfillment, and I said a career is not where you find, fulfillment. It may be a contributor but it can’t give you, fulfillment.
Myrna – I agree change starts with you, it’s within your power.
How to Change your Life Right Now by Getting, Back to Basics
What’s one of the first and most important things someone can do to begin changing their life right now?
A lot of people want to put things off until they’ve checked this box or they get married or got this new job. They always put off happiness; but we know as coaches that anything that you want to do, this is the right time. Now is the right time so what can somebody do right now to begin changing their lives?
TJ Loeffler – Besides lemon water every morning which is recommended in the book, back to basics, do things that make you feel and look better. They can also hire a coach. Coaches can help people to find, fulfillment, within. I found is coaches really accelerate the process and the good ones are going to be able to hold a mirror up to you.
They’re going to be able to help you see something differently in order to make practical change in your life. But I can hold a mirror but if you’re not willing to let go and let God in, if you’re not willing to give permission, if you’re still trying to hold on and have control over every area of your life, including your own perception.
If you want to hold on to the pain of your past, if you want to hold on to the things that have happened to you that you are still the victim, it’s really going to be hard to make changes. I don’t care how many coaches you hire, you won’t find, fulfillment. You have got to do the work.
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The first part of the book, Back to Basics, is really about helping people be open. If you’re not open, if your mind’s not open, your heart’s not open. Your mind is a reflection of your heart.
Myrna – How can listeners connect with you and order a copy of your book, Back to Basics?
They can order from my website corepillers.com.
We do have a boot camp. We do have health coaching, VIP days and a number of other options for people. If you’re at a place in your life where you’re really looking to make a change and
that’s our prerequisite, we’re looking for people who are resourceful, teachable and ready for
change NOW. Not six months from now.
Here are the links to TJ site
Website Site: tjloeffler.com
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Author Traci Thomas offers, reflection on her, abandonment by her mother in her book, Reflection 4 Rejection. Traci answers the question “Is child, abandonment, rejection by the natural mother?” If so how does this rejection affect the child’s self worth and self esteem for the rest of their life.
On, reflection, I feel that, rejection, by your natural mother, it’s such a unique, unusual, weird, inhumane space to be. It nonetheless served such a great purpose in my life, and what I mean by that is the following. It’s one of those preambles whereas once you have survived this type of, rejection, you pretty much can walk on water, and I mean that literally and figuratively. It’s one of those scenarios and situations very few people ever experience or understand. When you suffer from, abandonment, you’re in your own community and it’s isolating; but yet you’re so powerful at the same time.
With that being said once you overcome this, abandonment, and it is a challenge, it’s a lot to muddle through. However, once you get through it, and you’re on the other side, there’s nothing you can’t do. So in my situation, it’s like a head of bipartisan. I had two scenarios, two lives coexisting at one time. I had a father who had full custody of me at three years old. That’s when my natural, mother, and my dad were divorced back in 1968. I was born in 1965, that was unheard of within the United States. Very few fathers gained custody of their children or their child, so that in itself is a profound statement. That also shows you how little fight my natural, mother, put up to keep me.
I do remember one particular time my, mother, did quote, unquote kidnap me. She did take me when I got off the school bus when I was in kindergarten, and she took me to Philadelphia and thank God my father and the FBI came and rescued me. But even when she’s so-called put forth some effort, to show that she wanted me, it was still a situation where I was locked up in a room, there were German Shepherds downstairs and the FBI had to come and get me. She never really exemplified that she wanted me; but that’s okay and that’s what I explained in the book. It’s perfectly okay, because I define what, abandonment, is. It’s a supernatural definition. I actually give you, hind sights, definitions, elaborations and explanations as to what’s going on. What’s happening, why your natural, mother, abandoned, you. It took me 50 years to figure it out, which is sad, but at least I figured it out.
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Wikipedia says that, abandonment issues, causes Abandoned child Syndrome.
Abandoned child syndrome is a proposed behavioral or psychological condition that results primarily from the loss of one or both parents or sexual abuse.
Abandonment issues, may stem from physical (the parent is not present in the child’s life) or emotional (the parent withholds affection, nurturing, or stimulation). The abandoned child syndrome is not recognized as a mental illness.
Mothers, who leave their children, or when a parent is alienated from their children by the other parent (after a bitter divorce, DCHS, or foster care), can cause psychological damage to the child. This damage is reversible, but only with appropriate assistance. Abandoned children may also often suffer physical damage from, rejection, malnutrition, starvation, and abuse.
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I want to comment on something you said that’s a little different from my normal association with, abandonment, you said it took you about 50 years to get to the other side and it was very isolating; but once you got to the other side you felt like you could walk on water. Which is a very positive spin on, abandonment, because if you were to take a survey of the, child abandonment, community you will find that most kids end up having a lot of self-esteem issues, they don’t think they’re good enough.
When you feel, abandoned, it’s not your imagination. When you make every effort imaginable to connect or contact your natural mother and every single attempt, every single effort, every single expendable energy that you put forth, the end result is just this repellent. It’s this, rejection, of your natural, mother, not wanting you or your natural, mother, treating you as if you’re a bill collector. Your natural, mother, is literally tolerating you and can’t wait to get you off the phone. When you’re in a scenario like that again and again, it’s so bizarre.
On, reflection, once you’ve been in a situation where you’ve made every effort and did somersaults, headstands, back-flips, anything you can think of to connect with your natural mother, and every single attempt is unproductive and counterproductive. It’s toxic, and it’s unhealthy, because of the way that you feel afterwards. You literally feel as if you’ve been punched in the stomach with every single attempt to get the love of your, mother.
You’re in tears and you’re shaking, and you have anxiety, and then you go through life thinking that you’ve got to kiss every behind in the universe. You have this feeling of inadequacy this feeling of I’m not good enough, there’s something wrong with me. That’s why I wrote the book, because I do not want another human being going through five decades of what I went through. That’s why I engineered and composed the book.
My objective in writing the book, is for someone to have an open mind and instead of going through life telling themselves, my own, mother, didn’t want me. Even though that is true, instead they can tell themselves that they have every right and privilege to not want her either.
Power is something you take, nobody gives you power. You snatch power.
So what I wish to do with this work, with this writing, is to allow an individual to look at being, abandoned, in hindsight. Let’s really look at it and put an autopsy and microscope on, abandonment, for a second. If you really do this it’s not hard at all, you won’t have to go through all these dog and pony shows and tail spins. Kissing this one’s tail, and doing back flips for this person, and making your, mother, love you, trying to buy this person, begging for love, please love me, please like me. You don’t have to go through all of those mental gymnastics. It’s not necessary. I’m trying to save somebody 50 years.
Reflection 4 Rejection
Abandonment, from Relationships
Can this scenario be also transferred to people who are, rejected, period? I mean because, rejection, and being, abandoned, are not only synonymous with, mothers, or parents. Men can reject you, your friends can reject you, jobs can fire you. Is this information transferable?
I placed a laser focus on this particular relationship between a child and a natural, mother. This ironically is not, rejection, and if you read the book you’ll totally comprehend what I’m speaking about. The natural, mother, is not rejecting you, the natural, mother, is rejecting the reminder of neglecting you. The natural, mother, doesn’t even know you. How can somebody reject you when they don’t even know you? That makes absolutely no sense.
I’ve seen that the trauma that it is caused in young lives and almost every aspect of being , abandoned, or, rejection. So it’s kind of good to tell yourself that your natural, mother, didn’t reject you because she doesn’t know you. If you actually do believe that I can understand that it is easier to get to the other side. That’s good, I like that spin.
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What is the main message of your book Reflection for Rejection?
I wrote the book to give some insight to, child abandonment.
What message would you give to that listener of why they should go out and buy the book?
It would be in their best interest even if they don’t get the book, if they just listened to the podcast, because it summarizes the book. It’s their prerogative if they wish to purchase it or not. I mean that’s their choice; but with that being said.
Don’t ever allow another person, place or thing to define your self-worth. Don’t do that. Don’t ever give someone that opportunity or luxury.
I know you talked about your natural mother not really rejecting you because she didn’t know you; but did you touch on psychologically what was happening to her for her to have that unnatural response to her biological daughter?
My father, God bless his soul, was extremely intimidating. He was a very wealthy, powerful, articulate, worldly man. He traveled a lot because he was a computer programmer, so he was extremely I guess very controlling. So I give my, mother, an inkling of understanding, because he was pretty much a womanizer.
I’m not giving her a full 24-hour pass, but I am giving her an hour pass. I can’t really give her a full 24-hour pass, because there are, mothers, who have gone through the same episode and they didn’t react that way.
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Are You Angry at your mom for her Abuse and, Abandonment?
One of the things that I noticed talking with you Traci is that I see no evidence of PTSD from being, abandoned, by your, mother. Post traumatic stress disorder in teenage girls, usually develops for girls who have been sexually abused, neglected, or abandoned. You said that every time you tried it to communicate with your mom, or tried to make her love you, or tried to form a relationship; you felt like you got punched in the stomach. At those times were you ever angry?
What’s so interesting is that I got angry at the end. Like right in the last year. My book goes in chronological order. In the book, I actually highlight the events that have occurred during the last five decades, and what’s so flabbergasting to me is that I didn’t get angry and livid until the very end. I wasn’t angry at her, I was angry at me for participating. I was so livid at myself for wasting so much time, that it took me decades to come down from the humiliation, the frustration, the hurt, the pain, the disappointment, the monotony, and the redundancy.
Getting to the other side, puts you in a disposition where you’re at total complete peace. I call it a, mother, transplant because once you realize why she acts the way she does, once that clicks in your brain, a light bulb goes off and you’re free.
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When you read the book you’ll completely understand what’s going on and it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Your, mother, didn’t reject you, she can’t reject you because she doesn’t know you.
Yes, I understand what you’re saying. After you become immune to the, rejection, and you get on the other side of, abandonment, when you get to the other side, you feel empowered like you can walk on water. Nobody else has the capability of hurting you.
Childhood trauma and, abandonment, affects children in many ways.
Childhood trauma, #1
1. Addictions – as a child, did your parents have any addiction?
Now we typically think of drugs and alcohol, but there’s also sex addiction.
If your parent was a cheater or watched porn, have an eating addiction, was a hoarder,
spending or gambling, workaholics etc. There’s 11 addictive behaviors.
Childhood trauma, #2
2. Verbal abuse – Did you witness your mom and dad screaming and
yelling at each other? The typical is yelling screaming but
this also includes no verbal alkaloids, no compliments, not hearing I love you
verbally humiliated, or put down, your opinion means nothing, or statements like
“you’ll never amount to anything.” Comments like that.
Childhood trauma, #3
3. Emotional abuse or Neglect – Your parents were not around, being gone for
long periods of time. Research also shows latch key kids let’s say they
came home from school at 3 o’clock and mom if they’re in a single household mom
had to work 9 to 5. That child is alone for two or so hours. There’s anxiety around that.
So that even falls under the neglect believe it or not. While we’re out trying to support our
kids there home alone.
Childhood trauma, #4
4. Physical Abuse, Rape or Molestation – The rape or Molestation could have happened
in or outside of the home. Physical abuse is being beat hit in any way other than
the typical spanking like a quick spank on the butt. Research shows that spanking does nothing to help teach your child anything, so I always say when I do parenting lectures in the schools
we’re supposed to teach our child another way. If you’re beating them or hitting them you’re teaching them to be violent back. We don’t want to do that.
Childhood trauma, #5
5. Abandonment – There’s two types, childhood trauma from, abandonment. Fault and No Fault, abandonment.
Here are three examples of no-fault, abandonment.
• a parent has to go off and serve at war
• a parent happens to die early
• early a parent travels away from the home a lot for work. 20:24
Here is an example of “Fault”, abandonment:
• Divorce and the mom or dad leaves the home
and is supposed to see the children every weekend and is either late or
cancels, does not pick up the child. The dad is spending more time with his new
girlfriend than he is paying attention to you the child.
Childhood trauma, #6
6. Adoption – if you were adopted, part of the foster care system, or you needed to
live with relatives because mom or dad couldn’t take care of you, that even
includes Grandma’s, aunts or uncles. I had a client who signed up with me she
asks “How about if we chose to live with another family because we didn’t
want to go home? I said yes that falls under this category because there was
always yelling and screaming in her household so she didn’t want to go home.
Childhood trauma, #7
7. Personal trauma – This comes from being bullied, feeling different not
fitting in, being a little overweight as a child or like me skinny and gawky.
Many people remember being bullying not part of the sports teams.
8. Sibling trauma – Your sibling could have been born with a
medical issue where it demanded more of moms and dads time.
Or they could be bullying you, but most often this one applies to if you
perceive your sibling as being the golden child. They were more athletically beautiful
or handsome or intelligent getting better grades and mom or dad gushed over
them versus you. You were always trying to prove yourself and say see I’m
worthwhile too.
Childhood trauma, #9
9. Community trauma – If a parent was incarcerated, if you moved
a lot like military families. In the U.S.A military families move every two to four years.
Growing up in lack, growing up in dangerous neighborhoods, that’s all
family trauma and community trauma.
Today we have active volcanoes, massive fire, floods, hurricanes, mass
Shootings.
10. Mental Health – Bipolar, Manic Depression, Hidden personalities.
We have Sociopaths and narcissism is part of community trauma.
Sociopathic means that they have no regard for your emotional feelings, they
act on what they want, when they want without thinking about their partner or
the repercussions.
Two examples of sociopaths are Steve Jobs and Tiger woods.
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Child abuse happens when a parent or care giver of a minor child allows, inflicts or permits physical or sexual abuse or allows a situation where there is a risk of physical injury. Child neglect means a minor child lacks adequate care and is danger of physical or psychological harm.
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I learned the, ADHD, tricks early on like, touching him when I needed his attention and he was working. I learned to move my fingers from his face to mine — the universal signal for eye contact — when he began to drift off.
The two inattentive men, naturally tended toward household chaos, an inability to finish projects, and a desperate need for legal stimulants.
Understanding is the key to calming the chaos in the relationship.
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I’m curious about, Adult ADHD. Does kids with, ADHD, become adults with, adult ADHD?
For clarity let’s make sure people understand the acronym for, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Individuals can have, attention deficit disorder, without the hyperactivity and that disorder is ADD. Things to keep in mind about, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or, Adult ADHD, is that, yes you can have, ADHD, in childhood and about 60% of kids grow up still having the same symptoms and become, adult ADHD. One of the interesting pieces about this is that it’s important for folks not to misconstrued information about what they’re seeing the adult exhibit. Certain characteristics of, Adult ADHD, can mimic other disorders like for example Thyroid disease.
Does the 40% of kids who don’t have, adult ADHD, become cured?
Not necessarily , they could have developed coping skills to manage the, ADHD, behavior so the symptoms were minimized. They could have also learned strategies on how to behave or how to compensate for the symptoms.
What are the different types of, Adult ADHD?
When you look at the diagnostic and statistical manual that psychologists use. It gives you clarity on how, Adult ADHD, is diagnosed. There are different types 3 types of symptoms that we see in, ADHD.
Inattention
Impulse Control
Hyperactivity
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We have to go through the process and can’t have people diagnosing themselves or their children or anyone else with the disorder. Sometimes you have symptoms because people don’t have appropriate amounts of minerals in their body or they might be subject to low levels of magnesium. Things like that or people might have other diseases that might mimic, ADHD symptoms, so get these things ruled out with blood work.
ADHD in adults could mean you have an, ADHD, partner.
Here is what happening in their brain. What exactly is happening in the brain to cause someone to develop symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder?
The Adult ADHD brain has impaired activity in four functional regions of the brain.
Frontal Cortex. This region controls high-level functions: …
Limbic System. This region is located deeper in the brain. …
Basal Ganglia. …
Reticular Activating System.
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The neurotransmitter in the brain is affected. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for how we organize our cognitive flexibility and being able to control ourselves and things that come into our frame of reference.
The Basal Ganglia helps to regulate communication within the brain, sending signals from one neuron to the other and is responsible for our motor control movement. The Basal Ganglia is also responsible for regulating emotional volatility and the Reticular Activating System is our major relay system. It controls the many pathways that enter and leave the brain and is responsible for arousal and consciousness.
ADHD in women
Dr Gray who is the author of Men Are from Mars Women Are from Venus wrote an article in which he claims that men with, Adult ADHD, have problems committing to women because of the disorder. Do you agree with that statement?
No, not at all. I think there are other reasons that men can’t commit to women. Dr Gray is trying to give these men a pass. I would love to see his research.
Medications for, ADHD, are non-stimulant and stimulant meds depending on what the individual the parents would choose. I always think of other Alternatives besides the use of pharmaceuticals. I would rather use in a non-medication treatment or neuro feedback to help with symptoms of, ADHD. Bio feedback can cure the disorder, medication just masks or controls but never cures.
if you give anyone who clearly has, ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, medication for 6 months and the other Bio Feedback for 6 months, you will see the difference in the treatment results.
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Does internet pornography rewire men’s brain to have, Adult ADHD?
I came across an article from Dr Gray and he was specifically talking about men who develop, Adult ADHD, because of pornography. He said pornography is re wiring men’s brain and causing them to develop, ADHD. He said pornography also blocks love and connection with their partner.
One out of ten American children have been diagnosed with ADHD,
One out of seven American women over 55 will develop dementia,
Statistics reveal a greater risk of ADHD in children of divorced parents, particularly when boys are missing the regular influence of their fathers or their mothers are unable to find happiness
