How to Use Your Words To Change Eating Habits

Eat Your Words

The, words, that I used all the time was “I shouldn’t have eaten that”.  Then I always pray to God for help to stop me from, binge eating.  I didn’t want to, eat, all of that food, so I became like almost obsessive about, dieting, and my, relationship with food.

My guest today is Isabel Chiara.

This post is about transforming self-destructive eating behaviors with self-compassionate dialogue.

Listen to the full interview here:

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/episodes/9356698

 

Introduction Eat Your Words

Isabel’s new book EAT YOUR WORDS is not the typical, self-help diet book, Instead, Isabel’s approach is a more narrative, semi-autobiographical exploration of the sensual-and-painful relationship to food so many of us can’t escape. The book expertly coaches from life lessons and experiences of the uber-relatable curvaceous girl entry into womanhood.  Her hearty Italian appetite make for a complex-carb tale about the depth of our relationship with self-nourishment.

Myrna: Isabel, can you share with our listeners your own journey through, body shaming,  and self-discovery?

Isabel: Of course. In my own journey, food, eating and, dieting, has always been a big point of contention my whole life. It was through this non-acceptable way that I eat and always focus on the food. I always guilty after eating,  like I shouldn’t have eaten it.

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Your Words are important

The, words, that I used all the time was “I shouldn’t have eaten that”.  Then I always pray to God for help to stop me from, binge eating.  I didn’t want to, eat, all of that food, so I became like almost obsessive about, dieting, and my, relationship with food.

I started using, words, like there’s a certain way to, eat, there’s a certain way to be with food, and, diet. Each day I try to do it, there was always a new, diet. That is what has been the journey of my life. It’s been a journey of the kind of needs to come to terms with on some level and I think the, body shaming, was me telling myself my body is this way because I ate all that food.

Many times in my book, my main character, I say she’s walking around with no head. This is to highlight that sometimes we are disconnected our head from our body.  It’s a very common feeling or a life existence that is happening on some level. It’s kind of introspection book on the whole journey of the, body shaming, and coming to terms with the body, mind and spirit on some level.

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Eat Your Words: Stop the negative self talk

Myrna: How did you transition from walking around kind of discombobulated – which is a word where you’re not connected and then you got to the point where you’re going to, eat your words, because you’re not going to be telling yourself these negative things about food. What was your transition? Did you go to a Therapist?

Isabel: There have been a million people involved in this process, because you’re always a person with focus and you’re always trying to come up with a resolution to stop, self destructive eating.  It’s almost like I became a researcher. It was really a journey of finding what was really in my own soul, what was I really like?

  • What’s up with me?
  • What’s bothering me?
  • What’s the pain about?
  • What am I trying to stuff down with food?
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The Mind Body Connection to Dieting

If your body and mind are disconnected, you can’t even figure out what your, words, are saying to you.  I saying to myself on a daily basis, a lot of negative, words, about myself and my body. I saying these, words, to myself before I, eat, and after I, eat.

What happens is when you take yourself to task on some level, when you start to really become conscious,  you notice your, words. First thing I became conscious was I knew I needed to be in my body.  Because when you are out of your body you eat unconsciously.  For different people, it’s different things. I started to work out because I needed to feel my body and I was out of it.

The other thing was, as long as you’re feeling your body, then you get to hear your, words, and what you’re saying to yourself. So, the, words, started to become more conscious. What I have realized lately is that to be out of your body, you have to be really busy with things. If you’re busy, then you also have those, words, that are saying – oh! I’m so busy, I didn’t, eat, all day long and I’m starving. Now, I have a permission to just, eat, whatever I want, wherever I want and it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter which  is what we say to ourselves.

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Self destructive Eating

Myrna: Where did your, self destructive eating, habits come from? I know you mentioned that you’re Italian and, Italian food, has a lot of carbs and pastas and things like that. Is that where your, eating habits, came from?

Isabel:  Yes, except for Italians are for the most part are thin! I mean I’m in the restaurant business. I started my whole life in a family restaurant business, so my focus in life became food. At an early age, when we made food, we made huge meals. I never knew what a, portion size, was like. I never used the, words,  portion size, until I was in my 30s and 40s!

I would go to my friend’s homes and they would have like a bit of rice, or a bit of meat. I was like confused when I was younger, because that was never what happened at our house. I understand now the, portion size, mentality that really showed up in my whole scope of thought. My whole thought pattern shifted.

I was no longer eating like I was at an you can eat buffet.   My, eating habits, as a child made me end up with this  buffet mentality.

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Coping with Words and Body Shaming

Myrna:  At some point in time, you developed, body shame. You took me through your self-discovery, how did you use your, words, to stop, body shaming and accepting that you are a curvaceous girl?

Isabel:  Body shaming,  comes when you start a comparison with other people who are a certain size. You see people in a certain way and then you start looking at yourself as different. Each time you talk to people, you’re like wait, why don’t I look like you? But it doesn’t matter because we already internalized that there’s something wrong with us.

Whatever we look like, we want to be someone else. People start to say oh, for a little girly you’re eating a lot. Then you start to make a correlation with; I’m eating a lot, there’s weight here and there’s something wrong with what’s happening in me. I’m not okay and that’s how one starts to develop, body shame.

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Self destructive binge eating

Myrna: Why do you think we purposely distract ourselves when making food choices to the detriment of our health and, binge eating?

Isabel: I’m not a psychologist, I just know. I’ve been looking at this behavior for a long time. What I think is that we distract ourselves because we don’t want to feel the things that is going on in our life. I think a lot of times, when we do choose, binge eating, we are actually eating food as a distraction.

Maybe the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing kind of thing. A lot of times, we start to, eat, because we start to feel something’s coming up. It doesn’t matter what it is, it could be happy, it could be sad, it could be like anger and/or even bored. I, eat, when I’m bored.

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Notice what going on in your body before you eat that food

When there’s nothing going on, there’s still something going on in your body. If there’s something going on your body, but you’re not present to it or you don’t want to know what it is or what for every reason, you’re not used to it.   I think a lot of times people don’t recognize their feelings or they judge their feelings.

I’m a night time eater. I could do all day long with no food (because every emotion from the day maybe was just piled up), but at night, I’m like a wreck for that. Not for nighttime or for that one time and it’s all starting to come up and then we’re like let’s just go for it and we start, binge eating.

Myrna: Yes, that has been my biggest struggle for a long period of time. I couldn’t stop eating at night. It’s a little under control now, but that was my biggest struggle for a while.

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Diet and Nutrition

Isabel: I decided to lose the word, diet. I decided to do something different for myself which eventually added more nourishment and nutrition to my day.  I first started with being in my body, and then I used my, words, to say let me give myself food instead of saying, I’m going to take away food and I’m not going to eat this.

I started giving myself different foods, I allowed myself to have more nutritious foods and I started creating a new mindset. This new mindset was alright. I was totally resistant to this, but I started finding a place that had green drinks. I could have green drinks which took the edge off of hunger and it made me feel in my body.  So,  instead of going into the business of my whole day, I’m going to add a green drink. Just one thing, I added nutrition instead of taking something away,  I was going to give myself things.

If someone once likes eating at night, instead of having the bad things we want to, eat, at night you and what would you give what did you give yourself to replace that because a green drink. Just starting to give yourself other more nutritional things maybe you want to give yourself more vegetables than that and rice.

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Using Your Words to Change your Mindset

Myrna: How can those of us struggling with, weight gain, and a pure relationship to food face the issue head-on?

Isabel: The first thing I say is to, change your mindset.  Start creating an intention for yourself and start creating a, mindset, that you’re in the middle of the process. I always like to say we’re always in the middle of the process and that we are shifting. We’re always shifting and we’re always changing, even though it looks really bad – it always looks really bad before it gets really good. We’re going to start to use the right, words.

Myrna: Tell us about your book “Eat Your Words”, why you wrote it and what do you want someone that’s reading it to walk away with?

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Book: Eat your Words

Book Eat Your Words
Book Eat Your Words

Isabel: The book was a way to be conscious for myself like it really was. I wrote it for myself like a journal. I was really writing a book, but it was the stories of my life. So the goal was for me to get to some kind of resolution in my life. The stories are for people to really understand that they’re not struggling in this arena by themselves. This is really to bring the behaviors to consciousness and to show anybody that he/she is not the only one going through this. I mean most of the world is going through this on some level.

Now you become conscious of what the, words, are and how they affected our behaviors and through that, there is healing that can be done when you see something that somebody else is doing and you hear what their process is. I bring up a lot of processes.

Myrna: Where does the, “Eat Your Words,” come from? I’m assuming it’s internal dialogue.

Isabel: “Eat Your Words,” is internal dialogue and it starts at the origins of the family.

Myrna: It’s all about inner dialogue? But the inner dialogue as you can imagine is kind of runs your life and it could be conscious or unconscious.

Isabel: It wasn’t so sometimes.

Myrna: It’s unconscious right?

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Isabel: It was the, words, that I would say, as my mantra was, oh I don’t care. The biggest, words, were “oh I don’t care”. However, once you start saying I don’t care, it doesn’t just apply to what you are eating.   It really becomes what you start to say to yourself, the, words, you use.

  • I don’t care,
  • Oh I don’t care about myself
  • So I don’t care what I put in my body.
  • Anyway I don’t care what becomes of my life.
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Conclusion

Myrna: How can readers connect with you and get a copy of your book?

Isabel: If anyone wants to get the first chapter of my book, just to see if they like it or if it works for them, they can go to https://isabel-chiara.com, on that page, they could download the first chapter for free or they could just buy the book on Amazon.

We also have a membership site called Healing and Activation Process Integrations. Happy place is what I call it. It’s going to be a lot of processes that are going to help people to get inside of themselves. It can move things and look at things differently and channel them differently.

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Additional Resources

How Ketogenic Diet Helps Reverse Diabetes

 

How to Maintain Sustainable Weight Loss

How to Lose Weight and Keep It Off

Weight loss, and related challenges is not about, nutrition, but are projections of deeper rooted emotional and psychological challenges.

PAUL SALTER is a Registered Dietitian, Coach, Author, and, Sustainable Weight Loss, Expert, believes that, weight loss, and it’s related challenges, aren’t related to lack of nutrition or knowledge; but are actually projections of deeper rooted emotional and psychological challenges.  We won’t be able to confidently maintain, weight loss, until those challenges are acknowledged and overcome. His passion is helping men and women just like you re-frame their thoughts and reshape their behaviors so that they can transform their relationship with food and dieting, and finally, lose weight,  once and for all.

Download the full interview here:

Introduction to Sustainable Weight Loss

In this audio and blog, we’re going to be discussing how to guarantee a successful, weight loss, how to lose weight, and keep it off.

Since 2013, Paul’s worked one-on-one with over 1,437 men and women just like you who have collectively lost more than 10,000 pounds, thousands of inches, and maintained their results.

Myrna: What’s your story? You look pretty lean and fit. Did you have a problem with, weight loss, at one point and how did you become a, sustainable weight  loss, expert?

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Paul: Yes, I appreciate the kind of words. I have quite an interesting and diverse journey. For me, it started off with a late growth spurt. What I mean by that is at 16 years old, as a multi-sport athlete, I was about 5 foot 1 and 110 pounds.

Paul’s Story: Becoming a Weight Loss Expert

As you can imagine it was quite challenging to keep up with all of my peers who were bigger, stronger and faster than me. It finally clicked one day, and I don’t know why.  I like to give my mother all the credit for what I was eating and putting into my body.  This, nutrition, enabled me to perform better during sport practices and competition. I was able to keep up with everyone despite the size disadvantage that they had. I took that nugget of knowledge with me and carried it into College, where I shared my new found love for exercise, weight lifting, and, nutrition, with friends.

Quickly I realized that my peer group was turning to me more often than not for advice related to, nutrition, and, weight lifting. It finally dawned on me that maybe I could get paid to just talk about, nutrition, and, weight lifting, all day. That was how I began to study for my, personal training, certification. I still remember to this day exactly where I was reading and I believe it was chapter 23 of the big exam book, it was called, sports nutrition.

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Using Sports Nutrition for Weight Loss

That was my light bulb or the moment that I finally realized there are actually people out there who are helping others or helping even athletes pay attention to what they’re eating and when they’re eating, so that they can feel look and perform at their very best.

The very next week, I went into my supervisor (counselor’s office) declared my major in, dietetics, and then went down the path of studying, nutrition. I really wanted to get into, sports nutrition. At the time there were only seven, sports dietitians, in the whole nation. Crazy to think about right? So, it was definitely a very new area of focus, but I was fortunate enough to be proactive and a bit aggressive.

If you will put my resume everywhere to meet the right people to lead me through a path as a, sports nutrition, expert.  I spent time in a hospital as a, dietician,  I knew that wasn’t for me, but that was part of a, dietitian,  training so I had to do it. I also spent a lot of time doing competitive body building as I went through this journey of self-discovery.

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This is where I started to really understand the holistic, specifically the emotional and psychological impact that, dieting, has on people. When we finish a, diet, trying to return, I guess to a sense of normalcy is a lot easier said than done.  This revelation birthed if you will a passion for helping people, maintain weight loss .

How to Lose Weight: The Definition of Diet

Myrna: Alright, so let’s transition to our topic for today.  As I said, we’re going to be focusing a lot on, diet, and, nutrition.

What is the, definition of diet?  I know it fluctuates How does the, definition of diet,  affect us, maintain weight loss?

I ask the question because, diet, is the number one influencing factor that people can’t maintain, weight loss.  They go on a, diet,  and six months later, they’re back to the same weight or even sometimes they gain more. What’s that about?

Paul: I think there’s two major driving forces behind this occurrence. The first one fits right into the, definition of diet. It’s a perfect opportunity to talk about this because there are actually two definitions to the word, “diet”.

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Diet – Eating fewer calories to Lose Weight

There’s one that we are all so familiar with – which is intentionally eating fewer calories to, lose weight. That’s the one that the, weight loss, industry promotes very heavily and tries, for lack of better words to brainwash us with.

The second definition is simply “a habitual way of eating, “and the best example I like to describe to illustrate that definition difference is a vegetarian or someone who follows a, plant-based diet,  doesn’t necessarily mean that said person is eating to try to, lose weight.

What that, diet, encompasses is a lifestyle, a foundation of healthy behaviors in a healthy relationship related to our food choices. Where we all go wrong as a whole population, is we focus on the former definition only (i.e. intentionally eating to, lose weight)

What happens as a result of focusing on the wrong definition, is we develop a very short-term focus.  Where things go wrong is we commit ourselves to:

  • 30-day cleanse,
  • 90-day transformation
  • a 12-week this and that.
  • We never have a plan for day 31, day 92 etc. It’s kind of like, oh crap what do I do now? I just made all these massive changes for the short term because I was really committed, motivated and exciting.
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Dieting to Lose Weight is a Major Stressor on the Body

After you complete your 30 day cleanse or your 90 day transformation,  motivation has now waned, excitement has now waned and now you realize you do not have a foundation of healthy eating habits to fall back upon. So you fall back on your past lifestyle and then the weight comes back.

Myrna: Okay, you’re saying that the, weight, comes back because they eat and fall back on their bad food choices, but I’ve been told or read that a lot of times, people gain the weight back because they changed their metabolism. The lowered their, metabolic rate, from, dieting. Can you talk on that?

Paul: One of the biggest things that we have to remember is that, dieting, is a major psychological and emotional stressor.  Your body wants nothing more than to bring you out of that, diet. What happens when we begin eating fewer calories to initiate, weight loss, our body starts to enter this protective mode. It begins to hoard food and anytime we get excess calories it holds onto them for dear life, and store them to protect itself from future stress of starvation.

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How Dieting affects your Metabolic Rate

What happens is when we begin, dieting, our body wants to conserve energy and the way this manifests is simply our, metabolic rate, or the number of calories we burn per day begins to slowly decline. What also happens is there are hormonal changes that actually make you hungrier and less likely to want to stay on track with your plan. Our cravings increase. Our body is almost like a professional kick boxer, it’s going to punch and kick from any angle to fight, to get you out of that calorie deficit and you have to be prepared to handle the punches.

The kicks maybe head butts. The occasional elbow who knows what? That’s basically why you gain back the, weight loss, faster because you’re changing your cylinder structure.

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The #1 Reason Diets fail

Myrna: Would you say that’s the number one mistake that people make that leads to regaining the, weight loss?

Paul: The #1 reason, why diets fail, is this.  I think it’s important to note, diet, to really initiate, weight loss, you have to be in a calorie deficit or there has to be some form of calorie restriction.  . It’s literally an essential step, but what happens is, the harsher your, calorie restriction, or the longer your restriction, your body is so dynamic and adapts quickly.

Let me give a numerical example to help. Let’s say somebody’s eating 2000 calories per day, they decide they want to lose weight and they slowly drop their calories to 1600 or 1200, maybe even a 1000. People get too excited and make such harsh changes in their, calorie restriction, that their body adapts so quickly and then when they get to day 91 for example, and they just return to their old eating habits now, they’ve been accustomed to eating a thousand calories per day.

They go right up to 2000 calories or even more. Like I mentioned earlier, their body just wants to hold on to all of those excess calories to protect them and there comes the, weight gain. That’s the number one reason, why diets fail,   harshly restricting calories.

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The proper way to Lose Weight

Myrna: Do you have another suggestion on the proper way to, lose weight?

Paul: Absolutely. The two points to keep in mind, the first is you want to try to, lose weight, eating as many calories as possible. Let me explain, I know that sounds a little funny.

Myrna: That’s what you call a paradox or something.

Paul: Yes like an oxymoron.

Myrna: Okay I got it. What’s the difference between a, pre maintenance diet, and, post diet maintenance? You just talked about the, post diet maintenance, phase which is where you gradually bring your calorie level back up so that your body can get accustomed to all this. What you’re doing to it? What should we do as a, pre diet maintenance?

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What is the Pre diet maintenance Phase

Paul: Fantastic question. The way I like to talk about a, pre-diet maintenance, phase is when somebody comes to me and it’s about 99% of those I work with, they say hey I want to lose X amount of weight and I want to lose it yesterday.

It’s typical we want all of our results yesterday. When I go through their questionnaire and have these initial conversations with them, I get a really good picture of their current foundation of eating habits and relationship with food.  More often than not,  people who want to start a diet don’t really have any foundation in place.

Maybe they’re dining out seven times a week or they’re skipping meals here and there, and then they’re binging later etc. So, this, pre-diet maintenance, phase is a point or an opportunity rather to start building a unique, sustainable weight loss, structure for that individual and because changing habits can be a stressful process on its own.

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Pre Diet Maintenance reduces stress

We don’t want to add additional layers of stress from, calorie deficit, like as we just mentioned that’s a psychological emotional and physiological stressor on its own, so it’s during the, pre diet maintenance, phase we’re not trying to, lose weight, whatsoever. We’re simply working on rebuilding a foundation of healthy eating habits, one that is unique and sustainable and also reframing or rebuilding our relationship with foods.

Myrna: Is this a diet?

Paul: Yes.

Myrna: Explain that so that someone’s reading can understand what that means.

Paul: Absolutely. In the 10 plus years of doing this, working with 1400 plus people those who have had the most success, it all boils down to three common principles and that’s related to the foundation of their food and eating habits. Those principles are:

  •  simplicity,
  • individualization and
  • sustainability.
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Weight Loss Mindset

If you and I for example, we’re working together from day one I’m really going to ask you a lot of questions, challenge you to think differently about what an ideal day of eating, nourishing your mind and body, your soul looks like. I am looking to see you, weight loss mindset.

For example, maybe you only want to eat three times per day, maybe your best friend eats five times per day and you want to do the same.  So, we focus on you, we really build a structure that is unique to you. If you want to eat three times per day, great.  I’m going to have collected information about what your eating looks like.

I’m going to be able to identify what I like to call areas of focus or areas for growth. And then we’re going to start with the one I feel is the most important and that’s going to give you the quickest win right away.  We’re going to take that and we’re going to build positive momentum before we move to the next one.

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Protein is important in your Weight Loss plan

One of the most common ones I get is a person coming to me under eating protein.  So, I look for ways to add in protein throughout the day. I even like to say sneak protein in so you can reap the many benefits protein has to offer without making some completely upheaval change to your current approach to, nutrition, and eating.

Myrna: Alright, I got it. You’re just getting them maybe in touch with what they’re eating and getting them into starting the, diet, phase and maybe even seeing if they can follow it to be quite honest.

Paul: If you are going to, diet, and then maintain your ,weight loss, successfully, you should probably only spend about one percent of the rest of your life ever, dieting. Think about that for a minute, if you do one good diet and you learn how to, maintain weight loss, you never have to, diet, again which is fantastic.

Myrna: That’s where you’re talking about lifestyle right?

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Post Diet Maintenance

Paul: Yes. During the, post diet maintenance, phase, we want to pay attention to the gradual increases in your calories. Your portions to get you back to a level that supports everything you want to do and to live life to the fullest. But during this time too, we need to really put a lot of attention and time into redefining what normal or balance or moderation looks like for you as an individual.

We view each of those through the lens of sustainability, so that, weight loss, maintenance continues to happen as you operate on this new version of autopilot with your eating, exercise, and self-care habits.

Myrna: In your program do you include exercise or just a, nutrition, plan?

Paul: We focus a lot on, nutrition, but we actually focus a lot more on the emotion, behavioral and mindset aspects.

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Sustainable weight loss without exercise

Myrna: This whole, sustainable weight loss, equation entails so not much on exercise right?

Paul: Yes, the brain and the mindset.

Myrna: Someone coming into your program:

  • You help them with the, pre diet maintenance,
  • Put them on a, diet, to reduce calories
  • They lose  20 pounds
  • The,  post diet maintenance, phase kicks in where it’s a lifestyle shift.  If they do those three things, the million dollar question. Is, weight loss, sustainable?

Paul: Here’s the one thing I’ll include before someone enters our community and program. Before they receive instructions and the individual one-on-one care to build out their, pre-diet maintenance phase, they actually spend the first couple of months not even focusing on, nutrition.

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Understanding your relationship with food

We spend a lot of time up here and I’m pointing to my head and my heart.  I  am really looking to understand their past. How for example their childhood traumas, relationships with parents, guardians, friends and their environment shaped their current relationship with food.

We use this time as an opportunity to shine a big bright spotlight of awareness on some of the ways our past experience is affecting self-talk, limiting beliefs, thought counterproductive habits. We spend a lot of time there first before even getting to the, nutrition, because, if we can start making changes, they’re going to accumulate and compound over time.

Myrna: Tell our readers about your program, how you can help them maintain their, weight loss, goals and how they can contact you.

How the 5 Community Help you with your weight loss goals

Paul: Absolutely. My core focus where I eat, sleep, breathe and live these days is called the, 5 Community. This is where we work with high achieving women specifically mothers, to help them reclaim their confidence, their inner peace and calm through learning how to rebuild not only their relationship with food and dieting; but most importantly, the relationship with themselves, so they can, lose weight, reclaim their energy and truly feel, look and be their best.

The ways we do this is our central focus of the course. There is plenty of coaching such as:

  • one-on-one time,
  • online continuing therapeutic and
  • transformational curriculum that is with them every step of the way, but truly the magic comes within our community. When you surround yourself with a like-minded in a group of like-minded individuals truly is an opportunity to time collapse your results.

One of the worst things that I’ve observed happening specifically with the mothers I’ve worked with over the years, is they develop this sense that they are alone.  

But when you surround yourself with like-minded individuals, you can actually restore hope, restore feelings that change is possible and it’s through the collaborative accountable and supportive efforts amongst our community. We’ve really seen some fantastic sustainable changes and of course on the scale, and  in the mirror; but more importantly in mindset, relationship and emotions related to food eating and just simply being the best version of us.

The best place to connect and engage with me is on Instagram @paulsaltercoaching. The best website is going to be www.thepaulsalter.com

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Conclusion

Paul: Remember to trust yourself.  The difference between an appropriate portion size and maybe a not so appropriate portion size is that you already know what to do. Before you spend your money and time energy and effort, trying to outsource to fad, diet,  A B or C,  focus on making one tiny positive change that is geared towards helping you feel a little better.

When you make that change successfully, then insert another one and you’re going to start to build, positive momentum, because when you begin feeling better, your energy comes up. Your confidence comes up, you’re just exuding this different level of energy that has a nice positive ripple effect on other areas of your life. Now, we’re talking about creating a win-win-win situation

Additional Resources

Health is Wealth: How to lose weight without Dieting