How to Overcome Fear and Find Joy

energy of fear

Fear, is an, energy, and thoughts are the most powerful, energy,  force in the universe.  Thoughts can be either positive or negative.
Heading up the rear of, negative thoughts, is, fear. It is the bottom feeder or all the emotions.
If you allow, fear, to linger in your body and in your mind, It will not only attract the thing you, fear, the most into your experience; but it will also bring disease to your body.
All diseases can be traced back to, negative thoughts, or, fear. Negative thoughts, transform your body into an acidic state.

Fear, is a, negative thought, magnified to the 1000th degree.

In, fear,  mode your body is activated in the fight or flight mode.
Your body tenses, your breathing is shallow, your heart palpitates, your blood pressure is elevated, your hands and body sweat.
Not a good place to dwell!
Unfortunately, your brain cannot detect the difference between your imagination and reality, so the person in the grip of fear cannot tell the difference. They cannot tell that, fear, it is “False Evidence Appearing Real.”

Using Positive Energy to banish Fear

Today I want to teach you how to use, positive energy, to clear the, negative energy, of, fear. But first I want to review one of the Spiritual Laws of the Universe.

The Law of Sowing and Reaping

We all know of the physical laws like, Gravity.
Some laws are physical and some are Spiritual and quantum.
Understanding the spiritual “Law of Sowing and reaping” can change your world.
Understanding that whatever you create it in the spiritual world of your thoughts will manifest in the physical world.

Put another way, that means whatever you plant in the fertile soil of your mind, will manifest in your physical world.
Just like planting an apple tree. Except that in the spiritual world;

The soil is your mind, The seeds are your thoughts,
The water are your actions,
And The sun is your feelings.

If you allow, fear, to dwell in your heart and mind every day you will manifest an apple orchard in your reality.

Energy flows where Attention Goes

Whatever you focus on expands.

Fear is Negative Energy

Everything is, energy, and all, energy, attracts similar energies.
You can’t put out, negative energy, and expect positive results.
You can’t plant apple trees and expect oranges.

Likewise, you can’t focus on what you, fear, and produce a successful result.
If you are constantly thinking of the things you, fear, you are planting a seed and based in the universal Law of Reaping and Sowing, it must germinate.
The mind or consciousness is connected to reality.
Think of something strong enough or long enough to and it will eventually manifest in your reality.
These are six words you must stamp on your mind

“You become what you think about”

When you realize that your mind is a garden you will begin to plant only the things you desire.

How to overcome fear

Exercise: How to overcome fear, write down something that is opposite of what you, fear, and start giving it the same attention you have been giving your, fear.
Since light conquers darkness, it will eventually have your, fear, for lunch!

  • Imagine you having fun traveling the world in crystal clear clarity.
  • Say daily affirmations that compliments your desire.
  • Visualize your goal so much that sometimes you are not sure what is imagined and what is reality;
  • the same way that you let fear take you out of reality.
  • Don’t get disappointed if it takes time to perfect this. Remember that positive things take time to manifest,
  • it is the negative ones that show up quickly.

Weeds will sprout up, negative thoughts, of failure will sprout up.
So, every morning find the weeds and dig them up.

Remember a successful gardener will always cultivate his land.

Cultivate your mind for success.
Life is energy, whatever you put out, is returned to you.
The mind does not care what seeds you plant; it will always return what you plant.
You can plant wealth or you can plant poverty.
You can plant fear or you can plant happiness.

Here is an excerpt from the book: The Wise Heart: A Guide to the Universal Teachings of Buddhist Psychology:
The Buddha faced plenty of his own fear and terror of imminent death. This is a passage from the Buddha’s early writings that Jack Kornfield, a teacher who helped introduce Buddhist mindfulness practice to the West, quotes in his book.

How would it be if in the dark of the month, with no moon, I were to enter the most strange and frightening places, near tombs and in the thick of the forest, that I might come to understand fear and terror. And doing so, a wild animal would approach or the wind rustle the leaves and I would think, “Perhaps the fear and terror now comes.” And being resolved to dispel the hold of that fear and terror, I remained in whatever posture it arose, sitting or standing, walking or lying down. I did not change until I had faced that fear and terror in that very posture, until I was free of its hold upon me … And having this thought, I did so. By facing the, fear, and terror I became free.

Do not Fear: Definition of fear

Fear – False objects appearing real, as per the about passage, can be released by standing your ground. Our instinctive reaction to, fear, is to turn and run because as humans we are hard wired to run from pain and towards pleasure. But, as the Buddha teaches in the passage above if you stand and have the courage to not move, you become free you, let go of fear, and realize that your imagination is always worse than the reality.

Let me share a personal story on how I overcame, fear and, remove negative energy from home. 

When I first came to the United States of America, I came as a business owner. I did not have any of the benefits of a permanent resident. As my business was building, I decided to earn money as a sales person selling vacations. I was not authorized to work in the US, so I became very fearful of being found out and being deported. Every night I would dream that the immigration officials would come to my house and take me away in handcuffs. Sometimes I would dream that they would throw me in the back of the trunk.

One day, my pastor preached a sermon on, the fear factor. He said that God promises to carry your burdens, so give them to God. He said when you give your, fears, and heavy loads to God, you can’t worry or take them back because that would mean that you don’t have faith in God’s promise to carry them. He asked the congregation to write our, fears, and heavy burdens on a piece of paper and ceremoniously throw them at the alter giving them to God. I wrote my, fear, of being deported on a piece of paper and threw in on the alter. In doing so, I, let go of fear, and became free because I gave it away to someone else, God. The good news is that I no longer was afraid of anything. Every time something came up that would potentially me fearful, I would face it and know that it will work out for my good. I stood on the scripture “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you.”

Meditation to Let go of Fear

Sit quietly in a chair, be comfortable.
Place feet flat on the floor, hands clasped in your lap. Close your eyes. Be present. Focus on your breathing, feel your belly rise and fall under your clasped hands.
Breathe in for a count of 4 and breathe out for account of 6. Thus, slowing down your rhythmic cycles. Be mindful of the air as it passes through your nostrils down your esophagus and into your abdomen. If your mind wanders off bring it back gently to your breathe. Your mind can only concentrate on one thing at a time. Concentrating on your breathe bypasses your mind. Once you slow your cycles and quiet your mind, you are now in the receptive mode to change your programming.

Think briefly about something you, fear. Today we will use as our example the, fear of flying. Today we are going to use our imagination to replicate the experience of flying while you are sitting comfortably and safely in your chair.

Let’s begin. visualize you are at the airport with your loved ones, your husband and 2 children. You are on your way to Venice, Italy. You chose Venice because you wanted a romantic vacation with your husband. You can’t wait to ride on the Gondolas and be serenaded with live music, going to the opera and have the experience of taking a water taxi everywhere. You are excited. This energy is positive. You let this feeling of euphoria wash over you, you feel your body tingle with this positive energy. You feel good!
Now you are boarding the plane, you are starting to feel a little anxious. You board the plane and find your seat, you buckle yourself in. The pilot announces that your flight time is 6 hours and that he will be flying at a cruising altitude of 35,000 feet. He advises you to give your attention the flight attendant and pay attention to the safety information. You mentally note your exits. You listen to what to do in the event of a water landing! Your mind is going nuts with fear. Your heart starts to palpitate rapidly, you start to sweat.

Now the airplane is taxing down the runway at full speed, then lifts off the ground.
You squeeze your husband’s hand, you are hardly breathing, your whole body is tight. The plane is climbing it shakes a little. You are so scared the sweat starts dripping from your forehead. The plane reaches cruising altitude, the pilot turns off the fasten seat belt sign and people start moving about the plane. You calm down a little, but still aware of every movement of the plane. The flight attendants come around and offer beverages. You ask for a glass of wine. You drink it down in one gulp! You start to feel calmer. The flight is uneventful. After what seems like an eternity the pilot announces that in 30 minutes he will be starting his descent into Venice. Your fear returns, the plane shakes a little as it descends and you are once again in the grip of fear. The plane touches down and speeds down the runway braking speed. Your body is tight, your breathing shallow. Then it is all over. You faced your fear and came out on the other side! You exit the plane and you are in Venice!

I want you now to realize that you have taken your first flight in your mind.
I want you to realize that fear is false evidence appearing real.
I want you to realize that once you face your fear, like a bully, it backs down.
I want you to realize that the energy of fear is keeping you stuck.
I want you to realize that whatever your fear, just like we took a ride on an airplane and came out alive on the other side that is how all fear works. It has no real power over you. The only thing that is holding you back from doing the things you want to do is all in your mind. So, the only way the clear it is to start with the mind. Do a dress rehearsal in the mind and then do it in the physical.

The first step in How to overcome fear is to face the fear.

The second step is to clear it from the place it is planted in your mind. Take a moment now to ask your higher self where the fear of flying came from. When was the fear planted? When you get the answer, you may think to yourself, boy that was silly or you may have a legitimate reason to be afraid of flying. Someone you know could have died in a plane crash or you yourself could have been in a plane emergency landing. The thing to remember is that you know that every time you drive on the highway you could die and you are aware of thousands of people who have died in car accidents; yet few people have a fear of driving in a car.
So, consciousness is the second step.

The third step is to clear that energy by replacing it with, positive energy. We are going to use the, positive energy, of gratitude. Sit comfortably again. Imagine a bright light entering the crown of your head moving down through your check, down your throat to your chest, down your abdomen through your feet.
Feel this light fill all your energy centers as you become fully relaxed. Now expand this energy out from your chest past the room, past your city, past your country, past the clouds, past the sun, past the planet into the stratosphere. You are now floating in cyberspace. If you can bring your fear to mind in this space, do so now.

Then replace that feeling of fear with the feeling of gratitude. Gratitude that you are alive, gratitude that you are in your sound mind, gratitude that you have a place to sleep and food to eat. Gratitude that you are wealthier than 95% of the people in the world and you have the resources to travel to exotic destinations. Gratitude that you will not let fear rob you of your joy.
Now set the intention to fly to the first place on your bucket list within the year.

If you found this post helpful, I would love to hear your comments on what your fears are, and if you achieved a successful result transferring it with these exercises. Please share this podcast and blog post with friends and family and remember to subscribe and post a review.
Transform your Mind podcast is giving away a Free Checklist you can do every morning to replace your fears with positive affirmations.
To receive please subscribe, rate and review this podcast then send me an email to info@myhelps.us with the subject line iTunes review.
Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources

No Fear : How to Live with Courage

7 Ways to Get Unstuck and Take Back Your Power

Mother wound healing

One of the worst, negative emotions, in my opinion, is the feeling of, being stuck; defined as moving forward or going back looks worse than staying in the misery of your current situation. How do you, get unstuck?

Our topic today is How to, Get Unstuck. This is a, life coaching, session with, coach Myrna

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Being stuck, is a place of no personal power

https://youtu.be/w4Qxq23FzPQ

What it feels like to be stuck

A few months back I received a note on LinkedIn from a young lady who said she was,  stuck. I felt her pain deep within my soul so I offered her a free, life coaching, to, get unstuck.

She was in an, abusive relationship. Her boyfriend was physically abusive to both her and her 2 year old daughter and she feared for her life. She had the courage to pack up and leave that situation. She lived in Florida and her only family lived in Atlanta, Georgia. In order to, get unstuck,  she quit her job, left her boyfriend and fled to her sister’s home in Atlanta. Her sister was unemployed and had 6 children. She was dependent on her husband for support. This young lady felt uncomfortable living in her sister’s home, because she didn’t have anything for herself and now she had to feed her and her child. She called me because she felt she should go back to her, abusive relationship!

How many of you can feel her pain?
Being stuck, is  when the pain of staying in your current intolerable situation looks better than the pain of leaving.
It could be a domestic situation.
It could be an intolerable boss.
It could be a demeaning job.

How do you make the decision to, get unstuck?

How do you find the strength to want something better?

How did I coach this situation?

This is the major benefit of, life coaching, the ability of the, life coach, to see the frame.

You see you can’t see the frame when you are the picture!

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Coaching to Get Unstuck

I knew that one of the reasons that my coachee was thinking of going back, was because she still loved her, abusive relationship. She was trying to get someone else to agree with her.
So I asked her “Do you still love this man?” And she said yes.
Then I allowed her to become aware of what her brain was doing. It was, stuck, in repeat.
I told her that because she still loved this man, she is using the situation of her sister’s lack as the reason to return.
I asked her “Do you think your sister would want you to go back to that situation and maybe end up dead”? She said “no.”
I said think about it. What exactly are you taking from your sister? Space. Space doesn’t cost them anything.
I asked her if she had any money?
She said “yes.” So I said, use that money to buy food for you and your daughter so you can feel better about being a charity case.
.
After we got past the, negative emotions, we were then able to plan for the future to , get unstuck.

You can’t plan and have hope when you are busy wallowing in, negative energy, and self-pity of, being stuck.

I asked her about job prospects and she told me she had an interview scheduled for the next day.
That my friends is the First secret to, get unstuck.

1: Hope and Faith are important to getting unstuck 

Faith, that God can make a way out of no way.

Faith, that even though you can’t see the entire stairway you know that the stairs are there.

The message of, faith, in this story is that you can’t think that God intended for you to live in an, abusive relationship,  being dependent on an abusive man for your survival. You have to be able to get out of the valley, get unstuck, and see the light of the mountain top. You have to know in your heart that you were meant to be more. You have to want more for your children.

Once you find that, positive energy, things will begin to open up. Opportunities will come your way, God will open doors shut by the devil and your negative emotions.

My coachee got the job we are moving in the direction to, get unstuck.
She now lives in Atlanta and she is happy!
The devil is a liar, don’t let him convince you that you are, stuck.

Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast
Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast

2: Another way to get unstuck is to move the energy around.

The universe is made up of energy. We are a bundle of energy.
When you have, stuck, energy it causes disease.
So you have to force yourself to get off the couch, you have to do something, anything.
Do it until you feel like doing it. Do the things you don’t feel like doing until you feel like doing it!

Another client of mine got fired from his job so he sat around all day with his hurt feelings.
Blaming his boss and all his friends who did not support him.

You have to get over disappointment and hurt so you can get on with it.
Don’t let tragedy destroy you and keep you, stuck.
Don’t stop, continue to stay busy.
Continue to work your plan take small steps if you can’t take big steps
Automatic negative thoughts don’t take any effort on your part they come naturally like weeds in your garden.
But if you want to grow roses or orchids in your garden it takes special effort and a process.

Similarly, being stuck,  on something someone did to you is natural.
Feeling angry when your kids are ungrateful for the sacrifices you made for them is natural.
Being fired after working at your job for 10 years, never taking time off for your kid’s soccer matches or dance recitals is natural.
Feeling vengeful at the betrayal of your spouse is natural.

It is natural to be angry, hurt, disappointed, vengeful; but it is important not to stay there.

It is important to, get unstuck, remove , negative emotions. You have to get over them and move on.

3: Seek the council of others when you feel Stuck

What my friend on LinkedIn did was good. She contacted a, life coach. She received council and got a fresh perspective.
Even if she not heed my advice, she still moved the energy by doing something.

One way to do this is to memorize and recite the, serenity prayer, several times per day

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

One of the first things they taught us in coaching school is that you can’t coach someone that is not in front of you. Why was this important? Because most coachees will come into the coaching conversation complaining that their life is a mess because of the actions of someone else. The only person that you can change is yourself. You have no control over the behavior of anyone other than yourself.

4: Another way is to find peace with the situation if you can’t or won’t move right now.

I remember a sermon I heard from my first Pastor. He said whenever he felt like complaining about his wife he would pray and ask God to change him!

So for example if you are, stuck, in order to, get unstuck, you have to become aware of your thoughts. Change the way you look at the bad things he or she does. If he or she talks to you with disrespect. You can tell yourself it is not personal, that he or she speaks to everyone like that because he doesn’t know any better.

If he only talks to you with disrespect you can tell yourself that he doesn’t know you and let his words not penetrate your consciousness. He can talk but you do not hear or transfer the words. It becomes just noise.

This is a simple example but it works to, get unstuck. This is also called the Law of Allowing. It especially works in intimate relationships.
When you stop resisting and allow your partner the freedom to self-express, you open up the path towards healing the brokenness and allow the relationship to become healthy.

Concentrate only on what you are doing and saying. Stop reacting to stimuli and watch what happens.

5: Another technique is to notice when you are stuck and distract yourself

  • Come back to the problem later
  • Write out options and solutions
  • Write out the worrying situation
  • Write what you can do about it
  • Write what you cannot control about it.

6: Most importantly are your thoughts. Whether you are stuck or not, your thinking makes it so.

The thoughts that matter most are your self-thoughts.
It is never the situation that causes you to be, stuck, but your thoughts and feelings about the situation that makes you feel stuck.

Your thoughts influence your emotions, so to, get unstuck, think differently, and you will feel differently.

Sometimes, how you think someone should respond to you, blocks your blessings. If you move yourself and your ego out of the way.
Then maybe God can give you what he has in store for you.

Look at the bible story of Naaman. Naaman was angry because the profit did not come out and greet him and bow down to him when he came to him to heal his leprosy. Instead the profit Elisha sent a messenger out to tell Naaman to go wash himself in the river Jordon seven times and he will be restored. . Naaman went away angry because he felt disrespected. But he was smart enough to accept council from one of his servants. The servant told him he had nothing to loose by following the instructions of the profit. The servant was able to see the frame around the picture. Naaman could not. He could only see the situation that was making him mad. He decided to follow the profit’s instructions.
He went and dipped himself in the river Jordon seven times and he came out perfect and clean!.

Naaman almost missed his blessing by reacting to what he considered disrespect.

Some of you are, stuck, because of poisonous thinking.
Your thoughts can poison your spirit, and then you never see positive only negative.

As Neapolitan Hill said

As a man thinking so is he.

Shakespeare puts it another way

“Nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so”

7: You have to know yourself to grow yourself

You have to know where your pattern started.
You have to make the connection between your old story and your current circumstances

Eg. If your mother gave you up for adoption and your feeling of abandonment are keeping you stuck in Low self-esteem,
you should become aware that your past has nothing to do with your future.

You know better, that you are not your mom and she had her reasons.
The deeper truth is that you are responsible for your life and not what someone did to you.
You have to shift and take responsibility, you have to know that you keep getting into these situations because of your lack of self-esteem or because of your need for security.
Awareness is key. Once again, a coach can help if you can look at your patterns objectively.

What are you blaming?
What is your pattern? What is the evidence of your pattern?

I had a coaching client who had 3 failed marriages where the men stole from her.
We had to find her pattern and why she kept attracting and falling in love with the same type of man.

We discovered that she loved how her dad took care of her mom and paid all the bills, so she kept looking for that trait in a man.
She ended up getting the opposite.

Use your negative energy to get unstuck

Did you know that nothing exists without its opposite?
You can’t know light without knowing darkness.
In order to know if something is good you first have to experience bad!

She had to learn to create a new pattern.
She had to go inside and use her feminine power of intuition to pick a mate.
She had to listen to her inner desire and not the outer desire for material pleasures.
When she did that she shifted her pattern and created a new one.
Now she is in the best relationship of her life.

She tells me that she has touched the moon and it feels so good!

To read about my personal journey of getting Unstuck, pick up a copy of my book
” Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement”
Adobe Photoshop PDF

Out of the Snares

Additional Resources

How to Heal Your Brokenness

How to be Happy with Less

 

 

What Are You Patiently Waiting on Almighty God For?

patiently waiting on God

Are you praying and, patiently waiting, on, God, to answer your prayers? Be aware of why you want this thing.  Sometimes we are not ready to receive that what which we ask for and that is why the, almighty God, does not answer our, prayers, when we ask.

Patiently waiting? Be careful what you wish for.


It is important to understand or become conscious of why you want the things or certain people to come into your life. If you are, patiently waiting, and asking, God, for a child, be conscious of why you want a child. Is it because you want someone to love you or you want something to love? A puppy can satisfy that need.

If you are, waiting patiently, on,  God, for a spouse, is it because you want to share your life and be important to someone, or is it because you need help with your bills? Awareness is the key to understanding your desires.

When what you want does not show up, what do you do?
Do you become depressed and lose faith in God?

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Law of Detachment and patiently waiting

In the first chapter of my book “Out Of The Snares”, I share with you my journey to adopting my twin girls. I write about where the desire originated from. I share how I responded to the resistance offered up by the Universe and people at the Department of Children’s and Families. I share with you how the Laws of Detachment worked for me.

The, Law of Detachment, works with, faith. Faith, that God will grant you the desires of your heart, so you give this desire to, God, and you let him work out the details. Detachment, helps you to patiently wait for God.  You are not detaching from the outcome; but from the journey. You are saying to yourself, I am patiently waiting, on God.  I have , faith, that I will have the desires of my heart. I will become a mother.  If I don’t birth a child, God, will send me an adopted child.  That is, detachment, from the journey.  You don’t care about the path that, God, uses to grant you your desire, only that in the end, you have a child.

If a desire comes from your true self
It has within it the power to manifest.

For example: let’s say that you are going on a road trip to Florida from California. Your GPS navigational system can take you, the fastest way, the longest scenic way, or the cheapest way to avoid tolls. Regardless, of the route you take, you will be confident that route will take you to Florida.
In a similar way, you have to be confident in, God, that all roads will lead you to your destination. So, be prepared to, wait patiently, on God and don’t become frustrated and give up.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

The trick is to detach yourself from all the craziness and petty people trying to take from you what, God, has purposed for you to have. You must also remember that, God’s time, usually does not coincide with your time, so learn to, wait patiently,  and get yourself ready.

Get Yourself ready while patiently waiting on God

If you are asking, God, for a promotion, learn the skills necessary for this new job.
If you are asking, God, for a child, learn how to be the best parent ever, read parenting books.
If you are asking, God, for a spouse, learn how to have effective relationships.
If you need to lose weight, work on it. Be the best that you can be and when, God, feels you are ready, he will give you the victory, because you serve an, Almighty God, who is able to do all things.

Two things about Patiently Waiting on God

#1: Waiting on, God’s, plans requires patience and, faith.

It’s in the, patiently waiting,  that our, faith, is forged in the fires of trials. In the waiting, we discover that, God’s, in charge and we’re nothing on our own.

#2: Waiting is hard, but the wait has a purpose

God is never accidental. Everything he does has a purpose.

Sometimes the wait is for, God, to align other pieces of the plan. Sometimes the wait is for, God, to align the pieces of our own heart.

“Out of the Snares” Now Available on Amazon in eBook format.
Download your copy today!
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B013C71KHE
Print version available in September.

Additional Resources

https://blog.myhelps.us/principle-2-the-events-in-your-life-whether-good-or-bad-work-together-for-good/

https://blog.myhelps.us/does-god-answer-prayer/

 

How to Win at the Game of Life

 

How do you win at the, game of life? Today I am going to teach on How to be a Winner!!
Most of us were glued to the television for the Olympic games to see the athletes try to win Gold.  But how do these same athletes win, the game of life.
Each and every one of these athletes came to win Gold!

Did you see the interview with Shakur Stevenson? This interview and the race where the Bahamian girl threw herself across the finish line to take the gold from Alison Felix were my most inspiring moments of the Olympics. In the interview with Shakur the NBC reporter asked him how he felt about winning a silver medal? The interview was going good until this question and then Shakur decided not to fake it anymore. He broke down crying saying

“I hate to loose, I wanted to win. The Silver medal is terrible.”

This is our first lesson on “Winning at the, Game of Life.”

Never Settle for Second Best!

In our Podcast today we are going to look::

* How to Be a Winner

* How to Think like a Winner

* How to Act like a Winner

 

We are going to look at winners like Russel Wilson of the Seattle Seahawks.
We are going to look at Mike Tyson and Buster Douglas.
We are going to look at Steve Jobs.

Show notes:
Inspiration story and tip of the week.
Winning at the, Game of Life, some examples.
Acceleration – How God and a Coach can “Accelerate” You
To become a winner you need to be self motivated and need the help of a Life Coach.
Someone to push you when you lack motivation, someone to keep you accountable, someone to help you with the game plan.

The enemy keeps you busy with trivial pursuits to keep you from achieving your goals and purpose.

Here are 3 Principles to Winning at the Game of Life:

1> Physiologically – Is your body in a peak state? Are you prepared physically?

2> Psychologically – Do you have the mental capacity to win? Do you believe you can?

3> Soulfully – Do you believe it is your purpose? Have you tapped into the wisdom of your soul?

For the next 30 days, I will give FREE copies of my book
“Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement”
Just pay for shipping
Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” is jammed packed with stories of my victories and how
“I won at, the game of Life.”
*From Escaping Poverty and child abuse in my native country,
*to winning as a business person as the top female Limousine operator in Toronto, Canada,
*to winning my USA citizenship,
*to winning twin girls by adoption,
*to winning in Love and relationships!!

Lots and Lots of victories!!.

So download your copy now by clicking the Amazon link below:

https://www.amazon.com/Out-Snares-story-hope-encouragement-ebook/dp/B013C71KHE/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1472228401&sr=8-2&keywords=out+of+the+snares

Or contact me on the web for a FREE hard copy. You only pay shipping
https://myhelps.us/contact-us/
Adobe Photoshop PDF

How to Find Beauty in Your Now!

Finding Beauty in your now

Finding, beauty, in your Now is the point of all power that unlocks healing, growth, strength, peace, desires, success, and happiness.

This week I interview Aireka Harvell, aspiring motivational speaker who focuses on transforming the minds and lives of women with her blog “Be That Woman.” She is also the Founder of Nodat Place Advertising LLC. where she encourages and promotes female entrepreneurship and offers daily motivation and support through her social media platforms.

Introduction  “How to find Beauty in your Now”

Aireka has a powerful story of overhearing a mother telling her son that she was, ugly, and seeing her mom treat he brother better because he was handsome when  she was just 9 years old. That tag stayed with her throughout her life and gave birth to low self esteem, becoming a people pleaser and allowing her husband to mentally and physically abuse her. Aireka has lived in darkness of thinking she was, ugly, for most of her life, until one day she heard the voice of God telling her to Help other women “Be That Woman” he made them to be.

Today she has a huge following on Instagram and on her blog and offers Hope and Encouragement with her daily posts.

Listen to find out How to control your mind and bring it under subjection when thoughts of fear and hopelessness threaten to stomp out your joy.

Learn that there is opportunity to learn and grow from every situation.

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What is Beauty in the eyes of God

The tip of the week from Coach Myrna is an except from the book The University of Success by Og Mandino

A Conversation with our manufacturer (God)
God: Tell me “what is your purpose down there on earth”

Man: Well you know “I want to work hard and not hurt anyone, and I want to get along with folks and stay out of trouble”
God: “But what about your talents”

Man: Well what talents I have and there are not much, I take good care of. I kind of pace myself, you know.
No, No,No God shouted, your answers are all wrong. Don’t you remember the story of the talents?

Man: Yes I think so … You gave each of three men a different set of talents. To one man, you gave five talents. To another man, you gave two talents. And to the third, you gave but one talent.

“That’s right says God: and some years later I checked up on each of these three men. I was pleased to find that the man with five talents had multiplied his talents by working hard, and applying each one. The man whom I gave two talents had also labored hard and multiplied them. But when I checked with the man I had only given one talent, I became very angry. For that man had buried his talent in the name of protecting it. To which I cursed him saying “thou wicked and slothful servant” how dare you not use the gifts and, beauty, I gave you. You Knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed.
Do you not get the point of this parable?

Man: Yes I think so. I am to use the talents and, beauty, you gave me and multiply them to help others.

God: Let me ask you another question
“Who is in charge of your life?”

Man: I am responsible for my life – but with a few exceptions. I mean sometimes you just don’t get the breaks, you know. Sometimes things just don’t go my way, but that is the way the ball bounces or the way the cookie crumbles”

God jumped to his feet “No, No, No, he shouted. You were created in my image of, beauty. “When will you learn, you are totally responsible for your life, no exceptions. You are totally responsible for the results you obtain. Not your mother, not your father, not your boss. It’s not the breaks, that control your life, it’s you. Don’t ever say that is the way the ball bounces, that it is the way the cookie crumbles. You must bounce your own ball!

Man: Okay, okay I think I see. The fact is that I have been put on earth to succeed, I have an obligation, a responsibility, to use my abilities to the fullest. I must control my life, for I wasn’t designed to be led. I prefer excellence to mediocrity. I won’t prevent my own success, for all success requires is that I am here, and that I use my talents to the world and not wait for the world to come to me. And I will act now, no matter how convenient waiting may seem, no matter how imperfect might be the results I obtain.
Tears welled up in God’s eyes, a smile creased his face.

God: “Thou wonderful and faithful servant, take all the love and energy and talent that you have and share it. Share it with all you meet, until it seems you have no more to give, there will always be more and more in reserve. Your potential extends beyond your wildest imaginings. The only limitations you will ever face will be those you place on yourself”

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How to find Beauty in everyday moments

Johanna Sevier Robb says in her blog post on “How to find the Beauty in Everyday Present Moments”:

There is so much, beauty, in the world—and because this crazy, gorgeous life is so fleeting, I want to focus on the, beauty.

No, I won’t turn my eyes away from the horrors of the world. But I also won’t become so consumed by these horrors that I no longer notice the wind dancing on the water. Or the tender grasp of my lover. Or the plant on the windowsill stretching toward the sunlight.

I’m not trying to downplay the crap. But just to understand the, beauty standards, of men. I don’t want to crumple into a small, powerless mess each and every time I read the news.

Negativity sells. Sensationalism sells. But this is not the reality of, beauty. So I ask, what is beauty?

Sure, man’s, beauty standards, is real. But generosity, kindness, humility and love is also real. And I still believe in humanity. Only a tiny bit of the present world can be summed up by violence and acts of terror. Only a tiny bit of human history can be summed up by wars and acts of cruelty.

How to Find your Beauty even if the world thinks you are ugly

Despite his physical appearance, the elephant man  and his mother were close.  His mother did not think he was, ugly. A former housemaid, she was also handicapped and had three additional children, two of whom died at a young age. She herself passed away in 1873 of pneumonia. Her death devastated young Joseph. Not only did he lose his closest friend, but his father, now working as a haberdasher, soon married the strict widow Emma Wood Antill who had two children of her own and demanded young Merrick, elephant man,  leave school and earn his living. Amazingly, despite his growing abnormalities, he found employment at a cigar shop, but his right hand soon became too large to manage the delicate work of rolling cigars. In order to earn his keep, his father got Joseph a hawker’s license to sell gloves door to door. But his, ugly,  appearance frightened prospective customers and his sales were dismal. Joseph Senior would often beat his son if he came home empty-handed and the stepmother would deny him full meals unless he had earned enough to pay for them. As a result, he ran away — or rather walked away — from home more than once.

~

How to Become a Life Coach

If you liked this content remember to share, subscribe to my iTunes podcast and write a review. Once you do, send me an email to info@myhelps.us with the subject line “Podcast review” and I will send you one of two gifts. My eBook “How to become a Life Coach” or a “Mindset Shift Focus Wheel” a workbook to change from a Fixed Mindset to a Growth Mindset.

Additional Resources

Life Coaching part 1: Who am I

 

Change Your Skincare Routine: Change Your Life

 

I started my, skincare routine, in my early 20’s after a modelling course that taught, skincare. I learned the main steps to a, skincare routine: cleanse, tone, moisturize.  This, skincare routine, has served me well.  I have skin that looks 20 years younger than my biological age.

Welcome to the Mindset Transformations Radio show and Podcast. My guest today is Esthetician Colleen Black. Colleen is the co-owner of the Integra Life Spa in Fort Myers, Fl and also my coachee. Colleen changes lives. She changes the way her clients look, they way they feel about themselves and the way they treat themselves with a, skincare routine.

How does your, skincare routine, change your life?

For beginners, we recommend starting with a basic four step, skincare routine. Cleanse, tone, moisturize, protect. Of course, this can be modified, and products can be added depending on your individual, skincare, needs. For example, if you’re struggling with acne, you may consider adding a, skincare routine, to reduce oil.  No matter the case, the core four steps remain as the foundation of a successful, skincare routine.

While it may be tempting to buy a lot of, skincare products, keeping your, skincare routine, simple will avoid overwhelming your skin. Plus, limiting your, skincare routine, can help you save money and avoid wasting products.

Why do we enjoy doing Skincare?

I enjoy taking care of my, skin, because I love luminous, skin.  Once of the first things I notice about someone is their, skin. I see clogged pores or skins badly in need of exfoliation.  My, skincare routine, includes exfoliating twice per day.

What steps can I take today to change my skin immediately?

The most important step is moisturize and protect your skin from sun damage.

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How can my skincare routine  put off aging?

Aging is a natural process. From career successes to newly found freedoms, maturing can definitely have its perks. The most visible effect of aging is reflected on our, skin. Whether you’re battling fine lines, dark spots, or sagging skin, there’s no denying that your, skin, is starting to change.

Before you invest in over-priced products to treat your, aging skin, first consider what steps are most essential for your, skincare regimen. Although the products you choose to incorporate will differ from person-to-person, we highlight an effective, anti aging skincare, routine.

Do facials make a difference in anti aging skincare?

Yes. Facials is an effective, anti aging skincare, regiment.

  • Laser Resurfacing, Anti-aging Skin, Treatments. Laser, also called light therapy is a form of anti aging treatment that uses light energy in repairing and regeneration of skin cells. …
  • Botox Injections. …
  • Microdermabrasion or Dermabrasion. …
  • Dermal Fillers For Aging Skin.
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What supplements improves aging skin?

  1. Collagen supplements. Collagen is a protein found in the skin’s connective tissues. …
  2. Retinol and retinoids. Retinol is a form of vitamin A. …
  3. Hyaluronic acid. …
  4. Genistein isoflavones. …
  5. Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) …
  6. Witch hazel extract. …
  7. Cocoa flavanols. …
  8. Laser treatments.

What are the key steps that can make me 10 years younger?

When it comes to, anti-aging skincare, tips most suggestions revolve around taking steps to gradually prevent or reduce sun damage. But what if you want to look younger right away.  There are some makeup tips to remove age immediately.  Thankfully, there are plenty of ways to look more youthful and radiant that don’t require you to wait five years—or even five months. With just a few simple tweaks to your everyday, skincare, makeup and hair routine, you can shave years off your appearance without having to spend a fortune.

Tip of the week from Coach Myrna Except from the book “Grow Younger, Live Longer
Ten steps to Reverse aging by Deepak Chopra”

https://www.amazon.com/Grow-Younger-Live-Longer-Reverse-ebook/dp/B001334J4Q/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1471901044&sr=1-1&keywords=grow+younger+live+longer

Steps to grow younger everyday

The mind and the body are interwoven. Changes in, skincare, which is the body, immediately changes the other.
Step 1: Reverse your biological age by changing your perception of your body and it’s aging.
Don’t go around saying that you are too old for this and you are too old for that.
If you feel young, you will act young and you will look younger.
I can tell you that I look and feel 15 years younger than my biological age!

Step 2: Give your body regular exercise.
Keep it moving 3 times per week in some form of aerobic exercise plus 20 mins strength training 3 times per week.

Step 3: Feed your body nutritious foods.

Step 4: Eliminate toxins from your body.
Your, skincare routine, should include deep cleansing facials, taking warm baths with Epson salts,
having relaxing massages and by drinking 2-3 liters of water per day

Step 5: Take nutritional supplements.
Vitamins are required to maintain health, some cannot be manufactured in the body.

Step 6: Mind and Body integration
Meditation plus yoga builds strength and flexibility

Step 7: Be Love

Love makes you feel young
Love reverses the aging process
Love transforms biology
Love makes you feel good.
Love heals!
Love is good for you!

Additional Resources

https://blog.myhelps.us/using-reiki-heal-your-mind-body/

How to Assemble Your Power Team Like WandaVision

power team wandavision

Valeri Bocage lost everything in hurricane Katrina and used her pain to create her company Powerful Women International. She believes that the greater your pain the greater things that are birthed from this pain. In the, WandaVision,  prequel, Vision, was, well, very dead. … Wanda eventually managed to destroy the Mind Stone – and, Vision, – but Thanos turned back time and plucked it out anyway. Both outcomes killed, Vision.

Valerie says  that whenever you focus on what you have lost, you can never move forward. Her purpose was to make a difference.
She says to figure out who your audience is. Who are you supposed to make a difference to?

My tip of the week is:

How to Create Positive Core Beliefs

Our guest today shared her story of losing everything in hurricane Katrina and bouncing back to become the CEO of Powerful Women International. To do that she had to have positive self-worth and positive, core beliefs. Beliefs are the truths people hold on to that guide our life. The power of belief can trap you, as in the belief that you deserve only a limited amount of happiness. Or belief can free you, as in the belief that you are safe and protected in the cosmic plan.

When you open your awareness to your strongest, core beliefs, which are known as, core beliefs, two things happen. First, you find out who you are and why you behave in the ways you do. Second, new energies become available when you pursue the, core beliefs, that are life-supporting, fulfilling, and spiritually transforming.

A powerful, core belief, is pure and direct. It gives you a clear sense of who you are. It isn’t confused, conflicted, or compromised. Let’s take steps to make this the kind of, core belief, you are activating. Step one is to bring your, core beliefs, into awareness. The four, core beliefs,  you want to activate are:

  • I am loving and lovable.
  • I am worthy.
  • I am safe and trusting.
  • I am fulfilled and whole.

You already have existing, core beliefs, in these four areas of love, self-worth, security, and fulfillment. Your beliefs can’t be changed simply by throwing out an old one and adopting a new one like changing your wardrobe. The change must come at the level of self-awareness. At the core of your being, where your true self resides, the truth about you is clear and unequivocal: You deserve unconditional love; you are of unique worth in the universe; you can trust Nature to protect and uphold you; and your fulfillment comes from being whole.

To overhaul your beliefs means that you get closer and closer to your core beliefs, these four inner truths, which are absolute. Right now, there’s a gap between them and what you experience. For most people, the positive and negative side of their core beliefs depend on how good or bad their experiences have been in the past. If you have been deeply hurt in love, for example, it is hard to adopt the core belief that you deserve infinite love.

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A Self-Awareness Exercise to Create Your Core Beliefs

Hawkeye on , WandaVision, is self aware that he is the weakest link.  Although he is an extremely skilled marksman, Clint Barton is often considered to be the weakest Avenger seeing as he’s just a regular guy with a bow and arrow.  Reliving experiences from the past only keeps you stuck in the past. Your core beliefs are activated in the now, every day. They can only be changed in the now! Here’s how:

Look upon what’s happening now as a reflection of your,  core beliefs.  If the reflection is negative, pause and ask yourself why it fits the storyline your beliefs create. If you experience any kind of abusive treatment, for example, this reflects a victimhood story supported by a core belief that keeps you in the story. If you experience unexpected kindness, on the other hand, this reflects a storyline that includes compassion and reflects a core belief in how much you deserve love.

A, core belief, that God has plans to prosper you, will take you through any setback.

• Valeri Bocage started Powerful Women International in 2006 after moving to San Francisco, a move that was prompted by the loss of everything during Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. Valeri lost everything except her indomitable spirit to help others. Initially, Powerful Women International was formed to help women live their dreams and to begin to support each other worldwide to fulfill their utmost dreams and expand themselves as leaders worldwide.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher

How did Valerie build and assemble her Power teams?

Power Team, is  a team consisting of people who possess all the strengths needed to achieve your mission. They are an extension of you not a mirror. 

You’ve thought about your, power team,  and created an ideal customer profile based on that aspiration. The same thing should be done as you prepare to build your, power team, members.

As you make a list of your, power team,  you’ll need an:

  • accountant,
  • marketer,
  • social media manager,
  • content writer,
  • public relations manager,
  • customer service representatives

This is the time to aim high; to refuse to settle for less-than-ideal.

With her,  Power Team,  by her side, Valerie was able to take her brand to more people, with greater positive impact. Too many brand builders work to simply fill positions, when they should be working to hire those people who will further the reach and value of their brands. Who will you hire next? What challenges are you experiencing whilst hiring? What difference your, Power Team, made.

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iHeart Radio

 

Additional Resources

All-girl engineer team invents solar-powered tent for the homeless

Daniela Orozcoshe recalls how many homeless people she saw on her way to school when she was a high school freshman.

 

How do You Define Success?

How to Create Positive Core Beliefs

How to Lose Weight Without Dieting

Dr Nina Savelle-Rocklin says “It’s not about willpower” In her book  How to, lose weight, without, dieting,  Dr Nina says dieting leads to, eating disorders.

Dr Nina is also the author of “Food for Thought” a book about the treatment of,  eating disorders.

Lose weight without dieting
Book: Food for Thought

Our emotions feed our food intake. Our brain responds to emotions and feelings making it hard to, lose weight. Dr Nina is going to teach us today about how emotions affect our ability to, lose weight, and leads to, eating disorders.

In keeping with the format of my show, today my tip of the week looks at how positive emotions and negative emotions affect our daily lives.

Positive emotions or feelings can be likened to yeast in a loaf of bread. They raise your energy levels so that you can attract like thoughts floating around in the universe.

Thought impulses mixed with emotion are picked up quicker by infinite intelligence and acted upon.

7 Major emotions that helps to, Lose Weight

There are 7 major positive emotions:

  • Desire
  • Faith
  • Love
  • Sex
  • Enthusiasm
  • Romance
  • Hope
  • These are the most powerful emotions for creating wealth and happiness.

There are also 7 major negative emotions that lead to, eating disorders 

  • Fear
  • Jealousy
  • Hatred
  • Revenge
  • Greed
  • Superstition
  • Anger

Positive and negative emotions cannot occupy the mind at the same time. One or the other must dominate. You must make sure that positive emotions constitute the dominant emotions of your mind.

Form the habit of scanning your body to determine how you are feeling. If you find negativity immediately shift to a positive thought. With practice your positive emotions will dominate and negatives cannot enter in.

Negative emotions and feelings make you feel bad and makes us over eat, and impossible to, lose weight. Feeling bad is unnatural so we try to eat something, drink something, buy something or do something to make ourselves feel better. That is the source of addictive behaviors. You need to kill the ANTS. Automatic negative thoughts.
Check out my blog at blog.myhelps.us for more information on how to control your Automatic negative thoughts.

Guest Biography
Nina Savelle-Rocklin, Psy.D. is a psychoanalyst, author, speaker and internationally-recognized expert in weight, food and body image issues.

She has been featured in the Los Angeles Times, Prevention, Real Simple, Huffington Post and many other publications, and is a frequent guest speaker on podcasts, radio, summits and other events, including the prestigious National Meeting of the American Psychoanalytic Association.

Dr. Nina’s personal experience gives her a unique understanding of what it’s like to struggle – and she knows change is possible! She brings a fresh perspective by helping people understand “why” they turn to food instead of focusing on what they’re eating. In addition to her private practice, she writes an award-winning blog, Make Peace With Food, hosts a popular podcast, Win The Diet War with Dr. Nina, and offers “food for thought” on her video series, The Dr. Nina Show.

She has contributed to two psychoanalytic books, and her book “Food For Thought” on the treatment of eating disorders is to be published by Rowman & Littlefield later this year. Check out Dr Nina on the web at https://winthedietwar.com
Can you share your history and what led you to do this work?

Show Notes:

• Topic Discussion: It’s Not About Willpower! How To, Lose Weight,  Without, Dieting

• 2. Every year there’s a new fad diet – low carb, gluten free, Paleo. Why do you think, diets, don’t work?

• 3. What’s the best way to deal with food triggers that trigger, emotional eating?

• 4. What role does self-acceptance and self-esteem play in, weight loss?

• 5. For our listeners who want to make changes, what are some of the things they can do to create change?


• 6. A lot of people lose weight but gain it back, or they’re always in that yo-yo diet cycle. What causes people to sabotage their weight loss efforts?

How to Lose Weight Fast

  1. Eat a high protein breakfast.
  2. Avoid sugary drinks and fruit juice.
  3. Drink water before meals.
  4. Choose weight-loss-friendly foods.
  5. Eat soluble fiber.
  6. Drink coffee or tea.
  7. Base your diet on whole foods.
  8. Eat slowly.

Additional Resources 

https://blog.myhelps.us/motivate-yourself-with-patience-persistence-positivity/

Remember to subscribe to my channel to get notice of future life changing content.

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In a Unhealthy Relationship? Should you Stay or Go.

Unhealthy Relationships vs Healthy Love

So many women stay in, unhealthy relationships, and complain.  They feel unsatisfied, they feel unappreciated,  they feel disconnected, but they stay because they don’t want to be alone.  Blake D Bauer, relationship coach lets you know the signs when you should go, if you have given it all you got.

In this Blog and podcast, Blake D Bauer and Myrna Young, Life Coach, are going to be talking on the topic, unhealthy relationships, vs, healthy love.  So ladies download and listen to the full interview because we’re gonna be talking about men and how to understand your man.

Listen to full interview here:

Introduction to Blake D Bauer and, Unhealthy Relationships

Myrna – How did you become an Author, Teacher and a Relationship Coach?

Blake – As a young man I struggled a lot psychologically and emotionally and I didn’t have a lot of healthy men role models in my life, so to cope and survive I got into drinking alcohol, partying and doing drugs.

As a man I instinctively learned how to survive by repressing my emotions.  I spent a lot of time in the gym building up my ego and building up my muscles which is a very common masculine tendency.

It’s ironic because all that was my subconscious way of protecting my heart and my vulnerability and surviving the world.  We all do that in our own way; but these are the common male tendencies.

Later I developed a desire to understand my purpose in life, which is another topic I think is really important for men.  If we don’t have a very clear sense of purpose, it’s hard for us to be strong for our family, for the women in our life and our business. I found that my purpose was to become a, relationship coach, helping women understand when they are in, unhealthy relationships.

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Men really do need a very clear sense of purpose, to be a captain of the ship or be a king for his queen.  I started waking up every morning trying to answer two questions.

  1. How do I free myself from this suffering of, unhealthy relationships?
  2. What’s the purpose of my life?

This question led me to five different universities where I studied psychology, nutrition, theories of education and early childhood development,  Chinese Medicine including acupuncture and oriental medicine.

I then had a series of insights where I could see how, unhealthy relationships, including the, unhealthy relationship, with myself, was fueling, unhealthy relationships, with others.

In other words if we never learn how to love ourselves as children, it can lead to physical disease, psychological and emotional suffering like depression, anxiety,  bipolar disorder and, unhealthy relationships.

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With the guidance of a great mentor and coach, he learns how to become unstuck and get his life back.

This fictional short-story, inspired by real-life events, teaches different concepts, that can be utilized by anyone who wants to excel at managing themselves effectively in any professional and personal setting.

Pick up a copy of Stuck today from Amazon or wherever books are sold and get moving towards your success.

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Blake – There was a point in my journey when I realized that everything was really about how you learn to love yourself and value yourself on a daily basis; because that’s the key to your health and happiness.  It’s also the key to, healthy love, and, healthy relationships.

In my book “You Were not Born to Suffer” I share all my findings on, unhealthy relationships, vs, healthy love.

You were not born to suffer in unhealthy relationships
You were not born to suffer in unhealthy relationships

Why is Finding your Purpose Important for, Healthy Love?

Blake – One of the big questions that everybody asks is,  Does money and wealth equal success and happiness?  So that was the question I kept asking myself.  Is success and happiness equivalent to financial success? Can you find, healthy love, if you have lots of money?

I had actually grown up around people who had been very successful financially; but who were very self-destructive and in, unhealthy relationships.

I saw people chase money, get it and lose it again doing drugs. They hurt their children, ruined their marriages and they all had, unhealthy relationships.

  • So I started asking the question, What is the purpose of Life?
  • I was plagued and tortured with questions like, Why did I come to this planet?
  • Is there a God?

From the age of 18 to 24,  I was on this very intense healing spiritual and personal development journey. I felt that the reason I had come to the planet and my purpose was to share my insights on self-love with as many people as possible.

If I could teach others how to love themselves then they would be able to love others and have, healthy relationships.

How does the Emotional Health of men lead to, Unhealthy Relationships?

A lot of women go into, unhealthy relationships,  with men and they don’t get what they’re looking for because the man is not emotionally ready.

Sometimes as a woman you can also be seeking love from a man that you don’t give yourself,  or that you didn’t get from your father. For example, it’s really important to have that self-awareness.

I am  spending time with this guy because I really enjoy his company, I really enjoy his energy.

He’s supportive,  he’s loving,  he’s present plus I’m attracted to him.  We should be having a, healthy relationship, but we are not. So if he is not giving me what I need, then I have to analyse why I am with him.

Ask these questions.

  • Did you enjoy his company?
  • Did you like feeling protected?

You want to build something with this man, so you start to open up.  You tell him, I feel X Y and Z.  Pay attention to whether he can really hear you.

  • Does he listen and respond?
  • Or  does he check out and become distracted?
  • Or does he change the topic?

Another good question to ask is:

  • How do you feel about this or that?
  • How does he feel about regrets in his life?
  • How does he feel about the importance of communication or emotional connection?
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Blake – This is how you know if you can have a, healthy relationship, with this man.

If you don’t get the response that you want, this is the red flag that you are in an, unhealthy relationship.

A lot of men use this mask, I don’t like to talk.  I don’t like to talk about my feelings.

If you get that response,  say I need a partner who is able to open up and talk about his feelings, because that’s  important to me.  As a woman looking for a, healthy relationship, you need a partner who can connect to you emotionally and be there for you and be your best friend as well as a lover.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

If you don’t demand what you want, this would be a whole relationship based on you betraying yourself, so the key from the beginning is don’t betray yourself.  If you’re betraying yourself right now, STOP because it’s never going to get better.

Many women go into relationships thinking, I am going to fix this man up. He is a work in progress! He is like a fixer-upper, I’m gonna flip this house, I’m gonna flip this man. I’ll just put some nice new wallpaper and everything will be great.

NO it never works,  it just doesn’t work.

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What does, Healthy relationships, look like?

If you’re looking for this great of a husband then you have to be a great wife.  If you’re looking for a, healthy relationship, then you’ve got to understand what are you bringing to the table,  starting with self-love. You’ve got to fix yourself because even if you do get the man,  he might not stay because you’re insensitive, you’re bitchy, or you complain all the time.

You’ve got to be the best version of yourself, you’ve got to be able to understand what you what you want up front and ask for it.

Healthy relationships, are merely a projection of the relationship you have with yourself.  It directly connects back to where you have unhealthy thought habits and unhealthy habits of internalizing your emotions or pretending you feel different than you feel.

What are the steps to check if you are in an Unhealthy Relationship?

There’s a couple of practical approaches and mindsets that go with having, healthy relationships.

  1. One is that you have to become very aware of what you’re feeling on a daily basis, so for example you can just ask yourself, What do I feel right now in my body?
  2. Get used to saying – I feel hungry, I feel hot,  I feel frustrated,  I feel sad, I feel depressed.  I feel unloved, I feel angry, I feel alone.
  3. Become intimate with your feelings.
  4. On a daily basis talk openly and honestly with your friends, your family or your partner.
  5. Find someone that you feel safe with that and who you can talk to on a daily basis about what’s going on inside of you.  If you don’t have a friend or a family member that you can talk to openly and honestly, then it’s important to find a therapist.
  6. Another thing you can do on your own or until you talk to someone, is to get a diary or a journal and write, Dear Universe or Dear God, depending on what you believe. Some people have a connection with a deceased loved one, like their mother or their father or a grandparent,  you can write to your loved one who has passed on as well.
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Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

Podbean

You are in an, Unhealthy Relationship, should you stay or should you go?

Firstly, expressing your emotions honestly and kindly, is the first step if you are in an, unhealthy relationship.  Most of us never learned how to do that, and that sabotages relationships and makes us sick and miserable.  So you got to learn how to be open, honest, and  vulnerable on a daily basis.

  • Step two is acting in integrity, acting in alignment with what you feel and want and need. So how many people stay in, unhealthy relationships, and all they do is complain.  They feel unsatisfied, they feel unappreciated,  they feel disconnected;  but they stay and they complain.
  • They don’t take action following what they feel, because they don’t want to be alone. Yet most people in that situation feel alone anyway. They stay in an, unhealthy relationship, and stifle the chance of meeting someone new.

You should leave an, unhealthy relationship, if you’ve done everything you can in that situation to heal the relationship and the other person’s not willing to help.

Conclusion for Unhealthy Love Relationships

You can leave without regret.  You know in your heart you gave it a hundred percent,  you gave everything you had.  You took the responsibility for your actions. This person did not meet you on the bridge!

Blake – My book “You were not born to suffer” is on Amazon, iTunes and audible.  It’s on audio kindle and paperback, you can get it at any bookstore.  I normally teach at retreats throughout the year in person in the united states,  I teach a lot in the mountains in Colorado at a 600 acre Buddhist retreat center. Now that we have COVID  Check out my online events  on my website unconditional-self love. Com.

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Additional Resources Unhealthy Relationships

https://blog.myhelps.us/alchemy-desire-episode-5-long-term-relationship-dance/

What is the #1 Thing Women can do to, Improve Their Relationships,?

https://www.mentalhelp.net/relationships/is-it-love-or-codependency/

https://time.com/5274206/toxic-relationship-signs-help/

Celebrating Black Love Introducing BlackdateBox

Black Love Datebox

Love, is a spirit and if you speak to love it will return back to you when you call it. Black Love, is no different; but we need to change the narrative because, Black women, deserve, love.

I think that, love, is waiting for everyone to be silent, so that, love, can speak for itself.

Today we are celebrating, black love.  My guest is Lisa Kimberle author of “500 ways to celebrate black love”

Here is the synopsis of 500 ways to celebrate, Black Love

500 ways to celebrate, black love, provides an accelerating approach to, black love, relationships. Love coach and enthusiast Lisa Kimberle gets candid through personal reflection in hope of inspiring real, black love, stories.  This is her, love story, a story filled with passion and discovery that led her to a wonderful fulfilling, black love, relationship.  This is a, black love book, and it introduces the, blackdatebox, a subscription box created with love for all relationship stages. Black love box, asks the question, what is, black love?  It celebrates, black love, and highlights black owned businesses and retailers.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Why did you write the book “500 ways to black to celebrate, black love?”

For me it all started from my personal journey.  What I was personally going through in my, love story.  I was in a relationship and everything seemed right, we were very compatible.  It seemed like it was love at first sight, and then when we further got in the relationship, we discovered that we just were not meant to be together.  He was not a bad person or anything like that; but it was for someone else, it wasn’t for me and we were both totally fine ending the relationship. It was a three year journey that I spent discovering, what is black love.

I started researching family history and I discovered things and thoughts that existed within the family passed down from my grandparents and from my parents.  One of the interesting things that I discovered about my grandmother was that for whatever reason my grandmother hated relationships.  I kind of discovered during the journey about, black love, and what to do to break your patterns,  because these patterns are cyclical and runs for generations.

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Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

I don’t know your, love story; but I know as a,  Life coach,  I know women who cycle from abusive relationships into new abusive relationships. That’s their pattern, and they keep going into those relationships. They don’t look for them,  but it just happens.  So what you’re saying is exactly what happens, we all attract the same kind of man and it’s something unconsciously that we’re doing.  You traced your pattern and you found that it came from parental influence.

The second thing I discovered when I began researching, black love,  is that the internet portrayed, black love relationships, as nonexistent. I bumped into articles such as the one in Marie Claire magazine titled “Marriages are for white people”  and then when I read the article it goes further on to explain how, marriage, isn’t for, black women!

So now I am dealing with the generational belief passed down from my parents and grandparents, then it’s the societal belief that, black women, does not deserve, love.

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Download on Spotify

Is, Black Love, different than White Love?

No, Love, is a spirit and it does not define color. But as, black women, we have some challenges to find fulfilling black, love story. After my 3 year relationship went  sour, I really wanted to help, black women, find that perfect, love story. Since I couldn’t find any, black love books, I decided to write one.

I believe that, love, is a spirit and if you speak to, love, it will return back to you when you call it.

I think that, love, is waiting for everyone to be silent, so that love can speak for itself.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

What are 3 of the 500 ways to celebrate. Black love?

  • Wholeness before pleasure.
  • Becoming best version of ourselves. That’s discovering who you are.
  • Becoming the best version of us as a black race.

In a Unhealthy Relationship? Should you Stay or Go.

What is Quantum Water Leaping and how does this celebrate, Black Love?

Black Couples, Quantum Water Leaping is utilizing water as a representation of life. I believe that water is life and so if it’s used as a representation to cleanse out the old, love story, whatever that is,  whether it’s past relationships, marriages, things that you haven’t forgiven yourself for concerning past relationships or anything thing that can hinder your, black love relationship. Black couples, are using that water and jumping into like a new, love story. It’s a quantum leap.

Black Couples, Quantum Jumping is all about strengthening, black love relationships, because it is very true that relationships breakup because we’re carrying baggage. Leaping from one to the next is a perfect way to drop off your baggage!

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Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

How does the, Blackdatebox, Help, Black Love Relationships?

The, blackdatebox,  or, black love box, is a quarterly subscription, love box,  that was created to celebrate, black love. We celebrate, black love, depending on the season such as Christmas and other holidays or occasions that, black couples, wants to celebrate.  For example there is a quarantine, love box.

It has most of what you need to create a date at home and while you’re on the stay at home experience, you will kindle a deeper level of communication, a deeper level of, love.

The, black love Box, comes with the rose petals and the candles and whatever you need to create a romantic date.

We are coming into summer so the summer celebration, blackdatebox, 2020 has fireworks inside the box.  There’s two different boxes for the summer celebration because some, black  couples, may want to have a daytime date, so I have a brunch box.  I work with a chef she lives in Alabama her name is Erika Barrett she makes these excellent pancakes, so she’s one of the African American business that are featured in the box. The, blackdatebox,  comes with decorations for the ambiance and  all the, black couples, have to do is add the feelings of, love!

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You take these berries and they’re intact in form and then they dissolve on your tongue.  You have to let it dissolve for about 10 minutes, once it dissolves and you suck a lemon or a lime it is going to turn everything that you’re tasting, sweet.  It’s an amazing experience.

When somebody goes out and purchases your book, what do you hope that they will come away with?

I’m hoping that my readers get inspired and more empowered.  I’m hoping that it will inspire them to their own self journey to finding, black love,  and discoveries of their family history that could be blocking, black love. I want to change the narrative of, black love, and society.  I want my book to be a form of mental jogging.

Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast
Order your Author interview Transform Your Mind Podcast

How do you advise women to set their intention for, black love?

Whenever you have good intentions for being in a relationship then you will manifest those intentions. One way to set intentions is with daily affirmations. Some of these affirmations are:

  • I am loved
  • I am black and lovable
  • I am black excellence

If your intentions are that you want, love, because of loneliness,  change your intentions. Your purpose for wanting a relationship must be because you have something to give, not want. If you set your intentions in a good way then you’ll receive good results. Call, love, and it will come!

I pray that everyone every listener, every reader of my book that this will be the best year of, Black love, or any other love for them. I just want to pray that, Love, Finds them from the north, the South, the east and the West.  I just want to pray that they receive total healing.

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Additional Resources

https://blog.myhelps.us/find-your-soulmate-science-of-attraction/

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-single-women-find-love/