Are you Happy? Today Dr Ahia, Psychologist and I discuss, How to be Happy. Their is a mathematical formula for, happiness. H=S +C + V
The, happiness formula, is a mathematical equation on, how to be happy.
- What does it take to be happy?
- To answer that question you have to understand your blueprint for, happiness.
- Your blueprint is the story you have in your head about how life is supposed to be.
- The most popular archetype is the blueprint that says you have to be successful to find, happiness.
Here is a Test to see your Capacity for, Happiness:
- What is an area in your life that you feel happy about?
- Then ask yourself, why are you happy with that area?
- You could find, happiness, in your body, your marriage, your career, your friends, your finances, your kids, your relationship with God etc.
- If your Life Conditions or LC match your blueprint for, happiness, you will find, happiness, in this area.
Let’s pick an easy one to see, how to be happy, I am sure you know people who are happy with being overweight.
They find, happiness, with their body because their blueprint says, Big is Beautiful. They love being Big. You may also know someone who is a twig and they feel fat. You become unhappy with your body when you step on the scale and it is different than your blueprint for, happiness, with your weight or body.
- While you are in this space you can also get clarity on why you are Unhappy with some areas of your life.
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The Happiness Formula, How to be Happy
- Happiness, is defined as a feeling of contentment, that life is as it should be. Perfect, happiness, comes when you have all your needs met according to your blueprint of what life should be.
Here is the formula for, Happiness
- H=S +C + V
- Happiness is “H”
- S – Set point or genetic capacity for happiness
- C- Conditions or circumstances of living
- V – Voluntary choices
- Your Set point is both genetic and environmental. Do you see life as an opportunity or do you see life as a problem?
- Your set point for, happiness, is determined in the first 3 years of life by parents or caretakers. Your neurons mirror your parents. If your parents were always criticizing each other or playing the victim; that’s what you grow up to be. A critical person always seeing the glass as half empty instead of half full. You feel victimized by life. You blame the system for your lack of, happiness, in life. You feel you were born on the other side of the tracks.
- On the other hand If your parents were happy, then you grew up thinking that life is a place for service and to look for the silver lining under every cloud. Never being the victim because victims have no power. Your set point on, how to be happy, if pretty high.
Can you find, Happiness?
- Your set point represents 50% of your, happiness, so if you have a negative set point, you are always fighting an uphill battle.
- Fortunately, your set point for, happiness, can be changed through therapy?
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The second factor in the, Happiness Formula is your capacity for happiness or your Life Conditions “C”
- C = Conditions of living – conditions of living represents 10 -12% of your, happiness. For example If you are extremely poor you can’t be happy because your basic needs are not being met and your poverty becomes a source of stress.
- There is a movie I saw years ago called the, Happiness, movie. It showcased people in India living in very poor conditions, earning something like $100 per year and they found, happiness.
- How to be happy, they had love, they had family and since poverty is what they knew from birth, their blueprint for, happiness, was different than someone born into wealth.
- Do you know poor people who are happy? I am sure you do.
- When your Life conditions don’t match your blueprint that is when you suffer. Stress, depression, substance abuse this is the doorway they enter from. Not always but most times.
The next leg on, How to be Happy, is “V”
- V = Voluntary Choices. These are the choices you make every day =these choices represent 40% of your, happiness.
- If your choices are all about personal pleasure then your, happiness, will be transient.
- In the US the #1 choice for personal pleasure is shopping
- #2 is alcohol and food
- # 3 sex
- When you make choices for personal pleasure your, happiness, lasts a few days or a few months at best. If you are trying to find, happiness, by acquiring things like cars, clothes, houses, jewelry. The, happiness, lasts a few weeks or at best 6 months then it is no longer a source of joy.
- This is the same for alcohol, food, drugs, sex.
- Lasting, Happiness, does not come from external sources.
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- If you are suffering in your marriage, your relationships, or anything other than your health, you can change your blueprint and find, happiness. If you feel you have no control to change your Life conditions, that is when there is pain.
- You can change your set point through meditation and expanding your consciousness.
- If you don’t like your conditions of living or your body, change it. It is in your control. If you don’t want to change your conditions then you must change your blueprint.
- When I first got married my husband and I fought constantly. We had different blueprints of what marriage was supposed to be. We are still together today because we both changed our blueprints. Most couples end up in divorce court because they refuse to change their blueprint of what it take to find, happiness, in a marriage.
- Instead of making the choice of personal pleasure, spend your money or time on experiences like vacations, adventure, entertainment, being social with friends etc. Creating Good memories make you happy.
- The fastest way to, happiness, is to give others attention, appreciation, acknowledgment, affection, or acceptance.
- Before you make choices, ask yourself would this choice make me happy? Will it make others happy? You cannot find, happiness, making others unhappy.
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Additional Resources The Happiness Formula