Understanding Mental Illness: My Bipolar Life

If you have been diagnosed with, mental illness, or, Bipolar disorder,  it means that you probably think of ending your life all the time.  In this episode, I interview Gabe Howard, who was diagnosed with, Bipolar disorder, at age 25.

Before then Gabe said that he did not know he was sick. His parents thought  he was just acting out and would punish him for his behavior. But he remembers thinking of suicide all his life, until he got treatment. No one knew he was, Bipolar.

Today GABE HOWARD is an award-winning speaker, author, and podcast host who lives with bipolar disorder. He hosts the weekly Psych Central Podcast and is the co-host of the Not Crazy podcast. He’s the author of Mental Illness is an Asshole – and Other Observations and has appeared on numerous websites, podcasts, and in many traditional media outlets

Introduction to My Bipolar Life

I was diagnosed with, Bipolar disorder, when I was when I was 25 years old. I didn't know that I was sick. I had all of these, mental health, symptoms. They were causing me a lot of personal problems. I had a drug and alcohol problem, hyper sexuality was an issue, my relationships were just being destroyed, all because of, mental illness, but I didn't know anything was wrong.

Then one day I ended up in a psychiatric hospital, because I was ready to end my own life. I thought about suicide as far back as I can remember.

I just thought it was normal to want to die.

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What is, Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder is a mental illness marked by extreme changes in mood from high to low, and from low to high. Highs are periods of mania, while lows are periods of depression. The changes in mood may even become mixed, so you might feel elated and depressed at the same time.

The problem Gabe says is that when you are in the middle is when you get the job, the girl, the promotion, get married.  You usually loose these things when you are depressed or manic;  being in the middle is where you want to be.

I became an advocate because I consider myself to be a smart person and I don't have like some story about how my parents were awful. My parents are good people, they loved me very much. My dad was a truck driver my mom a stay-at-home mom and they did all the things right.

They were engaged, they loved me, they were present and none of us knew that I was, Bipolar, None of us got me any help. I thought wow if I didn't know, if my family didn't know, if all of that love and engagement and connection and caring and they just missed it. There must be other people that are in my shoes. That's why I became a, mental health advocate.

I just wanted to talk about, Bipolar, openly so that there just wouldn't be other people wandering around sick and scared and symptomatic. They could get help, because I was really lucky.

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What is Mental Illness?

Mental Illness is an Asshole!

In his book Mental Illness is an Asshole – and Other Observations

Mental Illness is an Asshole is Gabe Howard’s first collection of articles about living with mental illness.

All the articles date from 2014 through 2018 and include his observations on reaching recovery, stigma, and living well in spite of depression, bipolar, and anxiety. Totaling over 380 pages, Gabe even shares the story of his :): logo for the first time.

For years, Gabe Howard’s entertaining articles and essays have been educating people about living with mental illness. His observations cover everything from practical advice to family relationships to the fears that people with mental illness experience.

In essays such as “Anxiety Says Everyone Hates Me,” “I Have Bipolar and I’m a Hypocrite,” and, yes, “Mental Illness Is an Asshole,” Gabe makes mental illness less scary and more understandable.

I had a suicide plan and I just happen to run into somebody that understood that understood mental illness and it she looked at me and asked me “are you planning on killing yourself?” Her training allowed her to ask that question and I said yes! She he me committed to the psychiatric hospital.

I was diagnosed with, bipolar disorder, and of course once I was diagnosed with, bipolar, to go on and lead good life. This is why I always say that I was lucky.

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What is, Bipolar Disorder?

Bipolar disorder, is commonly described as extreme highs to extreme lows. From suicidal depression all the way to God like mania. As a, Bipolar, you will have to battle depression where you want to die, and feel like you want to die, you feel like you want everything to end. When you are in Mania, you feel like the whole world revolves around you.

Then there is the middle. Everything is normal. That’s when you get the job, that's when you meet the girl, that's when you get married, buy the house, have all the friends; all the things that you lose when you become symptomatic.

Psych Meds for, Bipolar Disorder, the Good, Bad, and the Ugly

Psychiatric medications are the religion and politics of the mental health advocacy world.

In this episode, we cover the good, the bad, and the ugly surrounding medications. Like whether or not you should take them. We tackle side effects like feeling numb and sexual dysfunction and share our personal histories with medication therapy.

If you have any form of, mental illness, that you need Meds to function. Medications are amazing, they saved my life. I want to be very clear. Without my medication I cannot live the life that I live. So many people mistakenly believe that psychiatric medications are magical that you just need to take the pill and boom everything is fine and it's simple.

It's much bigger than that. In addition to psychiatric medication, therapy is very important, learning coping skills is very important, and going to support groups. You have to deal with the trauma of your past and all of these things matter; but all we ever hear about is psychiatric medication and I want to change that. I want to change it to, did you take your meds and did you go to therapy and did you utilize your coping skills?

 

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What is the most common cause of, bipolar disorder?

Biological traits

Hormonal problems: Hormonal imbalances might trigger or cause bipolar disorder. Environmental factors: Abuse, mental stress, a “significant loss,” or some other traumatic event may contribute to or trigger bipolar disorder.

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Mental Health Advocate for, Bipolar

Gabe is a, Mental Health Advocate. He remembers when no one knew he was sick for over 20 years.  He had a plan to end his life and luckly for him, someone asked him the question “Are you planning on hurting yourself” He answered yes and he was admitted to the Psychiatric ward in hospital.

That saved his life so now, he is a, mental health advocate, to help others suffering from, mental illness, or, bipolar disorder, receive treatment and services.

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Additional Resources for, Bipolar Disorder.

The book is a collection of Articles and all of the Articles have something to do with, mental illness, mental health, loving somebody with, mental illness, dating someone with, bipolar,

It's almost a reference guide that you can carry around for people with, bipolar, or dealing with somebody who is living with, mental illness, and depression and anxiety, don't just live with, bipolar, you can have just depression, you can have just anxiety. Even people with schizophrenia, they suffer from depression and anxiety as well.

Dealing with Anxiety Disorder after Addiction

http://blog.myhelps.us/understanding-and-managing-compulsive-behaviors/

http://blog.myhelps.us/9-steps-to-effective-advocacy/

 

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20356007

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324602.php

 

 

Healing Trauma With EFT Tapping

EFT tapping is psychological acupressure. It combines ancient Chinese wisdom using our, energy meridians, the lifeforce that flows through in our body.  If we have past trauma that didn't fully release and we're simply just trying to feel better without addressing it, then it's probably going to still be running in our subconscious mind. So, EFT tapping allows us to clear it down to that subconscious level.

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Bio

Theresa Lear Levine is the founder of Becoming More Me where she helps professional women to get out of their own way and resolve their innermost pains, traumas and challenges so they can fully enjoy their success and present moments. She does this by using scientifically proven methods that help them to release what's currently holding them back and leverage their perceived weaknesses into superpowers.

By utilizing Theresa's unique approach to the, Emotional Freedom Technique, her clients have overcome nervousness and difficult situations such as preparing for big presentations, overcoming their fear of flying, and transitioning through divorce. Theresa’s personal struggles with past traumas, high functioning anxiety, and ADHD kept her in an ego driven holding pattern of dissatisfaction and stress for longer than she likes to admit.

Theresa is the host of the Becoming More Me Podcast and lives near Washington, DC with her husband, Jeff, and their 4 boys as well as their 2 yellow labs.

Myrna: How did you transform personal struggles with past traumas, high functioning anxiety, and ADHD to becoming an EFT master practitioner and health coach?

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Journey to EFT master practitioner

Theresa: Absolutely. And I wish I could say I figured it all out overnight and I'm here today, but it was a long and winding road. I always had ADHD that's there's no doubt about that. I didn't get diagnosed until my early 40s. And that kind of brought a new bag along with other things to figure out, but it was always apparent, and then your life brings about trauma for all of us. And I think a lot of us can get into a pattern of comparing our traumas and thinking mine isn’t that bad.  As I got into my 20s, and into my first marriage, and that ended in divorce after we had our first child, and there's so much that needed to be worked through.

I remarried and had 3 more kids. And I think that's when my ADHD really started to be more of a struggle for me, I couldn't juggle as well. There was more to keep up with and after I had my third child, I started a business from home doing more, more of the coaching and things that I had been used to focus mainly then on like nutrition, fitness, that kind of stuff. And very quickly as I was evolving in consciousness, I was realizing that I really wanted something deeper. I considered myself a personal development junkie. I always felt like I was learning and understanding things, but not being able to apply them to my life and make them work.

That's when I learned more about, nervous system regulation, in conjunction with, energy psychology and modern psychology and really was able to start getting out of my own way, locating places where my own energy was blocked. EFT has been around for decades. I have seen it used with Olympic athletes. I had seen it used with war veterans. I had seen it used with people who had worse trauma than me. It was that comparison again, where I was like, oh, I don't need this modality. This isn't what I need.

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EFT tapping works for everyone

I was a mom of three or four kids at the time and I just wanted to sleep through the night not be stressed, feel more connected in my marriage. lose a few pounds, you know, just it seemed like basic things, but they were all adding up to and I didn't realize that it was that same modality that helped war veterans or Olympic athletes. That could help me too.

And as soon as I opened up to that and realize the universal effectiveness and the scientific backing behind it and started using it, it was like that wall that was in front of me that was immobilizing me I was able to just cut right through it instead of trying to go around it or climb over it so it can be that really opened up the door because you can apply it then to pretty much anything and everything and I always find that when I'm working with people who are skeptical at first, the best of you apply it to something tangible.

Myrna; So, can we like expand on that? What exactly is, EFT tapping, and why does EFT have greater efficacy and speed than other healing modalities especially for trauma?

Theresa: EFT is a psychological acupressure you could say it combines ancient Chinese wisdom using our meridians our meridians are what our lifeforce flows through in our body, and we use these different points along them combined with modern day psychology. And by tapping our fingertips on these, Meridian points, the same point that if you were to go and have acupuncture done or a deep tissue massage, they will be inserting needles or pressing really hard. In EFT all we need to do is light fingertip pressure on some of these different points while we're focusing on the negative thing or the challenge, and giving it a voice.

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EFT tapping moves energy through your body

This allows the, energy blockage, to flow through.  An energy blockage is the source of any disease we have in our body. It allows those things to break free so that we transform the way that we feel about things. And what is really cool about EFT is that whether it is something emotional, or physical, it's effective on both.  Whether it's something that happened a really long time ago, something that's happening in your life right now, or something that you're worried or anxious about that hasn't and may never happen in your life.

I always find that when I'm working with people who are skeptical at first, the best thing is to apply it to something tangible, something physical.  That headache or a backache or something that you're really going to notice a difference or a shift immediately versus other things that it's equally effective on like money blocks or limiting beliefs or fears.  It works, obviously without any needles like, meridians acupuncture, we're just, tapping.

You can get right to the amygdala, that little walnut shaped part of your brain that's in charge of fight or flight. You're doing this instead of talk therapy, where you're more in the frontal lobes of the brain working, this cuts right to the chase of that, fight or flight, impulse that we all have, and it comes back along with your emotions and allows you to really access a new feeling about things and allows things to transform very naturally.

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Negative emotions from Trauma get stuck

And it also addresses the negative which I think a lot of people choose to overlook these days. Everybody just wants to feel better, be positive, that toxic positivity is kind of crazy. And we can't genuinely feel better and feel positively until we address the negative underlying things that are going on. And then once we do it's kind of like tilling the field to plant seeds, you now have this fertile soil where that what you want to plant can actually grow versus getting overtaken by the weeds or the negative emotions so to speak, that are still there.

So, it really helps for that and when you're thinking about it in the way of trauma. If we have a past trauma that didn't fully release and we're simply just trying to feel better without addressing it, then it's probably going to still be running in our subconscious mind in one way or another. So, EFT really allows us to clear it down to that subconscious level. And to do so very gently. A lot of people, they've been through something really difficult or really traumatic in their past. It's hard to talk about it and some forms of therapy can be traumatic themselves.

So, EFT is incredibly gentle. It's amazing how much progress that you can get without even having to go into great detail or tell the entire story or anything else you can really start to shift things and feel differently and also to feel more comfortable without sharing more of it than you would without the, nervous system regulation. EFT also works on a genetic level, like with epigenetic discoveries and things that are happening the way that our genes express can be affected by this type of work with, EFT tapping. There's a lot of studies going on about that right now. But things that we thought were once unchangeable, like our genetics, were able to see how much power we have over changing even marine power.

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Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Tapping the meridian points moves energy

Myrna: Dr Joe Dispenza’s work deals with epigenetics.  You were talking about the, issues in our tissues, I have an episode on this topic, we do hold trauma in our tissues. Now, to the point where you just mentioned regarding the, meridian points, being almost the same as when you have acupuncture, I've never had acupuncture, but I've seen where they have the needles and things like that, but I don't think I've ever seen needles in the head. And I was asked to do some, tapping, a few weeks back, and I was asked to tap on my head. Tap above my breastbone and then tap certain points in my head. So can we talk about where normally that people tap.

Theresa: Absolutely, before EFT tapping came to be known the way that it is with the points that I'm going to share in a minute. There was a predecessor to it, where there was a lot of different brilliant end points that would get put into these formulas for people.  So, let's say that you were afraid of flying and you went to get one of these formulas created. They would tell you to tap certain number of times and a certain place and this map would be specific for you. It was also ridiculously expensive.  But when Gary Craig, who's known as the founder of EFT, learned all of this and figured out that we really only needed a certain number of points to create this energetic overhaul.

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EFT Tapping meridian points

He made this accessible to everybody. So, the main points that we're using in EFT are:

  • The side of our hand which is known as the karate chop point.
  • The top of the head.
  • We use the eyebrow, where the hair on the eyebrow starts near the nose.
  • We use the side of the eye,
  • We use under the eye,
  • Under the nose,
  • Under the mouth,
  • The collarbone, not actually the bone, it's kind of that mid chest point that sometimes called a sore spot.
  • We use under the arm.

If you hit all those spots, while focusing on that one thing that's bothering you, and you're hitting all those spots, well voicing it in the right way and everything else, then you're going to clear the energy around the issue because you've used all of those different spots. That's not to say that you can't clear it with just one like that.

The collarbone point is one of my favorites, one that you mentioned, a lot of times when I'm just sitting here talking with people, I'll just tap my collarbone or when I'm doing initially meeting with clients, a lot of times they start to share more you know emotional things and they'll start to get choked up, and I'll just say, hey, let's just tap or collarbones while we're talking.

Transform Your Mind Podnews
Transform Your Mind Podnews

EFT Tapping vs Talk Therapy

Myrna: So that's amazing. So when you do the, EFT tapping, you're combining tapping with, talk therapy. And while you talking the energy is passing through your body? Is it like the energy that's in our, chakra systems, or are this is more than emotional energy?

Theresa: Yes, and yes, both. I love that. I mean, if you're familiar with the, chakra system, we can talk about that because even when my clients have no idea what an, energy portal, or the, chakra system, is, I still am using that behind the scenes in my own understanding of what's going on with them. And for those that want to geek out on it with me, I'm always sharing little tidbits. But our chakra system is beautifully engineered.

It all has to do with the energetic container that you have created in your energy system and your chakras. So, I am always looking at those lower chakras to see what happened when a client's nervous system from their earliest years. The things that you know their inner child has been through or their inner teen or their inner young adult, their inner anybody up until this present moment.

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Transform Your Mind Podcastland

EFT can heal fear of flying

EFT can be used like a band aid and it can also be used for that like deeper wound cleanout when you want true healing. So, in the case of fear of flying, let's say that you've never done, EFT tapping, before and you're getting ready to get on a plane. It's not like you have time to meet with me a few times and actually get to the root of it and figure it out. But you do have time to do some of the band aid style tapping where you could feel a heck of a lot better on that flight and feel a lot more relaxed with some stuff that just addresses the in the moment feelings that are happening.  The negative energy and so on and so forth.

But let's say on your first leg of the trip and you've still got to fly back. You probably are gonna need to do the exact same thing when you fly back because we didn't get to the root of the problem. We just calmed things temporarily for you, but that's beautiful and valuable. It's kind of like when people go to see a psychiatrist to work on things and they get prescribed a medicine so that they can relax enough to actually be able to do the work. It is the equivalent of the medicine that allows you to relax enough to do the work.

Women in particular, need to have, EFT tapping, in their toolbox.

Conclusion

Myrna: How can readers can get in touch with you. I think you have some video gifts that you want to, share with the audience of how they can try this.

Theresa: My website is https://theresalearlevine.com/ The links to my podcast “Becoming More Me” ways that you can get in touch and all the other things that you might have questions about. If you're on Instagram I am @ https://www.instagram.com/theresalearlevine/

 

 

Rules Game Of Life: Know Where You Want To Go

Rules game of life,  # 1 Know where you want to go. A lot of us have goals, but we focus on all of them at the same time and that is why most of us never accomplish any of them.

There is a Guyanese proverb that says that you can be a “Jack of all trades, master of none.” That means if you have all these trades, you can never be great at any.

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Focus on one thing at a time

The captain of a ship knows he can only dock at one port at a time. A quarterback in a football game knows the goal of the drive is to get to the end zone and score a touchdown. Once he has accomplished one touchdown then he starts planning for the next touchdown. Rules of the game, both the Captain and the quarterback knows to, focus on one thing, at a time.

So, the first rule of success in the, game of life, is knowing where you want to go. You set one goal and, focus on one thing,  concentrate all your energies on that goal first, then after you accomplish that goal then you move on to the next goal.

Let’s say where you want to go is to save $20,000 for a down payment on your first home. That is the direction you want to go in, you shouldn’t have that goal of saving $20,000 and another goal of let’s say getting your Master’s degree at the same time.  Chances are you will accomplish neither. Since you should, focus on one thing, at a time.  First focus on your down payment and then after you move into your home, then you could focus on getting your Master's degree.

podhero podcast Transform Your Mind
Podhero podcast

Game of Life: Your rewards equal effort

In the, game of life, your reward is in direct proportion to your service. So how will you earn this $20,000?  You have to provide a service to get it.  Don’t dream of winning the lottery.

We just watched the Super Bowl game.  Let’s look at Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes as an illustration of having one primary goal and working only on that goal. Patrick Mahomes is rewarded handsomely for his service for his ability to score touchdowns. He is paid millions and I mean millions because of this ability. He has studied his craft and become the best and his knowledge of the game and how to achieve his goal of getting to the end zone, makes him valuable to any team. He concentrates of one drive at time, that is his, focus is on one thing. One touchdown at a time, one game at a time with the end goal of a championship.

So, you need to do the same. What skills do you need to have to accomplish your primary goal today?  What do you have to do to become the best at what you do. Since service is in direct proportion to reward, how will you increase your service?

Transform Your Mind Podcast Podvine
Transform Your Mind Podcast Podvine

Rules Game of life

These are the, rules game of life, know where you want to go and, focus on one thing, at a time. This message is for me as well. I am speaking to myself. I have lots of goals and I was working on all of them at the same time and that is why I wasn’t gaining traction. I have 6 goals and I was concentrating on all of them.  Now that I understand the, rules game of life, I have picked one goal and am focusing all my attention on this goal. I already work on improving my skills every day. I already learn something new every day. Since my rewards is in direct proportion to my service, I am confident that my rewards will come. I know if you build it, they will come. 

Remember the quote from Alice in Wonderland “if you don’t know where you are going then it doesn’t matter where you end up.”

So become one of the 5% of the population who know the, rules game of life, they know where they are going and is working the playbook, setting up plays, celebrating first downs and getting to the end zone. You must have singular focus, you must know that people are out to stop you, and you must know where they are and avoid a collision.  Patrick Mahomes played through an injury, you must know that you will have challenges and problems on your way to your goals, successful people succeed in spite of their challenges.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna

Additional Resources 

The Game of Life: Making Lemonade Out Of Lemons

 

How to Deal with Grief from Death or Incarceration

Coping with, grief,  either from death, divorce, incarceration, job loss, or even loosing your home is devastating. Mental Health counselor, Arifah Yusaf  and, Life Coach, Myrna Young shares strategies for coping with loss.

I have been fortunate at 60 years old to not had to deal with the kind of, grief, that tears your soul out. The kind that of,  grief,  makes you want to die. The kind that  hurt so bad that you can't get up out of bed for weeks.

I have heard stories, and I have had a front row seat to my daughters grief when she buried her fiancé.

Grief from Losing a Child:

I was listening to an interview with Anderson Cooper a few months back and he was telling the story of his brother suicide. Then I heard his mother, Gloria Vanderbilt,  talk about it. Put yourself in this scene.

Your 22 year old son wakes up from a nap and comes into your room. Asks you some question you don't comprehend and then runs out of your room onto the balcony of your 12th story Penthouse suite and jumps to his death while you watch, shocked out of your mind.

Gloria Vanderbilt, had this experience. In an interview she said in her, grief, she stayed in bed for 2 weeks and cried and cried until she ran out of tears. Since then she has not cried once. She says it is as if, she has no tears left.

When a loved one commits suicide the, grief, is even more acute because there is blame wondering what you may have missed, could have done to prevent it, are you the cause etc.

But after hearing that interview, I heard another interview on the, Mental Health Happy Hour podcast, that penetrated my consciousness about the horror or, grief,

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

Podbean 

Grief and the Death of a Spouse:

The guest told the story about, the death of her spouse, seeing her husband drown in front of her and how her world changed from that day.

Here is her story. She said her husband Matt was a super athlete very strong. She gave us the mental picture of him hanging from a cliff with one hand and in the other hand pulling up his 17 year old son.

One day before they picked up her husband's son from the Airport, they decided to take their dog for a walk in the woods by their home. Her husband decided to take a quick swim in the river, something he did several times per week. She decided to keep playing with the dog.

After some time, she said she heard her husband cough once and she didn't think anything of it. She said to herself, he got water into his mouth again. When she heard him cough again, she decided to investigate. When she reached the river, she saw her husband clinging to a branch in river. She knew something was wrong.

The river looked the same as it always looked, very calm on top; but as soon as she stepped into the river to help her husband, she felt the strong undercurrent. The current took her and her dog up the river for about 2 miles before it spit them out on the shore. She said she was then lost in the woods for about 45 mins before she was able to get help.

They began a search and rescue for her husband, but  after 3 hours it became a search and recovery.

They found him entangled in weeds at the bottom of the river.

My husband drowned in front of me

Her, grief, extended to having to tell Matt's son that his father was dead. What it felt like to pick up Matt's son from the airport the day before his 18th birthday.

Knowing that Matt's son could never again celebrate his birthday again because it will always be the anniversary of his Dad’s death. She talked about having to call Matt's parents and tell them their son was dead. She said his father hung up on her he didn't want to believe it. Calling all his friends in his phone and telling them. Her, grief,  was unbearable.

She said she could no longer practice her profession as a therapist, because she couldn't listen to other people's problems anymore. But the point she wanted to convey by telling her story, was that while she was in mystery and her world changed forever, her neighbors world and everyone else’s world continued unchanged.

The sun came up the next day, her neighbor came out the next day and picked up his morning newspaper. She likened it to going to the movies, you pay to see a comedy but while everybody else is laughing your screen split and you are watching a horror movie.

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iHeart Radio

Grief from Suicide:

My firsthand experience with, grief, was seeing the pain it caused my daughter when her fiancé committed suicide. His mother called me and I thought she was joking when she said ” The boy killed himself” until she said why would I joke about something like that.

I had the unenviable role of telling my daughter her fiancé was dead. I can still hear her screens of anguish. I didn't know what to do.

Her world changed. She quit school. She was doing her Masters degree at the time.

She went back later; but I had to call her professors and tell them the situation.

Then she had to deal with the funeral and the burial.

I didn't know what to do, what to say or how to help her with her, grief.

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The therapist said that most people don't know what to do or say.

Because our culture spins the tale that life must go on and that everything has a purpose.

She feels that is bullshit to sat that her husband died, so that she can use her pain to help other people. What she is doing now.

She said you can't tell a mother who lost her baby that God had better plans for the child.

We will go through her suggestions for helping others deal with, grief, and what you can do to help later on in this blog

Here is how to deal with, grief from incarceration: Grief Counseling,

In the co-host chair is Arifah Yusuf Mortley, registered social worker, mental health counselor and founder and program director of Lifted by Purpose.

How is, grief from incarceration, similar to losing a loved one in death?

In my experience I have supported both clients in, grief counseling, dealing with, grief, of a loved one who died and secondary loss, such as losing a loved one to incarceration. When speaking with my clients, dealing with the loss of a loved one, I always listen and provide the space and opportunity for them to be heard and share their feelings.

It’s important for them to know during, grief counseling, that grief, is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. The more significant the loss, the more intense your, grief, will be.

Emotional reactions of, grief,  can include anger, guilt, anxiety, sadness, and despair.

During, grief counseling, clients may associate grieving with the death of a loved one—which is often the cause of the most intense type of, grief, but you can also experience intense, grief from incarceration,  or losing a loved one to incarceration.  For example, I had a client who was pregnant and her fiancé was sentenced to 6 years in prison.

Grief while incarcerated

Even though he did not die the, grief, was intense from her watching him get sentenced and taken away the same day, delivering their baby without him present, and raising their child on her own.  She would drive 3 hours to visit him and 3 hours back home once a month and speak to him as often, as she could afford.

Over time the, grief from incarceration, took a toll on her, as this was not the family life she had envisioned for herself.  Likewise, it was difficult for her fiancé in prison, as he felt he was missing out on the experience of raising their child, and the experience of being the father he promised himself and her, he would be.

He felt disappointment in himself and a disconnection to his family. He also, experienced, grief,  from loosing his freedom, and the ability to provide for his family.  He also grieved missing all the milestones of his child's life (ie. Missing first words, walk, first day of school, birthdays) and intense worry about their health and safety. As well, wondering if his girl would leave him for someone else. The inevitable of not being able to fully control situations, was an intense loss for them both, and sometimes, she would say it felt as if he was gone and not coming back home.

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TuneIn Radio

Steps to helping friends or family members deal with, Grief:

1: Never say get over it or it is for the best.

2: Allow them to grieve. If they want to talk about it listen. They need to feel heard. In fact they will talk about it until they feel heard.

  1. Help them by taking care of daily necessities like child care, cooking, cleaning, taking out the trash, picking up kids from school etc. A person in, grief, is not capable of doing any of these things.
  2. Sit with the thought that time does heal. The therapist went back to work helping others, my daughter went back to school and graduated on time with her Masters degree. She is getting married in December. Anderson Cooper decided to send himself to the war zone and report news. That is how he dealt with his, grief. That launched his career as a reporter.

How to Deal with grief from incarceration or death

Listen and engage  in conversations about the loss, so they can begin to recognize the reality of the loss and confront their own emotions (e.g. loneliness, sadness, helplessness). These stressors include things like thoughts, feelings, actions, and memories that cause us to feel, grief, and focus on the loss.

I share the Tear Model when working with clients, which focuses in on the following.

The Tear Model to help with, Grief

  • Accept the reality of the loss
  • Experience the reality of the loss
  • Adjust to a new life without the person
  • Reinvest in the new reality

I often explain that restorationorientation refers to coping with issues related to secondary changes brought on by the loss (e.g., financial, family demands), and adapting to these issues.

A griever will go between confronting the loss and avoiding the loss.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Helpful ways to cope with, Grief, and Loss

  • Express yourself. Talking to a trust friend, family member or counselor is often a good way to soothe painful emotions.
  • Allow yourself to feel sad. It's a healthy part of the grieving process.
  • Keep your routine up.
  • Sleep.
  • Listen to music or express your emotions using the arts
  • Connect with your spiritually.
  • Eat healthy and exercise.
  • Avoid drugs and alcohol.
  • Honor your special person and treasure fond memories (drawing, photos, music, and memory box).
  • Connect to nature – go for a walk, breathe in the fresh, focus on what you see outside (i.e. Trees, birds).
  • Make a special memento to perverse a loved one’s memory. Write a letter to the person.
  • Lean on support from friends, family, professional support.
  • Learn about grief resources, support groups, grief professionals.
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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES FOR COPING WITH, GRIEF

How to Heal Your Brokenness

Life After Death: How an Atheist Became a Believer

http://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-find-the-right-man-the-second-time-around/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3131745/

 

https://www.themarshallproject.org/2017/11/10/the-singular-sorrow-of-grieving-behind-bars

 

How To Face Your Fear of Death

I want you to meditate on your, fear of death, pray on death, read books on death, listen to CDs on death, embracing everything about death.  I did and I had wonderous experiences and wonderful visions and meditations, like big long dreams where I remember this woman comes to me and says, before you know about death, first you need to know all about life. She shows me how we're both human and divine and I hadn't really thought about that before. And I could see in my dreams,  the human side of myself struggling to get away from the Divine Self.

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Bio

Terrified and stalked by an oppressive, fear of death, John David Latta was a single dad with two children facing rock bottom, loneliness and bankruptcy. Hard work, and logic were getting him nowhere, the competition was tough, and he was in over his head. In his new book, The Synchronicity of Love, John shares his extraordinary stories of what happened while at rock bottom. His stories about his journey will inspire, uplift, heal, shock, awaken and transform. They contain the seeds of potential to change habits, beliefs and one’s deepest assumptions about what is possible.

Today, John David Latta is a mystic, author, teacher, and former founder and CEO of a multimillion-dollar consumer products company. He shares intimate and personal stories and teaches workshops on leadership, healing, transformation, awakening, love, synchronicity, and wisdom that unite and expand human experience.

Book: The Synchronicity of Love
Book: The Synchronicity of Love
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Fear of death after hitting rock bottom

Myrna: How did your, fear of death, start? How did how did that happen?

John: Well, I think a lot of people that go through transformation that began with pain and suffering.

So yeah, so I was living what I would call a relatively charmed life, married two children. I was the store manager for a large regional grocery chain. I managed a number of stores,  coaching my kids teams and everything was going great,  but man in a short period of time, all the wheels came off the cart.

My wife got cancer, it came completely out of left field, entirely unexpected and in a short period of time, they had to remove her entire thyroid gland. She had to take a pill every day for the rest of her life just to live and she started to change. She started reading books about God and the meaning of life and I think she was kind of reviewing her own life. And I am not sure at that stage of my life, I was able to support her with what she was going through.

And then about the same time I left my very secure job, which I was good at and started my own company and promptly lost all of our money and a whole bunch more. So, in two years, I was $650,000 in debt, a quarter million in personal credit card debt and I was in fear of bankruptcy. In the middle of it all my wife decides to leave. She wants a whole new life. And so suddenly, I'm a single dad with two kids ages 9 and 11 facing bankruptcy.  That was my personal rock bottom and it was embarrassing.

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A Spiritual retreat helped me face death

And so, about that same time I was reading a book that Michael Creighton wrote, a nonfiction book called “Travels” it was his sort of autobiography. There was a chapter in the book where he went to a spiritual retreat, which was a big leap for him because he was an intellectual and didn't really believe in that kind of thing. But he had all these wonderful experiences there. And I was feeling so bereft and lost in grief and anger and hopelessness, that I signed up.

Myrna: Was the retreat in the United States you had to go to India?

John: It was in the United States, In the mountains in Southern California. Dr. William Brew Joy and he went by his middle name Brew.  He was a very eminent Southern California physician who went through a big transformation himself and gave up being a medical doctor and became a spiritual teacher. He promised to do, life renovation, I figured that is what I needed. I just knew I needed a shake up some way. And so, I got my mother and father to watch my kids and I flew to California.

Myrna: Where did the fear of death come from?

John: I forgot to throw that in there too. So, at the same time that my wife got cancer and decided she wanted the whole new life, the same time I was suddenly terrified of death. I didn't have any spiritual background. I was raised as a part time Catholic at best and stopped going to church when I was probably 13 or 14. So I didn't have anything to fall back on. It was terrifying to me; death is like it's over forever. It was so scary. But I had so much going on in my life, that I kind of shoved the, fear of death, aside.

And so, I went to the retreat. And three years later, that same teacher formed a year-round study group where we met both in person and online to work on the, fear of death. I signed up for it.  At the end of the first year Brew says I want you to prepare for your own death. If you don't have a will, make a will. If you need to make amends to other people or say something to other people before you die. Do it this month. If you need to talk to your kids or your parents or somebody you've harmed or been harmed by this is your time, you got one month to do this.

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Meditate on the fear of death: embrace death

And then in the meantime, he goes, I want you to meditate on death, pray on death, read books on death, listen to CDs on death, and he talked about embracing everything about death.  I did and I had wonderous experiences and wonderful visions and meditations, like big long dreams where I remember this woman comes to me and says, before you know about death, first you need to know all about life. She shows me how we're both human and divine and I hadn't really thought about that before. And I could see in my dreams,  the human side of myself struggling to get away from the Divine Self.

I began to love death!

Myrna: That is a crazy statement.

John: I mean, I, I really did what he wanted us to do to, embrace death. The lesson was, turn around, face your fears.

Myrna: Did Brew have you do the funeral meditation. The one where you are sitting in the back of the church at your funeral?

John: He didn’t but I think that's a beautiful exercise, because I think we all know where we want to end up and that is a look to see if we got there.

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How to remember your dreams

Our spiritual teacher did teach us how to remember our dreams. Imagine in your mind's eye that you walk up to the edge of a really tall cliff. You take off all your clothes, you turn your back to the abyss, and you fall backwards in total trust and ask for a dream. So, I started doing that because he put a lot of emphasis on dreams.  Carl Jung and a lot of others also put emphasis on dreams. If took me some time to remember all my dreams and after that, I had dreams flooding forth.

I was writing down as many as five dreams every single night, in middle the night in, the morning. I didn't have the slightest idea what they meant. And so, it was a whole learning curve of learning to read the language of dreams because dreams usually speak to us symbolically. And it's usually better to use your intuition to ever stand your dream rather than your logical mind.

So fast forward two years. And so, I own this huge consumer products company that thankfully stopped bleeding cash, and kind of flatlined for about a year or two. It didn't get worse. But it didn't get better. I had just enough to get by the skin of my teeth. And then I had the I had the opportunity to sell my products on QVC, the home shopping network, which I'd never done before. I'd never been on live TV before and they said you have seven minutes to sell your stuff.

But you're gonna repeat your little pitch every minute because you have 700,000 new people watching every minute. So, I was really nervous again on TV goes great. I sell a fair amount of product, not a ton, but you know, it wasn't a failure either. And I go back to my hotel room in Philadelphia, and I can't go sleep my body's full of all this joy and I'm assuming it's because I didn't screw up on live TV.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Kundalini Awakening

So, I'm lying in bed around midnight, kind of just dozing but not sleeping and all of a sudden, I have what feels like this gigantic orgasm in my perineum area. It fills my whole body with a blissful, happy sensation that kind of shoots upwards and through my whole body. And it kept happening again and again the entire night.

Myrna: Was that the, Kundalini awakening?

John: I believe it was, Kundalini energy. You wound not believe how many people have read my book and asked, how do I get some of that, Kundalini energy? There are people that practice, Kundalini Yoga, all the time, and that is their goal. I didn't do anything. It was just my time. Again, this is really in alignment with Carl Jung, a Swiss psychologist, he said dreams helped make the unconscious, conscious. So, my lucid dreams started the process of my, Kundalini awakening. He was a big proponent of let's make the unconscious, conscious.

Carl Jung talked about, heart center meditation, that was the practice and coming back to you talking about these lower chakras and upper chakras. He always said this is the function of the, heart chakra, it unites the lower chakras that are really for survival.

Myrna: Wow, that is that is an incredible story. So, your book is called the Synchronicity of love. What do you want readers to walk away with after reading.

John: One of my favorite sayings is you don't know what you don't know. And so, I like to use the analogy that we all build brick walls around ourselves, let's call the walls safety. But then I think comes the opportunity, especially if there has been a lot of pain to start to dismantle those walls, it allows you to see the world differently, to see yourself differently. Allow your perception of things to grow and evolve. And so that is what I wanted to capture in the book. It's 100 short stories. They are all true or mostly true stories.

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Dreams allow the unconscious to become conscious

Half the book had some kind of connection to a dream or an experience in a dream. I want people to walk away with the image of death and life after death. In my dreams, I saw on the other side is trying to imagine you know, skydivers, when a bunch of them jump out of a plane and they're all linked together, holding each other's ankles and wrists. So, try to imagine a grid around Earth made of light, but it's actually composed of millions of people holding each other by their hands and wrists.

And so, I talked about that there is a crisis grid that's built around Earth and it's even being constructed as we speak. And so, the way I understand it kind of messes with the mind when I die, I go to join that grid, as an individual, but I'm also part of a greater collective. You might say, like, I'm part of that grid. So, I'm both, an individual but also part of the whole.  When people are on earth have a problem, they have a question or they're praying. This grid answers the question. It's like a profound thread of infinite wisdom, you might say an infinite love or guides.

That is what my dreams showed me  how to make the unconscious, conscious.

Additional Resources

Why God Won't Let You Die Before Your Time

Bring Your Friends Along

When God anoints you for a purpose it not only for you sometimes your appointment is so that you can bring your friends along.

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Daniel had all he needed to fulfil his purpose

Let me use a couple of stories to illustrate this. I am sure you have heard the Bible story of Daniel, Shadrach, Meshack and Abednego.

You see God had a plan for these boys’ lives. They had a purpose like we all do. God chose them to be the wise men in King Nebuchadnezzar’s palace. The king ordered his chief of staff to find young men who were strong, good looking and healthy to train as wise men to serve in the palace. God made sure these boys were chosen then, God made them excel in their learning to stand out from the crowd. So, they got the job.

God then gave these four boys unusual aptitude for understanding every aspect of literature and wisdom and then God give Daniel the special ability to interpret the meanings of visions and dreams. This talent would be necessary to get him into position for his purpose.

Every aspect of your life has been preordained by God. Nothing is left to chance, believe this.

It does not matter the circumstances of your birth. You are meant for greatness and whatever you need to accomplish your mission, God preloads into you.

Think of yourself as a top-of-the-line sports car. Everything you need to perform at your highest level is preloaded and then some!

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
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Daniel had the ability to interpret visions and dreams

Anyway, back to Daniel.  King Nebuchadnezzar has a dream and he wanted someone not only to interpret the dream, but to tell him the dream! Sometimes people in authority have some unusual requests. As it turned out Daniel was the only person in the entire kingdom who could tell the King his dream and interpret it.

When Daniel told the king his dream and what it meant King Nebuchadnezzar, appointed Daniel to a high position and gave him many valuable gifts. He made Daniel ruler over all his wise men. But at Daniel’s request the King also appointed Shadrach Meshack and Abednego to be in charge of all the affairs of the province of Babylon. Bring your friends along.

A modern-day version of this story is how Lebron James brought his friends along when he got to the NBA. Lebron hired his friend Rich Paul to be his agent with no experience or degrees in sports related fields. Everyone said it was the worst decision ever. But Lebron understood the concept of bring your friends along. Today Lebron is worth $1Billion in contracts and endorsements and his friend Rich Paul is now the #1 agent in the NBA.  He is now expanding to Major league baseball and the NFL.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

Daniel brought his friends along

This is why I want to focus on this topic today. The skill of interpreting dreams and visions were only given to Daniel, but Daniel remembered his friends when he became successful. God does not anoint you with a purpose just for you, you are supposed to help your friends, your family, your community and even the world with your talent.

Your friends have a mission and purpose as well and sometimes your only purpose is to get them in position. Shadrach, Meshack and Abednego’s mission was to show that their God is the only true God. Their God was the only God deserving of their worship and if they were thrown into the fiery furnace, their God would rescue them.

And that is what happened. These boys were thrown into the furnace because they refused to bow down to a statue. When King Nebuchadnezzar threw them in the furnace bound, he witnessed with his own eyes 4 men walking around in the furnace unbound and unharmed. The 4th man being the Angel God sent to protect them from harm.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

This is why you bring your friends along

The King then made this decree “If any man whatever race or nation or language speak a word against the God of Shadrach Meshack and Abednego, they will be torn limb from limb and their houses will be turned into heaps of rubble.”

So if you ever make it to the top, remember your friends and bring them along.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna

Additional Resources 

Using Astrology to Understand Your Purpose

Intermittent Fasting: Does It Work For Women?

Men rock intermittent fasting,  but does it work for women? As women we have three hormones that we have to take into consideration when fasting.   Estrogen, progesterone and testosterone.  Estrogen loves when you keep glucose down. Progesterone, is completely the opposite way. In fact, I always say that progesterone and estrogen are like twin sisters. They look the same. We call them sex hormones, but they have massively different personalities.

In this episode Dr. Mindy Pelz teaches us from her Book “Fast Like a Girl” how to rock intermittent fasting as a woman.

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Bio

Commonly known as “The Reset Doc,” Dr. Mindy Pelz is a renowned holistic health expert who is on a mission to start a women’s health revolution!

Teaching her signature “5-Step Approach,” Dr. Mindy has empowered hundreds of thousands of people around the world to harness their body’s own healing abilities through fasting, diet variation, detoxing chemicals from the body, stress management, and lifestyle changes – as keys to achieving optimum health and slowing down the aging process. Her private coaching group, The Reset Academy, teaches women how to sync a fasting lifestyle with their hormones.

She is the author of several bestselling books including the newly-released Fast Like a Girl, The Menopause Reset, The Reset Factor, and The Reset Kitchen. Her members-only Facebook group, The Resetter Collaborative, includes over 30,000 active members. Dr. Mindy’s podcast, “The Resetter Podcast,” is ranked within Apple’s top 40 category of U.S. science podcasts.

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What is intermittent fasting?

Myrna: So to start off, Dr. Mindy you are a renowned holistic health expert. Can you share with our audience, what exactly is, intermittent fasting, and what our body does in, ketosis?

Dr. Mindy:  Yeah, it's such a good place to start the conversation. Thank you for asking that because, intermittent fasting, has become this buzzword that so many of us throw around, but I could put you in a room full of 100 people and everyone will have a different definition of what is, intermittent fasting.

And that is the whole premise of what I teach. So, here is the best way we can look at, fasting. We must remember that we have two energy systems. So, when you're trying to get energy to go about your day when you're trying to get mental energy, you want energy to heal.

A lot of the conversation in the health world has been around quality of food and what to eat and, and what foods are going to be the best for you. And so, there has been a lot of food conversation, but what we don't realize is that's only one of our energy systems, that when glucose goes high, yes, glucose in a balanced way can really help support Cellular Healing specially if you're eating the right foods, but it's only 50% of the conversation.

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The Ketogenic energy source

Because this other energy source is what we have come to know as the ketogenic energy source. Now, the ketogenic energy source, I like to lovingly call it the fat burning system, because the only way you can make ketones is by burning fat. So, hallelujah, because we can start to see that we can make ketones and lose weight at the same time.  Those ketones what they will do is they'll go up into the brain and they start to supercharge your brain, they repair neurons, they kill hunger, or they repair any mitochondria throughout your body.

So, it is this healing state that we put ourselves in. So, when you ask what is, intermittent fasting, it is you are tapping into the, ketogenic, fat burning healing energy system. That’s why so many people are crazy about it. Most of us until we try fasting we've never experienced the power that our body can have using this energy state as fuel.

Myrna: So if we eat bad food for 8 hours and fast for 16 hours does  that mean that we don’t get fat?

Dr Mindy: That's really a great question.  So, there are two things that will happen is one you what you're doing if you eat that meal, you're eating that fast food and you're eating it in a confined period. During that time when you are eating that fast food, your blood sugar is going up, your inflammatory markers  are going up, your cholesterol is going up.  Those things are still going to happen and I'm not advocating for that style of food. But so many people are addicted to that way of eating.

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Intermittent fasting allows your body to heal

But here's the catch. If you give yourself 16 hours to heal, after you've eaten that toxic food, all those markers come back down. Fasting insulin comes down, glucose comes down, CRP cholesterol, all of them comes back down because you gave your body a chance to recover from the toxicity of that food.  I've seen incredible changes to, autoimmunity. Do you know, 80% of autoimmune conditions happen to women. So that's why it is so important for women to understand how to use fasting for themselves.

We have seen fasting totally obliterates chronic pain. It'll go away. Mood Disorders, reboots the whole dopamine system it can help with it can upregulate GABA so your anxiety will change. I mean menopause symptoms, you name it.

Myrna: Yeah, that's amazing such good information. You teach us to check our blood sugar to see what foods are taking us out of ketosis.  I used to drink apple cider vinegar and honey every morning not knowing that the honey was taking me out of ketosis.  So, let's say that you were trying to fast for 16 hours. What are some of the foods we can eat and stay in ketosis.  I believe you call them, fat bombs.

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Intermittent fasting and fat bombs

Dr. Mindy: Okay, so the most common question we get because most people will fast in the morning is what about my coffee? And I would say that I'm going to give you sort of the general ideas of what works and then we'll give you a formula on how you can test it on yourself. But generally coffee works for most people. It is how many of us get through our fasting window. We get up in the morning, we have our coffee, and it keeps us going and there’s great science showing that coffee stimulates, autophagy, which is one of the mechanisms we are trying to trigger with fasting. So now what you put in that coffee really matters.

So, if you're putting coffee mate in it or a creamer that's very toxic or you're putting sugar in it, you're going to pull yourself out of a fasting state. So, what can you put in your coffee? A heavy cream typically works, some people use, MCT oil, which will actually kick up your ketones production and it will also turn off the hunger signals. So, I put a little scoop of, MCT oil, in my coffee. And you can do Ghee butter if you want.  Ghee butter was really popular for a while. Yeah, but like a fat bomb, that would be fine.

  • I wouldn't do nonfat milk, It's too high on the glycemic index. You need some fat to slow that spiking of the blood sugar down.
  • And I wouldn't do coffee mate,
  • I wouldn't do creamers.
  • I wouldn't do oatmeal or almond milk, they have tend to spike the blood sugar. really good. So does cow's milk.
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Does intermittent fasting work for women?

Myrna: So, does intermittent fasting work for women?  Talk to us about, intermittent fasting women. The last nutritionist that I had on the show, when I told her about my husband lost 40 lbs. doing, intermittent fasting, she said it usually works for men and doesn't work so much and women. What's the deal with, intermittent fasting weight loss?

Dr. Mindy: So, here's what we need to know about the difference between men and women. And when we look at our hormones, we are our hormones play out differently for us. So, let's start with men. A man's number one hormone is, testosterone. Most people know that. But what's interesting is testosterone goes up into the brain and converts into estrogen. So, you'll hear a lot of people say, men have estrogen. too.

They do, but it starts with testosterone and then it converts up into the brain. When a man is fasting, the research shows that he can improve his testosterone levels by 1300% in a 15 hour fast and he can he can improve his testosterone levels by 2,000% in a 24 hour fast so men rock fasting.  In fact, if you ever if you're married to a man, and you go into a fast together, I see this over and over again. The man's like I lost 30 pounds in like three weeks and the wife is like, I lost one pound! And that’s because of the difference of hormones.

Myrna: Wow.

Dr. Mindy: Yeah, literally, I've I feel like I could be a counselor for couples. So men, you rock fasting,  women we have three hormones that we have to take into consideration.  estrogen, progesterone and testosterone. So, an estrogen and progesterone play by vastly different rules. Estrogen loves when you keep glucose down. Estrogen is very tolerant of cortisol. So, if you want to go into a longer fast, or glucose goes down, insulin goes down and cortisol goes up, because cortisol will go up in a fast very much like exercise increases cortisol, and estrogen is going to love that. You want to clean up your estrogen system.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

Intermittent fasting, estrogen and progesterone

Progesterone, is completely the opposite way. In fact, I always say that progesterone and estrogen are like twin sisters. They look the same. We call them sex hormones, but they have massively different personalities. And so, when we look at what progesterone wants, she wants you to bring glucose up. So, if you're fasting and you're keeping glucose down, you're going to make progesterone. Progesterone also wants you to keep cortisol low. So, it is the incomplete inverse of estrogen. That is why the book is called, fast like a girl.

I started to look at those hormones and go what is it that that needs? What are these behaviors and when you look at a woman who has a cycle, the front half of her cycle is when estrogen is in her glory. So fasting works great. The back half of her cycle is when progesterone is in her glory. So, no fasting is great. And so one of the things that I've that really propelled me to write this book was that the word got out into the world that women shouldn't fast. And it's like, yes, we should not fast when progesterone is coming in, which is the week before our period.

So, the diet that you ate at 35 that kept you slim and feeling great is not going to work for you at 45 because you've got to consider the loss of estrogen. I also believe women who have been all the way through menopause should actually go into longer fast, like three days fasting. It is a beautiful way to clean up that imbalance that estrogen, but you still have progesterone, she didn't go away, she's just a little less. And so with her you just are going to need to make sure that you step out of fasting and you step out of low carb or keto at least once a week, maybe a couple of times a week depending on how low your progesterone is.

So, in the book, I call it hormone feasting foods and these are the foods that you can feed progesterone to be able to give her the nutrients she needs.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Fasting like a girl

Myrna: So, why did you write the book Fast Like a Girl, why did you call it that? And what do you want people to walk away with after reading?

Dr. Mindy: It is a great question.  The catalyst for writing this book was because of what I was seeing in my clinic, what I was seeing on my YouTube channel where I teach fasting.  A million and a half people join the channel every month and they were leaving their comments.  I talk about a specific formula of fasting that took six different fasting types and two different food styles and mapped it to a woman's hormones.

And I was watching women hormonally come back into balance. I fixed my hormonal system using these six differently fasting tools and mapping them to my hormones or to my menstrual cycle in my mid-40s. So, I knew it worked for me. Then I taught my patients and I saw it work for them. And then I taught millions of other women across the world and I knew that I was on to something.  It's really interesting because right now we're getting so many incredible reviews on the book and everybody's like it works. It works.

So, that was sort of the meaning behind why we got this in print so that every woman has it. Now the title, I think there's a lot in the title that I want. I don't want women to lose because I've had a lot of women say to me, Well, I'm not a girl. Well, you know what, there's actually a feminist philosopher who wrote an essay back in the 1980s. About why the concept of running like a girl or throwing like a girl is actually an accurate statement. And the reason that it's accurate is because when you look at the Kinesiology or the mechanics of what it takes to throw a ball, our bodies are built differently than men.

So, we aren't going to throw a ball like a man because our hip ratio is different. Our arm length is different. Our muscle balance is different. Same thing with running like a girl so that's the idea behind the title Fast Like A Girl.  Women don't fast like your husband, don't do it like your brother, your father best friend. Do it like the girl design of you, of your feminine body.

Book: Fast Like a Girl
Book: Fast Like a Girl

Conclusion

Myrna: I Like that, right. Okay. And now you have your YouTube channel, you have a Facebook group, you have a podcast. Tell us about your social media handles and how we can follow you on social media. I've already started following you on Instagram. So, I see your videos on Instagram.

Dr.  Mindy: Yeah, thank you. Well, YouTube is my passion project. So, we I put out the science and the application of fasting all over YouTube. So, if you're interested in learning more, that's a great place to go. I am on Instagram @drmindypelz

My podcast is called The Resetter podcast and we have incredible discussions there with some brilliant minds. So, and you'll see if you listen to repetitive episodes, I always bring fasting into it and ask people about, intermittent fasting. So you can connect with me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, we have a closed Facebook group called that's free. And it's called The Resetter Collaborative, it's a fasting group has over 60,000 people in it. And there are some really amazing fasting minds in there.

So if you want more support, that's a great place. Yeah, we have an academy that is a membership group, where people who want assistance from me and my coaching my team of coaches and fasting warriors, we have a whole supportive group called the Reset Academy. And if you forget all of that, you could go to www.DrMindyPelz.com And it's all there.

Additional Resources

The Role of Probiotics in Gut Health and Brain Health

Life Lessons From Chris Rock’s Revenge on Will Smith

There is a saying that revenge is a dish best served cold. Chris Rock's revenge on Will Smith was served cold, almost one year later from when Will Smith walked up on stage at the Oscars and slapped him.

The entire world was waiting on a response from Chris Rock after Will Smith walked up on stage and slapped him at the Oscars last year for making a GI Jane joke about Jada Pinkett Smith’s hair or lack of it.  

Everyone wanted to know why he did not respond by slapping him back, by having Will Smith arrested, by suing him etc. Chris Rock did none of the above.

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Chris Rock waited until he was ready to take his revenge

People started flocking to his comedy shows to hear what he had to say about the slap heard around the world. Nothing.  

All he said was he would talk when he is ready.  

He probably received hundreds of invitations to tell his story but like he said he refused to play the victim by going on Oprah or Gail King and telling his victim story.  

What he did was to wait almost a year from the date of the incident and make himself millions from a Netflix special recorded live in the process!

And everyone tuned in to watch after all we had waited a long time. And we were not disappointed. It was brilliance from start to finish.  

Chris Rock
Chris Rock

Chris Rock's Revenge: He did not keep Will's Wife name out of his mouth

Will Smith told Chris Rock after he slapped him to keep his F**king wife name out of his mouth so, Chris Rock's revenge, was to continually speak her name.  Chris Rock responded by going hard with her name in his mouth and Will Smith cannot do a thing about it. He called Jada Pinkett Smith a predator for F**king her sons friend,  he called her a Bitch and said that she started the fight by saying he should boycott the Oscar’s a few years back because Will Smith was not nominated for an Oscar for the movie Concussion.

Will Smith continued the fight by walking on stage and slapping Chris Rock apparently he was triggered by the first joke, so now Chris Rock says he is finishing the fight.

According to Chris Rock, Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith chose to put their business on Red Table Talk to get ratings and in the process emasculating her man by making him a laughing stock of the entertainment world.

podhero podcast Transform Your Mind
Podhero podcast

Here is what people are saying about Chris Rock's revenge

Stephan A Smith on his Know Mercy podcast made a point as to why? He agreed with Chris Rock's revenge, he said it was his right. He also said Jada Pinkett Smith does not need the money, or the fame. She has had a successful career and her husband until that point was well respected in his industry.

So What are the, Life lessons, we can learn from this beef between Chris Rock and the Smith’s?  

Transform Your Mind Podcast Podvine
Transform Your Mind Podcast Podvine
Here are 3 Life lessons I want you all to be aware of:
  1. Don’t react to an injustice, instead respond after you have had time to think about it. If Chris Rock had reacted he won’t be making millions from a Netflix special.
  2. The Lord says revenge is mine, but if you must seek revenge, then don’t just destroy the other person, build yourself up in the process. While Will Smith’s fame sank like an anchor on a ship, Chris Rock was selling out his shows. Chris Rock's revenge, could also be tarnishing the name of Will Smith forever. 
  3. Finally, the Bible teaches those who live in glass houses should not throw stones. The Smith family has a lot of stuff going on and they chose to share everything on Red Table Talk, so that means they live in a glass house. Everybody can see inside. So, if you throw stones and someone throws one back, then it will break your glass windows and doors and sometimes the damage is so severe that you can’t build it back. I think that was, Chris Rock’s revenge, on the Smith’s was so complete that they may never recover from this insult. He threw rocks that they let the world see and he used it to embarrass them both. Be careful what you share.  

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna

Additional Resources

Will Smith Had 10 Seconds To Choose A Different Reality

Using Muse Guided Meditations to Reduce Stress

Guided Meditations, has been proven to make real changes in your brain, like in the  actual structure of your brain. Using Muse, guided meditations, helps you focus.

Today I am speaking to Ariel Garten, Psychotherapist and founder of Muse Headband for, guided meditations.

Muse Headband comes with, free guided meditations, and help to reduce stress and improve sleep.

This topic that's near and dear to my heart because I am a meditator.  So I am going to be learning as much from you as our audience on, guided meditations, and using, Muse Headband for meditation.

Ariel,  How did your work in psychotherapy and neuroscience lead you to becoming the founder of Muse?

How Muse guided meditations started

My story is a really varied one. I was always interested in everything and how the world worked and how we work; so I went to school for neuroscience, so that I could learn more about the brain.  Our brain creates our experiences of life.  The movements of chemicals across our sinapps  create the experience of being happy of feeling connected to one another.

I became trained as a psychotherapist and so in psychotherapy so that I could  work one-on-one with people to help them understand the narratives that play in their minds, these are the stories that are in their head and shapes their existence.  I help them shift those narratives and stories so that they could be more comfortable with the life that they're living.  I became really fascinated by brain waves.  Brain waves are the electrical energy that comes off your head. It's real information from your brain.

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Muse guided meditations use brain feedback loops

I began working with a professor at the University of Toronto and and we began to use an EEG system eg or sensors to detect brain waves to listen to people's brain activity and create feedback loops.  We could literally make sounds from the energy coming off of people heads. We were actually creating musical experiences as you shifted your brain state from focused to relaxed.

I stood back and started to recognize that we could actually create company around this technology and uses this for human good.   I got together with my co-founders Chris and Trevor, two friends of mine one who's an amazing electrical engineer the other amazing business person and the three of us set off to bring, Muse Headband for Meditation,  to the world.

In psychotherapy I would be teaching people to meditate as one of the tools to help them,  transform their mind,  but we all know that meditation is incredibly hard to do because most of us can’t quiet our minds. I sucked at meditation.  I teach it to my patients and they would go home and try to do it but their brains would bounce all over the place and they would be frustrated.

Muse Headband for meditation, gives you real-time feedback on your brain during, guided meditation.

Muse gives you audio feedback.  You're actually hearing your brain state and it's helping you guide yourself back into that state of focus when your mind wanders off.

When I meditate, there's certain times that I can sit there and just concentrate on my breathing, and then the next time I've got all these thoughts that are bouncing around.  When you recognize that you're no longer concentrating on your breathing you bring it back but that could be 30 mins later.

What is, Guided meditation?

Meditation is simply a practice or a training that leads to healthy and positive mind. It's an exercise that you do regularly that leads to improvements in your mind and your brain.  The most common form of meditation that most people do first is a focused attention meditation. You might hear different forms of meditation and they all have a lot of similarities with their basics and focused attention.

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Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

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How does Guided meditations work?

You focus your attention on your breath or part of your body.  Eventually your mind wanders away from the thing you're paying attention to or the voice on the, guided meditation, onto a thought or a distraction and it's your job to notice that your mind has wandered and come back to your breath.  It is incredibly simple.  You're putting your attention on your breath, your mind wanders you realize your mind is wandered and instead of following your wandering mind you choose to come back to your breath. Your guide from the, guided meditations, would remind you to follow your breathe.

How to Meditate?

  1. Sit or lie comfortably. You may even want to invest in a meditation chair or cushion.
  2. Close your eyes. …
  3. Make no effort to control the breath; simply breathe naturally.
  4. Focus your attention on the breath and on how the body moves with each inhalation and exhalation.
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What are the benefits of, guided meditation?

Focusing on your breath and returning to your breath is big deal.  When you do this really simple exercise, some pretty profound things happen to your mind and brain. Most of us just kind of go through the world on autopilot.  We just go through the world with a bunch of thoughts in our head and we assume we're supposed to be thinking them.  We're thinking about our brother who’s not feeling well or the groceries that we're supposed to get or with the thing in front of us that we don't really care about.

What happens is as soon as you engage in , guided meditations, and you put your attention breathwork, your mind wanders into one of those thoughts and you choose to say.  I don't want to follow this wandering thought, I want to control my mind and put it elsewhere, on my breathe.  All of a sudden you have changed the relationship to your thoughts and that is HUGE.  You're no longer just subject to the thoughts that are in your head, you can actually have control over them.  You can have dominion over your own mind. Every time you do this you get better and better at saying hey I don't want to follow that thought, I want to come back to this, guided meditation, and my breathe.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

A lot of the thoughts that we have are negative, frustrating and repetitive so instead of just following these negative, frustrating,  repetitive thoughts and assuming that's what happens, we can now observe them and say heck NO,  I don't like that thought.  I don't want to go there and choose to come back to focused attention and, guided meditations.

The benefits of guided meditations

There's literally over a thousand published studies demonstrating the benefits of, guided  meditation, and its impact on your mind your body:

  • Improves your GRE scores,
  • improves your working memory,
  • decrease your stress levels,
  • improves your attention and focus
  • improves your rest and relax response
  • takes you out of the flight or fight response

Deepak Chopra introduced me to, guided meditation,  maybe 10 – 15 years ago.  I have been a meditator for a while and there is a significant difference in everything about me because of meditation. One benefit is that I am able to relieve pain by breathing into the area.

There's a ton of studies that demonstrate, guided meditations,  potential to improve pain.

One study shows a novice meditator or a short-term learning meditation can reduce their pain by 50%, expert meditators have been shown to be able to reduce their pain levels by 90%.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Muse Headband for meditation,  has agency G and heart rate sensors inside of it that track your brain during your meditation.  The same way that a heart rate monitor will track your heart while you're at the gym and let you know when you're in the fat-burning zone.

Muse Headband for meditation, tracks your brain during, guided meditation, to let you know when you're in focused attention. When your mind is wandering, it actually lets you hear the sound of your mind.  It lets you know when you're focused and it warns you when your mind has wandered off and then guides you back into that state of focused attention.  Muse Headband for meditation, use really beautiful audio cues that you hear through your phone, in the same way a Fitbit connects with your phone.

What happens to our brain during, Guided Meditation?

Meditation has been proven to make real changes in your brain, like in the  actual structure of your brain.  It's quite amazing.  There's an amazing study from Dr. Sarah Lazar she's a researcher at Harvard and she's shown that meditation that can increase the thickness of your prefrontal cortex. The prefrontal cortex is the area of your brain right under your forehead and it's the part of your brain that's responsible for planning, organization and higher-order thinking.

It's the thing that like separate us from other animals.  As Humans we have really developed prefrontal cortex.  As we age our prefrontal cortex actually becomes thinner;  but Dr Lazar was able to show that people with a long term, guided meditation, practices were able to maintain the thickness of their prefrontal cortex even as they aged.  So quite amazing, guided meditation, actually was able to reverse the aging process by maintaining our prefrontal cortex.

Through the, guided meditation, process it actually strengthens the ability of your prefrontal cortex to now regulate your amygdala.  It's like your prefrontal cortex is the parent and the amygdala is the little three-year-old having a temper tantrum.

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Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Can our Set point for Happiness be changed by, guided meditations to reduce stress?

Our set point is our capacity for happiness,  and apparently it is set very early in life from our parents or our caretakers.  Deepak Chopra says that, guided meditation,  can move that set point so your capacity for happiness increases. I thought this statement was interesting enough for us to include it in our conversation today, so can you touch on the neuroscience behind this statement.

During, guided  meditations,  you begin to recognize that you can have control over your thoughts.  Typically the next thing that happens is you recognize that you are not your thoughts, and if you are not your thoughts you are also not all of the stories about yourself that your thoughts have been telling you about you. At some point with meditators there's this unbelievable shift where you realize that like you know the things that you learned about yourself in the grade 3 school yard when you were being picked on are not true. So you let go of that perspective in the same way you let go those negative thoughts and that is unbelievably liberating. So your capacity for happiness or set point shifts.

Additional Resources for, Guided Meditations

http://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-reprogram-your-unconscious-mind/

http://blog.myhelps.us/the-top-7-reasons-meditation-can-help-your-business-increase-revenues/

How to be Happy: The Happiness Formula

https://www.headspace.com/meditation/sleep

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-in-world/201304/how-reset-your-happiness-set-point

 

Is the Secret to Love, Sex?

Is the secret to, Love, Sex? This week on Mindset Transformation Radio Podcast, I interview, Love Coach, James Green. James answers the question “Is, Sex, the most important factor in a relationship?

So, let me ask you. What do you think is the most important factor in a relationship? In my research for this interview. I found this article
on the secret to a long marriage. Hint it was not, Sex!

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Secret to a long Marriage not, sex 

But in all seriousness. We have heard the phrase ” A Happy wife a happy life”
Here is another article about a couple married 79 years.

“Just want you to know that you’re still the one I would choose. Still the one I give my heart to, still the one I love.”

So, what’s their secret?

“To support one another, whatever the problems may be, good or bad. Stick together. That’s about it,” Bertha said.

“You know why this lasted 79 years? She has the last word,” Dan added with a smile.

Let me introduce my guest this week:

James is a certified Love and Emotional Intelligence coach. His mission is to teach people how to love themselves as well as love each other. James specialty is Relationship and Personal Development Coaching.

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Show notes Secret to Love 

1. Question 1: Tell us of your journey to become a Love and emotional Intelligence coach. Do you have a personal story that made you specialize in this field?

I was a single parent and realized that when looking for a mate, I had to look for someone who would fit into my lifestyle as a single father. The woman had to accept me and my son as a package deal. That made me look at factors other than, Sex.

As far as my journey to becoming a Love and Emotional intelligence coach, I found I had the aptitude to reach people. People opened up to me. I remember once standing in the line at McDonald's and this man in line started talking to me telling me his story. I decided to get my certification as a, Life Coach
2. Question 2: How does emotional intelligence fit into the relationship dynamics?
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to hear what your partner is not saying. It is the ability to realize that when your partner says Fine, I am okay with that. for example. She is not fine with that, from her tonality or her body language.
Another facet of emotional intelligence is the ability to keep your cool and not fly off the handle at the slightest provocation.

3. Question 3: What problems do find are the most common and how do you coach your clients to solve them?
I find Trust, Communication and the inability to seek out coaching until after they start experiencing problems.

Couples tend to think that coaching is not needed until there is a huge problem in their relationship and when I hear that I ask them do you also see a doctor AFTER you have Cancer?

4. Question 4: If you had a magic wand to solve common relationship problems, what would you solve?

If I had a magic wand to solve relationship problems, I would solve trust. Lack of trust is one of the most destructive elements in a relationship.

5. Question 5: When you say that relationship is not a 3-letter word, what do you mean?
The topic of our show today “Is the secret to love, Sex?”
Couples would have us believe that great sex keeps the relationship going or strong.
While sex is very important in a relationship it is not the most important factor.
I believe that communication is the most important factor.
Click the podcast link to hear from James directly as he answers this question.

6. Question 6: Why would you say that couples do not proactively seek relationship coaching and wait until there is a problem to get counselling?
Culture, conditioning. Women go to get an annual checkup every year. They get a PAP test to proactively check for any cervical problems. But this same woman would not think of going to a relationship coach to proactively check to see if her relationship is in danger of abnormal growth!

For the men I use the analogy of the oil change because men hate going to the doctor for an annual check up. But they do change their oil every 3 to 5 months. ( I had a laugh at this one. I asked James if he was suggesting men change their wife's, as often as they change the oil in their cars?)
He assured me he was not saying that but letting the men know that just like the car engine their relationships need regular maintenance.

Tony Robbins also has lots of empowerment advice for couples.
Click the link below to understand how to create better relationships from Tony Robbins

Transform Your Mind Amazon
Transform Your Mind Amazon


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If you are empowered to become a member of the Human Potential Movement and would like to be a guest on the Mindset Transformation radio show and podcast contact me.

Additional Resources

3 Ways to Find Happiness After a Divorce

 

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