Why Leading With Feminine Energy Gets Results

January 16, 2023 Myrna Young

Allyson Chavez, prosperity and success coach stops by the show to teach us how to embrace, feminine energy, and get us out of push and hustle which is, masculine energy, to flow and pleasure.

We talk about how women can embrace, pleasure, as a success tool without feelings of guilt and shame. Allyson turned her business around after filing for Bankruptcy to over 2 million in 3 years by getting out of, masculine energy.

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BIO

Allyson Chavez is a prosperity & success coach for ambitious, God-centered women. She teaches women how to get phenomenal results with ease, bend time & space, achieve their goals without hustle or grind, and reshape their reality in feminine energy (no more constant pushing)!

She is a sought-after speaker on mindset, prosperity, universal laws and success strategies for relationships and life. She is the bestselling author of The Prosperity Approach. Her work has been featured on CBS, NBC, ABC, FOX, and hundreds of television, newspaper, and magazine outlets.

Allyson believes that challenge is necessary on your journey to success–but the struggle isn’t! Her mission is to end the struggle and bring joy to the lives of millions of women around the globe.

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Using your feminine energy to get into flow

Allyson: I was coaching women, I was teaching them to be successful. And I was in hustle and grind and constant push and figure it out and make it happen. And I'm not good enough and all of that nonsense that we go through. And actually, I built my company from nothing to multiple six figures in just over two years. But I didn't have the right, mindset. I didn't have the right structure behind me as far as like my own belief system.

I was just in so much, masculine energy. And so, my business began to crumble. And the harder I worked to save that thing, the faster my business fell, and it landed in a what I like to call like financial Armageddon. It was translated into a chapter 13 Bankruptcy several years ago, and when the dust settled, and I had a moment of clarity, I was like, wow, I created this and I didn't mean to. I wonder if I can create my way out of it. I bet I can.

And I really feel like that's the moment when God and my angels were like, she is ready. She's gonna learn. He's ready to suit up and get on the field and actually go do this. There were three really important things that God needed to teach me:

First it was understanding the difference between, feminine energy, and, masculine energy.
balancing the two and then leading with the, feminine.
I had to learn how money actually works on a spiritual and energetic level.

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Feminine energy grew my business to multiple 6 figures

I learned how to change my beliefs and subconscious programs. And I learned those three things actually really quickly, and I started to apply them and within six months, I went from a bankruptcy to $232,000. I went from six clients to 97 clients in the same amount of time, I released 45 pounds. And it was the easiest, most effortless, most supportive 45 pounds I have ever released in my life. I did that in about four months, transformed my relationships with my spouse, with our children.

And just like all of life changed in amazing ways. And that was about three years ago. Now we've done over 2.1 million over the last three years. I've kept the weight off. I've kept the, feminine, on. I've been on this planet too with everybody else over the last three years. So, like there have been ups and downs as well. We've had heartbreak in our family. We've had the flow of money problem just like everybody else has, but it's been amazing how we've been able to navigate it so much better. Because of these things that I know and especially leading with, feminine energy.

Myrna: So, I understand that, masculine energy, at work. I've had this really interesting guest on my show, The episode is called “What men Want In a Woman” he's coming back again, and he's saying that women should have their, masculine energy, at work, but they should leave it in a drawer at night. And when they go home, they switch on the, feminine energy. You're talking about working with, feminine energy, at work.

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How to shift from masculine energy to feminine energy

Myrna; What was the catalyst in your shift from, masculine energy, to feminine energy? I mean, you went into chapter 13. But that doesn't inevitably say, hey, I got to change to, feminine energy. What happened there?

Allyson: The catalyst was that I was robbed of joy.

So, first and foremost, I want to make a distinction. We're not talking about male and female; we're talking about energies of creation. Every gender has both, feminine energy, and, masculine energy, as women were meant to lead with our, feminine energy. So, if you think about an analogy, if we have a river bank, the river bank is, masculine energy, and the river is, feminine energy.

If we only have the river and no riverbank, that water gets very destructive. It goes everywhere. It seeps into everything, but it doesn't have a whole lot of power, because it's got has no direction behind it. If we only have the river bank, but there's no river flowing that river bank has no purpose.

And that's why if we as women are in constant, masculine energy, constantly building, the constant framework, the structure, the strategies, the tactics, without letting the feminine lead, which is the vision, it's the imagination, it's the flow. It's the experience we desire to have. And so the, masculine, and the, feminine energies, are complementary energies. Feminine energy, is very circular or spiral in the way that it moves, masculine energy, is very linear in the way that it moves.

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Masculine energy is very linear

Think about how women have conversations. We go, here we go there we go back there. Then we circle back around here, like leaping everywhere. And men have a very hard time following that because they're in, masculine energy, which is very linear. But when we as women lead with our, feminine, the, masculine energy, is actually divinely designed to serve the, feminine. Regena Thomas shower is an expert on, feminine energy, and she says the primary function of, feminine energy, is desire. And the primary function of, masculine energy, is the production of that desire.

So what's here to support us in our dreams, as I've been pondering, and I've been doing research and my own experience, what came to me intuitively was feminine is the experience and masculine is the execution. So, it's understandable why women in business whether you own your own company or whether you're working in a corporation, we are like, all masculine all the time, because it's about production, right? It's about productivity. It's about getting stuff done and meeting your numbers and all of those things that are really important here.

But that doesn't serve anybody in the workforce if women are just behaving like shorter, less hairy men. We are robbed of a really important creative energy, which is the, feminine, and a lot of women think okay, I'm gonna wear some pink hoop earrings or hoop earrings and then that's going to make me feminine. No, that’s not, feminine energy!

Myrna: Yes, we want to be in that, feminine, flow. We want to start in, feminine energy, and keep it throughout the day. The, feminine, is all about connection. It's all about community.

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No need to feel guilty about feminine pleasure

Myrna: Let’s talk about, feminine pleasure, without feeling guilty shame I was listening to the Jay Shetty podcast and he was interviewing Alex Cooper, she is apparently the female Joe Rogan. So, I listened to one of her episodes on Call Her Daddy, and she was selling, vibrators. And she was saying the, vibrator, it's going to come in a non-disclosed box so you don't have to be ashamed. So as women we are all ashamed about, feminine pleasure.

Allyson: So, here's the thing about, feminine pleasure, pleasure lights a woman up the same way pressure lights a man up, it fuels us in very in very different ways. So, women have been taught that, pleasure, is something to be ashamed of, that, pleasure, is a waste of time, that downtime is a waste of time. And if you go into any sort of, pleasure, now you're behind in your work. And so why would we even do that? But women are fueled by, pleasure, the same way men are fueled by pressure.

And, since you said the word, vibrator, so we're gonna go here, but we're going to be really clinical about why women and men are designed the way they are. So, the reason why women are fueled by, pleasure, is that pleasure actually connects them. We have a natural connection with the eternal. Now that doesn't mean that men aren't spiritual, but women are more naturally wired to the eternal than men are. We are built to receive the, feminine, is a receiving energy.

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Feminine energy is a receiving energy

Feminine energy, it's all about receiving and we have a, pleasure portal, an organ in our body that has one function, one function only, and that structure is called our is our, clitoris. In order for men to receive, pleasure, there has to be a functionality to it, as well for them to be able to receive, pleasure, through, sexual organs. But women don't have to do that, women can just receive that pleasure and it literally connects us to God. So, if you think about those times when you have been in, pleasure, isn't that when you get inspiration?

Isn't that where you feel open? And you get wonderful ideas and you feel connected and you can see God more clearly in your life and you just love people more, because you're receiving that, pleasure. So, women get fueled by, pleasure. Men get fueled by pressure, because men connect pressure to a sexual experience, because men have to experience pressure in order to ejaculate. And so, that's creativity that's creating life. That's potential life, potential creation. And so, men thrive in pressure because it reminds them of creation, and their part in creation, where women actually thrive on, pleasure, because that's their part of creation is pleasure.

Myrna: I actually heard that in order for the sperm and the egg to connect, there still has to be orgasm. I don't know how true it is. But what you're saying is that we're getting, pleasure, from our, feminine energy, that's our function in this whole creation process.

Receiving pleasure is not only sexual

Allyson: And pleasure doesn't just have to be sexual. And I think this is where lots of women take it.

Myrna: I agree, pleasure is not always sexual. I get immense, pleasure, from walking in the park and listening to inspirational material. I get pleasure from dancing. A lot of people get, pleasure, from food.

Allyson: People get, pleasure, from a lot of things. Right? Yeah. And this is what happens when you are in, pleasure. A hormone is released called, oxytocin, in our body. And, oxytocin, is a connecting hormone. Some people call it the cuddle hormone. It's why, when you're in pleasure, you want to share it with somebody, you want to reach out to your girlfriends. That cuddle hormone when we're in, oxytocin, and it helps us with our radiant as women.

Now when we are task oriented, and we're checking the boxes and we're crossing off the to do list, what we get hit with is, dopamine, and, dopamine, is that that sense of achievement that means you are in, masculine energy.

It's different, because it makes you feel accomplished that feeling accomplished is a much different experience from receiving, pleasure. Both are important, but if we're in too much, dopamine, that actually inhibits, oxytocin, which is why so many women will hit goals and still feel unfulfilled. That was what I experienced, you know, where we were making more money than we'd ever made and all I felt was tired. Then my business coaches would say “now double it.” And I'm like, are you kidding me? I just ripped up my entire soul for that. And now I got to double that thing.

Pleasure lights us up

And so that's why that's what I meant by like that price tag was way too high. I was in, dopamine, and I was in pressure, but I wasn't thriving in it because we thrive in, oxytocin, and in, pleasure. Here's what happens to us physiologically as well, when we're in, pleasure. It actually helps us to focus more. If you've got brain fog going on. There are lots of different contributors to brain fog, but I fully believe that one of them is you're in too much push and you're in too much, masculine energy. So, if you'll pull out of that, and you'll get into some, pleasure.

Myrna: How can single mothers find pleasure?

Allyson: Single mothers need community, women need a community and more so than anybody else would be single mothers who are wearing the mother and the father hat all the time and the provider and the nurturer hat like all the time, they need that support group. They need their community of people that will encourage them, people that can give them breaks every once in a while so that they can reconnect with their identity, reconnect with who they are.

Start your day in, feminine energy. Start your day in quiet and if that means waking up 15 minutes early, then wake up 15 minutes early. It's the greatest gift you can give to yourself and do a breathing meditation where you just breathe in and you breathe out and listen to soothing music with the whole intention of opening yourself up to receive, because God or your higher power wants to connect with you. Your higher self wants to guide you, wants to do the heavy lifting for you. You just need to put yourself into a position of receiving in order for that to happen.

Conclusion

Let us know how we can reach you online, your website. What is your free gift for us?

Awesome. Thank you. So, I think that the, feminine, is a deeper dive so I actually created a free download. So you can look at the list of, feminine qualities and masculine qualities right there laid out for you. You can also find out what it looks like when we show up in disempowered feminine or disempowered masculine, so you know which energy you're playing in more often than not.

You can get that at www.prosperity approach.com/ataglance. But this was so helpful for me to just really start doing a really beautiful dance between the feminine and the masculine and leading with my feminine. I also have a podcast it's called the prosperity approach. And so, if you want to hear my philosophy and practical tips for actually living in prosperity, rather than waiting for prosperity to come to you before you live in it, I would love to have you join my audience there as well. You can also head over to over to Allysonchavez.com You can join our free Facebook group. It's called the prosperity experience. And I actually have regular master classes where we talk about mindset, where we talk about how to change those programs and how to lead with that feminine and you can find out more information about that at prosperity approach.com/free-masterclass

Additional Resources

How to Embrace Female Sexuality and the Divine Feminine

blog, Life Coaching, lifecoaching, mindset, Personal Development, Podcast, transform your mind

How to Disable your Autopilot Brain

January 13, 2023 Myrna Young

Brain scans have revealed that when your mind wanders, it switches into “autopilot” mode, enabling you to carry on doing tasks quickly, accurately and without conscious thought. Our, autopilot, mode seems to be run by a set of brain structures called the default mode network or, autopilot brain.

Whenever you are on, autopilot, you are running, subconscious programs.

Have you ever gotten in your car and driven to your destination and you don’t recall how you got there. That is your, autopilot brain, driving you to your destination.

Your, Autopilot brain, is part of your, subconscious brain.

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Daily Habits That Can Help You Stop your, Autopilot Brain

Wake Up Mindfully. Become conscious of your body, your breathe
When you brush your teeth and take a shower, become aware of what you are doing.
Take the Scenic Route. …When you stop at the traffic light, become aware of the other cars and notice your surroundings
Connect with Others. …When you get to work, actually listen to other and don’t tune them out.
Connect with Nature.. Take a walk and stop to smell the roses.

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Examples of, Autopilot Actions

Taking a shower, most people are not mindful in the shower
Driving your car
Eating a meal, are you conscious of chewing your food?
Scrolling on social media, your fingers have a mind of their own!

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How to take your brain off, Autopilot

Many contemporary psychologists have very different concepts of the, autopilot brain. Rather than see it as a seething cauldron of battling unseen forces, they conceptualize the, autopilot brain, or the, subconscious brain, as a set of cognitive processes for sifting through the welter of stimuli impinging upon our sense organs and preparing responses to them. It is the, autopilot brain, that allows us to recognize in an instant a familiar face, to play a musical instrument without thinking about the position of our fingers, and to ride a bicycle without thinking about how to maintain our balance. Many of our daily behaviors, involve, autopilot, processes that lie outside the range of ordinary awareness.

We operate on, autopilot, for 95% of our daily activities. To take your brain off, autopilot, you have to become aware of your breathe and your body sensations.

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Getting past your, Autopilot programs

Take risks to get past your, autopilot programs. Your, subconscious brain, always wants to play it safe.
Ask questions like, What else is possible that I have not considered?
Say things like, how cool is it that I have all this extra money.
What am I going to do with all this extra cash?
How can I make this a reality?
What if I become a successful as a TV talk show host?
What would that look like? See yourself in this role. This one is for me!!

This strategy is called auto inquisition.

Thomas Edison practiced auto inquisition. He would sit in a chair and ask his, subconscious brain, questions about an invention, you can do the same.

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Additional Resources Autopilot Brain

http://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-reprogram-your-unconscious-mind/

http://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-use-intuition-to-transform-your-life/

http://blog.myhelps.us/understanding-and-managing-compulsive-behaviors/

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/anatomy-of-the-brain

https://naturalfactors.com/en-us/articles/know-three-brains/

https://www.webmd.com/brain/picture-of-the-brain#1

5 mins with coach Myrna, Life Coaching

Why Birds Fly Together in a V Formation

January 13, 2023 Myrna Young

Ever noticed the beauty and grace of, birds, flying together in the sky? Ever wondered who selects the leader and why all the, birds, follow the leader?

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Birds fly in a V formation

Birds, fly together in a, V formation, because the aerodynamic V, formation, reduces, air resistance, for the whole flock. With their wings moving in harmony, the feathered group continues its course across the sky, covering more ground together in, community, than they could as individuals. When the, bird, at the front gets tired, she will move to the rear of the, formation, where the, wind drag, is lowest, and a more rested, bird, takes her place.

As humans there are lessons to be learned from, birds, about the power of, community. When we move with others there is little we cannot accomplish.

I was listening to the Jay Shetty podcast a few days back with Kevin Hart and when asked about his success Kevin said he is successful because of the people on his, team. He says we can never achieve success as a solo act. I have heard this said in so many different ways. Like there is no I in team, etc.

Birds soar heavenward in a community

That is why I wanted to use this analogy as a teaching today. As, birds, swoop, drift, and glide, inscribing magnificent patterns across the sky, with serene displays of grace and beauty. Who says you can’t look good as you climb to the top! Birds have long been a source of inspiration, because they can be messengers from the spirit realm, or a symbol of the human soul, as they cast off their earthly mooring and soar heavenward with upturned wings, fluttering gracefully, effortlessly and free… More magnificent still is the inspiring sight of, birds migrating, progressing steadily across the horizon in a solid, V formation, that is a singular pattern too unique to be mere chance.

All of us can feel empowered to take on daring challenges of growth and expansion in a community of likeminded individuals. We can either do it alone and work hard flapping our imaginary wings or we can glide upward with our, support group or, team.

Just like Moses needed someone to hold up his hands when they were tired, members of your, team, can hold us up when we are tired and take on some of the tasks. The energy of others in a group also builds up our energy and their presence lends power to our wings during this journey across the sky of life.

A support community help us cope with tragedy

When unexpected gusts or storms blows our way, we can choose to find refuge in the loving shelter of friends and family and let someone else lead for a while. If your wings begin to ache on your journey, look around for somebody else to fly at the front for a while. All of us move faster when we move together.

We can also use the analogy of, birds flying, together in a, V formation, to support us in difficult situations like, tragedy, grief, weight loss, fitness etc.

At times we need to tap into the collective strength of a group to deal with trauma that is why support groups like AA and mothers who have lost children are necessary for healing. When you get together in a, community, of like-minded individuals, people who have had similar experiences as yourself, then it makes the journey back to wholeness so much easier, because like the, birds, who take turns at leading and retreating, in the group when you are strong you support and encourage others and when you are weak someone from the group supports you by holding you up.

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning in to this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.

Additional Resources

How to Assemble Your Power Team Like WandaVision

blog, child abuse, sexual abuse and addiction, youth with trauma

How To Heal From Childhood Sexual Trauma and Addiction

January 10, 2023 Myrna Young 7 Comments

Childhood Sexual Trauma and Addiction, survivors abuse drugs because it helps them cope with or block out the traumatic memories.

Today on the Transform your mind podcast, we look at Karmen’s story, from the book “Call me an Addict, War on Women” by Dr Tra Ahia. First, I want to establish a connection between, Childhood sexual trauma and addiction.

Adults abused as children are reportedly 1.5 times more likely to say they used illicit drugs as compared to individuals who were not abused as children. The age of onset for non-experimental drug use with, Childhood sexual trauma and addiction, survivors is around 14.

Studies indicate that drug abuse is more common than alcohol use in adolescents who have been sexually traumatized and have found a link to, childhood sexual trauma and addiction,

Childhood Sexual Trauma and Addiction, survivors abuse drugs because it helps them:

cope with or block out the traumatic memories.
deal with feelings of isolation and loneliness.
improve feelings of self-worth and self-esteem.
cope with mental health problems such as anxiety, depression, and PTSD.

Karmen’s story of, Childhood Sexual Trauma and Addiction.

Karmen's story is a little different from Kelly's story in that her, childhood sexual abuse and trauma, did not come from her parents. In fact she said her father loved her and took her everywhere with him. But her brother started beating her up because her father loved her more than him. The beatings progressed to, sexual abuse, and then her father’s girlfriend made her eat her “Peach pie.”

Her brother jumped her into a gang and she started breaking into people's homes, beating them up, robbing them, and selling dope.

She was raped by the gang members at age 14 and started being sexually promiscuous soon after that. She ended up with 2 kids by age 16.

With no money to feed her kids she started taking money from a drug dealer.

He bought her a car, furnished her apartment, and spoiled her and her kids, until he started beating her on the regular and abusing her sexually. Then he started pimping her out. She started getting high every day to cope. She started out using crack and then progressed to heroin.

After spending time in prison for robbery and selling drugs, she became seriously depressed.

She got tired of getting high and tried to commit suicide 4 times. Her story ends with her 5th suicide attempt.

What lessons can we learn from Karnen's story of, Sexual Trauma and Addiction?

We learn that Karmen's story showcases sibling rivalry and parents who were not aware and allowed her brother to abuse her sexually and physically.

Podbean

You mentioned in our first episode that most addicts can't just go into rehab and in 30 days get clean and never touch drugs again. In reality it is a daily struggle and most times they can't even stay clean for their kids. In your 30 years as an addiction therapist what is the difference in the ones that made it?

I would say two things Desire to stay clean and and a faulty stop and go mechanism in the brain

Arifah as a mental health counselor what do you think is the reason youth with, sexual trauma, resulting medicate with drugs? Is it different from my list above?

Yes most youth use drugs to fit in and gain confidence.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio — TuneIn Radio

Dr Tra walk us through how crack cocaine changes the brain.

Crack is a psychological drug. Your body thinks you need it; but if you don't take it, you don't go into the sweats. You don't die or even feel pain.

Whereas physiological drugs like opiates, if you don't take these drugs your body goes into withdrawal and you get pain in your body, you get diarrhea, sweats etc.

When it gets into the body, crack acts upon a midbrain structure called the ventral tegmental area (VTA), where a chemical messenger in the brain called dopamine lives [source: National Institutes of Health]. Crack interferes with dopamine, which is involved in the body's pleasure response. Dopamine is released by cells of the nervous system during pleasurable activities such as eating or having sex. Once released, dopamine travels across a gap between nerve cells, called a synapse, and binds to a receptor on a neighboring nerve cell (also called a neuron). This sends a signal to that nerve cell. (Dopamine doesn't actually cause feelings of pleasure but it does influence how pleasure affects the brain, usually by reinforcing a pleasant feeling.) Under normal conditions, once the dopamine sends that signal, it is reabsorbed by the neuron that released it. This reabsorption happens with the help of a protein called the dopamine transporter [source: National Institutes of Health].

Crack interrupts this cycle. It attaches to the dopamine transporter, preventing the normal reabsorption process. As dopamine builds up in the synapse, it continues to stimulate the receptor, creating a lingering feeling of exhilaration or euphoria in the user.

Because crack is inhaled as a smoke, it reaches the brain much faster than inhaled powder cocaine. It can get to the brain and create a high within three to five minutes, compared to the 20 to 30 minutes it takes to feel the effects of snorted cocaine. On the downside, the crack cocaine high lasts about 30-60 minutes, while the cocaine high could last one to two hours [source: American Addiction Centers].

https://science.howstuffworks.com/crack.htm

I have a personal experience with crack. I was engaged to a guy who was addicted to crack. I could never forget, on our second date he casually mentioned that he was a crack addict for 20 years and he was now clean.

I had never had experience with anyone addicted to drugs before, so I took his word at face value.

Needless to say, he was not over crack. I started to do my research and found that crack makes permanent changes to the brain and an addict has to deal with cravings every day. My boyfriend was no different. I had a Limousine service and he drove for me. One night someone was smoking crack in the back of the limousine and that triggered him. He disappeared for 4 days with the money from the run. I had to report the limousine stolen. He did not come back until all the money was finished. He was a binge smoker, as soon as he got paid he would disappear. He finally spent one year in the, Salvation Army rehab program. We broke up. I don’t know if he managed to stay clean.

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In the crack world a lot of women who are addicted to crack become crack whores and prostitute for drugs, Karmen was no different. It is really interesting that the men addicted to crack still abuse the women addicted to crack so this is really a war on women.

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Most children who suffer from, childhood sexual trauma and addiction, simply fail to recognize, acknowledge, and effectively process this trauma until it manifests in self-destructive ways like self-harm, substance abuse, or the inability to control their emotions.

While both males and females can be affected by, childhood sexual trauma and addiction, the prevalence rate is higher for females. It is estimated that nearly 15 million adolescent girls worldwide have experienced forced sex. According to UNICEF,

Data from the, Department of Health and Human Services, indicates that almost sixty-thousand children are sexually abused per year in the United States. This abuse lends itself to, childhood sexual trauma and addiction, The Department of Justice’s report indicates that 14 percent of all men and 36 percent of all women in prison were abused as children.

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Here are some Specific symptoms of, sexual abuse causing, sexual trauma and addiction:
(citation, the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress)

Withdrawal and mistrust of adults
Suicidal
Difficulty relating to others except in sexual or seductive ways
Unusual interest in or avoidance of all things sexual or physical
Sleep problems, nightmares, fears of going to bed
Frequent accidents or self-injurious behaviors
Refusal to go to school, or to the doctor, or home
Secretiveness or unusual aggressiveness
Sexual components to drawings and games
Neurotic reactions (obsessions, compulsiveness, phobias)
Habit disorders (biting, rocking)
Unusual sexual knowledge or behavior
Prostitution
Forcing sexual acts on other children
Extreme fear of being touched

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Additional Resources, Childhood Sexual Trauma and Addiction

Drug and Alcohol Treatments for Women with Trauma

http://blog.myhelps.us/protecting-your-child-from-sexual-abuse-at-home/

http://blog.myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/

https://drugabuse.com/crack/effects-use/#targetText=Crack%20Dependency,can%20become%20dependent%20on%20crack.

Side Effects of Crack Cocaine

The fleeting high from smoking crack can be outweighed by a host of negative effects. Though these can vary as widely as the positive effects listed above, commonly reported side effects of, childhood sexual trauma:

Irritability.
Anxiety.
Headache.
Depression.
Aggressive, paranoid behavior.
Abdominal pain.
Sudden death due to heart attack or stroke.

5 mins with coach Myrna, Life Coaching, Life Coaching Blog, lifecoaching, Personal Development Podcast, Podcast, relationship coaching

Kevin Samuels: Black Women Over 35 Are Low Value

January 10, 2023 Myrna Young

The late, Kevin Samuels, controversially said that, Black women, over 35 cannot get a man because any, high value man, could get a younger woman.

The gist of his message was that women over 35 who are single with children are like used cars. Top quality men don’t want them since they they are, low value, and the, high value man, have options and they exercise these options for younger women with no children and baby daddy drama.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10885010-are-women-over-35-low-value.mp3?download=true

The 35 and Single Black Women Dilemma

So here in lies the dilemma. Even though women were calling, Kevin Samuels, a scum bag, he had a huge following of men because they knew he was talking truth. These so called, high value men, were willing to rip into a man of God Dr. Jamal Bryant, senior pastor at New Birth in Atlanta, in defense of, Kevin Samuels.

It is true that, black women, over 35 are looking for the, high value man, and men over 35 are looking for younger women? How do we know this is true? The reason I know this is true is because everyone is looking and nobody is finding love, because love is not about hair, booty, breasts or skin color. Love is about chemistry, it is an energy.

So, ladies my, dating advice, to you is you must age like fine wine, you have much more to offer a man and you need to let him see this. You have experience.

Dating Advice for Black Women

Remember that relationship you walked out of in your 20ths, now you realize that it was the best relationship you ever had. There is a lesson in every failure.

So now that you are 35+ and single; what have you learned about men? What I have learned is that the, high value man, would sleep with the 35+, black woman, with the good hair and the booty, but they look for more in the woman they marry.

So, while you are sitting on the shelf, make yourself ready for your husband. You have to become, wife material.

6 ways to become wife material

Learn to speak on a variety of topics, men are no longer attracted to the dumb pretty woman anymore.
Learn the rules of basketball and football. Most men like sports so, you must learn to like them as well, so he doesn’t have to go out with the boys to watch the game. He could watch it with his woman.
Learn to cook dinner for two. A man wants to marry a woman who can cook.
Get a gym membership, men like to hold muscles not fat.
Learn to control your tongue, sometimes silence is the best answer.
Learn to build up a man and not tear him down. Life and death are in the tongue, speak life into your man. Encourage him, listen to him, support him.

Kevin Samuels YouTube Videos

I listened to, Kevin Samuels, most famous video. This video had 3M views and over 3K comments when I watched it months ago! Kevin Samuels, was speaking to a woman who was 35 had a 13-year-old son and was making 6 figures. She said she wanted a, high value man, who made 6 figures because when she dates men below her pay grade, she gets idiots.

Kevin Samuels, asked her from a scale of 1 to 10 where would she fall and she said 6. He then told her that, high value men, who make 6 figures are in the top 10% of all men and have options. They are not looking for an average, black woman, 35+ with a 13-year-old son, he called her a, low value woman.

He is correct, they are not looking for you, but if you age like fine wine and prepare yourself while you're fermenting, they will take a sip of you and become intoxicated.

Black women prepare yourself to become a high value woman

The other thing I have learned is it may have been a long time since you have been held by a man and you can't wait to jump into bed; don't do it. A man must respect the woman he marries. Don't sleep with him until he calls you his girlfriend and you are sure he is not married!

There is a dilemma for, black women, over 35 who are single with children, but finding love is not impossible. I got married at 46 with a 16-year-old daughter. The chemistry was right and I was prepared. So don't let anyone tell you, you are a, low value woman, and that you are like a used car. Antiques cars are more valuable than new cars. You have wisdom, skills, and know how to treat and keep a man.

Conclusion

Hope this helps someone.

You have been listening to 5 mins with coach Myrna, I want to invite you to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach, for inspiration throughout the week. Until next time Namaste

child abuse, Life Coaching, Out Of The Snares

The Circle of Life: Embracing Motherhood

January 9, 2023 Myrna Young

Keshia Morris Desir, my daughter and mom to be interviews me on motherhood. In my book Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement I talk about motherhood and how being a mom is my purpose.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11999211-the-circle-of-life-embracing-motherhood.mp3?download=true

Bio

Keshia Morris Desir has a blossoming career in DC. She is an activist working in DC to disrupt the over criminalization of communities of color by investigating and exposing the underlying causes of mass incarceration through a democracy lens. Getting incarceration money out of politics, and advocating for guaranteed voting rights for everyone, including people serving time in prison. But today she is speaking as my daughter about becoming a mother. She is entering into the second trimester of her first pregnancy.

Keshia: I am super excited to be here with my mother today to interview her on her book, Out of the Snares: A story of hope and encouragement and her chapter on, motherhood.

The very first question I have for you, mom is in your book, you share a bit about the, circle of life, and how your parents were not married when you were born. So, for folks that haven't yet read the book, can you share a little bit about that experience?

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My circle of life started with poverty and child abuse

Myrna: Yes, I would love to. Out of the Snares, is basically my story. It's the story of me getting out of the snares of, child sexual abuse, poverty, being born in a third world country. And, of course, being born to parents, or who were not married. My mom and my dad hooked up and had sex and I showed up. They weren't even really in a committed relationship. It's one of those things that happened. When I read Oprah’s story I found out that her parents also hooked up just one time and created her. We were both born for a purpose.

So, I pull that in to my experience, that I was born with a purpose. On that rainy day, all those years ago in Guyana, my mom was alone when I was born because my father was not around. And I feel that coming from that kind of nurturing environment, where my mother was my central figure or my central person. For a long time, it was my mom, it was my grandmother, it was my aunt. These are the people that kind of raised me and as I got a little older, my father came back into my life.

But yes, I learned everything that I know about, motherhood, from my mom and my grandmother and my mom is an amazing mother. She has four children, and she basically single handedly raised them all on her own because the men were not around. She was that unfortunate, the men kept leaving. Your dad and I broke up when you were five years old. So, I have been the most influential person in your life and I took that very seriously. So, that's basically my introduction to, motherhood.

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The connection between Single mothers and delinquent children

Keshia: As you were speaking, I'm thinking about my work. And I'm thinking about what usually breeds or is usually the crux of, black families, being involved in the, criminal justice system. Thankfully, none of your brothers and sisters have been involved in the, criminal justice system, and I just want to know, what do you what do you attribute that to? Because often we do hear of, black families, that come from, quote, unquote, broken homes where fathers aren't in the picture. They get involved in crime, they go down the wrong path, they get involved in the, criminal justice system, somehow. So, what do you attribute your family success to?

Myrna: Excellent question. And I've thought about this a while now, not in Guyana, because we left Guyana as children. So, we weren't old enough to get into the, criminal justice system, in Guyana. But when we were living in Toronto, Canada, we actually lived in the projects. And I have always wondered why my siblings didn’t get involved with the bad crowd. I've always wondered about that and the only thing that I can come up with was that my mother loved us and we didn’t want to disappoint her. I was speaking to her a couple of weeks back. And it was really interesting what she said. She said to me, you know, I had yawl, and I took any job because I had yawl to feed!

Keshia: Thank you for sharing that mom, it was really helpful to hear that feedback. It was just something that I was thinking about. I'm just gonna turn it back over to you. I think you have something a poem that you'd like to share.

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Motherhood my baby girl is born

Myrna: Yes. Right. So, in my chapter on, motherhood, I start off my book talking about the, circle of life, continues where I was born, and then I dived right into, motherhood, because it was something that was very important to me and made me feel so special. I have two biological children. I was 21 years old when my son was born, and then you my daughter was born on my 30th birthday. So, because she was born on my 30th birthday, she was a girl and a lot of women always want little baby girls. You know, I was tickled pink, in fact, it becomes more special than that. She was conceived for my honeymoon.

So, I came back from my honeymoon, and a couple of weeks later found out that I was pregnant. The immediate response of me learning that I was pregnant was joy. I mean, I didn't know the sex until she came out. But we had a connection from the very beginning. So, in my book, I actually wrote a poem that I want to read to you guys. It says,

Poem my baby girl is here

My greatest blessing showed up on my 30 birthday,

A bundle of joy for born to this world

Six pounds, seven ounces of joy, my birthday gift. Oh, what a toy.

I little girl with curly brown hair, smooth black skin, with the face of an angel.

I shed a tear it was a love affair at first sight.

She reached through my heart and grabbed my soul forever more.

God had given me the desires of my heart, a daughter to adore.

Bird sang, trees swayed, the sun shone brightly, and the heavens opened up and poured out rain.

My baby girl was here. Keshia, her father whispered welcome to my world.

And her mother answered, Glory be to God, let her light shine brightly.

Let her be a delight.

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Myrna: See, I spoke it into existence, you have been a delight. You have been the gift that keeps on giving. A lot of mothers and daughters have special relationships, but we have a relationship that everybody talks about, and it's absolutely amazing.

Keshia: Wow. It's been a while since I've heard that poem. I have a jacket on but if you could see my arms, I probably have goosebumps. I just hope to repeat that, I am heading as you said, into my second trimester. And I have a similar due date as our birthday so yeah, we should be hoping for three peat.

Myrna: Yes, yes. From our mouths to God’s ears.

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Motherhood: How to protect your kids from sexual abuse

Keshia: Okay. All right. Well, I'm gonna take this conversation a little bit differently. And I'm going to ask you a question, because at the start of this conversation, you started by saying that Out of the Snares is about you coming out of poverty, sexual abuse, and parents not being in the home. And so, we talked a little bit about the, poverty, we talked a little bit about parents not being in the home. But I'm wanting to hear a bit more about your memories of your, child abuse. And in your book, you also talk about how the memories of that, child abuse, came back to you after I was born. Can you talk a little bit about that? About that time for you as you had me and those memories of, sexual abuse, came flooding back to you.

And then also maybe you want to give some advice to listeners that have experienced, sexual abuse, and have had daughters and now have to feel like they have to protect their child at all costs.

Myrna: Well, thank you Keshia, it's a very important conversation to have. So let me start with me and then I will expand it out. I was, sexually abused, by my godfather. I called him grandfather and I spent a lot of time at his house. So, that is the first problem that contributes to our black and brown babies getting, sexually abused, because apparently in our community it happens a lot. In my experience, it wasn't a babysitting thing. It was just that, I was always at someone's house. I was at my aunt's house, I was at my grandfather's house and when you're sleeping over at people's houses and there is men around, this is basically what happens.

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Mothers also need to protect boys

I read something from Tyler Perry, that was addressing this issue, and he was talking about our community. Most Black mothers don't have money for a babysitter, so they always have the kids go and stay at the uncle dem house and this person's house and all that kind of stuff. And this is basically what happens. Kids are being, sexually abused, by people that come to our homes and even boyfriends. So, getting back to my, child abuse, I didn’t have any trauma attached to it as it was happening because this person was a loved one and I really loved him.

He showered me with gifts, we were poor, and he was rich. So when this experience was going on, I wasn't traumatized in any way. I mean, I didn't understand what was going on because it started when I was very young age. I didn't understand what was going on until I started having boyfriends at 13 and realized, you've already had sex. These guys are gonna think that you're a tramp.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Past sexual abuse trauma resurfaced after birth of child

That started my whole self-respect phase which worked for me because I was never promiscuous. So, it wasn't very traumatic. When I recognized that it was wrong, I stopped it. There was no big problem. You know what I mean? But then, when you were born, something that I buried came alive and it was very, traumatic. I stopped wanting to have your dad to touch me, I had bad dreams. And whatever it was, clearly it was coming back up. I mean, and it was really an unusual response. Of course, I never went to therapy or anything. I just worked through it, but it started my vigilance of making sure you were not exposed to, sexual abuse.

And my vigilance came with people in my home and where I sent you to sleep over. Your father and I split up when you were five years old. I made sure that anybody that I'm bringing to the house that I would, make sure I don't leave you alone with that person. At one point in time, my sister was living with me, and her husband started bathing you. And I immediately put a stop to that.

So these are the ways that you protect your girl children and boy children, because it's not only girls now. But you protect them by knowing who they're coming into contact with. Our world is becoming really messed up because women are now molesting boys. Tyler Perry, tells a story of how he was molested by a woman and I think even Terry Crews revealed that he was also, sexually assaulted.

Motherhood: Be careful your kids are always watching

In my book, I share my views on, motherhood, and I believe that, motherhood, you are a role model for your kids. I remember you were always watching me. It was an incredible thing, you didn't feel comfortable unless you're in my presence watching and listening, watching and listening. And mothers or fathers, your kids are always listening. They're always watching. So, you can't say “Do as I say it, not as I do.” You've got to do it. You've got to walk the walk. So, I was a role model to you and I taught you things that my mom taught me. For example, to make decisions for yourself.

What do you feel is the role of a mother and how do you plan to embrace, motherhood?

Keshia: Yeah, I mean we've talked a lot about protection, I definitely think that the role of the mom is to protect their cub so to speak. When we watch Animal Planet you always see the mother lion protecting her cub and protecting them from harm.

The role of a mother

So definitely protection is the, role of a mother, as well as all the other things like:

Feed your children not only actual physically feeding, but emotionally feeding, feeding their self-confidence,
Teaching them to become contributing members of society
Helping them to find their purpose
Teaching them to love God
And how to survive in life
To lead by example, kids are always watching. You want to be able to not only say the important things, but show them the important things as well.

So how am I embracing motherhood? I'm still learning, I am just a few months in but yeah, I have been reading books and I am working towards embracing, motherhood.

It still feels weird. You know, hearing my baby’s heartbeat seeing it via ultrasounds. I mean, it just feels different. I can't even really grasp the words to say like, how does it feel to know that something is living inside of you and living inside of your belly? Right. Something that you have to care for and nurture and protect and be worried for and scared for and love all at the same time. So, it's very humbling. Maybe that's the word.

Circle of life continues connection with baby

Myrna: I didn't hear the word, connection. Are you connecting to this baby?

Keshia: Thanks for putting me on the spot mom. I don't know if I would say I am connecting with the baby yet. I don't feel connected yet. I did have the feeling that morning that it was a girl even though all along I've been saying they think it's a boy. But that morning I did say yeah, you're a girl. So maybe. Also, the day before I found out that I was pregnant. I said we need a new car and went out and bought a new car that day. Because I'm like we you know, we need a new car for family planning. So, I guess she is speaking to me.

Myrna: She's sending you those signals. Yes, yes. Amazing. All right. Well, listen, Keshia Morris Desir. You did not disappoint. We had an incredible conversation. Thank you for sharing your, motherhood experience, with me and my audience. Wishing you the best pregnancy and delivery.

Additional Resources

How To Protect Your Child from Sexual Abuse

5 mins with coach Myrna, Life Coaching

The Power of Salt

January 6, 2023 Myrna Young

The power of salt, salt is used for flavoring, preserving, fertilizing and other uses. It is the ingredient we want to be most like. What happens when we, lose our saltiness?

In Mathew 5.13 Jesus declared You are the, salt of the earth. But what good is, salt, if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11989323-the-power-of-salt-how-to-become-the-salt-of-the-earth.mp3?download=true

Salt is not just to season food

Today I want to teach on the, Power of Salt, because, salt, is not just for seasoning food.

So, what does, salt of the earth, mean? Are we, salt of the earth, in our relationships? On our jobs?

Salt, is used for, flavoring, salt, is used for, preserving food, salt is used for fertilizing and to kill weeds. Salt, is used to de ice roads so you don’t slip and slide.

The, power of salt, can be seen in the colonization of India by Britain. All Britain wanted was the, salt!

Let’s look at the uses of salt and thus the, power of salt.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Salt is used for flavoring food

Salt, is used for, flavoring food. We all know, salt, makes food taste better, either by adding flavor to something that would otherwise be bland or by enhancing flavors that are already there. Have you ever eaten bland food? You don’t want people to label you bland or boring. To be the, salt of the earth, you have to bring the flavor to your relationships. This is where your personality shines.

Salt is used for Preserving food

Salt, is used for, preserving meats. Salt, was the ancient equivalent of refrigeration. If you wanted to stop meat or fish from decaying, you could rub in salt and make it edible for longer. This was the main reason salt was so valuable.

If you are a Christian, you are Disciples of Jesus, and he sent us into the world to keep it from decay, preserving its goodness and preventing it from becoming corrupted or ruined.

How are you preserving your relationship with your spouse, your children, your co-workers? Just like how you preserve meat by rubbing salt on it, you should preserve your relationships by rubbing kindness into them.

Salt is used for Fertilizing

The power of salt, can also be seen in, fertilizing. Several ancient civilizations used salt as a fertilizer for the soil, and depending on the conditions, it could help the earth retain water, make fields easier to plow, release minerals for plants, kill weeds, protect crops from disease, stimulate growth, and increase yields. The reason this matter is that Jesus specifically describes his people as the, salt of the earth, which in a rural, farming culture would have been significant.

Disciples are fertilizers. We’re meant to be in those places where conditions are challenging and life is hard. We are sent to enrich the soil, kill weeds, protect against disease, and stimulate growth.

So, when, Jesus, said we are the, salt of the earth, he meant that God will use us for flavoring, preserving, destroying, or fertilizing?

Salt of the earth

When, Jesus, talked about salt losing its “saltiness” or “savor,” it refers to a process in which the compounds of salts naturally disintegrate over time. We, lose our saltiness, when we no longer bring value to this world. We are no longer, flavoring, fertilizing, preserving or enriching the lives of others.

If you are, salt of the earth, then life without you would be bland and tasteless. Are you preserving your marriage or your relationship with God? Are you fertilizing the soil of your mind and killing the weeds? If not, you have lost your saltiness.

You are (like) the salt for the soil, a stimulant for growth. If you become like the savorless salt, you are no longer good for anything.

What are you doing to make sure you don’t lose your saltiness?

Here are 3 ways to become the salt of the earth

Nourish and solidify your relationship, today and tomorrow.
Become the best at what you do. Be indispensable. There is no replacement for salt.
Be salt' deliberately seek to influence the people in your life by showing them the unconditional love of Christ through good deeds and service.

Additional Resources

Understanding the Healing Powers of The Earth

energy healing, Life Coaching

How to Use Vibrational Energy to Get What You Want

January 2, 2023 Myrna Young

Ginny Gane, Law of Attraction coach, empowers women to transform mediocre lives into experiences of true abundance, joy, and love through levering the principles of, vibrational energy.

Leveraging our, vibrational power, allows us to create more love, harmony, and freedom in our lives.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11938165-how-to-use-vibrational-energy-to-get-what-you-want.mp3?download=true

Vibrational energy and the law of attraction

Myrna: People don't understand that, vibrational energy, is responsible for all the things they are attracting in their lives, but as a, Law of Attraction coach, you know that they are manifesting it from vibrational energy. So, explain, what is vibrational energy?

Ginny: We are utilizing, the laws of attraction, in every moment of every day. The Laws of Attraction, work by responding to our, vibrational energy, that you're embodying or putting out into the world. So, the way I like to think about it is like we're constantly emitting, vibrational energy. And, the Law, of Attraction, is constantly responding by bringing conditions that match this, energy. Now we know what that, vibrational energy, is formed by how we feel. So, we measure and interpret, vibrational frequency, through emotion.

Myrna: You're going to attract conditions that is similar to whatever emotion you're feeling. If you spend a lot of time in anger or frustration, you're going to attract negative conditions that vibrates at the same frequency of anger or frustration. We never get out of the cycle, that is why we must pay attention to our, emotions, and, vibration.

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What Is the Law of Vibrational Energy?

The law of, vibrational energy, might not be as famous as the, Law of Attraction, but it’s just as important.

Now, we know that everything around us is, vibrational energy. The energy around us is actually vibrating.

Every single thing, living or inanimate, is made up of energy. And it’s all vibrating.

This is the, law of vibration.

Ginny: Vibrational energy, is a real thing, it’s like this momentum that builds up. So, we will attract frustrating conditions and then we will look at the condition and then feel bad and then we'll look at what is next. It's just the cycle. So, until we become aware of that cycle of, positive energy, we have no chance to stop it or to do something different to, raise your vibration. So the first thing we can do is just start to become aware of what you are getting back from, vibrational energy, and, how to have high vibrational energy.

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The law of vibration: Everything is vibrating at a frequency

Vibrational energy, it's just like electricity, it's energy. And we interpret, vibrations, through our emotions. There's an emotional scale. So, the same as there's a frequency scale of energy, measured in Hertz from zero Hertz to 1000 hertz. Our, vibration, is very similar. It's just a measure of that frequency.

And so there's low frequencies and there's high frequencies, and our, emotions, match up. Our lower frequency, emotions, are those like fear and guilt and sadness. Our higher frequency, emotions, are the happiness, the joy, the hopefulness, those kinds of, emotions. How we feel is our interpretation of the, vibration, we are emitting and what, the Laws of Attraction, is attracted to.

Myrna: All right. I was reading something new today and it made me aware that everything is, vibrational frequency, the walls in your house, the bed that you sleep in, the trees in nature, the rocks all are vibrating at an energy frequency. When I go to the park, I sit on rocks because the rock is vibrating. I'm trying to blend with the, vibrational frequency, of the rock.