How to Stop Negative Self Talk

Most of the time our, self-communication, is negative.  Our, negative self-talk, is different from the way we talk to our friends for example.  So we need to tell ourselves “I don’t like the way you talk to me”

My guest today all the way from the UK is Cheyne Towers.  Cheyne is a hypnotherapist and, self-communication, expert and we are going to be talking today on, negative self-talk, and, mindfulness.

Listen to the full interview here:

 

Cheyne Towers. London-based hypnotherapist Cheyne Towers has been helping people to transform how they speak toward themselves for the best part of two decades. Through simple yet profound understanding he has successfully helped many who have suffered trauma, abuse, depression, and anxiety. Now the co-founder of The Dialogue of Self Liberation, Cheyne is sharing this practical transformational system online, helping people to develop The Mindfulness of Self-Communication, and nurture self-forgiveness and self-compassion. Always willing to connect Cheyne can regularly be found hosting the TDSL Global Community Calls, where he provides continuing support to people around the world who wish to improve and enhance the quality of their self-communications. As a lifelong martial artist, Cheyne has also developed seated Qigong for people with mobility challenges, and also teaches workshops at Sword Punk traditional weapons-training festival in the UK.

Does being a martial artist help with self communication?

Myrna – You are a martial artist and a, self-communication, expert. Martial art is a very controlled sport, so it lends to having control of your, mind. Can you share your journey from martial art to, mindfulness?  You mentioned that you’re helping people who have suffered, trauma, or, abuse, and depression.

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Cheyne – From an early age, I had an interest in, inner development, self-development, meditation, and those kinds of practices.  I started practicing martial art around 17 years old.  I’m currently 55 years old and that’s been a constant throughout my life.

I never wanted to become a therapist, but through mutual friends, I was introduced to it by a very experienced, hypnotherapist. I studied with him as his personal student for the last four years of his life and during that time he took me through a process that totally transformed my life on every level for the better.

How I let go of my Negative Self-talk and repetitive patterns

Unbeknown to me, I’d spent 20 years of my life engaging in very, negative repetitive patterns of, self-talk, giving myself a very hard time, beating myself up, blaming myself for not being good enough, for having been a failure in relationships and many other things.

I didn’t realize that I was doing it. I hadn’t got a clue and he helped me in a very clear and methodical way to identify those unhelpful habits and, negative beliefs, that I’d picked up along the way about myself.

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Myrna – Did he put you under under, hypnotherapy, or did he just talk to you?

Cheyne – He used the methodology of developing the, mindfulness, of, self-communication.  The very first thing he had me do was to develop the skill of monitoring the dialogue I was speaking to myself. Moment to moment what are you actually saying to yourself, about yourself now in this moment is very important to stopping, negative self-talk.

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How to Listen to your Self-talk

You need to develop the skill of listening to what you’re actually telling yourself and your, negative self-talk, from moment to moment. I bet you will discover that you don’t like the way you speak to yourself.

What are the stories you picked up along the way that no longer serve you? There’s a responsibility that we have toward ourselves, with regards to, how we speak to ourselves about ourselves.  We program ourselves through our, self-communications, but then we begin to utilize the more creative aspects of the imagination which is more the formal.

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Hypnosis, or, self-hypnosis, is sometimes necessary to stop the, negative self-talk. Let’s say somebody can’t stop the, negative self-talk, about themselves because all their life they were hearing things like:

  • you’re not good enough.
  • you’ll never be nothing.
  • you will never amount to anything.
  • You will never be a success in life.

Myrna – Now they’re mindful of it because they’re listening. Can they stop without, hypnotherapy?

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Can we stop the negative self-talk without Hypnotherapy?

Cheyne – I don’t like the term, hypnotherapy, or, hypnotherapist, because I think it’s a loaded term and people have many misconceptions about what, hypnotherapy, actually is. So I tend to describe that aspect of the work as I help people to harness the creative power of their imagination, so that they learn how to work with it, rather than be a slave to it.

Myrna – Hypnotherapy, migrates and it changes, so now you’re using the term, creative imagination. How did the martial arts piece fit in to your, negative self-talk?

Cheyne – That’s a great question.  I use a lot of metaphors and symbolism in this work because the metaphors and symbols convey things to the, subconscious mind. Which is where we need to make the alterations in the trigger mechanisms that are built up because of our experiences.

There’s a saying a very old Chinese saying the mind leads the chi

This is true of everything in life. If we fixate our thinking in a particular way, if we imagine a particular scenario that is what we attract into our lives.  The mind leads the Chi!

When we think about those negative imaginings, our energy, our Chi, gets poured into those molds and we kind of become that shape.

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Negative self-talk – I am not good enough

Myrna – I’m a, Life coach, I know that I’m not good enough is one of the top, negative self-talk, or, self-communication, that we partake of.

Cheyne – True, we torment ourselves and beat ourselves up and come up with all kinds of cruel variations on that theme. We would never dream of speaking to another person the way we speak to ourselves.  I Don’t Like the Way You Speak to Me.

We would never dream of putting another person down and yet somehow, we’ve become conditioned to believe that it’s somehow okay for us to talk to ourselves like that.

I’m going to title this “I don’t like the way you speak to me” because we don’t say nice things to ourselves. It is always, negative self-talk. We never say things like:

  • you’re so pretty.
  • you’re so beautiful.
  • you are going to kick ass in this job.
  • I am good enough for this promotion.

No, the, self-communication, is always negative.

Cheyne – I did that for 20 years of my life totally unconsciously until my teacher helped me to to spot it.

Self-liberation is a program to help us with, negative self-talk

Myrna – That’s amazing, so he pointed you to your purpose. That helped you create the, self-liberation, program.  Tell us about it.

Cheyne – The dialogue of, self-liberation, is the name that I’ve given to the methodology of understanding the principles of, negative self-talk. I also call it the “rinse and repeat.”

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People have come to see me in all states of, brokenness. I’ve worked with many people who’ve been raped, who’ve had experience of, sexual abuse, violent, abusive relationships, all kinds of, trauma.

Yet when it’s explained clearly to a person that there is a way for them to begin to change literally the stories, they’re telling themselves about themselves.

Just because we’ve had certain experiences in our past, those experiences don’t need to define who we are today.  What defines who we are, is what we do with the experiences we’ve been through.

How do we process those experiences?  We can learn from those experiences and choose to no longer communicate about the past as if it were the present or the future. We can chose to stop the, negative self-talk.

Self-liberation is a freeing experience

This is an incredibly freeing and liberating experience, so the dialogue of, self-liberation, is process of learning how to communicate toward ourselves. In a way that has nothing to do with, positive affirmation, nothing to do with fake positivity or anything like that. It allows us to stop communicating to ourselves in, self-abusive, self-limiting, self-pitying, ways in the present tense and the future tense.

Myrna – I’m listening very intently to what you’re saying, because someone who’s reading this wouldn’t understand the depth of what you’re saying. What you’re saying is someone who has been, broken, they’re a victim, someone has done something to them and yet the, negative self-talk, that they’re telling themselves is saying that because of this, you are nobody. Because of this you’re not worth anything.

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

I was in this same situation for a long time myself, I didn’t get out of it until I was in my 40s.  I was, sexually abused, as a child and I carried shame with that. I experienced that, self-liberation, myself once I started talking about it.  Now I don’t have any shame attached to it because I was a victim, I was a child. A child can’t give consent to anything.

What does, self-liberation, look like on the other side of shame?

Cheyne – Guilt and shame are really common themes in, trauma. We all commonly normalize the behavior and then end up blaming ourselves. We communicate to ourselves, well I must have deserved it for some reason or another.

When we uncover what we’ve actually been communicating toward ourselves, then we can utilize the use of the, creative imagination, to change the dialogue. We have online programs that we have via the website that we’re teaching the dialogue of, self-liberation.  We have various audio materials, some of those are what we refer to as guided contemplations.

These are spoken voice exercises to encourage the person to speak out loud with their own voice in an unconditionally open, self-supportive, and non-limiting way.  We have these suggested spoken voice exercises we call guided contemplations plus audio exercises of guided visualizations. The guided visualizations are designed to help people to take old memories of experiences that were upsetting or traumatic or just incredibly challenging and then to use their, creative imagination, to begin to change how they choose to view the memory.

Myrna – One of my most favorite quotes from Dr Wayne Dwyer

Change the way you look at a thing and the thing you look at will change

 

All we have to do the work.  I love Byron Katie, she has a book called “The Work. Change does not come without us doing the work!

We have to do the work to replace our negative self-talk

If you don’t do the work, you will continue to be with your bottom feeder emotions.  The guilt, the shame, the anger, the blame.  You will play the blame game. I’m not going to do well in life, because my parents abused me, or somebody abused me. In my book “Out of the Snares, a story of Hope and Encouragement” I call this stop being a victim and become a player. When we are in the, game of life, and we get bad cards, we have to learn how to play to win with those cards.

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Tell our readers how they can get more information on your work.

Cheyne – thank you very much Myrna, my website is www.learntdsl.com.

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TDSL means the dialogue of, self-liberation.

We have an audio program which is in the form of an app which you would download to your phone with five audio lessons with accompanying audio exercises in the form of guided contemplations.

We also have a live program which consists of drip-fed PDF material over a five-week course with accompanying audio exercises plus one live zoom call with a small group of people once a week at the same time each week for five weeks. We’ve been running this with people around the world now for the last year and we’ve had some just wonderful feedback from the participants.

 

Conclusion

I want to thank you guys for tuning in to the Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life Radio  Podcast and television show. Please leave a review on iTunes and give us a rating if you liked this blog and podcast.

If you are listening on Spotify or any of the other podcast players, please subscribe and turn on your notification so you can be notified of new episodes.

I also want to invite you to join my private Facebook group called Life coach, we have daily inspiration in this group to help you to, transform your life, by, transforming your mind.

Additional Resources

Life Leadership & Success

 

How to Build a Scalable Online Business

Sigrun Online business coach

I made lot of mistakes in my first year and then with, business coaching, I started to understand how to build an, online coaching business, a scalable business, and a sustainable business. My, online business, took off to seven figures.

My guest today is Sigrun, business coach and mentor. Online businesses, are booming, the pandemic has forced everyone online; so even if you didn’t have an, online business, before 2020, hopefully you have one now, because having an, online business, is the global trend.

I understand that 20% of the people who went online because of the, pandemic, will stay online because they just find shopping online more accommodating and useful.

Sigrun,  is going to give us some information on how to be successful in your, online business.

Listen to the full interview here 

Introduction to building a scalable online business

Sigrun Bio

Sigrun, started her, online business, and quickly built a multiple seven figure, online coaching business, with membership, coaching programs and masterminds. She has helped women from all over the world start and build their, online business, to six and seven figures.

In 2020 she founded a real estate company around two properties and started her first fund.  Her next brick project is an International conference in Iceland called the, self-made summit.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Helping Women succeed in their Online Business.

Myrna – is your coaching specifically for women or everybody?

Sigrun – I would say it’s specifically for women, even though I have a few male clients. I don’t turn men away; but my mission is to accelerate gender equality. I’m doing that through, female entrepreneurship.

Myrna – Very interesting story, it says that you started your, online coaching business, because you lost your job twice in two years and then you became sick for seven months which made you become an, entrepreneur.

A lot of people during this, pandemic, are suffering a similar fate, because they lost their jobs or they were sick with, COVID-19, or something like that. What happened to you in 2014 is happening to a lot of people right now.

Can you share your story and hopefully inspire someone who has lost their job.

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Sigrun – I got sick in 2010, so that’s over 10 years ago.  I had been a CEO for a number of years and then I moved from Iceland to Switzerland. I got a job in a small company where I didn’t have to do many meetings, I just sat on my desk for nine hours a day. I developed something called RSI which is repetitive strain injury.

After I got this injury under control, I started to ask myself. Do I really want to go back to work nine to six, nine to seven, you know work nine or ten hours at the desk?

I could be working from home and that’s when I started to taste the freedom and flexibility of potentially an, online business. Many people will just not have a business idea, and I struggled with that piece. I spent several months trying to figure what my, online business, should be.

I ignored the obvious choice which was a, business coach, because I had been a CEO for 10 years with a master’s degrees including an MBA from a business school and still the idea of being a, business coach, was somehow too horrible.

Don’t think too much about your online business idea, just do it.

Overthinking and not moving forward is the most dangerous place you can be.

Myrna – A lot of people do that, people always think that they can only start something when the time is or they have the funds etc.

But it’s a fear of failure that prevents them from moving forward.

It’s better to take the first step even if it might be wrong step. It’s better to take some step than no step.

Sigrun – Finally after 18 months of being inside my head and overthinking, I started my, online coaching business,  January 2014.

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Hire a Business Coach to Help you with your Online Business

The next challenge came when I thought I could figure this out on my own.  I had decided to be a, business coach, but I didn’t know how to coach myself.

Myrna – The problem with that scenario is a lot of times most,  entrepreneurs, do it all in the beginning, because they don’t have the money to hire a, business coach.

Sigrun – How we get past that financial situation in the beginning is  there are lots of programs that cost nothing and still give you enough steps to move forward. As you grow your own funds, you can invest in more expensive programs.

My lowest price, coaching program, is $3000 and I know that it’s possibly out of reach for some people, but at the same time I offer a lot of free content.

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Look for Free Programs to Help you With Your Online Business

I have a podcast where I offer, business coaching. I also have free trainings every three months or so that people can join. So you can get to a certain point with free stuff.

After nine months of thinking I could do it on my own in 2014, I pulled out my credit card and invested $5000 in a, business coach.

It was like what I call a rocket up my butt.

My, online business, took off. After nine months of what I call throwing spaghetti at the wall, the puzzle started to work out for me.

I made lot of mistakes in my first year and then with, business coaching, I started to understand how to build an, online coaching business, a scalable business, and a sustainable business.

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How to create a scalable online business

I went into business with the aim of making it, scalable, sustainable and profitable. I had run multiple businesses before and one thing that I didn’t like was when revenue was tied to the number of employees.

That’s the beauty of an, online business, of offering courses and, scalable, programs, memberships and masterminds, that is not so people dependent.

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How to Scale your online Coaching Business

It was about mid-second year that I started my first, group coaching, program and immediately sold out. I had two groups of six people. I started with six people, because I saw some other coaches do it.

Then I tried eight people and then ten people and twelve people and it took me a year to finally then offer a group of 18 people. My first 18 people group stayed with me for two more rounds.  Every, group coaching, program ran about 10 to 12 months.

Then I started to ask myself if 18 people was the limit?  I can run maybe five groups at the same time, but that is a limit again. How can I scale from there?

So in 2018, after doing 18 people, coaching groups, for a while and getting to the limit of how many groups I can run, I decided I was going to have a more, scalable, program. I get other coaches to come in with me and coach separate groups. This was a huge step for me.

Myrna – Tony Robbins is making millions doing that. He trains coaches to do his, coaching program.

Sigrun – Absolutely, now I have six coaches plus myself in this, coaching program, with 500 members, so totally doable to scale to that size.

 

How to start on online business

I can literally take an absolute beginner on a 10-week journey and they will:

  • Build an email list.
  • They will create their first or next, online course, that is four weeks.
  • They will sell another, coaching program, that they also come up with in the program.

 

So, after 10 weeks they have an email list with excited buyers, they have created an, online course, that is four weeks and they start the process of creating a second program that is longer than four weeks.

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The seven stages of a profitable online business

  • Stage one: one-on-one coaching. I do believe people benefit from doing,  one-on-one coaching, you start the seven stages with stage zero which is sometimes confusing. Stage zero you’re not making any money, that’s the research stage. That’s where you can for instance, create a course that is for free.
  • Stage two- Offer your first online course for free. A free four-week, online course, so you create something with your clients and then you know that people will like it, and then you can more easily sell it. So, in the research stage, you’re not earning money, but you are talking to your ideal client, you’re figuring out what you like, what they like.
  • Stage three – you start with, group programs. In stage three you have your four-week, online course. I highly suggest that people have a four-week, online course, as the first, online course, they create. You circle to the free 4-week, online course, you gave away for free in stage one. Now you can add testimonials and charge.
  • Stage four – once you have created a small, online course, this gives you the confidence to create your signature, online course. A signature, online course, is typically 8, 10 or 12 weeks. This is where you can start to really scale your, online business. The year I created my signature, online course, was the year that my revenues increased from $340,000 to $1,000,000.
  • Stage five – You want to finish your ascension model. Your  ascension model is literally the journey you want to take your client on. It’s 27 times more expensive to always get new clients, so you need to create a pathway for your clients to move up when they finish one, online course.
  • Stage six – Then there’s another problem I needed to tackle. Now I’ve created my, online course, how do I sell it? How do I launch my, online business?
  • Stage seven – Then I have a final program at the top where I take clients to a million dollars in revenue. I only work with 10 or 12 women at this level.

Your Ascension Model

  • I have an, online course, called Momentum. This is where they stay with me for 12 months.  They learn how to launch their, online business, again and again.
  • Learn how to get new clients.
  • Learn how to do Facebook ads.
  • Hopefully reached $200,000 in revenue

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It is important to know the numbers. If you have 100 people interested in your, online business, typically only three will buy.

In an, online business, we don’t talk to everyone, we do a webinar or we do a podcast.  We do different things, this is the marketing attraction model.

If you can envision a pyramid. At the bottom is the entry level program. In my case it’s a $3000 program, but for a lot of businesses this could be something like a four week, online course, for $197 or $297.

That’s the first taste of working with you and if people like it, they’ll move to the next stage. In my case I have kickstart, online course. Then they just keep moving up the pyramid.

Conclusion Online Coaching Business

Tell us about your, self-made conference, coming up for a thousand, female entrepreneurs.

The, self-made summit, was supposed to happen in 2020 we all know what happened, now it’s been moved to 2022. It is for, female entrepreneurs, so all the speakers are seven figure women who have built an, online business, in different industries.

 

These women built million dollar businesses and now they want to share their journey and their steps for others who want to follow or just be inspired to take action.

I’m all about action and implementation, so it will not just be inspiration, people will walk away with real action steps that they can take in their, online business.

I have one young speaker, Haley Thomas, she has worked with Michelle Obama.  She is a super inspiring young black woman who has built a non-profit helping children eat healthier.

How they our readers connect with you and buy tickets to the, self-made summit?

sigrum.com is where people can find everything about me and the conference of course and it’s sigrum.com/selfmade summit

 

I want to thank you guys all for tuning in to the Transform your mind radio podcast and TV show. Hopefully your mind was transformed

today on possibility of a successful, online business.

I want to invite you guys to join my Facebook group called Life coach where you’ll be inspired daily by dozens of coaches that we have on the platform including myself so thanks again.  Please subscribe to the podcast and leave us a review.

Additional Resources

https://media.preachthewordtv.com/show?vg=5764c74784&vt=1&ci=297

15 Benefits of Hiring an Executive Coach

 

The Best Marriage Advice for Wives to Fix a Broken Marriage

The Best Marriage Advice For Broken Marriage

Can you fix a broken marriage? Laura Doyle best selling author of the Surrendered Wife and the Empowered Wife gives us , marriage advice, on how to get your, husband’s, attention and affection.

My guest today is New York Times best-selling author Laura Doyle.  Laura is the author of “The Empowered Wife: Six Surprising Secrets For Attracting Your Husband’s Time Attention and Affection” she’s also a relationship coach and a podcaster.

If you’re in any kind of situation right now where you’re needing some tips to get through a, bad marriage, and need some, marriage advice, This is the episode for you.  Be sure to download and listen to the full audio interview, because I’m understanding the pandemic has put a lot of strain on some, marriages.  We’re going to be giving you, marriage advice, to get you over the hump.

Download full Interview Here:

Secrets For Attracting Your Husband’s Attention Introduction

You know, marriages, are always an, ebb and flow, so if you’re in the ebb right now, we want to offer, marriage advice, help you out.

New York Times Bestselling Author Laura Doyle was the perfect wife…until she got married. When she told her husband how to be tidier, more romantic, and more ambitious, he avoided her. So, she dragged him to, marriage counseling, and nearly divorced him.

Laura’s mission today is to offer, marriage advice, to end world, divorce. She is the founder of the international relationship coach training school Laura Doyle Connect, the star of Empowered Wives on Amazon Prime, the Creator of The Ridiculously Happy Wife program, the host of The Empowered Wife Podcast and she has appeared on The Today Show, Good Morning America and The View.

She has given, marriage advice, to over 15,000 women fix their, relationships–even the hopeless ones– without their husband’s effort. But the thing that Laura is most proud of is her gratifying 31-year marriage with her hilarious husband John, who she says has been dressing himself since before she was born.

The Empowered Wife

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Transform Your Mind Pocket Casts
Transform Your Mind Pocket Casts

Can a wife fix her broken marriage?

Myrna – Let’s dive right in.  One of the first questions about, marriage advice,  I want to ask you is. How can a, wife, single-handedly bring a boring or broken, marriage, back to life?

Laura – There was a time when I would have been like Hell no, she can’t, because I had been trying myself for years with no success. I read all the books, got tons of, marriage advice, and I did what they said.  I dragged my, husband, to, marriage counseling, because I thought well then the, marriage counselor, can fix him and then I will finally be happy!

I told myself, I think that is how it works.  I am pretty sure how it works! Of course it didn’t work at all.  My, husband, and I were having wall-to-wall hostility and cold wars at my house, which is where there’s no talking for days and it’s just uncomfortable and tense.

You’re kind of avoiding each other and it was very painful and lonely. I wanted to have a great relationship with my, husband, so bad, but it just eluded me. I had thought that he was a great guy when I married him, but this is seven, eight, nine years in and I thought I married the wrong guy.  In fact, we went to, marriage counseling, for like over a year and spent nine thousand dollars and nothing changed. I remember I was sitting on the, marriage counselors, gray couch when I realized my, marriage, was not gonna work.  I’m gonna have to get divorced.  My, husband, is never going to change. I’m either going to spend the rest of my life in a, loveless marriage, or else I’m going to have to just move on.

What Marriage advice would you give: Should a wife stay or go?

I decided I would get a, divorce, but, there was just one problem, I was too embarrassed to get a, divorce, because all my relatives and friends had been to the wedding and I didn’t want them to know that we were struggling.  We would show up at parties after we’d had a big blow up in the car and put on the fake face.

So, I started doing research. I’d been a journalism major in school so, I thought I’m going to get, marriage advice, from other, wives, who have a, happy marriage, for at least at least 15 years; because that seemed like a really long time to be married to me at the time!

I’m going to ask them for, marriage advice, and what their secrets are and then whatever they say, I’m going to do. I’ll just experiment with it and if it works great,  I’ll keep it and if it doesn’t work,  I’m going to throw it out.

These married women gave me, marriage advice,  I didn’t even understand.  It didn’t make sense to me.  I thought they were going to say “You have to pick the right man” but they didn’t. They said things like:

  • I try never to criticize my husband no matter how much it seems like he deserves it.
  • I was like, you got anything else?

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict
Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict

Marriage Advise #1 to have a happy marriage

I was desperate enough to start doing some of the things these, wives, suggested. I remember it was not that long afterwards that I came through the front door from work or somewhere and when my, husband, saw me, face lit up. He was happy to see me!

I thought to myself, something’s working, this is working!  I got really excited, I got very hopeful. But then not that long afterwards, we were driving down the street in the car and we had another blow up. I was so discouraged, I was hoping this wasn’t going to happen anymore, because now I knew what to do. It wasn’t that hard, it was just new.

Over time I got the, marriage, I always dreamed.  My, husband, went back to making bedroom eyes at me again.  He would just grab me at the waist, I’d be passing him in the hall, and he would just pull me in for a kiss! We were laughing together again and now 31 years later, I still get to enjoy my, husband.

Marriage Advice # 2 Make your Husband feel like a man

Myrna – It does feel like a miracle. It turns this is, how to fix a, broken marriage, by changing our behavior towards our, husbands. The first secret is to not criticize our, husband; instead, make your, husband, feel like a man.

Laura – I would say the first secret and , marriage advice, was shocking for me, and I really had a very hard time getting to this, because I think as a woman, I felt like I was doing all the work. I was paying all the bills and doing more housework and I was making more money.  We think, why should I do any more work?  I’m already doing all the work in this relationship.

A big secret in that most people don’t know it is that women are actually the keepers of the relationship.

I mistakenly thought that being angry was gonna make my, husband, see how he should shape up. I thought if I give him the silent treatment or yell at him or even if I’d sit down and nicely tell him all the things he was doing wrong, he will change!  It doesn’t work.

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Marriage Advice # 3 Express your desires

Now I’ve learned this little secret which is that if I just express my desires in a way that inspires, I get a completely different response. Eg. I would say “John I would love a clean kitchen right”  and the kitchen would be in the same shape that it always was when I would be complaining about it, but this time he would say, “okay I’ll clean it!

Myrna – That’s interesting that you didn’t ask a direct question. I heard that women always think that men are mind readers, and they don’t state their desires clearly, they always expect the men to read their minds.  Instead of saying this kitchen is a mess, instead ask for help, John can you help me clean the kitchen.

Laura – If you say “John can you help me with the kitchen” maybe that wouldn’t work either, because then it’s like a direct order and, husbands, don’t like orders from their, wives.

Myrna – You are correct. Yet, they say we are the  difficult ones!

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Marriage Advice #4 Don’t be the boss of your husband

Laura – It’s funny that you say that, because I think that’s a very common, marriage advice, that you hear. Ask for what you want, but you can come off like his boss or his mother.

Husbands, are not sexually attracted to their mothers.

 

Their mother probably used to say “take out the trash” or “put your dish in the sink.”

What are some of the intimacy skills you teach in your book?

Myrna – you also talk about six, intimacy skills. What are they?

Laura – The first, marriage advice, to get to, intimacy, is to bring down the boss-like attitude into softness. One of the best, intimacy skills,

that I was pretty excited to learn about was and this is the best, aphrodisiac, on the planet for men and it’s free and it works fast!  I got this from the other, wives, who were, happily married.

 

The best, aphrodisiac, on the planet for men is respect.  It is like oxygen for men.

 

I think when people hear, surrendered wife, they think subservient or obedient or whatever, that’s not me. I’m a feminist, I’m well educated, I don’t do obedient. My opinion counts, but I started to get a superiority complex. I would see my, husband, make a mistake and I’d be like I’m probably better at this. I better show him how to do things.

 

  • I better help him be more ambitious.
  • I better help him be more romantic.
  • I better help him learn how to load the dishwasher the right way.

Marriage advice # 5 do not disrespect your husband

Like these things are so important! I did not know I was so disrespectful.  I was helpful in, wife, language, but disrespectful in, husband, language.  So, one of the chief phrases that I use now is

“I apologize for being disrespectful when I criticized you just now.” and I stop.

 

That’s a key part of that cheat phrase, you have to just stop because otherwise if you just go explaining it kills it.

I don’t really want to be disrespectful.  I don’t want to be that nagging, controlling, shrewish wife who thinks she knows more than her, husband, or that she is better than her, husband. That, wife, is lonely.

Conclusion Empowered Wife

Myrna – Let’s talk about your book The Empowered Wife and where can we get it.

Laura – As I mentioned there’s six, intimacy skills, we only talked about 3 of them today. The book lists them all and it’s just so nice to have all the training right there laid out in front of you.  Which is all laid out in the Empowered Wife, but I have something really fun going on right now too that you can download for free on my website at www.lauradoyle.org.

It’s called the, Adored Wife, Road Map. This lays out the steps to becoming an, Adored Wife, which let’s face it, don’t we all want to feel like, Adored Wives? I also talk about the three mistakes that almost every, wife, seems to be making when they’re trying to get their, husband’s, attention or his affection.  You’re trying to make things more passionate; you just want him to spend some time with you, these mistakes will backfire on you.  In the map I talk about what to do instead.  So you can download that at www.lauradoyle.org.

Additional Resources

Does Love have a Color: The Interracial Marriage Experience

How to Heal the Mother Wound From Your Childhood

Mother wound healing

We all know that children from zero to seven are all like little sponges, downloading everything. This is when the, mother wound, gets started. Mothers, are nurturers if the child is not getting nurtured, they fail to thrive.

I want to say that I personally have not had a, mother wound.  My, mother, and I are pretty close. I’m the eldest of four children and my, mother, she’s actually my best friend. But I understand the pain from the, mother wound. I adopted three children from the, foster care, system who were heavily wounded by their, mothers.  They all had, abandonment, issues so,  I experienced firsthand how the, mother wound, affected every aspect of their lives.

The girls became promiscuous with men and boys, wanted friends and have people like them. Also because of the, mother wound, they were not being able to bond with me or my husband, because another bi-product of the, mother wound, is, attachment disorder, so the adoption was not successful in integrating our families.

My guest today is Keri Hummingbird, author of “Love is Fierce: Healing the Mother Wound. If you or anyone you know need healing from, mother wounds, this is the episode for you.

Listen to the full interview here:

 

Introduction

Keri Hummingbird Sami is a soul guide, shamanic healer, award winning author and inspirational speaker. Kerri has over 20 years of experience in helping women rewrite the story of their lives through inner transformation, connection to essence, remembrance of purpose and realignment to authenticity and truth.

Myrna – Kerri what was your relationship with your mother like? Were you wounded by your, mother?

Kerri – Myrna even though your personal experience with your, mother, from your vantage point is very healed, which is a beautiful gift, there is like an ocean of not healed women on the planet. Having a, mother, as a life preserver who knows how to love is so beautiful and really pivotal because everything that happens in our early life, starting from the moment of conception is being recorded.

Starting from the moment of conception in the mother’s womb, babies are being formed in the, consciousness, of the, mother, it can’t be any other way. You’re inside the, mother, you’re being formed by the, mother’s, beliefs about herself, beliefs about the world, ancestral traumas that are unhealed; all of it goes inside of our ancestral DNA in our very human bodies.

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Your Communication with your mother starts in the womb

Just imagine that the voice that you speak to yourself with it starts forming when you’re being formed inside your, mother’s womb, so however your, mother, speaks to herself is how you start to learn to speak to yourself. If the, mother, is not confident or if she’s had sexual traumas or if she does not believe in herself that’s going to influence your development. If the, mother, believes in herself, if she’s strong, if she’s vibrant then you’re getting that. You’re getting that training inside as you’re growing inside her body.

They’ve proven now that babies are able to perceive outside the womb, they’re able to perceive not only what’s going on inside the, mother, but also the outside environment. Babies can perceive things, they can hear voices, a vibration happens they can feel things, they sense things.

So, the beginning of education in earth school starts from the moment of conception. We all know that children from zero to seven are all like little sponges, downloading everything. This is when the, mother wound, gets started. Mothers, are nurturers if the child is not getting nurtured, they fail to thrive.

 

If a child is not being nurtured by the mother they develop a mother wound

If you experience a big loss like an, abandonment, early in that zero to seven age range, that’s hugely impacting. Anywhere along your development from zero to twenty-one, anything that happens is going to be huge for you, because all of your various bodies are getting developed.

Your physical body is getting developed first, then your emotional body is getting developed then your mental body is getting developed, then your spiritual body gets developed until age 28, so all of these bodies are being formed. Everything that happens in your life experience is like creating the context of your life, the inner context.

Myrna – In this moment anyone who is a, mother, should take that role seriously. It’s a big responsibility. Before I got into this consciousness space and this self-improvement space I would hear them talk about the men or women who are in prison and blame their parents. It all starts with their, mother wound.

I always thought it was a big old blame game, but now I know it’s true the, mother wound, develops into so many unfortunate situations.

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Transform your Mind Podcast Index
Transform your Mind Podcast Index

Your Mother Wound affects your children

Kerri – I want to reassure every, mother, because when I started learning about the, mother wound, I started going to self-judgment. I look at oldest child especially how his life rolled out. He’s really struggling with this and that and I was struggling with the same things while he was in me. I had a lot of, mental health, challenges that I’d been working on when I was pregnant with him at 30.

I had already been working on it for 15 years from the time I was 15 years old because I had early, childhood trauma, so I was trying to heal and I thought I had it all together and then he came into my womb.

This happens to a lot of, mothers, because you get pregnant and then your whole physiology changes. Any traumas from your childhood comes right up to the surface. You start having, postpartum depression, or other things and you’re like why is this happening. I was really excited to have this baby. Why am I going through, postpartum depression?

Having a baby, it’s like the big purge. One of the reasons for, postpartum depression, is not dealing with stuff from your past or not dealing with your, mother wounds. Psychology makes an effort in helping, mothers, to cope with this kind of thing. I even invested in psychotherapy.
I would sit there every week and like try to work on myself.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

How the mother wound affects your romantic relationships

Myrna – If you’re abandoned by your mom or hurt by your mom, the, mother wound, it’s very hard for you to love yourself, then you can’t really be in romantic relationships.

You have to remove the subconscious programming that says you are not good enough and learn to love yourself.  If you can’t release the, mother wound, and love yourself, you will continue to struggle in romantic relationships. You must gain control of your life as it deals with this issue of the, mother wound?

Kerri – I think that subconscious holds the keys to all of it because if you think about this concept of the iceberg submerged in the ocean. The part you see above the water is the conscious mind, but there’s so much more underneath the surface.

There’s so much to explore about your own consciousness to understand yourself better, so that you can show up even better.

You didn’t choose to be molested , you didn’t choose to be abandoned, you didn’t choose to be hurt by your, mother, and have a, mother wound.

According to according to Dr Wayne Dyer‘s teaching he says we chose our parents, because we needed that experience in order to do what we have to do in this earth.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Psychotherapy can help to heal the mother wound

My journey in psychotherapy helped my understanding of why I had a, mother wound. The home I grew up in from the time I was five years old, was very solid. My mom and my dad worked as a team. I didn’t always like the things that they told me I had to do, but they were caring, they were loving and attentive.

We had three-way hugs in a supportive family environment. We went sailing on the weekends, we had a nice life. So I was like, why am I so screwed up? I had this feeling that something got broken inside of me from my early childhood, because I knew that there was trauma from zero to five years old.

It was a big trauma. My mom married a man who was probably not suited to be a dad. He had his own trauma story from his own childhood of being abused by his mother and left outside of hotel rooms while she slept with men and things like that. He was abandoned in hotels for days, so we had all these traumas he was working through.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict
Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict

Unresolved Wounds from your childhood affects your ability to parent

My, mother, started noticing that there was a really good possibility that he was going to molest me. I want to give my mom huge props, because many, mothers, stay in a situation like that afraid to leave, but my, mother, was a warrior of love. So left and found the next best pathway and that was my first step father.

My first stepfather was a violent drunk, so it was very traumatic. So by the time I was five after four years with this violent step father, we moved and just by chance met my second stepfather who I call my dad. He is the man my, mother, has been with for 45 years until he passed away three years ago.

Transform Your Mind Pocket Casts
Transform Your Mind Pocket Casts

Spirituality is the path to healing the mother wound

I started my spiritual path and for me that was the opening because it taped into beyond the mind, it taped into the body where a lot of trauma is stored. Many people know trauma is stored in the body and it taps into the emotional body. When you’re a child and you’re seeing these scary things happening, you don’t have words to talk. You don’t have language.

As an adult, you have to go deeper into the body, the somatic experience. You have to go into inner child healing, and make friends with all these aspects of you and become their parents. It’s really about re-mothering yourself and the re-mothering process takes some time because
of those early conditionings.

You have to stay in the conversation of love and kindness and gentleness long enough for it to start to sink in, and for these aspects to heal. Along that journey all kinds of modalities might happen for you. I found mine in a shaman. Somebody told me they got healed by a shaman and I was like sign me up.

Podcast Land 

 

How can men heal the mother wound?

What are men’s role in healing the, mother wound? A lot of times men add it to the damage that the, mother, started and then the men compound the, mother wound.

Kerri – Men can help by healing the mother wounds inside of them, because all men were boys and they came out of a, mother, so that’s why the solution is the, mother, because we all live in a, mother, to begin life. So, in order to heal we all have to walk back to the, mother.

Your relationship with your, mother, and the programming of love that you received from your, mother, is also your trust in your connection with the divine and earth. It’s a multi-dimensional conversation, because whatever lack of trust you have with your biological mother, that same lack of trust can show up in your connection with the divine, in your connection with the planet.

If you’re disregarding your body, you’re probably also disregarding your impact on the earth.

Luminary 

Why did you write the book “Love is Fierce: healing the mother wound”?

Kerri – My book uses my personal experience to illustrate various points that are very common across humanity so, there’s a lot of themes in the book that talk about why it is that we are in the situation we’re in right now. Why we have so much war and conflict, misunderstanding and divides between people. This is because of the breakdown of the matriarchy. The breakdown of the feminine and how a lot of the patterns we see are derived directly from breakdown of that primary relationship with the, mother.

I had to go through the deep inner work to write the book and to reveal the patterns, but honestly I’ve been working on this project my entire life.

Myrna – I understand, you had 20 years in psychotherapy. This project allowed you to heal your, mother wound, and also heal the, mother wounds, of your children.

Myrna – Where can our listeners connect with you get a copy of your book? How can they connect with you on social media and your website?

Kerri- They can connect with me on my website www.kerrihummingbird.com
On the website there is a link to sign up for 17 days of interviews on the return of mother wisdom, which I find to be really inspiring. I interviewed all these women and they have these beautiful things to say about where we’re going with humanity on the earth.

You can purchase the book on amazon and then you can take your confirmation number over to www.motherwoundbook.com  (receive 17 days of interviews for the Return of Mother Wisdom Series)

I also have a podcast called the Soul Nectar Show, I hope you’re going to come and be a guest on the show.

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Additional Resources

Reflection 4 Rejection: Surviving My Mothers Abandonment and Abuse

How to use Food for Beauty and Your Natural Facelift

How to get a natural facelift with food

Food, plays a major role in, beauty,  not only because it helps us reduce, stress, but it feeds us vitamins and minerals that can stimulate our, collagen. My whole approach to, skin care, is how do we purge the mind, the body and the skin from, stress and have a natural, facelift?

Gregory Landsman is one of the most noted global, beauty, and wellness experts in the world. He is the best-selling author of nine books, and a TV host who specializes in using food as a natural, facelift. Often referred to as ‘The Beauty Advisor’, Gregory’s books and global TV program “Face Lifting Food” show viewers how to create quick skin-boosting meals and powerful skin treatments using everyday foods to achieve younger, healthier looking skin at any age. Having worked in the, beauty, industry for 30+ years Gregory believes that looking youthful goes well beyond waging war on wrinkles: and that how we age is 100% controllable. His natural, face lifting, methods are used globally by models, shown in universities, and recommended by doctors. Gregory is a strong voice for inclusion. From Apartheid South Africa to working at the height of the fashion industry, and his fundamental discovery that regardless of what we do, how we look cannot be separated from how we feel.

Listen to the full interview here: 

 

Introduction to Becoming a Beauty Expert

Myrna – Tell us your journey to becoming a, beauty, and wellness expert as well as authoring nine books.

Gregory – I think our life journey takes us where we need to go regardless of where we start. My journey to understanding the concept of, beauty, started from a young age. I was born in South Africa at the height of the apartheid system. Many people say that the country you are born in shapes the quality of the human being and your character.

In my case I have strong views on skin, because from an early age I knew that the color of my skin, the texture of my hair and the width of my nose would determine my level of freedom. My quality of life and before I even got to school, I could read park bench signs – whites only or the public toilets or having to listen to my mum saying could you please hold going to the bathroom until we got home because you can’t use that toilet.

We’ve got to stop with the judgments, we’ve got to stop with the labels. I was a child that was beaten and spat on daily by the time I got to school for my differences. I had lost all belief in who I was as a child, but I was able to put myself back together. We shifted to Australia and my mum became a model and I followed in her footsteps and that’s how I entered into the, beauty, Industry.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict
Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict

Beauty comes from the inside

Myrna – Your story is really interesting. When you were growing up you probably had a negative opinion of yourself and then you became a model and a, beauty expert. Did that shift the way you viewed yourself?

Gregory – I still walked around with insecurities and fears  and I still felt like that broken kid. That’s why I firmly believe that what is on the inside shows up on the outside. My grandma said something that goes to the heart of, beauty.

She said you know boy, God gives us all five minutes of grace and we can wow people with our fancy smiles and our cute little nose; but after your five minutes, the truth of who you are emerges and nothing can hide that.

 

The definition of Beauty

I utilize the acronym of, beauty:

B – is for balance. It is the balance of inner virtues that radiates outwardly. It’s what ultimately shapes our, beauty, and our lives.

E – the ease for enthusiasm, to show enthusiasm for who we are and all aspects of who we are.

A – is for acceptance, accepting ourselves as a whole without isolating or fragmenting, beauty, to certain physical characteristics.

U – is for understanding that when we are born, we are born whole and beautiful and along the way we have been educated to doubt what we were given. If we have the ability to create insecurity, we have the ability to eliminate it.

T – is for trust, learning to trust in who we are and what we represent in this world, and the wisdom that you possess.

Y- You possess, beauty, if you can see it in a much more expansive way, other than just physical, beauty. It is not about masculinity, it’s not about femininity, it’s about humanity and celebrating the divine differences we all bring to this world.

That is the foundation that my work is based on, because I believe that is where it starts. It starts on the inside and then we can take care of the skin that houses the spirit, we take care of our, beauty.

It is not a line that ages a woman, it is her energy. Her energy gives her a natural, facelift.

Beauty and Aging

When a woman begins to lose her self-belief and her strong sense of what she represents in this world, she begins to age. I know women who are 85 years old, I call them ageless, because it’s not about their age, it’s about their energy and they’re beautiful.

How to Get a Natural Facelift
The Beauty of a Natural Facelift

Gregory – Myrna you’re ageless, you’ve got vitality and beauty, it’s your beautiful energy. It is infectious and give you a natural, facelift.

Myrna – Thank you, I do have a lot of good energy and I feel good about myself and I laugh a lot. I am thinking this is because I have good genes and because I followed a, skin care, regiment since the age of 18 years old. When I was 18 years old, I became a model and learnt, skin care. I have kept that, skin care routine, of cleanse, tone and moisturize for over 3 decades. I have also done facials over the years to give my face a, facelift.

Gregory – When we’re speaking about cleanse, tone and moisturize, that is all the stuff of forgive, learn, laugh that’s how we’re constantly cleansing internally and that is a natural, facelift. We are letting stuff go and the more we let go, the younger we look.

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Transform Your Mind Pocket Casts
Transform Your Mind Pocket Casts

Aging of the Skin is a natural process

I never look at, skin, in isolation or a wrinkle, it’s much more on a holistic level. Aging is a natural process of life, and it is something that I welcome; but, premature skin aging, we can seriously do something about that.

The skin, it never lies.

  • It will tell you the food you’re eating or not eating,
  • You skin will tell you your breathing patterns,
  • Highlights the lack of water, or lack of sleep.
  • All of these things play a major role in our skin and, beauty.

Food, plays a major role in, healthy skin,  not only because it helps us reduce, stress, but it feeds us vitamins and minerals that can stimulate our, collagen and give us a, facelift. My whole my whole approach to, skin care, is how do we purge the mind, the body and the skin from, stress?

We do that with, food, we purge with good breathing, we do it with, face exercises, and a little, face massage. We have to purge the body from, stress, because, stress, is what ages the skin. When we are stressed, we make less, collagen, and as we age it also decreases. Constant, stress, accelerates this whole process.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Aging Skin and Stress

If the, stress hormone, cortisol, is raging, you are aging prematurely. We want to get, cortisol, under control and we can do it with, food, and breath. Cortisol, is responsible when if you can’t sleep, that means you have too much of it in your body.

Stress, and, cortisol, impacts the production of our, collagen, and it creates chaos with our skin. It also creates chaos in our lives, when we don’t feel good, we don’t look good either.

Myrna – You mentioned that, sleep, is really important when it comes to your, skin care routine, people often refer to it as, beauty sleep.

What people don’t know is that when we, sleep, we activate the, human growth hormone, which strengthens the skin. It creates a thicker skin. It’s also in the state of, rest and digest, where we repair our skin and more, collagen, is produced.

The greatest, anti-aging, secrets can be found in our everyday, foods. With the right, foods, wrinkles begin to fade and skin regains elasticity, that’s the power of, food to give us a natural, facelift.

Can we get collagen from beauty creams?

When you buy facial products or creams with, collagen, it is a waste of money. Collagen, is the protein in connective tissue that keeps the, skin, elastic. That molecule can’t push through the, skin, when applied with creams. The best way to stimulate, collagen, is through, food, and, sleep.

The fibers in our, collagen, become weak through the free radicals. The best way to strengthen is to eat, foods, and topically apply skin regenerating vitamins and minerals that naturally stimulate and protect our, collagen.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Collagen stimulating foods:

• Vitamin C – Vitamin C is key to, collagen, production and since it can’t be stored in the body, it’s really important to top it up all the time. So we have to eat, face-lifting foods, like –

  • sweet red peppers,
  • brussels sprouts,
  • broccoli and
  • tomato.

If you love tomato, while it’s fantastic uncooked, when you cook it with a little bit of olive oil, you access lycopene, a powerful antioxidant.

A  fresh tomato is something you can put in a little strainer and you take the juice of it and apply that on your skin. It’s a wonderful tonic for the skin and a natural, facelift.

• Vitamin E – that’s a powerful antioxidant that protects and reduces damage caused to, skin cells; but it’s also anti-inflammatory and that keeps the, skin, smooth, and it reduces wrinkles.
• You can find antioxidant with spinach, almonds, sunflower oil and mangoes. It’s not one specific, face lifting food, it is a variety.

• Vitamin B – is incredible for, skin, and you can get a complex variety from beets, eggs, turkey, whole wheat breads. If you are a lover of spinach and kale, pour a little bit of olive oil over the greens. It helps the body absorb the nutrients effectively.

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

Face lifting Foods

If you eat garlic and onion, they contain sulfur, a wonderful, beauty, mineral, but with garlic, one thing you’ve got to remember is while it’s got incredible health benefits you must crush it and then leave it for at least five minutes. It activates and releases the enzyme allicin, an organic compound and a really powerful antioxidant and, facelift.

Glutathione, is often referred to as the mother of all antioxidants, you find it in the tip of asparagus, and avocados. It’s a wonderful way to support your, glutathione, levels.

If you’ve heard of, hyaluronic acid, people have it injected in their faces. These are injectables, but if you look, hyaluronic acid, is present when a baby’s born. Babies they always say as smooth as a baby’s bottom. Babies are pumped full of, hyaluronic acid, but as we age we lose it, but something as simple as consuming Vitamin B in our diet activates and helps increase our, hyaluronic acid, levels for a natural, facelift.

Include omega-3 fatty acids in your diet, it is a wonderful moisturizer, you access omega-3 fatty acids through fish, and it moisturizes the skin from the inside out giving you a, facelift.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Supplements help to get nutrients into your Skin

You use, supplements, if you’re not getting these nutrients in natural, food.

Water we all have access to it and our body it’s 70 to 80% of our brain tissue is water, so if you’re dehydrated your body and your mind are stressed. If you’re feeling thirsty, you’re already a little bit dehydrated.

I can change someone’s, skin, the quality and texture of with water and showing them how to breathe correctly.

Myrna – We can’t have this conversation without talking about what Hollywood and most people are doing with the cosmetic, plastic surgery. Plumping up the, skin, with Botox.

Using Natural Food as a facelift instead of Plastic Surgery

I think our world as it stands today, there’s some things going wrong especially in the, beauty, world. The, beauty, industry, anti-aging, it’s a multi-billion dollar industry that often drives fear and, stress, around the aging process.

There’s a fine line between self-improvement and self-destruction and with many of the procedures that I see, I believe that we’ve crossed the line to self-destruction. I can’t see the, beauty, in a face that doesn’t move or paralyzing a muscle.

You wrote the books “Face Value” “Face Fitness” and “Face Food” tells us about your books.

Face Value, is a incredible book that shows you really how to utilize all the ingredients in your kitchen to take years off your face naturally and for a natural, facelift. It will show you things like how to use the avocado, what grape seed oil can to support stronger skin. This
is based on rock solid science, everything that I do is based on science.

That’s why I work in the wellness centers with people undergoing chemotherapy. I show them how to change their, skin, because chemotherapy does horrible stuff to, skin.

Book: Face food
Book: Face food

I wrote “Face Food” and Face Food shows you how to stimulate the, collagen, from the inside with foods that you’re eating and where to find all of these, anti-aging, ingredients.

Face massages and Face Fitness

We haven’t touched on, face fitness, is how do you keep the muscles on the face strong because it’s not a line that ages a face, but a sagging muscle. We’ve got over 50 of these muscles on the face, we only use not even half of them, so when we know these are the muscles need to be strengthened.

We give ourselves a, natural facelift. When I get a, facial they always end it with a, face massage.
I also do a, face massage, every night when I apply my night cream.

Additional Resources

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1761155

 

Change Your Skincare Routine: Change Your Life

How to Find Beauty in Your Now!

Learn How to Get Back to Basics With These 7 Core Values

Personal Core values

In order to transform your life, you must first transform your, mindset, by getting, back to basics. The principle here is that there’s a, mindset connection, that we need to make for these seven elements to become our, core values.

The reason that people are not activating the, basics,  in their life is because there isn’t a personal, connection. The, mindset, happens before any strategy or tactic can form our, core values.

My guest today is  T.J Loeffler is a transformational coach and author.

Listen to the full interview here: 

 

T.J realized the right path is actually a change in, mindset, so he wrote the book “Back To Basics: How To Get More Out Of Your Life by Doing Less Than You Think” T.J’s seminar called “Welcome to Yourself” was inspiration from God about establishing our, core values.

 

Our identity “who am I” as the first step in “Welcome to Yourself. Our identity does shape our decisions which then shapes our legacy,  our day-to-day priorities and our, core values.

 

Your past equals your present, if you keep stumbling and hitting your foot on the same thing, until you clarify it and see it, you’re going to continue doing that.

Transform your Mind Podcast Index
Transform your Mind Podcast Index

How do we go from “Welcome To Yourself” to “back to basics”?

T.J – Success is really about progress not perfection. Getting, back to basics, started because I was burned out. I was exhausted, and I needed to heal. I realized that until I went through the process of actually healing, changing and growing myself, there would be no way I’d be able help somebody else. I needed to reflect on my, core values.

Transform Your Mind PTWWN TV
Transform Your Mind PTWWN TV

That’s how, back to basics, came about, it’s like put on your mask first.  You’ve got to heal yourself. You’ve got to be able to become whole again by focusing on your, core values.

The seven Core Value System

I teach about the seven, core values, elements or the, core pillar, system.

These are the key elements in the, back-to-basics,  model.

 

  • Diet
  • Sleep
  • Movement
  • Active rest
  • Reflection
  • Connection
  • Fun

How do we define FUN

Fun, is an interesting one, somebody who’s reading this might say okay that sounds kind of cheesy; but let me tell you exactly what I mean. People who grew up in homes where there was extreme anxiety or anxiousness, guess what goes first, fun.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

So, people who don’t know how to return to joy in their life, might have grown up in an environment that was not necessarily healthy, and they learned how to cope with that by doing things that are no longer working for them, like over working.  So when you use that, fun, tool of, back to basics, it puts the, fun, back into your life.

Connection and Back to Basics

The principle here is that there’s a, mindset connection, that we need to make to these seven elements our, core values.

The reason that people are not activating the, basics,  and, core values, in their life is because there isn’t a personal, connection. The, mindset, happens before any strategy or tactic.

So, when you’re asking how do people get, back to basics?  The first thing you need to do is to recognize the need to prioritize your, core values.

I would prioritize my day, when I didn’t know what I was doing.  I was trying to figure out how do you grow a business; how to get more clients? I prioritized learning how to eat right, and eat on time and have enough energy in my own life.

Transform Your Mind Pocket Casts
Transform Your Mind Pocket Casts

A Healthy Diet is a Core Value

Diet – If you don’t eat right, you have no energy.

When it comes to vitamins and minerals, you’re probably looking for the bottom line: How much do you need, and what foods have them? The list below will help you out. It covers all the vitamins and minerals you should get, preferably from food. Calcium Foods that have it: Milk, fortified nondairy alternatives like soy milk, yogurt, hard cheeses, fortified cereals, unfortified almond milk, kaleHow much you need:

  • Adults ages 19-50: 1,000 milligrams per day
  • Women age 51 and older: 1,200 milligrams per day
  • Men age 51 – 70: 1,000 milligrams per day
  • Men 71 and older: 1,200 milligrams per day

What it does: Needed for bone growth and strength, blood clotting, muscle contraction, and more

Don’t get more than this a day: 2,500 milligrams per day for adults age 50 and younger, 2,000 mg per day for those 51 and older

Choline

Foods that have it: Milk, liver, eggs, peanuts

How much you need:

  • Men: 550 milligrams per day
  • Women: 425 milligrams per day
  • Pregnant women: 450 milligrams per day
  • Breastfeeding women: 550 milligrams per day
What it does: Helps make cells Don’t get more than this much: 3,500 milligrams per day

Sleep is important to reduce Stress and is a core value

Sleep – If you don’t, sleep, then you can’t function. Movement and exercise that’s obviously very important to, fun.

 

Highly successful people can have all the money in the bank and  still can’t have, fun.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict
Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict

What’s the difference between active rest and sleep?

When you’re actually sleeping, there’s a fluid that washes over our brain and actually, helps us detoxify or take out some of the toxic thoughts that are built up as proteins in our brain.  So, if we’re chronically under-slept, we’re allowing this protein not to do its job.

I don’t know if this is a scientific parallel equivalent, but you could think about this protein as kind of plaque buildup in your brain. If we are not sleeping well enough, if we’re not sleeping long enough, we’re not getting the cleansing that needs to happen in our brain, so we end up with what negative thinking.

If we continue over to, active rest, a lot of people that we’re working with are hyperactive. Hyperactive is the opposite of hypoactive, so when you think about hypoactive that’s more like reclusive or lazy.

People who are wired to be hyperactive or have taught themselves that this is how I get through hard situations that’s not a bad thing, however your body is not meant to be in a state of fight flight or freeze.  So unless we can move from sympathetic tone towards parasympathetic tone or from fight flight to rest and digest state, our body is not going to be able to process things the right way.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Fight Flight or Freeze prevents digestion

For example, your nutrients from your food. You can eat all the kale and salmon you want, but if your body is in, fight flight, or freeze state you’re not going to be digesting that food properly.

So, active rest, helps you down regulate, it helps you go from that state of, fight flight or freeze, where you might be anxious or you might be shallow mouth breathing to a state where you’re more rested while awake.

Body meditation is now a trend, because people are over stimulated and they need a way to effectively down regulate. Here’s the key it’s like you’re hijacking your body your mind and your body have a, connection, that you need to make and many people have lost that, connection.

Transform your mind iTunes Podcast iTunes
Download on iTunes

Active Rest is not Meditation

Active rest, helps you kind of re-establish that as does movement and other things.

The, mind-body connection, is what yoga does.

We’re coming through a, pandemic, it’s going on now for over a year.  Many people might be feeling the consequences of that. You can feel isolated and alone in a city of 8 million people.

The key for, connection, is not quantity it is quality. The problem is people try and find, connection, through others before finding, connection,  with God.  It’s not that you can’t have, connection, with God through others, but it’s that there’s an intimate personal encounter that God wants to have with us.

Connection to God should be a core value

We host the presence of God, you’re connected to him wherever you go, but there’s really a development and cultivation that needs to happen to learn how to host the presence of God.

 

A lot of people do not understand the authority they have over the atmosphere in their home for example. They do not understand the awareness, or they don’t have the awareness to understand the environments that they’re entering into every single day.

 

I think research has shown that we do need people, it’s nice to have a relationship with God, but we actually do need people.

 

What is your research on loneliness?

 

Even though you might be spiritually connected to God, you still need people.

 

Tell our listeners how they can connect with you. You said that your book is delayed, but tell us about your first book and your website, coaching and your podcast.

Conclusion

If anybody listening or reading, first I hope first and foremost you receive what was shared today from Myrna and me as seeds. That’s my encouragement to you that when you receive seeds, you can let those seeds grow to trees and over time you know that is really something that you look at in your life. Let those seeds become your, core values.

 

If you want more seeds, you can go to my site is tjloeffler.com and there you’ll find not only the podcast, but you’ll also find access to everything else that Myrna mentioned, and the podcast is just a great way to start. The podcast is a great way to continue working on your mindset. My podcast is called Mindset with T.J Loefler.

 

You can listen to the podcast or you can purchase the book from my website corepillars.com. It’s called “Back to basics how to get more out of life by doing less than you think” teaching you the, core pillar, system.

 

I also want to invite you guys to join my Facebook group Lifecoach. If you have not done so already please subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and leave a review.

 

My team and I were referencing this scripture and I would like to leave this with you. I believe this will be encouraging to somebody who’s reading this blog.

 

1 Timothy 6:6, NIV: “But godliness with contentment is great gain.” … 1 Timothy 6:6, NLT: “Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth.”

 

When we find contentment with what we have and no need for more, we know that we can truly rest in God’s presence, however I would also say if you’re reading this and you do have a desire for more, that’s a healthy desire.

 

So, godliness with contentment is great, but you don’t have to be satisfied, there’s more out there so keep going.

Additional Resources

Ask Coach Myrna: How to Start Over?

How to Create Positive Core Beliefs

 

The Life and Death of Nipsey Hussle: Hip Hop Brightest Artist

Nipsey Hussle Hip Hop Artist

Rob Kenner, New York Times best-selling author of the Marathon Don’t Stop: The Life and Times of Nipsey Hussle shares the  principles that, Nipsey Hussle,  advocated in his music and in his daily life and work. Nipsey’s music on self-empowerment, economic independence, owning your own intellectual property, owning real estate investments, financial literacy and also just supporting people who support you.

Rob – The reason that I wrote the book and called it The Marathon Don’t Stop is because I believe that, Nipsy Hussle, is one of the most important and misunderstood artists in the history of, hip-hop.

Download and listen to the full interview here:

Introduction to Nipsey Hussle

Rob is going to share the life of the Man, Nipsey Hussle, not just the artist.  Nipsey Hussle, was more than a rapper, this young man was instrumental in a lot of things: building up his community and giving back among other things. Rob is going to expand on our knowledge of both the, hip-hop, artist and, Nipsey Hussle,  life and legacy.

 

I must confess that I did not know of, Nipsey Hussle, until he was murdered and the whole world was talking about him.  My generation is not necessarily a rap or a, hip-hop, kind of generation, my generation is the R&B soul generation.  Rob on the other hand is intimately connected with, hip-hop, and its culture.

Book: The Marathon Don't Stop
Book: The Marathon Don’t Stop

Bio of Rob Kenner New York Times Best Selling Author

Rob Kenner is one of the most prolific and influential voices in, hip hop, publishing. A founding editor of Vibe, Kenner joined the start-up team of Quincy Jones’ groundbreaking, hip hop, monthly in 1992. During a nineteen-year run at Vibe, he edited and wrote cover and feature stories on iconic cultural figures ranging from Tupac Shakur to Barack Obama as well as writing the acclaimed column Boomshots.

Kenner’s writing has appeared in Complex, Genius, Mass Appeal, Pigeons & Planes, Ego Trip, Poetry magazine, The New York Times, and Billboard. He’s also produced and directed documentary shorts on the likes of De La Soul, Nas, and Post Malone. As an editor at Vibe Books, Kenner worked on the New York Times bestseller Tupac Shakur and contributed to The Vibe History of Hip Hop. He went on to co-author VX: 10 Years of Vibe Photography and produced the book Unbelievable, a biography of The Notorious B.I.G. by Cheo Hodari Coker which was optioned for the motion picture Notorious. His latest book is a New York Times Best seller “The Marathon Don’t Stop: The Life and Times of Nipsey Hussle. 

 

Myrna – I was reading your press releases, I understand that you met, Nipsey Hussle, about 10 years ago at, Vibe.  What impressed you most about the man back then?

Nipsey Hustle Hip Hop Music

Rob – Nipsey Hussle, had just released one of his first major mixtapes a project called Bullets Ain’t Got No Name and he was very excited to come up to the office of, vibe magazine, and presented it to the staff. I learned later in the process of researching my book The Marathon Don’t Stop, he had been submitting his demo and photo to the magazine for some time hoping to be featured in our “next section”, which is a platform for new artists.  People like Jay-z and Biggie and Mary J Blige got their first break at, Vibe, by being featured in the “next section” at, Vibe.

Nipsey’s goal was be featured in that section but, honestly where he was in his career at that moment he was not really on our radar yet.  He was an unsigned artist so, and he was first sending those demos in, but like every goal he ever set for himself in life.  He set a very high goal and although he did not achieve his goal right away he persisted. Nipsey Hussle, just kept at it and did not give up and by God he made it into the office of, Vibe, by 2009 and presented his mixtape to the Staff.

I was impressed by his charisma, his energy, his personal magnetism.  I remember the man who walked into the conference room that day. His braids immaculately done and his outfit on point, his gold chain was shining, and he was very proud to be presenting his music.  When he pressed play, it was powerful stuff.

We had worked on the first cover story for Snoop Dogg back in 1993 and so I personally had a strong sense of déjà vu.  Nipsey Hussle, was coming from Los Angeles and giving that really hard West Coast sound.  One of the tracks on the tape he was rapping over a famous Dr Dre beat the song Gin and Juice. You have to come correct if you are going to record to that beat. It was very impressive to me.

 

Vibe Magazine featured New Hip Hop Artists in their Next Section

After he played all of his music, I took him aside and I said, “keep doing what you’re doing” In fact he did get his one-page write-up at, Vibe, shortly before the magazine folded or seized print publication. Vibe, did transition to a digital publisher online magazine. Over time everything he did was special, he was just doing things differently.

He was changing the game in terms of his business strategy and as I would learn later his commitment to his community and to all the people that were helping him build his movement.

So, that was that was the first impression and it stuck with me.

 

Myrna – I was very impressed motivate and hustle official video.  Loved the music, it had close to 63 million views. Hip hop has a large audience.

Can you tell us why you wrote the book “The Marathon Don’t Stop?” I know that a couple of Nipsey’s mix tapes were called, Marathon. What does that really mean and why did you choose it as a title of your book?

The Marathon Continues

Rob – Marathon, and, The Marathon Continues, is a kind of motto for his fans especially after his tragic passing.  Kind of a rallying cry to make sure that all of the things that, Nipsey Hussle, stands for to continue.  All of the principles that he advocated in his music and in his interviews and in his daily life and his work which have to do with self-empowerment, economic independence, owning your own intellectual property, owning real estate investments, financial literacy and also just supporting people who support you.

The reason that I wrote the book and called it The Marathon Don’t Stop is because I believe that, Nipsy Hussle, is one of the most important and misunderstood artists in the history of, hip-hop.

As you mentioned he was a businessman, entrepreneur, leader, and an activist.  He really identified strongly with civil rights leaders.

In the latest song which was released after his passing is a track called What It Feels Like featuring Jay-z and, Nipsy Hussle, on the same track. This track was used for soundtrack to the film Judas and the Black Messiah. Nipsy often referred to himself as young, Malcolm X.

He wore a, Malcolm X, pendant which his brother had made custom for himself and then let Nipsey keep when he was going away to prison for some time.

Transform your Mind Podcast Index
Transform your Mind Podcast Index

Nipsey Hussle was more than a Hip Hop Artist

I think he saw himself as much more than an entertainer, he was someone committed to the upliftment and full respect of his community. I think that is one of the reasons why this book was so important. You are not the only person who’s told me that you were unaware of what Nipsey was doing until you tuned into his Staples Center memorial service where 20,000 thousand people were all on their feet mourning him and celebrating his life.

President Obama wrote him a letter of tribute for that ceremony. Stevie Wonder sang at the funeral, Snoop Dogg eulogized him and of course his beloved Lauren London delivered a very moving tribute.

He had a family-owned business which was called All Money and No Money.

He and his brother also had a successful clothing store called the, Marathon, clothing which they built right in the same shopping plaza where he used to sell his mixtapes hand-to-hand right there on Slauson and Crenshaw.

He always talks about that intersection in his music.

Myrna – Yes, I noticed he’s got a title called Crenshaw.

Nipsey Hussle The Marathon Continues

Rob – That was a groundbreaking mixtape The Crankshaft Project, I would say for the rap industry that was the moment that if you were not paying attention to, Nipsey Hussle, everybody woke up at that moment because he had the ambitious idea of selling his mixtape for a hundred dollars.

The Crenshaw tape by that point he had put out a few free mixtapes and built up quite a loyal fan base, the Crenshaw actually came after the, Marathon, tape and, marathon continues, so those tapes expressed his vision of the, marathon, which was a long-term view.  Viewing life as a, Marathon, you don’t give up just because you’re behind in the first lap.  The, marathon, is not a team sport, other people can be cheering for you,  you can practice together; but nobody else can run your race.

Nipsey, understood that and he used that concept of the, marathon, to um encourage himself when he was down,  when there were setbacks in his path.  There were quite a few which you can get into in the book in detail; but he withstood tremendous pressure from a neighborhood that was extremely volatile.  There was a very hostile relationship between the police and the members of the community.  There was a strong gang culture which, Nipsey Hussle, eventually became involved in. His life was filled with challenges, he was someone that had unlimited potential, but huge obstacles, seemingly unsurmountable obstacles.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Nipsey Hussle an  Activist for change

People were paying attention to his work and what he stood for and the principles that he lived by. That is why the book is called The Marathon Don’t Stop, because Nipsy Hussle’s movement has not stopped.  He has been a steady presence in all the conversations about race in America. His face has been on murals all around the world, his music was streamed millions of times on election day 2020.

He had a very important song called FBT, I’m not sure if you listen to that one; but the initials are a rebuke of president Donald Trump.

Hip-hop, I believe helped to mobilize the vote which brought President Obama into office, but after eight years of Obama, Donald Trump was presenting kind of a backlash and playing on racial divisions. I think,  Nipsey Hussle, deserves credit for recognizing the power of, hip-hop, to speak to the moment in terms of social and political issues.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

https://www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/podcast/embed

Nipsey Hussle and Tupak Shakur

Myrna – You also make a comparison between, Nipsey Hussle, and, Tupac Shakur, what are the similarities between these two, hip hop, artists?

Rob – I wasn’t the first one to compare Nipsey to Tupac, he actually called himself the Tupac of his generation. The album Victory Lap which was his major label debut,  has a line that states this. I did an in-depth interview with him I asked him about that line in the song, because that’s a big statement.

I said you’re calling yourself the Tupac of your generation, what do you mean by that?

He replied that to him, Tupac was a trojan horse for the streets. He had so much more going on inside of him than his thug life image would suggest. He was actually a very intelligent and sensitive person with a lot of different talents and qualities, that he didn’t necessarily

present at all times.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict
Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict

The Marathon Don’t Stop: The Life and Times of Nipsey Hussle

The focus of the book is about a triumph rather than a tragedy.  I want to focus on the message and the movement and the, marathon, rather than this atrocity that took place.

Myrna – I want to talk about, hip-hop, because I had to do some research for this interview to understand what it really is.  I know that you’re intimately connected with, hip hop, and rapping is a little different from, hip-hop, but why has, hip-hop, become this lifestyle and culture of the young generation?  It’s not even a race thing, because it covers all races.

Rob – We’re actually coming up on the 50th anniversary of what is considered the birth of, hip-hop. Hip Hop, started in the Bronx.  It was never about negative forces, but a way to escape the struggles of life in the Bronx. The Bronx was an urban wasteland and, hip-hop, grew and evolved into a multi-billion dollar industry.

It affects every aspect of pop culture from fashion to language to politics. Everything now is influenced by, hip-hop.  Quincy Jones who founded, Vibe magazine, understood the bebop generation as the coolest thing that ever-hit music. He saw, hip-hop, artists in their earliest stages of the development of that culture and he recognized a kindred spirit there.

The Origin of Hip Hop

Hip Hop, has become multi-racial and multicultural, in the early days in the Bronx it’s important to remember there were all kinds of kids involved. Puerto Rican, Dominican kids dancing, break dancing, painting graffiti.  Hip hop, is a lifestyle it’s not just rap music, which is one aspect of it the DJ and the MC.

There are multiple aspects to, hip hop, it’s become the most powerful and popular form of entertainment in the world.

 

Conclusion

Myrna – Tell our listeners how they can get pick up a copy of your book The Marathon Don’t Stop: The Life and Times of Nipsey Hussle. Also tell us about Vibe, I know it started off as a magazine, what do you guys do now?

Rob – Well, Vibe, was founded by Quincy Jones back in 1992.  I joined the startup staff in 93, Quincy had a good idea that we should do this and so I ended up working at, Vibe, for 17 years.  I was the only editor who started from the startup staff and stayed all the way until the very last day when you know the magazine had to be shut down.

Quincy had moved on and the ownership had changed hands, it’s a long story, but the bank basically repossessed the investment.  The website www.vibe.com is the digital version of, Vibe.  It’s a very important publication and became the definitive publication for, hip-hop, culture in terms of excellent photography and excellent journalism.

We had some of the most talented writers and photographers of this generation working at the Magazine.  Vive.com  has gone on because it needs to go on.  It still holds up a standard of excellence in terms of discussing all the aspects of, hip-hop, culture and lifestyle.

Transform Your Mind Pocket Casts
Transform Your Mind Pocket Casts

Additional Resources

How to Rewrite Your Life Story and Achieve Organizational Wellness

 

 

 

How Leaders Use Curiosity As Their Human Edge in a Digital Economy

Greg Orme The Human Edge

Greg Orme, Forbes contributor and Author of the Business book of the Year 2020 The Human Edge: How curiosity and creativity are your superpowers in the digital economy” shares, leadership, tips on thriving in a world of accelerating change through, creative thinking, curiosity, and consciousness. Greg shares with, leaders, how to remove the threat of, ai,  machines taking their jobs by excelling at the 4C’s, consciousness, curiosity, creativity, and collaboration.

I’m delighted to be here Myrna, I think we first came across each other through my one of my Forbes articles.

Myrna – Yes, I was browsing through Linkedin and I came across your article on, gratitude,  and when I clicked on it, I noticed that you had a book that was awarded Business book of the year. So, I decided to invite you on the show.

Listen the the Full Interview Here:

Greg –  Well isn’t serendipity great?  Those algorithms brought us together.  I’m coming from you Stratford in the UK and you’re on the west coast in Florida, what an amazing world we live in.  I’m very grateful for that.

How Can Leaders develop the Human Edge

Myrna – I am sure it was an honor to have the award of business book of the year.  I know your book was specifically designed for, leaders, but we’re all individual, leaders.  We have to lead ourselves first before we can lead others.

Why did you write The, Human Edge?  Can you give us a little background on your research for this topic and why we need a, human edge, in this digital and computer age?

Greg – That’s a great question, four years or so, I became really interested in one of the big issues of our lifetime.  Which is our human relationship with this machine age of, ai.

We all have smartphones that we carry around with us. We never leave them anywhere; this thing called, artificial intelligence, is here to stay.

What skills Leaders need to stay Relevant

After a speech one day on, leadership, one of the female CEO’s came up to me and said Greg , I’m kind of interested in the, organizational change, stuff;  but what skills do I need to remain relevant in the next 10 years?

That question led me to start the journey which led to the book, The Human Edge.  Even though I’m in the, leadership, business the, Human Edge, is for anyone.  It’s a little manual for your own humanity that even if your boss is a bit toxic you can keep under your desk and it’s hopefully the keys to some of your own potential.

Myrna – I  remember when the digital age started about the mid 80s, I was working at a bank and everybody was really worried about the ATM machines replacing tellers in the bank; but banks still need tellers 40 years later.

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Should we be worried about AI machines taking over our jobs?

Greg – Of course we have been worried about, ai,  machines as a race of, humans, for a long long time. I think the first anti-machine story was written in the Greek age about a kind of killer robot, and of course we’ve had the, terminator, and all sorts of machines taking over routine jobs.

We’re worried about these, machines, taking us over and being aggressive and of course somebody wise once said about, technology. We always overestimate the impact of, technology, in the short term; but underestimate it in the long term.

Technology, ai, in particular has long term implications for, leaders. Self-learning algorithms make, ai, smarter and smarter. It’s very difficult for the human brain to really get our heads around, AI,  but, leaders, are  starting to get ahead of the curve.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

My book, the Human Edge,  is a hopeful book.

I don’t think most, leaders,  should worry about, artificial intelligence,  unless your job is simple and can be replaced by a, machine.

Computer scientists call this an algorithmic job i.e routine. You can plan out every keystroke and every process within that job.

An example would be telemarketers, people who are on a script, jobs like those organizing data in a library, even long distance truck drivers; because autonomous driving is really, ai, technology. Another job going to, ai, is customer service, you can never get someone on the phone when you call major corporations anymore. The, ai, machine can have a conversation with callers and handle most calls without the help of a live agent.

Ai , technology will slice away the very routine tasks that we all do, like booking flights or booking a haircut or booking a restaurant.  What’s interesting is it leaves a, human, shaped hole for our careers. We’re seeing capabilities and skills that were admired as, leaders, in the early 80s to late 90s are now being admired again.

Leaders need the Human Edge
The Human Edge

Human Skills that can protect you against AI

Leaders, need Human skills, like:

  • passion,
  • gratitude,
  • empathy,
  • curiosity,
  • creativity, are valued.

 

LinkedIn looked at 20 million job applications in 2020. They noticed that employers are looking for , leaders, with ,  creative thinking. This is partly to do with, technology, coming into the workplace. Employers  need thinking outside the boxes.

Myrna – What is the difference between, creative thinking, and, critical thinking?

Greg-   Critical thinking, is being able to analyze a situation and come up with one solution.  It has always been admired in the workplace.  I think, critical thinking, is one of the top 10 skills employers are looking for in, leaders.

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Download on iTunes

The 4C’s of the Human Edge

Creative thinking, is a way of connecting one’s domain of knowledge over here with another over there and create a whole new innovation or idea. An example of , leaders, with , creative thinking, are Larry Page and Sergey Brin of Google.  Google is the creation of two ideas from different worlds that came together.

Myrna – In your book you talk about the 4Cs of the, Human Edge. What are they?

Greg – The first C is, consciousness. Consciousness, is the ability to find meaning in your work.

  • The second C is curiosity
  • The third  C is creativity
  • The fourth C is collaboration

Ai machines do not have Consciousness

Myrna – I love the one that you started with, consciousness, because, consciousness, is the big word today and encompasses, awareness, and spirituality. It is a great, human edge, because obviously, ai, doesn’t have, consciousness.  How are using it in this context of the, human edge?

Greg – Machines that use, artificial intelligence, don’t ask why? They ask “How do I do this, they ask what do you want to do, but they don’t ask why.”

Understanding why you do things has been a very powerful human trait especially for, leaders. Understanding and being able to articulate in some way your own why is hugely motivational.  It releases huge power in yourself as a person.  We’ve all met people who have a why and they’ve got shiny eyes and go the extra mile.  They’ll work through the night if necessary.

The science of neuroscience data shows that we can actually see the brain light up if you’re living a purposeful life or your best life. The brain  releases a chemical called, dopamine, which is the motivation molecule.

The other part of, consciousness, in my model is actually finding the time in your day to observe all the, leaders, and managers in your organization.  I literally meet thousands of, leaders, each year through the London business school. If we’re not careful the, ai, enabled algorithms that drive social media, our day is shattered into a thousand pieces and we never actually find time to be curious or creative.

Curiosity gives you a Human Edge

I talk a lot in,  The Human Edge,  about how you redesign your day to ensure that you have parts of it where you’re not being distracted.

Myrna – True, your why is very important. It’s the only thing that is actually going to get you to your end goal. If you know your why, you will persevere when life knocks you down.

How does, curiosity, give you a, human edge?

Greg – Organizations are asking for people who have built up their, curiosity, in order to drive their own learning.  What we’ve seen during the pandemic is many of the disruptors that were moving the world forward at a lightning pace have been accelerated.

One of my former clients, the World Economic Forum, estimate that something like every 18 months or so about 40 percent of what we know becomes obsolete  and we need to learn new things. So, the ability to learn rapidly and, curiosity, has  become hugely important for any career.

So, the magical thing about, curiosity, is it’s not a fixed trait.  You were born with blue eyes and  with certain physical factors that you can’t do anything about. Curiosity, is something that you can flex, develop. Like the mercury in a thermometer, it goes up and down depending on what you’re doing every day.  It’s like a muscle you can build it up.

Open Ended Questions foster Curiosity

One of the techniques I share for, leaders, in, The Human Edge,  to help you build up your, curiosity, is the Five hour rule.

Questions are good for, curiosity; but only a certain type of question. Open ended questions, is preferred to, closed questions.  I was a journalist once myself and, closed questions, are useful for checking information or sometimes you want a yes or no answer, but for, curiosity, you need, open ended questions.

Open ended questions, are really powerful for, leaders. Questions like:

  • What if we tried it this way?
  • Have you seen what those guys are doing over there?
  • Do you think we could do that too?

 

Open ended questions, not only to inspire your own, curiosity, but it sparks, curiosity,  it in the people around you.

Ai machines can’t come up with Creativity

Myrna – So now lets talk about, creativity. I know that it is like a top, human edge, because employers want, leaders, who think outside of the box. It is definitely a way to differentiate yourself from, ai.

Greg – Organizations need systems, they also need bureaucracy to run them because they’re very large entities; but what most of the, leaders, that I’m working with across multiple industries are trying to do is trying to find the space where there are fewer rules.

They encourage, leaders, to come with their ideas and, creativity. You cannot really be creative unless you’re first insatiably curious.  Curiosity,  is about asking questions, you’re interrogating the world and challenging the status quo, but you’re also importantly gathering cognitive fuel for your brain.

Creativity is the characteristic of the World’s Wealthiest

This is why if you look at the life stories of highly successful people, they all talk about, curiosity, and their ability to learn as a foundational skill.  Oprah Winfrey talked about, curiosity, and books getting her where she is today. Jeff Bezos was a was a curious learner.

Elon Musk is I think currently the world’s richest man. He has as disrupted multiple industries; but it’s important to realize that even Elon Musk talented he is. When he was as a young boy in South Africa before he came to Canada, he was not the finished product. Elon Musk built his ability to think differently and his, curiosity, through a lifelong of learning.  Spacex which is one of his more interesting ventures to disrupt commercial travel to the moon and beyond, got that idea, because he was so fascinated in rocketry and space travel.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

How is Collaboration a Human Edge Characteristic

Myrna – Our last C is, collaboration. Collaboration, is a, human edge, of being able to bring talents together to create something bigger.

Collaboration, is what you need if you are creative, because you need to come together with other, humans, to get your ideas off the ground.

Greg – You’re correct Myrna. Collaboration, is a very human trait to be able to gather similar or maybe opposite characteristics and bring them together to create something big.

We’ve talked about, consciousness, that gives you the energy and the motivation and the time because of focus.  Then we touched on, curiosity, which gives you the fuel.

Collaboration, works when you have a large network of, collaborators. These people are more, innovative, because they’ve got these connections and people can help them with their ideas.  So, how do you ensure that your network is big enough and varied enough to help you?  Then I talk about experimentation, how you can take these ideas and test them very quickly get some data on it and feedback.

Business Book of the Year 2020 –  The Human Edge

Myrna – Your book was awarded Business Book of the Year, because you were talking about, leadership, skills for people and preventing, leaders, from being obsolete by the emergence of ,ai. You mentioned in your bio that you were redundant in 2008 and that’s basically what took you on this journey to discover the, human edge. If  we learn these skills can they insulates us from being redundant?

Greg – Absolutely, my story like most people’s, did not work out the way that I had planned. It’s the parts where you go wrong in the creative process, where you can learn the most and move forward.

Myrna – Tell our readers how they can get a copy of your book. You also speak all around the world so tell us how organizations can contact you if they’re interested in you speaking at one of their executive functions.

Greg – Thanks for the opportunity.  If people want to check out my work it’d be a great idea to just go to my website www.gregorme.com  there they can see some videos of me speaking and they can actually get in touch with me through the get in touch function on the website.

Conclusion

There’s one other thing, I’ve just launched something that’s really taking off.  A newsletter called the Curious Human. This is a complimentary email sent straight to your inbox once a month.

This is the kind of byproduct you were talking about on your podcast. A byproduct of a business writer’s life, because I’m always writing my Forbes pieces or my new books or I have got a great podcast I’ve heard or an interesting book I’ve read or an article or a video.  What I do each month is I share that in a two-minute kind of bulletin to the people who have signed up for my emails.

You can sign up on my website, at the bottom of every page there’s a space where you can sign up for the newsletter. If they’d would like to follow me on social media, I think the best place is LinkedIn, that is where I’m most active.

I’d be delighted to connect with people.  Also, on Forbes I’ve got my own regular column.  If you put Greg Orme Forbes in the search, I will come up. I’m writing regularly on Forbes.

The book “The Human Edge: How curiosity and creativity are your superpowers in the digital economy” is on Amazon and anywhere books are sold.

Follow Myrna Young and this podcast:

Follow the Transform Your Mind Podcast on Instagram @https://www.instagram.com/myrnamyoung/

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Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/transform-your-mind-coach/id1144973094?mt=2

Additional Resources

How to Program Yourself for Positive Change

Real Estate Investing with No Money

Real estate investing with no money

Real estate investor, Trainer Trevor Evans, teaches, how to invest in real estate with No Money. Trevor teaches, how to get funding for your deals, fix and flip,  your, investment properties, and, how to flip a house.

Watch the YouTube video to learn how to Invest in Real Estate from a, Rich Dad, real estate investor.

What you will learn about Real Estate Investing in this motivational video:

1. What are some strategies to purchase property for your,  real estate investing, business with little or no cash?

There are several way to do this. You can max out your credit cards, you can set up a lease to own deal, you can get seller financing.

2. What does, Hard money lenders, look for in a good deal?

They look for the ROI or return on investment

3. How do you make your deal attractive to a, Hard money lender?

Show that the resale value is at least 40% higher that the investment.

Strategies using other people’s money to fund your, real estate investments:

1. Using your credit cards to fund your deals. The more credit you have the better off you are!

2. Hard money Lenders,  Hard money lenders,  look at the asset and not at your credit score.

3. Borrow money from friends and family. You convert them into, Hard Money lenders, and pay them a good interest rate to start your, house flipping, business.

4. Borrow from your Whole Life Insurance policy.

2. Take a loan from your 401K.

3. Take out an Equity line of credit on your personal house.

 

The commonly used strategy in, real estate investing,  is the use of a, Hard Money Lender.

You need a, Hard money lender, for your, real estate investing, business. A money lender does not look at your credit, what does he look for?

1. Your expertise. Most, Hard money lenders, want you to have three investments under your name. This does not include your personal residence.

2. The ARV or after repair value. The property must have equity before the deal is made.

3. How did the property come on the market. Eg is it a Foreclosure, short sale or probate.

4. What is your, exit strategy? Is your, exit strategy, to, buy and hold, or, fix and flip?

5. How long you need to complete rehab work.

6. How much is the estimated cost of repairs.

 

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Hard Money Lender do not offer 100% Financing

Make no mistake, hard money lenders, need borrowers to deploy their capital and get a return on investment for their capital partners. They often enjoy repeat business, real estate investing, aren’t typically one-time borrowers, so asset-based lenders like, hard money lenders, or, private money lenders, value the business relationships they develop with quality borrowers.

Real estate investing, with no money down or little or no cash is to borrow from, Hard money lenders, who charge high interest for short term loans. When, hard money lenders, provide a loan, they want to be confident that the, borrower, is able to repay the loan on time. If the, borrower, isn’t able to pay back the loan, this creates a great deal of extra work, stress and potential financial loss for the lender. A strong, borrower, with a significant down payment (or equity in the property) and cash reserves has the best chance of obtaining a, hard money loan, and succeeding with their, real estate, project.

Sponsor AD :

Myrna Young South Florida Realtor

Are you looking to invest in the south Florida or Fort Myers market? The time is ripe for investors. As a realtor, I have access to, off market discount properties, and, wholesale properties, for either your, buy and hold, or, fix and flip, investment strategies. Call  954-999-6125 for all your Sales, Rentals or Property Management services. We are licensed in, real estate, and, property management, and will sell or lease your house. Don’t delay, Call today 954-999-6125 or contact us @ https://www.realtor.com/realestateagents/myrna-young___3322478_080499227

Looking for a, Hard Money Lender? Here is an article from Connected Investors on how to get bids on your project.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Connected Investors, the world’s largest, real estate investing, network and marketplace, today announced the launch of the first centralized real estate investment funding portal, CiX.com. The technology allows real estate investors to quickly and easily submit their deals to a network of asset-based lenders, ensuring the best terms for loans on their, investment properties.

Subscribe to the Transform you Mind podcast with Coach Myrna to get notification of all shows, Life coaching tips as well as Real Estate Investment tips and strategies.

Additional Resources

How to Create the Freedom Lifestyle through Real Estate Investments.

How to Build Wealth with Turnkey Real Estate Investing

How to Release Childhood Trauma of Guilt Shame

Healing ourselves from Childhood Trauma

Trauma, is a shock to the, nervous system. And when, childhood trauma, is stored instead of released, it can cause physical and, mental health, issues down the road. When, trauma, occurs,  in an effort of protection, your brain temporarily pauses your memory processing system, and the experience is not stored as traditional memories.

Today I am talking with Emily Francis. Emily  is the best selling author of “Healing Ourselves Whole”

Listen to the full interview here:

 

Healing Ourselves Whole will give you the tools you need to clean your emotional house from top to bottom, complete with journal prompts and access to audio meditations for you to listen along to as you read.

As a trained, body worker, Emily Francis offers a refreshing perspective into healing, trauma. She reveals unique knowledge of the body as a holder for memory. Emily will lead you on a path deep within yourself to rearrange the ways that, pain, and, trauma, have been holding you back from whole body, mind, spirit, and, energy healing. You will rearrange the dialogue within your body memory systems as well as learn a practice to re-birth by healing your, inner child, and adolescent selves, coming into the present to create the best adult self possible.

This groundbreaking interactive book contains a journal and access to audio meditations for you to listen to as you read. The meditations will help you dig deep into past, trauma, and discover when and how, trauma, took root. Learn to get in touch with various parts of the physical and, energy body, and how to use them to let go of stored, traumas, and rediscover the deeply held joys that have also been stored within the body. From this, you will learn to live from a new mindful and powerful space.

book: Healing Ourselves Whole from trauma
book: Healing Ourselves Whole

How to release trauma from the body

My Psychotherapist told me to do something called catch and release. Which means whenever you catch yourself being triggered by past, trauma. This happens whenever you begin to feel bad, and you are not sure why. Whenever you feel your body going into reaction mode,  breathe in and then release it.  This allows the feelings you have stuffed down to come out.

Myrna – Emily can you share with our readers how they can  to us start to release, traumatic experiences, from their body?

Emily – In my book, Healing Ourselves Whole, I help my readers put their own hands on their body. When I am helping my clients in person, I help them, release trauma,  in their body by putting my hands on their body to help them locate where the, trauma, had gone in, or the shame, or the guilt.

Why our bodies hold Trauma

Our muscles and tissues store the memory of, trauma.  They also store memories of Joy.  That’s my work; but I couldn’t write a book and teach you how to do Hands On Healing, so I wrote a book teaching you how to dialogue inside your body.  This book “Healing Ourselves Whole” has a chapter for every emotion we hold in our body. We go through a 15 to 20-minute meditation on releasing, body trauma.

The workbook included with the book allows you to journal and go through all the senses to find the, trauma, carrot or the shame carrot or the guilt or grief. I teach you through this book how to do the body work by yourself. I’m not a therapist, so some behaviors and thoughts still need to be treated by, hypnosis therapy, like EMDR.

I work on the part of the body that is holding the, pain, and blocking the healing, so you still need your, cognitive therapist.

Childhood trauma and body trauma are connected

I have some, childhood trauma, and I know that until I became conscious that I was stuffing things down instead of understanding my emotions, I never understood that my, childhood trauma, was influencing my present. My, childhood trauma, also affected my relationships earlier in life before I was able to start to release them.

This is a great topic on releasing, chronic pain, because some people go to their graves not understanding that their quality of life was hampered by, what happened to them. Sometimes the, wounds, were only from, childhood, but relationships earlier in their lives eg.  lovers, friends, teachers etc.

Emily, what made you become a wellness expert?

I graduated undergraduate with a science and, wellness, degree then I went on to become an aerobic yoga instructor. Then I started suffering from extreme panic attacks and agoraphobia, so I went from loving to be on the stage, to not wanting to leave my house.  I was a college cheerleader, I worked out every day, I was at the gym three to five hours a day teaching different classes and I was like rocking.

The more crowded the better.  I fed off the energy and then I turned twenty-five!  I stopped drinking and the mask dropped and the crazy came up. All the, pain, that I had stuff down came to a flying head and I had to stop myself from extreme anxiety and panic attacks.

It took seven years for me to understand that the reason for my anxiety and panic attacks were because of, childhood trauma, that I had stuffed down. I missed a lot of my hot years as a young adult because I couldn’t hang out with friends or go to bars without feeling like I was crazy.  I really stepped away from life and just sat out and watched life pass me by. My, mental health, was of grave concern to me.  I prayed a lot.  I did a lot of intensive work, meditative work.  I went to a million different, healers.  if I heard of something for, body trauma, I was there.  I went through 7 years of, holistic therapy, and nothing worked until I finally broke down and tried a child’s dose of an antidepressant.

When I was able to heal myself, I want to share and that is why I wrote the book Healing Ourselves Whole

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Can medications help with Childhood Trauma?

After 7 years of looking for a treatment, I came across a book by a psychotherapist named Tom Rutledge.  He suggested medications. I tried it and it worked for me. The antidepressant worked because it regulated my brain and here is the thing that I learnt from Tom.  I was reading his book and embracing fear and I decided to write this letter to him. I wrote that I was a big phony and a liar, and I’ve been writing all these years and it was  just crap.  I am crap and I wrote this long letter.  It was like reading my autobiography. I just wrote out all the things I had been telling myself all these years.

Tom Rutledge replied that I should consider medication. He said that we must first regulate the brain before we can start the healing process and suggested that we should try medication. I rejected medication, because it goes against everything, I believe in.  It goes against my holistic principal, it was a Band-Aid. I said no I’m not interested, and he wrote back. He said there’s a part that I think you’ve missed, the brain and the mind are not the same thing.  The mind is where your thoughts and behaviors are, the brain is an organ in your body. It’s like your heart or your liver or kidneys.  You would not hesitate to take medication if your heart or liver or kidneys were malfunctioning.

But, mental illness, comes with a stigma. People hesitate to take medication because they feel it makes them crazy. Antidepressants are just something to regulate your brain. The brain is an organ and you’re missing some chemicals in your brain and that is the reason for the anxiety and panic attacks.  Once you get that regulated all the work that you’ve done because you’ve done significant with healers will be able to come through.

Book: Hollywood endings How to get one
Book: Hollywood endings How to get one

Hollywood Endings and How to Get One

 Yes, you can create what you want with imagination an intention. The movie themes the world loves are few and simple; they are the themes that have been portrayed over and over since Hollywood began to make movies. These classics have the most wonderful endings: love overcomes all; good defeats evil; the wayward child comes home. Anyone can be a hero, and everyone has a Guardian Angel.

Hollywood Endings – Using Imagination and Intention is about self-awareness, recovery and enlightenment. It’s for anyone who has ever wanted or dreamed of having a “Hollywood ending.” It is for those of us who never had a role model to show us how it’s done. It celebrates the wonder of the movies and urges us to see movies once to be entertained, and then return to see them again to learn from them. We all deserve a Hollywood ending. This book can show you how with life lessons from Dances With Wolves, National Velvet, Die Hard, and The Color Purple, to name a few.

Rewrite your own story and give it a Hollywood ending.

Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

Trauma gets stuck in the body

Trauma, gets attached to your tissues, because the experience of stress, particularly, childhood trauma, causes stress and can trigger active survival responses of fight, flight, or freeze. When your, body trauma, can’t activate or complete these responses, those sensations become trapped in your nervous system.

Trauma, is a shock to the, nervous system. And when that, trauma, is stored instead of released, it can cause physical and, mental health, issues down the road. When, trauma, occurs,  in an effort of protection, your brain temporarily pauses your memory processing system, and the experience is not stored as traditional memories.

Instead of being stored as a complete memory, traumatic experiences are thought to be stored as fragments of pictures of, body sensations or, body trauma.  These fragments are unprocessed and thus don’t fit in the system as they should. Because they don’t fit, these fragments can surface unexpectedly as nightmares, flashbacks, or general angst and unease. Most of the time you don’t know why you are feeling uneasy.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

How to Release Trauma Trapped in the Body

International Trauma-Healing Institute founder Gina Ross has developed a simple process called Emotion Aid. Here is a summary of those steps you can use to begin to,  release trauma, trapped in your body.

  1. First, assess where you are: rate your stress or upset from a low of 1 to a high of 7. If it is high, first practice the following Grounding Steps.
    1. Begin by Butterfly Hugging and Tapping– hug yourself and then alternately tap on your arms, from side to side, 25 times. Then take a deep breath. Repeat this until your stress level begins to drop noticeably.
    2. Next, Send Roots into the Ground. Notice your feet or, if your seated, your back, buttocks, and back of your legs in the chair.  Now notice your feet or lower body being firmly connected to the floor, then to the ground, like roots going deep into the earth. Take a deep breath. Then gaze about the room and notice objects or textures about the room, remaining connected to your “roots.”
    3. Finally, Notice Breathing: Put one hand on your chest and one hand your belly. Now just be with your breath, not trying to change it, but just noticing the rhythm of it. Then make a heart shape with your fingertips and bring awareness to your beating heart.

How to discharge body trauma

  1. Now begin to Discharge Sensations and Release Stress.
    1. First, notice your breath and Breathe Notice any sensations that come up naturally. As you release, trauma, and  stress hormones, they will present through sensations like shaking, heat, sweating, yawning, goosebumps, changed breath, and gurgling in the stomach. Be curious about the feelings and be with them, and they will naturally discharge. Do not judge or critique what you are feeling or sensing.
    2. Next, briefly review the, childhood trauma, or troubling thoughts that lead to the sensations. As you review, notice the Feelings that come up as you consider what happened. It’s important to go slow so that you’re only allowing the activation of one feeling at a time. Just be with it and give it plenty of time. Then notice the discharge that emerges as you follow the sensations. (Know that you can temporarily set aside sensations and emotions that you are not focusing on at the moment. For example, imagine putting them on a shelf for the moment.)
    3. Then work with the Thoughts. Again, as you notice one thought at a time, observe the sensations that show up with these thoughts. Let go of the judgment or criticism. Just be present and continue to observe what happens next and experience the sensations discharging and releasing from the body.
    4. Now notice and bring to awareness Resources. A resource is anything that feels strong and calm to you. These can be external (for example, the kind eyes of a good friend) or internal (perhaps the memory of a personal achievement). As you recall or hold these resources notice the sensations that show up in your body. Take a few minutes to feel the sense of calm and strength in your body.

Conclusion

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Additional Resources

Drug and Alcohol Treatment for Women with Trauma