Transform Your Mind Podcast TV

August 24, 2023

Healing Trauma Through The Power of Self-Empathy

Krystal Boothe Healing trauma with self-empathy

Krystal Boothe author of Deep Inner Soul – Healing with self empathy shares tips from her book on how to heal childhood trauma. In the depths of trauma’s impact, the journey to healing often begins with, self-empathy. Krystal’s book delves into the profound role, self-empathy, plays in the healing process, guiding individuals towards transformative recovery. Krystal introduces concepts from her book that unravels the layers of trauma, while providing practical tools and exercises for self-nurturing and healing.

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Introduction

Krystal Boothe is a licensed clinical social worker and owner of Wings of The Future. Krystal grew up in Detroit Michigan from an underprivileged family in an abusive home. Her father had two wives (didn’t know that was legal in America) the abusive environment made a major impact on her schooling she had a special education classes.

As a result, she found herself repeating the cycle of abuse and became a victim (always happens). After leaving her abuser she married her current husband in 1999, but after 14 years of marriage they divorced only to reunite three years later. Together they founded Wings of The Future shortly afterwards. Krystal work now focuses on the, complex trauma, in the adult population. she works with a diverse population of adults adolescents and children with anxiety, depression, bipolar, PTSD, ADHD and a host of other diagnosis.

Myrna: Krystal I want to start off by asking you in your work as a clinical social worker what did you personally learn or discover in life that led you to this point to write books about, healing trauma?

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Childhood trauma leads to toxic relationships

Krystal: It kind of started all out when I was in Los Angeles County working for the county at a facility for teenagers who are involved in the legal system. I noticed that all of the clients they would give me, all of them had childhood trauma. During the Discovery process and assessments all of them had trauma.

I just started to see the repeating underlining causes of why they were incarcerated and why they were having problems in school. Including learning, focused concentration, memory problems, and the inability to have healthy relationships resulting in a lot of toxic relationships. That discovery led me on this path as well as my own struggles with focused concentration and memory.

I was not able to do well in school myself and so I started to connect the dots and that’s when I started to realize that trauma was the underlying cause of these problems. It wasn’t just Mental Health, it’s been proven. Science shows that whenever you see someone with trauma, the psychologist can go back and pinpoint a certain point in your childhood, not even maybe as a teenager it started.

Trauma can starts very early and it impacts the way you see the world and how you see yourself.

Myrna: I’ve had several people on the show that confirmed this. And you are correct a lot of times those behaviors or those traumas, leads to incarceration and problems with the justice system.

Key elements to healing trauma: Self-empathy

Myrna: Can you describe the process of, healing trauma, and what are some key elements for people to learn how to heal from trauma?

Krystal: One of the key elements that I mentioned in the book, is the inability to be vulnerable and authentic with yourself. A lot of times trauma brings a lot of shame and so people typically will not want to open up anymore. They’ll shut down and that’s just one of the byproducts of trauma, and so the ability to be vulnerable and honest with others and themselves.

Deep Inner Soul Healing with self-empathy addresses how to get back to that place before you were damaged. The book teaches you how to do that through the, empathy exercises.

Myrna: I know you’ve got personal experience from being a child in an abusive home, then you were able to start your career and see it in others. What inspired you to write this book and what message do you hope readers will take away from the book?

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Deep Inner Soul Healing with self-empathy

Krystal: What I realized is that the key component to help trigger the brain to get back to that place of vulnerability and authenticity honesty was that the person was waiting to be cared for. They were waiting for someone to say something kind to them, someone to validate them. That led me on a scientific Journey with my clients up creating these empathy exercises.

Before I even wrote the book, I decided to just go through these, empathy exercises, with the client pinpointing the specific traumas and see what happened to the brain, and what happened to the heart. These exercises allowed my clients to hear for themselves what they were expecting other people to tell them.

As they began to receive what they needed to heal, it was almost like an antidote, they started to let naturally. Let go of the pain that was causing them to be unable to forgive or being unable to let something go or be unable to move forward and think of anything else other than what had happened to them.

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Healing with self-empathy allows us to move forward

Trauma has devastating effects on the brain and on the body and in so many other areas. God gave me the word, I heard it in my spirit, empathy exercises, and I thought to myself, empathy exercises, okay. I know what an exercise is it’s something that you do over and over again and I know what empathy is but then I said he’s meaning, self-empathy.

So then I started to say, self-empathy, what does it look like, what would it sound like, what would it feel like? I started writing out some things that were empathy because I have a very high emotional intelligence so I was able to discern what people needed to hear. I’m going to trigger the same emotional reaction in their physiological body and in their brain and thereby get them where they want to go.

Myrna: Are these exercises affirmations? A lot of times affirmations don’t work because your brain is saying oh that’s bull crap. Give me an example of a of a, self-empathy exercise, that someone will do and that their brain will believe it.

Krystal: I teach people how to reconnect in their body and in their hearts and when they go into their heart that’s where this work takes place this work does not take place in the brain. It affects the brain, it helps rewire the brain, it helps the brain to let things go; but everything that they do they is from the heart not the brain.

Self empathy reconnects with the heart and body

I teach them to how to reconnect with their bodies and a lot of times people do not want to reconnect with their bodies because that’s exactly where the pain is. So I teach them how to slowly but surely isolate various incidents that have happened to them. We go through and unpack all that stuff, get it clear what we’re going in for and then we go into the heart, we don’t go into the brain. The brain only believes with the heart.

Once you shift over into to true empathy for yourself, you realize that oh someone cares for me. That someone is you.

Myrna: That’s actually pretty good work. What do you want people to walk away with after reading your book?

Krystal: One of the biggest message I want people to walk away with is that I can heal. People lose hope because they have tried everything, they’ve done everything. I want to reinstall in people that there’s hope, that they can actually heal. Because once a person hope is activated, they are willing to do the work.

Book: Deep Inner Soul Healing with Self-Empathy

Conclusion

Myrna: so how can someone pick up a copy of your book and also get a hold of you for therapy? Your company is called Wings of the future.

I am on social media I’m on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/wingsofthefuturepp/. I’m going to be starting a little small group where I’m going to be allowing people to kind of meet with the author of the book where they’re going to get actually meet with me. I’m going to go through the book with people and it’s just going to be for a very small nominal monthly fee. They’re going to be able to meet with me if they can’t go to therapy, because not everybody has money for therapy.

Additional Resources

Embracing Change Together: The Transformative Power of Group Therapy

August 20, 2023

Building trust in Personal and Parental Relationships

How to Build Stronger Relationships With Trust

In the intricate tapestry of personal and parental relationships, building trust, is the cornerstone upon which strong bonds are formed. This blog delves into the delicate art of building and nurturing trust with benevolence and integrity. Join us on this exploration of trust’s transformative power, and uncover the keys to forging lasting connections that stand the test of time.

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Introduction

Daryl stickle is one of the world’s leading experts in trust with over 20 years experience his PhD building trust in hostile environments. Duke University established him as a global leader for governments and businesses. His unpractical approaches to, building trust, that has worked for McKinsey and Company in their Toronto office as well as advise the Canadian military on, building trust, in Afghanistan. He has served as faculty for the Luxembourg School of Business and the Center for Effective organized organizations at the University of Southern California and recently completed his book Building Trust Exceptional Leadership in an Uncertain world.

Building Trust in the Corporate World

Darryl: I and I also do work with families trying to help them understand, how to build stronger relationships. For me trust is a willingness to make ourselves vulnerable, when we can’t completely predict how someone else is going to behave.

If I’m a leader, how do I know if people trust me? I’ll ask these questions. One of the challenges we face is just a lack of awareness about who we trust and how much. If I asked you, do you trust me? You’d feel awkward right? It’s awkward to say no, because that would be rude and it might trigger an inappropriate response.

Our head goes to this place where we either trust people or we don’t, it’s a dichotomous variable, like an old-time light switch. The reality is we trust some people more than others and so when I ask people who do you trust, I get these close tight personal relationships. Best friends, siblings, spouse parents.

When I flip the question and I say who trusts you? I get this sort of long pause and then people say, how do I know if someone trusts me or not? I’m a leader my subordinates can make themselves vulnerable by telling me what their real development needs are? By taking risks, making mistakes by pushing back against things that they don’t think are going to work and coming up with Innovative Creative Solutions.

Definition of trust

I believe that trust is a combination of uncertainty and vulnerability and in fact it’s uncertainty times vulnerability. It gives us a level of perceived risk, we each have a threshold of risk that we’re willing to tolerate. NFR perception of the risk goes beyond that threshold. We don’t trust if it’s beneath it then we do and so, building trust, actually becomes a fairly simple matter of understanding where does uncertainty come from. Where does vulnerability come from and how do I take steps to help people manage those.

Myrna: How do I build trust, or how do I trust someone? I believe that trust is earned. For instance, let’s say we’re starting off in a, business relationship, I am going to trust you until you burn me. I am going to trust you until I realize that you’re stabbing me in the back. How does vulnerability comes into play?

Darryl: We start off in the world with a high level of trust and in most situations our parents go out of their way to make sure that we don’t experience levels of vulnerability that are too high. They try to prevent us from being injured, they try to keep people from us who they don’t think are safe and they keep an eye on situations where we might get burned.

So we learn over time about how much risk we’re willing to tolerate and part of that’s cultural and part of that’s historic. The example you give of we we start with a new boss or a new team or a new set of co-workers yes there’s a certain level of trust there and it’s partly because we have these expectations that we’re all sort of pulling in the same direction. We’re all kind of on the same side and we dip our toe, we don’t make ourselves incredibly vulnerable right away.

We accept a little bit of vulnerability as we come to understand them and I’m going to frame this in terms of relationships. Early in relationships we have high levels of uncertainty, which means we can only tolerate a small range of vulnerability and still fit beneath that threshold we’re comfortable with. As we gain more experience that uncertainty starts to go down which means the range of vulnerability we can tolerate starts to grow.

Building trust with benevolence

There are three levers we can pull from the individual perspective, there’s benevolence, integrity and ability.

Benevolence – is the belief you have my best interest at heart and then she’ll actually work in my best interest.
Integrity – is do I follow through on my promises and do my actions line up with my values and abilities. Do I have the confidence to do what I say I’m going to do? So that boss has to have shown us at some point that their response is going to be supportive and helpful rather than angry and frustrated and that that they’re going to tolerate mistakes.
Ability – As you learn and grow, I want to position you to succeed and I’m going to ask you to do something that’s slightly outside your comfort zone and you come back to me and say, I may not get it perfect but I am goin to try.

Myrna: You also have a system that helps parents, build trust, with their children. One of the things that I know as a parent is that your kids are always watching. How do you teach parents to, build trust, with their children?

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How can parents build trust with their children

Darryl: I’ve actually written an article on this that’s on my website at trustunlimited.com it’s free if people want to go look for it it’s in the blog section. It’s on trust and parenting, but again it goes back to those levers. We explain the context so there are four levers within uncertainty. I believe that there are ten altogether that we can pull, and the four within uncertainty are benevolence, integrity, ability and context is the fourth lever.

So to the extent that our kids understand how we’re constrained and what we can and can’t do, and what the rules are for our family. Then they understand how we’re going to behave, but we also need to be able to convince them that we have their best interests at heart. I talk about benevolence quite a bit and when I’m working with families, I’ll ask them, who here has their kids best interest at heart and all the hands go up.

When I flipped that question and say how many of your kids would say that you have their best interest at heart? it’s about a third and it’s somewhat hesitant and so how do we make it obvious, how do we make it land? It doesn’t mean always being nice. Benevolence is truly about having their best interest at heart.

Myrna: I’m loving this. We’ve talked about the office, we’ve talked about parents. Let’s talk now about, building trust is personal relationships.

Building trust in personal relationships

Darryl: How does trust evolve in, personal relationships? From the start it’s going throughout that blend of uncertainty and vulnerability. In our relationships as uncertainty gets more and more compressed, as we become more and more convinced that we know the other person and how they’re going to act, the range of vulnerability we can tolerate starts to really grow. In our deepest relationships, we’ve got very small levels of uncertainty which means we can be incredibly vulnerable with one another.

There can be things that happen to cause the uncertainty to rise for us which makes us uncomfortable. When I work with people around, how to, build trust, I focus in on the 10 levers that I talk about. Four of them are within uncertainty, two of them are within vulnerability, there’s two within perceived outcomes because we interpret the world through stories.

I was working with a student in Luxembourg and I said, I want you to tell me a relationship that’s really important to you and he said my girlfriend. I said great when you go home tonight you’re going to say to your girlfriend, I was talking with Daryl today and he said that benevolence is really important to, building Trust, and that means having someone else’s best interest at heart. He asked me about a relationship that really mattered to me and I said you.

Book: Building Trust Exceptional Leadership in an uncertain world

Myrna: Tell us about your book it’s called Building Trust Exceptional Leadership in an Uncertain world why did you write it?

Darryl: It especially a leadership book, there’s some personal stuff as well. I find the model holds. I had to pick somewhere to start. If I were to write another book, which I may, it would be around parenting and family. I wrote the book I put everything in there, there’s no hidden messages that I’ve kept secret. I’ve put the whole model on, building trust, in the book. I’ve also talked through all 10 levers.

I’ve talked about how to pull those levers effectively, I’ve given examples and case studies of situations where those levers have been pulled and what we’ve done. So the intent of the book is to really scale things. I’ve also got a master class, it’s about three hours in length. It’s five minute segments that really walks people through trust and uses role plays and exercises to help people actually apply the skills.

Conclusion

Myrna: tell us about your website tell us about your course your social media handles

Darryl: You can reach out to me at Darryl@trustunlimited.com you can go to the website trustunlimited.com and there’s a Blog section there with articles and some podcasts. There’s a course, there the master class that’s available and you can order the book anywhere online. People can reach out to me on LinkedIn.

I’ve got a YouTube channel it’s just in its very early stages it’s trust unlimited podcasts

Additional Resources

How To Develop Trust In Relationships

August 17, 2023

The Power of Positive Thinking: Letting your Mind Heal your body

Positive Thinking let the mind heal the body

I want to make sure everyone knows of the power of, positive thinking, that the mind can heal the body. In a world where holistic health practices and alternative healing methods are gaining popularity, the idea of healing through thought alone has captured the imagination of many.

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Introduction: The Mind body connection

I want to use as my foundation, the biblical story of the woman with the issue of blood who believed that touching the hem of Jesus’ garment would lead to her healing.

I want to share this message today because I’ve been kind of soaked in the, mind body connection, recently after reading Dr Joe’s Dispenza’s book “Becoming Supernatural” I know that I myself has healed my body by focusing on where the pain is and sending energy to it and we can all do that. People can heal themselves of cancer; they can heal themselves of a lot of illnesses, including muscular dystrophy, Parkinson’s disease and any and all illnesses.

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Christopher Reeves healed his spine using the mind

I read Christopher Reeves autobiography years ago, he shared that he would sit outside every single day and tell his body to heal and it did. Just recently, I was listening to this new movie called Unsinkable and even though I have followed Dr Joe Dispenza for years now, I never heard his origin story. He shared in the movie that a truck ran into him while he was riding a bicycle and broke all the vertebrate’s in his back and he laid in his hospital bed and told his body to heal.

This is why I wrote this article, I want to make sure everyone knows of the power of positive thinking, that the mind can heal the body. The bible teaches us this in Matthew 21. Jesus teaches, I tell you if you have faith and do not doubt not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain go lower yourself into the sea and it will be done.

You know that’s some Supernatural stuff because you can’t even push a mountain, much as tell it to pick itself up and go into the sea, but what Jesus was trying to say is that you can create the impossible with your mind. Which is why the mindset is so important to me. Why, transforming your mind, is so important.

The woman with the issue of blood, also believed that all she had to do to be healed was to touch the hem of Jesus garment and her belief made her whole.

Science confirms that we can indeed heal our bodies with our minds

Science now affirms that we can indeed heal cancer, autoimmune disease, diabetes, and many other conditions with our minds.

Our subconscious minds create these diseases and our conscious mind can heal them.

In the book Becoming supernatural, in the first chapter Dr Joe Dispenza shared a story of a woman healing herself through meditation of cancer, paralysis, ulcerated colitis, sores in her mouth, vagina, and anus. She was a mess. Her body created these conditions because her husband committed suicide and left her broke. All she had to do to heal herself is to leave that old personality behind and create a new one.

So, what is the body mind connection?

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The Mind-Body Connection:

The concept of the, mind-body connection, has been studied extensively in both scientific and philosophical circles. Research indicates that mental states, emotions, and beliefs can indeed have an impact on physical health. Stress, for example, has been linked to various health conditions, including heart disease and immune system dysfunction. This suggests that maintaining a positive outlook and managing stress could potentially contribute to better overall well-being.

Complementary Approaches:

Positive thinking, can certainly complement medical treatments and aid in the recovery process. Many individuals find comfort and strength in their beliefs, which can contribute to a more positive outlook during times of illness. Practices such as meditation, mindfulness, and visualization may also help reduce stress and promote relaxation, which can support the body’s natural healing mechanisms.

Conclusion:

The idea of healing through thought alone is a fascinating concept that highlights the intricate connection between mind and body. While, positive thinking, and belief can positively influence health outcomes, they should not replace evidence-based medical interventions. The story of the woman with the issue of blood serves as a reminder of the power of faith and hope, today we have many many stories of, thought-based healing. Ultimately, a holistic approach that combines, positive thinking, with appropriate medical care offers the best path to overall well-being.

My suggestion is not to wait until you get the diagnosis to start practicing meditation and, positive thinking, start now. You do not want to learn to swim when you are drowning!

Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.

Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources

Is the Mind in the Brain?

August 13, 2023

A Journey to Self-Love: Connecting with Self Care

In this podcast episode, we’re diving into the topic of self care. This is a topic that can be challenging for many of us, but it’s essential if we want to feel at home in our bodies. We’re going to discuss different ways to develop a strong connection with our body, and learn how to accept and love ourselves without perfection. This isn’t a easy journey, but it’s one that is worth taking if we want to feel happy and fulfilled in our bodies and practice, self love.

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Bio

Taylor Elise Morrison turned bad at self care and being firmly convinced of every human’s potential into a career. She is the founder of the media company Inner Workout and the author of a book by the same name. Recently, named one of Fortune’s 10 innovators, Shipping the Future of Health. Taylor is tired of aspirational wellness. Instead, she builds businesses, content, and experiences that make well-being and personal development more accessible.

You’re just as likely to see Taylor facilitating a workshop at a Fortune 100 company as you are to see her talking about TikTok and body image with a high school class. Wherever she goes, Taylor is sure to use her coaching, mindfulness, and movement training to meet people where they’re at and offer actionable steps towards creating a world without burnout. Yes, that’s awesome. When you practice self care, then you should be creating your inner world without burnout.

Myrna: So Taylor, it’s an interesting niche. Can you tell me how you got on the self care path? I am in your bio. You started off by saying that you were once bad with self care. How did you go from that to be an author of the book, The Inner Workout?

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The inner workout to self care

Taylor: Yeah, and I would still say doing, self care, practicing, self care, isn’t something that comes naturally to me. I always like to be upfront about that because I think it’s really easy to see someone who’s written a book or talks about a topic and be like, well, they’re so far ahead. It could never possibly be me. And I really came into this work because I needed it. I was in a place where I was working full time. I had a business on the side. I was volunteering with multiple nonprofits. I was planning a wedding. I was trying to have a social life. And I kept feeling overwhelmed and burned out.

And I was approaching, self care, the way that I had seen it approached in a lot of spaces in the mainstream. But I wasn’t necessarily feeling cared for in my daily life. In fact, I kept going back to this place of feeling burned out and overwhelmed. And so really through my own journey of figuring out what it looked like to actually feel cared for, that led me to this work of Inner Workout. And now I feel like it keeps me honest. I’m not perfect at it, but I have tools I can continue to use.

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Definition of Self Care

Myrna: So how are we using the word, self care? What is your definition of it? And when you use that label, what are you meaning?

Taylor: Yeah, the definition that we use both in the book and in the company and our workout is that self care is listening within and responding in the most loving way possible. So it really shifts self care from an item on your to do list to a continuous conversation that you’re having with yourself.

Myrna: Okay, I get it. So what were you bad at? You said that you were pretty bad with self care and you still struggle with it. So are you bad with the conversation with yourself? Or are you bad with scheduling it? Are you bad with a list or give us an example of someone that’s listening so that they can identify with what we’re talking about.

Taylor: Yeah, well, if we bring it back to that, definition of self care, as listening within and responding in the most loving way possible, I’ve struggled with both pieces of that equation and the people that I work with tend to struggle with one or both of those pieces. So in the beginning, a lot of it was the listening within understanding what’s going on for me beneath the surface, not what people are telling me to care about, not what is the trendy topic, but listening to me being connected to my own inner voice, my own inner wisdom. So that’s one part of the equation.

Start self care by listening within

The other piece is responding with love. So it’s one thing to understand I’m feeling overwhelmed or I feel anxious in these situations or I’m doing this thing that I no longer feel aligned or connected to. It’s quite another to respond by having a conversation or by reprioritizing how you’re spending your time or by making an adjustment. So a lot of people need to start their journey with learning how to listen within. But then it gets into the, okay, loving response. How can I use the time, the resources available to me to give myself whatever it is that I need?

Myrna: Okay. All right. Okay. So I’m glad I dug a little deeper because yeah, we need to put the, you know, the proper label on what we’re talking because, you know, anybody that’s listening with when they say self care, you might think, okay, all right. So I’m going to schedule time to maybe go to the gym or for meditation or for, you know, going and get my nails and my pedicure. And instead of caring for others, you’re caring for yourself.

You’re scheduling time to care for yourself. But what your work seems to be focused on, and that’s basically why you wrote the book and then you have the company, the inner workout. You’re talking about the inner self care where if, let’s say, you know, I always like to dig deep so people can actually grab it. So let’s say that, like you just talked about, you were, you were working, let’s say, nine to five, doesn’t mean nine to five, but let’s say you’re working nine to five.

Let’s say that you got a side hustle, a business on the side. You’re volunteering at, you know, non-profit so that maybe you can help your business on the side or your career because that’s your focus. And then you’re saying you’re planning a wedding. So you are burning out and you have to care for yourself to say, hey, maybe I need to cut out some things out of this or so that’s where we’re going with this conversation.

The 5 dimensions of of self love and well-being

Taylor: That was part of it. And I think so one of the themes that we talk about is these, five dimensions of well-being, physical, energetic, mental and emotional wisdom and bliss. So when I’m talking about, self care, and doing the inner work, some of that, yes, is having conversations with yourself, doing more, doing less things that are really internal that no one else notices. But then some of those are external things.

Like for me, every morning it’s a non-negotiable for me that I move my body, but I’m not overly prescriptive of what that looks like. So this morning I had a late night last night, I had to take a family member to the emergency room. And so this morning when I checked in and said, okay, what do I need in terms of movement? This morning it was to walk for 20 minutes on my treadmill. Tomorrow I might ask myself that same question and it might be that I do yoga or I do cardio boxing.

So what my work around, self care, is really trying to do is to get you to the point where you were stepping in to your own self expertise. You’re really understanding what you need and you’re willing and able to give it to yourself to the best of your abilities using the resources that you have. A lot of times when I see people approaching self care, it’s very, I read a study or I read an article that said meditation is good and you should meditate for 20 minutes.

So I’m going to meditate for 20 minutes and I have to do it that way instead of viewing it as, okay, I got some new information. Meditation might be something that’s good for me. Let me try it out. Let me understand what feels good, what feels difficult, what are different types of meditation that I can try. So again, it’s less about I need to do this thing. I need to schedule this thing a lot of times at a very surface level and more about being in conversation with yourself and acknowledging that you are a human who is a part of nature who is going to shift and change. So as you continue to have that conversation with yourself, the ways that you care for yourself may shift and change over time, will shift and change.

Myrna: I love that. I love that. Yes. I love when I dig deep. It’s the coaching me. All right. Well, you just said a couple of things just now. So since it’s been introduced, let’s go there. Let’s talk about each of the 5 dimensions of, self love.

The dimensions of self care

Taylor: So there’s five dimensions of, self love, that are really fundamental to the work of, inner workout, as a company and fundamental to the book. That’s a lot of the structure of the book is reviewing these five dimensions and then there’s 14 sub dimensions. So I was first introduced to the concept that inspired the five dimensions of wellbeing. First there is the, physical dimension.

When I was going through my yoga teacher training and I was introduced to this yoga concept of the Koshas that eventually inspired the five dimensions of wellbeing. So when we’re talking about these dimensions, it really gives language and reminds us that there are multiple pieces and facets of us.

Another thing that I see really regularly when people are talking about self-care in the mainstream is that it tends to be pretty surface level and it tends to primarily focus on our physical body.

Then there’s the, energetic dimension, that looks at your ability to support yourself through and support your wellbeing through your breath. And then also looks at the way that energy moves throughout your daily life. The example I often give is we have all had the experience where we have a conversation and we’re so energized after that conversation. It like gave us energy. We’ve also had the experience, I’m guessing, I’ve definitely had this experience where I leave a conversation afterwards and I’m just feeling so drained.

Myrna: That’s happening all the time. Negative energy from the other person. Very few of us get the positive energy

Mental and emotional dimension of self care and self love

Taylor: Then there’s the mental and emotional sub-dimension, which looks at the way that we are using our brains, the way that we’re able to process and express our emotions. And that’s supported by the foundation of sleep, because sleep doesn’t just affect our physical bodies. It also literally affects our ability to think and to process and to verbalize.

Then there’s the, wisdom dimension, which is about connecting to our inner wisdom in the present moment and taking aligned action on those insights. Similar to what I was saying when I was talking about the definition of self-care is listening within and responding with love. Sometimes we can hear from our inner voice, we have that gut feeling or we have that feeling in our heart. And we’re like, we have a sense of what we should do or what we shouldn’t do.
And then the final dimension of wellbeing is about bliss, which is a seat of connection to the truest, the fullest expression of yourself, connection to community, and connection to something bigger than you, however you define that connection. So those are the five dimensions of wellbeing. And I touched briefly on some of the sub-dimensions. And so when we’re looking at care, this model really helps you holistically pinpoint what part of me might be needing care right now.

Myrna: Awesome. All right. So yeah, you’re also an entrepreneur. We talked about your side hustle and you’re, the founder of, the inner workout. So let’s talk about self-care now when you’re an entrepreneur. Because when you’re an entrepreneur, it is hard. I started my entrepreneurial journey as a limousine operator, years ago in Canada. And, and it was like a 24 hour job. People will call you at four in the morning, they want to go to the airport and stuff like that. So a lot of entrepreneurs don’t have time for the physical self-care, much less the mental and emotional self-care. So how do you teach your, your inner workout community?

How entrepreneurs can practice self care

Taylor: And I would actually push back on that, that entrepreneurs don’t have time for, self-care, because what I find often is that when people say they don’t have time for self-care, that’s not true. We can find those pockets of time for self care. It may be a minute in between calls, or it may be you’re in the car on the way to your next client meeting and you take some time to check in.

But what I would really encourage for entrepreneurs is to start noticing the pockets of time that you have, using them to do something, even if it’s just like, what do I need? I need three deep breaths. I need to say three things that I’m grateful for. I need to just stand up and stretch really quick because I’ve been sitting. So noticing those pockets of time, using them, and then celebrating whatever care you’re able to give to yourself.

Myrna: Tell us about your book Inner Work-out, why did you write it?

Taylor: I wrote the book because not everyone can afford coaching, not everyone can afford to go through a course or a workshop. But the book is in libraries. The book is only $20. And that’s a lot more affordable way to begin this work for yourself than some of the other offerings. So it’s also a way to make my work more accessible to more people.

What I want people to get out of it is, I keep going back to the feedback that I love. It lights me up when people are like, oh, I never thought of, self care, this way. I felt like Taylor was talking to me and I felt like I could actually do this.

So if people see themselves in this book and feel like there is at least one thing, and I promise that will be way more than one thing that they can get out of it, then I’ve done my job. You have 14 sub dimensions. Yeah, there’s a lot in there and the book really expands on this resource that is free and will remain free, called the Take Care Assessment that measures our wellbeing across the five dimensions and the 14 sub dimensions.

And then it gives you this PDF report based on your results and gives you sample practices to get started. So the book really encourages you to take the assessment to start. And then you can read it like a choose your own adventure and be like, oh, I need some work on the embodiment sub dimension of the physical dimension.

Conclusion

Tell our readers how they can get a copy of your book, your website, your social media handles so they can follow you.

Taylor: So if you head to innerworkout.co, there’s a button right there that will show you all the places you can get the book. There’s also a button right below it that links you to the self care assessment. So if you go to our website, top two resources are right there. And I’m not super active on social media. But I’m on Instagram as Taylor Elyse Morrison. But honestly, the best way to stay connected with us is through our self care Sundays newsletter and by listening to the Inner warm up podcast.

Well, listen, guys, thank you for tuning into the Transform Your Mind to Transform Your Life radio podcast and television show. If you’re listening on iTunes, we’d love for you to rate and review. If you’re watching this on YouTube, I would love for you to subscribe. Until next time, Namaste.

Additional Resources

How to Love Yourself and Heal The Body

August 11, 2023August 11, 2023

Goal Digger vs. Gold Digger: The Power of SMART Goals

How to be a goal digger and not a gold digger

In a world where aspirations and motivations can vary significantly, it’s crucial to understand the distinction between being a “goal digger” and a “gold digger.” Both terms revolve around the pursuit of something valuable, but their intentions and paths diverge drastically.

In this blog, coach Myrna shares the difference between setting SMART goals with ambition, determination, and a desire to achieve your dreams with hard work and perseverance. Coach Myrna also explore the pitfalls of falling into the “gold digger” mindset – an approach driven by the pursuit of material wealth at the expense of genuine service and personal growth.

Download the podcast here

https://2.gum.fm/https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/https://verifi.podscribe.com/rss/p/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/13325359-goal-digger-vs-gold-digger-the-power-of-smart-goals.mp3?download=true

How to be a goal digger

Do you chase money instead of goals? Being a, goal digger, means you are focusing on achieving your goals and pursuing your passions rather than solely chasing money. For example, do you want that job because you have a goal of being of service or you want that job because of the pay grade?

Take Life coaching for example, a lot of Life coaches can’t make a living doing this work but they love helping people so they willingly do the job.

Here are six tips to help you become a goal digger:

Define your goals: Take time to identify your long-term and short-term goals. What do you truly want to achieve in life? Having a clear vision will help you stay focused and motivated. It is also good to go deeper and have SMART goals.

These are SMART goals.

Specific: Spell out exactly what you want to accomplish

Begin by thinking about your goal as an observable action, not a broad concept. If your goal is vague, moving beyond this part of goal-setting is challenging. because it could be too generalized to measure or too wide-reaching to be attainable.

Measurable: Define the end result in quantitative or qualitative terms

How will you know when you have achieved your goal? Or how close you are to attaining it? Think about the outcomes and what can be measured. Knowing what success looks like will help you maintain the outcome of the goal, or set a baseline for future improvement.

Achievable: Confirm that your goal is possible and reasonable to accomplish

Do you have access to the skills and resources required to achieve your goal? What support or learning do you need to achieve it? Make sure you are set up to succeed when you establish your goal. This is a critical part of goal-setting.

Relevant: Make sure your goal is relevant for the future. AI is making a lot of jobs obsolete as computers did in the past. For example, writers are being phased out because AI can write a really good copy.

Time-bound: Identify an achievement date for your goal. Is it a long term or short-term goal? 6 months or 6 years? When does your goal need to be completed? A time-bound goal creates a sense of urgency. Even if the date identified isn’t the final deadline of the program or work, a time-bound goal helps to chart a course to completion.

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Becoming a Goal Digger by setting goals

Pursue your passions: Identify your interests and find ways to incorporate them into your goals. When you genuinely enjoy what you’re working towards, it becomes easier to stay committed and motivated.
Create a plan: Break down your goals into actionable steps. Develop a plan that outlines the specific tasks you need to complete to achieve each goal. This will help you stay organized and make progress.
Embrace learning and growth: Continuously seek opportunities to learn and develop new skills related to your goals. Invest in self-improvement, whether through books, courses, or mentorship. Constantly expanding your knowledge will enhance your ability to succeed.
Surround yourself with like-minded individuals: Connect with people who share similar goals or passions. Engaging with a supportive community can provide motivation, inspiration, and valuable insights.
Stay persistent and resilient: Achieving meaningful goals often requires perseverance. Be prepared for setbacks and challenges along the way. Learn from failures, adapt, and keep moving forward. Maintain a positive mindset and believe in your abilities.

Conclusion

Remember, while money can be a byproduct of achieving your goals, it should never be the sole focus. Stay true to your passions, work hard, and enjoy the journey of pursuing your dreams and being a, goal digger.

Additional Resources

Jim Rohn on How to Improve Yourself

August 6, 2023

Embracing Change Together: The Transformative Power of Group Therapy

Tanya Cole-Lesnick, psychotherapist share the transformative power of, group therapy, and why there is, strength in numbers. She delves into the profound impact of, group therapy, in fostering personal growth and transformation. In this post Tanya shares how the power of collective support and shared experiences as individuals come together to navigate life’s challenges, heal emotional wounds, and help others embark on a journey of self discovery. This podcast offers a compelling exploration of the transformative dynamics found within the context of, group therapy.

Download the podcast here

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Bio

Tanya Cole Lesnick has been a psychotherapist which is a licensed clinical social worker and coach since 1995. She received her master’s degree in social work from New York University after, group therapy, changed her life. She has extensive experience in outpatient hospital mental health, private practice and Wellness from those experiences. Over the years she has identified her most important focus helping people to live lives that light them up.

She does this by helping clients to access and honor their truth, change habits that do not serve them and to heal faulty narratives so they are living in alignment inside and out. Her work result revolves around intimate groups as she shares the inner words and being human together in a safe space is what she finds to be the most powerful way to transform Our Lives.

Myrna: In your bio Tanya you said that, group therapy, changed your life can you share that experience with us because I’m curious.

Tanya: I actually started my career out as a graphic designer and in those early days, I was very much longing for a, long-term love relationship, and I was struggling to find a partner and relationships were not lasting. I didn’t really understand what was in the way for me. The idea of therapy came to me but I felt a lot of stigma associated with therapy.

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Introduction to group therapy

I also was very dismissive of my issues and thinking well that was aren’t legitimate enough for me to explore therapy. But as time went on and my longing continued and the pattern wasn’t changing, I decided I didn’t really care if I was the right candidate or not I wanted something to change. I started therapy with this wonderful woman named Bonnie and right away that experience was very healing.

I felt like I could tell her what was going on. I did not feel judged by her, it felt emotionally safe to share my story and so that part was great. But very early on she suggested that I add, group therapy, and the thought of it was very terrifying, because I was much more vulnerable with her than I really ever had been. So the idea of sharing some of that stuff with people who at that time were strangers to me scared me.

But I was building some trust in Bonnie and she thought it was going to be helpful and I was sort of intrigued, so I said yes and started that process. It was really a combination of the two being in a group situation and then processing some of what came up for me separately with Bonnie and then going back to the group, where I was able to grow in lots of ways.

Number one, the reason why I thought maybe I wasn’t able to have a long-term love relationship might have been because I wasn’t lovable that was what my own brain was explaining to me. Maybe I was unlovable, maybe that was what the problem was, so by going into this group therapy, I was able to get to know people that I really admired and learn about their insecurities that were so similar to my insecurities.

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Group therapy helped me peel all all the false messaging

I was able to kind of peel away some of those messages that were just not true and got more comfortable in my own skin and developed some confidence became more embodied, because I think while I was trying to meet somebody. I kept curating the version of myself that I was going to show up at and trying to decide what somebody else was going to like rather than showing up fully as myself, because that didn’t feel so safe.

And so all of that stuff happened. I did meet a man who became my husband pretty early on and he and I just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary. We’ve got two grown amazing daughters so that life that I loved or happened and fairly quickly, but the part that I didn’t anticipate was how much I was going to connect to myself, how meaningful that Journey was going to be for me and how much more satisfied with my life I became.

As I started to have a better relationship with myself, that’s when I decided to go back to school and become a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist and coach and have been dedicating my life to helping other people have transformations of their own.

Myrna: Wow that is a very good story and it’s almost original because you’re right you know I’ve not heard anybody go into therapy because they’re looking for a life partner, it’s usually going into therapy because of some kind of trauma or addiction or something you know whether it’s, group therapy, or not. So it’s amazing that you did and so which is what makes us the spin on this conversation so unique. I absolutely love that and I have some circle backs.

One is that what I know, group therapy, is what I’ve seen in the movies and what use the reason like you know they have the when you go into therapy and you say you know my name is Myrna and I’m an addict or whatever the reason that they do that there is because everybody there is an addict and everybody there can identify and you can share your space.

And I and I think they do that for the same reason that you said there’s commonality, you feel that you’re not alone. But what I don’t understand you know maybe we can unpack a little bit so you felt that you weren’t able to have a permanent relationship because you’re unlovable and when you went into therapy you were able to realize that message wasn’t true.

So if I’m thinking of me, I’m putting myself, if I think that I’m not lovable and I go into therapy and I see someone else that thinks that she’s not lovable how is that going to change me? How is that going to transform me?

How group therapy transforms your thinking

Tanya: These relationships happen over time, this particular group was every week, so week to week we might have different layers to very similar conversations. So if I’m watching somebody else who is talking about feeling unlovable and I can see how untrue it is, it opens up a little bit of possibility in my own mind that could be the case for me too.

If I can see how lovable she is and she can’t see it for herself, maybe it’s not that I’m unlovable, It’s just I’m struggling to see it for myself which are very different things. So that was part of it. I think sharing more of my honest self with people and having people respond to that in such positive ways, I think helped me.

Also see that my inner world wasn’t so off-putting. I thought it was, and so I would take a little more risk a little more risk as the relationships within, group therapy, grew. Everybody would share a little bit more and there was a very like in real time opening up that either happened or didn’t. Some, group sessions, we maybe stayed a little bit more on the surface, other group sessions maybe we went a little bit deeper depending on sort of what got brought into the room and how we all responded to it; but the cumulative impact was really touching on these very deep places.

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Group therapy allowed me to touch deep places

In these deep places that was not typically happening in my life outside of group or or most of us we don’t typically go into such a deep place.
As I practiced in, group therapy, It felt safer for me to start doing some of that outside in the world. This allowed me to meet my husband very quickly because I started to show up differently.

Myrna: Why you think people fear, group therapy? I think you probably kind of hit the nail on the head earlier that people don’t like to tell how they’re really feeling, even in, group therapy, in a relationship. They always want to out on a mask. I’m pretty sure that’s one of the reasons. So why do you think people fear, group therapy?

Tanya: I think it’s the vulnerability piece. I think it’s what we are working on when we go into either a therapy or a, group therapy, situation ,we want to improve some things that aren’t going well for us. So to be honest about what’s not going well for us, I think does feel very vulnerable and there’s real fear about how we’re going to be received if people hear how badly we’re struggling with something.

Myrna: In your experience what helps clients move forward towards the changes they long for and what keeps them stuck?

Getting unstuck in group therapy

The transformation starts when we recognize what we’re each bringing into adulthood, what are our, limiting beliefs. First off getting curious and checking in and recognizing where you’ve got messaging that’s not serving you and then starting to make some changes which can bring up some emotions. When we start to challenge some of this old beliefs, we start, getting unstuck.

Myrna: How do they go from being clear about what they want in life and starting, group therapy, or even regular therapy?

Tanya: The first step I think starting to recognize the pain points can be really helpful, so it can be something like when are you agreeing to things that you’re dreading that you don’t want to be doing that you notice like emotions coming up that are really negative connected to that. Or you are getting depleted, feeling resentful because you’ve said yes to things you don’t want to be doing.

Our energy actually gets maximized when we’re living in alignment and we’re not stuck in our heads weighing everything out assessing things, ruminating about things.

Myrna: Let’s say that you go into, group therapy, and they’re saying Tanya do you have something to share, and you’re sitting there and you’re thinking of all the things that goes on in your mind. The messages in your mind. And you tell yourself, I am not going to share nothing because they are going to think badly of me. When do you decide to take the risk and share with the group?

Taking risks of sharing in group therapy

Tanya: We take a risk like that in therapeutic environments all the time so for me it’s not unusual to see it, but what I see in groups and I run little Retreats as well. I see people taking those kinds of emotional risks with each other where they’ll share something they feel maybe some shame about and feel uncomfortable to share, when I see people do that, I’m always sort of celebrating them.

The connections that happen when people feel permission to share is enormous. Taking that chance and giving themselves permission is great. Someone else listening then says to themselves if they can do it, then I can do it too. Those relationships in the groups that get formed are a special kind of communication that happens from this inner place that’s so beautiful to watch.

Myrna: I absolutely absolutely agree, because a lot of times when people are depressed they don’t want to talk, they don’t want to talk to anybody they hold it all in and therapy is talking, which is why talk therapy has become so popular. In, group therapy, what you’re doing is seeing that there’s other people that feel the same way and then you don’t feel so badly about yourself.

Tell us about your work with groups and how you help your clients and how listeners can connect with you and be a part of your work and your group.

Activate group coaching program

Tanya: I run a coaching group program called Activate where people get a combination of group sessions with a few individual sessions; so that people can focus on identifying what it is that they want to work on and bring that to group. It’s a six-month commitment and then sort of Midway through we assess what’s shifting, where are they and continuing to adjust goals along the way; so people continue to clear whatever’s in the way for them energetically and start to focus on building the lives that they really want to be living.

I do that group coaching program and do some small Retreats as well, because all my work is virtual except for The Retreat, so that’s just a more intensive weekend when people can really check in and do some of the work that we do in group, but a little bit more intensively. I have one coming in New York in October so not you know a number of months away we just did one in April which was amazing and so anybody that’s interested in working with me in any way.

I offer a free Discovery session that somebody can schedule themselves right on my website and it’s 20 minutes to chat about whatever they might be thinking. My website is www.clearenergeticclutter.com

my social media handles are Tanyathetherapist

Conclusion

I think the thing that I often say at the very end is just to remind people number one to be kind to yourself This is a tricky process and I know that people have a tendency to get frustrated with themselves especially if you start to recognize patterns you’re not thrilled about that you want to change it takes some time and energy to change some of these patterns so to be kind to yourself and allow yourself some quiet and some space to get in the habit of connecting to yourself. Those are the two things that I hope people really hold on to in this process.

That’s good advice To know yourself is to grow yourself so you got to know yourself. I got an aha moment almost from my first question why was, group therapy, different from regular therapy and you answered that right away and that was my aha moment and. I get it, I understand it so yes it was a good conversation. Thank you Tanya for being on the show and for illuminating our our awareness of, group therapy.

If you’re listening to this and iTunes we’d love for you to rate and review if you’re listening on YouTube would love for you to subscribe. Until next time namaste

Additional Resources

Becoming Flawesome: The Journey to Self-Acceptance

August 3, 2023

Beyond Love: When Love Alone Isn’t Enough

Love is a powerful and beautiful emotion that has the ability to uplift, inspire, and bring immense joy to our lives. But what happens, when love alone isn’t enough? Love forms the foundation of many relationships, providing strong bonds between partners, family members, and friends.

However, there are instances, when love alone isn’t enough. In this video, coach Myrna looks at the, Bible story of Hanna, and why the love of her husband was not enough. Coach Myrna, shares 5 realities of, when love isn’t enough, and how we can build resilience and understanding to overcome obstacles on the path to fulfilment.

Download the podcast here:

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When love alone isn’t enough

Have you ever loved someone, but could not live with them so you broke up with them instead? That is an example of, when love alone isn’t enough.

Today I want to look at the bible story of Hanna and why the love of her husband was not enough.

Let’s look at 1st Samuel 1:8

Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons?

Hanna had all the love a woman could want from a man, but she was not happy because she could not have children. Her husband’s love was not enough to fill the hole in her heart.

For Hanna having a husband wasn’t enough, having a man who loved her, wasn’t enough.

Love can be a wonderful and important aspect of our lives, but it is not the sole determinant of our happiness. Happiness is a complex and multifaceted emotion that can be influenced by various factors. While love can contribute significantly to our well-being, there are other aspects to consider.

Here are 5 reasons when love isn’t enough

Self-fulfillment: True happiness often involves a sense of purpose and personal fulfillment. Pursuing your passions, setting and achieving goals, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and a sense of accomplishment can contribute to overall happiness. For Hanna and most women this includes being a mother.
Emotional well-being: Happiness goes beyond love and encompasses emotional well-being. It’s important to develop coping skills, self-care practices, and maintain healthy relationships beyond romantic love, such as with family and friends, to cultivate happiness.
Personal growth: Continuous personal growth and self-improvement can lead to a sense of fulfillment and happiness. This can include learning new skills, expanding your knowledge, and challenging yourself to become the best version of yourself. You can have all the love in the world but if you are not growing, you will feel unfulfilled.
Physical and mental health: Taking care of your physical and mental health is essential for overall happiness. Engaging in regular exercise, practicing self-care, managing stress, and seeking support when needed are all crucial aspects of well-being.
Meaningful connections: While romantic love is significant, nurturing relationships with friends, family, and a supportive community can provide a sense of belonging and happiness. Building and maintaining meaningful connections with others can be a source of joy and support.

Motherhood a path to self fulfillment

I Just finished reading Paris Hilton memoir. In her book Paris shares her infertility journey. Like Hanna love was not enough, being a Hilton and an heiress was not enough, having a brand was not enough, like Hanna she wanted a child.

Remember that happiness is subjective, and what brings happiness to one person, may differ from another. Sometimes love of your family or spouse is enough, but most of the times you must love yourself first. It’s important to explore and cultivate various areas of your life beyond love to find fulfillment and happiness. Seeking a balance between different aspects of life, investing in personal growth, and fostering relationships can contribute to a more fulfilling and joyful existence.

Being in love or receiving love is not enough for self-actualization which include realizing your dreams, being true to yourself, and achieving inner peace.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna

Additional Resources

Becoming Flawesome: The Journey to Self-Acceptance

July 30, 2023

Break the Cycle of Emotional Eating To Lose Weight

Emotional eating, can be challenging to break, but here are 3 tips to help you break the cycle. In this blog, Dr Katrina Ubell, author of “How to Lose Weight For the Last Time” talks about how to escape the cycle of, emotional eating. Emotional eating, is a habit that can be hard to break, but with the right strategies, you can conquer it.

To break the cycle of, emotional eating, you first have to recognize when you’re eating for emotional reasons. Once you’ve identified your triggers, you need to find strategies to stop yourself from eating. In this post, we’re going to share with you three simple tips that can help you overcome, emotional eating, and start feeling healthier and happier!

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Stop emotional eating and lose weight one last time

Dr Katrina Ubell’s book “How to Lose Weight for the Last Time” offers brain-based solutions for dropping pounds and keeping them off without suffering or sacrifice. As a pediatrician Dr Katrina Ubell MD always struggled with her weight she was either 40 pounds overweight or struggling to use lose that weight although she’d regularly counseled parents on the importance of keeping their kids healthy and fostering good eating habits.

Dr Ubell as a busy professional was never able to do the same for herself. Like everyone else she tried many different diets and programs, but would always regain that weight. In 2015 Dr Ubell cracked the code for making, weight loss permanent, and developed the program targeted at busy professionals like herself who often deprioritized their own wellness. As a, weight loss coach, Dr Ubell has signed and helped over a thousand busy Physicians and professionals find and stay at a healthy weight with her brain based program and she’s now ready to bring this program to the general public like you.

Dr Ubell’s program doesn’t involve any unrealistic diets plans, special Foods supplements or even rigorous exercise protocols; instead she uses a deep understanding of the brain and behavior patterns to get results. Through her work she’s been able to uncover and speak into Universal obstacles that stand in her way of losing and keeping the weight off.

Myrna: I know we’re all aware of the yo-yo diet, you diet you lose the weight, you start eating again because you got to, then you put the weight back on. Share how you lost 50 pounds? Tell us about your, weight loss journey, and how you cracked the code to keep weight off because you look pretty good right now.

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What is emotional eating

I struggled with my weight for so long, when I was younger I can identify that I definitely did some, emotional eating, which I define as just eating food when you’re not physically hungry. Your body is not asking for food, yet you’re eating anyway. I mean I might have fluctuated a little bit, but I was relatively active as a kid.

But it was never really too big of a problem, it was when I went to medical school that things really started to become a problem for me. There just was no time for anything but studying working in the hospital, and hospital food that’s not particularly nutritious. I mean there was even a Wendy’s fast food restaurant in our Hospital. So I started struggling in medical school so I went to Weight Watchers for the first time.

I’m a high achiever you give me a list of rules and I’m like I can do this. I will suffer follow it. I will totally sit here starving. That’s when I started drinking diet soda, because I think the bubbles and the carbonation filled me up. Some of the stuff that I would do all in the effort to get the weight off, but then what I found was that I got the weight off but I knew I couldn’t keep it off.

I really didn’t have any kind of meaningful plan for maintaining at all and so of course, I regained the weight back and then I repeated that cycle I mean literally at least 10 times over the course of my training in residency and then out in practice.

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Is keeping the weight off even possible? Yes

Myrna: I was about to turn 40 old when my battle with, weight loss, began. I you know a lot of people around those Milestone birthdays we start to just kind of reevaluate everything and one of the things I was was thinking about was my body my weight.

Dr Ubell: I was just trying a bunch of different things and through a very circuitous path, I tried more things that didn’t work, but through that path I was introduced to the concept of, emotional eating, before then people would talk a lot about, compulsive eating, and that term did not resonate with me. When I found out that, emotional eating, is eating for any reason other than fuel for your body, I was like oh yeah no sign me up.

I would overeat when I didn’t know any of other way to deal with my emotions and you know have a busy life. I have three kids, I have a husband who is a surgeon, so he’s got a busy as well. As a doctor there’s a lot of ups and downs and I had no other tools, no other skills so of course I would use food to cope. Some people use alcohol, but for me it was food.

Myrna: That was a great intro on, emotionally eating. Right now I am doing intermittent fasting and I’m supposed to eat my dinner between six and seven and I’m not supposed to eat again for the night, and it’s incredibly hard not to eat. My brain is is telling me that I need to go eat something and I’m not hungry. I might get hungry 10 30 or 11 o’clock when I go to bed, but at 8 o’clock I’m not hungry, but I want to eat. How are you teaching in the book and your clients how to stop that desire to eat when they are not hungry?

Emotional Eating when you are not hungry leads to weight gain

Dr Ubell: I am so glad you brought it up because so many people struggle with this. Nighttime eating for people is so hard. So the first thing we want to do though is, we want to zoom out and look at the big picture a little bit and for everybody it’s going to be a little bit different but there’s often some common themes.

For a lot of us, this is just habit. It’s just what we do and so our brains are like hey it’s eight o’clock it’s time for a snack. Some eat for comfort in the evening. A lot of people struggle with, nighttime eating, which is why, intermittent fasting, is blowing up.

Myrna: You said that when you were in medical school you had no time to eat right and you found out that you were not alone, that all Doctors ate bad because they had to time to eat healthy. But a lot of women and mothers have a busy life, they get up in the morning they got kids, they go to work, they come home, they gotta do dinner, sometimes it is much earlier to stop and pick up fast foods.

Dr Ubell: I think the thing that we have to recognize is that a lot of busy women in particular think about things in the extreme swings of the pendulum. Either they need to be cooking this home-cooked meal with all these fresh vegetables bowls that takes a long time and is pretty involved with lots of ingredients. Nobody got time for that right, we’re not doing that. So then I guess we’re just eating burgers at Wendy’s.

How to Lose Weight For the last time

But the biggest thing that we have to recognize when we’re very busy, our time is accounted for is simplifying what we expect of ourselves and what we eat those are amazing tools. You could order HelloFresh at a 50% discount. Much cheaper that delivery. Or cook something simple.

Myrna: Tell us about your book “How To Lose Weight For the Last Time” I understand the main message of the book is, emotional eating, and the conversation you have in your mind about the food, but what is the predominant message that you want to put out?

Dr UBell: The main message of the book is that if you’ve struggled with overeating/your weight and you’re feeling like your relationship with food is not where you want it to be, there’s a solution. What I talk about is what I call Peace and Freedom around food. I described before which is you are just around all the foods it’s Thanksgiving and all your favorite foods are there and you’re gonna enjoy the heck out of them, but you’re not gonna overeat them. You’re not obsessed, you’re not sitting there asking when’s the time for pie, because I can’t think of anything else. I can’t even hold this conversation because all I’m thinking about is pie!

What we’re doing is we’re using our brains to re-regulate that so that we listen to the call of hunger, answer to the satiety signals when we’ve had enough. We have an appropriate amount of desire for food, meaning when we start getting hungry we want to eat that makes sense, but not in the middle of the day all the time. So that’s really the message in the book is that you have way more control over this than you think. You’re not broken, it’s not hopeless and you can’t fix.

Myrna: So where can they get a copy of your book? Tell us about your website and social media handles.

Conclusion

Dr Ubell: So the book is available anywhere books are sold. It’s also available on audible. My website is www.KatrinaUbellMd.com and my podcast even though it’s called “Weight Loss for Busy Physicians” I have a lot of non-physician listeners, people have gotten a lot of help out of it. On my website there’s several free resources that people can download and get started. If you buy the book and then put in your order number on our special website which is KatrinaUbell.com/book you’ll get a whole Workshop that I did called guarantee your weight loss success.

This is a lot about getting yourself ready to start the process so that you can really follow through and make sure that you get the results that you want. So no matter how you buy it, you can go to that website and go get those free resources. My social media handles are coachKatrinaUbellMD mostly on Facebook Instagram.

Additional Resources

How to Reprogram your Mind to Stop Binge Eating

July 27, 2023

Carlee Russell: Attention Seeking Behavior

Was, Carlee Russell, attention seeking behavior, going too far for attention? Seeking attention, is a natural human desire, but it is essential to strike a balance and consider healthy ways to, seek attention, without compromising personal values or the well-being of others. Going too far to, seek attention, can lead to negative consequences, such as alienating others, damaging relationships, or even risking one’s own life.

In this blog post coach Myrna looks at, attention seeking behavior, in adults and offer some alternative behaviors.

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Carlee Russell Attention seeking behavior

The story this week getting national attention is the story of, Carlee Russell, a 25-year-old Black nursing student who decided suddenly or maybe she has been fascinated about this for years, to fake her abduction. Police says that, Carlee Russell, googled the movie Taken and other abduction tips before calling 911 and saying she saw a 4-year-old walking on the highway and she was going to go investigate.

Social media was in an uproar. Black activists, took to Instagram and Facebook to call for the same attention to finding, Carlee Russell, as they took to finding the rich White men who were lost in the submarine.

Then, Carlee Russell, showed up at her home 2 days later and tried to spin a story of how she was forced into an 18-wheeler truck and taken to a home where a man and a woman told her to get undressed and then took photos of her.

Carlee Russell Lied

After police started asking for details, she decided to come clean and confess that the story was a hoax and she lied about being kidnapped.

So today I want to look at, why adults seek attention. We know that kids love attention and if they don’t get, positive attention, they resort to getting, negative attention.

For adults, attention-seeking behavior, is a conscious or unconscious attempt to become the, center of attention, sometimes to gain validation or admiration.

In the, Carlee Russell update, In a news briefing on Monday, Hoover Police Chief Nick Derzis said the department received a letter from Russell’s attorney saying that she was never taken and that her report of a missing child on an interstate highway was false. No understanding of what was the purpose of this, attention seeking behavior.

What attention seeking behavior in adults may look like

Attention-seeking behavior, can include saying or doing something with the goal of getting the attention of a person or a group of people.

Examples of, attention seeking behavior include:

Fishing for compliments by pointing out achievements and seeking validation
Being controversial to provoke a reaction
Exaggerating and embellishing stories to gain praise or sympathy
Pretending to be unable to do something so someone will teach, help, or do it for you.

We know that saying something controversial gets you attention in the media and a lot of people seek attention this way, but for business reasons.

In the movie Barbie, there is a humorous section about women pretending not to know how to do things so as to get the attention from men who loves to show off that they could help. That is a tactic to make men feel strong and protective. I get that also.

Why did Carlee Russell Lied to seek attention

But why would Carlee want to pretend she was abducted? To me that sounds almost like a mass shooter filming himself killing people so he could get his picture in the news. If that was Carlee’s intent she succeeded. Her pictures are plastered all over the news.

Getting attention for something that is a lie never works out. We still live in a society with values and lying is something that is still not acceptable. This stupid act has ruined her life and shamed her family.

So, the next time you want to seek attention, try to get it by contributing to humanity or doing acts of kindness instead of engaging in, attention seeking behavior. That works out better for everyone.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources

Self Confidence: The Courage To Be You

July 23, 2023

Surviving Divorce: The Ultimate Roadmap to Rebuilding Your Life

In this blog post, Karen McMahon, Divorce coach discuss the ins and outs of divorce, and provide you with the resources you need to rebuild your life after a divorce. Many people believe that divorce is the end of the world, but that’s not necessarily the case.

In this episode, we’re going to discuss the steps you need to take in order to rebuild your life after a divorce. We’ll cover topics like financial planning, communication strategies, and rebuilding your relationship with your children. If you’re struggling after a divorce, don’t worry! This podcast is designed to help you on your road to rebuilding your life after divorce.

Download the podcast here

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Bio

Karen McMahon is a certified relationship and divorce coach and the founder of Journey Beyond divorce. Together Karen and her team of divorce coaches encourage thousands of men and women worldwide to navigate their divorce calmly, clearly and with confidence. Karen began her journey as a coach in 2010 after coming to the realization that her tumultuous three and a half year divorce was a catalyst for a transformational journey into a new life, instead of allowing her pain to wear her down.

She turned inward with a laser-like focus and worked on healing herself, setting suitable barriers and surrendering what she could not control. Karen now shows others that the shifting world of divorce is a perfect opportunity to begin identifying and practicing new ways of thinking being and doing. Looking at relationship challenges with A New Perspective inevitably leads to deeper self-discovery, which allows individuals to boldly move forward in to the next chapter of Life.

Karen is the host of the acclaimed Journey beyond divorce podcast, the co-author of stepping out of chaos, turning pain to possibility and the co-creator of JBD’s exclusive 12-step divorce recovery program. Her other accomplishments include work as in NYS lobbyist Health Advocate, Community organizer and chairperson of an NYS non-profit organization.

Divorce is one of life ambushes

Myrna: I remember an interview that I had just a few weeks ago with retired Navy SEAL Jason Redman, who talked about, life ambushes, and one of the ambushes he talks about was divorce. Jason said that people when they have a life Ambush, they keep looking at the closed door. They don’t understand that whenever you have an end you also have a new beginning, so that’s where I’m going to start off my conversation today.

Karen said that she started this work after she went through her divorce and realized that it was a beginning of something, so Karen how do you teach your clients to turn the pain of the of divorce into a possibility?

Karen: That’s a great starting question and so the first thing I’ll say is there are those who ask for the divorce and those who find themselves blindsided when the divorce comes to them. So if you’re asking for a divorce, if you’re finally deciding that you want a divorce, you’ve been struggling in your marriage for a long time. You may have gone through counseling, but you’ve been on your own grief Journey for some time now and it’s still super messed up.

Then there is those who are blindsided, they knew the marriage had problems but every marriage has problems and so when their spouse says I want a divorce they’re like hit, they’re ambushed and it feels like they’re being run over by an 18-wheeler.

Divorce road map

So I always like to talk about the, grief Journey, because the person who’s ambushed is immediately in denial. Oh are you seeing someone? You’re just going through a midlife crisis, you’re just confused, this can’t be happening. They start bargaining, they go through this whole thing and a lot of people who have decided to divorce will think their spouse is being manipulative when in fact they’re really in this, grief Journey.

Myrna: I can understand you going into the possibilities of what can happen so diving a little deeper. What is the, roadmap for divorce, you coach your clients about the possibility of relationships, career, etc.

Karen: The roadmap for divorce, is like a roadmap to a destination with all the stops. I was just speaking to a client earlier today and this person knows they need to leave and so there’s so much to map out.

When do I tell my spouse
How do I tell my spouse
What do we say to the kids
When do we say it to the kids
If it’s a high conflict marriage do I tell them individually
Will mom or dad throw me under the bus and hurt the kids if I tell them together?

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The emotional load and emotional pain body are enormous. At Journey Beyond divorce, we support people both on the Practical Journey which is telling the spouse, telling the kids, finding an attorney, figuring out your finances, how do I negotiate, how does the court work.

Journey beyond divorce: co-parenting

That whole journey and as you’re going down that Journey, what’s coming up it’s like you’ve jumped into a murky Pond and all of your shortcomings, all of your insecurities, everything you need to heal from and refine comes bubbling up. So now you’re in an emotional tsunami after just being drop shipped into a foreign land called divorce, where you don’t know the language you don’t have a guide and you don’t know what the heck you’re doing.

It’s really a powerful opportunity for, personal transformation, and reinvention because basically it’s a hot mess.

Myrna: For sure, one of the things that you teach is how to do effective, co-parenting. So can we talk about that for a minute.

Karen: So in today’s day and age the majority of people get 50/50 custody and the reason is I think that to a large degree our dad’s a much more engaged. So when the decision is made and you might still be living under the same roof, it’s a good time to start saying let’s let’s experiment with this co-parent thing.

This is always hard for especially if it’s a stay-at-home mom or a stay-at-home parent, because you’re so used to this being all your division of labor. I want to talk about when co-parenting, and this is straight through the divorce, not only don’t you speak to your child about what’s wrong with their other parent they are 50 that other parent.

Never bash the other parent to your kids

So not only don’t you get on the phone with your girlfriend in the kitchen complaining about your soon-to-be ex while the kids are listening in the living room because they’re always listening and it does such incredible harm. I’m divorcing him because he wasn’t a good spouse or partner let’s not assume that means he’s not a good parent.

Myrna: I’m talking to you because I’ve never done the co-parenting thing and it sounds real complicated. I’m wondering does it benefit the kids?

Karen: A hundred percent. I work a lot in, high conflict divorce, and if you have a parent who has severe trauma, personality disorder, addiction, alcoholism etc. If you have a very, high conflict co-parent, the children are better spending more time with you. But children unless those people are dangerous it’s always valuable for kids to experience both parents on a regular basis.

If you have one, high conflict personality, it’s so vitally important that if you’re married to the, high conflict personality, I can guarantee you you’ve lost your temper. You’ve raged, you’ve been a people pleaser, a codependent, you don’t have boundaries, and you have to work on all of those things to become a whole and healthy person.

High conflict divorce

You can teach your children those skills so that they can navigate that, high conflict personality, you get to divorce them the children have to find the lanes that work for them. The safe places where they can really enjoy that, high conflict parent, and know that it’s not their responsibility to take care of mommy or daddy.

There’s one other piece that if I could talk about with co-parenting sometimes it was my experience a lot of people in a, high conflict divorce, sometimes the children come back from the other parent and and they’re upset, they’ve been put down, they’ve been ignored, they feel diminished, they don’t feel heard, they might not feel loved.

The worst thing that the mom can do is criticize their dad. It’s so vitally important if your child comes to you and they’re struggling with the other parent, ask a lot of questions.

What happened,
how did that make you feel,
what did you do about it,
what do you wish you could do about it,
what were you afraid to do that you wished you could do about it,
why are you afraid,
how can I help you,
how would you do it different next time,
how do we help you be able to say to Daddy or to set a boundary?

Myrna: I was talking about how love turns to hates so quickly. If a divorce happens because irreconcilable differences or something along those lines where you’ve been you’ve been living for a while and it’s not working out you decide to divorce, but a lot of times, you’re calling it, high conflict divorce, I’m assuming that you’re meaning, high conflict, infidelity or you really hate your spouse male or female.

Mommy hates Daddy, mommy is gonna jump on that opportunity to bash that man, there’s absolutely no way that we’re gonna oh you know Daddy’s not a bad person.

What is a high conflict divorce?

Karen: Actually there are plenty of people who divorce and are angry and hate each other, that’s actually not, high conflict divorce. High conflict divorce, is when you’re divorcing someone who takes zero responsibility and I’ll say this because I think it’s important in today’s day and age everyone’s like oh you’re divorcing a narcissist.

I have a hard time with that, we’re not psychologists, we don’t know that, but what we do know is if you have someone who has very black and white thinking. Who always blames you and can’t take responsibility, who seems to have a different memory of almost everything that happened yesterday or in history. Who can’t sit down at the table and negotiate anything because they want everything or they’re always right you’re wrong.

These are personalities where a divorce isn’t is a negotiation, because negotiations require transparency and compromise. Most Garden variety divorces involve someone who hates the other one or who’s outgrown them and they’re not interested in them. But no matter how you feel about your ex please hear me it is never ever going to be valuable for you to tell your child how bad their parent is.

Taking off your armor and trusting after a divorce

Myrna: I agree with that totally. In my community women don’t even want the kids even to see the parent because they hate them so much. All right, now one of the other things we talk about is after the battle of the divorce, when the divorce is final, that women put down our weapons and take off our armor and start to trust again. How do we how do you teach women to become vulnerable again and trust again?

Karen: That is one of the most important questions and I hope that everyone listening that you can receive this. When our trust has been broken, it usually starts with us breaking our trust in ourselves, and what I mean by that is most of us will say I knew it. I saw the red flags and ignored them. I saw that characteristic in him but he was just so handsome and sexy, I ignored it.

So when you start rebuilding trust, don’t bash yourself, don’t criticize yourself don’t condemn yourself, for what you did. Be incredibly compassionate with yourself and start tuning in because our fear voices is this loud Amplified voice and our inner wisdom our intuition is this very soft whisper. When we can start tuning into the soft whisper and trusting our intuitive hit, our women’s intuition that is going to be the foundation of building trust.

Entrepreneurship and divorce

Myrna: A lot of people don’t think about going through a divorce when you’re an entrepreneur and you have a business or maybe even going a divorce in the corporate world. When you are not emotionally at your Peak everything falls around you like dominoes. So what are three ways of keeping your business running smoothly during a divorce?

Karen: So you want three okay so the first thing I’m gonna say is:

The first one is you’re going through the largest transition of your life, you’re not going to be on your A game, so adjust your expectations. If you’ve got some enormous campaign that you’ve planned for this upcoming year and you’re going to be in the courts and juggling kids and becoming a single parent you’re basically setting yourself up to fail.
The second thing is to realize what’s going on. When we’re going through divorce, life is busy and overwhelming for all of us. It’s almost like being on your computer and adding this huge database that’s going to download onto your computer you know when you download something it’s like every program slows down it gets really glitchy it just freezes that’s what’s happening in your brain.
I’ll say like hiring a coach and a therapists because the do different things. A coach helps you both logistically and emotionally, a good attorney and you might need a financial plan; but on a personal level what is your All-Star support team look like?

Conclusion

Myrna: Karen this has been amazing, you have designed a 12-step divorce recovery program which sounds really great because what you’re saying is you’ve got to recover from this divorce.

Karen: We found that over the course of years we started looking at what are all of the typical emotional challenges that people face during and after divorce. So we created the 12 Steps around that and so the first one which would be a surprise to nobody is to curb the conflict, because no matter what kind of a divorce you have there’s going to be conflict. Let’s keep the focus on you and look at your behavior and here’s how you can do things differently.

Then we have another step that’s about calming the chaos. Most chaos during divorce doesn’t happen outside of you it happens between your ears, it’s your stinking thinking. So what are your assumptions, what are your interpretations, what are your limiting beliefs? We talk in the 12 Steps about becoming less problem focused and more solution focused. We talk about how to grieve and grieve well and the importance of feeling your feelings and so many more.

Each step is really helping someone pivot in one an area of their emotional experience of divorce.

Myrna: How can our listeners and those watching on TV get in contact with you? Talk about your website how they can get all the course?

Karen: We are Journey Beyond divorce on all platforms. It’s Journey Beyond divorce podcast, Journey_Beyond divorce on Instagram and if the high conflict part of the conversation resonates with you we just created a toxic quiz and it’s on the home page. It’s 10 questions and it gives you a really good sense of the health or lack thereof of your current relationship.

Additional Resources

How to be Confident after a Divorce

Introduction

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Childhood trauma leads to toxic relationships

Key elements to healing trauma: Self-empathy

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Healing with self-empathy allows us to move forward

Self empathy reconnects with the heart and body

Conclusion

Introduction

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Building Trust in the Corporate World

Definition of trust

Building trust with benevolence

How can parents build trust with their children

Building trust in personal relationships

Book: Building Trust Exceptional Leadership in an uncertain world

Conclusion

Additional Resources

Introduction: The Mind body connection

Christopher Reeves healed his spine using the mind

Science confirms that we can indeed heal our bodies with our minds

The Mind-Body Connection:

Complementary Approaches:

Conclusion:

Additional Resources

Bio

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The inner workout to self care

Definition of Self Care

Start self care by listening within

The 5 dimensions of of self love and well-being

The dimensions of self care

Mental and emotional dimension of self care and self love

How entrepreneurs can practice self care

Conclusion

Additional Resources

How to be a goal digger

Here are six tips to help you become a goal digger:

These are SMART goals.

Becoming a Goal Digger by setting goals

Conclusion

Bio

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Introduction to group therapy

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Group therapy helped me peel all all the false messaging

How group therapy transforms your thinking

Group therapy allowed me to touch deep places

Getting unstuck in group therapy

Taking risks of sharing in group therapy

Activate group coaching program

Conclusion

Additional Resources

When love alone isn’t enough

Here are 5 reasons when love isn’t enough

Motherhood a path to self fulfillment

Additional Resources

Stop emotional eating and lose weight one last time

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What is emotional eating

Is keeping the weight off even possible? Yes

Emotional Eating when you are not hungry leads to weight gain

How to Lose Weight For the last time

Conclusion

Additional Resources

Carlee Russell Attention seeking behavior

Carlee Russell Lied

What attention seeking behavior in adults may look like

Why did Carlee Russell Lied to seek attention

Additional Resources

Bio

Divorce is one of life ambushes

Divorce road map

Sponsored Ad

Journey beyond divorce: co-parenting

Never bash the other parent to your kids

High conflict divorce

What is a high conflict divorce?

Taking off your armor and trusting after a divorce

Entrepreneurship and divorce