How To Use Visualization to Enhance Yoga Practice

Dianne Willging Yoga and visualization

Visualization, allows you to use your mind to alter your reality. In yoga you can use visualization to enhance your mind body connection. My, Yoga teacher, used to say, visualize, you're cracking a walnut between your shoulder blades. Standing in, Mountain Pose, or, tree pose, you can use, visualization, to imagine you're rooted down through your feet into the ground and bringing that energy back up through your legs and spreading it throughout your body.  This is how you use, visualization, to enhance your, yoga practice.

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Back pain led me to yoga 

Myrna:  Were you attracted to, yoga, because of back pain?

Dianne: Yes,  In my younger years, I was a little bit resistant to, yoga. I've always liked to work out as part of my, stress relief. A big part of my, stress relief, and I felt like you know, I had to be doing something a lot more intense than, Yoga. I hadn't had as many experiences with, yoga, because there's so many different types of, yoga, and so many ways to do it as you were describing one of many, so I was a little bit resistant.

Then yes, two things happened about simultaneously and one was, I started having, back pain, after the birth of my second child, and so I was looking for ways to manage that pain. There were periods of time when it would become more intense. So all I could do was either do walking or do, yoga, and I was kind of worried that I would start to gain weight and that I wouldn't have that, stress relief, that I craved.

But I found out that you know that that wasn't the case. I was keeping the weight off. And the, stress relief. There's so many different kinds of, yoga, which I hadn't realized in the past that it was working for me. And around that same time, the fitness center where I went had a new, yoga teacher, and everybody kept saying, you have to try her. She's so good and everything and I probably still resisted for about six months, I would say I don't know exactly how long but I did really connect with her.

Just the way that she approached it and was able to it was a little bit more of a, flow yoga, but she also teaches the breath practice because I hadn't ever learned how to breathe even with all this exercising. I had never learned correct, breathing techniques, for exercise. Or for life for that matter. So those those two events actually really started me on, yoga, then as kind of my Friday treat.

Just feel good for the weekend, reward myself and then you know, have a good start to the weekend and then with having to manage the, back pain, and became you know, more of a maybe not a daily practice then but at least a few times a week.

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Yoga allows connection to mind body spirit

Myrna: Yoga, Obviously one of the beautiful things about, yoga, is the breathing you know, combining, mind and body, and with the breath.  I just started doing, morning yoga, last week, and we're starting with some simple exercises. You're right I mean, if it's almost like if you're an old person that's sitting in a chair because we're doing things with our hands. Right, regular stuff like raising up your shoulder and, you know, doing your neck, things like I would do at the beginning of a workout. The warm up exercise.

But guess what, everything that you do, you're doing with the breath.  I'm breathing with the, yoga, actions, it's actually doing something for me, right. So, you know,  Sadhguru would say, you know, there's the mental thing about, yoga, and he's talking about the geometry of your body when you go in certain poses that connects to different things and, and all that stuff. So what kind of, yoga, do you teach? I know we're going to talk about, visualization, in a little bit, but set up your basic, yoga, that you that you teach.

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Dianne: So I'm not going to try to give it a name because probably a combination. There's so many kinds and for me, probably if I did a little exercise, we're matching the type of, yoga, with a definition I'm not sure how good I would do. But I my favorite, yoga, to teach and to do would be we call it 3030.

Where it's about 30 minutes of, yoga, where it's a little bit more active movement on the breath. A little bit more energetic and then 30 minutes of more relaxation and not necessarily the the 30 minutes first of the intense so you might do like, you know 10 or 15 minutes starting out with the stretches kind of like warm up like you were describing and then move into the flow or the physical aspects of it, and then wrap it up with you know, some more relaxation relaxing stretches.

That that that is just my personal preference. I have done all kinds of classes and there are some where you actually hold the poses for a long time and that's just to work, you know more deeply into the muscles and then there's, there's some types of yoga that are basically it's the same sequence each time and that's so that you can you're not thinking about the sequence but you're thinking about the other aspects of, yoga.

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Yoga allows you to experience deeper meditation

Myrna: Okay, something that I ran across that I thought was really interesting is way back when I don't want to say when, yoga, started, but they really started to do the poses so that people could sit in meditation longer. That was the whole purpose. It's like, you think of a child, a small child you burn off their energy so that they can sit for longer and that was the original intent. Behind, yoga, was was not the poses that was a vehicle to get into a deeper level of consciousness.

Well, that's the thing actually that you know, like I said, Sadhguru, was talking about, yoga, connects us with, higher consciousness. They connect with the, Yoga, and they're saying that, yoga at home, is not all of it dispatches that, yoga at home, is about, the breath and connection and what you just said, you're linking in the fact that maybe if you learn to hold your body in a certain way, then maybe you can sit and meditate for longer times.

Indians as you know, they incorporate, yoga, with, spirituality, and, higher consciousness, so that's awesome. And it all has to do with your right the, Mind Body Spirit connection, you know, the mind. Maybe with the, meditation, aspect, the body with the poses, and with, spirituality.

Dianne: I did have back surgery that was moderately successful, so after that I used, yoga, to help me recover. I had to be under the care of a physical therapist, so after that, it became more about managing my, back pain. And now I'm at a very good place, but yes, there's specific poses to benefit your back and your core, obviously, the opposite of your back is your core. So it's important to have a strong core.

If you have a lot of, lower back pain. There are certain poses that you shouldn't do or that you should modify. And the old me the younger me, especially in public would never have done that, but it was, yoga, has taught me it's some acceptance that way. I know that that doesn't feel good. And I'm not going to try to push it beyond or even sometimes doing, yoga, in the morning as opposed to at the end of the day.

Some, yoga poses, are not as accessible and I've learned to to accept that so a lot of, lower back pain, have learned us from the high tight hamstrings or sciatic nerve. And so there are specific, yoga poses, even sequences that focus on those specific specific muscle groups.

Benefits of visualization with yoga

Myrna: Let's talk about the, visualization, piece now.  What are the, benefits of visualization? And why is it beneficial to integrate, visualization with yoga?

Dianne:  So, benefits of visualization. They are there's a lot of them. And going back to what you said earlier about the brain and how it changes the brain. The brain responds to visual stimuli. And when you use, visualization, you can trick your brain into having the same physiological response. That you would have like let's say, if you're standing by a nice relaxing Lake, if you visualize that relaxing Lake, your body and your breath starts to show some of the same reactions you would have if you were actually standing right there by the lake or the relaxing waterfall.

So just an example of this real quick would be imagine that you have a lemon and you cut it in in four pieces. And you take the lemon and put it in your mouth and take a nice big bite down on it. So what happened when you did that?

Myrna: Saliva started coming out of my mouth and my saliva glands started to prickle.

Dianne: Yep, a lot of people will even start to pucker or make that sour face. So that just goes to show that even with that simple example, how you had that physiological response, and that was just a simple exercise. So that's what builds those those kind of neural pathways and then as you do that, like if you do that, I don't want to say the lemon, but let's just go back to the relaxing lake or waterfall or something.

The more you do, visualization, you do build those neural pathways where it becomes like you can access that quicker and that therefore have the physiological response quicker and be able to take yourself there it also becomes more automatic.  Oh, yeah, even like take a breath and it's like oh, yeah, I have to slow might slow my breathing down or I'm getting too too ahead of myself here.

So it really does build those neural pathways and change your brain. It also just like exercise releases, serotonin, that feel good hormone. So it very much is like a form of exercise that way. What you mentioned about the memory, the more ways that you're you can the more senses you can bring into something, then the easier.  It is to remember that so, visualization, is an is another tool for that.

Benefits of yoga

Oh, there's so many. Right now with our technological society. Anytime that you can unplug from technology, you're actually allowing your brain to unclutter and to that which promotes creativity, and positive feelings. Just all of those, benefits of visualization, just just being away just having a quiet moment. That's one thing that I always try to incorporate or give to people and that's what my, yoga teacher, explained to me.

I just want them to have a moment, a moment of quiet so just again to oh one other thing that I learned was kind of new to me but increase your immunity. If you are less stressed, you sleep better, those are two big factors in boosting your immune system. So, visualization, can help you whether you do it  while you're falling asleep or whether you do it in your, yoga practice. It can help you actually boost your immunity which we all need that too.

Myrna: I love, visualization, and you know is actually good to mention that the brain doesn't know the difference which is why we advise action is so powerful. Whether want to call it visualization or you to it imagination. The brain doesn't know the difference between, visualization, and reality. So yeah, I mean, if you were, you know, laying in your bed and you were thinking that you're in a beach and you're listening to the waves, like you said, bringing in all the different elements, you know, feeling the breeze on your face, hearing the waves crashing, seeing the palm trees swaying in the wind, and you're bringing in all those things, right? The brain doesn't know whether you're there or not.

So that's the beautiful thing about, visualization. Right? But it can also work the opposite way like you're laying in bed, and you're visualizing that  somebody is coming through your door to kill.

Dianne: Exactly. I was thinking as you were talking, if you don't believe it, because some people are like, Oh, I don't believe that, but if you think of the opposite, or how many times have you been worried about somebody driving or something and you're like, Oh, they've been in a car accident. I just know it your mind makes up images, your heart starts to beat faster, I think we've all experienced that. So you can use it either way. Yes, exactly. And we talked about anxiety and that was part of the reason some of it that I started doing, yoga with visualization.

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Benefits of Yoga

Dianne: Well, as you can tell, because we talked at the beginning about some of the, benefits of yoga, and then we just talked about some of the, benefits of visualization, and that is they overlap a lot but you know, the serotonin that benefits to your body, mind and soul and soul or spirit however you want to refer to it. So they really complement each other nicely.  If you've done, yoga, you probably have done some, visualizations.

My, Yoga teacher, used to say, visualize, you're cracking a walnut between your shoulder blades and that helps to, visualize, the, yoga pose, if you can't get the right. Even standing in Mountain Pose or, tree pose, use, visualization, to imagine you're rooted down through your feet and you bring that energy up through your legs and you're spreading it throughout your body and your shoulders.

So, I would say that you've probably experienced it a little bit that way. Sometimes in  Chaturanga they'll say imagine you're pushing away from the floor or you're pushing the floor away from from you. So there are those kinds of cues that are used in many, yoga classes. Also, a lot of times, they'll start with you know what is your intention, they'll either maybe give you an intention, like concentrate on being here now or you want to concentrate on peace.

So that was really when I started teaching, yoga, that I looked for a resource like the book that I wrote, and I couldn't find one. I begged borrowed and stole little bits of pieces from, meditations.  I wanted a resource like the one I wrote and I couldn't find one.

Myrna: Okay. All right your book have  20, visualizations, to enhance a, yoga practice, right?

Dianne: Okay, so yes, in the book, there are five chapters. There's self acceptance, awareness or confidence, gratitude, letting go or relaxation and focus and engagement. I'm going to walk you through just using a little bit of from one the mountain, the majestic mountain, if you will, and each, visualization, has specific parts and the first part is the setting the stage.

Starting with the breath and then having them with visualization. So I'm just gonna read like a short little snippet from what I wrote and then I'll move on to the next section.

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Transform your Mind Stitcher

Visualization with Yoga: The mountain pose

So at the base of your mountain, I've already gotten them into, Mountain Pose, are the waves of the ocean. Feel the coolness of the water and hear the lapping sounds. At times the waves are gentle and relaxing, barely touching your base. On other occasions, they're more turbulent hitting against you with more force, yet you remain strong. Sometimes the waves rise ferociously to your shins, your waist, and even your chest, but they don't knock you over.

Eventually, the turbulent waters pass and the gentle waves again lap at your base. There may be changes to the mountain surfaces, but not to the core. It's similar with yourself. Turbulence might cause changes, but you're strong and steady.

If you purchase the book, you get a journal entries with it, if you download them and so part of one of those for this particular, mountain pose, visualization, you would journal what are those turbulent things.  What are the unchanging parts of you, because we all you know, have to change as we go through more experiences and, and challenges but you know, what's at your core that you're not, you're not going to let go of, so just get started that way.

The core of the, mountain pose, or the core of yourself and then exhale, things that get in the way of that. But then there's also like some specific poses, that I'll give some cueing for, just to give some examples of how the cueing or how it could go with a specific pose. And this one actually has warrior and tree pose.

If you're using, visualization, with the,  tree pose, there's water lapping at you and threatening to knock you over, but you're gonna remain focused, because that's a big aspect with three poses. You have to look somewhere in front of you and maintain your focus. You're not going to let those things distract you from your goals or get in the way of your goals.

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Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

But you're going and like before you go into the relaxation and you come back to again, like the mountain so what's changed about yourself throughout this practice, like do you notice changes in your breath? What about your thought patterns? What about you know? How do How does your body feel?

And then the very last section is the affirmation which I call the booster and it just says, While I may be faced with turbulence, my core remains unwavering. So it's just something for them and sometimes I've printed them off and handed them to people as they walk out the door. Other times, it's just something you know, keep this in mind as you go forth through your day and kind of wraps it up that way. I do want to throw in that. If you if you didn't do, yoga, and you weren't interested in doing, yoga, you can still use the book as a, guided meditation.

 

Book pathway to peace: 20 visualizations to enhance you yoga practice
Book pathway to peace: 20 visualizations to enhance your yoga practice

20 visualizations to enhance your yoga practice

Myrna: Tell us about your book “Pathways to Peace: 20 Visualizations to Enhance Your Yoga Practice” What do you want the readers to walk away with after reading the book?

Dianne: Well, I want them to have a tool for self care. So, as we've talked about it, we're so busy, our lives are so cluttered and can be at times, very stressful. I think that is on the back cover on my book Life is stressful that not many people would argue that fat, but please, you know, take take a minute or however you don't take care of your body. Take care of your mind, take care of your spirit or your soul and you will be a better spouse, you'll be a better employee, you'll be a better parent, a better child. It everybody matters. And I want and it matters that you take care of yourself and I want this to be a tool for for helping you for helping you do that.

Visualization, is a tool for the,  mind body spirit connection. So that is what, yoga, promises,  and then when you incorporate the, visualization, into it,  it makes it a very powerful tool.

Myrna:  So, alright, so tell us how listeners can get a copy of your book. Tell us about your website, your social media handles and how people can connect with you. And I think you mentioned that you have an email address that you wanted anybody to, you know, contact you maybe regarding yoga and yoga practices or things like that. So go ahead and share that with us.

Dianne: Okay, so my book, Pathways to Peace is available on Amazon and it's a paperback or ebook.  In the book, there is a free gift and that would be some of the journal pages that I have referred to. And then I have a Facebook group called pathways to peace. If you have questions or comments email me @willgingdianneauthor@gmail.com.

Additional Resources

Master Lama Rasaji: Harmonizing Mind Body Spirit

Goal Setting: How to Set Strong Goals Like Tom Brady

Tom Brady goal setting

Tom Brady, says, the key to success lies in, goal setting, and taking massive action towards the attainment of these goals. Tom says a hundred years of psychological research has taught us that, setting strong goals, matter, if you want to improve your chances of succeeding.

As Millennials graduate from high school, graduate from college, or get engaged to be married, a formula on, How to Set Strong Goals, should be prominent their minds.

In each stage of life, we should have, short term goals, and, long-term goals. Short term goals are goals you would like to achieve within the year and, long-term goals, are goals you would like to achieve in let’s say 10 years.

So, if we were to ask a young lady what her goals after graduation are from college, her short-term goals, would probably be either get a job and start supporting herself or enroll in a graduate program.

Today I want to teach on, goal setting, not just having a mediocre goal but a strong goal, set SMART goals.

I always like to use stories as an illustration so today I want to use, Tom Brady, goal setting as a demonstration of how to, set SMART goals

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How to Set Strong Goals like a Champion: Tom Brady

Tom Brady, says, the key to success lies in, goal setting, and taking massive action towards the attainment of these goals. Tom says a hundred years of psychological research has taught us that, setting strong goals, matter, if you want to improve your chances of succeeding.

A, strong goal, is a map to your destination. It is like a seed!
Plant, strong goals, in your mind and it will be the most important decision you make in your life. Then Care of your planted seed every day.

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Tom Brady's story on goal setting

By the mid-2000s, Tom Brady, was the undisputed king of the gridiron. In 2002 he became the youngest quarterback in the history of the National Football League, NFL, to lead his team to a, Super Bowl, victory. Two years later, in 2004, he proved the magic was still strong when he led the New England Patriots to their second, Super Bowl, title in three years.

In addition, Tom Brady, was named the Super Bowl's Most Valuable Player (MVP) in 2002 and 2004. The dimpled, clean-cut quarterback had reached career heights that most veteran football players envied, and he had done it all before he was thirty years old; But, Tom Brady, ONCE HAD SIMPLE DREAMS

In the pride-swallowing days at the University of Michigan, when he was constantly trying to prove that he deserved to start, Brady used to sit up at night with his good friend Aaron Shea and talk about what they'd do when they made it big. Shea, a tight end for the Wolverines, used to rattle off the typical 20-year-old dream purchases. He wanted a Hummer and a Ferrari. Then Shea would ask what Brady wanted.

“‘If I hit it real big,'” Shea recalls, Tom Brady, telling him, “‘I want to be able to wake up, put a pair of socks on, and at the end of the day, I throw them away.'
“I'm like, ‘That's all you want?' And he goes, ‘Yeah, that's what I want. I love new socks!'” But somewhere along the line, he got big dreams. Dreams of being the best!

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Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Setting the goal to be the greatest to play the sport

Tom Brady, was so intent on winning and becoming the very best in history to play his position, that after the Patriot's lost to the Broncos in the AFC championship game in 2016, he had a countdown clock installed in his home gym. I am sure because he wanted to be the undisputed champion and Peyton Manning had won, this round! Competition brings out the best in us.

Throughout the year the countdown clock served as his constant reminder of his goal. A countdown clock says to his, subconscious mind. I will achieve this goal, it is mine, it’s just a matter of time so I am counting down!

The world was the witness at, Super Bowl 51, of, Tom Brady, manifesting of this goal. Down by 25 points at the half, Tom Brady, and the New England Patriots came back to win the game in overtime making Brady the best ever at the game!

With his mother in attendance at the NRG Stadium in Houston and millions of fans watching, Tom Brady, did not disappoint. In a thrilling game, the first that went into overtime in, NFL, history, Brady led the Patriots to a 34-28 victory over the Atlanta Falcons. With this historic win, Brady became the first quarterback in, NFL, history to take home five, Super Bowl rings.

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RadioPublic Transform your mind

Tom Brady sets the goal of 7 Super Bowl rings

He surpassed quarterbacks Joe Montana, one of his idols, and Terry Bradshaw, who both have four Super Bowl, wins. He also was awarded his fourth Super Bowl MVP for leading a 25-point comeback and throwing a Super Bowl-record 466 passing yards. Super Bowl LI was Brady's seventh championship, which is also an NFL record for the most Super Bowls played.

Brady failed in his bid to become the best and most decorated quarterback in history when he lost to the Eagles in Super bowl 52; but how many of you know that failure is not final.

He took his talents to the, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and in his first season with the Buccaneers, was a major success, as Tampa Bay won 11 games and earned a playoff spot. In the postseason Brady led his team to three straight road victories to advance to the, Super Bowl. There the, Buccaneers,’ standout defense and Brady’s solid play led Tampa Bay to a decisive victory over the Kansas City Chiefs to capture the team’s second (and Brady’s seventh) championship. Brady’s set the, strong goal, to the greatest to ever play the game and he succeeded because when you have a goal and you don’t give up on it, you always win that is why

Coach Lombardi advise is “Never, Never give up, Never ever Quit because Quitters never win”

SMART Goals, have a powerful supernatural energy attached to them!
They activate the subconscious to go to work for you.

In the book “As a man thinketh” by James Allen, Allen attaches the energy of thought to goals.

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Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

James Allen: Add Thoughts to Setting Goals 

Those who have no central purpose or goals in their life fall an easy prey to petty worries, fears, troubles, and self-pitying’s, all of which are indications of weakness, which lead, just as surely as deliberately planned sins, to failure, unhappiness, and loss; for weakness cannot persist in a power evolving universe.

A man should conceive of a legitimate purpose or goal in his heart and set out to accomplish it. He should make this goal the centralizing point of his thoughts. It may take the form of a spiritual ideal, or it may be a worldly object, according to his nature at the time being but whichever it is, he should steadily focus his thought-forces upon the object, which he has set before him.

He should make this purpose his supreme duty, and should devote himself to its attainment, not allowing his thoughts to wander away into ephemeral fancies, longings, and imaginings. This is the royal road to self-control and true concentration of thought. Even if he fails again and again to accomplish his goal, the strength of character gained will be the measure of his true success, and this will form a new starting-point for future power and triumph.

What this means is if your only goal as you graduate from college is to get a job you will find that when you get to your second or third act in life that you may have achieved financial success, but you would have no fulfillment. Fulfillment is only achieved when you are on purpose.  On the other hand, if you set goals either for spiritual attainment, personal accomplishment, or for contribution even when you fail and you most likely will, you will be like, Tom Brady, and know that given time, success will be yours.

James Allen, goes on to say that having conceived of his purpose, a man should mentally mark out a straight pathway to its achievement, looking neither to the right nor the left. Doubts and fears should be rigorously excluded; they are disintegrating elements, which break up the straight line of effort, rendering it crooked, ineffectual, or useless.

Thoughts of doubt and fear never accomplished anything, and never can. They always lead to failure. Purpose, energy, power to do, and all strong thoughts cease when doubt and fear creep in.

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Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

Amy Purdy Snowboarding goal setting

Amy's story
After losing both her legs at age 19 as a result of bacterial meningitis, Amy Purdy survived to lead a life of extraordinary accomplishments. Amy not only survived losing her legs but at one time all her organs were failing, and she actually died. She tells that when she died, two spirits on the other side offered her a choice of staying dead or coming back to life and she shouted No, I don’t want to die!!

She chose life the same way she chose not to be a disabled person who lives an uninspiring life. She chose to set the goal of snowboarding again. She tells the story of how she visualized in detail her achieving this goal. Amy went on to become a Paralympic bronze medalist in snowboarding, and a finalist on “Dancing with the Stars”. Pick up a copy of her book “On My Own Two Feet: From Losing My Legs to Learning the Dance of Life.” To read about her incredible story

So today, I would like to teach you, How to set strong goals. Goals that make you want to get up in the morning. Goals that motivate and inspire you to action.

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Transform Your Mind Podnews

Here are 6 steps to setting and accomplishing strong goals

  1. How to Set Strong Goals Step # 1
    Start with a road-map
    He who doesn't have a map gets lost.
    If you don't know where you are going, then it doesn't matter where you end up.
    Begin with the end in mind

Here are a few examples of strong goals
• I want to have $500,000 in my bank account at the age of 65, so as not to be a burden to my kids.
• I want to leave a legacy and an inheritance for my children and my children’s children.
• I want to have 3 children, a husband, a good job and own my own home by the time I am 35 years old.

Knowing where you are going allows you to map the route to your destination.

The body is the servant of the mind. It obeys the operations of the mind, whether they be deliberately chosen or automatically expressed. At the bidding of unlawful thoughts, the body sinks rapidly into disease and decay; at the command of glad and beautiful thoughts it becomes clothed with youthfulness and beauty.

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Transform Your Mind Podvine

Step 2: Know Your Why?

Knowing your why will get you through the tough times.

S- is for specific for example I want to have $500,000 in the bank
M- is for
A – It must be achievable
R – it must be realistic to some degree

T – It must be timely. A goal is just a dream without a date on it. For example, I want to have $500,000 in the back by the time I am 65 years old.

Your why, so I would not be a burden to my kids. Your Why could be I don’t want to depend on social security.

Step 3: Plan your route

What do you plan to do in exchange for $500,000 in the bank?

How will you attract this money?

Maybe you need to understand the principles or laws on attracting money. Understand how the law of attraction works.  Maybe you have an investment strategy, or you plan to become an entrepreneur and sell something.

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Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Goal Step 4: Measure your progress

You can’t grow anything you can’t measure
Borrow to invest. Get your credit score in shape and borrow to invest in Real Estate which is one of the surest ways to build wealth.  I was listening to the audio book “Self-Made” a few months back and the author said don’t buy shoes, buy buildings! Great advice.

Goal Step 5: Be prepared for the twists and turns in the road

What skills do you need to acquire to achieve this goal?
What contacts do you need?
What additional knowledge do you need?
What resources do you need to accomplish this goal?

Remember that just because you set a goal and a destination don’t expect the weather will cooperate and the sky will be sunny for the entire trip.
No. Expect that there will be circumstances beyond your control that will delay you, so build in a buffer. Add a few years to your deadline.

In the journey to your goal, you will experience setbacks. A job loss, a divorce, health issues etc. Don’t let the twists and turns in the road, derail you from your goals.

I heard a story of a mother of two who was laid off and without income. She decided to start selling the things in her home on eBay to pay the bills. She then started a meet up group for other eBay sellers to learn the business. She got information for sourcing discount items from wholesalers to sell on eBay. Obviously, her household items could only get her so far!
At one of these meetup meetings, she met an executive from eBay who encouraged her to become a certified ambassador for eBay. That 10Xd her business. Today she has income of over one million dollars annually from eBay sales.

The lesson, setbacks can push you in the direction of your purpose so, change the way you look at failure.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Goal Step 6: Seeing your path

Use your imagination to visualize the things you want to accomplish
Visualize in color with all the details!

The goal of having $500,000 in the bank at 65 years old. Visualize the money in the bank. What do you look like at 65 years old? Who are you with? Where are you living?

What would you do with the money? See the places you would travel to. Dr Joe Vitalie says to nebulize your goals that means to see you already accomplishing them.

So, in conclusion, set strong goals, set SMART goals. Write them down and refer back to them often. And the Law of Attraction will do the rest. I want to leave you with this quote

Only by much searching and mining, are gold and diamonds obtained, man can find every truth connected with his being, if he will dig deep into the mine of his soul; he is the maker of his character, the molder of his life, and the builder of his destiny.

So, live your life on purpose. Set goals for achievement, for contribution for fun and play and then go do it!

Additional Resources

 

How to Release the Issues Held in Your Tissues

Christopher Lee Haher Issues in your tissues

You have to heal in order to, transform, you have to, transform, in order to heal. You could address, tissue health, through some form of deep massage.  But if you address structural health first, without first addressing, tissue, the unhealthy tissue pulls the structure back out of play. Your, tissues, would be your, fascia, your muscles, your ligaments, your tendons, your bone.  When those, tissues, are unhealthy, when you push into them, guess what you find? You find pain.

Download the podcast here: 

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Stress and tissue health

Myrna: How did your mindset play into your transformation?

Christopher: Yeah, well for me my mind that has always been one of, transformation. So that was already in place, right. What I needed to learn is that stored, stress, meaning, unresolved stress, transforms into physical tension and that physical tension when it reaches a certain level, it creates what's called, emotional distortion. Mental stress, transforms into physical tension, that tension can get so high that it generates, emotional distortion.

And so, in order to transform you have to walk back through the door as you came in. And so, what I discovered is that 99.99999% of all human beings store their maximal saturation of, stress, tension and distortion, is about 86.4% average. Okay, so that means if I lined every human up on the planet right now, and I could work on them, we would find that they only have 15% of their mental, emotional, spiritual and physical capacity that isn't severely stressed.

It's funny because if you look into data, surrounded around intelligence, what do they tell you? They tell you that the average human is operating at about 10% Right? And the ones who are operating really high, functioning really high. They're getting about 12%. Right? So, the math is the same. Well, let's do the inverse of that.

What if we could reduce your lifetime accumulated, stress load, by 50%? What would that do to your intelligence? What would that do to your, physical intelligence? What would that do to your, emotional intelligence? What would that do to your, spiritual intelligence? What would that do to your, analytical intelligence? The truth is it would raise it dramatically. Okay, so not only was I discovering that along the way as I was moving attention to, stress, and the distortion and the, toxicity, from my body, I was having powerful mental insights and awareness every single day.

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Transforming unhealthy tissue to healthy tissue

Myrna: Okay, so tell us about that. What was how did you fall into that number one, I know that you were working on your master's and doctorate degrees in traditional Chinese medicine. For instance, you talk about your compound, complex stressors, and they started from the time you were a baby, a couple of days old, guide us through how this, transformation, of our stressors can help us to operate in a higher emotional capacity.

Christopher: As you remove tension from the body, and I'm talking about something very different than yoga for traditional stretching. What I'm talking about is changing, bone rotational relationships. And what that means is that you have different forms of health. So, you have, tissue health, so your tissue would be your, fascia, your muscles, your ligaments, your tendons, your bone, so to be in your structural tissue, when those, tissues, are unhealthy, when you push into them, guess what you find? You find pain. Okay, all right. You find discomfort.

If I lay on a table now, and we started running my elbow across all those little muscles across your back, we might find discomfort and pain. If we did that across the back of your legs and neck, shoulder, your jaw, wherever you have pain and discomfort there's a blockage of the natural flow of energy. Okay. So, in order to access the greatest amount of intelligence going inside of you, what would you have to do? You would have to remove the roadblocks and so the first step is you have to address, tissue health.

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Fix tissue health before structural health

Because if you address, structural health, first, without first addressing, tissue, the, unhealthy tissue, pulls the structure back out of play. Right. And so, there's a system out there that I've been developing called best of science, bioenergetic self-transformation sequence. For me, the most important part of the process is because it breaks the codependent dependent relationship between practitioners and patients.

Let's say I have a headache that I have to go to my acupuncturist, or I have to go to Walgreens to pick up some medicine then what's gonna happen?  I'm reliant on something outside of me in order to resolve something inside. But what if there was a way to actually learn how to move your body, how to resolve tension and, stress, get your, tissues healthy, so that you can resolve it from the inside out and not need someone from the outside.

That would put you in a very powerful position, because it means you could then determine how much time energy and effort you wanted to put into your body, brain and nervous system to produce the results. That you wanted to make yourself feel better every single day.

Myrna: That is awesome, I have an episode called “We hold issues in our tissues.”

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The issues are in your tissues

Christopher: I'm the one who coined that phrase, “The issues are in your tissues.”

So, the, issues are in your tissues. I'm glad that's passed along. I coined that phrase 22 years ago. I'm happy to hear that it's gone around the world and come back to me. So, tissue health, right? Whenever your body's toxic, your, tissues, get unhealthy. Why? Because where does the, toxicity, sit? It's in your, tissues. And so, you want to remove that out of the, tissues, and the way to do that is through a simple system that I've been developing called machine, M A, Space X.

So, somebody's walking up and down your body and you're getting the feel or the discomfort that in those parts, that as a person starts to actually breathe relative to the true level of sensation that they're feeling. You know what happens? The body lets go of all of the, toxicity. Yes, I've had people their discomfort levels were like 13 out of 10. I get their breath up to a third team. And then literally 10 seconds later, they're lying there in complete comfort. Then I don't see them for a couple years. They come back and see me I get back on their body and guess what? They're still no discomfort. Right. So, this is what I mean by true, transformation.

I don't want to have to go see my chiropractor every Thursday, or every other Wednesday for 10 years. I want an immediate, instantaneous solution. Because if people are coming in and they're investing money, they need solutions.

Myrna: I know what you are talking about, my sister had a car accident and hurt her neck and she's been going to the chiropractor for 10 years!

I know that we're energetic beings. And when you talk about, your issues are in your tissues, I understand.  But I also work with the chakra systems, and I know that the energy gets blocked.  How are you, releasing the issues in your tissues?  Are we using the mind to clear the energy or how are we doing this?

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You have to transform to heal tissues

Christopher: Well, there's several ways to do it. Okay, so we can always love when someone wants to transform. Transformation, begins with where you where you started, which is mentally, right, you have to set a clear intent. Because once you set clear intent, the universe lines up behind you to bring you the people, the resources, the dynamic situation that you need, in order to go on the transformational healing process, okay. And it's impossible to, transform, if you don't eat. Those things are inextricably connected at the root.

You have to heal in order to transform, you have to transform, in order to heal. So, you could go through addressing the, tissues, and , tissue health, through some form of deep massage. I don't mean going to the therapist and having somebody rub oil on and then paying them $200 bucks an hour. I live in Marina Del Rey, I promise you right now, I could find a $300 massage where they're gonna rub oil on me and play nice music in the background and three days later, I'm going to wake up with the same level of discomfort in my body. That is a terrible investment. Right? That would be like me going out and spending $300 on Bitcoin right now. Right?

Well, I'm talking about is spending $300 going into your body into the depth of where this stuff begins breathing, right breathing, matching your breath to the true level of sensation. If your, tissue, sensation is a seven out of 10 which that's quite an uncomfortable, okay. 10 is the maximum that's as uncomfortable as could possibly get and your breath is at a three.

You're gonna hold on to that discomfort. But if your breath is at a seven your, tissue sensation, is at a seven guess what happens when those two things match when your emotional body your breath and your physical body. The physical sensations match, guess what's going to happen?

Your pain disappears. It drops out. Guess what your body's always asking for, it's asking to be met emotionally. And when it's met emotionally, the brain goes okay, let it go. We got exactly what we needed.

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Holding issues in your tissues

Yes, going back to the, issues in our tissues. Whatever issues that I had in store there and people have them everywhere, you know, whether it's so I get that you go down the rabbit hole you identify the source. And then you know it let's say there might be two hours and I'm listening and I'm investigating. And then I need to see those their story match up with their body, right? And then I go in and I start in on the, issues in the tissues, and 100% of the time, the story that they gave is exactly what's going on inside of their body. And what I mean by the story that they gave me about the environment that they were raised.

So, let's say I have a father who is dutiful, okay, super disciplined, hardworking, and you grow up in an environment like that and you're more of an artistic emotional child. Right? That's gonna leave a specific kind of imprint in you. And you're gonna build very specific kinds of strategies in order to avoid punishment, rejection, humiliation, violence, discomfort and pain from that parent. Right?

And so, what's the first step we have to do? We have to locate how that parent impacted you. Then we need to figure out how did your mom impact you? And every time their story about their mom and their story about their dad matches up with exactly what's going on in their body. It's happened every single time. And so now you're matching the story in the investigation with the body. And guess what we go in and start removing that tension and that, stress, and their relationship with their parents. Changes in one day.

They understand them, then they forgive them, they give them a space to be themselves. The most important thing is they're never ever triggered by their parent again.

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How to resolve complex stressors on a subconscious level

Myrna: You had all these, complex stressors. How did you resolve that?

Christopher: I resolved that with the steps that I'm explaining, but the impact was it changed the way in which I relate energetically and emotionally with women of authority. Okay, so you know a lot of my female teachers in high school says that I was kind and smart and charming, but I wouldn't be willing to talk back.  I never had any challenges with my male authoritative figures when I was going to boarding school, my female teachers would trigger me in a way at a deep subconscious level. When I say conscious, unconscious, subconscious, super conscious, I mean, either the mental and emotional, physical or spiritual level.

All right, so think about the, unconscious, or let's start with the smallest the, conscious mind, as one grain of sand. Okay, everyone out there trying to manage their entire life with this tiny grain of sand, where your, unconscious, is more like a 55-gallon drum of sand. But your, subconscious, is all the sand on planet Earth. And your, super conscious, is all the sand in the universe. Right? And most humans are trying to manage everything in our life with that tiny grain of sand, trying to understand all of reality. The, conscious mind, doesn't have the ability to do that. And the reason why I'm giving this as a precursor is for people to understand.

When I say, subconscious, or, unconscious, the form of intelligence, and the vastness of that form of intelligence. Okay, so at the subconscious level, we're talking about all the all the intelligence on planet Earth, okay? So, most humans are using their body like it's a skateboard, one grain of sand. When you have massive amounts of tension and, stress, in it, remember, the average human being is that about 86.4%, stress.

So we go through the process, regardless of what your situation is, when you had a very complex, dynamic, stressors, that were coming in. For you had something a little less depending on your level of sensitivity, it still puts you at 86.4% because when you're in your mother's womb, your mother and father seed and age are mixing together and all of the, epigenetics, all of the unresolved unconscious, survival-based strategies are being baked into your nervous system.

Book Free for Life
Book Free for Life

Book Free for Life

That’s the purpose of my work and my book “Free for life” or body intelligence is to get every human factor neutrality, because when you're in neutrality, you add nothing in you take nothing away, you simply see things for what they are free of judgment, criticism, disapproval or overly moralizing position.

Now 50 years ago, okay, that wasn't possible. The only things humans had was the ability to manage their life with their mind. And the more intelligent you were, the easier it was for you to manage the complex stresses that you're in. So, at some point, the, complex stressors, in human evolution outweigh what the mind can manage and then they started leaning on caffeine. They started leaning on recreational drugs.

They started leaning on alcohol, they started leaning on refined sugar. They started leaning on now the worst thing in the world, pharmaceutical drugs. They're leaning on them simply to attempt to manage their lifetime accumulated, stress load. That's a combination of the experiences they've had in this life, and all of the experiences that their ancestors had before they were born, that are all based on survival, which means they're based in fight or flight dynamics.

Myrna: Well, that's basically what's happening in the African American community. I found that the generational stuff is coming through, from slavery.  And you also told me that your father was from Africa. So, you've got some, stressors, there too. I definitely agree that the only thing I would add to what you just talked about the, subconscious, and the, superconscious, is that most people, let's say 95% don't understand that the, subconscious, is what's, what's guiding them.

Conclusion

Connect with Christopher on the web www.truebodyintelligence.com.  If you would like to work with Christopher, send him an email at support@truebodyintelligence.com

Additional Resources 

What is the Connection between Sexual Abuse and Addiction?

child sexual abuse
Child Abuse, and, sexual abuse,  Statistics, show a connection between, child abuse, Mental Health, addiction, and depression.
In her book “Call me an addict, war on Women” By Dr Tra Ahia. shares Kreta's story of, child abuse, and sexual abuse, that started with her biological mother. I think this is very rare. Kreta said her mother was a sick person. Her, child abuse, was by her mother. Her mother used to make her kids do sexual acts on her boyfriend and her. Her mother and boyfriend also had sex in front of her and her brothers and sisters. This, abuse, started when she was about 4 years old.
Listen to the full interview here:

Kreta's story of, sexual abuse

Kreta was raped by an older boy around the age of 7.

Kreta's, child abuse, started when she was only 8 or 9 years old when she started smoking weed, crack and sniffing blow. As she got older when she didn't have money, she would perform sexual acts for coke.

Even though she was a good student in school she started ditching school to sleep with older men and eventually dropped out of school.

She started working for a pimp who continued her, sexual abuse, he beat her all the time and had other men rape her and pie on her. After a string of, sexually abusive, relationships She got pregnant several times while still doing drugs. She had two abortions; but decided to keep her third pregnancy – a baby girl.

She went in and out of rehab several times trying to stay clean but always relapsed.

Kreta's story ended the saddest of all 3 stories from the book “Call me an Addict, war Her, strange addiction, was out of control. She got so high one night that she stabbed her baby to death. She got life in prison.

Child Abuse Statistics

  • Risk for intimate partner violence
  • Alcoholism and alcohol abuse
  • Illicit drug abuse
  • Smoking & drinking at an early age
  • Depression
  • Suicide attempts

I want to say that Kreta's mother surprised me; but I have heard, sexual abuse, stories like this one before. I had a coaching client who told me that her mother stopped having sex with her husband and when she was 4 years old gave her to her husband to have sex with. Tyler Perry tried to bring attention to this, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, in his movie Madea Family Reunion .

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iHeart Radio

Here are 5 Statistics about sexual abuse offenders

  1. Ages 12 to 14 are the peak ages for child offenders.
  2. 70 percent of perpetrators have between 1 and 9 victims.
  3. Child abuse, statistics, show as many as 40 percent of children who are, sexually abused, are abused by older or more powerful children.
  4. Sex offenses are the crimes least likely to involve strangers as perpetrators. Although a smaller percentage of, sex offenders, are women, the majority are male. Sex offenders, are generally NOT “dirty old men” or strangers lurking in alleys. They are typically not obviously mentally ill or retarded. In fact, sex offenders, are usually well known and trusted by the children they victimize, and frequently are members of the family, including fathers and stepfathers, brothers, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and cousins. There is no clear-cut description or profile of a, sex offender. Thus, there is no way to recognize a potential, sex offender, and abuser; and it's often hard to believe that a trusted individual would be capable of abusing children.
  5. Children who disclose their abuse within one month are at a reduced risk for, depression, or substance abuse and, addiction. Believe your kids when they talk to you and LISTEN. 
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Why, Addiction and Depression are by products of Child Abuse

Although any type of, addiction, can trigger violence, those most likely to impair judgment, like drug and alcohol, addiction, are most often linked to addiction-related violence. Drug and alcohol use can weaken self-control, it’s not uncommon to see people who are under the influence engaging in behavior they usually wouldn’t if they were sober.

People living with, strange addictions, who commit violent crimes, is usually as a result of intoxication or as a means of obtaining money to finance their habits. According to an article published in Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment, more than 75 percent of people who seek treatment for, drug addiction, report having performed acts of violence, including mugging, physical assault and using a weapon to attack another person.

People who suppress negative feelings like anger or, depression, are more likely to drink or use, drugs, to the point of intoxication and exhibit violent behaviors. If you have Pent-up rage and you are using drugs, you are more likely to act violently because loss of self-control can increase your chances to act on your anger.

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Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help sexual abuse survivors

Dr Tra Ahia How does CBT help , sexual abuse survivors, to love themselves? What is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

Evidence is growing that, cognitive-behavioral therapy, (CBT) is an effective treatment for, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, including those who have experienced physical, child abuse, and other traumatic events.

Most of the studies that have evaluated Trauma focused-CBT have been well designed. This treatment model represents a synthesis of trauma-sensitive interventions and well-established CBT principles treatment-outcome studies for, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, and otherwise traumatized children. The therapy was developed to resolve, post-traumatic stress disorder, and, depression, and anxiety symptoms, as well as to address underlying distortions about self-blame, safety, the trustworthiness of others, and the world. The treatment also fits, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, and other traumatic experiences into a broader context of children's lives so that their primary identity is not that of a victim.

Child abuse, statistics, show that CBT therapy allows, sexual abuse, victims to learn self-love.

 

Drug and Alcohol Treatments for Women with Trauma

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“Naked and Ashamed, the Battle of Sexual Temptation.” is a Christian self-help book that explains what sexual temptation is, and gives you Biblical scriptures on how to control your sexual desires, and unnatural urges.  With chapters such as recognizing the tempter, and rejecting the flesh, you will study strategies on how to recognize situations that tempts you, and learn how to keep your flesh under subjection.

Although we will all be tempted sexually at some time, we can learn from this book on how to refrain from overreacting and falling into sexual bondage. So put on your seatbelt and get ready to be free from all of your unwanted sexual desires and temptations.  Order “Naked and Ashamed, The Battle of Sexual Temptation” today! Written by Sheela Fields, now available on Amazon.

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Arifah What does, Child abuse, statistics, show about self love?

It shows that if, child abuse, and sexual abuse, victims do the following, They begin to heal.

  • Take your time
  • Recognize that your needs matter
  • Forgive yourself and knowledge of self through therapy
  • Find a support group
  • Learn to practice self-compassion, to rid yourself of shame-based beliefs, such as you are worthless, defective, bad, or unlovable
  • Find time for self care activities (journaling, exercise, mediation, art, hanging out with people that care about you).
  • Gain new experiences (i.e. get involved in the community)
Call me an Addict
Call me an Addict

 

Dr Tra I am curious after listening to 100 stories like the ones you told in your book and from all the data you have collected over your 30 years in this space.  Why do you think fathers and stepfathers, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, and cousins, abuse, little girls?

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I want to comment on one of the, child abuse,  statistics,   the one that says 70% of perpetrators have between 1 to 9 victims.  I remember my,  sexual abuse, It was from a man  who I called grandfather, even though he was no relation.  He used to tell me to bring my friends, and he would do the same thing to them as he did me. In fact he had a reputation of liking little girls.  I never told anyone!

That’s another thing, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, statistics, show, victims never tell.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Here are 5 tips for loving yourself after, child abuse, and, sexual abuse, 

  1. Read Positive affirmations
  2. Heal the mind through the body (ie. Boxing, Running, Martial Arts)
  3. Mindful breathing exercises and meditation (stop, breathe and think app)
  4. Channel your pain into creativity ( i.e.journaling)
  5. Ask for help when you need it

 Conclusion, Child Abuse, and, Sexual Abuse 

Dr Tra, Do you support the, child abuse statistic, that says that if kids who are experiencing trauma of any kind tells someone who offers support, it has a direct and positive effect on the, sexual abuse and addiction connection?

Totally, when you tell someone what is being done to you, you release the shame of thinking you are to blame. You will also get help to cope with the emotions.  When you stay silent it eats away at you all your life and then you self-medicate with, drugs, and alcohol and your, sexual abuse, continues into your adult relationships.

Additional Resources on Child Abuse and Sexual Abuse

Drug and Alcohol Treatments for Women with Trauma

http://blog.myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/

http://blog.myhelps.us/10-ways-childhood-trauma-impact-adults-in-love/

https://www.masterproblems.com/2017/02/what-can-be-done-about-child-abuse.html

When Your Child Can’t Speak

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/subabuse_childmal.pdf

 

 

Persistence: How to Stick with it

Persistence: Stick with it

Nothing in this world can take the place of, persistence, nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Fun fact 35% of New Year's resolutions are broken before Dr King’s birthday January 19.

If you want to be successful, develop the habit of reaching decisions promptly and of changing these decisions slowly. People who fail, without exception, have the habit of reaching decisions very slowly, and changing these decisions quickly and often.

Download the podcast here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11361376-persistence-how-to-stick-with-it.mp3?download=true

Authur's persistence story

Here is the story of, persistence. Aurthur was an airborne paratrooper. Jumping out of airplanes killed his knees, his back, his legs. When he got out of the army he walked with a cane and couldn't do anything, so he gained a lot of weight. He could not support his weight, so he couldn't exercise. The doctor at the VA told him to accept his faith that he would never walk normal again. His health rapidly declined.

One day while surfing the internet, He came across Diamond Dallas Page doing yoga. He said I could do this. He bought the DVD. He could use his arm to support his weight and get a cardio workout. Arthur was 297 lbs when he started doing yoga. He kept falling down, but he would get back again. Every day he got better and better in 19 months he had lost over 100 lbs and could not only walk without a cane but he could run. If he didn’t persist, he would still be 297 lbs or more.

You have to have desire to persist.  Your desire has to make you feel good. Change rarely works unless it is motivated by feeling. Arthur wanted to feel better, to look better and as he started losing weight and feeling better, he was proud of himself.

Transform Your Mind podcast curiocaster podcast
Curiocaster podcast

You need persistence to create a fortune

Some people who have accumulated great fortunes did so because of necessity. They developed the habit of, persistence, because circumstances forced them to become, persistent. Those who have cultivated the, habit of persistence, seem to enjoy insurance against failure. No matter how many times they are defeated. They finally arrive at the top of the ladder. Sometimes it appears that there was a hidden guide whose duty is to test us through all sorts of discouraging experiences.

Those who pick themselves up after defeat and keep on trying finally arrive at their destination. The hidden guide lets no one enjoy great achievement without passing the, persistence test. Those who fail the, persistence test, simply did not make the grade. Those who pass are rewarded for their, persistence, and in return they get the goal they are pursuing. But that is not all. They receive something infinitely more important than material compensation. They acquire the knowledge that every failure brings with it the seed of an equivalent advantage.

People who learn from experience the importance of, persistence, will not accept defeat as being anything more than temporary. They are the ones whose desires are so persistently applied, that defeat is finally changed into victory. We see that an overwhelmingly large number of people go down in defeat, never to rise again. We also see the few who take the punishment of defeat as an urge to greater effort. But what we do not see is the silent but irresistible power that comes to the rescue of those who persist in the face of discouragement.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

The power of persistence

If we speak of this power at all, we call it, persistence, and let it go with that. One thing is sure. If you do not have, persistence, you will not achieve noteworthy success in any calling.

I am studying the book Think and Grow Rich and there is an excellent story of the author, Napoleon Hill, on how he persisted in the face of 7 major life defeats to become the author of one of the best self-improvement books ever written.

Here is brief, biography of Napoleon Hill.  Hill was born into poverty in the backwoods of Virginia. Young Nap, as he was called, was the local gun toting troublemaker. He would probably have ended up a criminal had his widowed father not met and married Martha Raimi. Nap’s new stepmother set out to change the family's troublemaker ways, and she started by trading a typewriter for his six-shooter pistol.

She told him if you become as good with a typewriter as you are with that gun, you may become rich and famous and known throughout the world. Her faith and encouragement turned young Nap around and by the age of 15, he was submitting stories to the local newspapers and doing everything he could to get himself out of his meager circumstance.

After completing high school and one year at a business college, he wrote an audacious letter to Rufus Ayers, one of the most powerful men in the call industry. He'll wrote to apply for a job and got the job.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Napoleon Hill persistence eventually led to victory

Setback #1 – Hill advanced rapidly until he was assuming responsibilities and receiving a salary far out of proportion to his age. He'll also prove to be so trustworthy and honest that Eyers promoted him to replace the manager, making this 19-year-old, the youngest manager of a mine and in charge of 350 men. Then his employer lost his fortune, and Hill lost his position.

Setback # 2 – His next position was that of sales manager of a large lumber manufacturer in the south, his advancement was rapid. And he did so well that his employer took him into partnership with him. The business was making tons of money and Hill was again at the top of his game then disaster struck.  The 1907 Panic swept down, and overnight it rendered him poor by destroying the business and relieving him of every dollar that he had.

Setback #3 – Hill decided to go to law school.  He attended law school at night and worked as an automobile salesman during the day. He saw the need for trained automobile mechanics. So, he opened an educational department in the manufacturing plant and began to train ordinary machinist in automobile assembly and repair work.

The school prospered paying Hill over $1,000 a month in net profits. His banker knew the business was prospering therefore, he loaned him money to expand. Then when he couldn’t pay, he took over my business as calmly as if it had belonged to him, which it did. From an income of more than $1,000 a month, he was suddenly reduced to poverty.

Setback # 4– Hill decided to move to Chicago.  His first position in Chicago was that of advertising manager for a large correspondence school. He once again did so well that the president of the school induced him to resign his position and go into the candy manufacturing business with him. The business grew rapidly and soon they had a chain of stores in 18 different cities. Then his partner got greedy and got Hill arrested on false charges so they could take the business.  Hill was cleared of any wrongdoing but once again he was out of a job and money.

Setback # 5 – Hill then turned his efforts to teaching advertising and salesmanship at one of the colleges in the Midwest. His school prospered from the very beginning. He had a resident class and also a correspondence school.  Then President Woodrow Wilson declared the United States would enter the war against Germany. At one stroke all his students were drafted in the war and Hill charged off more than $75,000 in tuition fees. Once more, he was penniless.

Setback # 6 – The time had come for another turning point. Hill decided to sit down at my typewriter his first love and to his astonishment, his hands began to play a tune on the keyboard. He had never written so rapidly or so easily before. The words were downloaded to him. Hill wrote was a long essay in which he described a new idealism based on the golden rule that he thought could emerge from the war.

He declared that he would help spread the word and vowed he was going to find the money to launch a new magazine to be called Hills Golden Rule. His, persistence, paid off, by early January of 1919 Hills Golden Rule magazine was on the newsstands. It was a hit and made lots of money until he exposed some bad men and they tried to kill him. He then had to run for his life and hide out.

Setback # 7 – While in hiding, Hill decided to complete the project he started 20 years earlier. In March of 1928, Hill published the results of his efforts, a multi volume Master Work and title Law of Success. No one had ever seen anything like it. It was a phenomenon, a runaway bestseller. A little over a year later, while Hill was finally enjoying the fruits of his long Labor and, persistence, the stock market crash of 1929 hit, the bottom fell out of everything, including the market for books.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

It you stick with it you will have victory

Victory – Though he never gave up on his vision, like the rest of America, Hill struggled through the depression. He lectured, he wrote, and he taught in every way he could, but it was very hard to preach personal achievement to a country that had lost faith in itself. Napoleon Hill, made it his personal mission to turn the tide by creating a variety of self-help programs, but it became disappointingly apparent that it was going to take more than one man to do it.

When Franklin D Roosevelt was elected president, he reached out to, Napoleon Hill. They released Think and Grow Rich to such resounding success that it sold well over a million copies even before the depression ended. To date it has sold more than 60 million copies worldwide. And to this day, it still sells more than a million copies a year in its various editions.

Why did, Napolean Hill, persist? Because he wanted to be rich.

Why do persist? Or do you stay down when you get knocked down.

How many people you know would keep trying after being knocked down 7 times? The devil would have gotten his hocks in your mental state and told you that you are a failure and that you will never be successful. You don’t have what it takes. Etc. If the devil leads you into depression or disappointment, then he’s got you. He has removed your heart, your desire. You become just cold, tap water.

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

Don't be tap water

Do you know what happens at, 212 degrees? Water boils

At 211% it is just hot water.

What can hot water do? Not much

What can boiling water do?

Everything!

At, 212 degrees, the steam from boiling water can power locomotives.

Boiling water can cook your food.

That one degree is the difference between mediocrity and great achievement.

This one little degree of extra effort is usually the difference between winning or losing in life. It is where you find the top athletes. The ones who play through pain, the ones who get back up after being knocked down.

Most Olympics track events are won by seconds, by the person who desires it the most and is willing to give it that extra 1% to get to boiling.

The Daytona 500 is won every year with a one second difference between the winner and looser. The first-place winner takes home a prize of 1,650,000 and the second-place winner takes home 600,000.

That 1% is worth over 1 million dollars.

We see the losing team crying at the Super Bowl. They were so close. All that was needed was a little more heat, one extra degree of effort.

So, what makes the difference? Why only a few people in this world turns it up that extra 1 degree?

Transform Your Mind Podcastland
Transform Your Mind Podcastland

You Got to be hungry

The difference is courage, confidence, self-reliance, stamina and, persistence.

As Les Brown says “you got to be hungry”

I love Mike Tyson

He did an interview on why he dominated the sport, and it went like this:

As I approach the ring my confidence builds this is my world the ring is my where I excel. The closer I get to the ring the more confident I get. As I step into the ring, I am a God I am invincible. I never take my eyes off of my opponent. I stare him down and as soon as he looks away, I know that I won. I see fear in his eyes.

So, let's fast forward to the Tyson and Buster Douglas championship fight. Tyson was in his glory he is dominating the fight. He hits his knock down punch and Douglas falls to the ground. The count begins Douglas can't get up. 1, 2, 3, 7, 8, 9, bell!  Saved by the bell. Douglas goes to his corner and he remembers his why. Why he must win this fight.

You see Douglas’s mother told him that he was going to be the Heavy Weight champion of the world. She believed in him when no one else did and she died 2 days before the fight. He couldn't let her down. That was all he needed to bring his desire to boiling point. That was all he needed to push through the pain and fear.

He came back out and Tyson was no longer a God, he was no longer a giant. He saw in his mind’s eye an ant that could be crushed and he started to fight with that end goal in mind. The opportunity came in the 10th round. An uppercut to the right jaw and Tyson fell like Goliath! The new Heavy Weight champion of the world Buster Douglas.

Conclusion

If you stick with it, you will win.  Let, persistence, become your friend and do not be, tap water.

Thanks for tuning into to, Transformation Fridays, with coach Myrna. Hope you were inspired today to go out and transform your life. Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources 

Desire – I got to have it

Using Astrology to Understand Your Purpose

Natalie Holbrook Astrology

Natalie Holbrook, intuitive Astrologer shares how to use your birthday to understand your astrological signs.  She pulled my, astrology, chart and my Sun was in the first house, and my moon was in Libra. The first house is all about, personal development, which means I am doing what I am supposed to do.

Also, my Venus is in Scorpio, which is all about, transformation. And what I do as a, Life coach, is all about transformation!

We can pull our, astrology, charts to confirm our career choices or understand why it is not working for us.

Download the podcast here: 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11336130-how-to-use-using-astrology-to-understand-your-purpose.mp3?download=true

What is Your Astrology Birth Chart

Myrna: You said that after pulling your, astrology, chart, you realized that you had found your, purpose. Why was that immediate?

Natalie: It was it was kind of like a spiritual rebirth to be honest because I just heard this podcast and I heard about the, loneliness, piece and, loneliness, and I had always had this experience of even if I would be surrounded by friends, I still felt, loneliness. I think I was even dating someone at the time and still felt, lonely. From the outside you'd be like, this person's not, lonely. And I didn't feel like I should but there was something within me that was like, why do I always have this?

And so, then when I learned that, loneliness, was part of my, birth chart, it was almost this validation of like, oh, this is actually just something I'm supposed to learn from my entire life.  I don't have to actually attach to oh, I'm lonely or oh, I'm sad because of it. I experienced, loneliness. And then because I experienced it, I get to help other people who experienced it, you know, and we can talk about it. It's kind of like, if you have shame about something and you talk about it, it helps it to go away.

But then when I also learned from my, astrology, chart, a couple of other things that were so critical for me. One of them was learning my, moon sign, and we're going to talk all about your, moon sign. We're going to talk about, moon sign, because we have the, sun sign, which is our birthday. You're a, Taurus, I'm actually a, Taurus, too, so we definitely bonded on that.

Myrna: Yes, I think there was an immediate connection when we met on video.

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Your Astrology moon sign shows your emotions

Natalie: Your, moon sign, is what you feel on the inside. It's your emotions. It's how you think. It's the kind of stress level that your body runs on. And I learned that mine is a, Gemini moon, and, Gemini, is the spectrum of black and white Yin and Yang. You kind of want to dabble in everything. Sometimes people will call it a jack of all trades, master of none.  I wanted to study everything and sometimes I was really extroverted and sometimes I was really introverted. And so that also really helped me to understand myself.

And the final piece that was so crucial for me as well was to learn that I'm something called a, Leo rising. So, the rising sign is what your soul is ascending into in this lifetime. That's what we're really rising and learning how to be more like, and it's also what people see of us when they first meet us. And so, when I learned that about, Leo, that kind of gave me this feeling of confirmation. Because my whole life, I wanted to work in entertainment, whether that was film or directing or documentaries, or maybe even doing podcasts like this, you know, something where I was in the public.

And so, once I learned that, it helped to reassure me.  Hey, you are here to do something with fun and performance and entertaining and being seen. And that really helps me to step more into, purpose, rather than being afraid or shutting down those dreams.

Myrna:  That's amazing. All right. So, let's get back to this day when you learnt about your full expression. So, you learned to pull your, birth chart, and then you saw that it made sense that your, moon, and, Leo rising.  How did it come together?

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Astrology shows your purpose

Natalie: I think because I was already feeling all of that in my heart and my body and my soul, that it was almost like you said, this information, was validation.  And the thing that's really cool about, astrology, is that you kind of know, one, purpose, might be being a wife, one, purpose, might be, having a business or being a mother or just making people laugh on a day-to-day basis. It can be all of these different things. And it's the combination of all of that makes you and really is the essence of you.

Myrna: That's good. That's true. Our soul has many purposes. As a, Life coach, I teach, purpose, as well. I tell people that they're not really fulfilled unless they're living their, purpose, and it's very true. But people always think that their, purpose, is a big thing. You know that they have to change the world in some way. And I've learned that your, purpose, can be just like you said, to be a wife or to be a mother or to be a support for somebody. It doesn't always have to be like an Elon Musk.

Natalie: Yeah, well, I think that there's so many roles that we take that sometimes we even forget that we're taking that role, you know, it's like being a good best friend who picks up the phone and listens, that is something that we even see in the, birth chart. You're going to be someone who's really empathetic or if you're someone who's a little narcissistic.

We can kind of see these little hints in here. Your, soul, really wanted to shine in in this lifetime, and one of the really fun ways.  Everyone who's listening can actually know their, soul’s purpose.  So, for you being a, Taurus, when you pull your, astrology, chart, and you can go to my website, Natalieholbrookwellness.com to pull your chart for free.

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The Sun in the first house: Astrology

And you'll see that your Sun is in what's called a house and the house there are these little triangles in the chart and the chart is a circle and it's broken up into 12 Pizza slices, let's say little triangles. And whatever house that Sun is in, they're showing where you directly shine. And so, for you, Myrna yours shines in the first house, and the first house is the house of you're going to just be like, of course, personal development.

It's about you learning what is your path, and then it's also about the physical body. So, if you've been on a journey of health or with fitness or you know how it is that you even perceive yourself. That's a really big once you were really having to say I transformed from who I once was, to who I am now, and probably becoming many different iterations of that in between.

Myrna: That's amazing. I was born in Guyana. Guyana is a third world country and very poor and I was born in poverty, then abused of the child. So yes, my story is that I transformed myself from that into what I do today, and I've always been into, personal development. You know, my thing when I was growing up was, CANI which is constant and never-ending improvement. So, which is why when I saw the word life coach, I immediately felt it was my calling.  And I've also been in fitness, I used to run track as well as the long jump in high school.

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The moon sign in astrology

Natalie:  So, then we can see the whole, astrology, chart and we see your moon. And now this is going to be funny to you too and make so much sense because your moon is in, Libra, and Libra is the sign all about partnerships, and partnerships. And it can be kind of two ways where it's like partnership of you and your romantic partner, you and a close friend, you and a group of people, or even doing a podcast is one of the most, Libra, because it's the two of us having an intimate conversation where other people are listening. So that's all about Libra. Now, Libra, also is very good at business and very good at negotiations and sales.

Because, Libras, also very charismatic, it knows how to read people. It's almost like it knows how quote unquote should be. And so, it can step into that character, and it's an Air sign so, Taurus, is an earth sign so it makes you very grounded and people see you as grounded. So that's your, moon sign.

Myrna: That's really my, purpose, is to be a good interviewer. I thought I got my listening skills from my coaching training, because as a coach, they teach you to learn to listen and dial in and pick up things that the person is not saying. But you can see from their body language and the reactions. So, I know that I'm a great Interviewer because I actually dial in to who I'm interviewing, and everybody says, you ask some really good questions. That's because I'm dialed in. But what you're saying I was born this way.

That's amazing, everybody likes to hear that they're on purpose and they're doing is what they're supposed to do.

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Using astrology to understand your career

Alright, let's go back to, astrology, for a minute. You said that you were embodying your, Gemini moon, being very curious, having lots of passions, and having to try out a few different careers before finding the one. So how can listeners use, astrology, to guide their careers? Let's touch a minute and talk about the, Libra, reading, because again, that's right on point. And when I was growing up, all my friends were, Libras.

What is my, Libra? How does that help me with my, career, since my moon is in Libra.

Natalie: So, it's really important to always know what we call your big three. So, your Sun is your character, your moon is your emotion. So, think of that. It's like what you feel it's almost like your insides your core is a, Libra.

Me as a, Tauras, I get along really well because we're ruled by, Venus. We love art and beauty, and we notice the little things.

Myrna: So, for someone that's listening, and they pull their, birth chart, and their Sun is in Aquarius and their, moon, is in Pisces or something like that. Would that tell them about what they're supposed to do with their lives?  What their soul is aspiring to do or what they're supposed to do it as far as careers?

Natalie: Yeah, so there's a couple of other planets that I want to pull in about, career, because, moon, is really what you need to take down so we can stay with you for your lives and really, you need to feel connection with people you know, in your job. If you were just working analyzing data all in a room by yourself, you would die, you would feel so isolated. I have all these gifts; I need to talk to people I need to connect with people. You know, for me, for example, as a, Gemini Moon, I need to have a lot of variety.

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Download on Spotify

Gemini need variety

So, for me every single day is different, every client session I do every, birth chart, reading it's all different. So, I'm able to really thrive on that because, Gemini, is all about variety. And so, with that we could go through all the signs and say kind of whatever person would need, but also a thing that's really good to look at on the chart is to see where there's is well two things that are really good one is to say, where's your, Venus's sign, because, Venus, is how you're going to make money. So, we can be on our, purpose, but we also want to say, how can I get paid for this?

And for me, my, Venus, is actually also in, Gemini, so the more that I talk to people connect to people do a variety of things. That's also how I get to thrive. So, you want to look at your Venus sign as well. And then the other piece of this that's really important is to look at the planet, Jupiter. Jupiter, is where we have our expansion. So, like I was saying or like read, but mine isn't that, Pisces, science.

Yours is in, Scorpio. And where we have Jupiter, a lot of people are a lot of astrologers will say that, Jupiter, is like the Santa Claus of the Zodiac because it brings us gifts like that's what our gifts are in. And so, for you being in Scorpio, it is all about, transformation. And what do you do as a, Life coach, is all about transformation.

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Scorpio in astrology is about transformation

Myrna; Thank goodness, transformation. You know that word just popped into my psyche one day, and my original show was supposed to be called, mindset transformation. But when I when I uploaded it to iTunes, but it was too long, and then I changed it to, transform your mind. But, transformation, is the main topic of the show. Astrology is amazing.

Natalie: Yeah, it's all about, transformation. And then on top of that, it's in the seventh house, which is to have the relationships so you're transforming people through your relationship with them.

And, Scorpio, is also very powerful.  Scorpio, I like to call it the alchemist in the mystic because it's almost like you're able to turn anything that one might have looked at garbage or a very difficult kind of breaking point a lot of, Scorpio, energy it has to hit rock bottom. And you know, you talked about how you went from poverty in Guyana to abundance in America.

Myrna: What is Psych-K and how do you help others heal through it?

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Using Psych-K Astrology to heal others

Natalie: It's almost like the chart, it’s like a treasure map. So, with psych K, this incredible modality that basically uses muscle testing in order for us to test out what is something that you believe so for example, we could see in your, birth chart, you are a, Libra moon.  That may be one of the shadows or there could have been some level of codependency in your life or that maybe people were codependent upon you or something that's maybe in the shadow side of relationships. Does that resonate at all?

Myrna: Well, I was never codependent, but people probably were codependent on me. It was always an independent a woman.

Natalie:  And so, we could say something, or we could even use like transformation. Like there's, there's all these things that we can see in your, birth chart, that will show us something, some type of belief that potentially may not be a healthy belief.  And then we use an affirmation or a goal statement. So, let's say a lot of people’s belief is I am not enough, or I am not worthy, or I am not worthy of love. I am not worthy of money.  And so, then we would talk a little bit about that, we could see in your, birth chart, why you feel this way?

And then what we do is, we actually will muscle test and we can do this virtually where my subconscious will ask you you're whoever my client is, and I'm working with their subconscious for permission to muscle tests on their behalf. And I know it sounds very woowoo, but it actually is very scientific.  Hey, it's just our subconscious saying, Can I do this for you?

And so typically, then we'll muscle test and we'll get a positive or a negative or a strong or a weak and then the person will move through living outside experience and saying, you know, I am worthy, or I am enough. And then the G is a school that was held live last year and now people can buy the tape for replay, and you can learn how to read your own, birth chart.

Conclusion

And we go in depth into all of the planets, all of the signs, all of the houses, everything that we talked about, so that you can really start to piece together everything and with the school if you were to purchase it online, there's also an option to get, additional sessions and help from me so that you can we can really go deep into your, birth chart.

My podcast is, the cosmic Earth podcast. We do the same thing where I will talk about once a week about what's going on into cosmos and then have amazing guests on like yourself to talk about what else is happening there and how to read their, astrology, chart.

Check out your Birth Chart and anything you want to know about, astrology, on Natalie website:  natalieholbrookwellness.com

Additional Resources

Master Lama Rasaji: Harmonizing Mind Body Spirit

The Effects of Criticism in Marriages

Criticism kills marriages

The number one thing that ruins a, marital relationship, or any committed relationship is, criticism. Try not to do it to anyone, your kids, your spouse, your friends, or your customers.  Noone wants to be criticized, because they think that they are doing what is right. Instead state how something makes you feel. Voice your complaint by stating how it affects you and do not assassinate the character of the other person.

Download the podcast here 

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/11320752-why-criticism-kills-marriages.mp3?download=true

Why Criticism kills marriages

We have all heard that men want respect and women are emotional creatures, needing love and affection. So, that means if a man wants to improve his, marital relationship, he needs to show his wife love and affection and if a woman wants to improve her marriage, she must show respect, right? So why does, criticism, kill marriages?

You are probably saying to yourself, that is some messed up advice.  By wait here is the reason.

Studies show that no one ever does anything they feel is wrong, so it does you no good to point it out.

The verb in the sentence is the important word. Feel.
Put another way, whatever we perceive is our reality.
99.9 percent of men and women can justify to themselves or anyone who would listen, any action or none action, they have taken.

Podbay FM Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podbay FM
Two-Gun Crowley a kind killer

On May 7 1931 New York City witnessed the most sensational manhunt the city had ever known to this point. After weeks on the loose “Two-Gun” Crowley, the killer, was trapped in an apartment on West End Avenue.

One hundred and fifty police officers and detectives laid siege to his top floor hideaway. For hours the residential sections reverberated with the rat-tat-tat of gun fire from the police and Two-Gun Crowley.

While Crowley lay bleeding from his gunshot wounds, he penned a note that read “To whom it may concern. Under my coat is a weary heart, but a kind one, one that would do nobody no harm”
If you had never heard this story before, you may be thinking that the police had the wrong man; but no. Crowley was the same man who was necking with his girl on a country road on Long Island when a police officer walked up to the parked car and asked him to show his license.

Without saying a word, Crowley drew his gun and cut the police officer down with a shower of bullets. As the officer lay dying on the ground, he jumped out of the car grabbed the officer’s gun and fired another round of bullets into the prostrate body. That was the killer who wrote “under my coat is a weary, but kind heart. One that would do nobody any harm.”

Transform Your Mind podcast curiocaster podcast
curiocaster podcast
We all see ourselves differently from others.

This is an extreme story, but I have experienced many people like Crowley in my own experience; from kids who steal, to spouses who cheat, to murderers who kill, nobody feels they have done anything wrong. So don't bother pointing it out to them expecting them to feel guilt. This goes a long way to, improve your marital relationships.

Even if they admit to wrongdoing, someone made them do it, they find some way to justify their actions. This phenomenon is glaringly evident on death row. Most of the prisoners on death row feel they have been victimized regardless of how heinous the crime. They are all innocent.

The #1 thing women can do to improve their relationships, is Don't criticize!

Criticism, does no good. It does nothing.
Criticism, is futile, because it puts a man on the defensive, wounds his pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses his resentment, so don't bother.
Instead make yourself perfect. The only person you can change is you anyway.
Jesus taught us this when he said “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? No one is perfect.

That is not to say that your brother has no speck or has done no wrong, but we are only responsible for what we do. We have no power to control others. And, criticism, does nothing to, improve, marital relationships.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

What exactly is criticism?

Couples often have a difficult time distinguishing between, criticism, and voicing a complaint. Criticism, can have devastating effects because it makes the victim feel assaulted, rejected, and hurt. Couples fear that if they agree to stop, criticism, they won’t be able to have a conversation about failed agreements or promises.

For example, let’s say your partner throws his/her clothes and towels on the floor instead of putting them in the hamper. If you attack your partner by saying, “why are you so nasty? You have this place in a mess. You never clean-up after yourself,” that is, criticism. If instead you say, I would really appreciate it if you would put your clothes in the hamper, that is voicing a complaint.

Criticism, is an attack on your partner’s character. Calling your partner nasty or pointing out negative personality flaws is, criticism, because you are criticizing your partner as a whole person. In contrast, if you voice a complaint, and focus on specific action or behavior, and ask for a different action or behavior, that is different from, criticism.

Let’s look at another example. Women are always complaining about quality time and no affection from their man.  If you say “You are not marriage material, you don’t know how to love a woman” That is criticism, if you say instead “I love your hands around me, I could use a hug,” that is saying the same thing in a different way. So, when I say don’t criticize, I don’t mean become deaf and mute. It is always better to communicate how you feel.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

Criticism affects intimacy

One might think that the last person we’d want to say hurtful things to would be your marriage partner, the one you love. When we criticize it affects, Intimacy, because the wounded partner wants nothing to do with you. We are hard wired to focus on negative aspects instead of the positive aspects of our partners. We would focus on the clothes all over the floor and a filthy bathroom sink and not on the fact that our husband worked a full week, paid all the bills and rubbed our feet.

This is called a “negative bias”. Our brain is built to automatically place more weight on unpleasant news or nastiness. That is why the news is so negative, it sells more papers or gets more ratings.  Negative bias, kicks in automatically at the earliest stages of processing information. As a result, our attitudes are more heavily influenced by downbeat news than good news. That is why the constant, criticism, by a spouse tips the balance of a relationship from mundane to miserable?

The bible says “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” It clearly states that it is better to live on the roof than with a nagging wife and most husbands experiencing this situation would agree.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

How to protect yourself from criticism

“How does a person survive constant, criticism, in a, marriage relationship?

People adapt to a partner’s constant, criticism, by employing various survival tactics, such as:

Self-protection

If the woman is critical, then the man goes into his man cave. It could be a physical room, or he withdraws and stops communication. If the man is the critical one the woman also withdraws, and her self-esteem is deflated. Some develop an intensely defensive personality to shield themselves from the harsh lash of the critical partner. Others hide their “authentic selves” as a protective mechanism, letting out only the part stamped “partner approved”. They become a pleaser. They may feel the need to shrink their personality to avoid criticism which can result in loss of self.

Distancing.

To fend off, criticism, in a, marriage relationship, a partner surrounds him/herself with a safe buffer zone from which he/she responds politely as if from afar. Friends, work, children, exercise, social media, television, books, and newspapers can serve as buffers. We all know the spouse who is never home, always finds things to do outside the home.  That is distancing.

Withdrawal

A criticized partner withdraws and becomes emotionally unavailable. He/she preserves the “self” by building a wall to keep the critical partner away. He/she refuses to engage or react when criticized. Instead, he/she takes it and most likely adds another brick in the wall of resentment each time they are attacked, belittled, or berated.

Substance Abuse

Another common reaction to, criticism, in a, marital relationship, is, substance abuse. To survive emotionally, the criticized partner numbs the pain of engaging with his/her partner. Substance abuse, as a, coping mechanism, usually leads to further deterioration of the, marital relationship, as well as a host of other serious problems.

How to stop yourself from criticizing your partner

If you feel the impulse to criticize here are a few tips to stop yourself

  • Count to 10. Breathe, bite your tongue, wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it each time you feel the impulse to, criticize.
  • Do whatever it takes to do to stop finding fault, belittling, reproaching, nit-picking, cutting down, or chastising your partner.
  • Decide the kind of person you want to be and how you want to show up in your relationship.
  • Work at accepting your partner, even his/her annoying traits, harmless bad habits, quirks, and idiosyncrasies.
  • Resign yourself to the fact that you will not change your partner. I repeat: Criticism, will not change your partner.
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

The Effects of Criticism on Relationships

Here is some research on the, effects of criticism on relationships.

Here is a marriage story

Dr Julie said she had the good pleasure of counseling a woman who simply had to be the world's greatest criticizer. I have to admit that I was in awe at her absolute hard-core ability to criticize. I can remember sitting back and thinking, “Wow, this lady could win some kind of award – she is amazing!” Her husband was a pot smoker and there was nothing good she could say about him – from the way he chewed his food, to his driving, or the way he snored at night. I counselled her to change her criticism to requests. In time she became one of the world's greatest requesters.

One Mother's Day (instead of criticizing) she composed a Wish List for her husband. It started with something like this – “Dear Husband, if you would like to have an immensely happy wife this Mother's Day you can do so by getting me one of the following…” She listed about eight items each with a box to check next to the items she desired. Much to her surprise she received several things off the list (not just one!). She promptly rewarded her husband by telling him how happy she was and gave him a huge, heartfelt hug. Her husband began to learn that he could actually make his wife happy. This took a long time because he had come to believe that there was nothing that he could say or do that would ever please her.

So, what happened with this, marriage? In spite of the fact that she became an excellent requester, her husband would not give up his pot and she really struggled with staying married to him. She was lonely and the kids had an absent father. After much debate and prayer, she decided to stay. She would love this man with his addiction. Years later her husband’s heart was won over to Christ and he stopped, smoking pot. The world's greatest criticizer became the world's most grateful wife. That is why you must give it to God.  Only God can change man.

Drs. John & Julie Gottman are therapists who have done the most research on the, effects of criticism on relationships. The two are famous for their “love lab,” in which hundreds of couples were screened, interviewed and observed over the course of two decades. As a result of their research the Gottman’s could predict in less than five minutes, with 90 percent accuracy, if a couple was going to stay together or divorce.

They came up with a metaphor to describe four communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship. They termed them “The Four Horsemen” — a phrase coined after the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse from the New Testament, depicting the end of time.

  1. Criticism
  2. Contempt
  3. Defensiveness
  4. Stonewalling

Criticism leads to contempt

The main problem with, criticism, is that it can pave the way for the worst of the horsemen — contempt.

Contempt, is about holding your partner in a negative light without giving them the benefit of the doubt. The contemptuous partner is usually attacking from a place of superiority. This can send their partner the message that they are not liked, appreciated, understood or respected. This does little to create a safe, secure and trusting bond in the relationship.

Treating your partner with, contempt, is the single greatest predictor of divorce, according to Dr. Gottman’s work. It is by far the most destructive of the, four communication styles.

Contempt, and relentless, criticism, put a couple at war with each other. This is the opposite of the couple bubble. Smart partners who want to create a strong and happy relationship need to do all that they can to preserve and foster a strong couple bubble.

In this model, criticism, is seen as part of what’s called “the negative cycle.” The negative cycle is an interaction cycle between two people that, when left unchecked, can create an enormous amount of distance and disconnection in a relationship.

All relationships have some conflict and disappointments. This is actually healthy. Conflicts and disappointments don’t have to destroy a relationship. It is how the couple handles them that matters.

You should never marry or move in with someone until you have had your first fight.  It is important to know how someone fights. Do they call you nasty names when you fight? Do you hit below the belt by throwing in your face things they know that hurt you? Do they refuse to engage and walk away? Or do you sit down and talk it out everyone voicing their opinion and having a fair hearing?

Conclusion

So, let’s circle back to our topic. The number one thing that ruins a marital relationship or any committed relationship is, criticism. Try not to do it to anyone, your kids, your spouse, your friends, your customers.  Noone wants to be criticized, because they think that they are doing what is right. Instead state how something makes you feel. Voice your complaint by stating how it affects you and do not assassinate the character of the other person.

Thanks to tuning into this week’s episode of Transformation Friday, I appreciate your time and hope I deliver value.  Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources 

In a Unhealthy Relationship? Should you Stay or Go.

How to Get Rid of Your Fat Cells with Liposuction

Liposuction Surgery for permanent fat loss

With, liposuction, you're not losing fat alone. You don't lose fat alone. You're losing water weight and poop and inflammation and salt. You're losing pure fat cells and that's permanent.  Adults do not make back fat cells, so when you suck out your fat cells, they do not grow back. It is permanent.

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Bio

Dr Gregory has had 16 years of experience as a board-certified Emergency Medicine physician. Through her extensive training, she has developed a passion for patient advocacy, holistic wellbeing, weight loss, fitness, and cosmetic procedures. She has discovered how to transform into the best version of herself, and she is now ready to walk this journey with her patients by engaging in life-changing activities focused on the synergy of the mind, body, and soul.

She can empathize with her patients, and carefully customize a journey with each one of them, based on their needs. Dr. Gregory shows how a person can heal when they are treated holistically. Dr. Gregory cares for patients with passion and motivation for wellness, patients looking for a physician with unparalleled bedside manner, and patients ready to commit to transforming their lives.

Myrna: Tell us how you became a plastic surgeon

Dr Bilge: My story starts when I was working in the emergency room; I had a problem getting a good night sleep, so my primary care doctor prescribed a sleep aide that wasn't addictive, but it was prescription strength. She prescribed me a medicine. What happened ultimately was when, in September of 2015, I was getting ready to work a shift the very next morning at 6am and I was had taken my medicine the night before. About an hour after I had I found myself face down in a dark in my dark living room, in a pool of blood. I didn't know it was blood because it was dark. I got up and I went to the bathroom and my entire face was crushed.

Myrna: I guess you blacked out blacked out I'm assuming.

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Life events leading to plastic surgery

Dr Bilge: Exactly right. I didn't know at the moment, but obviously, in hindsight, what we discovered was my heart had stopped from medicine. When your heart stops, it's not like a fainting spell where you're dizzy and then you fall and usually your hands block your fall. I had what they call a drop attack. So essentially, I went from upright to face down.  I must have been sleepwalking. I crushed my skull in four places. I had fractures in my forehead, my orbit my nose. I had lacerations, I was concussed, and I was essentially a vegetable for a period of time, especially in the beginning. I spent some time in the ICU, and then about a month later, I was right back in the ER.

Myrna: Wow I really understand why you became a, plastic surgeon.

Dr Bilge: All right, so that was one big wake up call. And I can honestly say I was already starting to have these Inklings or intuitions about my career in life. Because the burnout was real, and I wasn't ready to accept that. I had been forewarned that that was a potential for many ER doctors, but I just thought I would be able to avoid that kind of consequence, but I wasn't able to obviously. So, the burnout got worse.

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Download on Spotify

Less than a year later, I was again working in the emergency department. I was actually at home when I first developed a pain in my neck. And it was within 24 hours while I was working my shift in the emergency department, the pain started to migrate down my arm to the point where I felt like I had a broken shoulder, and I was like what is this? And it went into my fingers. So, it wasn't a sudden rupture like my disk had literally popped out and compress my nerves in that timeframe. So, it was like a heart attack with my arm.

Myrna:  Wow because the symptoms of a heart attack is pain in your arm right

Dr Bilge: Yeah, but it wasn't my heart. It was my nerve. So ultimately, they did an MRI of my neck, and they found that my disc must have been weakened from the injury the year before and now was pinching my nerve.

The pain was so bad, they were literally trying to put me on unconscious to try to suppress the pain. When a nerve is in pinch, it's not like a heart attack, blood flow or nerve flow is impinged quickly. There's really no comparable pain on this planet to it. I ended up having emergency surgery to have part of my disc removed and pushed back in place. Thankfully nothing fused. So, I have good mobility, but I almost lost all function of my arm.

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Introduction to high-definition liposuction

Myrna: Did your nerve regenerate?

Dr Bilge: Yes, it did, but it took me months. Then I went through another life trauma and decided to find another career. A friend of mine learned how to do, high-definition liposuction. In the meantime, when he was out doing his thing, and he's like, I can teach you that and I'm thinking, are you serious? Is this a possibility? So, these are the life events that led to becoming a, plastic surgeon.

Myrna: I want to ask you a question. You said that you couldn't sleep. So, the doctor gave you something and that's what happened. So, is melatonin safe? Because they're saying that, melatonin, is actually very good for you and I take, melatonin. So, is that like the only safe sleeping aid?

Dr Bilge: I actually don't consider it a good sleep aid. Because it's naturally formed in our body and taking external, melatonin, you're actually suppressing your own body's ability to create it. So no, I don't consider that as a sleep option.

Myrna: Okay, is there any good options for someone that's reading this? Because, you know, they say that in America 70% of people can't sleep. And that came out when Michael Jackson had his problem because he couldn't sleep, and they said that 70% of Americans can't sleep. Now doctors prescribe, melatonin. But you're right. You're messing with your, circadian rhythm, but if your, circadian rhythm, is off and you can't sleep, what should people do?

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Plastic surgery liposuction

Dr Bilge: There's no simple answer for that. And I personally have the thought that other than specifically vitamins, I would always work on people's methods of sleep through, mind body techniques.

Myrna: What kind of, plastic surgery, do you do? I know that you said something about, liposuction. You talked about injectables and all that. So, are you a full body, Plastic Surgeon? Are you just working with the face? So. tell us what kind of, plastic surgery, you do.

Dr Bilge: As a, plastic surgeon, I don't perform, plastic surgery, techniques such as, tummy tucks, and, breast lifts or, breast augmentation. Those do require more training. What I specifically do, like my bread and butter is the, high-definition liposuction, with a technology called, Fun sculpting, which has a very interesting term. But the reason it's unique is it's the only type of, liposuction, that will not rip, cut, tear, or kill tissue.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

I talk with my patients about the differences between, different types of, liposuction, and most people know the classic, liposuction, as what's offered in the United States, that's about over 90% of what's available. And it's unfortunate because it's really old technology, and it's exactly what you see on TV, that brutal arm movement of the doctor.

It's a vacuum on a stick, and it's really not ideal for a variety of body parts because it can destroy the tissue underneath, which is what I mean when I say rip, cut, tear when you're making those powerful arm movements with a cannula. You're literally pushing through the tissue in a forceful manner and causing destruction of those fibers that hold the skin to the muscle. I talk to my patients about myself. I'm a guinea pig. I've had, liposuction, myself twice.  The first time the old school way not knowing that the other ways existed.

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Difference between high-definition liposuction and traditional liposuction

To be clear and honest is not necessarily their bread and butter. They don't want to do the traditional, liposuction, because it's labor intensive. On it takes more time to get the job done. So, they're thinking, why not make the same amount of money doing the, tummy tuck, in two hours as opposed to, liposuction, that would take four hours.

The other cool selling point of this particular technology the, high-definition liposuction, is that I can do the, liposuction, in areas that most doctors say it's not a good place to do it, because the machine vibrates. It's like a sewing machine and it allows me for me to go in areas that otherwise would have required surgery. I can do great job with the fat on the arm. I can do a great job with bellies. In fact, I'm not really sure if you've ever heard of what a Panis is, but a panacea is when you have an abdomen that flaps over.

Myrna: So how does, high-definition liposuction, work? Does it suck out the fat or freeze the fat?

Dr Bilge: Oh, it does suck it out. It does suck it, but the technology is vibratory, so it let get me into tissue without pushing. So, I'm not destroying. If you were to look at me doing the surgery, I look like any other lipo surgeon except for my hands are not pushing really hard. That's the difference. I'm not ramming a vacuum I am gently pushing.

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iHeart Radio

What is CoolSculpting

I hate, CoolSculpting, I'm not that kind of person who beat around the bush with opinions.

Myrna: So, is CoolSculpting, cheaper?

Dr Bilge: No, that's the problem. CoolSculpting, is a quote non-surgical way of killing fat, but there's no guarantee of the percentage of fat you're gonna lose. So, you sit there, and you pay something in the 1000s for a maybe.  There's no way I would ever tell somebody that's the way to go. You want to know that fat is falling away. I've had people come to me and tell me they've spent $10,000 plus dollars for, CoolSculpting, and got maybe 10 to 15% fat loss: that's not a valuable project.

With, liposuction, you're not losing fat along. You don't lose fat alone. When you're losing weight. You're losing water weight and poop and inflammation and salt. That's what when you're losing pure fat cells and that permanent.  Adults do not make back fat cells, so when you suck out your fat cells, they do not grow back. It is permanent.

Myrna: I heard that so thank you for confirming that.

Dr Bilge: That is why childhood obesity is a big issue, right? Because if you children are born with let's, say 5 million fat cells, and you overfeed a child, you will create 10 million fat cells and the child is going to fight that for the rest of their life. But as an adult it's different. So, this is what I tell my patients, you make your size, I make your shape.

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Podbean

I was a perfect example. I show pictures of my body. I had gained almost 40 pounds. I was feeling that emotional stuff. That stuff I was telling you about. It was a few years after my injury, I was almost 150 pounds and these images I have, but you would never think that because I still had the hourglass figure, and I had no love handle.

Because again, my shape was the same. It was just a bigger version of me. So that's something that that's really helpful for people is, you know, let's say you have love handles that you can't stand or saddlebags. Once those get suctioned out, they're gone forever. You can still gain weight, but it's gonna go all over your body in all the other places in the same shape.

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TuneIn Radio

Metaphysical life hacks for transformation

Myrna: So, you also have some, metaphysical life hacks, which is definitely what we want to talk about. What are those, tell us about that?

Dr Bilge: Oh, I'm basically through all of the experiences I've had over the last few years I've really started homing in on, personal development, and I've started steering away from a lot of the allopathic medicine. I used to feel like there was a pill for everything and now I'm like, there's no pill for nothing. Because I started doing more research in the scientific realm, from scientists who started understanding the, mind body connection, but also using their scientific background to show the science. So, two examples I can give you are, you are the Placebo by Dr. Joe Dispenza. And the Biology of Belief by Dr. Bruce Lipton.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

I have a new understanding of, quantum physics, and the fact that things can change in a quantum nanosecond, and that matter really isn't matter. It's really just little vibrating tornadoes of energy, that you can shift matter in such a way that you can heal with the mind. So, I became a perfect example of that. One example would be peptic ulcer disease. I had peptic ulcer disease or acid reflux in my stomach from age 16. Up until about three years ago, literally, I'm cured of the disease. How not because I took pills for 25 years, which I did.

It was because I learned about my energy center in my stomach and what I was dealing with emotionally.  I was creating that and once I was cured out of it, I was starting to meditate myself into my own healing. In hindsight, when you're asking about metaphysical anatomy, I share this book with people it's called Metaphysical Anatomy. And you literally read a diagnosis such as peptic ulcer disease and the emotional disorders that are associated with that. And it was like I was reading my diary, like I have read like somebody had written my childhood and my early adulthood in that chapter. And it made so much sense in my mind, but because at that point, I was cured.  I shifted my thoughts and changed my life.

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Self-healing with meditation

Myrna: I agree, I got rid of my, sciatica nerve pain, by just breathing into it meditating and relaxing.

Dr Bilge: Your sciatic nerve is in your, root chakra, just so you know. So, the root chakra, is where the base of all things, so it's like your tribal history, your history of ancestors. It's about money. It's about power, and it's about sex. So, if any of those areas in your life are impacted, then those root chakra areas will be impacted. Mine was a, self-empowerment, thing. So, it was my solar plexus self-power.

Okay, so, that whole thing about what I told you being separated from my parents, it was during that time that I started on creating more self-power, because I realized I had grown up becoming a people pleaser. I was becoming a more authentic version of myself and swallowing those parts of me that weren't being received well and becoming a performer.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Myrna: Whatever you stuff down is still in there and shows up when triggered.

Dr Bilge: Exactly, So it's still right back up. So as soon as I started addressing the problem directly, like you said, then the system started improving. So that's what we do when patients come here for consultations, because really, this is not just about your body image. It's not just about having a few fat cells extra in your armpit or whatever. It's not about that. It's about the self-sabotage, right?

You look in the mirror and judging the constant thoughts in your head that are self-sabotaging. And what do you do with that you translate that energy out into the world. And so, you're literally thinking about how fat your tummy is. And that energy is constant. It's the butterfly effect. You're constantly putting that out. And I say to people, this isn't just about the, liposuction. This is about how you think about yourself.

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Liposuction post care

Myrna: How is your, liposuction post care, different from other post operative treatments?

Dr Bilge: So, when it comes to, liposuction, there are a few countries in the world that are extremely well versed and experienced for example Colombia, Dominican Republic, Brazil, Mexico is pretty big. Their procedures are better because of the level of experience and it's just the thing that people do out there. In the US people smirk or scoff at cosmetic surgery because there's more of a stereotype associated with it, etc. Whereas in countries like that, it's just part of their journey. Like if you didn't have it, you're the weird one.

So, they go they have their, liposuction surgery, and then in the recovery house, they have nurses and postdoc care technicians doing, lymphatic drainage, they do needle aspiration of extra fluid. Once they're healed enough, they do wooden tool. They've got machines like radio frequency, ultrasound, carboxy therapy. All of those things take a bit to explain, but let's just say it's a whole complement of equipment, and treatment options for patients once they'd have, liposuction surgery.

I would equate it to having physical therapy after you have a knee replacement. You certainly wouldn't skip out on that. So, when you do procedure that's cosmetic, specifically, liposuction, is a real important one. There's a lot of swelling involved because you have to fill their tissue with fluid in order to extract the fat. The swelling can cause scar tissue and a hardening etc. That all has to be addressed Postoperatively so the surgery does most of the work, but you still need to get in there and optimize your results.

So, what I did was flew my staff out to the east coast and we were trained by Colombian nurses, how to take care of post op label patients in the way they do.

You can head over to vitalconnectionsmd.com to see our work.

I spend a lot of my time putting content out on Instagram. My handle is at Vital_connection_MD

Additional Resources

How to use Food for Beauty and Your Natural Facelift | Transform Your Mind Podcast (myhelps.us)

 

Desire – I got to have it

Desire - I got to have it

Welcome to transformation Fridays with coach Myrna, today I want to talk on the subject of, desire – when you, got to have it.

Desire is energy, the, energy of desire, is a force that creates movement towards a desired goal or purpose. The target determines the arrow! When you, desire, something, you think about it all the time and the universe gets to work on manifesting it for you.

When we use the word, desire, we could mean either one of 2 things, the desire, for things, or the desire for sex, sexual desire.  In this episode I share tools on how to manifest your, desire for money, and other tangible things.

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When you got to have it

The concept of a, burning desire, was introduced at the beginning of the book “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill. In the book Hill tells the story of a little girl whose momma sent her to get 50 cents from her uncle. This little girl went and told her uncle my momma would like to have 50 cents. The uncle replied tell your momma I don’t have no 50 cents.

But the little girl did not leave she just waited. Minutes go by and the uncle turns around from what he has been doing and noticed the girl still standing at the door, he says go on now before I take a belt to you. Still the little girl would not leave. Finally, he walks towards her preparing to give her the belt and this little walks towards him looking him straight in the eye and yelled at the top of her lungs “my momma got to have that 50 cents

The uncle amazed put his hand in his pocket and took out 50 cents and gave it to her.

A, burning desire, what is when you, got to have it. If you, got to have it, you won’t go away when someone tells you no, you won’t throw in the towel at the first failure. You won’t move until you get it.

RadioPublic Transform your mind
RadioPublic Transform your mind

Sylvester Stallone had to have the part of Rocky Balboa

I love the story of Sylvester Stallone. I have a chapter dedicated to, desire, in my book “Out of the Snares, a story of hope and encouragement” and I tell the story of Sylvester Stallone. If you have never heard it let me share.

Sylvester Stallone was broke, that’s usually how good stories start. When you hit rock bottom the only place you can go is up.

Anyway, Sylvester was broke and couldn’t afford heat in his home. One day he decided to go into the library to get warm and someone left a book on the table he was sitting on. He decided to read this book. It was a compilation of the works of Edgar Allan Poe. He devoured the book. He said that the book moved him and helped him to stop thinking about himself and to want to help other people. It made him want to become a writer.

He immediately went home and starting writing movie scripts. He wrote a few screen plays and made a few bucks. One day he happened to watch the Mohamed Ali vs Chuck Wepner fight and was inspired to write the story of Rocky Balboa about a nobody fighter given the “million to one opportunity” to challenge for the heavy weight title.  He sat down and wrote this script straight for 20 hours without taking a break.

Then he started pitching the script to producers. He was turned down by several studios until he found one that offered him $150,000 for the script, but Stallone had one condition he had to star in the film as Rocky. The studio said no way we are not going to spend millions to produce a film and place an unknown guy who talked funny to play the lead. They said no way Sylvester said, no deal.  His desire to play the Rocky was non-negotiable he had to have it.

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

The energy of desire will bring you what you need

They kept upping the price they went all the way up to $450,000 and he still said no. Think of that little standing girl by the door not moving until she got her 50 cents.

Stallone would not budge his, burning desire, was to play the lead as Rocky and he had to have it. Meanwhile he was so broke that he had to sell his dog for $50 and he stole his wife’s jewelry and pawned them for money.

But just like the uncle the studio finally said yes, and the rest is history. Sylvester Stallone got his goal to be a movie star because he had to have it. The film went on to make history scoring 10 Academy awards, winning best picture and triggering one of the most financially successful movie series in history. It cost Stallone $15,000 and a part in the movie for him to buy back his dog.

My own personal story was the same, my, desire, to become an American Citizen was a, burning desire. I had to have it and I didn’t take no for an answer. I applied 3 times for permanent residence and the third time which was an act of total bravery, the immigration officer said to me it looks like you really, desire, this benefit and gave it to me!  I did really want this benefit. America was my promised land, the land of milk and honey, the land of generational increase!

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

The energy of the desire for money

When we use the word, desire, we could mean either one of 2 things the need for things, or the desire for sex, sexual desire.

Let’s take a deep dive into both of these types of, desire.

Starting with the, desire for things let’s look at the most common goal.  The, desire for money, or riches. How do we transform our, desire for money, into its physical counterpart, money, in our hands

I just finished reading the book “Think and Grow Rich” for the 5th time and the author gives us 6 steps to alchemize your, desire for money, into money in your hand.

6 steps to alchemize your desire for money

Step # 1 Name your, desire – do you want a million dollars, do you want $50,000 dollars what is the amount of money you want? It can’t be general like, I want to be rich.

Step # 2 – Select a time frame you, got to have it, by. For example, I need a million dollars in my bank account by the time I am 65 years old.

Step # 3 – What are you going to do to get this money. What service are you going to give in exchange for this money. Most people that dream of a million dollars dream of winning the lottery. This is not a bad, people win the lottery every week, but that, desire, can’t be alchemized because you are not exchanging service for pay.

If you have ever gone on YouTube, you will see literally thousands of examples of this. Every Ad is about someone selling you a course on how they made millions, and they want to share the secrets and steps with you. That is what they are offering in exchange for money.

Step # 4 – Create a plan to get this money. Let’s say you decided you want to have a million dollars in your bank account by the time you are 65 years old, and you want to make this money by selling a course on how to start an online business. This is the stage to create the plan. How are you going to find your audience, once you define your audience, how are you going to get them to click your link to your squeeze page. How will you sell your course? Will you do a webinar or workshop? Create a plan to get this money.

Step # 5 – Write it down.  A plan in your head does nothing to alchemize, desire. Writing it down gives it form. Thoughts are formless, a plan on paper starts the wheels turning to bring it from the formless to form. That is money in your hands.

Step -# 6 See yourself having your desire. See yourself with a million dollars in your bank account. How is your life different, what are your doing, who are you do it with?  If you plan to retire at 65 see yourself relaxing, traveling the world or just sipping margaritas in your back yard with a view of the mountains.

These are the steps according to Napoleon Hill to alchemize your, desire for money.

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Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

Now let’s look at sexual desire

In the book “The Alchemy of Desire by Tarun J Nepal the author says that love is not the greatest glue between 2 people. Sex is.

The book talks about the day he woke up after 15 years of marriage and no longer had a, sexual desire, for his wife.

He goes through the, alchemy of desire, what makes you, desire, someone and what happens when you no longer, desire, them.

He said he was still madly in love with his wife, but his, desire, for her had died. A man needs, sexual desire, to make his body parts work. The body is the true engine of life. When a man loses, sexual desire, for a woman, when this happens women ask is it me? Is it something I did? Was it something I said? The answer is I don’t know.

We don’t know why we fall in love; we don’t know why we have, sexual desire, it just happens and when it goes away, we don’t know why. What we do know is that when sex leaves a marriage it is over.

Desire is energy. Behind every, goal, is the need to feel good! Everything you, desire, is because you think it will bring you some form of pleasure.

Transform Your Mind Podnews
Transform Your Mind Podnews

There are 7 major positive emotions.  Desire heads up the list.

The seven positive emotions are:
1. Desire
2. Faith
3. Love
4. Sex
5. Enthusiasm
6. Romance
7. Hope

Positive emotions enable the, Law of Attraction, to bring you like thoughts. Here is the process that starts with the, energy of desire.

  • You, desire, something, then you package it with positive emotion. Thoughts are energy travelling at a high rate of vibration. Thoughts that have been modified or stepped up by any of the major, positive emotions, vibrate at a much higher rate than ordinary thought.

When you think of your, goal, package it with, positive emotions, and see yourself walking in those, positive emotions, like happiness, gratitude, success. And when you tell yourself you, got to have it, the universe says okay!

Conclusion

Thanks for spending time with me today. I appreciate your time.  Tune in next week for another episode of, transformation Friday, with coach Myrna.  Until next time Namaste

Additional Resources 

How to Accelerate Your Soul Journey: Clear these Money Blocks

How to Create a Freedom Lifestyle with Investment Property

freedom lifestyle with investment property

Mike Wolf has made millions from, investment property, and created, freedom lifestyles, for many of his investors. Mike has helped investors in the Atlanta area build wealth and passive income from, investment property, by offering them turnkey services.

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I wanted to spend some time on how to build wealth through the vehicle of, investment property,  As you know I am a Realtor, an Investor, Property Manager and a, Life Coach, so I have a very high-level overview of how to build wealth through home ownership or with, investment property.

So, this month I will be interviewing experts in the field of, real estate investments, investment property, as I help you to get into the space of building wealth.

Wealth is the vehicle that you need for any successful venture in your life, whether it's to give your kids a better life, whether it's to have financial freedom, whether it is to retire wealthy, whatever you need to do, you need money unfortunately to do it with.  So, building wealth through, real estate investments, investment property, is what we're going to be focusing on for the next three remaining episodes in our four-part series.

So what I will be doing is bringing you experts who have made millions through, real estate investments, investment property, and who will share the details and how they did it so you can do it too!  Be sure to subscribe to your iTunes, Google play, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or TuneIn Radio,  so you're not missing any episodes.

 Mike made his wealth from offering turnkey, investment property, services to in the Atlanta area.  His system allows his investors to sit back and collect, passive income, while living a, freedom lifestyle,

Mike Wolfe has been a real estate investor for over 28 years.  Over the years he's gone from being a workaholic who would put in 15 hour days, seven days a week to someone who works smarter, not harder.  He regularly travels the globe doing humanitarian projects and seeking Sun and sand while living off the, passive income, that he's created through his, investment properties,. Mike's company sells, turn-key real estate, and, investment property,  in and around Atlanta to investors around the globe.  He helps his investors create truly, passive income, where they get all the benefits of owning a real estate, investment property.

Starting your investment property business

I started, investment property, in Calgary Canada. I was only investing in Canada back then at the beginning of my, passive income real estate, career but I had a friend of mine move to Las Vegas and when I went to Vegas to visit him, I got into this addiction.  It's not what most people have when they go to Vegas.  It was not gambling or drinking.  It was actually this addiction to go look at real estate.  I noticed that back in those days the prices of, investment property, kept going up and up.

I had no intention of investing in Las Vegas originally but I ended up doing it and it was kind of at that point I was forced to start building a team, because I couldn't be in two places at the same time.  I couldn't go collect my rent from my, investment property, in Calgary and my rent from my, investment property, in Las Vegas.  So, I reluctantly hired a property manager.

Three phases of investment property business cycle.

At first, I find most entrepreneur's do is we go through three phases if we survive long enough.

  1. The first phase is where we do everything ourselves, usually because we don't think anybody else can do what we do as well, and we don’t have the funds to hire help.  It’s kind of like for an entrepreneur our business is like a birthing a baby and you don't trust just anybody with your baby.
  2. The second page where I had no choice but to get somebody to help me, so I reluctantly hired a property manager; but phase two is what I call the micro manager phase. I needed to about know every little thing that was going on.  So I basically told my property manager to keep me in the loop with every repair, every issue with the tenants. I remember there was one week where my property manager called me twice with the same issue,  it was about a broken fridge.  Two of my properties had a fridge that wasn't working and in either case I tell the property manager.  I don't think the tenants need a new fridge, just fix it.  I realized I gave the exact same answer. Let's see what it cost to fix it and if it's over a certain amount then we'll replace it. I started thinking if I gave him the same answer both times maybe I can systematize this and instead of him having to call me, I can give him the freedom to follow our systems and procedures manual, which is to find out what is the  cost to fix and if it's more than X number dollars let's just replace it.
  3. Phase three was where I hired a team and put the right persons on our team. You trust them and they do a good job for you. I started to realize that I could build  a whole team like that, where I put the right people in the right position, give them a certain system so that they were following  my procedures then it made me feel comfortable to let them do their thing.  I would get my time back and so that was kind of the start of the transition to my, freedom lifestyle,.  That now has led to a typical work day for me these days is literally.  I wake up, I answer some emails and make a few phone calls when Myrna asked me to do a radio interview I do that and then I'm done for the day!

How to become efficient in, investment property, business:

After 28 years in the, investment property, business I still go to seminars.  I still open to seeing how other people run their businesses and how they make their money.  I'm always looking to be more efficient.  I also do a lot of personal development of work on myself.  Back in the early days I thought I was too good for all that;  but  the most successful people I know are all lifelong learners,  or at least they're always trying to strive to be better and get to that next level.

I'm making it sound like it was a very short transition like I just did some deals and I became rich and start traveling the world.  There were a lot of ups and downs along the way.

Let's say that you know someone is listening to this podcast right now and they want to quit their job and go into real estate full-time, because obviously they can make much more money in, investment property,  real estate then they can working for a pay check.

How would someone start an, investment property, Business?

If I  could go back 28 years and talk to myself, the first thing I would ask myself is,  Do I want to have my money work for me, or do I want to work for money?

Take advantage of the benefits of, investing in real estate, to create, passive income,

Investment property, is something you buy once and it generates income forever until you sell it.

You've got to be  ready for that kind of commitment.  You’ve got to treat, investment property, as a career.  You don't dabble in it.  If you dabble in it and try and mix it part-time and with your job, I don't see very many people being successful.

That's the number one thing. Figure out what type of investors you want to be.  You want to be creating, passive income, or you want to get out of your job and make this your career?

Make sure you have a passion for, investment property, don't get into it just because you see those shows on TV that make it look really easy,  flipping this property and that property. These shows make it looks like you can just every day wake up find a property, flip it, make a couple hundred grand and call it a day.  It doesn't work like that.

So number one thing is to figure out what kind of investor you want to be.   Then the second thing that I would do is figure out what  resources you have. Whichever side of that equation you're on. Whether you're the passive investor side or whether you're an active investor. Figure out what your resources are.  How much cash you have available?  How much time do you have?  How much education do you have?

When I first started I got really  lucky on that first deal, otherwise there would have never been a second deal. Then I had some humbling experiences that made me go get educated.  I got a mentor,  somebody to help me.  So I didn't  go winging it.

Joint ventures in, investment Property,

If you were to go do a joint venture with somebody.  You have to decide what are you bringing to the table.  Are you bringing money?  Are you bringing the ability to qualify for the mortgage?  Are you bringing education? Or are you're bringing access to good deals?  Figure out what you're adding and then figure out what you're lacking and then go find joint venture partners.  Find other people that have the pieces that you're lacking.  So if you have a lot of spare time and no money,  there's a lot of people out there with money who can't create more hours.

I want to be enjoying time with my grandson and my daughter doing a lot of volunteer work and humanitarian things.  I don't want to be door knocking, looking for good deals anymore.  So if I find somebody who's got some time, I have got the money.

If you start off on that track asking yourself those two questions, then you're going to have a pretty realistic chance of succeeding and going forward in your, investment property, business.   A lot of people have really big dreams because they go to some seminar where they make it sound really easy, because  they're trying to sell you some high-end expensive, investment property,  coaching program.  They fill your mind with all these things you can achieve and probably only about two percent of people who go to those seminars ever end up not even earning their money back that they spent on the seminars!

People come to me after they've invested a lot of money in their education and their education is pretty much worthless.  So make sure you do your homework and you know what the reputation is of these quote-unquote gurus that are selling stuff.  They are professional marketers.

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Biggest Myths in, real estate investment, investment property,

I think I think a lot of myths are perpetuated by the media.  We see all these shows about flipping this and flipping that.  I feel the biggest myth is that you know,  real estate investment, and, investment property, can create, passive income, but it can also become something that takes up a lot of your time.  You might be trading your eight-hour day job for a 20 hour a day job.  It can be fun it's exciting because you're out there and you're meeting new people but sometimes when you spend so many hours working on your business, you kind of forget about things such as your health, such as your family and other things start to fall apart.

A lot of people get into, real estate investments, investment property, because they think it's going to change their lifestyle to a, freedom lifestyle, and they actually end up with actually sometimes with a worse lifestyle with no freedom, because, investment property, is  something you take home with you every day.  You can't just say oh I'm going to work from 9:00 to 5:00 today on my, real estate investment, business. Because guess what at six o'clock when you're having dinner with your family, a tenant will call about a leak in the bathroom! And you have to take care of it.

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Additional Resources:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbesrealestatecouncil/2018/07/26/eight-things-you-need-to-know-before-buying-your-first-investment-property/#10ac9ea45a93

https://time.com/money/collection-post/2954483/should-i-buy-an-investment-property/

http://blog.myhelps.us/real-estate-investment-fund-fix-flip-series-are-rental-properties-worth-the-headache/

http://blog.myhelps.us/true-wealth-path-financial-freedom/