There are several stories in the bible about the, virtuous woman. Proverbs say A, virtuous woman, who can find? For her price is worth more than rubies. Proverbs 12:4 says A, virtuous woman, is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.
In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I look at traits of the, virtuous woman, and use as my foundational story the, bible story, of, Ruth and Naomi, and why, Boaz, called, Ruth, a, virtuous woman.
One of my favorite, Bible stories, is the story of, Ruth and Naomi.
The story is told that, Naomi, Ruth’s mother-in-law had huge losses. Her husband died as well as her two sons leaving her with no money. She said that the Lord made her life very bitter and caused her to suffer.
So, Naomi, decided to return home to Bethlehem in Judah because the Lord had blessed Judah with grain.
Naomi blessed her daughter in laws and sent them back home to their families but Ruth clung to her refusing to leave her
Naomi and Ruth, moved to Judah where Naomi told Ruth to go work in the fields of, Boaz, a very wealthy man. Boaz, noticed this strange woman working hard in the fields and enquired who she was. He was told that she was the young woman who came back with, Naomi.
Ruth the virtuous woman
Boaz, was impressed about what he heard about this, virtuous woman, and told his workers to treat her kindly and drop bundles of grain on purpose so she can pick up.
Ruth, worked throughout both the barley harvest and the wheat harvest then, Naomi, decided it was time for her to get a husband.
She gave, Ruth, instructions on what to do and, Ruth, did everything her mother-in-law told her to do. She bathed, put on her best dress applied perfume and lay at the feet of, Boaz. That was the submissive gesture. Boaz, woke up and accepted the offer blessing her for not going after a younger man.
The story ends with, Boaz, marrying, Ruth, and her son Obed was the grandfather of David.
Boaz, called Ruth a, virtuous woman
In this story Ruth was called a, virtuous woman, because:
She was loyal to her mother-in-law,
She was willing to work,
She was willing to leave her home and be a foreigner in another land and
She did everything her mother-in-law told her to do
What are the modern-day traits of a virtuous woman?
A, virtuous woman, cares for her family.
She is a hard worker.
While she toils faithfully in meeting the needs of her own family, she also doesn't forget to help the other needy people God brings across her path.
She also takes the time to look after her own health and be a good steward of her body.
What’s the benefit of being a virtuous woman?
Aristotle, says that the, keys to happiness, is the practice of, virtue, because, virtue, is in accord with human reason. Aristotle, stated that we can reach minor states of happiness through money, power, or fame, but ultimate happiness can only be reached though the practice of, virtue.
A, virtuous woman, has character traits such as honesty, chastity, courage, and generosity. Virtue, theorists believe that if we concentrate on being righteous people, the right actions will follow; in other words, the people with the right character tend to make the right decisions.
What is the meaning of Virtuous:
Morally good; acting in conformity to the moral law; practicing the moral duties, and abstaining from vice; as a, virtuous man.
Being in conformity to the moral or divine law; as a virtuous action; a virtuous life.
The mere performance of, virtuous, actions does not denominate an agent virtuous.
Chaste; applied to women.
Efficacious by inherent qualities;
Conclusion
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I hope to see you back here next week for another episode of 5 min Fridays until then Namaste
We are, spiritual, beings having a human experience. Spirituality, is being willing to lower the volume on your, skepticism, and connect to the source. Tracy Litt, author of the Worthy Human shares how we can embrace our, spirituality, and release our emotions to achieve, success.
Tracy Litt is a sought-after success mentor for visionary women leaders that are navigating huge paradigm shifts and elevating into the next level of themselves, so they can seamlessly generate the next level of their impact, wealth, and holistic success. Tracy is a certified mindset coach, spiritual advisor, rapid transformational hypnotherapist, best-selling author, and TEDx speaker.
She is the Founder of The Litt Factor, and creator of Mind Magic ®, a proven methodology that marries metacognition and spirituality, neuroscience and quantum law to expand and elevate more quickly. Her work has served thousands of women across the globe and has been featured in Entrepreneur, Fast Company, Thrive Global, and Inc.com. Her book Worthy Human is a #1 best seller in Spiritual Growth and Mindset.
Myrna: Tell us about how you became a certified mindful mindset coach, or why you became a certified mindset coach.
Tracy: For me I went through a lot of triumph in life, right as all of us have. And I was consistently met with this calling that I'm here to do something deeper. I'm here to work with people on a more transformational level. I was born for impact and positive influence to make a beautiful dent in the progress of our world.
And in order to do that, it really comes down to each one of us doing the work of ourselves on ourselves, to make the ripple effect that actually creates change for the world. And energetic frequency for our generations, our children's children, all of those beautiful things. So, it was a calling for me to step up into what my capacity was. Yet I wasn't scratching the surface, because I was living beneath my worth. I'm not enough and I'm not smart enough which we all have in this world.
Myrna: Not being enough always shows up.
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Emotional Suppression comes from feeling not enough
Tracy: It is impossible to be a living, breathing adult and not have an enoughness wound somewhere. Unless you worked on it already, because the nature of the way our psyche works and how we know things happen in our upbringing. And the way we ingest things and make it mean something when we're little, we always make it mean something about us, and then we carry that story in that belief structure. When we get older and something happens, usually catalytic, we're hoping that we don't get smacked over the head by a circumstance.
So, all of those things are really why I showed up to do what I do in the world. And you know, I was a single mother with an eight-month-old daughter. That was my first wake up call that called me to show up differently by letting go of the victim hood that I was living in powerlessness. I was subscribing into creating a whole new version of myself and a life for my daughter who is now 18 years old so that's gives you some frame of reference.
And then I was called to climb the corporate ladder and landed as a Vice President of Human Resources and still was like, I'm not happy. I did all the things. Why am I not happy? Here I am like, I’ve got a six figure job, working from home. Isn't that supposed to be joyful? And it wasn't. So, I answered that deeper calling and went back to school an adult learner at 39 years old, and launched the Lift Factor and we're in our fifth year. So yes, I'm about to be 45 this year.
Myrna: Wow! I'm sure you've heard it before. You look great.
Tracy: Teenage daughters, they keep me very young.
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Emotional suppression leads to unhappiness
Myrna: That's great. You know, it's interesting that is a story that we hear so often, that people are successful. They've got the house; they've got the job, they've got the cars, they've got the white picket fence, and yet they're still seeking. They're still seeking that happiness.
Tracy: So, here's what's going on with that Myrna. We were all raised in a conditional happiness model. Okay, which I'll break down for us. We were all raised that the outside dictates the inside. belief structure, which then reports how we all show up. So it's very much I'll be happy when I have a million dollar business. I'll be happy when I find love in my life. I'll be happy when or I'll be sexy when I lose 10 pounds, right?
So what part of the call to work on ourselves and really recognize that as our core purpose is to completely shift out of these paradigms that we've been subscribing to all of this time and realize, oh, wait a minute. The reason why I could chase the carrot, get the carrot and chase the next carrot. Get the next pair to chase the next carrot, get the next until you die and still might actually feel joy in your body and your soul because joy and happiness is an inside job.
It's about recognizing where you are holding on to when I'll feel happy. And do the reverse of that and start to cultivate and get your body familiar with that emotion of joy and happiness. Not because something cool just happened outside of you; but because that is the state of being that you choose.
Myrna: Yeah, when we do visualization work, they tell you to feel the joy of having something that you want before you actually have it. But I'm sure that's not what you're talking about. We're talking about finding ourselves, loving yourself and finding happiness right now. With your current body, with your current job, with your current circumstances.
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So that when you get the things that you want, you will know what joy looks like. I like what you said about chasing the carrot. We all know as coaches, that whenever you achieve one goal, you set the next goal. Yeah, we are always chasing that carrot. So all right. So that's great now your expertise is in you know, spirituality.
So I want to start off by asking you a question that I talk about all the time because I've heard it from Deepak Chopra. And I've heard it from a lot of the luminaries and a lot of, spirituality, leaders. And it says that we are, spiritual beings, having a human experience. So how can we embrace this, spirituality? You know, a spirit having a human experience to create our success.
Tracy: Spirituality, is the foundation of all my work. Spirituality, first be willing to lower the volume on your, skepticism, because, skepticism, is really like a sabotage tactic that your ego uses. So you can just keep disconnected and still hustle and make it hard and kind of continue to affirm who you've been.
So when you demote the, skepticism, let's say that you allow yourself to believe what I'm saying to you, that you are a spiritual energetic being having a human experience because scientifically, it’s not Tracy's ideas on life, scientifically, we are all, energy.
Myrna: I've heard that so many times before, but let's let's do this. Just break it down.
Tracy: Right and that's one of my superpowers, breaking down, spirituality, so it makes sense. So we are, energy, scientific fact, not a spiritual fact. So when we realize that we are spiritual energetic beings, but we're existing in physical form as human beings, we get to leverage both parts of those truths and understand our, spirituality.
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In our humanness we're feeling fear and lack and scarcity and concern about inclusion and belonging and are we good enough etc. Problems from a, consciousness, perspective. Our, higher consciousness, in the dimensions of, consciousness, and, energy, is going higher.
Myrna: Yep. Okay. So that's great. Yes, because one of the ways I normally go with that when we're talking about, spirituality, is you're connecting to the source and with source, everything is possible. You become limitless, right? Do you ever teach on that one?
Tracy: 100% Because ultimately, your, highest self, operates in the highest, consciousness, available right to their dimensions of, consciousness, your, Higher Self, exists in your fifth dimension of, consciousness. Consciousness, by the conscious awareness, quantum field, all of that space. So when you are in your, highest self, and you're trusting, you are the most open, you are the most connected to source, you're also in your highest residence.
You're also in your most enjoyable states of emotion. You're not yet when you're in worry and guilt and not enoughness and resentment and anger. You're in your humaneness, you're in love and radiance and trust and bliss and detachment from, spirituality.
Myrna: So that's true. I noticed from your bio, you also talk about, quantum law. When you're connecting with your, spirituality, and your, higher self, you're tapping into, quantum energy, in the, quantum field. Which means that things happen immediately.
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Connecting to the quantum field
Tracy: Essentially, quantum energy, quantum physics, quantum law, it all means the same thing. It is proven that everything is actually all connected all at the same time and completely available to us. When your energetic, resonance and frequency is lower, and you are in a lower level of emotional states like the ones I was saying before frustration, unworthiness, resentment, anger, overwhelm, you are not at your highest resonance, which is what allows you to connect to the, quantum field.
Myrna: So that's just a very expanded explanation, we're all spiritual beings having a human experience.
Tracy: Your emotional state becomes your energetic resonance. Emotional suppression, is when you consciously say Nope, I don't want to feel that and just shut down. Emotional repression, is unconscious repression, which means you've been repressed, you don't even know you've been repressed and that you've been denying yourself the opportunity to feel your emotions and feel your feelings.
What's ultimately our biggest goal for everyone everywhere is to be the fullest expression of who you are, right? So being expressed not only means to express yourself verbally and in personality, but also to allow your emotions and your feelings to express themselves. Whether that is through beautiful crying or screaming or punching all these beautiful ways to release emotion from your body.
Emotional suppression leaves you emotionally congested
When you're emotionally congested, you're also very reactive. Like the anger comes faster and the resentment comes. So you're a little like when my kids were little we used to call it being prickly. You're unable to feel much trust and bliss that we were just talking about and your higher levels of, consciousness.
Myrna: So the question I have here for you is what makes it so hard to change and to up level.
Tracy: Well, because it's unfamiliar, that's the real answer. So the art of change and why does it feel so hard to change this because you actually have to become different. And when we're in the, human growth, potential space, it's not discussed enough that if you're really going to become different you're going to really have to get uncomfortable. And that is, it feels physical, an up level where you actually stretch out of your zone of familiarity into the next ring or two or three of what's available to you.
It feels like a physical stretch. And to be able to successfully change and transform we have to have a profound understanding of our connection to our bodies and what it means to create safety in our system. Because change means different means unknown means uncertain, and your mind body goes Oh, hell no, I'm not allowing that human to do that. I'm going to keep her safe and the same done right. So to recognize what's happening in the mind, because that's what the mind does. It says this is unfamiliar, this is not safe.
You must also understand that if you're not working with the body, you're not really working with the, mind. Also it seems counterproductive or counter intuitive to what we're taught, but it's the truth and even the mindset of the teacher. But I don't do any, mindset, work without the body. Because you feel how you think, and you think how you feel. Your feelings are in your body and your thoughts are in your, mind.
So the, mind, drives feelings because that's where our amygdala is. Our fear response gets ignited there, but it's our body, our nervous system that keeps the score and tells all and does or doesn't allow you to change. So once you understand that you go okay, I can learn how to create safety in my body. Now, all of a sudden, you can move outside of the zone of familiarity, you can change, because you know that where you're going is amazing.
Myrna: So why does the body tell you that it's unsafe?
Tracy: Because it's different from what you have known. Your, mind and body, even though it is consciously what you desire and say you want your, mind and body, are active 24/7, 365 days per year. It’s trying to keep you the same, hell or high water at all costs. Mastering of the, mind and body, is part and parcel to your ability to, transform.
Tracy: The Litt Factor that's my company, very excited and proud of it. My dad gave me that last name so it's all him and it just happened to be a really cool last name. because we didn't live. So the Litt Factor we are human growth and potential company and we specialize in working with visionary women leaders and entrepreneurs. To do the inner work necessary to become the next level versions of themselves, so that they can easily generate impact and wealth and holistic, success, and feel joy and presence along the way.
That's what we do and, mind magic, is really our flagship framework. So it is a gorgeous container for visionary women leaders and entrepreneurs. You come in who you are, and you leave the next version of yourself in the most incredible way. It marries neuroscience, quantum law, meta-cognition, healing and, spirituality, in community. And that's the kicker, that's the key. You don't grow in isolation.
You are really learning how to receive unconditional love, learning how to be rallied around, learning how to accept. Being in a sphere and a vortex of other women who are letting go of the status quo, who are breaking free of old paradigms, who are being the fullest expression of themselves. It's like the wind beneath your wings. And it's extraordinary.
So that's what, mind magic, does. And it's been so profound. It's so proven we now have a 0% fail rate of anyone who comes to the program and does the work. We actually have a certification process as well. I certified other service providers, healers, coaches, financial experts, strategists on the, mind magic, framework, so that they can take it out in the world and affect change.
Myrna: Tell us your website, your social handles and also you can talk about your book. Yeah, tell us about your book. It's a beautiful title. Worthy Human.
Tracy: Please go get the book. It is an incredible read. It is not just theory to the point of our conversation. It is both theory, story and work. So there are sections in the book called The work where you literally pause and do the work. I've had people simply invest in the book and transform with nothing else. So if you're willing to show up for yourself and do the work, it's a great place to start. And you can get that on Amazon. And if you're an audio book kind of person, I read the audio so it's like me loving you and yelling at you for six hours.
Book Worthy Human
Myrna: I am definitely an audio person. I'll get it myself.
Tracy: If you go to www.littfactor.com it has absolutely everything, but if you go to www.whatwouldshedo.net there is a free gift that I have. It's a three part audio training course, all about connecting to the next level version of you and what it means to let her lead in every area of your life personally and professionally.
Are you aware of your, emotional home? It is what you, focus, on when the going gets tough, determines your, actions. Your, emotional home, is the emotion you return to when life events happen, good or bad. For example, have you ever been fired? What did you, focus, on?
What was your, emotional response? Did you, focus, on fear that you will be homeless? Was it hope that you will find a better job, or did you, focus, on gratitude, that now you can do what you really love. Science shows that our, emotions, have a home and we always go home.
Tony Robbins, tells the story often about one Thanksgiving when he was 11 years old, his step father had just lost his job and they were eating saltine crackers and butter for dinner when there was a knock at the door and a man was there with a basket of food and a Turkey.
His father was not grateful for the food. He told the man at the door. We don’t accept charity and tried to shut the door in the man’s face. The man put his foot in the door and responded it was not charity and he was just the delivery man.
His father took the food without saying thanks and slammed the door in the man’s face.
We’re you bullied in school because you wore hand me downs and your shoes had holes in them?
Did your parents favor your siblings?
In every one of those scenarios, you focused on the situation.
You probably give it the meaning that you were worthless or unlovable.
What, actions, did you take?
Did you become sexually promiscuous?
Did you sleep with boys or men to get money to buy stuff?
Did you hate your parents or siblings?
The, emotions, that came from the meaning affect our, actions, and are the, emotions, you return to when you are hurt.
Let me help you change the narrative – you have to deliberately draw a line in the sand and change it. It takes work to, rewrite your story.
Download on Spotify
STEPS TO REWRITE YOUR STORY
Examine your habits Instead of focusing on what you want to change, turn your attention to the bad habit or habits that lead to you wanting to learn how to change yourself. Are your sugar cravings at 10 PM what lead to you being overweight? Is your habit of sleeping in and arriving at work late getting in the way of your promotion? Once you’ve identified the, negative habits, you can create better ones that will help you, rewrite your story, such as utilizing delayed gratification.
Practice every day Once you know what your new, healthy habits, are, practice them every single day – no matter what. Have a backup plan in case circumstances get in the way of your new habits and don’t allow yourself to cut corners.
Focus on self-reflection One of the habits that lead you to wanting to learn how to change your life around was not facing reality. You need to, focus, on realistic self-reflection throughout your journey and, when needed, ask those you trust for their perspective. Are you improving? If not, what else needs to change?
Surround yourself with good people When you spend quality time with good people who love you, you develop a natural support system for your new habits and you are able to, rewrite your story, in a nurturing environment.
Keep taking risks If you want to learn how to change your life, you cannot stay in your comfort zone. You need to take risks until you get comfortable with those risks – then take more. The more you push yourself, the easier it will become to rewrite your story and transform your life.
Conclusion
Can you use your story to help others?
If you take control of your mind and, focus, on making better decisions, sometimes the worst experiences in life turn out to be your best teachers and your, testimony.
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of, 5 min Fridays, I hope you were inspired to become aware of your emotional home and if is not a positive emotion, change it. Until next time Namaste
Ben Oosterveld became a, real estate agent, and a coach and said I would literally show the agents how to do sales using their, inner game. I convinced 12, real estate agents, to coach with me, and I said, I'm gonna really kill this. I'm going to destroy it. It's not going to be hard. I know how to do it, but I'm going to do it alongside you.
And it was the weirdest coaching program ever. I said only one group of people are ever going to see this and I became Rookie of the Year. My first year I did over 80 transactions. But I but I also hired an assistant within my first three weeks, because I was businessman.
Ben Oosterveld, didn’t have an easy start. He lived on the streets from the age of 14, survived a failed suicide attempt at age 15, and later spent 365 days in rehab. Ben's, inner game, needed work. He was a pure-bred, people pleaser, manipulative & controlling man who always compared himself to others to the point of constant self-sabotage.
Ben has since coached entrepreneurs and national companies. Previously, he built a real estate investment company that held 61 properties with investors in 4 different cities. After getting his real estate license, he built a multimillion-dollar real estate business with an award winning top national team in 3 years.
Today, Ben helps business owners and, real estate agents, get clear about who they really are and what they really want. He helps them make the right changes in their business and life with the new goal of building a life they love. His focus is on coaching, speaking, and running personal growth retreats. Ben loves business but his real obsession is helping people break free of the old patterns that hold them back in life. The, inner game, is everything to him and he is on a mission to find his tribe, one extraordinary person at a time.
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Myrna; : Can you share your backstory, why you were suicidal and bridge the gap for us and how you went from there to here?
Ben: Sure, I grew up in a tough childhood. I had good parents, but my dad was not in a place to be a parent. He has his own backstory that shaped him. And yeah, just I started running away from home when I was 12 and lived on the streets. I was a very industrious kid, but still and I would find places to sleep and just honestly just got into drugs. Alcohol found a place of acceptance. I never felt accepted.
I got really good at doing drugs as a young kid, every day just getting go. I ended up trying to commit suicide and committed in a psychiatric ward. I broke out of the psychiatric ward as a kid and that was on the news. My parents told me the news it was a pretty crazy story. But there's lots of stories within all these stories, but I went to a place called Teen Challenge. I went to 365-day rehab center, my plan was I was gonna give this one last try. And I went and that helped me. It helped me a lot.
And then I went into the world. I got into sales. I got into selling. My dad was a salesman, so it's just ironic that I got into sales. I desperately wanted his approval and his love thinking that was the missing hole in my life, thinking that was the actual hole that I needed to fill was based around my father relationship. But it was a relationship with myself. I didn't realize that till later. And I figured, you know, we got to work on this relationship with my dad and, and he was really interested in to me when I was doing things that he was interested in.
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The performance mentality to crush real estate sales
I built the, performance mentality. You know, people pleasing, mentality where I felt loved when I worked hard, so became a workaholic. My dad was a salesman and a financial planner. I became a, salesman. But I'd be not just a, salesman, I became number one, salesman. I had this weird drive that but if I wasn't number one, I was nothing. I had this huge gap happiness was always based on my performance, and what other people would say about me. I knew I could control what other people say if I just become number one.
I became a, real estate investor, and the first year or so I bought 41 properties and ended up building a, real estate investment, company. I ended up coaching, real estate agents. We changed the investment company when the crash happened. That was a pretty huge hit in my psychology, because I was always winning, and I didn't know what it was like to not win. I cried at my desk. I went through a lot then I hired a, life coach. And I hired someone I thought he was a, business coach.
His name was Mr. McKernan and I worked with him for eight years. And he was the first guy to challenge me. I was a very strong, strong person. I could tell myself stories and I could convince you and me of these stories. And a lot of times we just got to identify some self-awareness around these people that are going on with their stories. I've really niched out in, real estate, to help the, real estate industry and, real estate agents.
I actually became a, real estate agent, and a coach and I would literally show the agents how to do sales. So, I convinced 12, real estate agents, to coach with me, and I said, I'm gonna really kill this. I'm going to destroy it. It's not going to be hard. I know how to do it, but I'm going to do it alongside you. And it was the weirdest coaching program ever. I said only one group of people are ever going to see this and I became Rookie of the Year. My first year I did over 80 transactions. But I but I also hired an assistant within my first three weeks, because I was businessman.
Why would you buy a restaurant and try to cook and serve all at the same time? Real estate agents, all over the country are doing everything themselves. And I realize it's the thinking that's the problem. They think they can keep selling and selling, but they forget that you could build a, referral base, every single year bigger and bigger and eventually if you did 1000 deals in your lifetime and you have a 10% referral rate, you'd have 100 sales every single year without even spending $1 in marketing. So, no one's playing the long game. I coach now helping, real estate agents, put in the right systems in place, so they can buy back their time because a business is if you're a, salesman, you got to grind it out.
But if you're a business owner, what you're doing is designing your company to serve the life that you want. The question is what else do you want? And that's where I'm a blackbelt, because I can help people uncover what they want. Now we create that then we say how much does that cost? Cool. So, you only need 200 grand a year to have the life you want when you thought you needed a million.
So, we do a lot of work regarding the, inner game, and figuring out what they want. Most people don't know. My journey has been this weird, obsessed with human behavior and psychology because I was broken and I hated myself. So, I just was I tried to fix myself along the way and then the, inner game, really changed me.
It's been many, many lessons. We could talk for long. I'm sure we could share stories. The thing is, though, the biggest one. The biggest one happened the last, say three years for me. I've done well. I've done been doing this for years now. But the thing is, I got to a place where I would see something in my life and I want to fix it. I want to fix, people pleasing, manipulative, anger, whatever you can choose, anxiety, and I looked at it and I say I don't want that in me.
So now I'm going to use my skill of attacking and my builder skill, which is like, let's figure out how to get it down. I would study and try to attack these ailments that I had that I didn't like. But the more I fixed them, I find more, fix more and find more, that's when I realized I knew I know a lot of knowledge and I can help a lot of people. But I realized I was digging myself into a hole of unsatisfied anxiety, depression, hatred, through the, Personal Growth Movement. Because I just found that I was still broken.
Then I would go into judgment and say I should feel better. I'm doing all these, personal growth tools, and affirmations and all this stuff. But it was judgment because I didn't feel better. I felt like I could get through stuff, but I had five more things in me that needed to be fixed. So that fixer in the builder just led me to more fixing and builder and what I realized is self-acceptance is enlightenment.
Why hiring an assistant is setting realtors up for success
Myrna: Yeah, you got so many nuggets in there. I got to remember which ones I want to circle back to. Okay. All right. Let me take let me let me test my memory here. So, the first thing I want to circle back on was and you hired an assistant right away. A lot of, real estate agents, wouldn't understand that because we know in, real estate, you don’t make enough money to hire and assistant when you just get started. I interviewed a guy a couple months ago on the on the show and he became a top, commercial Realtor, in in San Francisco. And he was talking that for the first two years he didn't get a paycheck because of course he was working on big deals.
We know as, Realtors, when you come in, you don't always get the 10 deals a month. You get a little bit of money. And you're not thinking of hiring someone. You said you went in and immediately hired someone because you understood sales.
Ben: I hired an assistant because I was planning to be successful. Are you planning to fail?
Myrna: Yeah, exactly. That's a good tagline. You know, don't plan to fail, you know, set your business up for success.
Ben: I'm dealing with hiring an assistant, it's my secret way to get to find out where you psychologically create emotional friction. So, watch this. Hey, why don't you hire an assistant? Well, I don't have money or time. I don't know what to do. Hold on. That's all emotional friction. Let me change your thinking for some of the people on the show right now that have a business or anything. I'll just do it really quickly.
Can you afford $20 a week? Of course, you can. So, what we need to do is not go to the black belt hire, I gotta get you to hire well white belt, because I need you to get a psychological win. I want for you to become a CEO or a boss. The learning curve is way too high. But if I can get someone to manage your birthday system to make sure that you send a birthday card to every single client, I call that project hiring. You can practice being a boss and the cost is 20 bucks, one hour a week. It's the only mindset first, real estate coaching, in the world. It's called the Richest Real Estate Agent Facebook group.
Myrna: Okay, I love that. I will definitely join that. But you know in my defense, I focus a lot on my time on my podcast. Explain what you mean by the, inner game?
Ben: The, inner game, it's the relationship with yourself. When you wake up in the morning, how do you feel? It’s your, emotional intelligence. Let's talk about, people pleasers. If you're a, people pleaser, you are extremely selfish person. I can speak about it because I got the medal of honor. And so, here's the thing, let's play this game with the readers and even ourselves. If someone says something like this, “You let me down.” If you can really take a second, close your eyes and think about how that would make you feel with someone that mattered. People pleasers, only please the people that matter.
Myrna: I would feel pretty bad. I would feel that I let you down and since I'm a caring person, that would bother me.
Ben: Correct, you have this internal energy this chaos that says, I don't like this feeling that I get when someone lets me down. By the way I can manipulate anybody with that right now. All I got to do is say you let me down and I can pull the strings on people, that's manipulation. So, if you just be very careful, miss everyone wants to be an independent man, independent woman. Great. So, if you're a, people pleaser, super easy to control. FYI. That's how you give your power away. Second thing is this, if you are people pleasing, you act as if it's about the other person. And it's such a lie, because all I want is that feeling to go away.
So, I got to make sure you're not upset with me. That has nothing to do with the, is all about making sure I don't feel those emotions. Because it makes me feel bad. So, who are you really pleasing? Yourself. How do you like when someone says I'm doing something for you, but they're not using you so really, as a, people pleaser, you use people. No wonder there's no real deep connection.
Myrna: That's true. That's a different way of looking at it. That's a different spin. Tell us about the 16 Psychological languages.
Ben: we're born with 16 personality types and we all are the same human. There are 16 through the study of 100 years of psychology, there's 16 combinations of personality. So, when we say that's just my personality, you're all personalities you just haven't visited say the organizing person, you're more of a winged person or you're more of a detailed person, you're more of this, so forth. So, this is years and years of studying humans is understanding myself as being my obsession, and now I understand the people and I'll give you an example.
Let's just do a practical example on a language understanding human language. So, let's say that, you're a real estate agent, and you go into a house, let's say I'm brand-new, real estate agent. I sit down and the client askes me, so how long you've been in the business, I'm thinking who says that? What if I'm brand new, you know? I'm gonna feel terrible.
And so here's the thing. I look at a guy like that. And so, speaking his language, he has the balls to hit me with a bat. That is a test on my credibility. Okay, we have to understand that we can stop being so self-centered, and observe how people talk to us. Here's the trick. Here's some tactical training. The guy says, how long you been in the business? You have to hit him with a sarcastic hit and you got to be direct, or you'll lose the guy's credibility. That's understanding his language.
So, I would say, you know what? I've only been in the business under a year. And I might not be your, real estate agent. Then I'd say to him, I'd say, but I do know someone 40 years in the business, her name's Betty. She has a walker. If that's how you're going to choose, let me give you her your number right now. And then guess what he says, I like this guy. I want to hire him. Because sarcasm is the language of the logical, but then later, they become loyal.
Myrna: So you're really pretty confident to do that. That's pretty good.
Ben: In my course I teach the psychology of all the languages and when someone teaches sales training, I think it's manipulative. What I do is it's like, I look at human connection.
So there's building connection and rapport through tactics or authenticity, and then one is rich, but people pleasing one is real. Like if I really understand you, I'll probably find out what makes you tick. What's your nostalgic value? That’s what I think of when I meet a client. So, this isn't this isn't mirroring, its building rapport. This is truly at a psychological level, making a connection.
Myrna: Tell us about your podcast is called the, Inner Game.
Ben: I am no longer doing the, Inner Game, Podcast. We're all in on bringing mindset and personal growth and business mindset versus worker mindset to, real estate. And so, I'm focused 100% of that in my podcast is called “The, Richest Real Estate Agent. The other thing is I have a book coming out called the real “The richest real estate agent: how to build a seven-figure business without sacrificing your relationships.” It's the first mindset book for, real estate agents, with full tactical training. Never ever has this been combined. We're going to be going after the, inner game, for, real estate agents, and that's our focus.
And so that's the book, the podcast and our group on Facebook is all The, Richest Real Estate Agent. I also run, personal growth, retreats that I do that once a year for people that want to bring up their teams or whatever, and I take them on a three-day kind of off grid or adventure retreats. And that's three days I can't even compare to the effectiveness of what three days away on one of my retreats does for the for the head and the heart. All these information can be found on my website www.benoosterveld.com
Today my guest is Ms Patricia Fuqua. Patricia is a best-selling author, award-winning motivational speaker, and relationship expert, specializing in, second time around, today we're going be talking on the topic “How to find your diamond the, second time around,” I am going to enjoy talking to you because I've been around more than twice!
Bio
Let me tell you more about my guest Ms Patricia Fuqua. Patricia is the founder
of Dating Diamonds, a service that empowers women to meet the right man the, second time around. She is the creator of the “First Date the Soulmate Program” and since she has helped over 500 women meet the right man by designing a personalized plan. She helps them implement that plan. She's polished the art of relationship in her 40 year marriage to her, soulmate, husband.
Her strategy benefits men too, after all the more knowledge you have the more you can thrive. Her clients can be found in major cities including Sydney, Washington DC, Sacramento and San Francisco. She mentors women to use the story of their lives to create the relationship they choose the second time around. Patricia has her master's degree in American literature and an adult IDI
credential from San Francisco State University.
She holds coaching credentials from the Academy of Excellence and the
Windless Institute. She is a certified matchmaker with the matchmaker Institute and, second time around, coach.
Patricia also produced and hosted the TV show called the Patricia Fuqua show, a platform for using intuitive and spiritual practices as guides for better
relationships.
How to find your diamond the second time around
Well Patricia that is a very excellent Bio, it covers a lot of territory.
I always like to start off my show asking my guests of their journey to this point in their career. Can you talk about your journey to becoming a relationship expert and author specializing in the, second time around? I know that you've been married for years and I need to say congratulations right off the top because that is quite an accomplishment; but how did you transcend your own relationship to becoming a coach?
Patricia: Well, now I've honed and polished my communication skills; but it wasn't always this way. There was a time in my marriage when I
was depressed because I was juggling career and the needs of young children
and my husband. I got really depressed because I was really feeling sorry for myself and then I got mad went into this deep funk. It wasn't until I discovered that I had the choice to be happy or to be sad that I started to turn myself around.
It wasn't my husband, it wasn't my children, it wasn't my job, it wasn't my life. It was the way I was looking at it so, when I discovered that I could be happy as a choice as well as being sad, I started to reach for better feeling thoughts, finding something good about everything and anytime somebody made me upset or I felt overwhelmed. I said okay so what's the silver lining here?
Helping women find love the second time around
I started to get answers and so as I discovered the power of choosing how I was going to feel about any situation or any person or relationship I said to myself this I have to share with the rest of the women in my life, because we could be so much happier if we only knew we could just choose to do it. I have the technique to show them so that's when I became inspired to start coaching women because I love happy people.
I just love being around happy people and helping them
learn to be happy the, second time around. Helping them to have more love in their lives.
I always been a spiritual person studying spiritual practices, some people would say religion, and always I wanted to be in alignment with source, some people would say God, Universe, Higher Intelligence. There are many names
for that creator and so as a result that's how I started coaching. I started
saying well this is what I've learned about being happy and in love, so I'm
wanting to share this with you and we can personalize it for you so that you
too can have more love and happiness in your life.
And that one day that I had this record-breaking seminar for women, it was just like they were lined up around the table and down the aisles waiting to speak to me. I was just giving them these nuggets of wisdoms and, second time around, nuggets that I had come to from my reading from my study and they were walking away happy, so it was a great day.
It was it's one of those peak experiences.
We are all looking for happiness
Myrna: Wow that is awesome and you know a lot of people would go through that process and keep it all to themselves, so it's absolutely great that
you through that process realized that everything is better when you share.
That's an overstatement, everything is better when you share. God gives
you a testimony, so that you can share and you can encourage and it's really
profound that you had this really record-breaking experience of everybody
wanted a piece because you've hit on something.
Happiness, is a rare quality, even when you've got all you want
somehow a lot of people are still not happy and you know it's really
interesting; but I did an interview on this show with a monk
called Swami G about 2 years and this morning Facebook shared the memory.
I reposted, he was saying that happiness doesn't come from external
Sources, just like you have figured out it comes from inside and that's why you
know the Buddhist monks talk about enlightenment, because when you're
enlightened you know suffering and unhappiness doesn't come to you.
I woke up this morning with some heavy things going on in my
life and my children, and when I posted it. I said, I wish that
I myself can tap into that field today. I was meditating this morning from very early in the morning and it just didn't work because my mind was too busy. So, if you have gems that help people, that is why they're lined up because it's something that you know we all require at some point in time.
We don't have to be depressed but some days just knock you down. Good story so I'm glad that you were able to bottle your experiences to help others to get there as well. You touched on something as well about you being
very spiritual and connected to source. So my second question is how can other women use intuitive and spiritual practices as a guide for better relationships the, second time around?
Let's just add happiness on to that.
That’s the exciting part of my practice because when I'm sharing with women the seven principles that are in the book, Second Time Around, meditation is number one and I'm glad that you're a meditator because even
when we feel that, oh my God my mind is so busy it didn't make a difference, it
does make a difference because you're quieting your mind,
and it can give you a different perspective on a situation.
I've learned over time that women need to or benefit from having a different
perspective on the situation, or relationship, and dating and love and
happiness because we can as a group, are very sensitive and emotional. Some
more than others, and when we can tap into that place where we're feeling not
as positive as we could and start to look at least one positive thing
about a situation, you recognize what they're feeling and to shift.
It's kind of like this morning you said you woke up with heavy feelings and the meditation didn't feel like it was making a difference, however if it ever entered your mind that oh well this is something I could be thankful for in this
situation, that is going to raise your emotional tone.
We get stronger at managing our feelings and eventually we get to the place where we can move more quickly up this emotional scale to happiness or at least optimism, and after meditation if you say to yourself oh well it wasn't
quite as bad as I thought because B and C is in place, you move up the scale.
You are correct, this morning I didn't come up with
any positives, but I came up with some guidance and that's basically what
happens when you quiet your mind right the Universe, God, your
Higher self gives you some guidance and some next steps.
What are you bringing to the table
Some of the other principles have to do with just mining. Like gold mining your own story to figure out what you really want to experience in relationship. Some women want to feel pampered and protected and privileged, and you know what is it each woman needs is to discover or to remind herself what she really wants to experience in relationship. Some women are very conventional and they like the idea of having a man play a man's role, do the man things in in the conventional sense, manage the house, take out the garbage,
that sort of thing.
Other women want somebody to plan their fun, so what is it that helps you feel the way you want to feel in relationship, that you would like that other person to be doing? That's one of the key principles, there are seven total principles we don't have time to go into them all now. Meditation to manage your own
thoughts and feelings. Now it your, second time around, what are you bringing to the table?
Awesome, alright so again we're touching on mindsets a little bit, so this is an interesting question for me to ask you because we're specifically talking here about the, second time around. Women who has been divorced, the woman is maybe in a committed relationship, maybe not necessarily married; but they're
starting over again and your mindset is very crucial because your mindset can
actually keep you from making this a positive experience.
So what mindset do you coach your women and men then that they have to develop when they're in the, second time around?
I have the attitude that there is a lid for every pot.
Know what you want the second time around
That's an old southern expression that means all they have to do is be very clear on the vision of what they want to experience and they will meet that person.
So those mindsets have to be in the present. If we're going to develop a relationship a, second time around, that is satisfying and that can last. Having a lid and every pot means that there's a match for you somewhere, and if you have a clear vision on the match you know as a coach as well any coaching whether it's for whatever you want just have a clear vision of it and that's the way you attract it to you.
I was thinking that is the most important mindset that they have to develop is that they have release the baggage of the last relationship. How do you feel about that?
It's important to be aware of the baggage of the last
relationship because it can be like a weight around your ankles pulling you
down and away from what you want. It's also important to be able to shift
that attitude that you might have developed, that feeling about
relationship or about the opposite gender that you had. The awareness the
self-awareness of knowing what that attitude is that's blocking you will
allow you to come up with an alternative, so that you can do the things, say the
things that will help you attract that clear vision that you have. That's the
lid for your pot so to speak.
Myrna: Like I said in the beginning of the podcasts, I've been around
the block several times myself and what I have found. To clarify I have been married like four times, what I have found is that a lot of times the baggage is
you come out of a relationship and there is a negative experience you make sure that there's not that a negative experience is not in your next partner;
but a lot of times you find something else right, so how do you coach women
around “hey I don't want to have a guy like that again kind of scenario?
Let the laws of attraction work for you
Patricia: I understand what you're saying and the Law of our Universe, some people call it the Law of Attraction but the way it's
set up is that it wants us to be happy that law is God in action or the
Universe in action or the Creator in action. We are put here to have fun
that's the point in the studies that I have had and so when we focus on what we really want the universe hears.
The trick becomes being able to manage your feelings and
your thoughts and your attitudes so that you're focusing on what you really want it doesn't understand anything except for what you spend the most time
thinking about, so if you're spending most of your time thinking about oh my
God that was the worst relationship ever, I never want to see a guy like that again! Well, that's what you're going to get more of or some variation, because you're spending so much time on it and that's what a Universe is answering.
That is the perfect answer because, yes that is exactly what happens.
That's why a lot of women go in relationships that are
almost the same because they keep attracting the same kind of man or the
same kind of relationship because they're saying well this is this is what
I don't want. Let's take an example of a cheater, this is what I don't want or
even an abusive relationship, and then you are cycling through those all the
time because they tell the universe what they don't want and that is exactly what shows up. I like what you said, whatever you spend time thinking about
whether it's what you don't want or what you do want then that's what's going to show up. Excellent answer.
Myrna: Who would you say is your ideal client?
My ideal client is a woman of experience and substance who has had more than one relationship, I used, second time around, because that's a very familiar expression; but she usually has raised her children, she's launched them into college or into the work world and she's comfortable in her career and in a single mom.
All these years I've been raising the kids I've been taking care of other people. I have a great social life; but where is my special partner? I like this woman. I prefer this as the ideal client although men in the situation my teachings work as well; because they have had enough variety and experience they know what they want through conversation and we can plan how their strategy is going to roll out and make it happen.
I shouldn't say make it happen but we can work with my spiritual principles so that they're very clear on what they want, they know how to manage their mindset, they know what they would prefer to experience, they're open to using these practices. Example: One of my clients was sitting at an
outside café in my little town here of Menlo Park one afternoon with her
college son who was home for the holiday and a man saw her at this outside café, parked his car came over to meet her.
She had been trained by me who had the strategy of being approachable, she looked radiantly beautiful; because I said honey anytime you go out you have got to look good. People are attracted by the visual. She was in line with that and so he came over sat down next to her as if he were her best friend they started chatting well as her calm was being the hostess and making him
feel comfortable; because she found out right away that he was her type of
guy. At the end of that short conversation, he passed his telephone
number to her on a napkin and said if you want to continue this just give me a
call, that was six years ago. They're still together.
It's about being clear, always being ready so you don't have to
get ready and being ready for who comes into your world; so that you can check them out and decide if you want to get to know them better.
Always be ready so do don't have to get ready
I love the last tagline. I think Will Smith says that best he says you
should always be ready cause if you're ready, you ain't got to get ready.
All right now let's get a little personal and transparent. I know
you've been happily married for over forty years
you talked in your BIO in your journey or your history that
there was a period of time when you were depressed, because you're doing so much, and your happiness came after you decided that you had
a choice and it was not your husband or your kids job to make
you happy.
I absolutely love that. I know this personally because that's the reason I'm finally happy. After running around and trying to find happiness by having other people give it to me, the reason I'm happy in my relationship
is because I meditate and I do me. I don't depend on anyone
else to be to make me happy. I make myself happy; but I saw this in
print the other day when Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck had left her. He
cheated on her with the nanny and I think she was having an interview and
she said point blank that it was not Ben's job to make sure that she was
happy. I'm sure a lot of people that are not in our space
wouldn't understand that; but I absolutely loved it.
So what would you say is the reason for your marital success?
Marital success second time around
Well marital success the, second time around, means also that there's a the dark side of it that there are some times that are not successful and after years there have been times where I haven't been successful at being happily married and so now that I am happily married, that I've gone through some things so the idea here is every situation that has conflict in it.
I have learned to ask myself what would you prefer here Patricia? And when I get the answer to that then I can get busy, I can start conversations. In the book, I'm leading women to go from “first date to soul mate” with these principles and it doesn't stop once you meet and develop the relationship with your soulmate, the conversations and the communication has to continue through the inevitable conflicts that happen between two people in an intimate personal relationship.
So as a result I've learned to use that very powerful question
“What would you prefer here Patricia?” That tells me that I
need to start doing my practices and asking that question.
What is it you want the man to do? What it is you
want the woman to do? We don't communicate what we want we just fight about it because we're expecting to be mind reader's.
As we wrap up our show today, Patricia how can our readers and listeners get in touch with you and get a copy of your book, second time around?
I would love to chat with people or let them know a link for the book and so I would ask people to just email me Patricia@datingdiamonds.com Put in the subject line “chat” or “Book” and I'll send you a copy of the book
which will go into some of the seven principles that I talked about.
The best, sales people, and most effective, sales people, are naturals. They are, extroverts, who love people, have sunny positive personalities and are highly ethical.
“I determine to render more and better service, each day, than I am being paid to render. Those that reach the top are the ones who are not content with doing only what is required of them.”
― Og Mandino, The Greatest Salesman In The World
Here are seven other traits you should look for when interviewing for your sales team.
1: They fish instead of hunt
A hunter stalks his prey and then attacks. He tries to make one shot for the kill; if he misses, then he tries to find another prey and takes aim again.
A fisher man on the other hand first understands the fish he is trying to catch. In choosing a pond or lake, he knows what kinds of fish are in the pond, what kind of bait they usually bite on and when they are most likely to bite.
In the world of, sales, the hunter is the transaction seller who sells on price and usually has only one shot.
The salesperson who is a fisher man on the other hand, takes the time to learn about his customer. He understands how his product solves the problem of the customer and instead of shooting to kill; he dangles the correct bait by offering a solution and builds a relationship with the customer, before he tries to close the sale.
“Obstacles are necessary for success because in selling, as in all careers of importance, victory comes only after many struggles and countless defeats. Yet each struggle, each defeat, sharpens your skills and strengths, your courage and your endurance, your ability and your confidence and thus each obstacle is a comrade-in-arms forcing you to become better… or quit. Each rebuff is an opportunity to move forward; turn away from them, avoid them, and you throw away your future.”
― Og Mandino, The Greatest Salesman In The World
2: They know when to speak and when to listen
Inexperienced, sales people, think they can win sales by over-talking their prospects. The best, sales people, use discretion and carefully crafted questions to get a prospect to close. Once they have delivered the pitch, they know to shut up and listen.
3: They work closely with their support staff
Closing a large customer sometimes require your solution experts. Great sales persons know when to bring in their support staff to add value to the customer.
Inexperienced, sales people, try to do everything by themselves and usually loose the sale.
4: They practice continuous learning
Great, sales people, not only learn everything about their product; but they also learn everything about their competitor’s product.
For example: Let’s say you are trying to decide between a Toyota Camry and the Honda Accord as your next vehicle. You are at the Toyota dealership and your salesperson not only tells you why the Toyota Camry is the right car for you based on the needs he uncovered during his fact finding segment of the sale; but he also tells you the all the features of the Honda Accord and why it may not be the best fit for you. He knows his product!
5: Highly Effective Salespeople love their job
Most, sales people, actually hate sales and selling. The most effective, sales people, actually enjoy it. They get up every day excited about the product and the prospects. They love the high of the win and the excitement and challenge of influencing their customers.
For these few, the high compensation is an added bonus like icing on the cake, of getting to do what they love.
6: They are self-motivated and self-directed
Companies spend a ton of money on sales managers who mostly focus on whip-cracking the bottom performers.
Great, sales people, don't need micro managing; they are internally motivated to being the best and set their own growth goals.
7: They are honest and ethical
Highly effective, sales people, never over promise and under deliver; they never lie to get a sale. They know that trust of the sales person and the company is essential to a long term relationship with the customer.
They understand the principle that the short term gain of getting a sale on false pretenses equals long term pain.
In this 21 Day, money mindset, Challenge we help people identify all of the, money beliefs, getting in their way and then shift them into different, beliefs, that are supportive of building wealth and abundance and joy with, money. And then beyond that, to building the structures that really lead towards financial success.
A gang of armed men broke into Chana Mason's childhood home in Bogota, Colombia, And held her family hostage. Her family miraculously fled to Miami, but 5-years-old Chana’s sense of safety was decimated. Two decades later, Chana still dealt with PTSD, anxiety, and depression. To heal herself, she dove into a journey to rediscover her peace and joy. She’s learned from the world’s top experts on the human mind and uses her gift for turning complex ideas into easy-to-access tools for transformation.
Through her straight talk, open heart, and addictive joy, Chana helps thousands clarify their vision, shift beliefs getting in their way, and manifest their dreams. Chana lives with her family in the funky Nachlaot neighborhood of Jerusalem and works with individuals and communities around the world.
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Byron Katie's book The Work as the foundation for shifting mindset
I love Byron Katie's book, “The Work” I follow her work so, and I started doing some of those exercises or tools. So, I know what you're talking about in your book “Hold That Thought”. From your bio, you said that because you had, PTSD, so you started to, to train with a top world expert. So can you bridge the gap for us, how your, childhood trauma, turned into you becoming a coach and a teacher and how you used Byron Katie's book, “The Work” as the foundation of one of your tools.
Chana: I was constantly in search of things that would help me stop having, anxiety and depression, and one of the things that I experienced which I kind of thought I was the only person in the world who had this because we have a tendency to be very lonely in our suffering and not talk about it.
I would have the worst, anxiety images, I would picture the most horrific things happening all the time. In my mind, I tend to picture things rather than have words as much. And so, as I walk off a bus, I pictured myself tripping off the bus and getting run over or I trip on the sidewalk and I would imagine my head bashing the sidewalk and blood and guts everywhere.
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Our thoughts are malleable
Those types of images were flooding my mind all the time, in addition because of the kidnap threat when I was a kid, I was constantly being scared of people on the street thinking I was gonna get kidnapped or thinking I was gonna get raped. All of that stuff, didn't respond at all to therapy. So, for years, I tried going to different therapists. Eventually I started learning about the concept that our thoughts are within our control and, thoughts, are malleable, but I didn't really have clear tools for how to shift those, thoughts, and I kept getting stuck.
Eventually, I found some really phenomenal coaches and healers; but there was something about Byron Katie's material that just really struck a chord. I was introduced to “The Works” as a process for inquiry. So, The Works, and the option process and other tools for inquiry also. Their goal is to help you ask questions. When you're facilitating someone else, you ask them questions that help the subconscious to bring up all of the answers and all of the beliefs and all of the rationale that we've been using to drive our behavior. Sometimes just seeing it on the surface makes us look at it and be like wait, that doesn't make any sense.
You know, so for example, a lot of people think that the best way to lose weight is believing that they should lose weight. My experience is that the belief that I should lose weight makes people want to eat more and exercise less. And so as soon as they see how they react to that belief, they realize, wait, this belief isn't working for me, even though I thought it would help me get to where I want to go.
Eventually, I wanted to help people to this theory clearly a journal work. So just came out with a new book, which I didn't even get to tell you about because it just came out. It’s called “Inner Voices.”
Also, in “Hold That Thought” people get a free taste of “Inner Voices” at the end of the book.
Myrna: When I was reading “The Works” I used the inquiry for my, beliefs, regarding my husband. Married people have conflict over certain different things so this was helpful for me. I loved the inquiry, is that true? How do you know that’s true? So, how did you use that book specifically to get rid of your, anxiety images?
Chana: So for me, the purpose of inquiry is to question our thinking. For some people thinking manifests as words. And for other people it manifests as pictures. But what's cool about a picture is that it's not just one belief. Usually a picture, is a container for lots and lots of, beliefs. So, if you're picturing yourself, God forbid, driving off the road, there's a lot of, beliefs, in there.
Not safe when I'm driving.
The world is not a safe place.
I can't trust myself on the road.
I can't trust other drivers on the road.
I'm going to die.
I'm going to die in a painful way.
I'm going to die right now.
Asking is it true to shift your mindset
Think about how many things come up. And so, if you can just sit and think about what are the, beliefs, that are embedded in these, anxiety images? I want for your audience to really understand what inquiry is so I can give you a simple example. There was one time that I was in Heathrow Airport, sort of transitioning via London to the United States from Israel. And Heathrow Airport is huge, it's like a mall, and there's a point when you walk through it, it's like walking through the perfume section of a mall. And I saw this huge poster image advertisement of a scantily clad model standing next to a bottle of perfume.
The only thing at the bottom of what brands it was the brand of the perfume, but there were no words on this marketing. This was a big poster. And yet when I looked at it, I noticed that my stomach started to turn. So, for me, the thing that drives me to question my thinking is my emotional state. And my emotional state is a combination of just straight up emotions like anger or sadness, and physiological experiences because we feel emotions inside of our bodies. So, for me, my stomach started to turn and I started to feel a little bit sad and worthless. And so immediately I knew there's something happening in me from this poster. This poster was telling a story, and that story wasn’t feeling good.
I immediately knew to ask myself the question, Is this true? And as soon as I answered this is not true, my stomach was no longer in knots. I was able to shift my, mindset.
Myrna: So how do you help clients shift their, limiting beliefs, and manifest their dreams? We know that we can use the tools that we've been talking about to question how we're feeling, question our, belief system, and so on, but how could we use it for you to shift your, limiting beliefs, and manifest your dreams?
Chana: One of the things I do as a coach is I help people clarify a vision for what it is they want to do with their lives. You know, they may want to build a business, want to increase their sales in real estate. I have a number of realtors that I work with. They may want to lose weight, it really just depends.
Everybody's a little bit different. But particularly for my business clients, actually, it's true even for somebody wanting to lose weight. What tends to happen is that they have a vision. There's something they want, they know it's a clear manifestation of their life's purpose, and would give them a tremendous amount of meaning.
Yet, they can't seem to get themselves to do it. They keep bumping into all sorts of obstacles along the way. And for that, I created a tool I called the, obstacle course. So, this is where I tend to use the tools of inquiry that I've gotten from others and create tools that help people. Let's say that you want to be 20 pounds lighter. So, I have a client who's in that situation right now. She wants to be 20 pounds lighter.
Myrna: Well, in your book I thought it was interesting this guy, I think he was a Potter or something and he was saying that he could never be successful as a Potter and you used the, obstacle course, to help him shift his, mindset, and remove his, financial baggage.
Chana: So that's a perfect sample. He had this vision of living out in the country and not living in the city and being professionally a Potter and actually making a living as a Potter. Being able to sustain a family that way. But it seemed so pie in the sky and impossible in his eyes. So, I asked him to do this, obstacle course. What are all the reasons why it's impossible? And for most of us who are visual, it really helps to actually see these, obstacles and remove our, financial baggage.
Everyone comes up with different things, I asked them to envision this dream they have as being someone in the distance in front of them like let's say it's right here. Then I asked them between here and the vision they have, what do they see? And one client said they see shards of glass and other person says they see clouds and other person says the image itself is a black and white, they don't see any color, all sorts of things like that, right?
So, for this guy, the obstacles between himself and the vision is the opportunity to speak. I said, okay, what are the shards of glass or what are the clouds have to say? And he said, It's impossible. I can't do it. I couldn't possibly make enough money to support a family, you know, all these different, beliefs. And he listed about 13 obstacles along with their, financial baggage. Then we have to do the inquiry and ask him “Is this true” and then get him to do a, turnaround to shift his, mindset, and unload his, financial baggage.
It's a lot. What's really cool is that for most of us the, beliefs, that are driving our lives and driving our behavior, are resting in the, subconscious mind. We're just not aware that they're there. And all we have to do is ask a question, like, what are those, obstacles, have to say or what am I believing right now? This making me feel this way? And it's just amazing. Our, subconscious mind, loves to follow orders. If we ask good questions, we get good answers.
So, if I ask, what am I believing right now the, subconscious mind, is like oh, you want to know your, beliefs. Here they are. They were all sitting under this consciousness, so we talked about money, for example, for most people, what keeps them from manifesting wealth and abundance? They have all of these, money beliefs, and for almost all of us our, money beliefs, are very deeply hidden in the, subconscious mind.
For two reasons. One is we got our, money beliefs, early from our family when we were kids. And the other is, money, is taboo. So, we have, money beliefs, but we don't know what they are. It's like for people for whom your body is taboo.
If God forbid, they ever get abused, well, if you don't know you have a penis. How do you tell someone that it got touched? So, in the same way, if you're not allowed to talk about, money, and, money, is this taboo thing? When things aren't going well with, money, you don't even have the language to talk about debt or stress or credit cards or building wealth or investments.
If you don't even have the language, you don't have the vocabulary for that. So, for this guy, once he was able to identify thoughts, then we could use all of the tools from inquiry from the auction process to, neuro linguistic programming, to The Works, to be able to address what he was doing.
Myrna: He must have thought that the only way that you can be successful is if maybe you're an accountant or professional or maybe his parents told him that a Potter is not a real job. I know about the, money mindset, because we grew up poor. You have a, money mindset, when you hear your parents or grandparents, say things like “money don't grow on trees” or, “money is the root of all evil.”
So, you've got it on both ends. So that's basically your, belief system. That is a great segue into what we want to talk about today, removing your financial baggage. Tell us about your 21 day, money mindset, challenge.
Chana: Yeah, I actually really want to focus on this thing of money doesn't grow on trees, because we have this 21 Day Challenge that helps people identify all of the, money beliefs, getting in their way and then shift them into different, beliefs, that are supportive of building wealth and abundance and joy with, money. And then beyond that, to building the structures that really lead towards financial success.
And one of the things that my husband and I decided to do in the, money mindset, challenge is that every single day, every single lesson has a story because we find that stories how we learn and particularly with, beliefs, stories are how we created our, beliefs. You know, your five-year-old Myrna is looking around and she's seeing how people are behaving right. She's living a story, and then she comes up with a whole collection of conclusions about what's true about the world. And some of those conclusions literally came out of people's mouths, but not always.
For example, two people could get divorced and a kid says, oh, my daddy doesn't love me. That's why he left. Even though Daddy never said that. There's no indication of that. Right? And it's probably the opposite of why it's true. Because Daddy loved the kid, he stayed longer than maybe he would have otherwise. There's just such a different collection of stories that kids can create. So, one of the stories that I use repeatedly with students to help them shift is to actually see that money does quite specifically grow on trees.
Myrna: I think ask you those questions. Is that true? What are the other questions? Do you go through in “The Works? Is that how you do them to shift their, mindset?
Chana: So, so there are a few questions that I ask. So, let's say you're believing. I'm not talented enough to start my own business. Okay, so you and I deal with people who believe that all the time I'm not trying to start my own business. So, one stream of questions could be doing “The Work of Byron Katie”,
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it's true?
How do you react when you believe that thought? You see what that thought does to you emotionally, physiologically, behaviorally, you notice that if I believe I'm not talented enough to start my own business, my body shrinks. I get really tight.
Personally, for me I want to crawl under the covers and hide. I'm much less social and under those circumstances, I literally can't start my own business. I can't do anything even remotely creative or audacious, well, unbelieving, that thought. So, the thought actually creates that reality. And isn't that convenient, right? One of the things that I can ask myself was also, is how do I benefit from believing that thought?
One benefit I get is that I can sit on the couch and drink beer and watch movies. It's like, because I'm not talented enough, which is beyond my control, right? It's not like oh, I'm going to work on my talent.
So, me as an author, my husband is also an author. We read books about writing books, and we take courses from authors and these work on our craft. We didn't used to be talented enough to write great books, but we are now working really hard, and hopefully it will be a lot better a decade from now. But to say I'm not talented enough to start my own business is sort of saying like, it's like a flatline and it means I don't even have to try. It's much more convenient to sit on the couch and eat ice cream.
The key part of Byron Katie's process is doing what she calls, turnarounds, where you take the original statement, and you say it's opposite. So, you say “I am talented enough to start my own business.” I'm talented enough to learn. I'm talented enough to ask questions. I'm talented enough to seek mentors. I'm talented enough at the one thing I know how to do, and I could outsource other pieces that I don't know how to do, where I'm not particularly talented.
So those would be me giving reasons why this new perspective is true. And every time I give a reason why the new perspective is true. I'm literally rewiring my brain into a different perspective and detaching from the old perspective. And the more I do that, the more I train my mind to question everything. And so, there's something really powerful about questioning absolutely every single thing you see. So, so in our, money mindset, challenge, we teach a number of different tools to help people shift their, beliefs.
One of the tools we teach is “The Works.” We teach a bunch of other tools. Another one of them is simply choosing to disentangle two concepts that you've glued together. For example, often when we're working with someone in financial coaching I will ask, please complete the following sentence. Rich people are ……… And often people will say things like greedy, selfish, slimy, evil, you know, out to get us, etc.
Myrna: Yes, they hear their parents saying those things.
Chana: Right, they have all of these different, beliefs. And what's really cool is you have a few options of what you can do with let's say, rich people are evil. Okay. You can ask yourself, are there times that you've met rich people who are good or generous?
Then list examples of wealthy people you know, who are particularly generous, and every single time all of a sudden the person is like, oh, yeah, you know, there's this guy in my community, and he's always taking care of everyone. And whenever anybody is in need, they can just go to him and he'll get some cash very quietly, secretly under the table.
And oh, yeah. And you know, my church wouldn't stand if it wasn't for these two women who are really rocking entrepreneurs, and they just they support the entire church and they do it so quietly, and oh, yeah, you know that big philanthropist, he's just giving money away all the time.
If they say poor people are good, so you can ask them have you ever met a poor person who's evil and you're like, oh, yeah, you know, there's this guy and it's like, okay, well, let's look at the vast majority of people who get arrested for theft, are they are rich people are people? The only thing you know for sure is that they're rich. And they are people, right?
Myrna; Right, Rich people are rich, no extra labels!
Why do you believe what you do?
Chana: Another really cool thing that comes from the auction process is a question I really like. It's why do you believe that?
Myrna: I'm sure a lot of people that can't answer that.
Chana: It's shocking how much the, subconscious mind, will give you an answer to these questions. We teach you other tools on how to take those thoughts and turn them into thoughts that support you. And then and then in the third week, we teach you financial principles and, and understandings of how, money, works so that you can really start moving more towards a positive supportive, money mindset.
Myrna: How can listeners connected with you and learn more about your 21 day challenge and, plus get a copy of your book?
Chana: My personal website is www.chanamason.com you can access my books @ Chanamason.com/books. Most of the books, are available as free downloads. I wrote a book together with my husband called “The Cash Machine.” It's all about how to develop financial independence, but it's a novel. It's a love story. It's like a really fun page turner. And we have another book about how to manifest your dreams called “The Size of Your Dreams,” which is also a novel, but also, personal growth, tools. And “Hold That Thought” that you mentioned and “In Our Voices,” are my 2 newest books. So people can go to that page and access any of those books and our, money challenge, they can access on My Courses page on my website, or they can go to www.moneymindsetmadness.com
The first step is to find your passion. This is where you find that you can be in it all day long and you don't feel tired and you don't feel bored and you're just illuminated and just joyful and and it's a great way to live your life. You know when you live a passionless life just because you're making money does not mean that you are living with passion.
Let me share a personal story. My daughter Keshia Morris Desir always felt that she was supposed to be a Psychologist, getting her degree and everything. Along that journey she read Nelson's Mandela's book “A long walk to freedom” and decided that she needed to become a political advocate and she just switched right away. She applied and got into American University, the top political science university with no background in politics.
Today she's working for a company right next door to the White House, and doing some great great work at Common Cause.
I didn't even think about that until right now and that's what I like about the Holy Spirit or of my Higher Self
things pop into my head. It is also an example of leaning your ladder up against the wrong building!
My next question is a follow-up to the first and it is do you agree that we're all meant to do a certain thing on this earth? And what is your advice to, Millennial, on finding their, purpose? How Can, Millennials, Find Their, Purpose?
Let's say using my daughter story that she didn't know what her, purpose, was as a, millennial. She went to school and maybe felt psychology was a job that can make her money that's where a lot of, Millennials, Park right? So what advice do you give them?
To answer your first question in terms of do I think we're all here to do something, yes I definitely believe that we individually are all here to bring some value or offer something back to the world. I believe some of us it takes longer than others but; I do believe we are all here to accomplish something and I think we probably give different weight to what we accomplish. Just because what you believe it is something small it can be transformational to somebody else. In terms of what I believe, Millennials, can do in terms of finding their, purpose, I actually think it starts with a very simple concept and that is honestly taking time to think and to plan and I think. When we sit back and you when you look at your life if you plan it with the level of detail that you plan for example a vacation you'd be surprised about you know how much how differently you might view things.
I recommend taking one hour a week to evaluate where you are and where you want to go.
The timeline might be where I want to go this week, it might be where I want to go in the next year, in the next two years or five years from now. Whatever time period I feel I need to think about it and plan for at that time for example if you're thinking, I hate my job, it's not fulfilling this is not my, purpose. Then you know think about what would make you feel more purposeful? What are the types of positions or jobs that you would like to be in? And then what are the steps that you need to take to get there. Do you need to you know go back to school? Do you need to join a networking group?
My daughter came to me one day and said that she wants to become a politician and I look at her this sweet innocent person that had no politician skills or natural talents and I said to her
“How do you get there how do you get from where you are today to where you want to be tomorrow?”
As her coach we planned it
Toastmasters and learn how to speak in front of people,
school for political science,
volunteer so she can get some political experience and things like that so yeah and you got to make a
plan and the beautiful thing about it you know is that it might feel far-fetched but you never know if it's really your purpose the universe, God will step in and help you get there. That's why when my daughter applied to American University she said she only had a 30% chance of being accepted. She said I'll apply there's no hope that I'm gonna get in and guess what she got in because she's on, purpose, because God helps you if you are on, purpose!
Don't ever think that anything is too big for God.
Les Brown says reach for the the stars, you might fallback on the moon!
I agree. One of my favorite quotes is
If your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough.
You have to become comfortable with being uncomfortable and that's really I think when you accept that, it will help you in finding your, purpose.
Especially if you're not currently living what you believe to be your, purpose. I like that one I mean you talked.
about it before you must really live by that and it's very true you know when my daughter went to Washington she was incredibly uncomfortable, she was in a city that she didn't know anyone, she was going into something that she didn't
know anything about and it was uncomfortable and that's only way you grow.
Alright so and this is coming from your book, you've got a chapter in your book about your giving advice and strategies and how, Millennials, can achieve their goals in the workplace; but I like the word hustle that you used to describe this. You advise to hustle to get what you want in this world. I think when you hustle you have to you have to be hungry you have to really want it. You have to be motivated and so I think to your point earlier, when it's something that you truly want and you feel passionate about or you really wanted to achieve the hustle actually comes fairly easy at least in the
beginning because you know you most likely will accept that challenge and want to go after it. Where it becomes a challenging, I would say is consistently hustling, always having that thirst, that hunger to push yourself further and
that sometimes can be where we tend to fall off. That's human nature, you have to learn to hold yourself accountable and to make sure that you are you're hitting your own personal benchmarks and hitting your own personal goals. And so a good way to keep the hustle mentality I would say is to make sure that you have measurable things that you want to do and so that way you've got a way to check yourself.
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What do you have in your hand? God used the staff Moses had in his hand to help his achieve his purpose.
The, secret of feeling, or calling of the invisible realm into the visible and feeling realm is beautifully told in the Bible story of, Isaac, blessing his second son, Jacob, by the belief, based solely upon, feelings, that he was blessing his first son, Esau.
One of the reasons all the wealth coaches tell you to first visualize how much money you want and then use your, feelings, to visualize it in your hand is because, emotions, and, feelings, are the invisible forces that creates.
It is told that, Isaac, who was old and blind, felt that he was about to leave this world and wishing to bless his first-born son, Esau, before he died, sent, Esau, hunting for savory venison with the promise that upon his return from the hunt he would receive his father’s blessing.
Jacob's mother Rebekah overheard the father promise to bless, Esau, and since, Jacob, was her favorite, she encouraged him to deceive his father and get the, first-born, blessing.
She sent, Jacob, to the flock to get a couple of young goats and prepared Isaac’s favorite meal. Then she wrapped Jacob's arms and neck with the skin from the goats so, Jacob, would feel like his brother, Esau.
Jacob deceives Isaac with feeling
When, Jacob, went in to see his father pretending to be his brother his father said you don’t sound like, Esau, come closer so I can feel you. Isaac, felt the hairy skin and through these, feelings, was convinced he was speaking to, Esau, and proceeded to give his, first-born, blessing.
He blessed him with an abundance of grain and wine which represents the later promise of a land flowing with, milk and honey. He blessed him with being the master over his brothers and having them bow down to him which represents the later blessing of being the head and not the tail the lender and not the borrower.
Finally, he blessed him that all who cursed him would be cursed and all who blessed him would be blessed, that took care of all his enemies both seen and unseen forever.
Feelings, consciousness and desire
The, secret of feeling, is that whatever you desire you must use your, feelings, before it manifests. Isaac, the blind father, is your consciousness; your awareness of being.
Esau, the hairy son, is your objectified world, the, present moment, your present environment, the world you know from your, senses.
Jacob, represents your desire or subjective state. An idea not yet embodied; in short your defined objective.
What is subjective feeling state?
What's the science? Subjective feelings, are central to everyday human life from forgetfulness to, feeling, ill or having a good day with a friend. Subjective feelings, is the current subjective phenomenological state of an individual.
The secret to feeling your way to your defined objective:
To use, feelings, to manifest your desires, first send your, problem, hunting. That means to take your attention off the problem.
Second – With your eyes closed and your attention removed from your present circumstances fix your mind on your, desire. Begin to access your, feelings, on what you want to manifest. Feel that the very place you are is the place desired; feel and sense the reality of it until you are consciously impressed with this fact.
Thirdly – in your, imagination, see the thing desired. If you cannot visualize it, use your, feelings, to sense the general outline of it; contemplate it. Then mentally draw it close to you, Isaac, said “Come close my son that I may feel you” feel the nearness of it, feel it to be in your immediate presence, feel the reality and solidity of it, feel it and see it placed in the room which you are seated, feel the thrill of actual accomplishment, and the joy of possession.
Conclusion
This is how you use, feelings, to manifest your, dreams, and, desires, and walk in your blessings of abundance.
This is coach Myrna Young and you are listening to 5 mins with coach Myrna
In the silence of the, mind, the conscience, can hear the voice coming from the, superconscious, portion of the mind and can that reflect that wisdom into our, conscious mind, to be our guide. This is the action that will lead you to your highest and greatest good.
LEONARD PERLMUTTER. Leonard is the founder and director of The American Meditation Institute in Averill Park, New York, and the originator of National Conscience Month. He studied under Swami Rama of the Himalayas whose lab studies at the Menninger Institute demonstrated that blood pressure, heart rate and the autonomic nervous system can be voluntarily controlled. These findings have become a cornerstone of the modern mind/body movement.
Looking outside ourselves for happiness is a useless pursuit, but where can we find the wisdom, we need to guide us through the trials in our lives? Leonard believes that we can receive all the guidance we need by trusting our, conscience.
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Myrna: How did you develop your, conscience? Can you share your personal story?
Leonard: My personal story, I guess, began when I was quite young, a little child. And it seemed that two principles guided my life at that time and true today. The first principle was always looked at life from a philosophical viewpoint. It's just the way I saw the world immediately, philosophically. And the second principle that has directed me in practicality. I'm a practical fellow. Okay, and even a philosophy of life. Must have practical applications make life rewarding, and to take away the pain and the misery and the bondage, that are seen in the mists time in our world, the pandemic of its own.
Myrna: Okay, all right. Yeah. Were your problems solved by relying on your, conscience?
Leonard: There's not one, problem, that cannot be solved by our, conscience. In fact, as far as I'm concerned, there are no problems. There are only situations. So, for me, even the word problem is a problem. Now, because language trigger us. Language can trigger us and they carry a heavy weight from the culture.
So, if we bring the word, problem, into our heart, and just feel the weight of it, I have a problem Oh, it's very heavy. It's very dark, and it seems to cover a creative capacity, and become intimidated. I become fearful and I worry, which even accelerates denigration of my creative capacity. So, I don't use that word anymore. But I do I substitute a synonym, I say don't say I have problems, I say I have a situation.
If you bring the word, situation, into your heart and just listen with your eyes, situation, is much lighter. Not that I'm not going to have to work resolving the, situation. But I'm a creative fellow, I'd like to tackle that. So, I'm much more optimistic and creative. I'm always watching words that says you have an emotional choice.
Myrna: I like your word, situation, I've learned to change the word, problem, to, challenges, but challenges is also still weightier than, situation.
Leonard: And so, too interesting, because problems, wherever we define that we start in the, mind. What do I mean by that? There's conflict in our minds. There always has to be conflict outside our, mind. And that will be first and foremost in the body, but then, interpersonal relationships. So, working backwards from the, problem, which is outside of us by have a, problem, with you.
Problem, is now with you. It's what I think about you. My mind created an eclipse of my awareness and I cannot really see you, I just see what's in my, unconscious mind. I sift through those lenses. And so maybe I'm intimidated with you. Maybe I understand that you're a podcast, personality and you have a following and oh my gosh, I'm intimidated by her. So, when I talk to Myrna I'm not really able to have a conversation with her until I deal with the fear then, and the worry that is in my, mind.
Myrna: It's very true. When you were talking it reminded me of Buddha statement that says suffering is all in the, mind.
Leonard: Well, I believe that suffering is a choice. We all have pain, but suffering is exactly is your choice.
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Conscience one of the four functions of the mind
Myrna: Let's touch on this word, conscience. Can you just explain how, conscience, and the mind works? You said mental problems or situations can be solved by relying on the, conscience, so let's dive into this, conscience, so we can put you know some context or conversation.
Four functions of the mind
Leonard: Sure. First and foremost, the conscience is one of the four, functions of the mind. In early childhood, I'm sure that many of us had the experience, I know I did, that there always seemed to be different voices in our, mind. And as it turns out, there are four of them.
There is the ego,
The, senses,
the, unconscious mind,
and the, conscience.
So interesting, this was a game changer for me when I learned it was quite shocking. Every single choice that I have ever made in my life, in fact, any human being has made in their life, and every single choice that we will ever make, has been made the, conscience, because, the conscience, is the only function of the mind, that can make a decision. The other three functions of the mind the, ego, the, senses, and the, unconscious mind, cannot make a choice. They only act as advisors. And as advisors, they work all the time in a very determined way.
So, what does that mean? The, ego, senses and, unconscious mind, these advisors, these lobbyists in our, mind, they're loud, they're pushy, and are often wrong. Only the, conscience, has the ability alone to make the choice.
Myrna: How do we how do we get this, conscience? I understand that our, conscience, was put by God to distinguish between right and wrong. Is your, conscience, built up after you're born?
Leonard: The hardware of the, mind, is just like the, senses, and so can make two kinds of choices. The first kind of choice occurs when the, ego, senses, and, unconscious mind, are so unruly as they are with most people today. The, ego, senses, and, unconscious mind, are creating a tremendous amount of noise in our, mind, lobbying for their limited perspectives. Then the only way that the, conscience, can make a choice is simply to rubber stamp, the loudest voice it can hear.
We you know, the ego, the senses, and the, unconscious mind, are not always wrong. You need a, healthy ego, to have this conversation right now and make sense of it or to drive an automobile or a truck. We need a, healthy ego, to keep us alive. And that's gratification. I love a delicious meal just like everybody else and I have a body so why shouldn't I?
But a lot of times limited perspective of the, ego, senses, and even the, unconscious mind, create habit patterns that are faulty. And if they're loud and pushy, the, ego, senses and, unconscious mind, are always worried that a saber-toothed Tiger is going to come around the next corner and that we have to fear for our lives. Then the, conscience, will simply rubber stamp loudest voice.
Myrna: Okay, so we rubber stamp the loudest voice in our, mind. So, the loudest voice is saying hey, you know what? I should feel something right there.
Leonard: Maybe I should have a second piece of apple pie.
Myrna: Exactly. You're going to say get a second piece of apple pie, right? That's not so much your, conscience, that's just guilt, but let's say that we want to steal something and you steal it and then your, conscience, is bothering you. Because you know you shouldn't have done it. You know what I mean? So, what you're saying is that you took it because the, ego, let's choose that one. That's really the one that's telling you that you deserve it or something.
Leonard: That's right. However, if we can learn to teach and parent, the ego, senses, and unconscious mind, and share their limited perspectives. Then when each of these three functions of the mind, these advisors after they finish presenting their perspective, sit down and be quiet. When the, mind, becomes quiet, the conscience, can make another kind choice.
Okay, now in this silence of the, mind, the conscience, can hear another voice coming from the, super conscious, portion of the mind. And can that reflect that, superconscious, wisdom into our, conscious mind, and that will tell the, conscience, to advise us. This is the action that will lead you for your highest and greatest good.
Myrna: Right? Well, that's perfect because somewhere along the line I heard that we have five voices in our head, but I've never had anybody actually identify those voices. We just know that we have these voices. One of the things I want to circle back to was what you're saying about, meditation, because this is where the, meditation, link comes in.
When you sit still and be quiet during, meditation, then you're connecting to source, you're connecting to your Higher Self, then you're able to get instructions from your higher self. But normally I guess when you're making a decision, a lot of times you right you just rubber stamp the highest noise.
Leonard: There's another ingredient here and this is the need for culture. We are going so fast. Right now, we do not have time to sit quietly right so that the, conscience, can hear the, superconscious, wisdom and share it with us. We have to make a decision now. If it feels good, the advertisements say just do it.
Myrna: I talk a lot about, meditation, on the show. I'm reading the, meditation book, and it's telling you that when you sit quietly, what basically happens is things starts to bubble up that you have pushed down, and once it bubbles up that means it is something you need to take care of. So now I'm hearing another reason to sit still is so you can, solve problems, because when you sit still your, conscience, gets to talk to you.
Leonard: That one pointed attention, training the mind, to be one pointed either on a mantra or the breath in, meditation, automatically creates a space between stimulus and response. That means that I am cultivating the skill of being detached. What does that mean? Just because a thought comes into my awareness, suggesting the desire for the second slice of apple pie. When I create a space between that stimulus of that snack and piece of apple pie and my ultimate decision, that space provides me what? Freedom to redirect my attention.
The, conscience, can then reflect, superconscious, wisdom tells me how my relationship should proceed with this desire for a second slice of apple pie. In, meditation, that one pointed attention creates a space between stimulus and response that provides me the freedom to check with my, conscience. And the more that I do that not only create a large resource of creativity coming from the, conscience, to solve all sorts of situations. But I also am continuously building the muscles of willpower to do what's to be done, when it's to be done and not to do what is not to be done. And when it is not to be done.
Myrna; How can we reap instant benefits from employing our, conscience, in every decision that we make?
Leonard: That brings up a very important point to do with the, law of karma. That simply means that thoughts lead to action, action, which leads to consequence. Now, as we mentioned a few moments ago most of us feel that the consequence that we want to experience in every relationship is, happiness, to carry good health in body and mind. The question is, do we have a business for that?
I call it the, bridge of yoga. The, bridge of yoga, is a philosophical and a scientific bridge that encourages us 24/7 to base our outer actions thoughts, words and deeds, on the, superconscious wisdom, that is within us, that is us at the core of our being. And the more that I can employ that, bridge of yoga, we can call it anything, we can call it the bridge of Christianity, the bridge of Judaism, the bridge of Islam. You see, you can come up with your own name, but is the more that we base our outer actions. The wise good counsel the, conscience, we are continuously enabled, meekly fulfill the purpose of life without pain, misery or bondage.
Sowing and reaping begin with our thoughts, I can't even raise my hand without first undertaking a thought. The mind moves first, the body just follows. So, what we want the bodies to take an action to bring about a consequence that will bring me, happiness, health and security. I better examine my thoughts.
Because not every thought is going to bring the, happiness, bring me security, or bring the health of the, conscience. If I counsel with the, conscience, and I can quiet the, ego, senses and, unconscious mind, after they make the presentation of their limited perspectives. The, conscience, will tell me what's to be done.
book Your Conscience
Your Conscience
Myrna: Tell us about your book “Your Conscience” why did you write it and what do you want readers to walk away with after writing after reading it?
Leonard: I wrote it during the first months of COVID. I was in quarantine and a teacher. I had people coming to the American meditation Institute where I teach. But they weren't coming because everybody was in quarantine at the time. So how am I going to reach people? What do I have that I can give them?
People are in tremendous amount of pain and they don't have the tools. This goes back to scouting. They don't have the tools to be prepared for whatever life can throw them. What can I give them? I asked myself, I said, the most important thing I can give them is an understanding of the functions of the mind and how to coordinate them serve the, conscience. And so that's why I wrote the book.
Myrna; What do you want them to walk away with?
Leonard: The only thing that I would like them to walk away with is not believe me. I don't want anyone who can hear this, to believe a word I am saying. But I would appreciate it. I will support you if this is true. If you're interested and willing to experiment with your own, conscience, in all sorts of situations, but make sure that they're all easy at first.
You don't want to just pick up 200 pounds thinking that you're going to build muscles when you've never done any kind of exercise before. Start with one or two pounds and then three or four and then five and 10 pounds. And within a short time, you'll be building some muscles without injuring yourself. So, if you're interested at all, turn your entire life into a laboratory to experiment with your own, conscience, and see what happens. Train and love and parent, your, ego, senses, and, unconscious mind.
Conclusion
Myrna: How can readers pick up a copy of your book. What's your social media handles if anyone wants to follows you? And of course, you are the director of the American meditation Institute's you can also talk about that.
Leonard: Well, yes, I founded the American meditation Institute in 1996. And our website is www.Americanmeditation.org. On the homepage, you can see our foundation course which provides a full curriculum of everything that I've been discussing. There's also on the homepage, a free link to a Sunday meditation every Sunday from 930 to 11am. Eastern time, you get a, free guided meditation, and a free date to discuss philosophical questions, just like Myrna and I have been discussing today. You also get a free recording.
