If you have a business whether it's online or in-store you need to press play to hear some, growth hacks, from the expert. Vin Clancy. In today's episode of the Transform you mind with coach Myrna, I'm speaking to, growth hacker, Vin Clancy. Our topic today is “ Growth hacks, to win the internet game.” Vin is going to share with us today his secret sauce to winning the internet game. I myself want this recipe!
Here is some background info on Vin.
• Infamous growth hacker Vin Clancy went from being on social welfare in the UK to launching 2 online magazines that got over 20 million page views in their first two years with zero ad spend. • • He’s since then won best speaker at SXSW V2V for his, growth hacks, talk finished a 100-date world tour, made six figures on his debut growth hacking book, created one of the biggest marketing communities on Facebook, and moved to L.A., where he teaches companies how to rapidly grow their audiences and businesses. • Vin’s new book “Ace The Game” was released this November.
Show Notes
I never really had what you would call a real job. Like many people my age and I didn't quite know what to do with my life. Luckily for me, I came through in the era of the internet. One day my ex-girlfriend said you got to do something with your life because I was sitting all day on the couch collecting welfare for over a year.
That night I had a dream. I dreamt I was the editor of a magazine where the writers would be stars not musicians. The very next day after that dream, I met a seventeen-year-old kid who built websites. He showed me how to buy a website domain and we decided to buy the domain, Planet IV. We chose the name planet because we intended to be a global site delivering world news and IV because our intention was for the site to grow virally!
The next day after our site was live, I hustled every college and university in the country, saying hey we're building the coolest magazine in the UK. We need writers who wants writing experience. Colleges and universities always want their kids to get writing experience.
The second week we were live with our college writers we had 25,000 visitors. The next six months we did 300,000 visitors, within a year we had a million visitors per month. I learned how to make our content go viral. One of my first, growth hacks, Around the time we had 300,000 visitors a month, we raised a quarter of a million dollars, and I was immediately out of debt.
We then launched a second site, screen robot. That site got two million visitors per month in a hundred days.
We then started a, growth hacking, and marketing agency and I started public speaking in order to get clients. I completed a hundred city world tour speaking about, growth hacks, and getting clients. The tour helped me sell my first book “Secret Sauce” which did over a hundred thousand dollars in pre-orders on Kickstarter and IndieGoGo. I then moved to California, and I've had my biggest year ever. My second book “Ace the Game” just came out and did ten thousand dollars in sales in the first hour of being released.
What is this secret sauce?
I only knew one person in the magazine industry my friend Miche. She said, look you only have to get traffic to a website. If you get traffic, you will have a brand and then you will get investors. So just focus on that one thing, getting traffic to your site.
Our traffic was always great. It started great and it just carried on. The secret sauce, was we understood what type of content to put on our site for it to go viral. Today they are random social news sites for gaming and film watch. You could get traffic from these sites fairly easily.
The secret sauce, is also your competitive edge.
I had 300 people writing for free and We're getting three hundred thousand visitors a month to our site. The internet gives you advantages. Before the internet you had to have money; but now it’s the Wild Wild West, everyone can get into the action.
How do people get traffic from social news sites?
Social news sites are sites where people post up links, they find interesting and then if other people on the website like them, they are voted, and it gets to the top. Our gaming writers used to do gaming this way. I looked in Google Analytics and saw how this was a goldmine for traffic. The most important of my , growth hacks, then I found the other sister sites.
Reddit is a social news site with a very smart and helpful community of users. It is plain bordering on downright ugly, but it is very easy to use and a source for some of the best information you'll find. The first of the social news, growth hacks, to get traffic to your site.
Digg is a popular social news site that covers a variety of topics and acts as an RSS reader. It has an easy-to-use interface and new users can be up and running in no time. This is the second of the, growth hacks,
Newsvine is a social news site that thrives on articles submitted (or “seeded”) by its users, similar to Reddit. Users are encouraged to discuss topics by leaving comments. The most interactive of the, growth hacks,
Voat is like a Reddit clone, right down to the design of it. Browse categories using the menu above, submit your own links and participate in the voting to contribute to the community.
Quora is really a question and answer site rather than a news site, but that doesn't mean you can't find newsworthy questions and answers there. The Quora community is ridiculously smart and more than happy to help answer some of the most pressing questions. I have been using Quora as one of my, growth hacks, to get traffic to this blog.
Growth Hacks, for Entrepreneurs
1. Lead Feeder is a piece of software. It'll find every business who lands on your website and it'll find their name their email address and their company so that you can then using an email sequence to follow up with them. I think grip is the piece of software we talk about in the book. So we grab their email and then we send them into an email sequence. So just every business person who lands on your website, before you had no idea.
Now you can identify their business and send them an email sequence. That's an incredible way of getting leads completely on autopilot and my favorite of the, growth hacks,
2. Rebump – The second of the, growth hacks; once you email people you know people are busy they need to be contacted more than once for the most part. Especially if it's more in your best interest than theirs. Rebound is a software where if you email someone and they don't respond, Rebump will email them every 24 hours forever!
3. Linked Helper – The third of the 101, growth hacks, listed in my book is Linked Helper. Linked helper and its sister software called Phantom Bastards is a targeting software. You tell it to do a search for whoever you're targeting such as software engineers in San Francisco and it will find all the people who match that search term. It will reach out to them and connect with them and if they accept the connection request, it'll send the first message.
When you write that first message make sure it has humor and it's not too salesy. Make sure it just begins a conversation e.g I'm putting on a free talk or a free webinar or I have a Facebook group for your industry. It’s a really good way of reaching out. I've seen agencies with twenty twenty-five people all of them are using this software and they're just getting leads by the ton every single day. It works.
Neil Patel – You want to grow your business. You could spend more money on advertising, but who wants to keep giving Google and Facebook all of your money? Instead, try these 4, growth hacks, that will kick-start your referral program.
The bible story of Abraham and Sarah illustrates that whatever, purpose, God has for you, if you are, chosen, you can’t mess up your, destiny. God will fight for you.
This is Life Coach Myrna Young and today I want to encourage you and give you hope that regardless of what is presenting in your life at the moment, you can’t mess up your, purpose and destiny.
I Want to use the, bible story, of, Abraham, and his wife, Sarah, as the foundation for this revelation that if God Choses you, you can’t mess up your, destiny.
God said to, Abraham, “Regarding your wife Sarai, her name will no longer be Sarai from now on her name will be, Sarah, and I will bless her and give you a son from her! Yes, I will bless her richly, and she will become the mother of many nations. Kings of nations will be among her descendants.”
Sarah, was chosen like Mary was chosen as the mother of Jesus.
God then told, Abraham, to leave his father’s house and move to a foreign land, so Abraham moved around and lived as a foreigner in many places. While living in these places he introduced his wife, Sarah, as his sister because he did not want the men to kill him to get his wife.
Apparently, Sarah, at 90 years old was still beautiful and desirable. Don’t we all wish, men would be fighting for us when we are 90 years old!
Abraham, was right because King Abimelech of Gerar sent for, Sarah, and had her brought to him in his palace with the intention of making her his wife.
But God stepped in! No one messes with God’s chosen vessel. God couldn’t have King Abimelech defile, Sarah, because then she would not be fit to be the mother of nations.
He appeared to Abimelech in a dream and told him “You are a dead man, for that woman you have taken is already married”
Abimelech responded that he was innocent, Abraham, told him she was his sister.
God replied “that is why I kept you from sinning against me, and why I did not let you touch her.”
The lord also released a curse on all the women of Gerar causing them to be infertile, because Abimelech had taken his chosen vessel, Sarah, to be his wife. Don’t mess with God’s chosen vessel, he will fight for you.
Abraham had to pray for them to be healed after, Sarah, was returned.
One year later Sarah became pregnant and named her son Isaac. She fulfilled her, purpose and destiny, by becoming the mother of many nations and God kept his covenant promise he made to, Abraham.
This story illustrates that whatever, purpose, God has for you, if you are, chosen, you can’t mess it up. God will fight for you.
You could make boneheaded decisions, like go back to an, unhealthy relationship, because better is not showing up. God will find a way to get you out, because he has a, purpose, for your life.
You could give up on your child because they have gone down the wrong path, but God can reach them in a dream and inspire them to fulfil the, purpose, he has for their life.
So, if you have taken the wrong turn in life, if you came to a fork in the road and you chose the wrong exit, just know that God will get you back on the right path, because he promised:
I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”
So be encouraged, you can’t mess this up.
Thanks for tuning into 5 min Fridays with Coach Myrna. Until next time Namaste .
Spiritual healing, for couples helps them to unblock their, chakras, by moving the energy away. And once they move the energy away, they're lighter, and then they can go on to have, healthy relationships.
My guest today is Brianna Colette, Brianna is an, intuitive, relationship healer and, soulmate medium, who helps guide her clients to connect with their inner self in order to focus more on a higher sense of, self love, as a means to grow stronger connections and relationships. Thus ultimately leading them to finding and experiencing the most preeminent of bonds: soulmate love.
Brianna is an, intuitive, relationship healer and, soulmate medium, who helps guide her clients connect with their inner self in order to focus more on a higher sense of, self love, as a means to grow stronger connections and relationships. Thus ultimately leading them to finding and experiencing the most preeminent of bonds: soulmate love. She is NLP Certified, a Karuna Reiki Master, and a certified Sound Healer Practitioner who really has a way of connecting with people.
Examining her clients' old belief systems allows Brianna to focus on any client’s possible wounds from childhood, inherited family dynamics, or fear surrounding vulnerability. Once Brianna examines their past, she helps her clients make peace with old wounds and break free from any self-sabotaging toxic patterns, guiding them on how to release fear and create the right conditions for a higher frequency of love.
Myrna: What was your journey to becoming an, intuitive, relationship healer?
Brianna: Thank you for that beautiful introduction, by the way, like, of course I live in this work every day and to hear someone else put it so beautifully and poetically into such a fabulous intro was like, very humbling. I'm like, yeah. So thank you, that was great. Well, as you can imagine, um, you know, I was not always in this work, like most people, like most of my clients, I wasn't given this template.
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I wasn't given this handbook for having a really healthy, dynamic relationship, I had to go through the bumps and the bruises and the mistakes, and really try to heal myself. I have a really interesting story, as most people do, who kind of step into the, healing intuitive, work. I witnessed a really violent murder. It was a murder of a family member. They were my next door neighbors. And I say I was there at the right place at the right time, because I was able to save some people's lives that night.
It was one of those things that you can't prepare for to become a, spiritual healer. It's one of those things that is a life altering event and changes who you are as a person. As you can imagine, after witnessing something like that, I struggled with, PTSD. I struggled with, depression, and, suicidal thoughts. That experience really tested all of my, coping mechanisms.
Taking a vacation to try to relieve stress or even, going out with girlfriends for some dinner and drinks. Those types of things no longer worked for me anymore. And so as I felt my, mental health, starting to degrade, I started to feel like I was slipping. It is the best way I can kind of describe your, mental health, when you don't know that it's happening.
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I did a lot of traditional Western versions of therapy which is what led me into all these different modalities that I now am certified in and offer to other people. I immediately felt the shift within, I started to not only have a logical understanding of why things were happening, or how things from my past were affecting me, presently, I started to really embody that change, and I started to feel better my, spiritual healing, had started.
And so through that process of, spiritual healing, as you can imagine, the things that used to hold an attraction for me, my old business, my old life held no interest. I felt a calling into, spiritual healing, and, intuitive, work. I surrendered into it and have been guided and led to help others to heal themselves and to really get to a place of, inner peace, and contentment and connection within, relationships.
Myrna: That's awesome. I guess that takes me down the path of the, Karuna Reiki master. How did you stumble onto that? You said you went to Western therapies. Did you actually have a, reiki, session and loved it or are you just graduated towards that?
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Brianna: I was at rock bottom, I was grasping at anything. If someone suggested it, I was like, sure, I'll try acupuncture. Sure, I'll try EMDR, I was really willing and open to anything on that journey, and I knew somebody who practiced, Reiki, and I had sessions with her. And of course, it was a different kind of, spiritual healing, that I had experienced. I mean, I've been going to traditional talk therapy since I was nine years old.
I was looking for something a little bit different and I had a lot of my, trauma, and a lot of the things that I've been holding on to for a really long time. Reiki, really helped me to break through. And so of course, I was like, I, when I healed myself, it was a good place, I have to learn how to do this.
What exactly is, Reiki?
Myrna: Reiki, is a Japanese holistic practice of connecting your, chakras, and using energy work. It's energy healing, And a lot of people who are familiar with depression, would say depression hurts. There's obviously a physical manifestation in the body of when our emotions cause us pain. We've all felt anxiety, those knots in our stomach, or fear in our chest where we can't breathe, so there's a physical, physiological response to emotional pain.
What, Reiki, does is a way of connecting into the emotional connection within the body, each of our, chakra, and throughout our entire physical body hold onto memories, they hold on to experiences, we hold it in our bodies. And so, Reiki, helps us to get rid kind of these emotions that are painful, and helps us to release them. The physical reality of having, Reiki, done on you is you really feel lighter afterwards, emotions not weighing on you so heavy.
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Myrna: I do, chakra meditation, myself so I'm very aware of, chakras. But one of the things that most stands out to me when I learn about the, chakra system, is that they're seeing that if you've got a blockage in your, chakra, that's where disease starts. So when you do the, Reiki healing, do you move the blocked energy? Or are you just dealing with emotions?
Brianna: They're all connected. Okay. And if you think about it, right, from a scientific standpoint, we're cells that are vibrating, right? We're all just energy bouncing around. And when we, feel at peace, you kind of feel really grounded and in alignment. When you feel stressed or worried about something you kind of feel off, right? You feel off balance, you don't feel like you're the highest version of yourself.
When we have energetic blockages energy is stuck in the, chakras, which are our energy computer. Energy stuck in your, root chakra, usually deals shows up as fear, or it can it show up in your solar plexus, as creativity. So each, chakra, has different pinpoints or different foundational bases.
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When we do have a blockage and one of those, chakras, it usually is related to something on an emotional level, because we are emotional, human beings that have that need for connection. And so usually, yes, you can relate back a blockage to an emotional issue that's happening in your life.
Myrna: So blocked energy starts as emotional, and then disease follows. All right. So I understand. I had a few interviews on the show about, Reiki, and of course, almost all my guests talked about the, chakras. So you have migrated your specialty to, you call it a, soulmate medium, which is what I love. But also what you're doing is you're helping people heal from their childhood wounds that are actually physically manifesting in their bodies.
Brianna: For me, personally, I was really searching all the time for love. And I was really putting myself in, unhealthy relationships, when the murder happened. A few weeks later I was dumped by my then boyfriend, I was having a really hard go of it. completion, I was searching for solace, or love and happiness everywhere else outside of myself as well as, spiritual healing. And through that process of, spiritual healing, I started to realize what it is that I need to look at within myself.
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I was able to heal myself and transmute the, trauma, and step into this place of like, oh, so this is what it takes to get here. This is what I needed to heal to be able to experience this. And I just felt really passionate that Like, I wish that someone had explained this to me, or shown me how to heal this because I spent so much, so many broken hearts, so much energy, so much time trying to figure it out. And so that's what really called me into this kind of work.
Myrna: Alright, so that explains why you became a, soulmate medium. But what I was talking about is still connecting the, chakras, to past wounds. I loved your statement,
We are healed from the scars and not the wounds.
So you help them to unblock their, chakras, by moving the energy away. And once they move the energy away, they're lighter, and then they can go on to have, healthy relationships.
Healing Childhood wounds
Brianna: It's like we kind of, we have the ability to create whatever it is that we want in life. But unfortunately, a lot of our blocks are limitations that we perceive. And for me, my, my work is about asking what are the templates that you received in childhood? What was normalized for you in relationships? Did you grow up in a household where yelling at each other was something that was just normal, right? Or did you grow up in a household where being emotionally distant was something that was just you know, status quo?
Did you grow up in a home as a child, where you took on the responsibility of worrying about everybody else, except for yourself? Because there was chaos, you know, so these types of foundational experiences when we're young shape our belief systems, about the kind of relationships that we're having into adulthood. And for me, and in my personal experience, and experience with so many clients, when we can heal and unlock the things that are maybe not so healthy, or are limiting us and our belief systems or behaviors, we can unlock and heal and really learn?
Oh, this is actually the better way to show up. Oh, this is actually what's healthier for me. These are the types of partners that actually give me what I'm looking for versus recreating the same like, you know, what is the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again. This is how we change the dynamics of our life in our, relationship.
What is a soulmate medium
Alright, so now this is my question that I wanted to ask, soulmate medium? Also what is the definition of a, soulmate?
Brianna: A lot of people don't even aren't familiar with what the term, medium means. Oftentimes, what people perceive when they hear the word, medium, they think, psychic. That is not completely different psychics and, mediums, are not the same thing. A medium is somebody who is a channel, I have the ability and have learned how to channel, intuition.
We all have that kind of like inner knowingness that's called clear sentient, where you can feel things . And that's what, intuition, is. So obviously a, medium, can feel things and experience things on various levels, whether you can like hear the you can hear you can receive messages. For me personally, the way that I work with clients when I say, soulmate medium, is I can help to intuitively connect into what they are feeling.
I can help people to see the blind spots. Sometimes we insulate ourselves from the truth. Sometimes we might be in denial about things. Sometimes there's a cognitive, right, we've isolated ourselves because it's too painful to deal with the brain is really intelligent that way, it compartmentalizes things and we can't even see ourselves clearly.
So what I say is in terms of a, soulmate medium, I can intuitively tap into what is really going on underneath the surface that we need to heal. We need to connect into to elevate and upgrade out of so that you can experience this higher frequency this higher soulmate energy of love. And I do a lot of work explaining to people what even a, soulmate, is. But ultimately, being able to connect into getting people out of behaviors that are there, they're settling, or they are caught in patterns of dysfunction, which is the antithesis of what a, soulmate, is.
Spiritual healing from past trauma
All right. So I'm listening very intently. So what I got out of that is that someone comes to you broken because of past trauma, past relationships, you're able to intuitively help them to see there to see what the dysfunction is. And then once they are operating, that's the full throttle for a different word, then you they will be able to attract their, soulmate. Is that correct?
Brianna: Oftentimes with clients, I see a lot of my unhealed broken parts are attracted to your unhealed broken parts, you know, and that's where we get a lot of compounding happening, right? We attract what we are. And so I help clients to leave behind that old version of where they're playing small, where we're accepting less than we deserve, where we are making excuses for other people's bad behavior or, unhealthy relationship, dynamics.
Let's upgrade out of that. Let's start operating in this place of like, integrity with how you treat yourself self respect, self love, because everything comes from from within us, right? So if you're, if you're able to feel really aligned with yourself, know you what you deserve, know what you should be receiving, you're going to attract someone who's also done that kind of work.
Finding your soulmate
Your, soulmate, will be operating at the same frequency because you're like, oh, yeah, I want to be able to trust somebody to and I've worked through my own, trauma, I'm not going to put up with someone else's raggedy BS, you know, like, you want a partner that meets you at where you're at. And so if we can leave behind those old behaviors and belief systems, then we will attract our, soulmate.
I work with anybody who is desiring to fix whatever kind of, relationship, they're in, whether that's heteronormative, whether that's, homosexual, like anything under the sun, if you have a desire to fix, and heal and upgrade the way that you're showing up in your, relationships. You're my kind of person. I oftentimes and one of the things I'm really good at is helping single people who are or people out of divorce or out of a relationship who are having a hard time letting go. I help couples to heal, spiritual healing.
Relationship reset
That's what, relationship reset, is the, spiritual healing, program that I am working with right now. It's designed for people in relationships who are committed they know that this is a person that they want to have a future with and and work things out; but are feeling maybe there's blocks in their communication.
There's things that are kind of bubbling to the surface after kind of the honeymoon phase wears off, where you're mirroring some unhealthy dynamics back and forth to each other and just get to a place of being able to show up. Within in that relationship feeling really supported and aligned and really clear about what your future feels like together, they need, spiritual healing.
Myrna: Let's talk about, relationship reset, spiritual healing, for couples to find how they are showing up, what their blockages are? You know you people say they're great baggage from relationships. Tell us about your coaching program, how can listeners connect with you and sign up for your coaching program?
Conclusion
Absolutely. So, the, relationship reset, right now is a group coaching program, where I am taking people through these foundations of, you know, these really important baseline. I believe, characteristics of what is involved in a healthy dynamic and a healthy relationship like decide whether that's intimacy, whether that's trust, whether that's healthy communication, and helping each of them pull back the layers to see where maybe that they've got some stuff from the path that is preventing them from having really effective communication or, you know, feeling safe to really open up the path of intimacy.
It's a retreat program where I will go over the the fundamentals the foundations and then there's also one on one time with me to be able to go a little bit deeper for, spiritual healing.
So to go check out and learn all about my different offerings, whether it's, relationship reset, whether it's my other programs that are downloadable you go to my www.Briannacolette.com that has all the information on all the ways you can connect with me. My Instagram handle is @briannacollect. I welcome any anybody who's looking for more information or feels like this resonates happy to jump on a call.
Don Paris, PH.D takes us through the history of, Radionics, and how the science of, Radionics, allows us to get information from subtle dimensional realities.
Bio
• Don Paris, Ph.D. is a published author, speaker, video producer, and musician. His book, Regaining Wholeness Through the Subtle Dimensions has been published internationally in German, Spanish, Japanese, Portuguese, and English. He is known as the guru of the SE-5, the world’s most respected subtle energy instrument.
He is well loved for his style of bringing challenging concepts into an easy to understand language and has been a popular speaker at the Global Sciences Congress, Congress of Spiritual Scientists and the United States Psychotronics Association.
He has created the most detailed explanation of the, principles of Radionics, and the most advanced training courses in the entire field. He began exploring the, subtle dimensions, in the early seventies, and has now trained people in over 30 countries around the world in the workings of, Radionics, and the, subtle dimensional realities.
Don was awarded an honorary doctorate degree in Human Sciences from the International University of Vitalogical Sciences in Stockholm Sweden in 2000 for his work with the, SE-5, and, subtle energies.
He and his wife, Ilona Selke, who work as a team, have contributed to radio and TV shows, and have been quoted in numerous publications around the world. They teach seminars in Quantum Psychology in the US, Europe and Asia.
When not traveling to teach, they divide their time between their homes in the Pacific Northwest and Bali.
In his work he had dedicated himself to bridging the barrier of the physical boundaries to the, subtle dimensional realities.
The History of, Radionics,
Radionics, started almost a little over a hundred years ago. Believe it or not this is when electronics were just kind of getting off the ground. Radionics, got the name from the word radio because that was the technology that was around at the time it was discovered.
Dr. Albert Abrams in the early 1900s and during that time period he was a medical doctor he was a medical genius doctor. He got his medical degree at age 16 and he too was young to practice, so he went to Europe and Germany and got another medical degree and then came back and started practicing medicine but this guy was an absolute genius and during that time period how they would diagnose a person.
One of the diagnostic techniques before we had all this fancy stuff was they would do a percussion technique on the abdomen. They would tap on the abdomen to see if there were any sore spots so it was kind of simple and you know kind of like they do with the doctors do it now.
One day he noticed that this patient came in and he tapped on his stomach for a minute it had this big hollow sound and it was like well that's kind of weird. He'd never heard that sound before and so he went home and he thought about this is strange sound. So he had this guy come back in. The hollow sound was gone and he's really puzzled about this.
He decided to put him back exactly in the same place in the same direction and the hollow sound appeared again and this totally blew his mind. So he got to thinking in his genius mind what earth energies was responsible. After much research, he was able to detect various types of disease by the sound tapping made on the abdomen.
Today if I put a resistance box in between the two people maybe I could filter out one disease versus another. We now have, radionics, which is computerized and a quantum leap from there but those very beginnings. I don't remember how long 20 30 years he developed these processes, he taught doctors all over the world and about this time is when Rockefeller started investing into pharmaceuticals and they formed the American Medical Association which was basically from my perspective to help the Rockefellers get rid of both electro medicine and homeopathy that was their goal.
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Have faith that, something greater, is coming and even though you can’t see the entire staircase just keep putting one foot in front of the next and you will eventually get to the top and finally your, something greater, will be here.
The Lord said I give you the, promised land, a land filled with, milk and honey, but before you enter this, promised land, I will make you wander in the, wilderness, for 40 years.
Maybe you are in the, wilderness, at the moment, don’t despair hold onto the promise that you will walk in the, promised land, because, something greater, is coming. Or maybe you only have one half of the promise, you only have the, honey. Life is sweet. Have you ever heard the phrase, barefoot and pregnant? It means you are pregnant with hope. It means you are happy but broke. Your happiness is the, honey.
God promises if you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things.
You can be happy that you have love in your life. That’s the, honey, but you want the, milk. The, milk, represents what you need to grow stronger. It’s how you rule over many things. You don’t want to be, barefoot and pregnant, you want more. You want to be both wealthy and pregnant. You want, milk and honey. All you have to do is Ask, Seek and believe that, something greater, is coming.
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
The Chinese Bamboo Tree
Your, something greater, will come at the right time. Don’t think because you don’t see any evidence that God is not working on your, something greater.
Think of the, Chinese bamboo tree. A, Chinese bamboo tree, takes five years to grow. It has to be watered and fertilized in the ground where it has been planted every day. It doesn't break through the ground for five years. After five years, once it breaks through the ground, it will grow 90 feet tall in five weeks!
You will be blindsided by your, something greater. Your rapture will come suddenly. One day you will be walking along the street and you will get a phone call. You got the promotion or you got approved for a business loan to start your own company.
RadioPublic Transform your mind
My something greater is here
A year ago I was looking and the top 200 list of podcasts and visualizing about seeing the Transform Your Mind Podcast on the list. Never thought about it again then out of the blue I get an email that my podcast has made the top 200 list actually #36! My, something greater, is here!
Whatever you are dreaming and praying about, your, something greater, is coming. Ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you.
Don’t get frustrated because it is taking longer than you think your, something greater, is coming and it will show up at the right time.
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
How I got my something greater in Love
About 15 years ago I was just ending a bad relationship, I had been praying to God for years to send me the right man, but I kept hooking up with the wrong men so my relationships did not last. I walked into a train one day going home from work and standing at the door doing a ticket check was my, something greater.
We both knew immediately, because who you seek is seeking you. He was looking for a wife and I was looking for, something greater. Eleven months later we were married. We are coming up to our 16th anniversary. But when I left my house that morning and chose what I was going to wear, I did not know that God was directing my steps, because he knew that by the end of the day my life would change.
How many of you know that the window to the heart is through the eyes. The first attraction is sight! So what I was wearing attracted my husband's attention!
That was my husbands first day on that schedule that is why I hadn’t seen him before. He had just changed shifts. He did not know that God was directing his steps also. He asked God to send him someone nice, a quality woman and he did.
There are no coincidences in life every moment is preordained.
Have faith that, something greater, is coming and even though you can’t see the entire staircase just keep putting one foot in front of the next and you will eventually get to the top and finally your, something greater, will be here.
Kushal Choksi, 911 survivor, shares his story of surviving the collapse of the, World Trade Center, and then asking the universe why he survived. What was his, purpose, when he stumbled onto, Sky Breath meditation, and, breathwork, as a healing modality from, trauma; he realized that he had found his purpose.
Kushal's new book “On a Wing and A Prayer” tells his story.
Kushal’s thriving career as an analyst at Goldman Sachs was forever changed on September 11, 2001 as he made a split-moment decision to abandon his office and the co-workers who refused to leave the World Trade Center. Managing to narrowly escape, he witnessed the magnitude of death and destruction up close and was plunged into lengthy depression where he found himself believing life was meaningless.
His search for a renewed, purpose, began with a reluctant trip to a, breathwork, workshop and eventually turned into a decades-long journey of spiritual discovery, mind-blowing metaphysical experiences, and a fierce devotion to the life-altering benefits of mindfulness and meditation.
Today, Kushal and his wife run Elements Truffles, a New York-based artisanal chocolate company built on values of Ayurveda, sustainability, giving back and ethical trade. Kushal is a trainer of personal development, meditation, wellness, and leadership programs for the Art of Living Foundation. He has taught secrets of breathwork and meditation to thousands across the US, Europe, and Asia. And he serves on the US board of the International Association for Human Values (IAHV).
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Myrna: How did surviving, 911, on, September 11, change your life? How did that tragedy make you more receptive to a new spiritual path of, mindfulness, breathwork, and, meditation?
Kushal: Great question. I think, you know, as I recall, the day started as any other day where I was on my way to work. And as I was coming out of the, the subway, in the bowels of the, world trade center, that's when the pandemonium broke around me and I froze. In that moment, I didn't know how to process all that. People were just running around, saying things that they understood, or they perceived, someone was saying a bomb had gone off.
Nobody really knew what was happening. Only one thing was evident, there was a fear, there was massive fear in the atmosphere. That's all I really remember that it was unsafe to be outside. I stepped out and as I was looking at the building, trying to process what had just happened, another plane crashed into the South Tower. Of course, in that moment, it became clear that this was a more deliberate action.
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And what followed after that, people jumping in front of me, just to end it willfully, or the first responders going in, almost walking into their own end, you know, and it was all kind of very unexpected and very difficult to process. It felt like a scene from an apocalypse movie that you can almost imagine, but you never think you would be part of it, or you would be living it. And as I was running away from it, the second tower just collapsed. And by a stroke of luck, I had just jumped on a ferry on the other end of the island that was leaving Manhattan.
I ended up being the last person on the last ferry that left the island that day. At that moment, I realized that I turned into a statistic, that I was now a, 911 survivor. And, you know, that day kind of prepared me and laid a foundation for what was to come in my life. Part of me was feeling very grateful, very happy that I had, I made it out alive, and I survived these horrific attacks.
So, there was an enthusiasm to finish the unfinished business. I used to work on Wall Street now, that American dream that I have come to pursue as an immigrant, I had to go out and create a new dream. An event like this was a wakeup call to find, purpose in life. It was something that shook me up from my reverie and made me ask a bigger question. What is my, purpose in life?
This was a life changing event, I talked to many people and I say maybe, 911, was an event for me, but I feel everyone has their own, 911. Whether they were when their world crashed. It was that day 20 years ago before a pandemic like what we've just been through?
Myrna: Yes, we all we all walk away from something. So, you weren't at work yet when the planes crashed into the, world trade center? You were just coming out of the subway. Obviously, it wasn't your time. Were you running late for work? Were you supposed to be at work on time?
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Kushal: No, the security person was asking us to go back in the building. Because, if you stepped outside, just on the other side of that glass door, it was raining cement chips, that insulation from the wall that glass splinters, embers from the sky, it was like really unsafe. And so, he was asking people to stay inside, but in that moment, I decided to step out and go. A voice from behind me tap on my shoulder and say, Just go. And so yeah, that was my clothes in the dryer moment, because the building collapsed a few minutes later.
The aftermath of 911
After, September 11, I think I can paint a broad brush and what I had was, depression. I think, depression, follows lack of interest, but for me, it was it was exactly the opposite. I was feeling so grateful that I had a second lease on life. That I felt I had to go after whatever was unfinished with even more gusto. I have tremendous force of life in me. It's just that I began questioning the, purpose of life, what's really the point of this life. I was I was doing well in my career. I got married to my soulmate but what was my, purpose in life?
So, I wouldn't really call it depression, but it was just, sometimes you are on autopilot. You're on a conveyor belt, and you were just going with the force of life and then something hits you with a club in your head and makes you question is this conveyor belt right for you? That was the first time I questioned my, purpose in life.
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Myrna: All right, you found your, purpose, by going to a, breathwork, workshop and, breathwork, meditation, and that started your decades long journey in spiritual discovery. So why do you feel that proper breathing was so important to healing trauma? I don't know if you felt that you were traumatized from that, but if we don't want to use the word, trauma, why do you think that, breathwork, is so important to healing?
Kushal: I must confess that in the spirit of being very open and honest, that I did not go to that, breathwork, meditation, looking for, purpose. I was almost pushed into it against all my reluctance.
And so, the first time I meditated with, breathwork, with this teacher, this spiritual master, I was blown away. I had read all about keeping your mind in the, present moment, not thinking of the past or future just being in the, present moment. It was a fantastic, very well-read intellectual concept, lodged firmly in my head. But the first time did, breathwork, meditation, it became a tangible experience. That what it is to be in the, present moment, or what it is to have a mind without thoughts, or mind without an impulse. And that was the first time I experienced that.
Myrna: That is amazing, because most people take time to get there.
Kushal: I personally had tried it so many times before, and it didn't go anywhere. I want to come to that, why that was the case. This time, I effortlessly got there. So, then I started looking for scientific validation. That left-brain person that I was, I started looking for all the scientific underpinnings of that practice, or that, breathwork, meditation, that I experienced. And then I realized that it was real deal.
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I think the balance of both, left brain, and, right brain, is important. I think that brain is logic, analysis. Intensity, right brain, is more flow state, you know, calm music, you know, all of that emotion. So, I think a balance of both a judicious balance of both is very important. Either end of the spectrum, you somewhat lead an unbalanced life. And you want to, I think you want to be walking the razor's edge balances boredom.
Myrna: Why do you think that proper breathing aka, breathwork, heals your, trauma? Does it have to do with being in the, present moment, is that the doorway?
Kushal: There's a deeper scientific kind of effect that's happening on our nervous system. You know, any life experience that you go through, whether it's pleasant or unpleasant, it leaves a lesion or a scuff mark on your nervous system. It leaves like a, an impression in your system somewhere. Let me give you an example of something so simple as wanting to have a coffee in the morning.
First day, somebody offered you a cup of coffee in the morning, oh, you say it is the greatest thing. And next day, when you look at coffee, you remember the experience you had before. And you say, I want coffee. Third day, you are going to go and switch on the coffee pot. And the next day, if you don't have coffee in your apartment, that's going to make you feel miserable.
Sky breath meditation
So something as innocent as a coffee has created a pattern, or a conditioning of your mind. Some of the traumatic events, or some of the events of loss or anything of that nature does a very similar thing. Seeing something similar that evokes that emotion, keeps taking you back to that emotion. You know, for the, for the longest time, every time I would remove my shoes at the airport, it would take me back to the morning of, 911.
That was an impression that, 911, had created in my mind, and now, any such related events, were taking them back to past, not letting me be in more in the, present moment.
The practice that I learned, this technique is called, Sky breath meditation. And what, sky breath meditation, does is harnessing the rhythm of your own, breath. It clears your nervous system of this debilitating impression. Impressions that hold you back, impressions that take you back into those moments that you don't want to go back to.
So, the impressions make us, tied to our pass. So, what I experienced with, sky breath, was without effort.
You said a very beautiful thing earlier that I want to comment on, you said that you required visualization to move from, left brain, thinking to, right brain, thinking. Visualization, is an effort. Yes, not thinking of something or resisting thoughts is an effort. And as you know someone who is focused so much on, transforming the mind. You can't control your mind from the level of your own mind.
Myrna: Exactly. You got it. You know, that's the nature of the, mind. You cannot control it with your thoughts. Mind, does not subscribe, doesn't listen to effort. Your body listens to effort. If you want to build muscles, you have to put effort, but, sky breath, is complete effortless.
Kushal: So, what this, chi breath, did was without effort, it cleared my impressions and effortlessly took my mind to a place which was meditative. I had I tried so hard to meditate but when I closed my eyes all the profound ideas about what I wanted to have for dinner, all these trivial things which entered my awareness to the point that I cannot meditate. But now, sky breath meditation, changed all that through the simple act of, breathwork breathing.
Myrna: All right, awesome. All right. Now, you also talk about, Ayurveda, what exactly is that?
Kushal: Ayurveda, is just science of life. It's also colloquially known as the sister science to, yoga. Yoga, focuses on body and mind. Ayurveda, focuses on nutrition, what you put inside your system. So, it focuses on achieving harmony, and balance, through your food, your food is your medicine. But unlike a lot of the trends these days, eg. keto or, paleo where you do certain things, and you definitely don't do certain things, Ayurveda, is not restrictive.
Myrna: I don't know why I have not actually investigated, Ayurveda, because Deepak Chopra and Sadhguru teaches about, Ayurveda.
Kushal: Ayurveda, has to do with the planet, it has to do with how we work with the seasons, it has to do with the time of the day. It's all about bringing that balance, bringing that harmony in your system, through eating right at the right time, in the right amount. I realized that as I went deeper into my practice of, meditation, my nutrition automatically started aligning, aligning with what I recommended.
Okay, and it was very beautiful, it didn't say, do this, don't do this, it was never about that. And the minute someone says, don’t do this, I want to do that. So that's why, Ayurveda, really resonated with me, because it said, do everything, just do it in the right amount at the right time. And mindfulness is about being aware, being mindful of what you do and eat.
If you look at it scientifically, mindfulness, is a frontal cortex activity in your brain. And the research shows those people who practice, mindfulness, their frontal cortex is more developed. It is the thinking side of the brain. Mindfulness, keeps you at the surface level.
You turn off your mind, without effort. Turning off also requires effort. So, meditation, is not an act of doing anything but it's just being and then you are in that state. You connect with yourself and, meditation, happen.
Use a tool like, Sky breath, or some, breathwork, techniques allows you to connect with yourself and the more you are in touch with yourself, the more resilient you automatically become. The more aware you are at every moment, the more what is important and what is not becomes very clear. So, you may have these memories, like for example, if you like how you asked me earlier, take us to that day, 911, 2011 I can close my eyes and I can see every little detail in crystal clarity, but does it does not have the same emotional garbage or that negative charge that it used to have.
Book On A Wing And A Prayer
On A Wing and A Prayer
Myrna: Tell us about your book On A Wing and A Prayer where you can they can get your book. Tell us about your website, tell us about your handle on social media, so they can connect with you and, and how they can actually connect with you to learn, sky breath meditation.
Kushal: Sure. The book is available on Amazon or Barnes and Noble. You can get it from my website, the links on my website, it's my first name and last name www.KushalChoksi.com.
My guest today shares her story of years of, domestic violence, she was verbally and physically abused by her parents and then continued the cycle into, abusive relationships, one of them almost killing her. After her last, abusive relationship, ended, she discovered that he was sexually molesting her 7 year old daughter. Shermomicia tells a powerful story of how she is stopping the cycle of, domestic violence, and healing her family.
Domestic Abuse and Childhood Trauma
Shermonicia tell me your back story. I know you're studying for your masters right now but can you take us through your journey to this point in your life.
I have three sisters and one brother. The four of us growing up with my mother and father they were both on drugs. My whole entire life was abusive. I am also a victim of, sexual molestation. I was sexually attacked when I was like seven or eight. It was hard growing up with both parents on drugs. I have three kids with 3 different men who were all abusive.
I'm going to talk about the abuse today is where the abuse that almost cost me my life.
I would say that my abuse started way before I even got with any man. My mother was very verbally and physically abusive. Every day she would tell me how she wished she never had us.
She called us all kind of names so, I didn't have no self-esteem, none whatsoever. My father was abusive as well, he would abuse my mom. It led me to abusive men. I got married to my son's dad and he was verbally abusive. He left me and my son with no money and we got evicted. I lost my job because of him and we'd had nowhere to go, so my mother decided I guess you can come stay with me.
So I lived with her for a little while and I was able to get back on my own feet to get my own place. I met my oldest daughter father 2 years after my divorce. We got together and I had his child seven months after we met. Four months after she was born, the abuse and , domestic violence, started. It lasted for four years. I was physically beaten not daily, maybe every other day. He was a monster.
He really was. I have been kicked in my head, I have been punched and choked and slapped; brought up against walls dragged, through the house by my hair. He locked me in a closet, he used belts. I didn't want to sleep with him, two times he knocked me unconscious and he got so scared because he thought he killed me.
Wow, domestic violence, is no joke. It is hard for me to write this.
Multiple domestic violence relationships
Shermonicia let's talk about what happened in the third, domestic violence, relationship.
I met him in 2013 and right away we started a sexual relationship. He was always saying I don't want a girlfriend, I just want to have have fun. I got pregnant seven months after meeting him. So here I am, a third child by a third man. He used God to get in the door. He said God told me you're going to be my wife and he just he moved in.
For the first 3-4 months the relationship was wonderful. He's was a, narcissist, who used sex to control, He was very sexual he used sex with everything that he does, so after 4 months the verbal and, mental abuse, started. The pattern of, domestic violence, started again. He'd push me against the wall, he’d put his hands on me, but it wasn't like the first, domestic violence, relationship I was in.
He propose and we were planning our wedding and fifty days before the wedding he called it off. He jumped on me in front of my children and walked out. About a month after he left he left, my seven-year-old daughter came to me and said he put grease between my legs. That kind of caught me off guard and when I went to him and asked him about it and he said she was hurting down there so I put grease.
My daughter would not talk about it until I took her to a church group, the lady was sharing about how her father molested her and she broke down and told me all what her was doing to her. It was almost like a second heartbreak to me because I was dealing with a breakup. We had a four year old child together, I was going to marry this man. It was devastating and so I immediately contacted the authorities and you know got everything going. The trial starts in a couple of weeks.
Tune in to listen to this incredible story of survival and how Shermomicia is making sure that the cycle does not continue to her daughters.
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Points of You use games to explore significant life themes in a fun, unique and powerful way.
Games are designed for use by professionals, organizations or individuals.
The games are designed to help you look deep inside yourselves and the environment around you.
It is a stimulating exploration that sharpens our senses and opens up new possibilities.
Who can use Points of You Games?
• Anyone wishing to reconnect and enhance communication with themselves and others.
• Anyone in search of fresh perspectives on dilemmas, relationships and decision making.
• Those seeking inner change and the opportunity to build new bridges.
Points of You is a collection of various games.
1. The Coaching Game features 65 associative cards that explore significant everyday life themes.
2. Punctum fosters associative connections between photos, themes and questions. These flexible combinations make it a fascinating tool, highly effective in dynamic therapy, coaching and counseling.
3. Faces is a powerful way to get to know ourselves through the observation of others.
For more information or to purchase one or more games. Would make a prefect Christmas gift for someone you love. Head over to https://poy4all.com/transform/
What is your, nature? The true crisis in the world is not social or pilots the true crises is lack of consciousness our inability for us to recognize our, true nature.
Two, monks, were sitting by the river and one of the, monks, noticed a scorpion drowning. He dipped his hand in the water and saved the scorpion by putting him on the shore but not before the scorpion stung him.
A couple of minutes later the other, monk, said look that stupid scorpion is in the water again. The, monk, again put his hand in the water and saved the scorpion and once again the scorpion stung him.
The other, monk, said to the, monk, why do you keep saving the scorpion when it keeps stinging you.
The, monk, replied because it is my, nature, to save and his, nature, to sting.
Many people fail to distinguish between their, true nature, and their, personality traits, particularly their less desirable traits. The fact is you are not the worst characteristics of your personality. The untrained mind want what it perceives as advantageous and to fear or hate what seems painful. Discovering how your heart and mind can work together to use these feelings allows you to move beyond them and start to experience the kind of freedom that comes from understanding your, true nature.
Is it your, nature, to help your friends even though they never help you?
Is it your, nature, to show kindness to strangers?
Is it your, nature, to save like the, monk, or is it your, nature, to critique and see the faults in others?
When you discover your, true nature, it gives you the freedom to act against your own self-interest to “not think,” eg. The, monk, saving the scorpion even though he knows it is it’s nature to sting.
You may feel overwhelmed by the circumstances of your present life or bound by past traumatic events. Again, this is a failure in perception. A spiritual practice can provide you with the knowledge and discipline to investigate and discover your, true nature. You have to discover this for yourself, for you will not ultimately believe what someone else tells you.
You can do this investigation within the parameters of your present life. The intensity of your desires and fears can be a source of energy that propels you to look more deeply for that which really matter.
The, Buddha, taught that your, true nature, is obscured by the veils of wanting, fear, and delusion (or ignorance). He urged that you look at the nature of your mind systematically and observe how these three, mind states, condition what you think and value, and how you behave. He taught that it is the identification with these, mind states, that causes suffering; for instance, you mistakenly believe that just because you feel the emotion of wanting, your, true nature, is the same as that wanting.
true nature quotes
If you are not your thoughts, then what is your, true nature, how do you find it, and how do you live so that it may flourish? These are the perennial questions for anyone who starts to develop an inner life. In Jesus’s teachings, love is at the center of all being – love that is forgiving, unconditional, and not self-serving.
This was, Jesus true nature, what is your, true nature? Knowing your, true nature, will allow you to make decisions effortlessly. The, monk, did not sit and debate if he should save the scorpion because he knew that self interest was not in play.
Thanks for listening to 5 mins with coach Myrna I challenge you to get to know yourself that is how you grow yourself. I invite you to join my private Facebook group called Lifecoach. How to see you next week for another episode of, 5 mins with coach Myrna.
As a Life coach Stephanie M Hutchins empowers her clients with the knowledge that the fires from their past, traumas, did not destroy them, instead they provided the fuel for, post traumatic growth, and, transformation.
Stephanie M. Hutchins, PhD, is the author of Transformation After Trauma: Embracing Post-Traumatic Growth, helps individuals overcome trauma and cope with stress. She is a Certified Life Coach, Stress Management Coach, Neuro-Linguistic Programming Practitioner, and Yoga Instructor. She also owns Serotinous Life, a company that helps individuals overcome stressful and traumatic events.
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After being violated in my childhood by 8 different men and being told that it was my fault, even though at one time I was attacked from behind at knifepoint. I was able to get the knife away from my perpetrator and run away to safety. And then to top it all off, you know, once I finally found a man who tried to show me that I was deserving of love and respect. A week before we closed on the house, we were going to be moving into and start a long life together, I found him dead. And everything started to spiral out of control.
I know that place of, hopelessness, I know that place where you just can feel that life will never get any better, because I felt like that for a long time. And I spent many years of my life contemplating suicide because I just never thought that life could get any better. But it has. And so, I went from experiencing all of these intensely traumatic events through a huge span of my life to now having, completing my PhD. I've traveled around the world, I have many loving relationships, and I am now able to use, post traumatic growth, and what I've learned in my own healing journey to help others.
I often reflect, what if I would have put that bag over my head and say, I've been marked, by that, trauma, and now I'm forever tainted, and my life will never be any better. But the reality is, this is a very harsh world that we live in, and none of us would escape its wrath. we all will have some form of, post traumatic growth, we are not going to leave this earth untouched.
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Myrna: You are correct, you could be talking to somebody in their 80s or 90s, or 70s, or whatever, and they will still be crying and feeling the emotion of, trauma, that happened 30 or 40 years ago. And that's because they haven't dealt with it.
Every time it comes up, they probably stuff it down or whatever. And what you said, is correct. Why would you let that, trauma, ruin your life? Because when you're in that place, and one of the things we know, as coaches, is that when you're not blaming someone, when you're having negative emotions or blaming somebody, you become a victim. We should all have, post traumatic growth.
When I wrote my book, Out of the Snares: A story of hope and encouragement, I coined the phrase, do not be a victim, be a player and play with the cards that you've been given. A whole bunch of bad things happened to you called, childhood trauma, and you used that, trauma, as for fuel for, post traumatic growth.
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Myrna: Now you also have said that when people experience, trauma, they develop negative, coping mechanisms, and you help them replace the negative, coping mechanisms, with positive, coping strategies. Can you give us example of replacing and negative, coping strategies, with a positive ones?
Stephanie: I guess first I would like to address, reframing, because I used, reframing, before I even knew it was a technique. The first thing I want to help them, reframe, how they look at their, coping mechanisms. There's a lot of people very ashamed of their past, trauma, and don't engage, post traumatic growth. They are ashamed of what they've done to survive. They used unquote, negative coping mechanisms, and instead of looking at them with shame and disgust, look at them with gratitude. For all the ways they kept you alive.
If these, coping mechanisms, give us even a moment relief from our pain or gives us a moment distraction from the past, from the memory of, ptsd, we hold on to these, negative coping mechanisms, like:
Alcohol
sex
cutting yourself
Drugs
Coping Strategies for Post Traumatic Growth
Anyone who's reading this, If you have any of these, coping strategies, I think the first thing you need to look at is understanding of how they're serving you and release some of the shame and guilt you have for, coping. Because all these, negative coping mechanisms, like cutting yourself, overeating, drinking, sex, all these things what they do, they change the chemistry of our brain. Every single one of those activities release a whole host of feel-good neurotransmitters in the brain that light up our brain and make us feel good.
When we're in pain re require a, reframe, for, post traumatic growth, to take place. It requires looking at that, trauma, differently and then understanding that even though that behavior may have served you up to this period of time and it's been beneficial, it may no longer be serving you as well today.
People who stop using drugs and drinking alcohol, all turn to cigarettes and sugar. You are looking at yourself to stop the habit, you need to look at what are you gaining from it.
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Stephanie: So, there's usually one of two things that are triggered by a desire to seek pleasure or avoid pain. I really encourage anyone who's has habit of when you are triggered to engage in these habits, they are sensations that come up in your body is realizing that it triggers chemicals in the brain. Physical activity will elicit release a feel-good neurotransmitter. Laughing is amazing, I encourage people to do all the time.
Past trauma provide fuel for post traumatic growth
Myrna: I love this question that I have here. As a Life coach you empower your clients with the knowledge that the fires from their past did not destroy them, instead the provided the fuel for future growth and, transformation. How does, trauma, provide the fuel for, post traumatic growth?
Stephanie: I love, reframing, of our thoughts, but in order to move forward and not look at all of the devastation that was left behind from the fire of my past, I couldn't move forward without, reframing, and focus. One of the very first things, I have my client do when we get to the, reframing.
I have different steps in my programming, to get to, post traumatic growth, when we get to the, reframing, stage the first thing that we always have to look at is, reframing, the, trauma, itself. Reframing, the meaning behind it, what it's meant for your life. So instead of looking at what they lost from their, trauma, and what would no longer be; looking at what they gained from it. Depending on how recent the, trauma, was it might not be accessible to them in a month, but to think about what they've already gained.
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They have to be able to shift the narrative and the meaning behind the, trauma. You have to see what's possible by listening to the stories of other people. And once I saw that it was possible for somebody else, I knew it was possible for me too. And as I kept listening to story after story, I understood how to use past trauma for, post traumatic growth.
Myrna: True, your story has no power if you keep it in yourself. You've got to share In however way you choose.
Stephanie: Yes it does help others and I think that each time we share either our own story it really starts to shift our story In our own mind and it releases its hold on you.
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Myrna: This is a powerful interview, all right we get to the point now where we talk about your book It's called “Transformation After Trauma: Embracing Post Traumatic Growth.” Why did you write the book and what do you hope people walk away with after reading?
Stephanie: My major mission was to give hope for, post traumatic growth. I felt that I was alone in this world so long that I just felt that's something was terribly wrong for me to experience so much bitter pain. I felt so alone that nobody understood me and so in my book, I was very vulnerable about sharing my story and the, coping mechanisms, I used that used to bring me a lot of shame. So One of my one of my missions is to make people see and feel like they're not alone by themselves with their suffering.
And so I not only share my story, but I also Important incorporated all the tools that I used through my healing journey. Particularly my self-care practices. And so it's all about getting actionable tools to not only align with hope, to help them keep that glimmer of hope alive while they're going through suffering but this book will help them build that belief along the way that it's possible for them to emerge from the darkness and the pain even stronger than they were before.
Myrna: That is powerful. How can I listeners and readers connect with you and get a copy of your book?
Stephanie: Amazon has all three forms of the book, type in, transformation for trauma, and it'll come up. My website is www.serotinouslife.com and you can connect with me on Facebook @serontinouslife
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There are 4 types of, trust, that make, relationships, flourish. These are care, competence, consistency and character. In this episode of 5 mins with coach Myrna, I teach how to develop these areas of, trust, in your, relationships.
Care – When we care about your partner, we put our emotions in their hands, they, care, about what's best for you and not what's best for them. They, care, about your wellbeing. Examples of, care, are: going beyond the call of duty to help you move, accompany you to a doctor’s appointment etc.
Here are some ways to show you care:
Write them a powerful letter full of love and hope.
Take care of some of their responsibilities (for example, watch their kids, do their laundry, cook them dinner, or go shopping for them).
Call often to remind them how much you love them and how you are always thinking of them.
When you visit, bring a book to read aloud or a movie to watch together.
Bring them pictures of your times together and hang them where they can be viewed all the time.
Spend time reminiscing about the fun times that you've shared (as children, in high school or college, or on vacations). Remind him or her that there will be more good times in the future.
Competence – The second type of, trust, is, competence. You trust that your partner is competent to handle financial matters. If you are sick, competent, to handle your, care, and make decisions that are best for you and not best for them. You trust their opinions and recommendations.
Romantic competence entails a conscious awareness of both emotional needs and appropriate actions for meeting those needs within a well-functioning, relationship, And because their, relationships, are still fresh, their emotions toward them are likely quite high.
The definition of, competence, is your skill or ability in a specific field or subject, or being able to do something well or to being sane enough to stand trial in court. An example of, competence, is when you can, trust, your partner to make the financial arrangements of the household.
Character – When we talk about, trust, we are usually talking about a high moral compass or the, character ,of our partner. We look to these people when we are not sure what is right and follow their lead. These people practice what they preach and are valuable in, interdependent relationships. They have good reputation, strong opinion, and down to earth advice. They are trustworthy.
What are examples of, good moral character?
Legal judgments of, good moral character, can include consideration of honesty, trustworthiness, diligence, reliability, respect for the law, integrity, candor, discretion, observance of fiduciary duty, respect for the rights of others, absence of hatred and racism, fiscal responsibility, mental and emotional stability.
Consistency – Your partner shows, consistency, when they are reliable, and you know that they always have your back. They may not be the expert, but they are reliable present and available when you need them. They have been with you through highs and lows.
Someone who is, consistent, always behaves in the same way, has the same attitudes towards people or things, or achieves the same level of success in something. He was never the most, consistent, of players anyway. If one fact or idea is, consistent, with another, they do not contradict each other.
Consistency, in, relationships, is a combination of behaviors that include dependability, and a true desire to have a companion and form a serious, relationship. People who are more, consistent, with their interactions with one another, such as having predictable behaviors and good communication, have longer and healthier, relationships.
People come into your life for a reason a season or a lifetime.
Some people come into your life for a season bringing change and excitement, but the, relationship, ends like all seasons do.
Another person might come in for a reason to help you learn and grow or to support you through a difficult time. It feels like they have been sent to guide you through.
And they are lifetime people they stand beside you through thick and thin loving you even when you have nothing to give them.
Love is a gift without any strings attached.
Remember you are also a season, reason or lifetime partner to someone else and your role may not match theirs.
Pure trust, is when you know that another person has your back.
You develop, trust, by asking for what you want.
Tell them how you want to be loved.
Communicate the areas where there is dissatisfaction.
Build, trust, by telling your partner what would make you feel loved.
Thanks for tuning into, 5 mins with coach Myrna, I want to invite you to join my private Facebook group called Lifecoach so that you can be inspired all week long.
