Setting goals, in, clock time, means we are not emotionally attached to them. We are able to enjoy the journey and not just the destination. But when you, set goals, in, psychological time, you are never fulfilled when you achieve them. You have heard of people who, set goals, and when they attain these goals, they are only happy for a brief moment and then they are unfulfilled again. That is because they are psychologically attached to the goal. The subconscious mind is telling them that until this goal is achieved, happiness is not possible. Or until this goal is achieved, they are not successful.
Let’s say owning a house on the beach is your symbol of success and you tell yourself that until you live on the beach in a beautiful mansion, you cannot feel fulfilled or feel successful. This means that you are not going to enjoy the journey. You are psychologically tied to living on the beach as your means to the end.
Or let’s take the goal of being married. Most women have this goal.
Marriage could be a symbol of acceptance that you are enough, because someone says you complete them, or they can’t live without you etc. Marriage could symbolize the success you dreamed of as a little girl.
But what happens when you achieve this goal? Does it create lasting happiness? The divorce rate is 50% or higher. Nothing wrong with that goal but do you stop living until you get married. Are you enjoying all the perks of being single?
Does achieving any goal fulfill you forever? You know the answer to the question.
No it does not.
Setting goals in clock time
That is because goals set using, psychological time, says that until this event happens, you will not be happy or successful or fulfilled. When you achieve these goals, you are happy for a few days and then you are not.
Goals set with, psychological time, never fulfills because the goal post is always moving.
If you ask yourself what is lacking now, the answer should always be nothing.
Goal setting, in, clock time, says If success comes, I will accept it, but if it doesn’t, I am okay with that too.
That is why we can’t tell ourselves that until something happens in life then we will be happy, fulfilled, complete etc. because not only can you die waiting for this goal to manifest, but if you achieve this goal, you will still not be complete or happy. Why because you have to take care of the inside before things on the outside.
When you take care of your inside, joy is always your partner. You are happy with or without. You are happy for the breath of life. If you add success to this you will find fulfillment.
A morning routine prevents the world from draining you because you fill up your tank in the morning. A typical morning routine involves a spiritual practice, a physical routine and some form of learning.
In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I share my morning routine and the morning routine shared by Robin Sharma in his book the 5 Am Club.
A lot of people who work 9 to 5 or 7 to 3 etc. have to wake up early to have a morning routine and Robin Sharma teaches that you should complete your morning routine by 8 am.
But that is not for everyone and since a lot of people are now working from home your morning routine can start anytime in the morning. For example, my morning routine starts around 8 am and finishes about 11.30 am because I work for myself.
So what should be included in your morning routine?
Let’s tell you about mine first and then we will look at Robin Sharma’s from his book the 5 AM Club.
My morning routine starts with my, morning meditation, sometimes I sit on my meditation cushion, but mostly I meditate before I get out of bed because most times I fall back to sleep because meditation takes me into delta brain state of deep relaxation.
Your morning routine should include a spiritual practice
After I wake up, I have a cup of tea or coffee and read a few chapters in my bible. I have also started listing to the Bhagavad Gita. Sometimes I get inspiration after I read my bible for my 5 min segments with coach Myrna. But I always write in the morning, it seems my communication with source is open.
My morning routine continues at the park for a 5 K walk or I alternate with cardio and strength training at the gym. When I am walking in the park, I am listening to, personal development books, or, personal development podcasts. I am communing with the trees, rocks and nature. This completes my morning routine around 11 or 11.30 am.
This is what Robin Sharma teaches:
Perform the following 5 acts of character training—each morning before 8AM—to help you create consistently superb days. And a spirit that soars.
1. Start your morning routine by Writing a letter of gratefulness to someone who deserves to be recognized. Every person alive today craves sincere appreciation. Handwriting a letter to a good soul is a gift you both get to receive. (This is so good, I have to add this to my routine.)
2. Read from a profound book. We live in a world where very few go deep. We seek informal news in bite-sized chunks and scroll our feeds in hot pursuit of glitter. Before 8AM, sit quietly and read from a great human’s autobiography. Or from a text of philosophy. To ground you on what’s important, before you live out your day.
3. See your highest life. Take 5 minutes, with eyes closed, to imagine yourself behaving and performing as the person you most long to be. Make the movie vivid and colorful and real. Over time—as your self identify rewires—you’ll begin to inhabit the life you’ve invented. (I love this I do a form of this when I am walking in the park. I do a walking meditation I learned from Dr Joe Dispenza where I am imagining my future and walking into it.)
4. Perform an act of generosity. Before 8AM every day, do one tiny gesture to make someone’s life a little better. It could be a smile to a stranger or a hug to your child. Paying for the coffee of the person in line behind you or thanking the bus driver.
5. Turn off your phone until 8AM daily. The early morning hours have deep magic within them. Life’s too short to miss this glory because you’re addicted to technology.
So, there you have 2 different kinds of morning routines. I hope you create your own from the examples outlined above. It prevents the world from draining you because you fill your tank up in the morning.
Loneliness has been linked to higher blood pressure and depression, and an increased risk of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. We are meant to share our lives with people. It is nature so when we are alone and lonely, Nature has a way of trying to fill the void.
God also promises to give you back a double portion of what you have lost so the first thing you need to do to escape the snares of loneliness is to speak to the atmosphere. Decree and declare that God will fill the void in your life with a double portion of what is missing.
Because we are not designed to be lonely and alone, sometimes we prefer to live in conflict than live alone in an empty house. I have heard so many men including my own father say that when their wife’s left them they couldn’t stand the empty house and they begged her to come back. An empty house, a house void of kids or just the presence of another could lead to depression.
The reason that empty nesters find something to do when the kids leave the house is that they are trying to fill the void in their homes and heart.
Don’t fill the void of loneliness with alcohol or food
Be careful what you use to fill your empty places or use to fill your void of Loneliness.
You can’t use sex to fill the void of not being enough.
Don’t let anyone use you to fill their void. Do not become the substitute to fill anyone’s void. Not only will you be lonely again when they dump you but you will also feel used and abused.
To escape the snares of loneliness you have to be connected to a worshiper or connected to support. If your home is empty, you need someone to talk to on the phone, you need the community of worshippers at your church to escape the snares of Loneliness. Late in the midnight hour when you can’t sleep you need someone you can call who will listen. You need connection to God and man.
You need someone to pull you into something new. You need to find someone or something to hold onto someone to hold you up. Someone you can borrow their strength until God turns it around. Because a fresh anointing is coming your way.
Keep busy get out of the house.
Here are 5 ways to escape the snares of Loneliness
Take up a new hobby
Volunteer at your local church, hospital, food bank etc.
Get into books and live vicariously through the stories
Go to the movies or go out dancing. You can even learn to dance by joining a dance class.
Get or borrow a dog. Dogs are man’s best friend and you can never be lonely with a dog around. If you’re a dog lover, but don’t have the space, time or money to have your own, then ‘dog borrowing’ might be just the thing for you. Maybe a friend or neighbor has a dog they’d like to get a walk and some company during the day while they are at work. That’s what we call a win win situation.
Loneliness is a real. If you find yourself with the void of human company, I hope I gave you some tips to escape the snares of loneliness. The flip side of loneliness is enjoying your own company and being okay with being alone. So, people are introverts and truly enjoy their own company.
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna
Are you aware of your, emotional home? It is what you, focus, on when the going gets tough, determines your, actions. Your, emotional home, is the emotion you return to when life events happen, good or bad. For example, have you ever been fired? What did you, focus, on?
What was your, emotional response? Did you, focus, on fear that you will be homeless? Was it hope that you will find a better job, or did you, focus, on gratitude, that now you can do what you really love. Science shows that our, emotions, have a home and we always go home.
Tony Robbins, tells the story often about one Thanksgiving when he was 11 years old, his step father had just lost his job and they were eating saltine crackers and butter for dinner when there was a knock at the door and a man was there with a basket of food and a Turkey.
His father was not grateful for the food. He told the man at the door. We don’t accept charity and tried to shut the door in the man’s face. The man put his foot in the door and responded it was not charity and he was just the delivery man.
His father took the food without saying thanks and slammed the door in the man’s face.
What you Focus on is your emotional home
The meaning you give life events determines the, actions, you take.
Tony’s father chose to, focus, on the fact that he could not provide for his family and that is why someone had to send them food.
The meaning he attached to this, focus, was that was he was a failure.
His, actions, were to leave his family.
Tony on the other hand chose to, focus,` on the fact that they had food, his emotion was, gratitude.
The meaning he gave it was that strangers cared.
The action he did was to pay it forward and at 17 years old started his organization, Feeding America.
What actions did you take when you felt pain
Many of you listening had events that happened in your childhood that shaped who you became as an adult and formed your, emotional home.
We’re you bullied in school because you wore hand me downs and your shoes had holes in them?
Did your parents favor your siblings?
In every one of those scenarios, you focused on the situation.
You probably give it the meaning that you were worthless or unlovable.
What, actions, did you take?
Did you become sexually promiscuous?
Did you sleep with boys or men to get money to buy stuff?
Did you hate your parents or siblings?
The, emotions, that came from the meaning affect our, actions, and are the, emotions, you return to when you are hurt.
Let me help you change the narrative – you have to deliberately draw a line in the sand and change it. It takes work to, rewrite your story.
STEPS TO REWRITE YOUR STORY
Examine your habits Instead of focusing on what you want to change, turn your attention to the bad habit or habits that lead to you wanting to learn how to change yourself. Are your sugar cravings at 10 PM what lead to you being overweight? Is your habit of sleeping in and arriving at work late getting in the way of your promotion? Once you’ve identified the, negative habits, you can create better ones that will help you, rewrite your story, such as utilizing delayed gratification.
Practice every day Once you know what your new, healthy habits, are, practice them every single day – no matter what. Have a backup plan in case circumstances get in the way of your new habits and don’t allow yourself to cut corners.
Focus on self-reflection One of the habits that lead you to wanting to learn how to change your life around was not facing reality. You need to, focus, on realistic self-reflection throughout your journey and, when needed, ask those you trust for their perspective. Are you improving? If not, what else needs to change?
Surround yourself with good people When you spend quality time with good people who love you, you develop a natural support system for your new habits and you are able to, rewrite your story, in a nurturing environment.
Keep taking risks If you want to learn how to change your life, you cannot stay in your comfort zone. You need to take risks until you get comfortable with those risks – then take more. The more you push yourself, the easier it will become to rewrite your story and transform your life.
Can you use your story to help others?
If you take control of your mind and, focus, on making better decisions, sometimes the worst experiences in life turn out to be your best teachers and your, testimony.
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of, 5 min Fridays, I hope you were inspired to become aware of your emotional home and if is not a positive emotion, change it. Until next time Namaste
There is an ancient story of a, monk, who leaves his cave to gather firewood and when he comes back, he finds his cave filled with, demons. They had taken over the joint. His first thought is I got to get rid of these guys, so he tries pushing them out, fighting them, lunging at them but the, demons, were unphased.
The more he tried to get rid of them, the more they settled in.
His next approach was to teach them the, dharma, and make them leave on their own.
He teaches them about, impermanence, nonphysical and physical, compassion etc. but they just stared at him with wide eyes understanding nothing.
He realized that these, demons, could not be manipulated to leave so he resigned himself and decided to find out what they were there to teach him. As soon as he accepted these, demons, most of them bow and dissolve except one.
One demon always stick around
There is always one fierce, demon, that sticks around that is difficult to get rid of. So, he walks up to this, demon, and said “you win, just eat me” and he sticks his head in its mouth and that, demon, dissolves also. The moral of the story.
The, demons, leave when you stop fighting and say yes.
How many of you can relate to this story? You are, conflict, with your spouse, your boss or best friend. You are trying to convince them of your point of view but the more you try to debate the issue the more they settle in on their point of view.
So, finally you say to yourself I give up you win and the second head on your spouse vanishes!
Teaching Dharma to the demons
The, monk, even tried to teach the, demons, the, Dharma, and about, impermanence, because they felt they were still alive.
Buddha, had three essential teachings called the, Dharma Seals. These three teachings of the, Buddha, are:
no self and
For instance, our body is visibly impermanent and getting older every day, and yet this is something we don’t want to accept. Certain popular magazines that cater to youth and beauty exploit this attitude. In terms of view, meditation and action, their readers might have a view — thinking in terms of not aging or escaping the aging process somehow. They contemplate this view of permanence, and their consequent action is to go to fitness centers and undergo plastic surgery and all sorts of other hassles.
Enlightened beings would think that this is ridiculous and based on a wrong view. Regarding these different aspects of, impermanence, getting old and dying, the changing of the weather, etc., Buddhists, have a single statement, namely this first seal: phenomena are impermanent because they are compounded. Anything that is assembled will, sooner or later, come apart.
Nirvana, is a place of perfect peace and happiness, like heaven. In Hinduism and, Buddhism, nirvana is the highest state that someone can attain, a state of enlightenment, meaning a person’s individual desires and suffering go away.
Just as all-important legal documents have the mark or signature of a witness, all genuine practices of the, Buddha, bear the mark of these three teachings.
Teaching impermanence to demons
If we look into the first, Dharma Seal, impermanence, we see that it doesn’t just mean that everything changes. By looking into the nature of things, we can see that nothing remains the same for even two consecutive moments. Because nothing remains unchanged from moment to moment it therefore has no fixed identity or a permanent self.
So in the teaching of, impermanence, we always see the lack of an unchanging self. We call this “no self,” the second Dharma Seal. It is because things are always transforming and have, no self, that freedom is possible.
When you are fighting, demons, it is easy to say “I give up, eat me” because they feed on the energy of, conflict, fear, and, negative thoughts, just remember another ancient saying “this too shall pass” the, demons, only stay if you fight them.
Demons are here to teach us something
What can our, demons, teach us? Every, conflict, is here to teach us something.
If you are in a relationship and someone is always pushing your buttons, then that is an opportunity for growth. This, demon, is here to teach you to have an, internal locus of control. When you have peace inside, no one can deliberately push your buttons. You will find that the, demon, dissipates when you don’t react or respond. It is no fun trying to steal your peace if you don’t lose your peace. Practice not reacting to the, demon, just say yes and they will leave you alone.
Say This too shall pass, everything is impermanent.
Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna
You have all heard of the expression “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” It is a proverbial phrase that is used to encourage people to stay optimistic and to keep fighting in the face of adversity or misfortune. Lemons, suggests sourness and difficulty in life; making, lemonade, with, lemons, that is being handed out to you turns the whole sour episode into something sweet, positive, and desirable.
Here is a story to illustrate How to Make lemonade out of lemons
When the British colonized India, they built a golf course in Calcutta, and they had a problem with the, monkeys. The, monkeys, would pick up the balls the golfers hit and put it somewhere else.
They tried to solve the problem by building a fence around the course, but, monkeys, climb, so that didn’t work.
They tried to lure the, monkeys, away with bananas, but then some were lured away, and others weren’t. Plus, all the, monkeys, for miles around would show up to feed on their favorite food, so that didn’t work either.
Finally, they changed the rules and had the golfers play the ball from wherever the, monkeys, dropped it. If life gives you lemons, make other plans.
This is a strange story to depict the mantra “if life gives you lemons, make, lemonade, or other plans.” We don’t always get sugar and spice and everything that is nice, most of the time, things don’t work out the way we planned.
We make plans but God makes other plans
One of my favorite shows was Private Practice. Addison made a statement on the show that says
“We make plans but God, make other plans, he has the last word”
Your desire to have a baby could be so strong that you pray every day, you dream of your child every day, you think of your life with your baby every day, but it’s been 5 years and you are not pregnant. The doctors say you are infertile. Time to play the ball where the, monkeys, dropped it and make, lemonade, out of your, lemons. Make other plans, adopt a child, foster a child, look for a surrogate mother or start fertility treatments.
Another way to use the proverb, if life give you lemons, make, lemonade, is to practice the, law of detachment. This law states that in order to manifest our desires, we must release attachment to the outcome itself as well as the path we might take to get there, that you should only be attached to your end goal not the journey.
You can put the law of detachment to work with these steps:
1. Today I will commit myself to, detachment. I will allow myself and those around me the freedom to be as they are. I will not rigidly impose my idea of how things should be. I will not force solutions on problems, thereby creating new problems. I will participate in everything with detached involvement.
2. Today I will factor in uncertainty as an essential ingredient of my experience. In my willingness to accept uncertainty, solutions will spontaneously emerge out of the problem, out of the confusion, disorder, and chaos. I will understand that, if life gives me lemons, I will make other plans. The more uncertain things seem to be, the more secure I will feel, because uncertainty is my path to freedom. Through the wisdom of uncertainty, I will find my security.
3. I will step into the field of all possibilities and anticipate the excitement that can occur when I remain open to an infinity of choices. When I step into the field of all possibilities, I will experience all the fun, adventure, magic, and mystery of life.
If life gives you lemons remember the goal is the destination
If your goal is to retire and travel the world, that is your, destination goal. The journey could take you around that golf course several times back and forth, sometimes you would be stuck in the sand box, sometimes you will hit the ball in the lake, but if you keep playing you will eventually get to the 18th hole. Use this analogy for your life, just keep playing the, game of life. Don’t be attached to the journey just the, destination goal. If life gives you lemons, make other plans.
The target affects the arrow! Keep the target in your vision and the arrow will find it.
Forrest Gump said it best, life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you are going to get so, if life gives you lemons, make other plans.
This is coach Myrna Young and you have been listening to 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.
In this episode of 5 Min Fridays with Coach Myrna, we look at the, Bible story, of, Joseph, to see how God uses, coincidence, to get us to our, purpose and destiny. I show that there are, no coincidences in life, that every moment has been, preordained.
So, if you have been feeling unlucky because you had, coincidence, show up in your life that did not feel good, I want you to know that every event has a, purpose, and that is to take you to your, preordained destiny.
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
Bible Story Of Joseph and destiny
I want to use the, bible story, of, Joseph, the son of Jacob to show how God uses, coincidence. Joseph, was born with a purpose, prearranged by God. It was determined in his mother’s womb or before.
Because he was born to his father in his old age, his father Jacob loved him more than his 10 other brothers. That created jealousy. His brothers hated him because he was his father’s favorite. When Jacob made, Joseph, a beautiful robe of many colors, his brothers became even more jealous of him. Then Joseph, started dreaming about his brothers bowing down to him and he decided to share his, dreams.
Bad move, never share your, dreams, of success with others even family members because they will secretly hate you and want you dead. They may not try to kill you as Joseph’s brothers wanted to do, but maybe they would wish evil on you.
The good news is whatever God ordains no man can change.
This episode is brought to you by The Jordan Harbinger Show.
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Here are 2 episodes I loved and I think you would too. Check out
Shawn Achor leveraging the happiness advantage and Dwayne Wade A life Bigger than basketball
How God Used Coincidence to get Joseph to his purpose and destiny
It is amazing how God orchestrated getting, Joseph, to fulfill his, purpose.
First, he got Joseph’s father Jacob to love him more, thereby creating a fire starter.
Then he gave, Joseph, dreams, and inspired him to share them with his brothers, creating hatred.
Then he gave his brothers opportunity to sell him into slavery by inspiring his father Jacob to send, Joseph, alone to find his brothers.
The slave traders then sold, Joseph, to the pharaoh’s captain of palace guard Potiphar.
How would, Joseph, get in position to fulfill his, purpose, if these apparent, coincidences, did not take place?
There are, no coincidences in life, everything is, preordained, in God’s plan.
What you think is bad luck is actually God getting you in position for greatness.
Joseph story of coincidences continues
Potiphar’s wife has the hots for, Joseph, but when he wouldn’t sleep with her, she seeks revenge by accusing him of trying to rape her and so Joseph is thrown into prison. The same prison that the Pharaoh sends prisoners from the palace.
Later Pharaoh throws his cup bearer and his baker in prison and who oversees them, Joseph!
Then God gives them both, dreams, and tells, Joseph, the interpretation of their, dreams. It so happens that in 3 days both, dreams, come through according to, Joseph’s interpretation. The cup bearer is returned to his role in the palace and the baker was killed.
A full 2 years later the Pharaoh had 2, dreams, that he needed interpreting and that is when the cup bearer remembered, Joseph, the Hebrew slave who interpreted his, dreams, in prison.
Pharaoh sends for, Joseph, who interprets his, dreams. Joseph, tells Pharaoh that the, dreams, meant God is notifying him there will be 7 bountiful years followed by 7 Years of severe famine.
Pharaoh then makes, Joseph, administrative head of Egypt second only to himself. Everyone needed to bow down to him.
God’s purpose for Joseph realized
God’s, purpose, for, Joseph, was to be the instrument that would save the Egyptians from all dying in the famine that was, preordained, before, Joseph, was born. The famine would have also have wiped out all of Abraham’s defendants as well and that would have made God’s promise to Abraham, that his defendants would be as numerous as the stars in the sky to be void, and how many of you know that God is not man, he does not lie. He used, coincidence, to move, Joseph, in position to realize his preordained, destiny.
Coincidence is to get you to your destiny
I wanted to share this story with you today to illustrate that you were born with a, purpose, and there are no, coincidence, in life. Every moment is, preordained. Think of all the, coincidences, God had to orchestrate for, Joseph, to fulfill his, purpose and destiny. Most of them not in, Joseph, favor.
My life has been the same. There were several, coincidences, that got me to my, purpose and destiny. If I was to pick up my story from the time I arrived in Canada from Guyana.
I met this girl working in a factory making zippers. She took me with her to look for a better job. That, coincidence, got me a job at Scotia Bank and she did not find work. While I was at Scotia Bank, I met my second husband who was 12 years older than me and schooled me in life and suggested I go back to college.
After college I started selling computers. the, coincidence, of how I met Tony Robbins. Tony came to town and sent free tickets to my company for his “unleash the power within” conference. Tony Robbins inspired me to unleash my power within and I became the top female limousine operator in Toronto Canada.
This, coincidence, brought me to Miami Florida. Miami was my Egypt, it is where I needed to be to fulfil my, purpose. I will stop here, but you get the picture. There are, no coincidences in life, every step in your journey is, preordained, and is God’s plan, even the steps you take backwards.
So, if you feel you have been lucky or if you feel that you are unlucky, I want you to know that every, coincidence, has a, purpose, and that is to take you to your, preordained destiny.
This is life coach Myrna Young and you have been listening to 5 mins with coach Myrna. I want to invite you to join my private Facebook group called Lifecoach. Hope to see you next week. Namaste