Tag Archives: black community

Can Chemical Hair Relaxers Cause Cancer?

Women who use hair straighteners and chemical hair relaxers may have a higher risk of uterine cancer, according to a new study from researchers at the US National Institutes of Health (NIH). The study findings were published on October 17, 2022, in the Journal of the National Cancer Institute. They are now able to file toxic exposure claims against the manufacturers of these products.

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Toxic exposure personal injury claims

My guest today is Jennifer Poole is the Director of Marketing at the California Law Firm of Nadrich & Cohen. Nadrich & Cohen was founded in 1990 and has since expanded to 14 offices throughout California. The firm handles all types of injury, defective product, and toxic exposure claims on behalf of individuals and their families.

Ms. Poole has worked at the law firm since 2009 right after she graduated from Hofstra Law. She has quite literally lived from coast-to-coast and calls Los Angeles home.

Myrna: As a black woman I have used, hair straitening products, for over 30 years. I don't use them a lot now because, I started wearing wigs and weaving my hair, but normally, the black population wants straighter hair. Relaxing black curly hair makes it easier for us to handle. In the 60’s even the men relaxed their hair, we go back to movies like Malcolm X, and see him using hair, straightening products called conk. Can you tell what is the data that says these products cause cancer.

I'm not sure if Caucasian people use, hair straighteners, or it predominantly used in the, black community?

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Hair relaxers called hair straighteners called perms

Jennifer: Yes, I would say so. We've used you know, several different terms to describe these products. So, you know, hair relaxers, and, hair straighteners, and we've even had a couple of clients that refer to it as a, perm, of sorts. But these products are predominately used in the, black community.

Myrna: Yes the Caucasian population used, perms, to curl up the hair. So, talk to us about that was the link to, uterine cancer.  I guess we're doing a total Erin Brockovich here.

Jennifer: Yes, Erin Brockovich was a fantastic film. And also, before I launch into it, you mentioned, Malcolm X, and when we started this project, I immediately thought of that film, with Denzel Washington, sitting in the chair, and just how awfully painful that was to try to straighten his hair.

Myrna:  I thought of this film myself even though I have gone through the same pain straightening my own hair.

Jennifer: And on a side note, do you know what also came up? I thought about a book that I read in college, which was Toni Morrison's The Bluest Eye, and we all love it too. Right? And we always want something that we don't have!  I have straight hair, my mom permed my hair, so it could become curly.

I remember sitting in the beauty shop and I go in with my hair, one length and I come out with it three inches shorter because of the curls. We all want what we don't have. You know, there's some truth to that certainly, but back to your question.

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Studies that link hair relaxers to uterine cancer

There are studies which have linked a 2.5 times increased risk of developing, uterine cancer, among those that use, hair relaxer products. And so, as you can well imagine, that primarily affects black and brown populations. That's who use these products. And so, there's also linkage to, ovarian cancer, and, endometrial cancer, and less severe but still painful, uterine fibroids. We can make a claim if the, uterine fibroids, resulted in surgery like, hysterectomy

Myrna: That is terrible, I've heard I had heard rumors of this for a while now. When I say rumors, you know that we're talking social media. But, now that we're getting data, it's not it's not hearsay anymore. So, what are the products that that are causing these, uterine cancers, that is in these, hair relaxers, products? There are the new, hair relaxers, that are “No LYE”. Are these the safer products?

Jennifer: Well, there's all kinds of chemicals which have been found in these types of products, even including Brazilian blowouts, including formaldehyde, you can think about that. There are so many chemicals that are toxic, that are used in these products. And, you know, the variety of brands, certainly people that have the market share. I think everyone's familiar with Dark and Lovely, right. It's a huge brand. And so, with these products manufacturers continued to add these chemicals.

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There are no natural chemical relaxers

A lot of hair relaxers products, are coming to market that are more quote unquote natural. Even still, I'm not saying they have the same toxic chemicals, but they're still not natural. They carry a lot of toxic chemicals.  One of the things that I'd like to mention is you know, the FDA doesn't test these products before going to market, yet they are in charge of policing, hair products.

The goal is of this litigation is to affect change. That's always what we try to do. Where a governmental agency fails us, the legal team’s step in a try to right wrongs, but be also affect long lasting change. And we've seen it time and again. And so that's always the goal with this type of litigation.

Myrna: Yeah, that's great. So, a lot of times things start from one person, like the Erin Brockovich film, she saw something unusual so she investigated it. So, is this lawsuit going on now because someone has won a case and now everybody is filing claims? Was somebody able to connect, hair relaxer products, with, uterine cancer, and win a large settlement?

Jennifer: Let me explain a little bit about how the process works. There's something called, multi district litigation, and it's called MDL in legal parlance, and what happens is you'll have a new case type like, hair relaxers. There are no cases that have been won as of yet. But what happens is lawyers start taking on cases and then there will be what are called Bellwether trials, and I always compare those to you go out to the pool, you want to see if it's warm, you dip your foot in there.

And then based on how those Bellwether trials go, then that can often bring the defendants of these, hair relaxer manufacturers, to the negotiating table. And that's really kind of the process and I do want to clarify for your readers, that this is  not a class action suit.

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This is not a class action lawsuit

A class action suit is you know, we all get those postcards in the mail. You've been overcharged for phone service, and guess what you're gonna get a nickel.  Yeah, or even worse, you had a bad experience with the business, they're gonna offer you a credit or a gift card so you can go back and use their services. But people take a very cynical view of class actions, but this litigation is different. Again, it's, multi district litigation. And the reason that exists is there are not enough courtrooms in America to allow for a trial for each and every case there's just not.

So, what happens is both parties come together, and they come up with some ground rules. Some rules for discovery, and how things will proceed. And that just streamlines the process. So that's actually beneficial for plaintiffs in litigations these because it speeds it along, allows them to see a settlement, sooner rather than later. I just I wanted to clarify that process a little bit. So no, there have not been any trials as of yet. It's really more what's prompting this litigation to move forward. Our studies, that have come out, science is improving all the time. And we learned about new things that we thought were safe.

Myrna: That's it. Yeah, that's why it's often somebody identified that those products cause, uterine cancer, and now they've just got to put it together. I know that 90% of black women have used, hair relaxers, at one point in their life and if they are reading this and have been diagnosed with, uterine cancer, ovarian cancer, or uterine fibroids, that they will contact you and get a claim going.

Myrna: So your company are helping you know women and men, I'm assuming only women because it's, uterine cancer. So your Law Firm is helping women submit claims. So how can someone reading this blog,  if they have realistic claim for any of the illnesses we mentioned contact you.  What is the first step, what do they do?

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How to start the claim process

Jennifer: We do represent some men who they're unfortunately widowers, they lost their wife to, uterine cancer. And also, of course,  male children. We do represent them as well. But yes, we primarily work with women, the client base is female, and we are accepting cases with, uterine cancer, diagnosis. Ovarian cancer, endometrial cancer, and then lastly, certain, uterine fibroid, cases where there's actually surgical intervention. If it requires a surgery, it's a little more invasive than some of the other, uterine fibroid, treatments but that's for us to make a decision on on a case by case basis.

So if one of your readers was thinking that they may qualify, the first step would be to reach out to us or another law firm and request that free consultation because in this industry,  I always say we give every man and every woman keys to the courthouse and how do we do that? Contingency fees? We don't collect a fee unless a recovery is made. Because let me tell you, if we had to charge up front, we wouldn't have any clients.

So many people in this country live paycheck to paycheck. So this model of representation, gives everybody an equal playing field and keys to the courthouse; so that would really be the first step. Is to reach out to us or another law firm and and get the free consultation and find out if you qualify,

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Filing a claim for toxic exposure from Hair Relaxers and Hair Straightening Products

We would ask a really a series of questions. We have to get medical records, documents confirming the, uterine cancer, diagnosis sometimes, or, ovarian cancer, or, uterine fibroid, diagnosis. Sometimes, clients have those documents readily available, most don't. And so that's the process.  If they hire us then we would request the medical records that document all of the treatment that they had to have, that obviously adds value to the claimants, chemo is not fun.

Myrna: How do you make the connection between the, uterine cancer, and the chemical hair relaxers product?

Jennifer: Oh, yes. We would ask them to give us the history of hair relaxers product use. If they can remember the products, because there are so many out there. We asked about about 20 different products, that have the lion's share of the market. Assuredly, they used at least one of them.

And then typically, women will use these hair relaxers  about four plus times a year, that increases the exposure and therefore, our ability to link  the hair relaxer product to cancer. But it's true, possibly signing an affidavit stating that yes, I use this product.  I used it this many times a year. Kind of documenting that way. Haven't had it yet, but in other litigations, people will still had product packaging around the house. We have an evidence locker here that stores those products.  I have not had that happen yet in this litigation. I think by nature of the product, you use it and throw it out.

Myrna: Well, you can be still using it to be quite honest. But yeah, one of the things about, hair relaxers, is that once you open it, it loses its potency so you have to throw it out. But black women can be listening to this interview right now who are still using chemical hair relaxers because they weren't aware that there was anything wrong with them. Very few women go around with their natural hair. It's a very small percentage, so they're still using it.

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How to connect with Nadrich & Cohen Personal Injury Lawyers

So, probably the best way would be to call me and that is 1-800-718-4658. You could also email me JPoole@ personalinjurylawcal.com.  You can also head over to www.personalinjurylawcal.com. We have multiple blog posts, pages, lots of information there.

Additional Resources 

Chapter 2-0700 Establishing Toxic Substance Exposure

https://www.dol.gov/agencies/owcp/energy/regs/compliance/PolicyandProcedures/proceduremanualhtml/unifiedpm/Unifiedpm_part2/Chapter2-0700ToxicSubstanceExposure

 

Black History Month: Toni Morrison and The Black Female Experience

This Black History month, I would like to feature Toni Morrison, for her literary excellence. Toni Morrison is a Nobel Prize Winner, a Pulitzer Prize winner, and awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom.  Morrison is an American writer noted for her examination of Black experience (particularly Black female experience) within the Black community. Let's take a moment to honor this literary genius this, black history month.

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Toni Morrison for Black History month

Toni Morrison, original name Chloe Anthony Wofford, (born February 18, 1931, Lorain, Ohio, U.S.—died August 5, 2019, Bronx, New York), American writer noted for her examination of Black experience (particularly Black female experience) within the Black community. She received the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1993.

Morrison grew up in the American Midwest in a family that possessed an intense love of and appreciation for, Black culture. Storytelling, songs, and folktales were a deeply formative part of her childhood. She attended Howard University (B.A., 1953) and Cornell University (M.A., 1955). In 1965 Morrison became a fiction editor at Random House, where she worked for a number of years.

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Toni Morrison The Bluest Eyes

Morrison’s first book, The Bluest Eye (1970), is a novel of initiation concerning a victimized adolescent Black girl who is obsessed by white standards of beauty and longs to have blue eyes. This book was my introduction to Toni Morrison.  I loved this book.  I loved the character, how Morrison showed a poor black girl struggling not only with her looks but with becoming a young lady, and wanting to be beautiful like her white blue eye dolls. At the time when I read this book a lot of black women were putting in blue contact lenses including my daughter.  This book really brought it home and allowed black women to start loving our skin, eyes, hair and black features.

In 1973 a second novel, Sula, was published; it examines (among other issues) the dynamics of friendship and the expectations for conformity within the Black community.

Song of Solomon (1977) is told by a male narrator in search of his identity; its publication brought Morrison to national attention. Tar Baby (1981), set on a Caribbean island, explores conflicts of race, class, and sex.

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Transform Your Mind Amazon

Toni Morrison's Beloved

Toni Morrison became mainstream with her critically acclaimed book called Beloved (1987), which won a Pulitzer Prize for fiction, is based on the true story of a runaway slave who, at the point of recapture, kills her infant daughter in order to spare her a life of slavery. A film adaptation of the novel was released in 1998 and starred Oprah Winfrey. The again was powerful for me. The character of Beloved was played to perfection by Thandiwe Newton and showcases how Sethe’s guilt,  played by Oprah Winfrey can reincarnate and haunt us in this life.

In 1992 Morrison released Jazz, a story of violence and passion set in New York City’s Harlem during the 1920s. Subsequent novels were Paradise (1998), a richly detailed portrait of a Black utopian community in Oklahoma, and Love (2003), an intricate family story that reveals the myriad facets of love and its ostensible opposite. A Mercy (2008) deals with slavery in 17th-century America. In the redemptive Home (2012), a traumatized Korean War veteran encounters racism after returning home and later overcomes apathy to rescue his sister. In God Help the Child (2015), Morrison chronicled the ramifications of child abuse and neglect through the tale of Bride, a Black girl with dark skin who is born to light-skinned parents.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Toni Morrison and the Black American Experience

It is great to showcase Toni Morrison's work for, Black History month, because The central theme of Morrison’s novels is the, Black American experience; in an unjust society, her characters struggle to find themselves and their cultural identity. Her use of fantasy, her sinuous poetic style, and her rich interweaving of the mythic gave her stories great strength and texture. In 2010 Morrison was made an officer of the French Legion of Honour. Two years later she was awarded the U.S. Presidential Medal of FreedomToni Morrison: The Pieces I Am (2019) is a documentary about her life and career.

Additional Resources

How Black Fathers Can replace the Absentee Dad Myth

Breaking Barriers On The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air

Daphne Maxwell Reid, was one of the Black women to work on network television as Aunt Viv on the popular sitcom, Fresh Prince of Bel Air.  Reid says that they were a family and they continue to be great friends 30 years later.

Being among the first of a few black women to work in popular television reminds me that one doesn’t choose to be a pioneer,” she says today.  “One does what comes next in their journey, and sometimes you happen to be the first to do it and breakdown barriers.  I just happened to land in that slot of being first for some things – but being the first doesn’t mean anything if it doesn’t seed the growth of a lot more.

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Bio

Daphne Maxwell Reid, continues to thrive as a creative entrepreneur and artist, continuing to dazzle anyone who knows her with her bold spirit, grace, and work ethic. One of the first African-American women to make the cover of Glamour magazine and one of television history’s most beloved sitcom moms on, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Reid now balances her acting gigs with her work as a photographic artist, clothing designer, and education activist, demonstrating that it’s never too late to pursue new passions and find new opportunities.

Daphne worked in dozens of television series in the 1980s, guest starring in shows like “WKRP in Cincinnati” (where she first worked with her husband, Tim Reid, to whom she has been married since 1982), “Hill Street Blues,” and “Simon and Simon,” she first took a lead role on the acclaimed series “Frank’s Place,” opposite Tim.  But it was in the role of, Vivian Banks, in the last three seasons of “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air” with, Will Smith, that endeared Reid to a new generation of fans.

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Breaking barriers as Aunt Viv on Fresh Prince of Bel Air

Myrna: I know that you took on the role of, Vivian banks, in season four. Can you tell us your journey up until that point? And how did that role shape your life and allowed you to, break barriers?

Daphne: That's Wow, it was another job. I had done a bunch of Back-to-Back series, including the one that you mentioned earlier Frank's place, and Simon and Simon and Tim and I had worked a lot, and we were getting ready to move to Virginia. And in I think, it was 1989 that the show started being cast and my agent said, we've got a show for you to go read for it's a half hour sitcom with a rap star and I said, No thank you.

So, we moved to Virginia, I saw the fall shows come on and there is the, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and it was so cute. I said, oh, well, go on living doing other things. I was doing projects with McCall pattern company and QVC so I was busy. Three years later I get a call saying we want you to come and audition for the role of aunt Vivian on the, Fresh Prince, of Bel Air. So, I went and I, myself and 200 other women showed up. We had a casting session that went on about two weeks.

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And about the third audition, I got to work with James Avery. And we clicked, I fell in love with that huggable, wonderful man. We remained friends the rest of his life. He and his wife and Tim and I used to travel together during the show when we were off and he was just a dream. I guess that chemistry sold because they hired me to go and become one of that wonderful family. We are truly a family of friends who have stayed in touch all these 30 years.

Myrna: I know it's been 30 years because Will had he was 22 when the show started and I think he is 52 or older now.

Fresh Prince of Bel Air still popular 30 years later

Daphne: It's been a while. It's amazing that the show has such legs and we're on our third generation of people who come up to me and say, you're Aunt Viv. But you didn't know back then, this was 30 years ago. You didn't know what the reception of the audience was, except by the numbers that you get from the network. There was no social media and all that kind of stuff. So, we were just doing a show. We were having a lot of fun and we got good numbers.

So, they let us continue to do it. And the end of the fifth year, Will Smith, told us that we will only be doing one more season of the, Fresh Prince. He was doing movies. He's an incredible businessman, and watching him grow from where I started with him to the man that he became, I just was very, very proud of him. So, six years we had our last episode of the, Fresh Prince, and we cried. But we all stayed in touch with each other. Yeah, so that's beautiful.

Will Smith Slaps Chris Rock

Myrna: So, you and, Will Smith, are still friends did you talk to him after the Oscars? We have this situation the, Will Smith slap, heard around the world, I am so sorry for him. My heart goes out to him.  I've always admired him because of the huge movie star he's become and I watched the, Fresh Prince of Bel Air. You know when it was on and the reruns.

So, I've always loved, Will Smith. When I read his book, “Will” I kind of understand where he was coming from. As soon as he slapped Chris Rock. I dropped right into that space about him not wanting to be a coward.  He starts off his book by talking about being a coward.

So, have you spoken to, Will Smith, since this episode about the, slap on the Oscars?  I don't think he was ever violent. So, what is your opinion of all that slap?

Daphne: I have spoken to him and I don't share my opinion. I love the man that’s all I have to say.

Myrna: Okay. All right. Well, that's good. All right. So at least you've spoken to him probably offered him some condolences and all that. That's good. All right. I respect that. One of the things I did before our talk is I went back and I looked at a couple of episodes of the, Fresh Prince, that you were in, so that I can talk to you about a few episodes. And it was really incredible that two of the top 10 episodes that you were in, talked about two things that, Will Smith, did later on in his life.

Will Smith bungee jumping at 50 years old

The first episode on the, Fresh Prince, I want to talk about was when Hillary was being proposed to her fiancé did the bungee jump and He splashed on the ground. And you had this great comeback on that by saying,

“The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh”

Do you want to talk about that episode? Why didn't that scare the bejesus out of, Will Smith, why would he do, bungee jumping, on his 50th birthday?

Daphne: Probably because he wanted to face his fear of, bungee jumping. Watching National Geographic shows, you see that? He's working his way through his, fears, and confronting them and getting over them and getting past them, encouraging people to do the same. So, I'm sure the bungee jump episode on the, Fresh Prince, was sadly funny. If it had happened to anybody that we knew that probably would not have been funny.

Myrna: What about your line “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away”. Do you have experience with that?

Daphne: Well, we know in life you win some, you lose some and it depends on how you handle either is where you go on your journey.

Myrna: That's true. Okay, good. Yeah, because a lot of people, a lot of Christians say that and it's very true. Once you up once you're down. We can even use that analogy for, Will Smith, being the biggest movie star and now he is down. The Lord giveth on one hand and the other hand he taketh away, like Denzel Washington said, and devil comes for you when you get to the top. And sometimes you've got to be able to resist him.

Daphne Maxwell Reid relationship with her father

Now the second episode that I wanted to talk about, Will Smith, talked about it in his book, is that episode where his father played by Ben Vereen, where he came into his life and then he left and you had this scene where you said

“if you walk out of this kid's life, again, don't come back.”

Can you identify with that episode? What was your relationship with your father? Will Smith, had a love hate relationship with his father.  His father abused them as a child and what we're seeing today are the results of that abuse. What was your childhood like?

Daphne: My childhood was idyllic. Mother and father who were loving and supportive. Yeah, my daddy used to spank my behind when he thought I needed it, but I don't call that child abuse. I call that discipline and sometimes it's needed maybe once or twice and you get the message. But I had a wonderful father. He was he was a mentor on so many fronts, as was my mother. She is the person that I am striving to become. And I had no problems as a child. I was brought up in the projects as they call them, just low-income housing that my father was able to get into because he was in the army.

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It was a, black community. It was multiracial. It was multi ethnic, it was an exposure to all kinds of people but that's what New York City was like back in the 50s. So, I grew up in a very multicultural, supportive environment. I am not one whose father left. This episode on, Fresh Prince, was one that made, Will Smith, vulnerable again. They address the same issue in the new show. Bel Air where his father comes back and he finds out where his father has been and, in the new Bell Air, he sends his father away.

But I think from the character's point of view in the original episode of the, Fresh Prince,  there was enough pain and we know what pain he went through when his father first left and we didn't want to see him in that kind of pain again.

Breaking barriers with relevant storylines on the Fresh Prince

Myrna: Yeah. I mean, you told Will’s father if you walk out, never come back and he did walk out.  I guess when the writers put that episode together, they were probably trying to address, a black culture where we all grew up.  A lot of us grew up without that experience where you have to have a mother and father in the home. Majority of black kids grew up without a father. Again, when you're dealing with some, important issues and trying to make it funny.

This episode was very emotional for, Will Smith. And that's why he talks about in his book, and now you're saying that they're still bringing it up in the new, Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

Daphne: Yeah, because the storyline is basically the same. But in the hour format, they have the ability to dig deeper into each of the characters and see a well-rounded character, that we didn’t have time to do get a half hour show. We had five different opinions on how to confront this issue. And sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry, but as a family, we get a solution to whatever the challenge is.

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Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Still breaking barriers at 60 years old

Myrna: And yes, your husband played by James Avery was a rock. He was not only funny, but he acted that part very well. And I know that, Will Smith, looked on him as a father figure.  So, it was beautiful that you guys we're a real family. And I think that's what happens when you work together for you know, five, six years.

Daphne: Not necessarily I have had other series other than the, Fresh Prince, that I've been on. And you might be friend one or two people in the show, but it's never been this close a family with any.

Myrna: Hey, that's amazing. Now let's talk about you, transforming your career at 60. You said that you woke up on your 60th birthday and realized that you have been opening doors and, breaking barriers, for younger generations for a long time. What were some of the, barriers, your career has broken down and do you still think that you're breaking down some, barriers?

Daphne: I think my existence is breaking down a, barrier. Many, many situations it's nothing more than just educating people that people like me exist. They are not all categorically one way or another. That is a, barrier, to break because there's a lot of misconception about our community. And we have strived all the years we've been in television to show a broader range of our community. Show the people that we grew up with as well and not just the characterizations created by the dominant culture of what they think, black people do, and how they are.

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Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Fresh Prince of Bel Air breaking stereotypical barriers

We had the freedom on, Fresh Prince, to sit around the table with the writers when we got the scripts and say, no, I think culturally, this is different from where we're coming from, and they were able to listen and adapt to the cultural specificities that we presented. And it was very respectful and a great place to work. Tim Reid and I have been doing a lot of television since the 70s. And when we had the, the authority, the power to make sure that the people behind the camera reflected what we were presenting in front of the camera.

We took that opportunity to do that. And Tim is famous for creating heads of departments where there didn't used to be any in the, black community. So, he's got a whole legacy of changing the camera. What you never saw before, and now it's so refreshing.  I went to work on the new Bell Air for one episode and behind the camera was the most diverse, young, vibrant group of folks, I was pleased. Whatever contribution we made in the 70s and 80s and 90s to make break down, barriers, to make this more normal. I am so pleased that it is expressed at this time.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

The black experience is not monolithic

Myrna: Yes, that's amazing what you said about the, black experience, as a reflection of our true culture and not stereotypical, it's really interesting that I came to that consciousness just a couple weeks ago. I was on XFINITY and they have a category called, black experience. So, I went on to that category. And everything on there is about woman who can't pay her rent, and she is evicted and, and all that and I said to myself, why can't they show a, black experience like the Kardashians. That's what I want to see. I don't want to see struggle. I don't want to see the black person homeless or whatever.

But you're right what you guys did in in the, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, is you showed a professional, black experience.  Beautiful house, everybody was a professional and wealthy living in Bel Air. I noticed that Herman Ainsley played on an episode and his show The Jefferson’s also showed a different, black experience. He's the other one who started to break those stereotypical, barriers.  You got broke down barriers and opened the but the door needs to be wider. Black people, is not all about poverty and struggle.

Daphne: It needs to show all of our experiences we are not a monolithic group. No, we are as diverse as any other nationality, race, whatever. We have a lot of diversity. We have successes, we have failures. So, does everybody so they should show a wide berth? So, people can see that we are not, monolithic. And when we have control of the content, which is something we have continually strived to do. We have control, we have the ability to express those kinds of differences.

Myrna: And even the black actresses, whether they're actors or actresses, they're always striving for better roles too, because they always want to pigeonhole you into the, black experience, where you're, a stereotype.  Nobody wants to show a millionaire or billionaire black person in the show. And I believe that's necessary to inspire our people.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast
Podbean

Breaking barriers in black programming

Daphne: It's changing and a lot of the change is because there are more platforms to show work than there used to be. It used to be only three networks and that was it for if you want to see something on that little box, but now there's so many platforms and there's so many people who are taking the helm of producing and green lighting projects that reflect what they want to show.

I had the honor of being in the movie, Harriet, and what was so much of an honor for me.  I had only one line but I couldn’t care less. I wanted it to be around a, black female director,  a black female producer, a black male designer, a black fashion designer and Cynthia Erivo. I mean, it was such an honor to work in that environment, where you feel the passion from each one of them. To make this one of the best things you've ever seen. It was a remarkable working experience that I'll treasure.

Myrna: That's amazing. That's true. And the academy rewarded them. They won several awards. All right so you have been married to Tim Reid for over 40 years, what is the recipe for a successful marriage in Hollywood? Do you still live in LA?

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

What's the secret to a successful marriage in Hollywood

Daphne: No we do not live in Hollywood, Okay, in Hollywood we would have been with 40 years by regular calendars, but in Hollywood it would be like 160 years. A lot of people get their egos busted in Hollywood. If you're not standing on your own two feet, you're going to have a problem. But what I think our secret to a successful marriage is we've learned how to fight fair and we respect each other.

You have to start with a basis of respect because that fire that gets you together in the first place, doesn't burn for 40 years. With this person who you have chosen to be with, and you cannot change anyone, so stop trying to change people. They are who they are. Deal with it. Well, that goes both ways and always bring something to the relationship.

Don't go there just to take. Make sure that you have something to give in the relationship, so you can grow together and allow each other to grow in the way that they personally need to grow. Its hard work and takes some effort. It takes learning how to fight fair and perseverance. It also takes some love Yes.

Myrna: Of course, love have to be there else it’s not going to work. But you are correct the love transforms itself from passion just loving being together and doing life together.

Daphne: You have to want the best for each other. I mean, if you start to tear down their desires to grow, you're really setting a bad example, because they can turn around and tear down your desire to grow and stagnation is not a good component of a marriage.

Myrna: That's awesome. What are you up to these days? Are you still acting? I see you have 4 photobooks and a cookbook.  Can you tell us about those?

Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast
Deezer Transform Your Mind Podcast

Taking photos of life

Daphne: When I take photos, I do things with them. I made tote bags this this year because COVID kept me from traveling and I couldn't take more pictures. I always do a line of coats and I still do custom coats. I stay busy because I like staying busy. And I have some talents to share and I continue to say share with them. I made masks during COVID I still make masks, I put a HEPA filter in them and they're safe to wear but they're also stylish. I make them for donation pieces for different art groups that I work with.

I designed fabrics that I use to make these masks, I designed fabrics for any use. I like to take these journeys of exploration and see where they leave me. And since I turned 60 many years ago, I started my photographic journey and decided that I was going to be a photographic artist. I had to learn what that meant and how to do it. And I started with gallery shows and I started making note cards and prints that you put on the wall and they just evolved into stories that I've talked about my travel which into books, which turned into a wonderful, wonderful way to travel.

Myrna: What do you photograph? Is it scenery or people?

Daphne: Only doors I only take pictures of doors.

Myrna: Oh, that's amazing.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Using Doors as a metaphor of life

Daphne: They are, to me a metaphor for life. I want to encourage people by looking at my doors to see what I saw at that moment because I only take one picture of each door. See what I see at that moment how God lit it. How the craftsmen crafted it. Colors, the texture, noticing the details of your life makes your journey very rich. Don't go from A to B just to get there, be sure that you pay attention to the details of getting to be because that enriches your journey and makes for a wonderful joyful life.

Myrna: Now that's a perfect metaphor or analogy to end the transform your mind show, that is amazing. I did not notice that. And I've actually never heard that. How many times do we notice a door? We just use it as an entry point. So that's beautiful if you stop and look at that. I was doing some visualization yesterday and they said that whenever you walk into the door of your house, that you should picture yourself walking into your dream life. I never pay attention to my door and never remember my visualization.

Daphne: You just notice the details in life and it really is enriching don't just hold that phone and walk around. Open yourself up and live your life. Don't just look for it to be animated in front of you.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict
Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict

Paying attention to life

Myrna: That's wise advice. I follow the reaching of Sadhguru and he talked about, paying attention, to your inner world. So, I started doing that, paying attention, because we don't even pay attention. Everything goes on automatically in our lives and in our body. So what you're talking about is, paying attention, to things in life and then once you start doing that, then maybe you can bring it internally.

Daphne: Your health depends on you, paying attention, to what your body is responding to. You listen to it, and pay attention to it. It will guide you to what you need for your body.

Myrna: How can listeners connect with you and get copies of your books, masks and designs?

Daphne: www.DaphneMaxwellReid.com The site has everything about me, what I've been doing, what I'm going to do, what I've done.  Join me and look at what I have to serve with what I have to offer you.

Additional Resources

The Pursuit of Happiness: The Happiness Habit

 

 

How Black Fathers Can replace the Absentee Dad Myth

Black Fathers, are so valuable, we are so important.  We have to take care of ourselves, we have to get over this idea of stepping back or I can't deal with this and be there for our black families.

Carl Stokes Jr. is an author, keynote speaker, professor and social worker and author of the  brand new book  “A Straightforward Guide for Black Fathers to Improve Themselves and their Relationships with their Children”  So this post is about Fatherhood, and the Issue of, Black Fathers, because in the black community we have the label of the, black fathers,  are usually, absentee Dads.

Listen to the full interview here:

Introduction Why Black Fathers need to be visible

Dr Carl decided to write this book and mentor, black fathers, because it is something that the black community needs to get better at.  Carl Stokes Jr. is an award-winning social worker, educator, college instructor and recently received his doctorate in education. His dissertation focuses on, Black Fathers, and their perseverance in community colleges. Dr Carl is passionate about working to uplift the black community.   He also enjoys teaching, parenting classes, for a small non-profit organization.

Myrna – As a black man tell us your story of your relationship with your, father, and your current relationships with your daughters. I'm curious to know, because a lot of times we work on areas that we have lived through.

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Dr Carl – What's interesting is that my answer is both. I grew up with my, black father, and without my, black father.   My dad was in the home until I was about 10 or 11 years old, unfortunately though during that time he had fallen victim to the crack cocaine epidemic of the 80s. So my, father, was in a home; but life was very difficult during that time; because of what he was going through.

However, he was still in the home, there was still benefits of his presence. Then things got really bad to the point where we were basically forced out.  I went through that whole period of teenage years and everything without guidance of my, father.  So, as an adult, I can see the difference between an, absentee dad, and a, Black father, in the home.  Because even though my, father,  wasn't at his best, when he was in the home I benefited form him being visible.

Why Black Fathers should be visible to their kids

Myrna – So between the ages of 1 and 10 your dad was in the home; but he even though he couldn't be a, father, because he was under the influence of crack cocaine, what you are saying is that the fact your, father, was in the home; it had some positive effect on you.

Dr Carl – Absolutely! Discipline wise, teaching me how to protect and take care of my mother, because he was gone a lot.  He would have conversations with me. It was nice having a, father, to talk to. It was a benefit to me and my younger brother.

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Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

I can sit here and say that I did get lessons from having that male presence in the house. I can also say I also experienced domestic violence and theft. I also experienced run-ins with the police and people from the street and all that. I wouldn't say stick it out regardless, because I just as easily could have went the other way. I was just fortunate enough to take the more positive path.

Why is being a visible Black Father is Important

Myrna – Let's transition to your relationship with your daughters. You have three daughters. How do you parent them knowing that you didn't have a, father, since you were 10 years old?

Dr Carl – Okay, this is where it gets a little bit interesting and sort of complicated, because I became a, black father, at 17 years old. I was a senior in high school, unfortunately because I was so young and because I didn't have the guidance and I was immature, I ended up not handling my, parenting, as a, Black father, the way I should have. My daughter’s mother decided to move to Atlanta Georgia and take my daughter with her.

I didn't know I had rights. I didn't know that I shouldn’t have allowed her to take my daughter without working out any arrangements. The separation caused damage to the relationship between me and my first daughter. When I became a, Black Father, to my other two daughters, I vowed that nothing was going to stop me from being a good dad. Fatherhood, became my absolute top priority.

Soundcloud Transform your mind podcast
Transform your Mind Soundcloud podcast

Replacing the Absentee Black Father Myth

Myrna – Why is it that traditionally, black fathers, have been absent? We know we've got the crack epidemic, we know we've got prison; but even when none of those circumstances are present, black fathers, still don't make it a priority to parent their children. Why do you think that is the situation?

Dr Carl – We kind of lowered our own expectations as, Black dads. We have very little guidance and then when we put the other things in a mix;

  • incarceration,
  • impoverished conditions,
  • relationship struggles and finances.
  • It causes extra stress and strain on, Black fathers, and their relationships with their kids.

Myrna – I actually just started reading Mike Tyson's book “Undisputed Truth”. If you want to hear about a messed up Black family with no role models, this is the book to read.  I couldn’t believe all the stuff that Mike Tyson lived through as a child without a, Black father, and an, absentee dad. How can, Black Dads, have a relationship with their kids and a relationship as a husband when all they know is dysfunction?

A Guide for Black Fathers

Why did you write the book “Reclaim your Visibility: A Straightforward Guide for Black Men to Improve Themselves and their Relationship with your Children?

Dr Carl – I wrote this book simply because of this: I got it wrong for many years and I want to assist in the idea of, black fathers,  not having to go through being an, absentee dad, and learn from my mistakes. My eldest daughter and I  had a very rocky path and I don't want that to go in vain. I don't want to just talk about the plight of, Black Fatherhood,  I want to do something about it. If I can help one, Black Father, have a better relationship with their child or children, then it's totally worth it.

Book: reclaim your visibility, Black Fathers
Book: reclaim your visibility, Black Fathers

Myrna – What makes your guide book different from all the other, Fatherhood, books?

Dr Carl – I am not the old wise man on top of the mountain talking to the village. The reason why this book is different is I literally started to repair my relationship with my eldest daughter this past summer. So this book is about real life, not theory.

Myrna – A lot of, Black Fathers, are, absentee dads. Do you think that they can repair the damage and build back a relationship with their children?

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Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher

Dr Carl – Absolutely! We can't always take it back; but we have to learn from these mistakes and move on. That is the basis of the book and that's why it's called “A Straightforward Guide for Black Fathers to Improve Themselves and their Relationships with their Children” Because a lot of times, black fathers, need healing ourselves.

How to offer support for Black Father in College

Myrna – You mentioned that you did a doctoral thesis and research on Black Fathers in Colleges. Tell us about that.

Dr Carl – The dissertation is actually on, Black Student Fathers, and their persistence and perseverance in community Colleges. I was a community college, Black Father, with a child and a lot of times, these schools have programs for mothers; but no guidance for, Black Dads. I wanted to do something different and focus on this very specific population, black student fathers, in community college settings.

Myrna – Tell us about your media company – Stokes Media LLC.

Dr Carl – In the media piece, I do several things. This is my official company where I do speaking engagements, seminars conferences, trainings and mentoring. The other sides of my books are self-published. I'm also assisting other people to help get their stories out and become published Authors. So the whole Stokes Media concept embodies all those things.

Myrna – Tell our listeners and those watching on YouTube how to contact you and get a copy of your book.

Dr Carl – The easiest way to contact me is to go directly to my website www.drcarlstokesjr.com. You can go right to the contact page and fill out the inquiry form. You can ask questions, leave comments/feedback or whatever you want to do.

Myrna – You also mentor, Black Fathers, at a non-profit organization. Tell us about that.

Dr Carl – I actually do, parenting classes, for an agency here in Buffalo called the “Family Help Center”. So when parents are looking for assistance, I help.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

How Co-parenting can help Black Fathers stay visible

Myrna – When you do the, parenting classes, can you walk us through some of your subjects or the things that you talk about? In this conversation we've been focusing on, Black Fathers, but all fathers can benefit from your book and, parenting. What advise would you give them?

Dr Carl – I would say the number one advice I would give to parents is on, co-parenting. I don't care if you don't get along, I don't care if all broke up because he was doing this or doing that.  What's important is the child or the children. We have to learn to get along for the sake of the children and be fair to each other for the sake of the children. Your children are witnessing and understanding these arguments, these disagreements, these accusations and things like that.

We tend to think that the kids are stupid and they're not listening to anything. Let me tell you, they're taking in everything, they're taking in how you feel, they're taking in the energy that you're putting out and they are internalizing the things that they're hearing. So, co-parenting, is key especially in our community we have to get that fixed.

What is the message for Black Fathers

Myrna – What is the message that you want them to take away with when they close the book?

Dr Carl – The predominant message of the book if I had to break it down into one main theme, I would say I would want my, black fathers, to understand how important we are to the situation. As a foundation of the family, to us being better as a community as a whole.  Black Fathers, are so valuable, we are so important, we have to take care of ourselves, we have to get over this idea of stepping back or I can't deal with this.

We have to understand how meaningful it is for us to be around and holding down our families. We hold down our households, our households work together to hold down our neighborhoods, our neighborhoods hold it down together to hold down our communities and it spreads on like that.

We don't need to worry about or hope for everybody else to do this for us, we can do it ourselves; but it starts with us being in the house and visible to our kids. Even if you don't live in the house, I'm just saying the presence of involvement is necessary. Not everybody is going to be together, and that's why we talk about, co-parenting. Our presence is so valuable, we have to make sure that we handle our business as a, black father.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Myrna – Where can they get the book?

Dr Carl – You can get the book on Amazon Kindle. If you want a signed copy you can get it from me directly at www.drcarlstokesjunior.com.

If anybody wants the Audio book, go to my site www.drcarlstonesjr.com. Order the Audio book and there's a free sample on there.

Enter the code “stay visible2021” and you'll get 25% off of the Audio book.

Conclusion

Black Fathers, are important to the community. Any father is important to the community; but we're concentrating on our community, the black community. Our community is jacked up. Like you said you go to your friend's house and they've got a mom and a dad and food in the kitchen and everybody is getting along. You're not outside throwing things at each other and having the police come by and all that which is a lot of which is the lifestyle of some children in the, black community.

Shout out to my Atlanta audience. Hopefully your daughter can listen on the radio WDJY 99.1 FM.

I want to encourage you guys if you're watching us on YouTube to please subscribe. We're trying to grow our channel because it's much more exciting to actually see the person that I'm interviewing. So, if you're watching on YouTube, kindly subscribe so you'll be able to get the new videos as they come out every week.

If you're listening on the radio and you want to be able to hear the podcast another time other than the radio broadcast, I encourage you to subscribe to any of the 11 podcast players that the show airs on.

Transform your mind iTunes Podcast iTunes
Download on iTunes

If you're in iTunes, please read and review because that allows us to grow our audience as well. I also have a Facebook group called Life Coach. I invite you guys all to join.

Additional Resources

Celebrating Black Love Introducing BlackdateBox

http://blog.myhelps.us/self-love-secret-out-of-the-snares/