How to Heal the Mother Wound From Your Childhood

Mother wound healing

We all know that children from zero to seven are all like little sponges, downloading everything. This is when the, mother wound, gets started. Mothers, are nurturers if the child is not getting nurtured, they fail to thrive.

I want to say that I personally have not had a, mother wound.  My, mother, and I are pretty close. I’m the eldest of four children and my, mother, she’s actually my best friend. But I understand the pain from the, mother wound. I adopted three children from the, foster care, system who were heavily wounded by their, mothers.  They all had, abandonment, issues so,  I experienced firsthand how the, mother wound, affected every aspect of their lives.

The girls became promiscuous with men and boys, wanted friends and have people like them. Also because of the, mother wound, they were not being able to bond with me or my husband, because another bi-product of the, mother wound, is, attachment disorder, so the adoption was not successful in integrating our families.

My guest today is Keri Hummingbird, author of “Love is Fierce: Healing the Mother Wound. If you or anyone you know need healing from, mother wounds, this is the episode for you.

Listen to the full interview here:

 

Introduction

Keri Hummingbird Sami is a soul guide, shamanic healer, award winning author and inspirational speaker. Kerri has over 20 years of experience in helping women rewrite the story of their lives through inner transformation, connection to essence, remembrance of purpose and realignment to authenticity and truth.

Myrna – Kerri what was your relationship with your mother like? Were you wounded by your, mother?

Kerri – Myrna even though your personal experience with your, mother, from your vantage point is very healed, which is a beautiful gift, there is like an ocean of not healed women on the planet. Having a, mother, as a life preserver who knows how to love is so beautiful and really pivotal because everything that happens in our early life, starting from the moment of conception is being recorded.

Starting from the moment of conception in the mother’s womb, babies are being formed in the, consciousness, of the, mother, it can’t be any other way. You’re inside the, mother, you’re being formed by the, mother’s, beliefs about herself, beliefs about the world, ancestral traumas that are unhealed; all of it goes inside of our ancestral DNA in our very human bodies.

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Your Communication with your mother starts in the womb

Just imagine that the voice that you speak to yourself with it starts forming when you’re being formed inside your, mother’s womb, so however your, mother, speaks to herself is how you start to learn to speak to yourself. If the, mother, is not confident or if she’s had sexual traumas or if she does not believe in herself that’s going to influence your development. If the, mother, believes in herself, if she’s strong, if she’s vibrant then you’re getting that. You’re getting that training inside as you’re growing inside her body.

They’ve proven now that babies are able to perceive outside the womb, they’re able to perceive not only what’s going on inside the, mother, but also the outside environment. Babies can perceive things, they can hear voices, a vibration happens they can feel things, they sense things.

So, the beginning of education in earth school starts from the moment of conception. We all know that children from zero to seven are all like little sponges, downloading everything. This is when the, mother wound, gets started. Mothers, are nurturers if the child is not getting nurtured, they fail to thrive.

 

If a child is not being nurtured by the mother they develop a mother wound

If you experience a big loss like an, abandonment, early in that zero to seven age range, that’s hugely impacting. Anywhere along your development from zero to twenty-one, anything that happens is going to be huge for you, because all of your various bodies are getting developed.

Your physical body is getting developed first, then your emotional body is getting developed then your mental body is getting developed, then your spiritual body gets developed until age 28, so all of these bodies are being formed. Everything that happens in your life experience is like creating the context of your life, the inner context.

Myrna – In this moment anyone who is a, mother, should take that role seriously. It’s a big responsibility. Before I got into this consciousness space and this self-improvement space I would hear them talk about the men or women who are in prison and blame their parents. It all starts with their, mother wound.

I always thought it was a big old blame game, but now I know it’s true the, mother wound, develops into so many unfortunate situations.

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Your Mother Wound affects your children

Kerri – I want to reassure every, mother, because when I started learning about the, mother wound, I started going to self-judgment. I look at oldest child especially how his life rolled out. He’s really struggling with this and that and I was struggling with the same things while he was in me. I had a lot of, mental health, challenges that I’d been working on when I was pregnant with him at 30.

I had already been working on it for 15 years from the time I was 15 years old because I had early, childhood trauma, so I was trying to heal and I thought I had it all together and then he came into my womb.

This happens to a lot of, mothers, because you get pregnant and then your whole physiology changes. Any traumas from your childhood comes right up to the surface. You start having, postpartum depression, or other things and you’re like why is this happening. I was really excited to have this baby. Why am I going through, postpartum depression?

Having a baby, it’s like the big purge. One of the reasons for, postpartum depression, is not dealing with stuff from your past or not dealing with your, mother wounds. Psychology makes an effort in helping, mothers, to cope with this kind of thing. I even invested in psychotherapy.
I would sit there every week and like try to work on myself.

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How the mother wound affects your romantic relationships

Myrna – If you’re abandoned by your mom or hurt by your mom, the, mother wound, it’s very hard for you to love yourself, then you can’t really be in romantic relationships.

You have to remove the subconscious programming that says you are not good enough and learn to love yourself.  If you can’t release the, mother wound, and love yourself, you will continue to struggle in romantic relationships. You must gain control of your life as it deals with this issue of the, mother wound?

Kerri – I think that subconscious holds the keys to all of it because if you think about this concept of the iceberg submerged in the ocean. The part you see above the water is the conscious mind, but there’s so much more underneath the surface.

There’s so much to explore about your own consciousness to understand yourself better, so that you can show up even better.

You didn’t choose to be molested , you didn’t choose to be abandoned, you didn’t choose to be hurt by your, mother, and have a, mother wound.

According to according to Dr Wayne Dyer‘s teaching he says we chose our parents, because we needed that experience in order to do what we have to do in this earth.

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Psychotherapy can help to heal the mother wound

My journey in psychotherapy helped my understanding of why I had a, mother wound. The home I grew up in from the time I was five years old, was very solid. My mom and my dad worked as a team. I didn’t always like the things that they told me I had to do, but they were caring, they were loving and attentive.

We had three-way hugs in a supportive family environment. We went sailing on the weekends, we had a nice life. So I was like, why am I so screwed up? I had this feeling that something got broken inside of me from my early childhood, because I knew that there was trauma from zero to five years old.

It was a big trauma. My mom married a man who was probably not suited to be a dad. He had his own trauma story from his own childhood of being abused by his mother and left outside of hotel rooms while she slept with men and things like that. He was abandoned in hotels for days, so we had all these traumas he was working through.

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Transform Your Mind Podcast Addict

Unresolved Wounds from your childhood affects your ability to parent

My, mother, started noticing that there was a really good possibility that he was going to molest me. I want to give my mom huge props, because many, mothers, stay in a situation like that afraid to leave, but my, mother, was a warrior of love. So left and found the next best pathway and that was my first step father.

My first stepfather was a violent drunk, so it was very traumatic. So by the time I was five after four years with this violent step father, we moved and just by chance met my second stepfather who I call my dad. He is the man my, mother, has been with for 45 years until he passed away three years ago.

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Transform Your Mind Pocket Casts

Spirituality is the path to healing the mother wound

I started my spiritual path and for me that was the opening because it taped into beyond the mind, it taped into the body where a lot of trauma is stored. Many people know trauma is stored in the body and it taps into the emotional body. When you’re a child and you’re seeing these scary things happening, you don’t have words to talk. You don’t have language.

As an adult, you have to go deeper into the body, the somatic experience. You have to go into inner child healing, and make friends with all these aspects of you and become their parents. It’s really about re-mothering yourself and the re-mothering process takes some time because
of those early conditionings.

You have to stay in the conversation of love and kindness and gentleness long enough for it to start to sink in, and for these aspects to heal. Along that journey all kinds of modalities might happen for you. I found mine in a shaman. Somebody told me they got healed by a shaman and I was like sign me up.

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How can men heal the mother wound?

What are men’s role in healing the, mother wound? A lot of times men add it to the damage that the, mother, started and then the men compound the, mother wound.

Kerri – Men can help by healing the mother wounds inside of them, because all men were boys and they came out of a, mother, so that’s why the solution is the, mother, because we all live in a, mother, to begin life. So, in order to heal we all have to walk back to the, mother.

Your relationship with your, mother, and the programming of love that you received from your, mother, is also your trust in your connection with the divine and earth. It’s a multi-dimensional conversation, because whatever lack of trust you have with your biological mother, that same lack of trust can show up in your connection with the divine, in your connection with the planet.

If you’re disregarding your body, you’re probably also disregarding your impact on the earth.

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Why did you write the book “Love is Fierce: healing the mother wound”?

Kerri – My book uses my personal experience to illustrate various points that are very common across humanity so, there’s a lot of themes in the book that talk about why it is that we are in the situation we’re in right now. Why we have so much war and conflict, misunderstanding and divides between people. This is because of the breakdown of the matriarchy. The breakdown of the feminine and how a lot of the patterns we see are derived directly from breakdown of that primary relationship with the, mother.

I had to go through the deep inner work to write the book and to reveal the patterns, but honestly I’ve been working on this project my entire life.

Myrna – I understand, you had 20 years in psychotherapy. This project allowed you to heal your, mother wound, and also heal the, mother wounds, of your children.

Myrna – Where can our listeners connect with you get a copy of your book? How can they connect with you on social media and your website?

Kerri- They can connect with me on my website www.kerrihummingbird.com
On the website there is a link to sign up for 17 days of interviews on the return of mother wisdom, which I find to be really inspiring. I interviewed all these women and they have these beautiful things to say about where we’re going with humanity on the earth.

You can purchase the book on amazon and then you can take your confirmation number over to www.motherwoundbook.com  (receive 17 days of interviews for the Return of Mother Wisdom Series)

I also have a podcast called the Soul Nectar Show, I hope you’re going to come and be a guest on the show.

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Additional Resources

Reflection 4 Rejection: Surviving My Mothers Abandonment and Abuse

Childhood Sexual Trauma and Addiction, PT 2

Personal Growth Podcast

Childhood Sexual Trauma and Addiction, survivors abuse drugs because it helps them cope with or block out the traumatic memories.

Today on the Transform your mind podcast, we look at Karmen’s story, from the book “Call me an Addict, War on Women” by Dr Tra Ahia.  First, I want to establish a connection between, Childhood sexual trauma and addiction.

Adults abused as children are reportedly 1.5 times more likely to say they used illicit drugs as compared to individuals who were not abused as children. The age of onset for non-experimental drug use with, Childhood sexual trauma  and addiction, survivors is around 14.

Studies indicate that drug abuse is more common than alcohol use in adolescents who have been sexually traumatized and have found a link to, childhood sexual trauma and addiction,

Childhood Sexual Trauma and Addiction, survivors abuse drugs because it helps them:

  • cope with or block out the traumatic memories.
  • deal with feelings of isolation and loneliness.
  • improve feelings of self-worth and self-esteem.
  • cope with mental health problems such as anxietydepression, and PTSD.
Call me an Addict
Call me an Addict

Karmen’s story of, Childhood Sexual Trauma and Addiction.

Karmen’s story is a little different from Kelly’s story in that her, childhood sexual abuse and trauma, did not come from her parents. In fact she said her father loved her and took her everywhere with him. But her brother started beating her up because her father loved her more than him. The beatings progressed to, sexual abuse, and then her father’s girlfriend made her eat her “Peach pie.”

Her brother jumped her into a gang and she started breaking into people’s homes, beating them up, robbing them, and selling dope.

She was raped by the gang members at age 14 and started being sexually promiscuous soon after that. She ended up with  2 kids by age 16.

With no money to feed her kids she started taking money from a drug dealer.

He bought her a car, furnished her apartment, and spoiled her and her kids, until he started beating her on the regular and abusing her sexually. Then he started pimping her out. She started getting high every day to cope. She started out using crack and then progressed to heroin.

After spending time in prison for robbery and selling drugs, she became seriously depressed.

She got tired of getting high and tried to commit suicide 4 times. Her story ends with her 5th suicide attempt.

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What lessons can we learn from  Karnen’s story of, Sexual Trauma and Addiction?

We learn that Karmen’s story showcases sibling rivalry and parents who were not aware and allowed her brother to abuse her sexually and physically.

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Podbean 

You mentioned in our first episode that most addicts can’t just go into rehab and in 30 days get clean and never touch drugs again. In reality it is a daily struggle and most times they can’t even stay clean for their kids. In your 30 years as an addiction therapist what is the difference in the ones that made it?

I would say two things Desire to stay clean and and a faulty stop and go mechanism in the brain

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Arifah as a mental health counselor what do you think is the reason youth with, sexual trauma,  resulting medicate with drugs? Is it different from my list above?

Yes most youth use drugs to fit in and gain confidence.

Transform your Mind TuneIn Radio
TuneIn Radio

Dr Tra walk us through how crack cocaine changes the brain.

Crack is a psychological  drug.  Your body thinks you need it; but if you don’t take it, you don’t go into the sweats. You don’t die or even feel pain.

Whereas physiological drugs like opiates, if you don’t take these drugs your body goes into withdrawal and you get pain in your body, you get diarrhea, sweats etc.

When it gets into the body, crack acts upon a midbrain structure called the ventral tegmental area (VTA), where a chemical messenger in the brain called dopamine lives [source: National Institutes of Health]. Crack interferes with dopamine, which is involved in the body’s pleasure response. Dopamine is released by cells of the nervous system during pleasurable activities such as eating or having sex. Once released, dopamine travels across a gap between nerve cells, called a synapse, and binds to a receptor on a neighboring nerve cell (also called a neuron). This sends a signal to that nerve cell. (Dopamine doesn’t actually cause feelings of pleasure but it does influence how pleasure affects the brain, usually by reinforcing a pleasant feeling.) Under normal conditions, once the dopamine sends that signal, it is reabsorbed by the neuron that released it. This reabsorption happens with the help of a protein called the dopamine transporter [source: National Institutes of Health].

Trauma and Crack Addiction
Trauma and Crack Addiction

Crack interrupts this cycle. It attaches to the dopamine transporter, preventing the normal reabsorption process. As dopamine builds up in the synapse, it continues to stimulate the receptor, creating a lingering feeling of exhilaration or euphoria in the user.

Because crack is inhaled as a smoke, it reaches the brain much faster than inhaled powder cocaine. It can get to the brain and create a high within three to five minutes, compared to the 20 to 30 minutes it takes to feel the effects of snorted cocaine. On the downside, the crack cocaine high lasts about 30-60 minutes, while the cocaine high could last one to two hours [source: American Addiction Centers].

https://science.howstuffworks.com/crack.htm

 

I have a personal experience with crack. I was engaged to a guy who was addicted to crack.  I could never forget, on our second date he casually mentioned that he was a crack addict for 20 years and he was now clean.

I had never had experience with anyone addicted to drugs before, so I took his word at face value.

Needless to say, he was not over crack.  I started to do my research and found that crack makes permanent changes to the brain and an addict has to deal with cravings every day.  My boyfriend was no different.  I had a Limousine service and he drove for me.  One night someone was smoking crack in the back of the limousine and that triggered him.  He disappeared for 4 days with the money from the run.  I had to report the limousine stolen.  He did not come back until all the money was finished. He was a binge smoker, as soon as he got paid he would disappear.  He finally spent one year in the, Salvation Army rehab program.  We broke up.  I don’t know if he managed to stay clean.

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In the crack world a lot of women who are addicted to crack become crack whores and prostitute for drugs, Karmen was no different. It is really interesting that the men addicted to crack still abuse the women addicted to crack so this is really a war on women.

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Most children who suffer from, childhood sexual trauma and addiction,  simply fail to recognize, acknowledge, and effectively process this trauma until it manifests in self-destructive ways like self-harm, substance abuse, or the inability to control their emotions.

While both males and females can be affected by, childhood sexual trauma and addiction, the prevalence rate is higher for females. It is estimated that nearly 15 million adolescent girls worldwide have experienced forced sex. According to UNICEF, 

Data from the, Department of Health and Human Services, indicates that almost sixty-thousand children are sexually abused per year in the United States.  This abuse lends itself to, childhood sexual trauma and addiction,  The Department of Justice’s report indicates that 14 percent of all men and 36 percent of all women in prison were abused as children.

 

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Here are some Specific symptoms of, sexual abuse causing, sexual trauma and addiction:
(citation, the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress)

  • Withdrawal and mistrust of adults
  • Suicidal
  • Difficulty relating to others except in sexual or seductive ways
  • Unusual interest in or avoidance of all things sexual or physical
  • Sleep problems, nightmares, fears of going to bed
  • Frequent accidents or self-injurious behaviors
  • Refusal to go to school, or to the doctor, or home
  • Secretiveness or unusual aggressiveness
  • Sexual components to drawings and games
  • Neurotic reactions (obsessions, compulsiveness, phobias)
  • Habit disorders (biting, rocking)
  • Unusual sexual knowledge or behavior
  • Prostitution
  • Forcing sexual acts on other children
  • Extreme  fear of  being touched

 

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Additional Resources, Childhood Sexual Trauma and Addiction

Drug and Alcohol Treatment for Women with Trauma

Protecting your Child from, Sexual Abuse, in your Own Home

https://blog.myhelps.us/whats-your-story-breakthesilence/

https://drugabuse.com/crack/effects-use/#targetText=Crack%20Dependency,can%20become%20dependent%20on%20crack.

Side Effects of Crack Cocaine

The fleeting high from smoking crack can be outweighed by a host of negative effects. Though these can vary as widely as the positive effects listed above, commonly reported side effects include:

  • Irritability.
  • Anxiety.
  • Headache.
  • Depression.
  • Aggressive, paranoid behavior.
  • Abdominal pain.
  • Sudden death due to heart attack or stroke.