Kanye West’s mother Donda built up her son’s, self confidence, by speaking life into him. She told him “If you are a giant, you can’t see yourself when you look in the mirror”
In this episode of, 5 min Fridays with Coach Myrna, I want to teach on, self-confidence, and use the Netflix documentary of, Kanye West, as the background story.
Kanye West, grew up poor in Chicago and started rapping at a young age. He started producing beats in his teens and created beats for legends like Jayz and others. But his vision was to be a rapper and nobody would give him a record deal as a rapper, because he was labeled a producer. His mother Donda kept speaking to his, confidence, she kept building him up by telling him he was great.
She told him “If you are a giant, you can’t see yourself when you look in the mirror”
That was a powerful statement and Kanye used that as his fuel to keep pushing and he finally got that record deal with Roc-A-Fella records, but he still had to push to get his first album released. The album was an immediate hit topping the charts at #1 and he was nominated for 10 Grammys. Kanye West, is now on his way to becoming the richest black man in America.
Kanye West mother spoke life into him by calling him a giant
Kanye’s, confidence, was stroked by his mother. She told him he was a genius and a, giant, and he started walking and talking like a, giant. It all started with his mother Donda watering his dreams and building his, confidence, until according to, Kanye, his brain became too big for his head. That was his explanation for his battle with, mental illness.
Let’s look at that statement a, giant, looks in the, mirror, and sees nothing.
Self-confidence, is looking at yourself and knowing that you are crushing it. Whatever it is but if you lack, self-confidence, when you look in the, mirror, you see nothing; there is no reflection of beauty. You see failure, you see your flaws, you see not enough. What, Kanye West Donda, was saying to, Kanye, was that he was so great that he couldn’t comprehend it and so couldn’t see it when he looked in the, mirror.
That is the most powerful builder of, self-confidence, I had ever heard because from then on whenever, Kanye, doubted himself, he would remember his mother’s words that he just couldn’t see his greatness because he was bigger than even the, mirror.
We are all giants and limitless
We can all be, giants, because we are limitless. We can become anything we want, but what holds us back is feeling small when we look in the, mirror. The people of Israel saw themselves as, grasshoppers, they saw themselves small and insignificant. Remember, Kanye West Donda, words a, giant, looks in the, mirror, and sees nothing, so keep pushing until the, mirror, catches up to your vision.
Parents remember to speak into your children’s lives. Richard Williams spoke into Venus Williams and Serena Williams lives. He told them that they will become the best in game of tennis. He told them that they are future champions and they would win Wimbledon and they believed and came into agreement. Serena Williams did become the greatest in the game of tennis.
I speak into my children’s lives all the time. Sometimes they come into agreement and sometimes they feel that because I am mom, that I should say these things. Don’t worry if they don’t look like they are accepting your vision. Remember the movie Inception. All you are doing is planting seeds, when the time comes, that seed will become a forest.
So, keep speaking life into your children, into your spouse, into yourself. Tell yourself that when a, giant, looks in the, mirror, he sees nothing so if you don’t see anything it is because you are a, giant! Everyone sees the, giant, except you.
Conclusion
This is life coach Myrna Young and you are listening to, 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna. I want to invite you to join my Facebook group called Lifecoach for daily inspiration. Until next time Namaste
Would you like to have, 50 shades of Grey, in your Bedroom? Find out how to have the, sexual confidence, of, Dakota Johnson, by embracing your, Goddess, in the Bedroom. Life Coach Myrna Young, interviews Intimacy and Orgasmic Coach, Margo Blake. Margo is going to teach you How to Embrace Your, Goddess, in the Bedroom with, sexual confidence.
As a teen mom Margo was forced into developing her, sexual confidence, at an early age. At 48 years old she decided to learn the secrets of the, intimacy, that had always eluded her. Even though she was always, sexually confident, She wanted to know more about the RAW, Vulnerable parts of herself that she always held back from men and address her, fear of intimacy. She wanted to find out for herself and also to teach other women to embrace there, intimacy issues. So she started, intimacy coaching, teaching women How to be, sexually confident, and embrace their Goddess in the bedroom, 50 shades of grey, style.
Your own, 50 Shades of Grey, in the bedroom
In celebration of the movie “50 Shades Freed” and Valentines Day, I wanted to give my listeners a gift. A gift of Awakening along the lines of the Awakening felt by, Dakota Johnson, by Christian Grey.
Margo teaches women to use their voice to tell their partners what they want and don’t want. She teaches women that men should be in servitude to them and they should have, sexual confidence, about their sexuality, embracing their Goddess and their, 50 shades of grey, in the bedroom fully!
As women of all ages are bored with their partners, the movie, 50 Shades of Grey, captures and excites women, the same way Christian Grey captures and excites, Dakota Johnson. Women are bored with the vanilla love making and vanilla lifestyle. We want our ice cream with sprinkles on top!
Can you tell my audience your back story. How did you start, intimacy coaching?
Well I’m going to try to dothis very quickly because I am 54 yearsold and fabulous, so I’m going to try tospeed it up. I was a teenage mom at 16 years old. I started to embrace my, sexuality, as a teenager but lacked, sexual confidence, and I had no, intimacy, with my partners.
I got married and divorced and when Iturned 48 I felt I was missing out on life. I was close to 50 years old and my wholehistory of my relationships with men was sad. Men alwaysleft me. I’m going to transition out myrelationship which was going on 10 yearsand I wanted to be me and embrace my, sexuality and become more intimate with my partners.
That’s how Ibecame an, intimacy coach, and started, intimacy coaching. I dida transformational workshop and certification with One Taste Coachingand Istarted to mentor clients for the last
six years. The last three years I’ve beenon the journey ofbecoming an intimate orgasmic Life Coachwith One Taste.
2. Question 2: What advice would you give to young women today on how to embrace their, Goddess, in the Bedroom and to How to be confident about their, sexuality?
If I had to give myself mysixteen-year-old self advice about mysexuality the first thing I would have asked was, why am I with this particularguy? As they develop, sexual confidence, you want to start telling men what you want andby doing that, we create awhole world of men of servitude. So onceagain the advice I would give youngwomen and older women is learning tocommunicate what your desires are. I want it this way, no Idon’t want it that way.
50 shades of Grey
50 Shades of Grey the Movie
In the movie, 50 Shades of Grey, Dakota Johnson, is a young woman inexperienced in sex and becomes drawn in the world of a, dominatrix, Christian Grey. All three movies were well received; but it still received a lot of criticism about showcasing abuse of women. What do you think the message of the film, 50 shades of grey, is for young women like, Dakota Johnson?
The movie, 50 shades of Grey, to me is is all about love andservice and sex and that kind of thing
but I remember when I took my mom to see the movie. Iposted it on Facebookseveralwomen responded with outrage saying how can I glorify that movie itabuses women.
Margo- I embracethe movie, it’s of excitedusto escape having a vanilla lifestyle. It’s a different
type of lifestyle that they both agree on. It’s all about giving upand surrendering to your man. It’s all about, intimacy, and, sexual confidence. That’s what, Dakota Johnson, did she surrendered to the power-play. Shetrusted herself , and her, sexuality.
That person that posted on yourFacebook page that she was abused couldn’t have seen the movie. She didn’t seewhat you and I saw, because there was no abuse, it was it wasconsensual sex even though Christian Grey was a, dominatrix.
What constitutes, intimacy?
Margo what would you call, intimacy? Is it that raw vulnerablepart that you allow your partner or yourfriends to see?
Margo- Intimacy, it’s the partof you that does not lie. It’s the partof you that allows your friends, your family, or your lover to look you in the eye andconnect with you. Sohypothetically if you are feeling sad canlook at your daughter or your daughtercan look at you and connect with you?
Because some of us were masks. We wear amask our whole life, we don’t allow peopleto see that vulnerable part of us.
Intimacy, is being able to communicate whatyou’re feeling and not masking. Intimacy, is allowing thatperson to really see you without lyingand without the drama.
Myrna – How does, intimacy, come into play in the bedroom? How do we find our, Goddess, in the bedroom?
Margo – Intimacy, is having theability to tell your partner exactly howyou want it, when you want it and how longyou want it. That’s, intimacy. You don’t need tobe like an army instructor, you just communicate. There’s no words it’sjust your bodies and it’s just your mind.
To me the most important thing about that Ted talk, the reason I did that talk has over 20 million views is because I struggled with, self-confidence. I had to, build self-confidence so I sat on the bench of a soccer team. I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man’s world, you’re always not feeling like you’re quite up to it. ~ Dr Ivan Joseph
Dr Ivan Joseph was born in Guyana, South America, my birth country. He immigrated to Toronto, Canada at the age of 5. I immigrated to Toronto, Canada as well but at the age of 17. As he became a young man of color, he often felt disenfranchised and disconnected. But he excelled in sports and attended a small University in Iowa on an athletic scholarship, then achieved his Master’s Degree, and a PhD in psychology. This lead to him becoming a professor, AND being awarded Coach of the Year. For ten years he was the Director of Athletics for Ryerson University in Toronto, and spearheaded the 100 million dollar renovation of the iconic Maple Leaf Gardens. Dr Ivan is now the Vice Provost of Student Affairs at Dalhousie University, one of Canada’s most distinguished and competitive institutions. ”
Introduction to, Self-Confidence Definition
Self-confidence definition, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task at hand. Everybody needs to understand that you may have all the talent in the world, you may be the most beautiful person in the world, the smartest person in the world, the strongest person in the world; but if you don’t have this genuine belief that you have that skill, you will never put your hand up to answer the question in the math class or sit on the board, or volunteer to be the do the presentation, or choose to join the team.
Myrna – What was your journey from an immigrant boy and a man of color and then transcending that to becoming a doctor, a performance coach, a Tedx speaker, an author?
Dr Ivan – l think like many immigrants who come to North America whether that be your audience, that’s American or my audience that’s Canadian, we all choose to leave our countries of birth for hopefully a better future.
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There’s something that’s grounded in all of us that chose the country of citizenship and that is a desire to achieve. We were not comfortable or we were not content with what we had and discontent drives us. That desire is to be better and to pay it forward for our families. Those parents who are immigrants who grew up as kids, we are drilled with that constant mantra you need to be twice as good. It’s not good enough to be average, you need to get an A.
You could end up internalizing that message where you’re never quite good enough and that is where a lack of, self-confidence, gets rooted. Great jobs will pass you by because you don’t have the, self-confidence, to go after it. So you’re pushed to the corners or to the edges of society. You start to not achieve what you may have achieved if you had, self-confidence, whether that’s from your own internal belief or from society.
All of us will fail in life at some time. When you fail, you hang on to that failure and it becomes paralyzing. You’re then not willing to take the next risk to achieve. It took me many strikeouts, to use my sports analogies, or swinging and missing to succeed. With every success I , build self-confidence, was tapped up.
How do we, Build Self-confidence?
Myrna – As I was preparing mentally for this interview I asked myself how I, build self-confidence? I think I have been, self-confident, all my life and I was wondering how I, build self-confident, and my own response was that life experience was my confidence builder. If somebody tells you that you’re good at something or somebody tells you you’re pretty or you get good grades in school, you start, building self-confidence, that you can do most things.
Dr Ivan – One of the things about, build self-confidence, is the more you achieve the more it grows. The more you achieve the bigger it gets. You’ll get your opportunity, you’ll get your promotion and then you start all over and your, self- confidence, will wane.
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How Does, Build Self-confidence, Equal High Performance?
Myrna – So let’s transition to our, build self-confidence, topic.
Why do you believe, building self-confidence, optimism, grit, and resilience are fundamental skills in achieving high performance goals?
Dr Ivan – If you don’t believe in yourself, you will not put yourself in front of anybody and risk failure. So the genuine belief is the foundational cornerstone of success. We can all outwork and learn to do whatever we want, given enough time; but if we’re not willing, really willing to put ourselves out there, it doesn’t matter how talented we are.
Myrna – I understand not having the, self-confidence, to do a job or not having the, self- confidence, that you’re gonna win the race or not having the, confidence, when you’re down 20 points in the fourth quarter and have the, confidence, that you can still win because I’ve seen that happen.
But what I don’t understand is why women can be beautiful, have a great body and don’t have the, self-confidence, that they can walk in a room and own it. Instead they don’t project anything, they don’t protect any energy. They want to be in the corner, and then you have the woman who is not by standards attractive; but she walks in a room and she feels that she’s got it and you know she gets the guys. Because guys think that, self-confidence, is sexy.
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Why do we Lack, Self-confidence?
Dr Ivan – Well I’ll never comment on a woman’s appearance or looks. What I would say that anybody whether it’s a female or a male or an athlete or a young girl or a young man. It’s the measuring stick that they’re using to measure themselves against. This is key. If I’m measuring myself up to Denzel Washington, I may never feel like I’m good enough. It’s human nature to always be in competition and in comparison with others. Whether it’s the Joneses next door, whether it’s what you did last week, we are always looking at how we compare and stack up.
So your message to the young woman who may not be attractive, or the gentleman who may not be as smart, or the person who doesn’t think they have as much as the next person; you can’t tell them they are attractive or smart, they won’t believe it.
This is why we have to start with this genuine belief and, self-confidence. We’ll call this maladaptive perfectionism. This is when you have an unrealistic understanding of what perfectionism is or excellence is and you chase that almost impossible thing.
Myrna – What about optimism and the gift of resilience to achieve, high performance goals?
Dr Ivan – Optimism and, build self-confidence, takes you to the next level. You believe that you can make it. You’re, confident, you may have setbacks, you may fail or flounder; but this is where grit comes into play. Grit, is the genuine belief in your ability to accomplish the task despite setbacks.
The only way to develop, grit, in order to achieve your goals is to experience failure. There is no other way to grow, grit, and resilience than to sit and be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
So many people out there won’t ever achieve, because they are so caught up with the embarrassment of failure.
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How to, Build Self-Confidence, Resilience and Grit
Dr Ivan – One of the first things you have to recognize is that your thoughts influence your beliefs which influence your actions. It’s this whole cyclical self-fulfilling prophecy. What you tell yourself you become, so you gotta stop the negative talk like:
Oh my God I look terrible in this dress.
or I’m never going to get this Job
Or I’m not as smart as these folks
I can’t do this, I’m no good
We keep saying these things to ourselves and they beat us up, so you got To Stop the negative talk.
3 Centering Mantras to, Build Self-Confidence.
In my book I teach some centering exercises to help stop the negative self talk and, build self-confidence
Positive statements or mantras help replace the negative self talk.
Replace the negative self talk with a positive statement or an affirmation e.g
I am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate.
Nobody outworks me,
I can learn anything.
Mantras to, Build self-confidence:
1 – “MY TIME IS TOO VALUABLE TO WASTE IT WORRYING ABOUT THE THINGS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER.”
2 – “THE OUTER IS ALWAYS A REFLECTION OF THE INNER.”
3 – “I TAKE NOTHING PERSONALLY.”
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Myrna – I’m a big believer in positive self-talk. I fluctuate back and forth about affirmations; but I know as a Life Coach, that you should speak it until you believe it. Sooner or later if you keep on speaking it, you will start to believe it.
Dr Ivan – In sports we call it the as if principle. Act as if you already have it.
Myrna – How can we , build self-confidence, and develop a winner’s mindset?
How, Building Self-confidence, contributes to a Winners Mindset
Dr Ivan – I think a, winner’s mindset, and, self-confidence, go hand in hand. I’ll flip your question around and say, build self-confidence, helps you build a winner’s mindset.
Write a letter to yourself about all the things you’re great at. There’s going to be times when you feel like you can’t do it and you need to change that. Take that letter and read it to yourself and whatever that letter says congratulate yourself on it’s accomplishment.
Write that letter to yourself because, there will be times when people tell you you can’t do it.
When you feel like you can’t do it, that, winner’s mindset, will be turned on. The other way to build that, winner’s mindset, is to be careful and be intentional about the company you choose.
Myrna – I know personally that will work because how did we start off our conversation?
Saying that, self-confidence, comes from past experience.
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Tell us about your book “You’ve got this: Mastering the, Skill of Self-Confidence” I know that your TedX on the, Skill of Self-confidence, has over 19 million views. Why do you think that talk resonated with so many people and did you put some of that content in your book?
Dr Ivan – To me the most important thing about that Ted talk, the reason I did that talk was because I struggled with, build self-confidence. I sat on the bench of a soccer team, I got kicked out of University. When you grow up as a black man in a white man’s world, you’re always not feeling like you’re quite up to it.
One day when my wife came to me, she was my girlfriend at the time and she realized after I’d been sitting on the bench, that she saw me practice and said I was terrible. She had already seen me play a really good game and she said to me.
“What happened to your game? You let that man define your sense of self-worth. Didn’t you tell me that he didn’t play high level Soccer? That you’ve been coached by some of the best?”
I realized I had given my power away and that affected my performance, because I didn’t believe I was good any good anymore. I stopped that very day and changed my mindset. I went on to start to play like I was meant to play, I became the captain of that team playing in the all-conference finals.
It wasn’t that man who belittled me, I belittled myself. There’s always going to be people who don’t believe in you, it’s your job to change that person’s mindset, not to fulfill their belief prophecy about you.
So the reason that TedX talk resonates with everybody is that we all have feelings of Self-doubt. We all need to, build self-confidence.
I’m not smart enough
I’m not rich enough
I’m not skinny enough
I don’t look good here
My teeth aren’t this
You get the new job and you’re great but then you get the promotion
I don’t know if I can do it
I don’t think I can do it
What I did with the book, was I shared some of that Ted talk and I went even further to create exercises, practical pieces and workshops in that book as a self-help guide about how to go about, building self-confidence.
I teach about higher expectations, talking about skill and mastery. Listeners of the podcast will get a 20% discount using the coupon code Myrna
To order click the link below
https://drivanjoseph.com/ivans-bookivans-book/
If you go on the website and order the book, I’ll give you the course materials. I think it’s a great opportunity for people who want to grow and learn how to develop their, self- confidence, to improve their performance.
Follow Dr Ivan Joseph on Linkedin, Twitter and Instagram
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Just remember your mantra! You are the captain of your ship and the master of your fate. So whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember You Got This!
