Using Authentic Power to Heal After Trauma

Ashley Bernardi Healing with Authentic Power

Authentic Power, is when our personality works in alignment with our soul, when you get still and connect with your higher power or higher self.

This week on the Transform Your Mind podcast I interview Ashley Bernardi, author of Authentic Power.

Download the Podcast Here:

https://pdcn.co/e/https://chrt.fm/track/897G7/www.buzzsprout.com/1761155/10073329-using-authentic-power-to-heal-after-trauma.mp3?download=true

Bio

Ashley Bernardi opens up about losing her dad as an eleven-year-old and trying to save his life alongside her mother and sister as he suffered from a sudden death heart attack. She ignored the trauma, grief, and guilt from the horrifying experience for years after being told she was “so strong” in trying to save her dad’s life and attempting to move on. In her 30s, she suffered from a debilitating mystery illness that left her bedridden and unable to care for her three children.

It was then, in a state of despair and hopelessness, that she began to feel the pain and “mess” she had been ignoring – her illness, grief, and trauma – and found the true healing and growth that she had been searching for her entire life. For years, she had pushed her trauma aside to maintain a “mask” of strength for others, yet her feelings came out in other ways – in people-pleasing, alcohol use, in destructive relationships, and eventually, making the devastating effects of her mystery illness even worse.

Authentic Power, teaches us that our darkest hours are disguised as an opportunity to uncover and process, feel, heal, and grow from our mess.

Sponsored Ad

Betterhelp Live happier
Betterhelp Live happier

Is something preventing you from achieving your goals? • Are you aware of what is interfering with your happiness? Speaking with a therapist gives you clarity on what’s keeping you from success. Head over to BetterHelp.com/transformyourmind

BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist – This a safe and private online environment and it’s so convenient. You can start speaking with your therapist within 48 hours. Anything you share is confidential.

BetterHelp offers Licensed professional counselors who are specialized in: Depression, Stress, Anxiety Relationships, Sleeping disorders, Trauma, Anger, family conflicts, LGBT, Grief and Self-esteem issues.

The service is available for clients worldwide and is affordable.

Listen, I want you to start living a happier life today. As a listener, you’ll get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHelp.com/transformyourmind.  Join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health.

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

Finding Your Authentic Power

Myrna: What was your journey to finding your, authentic power?

Ashley: I was so horribly, physically ill. And on top of that had been diagnosed with, postpartum depression, after the birth of my third child, that I was forced, I had no choice, but to sit still and surrender to the pain, the physical pain, but also the mental image, mental, emotional, and spiritual pain that I had been bearing since I was 11 years old. But that’s where the healing happens. That’s where that little sliver of light in all that pain, I felt it, I saw it, I held on to it.

I taught myself how to move through and process all of this, trauma. And here I am today, that’s what my book is all about, authentic power, give yourself permission to feel. And I say, authentic power, because that really starts with accessing the wisdom within by getting still turning off all the noise around us. Finding your own authentic voice of what it is that that your body, mind and spirit are calling you to process. And so that’s where that’s really where the story begins.

Myrna: Yeah, that’s an amazing story. You’re right, when you said that, you hope that everybody goes through the long journey as you. You talked about holding on to your pain, and then having it come out as disease, depression and people pleasing.  You got healed from, Lyme disease, and you started meditating and finding the power inside of you.

Sponsored Ad

At The IVI league.com we offer our clients empowerment through literature. Ideally, we would all have personal mentors in the key areas of our lives. For most, this isn’t the case. Thus, we turn to the knowledge of others to empower us. The IVI League specializes in compiling and delivering knowledge to the public through literature.

We aim to make sure that our books are impactful, but also simple to read at all reading levels. Check out books like the Credit Bible, Power Mindset Mastery, Creating Generational Wealth and much more.
The IVI League is a Black, Student-Owned Business. All support is greatly appreciated! Head over to www.theIVIleague.com for empowerment through literature. https://www.theivileague.com/

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Why choose Authentic Power?

So, tell us why, authentic power? Once you start to feel and acknowledge your feelings, how does that transform to, authentic power?

Ashley: Oh, that’s such a great question. So, this really goes into, has anyone asked you a simple question, how are you? We always say we’re fine, right? Usually, that’s not the truth.  In that moment. It’s like, well, I’ve got a lot of things going on. So, I think like in society, teaches us to mask our feelings because nobody really wants to know, right?

We have social media, Instagram, where we post all the great pictures of the family. There’s just the lack of truth and vulnerability. And I found that in my own life, I was lacking that truthfulness to myself. And I was lacking being vulnerable with myself. And so, when I got truthful and vulnerable with myself, therein lies my authenticity, which is so powerful.  You can actually create by going within and listening to that inner voice.

And you mentioned a couple healing modalities that I use to access my, authentic power. Meditation is one of them. Getting quiet and getting still work for me and so was healing yoga. And then also during my healing process, I discovered something that I call the field framework.  Which is a technique for me to really go into those messy and uncomfortable emotions, process them in real time allowing me to move through those emotions, and therefore kind of clearing the space again, for me to access my, authentic power.

Sponsored Ad

African Abroad Date. Com where Africans meet. Are you Living away from home and would love to meet someone from your country and culture? Living away from home can be both lonesome and stressful especially when we leave family behind. African Abroad Date was founded with Africans di-as-po-ra in mind and our mission is to make finding love easy, fast, and convenient for all.

If you can relate to this and happen to be single, searching, and residing in the U.S., join africanabroaddate.com today to connect, meet, and date African men and women from around the world.  Don’t delay Did I mention it’s free!” That website again is africanabroaddate.com

Listen notes podcast
Listen notes podcast

You Don’t have to be strong all the time

Myrna: So yeah, when you can feel, you become vulnerable and don’t have to be so strong.  Women we feel that we should be so strong, it’s a badge that we wear.  We love hearing, Oh, you’re so strong. Oh my God. Nobody wants to be vulnerable. Right? They want to be the Superwoman. And you know, women usually are Superwoman, looking after the kids, they’re working, and taking care of their men.

Ashley: I’m so glad you mentioned that. It’s so funny because my original title for, authentic power, was not so Strong, because I really felt not strong, despite wearing that mask of strength for so long. And that’s something that we do in society. I did that before my health crisis, I wanted to look like Superwoman, I was the one that was pureeing the baby food and making sure my husband had dinner on the table every night, and people pleasing everyone around me, except myself.

When I had my own self, my own health crisis, I had to, I had to look at my own self-worth and value my self-worth, not what other people thought of me. And that really stopped me in my tracks. So now, I don’t try to be superwoman at all. I get a lot of help and I put boundaries in place saying.  I tell my husband dinner on the table is not happening tonight. I tell my team this project not going to get done today.

Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM
Transform Your Mind Podcast Player FM

Sponsored Ad

Having bad credit and being denied credit every time you apply for anything can be extremely frustrating and embarrassing. Bad credit may be a problem, but there is a solution: Back on Track Financial: You can improve your credit scores with Back on Track Financials’ credit development program, which helps you fix and build your credit.

Their number one priority is boosting your credit scores by removing negative items from your credit and educating you on how to establish and manage your credit file. Back On Track has the roadmap to getting your scores within the 700-800 range. Aren’t you tired of fantasizing about the car you could drive, the house you could live in, or the business you could start?

Turn your dreams into reality by getting back on track today. Back on track has experience removing everything from large items such as bankruptcies and student loans down to small items like medical bills collections and hard inquiries. They have removed it all.
Their service is more affordable than ever, give them a call today at 404-694-6569 or visit their website at Go.FicoRush.com

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

Stuffing Down Guilt and grief

Myrna: Awesome now I’ve read your book, I know that you felt a lot of, guilt, because on your father’s death, because you felt that there’s something that you could have done. So, what was it that you stuffed down for 20 years or so? Was it, guilt?

Ashley: That’s a great question. It was 100%, guilt. I felt guilty because when my dad was actively having a heart attack, I didn’t run to go by his side to give CPR. My mom and sister did, I ran to go call 911. I also ran to the neighbor to get help. So, for so long, I was like, what if I had gone and given him CPR to help my mom and sister? What if I had been the one to do that? There are so many what ifs.  As a child I buried that guilt within me very, very deeply. I also buried the, grief.

So before, before my health crisis, which you know, really is was my greatest awakening, I see, Lyme disease, as my greatest gift, and I’m so grateful for it. It allowed me to really look deep and face my, grief.

Transform Your Mind PTWWN TV
Transform Your Mind PTWWN TV

Facing your grief

I never visited my father’s grave, alone. That’s how much I did not want to deal with facing his death. I did not allow myself to grieve. I’m sure there were sometimes when I cried, but in the early days of, grief, it was just straight up in shock. My dad died very suddenly, it wasn’t a slow death, one day he’s there the next day, he is not. So, the, grief, was a very uncomfortable feeling for me. It was very, very scary, and I didn’t want to face the fact that my dad was gone.

And even afterwards, in middle school, and high school, I would have friends come over, I wouldn’t even tell them that my dad had died. They didn’t know my dad had died. They had to ask other people like where’s Ashley’s dad? Oh, yeah, we heard he passed away. So that’s what bearing, grief, looks like. But I can say now, here I am. 27 years later, just this year, because of all the healing work that I’ve done. I visited his grave by myself for the first time ever.

And I’m so proud of myself, because it was just an incredible way to show how far I’ve come, how long the journey has been.  And when I did, it was so beautiful. And I found that it is possible to have relationship with your loved ones, even in death. And that’s something that’s very important. I want to stress that I thought that once my father was dead, he was gone, but I talked to him. I pray for him. I visited him, I cried with him at his gravesite.

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

What is authentic power?

Myrna: That’s awesome.  What does it mean to have, authentic power? How did dealing with your, grief, give you, authentic power?  Why do women need, authentic power?

Ashley: That’s a great question too. Therein lies our truth.  It’s also about surrendering to your power because I would also stuff down my power. I’ll give you an example. My entire life, I’ve been told that I’m too sensitive. Oh, Ashley’s more sensitive than the average bear. And I thought that being sensitive was a flaw of mine. I feel everything. I’m an empath. I feel other people’s feelings. And I what I learned when I went through my health crisis, when I began to really feel into this emotion was that my sensitivity is my superpower!

It was then I got really quiet and still and listened to that inner wisdom, which is our, authentic power. I use that sensitivity when I’m feeling a little bit energetically overwhelmed. I know that I need to go step away and be by myself for a little bit. I know that I need to go recharge, I know that I can pick up on other people’s, emotions, and so, authentic power, can also help us accept and honor our gifts.

So, for me journaling helps me unlock my, authentic power, but that can also be done in a quiet meditation and walking through nature. This could be done in prayer, too. That is the inner wisdom, that could be from the Divine, it could be from your higher self, or it could just be from that, that within you, which is what your, authentic power, is.

Myrna: Yeah, that’s awesome. A lot of nice little nuggets there. Yes. You know, I’m a meditator, myself, I meditate every morning. Sitting on my meditation cushion, I listen, and I get still.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Healing from Lyme Disease

How did you heal yourself from, Lyme disease?  You were bedridden, you couldn’t do anything for yourself. It dropped you on your back. Literally.

Ashley:  I’ll paint the picture of what it looked like and then I’m, I will share how I feel. So, this is what it looks like. I mean, for anyone who’s had, Lyme disease, it can show up in so many different ways. For me it went undiagnosed for a very long time and wasn’t diagnosed until after I delivered my third baby.

This is how it started. I believe it was the summer of 2014. I started having symptoms that felt like the flu. I couldn’t keep any food down; I was nauseous all the time.  Those symptoms didn’t go away, and it kept getting worse. I had headaches constantly I started losing weight, I got down to the weight that I was before high school. I mean it was very dangerous. I seem to develop a food intolerance to everything I ate. Then I had so many weird things happen, my body would go numb, including my arms and legs. I would have muscle fat isolation so it would feel like I had things crawling on my skin at all times.

I saw so many doctors, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, postpartum depression, you name it. Then when I become pregnant with my third baby those symptoms mysteriously went away and I remember my OBGYN I am saying, pregnancy can do this.  It really does turn off the immune system because it knows you’re growing a baby inside you. The day that I delivered my third baby those feelings came right back.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Spinning out of control

I was sent home from the hospital four days later and it was downhill from there. I remember one time (and this is this was really my turn turning point in the journey) after continuing to see doctor after doctor, nobody could figure out what was wrong with me, the room started spinning and I started blacking out. I lost control my bowels and started Like urinating all over myself.

I just surrendered I said alright God you either take me now because I don’t want my family to suffer anymore or we going to heal together.  So, I started the healing process.  Healing was the slowest, most excruciating, physical, spiritual, mental and emotional process I ever went through. But I will say that the physical healing was only like 20% of the work that I needed to do. The other 80% came down to me working with energy.

Symptoms of Lyme Disease

Finally, I was diagnosed with, Lyme disease. I was so far off the deep end physically that they couldn’t treat me with just antibiotic pills. I had to have a PICC line installed to my heart. And for eight weeks I couldn’t lift my baby, so we moved in with my in laws.  I had I was on the highest dose of antibiotics Rocephin that they use to treat meningitis patients. I had a nurse come to my house, my husband would administer the antibiotic nightly, the nurse would come once a week and change my dressing.

I was not better after eight weeks; the healing took a full year. And this is where I say that, Lyme disease, was my greatest gift, because it allowed me to get still and finally address all these other feelings that had been buried since I was 11 years old. Those feelings of, trauma, and, grief.  I learned about the power of, affirmations, and journaling.  Every day I would write in my journal as if I was already healed. I would write in my like little book “I am feeling Awesome, my health is vibrant. I am well, I am healthy.” I would affirm it.

I found that journal the other day, the book is this thick of me affirming my health and wellbeing every day. And in addition to that, having a spiritual mentor and joining a church community and sharing my pain with others, being vulnerable and open helped with my healing. I could no longer wear that mask of strength because I was too sick. So, I finally opened up to my friends and loved ones what was happening to me.

Book Authentic Power
Book Authentic Power

Authentic power: Give Yourself Permission to Feel

Myrna:  So, finding that community as well as the power of connection is the path to healing and finding, authentic power. You’ve talked a little bit about your book throughout the conversation. Tell us about your book “Authentic Power.” What is it that you want the reader to walk away with after they closed the book?

Ashley: The book is for anyone who is faced with any sort of adversity in their lives, you know, I described my, trauma. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have to ever experience, trauma, like I’ve experienced, because every single person’s, trauma, looks very different. It could be the loss of a job, the loss of a loved one, the end of a marriage, the end of something.

My book is for anyone who’s looking to provide holistic healing in their lives and learning that these messy and uncomfortable emotions like, grief, trauma, despair, depression, that there could be a reason they might are there to actually teach us something.

I’m a true believer that these, emotions, that we feel on a physical level are meant to be addressed.  We have something to learn from every single, emotion.  I want my book to teach readers how to become aware of these messy and uncomfortable, emotions, and then get curious about why they are there. Check out Ashley on the web at https://ashleybernardi.com/

Additional Resources

How to Unleash Power Within

 

How to Reprogram your Unconscious Mind

unconscious mind

Your, unconscious mind,  is carrying out behaviors that sabotage your, conscious mind, 24 hours per day. In fact studies show that our, subconscious,  mind,  is running our lives 95% of the time. If you don’t,  reprogram your subconscious mind, you will continue to run the same, subconscious  programs, like a a tape recorder.  We have to erase the tape and rewrite the tape for it to play new programs.  Listen to the interview to learn how to, reprogram your unconscious mind.

Listen to the full interview here: 

Introduction, Unconscious mind

Whenever you are on autopilot, you are running, unconscious mind.  Have you ever gotten in your car and driven to your destination and you don’t recall how you got there.  That is your, unconscious mind, driving you to your destination.

Autopilot is just one of your, subconscious programs,  that has to do with your beliefs.

These, subconscious  programs, were downloaded to you before your 7th birthday are the programs your, unconscious mind,  play until you die; unless you, reprogram your subconscious mind.

Even if you become aware of your, subconscious programs, you still continue the behaviors because the, unconscious mind,  will keep playing the same, subconscious programs.  Think about your vinyl record.  Unless you scratch the record, it will play the same song forever!

When I was growing up my activity of choice  was reading Harlequin romances. I was brainwashed into believing that love looked and acted in a certain way. For example, all the leading men in my Harlequin romance novels, were rugged, tall, dark and good looking. All the leading ladies were independent and did not want a man’s help; so the man and the woman ended up feuding and hating each other until they realized that all, this attention they are placing on each other fighting,  were actually the flip side of love!

These lovers, leading men and ladies were never a good match.  Chemistry and raw physical attraction lead the way.  Thirty years later, I was still playing that, subconscious program,  It wasn’t until I met my husband that I started looking on the inside of a man, and not what he presented on the outside that I was able to, reprogram my unconscious mind,

Sponsored AD

Kidtasks – the application of good deeds now available on Google Aps.
Kidtasks  is an organizer for your children’s daily routines, but it is good for the entire family.

This is how it works.
1) Parents create a list of tasks. It could be as simple as  “feed your pet”, “brush your teeth”, “water the plants”, “do the dishes”, etc.

Parents you can even rate each task in points.
2) Family members do the tasks on the list and get points!
3) Parents set your own exchange rate. Eg  1 point may be equal to 1$. Having collected a certain amount of points, the children may ask their parents for their “salary” for their work!

Why this AP useful for PARENTS: Because it will help to give Kids a sense of responsibility and prepare them for the things they need to do when they become older.

Why this AP is useful for CHILDREN: Children will be rewarded when they help out with chores around the house! They will have the opportunity to get a “salary” or pocket money in exchange for working on their tasks.

Parents, this AP will teach your children responsibility and reward them in the process.  To download this AP head over to Google Aps and search for Kidtasks that’s K-I-D-T-A-S-K-S.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.shezak.dobrodel&hl=en

Transform your Mind Spotify Podcast
Download on Spotify

I was listening to a sermon by, Joel Osteen, a few months back and he was telling the story of, subconscious programs, with his sister. Joel said his sister was praying and asking God for a husband and God sent her a wonderful man; but she rejected him because he had red hair. He did not fit her, subconscious programs, for a mate. It took her years to reprogram her mindset  and love this man.

Podbean Transform your Mind Podcast

Podbean

Did you grow up in a home where your dad worked and your mom stayed home and watched the kids? You never saw your dad because he was always working and your family just had enough? That is your model of a family and today you are probably still running this, subconscious programs,

 

What is your, Unconscious Mind,  that needs to be rewritten?

I was a foster mom for years.  I see the, unconscious mind, in foster and adopted kids all the time. Especially since most of them came into foster care system before their 7th birthday.  They developed programs on, abandonment, attachment disorders, survival, most of them hoard food because their, unconscious mind, and  lack and survival.

Here are 5,  subconscious programs, Teenagers are running today

  1. Make generalizations (no one loves me, I’m always going to be a failure, I’ll never get a job or pass this test)
  2. Make choices and judgment based on past experiences.

3. Settle in life, don’t apply for jobs or get involved in extra curricular activities.

4. Reviews information and draws conclusions.

If someone breaks their heart, they learn to not trust people – to avoid being hurt again. If living in poverty, feel like will never get enough money to make it out of poverty. If get in a fight, feel they always need to protect them self

    5.  Accepts information literally and personally (take a lot of things said to heart, but not as constructive criticism)

Sponsored AD

www.duckymaze.com

How to control your, Unconscious Mind

  1. A mental picture is worth a thousand words. Your, unconscious mind, will bring to pass any picture held in the mind and backed by faith.

This is the space I am spending a lot of time in, at the moment.  I am working on visualizing my goals and desires and speaking, affirmations.   I am having a hard time of it, because I am not a visual person. But this is the first step in controlling the, unconscious mind,  Visualizing what you want.  Let the, unconscious mind, find the way, you only have to give it the destination.

For example if you want to be married by the age of 30 and have 3 kids.  That is the mental picture you give your, unconscious mind,  The universe will find the man and arrange the kids! Just say, affirmations, every day to reprogram your, unconscious mind.

Daily Affirmations, like:

  • I will get married to the man of my dreams by age 30
  • The Universe will deliver to me the man of my dreams by the time I am 30
  • I will get married by age 30 and have 3 kids by age 35

Remember to give your, unconscious mind, only instructions that would elevate and heal. It is the secret to your success. Your, unconscious mind, cannot take a joke. Don’t say things like with my luck the man that shows up would be bowed legged with buck teeth!   Because guess what, hold that image in your mind for any length of time and that is what you will get, a bow legged man with buck teeth. Trust me on this.

Transform your Mind Stitcher
Transform your Mind Stitcher
  1. Use, Autosuggestion, to improve any degradation.

About 10 years ago I read, Deepak Chopra’s,  book called Grow Younger, Live Longer In this book Deepak taught us to say, affirmations, every day.  It went like this.

Daily Affirmations for aging younger

  • Every day, in every way, I am getting younger and younger,
  • my biological clock is set at a healthy 30 years of age,
  • I look and feel a healthy 30 years of age.
  • Every day I am renewing my mind and body by eating healthy foods,
  • I take nutritional supplements wisely, etc.

I don’t remember all of it.  I was saying these, affirmations, around my 40th birthday.  So over 20 years ago.  I still remember those, affirmations, because I said them every day for several months.

This year on  my 60th birthday, I posted a picture on Facebook and this girl commented.  She said “It is like you stopped aging at 30 years old.  You just said F**K it!  I am not getting any older! I do look 20 years younger than my chronological age and that’s because I rewrote my, subconscious programs,!

How to Rewrite  Your Subconscious Mind

In my, conscious mind, I was always planning out my future and all things I wanted it to entail.  I told myself, you will never be broke, you’re a go getter and you will always meet your basic necessities because of that.  This mindset, relays into my life because it reminds me that failure is never an option and all things are possible because I know it is.

Many times, I feel that I have programmed my, unconscious mind, for the success.  I heal myself faster from injuries.  For example, one time my eye was swollen, and I had a workshop coming up in 2 days.  I said to my, subconscious mind, don’t sweat it, you are going to get a warm rag and sleep with it on your eye, then you will use antibiotics and by the day of your workshop it will be gone.

Sure enough, the eye was not swollen anymore and I was able to facilitate my workshop with two functional eyes.  Furthermore, despite all the adversity I have experienced in my life, I was always sure that I would finish University and get my degree.  I programmed my, unconscious mind, to  prepare for the test.

Remember the, unconscious mind, is carrying out behaviors that sabotage the, conscious mind.

Our, subconscious programs, doesn’t stop at age 7; but continues for the rest of our lives.

Transform Your Mind iHeart Radio
iHeart Radio

Getting Past our, Subconscious Programs

  1. Take risks to get past, subconscious programs,  Your, unconscious mind,  always wants to play it safe.
  2. Ask questions like, What else is possible that I have not considered?
  3. Say things like, how cool is it that I have all this extra money.

4. What am I going to do with all this extra cash?

5. How can I make this a reality?

6. What if I become a successful as a TV talk show host?  What would that look like? See yourself in this role. This one is for me!!

Conclusion reprogram your unconscious mind

This strategy is called, auto inquisition.  Thomas Edison practiced, auto inquisition. He would sit in a chair and ask his, unconscious mind, questions about an invention.  You can do the same.

    1. Give yourself permission to be successful, believe that you deserve good things to happen
    2. Don’t allow other peoples fears to make you doubt yourself.
    3. Surround yourself with positive reinforcement and allies.
    4. Speak your success as present fact not a future plan.  Instead of saying I am figuring out how to do that now, say I am strategist.  What do I need to make that happen right now.
    5. Start asking for what you want and keep track of all the things that have happened (gratitude journal)
    6. Create a vision space, so you can imagine what it is you want to happen in your life.

Additional Resources Unconscious mind

“Keeping a healthy mind is important to have a balanced life. Mental health training can help you enhance self-awareness providing tips and knowledge about this topic”.

How to Live in Infinite Possibility

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-use-intuition-to-transform-your-life/

https://blog.myhelps.us/how-to-program-your-subconscious-for-permanent-change/

https://inlpcenter.org/five-step-process-for-releasing-limiting-beliefs/