The Power of Drinking Your Cup of Suffering

Drink your cup of suffering

In this blog post, I'm exploring the concept of drinking your, cup of suffering, like Jesus did. Jesus asked God to take this, cup of suffering, from him if it is his will. But Jesus had to drink his, cup of suffering, to get to his purpose and destiny.

Suffering is usually the pathway to, personal growth, so you must learn to, embrace pain, and suffering as part of your journey and growth. When you drink your, cup of suffering, you're able to transform your pain and suffering into something positive. This podcast episode is about finding compassion and strength in the face of difficulty, and it's something that can be helpful on any journey. If you're looking for a way to overcome hardship, this episode is for you!

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Why Jesus had to drink his cup of suffering

In the garden of Gethsemane Jesus, born with the ability to see his future knew of his impending death. He knew his purpose for becoming God in the flesh was to die for our sins, yet even as a God in flesh he was not looking forward to suffering. The scripture says he became anguished and distressed.

He told his disciples “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. He prayed to God his father and asked him to take the, cup of suffering, from him, if it is his will. Then he prayed again and said “if this, cup of suffering, cannot be taken away unless I drink it, then your will be done.

So, let’s talk today about suffering. Most of us will suffer before we die just like Jesus did. The Buddha teaches that we can transcend suffering with our minds.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

Embrace your pain and suffering

Let’s imagine that you were just given a diagnosis of stage 4 cancer. So like Jesus you know suffering is coming and maybe even death.

You pray and ask God for a miracle, but at some point, you realize that you have to drink your, cup of suffering.

One of the ways to drink your, cup of suffering, and not choke, is to look at what comes after your suffering.

Jesus knew that he would raise from the dead in 3 days and his suffering was for a purpose. The shedding of his blood was to redeem our sins. So, he made plans with his disciples. He told them “after I have been raised from the dead, I will go ahead of you to Galilee and meet you there.”

podhero podcast Transform Your Mind
Podhero podcast

Make plans to meet on the other side of suffering

So, if you have been given a diagnosis that could lead to suffering and pain, if you can see yourself healed and maybe taking that trip that’s still on your bucket list. See yourself with family and friends totally healthy and cancer free. That will allow you to be in pain, but not suffer. Suffering is resistance to the now. As Eckhart Tolle teaches the now is already here there is nothing you can do, other than accept it.

All suffering is emotionally created and is due to resistance. If you refuse to go with the flow of life, you will suffer. Suffering is usually for a purpose. You must have deep pain or suffering to be drawn to the spiritual dimension.

And if it is God’s will that you transition to the other side you will still meet up with friends and family who are waiting for you there in heaven.

The Buddha on suffering

Anyone who has had even the briefest introduction to Buddhist teaching is familiar with its starting point: the inescapable truth that existence entails suffering. Buddhist psychology makes a clear distinction between pain and suffering. Pain is an unavoidable aspect of the natural world. It is physical, biological, and social, woven into our existence as night is with day, as inevitable as hard and soft, as hot and cold.

In this human incarnation we experience a continuous ebb and flow of pleasure and pain, gain and loss. Suffering is different from pain. Suffering is caused by our reaction to the inevitable pain of life. Our personal suffering can include anxiety, depression, fear, confusion, grief, anger, hurt, addiction, jealousy, and frustration. But suffering is not only personal.

Our collective suffering grows from human greed, hatred, and ignorance, bringing warfare and racism; the isolation and torture of prisoners; fueling the unnecessary hunger, sickness, and abandonment of human beings on every continent. This individual and collective suffering.

Conclusion

Pain is inevitable part of life, suffering is optional.

Thanks for tuning into this weeks episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.

Additional Resources 

The Emotional Trials and Triumphs of Cancer

Self Love: Why Loving Yourself is NOT Crucial for Loving Others

coach Myrna self love

Most of us believe that self love is crucial for loving others. But is this really true? In this podcast, coach Myrna challenges that belief and ask instead, what is the relationship between self love and love for others? I believe the answer is much more complicated than we think.

If you're questioning whether or not self love is important for love for others, then this video is for you! I'll explore the concept of self love from different perspectives and discuss why it may not be as vital as we think it is. I believe that self love is important for our own happiness, but it's not the be-all and end-all of our relationship to others. Download and listen see what you think!

Download the podcast here: 

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What is self love

In this segment of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna I want to answer the question of, self love, what is it? Specifically, can you love another if you don’t first love yourself.

I have been saying for years that you can’t love another if you can’t first, love yourself, because you can’t give away what you don’t have. If you can’t even, love yourself, then you don’t know what love is, so you can love someone else. That is until I heard Eckhart Tolle say that when we talk about, self love, we are saying that there are two beings self and someone else. That if we are separating self from being then we got it wrong.

Let me back up and give you the definition of Self-love. Self love, is  defined as “love of self” or “regard for one's own happiness or advantage”, it has been conceptualized both as a basic human necessity and as a moral flaw, akin to vanity and selfishness, conceitedness, egotism, narcissism.

I grew up thinking when someone called me selfish it was the worst thing, until I understood the concept of, self love, and putting yourself first.

podhero podcast Transform Your Mind
Podhero podcast

How to practice self love

  • You put yourself first.
  • You are authentically yourself.
  • You are honest with yourself.
  • You express yourself freely.
  • You say positive things to yourself.
  • Forgiving yourself when you mess up.
  • Meeting your own needs.
  • Being assertive.
  • Not letting others take advantage of or abuse you.
  • Prioritizing your health and wellbeing.

But Eckhart Tolle teaches that when you talk about loving yourself it means you are splitting you and self, and that means that you have missed the concept of being. If you be yourself then you don’t have to love yourself.

You are not separate from self, so no need to love yourself, no need to be proud of yourself, no need to pat yourself on the back.

When you understand that the ripple or waves is part of the ocean and you are the ripple that is part of the ocean of the universe, you do not separate self from the whole.

Listen Notes Transform Your Mind
Listen Notes Transform Your Mind

You don't have to love yourself first: to love another

So, the answer to the question Can you love another if you don’t, love yourself, is NO; it is not necessary to, love yourself, before you can love another.

If you are not comfortable with being with yourself when you are alone, you will seek another to complete you, but what will happen is that the need that made you seek another human to complete you, will show up in another form in the relationship, because another person cannot fill the void inside of you, only you can fill that void by accepting the present moment in whatever form it presents itself and just be yourself.

When you are in a relationship and you still feel alone, you blame your partner for not giving you what you need. You become needy, but even if your partner tells you he or she loves you every hour of the day, you still feel unloved, because you don’t love yourself and don’t know how to be yourself.

Ever heard a man say I can’t please this woman?

Will Smith is a classic example of this phenomenon. He said in his autobiography, he spent weeks planning a surprise 40th birthday party for Jada. He was very proud of his work and he expected her to be so grateful and see his love; yet all she saw was that he wanted to make himself look good by receiving praise for planning such an extravagant  party and missed the love that was behind the effort.

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

If you don't love yourself you cannot receive love

He was hurt by her lack of appreciation and walked out of the marriage saying I can’t ever please this woman. He also told her if it is possible for you to be happy, show me.  This was because Jada had a hole in her heart that Will Smith could not fill. She had to fill it herself. She had to find her wholeness by connecting to source, God.

So, no need to love yourself, feel sorry for yourself, judge yourself, hate yourself, all you need is to be yourself.

When you are able to be yourself, you can watch your emotions, you can watch your thoughts, so you are no longer controlled by them.

You watch them until they pass through you or float away like colored balloons. That is how you practice, self love, and that is by loving the whole you by being yourself.

Thanks for tuning into this weeks episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna

Additional Resources

How to Love Yourself and Heal The Body

How To Transform Your Relationships Using The Power of Now!

Transform relationships power of the now

In this episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna, I share how to use, the power of the now, to change dysfunctional negative relationships into positive ones and how to use the, power of now, to transform your relationships.

Relationships are one of the most important aspects of our lives, and it's easy to let them get out of control. Today we study Eckhart Tolle's book “The Power of The Now” on how to improve your relationships. By learning how to use the power of now, you'll be able to align yourself with what's really important in your life, and your relationships will start to improve as a result.

Eckhart Tolle says that everything happens in the now. There is only one point of access and it is the now.  And until you access the now, all relationships are deeply flawed. They may seem perfect for a moment when you are in love, but that perfection is lost when disappointment and dissatisfaction set in.  If we look at the divorce rate, it seems that most love relationships become love hate relationships.

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Relationships bloom when we access the power of  now

If we look at the divorce rate, it seems that most, love relationships, become, love-hate relationships.  

When we don’t access, the power of the now, love can turn to hate with the flick of a switch.  

Sometimes the relationship continues for a while between the polarities of love and hate. It gives you as much pleasure as it gives you pain. 

Some couples get addicted to the drama because it makes them feel alive, but when the negative events occur with increasing frequency, the relationship collapses

Here is some, relationship advice, you may think that if you remove the, negative cycles, then the relationship would flower beautifully, but this is not the case. The polarities are mutually interdependent, you cannot have one without the other. The reason we want to be in the now in our relationships is that you can’t access the, pain body, of what he did to me and then bring it forward and relive the pain.

The, power of the now, means unless the event is happening now, it is in the past.  The reason Eckhart Tolle teaches that the polarities are mutually interdependent is because your pain feed his pain. Your triggers, trigger his triggers.  

Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podfriend Transform Your Mind Podcast

The Power of the now eliminates dysfunctional relationships

The negative side of a relationship is more easily recognized as dysfunctional. It is also easier to recognize the source of negativity in your partner, than to see it for yourself. Negativity and your past pain can show up in many forms in your relationship as: 

  • possessiveness,
  • jealousy,
  • control,
  • withdrawal,
  • resentment,
  • the need to be right,
  • insensitivity and self-absorption,
  • emotional demand’s,
  • manipulation,
  • the urge to criticize,
  • judge, blame, anger, and unconscious revenge.

Quite a list. None of these things happen in, the now.

Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast
Transform Your Mind Luminary podcast

The power of now in love

The positive side can be just as bad.  This is the, power of love. When you are in love, someone needs you, wants you and makes you feel special.  The feelings of being in love can become so intense that the rest of the world fades into insignificance.  

You become addicted to the other person; he acts on you like a drug. Even the thought of that person no longer loving you, illicit jealousy, emotional blackmail, blaming and accusing, because of fear of loss.

If the other person does leave you, it can lead to the most intense pain from grief or the most intense hostility. Was this love in the first place or just addictive clinging?  

Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora
Transform Your Mind Podcast Pandora

Survival relationships can be addictive clinging

Then , survival relationships, comes along.  It seems to meet all your needs, at least that is how it appears at first. You now have a new focal point, the person who defines your identity. The person you are in love with. Your world now has a center again, you are loved.  

Then there becomes a point when your partner fails to meet your needs. The feelings of fear and lack now resurface, they had been covered up by the love relationship. Like any drug, you are on a high until the drug no longer works for you. When the feelings of fear return, you feel them stronger than they were before and you now perceive your partner as the cause of those feelings. You attack your partner and this awakens their own, pain body, and he may counter your attack. Every attack is manipulation to get your partner to change their behavior.  

This is because you refuse to work through your pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever you are addicted to, whether it be alcohol, food, shopping, sex you are using something or someone to cover up your pain.  

Google Podcast Transform Your Mind
Google Podcast Transform Your Mind

Romantic relationships do not cause unhappiness

That is why there is so much pain and unhappiness in, romantic relationships. Romantic relationships, do not cause pain and unhappiness, they bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you.  

Avoidance of relationships in an attempt to avoid pain is not the answer either. 3 failed marriages are a source of awakening more than if you shut yourself off in a room and refuse to engage in a relationship.

The power of the now, must be strong enough so you don’t get taken over by the thinker or the, pain body.  

Bringing, the power of the now, to your relationship means, first you stop judging yourself then you stop judging your partner.  

The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is without needing to judge or change them in any way.  

You are in a, love relationship, if that person feels the same way about you; other than that you are in a relationship with yourself. Don’t let this love turn into a, love- hate relationship, by constantly bringing up the past. Embrace, the power of the now.

Additional Resources

How Single Women over 40 Find Love

 

What is The Purpose of Unhappiness?

Does Unhappiness have a Purpose

Does your unhappiness have a purpose? Does your negativity change anything? The answer is no, so why do we choose it?

I just finished reading the book The Power of The Now by Eckhart Tolle and he made the statement that we chose unhappiness even though it serves no purpose. He asked the does your unhappiness change anything?

Download the podcast here: 

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Childhood unhappiness: Did it serve you

The book the Course in Miracles states that we believe that when we are unhappy our unhappiness buys us what we want. Not true in fact it pushes what you want further away.

Take a child who has conscious parents. Let’s say the child decides to throw a temper tantrum because they want to watch TV or they want a toy or candy. Any good parent will not give it to them, in fact if my kids threw a tantrum or cried for anything, they never got that thing.  Just recently my foster daughter cried because she wanted to watch TV and she thought crying and carrying on would get her TV instead the TV was removed from her room. So, if crying and unhappiness did not get us what we wanted as children, why do you still use it as adults?

All negativity is resistance. Negativity ranges from irritation to fierce anger.

The ego believes that through negativity, it can change reality and get what it wants. It believes that through unhappiness it can attract a desirable condition or dissolve an undesirable one.

If your mind did not believe that unhappiness works, then why would it create it?

Podbay FM Transform Your Mind Podcast
Podbay FM

Negativity keeps undesirable conditions in place

The fact is that negativity does not work; instead of attracting a desirable condition, it stops it from arising. Instead of resolving an undesirable one it keeps if in place.

Its only useful function of negativity, is that it strengthens the ego and that is why the ego loves it.

What is the ego? The ego is that portion of the human personality which is experienced as the “self” or “I” and is in contact with the external world through perception.

No other life form on the planet knows negativity, only humans. Just as no other life form poisons the earth that sustains it. Have you ever seen 2 ducks fight? They fight and then go their separate ways and then flap their wings to release the negativity and they are done. Humans carry around that negativity for decades. He did that to me! This negativity becomes, depression.

There is a line in the Matrix that says that Humans destroy their environment or land and then moves on the next place. What are you destroying with your unhappiness?

Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm
Transform Your Mind Podverse.fm

What is the purpose of unhappiness

Think about it. Has nagging your spouse ever resulted in him becoming the spouse that you want them to be or did it have the opposite effect? That is why the Bible teaches that a man would rather live on the roof top than live in a house with a nagging wife.

So today, I want to shine a light on unhappiness. Why do we create it if it does not get us what we want?

There are life situations that create unhappiness

Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast
Podmust Transform Your Mind podcast

How to be happy:  we have 3 choices:

  • We can remove ourselves from the situation
  • We can change how we think about the situation
  • Or we can accept the situation completely.

These are the options in, how to be happy. What good does it we do none of the these things, but just live with unhappiness? If you can successfully find which negative behavioral and cognitive patterns are making you unhappy, and address them, you’ll be able to start feeling happier in less time than you may think.

I will tell you what it does. It creates disease in the body and sends you to an early grave, but it never gets you what you want. Unhappiness serves no purpose other than to make you sick.

Even if you throw a temper tantrum and you get the toy in the store or your spouse gives in. Ultimately your unhappiness returns. It is only temporarily satiated.

Conclusion

Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of 5 min Fridays with coach Myrna.

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Find Your Purpose: What's in Your Hand