Fixing the root and not the fruit. You can’t change the fruit without changing the root. Fixing the root, means we must change our, limiting beliefs, to have the desired fruits. The fruits of life are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
You may have heard the phrase, external locus of control. That is when your happiness is derived from events outside yourself.
Today I want to talk about an, internal locus of control. That means fixing the root vs fixing the fruits. Putting our focus on beliefs, our roots not our behaviors, the fruit.
In other words, If you want to change the visible, you must first change the invisible.” If you want to change the fruit, you must plant a different seed.
We will look at both of these phrases today because we want to, fixing the root and not the fruit.
Internal locus of control, means that control comes from within. You have personal control over your own behavior. When you have an, internal locus of control, you believe you have personal agency over your own life and actions. Because of this, these people tend to have more, self-efficacy.
If you have an, internal locus of control, you will not let people push your buttons. Firstly, let’s look at people finding our soft underbelly and deliberately pushing it to get a reaction from us. We’ve all had our buttons pushed to the point where we feel we can’t take it anymore. The button pusher may or may not be aware that they are exposing your unresolved hurt or trauma, but the truth of the matter is that the buttons belong to us, and we are the ones who must deal with what comes up. The more we take responsibility for our own feelings and reactions, the less tender these buttons will be.
That is why, fixing the root, and not the fruit is important
Fix the root of the problem
When you, fix your root, and be at peace with yourself you will find the peace that defies all understanding that Jesus preached about.
The button pushers will stop trying to get a reaction from you, the bully’s will stop trying to make you feel bad about yourself etc.
For the longest time my button was my age. I understand why that guy called Lebron James old. He is a button pusher. He was pushing Lebron’s buttons not sure if Lebron James was ruffled by that or he was secure in his roots. I have fixed my roots on my age issue. Change the way you think of a thing and the thing you think of will change.
So, fixing the root, will have you worrying less about your fruit. By fruit I mean your behavior when someone is nasty to you, call you names, or pushes your buttons, you can just respond by saying that is me. I accept it or that is not me and I reject that. I am not letting that stick to me.
Internal Control Personality Characteristics
Here are some characteristics we get after, fixing the root.
Hard working– always putting in effort to achieve goals
Confident – recognizing the skills and knowledge required to overcome challenges
Physical healthy – considering it their active obligation to eat healthily, partake in regular exercise, and remaining diligent in keeping up with medical appointments
Responsible – holding themselves accountable for successes and their mistakes or failures
Positive – feeling happiness, peaceful, and relaxed about the future because increased control over life leads to minimal stress
Independent – not relying on others for success
Studious – valuing knowledge and the skills it contributes to overcome obstacles
High self-esteem – respectful of oneself and confident in abilities
External Control Personality Characteristics
When we don’t, fix the root, here are the fruits we will reap.
Those with an external control also display a particular set of personality characteristics.
Insecure – not confident in their own abilities and continually doubting they can accomplish difficult goals. Low self-esteem.
Dependent – reliance on other people for tasks they are capable of doing without assistance
Hopeless – feeling emotions like “what’s the point” or as if any response to a life event is futile
Passive – resigning effort to surmount challenges because their actions won’t make a difference in the outcome
Indecisive – events are not analyzed to the fullest causing difficulty to make concrete decisions
I wanted to be useful and connected and, loving, no matter what’s going on with me emotionally, no matter what’s going on with the other person, no matter what’s going on in the world. And that requires a higher vibration. Lots of mystics talk about love, being a state of consciousness. What that means is, love is not a feeling, love is higher vibration.
Danielle LaPorte needs little introduction. Oprah Winfrey has said she “is uniquely connecting the world together with a spiritual energy that matters,” while Marianne Williamson has called her “a bright light in the modern priestess hood.’ As the founder of DanielleLaPorte.com, ranked by Forbes as one of the Top 100 Websites for Women and visited by millions of people each month, Danielle is one of the most critically acclaimed spiritual thought leaders of our time.
Myrna: What is your journey from making love a priority in your life? How did that come about?
Danielle: For a long time, I was led by the question, how do I want to feel? And now the question is what do I want to embody? And the journey there was me realizing that even if I was having a bad day and wasn’t in a state of happiness, wasn’t feeling like the way I wanted to feel. I still felt connected to something higher and more meaningful. But really, the light bulb was when I realized that, I could still be useful to my friends, even if I was in the dark night of my soul. And then it occurred to me maybe this whole happiness thing, the end game, it’s important.
And I wanted to be useful and connected and loving, no matter what’s going on with me emotionally, no matter what’s going on with the other person, no matter what’s going on in the world. And that requires like a higher vibration. And you know, lots of mystics talk about love, of course, being a state of consciousness, but what that brings us to is, love is not a feeling, love is higher vibration.
I have always wanted to do composting. I see my brother doing it but I have always thought it was too much work!
Then I got a Lomi! Lomi allows me to turn my food scraps into dirt with the push of a button. Lomi is a countertop electric-composter that turns scraps to dirt in under 4 hours in express mode. There’s no smell when it runs and it’s really quiet. My plants took a beating from hurricane Ian so I have been using the grow mode in my Lomi to get composting dirt for my plants. The grow mode takes 24 hours.
The beautiful thing about this is that it allows me to be eco-friendly. Since I got my Lomi, I throw out way less garbage. That means it’s not going to landfills and producing methane gas. Instead, I turn my waste into nutrient-rich dirt that I can feed to my plants.
If you want to start making a positive environmental impact or just make clean up after dinner that much easier, Lomi is perfect for you. Head to LOMI.COM/TRANSFORM and use the promo code TRANSFORM to get $50 off your Lomi. That’s $50 off when you head to L-O-M-I.COM/TRANSFORM and use promo code TRANSFORM at checkout. Food waste is gross, Lomi is your solution! With the holidays just around the corner, Lomi will make the perfect gift for someone on your shopping list.
Power of Love: Intelligence of the heart
Myrna: Well, it’s very hard. They always say that that happiness is not an external thing. You know, it comes from inside and even if you have an, external locus of control, which is basically where your happiness depends on other people, circumstances or things. It’s only going to be temporary, because those things can’t continue for too long. Which is why they say that your happiness has to come from inside. And that means that whatever is going on outside, it’s not going to bother you. But it’s extremely, hard to do. You almost have to be like an enlightened being. That’s the, power of love and the intelligence of the heart.
Danielle: Everybody’s a little enlightened, the Zen Buddhist philosophy is everybody’s enlightened, we just have forgotten.
Myrna: Yes, we don’t operate in it because we forgotten. So, that was your journey into becoming, loving. You wanted to feel good all the time. You wanted to embody you. You learned, how to live from the heart, gratitude and, vibration. You talk about, vibration. Wayne Dyer talks about, vibration. Abraham Hicks talks about, vibration. What kind of work did you do to make sure your, vibration, is good?
This episode is being sponsored by Bombas.’ Bombas’ mission is simple: make the most comfortable clothes ever, and match every item sold with an equal item donated. So, when you buy Bombas you are also giving to someone in need.
Bombas designed their socks, shirts, and underwear to be the clothes you can’t wait to put on every day. Everything they make is soft, seamless, tag less, and has a cozy feel.
Bombas no-show socks are designed for comfort while being specially engineered to never fall down. So let your ankles be free to soak up the sunlight.
There t-shirts are made with thoughtful design features, like invisible seams, soft fabrics, and the perfect weight so they hang just right.
Bombas underwear is so breathable, and fits so well, it feels like you’re wearing nothing at all. In a good way.
And did you know socks, underwear, and t-shirts are the three most requested clothing items at homeless shelters? That’s why Bombas donates one for every item you buy.
So far, Bombas customers like you have helped donate over 50 million items of essential clothing.
Go to Bombas.com/transform and use code transform for twenty percent off your first purchase.
Loving yourself through the heartbreak
Danielle: It’s not so much that I want to feel good all the time. Who wants to suffer, I don’t want to suffer. Right? But it’s a place of even if you are suffering and you’re not feeling good, you’re in a state of acceptance with it. It’s like, okay, this is what’s happening. I’m gonna love myself through this. I created this. I’m not going to push it away. I’m going to bring it into my, heart. I’m going to have space for it. I’m going to be more gentle with it. I’m going to speak to myself more lovingly. But more specifically to your question about how to get there.
Well, I think it’s a lifelong journey, but certainly, big challenges questioning if, am I in the right career? Is this the faith that I should be holding? Suffering that leads us to meaningfulness and purpose. There are those challenging circumstances and then there’s just dedication. Like I want to know truth. I want to be love. No matter what, I’m committed.
My commitment, doesn’t mean it’s always easy, but I do the things that I know makes me more compassionate and more forgiving. And those things are ancient tools that have been around a long, long time. Contemplation, it’s a prayer practice. It’s, sifting through all the different practices and types of, meditation, until I found the kind of, meditation practice, that I actually wanted to do, that made me feel like energized and lit up.
If you are a person who enjoys wearing nice apparel with a positive messages like RIP negative thinking FLI PÊP Is the brand for you!
The FLI PÊP’s statement is: “START THE DAY WITH SELF BELIEF”. –
Our apparel is “UNISEX”; we offer sizes of XS – 5XL in Tees and Hoodies!!! Get yours today while supplies last.
All of our Sweatshirts and Hoodies are made with 100% relaxed cotton and ‘ORGANIC AND ECO” Friendly materials.
Visit www.flipep.shop today! “They have “Black Friday” sales starting now! Radio and podcast listeners get an Extra” 20% OFF the Sales price with coupon code “justbelieve”. We look forward to you becoming a part of the FLI PÊP family!
Follow us on Instagram @fli_pep
How to tap into heart intelligence
Myrna: I know that acceptance is very important. And it’s very important to accept your loved ones. Because a lot of times we get into relationships, and we want to change people and we don’t accept them. But yeah, talking about accepting suffering. That is deep.
How do we tap into, heart intelligence? One of the most powerful books that I’ve read is “The Alchemist.” The entire book is about listening to your, heart, and, how to live from the heart. I thought that we were supposed to listen to your gut. Your gut is what tells you when something is wrong, but listening to your, heart. This is a great because we are tapping to the, intelligence of the heart. It’s amazing.
Danielle: It’s important to make that distinction between the gut and, heart because gut is more instinct. The gut is gonna say run from danger. This is basic survival stuff. But we don’t want to be in that survival mode every day. We want to be in a state. So just like move it up. The, chakra system, moving on up your body move into the, heart. Everybody knows on a cellular, psychological level, what love is and what it feels like to be connected to soul, to be connected to others, to be giving and receiving loving kindness.
We just have to be still and we have to connect to the, heart, space, heart chakra, and higher consciousness. There’s no fear just presence. Don’t worry about tomorrow, don’t worry about the rent not right this moment. And you move into that gentleness that calms down your nervous system, both your, parasympathetic, and your, central nervous system. When your nervous system is calm you think more clearly. You’re not all panicked, or jacked up with anxiety and then you make more, loving choices. Loving choices, which all comes from quality of thought. You reference Dr. Wayne Dyer. Dr Dyer had a lot to say about the thoughts we think.
Ergo, Bria (also known as Bria McCollum) is a singer/songwriter, multi-instrumentalist, session musician, and producer from Atlanta, Georgia. She is now currently based in Nashville, Tennessee where she recently graduated from Belmont University with a Degree in Songwriting.
Bria strives to break the typical barriers of an artist because of her unique voice and style choices. With her passion for genre-bending, she uses her background as a classical pianist, violist, and violinist to create a completely different arena of music. Much of her work contains deep, yet very literal lyrics about, mental health, heartbreak, love, and society. Bria has started gaining traction since her release in 2020, with “Comfort Zone”.
Can everyone be loving?
Myrna: Right, that’s amazing. Now, I want to circle back to something you said that everybody knows what it’s like to give and receive love. Do you think that everybody knows that? Because there’s a lot of people that don’t love themselves and I believe that if you don’t love yourself you actually can’t give and receive love.
Danielle: Okay, there’s two things in there. I think in our depths, we do know love. And I think to get to the depths of love, we have to plumb those depths. You got to be still, you’ve got to get yourself in nature. You’ve got to ask those questions. It’s in there. The truth is in there. Is it buried? Absolutely. Do we doubt it? Yes, we have lots of so called evidence from how we’re raised in society that is not a loving place to be? Totally, but it’s the truth is eternal? It’s in there, you’re gonna find it.
You just got to look for what was that? Oh, loving other people and loving yourself? Yeah, I’ve thought about this very specifically for a while. Because you know, in this in our self-help space, there’s that theory of like, don’t fall in love with someone who doesn’t love themselves because they’re not gonna love you properly. I think it’s half-truth because we’re all one. We all come from the same source, and we’re all connected.
Then does it really matter if I’m loving myself first, but if I’m loving you first, and I’ve witnessed people who clearly had on a surface level, self-esteem issues, broken, not loving themselves, and I have seen them be, loving. Learn to love someone in their community. Learn to love the person who abandoned them. And it changed their whole way of living, obviously, with a lot of work, digging in and plumbing it out.
If you like to make a statement with your clothes or like graphic hoodies, Beyond the Clout is the shop for you! As a small Black-Owned business, it is their goal to spread a message of freedom of expression. Their mission is to make clothes that express a non-conforming attitude towards society. Their designs are their way of making it easy to be visible while also saying we’re beyond the clout. Be Bold, speak through your clothing visit beyondtheclout.com Save ten percent when you sign up for text alerts. That website again is beyondtheclout.com
Do you have heart intelligence?
Myrna: So how do we tap into the, intelligence of the heart? Is it through meditation or how do we do it?
Danielle: Yeah, It’s the practices. First you gotta want it. Want to sleep through the night? Do you want to be peaceful? Do you want to have more intimate conversations? Want to know your real power? Awesome, great. There are some things you can do. Find a, meditation, practice that works for you. Not one where you sit down on the, meditation cushion, and you hate being there and it’s grueling and you don’t feel lit up or expanded. That’s just like New Age punishment. Find a, prayer practice, that works for you.
Guided meditation heart center, is heart centering, prayer, and time for stillness. Our society is obsessed with being productive and it pulls us away from our wisdom. You need to be still to hear your, higher guidance. If you are always moving, you are going to get confusing information. So, stillness could be as simple as 15 minutes in the morning before anybody else in your house wakes up. Or it’s for those of us who have done, yoga, the last pose. It doesn’t matter how sweaty and bendy your, yoga, class was, the last pose is always, corpse pose. You just lie there in stillness. And people think, oh, this is my break. But actually that, corpse pose, the great, yoga, teachers tell you everything is moving towards that stillness.
So that you get to integrate all the work you did with your body and your mind. So, the end of the day, you ask yourself, what do you learn today? Who do you love? How did you get a little more time? What are you grateful for? That’s integrating lessons of the day. And then you don’t need to repeat the same lessons. Ideally, tomorrow you start fresh. Yeah. So, practices.
Myrna: Well, my, meditation practice, is sitting and concentrating on the breath. Sometimes I do a, walking meditation, because I walk in the park and there’s a wooded area that I walk through. And when I’m in there, I’m talking to God and I am visualizing some of the things I want to manifest. What do you think about a, walking meditation?
Danielle: I have a very similar practice. It’s more of a working meditation. There’s lots of, prayer, in my life. There’s definitely, breathwork, for sure. I pray and meditate and it’s all mostly focused on being of service and healing. And I know that as I’m doing that, doing the work, getting closer to God and being more aware, I’m getting healed as well.
I use the light of the sun in, meditation, as well. The sun is very powerful. My belief this is, through some research into mysticism, because the soul is really the source. The sun is really the symbol, if not the embodiment, of the collective soul. And then in all the, meditations, that I’ve designed, I work with an energy healer that I’ve been with for many years, we co create all of these, meditation experiences, which is part of my offering. Almost every, meditation, begins with seeing this golden light, the sun. That is the symbol, the visual of your soul’s vastness. Your only job really, is to just bask in that light, you don’t have to reach for that light. You don’t even have to amplify that light.
The God source is always trying to find you, wants to get into every thought and every crevice, just bow down at your intention. I’m going to be aligned today. I’m going for this walk. And you step into it and you just receive the guidance.
Myrna; Beautiful, I’m in the self-improvement space and I know that, meditation, works for me, because one of the one of the byproducts of, meditation, is that you don’t get upset very often and you’re always in a calm space.
What is heart centered manifesting?
Danielle: Heart centered manifesting, you come up with a visual. You think it through every day. You see it, feel it, taste it, you really bring it to life. And you just keep watering it, anybody can manifest anything, there is a basic science of, manifesting. You don’t have to be enlightened. You don’t have to be a good person. You don’t have to have great intentions. If you want the car and you think about it enough. You will manifest the car.
I’m interested in is what I would call, heart centered manifesting, because I think ego centered manifesting has really gotten a lot of us into a lot of trouble. And it’s not very fulfilling ultimately. So, it’s like heart centered vision. comes from a place of knowing that your happiness matters to me that we all come from the same source. So, if I get the car, how is that going to be a benefit or harmful to others? So, what’s your vision got to do with everybody else? That’s a really basic great question to ask. How does your fulfillment lead to the fulfillment of others or does it take from others? My belief is that we have a, heart centered vision, and you can still want all the same things.
You can still want the car and the relationship and the money, whatever it is. When it’s on behalf of being of service, I think the soul is going to help lead you to more fulfillment. So, when you get the car, let’s just keep using that example. Maybe you’re doing some meals on wheels or maybe it’s just that you’re happier, more relaxed, and you’re better in your community. Maybe that car actually helps you be a more chill, loving mother, whatever it is, somehow your happiness is kind of spilling over.
Whereas if that was an ego goal to just get the car, going to get the car and you’re gonna want to the next thing, no lasting fulfillment. Soon you’re gonna want a better car. You’re gonna need the car and you’re gonna need the handbag. Then you need the likes on Instagram on and on. Heart centered manifesting, relax and it comes.
Myrna: Well, that’s actually pretty good. Tell us about your book “How to be Loving as your heart is breaking open and the World is Waking Up” Why did you write it? What do you want readers to walk away with after reading? And how can you know listeners pick up a copy of it?
Danielle: This is what I want to have happen. I want to get gazillion emails for years of people telling me things like, I read you book how to be loving and forgive my mother or I speak more gently to myself, or I got over this heartbreak or I finally started asking my neighbor what they need. I just want to I want to hear those stories of how my book helped others become, loving.
I wrote it because it’s my first book in five years. I know lots of people are saying, Wow, this is so timely, did you know, the world was gonna fall apart? I did not know the world was gonna be in the state that it was in. It is on time, right?
Myrna: Yes. So, yeah. Now, part of the title is when your heart is breaking open, so and you said something a minute ago about, your heart is breaking but you’re still loving yourself. Is that part of it? Is it for people with a broken heart to love themselves?
Danielle: I think that’s in reference to we think we’re falling apart when we’re heartbroken, whether it’s the state of our community or an ending relationship or we get canned from a job; you’re not actually breaking, you’re expanding. All that heartbreak is showing you what you’re made of. It’s showing you where all the love, the real love is in your life, how capable you are. It’s a spiritual emergence.
My website is www.Daniellelaporte.com. I’m Danielle Laporte on Instagram. I’m there all the time. I have a membership, beautiful membership program called heart centered membership.
It’s like a spiritual support system. And we also have a program called the heart centered leadership program where we’ve got this really gorgeous curriculum of workshops, conversation starters, for coaches and HR directors and Unitarian, so it’s being used at really high levels of business. It’s being used in yoga studios.